Energetic Codependency: Break Free From The Toxic Energies That Hijack Authenticity
Energetic Codependency: Break Free From The Toxic Energies That Hijack Authenticity
Contents
Introduction 6 Codependency 16 You Are Energy 21 Energetic Codependency 57 How Does This Happen? 77 Why Is It Important? 96 Energetic Self-Care 102 The Take Away 112 Bibliography 118 Resources 119 Glossary of Words & Phrases 123 Acknowledgments 127
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
Oscar Wilde
All natures, all formed things, all creatures exist in and with one another and will again be resolved into their own roots, because the nature of matter is dissolved into the roots of its nature alone. He who has ears to hear, let him hear.
The Gospel of Mary Magdalene
Youre codependent for sure if, when you die, someone elses life flashes in front of your eyes.
Anonymous
Introduction
As a therapist, Ive counseled addicts and families as they struggle to escape the hell that results from active addiction. As an intuitive and energy worker, Ive helped individuals strive to free themselves from guilt, to follow their souls calling and to remain strong around other peoples energetic influence in their lives. The therapeutic community generally resists acknowledging an energetic-based reality. In response, many skilled practitioners feel the need to minimize their claim to this essential knowledge. My life has been an active study and experiment towards the marriage of these two parts of myself: energetic awareness and psychological self-inquiry. There are many amazing therapists who simultaneously infuse their practice with a grounded understanding of mental health as well as an engagement with subtle energies. What I look for in a practitioner, or when reading a text on the subject, is an intuitive sense of both. A therapy is impotent when it has divorced itself from engagement with the energetic realities that are alive and active in the therapeutic room. An energy practitioner who is unaware of the psychological dynamics at play in their life, or in the lives of their clients, is not only ungrounded but potentially dangerous. I am holding a space for us to claim ownership of the marriage between these two previously disparate realities. Only with clear and simple acknowledgment can we begin to build an accountable community and shift our culture towards the question, What heals? This work is the result of wanting to know, very deeply, my answer to this question. If you are interested in answering this yourself and are willing to be dogged in your pursuit, you have found the right book. These exercises have the power to heal and transform your life. This workbook is not a straightforward approach to working on codependency issues. If you are living with an addict or suffer from active addiction, you can find many recommendations for further reading in the Resources section of this book. If you are unfamiliar with the topic of codependency, I encourage you to familiarize yourself with the term using those sources. And if you struggle with codependency in your life, I recommend finding a CODA (Codependents Anonymous) meeting to attend in your area. While the information in this book can help recovering codependents, it is wise to first get a grasp on how codependency directly affects your material life before examining it from the energetic perspective. While codependents are also energetic codependents, not all energetic codependents will match the characteristics, or the more narrow definition, of codependency. In other words, they are related but also very different.
Invisibles
The energetic world that influences our reality. It is not manifested as physical matter or seen with our physical eyes.
I have often wished I could refer my clients to a book that truly defines energetic codependency. When working on these topics I found much written on codependency and energy work, but almost nothing on the topic of energetic codependency. I termed the phrase energetic codependency when I noticed the overlap of my energetic work and my therapeutic work. Its wonderful there is so much material that details working with subtle energies. But none of these specifically focus on how we lose power in relationships on an energetic level. I want this book to address the intersection of where energetic hygiene and psychological boundaries meet. My paramount concern is that which is most healing, efficient and practical. I have developed these tools while working with many clients over the years and have found them to be extremely useful when dealing with the complex energetics of relationship codependency. My aim is to provide an overview of the ways we lose our authentic power. No person or entity can invade your energetic space if there is not permission, even unconsciously, to do so. It takes honest self-inquiry to get clear about how we are leaking our power and opening our boundaries to predatory energies. Particularly if these leaks are outside of ego awareness and understanding, it is important to go inward and create a grounded space from which to explore. We are all energy workers. By nature, we engage and manage our individual energy systems and interact with the energy of others all day, every day. Most people do this unconsciously. But my hope is that this book will turn the unconscious energy worker into the conscious energy worker, awakening everyone to the very real world of the invisibles that exists around us. I want you to claim and live your authentic life; the world needs you and your gifts. My goal is for this book to assist you in getting the valuable information you need. And the best part is, this information exists in the energy all around you, available the moment you call upon it. As you read this book and awaken to the energetic world that surrounds us, you may have an emotional reaction. Ive had clients tell me they felt angry or sad they werent raised in a family that was supportive of inquiry. Sometimes they feel extreme urgency to comprehend it all right away. Know that this is a process of raising consciousness and although you can immediately put the tools into practice, it may take time for lifestyle shifts and regular awareness. Reframing your life experiences can be tricky. Take it slow and go easy on yourself. My clients tell me this work feels like coming out of a fog. Sometimes we are disgusted as we become clear on what energetic realities have been at play in our lives. We may be shocked to discover that one of our oldest friends has been energetically sucking us dry. These types of discoveries can be uncomfortable. There is often a sense of responsibility and urgency, now this has been brought to attention, what should I do about it? You can make changes immediately, or give yourself time to sit with the new information. You may need time to let it percolate and come to a new engagement with the issue in an organic way. Remember, you have been an energy worker your whole life, managing energies and taking care of yourself. Now you are being given an opportunity to take even better care of yourself, to love yourself and the world a bit more clearly. This work often feels as though youve been thrust into the bright light of the sun
after a long period in the dark. Here we are together, squinting at the sky on a bright sunny day. The natural reaction is to shield your eyes. But theyll adjust before you know it, and in the meantime dont be afraid to put on a hat and some sunglasses. Together we are going to walk through this journey step-by-step. We are going to define codependency, explain the nature of energetic reality, examine the truth of energetic codependency and practice the tools of energetic self-care. If you read this book and engage with even half of the included exercises, I guarantee you will come away feeling clearer, centered and empowered. Lets get started!
Angry: That you were not raised in an environment that supported an energetic reality and taught you these skills. Overwhelmed: By the amount of information and potential implications it has for your life. Hopeful: That you can free yourself, feel better and move into a more empowered life of authenticity.
My Story
I have a secret, one Ive slowly revealed in the last five years: I am a human biofeedback machine. But instead of picking up on your heartbeat or the temperature of your fingertips, I can tell if you are speaking from your Soul or not. My professional background and my academic degree are in counseling therapy. So I am keenly aware of how inflated I sound right now. I also know the word truth is supercharged. I was raised as a Unitarian, for Chrissake. I cringe at dogma. I run from fundamentalism. If anything, I daily overcompensate in the other direction, sometimes allowing too much coddling as a result of wanting you to find your own way. There is not one truth. There is your truth and there is my truth. And both can be simultaneously true. Im not an authority on your Soul. But Ive had some unique experiences. And through them Ive learned that every time I try to shirk my Soul Path, the cosmos kicks my
ass. Basically, I got my ass kicked enough times I had no choice but to fully surrender to my path. And if you havent guessed by now, my path is to assist you in surrendering to yours.
A Note on Capitalization
Throughout the book you will notice the capitalization of certain words, e.g. Soul, Divine and Love. The Soul, to me is a specific entity that deserves honor and reverence. The Divine refers to the great mystery that moves us all. Love is an expansive, transformational energy that we can either allow to move through our system or shut off from. All are deserving of the highlighting and respect that capitalization warrants. I learned at some point along the way that it isnt inflated to claim my intuitive abilities, but that it is actually egocentric to deny what I am. It is inflated to assume I know better than my Soul what I am here to do. The universe wants me to work in this way and so whether I like it or not, whether I am comfortable with it or not (often not!) this is my mission. Its no joke that I am probably the most skeptical psychic on the planet. Ive learned that this work is not about my ego. Its not even really personal. Of course, when someone gives me a compliment from a very deep space, Im joyous for the newfound connection. But I dont feel I had much to do with it. Im just the translator. Im here to serve the Divine, and when I help someone discover what they are here to serve, nothing is more thrilling. I am most proud of how Ive learned to trust and follow my Souls marching orders. Ultimately, for me, it is easier to surrender. Otherwise life just keeps slamming me in the face. A confession: I am terrible with numbers, very disorganized and am easily stressed. I forget to drink water, sometimes anxiously interrupt people the list goes on. And yet, I make an excellent soul feedback machine. I can watch you speak and see your fifth and sixth chakras responding. I watch them light up and see the energy align with your spinal column. I can feel in my body when you are speaking from your Soul Self or letting your fear gremlins take control. My little secret has leaked out through friendsand friends of friendsand now I work with clients all over the world. They call me to help them through difficult issues, to make important decisions and to help them get clarity on their relationships. Sometimes they want to know whether they should follow their dreams. People think they are calling me because they have a work issue. Or insomnia. Or are fighting with their partner. But most people are truly just hungry for Soul Orientation starving for itand their soul has energetically recognized how I can help. One of my clients recently told me, I carried your business card around in my wallet for two years. I was terrified and excited to call. Part of me knew I wasnt ready to truly face myself.
Once they begin to prioritize the Soul, they come to understand the work issue, the insomnia and the fighting. They understand why their Soul has set that annoying job in their path, how they are using caffeine to avoid their inner voice, or why they Soul contracted with a partner with ADHD. They begin to surrender their egos will to the will of their Soul. This often is met with tears. It is powerful to watch our delusions crumble. And in the match between the visibles and the invisibles, Im puttin my money on the ones with less matter. Every problem has a spiritual solution. And sometimes the solution lies in realizing a problem isnt a problem, but rather a Soul Opportunity. This problem may be the perfect, and yet completely unfair, horrendous shit-storm that our ego needs to experience in order to get us into Soul Alignment. This is how transformation works on the Soul Level. Im not the greatest psychic in the world. I cant find missing people or where Ive lost my keys (especially where Ive lost my keys.) I dont know the lotto numbers or which horse will win. Yet I can feel where your Soul Path is and where you are in relationship to it. I know if you are shirking responsibility with the Divine and in the victim mentality, running from your intuition. I feel if there are other energies in your space keeping you from avoiding your Soul Informationlike your husband or mother-in-law. (It might even be a spirit you havent met before.) I can channel your frustrated dead father at your birthday party. (Its happened!) I intuitively know if you are lying to yourself, and I am the first to cry when youve claimed your spiritual courage and accepted that Lovesometimes peacefully, sometimes violentlyis trying to reorient your life. This work isnt dependent on the person sitting in front of me in physical space. Everything I do exists out of space and time. A phone call with someone halfway around the world is just effective as meeting face to face. This is the part that often confuses people. Its hard for some to grasp that I do this work remotely. But my minds eye (my sixth chakra) can connect in ways my physical body cannot. We all have the ability to do this for ourselves, and that is what I teach. I dont want my clients to become dependent on my intuitive information, but to be connected and empowered on their own. Learning to recognize their instant Soul Alignment feedback, they begin to sense when they are connected to Love (their Soul Voice) and when they are making up great rational explanations based on fearful survival issues (the fear voice.) Like most worthwhile pursuits, this is a skill that is easy to learn but difficult to master. The information is always available, but it takes spiritual discipline and courage to follow our Souls marching orders. The ego says, This is too much of you to ask from me. Im not prepared. Youve got the wrong gal. or I had planned something different for my life. I cant bare this level of pain. No one will understand. Sometimes its simply: This is not what I want my life to be. The Soul says in response, I have orchestrated your life absolutely perfectly. You are on track, even when you feel off track. It says, You are not alone, your invisible allies are supporting you. And most clearly, Life doesnt make mistakes. What I have seen over and over is that when we align with our Soul Voice and follow orders, we relieve suffering and save time. Our Soul will make sure we get the memo, even if it hurts. So we can either step on the path, or turn away and get burned. Our Soul loves us too much to let us live in anything less than the truth. She wont allow delusions. And we cant do it without Her.
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to escape my miserable leper-leg-no-shorts-or-skirts-for-life diagnosis. Out of desperation, I went to Stacy. I knew she did something called energy work and I thought I might as well try it. I lay on her massage table and closed my eyes as she ran energy over the warts on my leg. And then I started to see flashing lights. I thought it was strange, but I was in such a relaxed state I remained silent. I soon slipped into a REM trance state, although still fully conscious. Stacy noticed my eyes fluttering. What are you seeing? She asked. Ummmm. Nothing. I responded. No, What are you seeing? I can see youre going into trance. At the word trance, I got scared. Did that mean I was going to have a seizure or start to channel a dead person? I began crying. I dont know! I guess I see a chicken with tennis shoes on. OKshe said. Within moments, a beautiful tiger appeared before me looking as real as if I was watching an Imax Movie. He looked lovingly into my eyes and then jumped through my face into my body, carrying my consciousness with him as he traveled down into the lower world. Of course at the time I had no knowledge of the lower world and didnt realize I was experiencing a classic shamanic soul retrieval. It wasnt until years later, while reading a book by Stan Grof, one of the founders of transpersonal psychology, that I would recognize my experience in anothers. And further, that was an altogether common one. My tiger showed me I was holding trauma in my left leg. I understood at the time though I didnt know howthat each wart contained a traumatic story. And as I told these stories to Stacy, the trauma released from my body. My Soul had wanted me to love myself warts and all. Many hours later, Tracy shook me awake. I have to go catch a ferry, she said. And our session was over. I walked out of her office completely confused. The next day the warts were gone. Within three weeks the third degree burns had completely disappeared.
Say What?
The session with Stacy was like opening Pandoras box. Suddenly, I was able to see energy fields around people, communicate with spirit beings and receive psychic information that was consistently validated by physical reality. This intensified after I moved with a friend to Italy. As I tried to understand my new spiritual reality, without the assistance of a spiritual mentor, I was often confused and overwhelmed. On a payphone in Italy my sister told me she bought me a gift for helping with her wedding. I saw it in my head: a bracelet with pearl and garnet alternating with silver inlay. She hadnt shown it to anyone and couldnt understand how I knew. My plan to become a lawyer had revealed itself as ridiculous, and I decided to become a therapist. So I volunteered at a suicide hotline and used my intuitive skills to help people in desperate need. They were desperate to know why they were here, and if they couldnt access that information, they refused to stay. They werent going to waste their time if they couldnt connect to their Soul. And I was surprised to discover how much I
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loved sharing that moment with them. It gave me huge inspiration and courage to take Soul Voice seriously. For themand honestly, for all of usit is a dead serious matter. I spent the next years completing my graduate degree in counseling psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute and studying the theories of Jung, Marion Woodman, archetypal psychology, dream work and transpersonal psychology. At an incest survivor agency I saw acutely how trauma affects our development. Working with victims and perpetrators, I sat with dark energies that had been cut off from their source light. Later I worked in addiction treatment facilitieswith women and their familiesand then with teen girls in juvenile hall. This work helped me to see how we all have inner addicts trying to distract us from our life plan. And the truth is, sometimes we would rather die than face it.
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Road Map
In almost every session with clients, I recognize the symptoms of energetic codependency. Most often they dont realize what a major dynamic it plays. While unconsciously feeling the effects of energetic influence and not understanding why, a person can become riddled with self-doubts. She believes something is inherently wrong but doesn't know how to fix it. You may feel clouded and have trouble making decisions. You might feel guilty, oversensitive and anxious, but not know why youre feeling this way. Perhaps you need more time to yourself, more space, and are unsure why you seem so different from everyone else. You may have spent a great portion of your life learning to just deal with it. We are constantly inundated by energies that lie outside of our conscious awareness. They affect us every moment, whether we are aware of it or not. But heres the good news: you dont need to just deal with it. In this book I will show you how to stop losing touch with your essential energy. I will give you the tools to clarify how you are affected and how you can protect yourself. The meditations and exercises Ive created will engage you consciously and actively with the concept of energetic codependency. And if you consistently apply these tools, you will begin to see your life in an entirely new way. Please know that Ive been obsessed with this topic for a very long while, and theres a developmental curve to learning about energy awareness. Be kind and self-loving. It may take time to digest and sit with some of these practices. Feel free to skip around, using only those exercises to which you feel called. And if you get overwhelmed by a certain section, skip it. You can always return to it later.
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our Soul Call, and when we fail to serve our intuition it always results in neurotic behavior. We avoid the present moment, the greatness of our potential and the very real urgency inside which calls us into clarity. It takes energy to avoid our Soul Self, and this results in exhaustion, confusion and disconnection. My intention in creating this book is to help others who are ready and willing to come into energetic consciousness in their lives. I want to expose the reality of how other energies and entities influence your life, distract you from your mission and try to numb you to sleep. In the daily battle between consciousness and unconsciousness, energetic awareness is essential for Soul Survival.
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Codependency
Codependency was initially discovered in the late 1970s and termed by professionals in the mental health community as a way of classifying, diagnosing and treating individuals who were in relationship with addicts. Clinicians began to notice a trend in the families and friends of those with active chemical dependency addiction. Besides a common theme of enabling, denial or rage toward the addict, there was a theme of reactionary behavior and obsession with the addicts actions. Self-care was often low on the list of priorities of the codependent, paired with guilt or anxiety at even the idea of proactive behaviors. Codependents became defined as people whose lives had become unmanageable as a result of living in a committed relationship with an alcoholic. (Alanon) Since then, the definition of codependency has widened to include many relationships beyond those struggling with the daily issues of chemical dependency. Adult children of alcoholics, people in relationship with individuals with mental health issues, caretakers of the elderly and people whose careers depend on the helping professions (e.g. therapists, social workers and nurses) are all different subgroups where codependency is rampant. Many individuals with active addiction also have a co-occurring diagnosis of codependency. There is a saying that is popular in the field of recovery, Scratch an addict and youll find a codependent. One of my tasks in rehab was to facilitate the friends and family groups. Visiting a loved one in rehab was a privilege, and it could only be earned by attending one of these groups. We discussed everyones lives, their daily struggles and examined ways they were enabling and practicing codependent behavior. It was there that I first realized how codependency affects so many of us in both extreme and subtle ways. There are many definitions of codependency, but the one that I think is most succinct is from Melody Beatties classic book Codependent No More: A codependent person is one who has let another persons behavior affect him or her and who is obsessed with controlling that persons behavior. When we are codependent we are literally giving away our power.
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In the 1997 movie As Good As It Gets, Jack Nicholson informs Helen Hunt he has started taking his prescribed medication because you make me want to be a better man. She reacts ecstatically, replying that its probably the best compliment shes ever received. The audience is expected to swoon at this romantic gesture, at the controlling and neurotic protagonist taking his prescribed medication. In the 1996 movie Jerry Maguire, Tom Cruises famous line to Renee Zellweger was You complete me. Cruises character was broken and incomplete without the relationship, not a whole person without Zellwegers help and caretaking. Can a relationship complete us? Maybe a relationship can develop us, inspire us, even serve our highest spiritual calling in the world as a parent or loving partner. But can it complete us? Relationships can, of course, help meet our human needs of intimacy and reflection. But if we need a relationship to feel complete or to define our identity, we set ourselves up for disillusionment when the bubble pops. These ideas create at best a shaky foundation. At worst they are complete dysfunction. And let us not forget the added pressure of classic gender roles. If youre a female the disease to please is reinforced from birth, with little girls receiving validation only when they behave as good girls. Men are also commonly codependent, with little cultural support to encourage social connection and emotional processing. For men there is enormous pressure to do and achieve, and not much space to explore and be. And finally, popular music. The themes of codependency are everywhere. Rihanna calls out S.O.S. on her romantic obsession and Britney is a grateful slave to romantic love, just to name two. These are the images and models that set the tone for love as our teens and pre-teens develop their ideas of what it means to be in relationship. Is it any wonder we are confused?
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Codependency Inquiry
For inspiration, listen to a current pop song. Read the lyrics of Rihanas SOS. Or Britney Spears, Im a Slave 4 U. 1. What images, thoughts does this bring up about your cultural programming?
3. How do you feel your romantic imagination has been affected by your family, your religion or your culture?
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Energetic Codependency
When one is unconsciously or consciously connected to energetic entities that are adversely affecting their energetic reality and sovereignty.
Energy is not time and space dependent. This means that in addition to the usual people, places and things, we can also be codependent with events (losing our power to the anniversary of a loved one who has passed away), spirit beings (we can still be in an active energetic codependent relationship with our mother who has crossed over to the other side), a spirit guide (who is saying they have our best intentions at heart but may also be deluded about their own agenda) or the energy that has been stored in a physical location (losing our power to Egypt when we have never been there in this lifetime, if we had a previous lifetime there as an abused slave.) Energetic codependency also takes into account the energetic shadow active in relationship. What if a good friend has always seemed supportive and acted accordingly in the physical reality, yet is feeding off your energy field? You may have a nagging feeling that something about the relationship isnt deeply trustworthy. You may notice your body sweating as you talk on the phone, a nervous feeling and a temptation to get off the line. If youve done the psychological work, and come to terms with your own projections, than what you are dealing with is the energetics of codependency. This work is for the individual whose highest interest is self-inquiry for spiritual development. We are not bypassing the psychological work. We must understand that the motivation toward energetic awareness is truly spiritual clarity. We arent doing any favors when we allow someone to be energetically codependent in our space. For the critics of the New Age, who assume this type of work is always psychological or spiritual bypassing, I invite further inquiry. We must be fearless in exploring our shadow sides. If you are looking for an easy out, then this work will disappoint. Sometimes what we discover in the energetic trenches can be deeply humbling. We see the shadows of others, but we must face our own darkness in the process.
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Our ego relegates information to the shadow when it cant bear to integrate it into our conscious awareness. And because we cant contain the energy consciously, we project it onto others. Like a movie theater's projection from the back room, we dont see the film reel; but the movie on the big screen. It makes sense that when we go looking into those dark corners with our energetic flashlights, what we see about ourselves is what we find most distasteful in others. But this means we are on our way. As we get clear on how we energetically feed off foreign energieshow we shirk responsibility in our lives and project our disowned parts onto otherswe begin to emit a humble, grounded energy others recognize and trust. This is not the inflated feel of a spiritual by-passer who has relinquished the information from her Soul to an enlightened channeled being, but the deep calm and humility that grows out of the present moment. It is the feel of surrendered trust and knowledge that the wave of life is taking us to our Soul Selves and the embodied joy of finding the daily miracles around us in a fully integrated and human way.
We can free ourselves from energetic limitations that are not dependent on the other persons conscious understanding.
When we find success in our own life and our friend becomes unconsciously vengeful, an energetic cord is activated. But what can we do? What if the idea of energetics is beyond her conscious awareness and a discussion of this issue in the physical reality would be met with confusion and disbelief? Freeing ourselves from energetic limitations without the other persons conscious understanding is possible. In fact, it can be extremely useful if we are in relationship with someone who is crossed over, in a coma, unable to communicate, not developmentally mature, or has lost a capacity for mental processing. Thankfully, we can work on the issue and even potentially keep the relationship in tact through our own energetic work.
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having long phone calls and received daily lectures about my performance. At the time I was studying at a meditation center and just beginning to learn about energy work. After I removed the energy cord between my boss and myself, she immediately stopped hounding me. I was shocked. My numbers hadnt changed. Nothing had changed in physical reality, yet everything about our relationship was different. This validated for me the reality and influence of our energetic relationships. After that I learned as much as I could about the energetic world. I find the energetic lens to be the most helpful, powerful, healing, efficient and practical way to shift energy and relationships. Energy awareness takes relating to a whole new level. And illuminates the codependency relationship in a powerful new light. The beauty is that we can shift the relationship without talking at all. This doesnt mean that talking has no value, or we need to avoid verbal communication, but we have power to shift the relationship without conscious approval from the other person. This is beneficial when the other person is someone who has passed, who we are not in contact with, or someone who is incapable of verbally communicating. We are spirit beings having a human experience. You are always connected to your energetic source no matter how blocked you may feel. Something is beating your heart beyond the purely physical; there is an energy that is primary to the measurable electrical current within your body. This world is energetically based first, before matter. It is through our intention and imagination that we engage with this pre-physical world. We are co-creators with the universal Divine energy, and we can use our intention and clarity to move out of energetic codependency. (but you can work with it energetically) Healthy communication is a skill we should all learn. Many people dont have basic skills such as how to use: When You, I feel statements, or the tool of reflective listening. But once we navigate the basics of healthy verbal communication, we must develop the deeper tools of energetic communication. We are magnetic beings that attract people, places and things into our lives. And if our energy determines our world, it undoubtedly plays an enormous role in our communication. With the energetic lens, communication is always possible. Sometimes it doesnt make sense to engage in any other way but energetically. Mental illness, such as personality disorders or mood disorders, can make rational interaction extremely challenging. And its potentially dangerous to speak with a perpetrator. These are the times when energetic communication is our only option. On the surface this may seem disrespectful, to write someone off as unable to communicate, but I believe it comes from deep respect. I believe it comes from honoring where they exist developmentally, emotionally and psychologically. This is an issue of tolerance. To assume that one should be able to communicate at a different level, to fill my own needs, is truly discourteous. Whenever we insist upon what should be, against the
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reality of what is, we become the perpetrator. I have a three-year-old son. If I attempt to talk him down from a tantrum, I set myself up for failure. I can let him release the tantrum, sit with him while he expresses, or gently rub his back to calm him. But in the moment, explanations would only be interpreted as more fuel for the flame of the tantrum. As a mother I must be conscious of what he has the ability to process, rather than insist he communicate at my level. As we become aware and attuned to the reality of subtle energy, the challenge is not everyone will be able to understand. Its frightening to navigate the world based upon internal, invisible realities, particularly when everyone around us only sees the physical world. But we can learn to rely on our own intuition as guidance in the dark. How we do thiswithout becoming inflated or deflated or delusionalis to repeatedly listen to our Soul Self and learn the art of fierce discernment.
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open to subtle energy states. With imagination, you learn from on the job training. You need to suspend disbelief long enough to have an experience of what if feels like to be reconnected with your imagination again. The main lesson to start is to be curious about how you get your intuitive information. So suspend judgment for a moment and relax your way of understanding a bit. To calm the inner critic, you can let it know there is always the opportunity to judge your experience after you have it.
Visualization
Sit in chair with your legs and arms uncrossed. Take several deep breaths. Put a hand on your belly and feel your stomach going out on the inhale and in on the exhale. What color is your apple? Is it big or small? Is it attached to a tree or sitting in a bowl? What else is in the picture of your visualization? Visualize in your minds eye an apple.
When you have a clear picture of your apple, draw a rough sketch of it or jot down information about what it looked like below. When you are finished continue reading on the next page. My apple looked like (write or draw):
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Warning: Do Not Read The Following Until You Have Finished the Previous Exercise.
What color was your apple? Was it Green or Red or Yellow? Was it big or small? Was it high up on a tree branch or lying in a bowl on a kitchen counter? When I do this exercise with clients they tell me what color they have seen. For example a client will tell me they saw a small yellow apple. How do you know it wasnt red? I ask. There is usually a pause on the phone. They are stumped, trying to see if their apple was red. Maybe I saw it as red and they were wrong. Then usually with certainty they exclaim, Because I saw it as yellow! And I say, Exactly. That is the straightforward, direct way of the imagination. It was yellow because you saw it as yellow. You are not mistaken. There is no big surprise here. It is remarkably simple and direct. Imagination is deceptively simple. Deceptive to the ego and obvious to your Soul Self. Our ego is what makes us think it will be hard or unattainable. Trust what you see. It is there for a reason. Your mind and ego might not know why your apple is yellow over red, but your Soul self does. And She has lots of information She is so excited to transmit to you if you will allow Her. I came up with this easy exercise because so many of my clients told me they could not access their imaginations. They had lost confidence in their abilities to play. They wouldnt even try to visualize anything their spiritual self esteem was so low. I have yet to find a client who could not pass my Imagination 101 Test. If you could see, or get any information about your apple, you know how to use your imagination. Congrats! You have the overlooked and often underused gift of spiritual sight!
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Elisa Romeo is a Soul Whisperer. She weaves together her background as a Marriage and Family Therapist with a modernly mystic approach to subtle energies. In her oneon-one sessions, she uses her ability to see energy to expose and heal emotional, psychological and relational blocks. www.ElisaRomeo.com
Photo Credit: Heather B. Allison Photography
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