5/19/2014 'Doing Nothing' - New York Times

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/04/books/chapters/0604-1st-lutz.html?_r=0&pagewanted=print 1/4
June4,2006
FIRSTCHAPTER
'DoingNothing'
ByTOMLUTZ
Ibeganthisbookshortlyaftermyson,Cody,attheageofeighteen,movedfromhismother'shouseintomine.Hisplan
wastotakeayearortwooffbeforebeginningcollege,andhehadcometoLosAngeleswithuncertainplans.Hisolder
sisterhadmovedoutacoupleyearsearlierandhadafairlyglamorousHollywoodjob,andhethoughtmaybehecould
getafootinthatdooror,perhaps,endupinahotnewbandandbecomeabig(alternative)rockstar.Eitherway,hewas
comingwest,theyoungman,andIlookedforwardtohavinghiminthehousefulltime.Foradecadehehadlivedwith
meonlyduringsummersandvacations,andalthoughourswasbyallmeasuresaverygoodrelationship,neitherofus
knewwhetherwewouldfeelthesameratioofsuccessandfailure,thesamelevelsofsatisfactionanddissatisfaction
witheachother,ifwelivedtogetherallofthetime.Wewerebothexcited(ifalittleapprehensive)aboutthisnew
chapterinourlives.Whateverelse,IwasgladthatIcouldgivehimabasefromwhichtochaseadreamortwo.
HeknewIhadtakentimeoffbeforecollegemyself.Finishinghighschoolin1971withoutthevaguestclueastowhere
mylifewasheaded,IwassavedfromtheVietnamdraftbyahighlotterynumber.Ispentmostofthenextdecade
wanderinghereandabroad,doingtheperiod'sallotmentofdrugs(ormaybealittlemore),andworking,whenever
necessary,atwhateverpresenteditself.Ispenttimeasacarpenter,linecook,factoryhand,pianotuner,landscaper,
gymnasticsinstructor,daylaborerandoddjobber,lumberjack,kitchenmanagerandcaterer,farmhand,contractor,
bartender,andmusician.IreadJackKerouacearlyinthisperiodanddecidedIwouldbeawriter,andsoallofthese
lobswereinstantlytransformedintogristforthatmill.Kerouacsuggestedthatliterature'srawmaterialcouldbeone's
ownsimple,edgylife,andlikemanyotherboysinprolongedadolescencewhocameunderhisspell,Ibecame
convincedthatmyselfabsorptionandconfusionwereworthyofcommemorationinfiction.
AndsoIbecameawriter.Notreallythatis,Iwasn'tactuallywritinganything,andwouldn'tpublishmyfirstpiecefor
manyyears,butinmyownoftenpot,speed,oracidaddledmindIhadbecomeawriter.Whilehitchhikingaroundor
ridingthefreighttrains,Ijotteddownaleadesultory(andillretrospectmawkishlysentimental)journalentries,hoping
thattheywouldsomehowbecome,withouttoomuchwork,novelsnovelsimbuedwithwhatIfeltwouldbeadelicious,
DeanMoriartyflavored,butupdated,counterculturalmelancholy.Andinthemeantime,mysearchforavocation,such
asitwas,appearedtohaveendedhappily.Iwasawriter,andmydailylifewaseffortlessresearch.Everyprofound
revelation1experiencedaftereveryjointIsmokedthatisifIcouldrememberitbecamepartofmystockintrade.I
baskedillthisnewsenseofpurposeandfelt,vaguely,thatmyplaceillthelargerworldwassecure.
Myescapadesneverdidbecomenovels,butevennow,Imayaswellsheepishlyadmit,Ithinkofthemasrepresenting
somekindofachievement.ThoseyearsofitinerancyandoddjobbinggavemesomethingInevercouldhavehadifI'd
gonestraightthroughcollegeandgraduateschoolandintothelifeofteachingandwritingI'vebeenlivingforthelast
fifteenyears.I'mgladtoknowhowtosweatcopperpiping,wireathreewayswitch,andbalehay,howtofeedfive
hundredpeoplelunchanduseanoxyacetylenetorchandachainsaw.IfeelIknow,infact,whatpeoplemeanwhen
theytalkabout"thevalueofwork."Ilovedthedaysspentroundingupcattleandmovingthemtofreshpastureillthe
5/19/2014 'Doing Nothing' - New York Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/04/books/chapters/0604-1st-lutz.html?_r=0&pagewanted=print 2/4
Midwest,andthebizarrenightsspentwiththoseadventurousoroblivionspeoplewhopickupyoungfreakshitchhiking
downthecoastofCalifornia,orwhobefriendstrangerstheyfindwanderingthroughthelonesometownsoftheGreat
Plains.I'mgratefulforthetimeIspentplayingmusicinlowrentbarbands,gladthatIrodetherailsfromTennesseeto
California,fromDenvertoPittsburgh,thatIlivedinavanontheCostaBrava,rodeamotorbikethroughthehillsof
Montenegro,andchokedonmosquitocoilsinaThaibeachhut.
AndsoIwaspleasedthatCody,insteadofjustfollowingthecrowdintocollege,wastakingamoreadventurouspath.
"Anyonecanfloatalongwiththetide,"myfatherusedtosay."Evenadeaddogcandoit."Inaclassiccaseof
parentinggoneawry,myfathersaidthishopingitwouldhelpmeresistthepeerpressuretodrink,smokecigarettesand
pot,havepremaritalsex,andotherwiseimitateKerouacintheeverswiftercurrentsofthelate1960s.Iadopteditasthe
moralunderpinningformyrejectionofeverythingelseheeversaid.
***
Thatwasadifferentera,ofcourse,andcirca1970mostpeopleIknewconsideredrebellingagainstone'sparentsno
morethanasignthatonewasn'tbraindead.Timeshavechanged,andCody'sdesiretolivewithmeintheyear2001
wasnomoreexceptionalthanmymadflightfrommyparentsthirtyyearsearlier.Soimaginemychagrinwhen,soon
intoournewlifetogether,somethingthatlookedverymuchlikeagenerationgapappeared.Thefirstcoupleofdays,
whenIcameupfrommybasementstudyforacupofcoffeetoseehimlyingontheconchandwatchingTV,Ididn't
thinkmuchofit.Hehadonlyjustgotheretomorroworthenextdaywassoonenoughtostartrespondingtothe
"BassistWanted"adsinthelocalragsandlookingforajob.Eventually,though,Iaskedhim,asheatehiscereal
watchingTVcirca11:00a.m.,whathisplansforthedaywere,andhesaid,eyestothescreen,thathewasgoingto
finishgettinghisrsumtogether.Fine,Ithought.Shouldn'ttakelong:"Iwenttohighschool"wouldcovermostofit.
I'mgoingtothelibrary,Itoldhim,somycomputerisfree.Icamebacksixorsevenhourslater.Hewaswatching
cartoons.HeseemedslightlysurprisedbymyquestionabouthisC.V."Oh,yeah,"hesaid."It'salmostreadyforyouto
proofreadforme."
Thiswentonfordays.Iwouldcomebackfromthelibraryorameeting,andhewouldbethere,likeanEdwardian
neurasthenic,dourlycontemplatingtheworldaroundhimfromthecomfortofaplushpurplesofa.Hadmysonheroinea
slacker?Wasthisthepersonheactuallywas?Hangingoutinthesummeroronweekendsdoingnothingwasonething,
andobviouslyIhadseenhimdohisshareofthat,butthiswasn'tthesummerthiswasn'ttheweekendthisain'tno
disco!Didn'tthekidhaveanygetupandgo?Lifeisshort!Let'smoveit!ThefirstMondaynight,Iaskedifhewanted
tocometothelocalclub,whereIplayedillthehousehand,andmeetsomemusicians,sinceitwasjamnight.No,not
really,hesaid,switchingchannelsmaybenextweek.Thechanceshewouldfindsimpaticomusiciansinmymiddle
agedbluesscenewerefairlyslight,sincehishighschoolbandhadbeenheavyfunkmetalalternative.Butitwas
somethingtodo.Yousure:Yeah,hesaid.Havefun.I'llseeyoutomorrow.
Ofcourse,IthoughtasIdrovetothebar,ofcourseyou'llseemetomorrow,becauseyou'llherightthereonthecouch.I
knewthatIshouldn'tbegettingupset,thatitwaspossibletoseesuchlyingaboutaspartofaperfectlyvalidregenerative
process,akindoftemporarymoratoriumasheadjustedtolifeafterhighschool.Hedid,afterall,havealotof
adjustmentstomake:tolifeinthebigcityafterhisadolescenceinruralNewEngland,withoutthecommunityoffriends
andfamilyhehadleftbehindontheothercoast,toalifewithoutclearpathsorplans,tolifewithhisfather.Butatthis
momentIcouldn'tfocusforverylongonwhathisburdensmightbe.Icouldn'tfocusbecause,Irealizedwithashock,I
wastooangry.
5/19/2014 'Doing Nothing' - New York Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/04/books/chapters/0604-1st-lutz.html?_r=0&pagewanted=print 3/4
Thatwasthebiggestsurprise.Havinggrownupdodgingthesuddenfuriesofmytemperamentalfather,Ibeganmy
careerasaparentdeterminednottodirectmyownreadyangeratmykids,andIhadalmostentirelysucceeded.Icould
getfleetinglypeeved,ofcourse,inalltheclassicways,atchoresundoneorotherdailydisappointments,hutInever
indulgedit,neverblewupatthem,neverreallyboiledover.SoIwasshockedtolearnthatthesightofmysonlyingon
thecouchdayafterdaymademefurious.
Itwasavisceral,totalreaction.TheminuteIwalkedinthedoororcameupfrommyofficedownstairs,myfaceflushed,
myheartpumpedup,mybodyfloodedwithadrenaline.Iwouldturnaround,gointothekitchen,andtapmyfingerson
thethecounter,orgobackdowntomyoffice,sitdown,cooldown.Myfather'sangeralwaysscentedtopropelhimto
action,sometimesviolentaction,butmineconfusedandstymiedme.Icouldn'tseemtostopitfromhappening,didn't
understandit,andjusthopedIwashidingitfairlywell.
Whythisanger?Sowhatifhewaswastingtime?Onecouldarguethatallofmytimebeforecollegehadbeenwasted
anargumentmyownfatherhadinfactmadeandbyanymeasureIhad,infact,squanderedanenormousamountof
time.Ifanyonewasabletounderstandmyson'stemporaryincapacity,then,itshouldhavebeenme.Ikepttelling
myselfthatitwasadifferentworldthen,morefatontheland,moreutopiaintheair,moresecondchanceswaitinginthe
wings,buthowevermanytimesIsaidit,Icouldn'tconvincemyselfthatthiswaswhyIwassoangry.WhenIhad
imaginedCodytakingadvantageofayearortwooffbeforecollege,Ialwayssawhimdoingsomethingexciting,
challenging,andworthwhile.HehadrecordedtwoCDswithhishighschoolhand,andL.A.wastheperfectplacetotry
hiskindofmusic.Oneofhismusicalheroes,Flea,livedinourneighborhoodBeckwasrightaroundthecomer
alternativemusicclubsliketheSilverlakeLoungeandSpacelandweredownthestreet.Hehadshownabitofaflairfor
narrativeeveningradeschoolandhaddonesomeplayingaroundwithavideocamera,whichwasonereasonhetalked
offollowingIrisoldersisterintothefilmworld,aworldinwhichhisyouthwasanasset.Hehadalwaysbeenanavid
outdoorsman,flyfishing,mountainbiking,andcampingevendeepintothewinter.ThiswasCalifornia,damnit:
opportunitiesforoutdooradventurewereeverywhere.
ConfininghisadventurestothecouchwasobviouslynotwhatIhadinmind,butstill,whydiditmakemesocrazy?If
hewasstretchedoutonthesofaattheageofthirtyfive,obviouslyI'dhaveacase,butthekidwasonlyeighteen.
IstartedtowritethisbookatleastinparttounderstandmyireasIwatchedmysondowhatIhadseenhim(andmyself)
domanytimesbefore:hewasdoingnothing.Inmyforties,Inecessarilyhadamoreacutesenseoftheshortnessoflife,
butwhyshouldhe?HewasstillhusbandingtheproceedsofhissummerjobonanorganicfarminMassachusetts,not
hittingmeupforspendingmoney.Hewastheoneattheclassicallyhormonalage,sowhywereminefiring?
Theanswer,Ibegantosense,hadtodowithmyowntwistedrelationtowork,apathologythatIsharewithmany
peopleofbothmyownandmyfather'sandmyson'sgenerations.Icameofageduringonefamousgenerational
rebellionagainsttheworkethic,andCodycameofageduringanother.Whenhewasanimpressionableelevenand
fourteen,thetarofilmsthathelpeddefinetheslackerinthe1990scameoutRichardLinklater'sSlacker(1991)and
KevinSmith'sClerks(1994).Thesefilmstookastheirinformingethostheideathatworkwasworthless,depressing,
andunredemptive.CodysaysthatKevinSmith'sfilms,whenhewasgrowingup,seemedtohimamateurish,andhe
can'trememberevennoticingthattheworkethicwasupfordiscussion.HewatchedSlackerwithhisoldersisterandgot
bored.ButhewasafanofWayne'sWorld(1992),aboutaslackerwholiveswithhisparentsafterhehasgraduated:and
heandhissistersworeoutatapeofFerrisBueller'sDayOff(1986),ahighschoolslackerfilmthattheycouldrecitein
itsentirety.Codythoughtatthetime,hesays,that"Ferriswasthecoolest."
5/19/2014 'Doing Nothing' - New York Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/04/books/chapters/0604-1st-lutz.html?_r=0&pagewanted=print 4/4
Thesecomediesalsocapturetheangerthatslackingprovokes.Theclerks'girlfriendsgetangryatthem,theircustomers
getangryatthem,theotherslackersgetangryatthem,theygetangryateachother.Ferris'ssisterisfuriouswithhim,his
parentsperturbed,hisbestfriendpissedoff.Theemotionalhistoryofslackerdomrunsthegamutfromthetragictothe
farcical,butofallthefeelingsitevokespride,frustration,boredom,anxiety,hilarityanger,Ihavecometofind,isoneof
themostcommon.
***
Angeratslackers,forinstance,hasfueledtheassaultonthewelfarestatethesepastdozenorsoyears.Ononesideisthe
furyatthe"welfarequeens,"who,we'veheardandread,arevampiriclayaboutssuckingthelifebloodoutofhonest,
hardworkingtaxpayers.JohnAshcroft,whenhewassenatorfromMissouriin1995,gaveaspeechtotheHeritage
Foundationinwhichhetoldseveralhorrorstories,includingthisoneaboutafivemontholdgirlnamedArielHill:
ShewasbornonChristmasEve1992andkilledinMayof1993.Shelivedwithhertwentytwoyearoldmotherandfather
andfourothersiblingsinasqualidonebedroomapartmentinpublichousing.Thefamily'sprincipalsourceofincomewas
welfare.Oneday,hermothergrewtiredofherscreaming,placedherinasink,andburnedherwithhotwater.Shehadnot
beenfedindays.Shediedweighinglessthansevenpounds.Wheninvestigatorsexaminedtheapartmenttheyfoundascrap
ofpaperwitheachchild'snameonitandthedollaramountthattheywereworthonwelfare.Alifereducedtothedollar
amountofawelfarecheck.
Nowthereisastorythatcouldmakeapersonangryangry,forinstance,ataneconomicsystemthatcanproducesuch
tragedies,angeredbythelackofeducation,opportunity,support,andcommunitythatmightfostersuchdiredeeds.This
isnotwhatmadeAshcroftangry,however.
WhatmadeAshcroftangrywasthatthiswoman,hebelieved,hadbabiessimplytoincreaseherwelfarecheck,oneof
theclassicmythsthatdemagogueshavetappedintooverthelasthalfcenturytofomentprotestagainstthewelfare
system.FromGeorgeWallace'sattackon"welfareloafers"toLesterMaddox'sclaimthattheAidtoDependent
Childrenprogramwas"arewardforpromiscuity"toNeatGingrich'sclaimthatthewelfarestatetaughtchildren"notto
work,nottoacquireproperty,nottolearntoreadandwriteandtowaitaroundforthatwelfarecheck,"thewelfare
recipienthasbeendamnedasjustpurelazy.Entitlementprograms,fromthisirateperspective,areoverentitlement
programs.TotakejustonesamplefromthemanyListservsandblogsthathavehadwelfarecheatsastheirbugbear:
Twentyormoreyearsofwelfarehasprovenitdoesnotwork.Whatworksiswork...hardwork.So,getoffthepittypotand
getajob,allyouwelfareloafers.Quitmoaningandexpectingmeandotherswhodoworktosupportyouwithourtaxdollars.
Earnyourowndamnmoneythehardway,justlikeIdo.Getajob!I'mmadashell!
Thiskindofangerwasmobilizedinthelegislativebattlesatthestateandfederallevelthatbroughtinahostof
"workfare"and"earnfare"programs,whatBillClintoncalledthe"endofwelfareasweknowit"inthe1990s....
ExcerptedfromDOINGNOTHINGbyTomLutzCopyright2006byTomLutz.Excerptedbypermission.
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisexcerptmaybereproducedorreprintedwithoutpermissioninwritingfromthepublisher.
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