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Therapist Perspectives On Using Silence in Therapy: A Qualitative Study
Therapist Perspectives On Using Silence in Therapy: A Qualitative Study
by
HEATHER V. LOVELADY
Introduction
A dialogue is defined as a conversation between two or more people. Studies of social
interaction have shown that there is a pattern to communication in conversations. One
person, whom we will call Sue, says something to Bob and then waits for Bob to reply
before speaking again. The conversation pattern is one where each participant speaks in
turn, with Sue waiting for her cue from Bob to speak again. Her cue is the pause when
Bob stops talking, making it almost obligatory for her to fill in the silence. If a third
person is introduced into the conversation, there are many more possibilities, making it
rare that the exact same pattern would be repeated. John could as equally well speak after
Sues pause as Bob, and indeed Bob could choose to refrain from participating and sit
quietly listening during the conversation. However, if one person were to refrain from
participating in a one-to-one conversation, the conversation would cease. Headington
(1979) notes that learning from social interactions such as the above is hard to ignore and
can cause difficulties for the beginner counsellor who believes she must fill every pause
in the two-party conversation. This raises the question whether there is a difference
between a therapeutic conversation and a social interaction.
The relationship between counsellor and client involves a great deal of talking, using
words to explore meanings. All aspects of a conversation are included, such as speaking,
listening and body language. A conversation without pauses rarely takes place. When
those pauses stretch to five seconds or longer, they become silences (Sharpley 1997). As
silence is part of the interaction between the counsellor and the client, it is likely that its
use affects the development of the therapeutic relationship with a resulting influence on
the success or otherwise of the overall process. Thus, the question emerges: what role
does silence play in enabling the client to benefit from the counselling process?
Counselling process can be interpreted as a movement, development or
continuation; to effect or move towards finality (Feltham and Dryden, 1993 p. 142).
The underlying premise then is that the client enters counselling at point A and leaves at
point B, having gained a greater awareness of himself and his ability to solve the
problem. For each client, successfully completing the process or not correlates to the
degree of effectiveness of the therapy. Can it be shown that silence plays a part in the
process, is that part significant and can its effectiveness be measured empirically?
From a theoretical perspective, the process is seen and defined in very different
ways depending on the therapeutic approach under consideration (see Table 1). Even
such a cursory overview of just some of the many available counselling approaches
prefaces the possibility that the counselling process or all that goes on within
counselling (Feltham and Dryden 1993 p142) for each orientation would neither view
nor make use of silence in the same way.
Table 1: Interpretation of the counselling process in different approaches
Therapeutic Approach
Freudian psychoanalysis
Purpose
Means
a process of reeducating by using free association
the ego (Nelson-Jones,
2001, p 39)
Jungs analytical therapy focusses on attaining (by) dealing with complexes
specific goals
and
strengthening
consciousness and ego
functioning (Nelson-Jones,
2001, p 64)
Rogers Person-centred trusts the clients ability to by providing the right
therapy
actualise
his
human conditions
potential
Gestalt
enables clients to gain by using experimentation
higher levels of awareness
to take into their everyday
lives (Nelson-Jones, 2001,
p 124)
Transactional analysis
encourages
clients
to by establishing contract
assume greater personal goals
and
using
responsibility for their lives interventions
and
interpositions
(NelsonJones, 2001, p 159)
Existential therapy
seeks to assist clients to by sharing their story.
understand their inner (Nelson-Jones, 2001, p 216)
conflicts in relation to the
ultimate
existential
concerns of death, freedom,
isolation,
and
meaninglessness
Behaviour therapy
(assists
clients
to) (by using )experimentally
overcome
maladaptive derived principles and
habits
paradigms of learning
(Nelson-Jones, 2001, p 271)
Cognitive therapy
aims
explicitly
to by teaching clients how to
reenergize the reality- think about their thinking
testing system
(Nelson-Jones, 2001, p 342)
As shown in Table 1, however, different approaches attribute different degrees of
importance to the therapeutic relationship. For example, psychodynamic (Holmes 1999)
and person-centred therapists see it as the major focus of the therapeutic work. For
Mearns and Thorne (1999), person-centred counsellors, the relationship is allimportant, indeed it is the aim of the counselling process with every client. (p. 22). Yet
for the rational emotive behaviour therapist, for whom work and practice through the
homework assignment is the effective part of the therapy, it is an adjunct (e.g. Wilkins,
1999; Nelson-Jones 2001). Or, in the words of Sanders and Wills, if the therapeutic
relationship was a car, the cognitive therapist would use it to travel from A to B, whereas
the psychodynamic or person-centred therapist would be a collector, spending hours
polishing and fine-tuning each vehicle. (in Feltham 1999, p. 121). While the therapeutic
relationship in transactional analysis is presupposed and a sine qua non of effective
therapy (Stewart 1996 p 198), Bernes own views would seem to imply that the
establishment of a relationship, in and of itself, is not necessarily therapeutic (Stewart
1992 p74). Gestalt counsellors see the therapeutic relationship as a working rather than
a talking one. Thus the emphasis is on looking at what one is doing, especially being
aware of how one is aware (Yontef and Simkin 1989 cited in Nelson-Jones 2001 p 124)
rather than talking about a difficulty. Both therapist and client are responsible for
maintaining their own part in the relationship: the former for the quality of their
knowledge and skills, their presence and self-awareness, the other for their commitment
to working to become more self-aware and to bring that awareness into their daily lives.
For existential therapists the quality of the therapist-client relationship is central and
within it they aim to provide presence, authenticity and commitment (Nelson-Jones
2001, p 208), while trying to understand and experience the clients current situations and
enveloping fears, i.e. his being.
et al. (in press) considered pauses in the conversation of three seconds or longer as
silence. This is not merely a definition question, however, as the analytical phase of the
research depends on this. For Sharpley or Cook a four-second interruption of dialogue
would not constitute silence, while for Frankel et al. it would. On the other hand, for
Tindall and Robinson the length is open to interpretation. In many approaches time is
subjective, the qualification of silence by the clock is only an approximation that requires
contextualisation. At the most general level, the context can be the client or the therapist
(with his approach).
In the person-centred approach the client is clearly the context: the counsellor,
trusting that the client will work in a way and at a pace that is suitable for him, gives him
control of the content, pace and objectives. This includes listening to silences as well as
words and sitting with them, recognising that the silence may help the client to focus
(Mearns, 1997).
The psychodynamic therapist helps the client become more self-aware by the use of
her expert interpretations about the ways in which that real relationship breaks down
(Holmes, 1999). Being primarily a listener, she needs dialogue from the client in order for
her interpretation as expert to be possible. Furthermore, silence contravenes the basic
rule of psychoanalytic procedure: that the client attempt to put all his thoughts into
words (Greenson 1961). It would therefore follow that the psychoanalytically inclined see
silence from the client as resistance, something to be overcome. On the other hand, as
therapists they might use silence not in order to frustrate the patient, but in order to
allow the signifiers in which his frustration is bound up to reappear (Lacan, NANO).
As for transactional analysis, being an actionistic and highly interventionist form of
counselling (Tudor, 1999, p96), it is not easy to see how silence would sit within Bernes
eight therapeutic operations: interrogation, specification, confrontation, explanation,
illustration, confirmation, interpretation and crystallization used by the counsellor as
interventions. Indeed, Berne (1966) considered supportive therapy as intrinsically
spurious and was suspicious of the term relationship.
In contrast to Fritz Perls often-confrontational relationship with his clients, in
modern Gestalt judicious use of silence is perceived as a technique that can help to
overcome the block that can be manifested as silence through a lack of available words.
The gestaltist, Harris (1994), helped a young bereaved client towards talking of his
experiences by sitting in silence with him. In the process the counsellor experienced his
own deep feelings of sadness and was later able to engage the client by encouraging him
to increase his awareness of the sensations he was experiencing in his body. By this
means a space was created in which the client was able to find a few words to give his
experience meaning without being influenced by any interpretation the counsellor might
have been tempted to put on it.
The more highly structured, short term approaches, such as rational emotive
behaviour therapy, solution focussed brief therapy and cognitive-behavioural therapy
(CBT) tend to be more directive, and the use of silence within such approaches does not
figure in the key texts. However, in 1995, Sharpley and Harris decided to look at the
effects of silence on client-perceived rapport in a CBT setting. Starting from the premise
that therapy exists for the benefit of the client, Sharpley and Harris collected their data
for this exploratory study through client ratings as the only reliable source of evaluating
therapist-client interactions (Zarski et al. 1980). The 1995 study showed that silence was
positively and significantly associated with client-perceived rapport and that clientinitiated and therapistterminated silences were those rated as very high in rapport
(Sharpley and Harris 1995 p 3). They concluded that, rather than being seen as a cause
for therapist anxiety and concern, silence in CBT sessions needs to be seen as giving time
to clients to ponder statements therapists have made prior to the silence. Furthermore, in
the interests of building client-therapist rapport, CBT therapists are better advised to use
reflections or confrontations to break clients silences. This study was significant in
helping me realise the importance of looking at silence from the clients point of view,
while recognising some of the difficulties inherent to it.
Effectiveness of Silence
Given that silence can be therapeutic or negative in its connotations, it is important to
differentiate between active, working silences which promote the therapeutic
relationship and passive, unhelpful ones which impede it (Zeligs 1961).
In 1942, Rogers gave his views on the issue of silence and timing: In an initial
interview, long pauses or silences are likely to be embarrassing rather than helpful. In
subsequent contacts, however, if fundamental rapport is good, silence on the part of the
counselor may be a most useful device. (Rogers, 1942, p. 165) Pietrofesa et al. (1978)
noted the importance of allowing some time for the client to respond even in the initial
session to avoid a possible rescuing from silence pattern developing.
Mearns and Thorne (2000), in talking of the quality of presence, feel there is a
silence of communion where counsellor, client and the something larger are
interconnected in a world where time stands still. For these authors it is in the late
stages of therapy, when it is the silence between two human beings, or their non-verbal
responsiveness to each other, that brings the healing and the inner peace which Carl
Rogers saw as a defining quality of the Person of Tomorrow (p 66).
Swain (1995) sees silence as a useful way to begin a session, as part of waiting for
the other person to speak. However, he warns that although silence is a way of keeping
out of the other persons way it can be embarrassing for the listener and threatening
for the other person (p129).
Cook (1964), using case study evidence, used the length of silences as a measure of
the efficacy of the counselling process (percentage of silences broken by clients). Cook
hypothesised that silence might well be a necessary condition, or at least an index of a
necessary condition, for movement in psychotherapy (p42). Results showed that lack of
silence was linked to the unsuccessful cases and a lower percentage of speech raised the
likelihood of a successful outcome. However, there was no correlation between the
percentage of silence in the excerpt and whether it was taken from early or late in the
process. He suggested a possible link between the silence ratio (on the side of the
therapist) and the core conditions of empathy, unconditional positive regard and
congruence.
feelings together before they explore further, which often makes silence a very
productive time, counsellors are best served by waiting quietly until the client is ready to
continue. Furthermore, George and Cristiani (1990) consider that silence lets clients
know that the responsibility for the interview lies on their shoulders and also allows
clients to ponder the implications of what has transpired during the session. (p 150).
This, obviously, raises the question of who is entitled to break silence. From their
integrative perspective, Culley and Bond (2004) suggest the counsellor could break a
silence by giving specific feedback on what they observe and encourage the client to
explore further by using paraphrasing. Or again, by asking process questions such as
What are you feeling at the moment? which, although direct, are much less intrusive
than content questions (p31), while helping to retain counsellor focus on the here and
now. Burnards (1999) clue for knowing when to ask, What are you thinking? to
encourage verbalisation of a useful insight is when the client suddenly falls silent or
stops his train of conversation and glances to one side (p161). George and Cristiani
(1990) feel that if the silence is client-initiated, the client should be allowed to break it.
The problem is that silence could be a manifestation of a number of feelings and a
number of motives. For George and Cristiani (1990) silence communicates to the client
a sincere and deep acceptance. It also sends a message of the counsellors deep
concern and willingness to let the client experience the relationship without sensing
pressure to be verbal. (p 151). Headington (1979) asserts that the rules of general
conversation do not apply in a counselling interview. Whereas in a dialogue, a pause
would normally mean the other party felt obliged to say something to fill the silence,
what feels natural in a silence during a counseling interview is generally inappropriate.
(p. 13). Pietrofesa et al. (1978) mention the fact that culturally we have been taught to be
uncomfortable with silence and this could influence both counsellor use of silence and
clients reactions to it.
In order to deal with the discrepancy between the manifested and the manifestation
Levitt (2001) introduced the category of obstructive silence with three subcategories:
resistance, regression and communication (and the combinations of these). This allowed
her to distinguish between disengaged pauses and interactional pauses. During the
former, the client switches off from the topic being treated in order to either actively
avoid anxiety or difficult feelings, or to shut down, a more passive and often automatic
response. Interactional pauses, on the other hand, occur as the emphasis shifts from the
therapeutic content to the relationship itself and can be explained as: the demands of
the interpersonal communication, the safeguarding of the therapist alliance, and
confusion around therapist comments or tasks. (p 234) Importantly, Levitt argued that
both types could occur during a single counselling session and in different approaches.
paragraph to two pages in length (e.g. Chaplin 1999; Manthei 1997; Yalom 1985; Shertzer
and Stone 1980; Corey 1991).
Methodology
In this research I am primarily interested in gaining insights into subjective meanings and
understanding through allowing different voices to emerge from examining personal
experiences (Annesley 1995). I therefore recognised from the outset that the
methodology for this research project would need to be mainly qualitative, rather than
quantitative. However, in the interests of validity of data, I also introduced triangulation.
Thus, I combined survey and in-depth techniques, while remaining open to moving
along the qualitative data analysis continuum towards the more quantitative counting and
coding if necessary (Dawson 2002).
The semi-structured questionnaire (see Appendix I) included both closed and open
questions to glean information to help test my hypotheses and also source suitable
candidates for in-depth interview to provide a richer understanding. The interview
protocol was adapted from Ladany et al. (2004) with their permission (see Appendix II).
Some of the original interview questions (Nos. 5, 6 and 8) were included on the
questionnaire to reach a wider survey base and Question 14 was reworded to align with
my interest in client perceptions (see Appendix IIIa). In addition, I developed a twelvequestion interview protocol for clients (see Appendix IIIb).
A pilot study was undertaken prior to the main research study both to check for
procedural feasibility and to ensure that for both clients and counsellors the layout and
questions were clear and understandable and would produce data useful to the
researcher. The feedback was then used to make certain amendments to the design and
distribution procedures before the main body of questionnaires was sent out. In view of
the nature of the changes, results from the five pilot questionnaires were not used in the
main study.
For the main research study 118 semi-structured questionnaires were sent out: 45 to
clients and 73 to counsellors or trainee counsellors. Forty-seven questionnaires were
returned completed (39.8 %).
The five candidates selected for interview were given the choice of being
interviewed in person or by telephone; each interview lasted for up to an hour. A total of
10
five semi-structured interviews, including the two taken for the pilot study, were
conducted over a period of four months, one by telephone and the remainder in person.
Time constraints meant that transcriptions were only made of four of the interviews,
which were then summarised on an interview summary form; data from the remaining
interview was entered directly onto the summary form.
I used thematic analysis to analyse the interview and open-ended questions data. As
suspected when formulating my research proposal, my being a sole researcher and not a
member of a research team meant it was not feasible to follow all facets of consensual
qualitative research (Hill et al, 1997) as used by Ladany et al. (2004). As intended, the
interview data was used to cross-check and enrich the questionnaire findings.
11
Efficacy
In view of the question that is central to this research study: Does the use of silence
enable clients to move through the counselling process?, it seems appropriate to look at
results dealing with efficacy before turning to each hypothesis in turn. There are several
things by which the effectiveness of the use of silence can be measured: directly, by
counsellors and clients being asked to rate its value; by looking at how its use affects the
therapeutic relationship from both sides; by considering its contribution to the clients
progress through the counselling process from the point of view of both client and
counsellor and from a look at the term comfortableness in connection with the use of
silence.
An overwhelming majority of client-respondents (86%) feel silences during
counselling sessions are beneficial in comparison to just 2% who feel they are a waste of
time. None admitted to it being a waste of money, although one interviewee, of silences
that dont work well said, with a laugh,
(there were) times when I thought what is the point of, you know,
payin this money for just sittin, struggle in silence type of thing,
which suggests this category may contain some prestige bias. The remaining 12% felt
silences were neither beneficial nor a waste of either time or money. When asked to rate
the value of silence in counselling on a scale of zero to ten, responses placed silence
firmly in the positive half of the scale (see Figure 1).
Counsellors were asked the same rating scale question as clients. Of the twenty-six
counsellors, none rated the value of silence during counselling sessions at lower than
three, with just three placing it at either three or four. Again, the twenty-three between
five and ten are almost exactly in line with clients assessments, although there was a
higher proportion (eighteen, or 69%), who rated it at eight and above. These results
strongly suggest that both counsellors and clients consider silence in counselling to be
beneficial and of value.
12
14
CLIENTS
COUNSELLORS
12
NUMBER
10
0
0
0.5
1.5
2.5
3.5
4.5
5.5
6.5
7.5
8.5
9.5
RATING
Turning to assessing the efficacy of the use of silence with regard to the therapeutic
relationship, clients and counsellors were first asked to ascribe one or several of the
suggested adjectives to their relationship with counsellors and clients respectively. Open
and respectful were the most popular in almost the same proportion for both parties,
with fewer counsellors opting for intimate than clients and just one counsellor ticking
the cold box. They were then asked if the use of silence had affected the
client/counsellor relationship. These results attest to the belief on the part of both clients
and counsellors that the use of silence is beneficial, or at least not detrimental, to the
therapeutic relationship.
When clients were provided with a chance to assess the efficacy of silence in their
own personal process, three to one showed themselves in favour of the counsellors use
of silence contributing to the clients progress through the counselling process. By coding
responses in the open part of the question where clients were asked to explain their
response, several broad themes became evident. The use of silence resulted in movement
via clients thought processes, experiencing and relationship issues. A sample of
13
10
comments from each of the first three categories describes silence as a: signal for
reflection and thought; I was encouraged to pay deep attention; If you are both comfortable with
silence and being in each others company without the need of words then I think that is therapeutic.
Clients were then asked to assess whether they thought their own use of silence had
contributed to their progress through the counselling process. The three to one in favour
trend is slightly stronger here among the 41 respondents. Analysis of the answers to open
questions showed the same themes to be in evidence here. Comments such as it has
helped me .to find my own answers, I am learning to pay attention beyond words, or it made
me feel more in control, while assuming that there are also other factors, give a flavour of
the ways clients consider their own use of silence to have contributed to their progress in
the counselling process.
Counsellors were also asked if they felt their use of silence contributed to their
clients progress through the counselling process. Of the 24 respondents, twenty-three
(96%) answered Yes and just one No. Interestingly, despite the overwhelming
agreement among counsellors that silence can help the process, some of the comments
in the open-ended second section of this question focussed on when silence is
contraindicated. One counsellor acknowledged that although it sometimes helps, it
sometimes makes a client feel awkward, a second talked of being aware of the potential
dangers, for example the abuse of power (that could be involved in the use of silence), illustrated in
fact by a third, who was adamant that they never use it to force a client to open a session
(counsellors emphasis).
A comparison of the charts summarising results for these three questions (see
Figure 2) shows that overall both clients and counsellors perceive silence as helpful to the
counselling process by facilitating thought processes, experiencing and contributing to
the therapeutic relationship. The proportion of comments that come under each of
these categories is startlingly uniform whether either clients or counsellors are talking
about the counsellors contribution. More clients comments fell into the relationship
issues category than counsellors (23% versus 16%), but almost the same proportion of
clients saw their own use of silence as contributing in some way to the relationship as
counsellors did of theirs (15% and 16% respectively.).
Lastly, the series of questions using the term comfortable contained the implication
that both parties degree of comfortableness with silence may be equated with how
effective silence is in the counselling situation. Frequent use of the word comfortable in
14
association with silence is evidenced by the fact that in describing their feelings, it is used
in varying degrees from sometimes uncomfortable to very comfortable by twelve of
the counsellors and seven clients (e.g. uncomfortable mostly). There also seems to be a
movement over time towards greater comfortableness with silence for both counsellors
and clients, which is seen as positive and could come from training and/or increased
understanding and experience of the process. When clients were asked to rate how
comfortable they were with silence on an ordinal frequency rating scale, results show that
by far the majority of the forty-four clients are more comfortable with silence than not.
If, as could be supposed, positive rather than negative feelings around silence correlate to
comfortableness, then the fact that more than half (55%) felt negative feelings during
silences, would be surprising. However, since most clients used the term on occasion to
describe the frequency of how comfortable they feel during silences, this suggests a
certain amount of ambivalence about how comfortable they actually feel most of the
time. These results may suggest that comfortableness also includes those times when
the client stays with the silence even when the feelings are negative. As to counsellors, all
twenty-six replied unequivocally that they are comfortable with silence. However,
unfortunately the used research tools do not give information whether their
comfortableness varies at different times. It would seem probable that counsellors know
that the expectation is that they be comfortable with silence, but in reality this is not
always achievable. To sum up, assuming that being comfortable with silence facilitates
its positive contribution to the process, the fact that more clients profess to being
comfortable with silence at least on occasion than not and all the counsellors sampled
indicated they are comfortable with silence, it is not unreasonable to conclude that this is
an indicator of the efficacy of the use of silence in enabling clients to move through the
counselling process.
15
Figure 2 Clients and Counsellors Views of Ways Use of Silence Contributes to Clients Progress Through the
Counselling Process
EXPERIENCING
THOUGHT
PROCESSES
RELATIONSHIP
ISSUES
EXPERIENCING
THOUGHT
PROCESSES
RELATIONSHIP
ISSUES
OTHER
B
Counsellors' View of Ways Their Use of Silence
Contributes to Clients Progress Through the
Counselling Process
THOUGHT
PROCESSES
EXPERIENCING
RELATIONSHIP
ISSUES
OTHER
CONTRAINDICATIONS
16
OTHER
17
the high and medium value rating: see person-centred versus Gestalt, and a more
balanced sample would have perhaps brought out clearer delineations and made firmer
conclusions possible.
As to the possible correlation between efficacy and timing in the process,
information derives from the open-ended questions and interviews: one counsellor
interviewed is aware that I use silence less near the end of a sessionbecause I do see it as something
that facilitates deeper work as a rule. One counsellor emphatically states as a contraindication
of furthering the process that they never use it to force a client to open a session. Regarding
timing in the process, an interviewee said, Its something I use less in the early sessions than I do
as I get to know the clientas the relationship deepens. These comments would seem to suggest
counsellors do have some guidelines about the timing of their use of silence, and for the
purposes of this study the search for a possible correlation between this and the effective
use of silence therefore becomes a suggestion for further research.
Variance in perceptions of the use of silence in therapy for both therapist and client
As mentioned above, 86% of clients perceive silence as beneficial, a result that is
repeated in the value assigned to it in the rating scale. This result moves even higher, to
88%, when counsellors rate the value of silence. The almost exact alignment of these
results clearly suggests no variance in perception in the area of efficacy.
Clients were asked whether, in their view, silence is used intentionally by the
counsellor. Of the 44 respondents, 39% felt that it is, 41% felt that it sometimes is, 11%
answered that it isnt and 9% didnt know. Counsellors responses when asked if they use
silence intentionally elicited twenty (77%) Yes and six (23%) No answers. Thus, eighty
percent of clients perceived that silence is used intentionally by the counsellor and 77%
of counsellors professed to use it intentionally. Again, this suggests similarity rather than
variance in perception between client and counsellor. However, comments from those
counsellors who deny they use silence intentionally intimate that there may be a
difference in the understanding of the term intentionally. For them, silence is not used
intentionally in a premeditated sense, rather silences occur and an experienced therapist often
realises when to allow them to continue.
18
Directive
Non-
Therapist
Counsellors
Clients
Table 2. Therapeutic Approaches, the Therapeutic Relationship and How Clients and Counsellors Rate the Value of Silence
Importance of
Client-centred
med
high
high
Therapeutic Approach
n/a
high
Gestalt
central
very important
high/med
high
Integrative
high
n/a
extremely important
high
n/a
Adlerian
(*)
high
high/low
*
*
high/med
(*)
Neuro-Linguistic Programming
n/a
Cognitive Behavioural
Psychoanalysis
high
Psychodynamic
high
high to low
high
Psychosynthesis
low
high
all important
high/med
Person-centred
very important
*
(1) * denotes elements of the therapeutic relationship considered a part of the approach in question.
(2) adjectives supplied by counsellor-respondents.
(3) ratings include all rating levels given by respondents for approach, beginning with predominant rating.
19
Asking what clients and counsellors do during silences in the form of an open
question gave rise, as expected, to many different replies. However, on coding client
responses two main themes emerged: there are unproductive silences, where the client
does nothing, stare(s) at the floor or shut(s) off (14%), or productive ones (86%).
Among the productive silences, replies clustered under two main headings: thinking
processes and experiencing. During a productive silence, 59% of clients will be doing
something that relates to a thinking process, e.g. reflect, think and gather my
thoughts, make connections, wait for words or images to emerge or remember.
The other forty-one percent will be experiencing something. For example, they might
contact feelings, allow(ed) feeling or lack of it to develop, cry, recover my
emotions or be(ing) in presence of another. These comments appear to corroborate
the observations regarding client behaviour during silences found in Nelson-Jones
(1988), Swain (1995), George and Cristiani (1990), Culley and Bond (2004) and Chaplin
(1999). The themes that emerged from the counsellor data were rather different, with no
mention of unproductive types of silence; instead the replies seemed to fall into either a
client-focussed (60%) or self-focussed category (40%). Some client-focussed actions
from the responses are: maintain gentle eye contact, attempt to stay in tune with
clients non-verbal behaviour, stay bodily alongside my client, build empathy or
observe the clients safety; keep checking if I can assist. Examples of self-focussed
actions from the responses are: notice my experiencing, relaxed body language,
reflect to myself or gather thoughts. Such responses seem to correlate to Bandler
and Grinder (1982), Brammer (1985) and George and Cristianis (1990) observations of
counsellors. The differing behaviours of client and counsellor would seem to suggest a
difference in perception from the outset, possibly related to role.
Clients and counsellors were then asked how they feel during silences. Apart from
three responses, the feelings expressed by both parties again separate into a positive and
a negative theme. During silences clients experience many more negative feelings (55%),
expressed as: struggling; awkward; afraid; vulnerable; alone; sad; furious
or numb, than counsellors (32%). The latter preferred to express it as a range of
feelings, sometimes a bit awkward or sometimes pain. As for the positive feelings,
clients used such terms as: peaceful, thoughtful, healing and focussed and
counsellors: relaxed, optimistic, engaged with the client and centred. I would
suggest that the vocabulary used here differs as a function of role in the therapeutic
relationship and reflects a definite attempt on the part of the counsellor to empathise
20
with the client. It is also important to note that, despite the negative feelings they
experience, both client and counsellor, through their rating of the value of silence in the
counselling process, see the use of silence as effective. The above results correlate to
client feelings, whether negative or positive, found during silences observed by Culley
and Bond (2004); Chaplin (1999); Brammer (1985) and Mearns (1997), and also to those
for counsellors as found by Hill et al. (2003).
Turning back for a moment to the questions asked of clients and counsellors as to
whether their respective use of silence has contributed to the clients progress through
the counselling process, clients saw their counsellors use of silence as a signal for
reflection and thought, as allow(ing) me space to explore my feelings, or as gently
seeking more depth. Counsellors saw their own use of silence as giving time for
reflection for both client and counsellor, giving time to clients to get in touch with
feelings, or as allowing for deeper work. These comments illustrate the main themes,
which, as explained above, have been categorised as: thought processes, experiencing,
relationship issues, other, and contraindications where appropriate. Clients,
commenting on their own use of silence, said, (it) gives time to consider the real meaning to
what has just been discussed and weigh up the situation, it contributes to progress because of the
range of feelings silence allowed me to experience, or is perhaps a deeper way of communicating.
Thus the same themes are evident as in the case of therapists.
Despite the fact that the main themes above are the same the nuances of meaning
evidenced in the comments are interesting. While broad categories may make for
stronger arguments, nuances may provide insights in unique differences.
Turning to a consideration in more detail of the in-depth interviews involving two
pairs of linked clients and counsellors, I feel it is significant that both counsellors were
using the person-centred approach. One counsellor sees the use of silence in the (personcentred) approach as one of the ways in which the work can be quite challenging. This same
counsellor also thinks:
clients are challenged by silence, even when they have a very
trusting relationship with me they are aware that when the silence is
there and we work with the silence it takes them into deeper work.
When talking about how silence influences the therapeutic relationship, both client
and counsellor talk of respect: I mean personally that the silence is sort of giving me space
and respecting that I need space. The counsellor puts it this way:
21
One of the purposes of interviewing pairs of linked clients and counsellors was to
attempt to test whether their perceptions of the use of silence in the counselling
relationship differ and whether those perceptions affect the clients progress through the
counselling process. Both counsellors and clients were asked to think about two
examples of when they used silence intentionally: one when the silence worked well and
one when it didnt. (Emphasis in the following extracts from the interviews is the
interviewees own.)
One counsellor, when discussing silences that dont work well, identified silences
with:
clients who are really quite damaged (for whom) almost (a)
physical blocking goes on And those struggling silences where...
I perceive that they have sometimes to be allowed to have the time
to force the words out. And if I... cut in or help them the same
thing is not achieved I think theyre the silences that sometimes I
can feel are less purposeful, less constructive, they dont actually
work out as well as they might.
In not staying with it the counsellors perception is that the silence is not as useful as
it might be.
For one client the silence that didnt work well was one where she was really
struggling:
Sometimes I go into my child and I get really really agitated and
really frightened and theres all sorts going on and it was caught
sort of in time for it not to be really bad but it could have been
done sooner. (The silence) probably felt longer than it actually
was and me counsellor picks up on it, its just like, I think, once
or twice its been sort of left a bit too long and Ive felt more out
of control and more scared than if shed have brought me back or
broke the silence sooner.
The clients perception was that she needed the counsellor to recognise the signs
and bring her out of her child state by breaking the silence and sometimes it didnt
happen soon enough.
The counsellor goes on:
22
but I perceive that the client can think that I am putting her
through the mill here and thats not what I want, so I will
break those (silences) sometimes and I will just ask a question like
I wonder whether I can help you with this I wonder what you
want me to do here I rarely put things into someones mouth, but
when I do something like that and have an intervention before the
client has broken the silence themself, what it usually does is give
them the opportunity to shift away from it.
There was a recognition that the client was unable to do work at this time and
possibly needed help.
Later in the same interview, this same counsellor was asked if they ever get a sense
that the client is asking them to break the silence. The reply was very clear: Yes. Yes. I
do. And if I get that sense, I just go with it Almost without a second thought really. I consider it to be
definitely counter-productive to put the client under pressure, or put our relationship under
pressure maybe. Here then it seems to me is the key. Despite apparent contrasting
perceptions between counsellor and client about staying with or breaking silences and
how that relates to progress through the counselling process, the person-centred
counsellor will not run the risk of jeopardising the therapeutic relationship in its cause.
Indeed, as discussed earlier, it is the strength of that relationship and the trust within it
that enables work through the use of silence to be accomplished.
Another area where client and counsellor perception could potentially differ is in
regard to the length of silences. The majority (79%) of the forty-two clients who
responded to the question aimed at establishing a correlation between the degree of
comfortableness and length of silences felt that to some degree the length of silence
affected whether they felt comfortable with the silence or not. Sixteen felt their
comfortableness could be affected a little the longer a silence lasted, eleven a fair
amount and six a great deal. The remaining nine (21%) saw no effect at all. Although,
as discussed earlier, all 26 counsellors are comfortable with silence, their question was not
phrased in a way to elicit degree and therefore it is not possible to make a direct
comparison. However, more than half (11) of the twenty-one counsellors gave their
guideline in terms of minutes, with five giving it in seconds. Only two gave specific times:
one 15 minutes and the other, 30 minutes. It is important to note that twenty counsellors
gave additional explanations, which sends a strong message that many feel a personal
guideline based on units of time to be inappropriate, that they tend to measure by feel
(rather than) watch seconds. Thus, to sum up in the words of one counsellor:
23
interview extract illustrates how this can happen and especially early in the relationship,
before the relationship has even begun to develop, it can mean the client discontinues the
process. Nevertheless, the previous extracts from linked client-counsellor interviews
show that despite some variations in perception, if the therapeutic relationship is strong,
even silences that dont work well can be risen above and different perceptions do not
necessarily harm the efficacy of the silence or interfere with the process. This would
seem to underline the critical importance of a strong therapeutic relationship,
corroborating Ladany et als (2004) conclusion.
Variance in practitioners intentions behind using silence in therapy and clients reactions to its use
It would appear from the results discussed above, that clients are as aware as counsellors
are that the latter use silence intentionally. However, in view of the difficulties for those
therapists who feel that silence is a natural occurrence and that to use it with intent
implies some manipulation, it comes as no surprise that for one counsellor at least it
would never be used as a deliberate technique, unless set up as a negotiated experiment.
Of the twenty counsellors eligible to provide a percentage of clients with whom they use
silence intentionally, fourteen used it with 51% percent or more and just seven with less
than 50%; two counsellors refrained from replying to this question, and one ticked four
boxes from 31% upwards. When asked how often during a session silence might be used
intentionally, only fifteen of the twenty counsellors eligible answered the question, eleven
choosing on occasion, four frequently and one twice. Counsellors appear to be rather
vague about frequency: Its impossible to quantify; Its more a matter of leaving silences and
making appropriate judgements about that. Another puts it this way, I do use it, but not in a
premeditated way. I think now, in being more client-led I only use silence when the client desires it.
Interviewees were also asked about unintentional silences. One counsellor talked of
awkward silences, or lost silences when they or the client may have said something
that wasnt very clear and they were trying to fish something out of it. Or it happens
when the counsellor may have said too much, has said several things together and the
client doesnt know how to ask for it to be simpler.
the clients been talking and Im trying to make sense of it. I
actually havent deliberately intended to take time out, but its
important what theyve just said, I actually think, Hang on, hang
on and Ive got to take this seriously and I dont know what it
is, and the other bit is sometimes I feel so awed at what either
theyve disclosed or almost like weve touched together, maybe
25
As discussed earlier from the interview transcripts of a silence that worked well, the
counsellor read the signs and recognised that the client needed some space to just mull
that around and therefore, made a conscious decision to use silence, i.e. she used it
intentionally. In contrast, one client who was interviewed talks of how the silence to
accommodate her need to assimilate a new insight just happens.
Quite often my counsellor will say something that will sort of hit
home likelike I believed for years and years that Im this bad
person and to be told and to believe that youre not this bad
person and then to take that on board and thats when a silence has
been used (mm) to take it on board and take it in, I mean (mm)
thats huge. Absolutely huge. (mm). So yeah that (silence) hasnt
happened on purpose, its just shes said something thats sort of
taken me aback and I thought, Whoa!.
A similar type of silence is seen by the counsellor as intentional and by the client as
something that just happened.
One counsellor describes how a young clients expectations of the counselling
process and her role in it didnt coincide and how she ended up taking the decision to
discontinue the sessions because I didnt feel like it was therapy. The client didnt want
to finish and
probably found it supportive, but I didnt think he could look at
himself, you know he was lookin at what had happened to him and
it didnt feel like he ever moved beyond that. I felt I was
somebody that he came and sort of chatted to and (mm) and if he
didnt have anything to say then he sat and brooded very silent,
very silent and you know I was supposed to let him know what I
thought was goin on, but eventually I thought Im not goin to keep
doing this because I dont know whats happening and so I let the
silence go on. I think there was twenty minutes silence, which was
the longest Ive ever (been aware of), and then he got up and left
Both counsellor and client used silence intentionally here, but the fact that the
reactions from each party did not match the intentions behind their use of silence caused
a breakdown in the therapeutic relationship.
Is it important for counsellors to discuss their use of silence, and as such to make
their intentions clear? There seems to be a disagreement among therapists. In principle,
they follow their intuition that develops over time, although less than half of the
counsellors discuss their use of silence with clients and over a quarter never do. In
26
contrast, over half of the clients felt that their counsellor had not explained their use of
silence and less than a fifth felt they had.
As has already been discussed above, clients react to silence whether unintentional
or intentional in many ways: both positively and negatively, comfortably and less so.
Many counsellors have difficulty with the term intentional when related to their use of
silence. Very few clients seem to think they received an explanation of the counsellors
use of intentional silence and if they did it happened more towards the beginning of the
process than the end. Counsellors vary widely in their policy of giving explanations of
their use of silence, often preferring to explore the feelings it evokes as an integral part of
the process. It all seems very subjective and extremely difficult to measure.
Conclusions
The purpose of my research study was to look at subjective meanings and experiences of
both clients and counsellors with a view to determining whether the use of silence
enables the client to move through the counselling process. Overall results show that
silence is effective in this regard, although there are problems with validity and
generalisability.
The strength of the findings lies in the free answers to the open-ended questions
and semi-structured interviews because they gave both meaning and colour, aiding
understanding of the phenomenon of silence when it occurs in the counselling process.
The method probably threw up too many variables and factors for an analysis in
such a limited study; however, I strongly oppose the positivist approach that tries to
investigate isolated variables. Reflecting on the lack of conclusive results in this study, I
have become aware that when answering questions, while clients will have been thinking
in terms of one or two relationships, counsellors were being asked to generalise across all
their clients and therefore were having to make an average. The same could be true when
considering therapeutic approaches and it is perhaps this that has confounded the
hypotheses.
27
Hypothesis 1: the effective use of silence in therapy may correlate to therapeutic approach and/or timing
in the process.
Despite an expectation from the literature review that philosophical and practical
differences among therapeutic approaches will affect counsellors view of and use of
silence, which in turn could affect the efficacy of its use, the imbalance in the sample,
mentioned above, precluded it being tested in any other than a cursory way. As discussed
earlier, it was also not possible to test the second part of the hypothesis, due to lack of
requests for data in the questionnaire.
Hypothesis 2: There is a variance in perceptions of the use of silence in therapy for both therapist and
client.
The two interview questions concerning a specific silence that worked well and one that
didnt supplied the most useful information and there were two significant findings for
me when testing this hypothesis. The first was that analysis by coding comments into
themes and then grouping them into categories may be accepted practice in qualitative
analysis to help to strengthen arguments, but can also do a disservice to the research by
masking the nuances of experience and meaning, which were at the centre of this
hypothesis. Secondly, that despite the variances in perception evident from the interview
extracts and the mistakes they can engender, a strong therapeutic relationship usually
means that silences that dont work well do not adversely affect efficacy of the process in
the long term.
Hypothesis 3: There is a variance between practitioners intentions behind using silence in therapy and
clients reactions to its use.
Testing this hypothesis involved looking at results from questions that included the
word intentional; this term evoked concerns for many counsellors and set the scene
for this being a difficult hypothesis to prove. Not only was there a reluctance to
quantify with what percentage of clients counsellors use silence intentionally, this
extended to how often in a session it might arise. McLeod (2001) recognised that links
between interventions and outcomes may be established through descriptive accounts
given by therapy participants and indeed, more insights were gained from the open
question and interview responses. The client-counsellor links were intended to help
28
provide data, but direct comparisons are not possible unless clients and counsellors
were to be asked to talk about a specific example of a silence that they experienced
during their own sessions. Furthermore, as mentioned in the discussion of results, it
would seem that the intuitive nature of the use of silence would negate the variance
even if it could be proven that there is one.
29
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