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    Tyler Pounds
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    Homework for Sketch 101 at UCB

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    Homework for Sketch 101 at UCB

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    Download as pdf or txt
    75 views4 pages

    Pee Off Sketch

    Uploaded by

    Tyler Pounds
    Homework for Sketch 101 at UCB

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    Download as pdf or txt
    of 4

    DubScript for Android - www.dubscript.

    com

    PEE-OFF
    TYLER POUNDS
    7/10/15 Draft 1
    INT. MENS BATHROOM NIGHT
    DWAYNE is fumbling with his belt and buttons at one of two
    urinals in an empty bathroom.
    In walks JAY, right before the floods were released. DWAYNE
    tenses up as any man who is surprised when his genitals are
    exposed.
    JAY pauses a moment; there is no buffer urinal. He can tell
    the stall is plain ungodly, so he sides right up to DWAYNE.
    DWAYNE leans away from JAY.
    JAY quickly and methodically unzips his fly.
    Absolute SILENCE. No streams of urine yet.
    They both share a look, both look away embarrassed to have
    been seen looking in another peeing mans general direction.
    There is now reaction as SUDDENLYBOB (All lines are V.O.)
    (Rolling every R he can.)
    Lets get READY to URINATE!!
    LIGHTS go wild, colors and spot lights dazzle the room.
    WHIZZ (All lines are V.O.)
    I am so excited Bob, you can just
    tell this is gonna be a good match.
    BOB
    These players have been drinking
    for hours, Whizz. According to
    friends, Jay Tharmarajah has been
    holding it in since they went out
    for coffee earlier.
    WHIZZ
    Quite an advantage Bob, but there
    are so many factors that can affect
    this Pee-Off. Dwayne Andelfinger is
    avoiding a girlfriend describing a
    shopping trip, a misinformed sense
    of machismo, and a petty
    competitive streak. He will not be
    the first to finish peeing without
    putting up a great performance.

    DubScript for Android - www.dubscript.com

    2.

    BOB
    Right you are Whizz.
    A REFEREE, TED, enters, whistle shining in the florescent
    lights. He shakes hands with Dwayne and Jay. Then realizes
    where there hands have been and rushes to the sink.
    BOB (CONT'D)
    Ted Inkkel, the best ref in this
    business.
    WHIZZ
    Ever the professional.
    A beat. Ted blows his whistle with a karate chop.
    The SOUNDS of two urine streams start vitually in sync.
    WHIZZ (CONT'D)
    Early game, lets discuss the
    prognosis of each player.
    BOB
    My money would be on Dwayne, Whizz.
    He has that home team advantage and
    hes been a serious contender since
    college. His friends would would
    mock him by implying his leaks took
    so long they he should be using the
    ladies room.
    WHIZZ
    The fires of adversity forge
    champions Bob! You know the bros
    waiting in line behind them love an
    underdog!
    Dwayne lets out a MOAN OF RELIEF. He leans forward and
    sticks a hand on the wall.
    WHIZZ (CONT'D)
    Bob! Dwayne is getting comfy and
    territorial! He is here! To! STAY!!
    BOB
    Lets see if Jay succumbs to this
    distraction or if it fuels him to
    battle on.
    Jay gives a glance at Dwayne, and one of the Urine streams
    cuts out for a moment.
    WHIZZ
    Sweet Jesuss bladder, Bob! Is this
    the signal for an early match.

    DubScript for Android - www.dubscript.com

    3.

    Jay reaches into his jacket pocket, keeping his eyes down on
    his aim. He pulls out a FLASK and starts drinking.
    BOB
    This is INSANE!! What a blatant
    disregard for sportmanship! Is TED
    going to allow it?!
    Ted is inspecting Jays flask, posture, and pee stream. He
    gives an all clear sign. No disqualification!
    WHIZZ
    There are NO RULES against it, and
    Ted is following the letter of the
    law if not the spirit. This may be
    the killing blow against Dwayne.
    One of the streams of urine suddenly start going stocatto.
    Dwayne in rocking his hips forward in time with the piss
    surges.
    A SEXY BIMBO, in a yellow bikini and painful heels, enter
    the bathroom holding a SIGN that reads KEGALING. She
    saunters in front of the urinals and out the door.
    WHIZZ (CONT'D)
    I love the drain the main vein
    vixens, and that one was signalling
    our endgame!
    BOB
    Whizz, we are in endgame. Kegalling
    signifies that the bladder is
    almost empty, and that Dwayne is
    nearing an empty bladder. We might
    be crowning a new guy tonight.
    WHIZZ
    Wait. Wait! Whats going on?
    The heavy stream is losing volume fast. Dwaynes kegalling
    is still going strong.
    BOB
    This is nail biting!
    A FLASH.
    WHIZZ
    Well definitely need a photo
    finish!
    SEXY BIMBO saunters back in, holding two POLAROIDS. She
    studies them before handing them to Ted.

    DubScript for Android - www.dubscript.com

    4.

    The Bimbo gives a slip of paper to Dwayne, with a wink and a


    call me gesture. She exits.
    Ted brings them close to his face to study them, disgusted
    by the pictures of schlongs he is studying so deeply.
    He moves between them. Grabs both their hands. Another
    reaction of disgust. And raises
    DWAYNEs!!!!
    The THEME FROM ROCKY starts playing. Disco lights appear.
    BOB
    And Dwayne Andelfinger is this
    years champ!
    WHIZZ
    He definitely peed the longest.
    What an accomplishment!
    Jay goes to the sink, as if nothing happened. Finishes his
    bathroom break.
    The Bimbo returned with a huge WWE style wrestling belt. She
    places it over Dwaynes shoulders, still at the urinal.
    Dwayne pumps his fists in the air.
    DWAYNE
    Fuck! My SHOES!
    Blackout

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