Crazy English
Crazy English
Nonetheless, it is now the time to face the fact that English is a crazy language.
minutes , quicksand works very slowly , boxing ring are square, silverware can be
made of plastic an tablecloth of paper . Most telephone are dialed by being punched
(or pushed), and most bathroom don’t have any bath in them. In fact dog can go to
the bathroom under a tree – no bath no room, its still going to the bathroom. And
doesn’t it seem at least a little bizarre that we go to the bathroom in order to go to
the bathroom?
Why is it that women can man a station but a men cant woman one ,
that a man can father a movement but a women cant mother one, and that a king
rule a kingdom bit queen doesn’t rule theqeendom? How did all those Renaissance
men reproduce when there don’t seem to have been any Renaissance women?
A writer is someone who writes and a stinger is someone who stings. but finger
don’t fing and grocers don’t groce , hammers don’t ham , and humdingers don’t
humding .if the plural of the tooth is teeth , shouldn’t the plural of booth be beeth?
One goose, two geese-so one moose two meese? One index, two indices-one Kleenex,
two kleenices? If a people ring a bell today and rang a bell yesterday, why don’t we
say that that they flang a bell? If they wrote a letter, perhaps they also bote their
tongue. If the teacher taught why isn’t it also true that the preacher taught? Why is
that the sun shone yesterday while I shined my shoes , that I treaded water and the
trod on soil , and that I flew out to see a world series tame in which may favorite
player field out?
Some time you have a believe that all English speakers should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people
drive in a parkway and park in driveway? In what other language do people recite
at a play and play ant recital? In what other language do privates eat in the general
mess and general eat in the private mess? In what other languages do people ship by
truck and send cargo by ship? In what other language can your nose run and your
feet smell?
How can slim chance and fat chance be the same, “what’s going on?”
and “what’s coming off? Be the same, and a bad licking and a good licking be the
same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites. How can a sharp speech and
blunt speech be the same and quite a lot a and quite a few are same, while overlook
and oversea are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cod as
hell the next day?
If button and unbutton and tie auntie are opposites, why are loosen
and unloosen and ravel and unravel are the same? It the bad is the opposite of good,
bard the opposite of soft a, and up the opposite of down, why are badly and goodly,
hardly and softly and upright and downright not opposing peers? It harmless action
is the opposite of harmful action, why not harmless action are the opposites of
harmful action, why the shameless and shameful behavior the and privacy object
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are less expensive than priceless ones. If appropriate and inappropriate remarks
and passable an impassable mountain trials are opposite, why are flammable and
inflammable materials , heritable and inheritable property , and passive and
impassive people the same and valuable object less treasured than invaluable ones?
If uplift is the same as lift up, why are upset and setup opposite in meaning/ why re
pertinent and impertinent, canny and uncanny, and famous and infamous neither
opposite not the same? How can rise and famous and infamous and neither opposite
nor the same? How can rise and raze and reckless and werckless be opposite when
each pair contains the same sound?
Why is it when the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are
visible , but when the lights are out , they are invisible , and that when I wind up my
watch , I start , but when I wind up this essay I shall end it? English is a crazy
language