Emotional Intelligence Works Think, Be and Work Smarter, 3rd Edition
Emotional Intelligence Works Think, Be and Work Smarter, 3rd Edition
IMPROVE business and personal relationships PROTECT against negative attitudes and emotions FOSTER flexibility, enthusiasm and teamwork effectively LEARN how to apply emotional intelligence throughout your life
THIRD EDITION
CREDITS:
President, Axzo Press: Vice President, Product Development: Vice President, Operations: Director, Publishing Systems Development: Developmental Editor: Copy Editor: Jon Winder Charles G. Blum Josh Pincus Dan Quackenbush Laurie A. Perry Ken Maher
COPYRIGHT 2010 Axzo Press. All Rights Reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced, transcribed, or used in any form or by any meansgraphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, Web distribution, or information storage and retrieval systemswithout the prior written permission of the publisher. For more information, go to www.CrispSeries.com
Trademarks
Crisp Fifty-Minute Series is a trademark of Axzo Press. Some of the product names and company names used in this book have been used for identification purposes only and may be trademarks or registered trademarks of their respective manufacturers and sellers.
Disclaimer
We reserve the right to revise this publication and make changes from time to time in its content without notice.
Table of Contents
About the Authors .......................................................................................................1 Preface.........................................................................................................................2 About the Crisp 50-Minute Series ..............................................................................4 A Note to Instructors ...................................................................................................5
What Emotional Intelligence Means...........................................................................9 The Need for People Smart Strategies................................................................... 11 Assess Your Emotional Intelligence .........................................................................12 Five Emotional Intelligence Skills............................................................................16 Part Summary............................................................................................................19
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Making the Choice to Think Wisely .........................................................................23 Strategy 1: Self-Awareness Skills .............................................................................24 Use a New Mental Script ..........................................................................................32 Strategy 2: Optimistic Thinking................................................................................34 Part Summary............................................................................................................40
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Three Keys ................................................................................................................43 Strategy 1: Social Skills ............................................................................................44 Strategy 2: Emotional Control ..................................................................................61 Strategy 3: Flexibility................................................................................................73 Part Summary............................................................................................................79
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Six Strategies for Smart Organizations .....................................................................83 Strategy 1: Practice Organizational Self-Awareness.................................................84 Strategy 2: Develop Social Skills..............................................................................87 Strategy 3: Foster Optimism .....................................................................................91 Strategy 4: Encourage Flexibility and Problem Solving...........................................96 Strategy 5: Model and Encourage Emotional Control ............................................100 Strategy 6: Support Teamwork................................................................................102 Part Summary.......................................................................................................... 111
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Appendix
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Introduction
Preface
Consider how difficult it is to resolve a frustrating conflict caused by misunderstanding, poor timing, or inattentiveness. Because we rely so much on technology and virtual everything, we may risk short-cutting or even ignoring our personal interactions. As a consequence, we sometimes find ourselves in a timeless, placeless, faceless and very confusing environment, wasting time and losing the creativity that emerges from synergistic interactions with diverse people. At the moment, we cannot predict what new technologies will be available in the next decades to make our interactions faster as well as more challenging. However, we can predict that there will be an increase in diversity among people from different cultures, countries, generations and abilities, all of whom will require better communication skills. To overcome the potential consequences of lost business and damaged relationships caused by inadequate communication, this newly revised edition of Emotional Intelligence Works provides you with interpersonal tools to become more effective and successful in all your interactions (face-to-face and virtual) at school, in the community, at home, and in your workplace. Research shows that the relationships most affected or afflicted by inadequate people skills include the following: supervisor to the people who report to him or her; one associate to another; customers to employees. All these relationships depend on your ability to interact effectively one-on-one, remotely, digitally, and in groups. While factual knowledge and how-to skills continue to be important, emotional and social intelligence skills have become even more crucial and valuable. The combination of intellectual knowledge and technical skills alone is insufficient for success in life. During the years since the first edition of Emotional Intelligence Works, we have applied the content in hundreds of different settings, including schools and universities, government agencies, nonprofits, professional organizations, associations, hospitals, nursing homes, mental health centers, and various businesses. Now, we are using the results of our experiences, as well as current research, to update this book.
Learning Objectives
Complete this book, and youll know how to: 1) Describe the benefits and challenges of applying emotional intelligence 2) Obtain tools for assessing individual and organizational strengths and opportunities for improvement 3) Learn the core skills needed for emotional intelligence 4) Understand model strategies and examples for using emotional intelligence in business and social settings, with family and friends
Introduction
Exercises
Exercises look like this: DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
EXERCISE TITLE
Questions and other information would be here. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. Keep a pencil handy. Any time you see an exercise, you should try to complete it. If the exercise has specific answers, an answer key is provided in the appendix. (Some exercises ask you to think about your own opinions or situation; these types of exercises do not have answer keys.)
Forms
A heading like this means that the rest of the page is a form: DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
Emotional Intelligence Works
FORMHEAD
Forms are meant to be reusable. You might want to make a photocopy of a form before you fill it out, so that you can use it again later.
A Note to Instructors
Weve tried to make the Crisp 50-Minute Series books as useful as possible as classroom training manuals. Here are some of the features we provide for instructors: X PowerPoint presentations X Answer keys X Assessments X Customization
PowerPoint Presentations
You can download a PowerPoint presentation for this book from our Web site at www.CrispSeries.com.
Answer keys
If an exercise has specific answers, an answer key is provided in the appendix. (Some exercises ask you to think about your own opinions or situation; these types of exercises do not have answer keys.)
Assessments
For each 50-Minute Series book, we have developed a 35- to 50-item assessment. The assessment for this book is available at www.CrispSeries.com. Assessments should not be used in any employee-selection process.
Customization
Crisp books can be quickly and easily customized to meet your needsfrom adding your logo to developing proprietary content. Crisp books are available in print and electronic form. For more information on customization, see www.CrispSeries.com.
Introduction
Everybody must have meaning in his life A long life isnt necessarily a happy life. Mr. Karma Ura, head of the Center for Bhutan Studies
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In this part:
X What Emotional Intelligence Means X The Need for People Smart Strategies X Assess Your Emotional Intelligence X Five Emotional Intelligence Skills
Emotional intelligence is one of several types of intelligence required for success in all kinds of situations. People have different abilities in dealing with emotions just like they have different abilities in language, logic, mathematics, and music.
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In the article, Promoting Social and Emotional Learning, Maurice J. Elias and others say that emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and express your emotions to meet the requirements of day-to-day living, learning, and relating to others. It is important to use emotional intelligence, because it helps you to: X Solve problems by using both logic and feelings. X Be flexible in changing situations. X Help other people express their needs. X Respond calmly and thoughtfully to difficult people. X Keep an optimistic and positive outlook. X Express empathy, compassion, and caring for others. X Continuously learn how to improve yourself and your organization. X Enhance your interactions and communications with those from other cultures.
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SELF-ASSESSMENT
Be as honest and objective as you can when you respond to the following statements. Do you believe that you do the following things more than 75% of the time? If you agree, check (9) the Yes column. Yes 1. I am aware when I start to become angry or defensive. 2. When I am dealing with others anger, I keep relaxed and goaloriented. 3. I remain cheerful and enjoy working with new ideas. 4. I follow through on assignments, support others, and build trust. 5. Despite setbacks and problems, I continue to work on projects in a calm manner. 6. I use positive thinking even when I am in a conflict or in a difficult situation. 7. I can feel and see things from another persons viewpoint. 8. Before I make a decision or take an action, I listen to others ideas. 9. When I communicate with others, I help them feel good. 10. To resolve conflicts, I encourage honest and respectful discussion. 11. I help people who hold different opinions to reach agreement. 12. When I am making changes, I consider the feelings of others. 13. I am aware of when I start to use negative thinking. 14. I practice stress management to be calm and healthy. 15. I have a good sense of humor. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
1: Introduction to Emotional Intelligence
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13-15 = Very high 10-12 = High 7-9 = Average 4-6 = Below average 1-3 = Far below average
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SelfAwareness Y Y
Social Skills
Optimism
Emotional Control
Flexibility
Y Y
Y Y
Y Y Y
Y Y Y Y Y Y Y
Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y
Review your results for each set of skills. For example, if you scored 8 for selfawareness, then your interpretation is very high for that skill. Write your interpretation in the last row under each skill.
Interpretation 8 = Very high 6-7 = High 4-5 = Average 2-3 = Below average 0-1 = Far below average
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Self-Awareness
Emotionally intelligent people are aware of how they feel, what motivates and demotivates them, and how they affect others. (See Parts 2 and 4.)
Social Skills
Emotionally intelligent people communicate and relate well with others. They listen intently and adapt their communications to others unique needs, including diverse backgrounds. They show compassion. (See Parts 3 and 4.)
Optimism
Emotionally intelligent people have a positive and optimistic outlook on life. Their mental attitude energizes them to work steadily towards goals despite setbacks. (See Parts 2 and 4.)
Emotional Control
Emotionally intelligent people handle stress evenly. They deal calmly with emotionally stressful situations, such as change and interpersonal conflicts. (See Parts 2 and 4.)
Flexibility
Emotionally intelligent people adapt to changes. They use problem-solving to develop options. (See Parts 3 and 4.)
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DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. If you and another person completed your self-assessment, schedule a meeting to discuss the result. Use the spaces below to record your discussion. The emotional intelligence skills that we both rate high or very high for me are: ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ The emotional intelligence skills that we both rate below average or far below average are: ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ The emotional intelligence skills that are most important for me to improve are: ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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Part Summary
X Emotional intelligence is the ability to use your emotions in a positive and constructive way in relationships with others. X When the pace of life was slower and more predictable, it was easier to interact with people in a calm, pleasant, and thoughtful manner. Now, we are so busy living life that we need to figure out how to interact with others in an emotionally intelligent way. X You can improve your emotional intelligence skills through objective assessment, learning, and practice. X The five emotional intelligence skills are self-awareness, social skills, optimism, emotional control, and flexibility.
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X Making the Choice to Think Wisely X Strategy 1: Self-Awareness Skills X Use a New Mental Script X Strategy 2: Optimistic Thinking
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Thinking Smart
The benefits of learning how to think wisely: X You will make better decisions and avoid saying and doing things that you regret later. X You will have less stress in your life and cause less stress for others. X You will achieve more positive outcomes. The challenges to thinking smart: X Reacting automatically X Thinking pessimistically Two strategies for meeting the thinking smart challenges: X Become more self-aware by understanding your thoughts and motivators.
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DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. Advisors Their Skills Instinct Identifies danger. Advises you whether to fight back or run away. Gets you to act fast without thinking. Emotions Use your memories and what you have learned in the past. Help you to make decisions based on your feelings about past experiences and learning. Logic Thoroughly analyzes problems and comes up with options. Helps you to consider logical options carefully. Helps you to prepare for the future. May need time and accurate information to consider all options thoroughly. Can be silenced by the other advisors, especially when they join forces.
Their Strengths
Their Weaknesses
May get you to act May draw the too quickly and wrong conclusions dangerously without about a situation. conscious thought. Can be silenced by the other advisors, especially when they join forces. Can be silenced by the other advisors, especially when they join forces.
Their Interactions
DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. Remember, guidance from one advisor can be silenced by other advisors. For example, when the advisors of instinct and emotions shout at you, it is impossible to hear the advisor of logic. Thinking smart requires being aware of and listening to all three advisors carefully. Planning and preparation is one of the best ways to use the best advice from all of your advisors intentionally.
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Technique 1: Relax
Relaxation helps your mind feel more at peace so that you can think clearly. When you feel peaceful, you are aware of what is happening with your emotions, body, and mind. People in the grip of a very strong emotion, such as anger or fear, find it difficult to be emotionally aware. Slow down your breathing. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Breathe deeply a few times. Become aware of your feelings, thoughts, and responses. Allow your body to relax. Tense and relax your muscles. Let the knots out of your cramped muscles. Breathe slowly and gently. In your new state of relaxation, revisit the event that caused you to become very upset. Remember what happened. It could have been a customer cursing at you, a driver cutting you off, your spouse accusing you of something you didnt do, or a co-worker who lied about you. Describing the Event I am really upset about (describe situation or event): _________________________ ___________________________________________________________________
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STEP SELF-ASSESSMENT
Select a situation as the focus for your self-assessment. For example, work situations might be handling customers on the telephone or leading a team or teaching a skill. Situation: ________________________________________________________ Now select and circle a total of five words or phrases from all columns that best describe the way you communicate in that situation. Any combination is possible including the selection of all five words in one column. S Stable Cooperative Specialist Laid Back Secure T Thorough Questioning Perfectionist Unemotional Doing things right E Emotional Outgoing People-oriented Talkative Being liked P Pusher Assertive Controlling Quick Getting results
Total the number of items (phrases or words) you circled in each of the four columns. Place the totals in the corresponding boxes below.
Highlight the column with the highest total points, or select the two columns that are tied for the highest point totals. For example, if you had a total of 3 under the E column, then E would be your communication style. If you had a total of 2 for both the S and T columns, they are your two strongest styles for the specific situation you identified. If you have high scores in two categories, you have a combination communication style. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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The words you selected are general descriptions of how you are in the specific situation and may not apply elsewhere. If you chose a work situation, you may not be the same way at home. The following table shows the relationship between each STEP style and emotionally intelligent thinking. Emotionally Intelligent Thinking: Description of how you think, feel, and communicate in situations that are motivating and positive. Motivators: Situations that tend to be most satisfying and stimulating to you. De-motivators: Situations that tend to be irritating and annoying and cause you to disconnect from all your advisors, especially the logical advisor. Danger Signs: These are warning signals that describe your emotions and thoughts when you are reacting automatically. These danger signs are a reminder to slow down and think carefully.
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Motivators: A predictable situation with slow, limited change. Working in a small team with people you know well. Having standard procedures. Knowing what is expected. Positive relationships. De-motivators: Rapid and unpredictable change. Unclear expectations. No procedures to follow. Unfriendly atmosphere. Danger Signs: You tend to become confused and uncertain, believe people dont appreciate you. Your feelings are easily hurt. You think about getting even. Emotionally Intelligent Thinking: You tend to think logically and analytically, ask a lot of questions of yourself and others. Motivators: A situation that values precision, accuracy, and logic. Creating and following guidelines to produce excellent results. De-motivators: Chaotic, confusing work environment where tasks need to be completed quickly without regard for quality standards. Danger Signs: You may become critical of yourself and others. Find mistakes and faults with everything. Emotionally Intelligent Thinking: You tend to react to feelings, be sensitive to your own and others emotions. Motivators: A situation in which you use your interpersonal communication skills. Being liked and asked to help. De-motivators: Working alonelittle contact with people. Lots of conflict and arguments. People who disregard your feelings. Danger Signs: May believe that people dont like you. Worry about losing relationships. Exaggerate your emotional responses without logic. Emotionally Intelligent Thinking: You tend to think fast and act fast. Can make fast decisions under stress.
Pusher
Motivators: A situation in which you can get things done quickly. Being in control. Lots of opportunity for change. Seeing results of your efforts. De-motivators: Situations in which there is no chance for control. Getting slowed down by lots of details. Danger Signs: May become frustrated with others who waste time. May jump to quick conclusions. You may demand that people do things your way.
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Helpful Questions
What was an example of your most emotionally challenging situation? (For example, preparing for a new computer system in your office or getting married to someone who has three children from a previous marriage.) ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ What did you think and feel when that happened? (For example, I was anxious and uncertain.) ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ What can you do to help yourself stay calm, relaxed, and hear yourself thinking? (Think about the situation during a quiet and peaceful time. Anticipate likely situations.) ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________
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If my style is
X Stable: I may be feeling de-motivated, because I have no idea what is expected of me. I will gather as much information as possible in order to be flexible to the changes. I must accept the fact that the way I do things may change, and my routine isnt what it has been. X Thorough: I may be irritated by the confusion and conflict. This may be just my opportunity to research how other people adapted to similar changes. X Emotional: I am concerned about damaging friendly relationships with my associates or family. I will make sure I keep up my other friendships. For example, with my special friends at work, I will make arrangements to stay in touch outside of work time. X Pusher: I may be frustrated, because I cant reach my own goals. I need to look around and listen to people to find out their goals. I will slow down a bit and accept that there will be some time before the direction is totally clear. It is important that I stop trying to control everyone and everything.
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TRUE OR FALSE?
Complete the optimism quiz that follows. If a statement describes the way you act or think more than half the time, circle T. Otherwise, circle F. T 1. I think more about coming up with solutions than worrying about why they wont work.
Emotional Intelligence Works
2. People need to prove themselves before I trust them. 3. I enjoy the challenges of my job. 4. I feel that what I do helps others.
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DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. T 5. I am able to laugh at myself. 6. I have a good sense of humor. 7. I dont trust anyone or anything. 8. I seldom take breaks from work. 9. I take at least one day off (out of seven) each week. 10. I enjoy encouraging, supporting, and helping others succeed. 11. I trust people unless they show me they cant be trusted. 12. I have difficulty saying that I cant take on another responsibility. 13. I feel like I seldom have time for myself. 14. I work at developing positive and supportive friendships. 15. I put up with people who are negative. 16. I am happy and cheerful. 17. I eat a healthful diet (avoid excessive amounts of fat, sugar and stimulants). 18. I engage in active exercise for 20 minutes a day at least three times a week (if my health permits). 19. I feel tired most days. 20. I usually have short periods throughout the day when I nod off. 21. I engage in daily meditation or relaxation exercises. F
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Follow Up
As you gradually work toward your goal, keep your revised statement near you and look at it frequently. A mental shift can affect your perspective about your work.
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________________________________________________________________ How do you let them know how much you appreciate them? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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Part Summary
An Action Plan for using Think Smart People Strategies
Review the Think Smart Strategies for improving interpersonal relationships. Fill in the action steps you will take to become emotionally intelligent as you think about how you respond to others.
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Be Smart Strategies
We are wired to connect our brains very design makes it sociable whenever we engage with another person. Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
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X Three Keys X Strategy 1: Social Skills X Strategy 2: Emotional Control X Strategy 3: Flexibility
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Three Keys
Opportunities for person-to-person connections decrease with the increased usage of modern technologies. In addition to our virtual relations, we need supportive and nourishing personal relationships. In 2004, a survey of 2.5 billion televisions viewers in 72 countries showed that the average person spent 3 hours and 39 minutes watching television daily. However, television usage has been replaced by the Internet as the most common use of free time. In Golemans book, Social Intelligence, he cites a startling statistic: For every hour people spend using the Internet, their face-to-face contact with friends, coworkers, and the family fell by 24 minutes. You cant get a hug and a kiss over the Internet. The quantities of our friendships and business connections are not as important as the quality of those interactions. Stressful relationships are linked to specific genes that help control the strength of our immune systems resulting in more frequent illness, both physical and mental. As Goleman notes, nourishing relationships have a beneficial impact on our health, while toxic ones can act like slow poison in our bodies. Emotionally intelligent people know how to be smart in their interactions with people. They adapt their words and actions to the needs of particular people in changing situations. They adapt to the communications needs of diverse people of both genders and from various generations, countries of origin, ethnicities, religions, and abilities. The three keys to creating smart and beneficial relationships are: X Using well-developed social skills to communicate effectively with others X Controlling ones emotions to deal with anger and cope with stress X Being flexible to adapt when change happens
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Communicate Effectively
The benefits of using social skills to communicate effectively are: X You will feel more peaceful and relaxed. X You can use your whole brain to make better choices. X Others will understand you better. X Your associates will consider your ideas and feelings in their decisionmaking. X You will be a role model. X Interpersonal communications will improve for everyone. X The talents and wisdom of everyone in the group will be used more fully. The challenges of using social skills to communicate effectively are: X Not really listening X Neglecting others communication styles X Giving up on those who are hard to understand X Making assumptions about those who seem different
Listening helps you understand how people feel, and your attentiveness helps them express their thoughts and feelings to you. Careful listening shows that you care about and respect those around you. When people feel they are receiving respect and consideration, they are more likely to communicate calmly, clearly, and sincerely.
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3: Be Smart Strategies
Gently help people to get to their point. For example, I want to be absolutely sure that I understand your main point. Is this it? DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. Yes No While listening, it may be difficult to think about what you want to say. Your reply will emerge naturally and honestly when you are truly present and focused in the moment. If you are unsure of your reply, say so and ask for time to think. Put everything unrelated to the current exchange out of your mind while communicating. Many listeners use phrases or questions such as, umm hmm, Im listening, I understand. Better ways to show interest are to use questions related to what speakers are saying or to restate in your own words some key points they are making. Use spontaneous responses or even silence to show that you are listening. Eye contact and nodding provide silent cues that you are paying attention. Use the Results of Your Listening Assessment If most of your responses are Yes, then you are already an effective listener. Where you marked No, select the statements and add your own strategies that you can use to improve your listening skills by completing the following sentence: I can improve my listening skills by __________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ . DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. STABLE Communication Strengths: They are agreeable, cooperative, team players. Sensitive and empathetic to other peoples feelings. Communicate well one to one and in small groups. Possible Communication Weaknesses: May get quiet and withdrawn during conflicts. Feelings may get hurt by how you talk to them. May resist or avoid change. Their motto is, If it aint broke, dont fix it. Stable Communication Strategies Help them to feel safe and secure. Prepare them for change with details and clear goals. To facilitate complete understanding, ask open-ended questions. Give ongoing positive feedback. Appreciate their skills and contributions. Be courteous and respectful. Stay calm. Encourage them to express their feelings. Provide all the information they need to do their work. THOROUGH Communication Strengths: They are logical and analytical. Ask many questions. Organize tasks and projects to get them done well. Possible Communication Weaknesses: May be critical of themselves and others. May have trouble making decisions, because they get bogged down in research. Tend to avoid dealing with peoples feelings. Their motto is, If you cant do it right, dont do it at all. Thorough Communication Strategies Focus on quality results. Reassure them that a new approach will not lower quality or standards. Research your facts and statements before you talk to them. Use logical reasoning and data to support your conclusions. Explain that feelings are also important to getting quality results. Dont talk down to them. Recognize their expertise and analytical skills. Never challenge their expertise. Help them set realistic expectations for themselves and others so they can be efficient.
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DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. EMOTIONAL Communication Strengths: They are friendly, talkative, outgoing, caring, and people-oriented. Persuade other people to work together and start new projects. Possible Communication Weaknesses: May be too concerned with feelings and not deal with business. Sometimes have trouble managing time, because theyre so busy talking. Have difficulty separating work issues from personal issues. Will avoid dealing with conflict, because they dont want to hurt anyones feelings. Their motto is, Lets relax and have fun. Emotional Communication Strategies Help them get organized. Appeal to their need to be accepted and liked. Avoid personal criticism or threats. Include them in decision-making. Help them include facts as well as feelings in their decision-making. Start conversations in a friendly manner. Have a system for resolving problems and conflicts. Be friendly. Do not ignore them. Provide opportunities to use their people skills. PUSHER Communication Strengths: They are fast moving. Will keep a group aimed in the right direction. See new ideas and can get things done fast. Possible Communication Weaknesses: Tend to be forceful by telling people what to do. May become impatient with lots of detail and questions. Can override other peoples ideas and feelings. May appear unfriendly and uncaring. Their motto is, Just do it my way. Pusher Communication Strategies Focus on the need for quick results. Avoid arguing or telling them they are wrong. Provide choices or options instead of telling them what to do. Do detailed research for them. Help them to consider peoples feelings as well as to become more patient and supportive. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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Ones world view or perspective is influenced by personal history, such as age, gender, religion, geographical origins, family, personal experiences, and traumas, such as exposure to violence and prejudice. Example: Abdi is an architect from Tunisia who works for an American firm with associates from many countries, including India, Pakistan, and Australia. Howard, an American associate recognizes that Abdi focuses exclusively on work and doesnt understand the concept of lightening up. Their project team was working on a particularly time-consuming and important project. When Howard told Abdi that they would not be able to meet the clients deadline, Abdi said, In my country, this would not be acceptable. We made a commitment. We will work harder! Describe the factors that influence your world view: __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ Select someone who is quite different from you. Ask this person to describe the factors that affect his or her world view: __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
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Cultural practices govern behaviors, such as politeness, respect, modesty, honesty, and conflict. For example, in the United States, both men and women greet each other with a handshake and/or embrace. People from other places, such as one that are predominantly Muslim or Orthodox Jewish, consider male-to-female physical contact, other than within the family, to be inappropriate. When interacting with persons from such backgrounds, a verbal greeting and smile is appropriate. Promptness is a cultural practice that may vary from culture to culture. For example, Wolfgangs parents were first-generation GermanAmericans. He said, While my home life had some serious freedom, I was always expected to be prompt, or notify my parents if there was cause to be off schedule. I never got away with being discourteous to elders, or for that matter ,to my peers. Based on your personal background, describe your cultural practices related to politeness and respect. _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Based on your personal background, describe your cultural practices related to timeliness. _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Select and observe someone who is quite different from your age, ethnicity, or religion and describe how this person treats others. _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________
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Customs influence emotional expression, such as hiding feelings compared to unfettered demonstrations of joy, anger, or sorrow. Cultural mores govern the extent to which conversations can be intimate versus impersonal or strictly factual. In some cultures, grief might be expressed with crying, tearing clothing, and screaming; while in other cultures it is expected that people will be silently stoic. Example: Most Southeast Asians are Buddhists; therefore, they believe that, after family members die, they will be reborn as other family members. Bounthanh explained that, during the war in Laos, her parents experienced the deaths of two children. Although her parents cried publicly, their worldview was very positive about death. Because they are Buddhists, they kept the children close to their hearts by offering the deceased childrens favorite foods or belongings via the Buddhist monks chanting ceremony. How does your family communicate or behave when someone is injured, becomes ill, or dies? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ What have you observed about how people from other cultures act in similar circumstances? __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
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Listen: Everyone has an accent from someplace. Americans from Long Island in New York State use pronunciations for words like chocolate, oil, and oranges different from the pronunciations of those words by natives of southern Ohio. Grammar usage, pronunciation, speed, and word choices may vary among English speakers from Pakistan, Great Britain, Australia, and the United States. With patience and good will, the human ear has a remarkable ability to adjust. An imam from Iraq speaks extremely fast with a distinctive accent. Over time, it seemed that his English improved. In reality, the listeners hearing simply adjusted as a result of attentive listening and repeated interaction. Learn: The more you know about various world views, customs, expressions, and etiquette, the easier it will be to work and live side by side with others. There are many ways to learn, including via the media, interfaith groups, resources on various cultures, and movies about the lives and values of various populations. When time and familiarity permit, a wonderful way to learn is to encourage interaction, such as, Id appreciate knowing more about your country and your customs. How do people from your culture handle interpersonal communications regarding disagreement, anger, or correction? Lift: Raise your own and others comfort levels as you interact by smiling, using words from their language as well as carefully selected humor. According to Goleman in his book, Social Intelligence (page 44), genuine smiles of spontaneous pleasure or amusementare most likely to evoke one in return. Learn a few words of various languages to facilitate connections. Search for hello in other languages on the Internet or just ask for the proper words and their pronunciation. Sometimes names can be difficult to pronounce; once again, ask for help and then practice.
Welcome
Marhaban (Arabic), Aloha mai (Hawaiian), Baruch haba (Hebrew), Benvenuto (Italian), Soo dowatha (Somali), Bienvenidos (Spanish)
Goodbye
Salaam (Arabic), Au revoir (French), Shalom (Hebrew), Namaste (Hindi), Ciao (Italian), Sayonara (Japanese), Nabad gelyo (Somali), Adios (Spanish), Sizobanana (Zulu)
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YOUR CULTURE
What forms of greeting and good bye are used by your family, friends, and associates? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ What words in other languages and cultures have you learned? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. Humor and jokes are natural and easy among people from the same culture, because they share common experiences, customs, and expressions. Cross-cultural humor can be a delicate matter. Following are guidelines for consideration: X Be sure that the words you use will be understood by your listeners. Slang, such as thats cool, may not make sense to people who havent grown up in America. X Avoid humor that shows disdain for a group of people, such as those with disabilities. X Test your jokes in advance with friends and associates from various backgrounds. If your company has a diversity council, this might be a wonderful group to engage in a discussion about humor at work. X If you are not sure, dont say it. Jokes related to sexuality and religion may be risky.
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X Do find natural humor in the world around you and in true situations. X Observe what makes people laugh in your work environment. Plan a strategy for your response when you are at the receiving end of offensive humor. Consider the outcome that you are trying to achieve, such as keeping a positive relationship, stopping the behavior, educating the person, or improving service to customers.
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Generally, it is better to have a private conversation when you (or others) have been embarrassed or offended by someones attempt at humor. Following are emotionally intelligent discussion starters: X I am very uncomfortable when we make fun ofbecause he/shehas an accent, makes grammatical mistakes, wears distinctive clothing, etc. If I dont say anything, it may seem that I think this type of humor is acceptable conversation. X Im not sure that you are aware of how or why that comment or joke is hurtful to people. X I think I didnt get it. Would you please explain what makes that funny?
Apply ALL x 2
DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. Takilo, a newspaper editor from Somalia, is challenged by ever-present time deadlines. He is very polite and complimentary and peppers his conversation with frequent thank yous. Janine has difficulty understanding him on the phone due to his accent, speed, and background noise. Both Janine and Takilo are excellent writers. In person, both Takilo and Janine smile warmly and shake hands when they meet. Occasionally, there have been misunderstandings regarding timelines, financial arrangements, and specifications regarding length of articles. Develop an ALL script that Janine can use to improve clarity and efficiency. ALL x 2 = Ask & Answer + Look & Listen + Learn & Lift Ask ____________________________________________________________ Answer _________________________________________________________ Look ___________________________________________________________ Listen __________________________________________________________ Learn __________________________________________________________ Lift ____________________________________________________________ DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. Thomas and Sarah work for a restaurant that is trying to teach associates how to serve customers properly. They used the following personal experience to illustrate the importance of understanding how to serve those with disabilities. During a business luncheon, the server who took Thomas order asked him what Sarah wanted. Thomas told the server to ask Sarah directly. The server said, I cant tell where she is looking. (Sarah had strabismus-crossed eyes.) Of course, Sarah was offended and embarrassed. She vowed never to return to that restaurant. Apply the ALL script to training that the restaurant can use to help their employees serve those with disabilities. ALL x 2 = Ask & Answer + Look & Listen + Learn & Lift Ask ____________________________________________________________ Answer _________________________________________________________ Look ___________________________________________________________ Listen ___________________________________________________________ Learn ___________________________________________________________ Lift _____________________________________________________________ DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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YOUR SITUATION
Are you working with someone from another generation, culture, country, or different part of your country? Describe his or her background: ________________________________________________________________ Describe at least one cross-cultural communication challenge that you would like to improve with this person in the future: ________________________________________________________________ Review the previous section and prepare an ALL script for the next time you have cross-cultural challenges with this person. Remember, this script can be used in writing, when talking on the phone or in person, as well as during meetings. ALL x 2 = Ask & Answer + Look & Listen + Learn & Lift Ask ____________________________________________________________ Answer _________________________________________________________ Look ___________________________________________________________ Listen __________________________________________________________ Learn __________________________________________________________ Lift ____________________________________________________________ DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
CONTINUED
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DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. After you try out your ALL script, return to this section and assess your interaction. Yes 1. Did I approach ____________ with patience and good will? 2. Did ____________ react positively when I used the ALL script? 3. Have our interactions improved as a result? No
CONTINUED
What did I learn from this tryout? _____________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ What will I reuse next time? _________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ What will I do differently? __________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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3. Understand the true cause of your reactions. Are you upset because you have been unjustly accused of doing something?
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Understand. Listen carefully and calmly, and get the angry person to talk about
his or her feelings. Restate in your words what you believe the angry person is trying to say. For example, Mrs. Johnson, you are upset because you called us three times, and no one returned your call. Is that right?
Apologize. Most angry people feel they have been treated unfairly. They will feel
less angry when they receive a sincere apology. Do not blame others by saying things like Those people in shipping never answer their telephones. It would be better to say, Mrs. Johnson, I apologize for the wasted time. You should not have had to call three times.
Resolve the Problem. Do what you can to solve the problem. If you cannot do so
immediately, explain what you can do and when it will be done. Give Mrs. Johnson your telephone number, so she can call you back if there are any further problems. Most of the time, peoples anger will have decreased by this point in the conversation. In the event they are still angry and you are beginning to feel that your emotions are out of control, take the next step.
Take a Break. If you feel one or more of the following is happening, it is time to
take a break. X Emotions are becoming dangerous. X You are about to say something youll regret later. X The other person is yelling and red in the face. X You or the other person is out of emotional control. X Whatever you say or do makes no difference. A break can be anywhere from five minutes to as long as 24 hours. You might say, I need a few minutes to check out some information. Id like to give us both a few minutes to think this over. Can we talk again in 15 minutes? Avoid using accusative language, such as, You are too upset. A better option is I or we are too upset to solve problems now. The second phrasing is less likely to cause defensiveness. The key is to make certain that you establish a later time to resolve the problem when all parties have a chance to become calm.
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Be prepared to say what you will do if the negative persons actions continue.
Script: If you continue to do this, I will let you know my reactions. And, we may have to work out the problems without your input.
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PREPARE A SCRIPT
Apply the script to a negative person in your life. Select a negative person you need to confront. Use the previous example as a guideline. Write your positive message to yourself. ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ Objectively describe the persons behavior. ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ Describe how the persons negativity affects your feelings and mental attitude. ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ State what you will do if the behavior continues. ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ Follow through. ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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Sources of Stress
X Major life events, such as the death of a loved one, getting married, having a baby, buying a house, losing a job, or getting a divorce. X Continuous and unpredictable change, poor relationship with ones supervisor, unrealistic workload, or a negative work environment. X Daily hassles, such as misplacing or losing things, being in heavy traffic, worrying about your job security or finances, or having too many things to do. X Poor relationships at work with associates, management, or customers.
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Sample Script 1
I know we all have tight deadlines. Right now, I am so overwhelmed with the quantity of work on my desk that the quality is beginning to suffer. Can you help me prioritize all my projects? If its okay, I will try to find shortcuts. It is my goal to do everything properly and on time.
Sample Script 2
Were all struggling with the changes in our computer system. Lets see if we can break up this project into more manageable parts. We each have special strengths; perhaps we can divide up the work a little differently. Some of us may be better at using the new software program. Lets also figure out how we can help each other. I will help by training our team.
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Energizer 1: Exercise
Smart exercise is physical activity that raises your heart and breathing rate and results in sweating. Most health experts suggest 20 to 40 minutes a day 3 to 5 times a week. However, even smaller amounts help. Check with your doctor about the type of exercise best for you. This is especially important with increasing age. An excellent exercise program could be as simple as taking a brisk half-hour walk five times a week.
Energizer 2: Laughter
Having a good sense of humor about yourself and others is important. Dont laugh at the expense of others, but laugh with them about everyday events. Break up your day with periods of laughter and joy. Have you ever seen a funny movie or heard a funny story and laughed so hard your belly shook and you cried? Belly laughing increases heart rate, breathing rate, and forms endorphins in your brain.
Energizer 3: Caring
Caring is positive emotional contact with someone. Loving someone or feeling that another cares for you causes feel-good chemicals to form in your brain. Positive emotional contact includes giving and receiving support, giving and receiving encouragement, and helping others. Both the receiver and the giver receive benefits. Having a loved pet also makes people feel good because of the caring relationship.
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Strategy 3: Flexibility
During the course of any business day, all kinds of changes can happen. A new supervisor from another country or company can raise the anxiety level. An emergency telephone call, a computer breakdown, or a family illness can cause delays and frustration. What changes happened yesterday that required you to adapt quickly? The benefits of being more flexible are that you will: X Find the best opportunities in your life X Use your energy productively when changes occur X Stay calm and relaxed during moments of unexpected change X Use your emotional intelligence, as well as logic, to solve problems during transitions X Build on your strengths and past successes X Help others handle their stressful days The challenges to becoming more flexible are: X Wasting energy X Resisting change X Staying stuck
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Ask one or more trusted friends to rate you also. Ask them to give you examples of how they think you adapt to change. After comparing your rating to theirs, what did you learn about yourself? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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Build on Strengths
When you are doing something that involves a strength, you can become deeply lost in your work and lose track of time. Some people have a natural ability to learn new computer programs; some have a natural ability to teach others. A strength is something that: X You do well and easily X Brings great satisfaction and pleasure X You learn easily X Helps you to feel energized and satisfied when it is a major part of your work X May be difficult to recognize
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Z What can I do personally to help myself stay flexible? 9. Add fun to change. Find new and positive ways to welcome change. Hold a contest for the most humorous predictions. 10. Remember that the worst events sometimes produce the best outcomes. Have you or your friends lost a job and then discovered that the change resulted in a much better career? Have you survived a divorce and discovered a new you? Did you add a new person to your life that was even better than the one who caused your sorrows?
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Part Summary
An Action Plan for Using Be Smart People Strategies
Review the Be Smart Strategies for improving interpersonal relationships. Fill in action steps you will take to become smarter as you interact with others.
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Youre gonna love what I did to the kitchen cabinets: its called the Splintered Look.
The smart organization is more than just a workplace. It is a business community that is alive, exciting, and adaptable. Executive EQ by Robert K. Cooper and Ayman Sawa
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In this part:
X Six Strategies for Smart Organizations X Strategy 1: Practice Organizational Self-Awareness X Strategy 2: Develop Social Skills X Strategy 3: Foster Optimism X Strategy 4: Encourage Flexibility and Problem Solving X Strategy 5: Model and Encourage Emotional Control X Strategy 6: Support Teamwork
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Compare the business practices in your organization to those in the following list. Assess whether you engage in these practices well or could do better. Refer to explanations of the Six Strategies for Smart Organizations in this Part.
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DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. Smart Business Practices Periodically assess levels of emotional intelligence in our workplace. We do well We could do better Provide training on the basic job skills PLUS training on effective communications and emotional control. We do well We could do better Help everyone understand how his or her work connects to our mission. We do well We could do better Let people see that you are striving to have a better future for customers as well as for employees. We do well We could do better Give people the opportunity to learn how anticipated future changes affect their current work. We do well We could do better Strategies for Smart Organizations Practice SelfAssessment: Strategy 1 Develop Social Skills: Strategy 2 Foster Optimism and Passion: Strategy 3 Foster Optimism and Passion: Strategy 4 Encourage Flexibility and Problem Solving: Strategy 5
Have guidelines and practices that ensure everyone will Model and Encourage be treated with respect. Emotional Control: Strategy 5 We do well We could do better Use team guidelines to ensure open communications and protect people from personal attacks when discussing difficult issues. We do well We could do better Ensure that associates from diverse backgrounds participate in team decisions. We do well We could do better Have fun. We do well We could do better Support Teamwork: Strategy 6
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CONTINUED
DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. Comparing Skills Which of the following positive social skills did Chris, in Store A, use effectively? Understanding and expressing himself effectively. Listening carefully to you. Helping you express your feelings. Adapting his communication style to your needs. Which of the following social skills did Sandy, in Store B, use effectively? Understanding and expressing herself effectively. Listening carefully to you. Helping you express your feelings. Adapting her communication style to your needs. A 1. At which store do you believe the company has provided effective social skills training? 2. Which sales person do you prefer? Why? ____________________________________________ __________________________________________________ Imagine that you are Chriss manager. What will be your biggest challenge in getting Chris to use social skills? The challenge is changing the communication habits that he has developed over his lifetime. The following skill builders will help learners like Chris develop and refine social skills. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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Rate the way your organization conducts social skills training to raise emotional intelligence. ____ ____ ____ ____ 1. We conduct training on social skills in addition to technical skills. 2. Our training includes techniques, such as real-life situations, roleplays, simulations, and case studies, that incorporate emotions. 3. The learning environment (group as well as individual) is safe and comfortable for the learner. 4. We help trainees make the transfer from training to work by providing support after training
Describe what you can do in the future to improve your training strategies. ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ Describe what you are doing now that should be continued. ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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This exercise is about understanding your organizations level of optimism compared to pessimism, so that you can take positive steps in the right direction. Put an X on the line above the number that is nearest to the way you believe people feel about their work. Optimistic & positive 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Pessimistic & negative
Ask your associates to use this scale to assess themselves and others. Ask them to give you examples of how they show their positive, optimistic outlook. After comparing your rating to theirs, what did you learn about your organization? DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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Assessing Pessimism
Find out what is lowering optimism and creating a negative outlook at your workplace by checking the statements that apply. People have a hard time staying positive because they: Keep running into obstacles. Hear a lot of negativity and complaining. Believe their efforts are taken for granted. Are constantly criticized. Receive critical feedback to the exclusion of positive feedback. Are treated disrespectfully. Arent supported by management. Experience frequent and unpredictable changes. Have too many things to do and not enough time to do a good job. What is happening at your organization that tends to lower enthusiasm and optimism?
Assessing Optimism
Find out what is raising optimism and a positive outlook at your workplace by checking the statements that apply. Positive beliefs about the future tend to increase for workers because they: Believe their leaders are positive and optimistic. Know that what they do makes a difference to their work or helps someone. Feel they are important. Believe that they have some control over how they do their work and how decisions are made. Have support from their managers and team of associates. Are accurately and honestly informed about what is happening with both the good and bad news. What is happening at your organization that tends to raise enthusiasm and optimism?
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X Where will you be working, for example, in an office, on the road, from your home, or via some technology yet to be conceived? X How can changes be turned into opportunities for a better future for customers and employees?
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He got a deal where you die for two years now and get twenty extra years later.
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Guidelines
Develop a standard process for problem-solving and train everyone on how to use it. The problem-solving process may be shared in the form of a poster, handouts, or a booklet. The best problem-solving guidelines encourage people to use facts and feelings to develop solutions. For example, the state of the economy is influenced by present and anticipated natural disasters, as well as consumer confidence. Many problem-solving models include the following steps: 1. Clarify and analyze the problem. Find out whats making the problem happen. Be sure to consider facts as well as feelings when analyzing a problem. 2. Explore various options to solve the problem. Rarely is there just one solution to any problem. Use all parts of your brain to develop solutions instincts, emotions, and logic. 3. Develop a plan of action to try out your solution. Plan to change work procedures as well as to help people adjust to the changes. 4. Implement the plan in the real work environment.
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CHECK IN
Assess your organizations problem-solving strategies by responding to the following questions. 1. What problem-solving process or guidelines do you use? ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 2. How well are the guidelines working? ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 3. What does your company do to help employees use their emotional intelligence to solve problems? ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ 4. What changes to your problem-solving approach might be helpful? ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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Impact of Incivility
According to Christine M. Pearson, Professor of Management at Thunderbird School of Global Management, rude and discourteous behavior at work can be more harmful than many managers might expect. The bottom-line impact might be lost work time and lost effectiveness caused by worrying, trying to avoid the instigator, reduced commitment to the organization, decreased work effort, less time spent at work, and turnover.
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CHECK IN
What does your organization do now to promote emotional control? Check (9) either Yes or No. Yes 1. We have guidelines for civil communications. 2. We provide training on how to handle anger and conflict. 3. When people lose control of their emotions, we follow up by giving them helpful feedback and training. 4. We direct managers, supervisors, and executives to serve as models for how to express emotions. 5. We provide a process for helping a person who has been at the receiving end of rude behavior. 6. We conduct training about how to show respect to people from various cultures, backgrounds, and generations. No
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Mediocre teams have: Closed communication. Conversation may be guarded. There are hidden issues that everyone avoids. People give in to the person with the highest authority or the loudest voice. Distrust. People do not always take responsibility for carrying out tasks. Group members may be so brutally honest that they hurt each others feelings. They constantly argue and try to outdo each other. Sameness. Everyone is similar in point-of-view, style, and background. They agree too easily without exploring alternative options. Great performance teams have: Open communication. Team members feel it is safe to express emotions. People know how to share their feelings in a positive and constructive way. They follow civil, respectful guidelines. Trust. They can rely on each other to follow through on promises. They can trust each other to be focused on goals rather than blaming others. Variety. Teams take advantage of different skills, communication styles, perspectives, and personalities. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
CHECK IN
What is happening in your team that lowers your potential for great performance? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ What is happening in your team that raises your potential for great performance? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
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Use the following tips on how to conduct emotionally intelligent meetings that enable ALL team members to feel included and respected. 1. Know your audience, including their language, ethnic and religious backgrounds, genders, disabilities, and ages. For example, if necessary, schedule breaks around prayer times. Address people by name rather than pointing. In some cultures, pointing is considered rude and insulting. 2. When scheduling meetings and conferences, use a comprehensive calendar with major religious holidays. Understand observances, including prayer times, food prohibitions, and fast days.
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3. Provide options for food. Become educated about special food needs, such as vegan, diabetic, halal, and kosher food requirements. 4. Prepare for emergencies, especially for those with disabilities and different languages. Test routes prior to the meeting. Look for lighted and accessible exits, evacuation routes, audible and visible emergency warnings. Have assistants available to help those who will need help during and after the meeting for access to refreshments, rest rooms, entrances, and exits. 5. Plan your physical environment. Make sure the aisles allow for mobility accessibility (space between aisles and tables). In some religions, men and women may prefer to sit separately. Provide opportunities for people to select their seating arrangements. 6. Use technology. Make sure your materials and audio visual aids work for all participants. Prepare your written resources in advance to have sufficient time for those with disabilities and/or those who need language translation. 7. Have fun without offense. Require presenters to avoid disrespectful content, jokes, and language. 8. Develop meeting guidelines that show respect for all, that reflect your organizations values, focus discussion on content and outcomes rather than on individual or group criticism. 9. Create a diverse planning committee to assist with all of these matters. 10. Use the following online resources: Z Successful Meetings: The Diversity Factor by Sondra Thiederman, PhD, Monster Contributing Writer. Youve heard the phrase, Lets have a meeting, more times than you can count, right? Thats because meetings are key to organizing projects, gathering information, and building relationships. Meetings can be productive and fun. They can also be frustrating or a waste of time. It all depends on the way people communicate. Diverse communication styles can make effective meetings more difficult to achieve, so its important to remember that these differences may result from divergent gender or cultural backgrounds. http://diversity.monster.com/articles/factor/ Z Gestures. http://www.diversity-matters.net/publications-gestures.pdf Z Bridging the Generation Gap. http://www.diversitymatters.net/btgg0507.pdf Z Diversity-Friendly Meetings Survey Results. http://www.diversitymatters.net/nl07q1.pdf
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Ask your associates to use this gauge to assess themselves and others. Ask them to give you examples of how they show their passion. ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ After comparing your rating to theirs, what did you learn about your teams enthusiasm? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. Mediocre teams view teamwork as: X An add-on to their real work X A necessary but unpleasant requirement
Emotional Intelligence Works
X Something to get done as fast as possible X A poor way to get work done X Taking away from working alone
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Great performance teams view teamwork as: X An opportunity to get passionate about a challenging goal X A way to work with other people so everyone can learn and grow X Having fun X Getting satisfaction from their work X The best way to help each other and the customer
2. My contributions are valued. My associates and customers appreciate me. Example: The Director of Operations for a Bed and Breakfast tries to make everyone feel important whether a janitor or front-desk person. Suggested Action Steps: Give people positive feedback about their work. Let them hear what customers appreciate. Just say thank you. Encourage and listen to their ideas. I do well I could do better
3. My work matches my personal values of helping others. There is no conflict between what I believe in and what my company does. Example: The president of a neighborhood association says people have to identify with the task as if it were their own. Suggested Action Steps: Talk about company values and beliefs. Turn them into action. Let people see how the company values are part of everyday life. I do well I could do better
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4. I have some degree of control over how I do my work. I know there are requirements. Example: A counselor who helps individuals with disabilities get jobs enjoys her work. She manages her own time and sets priorities based on her workload. Suggested Action Steps: Give people opportunities to participate in making decisions and giving input. Give people control over the details of their work. I do well I could do better
5. I enjoy the people with whom I work, including my co-workers and customers. Example: The CEO of a community service organization says that the most important part of his work is the people he works with who keep him fired up. Suggested Action Steps: Create an enjoyable work environment. Use team meetings as an opportunity to get to know each other. Encourage people to help each other. I do well I could do better
6. Everyone treats me with respect. I appreciate being spoken to civilly and pleasantly. Example: In one restaurant, the younger employees filed a complaint with their union because the managers yelled at the older employees. Suggested Action Steps: Be considerate of everyone. Be considerate of peoples feelings, workspace, and ideas. Have two-way conversations. Ask for help, dont yell or curse. I do well I could do better
7. My job uses my strengths and skills. Example: Ray was stressed and exhausted at the end of the day. A friend discovered his natural talent for numbers. Ray started his own business as a bookkeeper for small businesses.
Emotional Intelligence Works
Suggested Action Steps: Build on peoples strengths. Help them to become better at their work by providing training and coaching. Give people opportunities for challenging work and promotions. I do well I could do better
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8. I feel I am successful at my job. Example: Nancy is an administrative assistant for a landfill business. She says proudly, I have eight drivers working for ME! I am their boss. Can you believe that? Suggested Action Steps: Help all associates to be successful. Tell them and show them how to be successful. Let people know what success is and let them know when theyve accomplished it. Help them when they make mistakes. I do well I could do better
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CHECK IN
What are you doing now to raise passionate participation at your own organization? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ What are you doing that lowers passionate participation at your own organization? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ What do you believe are some action steps you might take to foster passionate teamwork? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes.
4: Work Smart Strategies
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Meeting check-out ____ ____ ____ 1. How much energy do you feel now as the meeting is closing? 2. How open do you feel you and everyone else was during the meeting? 3. How well did everyone focus on the purpose of the meeting?
DO NOT ALTER OR DELETE THIS LINE It is here for spacing purposes. If you are leading the meeting, you may wish to find out what you can do to raise the energy, openness, and focus of the meetings. Ask yourself and your teammates, What can I do to help others become more energetic, open, and focused during the meeting? If you are a participant, keep a record for yourself and look at your own behaviors during the meeting. Ask yourself, What can I do to be more energetic, open, and focused during the meeting? How can I help others to be more enthusiastic?
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Part Summary
An Action Plan for Using Work Smart People Strategies
Review the Work Smart Strategies for improving the organizational setting. Fill in action steps you will take to create a workplace in which people can think smart and be emotionally intelligent.
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Supporting teamwork depends on harmonizing input from everyone, increasing passion for the goal, and using team meetings to raise energy. The steps I plan to take to support teams at work are: ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________
A P P E N D I X
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Appendix to Part 2
Comments & Suggested Responses
Exercise: True or False?
Match your responses from the optimism quiz to the list below. Circle the matching responses. For example, if you circled T for #1, circle 1 below. If you circled F for #1, there is no match. T: The following numbers are True: 1 3 4 5 6 9 10 11 14 16 17 18 21
Appendix
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Additional Reading
Crisp 50-Minute Series books:
Kravitz, S. Michael. Managing Negative People: Strategies for Success.
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Research articles:
Conflict Research Consortium, University of Colorado, USA. International Online Training Program On Intractable Conflict. Cultural Barriers to Effective Communication http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/problem/cultrbar.htm Version 1.1.7 -- Revised July 20, 1999. Copyright 1998-2005. A Project of the Conflict Research Consortium, Guy Burgess and Heidi Burgess, CoDirectors, Box 580, University of Colorado, Boulder, Colorado, 80309 USA. Phone: (303) 492-1635 Fax: (303)492-2154 http://conflict.colorado.edu Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations, www.eiconsortium.org/ Elias, Maurice J., et al. Promoting Social and Emotional Learning: Guidelines for Educators. Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development, 1997. www.ascd.org/books/eliasbook.html
Appendix
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