AMERICAN ULTRA

Bravo
Charlie
Delta
Echo
Foxtrot
Golf
Hotel
India

Written by
Juliet
Kilo
Lima

Max Landis
November
Oscar
Papa
Quebec
Romeo
Sierra
Tango
Uniform
Victor
Whisky
X-Ray
Zulu

4/15/13

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM

The room is spotlessly clean and empty, save for a steel

table and two chairs. In one of them is a slumped figure.
We see his bloody, slightly burnt finger tips drumming away
on the table, but other than that, hes motionless.
The door opens, and a young CIA ANALYST, in a suit and
looking very official, comes in carrying a file, and sits
down across from the figure.
ANALYST
Normally we would do this
digitally, but as you know, I am
not permitted to bring in any kind
of blunt or pointed object.
(glances through the file)
Im sure youve noticed the seats
are bolted to the floor...
The figure doesnt move or speak.
ANALYST (CONTD)
So were going to do this the oldfashioned way.
He opens the file, and spills out a number of very high
definition photographs, and begins sorting and separating
them, sliding them around on the smooth metal surface.
He stares down at the ordered photos.
Among others, we see:
A bloody iPhone. A bloody ring of car keys. A completely
demolished kitchen, swiss cheesed with bulletholes. A body
hanging from a resistance training machine. A bloody spoon.
A teddy bear with an exploded head and a shotgun shoved up
its ass. A burning Wal-Mart.
His face is blank, staring at them, and then he allows a
small expression of hm, what the fuck to peek out.
Okay.

ANALYST (CONTD)
Where do you want to begin?
STARTLING SLAM
IN ON

A 737 taking off!

WHOA!

SHIT!

LOUD!

2.
3

INT. PORTLAND INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DEPARTURE GATE

Sitting alone, silently crying, IS

PHOEBE Larson, 28, petite, strange and beautiful in her knit
monkey cap and tomboyish, defeminizing stoner-garb, looking
very small in her big puffy thermal winter coat.
GATE ATTENDANT (INTERCOM)
This is the final boarding call for
Flight 1204, departing for Oahu,
Hawaii.
She sits there in silence, turning her unused boarding pass
over and over again in her hands. She wipes a tear.
PHOEBE
...Goddamnit, Mike.
4

INT. PORTLAND INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - MENS ROOM

Sitting alone in a stall, panting in quick, panicked breaths,

leaned over a toilet, is
MIKE Howell, 29, unkempt and scruffy all over, looking like a
lot of a mess. He comes across as kind of a smudge of a
person; a charcoal sketch of the American slacker.
He grunts, and then bangs the wall of the stall in
frustration.
5

EXT. LIMAN, OREGON - COUNTRY ROAD

Phoebe is driving her 1998 Civic up the snowy country road,

Mike sitting shotgun, his head pressed against the window.
She looks pale and heartbroken.

Mike dares a look at her.

MIKE
I really am sorry, Pheebs.
PHOEBE
(quickly)
Sokay.
Mike looks back out the window, but then summons up courage.
MIKE
Its not okaySfine.

PHOEBE

3.
MIKE
No its not, because I- this is
something, we wanted, right, and I
ruined it, and nowPHOEBE
-didnt ruin itMIKE
I did, its my fault, and you can,
you should be, yknow- mad at me,
or punish mePHOEBE
-not going to punish youMIKE
Well- ugh, like why not?
PHOEBE
Because you cant help it.
MIKE
Yeah- I- but when you say it like
that it just makes me sound
retarded, Phoebe, I wantPHOEBE
YOU WANT ME TO SHOUT AT YOU MIKE?
MIKE
Ah- no fuck noPHOEBE
THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEAVE ME
ALONE, MAYBE IM JUST PROCESSING
THIS OKAY? MAYBE IMTheres the whoop of a police siren, and Phoebe sees police
headlights in her rearview.
PHOEBE (CONTD)
OH COME ONNNNNNN
(to Mike)
Are you holding?
MIKE
No, hell no, we were going on a
planePHOEBE
Are you holding?

4.
MIKE
I- maybe in the trunk, yeahFuck.

PHOEBE
Mike. Fuck.

Phoebe pulls over.

Im sorry.

MIKE

PHOEBE
Stop apologizing.
Behind them, Sheriff Bernie WATTS, 44, who looks exactly as
youd expect a 44 year old man named Bernie Watts to look,
gets out of his car, and slowly sidles up to the Honda.
WATTS
Hi Phoebe.
(beat, leans in)
Hi Mike.
Theyre both silent.

Mike waves awkwardly.

WATTS (CONTD)
Heard you two were going on
vacation? Ha-wai-ee.
Mike shifts self-consciously.
WATTS (CONTD)
You have another one of your little
episodes, Mike?
(laughs)
You know Phoebe I once had to drive
your boy home cause he was having
one of them ep-i-sodes out on the
freeway tryna leave town. Isnt
that right, Mikey?
PHOEBE
Is there a reason you pulled us
over?
WATTS
Easy on the tone there, Miss
Larson.
Phoebe looks down, silent.
Sorry.

PHOEBE

5.
WATTS
Id hate to search this car.
Getting to the point that your
boyfriend here should start leaving
a toothbrush over at the overnight
down at the station.
(beat)
Aint that right Mike?
MIKE
...Thats right, Sheriff Watts.
Watts stands up and stretches, looking around the empty,
snowy road, then sighs.
WATTS
Welcome back to town, hope you
enjoyed your vacation, all three
hours of it, HA! Just kiddin.
Just checkin on you. You know I
like to keep you safe.
SLAM TO:
6

Moments later. Watts is gone; theyre driving into town.

Phoebe is clearly still furious, silent.
MIKE
(imitating Watts)
Oh Im just checkin on you, trying
to fuck your life up just a bit,
hope you dont mind while I fuck up
your whole dealPHOEBE
Im not gonna do this.
...What?

MIKE

PHOEBE
Im not gonna make fun of him with
you, Im mad at you. Im not on
your side right now.
Mikes quiet as they pull into the driveway of Phoebes
little one-bedroom.
MIKE
But if youre not on my side...then
my side is just me.

6.
PHOEBE
You wanted to be punished.
there it is.

So

Phoebe gets out, and slams her car door. Mike gingerly
closes his, and follows her into the house.
7

INT. PHOEBES HOUSE - KITCHEN - LATER

Night has fallen on the town of Liman, Oregon. Phoebes

kitchen is a complete fucking mess, clearly due to Mike;
there are half empty beer bottles and cans everywhere, as
well as wrappers and boxes from quickie-meals.
Phoebe is furiously washing dishes, fully focused on her
task. Mike sticks a quickie-meal in the microwave (with a
fork), presses ON, and then goes and sits down on the ruddy
couch in the living room.
MIKE
(quietly)
Home sweet home.
He takes out his bong, lights it, and takes a hit.
at Phoebe in the kitchen. She looks pissed.

He looks

He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a small ringbox.

He opens it, looking at the classy, single stone engagement
ring inside.
He takes another hit on his bong, and then turns to Phoebe.
Phoebe?

MIKE (CONTD)

PHOEBE
(not looking up)
What.
Theres a flash from inside the microwave. Mike notices,
Phoebe doesnt. He clumsily hops over the couch, going to
the microwave.
MIKE
Hey, you think its true what they
say about microwaves?
PHOEBE
(not looking up)
What do they say about microwaves?
Theres another flash from inside the microwave.

7.
MIKE
You know that if you put metal in,
it- ...cancer or something?
PHOEBE
Why, did you- shit Mike! MikePhoebe rushes across the kitchen and yanks opens the
microwave; the fork is sparking, and billows black smoke.
MIKE
Shit Im sorry Im sorryPHOEBE
What the hell are you doing, dude!
Phoebe picks up a rotting beer and throws it into the
microwave to put out the fire. Mike stands helplessly by,
muttering apologies.
PHOEBE (CONTD)
Its broken, man, you broke my
microwave. You broke myMIKE
Im sorry- I didnt- IPhoebe groans, throwing up her hands.
PHOEBE
STOP FUCKING UP! FOR TEN SECONDS,
JUST STOP FUCKING UP, OKAY?
Im sorry-

MIKE

PHOEBE
AND STOP APOLOGIZING!
LATER
8

Phoebe is sitting on the couch, now in her sweatpants,

8
watching TV; some Discovery channel show. She picks up the
bong, and takes the biggest rip off of it youve ever seen.
She notices BOO-BOO BEAR seated on a barcolounger opposite
her. Its a stuffed carnival bear; ugly and stupid looking.
Sharp eyes might recognize that weve seen this bear before.
With its head blown off and a shotgun shoved up its ass.
Mike begins rubbing Phoebes shoulders from behind the couch.

8.
PHOEBE (CONTD)
That feels nice.
Yeah?

MIKE

Mike climbs over the couch to sit next to her.

PHOEBE
No you dont get to cuddle me now
Im mad at you.
Oh no?

MIKE

Mike leans in, kissing her neck.

MIKE (CONTD)
Im seducing you.
PHOEBE
No Im mad at you.
Mike pushes the kissing up her neck, and they start to makeout. Phoebe begins feebly bashing at Mikes head with her
fists as they continue kissing.
PHOEBE (CONTD)
See, Im hitting you because Im
mad at you.
Mike begins hitting her too.
MIKE
Im hitting you now tooPHOEBE
Were mad at each other- were
hitting each other
Mike rolls over on top of her.
MIKE
How are we ever going to work
through all of this aggression?
The making out gets much heavier. Mike lifts her pajama top
and starts kissing down the length of her body, til his head
is at her crotch.
PHOEBE
This isnt going to make me less
mad.

9.
MIKE
Yeah, well. Give it a minute.
SLAM TO:
9

INT. THE PENTAGON - LASSETERS OFFICE

Diane LASSETER, 47, sits alone in her office. She looks like
someone whos been alone in their office for most of their
life, although theres something striking about her presence
that says the office Im alone in isnt normally this small,
buster.
Shes reviewing different files on her computer, as well as a
few hard documents, large portions of them blacked-out.
She looks at one page, on which the only not blacked out
words are car, melon and Harry Potter.
LASSETER
(muttered)
The fuck am I supposed to read
this? This is retarded.
She sighs in frustration, and someone knocks on her
doorframe. Its
Petey DOUGLAS, 34, latino, energetic and babyfaced, looking
sharp in his CIA suit.
DOUGLAS
You still here, Lasseter?
LASSETER
Til the break of dawn, thats how
were running it. You arent my
assistant anymore, whatre you
doing down here?
DOUGLAS
I just miss you. You know, youre
not on the big desk now, you can
let some things slideLASSETER
Thanks for reminding me about the
size of my desk, Petey, you can go.
DOUGLAS
Im sorry, I justLASSETER
Enough, Agent Douglas.

10.
Douglas stands there awkwardly.
DOUGLAS
I just- your son called, and he
said that he was staying at his
girlfriends house, so- did you
want me to feed Mister Timothy,
tonight?
LASSETER
Im sorry, his girlfriends house?
And you said that was okay?
DOUGLAS
I didnt know, if you know, you
said it was okayLASSETER
Jesus christ. Hes- shit. Okay,
fuck, Mister Timothy. God, yes,
feed him, thank you Petey.
DOUGLAS
Okay, I got it Miss Lasseter.
Douglas heads out. Lasseter sighs, looking at her file, and
then takes out her cell phone, the background of which is an
adorable picture of her cat, Mister Timothy.
She dials Scott.
Her son, SCOTT Lasseter, 15, picks up IN HIS GIRLFRIENDS
ROOM, pushing his AMOROUS GIRLFRIEND away from him; theyre
clearly mid hook up.
We CUT BACK AND FORTH between them.
Hey mom-

SCOTT

LASSETER
Sharp move there passing the bill
off on my Douglas hot shotSCOTT
Mom it wasnt a move I thought
youd be okay with itLASSETER
Im sick of people making plays
behind my back-

11.
SCOTT
Im upfront I swear I thought youd
be coolLASSETER
Well Im not cool, ScottSCOTT
Obviously not.
LASSETER
Oh yeah very cleverSCOTT
(winking at his
girlfriend)
I thought so.
LASSETER
Were gonna see whos clever
tomorrow morning bucko, ITheres a buzz from inside Lasseters desk.
...Mom?

She stops dead.

SCOTT
Are you okay?

The buzz comes again.

Lasseter gasps.

LASSETER
I- Scott, Ill call you back.
love you.

SCOTT
Mom whats going onLasseter hangs up. She unlocks her desk, and takes out a
cell thats been plugged into her hard-drive from inside.
She presses a button on her desk; her door shuts, then locks.
The mood has completely changed. Lasseter is clearly on the
edge of her seat, her mind racing, as she raises the phone to
her ear.
Lasseter.

LASSETER

DISTORTED VOICE (ON PHONE)

Toughguy is active. Initiative
base is Wiseman. Thought you
should know.

12.

What?

LASSETER

Theres silence on the other end. Lasseter, shifts in her

seat, frantically trying to find something to do, but is
clearly already out of ideas.
LASSETER (CONTD)
But thats American soil, thats
treason, who is it, Yates, he cantDISTORTED VOICE (O.S.)
Toughguy is active. Initiative
base is Wiseman. Its already
happening. That is all.
The Voice hangs up.
Lasseter sits alone in her office, staring straight ahead.
Everyone else has gone home, and shes there, alone, her
heart pounding in her chest.
10

INT. PHOEBES HOUSE

10

Mike snorts awake on the couch as Phoebes car starts in the

driveway. Shes headed to work.
WE MOVE INTO A
MONTAGE
Set to INXSs Disappear as we watch Mikes morning routine.
He showers, eats eggo waffles with his hands while smoking
weed, gets dressed, hops in his car, a yellow 1977 Chevy
Chevette, and heads to
STOP AND SHOP
11

The grocery market where he works. We watch Mike working the

11
register, stocking items, doing little dances as the day goes
by, generally being a mediocre to shitty employee.
Once the store is closed, he walks through, cleaning up,
which Mike simply translates to walking around, eating fresh
produce, until
ITS NIGHT

12

And hes gathering the carts in the dark parking lot. He 12

looks around to make sure no ones watching, and then fires
up a blunt from his pocket...But we
ZOOM OUT AND UP

13.
Into a computerized grid, covered in data read-outs and
information, Mike standing at the center of itUP HIGHER
13

To cloud level, more data scrolling in every direction; three

13
BLACK TROOP TRANSPORT HELICOPTERS BLOW PAST, descending
towards the townINTO SPACE

14

Where a spy satellite passes, the world neatly separated into

14
a million different coordinates on a massive grid, data readouts blurring the screen untilSLAM BACK TO
Mike, coughing up some smoke from his joint.
MIKE
Ack- ckkk- ugh thats nasty, that
was some nasty shit.
(tosses away the joint)
Yipes.

15

Mike turns, and starts pushing the carts inside.

15

SLAM TO TITLE:

AMERICAN(ULTRA
16

INT. HOUSE PARTY - NIGHT

Its a youngish, hipstery house party; its as hipstery as
Liman, Oregon gets, anyway. People are drinking, smoking,
playing beerpong.
Phoebe is talking to her friends, GRETCHEN and HOOPER.
PHOEBE
No, we were gonna go, but Mike- you
know, had one of his thingsGRETCHEN
He should get help, thats not
normalHOOPER
Wait, Im behind, what thingsPHOEBE
Its nothing, he-

16

14.
GRETCHEN
Ohmafugahd, how do you not know
about this? Mike cant leave town.
Gretchen-

PHOEBE

GRETCHEN
Its like a super serious thing, he
cant leave it ever, he has like,
nervous breakdowns and throws upPHOEBE
Its not- hes notGRETCHEN
Thats why he never goes to any
concerts or anything, because he
cant leave Liman, like, ever,
didnt you wonder about that?
HOOPER
I just sorta thought that he wasyknow, lazy, or whateverGRETCHEN
No, its like a serious, super
serious mental disorder.
Gretchen and Hooper keep talking, but Phoebe looks over to
where Mike is standing uncomfortably in the corner.
Mike notices Phoebe looking, and tries to fake enjoying
himself and dancing. Phoebe laughs, and Mike starts doing
impressions of various people at the party, making Phoebe
laugh harder.
One of the guys notices Mike making fun of him, and turns
around and shoves him into a shelf full of stuff, which
breaks and comes apart.
PHOEBE
Oh shit Mike!
17

EXT. LIMAN, OREGON - DARK ROAD - NIGHT

17

Mike and Phoebe are sitting in Phoebes car, parked on the

side of the road, smoking weed. Up on a hillside far ahead
of them, theres been a bad car accident.
A Porsche has gone off the road and hit a tree, sending the
driver through the windshield.

15.
Emergency vehicles are tending to the scene, lighting the
area in flashing reds and yellows.
MIKE
So then Rocket Monkey and Chip the
Brick are both like, what the heck
just happened, right? And it
turns out Spicy Tomato was in
charge the whole time, and theyve
been duped, so in the next book
they have to go after him.
PHOEBE
Are you ever gonna write this stuff
down?
MIKE
I- yeah, man, soon, I just gotta
finish the drawings. I just- I
just like talking about it, and
thinking about it, Rocket Monkey
and his adventuresPHOEBE
No I like when you talk about it
too, but I mean...Theres gonna be
a point where you could maybe make
money off this or whatever. Tell
your stories to other people than
me...and all that.
Mike nods, thinking, listless, looking out at the accident.
MIKE
You know what skeebs me out?
PHOEBE
(coughing)
What?
MIKE
Like, that car has moved so much.
It was built in a factory, okay, on
a production line, then it got
shippedPHOEBE
Right and then the guy was driving
it-

16.
MIKE
Right, but all this
years, for decades,
has been sitting in
doing nothing. And
it stops this car.

time, for like

this one tree
this one place
then, tonight,

Phoebes into it.

PHOEBE
Right, okay, yeah...
MIKE
So its like this car was always
going, right, but this tree was
always...stopping? Like its just
been stopping there for years and
then tonight it meets something
thats going and its like NO.
STOPPING. And then suddenly this
tree thats never done anything is
fuckin destroying this beautiful,
fast thingPHOEBE
Are you crying?
Mike quickly tries to cover this up, and Phoebe reaches
across to him, giving him an awkward front-seat hug.
PHOEBE (CONTD)
No, no, why are you cryingMIKE
Because, like...Am I that tree?
PHOEBE
What, no, noMIKE
Am I that tree and youre that car
and Im just stopping you and the
guy goes through the windshieldPHOEBE
No, Mike, stopMikes crying way harder now, he looks fresh retarded.
MIKE
My roots, youre tangled in my
roots-

17.
PHOEBE
No Mike youre not a tree!
MIKE
(wailing)
I am a tree! Im a bad tree!
AHHHH! WAHHHHHH!
18

INT. PHOEBES HOUSE - BEDROOM

18

Mike and Phoebe lay in bed, Mike holding her.

almost asleep.
PHOEBE
I love you. You feel good.
make me feel good.

Theyre both

You

MIKE
Phoebe Im so sorry HawaiiPHOEBE
Hey, its okay. It really is, its
okay. I know youre going to beat
this, I know youre going to get
through it. You are the kindest,
sweetest person Ive ever met. I
believe in you, I have faith in
you. I love you. I can wait.
He holds her tight, and then blows a raspberry into the back
of her neck, and Phoebe laughs.
PHOEBE (CONTD)
Youre a fuckin mess, man.
I know.

MIKE
ABRUPT SLAM TO:

19

INT. THE PENTAGON - MEETING ROOM - NIGHT

19

A meeting room full of people is clearing out; among them is

Adrian YATES, 29, a young hot-shot if youve ever seen one.
Hes straight top-gun, squared-away, half poli-sci geek and
half fratboy douche, with a haircut that makes you want to
shoot him three times in the chest.
Lasseter intercepts him, and they talk as she pesters him up
the hallway.

18.

Yates!

LASSETER

YATES
Oh for christsakes- yes, Diane?
LASSETER
I got word Toughguy was moving on
the old Wiseman assets?
YATES
Whered you hear that?
LASSETER
Is it true?
YATES
It doesnt concern youLASSETER
Wiseman is my babyYATES
Yes, and it was stillborn, so
whatre you crying about?
LASSETER
Youre coming after my stillborn
babyYATES
Can we take this into my office?
They go into
HIS OFFICE
20

Much nicer than Lasseters.

YATES (CONTD)
Wiseman is dead as a doornail, you
dont even have ops on any of the
assetsLASSETER
Thats not true, SelburgYATES
Fuck Selburg, Selburgs gone
native. Why are you so upset,
youre the one who closed the
program down-

20

19.
LASSETER
Because it was a flawed model, I
didnt know your yuppie ass was
going to ride in on a vulture and
pick the bones of my operationYATES
I was made supervisor fair and
squareLASSETER
TEMPORARY supervisor, because you
kissed the right assesYATES
No because Im the best guy for the
jobLASSETER
According to who, Daffy Duck!?
YATES
According to Krueger, and Im
clearly doin somethin right cause
its been two yearsLASSETER
And it was supposed to be two
months! I- look I dont care how
long youve been here, you dont
have the experience nor the
intelligence to run an operation
like thisYATES
(conversation-ender)
Were clearing the portfolio.
LASSETER
Clear the- but theyre human beingsYATES
Theyre assetsLASSETER
-theyre American citizensYATES
-Theyre government propertyLASSETER
-you cant argue semantics-

20.
YATES
I can and will, you want to go in
on semantics we can talk all day
and all of Wiseman will still be
dead by midnight tomorrow.
LASSETER
I- but(frantic)
What about Selburg?
YATES
Selburgs part of the portfolio,
vis-a-visLASSETER
You are not clearing an embedded
asset in the field, there is no way
you could get a go-ahead on that,
thats insanity, let me call it inYATES
Call it in TO WHO, exactly?
Krueger? Hed laugh in your face.
How many ops on homesoil actually
ever get fully cleared? It doesnt
stop them from happening, the
wheels are in motionLASSETER
Are you fucking insane?
YATES
Language please.
LASSETER
Listen to me, King Idiot, you are
riding a very thin line of legalityYATES
No you listen to me, you snipey,
overbearing cunt.
Lasseter falters, shocked.
YATES (CONTD)
Were nine down as of right now.
I- nine!?

LASSETER

21.
YATES
Yes, and you cant do shit.
Whatre you going to do, go over
me? You even having this
information is a massive security
breach. Youll be detained and
tortured to reveal your source,
indited as a traitor and locked
away forever, even if you found out
I didnt have proper sanction or
protocol youd still be in a
bureaucratic catch 22 where youre
the bad guy. Youre my fucking dog
here, I could walk you, behave. My
program works, yours doesnt, my
security clearance is go, yours is
stop, my direction is up, yours is
down and falling, youre gonna come
in my fuckin office and shout at
me? Are you fucking kidding? You
only stand to screw yourself over
royally. So essentially youre
fucked, you were better off not
knowing, and there is absolutely no
move you can make without putting
yourself deep, deep, deep in the
red. Got that?
Lasseter stares at him, quaking with anger.
YATES (CONTD)
Get the fuck. Out of my.

Off-eez.

Lasseter stands up, and marches straight out of the office.

YATES (CONTD)
(to himself)
Boom.
21

INT. PHOEBES HOUSE - BEDROOM - MORNING

21

Phoebes car starts in the driveway, waking Mike up.

22

EXT. 7-11 - OUT BACK - MIDMORNING

Mikes car is parked, and hes waiting. After a moment, a
lifted-truck, candy-painted green with pink stripes like a
watermelon from hell, rolls up blasting terrible rap.
Mike gets out of the car, to greet

22

22.
ROSE, early 30s, a frightening dealer-type with tattoos
covering his neck and face. They slap hands.
MIKE
Rose, hey man!
ROSE
Mike, sup nigga.

Got that for me?

MIKE
Yeah, here.
Mike fumbles in his coat, drawing out a folio.
MIKE (CONTD)
I really appreciate you doing this
for me, man.
Rose opens the folio, and looks at the picture inside; its
an illustration of Rose, smoking a huge joint, riding a
dragon that has the lower body of a motorcycle, killing a
bunch of police officers as he flies through space.
ROSE
Aw man. Aw shit man.
siiiiiiiick!

This is

Rose slaps hands with Mike, who smiles, but seems to be

waiting for somethingROSE (CONTD)
Aw here man its cool I got you, I
got you nigga-nogga.
Rose goes to the back of his truck, pulling down a big box.
ROSE (CONTD)
This is more illegal than the shit
you usual get, feel me? Possession
of this shit is serious shit up in
a bitch, yeah? Bitch shit to be
shit bitching all over this shit,
fuck, you know what I mean nigga?
Mike has opened the box, and is looking down at a two dozen
high-explosive illegal mortar fireworks.
Perfect.

MIKE
Rose, theyre perfect.

ROSE
You gonna make it real romantic for
that pussy.
(MORE)

23.
ROSE (CONT'D)
Thats some serious proposal
engagement wedding type life
changer shit.
MIKE
Thats the plan.
ROSE
You one sensitive nigga, bitch.
Thats gonna be cute.
Mike laughs and hugs Rose.
23

INT. STOP AND SHOP - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

23

Mike is ringing out the last couple customers. Hes quietly

sketching a picture of his two characters, ROCKET MONKEY and
CHIP THE BRICK, dancing around an engagement ring, as the
next customer comes up.
He smiles down at his two creations, and then looks up to seeLASSETER
Chariot progressive.

Listen.

Finally, our threads intersect. Mikes head jerks oddly; he

stares at her across the counter, completely blank.
Lasseter, looking harried and dishevelled, stands across the
counter from him.
LASSETER (CONTD)
Mandelbrot set is in motion. Echo
Choir has been breached, we are
fielding the ball.
Mike blinks, confused.
MIKE
Is that- what is that, is that a
lyric from somethingLASSETER
Fuck. No. Chariot progressive,
listen. Mandelbrot set is in
motionMIKE
Yeah man were you gonna get
anything, orLASSETER
Mike youre not listening to me-

24.
MIKE
Cause youre buying a carton of
milk and a cupanoodle, whats
that supposed to be aboutLASSETER
Chariot progressiveMIKE
Lady, enough with the...stuff,
okay? Im supposed to be closing
up, I cant...Whats wrong?
Lasseter is staring at him helplessly, tears streaming down
her face.
MIKE (CONTD)
Youre crying.
LASSETER
(breaking down)
Im sorry Mike. Im so sorry, I
tried. I tried.
Lasseter leaves, Mike looking after her, bewildered.
MIKE
(noticing)
Dont you want your soup?
MOMENTS LATER
Mike is cleaning up, walking through the store, eating
produce. He seems distracted and fidgety; hes playing with
the engagement ring again, while he eats the cuponoodle.
24

EXT. SHOP AND STOP - PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER

24

Mike exits the store, locking it up, and then notices

something odd.
Under the one light in the parking lot, his 1976 Chevy
Chevette is being accosted by TWO MEN in all black.
They look fairly scary.
Mike stares at them, eating the CupANoodle and then starts
walking towards them, casually.
Hey.

MIKE

25.
They dont notice him. Theyre too busy doing something to
the underside of his car.
H-

MIKE (CONTD)

Mike notices that the men have pistols in shoulder holsters.

Holy shit.

Whats this about?

But Mike isnt stopping his forward progress. He seems

almost trancelike, dropping the hand holding the spoon down
to his side.
MIKE (CONTD)
(quietly, muttering)
Got guns. ...my soup.
Hes still walking, calmly, flipping the spoon. Hes almost
to the car now. One of the two men looks up, seeing him, and
signals to the other.
They advance on Mike.
MIKE (CONTD)
Hey, stop doing shit to my carOne of the men LUNGES AT MIKE- the flash of a tactical knife
in the street lightMike fades back, dodging three swipes of the knife easily,
before throwing the steaming cupanoodle into the mans
face, grabbing his arm and kneeing the elbowThe arm breaks, and Mike brings the spoon around hard into
the side of the mans head, breaking his jawThe other man lunges, but Mike lurches towards him, knocking
his arms away and slamming the spoon down into the bridge of
the mans nose, breaking itHe spins, and as the man with the broken jaw stands, raising
a pistolMike kicks the pistol out of his hands, palms the mans jaw
and jabs the spoon into his neck, crushing his windpipe. The
man staggers back, gagging, and Mike turnsThe man with the broken nose is back up, also raising a gunMike STABS THE SPOON INTO HIS EYE, then into his ear, then
shoves the man away, casually snatching the gun and firing a
single round into the mans head.

26.
He drops, dead.
and then dies.

The other man lays on the ground, choking,

Mike stands alone, holding the spoon.

MIKE (CONTD)
(long beat)
What the FUCK just happened!?
25

INT. 24 HOUR BAIL BONDS

25

Phoebe sits at her desk at the front counter. Shes looking

down at the Oahu boarding pass, staring at it.
She sighs, and then slides it off her desk, into the garbage.
Her cell phone rings. MIKE SO CUTE. She answers it.
Hey honey-

PHOEBE

MIKE
I just killed two dudes!
PHOEBE
(laughing)
...What?
WE CUT BACK AND
FORTH BETWEEN
Phoebe, and MIKE SITTING IN HIS CAR.
visible in the background.

The two dead dudes are

MIKE
Two dudes were trying to get into
my car at work, and they had knives
and guns and deadly shit, and this
weird old chick, not super old,
fuckable old but she was weird- and
then I took a spoon and shoved it
through these two dudesPHOEBE
Slow down, okay, you need to slow
down for a secondMIKE
I CANT SLOW DOWN I JUST KILLED MAD
DUDES IN THIS PARKING LOTPHOEBE
Did you call the police?

27.
MIKE
No man cause Im the kill-guy, Im
the murder...IVE GOT MUSHROOMS AND
WEED AND SHIT IN MY CAR AND I JUST
KILLED TWO DUDES WITH A spoon, I
NEED YOU TO COME HERE RIGHT NOW OR
IM JUST GONNA START PISSING MAN,
IM GONNA PISS MY FUCKING PANTSSLAM TO:
Phoebe is in the parking lot, staring at the two dead dudes.
Mike, head in hands, stands behind her, leaning on his car.
PHOEBE
(long beat)
How the fuck did this happen?
MIKE
One dude I shot in the head and the
other guy I just, I dont know,
spooned him in the neck and his
shit ENDEDPHOEBE
No I mean who the fuck are these
two guys, Mike, like who the shit
ARE they actuallyMIKE
I DONT KNOW
PHOEBE
You just killed two guys man!
MIKE
They WERE GONNA STAB MY SHIT,
PHEEBSPHOEBE
Why are people trying to stab you!?
MIKE
I DONT KNOW, IM FREAKING OUT BABE
IM ALL OVER THE FUCKIN...PLACE!
Theres the whoop of a police siren.
PHOEBE
Oh fuck me.
A police car slowly rolls into the parking lot. A spotlight
hits each of the dead guys, then settles on Mike and Phoebe.

28.

IM SORRY.
26

MIKE

INT. THE PENTAGON - YATES OFFICE

26

Yates is freaking out via videochat with OTIS, 30, a sternfaced military type.
YATES
Two casualties. What do you mean
two casualties.
OTIS
We lost two assets attempting to
neutralize Wiseman designate Howl.
YATES
...How is that possible?
OTIS
Howl engaged Toughguy assets Diesel
and Potter outside of callsign
sigmaYATES
Engaged, clarify pleaseOTIS
He was armed with a spoon sir.
engaged and neutralizedYATES
A CA- A FUCKING SPOON?

He

...WHAT?

OTIS
We arent sure yet the exact nature
of the confrontationYATES
Hes been fucking activated, do you
not see that? This is Lasseter, it
has to be. Shes in the town.
Lock it down and find her, now!
OTIS
Sir yes sir. The whole town?
YATES
Yes the whole town. Liman is as of
right now, a hot zone. Contain it.
Im sending you a fake-out, use it.

29.
OTIS
-Sir yes sirYATES
Wheres asset Howl now?
OTIS
Hes been arrested, sir.
YATES
ARRESTED- I- YOU- okay. We go in,
and we take him out. Employ assets
Crane and Laugher.
OTIS
The station is under watch by
civilian police officers, sirYATES
Civilians? Who gives a f- bulldoze
the place. We cannot have an code
orange rogue Wiseman asset, that is
outside mission parameters.
OTIS
Sir yes sir.
Yates closes his laptop, fidgeting.
YATES
What the fuck. What the fuck.
(beat)
No, you know what, no.
Yates opens and then re-slams closed his laptop, turns off
his computer, unplugs his cell...
YATES (CONTD)
Nuhnuhnuh NO NO.
Yates grabs his coat and heads out the door.
27

INT. LIMAN SHERIFFS STATION - HOLDING CELL - NIGHT

27

Phoebe is laying out on one of the cots in one of the sparse

holding cells, looking miserable. Mike is pacing rapidly
back and forth.
Deputy KRANTZ, 20s, portly, is keeping watch on them.
Mike, facing away from Phoebe, is playing with the engagement
ring box.

30.
MIKE
(muttering to himself)
This(glances at Phoebe,
quietly)
This is the wrong moment.
28

EXT. LIMAN SHERIFFS STATION - CONTINUOUS

28

Deputies JORDAN, 20s, and LaBUTTE, 40s, are standing next to

an ambulance.
Sheriff Watts drives up in his station wagon, clearly woken
up, drinking coffee from a thermos as he gets out.
WATTS
Okay, jesus, Im awake, whats the
big emergency.
We got-

DEPUTY JORDAN

DEPUTY LABUTTE
Weve got two bodies in there. No
IDs, no nothin. Were running the
prints now, butWATTS
Bodies? What, you mean, corpses?
Dead human beings?
SLAM TO:
29

Watts is in the ambulance, looking at the two dead guys.

pokes one of them.
Christ.

He
29

WATTS (CONTD)
This guy is huge.

DEPUTY LABUTTE
They were both armed, we got the
guns in evidence. Glocks, lookin
factory fresh.
Watts pulls down one of the guys collar, seeing a huge red
splotch on the neck.
WATTS
What did this?

31.
DEPUTY LABUTTE
We dont know, sir. No weapons on
scene but two knives and the two
glocks.
WATTS
And you say Mikey Howell did this?
LaButte and Jordan are both quiet.
BACK IN THE CELL
30

Mike is kneeling in front of Phoebe, talking to her quietly.

30
PHOEBE
Tell me one more time, MikeMIKE
I hit him with a spoon and his
lungs exploded.
PHOEBE
It wasnt his lungsMIKE
Thats what happened, he couldnt
breathe, I got him in the neckPHOEBE
Your lungs arent in your neck
theyre in your chest.
MIKE
Okay that doesnt even make any
sense to me right now!
PHOEBE
You said an old lady said something
to you, what did she say?
MIKE
I dont- I dont even remember,
just some like blahblah nothingPHOEBE
Mike were in jail right now, okay?
I am in jail. You need to focus
for me, okay? Please just remember
what the lady said.
MIKE
(thinks)
She said.
(rapidly)
(MORE)

32.
MIKE (CONT'D)
Mandelbrot set is in motion. Echo
Choir has been breached, we are
fielding the ball.
PHOEBE
(beat)
What the fuck does that mean?
MIKE
I dont know, but that was crazy, I
like- I remembered the whole thing
like it- wait, holy shit, I like
remember everything, like every
single thing that happened in the
last ninety four minutes- ninety
four minutes, how did I know that
exact number, thats crazyPHOEBE
Mike, slow down.
Yeah Mike.

WATTS

They turn to see Watts standing at the bars.

WATTS (CONTD)
You slow waaaaaaaaay down.
31

EXT. LIMAN SHERIFFS STATION - SHORTLY THEREAFTER

31

The night is cold, snowy, windy and dark. Theres a faint

sound; thukathukathuka. If thats a helicopter, its
whisper quiet.
And then, two figures step into frame; dark outlines against
the lights of the station.
The first of them carries a massive SAW Machine gun.
moves sort of jerkily, like his joints ache.

He

This is CRANE.
The second figure, closer to us, appears empty handed,
nothing more than a silohuette. He makes a horrible coughing
sound, then stops, motionless, and throws back his head...
...Letting out a bizarrely quavering, trilling laugh, that
echoes out against the wind; its unnerving, seizure-like, a
noise this man clearly cant control.
It could only come from a true lunatic.

33.
This is LAUGHER.
The laughter gets louder and

louder

and then
SLAM TO:

32

INT. LIMAN SHERIFFS STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM

32

Mike and Phoebe are sitting across from Sheriff Watts, who
looks deeply troubled.
Mike, handcuffed, takes Phoebes hand under the table.
pulls away. Mike hangs his head.
WATTS
How many times you been in this
station, Mike. Since you were
twenty two, how many times you
think.
Mikes silent.
WATTS (CONTD)
Would you believe thirty? Would
you believe that?
(beat)
I had you in here on trespassing.
I had you in here on public
intoxication. I had you in here on
disorderly conduct, and possession,
holy hell, possession.
(beat)
Now you and I both know youre the
luckiest man alive. Your probation
officer must be the Michael Jordan
of bullshitters, because I never
see you gone for more than four
days before youre back at that
market, back toolin around town...
(long beat)
Tell me you didnt kill these
people, Mike.
Mikes silent.
PHOEBE
They attacked him.
Excuse me?

WATTS

She

34.
PHOEBE
They attacked Mike, it was self
defenseWATTS
Youre his girlfriend, his mother,
his maid, his landlord and now
youre his lawyer? Phoebe, let the
man speak for himself.
MIKE
Dont be a dick. It was just a
thing, it was a thing that happenedA thing?

WATTS
Mike two men are dead-

Theres a knock, and Deputy Krantz leans in.

What?

WATTS (CONTD)

DEPUTY KRANTZ
Weve got a problem.
WATTS
We got plenty of problemsDEPUTY KRANTZ
Nah man we got a big weird problem
out here.
Watts thinks for a moment.
WATTS
Okay, takeem back to the cell.
This aint over.
OUT IN THE
STATION
33

Phoebe and Mike are being led by Krantz. They reach the 33
cell, Krantz opens it; he starts to uncuff Mike, but then
gets a text.
MIKE
Hey man, come on.
Huh.

DEPUTY KRANTZ
Somethins up with my phone.

The iPhone screen is scrambled and malfunctioning.

35.
PHOEBE
What the hell, thats not normal.
DEPUTY KRANTZ
...It aint?
IN THE FRONT OF
THE STATION
34

LaButte, Jordan and Watts are huddled over a computer.

34

WATTS
I dont get it.
DEPUTY JORDAN
Every line out of the station is
down, radio, internet, the phone
linesDEPUTY LABUTTE
We tried cells, too, nothin works,
not even the computerDEPUTY JORDAN
Yeah I said the internet was downDEPUTY LABUTTE
Yeah but the computers mail is
down too.
WATTS
Is it a power shortage orAll of the lights in the station SHUT OFF.
BACK AT THE CELL
Krantz, lit by the screen of his iPhone, looks around,
confused, when his NECK IS ABRUPTLY SNAPPEDMike catches his cellphone before it hits the groundPhoebe SCREAMS, and Mike steps in front of her, holding up
the iPhone for light. Theres silence in the darkness. Mike
frantically moves the light around...
...theres nobody.
MIKE
(whispers)
Phoebe get the keys, the keys for
the handcuffs.

36.
Phoebe kneels, getting Krantzs flashlight as Mike swings
around the iPhone. She begins yanking on the keys.
PHOEBE
Shit- shitAnd then, from the darkness...
LAUGHER
EeeheheheheheHEEHEEAHHAHAHAHAHA
BACK AT THE
FRONT
35

Watts, LaButte and Jordan, their flashlights out, spin at the

35
horrible sound.
WATTS
WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOINGHOLY SHIT, CRANE IS IN THE ROOM! HE BEGINS TO FIRE THE
MACHINE GUN, INSTANTLY KILLING JORDAN, BULLETS SHREDDING HIM!
Watts and LaButte drop behind desks, drawing guns.
BACK AT THE CELL

36

Phoebe and Mike turn at the sound of the gunfire, and LAUGHER
36
POUNCES ONTO MIKEOh shit KRAV MAGA close quarters exchange!
Laugher and Mike go back and forth impossibly fast- attack,
block, counter, attack, counter, attackMike!

PHOEBE
MIKE!

As the back-up generator to the police station hums to life,

casting everything in flim-flash flickers of light, Phoebe
frantically unholsters Krantzs revolver, as Laugher grabs
Mike into a deadly headlockBut Laughers distracted by Phoebe, and he turns and kicks
the gun out of her handsBut Mike twists his way free, turns and brings up Krantzs
iPhone, quickly puts it up against Laughers front teeth, and
then SLAMS HIS PALM INTO THE BACK OF IT-KNOCKING LAUGHERS TEETH DOWN HIS THROAT!

WHOA!

EW!

Laugher staggers backwards, but Mike catches his head and

slams it against the bars repeatedly-

37.
Laugher screams and BREAKS FREE, elbowing Mike in the throat,
then the nose, WHAMAnd Mike KICKS HIM INTO THE JAIL CELL!
slams the door! HAH! GOTCHA!
Ha!

NICE!

Phoebe pops up and

MIKE

Mike notices Krantzs gun is in the cell.

MIKE (CONTD)
(pointing)
THE GUN, THE GUN!
Laugher dives for it, grabbing it, but Mike rolls, grabbing
Phoebe and pulling her out of the way down the hall JUST AS
LAUGHER OPENS FIRE.
He pulls her
37

OUT TO THE MAIN 37

ROOM
Where Crane immediately turns and opens fire on them with the
machine gun!

38

WE SEE 38
Outside the station, bullets blowing out through the windows
and walls!

39

BACK INSIDE 39
Mike and Phoebe dive behind a partition, scrambling as Crane
continues firing, DECIMATING the station.
The gun runs out of ammunition, and Crane frowns at it.
They lay flat, as LaButte pops up and takes a shot at Crane-Who ducks it, and then swings the gun like a baseball bat,
SMASHING LaBUTTE IN THE FACE!
LaButte goes down, and Watts pops up, firing twice- Crane
tilt dodges both shots draws a pistol and shoots Watts twice
in the chestWatts goes down, and Crane starts slowly approaching Watts.
PHOEBE
(pulling at mike)
Cmon- cmon-

38.
Crane turns at the sound, and fires three times at the desk
Phoebe and Mike hide behind. Theres dead silence.
Crane shifts, and again we see the odd, jerky way he moves as
he pops every joint in his body, shaking himself out.
CRANE
...Bonjour. Jambo.
Salut.

Hello.

Hola.

MIKE
(whispering)
What the hell is heCrane tosses aside his gun and CHARGES THE DESK, MOVING WAY
TOO FASTBut Mike, hearing his approach, pops up, grabs a laptop off
the desk and FLINGS IT LIKE A FRISBEE, CATCHING CRANE FLUSH
IN THE CHEST!
Crane is knocked off his feet, landing flat on his back, OW!
SHIT!
Come on!

MIKE (CONTD)
PHOEBE

Phoebe grabs Mike and pulls him towards the front door.
40

EXT. LIMAN SHERIFFS STATION - CONTINUOUS

40

Mike and Phoebe burst out, running, and seconds later Crane
comes CRASHING THROUGH THE GLASS DOORS.
CRANE
(loudly)
WAIT.
Mike instinctively stops and turns, looking at Crane.
What?

MIKE

Crane flings a grenade at Mike- who catches it and throws it

back- Crane catches it and throws it back- MIKE FLIPS AND
SPIKE KICKS THE GRENADE BACK AT CRANE, who ducks, it passes
him and goes into the police stationBOOM THE GRENADE GOES OFF, KNOCKING CRANE DOWN!

39.
Mike hurries to his feet to see Crane CHARGING AT HIM, moving
herky-jerky, bloody from cuts from the explosion.
MIKE (CONTD)
Oh no no noCrane begins beating the snot out of Mike, huge haymakers BAM
BAM BAM, but Mike recovers, throwing a handful of snow in his
face and knocking him away, countering a few punchesCrane knocks him down, and Mike grabs Krantzs keys out of
his pocket, balls them in between his fingers to give himself
claws and then SLASHES CRANE REPEATEDLYNo CRANE COMES BACK, counter strike, counter, reversal,
counter- this makes Bourne Identity look like Power RangersMike weaves through another barrage of big hits, then brings
up the loose handcuff still locked on his wrist, and, using
it like a pair of brass-knuckles, BASHES CRANE IN THE FACE!
Crane stumbles backwards, and then falls dead.
Mike stares at him, and then looks up at the police station:
the front office is on fire from the grenade, smoke leaking
out of the shattered glass doors.
Mike turns and grabs Phoebe. We hear Laugher, distant,
cackling from inside the station.
Come on!

MIKE (CONTD)

PHOEBE
Mike, waitMIKE
NAH MAN, NO WAITING, LETS GO, NOW.
41

INT. CIA JET

41

Yates sits on a CIA private jet, in flight. Hes sitting

calmly, looking out the window and sipping a rum and coke.
His satellite phone rings, and he takes it out.
widen, and he smiles, answering.

His eyes

YATES
Hello darling.
CUT TO:

40.
Lasseter, on her own satellite phone, is
42

AT THE EDGE OF 42
TOWN
Where we can see white trucks with orange flashing lights,
and men in Disease Containment suits setting up a checkpoint.
Lasseter is pulled over in shadow at the edge of the road.
LASSETER
Why am I looking at FEMA trucks.
Why are there men in HAZ-Mat suits
walking around like
extraterrestrials. What in the
shit are you doing.
YATES
A dog with rabies got loose.
real old bitchYou prick-

LASSETER

YATES
Im a prick? Thanks to your
actions, two CIA assets are DEAD,
youre trying to blow my whole
operationLASSETER
Your operation is murder!
YATES
Oh cry me a fucking river why dont
you! This is the last time you and
me talk. Theres a reckoning
coming for you, DianeLASSETER
This is about me?
YATES
this is about me YES ITS ABOUT
YOU. You think Im stupid, you
think I dont think I know what
youre doing, youre trying to make
me look like an assholeLASSETER
Youre doing a fine job of that
yourself-

41.
YATES
I tried to play nice about this,
back in my officeLASSETER
What, when you called me a cunt?
Yates splutters, flustered.
LASSETER (CONTD)
I am taking you down, Yates. Im
bringing this whole thing crashing
through the floor do you hear me?
YATES
Bring it through the floor,
really, thats big talk for a
fortysomething year old woman with
what, a CELL PHONE, you cant touch
me, you cant(beat)
Did you hang up? Tell me you
didnt hang up.
Yates flings the phone away from him in anger. He then waits
a beat, grabs his rum and coke, and flings that, too.
43

EXT. STOP AND SHOP - NIGHT

43

Phoebe and Mike rapidly approach the Stop and Shop parking
lot, heading towards Mikes car, Mike pulling Phoebe along by
the arm.
PHOEBE
Where are we going?
MIKE
Well get my car, and well go to
Roses housePhoebe pulls away from him.
Rose!?

PHOEBE
Thats your plan?

MIKE
Rose has guns and shit, plus maybe
he can get us out of the townPHOEBE
Out of the town- Mike you cant do
that, you know you wont be able to-

42.
MIKE
Well I didnt have people trying to
kill me before, PhoebePHOEBE
You are not- you are not in a
position to be making plansMIKE
Then who is? Ive killed THREE
PEOPLE tonight, man, the cops are
dead, whos qualified to handle
shit right now?
Phoebe takes a breath.

Mike shrugs.

Phoebes tone changes.

PHOEBE
...If the guys in the thing, in
the cell, and he doesnt see the
gun, dont point at the gun and say
GUN! GUN!
I know-

MIKE

PHOEBE
And if someone who just tried to
kill you says WAIT, YOU DONT
STOP TO SEE WHAT THEY WANT TO TALK
ABOUTMIKE
STOP YELLING AT ME!
PHOEBE
IM SCARED MIKE!
MIKE
NO, YOURE FINE!
OKAY?

YOURE FINE,

Mike grabs Phoebe and pulls her to him.

MIKE (CONTD)
Listen to me, youre fine, its
done, we made it out of there,
okay?
Theres a strong wind, and Mike holds Phoebe close. The wind
rattles a shopping cart in the parking lot, and it rolls
forward, gently bumping Mikes car-

43.

IT EXPLODES INTO A MASSIVE FIREBALL, KNOCKING

BOTH PHOEBE AND MIKE FLAT ON THEIR ASSES. I guess that thing
the guys were doing to the car was...uh...a bomb.
Dazed, they stare at the burning wreckage.
PHOEBE
...Lets take my car.
44

INT. WASHINGTON DC NIGHTCLUB - CONCURRENT

44

The music is too loud, the club is too dark and the lights
that are on are too damn bright, lasers and strobes blotting
out all the sense.
Petey Douglas, Lasseters erstwhile assistant, is dancing.
Dancing crazy. Night of his life.
A REALLY SEXY GIRL approaches.
Hey!
HI!

REALLY SEXY GIRL

DOUGLAS

REALLY SEXY GIRL

My friends and I were talking about
your dancing!
DOUGLAS
Yeah man, Im a machine tonight!
REALLY SEXY GIRL
Do you want to come sit with us?
Petey looks.

Its a whole table of SUPER HOT WOMEN.

DOUGLAS
Yeah man, maybe I can teach you
some moves. Ima hit the bathroom
and Ill be over in a jiffy.
REALLY SEXY GIRL
Jiffy, huh?
DOUGLAS
Yeah man, Im the jiff-master
tonight!

44.
45

INT. WASHINGTON DC NIGHTCLUB - THE BATHROOM

45

Douglas is peeing at a urinal, when his phone rings.

answers it without looking.

He

DOUGLAS
This is the jiff-master, how can I
help you.
46

EXT. LIMAN SHERIFFS STATION - CONTINUOUS

46

Lasseter stands over Cranes dead body, in front of the

burning police station.
LASSETER
Be somewhere you can talk.

Now.

DOUGLAS
(quietly)
Shit.
47

EXT. WASHINGTON DC NIGHTCLUB - ALLEY - MOMENTS LATER

47

Douglas comes out into the alley behind the nightclub.

DOUGLAS
Okay Diane, whatsWE INTERCUT
LASSETER
Im in Liman.
DOUGLAS
-Say what nowLASSETER
Yates is using the Toughguy assets
to eliminate the Wiseman assets.
Im trying to save asset Howl and
derail the operation but now Yates
has got the town quarantined by the
CDC and I am looking at the towns
Sheriff Station, which is on fire
with the entire civilian police
force dead inside it.
Douglas takes a beat, and actually pulls his phone away from
his face, staring at it in shock.

45.
DOUGLAS
I dont understand, why would youI shouldnt be talking to you if
youre there, thatsLASSETER
I need a weapon. And I need to
know where Yates was pulling the
subjects for Toughguy. This
behavior doesnt make sense.
Douglas is quiet.
LASSETER (CONTD)
There is no reason for that police
station to be ON FIRE, okay? Do
you see what Im saying? If
theyre trained assets they should
be doing this quickly and quietlyDOUGLAS
I have to hang up, Im sorryLASSETER
Dont hang up dont hang up dont
hang upDouglas groans, seeing the hot girl group departing from the
front of the club.
LASSETER (CONTD)
Hes boxing me into this town and
hes going to trap me like a rat
and kill me, Pete, do you
understand that? I will be
murdered and he will be protected
by our own secrecy laws for
MURDERING ME.
Firetruck sirens begin rapidly approaching the burning
sheriffs station, and Lasseter quickly goes around to the
side of the station, hiding from the arriving trucks.
DOUGLAS
(long beat)
You shouldnt have gone.
LASSETER
No, wrong response.
(beat)
There is a machine at work here,
Douglas.
(MORE)

46.
LASSETER (CONT'D)
A big, bad machine, and its gone
off the rails, you are witnessing
the wrong guy in charge, thats
whats happening, Madness of King
George do you understandDOUGLAS
Yes shakespeare sureLASSETER
No, actually happening right now,
tonight, now!
Helicopters blow past overhead. The firefighters whove
congregated around Cranes dead body, and look up, confused.
LASSETER (CONTD)
This is fire and brimstone, this is
sinister lunacy sanctioned by
arbitrary nothing, I need you on my
side, the side of good and order
and NOT DEATH AND CHAOS, fuck the
chain of command. On MY SIDE,
RIGHT NOW, understand?
Douglas is silent. He looks around the alley. Theres a
couple hooking up by a dumpster. He glances again, and
realizes they are full on fucking.
Whoa, gross.
He sighs, mustering his courage, looks up at the sky...
LASSETER (CONTD)
Did you hangDOUGLAS
Youve got me.
What?

LASSETER

DOUGLAS
...Im with the side of good and
order.
Lasseter breathes hard, processing this.
Okay.

LASSETER
Okay.

47.
48

EXT. ROSES HOUSE - NIGHT

48

Mike and Phoebe pull up to Roses house, which is a two-story

deal out in the woods, isolated, a little bit hood but a
little swanky too, in its way.
They park on a landbridge over a ruddy little ravine.
looks over to Mike, who looks totally miserable.
PHOEBE
You seem like...spooky quietMIKE
I am spooky quiet. Im in
the...anaphalactic shockPHOEBE
-thats not what its calledMIKE
Like, Im trying to think of stuff,
and I cant think of anything,
Phoebe. Like I never even- I cant
remember where I went to school, or
my parents...
PHOEBE
What? You cant remember your
parents? Whatre you talking
about, you sound crazy, dudeMIKE
Im like overwhelmed! Pheebs...Did
we even ever talk about my parents?
PHOEBE
I mean...no I guess butMIKE
Shit, what if Im like...
(beat)
A robot? Do you think thats
possible that Im a robot? With thegigabytes of memory recall, and the
karate programming where I use
house hold objects to kill assholesOh shit Im freaking out againPHOEBE
Okay stay calm. Mike.
You are not a robot.
MIKE
Are you sure?

Listen.

Phoebe

48.
PHOEBE
Im sure, you are not a robot.
MIKE
How can you know that?
PHOEBE
...Because that is obviously
retarded.
MIKE
...Right, yes, youre right.

Shit-

A GAS MASKED FIGURE POPS UP NEXT TO THE CAR WITH A SHOTGUN

POINTED IN.
AHH!

PHOEBE

FUCK!

MIKE

TWO MORE GUYS POP UP ON EITHER SIDE OF THE CAR WITH A COUGAR
MAGNUM AND AN UZI.
ROSE
(under gas mask)
YO FREEZE MOTHAFUCKAAA- OH HI MIKE!
Rose lifts his gas mask, smiling.
PHOEBE
(freaked out)
JESUS CHRIST.
49

EXT. GOVERNMENT FIELD OPS CENTER - NIGHT

49

The field ops center is set up in a Wal-Mart parking lot, in

a big tent. Its clearly still in the process of being set
up; computers and government operators everywhere.
Several teenagers are hanging out, smoking cigarettes nearby.
Yates rapidly walks up.
YATES
What the fuck is this?
50

INT. GOVERNMENT FIELD OPS CENTER - MOMENTS LATER

50

Yates bursts in, and immediately several officers stand and

salute. Among them is Otis.
OTIS
Mr. Yates sir-

49.
YATES
I said SUBTLE, I said COVERT, not
PITCH A TENT IN A PARKING LOT.
OTIS
Sir the tent is covered by FEMA
protocol, the tent is covert as a
disease control tent sirYATES
ITS A BIG WHITE TENT.
as a fucking elephant!

Its covert

OTIS
Sir civilians will not recognize
the big white tent as a government
operation, theyll- mistake it forYATES
I get the concept, but there areYates pops out of the tent into the
PARKING LOT
And references the teenagers.
YATES (CONTD)
HIPSTERS HANGING OUT TEN FEET FROM
THE OP CENTER!
Otis looks out.
OTIS
Theyre punks sir.
...What?

YATES

OTIS
They are not hipsters, sir, they
look to me like skate punks sir,
possibly grungeOhmigod.

YATES

One of the kids takes a camera phone picture of them.

YATES (CONTD)
Get that phone. Now. Thank you.
Immediately several soldiers take a running start at the
teenagers, who are like oh shit.

50.
YATES (CONTD)
Where are the assets?
SLAM TO:
51

INT. EIGHTEEN WHEELER - SECONDS LATER

51

Its dark, and then the door opens, revealing fifteen men
sitting in darkness, completely motionless. Yates peers in,
Otis behind him.
YATES
Just a truck? Weve got them all
sitting in a truck?
OTIS
This is the best we could get for
the available money sir. You said
as barebones as possible, thisYATES
Shit, shit. Right.
He sees LAUGHER, whos covered in soot and slightly burned.
YATES (CONTD)
Laugher. What happened to you, I
heard you were KIA?
No sir.

LAUGHER

Laugher lets out a weird giggle which he tries to stifle.

OTIS
We recovered him from the police
station thirty minutes ago.
Yates climbs up into the truck, sitting across from Laugher.
YATES
You saw him. Howl.
was it like?

Mike.

What

Laugher just stares.

YATES (CONTD)
I mean, was he...how was he, were
his protocols all...I mean was he
kicking ass out there?
Laugher giggles, but then stifles it.

51.
LAUGHER
Hit me with a phone.
teeth.

He took my

Laugher holds up two bloody cracked teeth.

LAUGHER (CONTD)
But I got them back.
Yates stares at him.
YATES
Okay, good. Okay thats...good.
You still wanna take this guy down?
Laugher painfully stifles a laugh.
52

MOMENTS LATER 52
Yates hops out of the truck.
a moment.

He stares down at his shoes for

YATES (CONTD)
Do we have a location on Howl?
OTIS
Sir yes sir, hes at his friends
home.
YATES
We roll in waves, yeah? Activate
Newton, Laugher and Bourbon. Is
the press package ready?
Yes sir.

OTIS

YATES
Alright, activate it. And...And
Im clearing use of bugspray.
Yes sir.

OTIS

Yates takes a moment, looking in the sky. Is the situation

out of control? No, no of course not. He has this.
YATES
Were pulling this together and
ending it in an hour. Clean sweep.
CLEAN. SWEEP.

52.
53

INT. ROSES HOUSE - LIVING ROOM

53

Roses house is filled with hip-hop and porn posters, but

actually kind of nice, in a ghetto way.
There are three big screen TVs playing the news, CNN and
local, an emergency broadcast with a FEMA scroll running
along the bottom, and a third playing music videos.
Rose leads Mike and Phoebe inside, his two lackies with the
revolver and the uzi following.
ROSE
This is Big Harold and Quinzin.
Niggas this is Mike and Phoebe.
QUINZIN
Me and Mike know each other-

MIKE
I know Quinzin-

MIKE
Oh haha JINXQUINZIN
We do fantasy football together.
ROSE
What? And you aint tell me?
you dont even like football.

Mike

PHOEBE
He likes to do fantasy.
ROSE
OH DOES EVERYONE KNOW? EVERYBODY
GOT A FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE TEAM
BUT ROSE IS WHAT YOURE SAYIN, ROSE
JUST SITS ALONE I GUESS
BIG HAROLD
I dont know about fantasy footballROSE
That doesnt make me feel better,
nobody tells you shit!
BIG HAROLD
...shurtful.
ROSE
Its all conspiracies tonight,
baby...

53.
PHOEBE
Whatre you talking about? Whyre
you wearing those gas masks, whats
going on?
Rose lifts up the gas mask a little bit.
ROSE
Didnt you hear, man, the town is
under government wildfire outerspace shit, straight Andromeda
Strain disease bacteria shitPHOEBE
Rose, slow downROSE
You havent seen, fuckin look at
the TV man!
Phoebe and Mike turn to the TVs.
MIKE
Bruno Mars. How is he involved?
PHOEBE
The other TVs Mike.
MIKE
Oh, of course.
On CNN, they are showing shots of CDC and FEMA roadblocks and
safety helicopters flying over the town.
CNN REPORTER
-Reports continue to come in of a
full-on level six quarantine around
the town of Liman, Oregon, where a
break out of what is being
described as Super Malaria began
earlier this evening. All roads
out of the town have been blocked,
and media access to the town has
been suspended.
PHOEBE
Its not real. It cant be realLook.

Us.

MIKE

Indeed; Mugshots of Mike and Phoebe are being displayed on

the local channel. Phoebe just looks at him: HOLY FUCK.

54.
CNN REPORTER
-believes the beginning of the
outbreak can be traced back to
these two individuals.
PHOEBE
Its some kind of- fake thing, fake
freaky thing made up by the people
who are after you, MikeMIKE
Hey, thats the lady.
On TV, theyre showing a picture of Lasseter.
ROSE
Which lady? Why the fuck yall on
TV?
PHOEBE
The woman from the grocery store?
Who said that stuff to you?
Rose is starting to get heightened, giving Big Harold and
Quinzin a look.
REPORTER
-described by FEMA representatives
as a mad scientist, this woman,
Diane Lasseter is responsible for
the outbreak. It is believed this
act of terrorism was triggered by
Lasseters illicit love affair with
several doomed test monkeysMIKE
Yeah dude thats definitely her.
ROSE
WHY DO YOU KNOW THAT MONKEYFUCKIN
MOTHERFUCKER? WHAT AINT YOU
TELLIN ME NIGGA?
PHOEBE
Rose just calm downROSE
Fuck a calm down!
Rose and his lackies raise their guns on Mike and Phoebe.
WHOA!

PHOEBE
WHOA!

55.
ROSE
I want answers, now!
Mike and Phoebe exchange a look.
MIKE
Im sorry Rose, but we dont have
any.
Rose didnt expect this, and is now in the awkward position
of holding guns on his friends.
ROSE
Okay. Okay. Then for the moment,
you two gotta go into quarantine.
54

INT. ROSES HOUSE - WORKOUT ROOM

54

Mike and Phoebe are roughly pushed into Roses workout room,
tripping over the gym equipment.
MIKE
Please Rose, lets just talk about
thisROSE
NUH UH MIKE. NERH URH.
Rose slams the door, and the lights turn off, activating
blacklights, revealing dozens of elaborate drawings of naked
ladies on the walls.
MIKE
...Its okay. WellHe turns to see Phoebe standing on a piece of workout
machinery, punching loose one of the ceiling tiles.
PHOEBE
No, Mike. Its not okay. Were
getting the hell out of here.
55

INT. LASSETERS HOUSE - NIGHT

55

All the lights are off, but we can faintly see the outlines
and shadows of a tasteful, if somewhat messy home. The door
unlocks, and Scott, Lasseters son, tries to sneak in, but
the alarm immediately goes off.
SCOTT
Shit shit shit-

56.
Scott hurriedly punches in a code, deactivating it, and then
turns around, apologizing already.
SCOTT (CONTD)
Mom I know I said Id make it home
tonight, but things got really
complex, and I promise if you just
give me a chance and listen
youll...
Scott realizes no one is challenging him. The house is
silent. Mister Timothy, Lasseters cat, steps out of the
darkness and meows hungrily.
...Mom?
56

SCOTT (CONTD)

EXT. LIMAN, OREGON - THE WOODS - MOMENTS LATER

56

Lasseter clumsily makes her way through the dark woods,

following a GPS device in her hands. It leads her to a
blinking package. She takes out a knife and cuts away the
little parachute.
LASSETER
...Fucking mud. There is MUD in my
hair...
She opens it.
Its a Heckler and Koch Mark 23 pistol. She takes it out,
loads it, and we watch in a series of quick cuts as she
quickly attaches a weapon light, laser sight, silencer,
gunner grips...
The gun ends up looking completely awesome. She goes deeper,
pulling out a Mossberg 500 shotgun. She attaches a strap,
and throws it over her shoulder.
She sees a paper at the bottom of the package.
lifts it, and reads it.

Lasseter

LASSETER (CONTD)
...Oh my god.
57

INT. THE PENTAGON - CUBICLES

57

Douglas sits alone at his desk in the cubicles. Hes still

clearly a little drunk; the office is empty, and a janitor is
vacuuming loudly behind him.

57.
JANITOR
Working late, Petey?
DOUGLAS
I guess thats right.
JANITOR
You boys work hard to keep our
country safe.
Yeah, I-

DOUGLAS

His phone rings, and he picks it up.

WE INTERCUT
Between Yates, whos in the Wal-Mart parking lot, and Douglas
in his office.
YATES
Why am I hearing that there was a
supply drop made over Liman?
I- uh-

DOUGLAS

YATES
Did you use my authorization code
to send something to Lasseter. Say
yes or say no.
...Yes.

DOUGLAS

YATES
Do you understand that you are
assisting the efforts of a ROGUE
CIA OPERATIVE acting against
national security? Do you know
what they call that, when someone
is actively working against the
interests of their own country?
Douglas is silent.
YATES (CONTD)
And whats the punishment for
treason? We shoot you in the head,
dont we Petey.
Douglas, alone in the office, is terrified. Despite how
silly Yates is, theres an odd, compellingly homicidal edge
weve seen glimpses of before, and its on full display now.

58.
The janitors vacuum seems deafeningly loud.
YATES (CONTD)
Now I know, I am sharply aware that
you have a degree of loyalty to
Lasseter. But youre not to help
her again.
I-

DOUGLAS

YATES
No, you nothing. Shes trying to
put me over a barrel, hereA barrel?

DOUGLAS

YATES
Put you over a barrel, its an
idiom, it means you fuck someone
over, someone bent over a barrel,
their ass is in the air, they get
fucked in the ass. Thats what
shes trying to do is fuck my ass.
DOUGLAS
I- yes sirYATES
Well no, fuck her. You make a
report to central for
insubordination, you have them
search her office, yeah, we find
out her source, and we FUCK HER IN
THE ASS. She thinks she can put me
over a barrel, no, fuck her, BIGGER
BARREL, Im taking it up the line,
I got barrels for fuckin days! We
are in a full-on hardcore barrel
escalation situation, Douglas,
dont you forget it!
Yates hangs up, and then does a little fist pump.
BACK WITH
DOUGLAS
Douglas sits in mortified silence, and then his phone rings.
He stares at it, not wanting to answer, but then picks it up.

59.
LASSETER
Ive got a lead on Howl from
Selburgs tracking device, Im
going to pursue it, but in the
meantime we have to go public.
Call Krueger, tell himDOUGLAS
Public- like how public?
LASSETER
Like all the way.
Douglas sits in silence.
Pete?

LASSETER (CONTD)
Peter are you there-

DOUGLAS
Yates just officially put you on
the watch list. It is my duty to
inform you that should you go
public with this operationLASSETER
Your duty, what the fuck are you
saying right nowDOUGLAS
If you go public with this
operation you are committing
treason and will be treated as a
traitor to the United States of
America.
(beat)
Im sorry. I cant help you any
more.
LASSETER
Petey wait PETERDouglas quickly hangs up. Then, after a short beat, unplugs
his phone, and cradles his head in his hands.
WITH LASSETER
58

Lasseter, standing along in the woods, stares numbly at her58

phone. After a moment, she regains her composure, and begins
walking with fast, hard purpose.

60.
59

INT. ROSES HOUSE - GYM

59

Phoebe is up in the ceiling, her legs dangling out, trying to

get further in, while Mike keeps watch.
MIKE
We shouldnt be doin this. We
should just wait, Rosell come
around, hes a good guy, youll seePHOEBE
No, Mike, we are not waiting around
here on the judgment of your DRUG
dealer.
MIKE
Well what are you gonna do?
PHOEBE
Im gonna crawl- unh- further in
and see if I can get to the next
room, and thenShh.
What?

MIKE
PHOEBE

MIKE
Do you hear that?
60

INT. ROSES HOUSE - LIVING ROOM

60

Rose, Harold and Quinzin turn, watch as some sort of curtain

drops down over all the windows to the outside.
ROSE
...the fuck is this?
61

EXT. ROSES HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

61

The entire house has been tented, like for fumigation.

BOURBON, an asset with marine-style red mohawk, stands
outside of Roses tented house. Hes activating some sort of
fumigator, which is pouring a green fog into the house
BOURBON
Puff, the magic dragon, lived by
the sea...

61.
A second figure steps into frame.
62

INT. ROSES HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

62

The fog is starting to come in.

ROSE
What the fuck is going on...
Rose stands, and theres a noise at the door- ALL THREE MEN
OPEN FIRE ON THE DOOR, BLASTING IT TO PIECES AS THE GREEN FOG
BEGINS TO ROLL ININ THE GYM
63

Phoebes almost all the way up in the ceiling as the sounds63

of gunfire blare out from the living room.
Oh no.

MIKE
Not again man, not again!
IN THE LIVING
ROOM

64

Rose, Harold and Quinzin are out of ammunition, frantically64

reloading their guns.
QUINZIN
Were we shooting at nothingROSE
Nah, hell nah, theres something,
theresThe lights cut off for a moment.
new figure stands in the room.

When they come back up, a

Its a skinny, muscular man wearing a sleeveless bullet proof

vest. His skin is covered in do-it-yourself tattoos, the
scribbling of an insane person, but his hair is short,
military cropped.
This is NEWTON.

He raises a sawed off shotgun.

ROSE (CONTD)
...now whos this freaky motherfuNEWTON BLASTS ROSE.

62.
Rose is knocked violently backwards by the blast, Big Harold
raises the magnum, and Newton dodges three shots, sharply
tilting and leaning his body as he swiftly crosses the room
to Big Harold, hopping over furniture and strikes him once in
the face, killing him, then tucks rolls and somersaults up to
strike Quinzin, whos still trying to reload once in the side
of the head, killing him as well.
Newton killed everyone in the room in roughly four seconds.
He pulls on a gas mask, and turns to the gym door as green
fog rises all around him.
65

INT. ROSES HOUSE - GYM - CONTINUOUS

65

Phoebe pulls herself all the way up into the ceiling as the
door BURSTS OPEN and Newton comes into the blacklights.
He raises Quinzins magnum, and Mike dodges two blasts as
they both move towards each-other; again BAM BAM BAM krav
maga exchange of hits before Newton KICKS MIKE TO THE GROUND!
Phoebe, in the ceiling above him, pulls an amazing oh shit
face. Her flinching makes enough noise for Newton to notice,
and he looks up and starts shooting into the ceiling.
FUCK!

PHOEBE
FUCK!

PHOEBE NO!

MIKE

Mike attacks Newton again, and again theres an incredible

rapidfire sequence of hits and counters, which ends with
Newton flinging Mike into the mirrored wall, shattering it.
Mike lands next to the free-weights.
Newton advances on Mike when suddenly Phoebe plunges out of
the ceiling behind him in a cloud of dust and plaster. She
turns and sees the green fog pouring into the room.
Newtown turns butPHOEBE
His mask, Mike get his mask!
HEY!

MIKE

Newtown turns back to MikeMike smashes Newton in the sternum with the free weight, then
immediately jerks it up into the bottom of his chin, cracking
his jaw! Mike YANKS OFF HIS MASK!

63.
Newton staggers backward, coughing and spitting out blood and
teeth, and Mike FLINGS THE FREEWEIGHT INTO HIS FACE, SMASHHe falls backwards, covered in blood, and Mike quickly grabs
the pull-hook of the bench press machine, and SLAMS IT INTO
NEWTONS THROAT; the weights drop, ripping out Newtons
throat and LYNCHING him on the machine!
HA!

FUCK!

MIKE (CONTD)
YOU!

In yelling this, Mike inhales the green gas, and staggers,

gagging. Phoebe catches him, having put on the gas mask.
66

EXT. ROSES HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

66

Bourbon is standing out front, waiting. Phoebe bursts out of

the front of the tent, holding Mike, whos vomiting, tears
running out of his eyes.
Bourbon laughs, drawing a knife.
BOURBON
Oh dear me. Look at you, octopusPhoebe fires the shotgun from in between Mikes legs, blowing
Bourbon away. Phoebe leans Mike against the house, and pats
down Bourbons corpse, grabbing something.
Phoebe hurriedly pulls the staggering Mike
UP THE DRIVEWAY
Towards where their car is parked, next to the ravine, but
Mike is staggering too badly, and collapses. Phoebe drops
down next to him, throwing aside the gas mask, and then
injects Mike with the thing she grabbed from Bourbon.
PHOEBE
Stay awake baby please okay stay
awake. That gas was Riofloxin K I
gave you something thatll help but
you just have to stay awake, look
at me, look at me babyMike is pallid and sweaty.
MIKE
I feel sleepy-

64.
PHOEBE
No Mike if you sleep you die, if
you sleep you die, thats the way
it works is it shuts down your
senses one by one, eyes openMike is losing it.
PHOEBE (CONTD)
Mike please stay awake, okay?
Please? Listen if you die, what
about Rocket Monkey, Mike? What
about Chip the Brick? If you die
what happens to all your stories
they disappear, right? You dont
want that, you never even got to
write them down! You want to stay
awake because if you die, Rocket
Monkey dies- Please Mike I love you
oh please please stay awake, I love
Rocket Monkey I dont want him to
go away, please I love you I love
you if you just stay awake for ten
more secondsMike turns suddenly and vomits. He lays there heaving on the
edge of the ravine. Phoebe tries to comfort him, but he
swats her away.
MIKE
WHY. THE FUCK.
WHAT THAT GAS WAS?

DO YOU KNOW

Phoebe is silent.
MIKE (CONTD)
What the FUCK IS GOING ON, PHOEBE.
Phoebe bites her lip, tears welling in her eyes.
Mike-

PHOEBE

MIKE
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AHHHHH
PHOEBE
Mike...Im CIA, okay, IMIKE
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

65.
PHOEBE
Im your handler, I was assigned to
you five years ago, and IMIKE
FUCK! FUCKKKKK! WHAT ARE YOU
FUCKING SAYING RIGHT NOW!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Mike storms back to the car, getting in.
PHOEBE
Mike wait, waitShe gets into the passenger side.
IN THE CAR
67

Mikes sitting there in silence.

then, hesitantly...

Phoebe looks at him, and 67

PHOEBE (CONTD)
Mike just listen to me, I think I
can explain everything thats
happening right nowMIKE
Why should I believe anything you
say, youre full of fuckingarbage, youre a garbage liar
piece of shit personPHOEBE
I know, I knowMIKE
You dont know! You dont care
about me, youre a fuckin bitch,
man, youre an assholePHOEBE
(hard)
Just let me explain.
MIKE
No dont use your fuckin grown up
voice with me fucking CIA douchebag
liar, you dont get to like debrief
me or whatever! Im IN LOVE WITH
YOU, youre my whole life! Youre
the whole reason I do anything,
just to spend more time with you,
youre the only reason I even ever
left the house-

66.
PHOEBE
(weaker)
Mike, stopMIKE
So you were just sitting there
fucking laughing at me, taking
orders, and I always wondered how
the fuck could someone so wonderful
and perfect come into my life, I
thought theres no way I could ever
deserve someone like you, and you
know what, you had me going, you
had me thinking that I could do
shit, man, for you, and with you,
but thats all BULLSHIT isnt it?
Mike-

PHOEBE

MIKE
I dont even know who the fuck you
are, I probably dont know your
fucking real name! Ugh I want to
fucking vomit just thinking about
you, and shit! SHIT! You fucked
me so many times, was that your job
too, youre just a fucking like
government nanny prostitute...
Mike trails off, seeing that Phoebe is overcome with emotion,
silently weeping, staring at him.
Mike stares back, unsure of what to do, then shakes his head
violently and repeatedly punches the steering wheel.
MIKE (CONTD)
No! No no NO! You dont get to
just fucking fake cry, okay- I know
how this works, I know they fucking
train you to do this shit and play
with my emotions, so stop. Just
stop. Stop.
Phoebe continues crying in silence staring at him.
MIKE (CONTD)

STOP.
Selburg.

PHOEBE

67.

...What?

MIKE
PHOEBE

My last name is Selburg, Phoebe is my

real name, but my last name is Selburg,
Phoebe Selburg-

Get out.
Mike, no-

MIKE

PHOEBE

MIKE
Get out of my car!

PHOEBE
Its my carMIKE
GET OUT OF THE CAR!
Phoebe is completely breaking down now in tears.
PHOEBE
No no you have to listen to me its
not like you think it isMIKE
GET OUT! No I dont care!
STOP TALKING AND GET OUT OF
THE CAR! IM DONE WITH YOU
JUST FUCK OFF!
Phoebe goes silent.

CRASH

PHOEBE
(sobbing)
Please Mike just please- No
you have to listen- listen
PLEASE-

They sit there staring at each other.

A CAR IMPACTS THEM FROM BEHIND AND

SENDS PHOEBES CAR CAREENING OFF THE ROAD.

SLAM TO BLACK.
SECONDS LATER.

68

The car is upside-down on the edge of the ravine, off the 68

road, next to a rusty tin-waterpass pipe.
Mike snaps awake, dazed; he turns to see that Phoebe is being
dragged out the passenger side window, kicking and screaming.
Shes gone. Suddenly, an assault rifle pokes through the
window, accompanied by a CRAZY LAUGH- Mike dives
OUT OF THE CAR

68.
69

As bullets spark all around him, Mike plummets down into the
69
mucky ravine water. He scrambles up to see Laugher standing
atop the upside-down car, raising an M-16.
He opens fire, forcing Mike to scramble headfirst into the
cramped pipe, which slants diagonally down.
Its EXTREMELY claustrophobic, but Mike sees light at the end
of the tunnel, and crawls towards it...and gets stuck midway,
his arms sticking out of the tunnel on the other side.
MIKE
SHIT! FUCK! WHAT IS THIS WINNIE
THE POOH SHIT!
Laugher walks up, and squats down, looking into the pipe, at
Mikes legs. Mike, hearing him approach, goes quiet,
squeezing his eyes shut and putting a finger to his own lips.
Laughers face is oddly serious as he stares down at Mike.
LAUGHER
I dont really understand who you
are.
(beat)
They showed me...they showed me how
to do so many things. I was so
lost. I think the government is my
friend? I dont know. They told
me they were doctors? Showed me
how to do karate. I did so much
training, they showed me how to use
all different guns...I saw a swan
earlier...I dont know. I think we
have to take the Easter Eggs
to...Someone, butMIKE
Dude what the fuck are you talking
about.
Laugher goes quiet, looking at Mikes legs.
LAUGHER
Im going to do something very bad.
Laugher trudges off. Mike immediately begins struggling but
its funny and pathetic instead of being helpful. From above
him, he can hear Laugher moving around, and then, softly:
PHOEBE (O.S.)
Mike, Im sorry. Im sorry.

69.
MIKE
...YOURE A DICK.
PHOEBE (O.S.)
I didnt want this to happen, ITheres the abrupt sound of a brutal impact; Phoebe goes
silent.
Phoebe?

MIKE

Theres a distant laugh.

MIKE (CONTD)
Are you there, whats- what smells
like gas?
LAUGHER

Gas.

Laugher is standing up on the road, pouring out a can of

gasoline into the ravine, which pours down into the pipe onto
Mikes legs.
MIKE
No way man what the shitLaugher throws back his head and lets out that trilling,
lunatics laugh.
LAUGHER
Im gonna burn you in a shithole!
No!

MIKE
Dont!

I AM!

LAUGHER
I WILL!

MIKE
NO STOP DONT
LAUGHER
NO I WILL I WILL
Laugher lights a flare.
MIKE
AHHH I FUCKIN HATE YOU MAN!
Laugher tosses the flare down into the ravine, which IGNITES
THE GASOLINE, the fire RAPIDLY SPREADING DOWN INTO THE PIPE,
pouring straight towards Mikes helpless legs and groin!

70.
Lasseter suddenly appears, reaching up-and pulls out Mike-Who comes crashing down on top of her, sending them both
splashing into the gross pond!
Mike struggles up, shoving her away, and she quickly makes
the SHH motion and pulls him to cover as burning gas pours
out of the pipe.
Mike stares at Lasseter, who keeps her finger up.
them, we can here Laughers car screech away.

Above

Mike runs up to the road; Laughers already far gone.

Phoebes nowhere to be seen.
Shit.

MIKE (CONTD)
IN THE CAR

70

Phoebe sits in the back seat, her face covered in blood,

holding her broken nose. Laugher, in the front seat,
chuckles and starts whistling.

70

WITH MIKE
71

Lasseter comes up on the road behind him, approaching him 71

slowly as he looks after the disappearing tail lights.
LASSETER
...Do you know who I am?
recognize me?

Do you

Mike turns, looking at her.

MIKE
You- You(remembers, long beat)
Youre that woman who fucked those
monkeys!
LASSETER
I- you- ...WHAT.
MIKE
On TV, they said you gave the town
malaria because you wanted to fuck
the disease test monkeys!
LASSETER
...Yates you little-

71.
72

INT. GOVERNMENT FIELD OPS CENTER - SHORTLY THEREAFTER

Laugher pushes Phoebe through the doors into
whos at a computer, hurriedly stands up and
gives him the finger. Yates laughs, quickly
tossing her a roll of paper towel, which she
Ha!

the tent. Otis,

salutes; Phoebe
approaching,
swats away.

YATES
Hello Phoebe Selburg.

PHOEBE
Hello dickless.
YATES
Wha- wow, thats not politePHOEBE
Your assets are unreliable.
did you find these guys?

Where

Yates doesnt respond.

YATES
Laugher, wheres Howl?
Dead.

LAUGHER

PHOEBE
Yeah, wheres your confirm on that?
With the two dead assets we left at
the house? I didnt see a body.
The clown here poured a bunch of
gasoline down a hole and lit it on
fire. Did he look in the hole, no.
But you know that, dont you.
(beat)
Dont you?
Yates stands there chewing gum.
PHOEBE (CONTD)
(confused)
Are you not even in audio contact
with your assets during ops?
YATES
We cant risk being overheardPHOEBE
Via what, why not use secure
channels-

72

72.
YATES
Because we dont have- we dont
have full satellite supportPHOEBE
WHAT? Who authorized this?
Wheres Krueger, why the fuck is
Diane Lasseter on televisionSome of the techs working at computers are looking up. Some
of the soldiers too. Yates stands there chewing gum for a
moment, regarding Phoebe.
YATES
Youre gonna ask me about my
authorization? Phoebe fucking
Selburg, she whod rather suck some
stoners cock than turn herself
back in for debrief is going to
question MY authority?
(approaches her)
Oh you think I dont know? This
isnt The fucking Notebook, Ive
read your file, you have no secrets
me. Oh Im sorry the lab-rat
retard made you cum a bunch of
times in the back of a Taco Bell,
thats worth throwing away the most
promising CIA undercover in my
class? Look at where I am now, Im
in charge of a major operation,
look where you are, under
departmental arrest for
insubordination awaiting trial as
of RIGHT NOW where youll be found
guilty and shot by a firing squad,
and your nose is broken, and Im
gonna fucking get the comp on the
kill, your boyfriend has been
burned alive, and if he hasnt,
guess what, Im next leveling. You
want to see my authorization?
Here, MEASURE MY DICK.
Yates reaches into his pants...and pulls out his phone.
73

INT. THE PENTAGON - DOUGLAS DESK - CONTINUOUS

Douglas has his head down on his desk.
he scrambles up, answering it.

73

The phone rings, and

73.
YATES
I need a MQ-9 in the sky in one
hour. Can you get me that? The
answer is yes, thank you. Call me
when its entering my airspace.
Yates hangs up.
74

Douglas stares at the phone.

INT. GOVERNMENT FIELD OPS CENTER - CONTINUOUS

74

(same)
YATES
BOOM, DRONE ON ITS WAY. I will
clear this town the fuck out, were
already six civvies down you think
if I give a fuck we lose ten more?
This has gone past a training
exercise, youve got you out there
now, a rogue agent, youve got your
boy-toy killing government assets,
and youve got Lasseter, HA,
fucking Lasseters menopause ridden
ass betraying this country at THE
HIGHEST LEVEL. This is it. The
kid gloves are off.
Phoebe, looking at Yates, realizes hes insane. She looks to
Otis, like Can you believe this? Otis looks at her hard,
emotionless, and Phoebe realizes just how fucked she is.
MIKE (V.O.)
So what the dick is going on.
75

EXT. GAS STATION PARKING LOT

75

Lasseter and Mike are sitting in the parking lot of a gas

station, around by the dumpsters. Mike is drying off his
hair with an old McDonalds wrapper, as Lasseter paces
nervously.
LASSETER
Your name...isnt Mike Howell.
MIKE
Oooohhhh shiiiiiiiit.
Fuckin...twist. TWIST.
LIFE.
Lasseter falters.

In REAL

He looks at Lasseter, deadly serious.

74.
MIKE (CONTD)
Did you- do me like Ghost Protocol?
LASSETER
Ghost- what?
MIKE
You did me a Ghost Protocol and now
Im alone on the missionLASSETER
No, whats- there is no mission,
just stop talking and listenMIKE
AM I A ROBOT, IS THAT WHAT
THIS IS ABOUT-

LASSETER
Wh- NO, Mike, stop.

MIKE
Okay, sorry, okay, Im going
through a lot right nowLASSETER
Do you remember when you were
arrested?
MIKE
When- which timeLASSETER
When you were eighteen.
Oh, yeah.

The acid.

MIKE

LASSETER
That was your third strike. Now I
know you dont remember this, but
that was when we first met. I was
recruiting people for a Program
called WisemanMIKE
A computer program?
LASSETER
No, how could you possibly- no. It
was a program designed to take
third strike misdemeanor offenders
and- Listen, Mike, have you
familiar with MK Ultra?
MIKE
The videogame?

75.
LASSETER
No not the- theres a?- no.
(beat)
MK Ultra was a classified
government research operation
throughout the 1950s, the objective
being the perfection of behavioral
engineering.
MIKE
Behavioral engineeLASSETER
Training brain function, physical
strength and stamina, strategic
thinking, language, sharpening
reflexes, response times and memory
to a degree that would seem, to a
normal person...super human.
How?

MIKE

LASSETER
A variety...a variety of ways.
Chemicals...drugs, along with
hypnosis, sensory deprivation,
isolation, and various...various
procedures that could be described
as...tortureMIKE
You did this to me? This is me,
one of the super-soldiers?
LASSETER
You were in the program for four
years. The directive of my
program, Project Wiseman, was to
take third strike offenders who
volunteered andHEY!

GAS STATION ATTENDANT

Lasseter and Mike look up.

What?

LASSETER

GAS STATION ATTENDANT

YOURE THE LADY FROM TV!

76.

What?

No?

LASSETER

GAS STATION ATTENDANT

...You fuck monkeys!
Lasseter reaches down into her coat and draws her pistol,
firing it at his feet; the bullets plink off the asphalt, and
he runs back inside.
SHIT!

GAS STATION ATTENDANT (CONTD)

YOURE CRAZY!

The gas station attendant runs inside.

to Mike.

Lasseter turns back

LASSETER
You were by far the stand out of
the program; most of the assets
were failures, but you, your test
results were off the chart. But
one success simply wasnt enough.
The program was cancelled, and all
the agents were wiped.
MIKE
...You erased my memories. Fucked
with my head and left me here as
mayor of Idiotville, with a fake
ass girlfriend to watch over me.
LASSETER
Why do you think you never go to
court? Why do you think youve
never even thought of contacting
your parents, why do you think
youre afraid to leave the town?
You have been living half a life.
Mike looks straight ahead, miserable.
76

INT. GAS STATION - CONTINUOUS

76

The gas station attendant is on the phone.

GAS STATION ATTENDANT
No, I guarantee you, its the lady
from TV!
77

EXT. GAS STATION PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS

Lasseter leans in, concerned.

77

77.
LASSETER
(trying to comfort him)
This isnt you, you know? This
wasnt always you. The anxieties,
the phobias, we did that to you, to
protect you. You understand? To
protect not just our investment,
but your life.
Theres a long beat.
MIKE
Turned me into Boner T. Moron, cuz
you were done with me. Boner T.
Moron, the Mayor Of Idiotville.
LASSETER
No, you were...You were always SORT
of like this, butMIKE
Why are they trying to kill me now?
LASSETER
...After my program was deemed a
failure, it was handed to a man
named Adrian Yates to be
dismantled; it was meant to be a
temporary assignment, he was only
supposed to help shut the program
down, but Yates developed a new
system, around my guidelinesWhat?

MIKE

LASSETER
There is VERY LITTLE oversight at
this level of top secret,
especially on a cancelled program.
Yates restructured, he cut corners;
he wants to make a big impression(off Mikes blank look)
Hes using my old wiped agents as
training targets for his new onesMIKE
What!? Theyre just murdering
people who have no idea whats
going on?
LASSETER
...Thats right. Yates is-

78.
MIKE
But those guys, they shot police,
they murdered RoseLASSETER
Thats because theyre
unpredictable. The new assets
arent first strike offenders. And
theyre not military volunteers.
(beat)
To get around regulations, Yates is
pulling from a different criminal
pool. ...Offenders deemed unfit to
stand trial.
MIKE
So youre saying...Mental patients?
LASSETER
Yes...Schizophrenics, severe
bipolar, clinical psychoticsMIKE
Crazy people? This dude was giving
HIGH TECH NINJA MATRIX TRAINING to
FUCKING CRAZY PEOPLE?
Lasseter reluctantly nods.
MIKE (CONTD)

WHAT THE FU78

EXT. KRUEGERS HOME - DAWN

78

The sun is just starting to come up over the home of Raymond

KRUEGER. We can faintly hear music.
79

INT. KRUEGERS HOME - KITCHEN

79

TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE is playing very loud on an iPod

speaker. BUGGY Krueger and ADRIANA Krueger, respectively 9
and 15, black, are dancing in the kitchen while eating
breakfast.
Raymond KRUEGER, 62, white, paunchy and broad, the
quintessential CIA higher-up, is dancing with them, being
taught how to do the Dougie.
Hes actually a pretty good dancer.

79.
BUGGY
You gotta put more lean into it dadKRUEGER
(more lean)
Like this?
BUGGY
Yeah thats right.
KRUEGER
I put some hips into it like thisADRIANA
Oh no, you got sex appeal nowKRUEGER
See, I get the hands toohands- elbows- boom boom-

ADRIANA
Ah yeah, boom boom-

BUGGY
Dad youre a good dancer!
Well I-

KRUEGER

Theres an odd, loud tone from the landline. Kruegers

expression changes, the smile dropping from his face as he
stares at it. In fact, the smile doesnt just disappear,
its replaced.
Replaced by an otherworldly chill, a look so intense and
frightening it could only come from a cold, hardened killer.
KRUEGER (CONTD)
Wake up your mother. Tell her
shes going to have to drive you to
school today.
The two children go quiet.
walks into the

They know he means business.

He

STUDY
And closes, then locks the door, before finally picking up
the beeping landline.
KRUEGER (CONTD)
Kilo Baritone Polo. This is
Krueger.
HARDCUT TO:

80.
80

Douglas sits in his cubicle, clearly shitting his pants.

After a long beat:

80

DOUGLAS
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
81

INT. GOVERNMENT FIELD OPS CENTER

81

Yates is sitting and looking at a picture of Mike on a

laptop, drumming his fingers. He notices Phoebe, whos
seated over to the right of him, being watched by Laugher.
Yates stares at her and she stares back.
PHOEBE
What is the number, now?
Yates is quiet.
PHOEBE (CONTD)
What are the numbers on this op?
Do you even know?
One of the techs, at a computer, speaks up.
TECH
Sir, weve got a sighting. Both
subjects, headed east on Perryman
way.
PHOEBE
Looks like hes still alive after
all.
Yates flinches, and then throws a pen at Laugher; it plinks
off his face.
YATES
(after a beat)
Theyre going back to the house.
PHOEBE
He wouldnt go back to the house.
Hes stupid, not retarded.
YATES
(ignoring her)
Otis, we still have Beedle on the
house right?
OTIS
Thats right.

81.
YATES
You go. You go YOURSELF and
oversee the capture or termination
of Lasseter and Asset Howl.
I-

OTIS

YATES
NOW THANK YOU, NOW.
OTIS
Sir yes sir.
Otis heads out. Yates, straightens his hair, and then lights
a cigarette. He looks up to see Phoebe staring at him.
YATES
The fuck are you looking at?
Phoebe doesnt react. Yates looks around, and sees all the
techs are looking at him too.
Theres a beep, and a tech speaks up.
TECH
MQ-9 just entered Limans airspace.
YATES
Can we call it from here?
TECH
No sir, only central can call it.
YATES
But Ive got the authorization,
right?
Yes sir.

TECH

YATES
Right. Tell them to ready a strike
on Asset Hotel Hotel.
PHOEBE
Youre...youre going to blow up my
house.
Yates smirks, tapping his forehead.

82.
82

EXT. PHOEBES HOUSE - DAWN

Mike approaches, Lasseter following him, angry.
just starting to rise.

82
The sun is

LASSETER
I am begging you, BEGGING you not
to go in there, he could have
snipers taking aim at us right nowMIKE
Then let them shoot us, who caresLASSETER
I CARE, I dont want to die, and I
dont want you to die eitherMIKE
Im going home, Im going to sleepLASSETER
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Mike
you cant do that, we have to keep
you alive until someone at the
Pentagon can see whats happened,
can rectifyMIKE
WAIT? Thats your plan? Youre as
stupid as the other guy! Did you
call anyone? Is anyone even
listening to you? Have you ever
been on like, missions and shit,
are you a secret agent or just
like, a desk person? Do the people
at the Pentagon even know youre
here? Does anyone even care?
Lasseter is silent.
MIKE (CONTD)
Youre both fuckin crazy, crazy
people. I have accepted that I am
going to die, okay? Im not even
the person I thought I was, and my
whole life is total bullshit, so
who cares, right? WHO CARES? If I
die, Im gonna die stoned, in my
bed, you can go or you can stay.
Mike unlocks his front door, and Lasseter steps back, raising
her shotgun.

83.
But he enters without incident. Lasseter looks around,
helpless, and then follows him inside.
83

EXT. THE SKY - CONTINUOUS

83

The MQ-9 strike drone banks and turns around in the sky.
AT THE PENTAGON
84

Yates sits with a laptop, communicating with Airforce command

84
via video chat.
AIRFORCE COMMAND
Repeat, confirm target coordinates
58-91-10 local.
Confirm.

DOUGLAS

AIRFORCE COMMAND
Targeting in progress, awaiting
confirmation to strike.
Douglas cell phone rings, and he lifts it, answering it
without looking.
SCOTT
Hey Pete, its Scott.
Douglas face freezes, realizing he made a mistake answering.
INTERCUT WITH
Scott at home.
SCOTT (CONTD)
Do you know where my mom is?
didnt come home last night-

She

Douglas hurriedly hangs up, and then chucks the phone across
the office; a young CIA woman is coming in, and it smacks her
in the face; she spills her coffee and falls on the ground.
Douglas instinctively ducks behind his desk.
Douglas?

AIRFORCE COMMAND
Agent Douglas?

Douglas peeks up over the desk.

DOUGLAS
Still here.

84.
85

INT. PHOEBES HOUSE - BEDROOM

85

Mike picks up the horrible stuffed bear, and goes into the
bedroom. He sits down on the bed, hugging it. He stares at
his feet. After a moment he begins crying.
IN THE LIVING
ROOM
Lasseter is standing awkwardly with her shotgun, looking
around, nervous. She notices all the pictures of Rocket
Monkey and Chip the Brick on the ground.
LASSETER
Whos Rocket Monkey?
Mike, still crying in the other room, shouts back a response.
MIKE
Hes a monkey astronaut, I made him
up. He goes on adventures.
Lasseter looks down, ashamed, sad.
LASSETER
You know, Selburg was supposed to
come back in.
Mike blinks, annoyed.
LASSETER (CONTD)
When you were in the program, she
was your number one. As all the
other assets in the program failed
out, you just kept suceeding...She
had so much faith in you. She
believed in you, and you showed her
kindness, warmth, even then.
Phoebe didnt have a lot of that,
growing up...
We become subtly aware that there is another person in the
room with her; a VERY MUSCLEBOUND military asset, who has
camouflaged himself into the mess.
This is BEEDLE. As Lasseter speaks, Beedle slowly extracts
himself from the camouflage.
LASSETER (CONTD)
She was just supposed to help you
get set up in the town, and then
she was going to leave you. Over
time, her faith in you, the nature
of it had...changed.
(MORE)

85.
LASSETER (CONTD)
We were going to fake her death and
give her a promotion, but
she...Ive actually never seen this
in undercover work, she decided to
stay with you. She gave up
everything, her whole real life.
Mike sits up, listening, wiping his tears.
LASSETER (CONTD)
I thought you should know that. I
dont suppose it means much now butBEEDLE SILENTLY STRIKES LASSETER FROM BEHINDIN THE BEDROOM
86

Mike perks up, even though theres barely a sound.

86

MIKE
Miss Lasseter?
IN THE LIVING
ROOM
87

Beedle slams Lasseter against the wall, and begins beating 87

the holy hell out of herIts terrifying. We are witnessing a super agent toying with
a forty five year old woman like a cat torturing a lizard,
its horrible to watch, WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM!
Mike is suddenly in the room next to Beedle, hurling a lamp
at him! Beedle dodges, and Mike flings the Playstation at
him, then beer bottle after beer bottle, rotten microwave
meals; the mess state of the kitchen gives Mike a LOT of
stuff to throw.
Beedle suddenly advances, and lands some huge, bone-jarring
hits on Mike, but Mike grabs the ratty rug under, him, and
PULLS IT OUTMIKE (CONTD)
HA FUCK YOU
Beedle staggers, and Mike GRABS HIS ARM-

88

EXT. PHOEBES HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

88

Otis drives up in a jeep, just as Beedle comes CRASHING OUT

THE FRONT WINDOW. Mike appears in the window, wielding the
shotgun, and fires at Otis three times.

86.
Otis drops out of the jeep, taking cover and unslinging an AR10 assault rifle. He returns fire, and Mike drops, ducking
out of sight, as Beedle starts to stand.
Otis raises his walkie-talkie.
OTIS
ASSET HOWL CONFIRMED ON SIGHT, I AM
ENGAGED NOW.
89

INT. GOVERNMENT FIELD OPS CENTER - CONTINUOUS

89

Yates nods.
YATES
Copy that.
(sets down his walkietalkie)
Drone strike is a go, call it.
TECH
But what aboutYATES
STRIKE IS A GO, CALL IT NOW.
TECH
We are go for strike.
AT THE PENTAGON
90

Douglas, slumped behind his desk, moans nervously.

90

DOUGLAS
Go for strike.
AIRFORCE COMMAND
Moving into attack position.
IN THE SKY
91

The drone banks, and swoops low, zooming in over the suburban
91
neighborhood
IN PHOEBES
HOUSE

92

Mike flips Lasseter her over, dragging her to the bedroom 92

door, grabs her pistol out of her holster, hops over her and
tosses her the shotgun as the front door flies off the
hinges. Lasseter hides into bedroom, as Mike dives for cover
in the kitchen.

87.
Otis begins SHREDDING THE KITCHEN WITH GUNFIRE, as Mike hugs
the ground, destroyed garbage falling all around him.
IN THE BEDROOM
93

Beedle comes crashing through the bedroom window, and

93
Lasseter rolls under her the bed. Beedle hops over the bed,
and goes to the doorframe, not seeing her, but Mike, pinned
down by Otis, takes a shot at him.
IN THE KITCHEN

94

Otis, seeing that he has Mike pinned on both sides, smiles 94

slightly and continues swiss-cheesing the kitchen. Pots and
pans fall all around him.

95

AT THE 95
GOVERNMENT
COMMAND CENTER
Fire.

YATES
IN THE PENTAGON

96

Douglas sits with his head in his hands.

96

YATES (CONTD)
I SAID FIRE.
IN THE BEDROOM
97

Lasseter comes up on the other side of the bed, unseen by 97

Otis, shoves the shotgun up Horrible Bears ass, swings it up
one handed into Beedles face just as he turnsIN THE KITCHEN

98

Theres a soft whud from the bedroom.

98

OTIS
(confused)
Beedle?
Mike pops up and turns on the broken microwave- WHICH
EXPLODES INTO FLAME, STARLING OTIS, who starts firing blindlyMike closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and then grabs a
saucepan and throws it straight up into the air99

WE GO INTO SLOW 99
MOTION AS

88.
It arcs up, flipping and turning; Otis looks at it confused,
and then, we
100

LAUNCH BACK INTO100

NORMAL SPEED
As Mike fires a single shot up into the airborne pan, and it
RICOCHETS OFF, STRIKING OTIS IN THE CHEST.

WHAT.

THAT WAS SO AWESOME.

The pot clatters to the ground, and Otis falls.

Mike sits there motionless, then peeks out, seeing Otis
laying on the floor..
MIKE
Whoa-ho-ho. Hoooooo.
101

Hoooooof.

INT. GOVERNMENT FIELD OPS CENTER - CONTINUOUS

101

Yates, having heard the gunshot, lifts his communicator.

YATES (ON PHONE)
Drop it now, the fuck are you
waiting for you idiot!? DROP IT
NOW.
IN THE PENTAGON
Douglas slumped staring into the distance.
AIRFORCE COMMAND
Please confirm deployment.
Douglas slams closed his laptop, and then hangs up the phone.
DOUGLAS
(quietly to himself)
No. Fuck you.
102

EXT. PORTLAND INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - TARMAC - SUNRISE

Krueger is standing alone in cold light of the Oregon
sunrise. He checks his watch.
Okay.

KRUEGER

He clicks his watch, starting a timer.

102

89.
103

INT. PHOEBES HOUSE - KITCHEN

103

Mike is standing in his kitchen, smoking a bowl.

the destruction of the living room, and sighs.

He surveys

MIKE
Whoa, this rooms fuuuuucked up.
Lasseter limps out of the bedroom.
MIKE (CONTD)
Did you kill the big jacked guy?
Lasseter gives a pained nod, and then slumps against the
wall, falling to the floor. She sees Otis, whos dying.
Otis.
this?

LASSETER
Howd you get tied up into

OTIS
(weak, dying)
They told me the call came in.
They told me it was the new
Wiseman.
LASSETER
But you mustve known. All this
insanity, you mustve knownOTIS
Its not my job to know, you know
that. Who was I gonna call, Miss
Lasseter? ...top secret...Who was
I gonna...call...
Otis dies.
The kitchen landline starts ringing.
over.

Lasseter, pained, rolls

LASSETER
Dont answer that.
MIKE
What if its the mean government
people?
LASSETER
It definitely is.
MIKE
(long beat)
What about Phoebe?

90.
LASSETER
Selburg will be fine, but you cantMike awkwardly puts a finger to her lips, silencing her.
MIKE
You have been a good mom to me. I
dont really remember my mom and I
assume thats kind of your fault
but I want you to know if I had a
mom that I remembered Id hope she
fought jacked dudes and was a top
secret bad-ass just like you,
except didnt fuck me over and
replace my memories and make my
life all fake too. I am proud of
you, fake-mom. You are a real
stupid idiot.
Mike wait-

LASSETER

Mike answers the phone.

...Hello?
Hello?

YATES (ON PHONE)

MIKE

YATES (ON PHONE)

Whos this?
You first?

MIKE
WE CUT BACK AND
FORTH BETWEEN

Yates at the command center and Mike.

YATES (ON PHONE)
...Aw shit. Aw...fuuuck. Its
you, isnt it, its Mike HowellMIKE
Yes. Is this...the bad
guy?...speaking?
Lasseter facepalms.
YATES
Is the house not all...on fire?
Big crater?

91.
MIKE
Uhhh...No man, the house is
basically normal.
YATES
..................Okay....
MIKE
So...what are you doing?
What?

YATES

MIKE
Whats the plan now?
YATES
Im sorry what?
MIKE
Like do you wanna...be friends, orYATES
NO I DONT WANNA FUCKING BE
FRIENDS. Do you understand- can
you comprehend the scale of fuck-up
you are causing!? This is all your
fault, youre the goddamn fart in
the machineMIKE
Dont call me a fart YOURE a fartI AM NOT

YATES

MIKE
Yes you are youre a dickfartNO YOU
NO YOU

YATES
MIKE

YATES
OKAY WHAT FUCK, stop, shit, jesus.
Look, okay, lets be friends. You
want to be friends, we can be
friends. Okay. This is retarded,
oh my god. Okay.
(beat)
You wanna come visit us, were at
the Wal-Mart.

92.

On Wilson?
Yes.

MIKE
YATES

MIKE
Why, I mean, what would we do?
Yates eyes Phoebe.
YATES
You wanna talk to Phoebe?
MIKE
No, fuck her.
Yates draws his pistol, and points it at Phoebes head.
YATES
Fuck her? So if I shot her in the
head right now, youre chill,
youre chill with that, its all
chill, ooh shaggy-doo, its all
cool dude?
MIKE
(long, conflicted beat)
No, that wouldnt be cool.
Yates laughs, and tosses Phoebe the phone.
and stares at it.
Go on.

YATES
Say something.

Phoebe steels herself.

She catches it,

93.
PHOEBE
Mike, Mike just listen okay. I'm
sorry I lied to you, I'm so sorry
but listen, don't let them win,
don't let them kill you, and I know
you won't but they're going to kill
me if you don't come get me, and if
you hate me then I'll understand,
and if you come get me you're
walking into a trap, and I know
you're scared but Mike, if you
think you can do this, you CAN,
okay, you're better than these
guys, and I believe in you Mike, I
always did, I believe in you and I
love you and you can come or not
come either way just please forgive
me I love you I love you IYates takes the phone, and hangs up. Phoebe sits sobbing,
and breathing hard. He stands watching her.
YATES
Is he coming or not?
SLAM TO:
104

Mike stands in his bullet riddled kitchen, tears streaming104

down his face. He sets down the phone, staring at it.
He mutters something, inaudible, then straightens himself,
pulling his shit together.
Mike?

LASSETER
What are you doing?
MIKE

Dont fucking...

(beat)
Dont fuck with my girlfriend.
105

INT. THE PENTAGON - OFFICES

105

Douglas is sitting in a meeting room, laying on the desk.

Hes taken off his shoes, and lays staring at the ceiling,
repeatedly tossing and catching a koosh ball.
The koosh ball is SNATCHED OUT OF THE AIR. The room is
FILLED with government agents, holding guns on him.
DOUGLAS
Okay. Great. This is just
perfect. What a shitty night.

94.
106

EXT. WAL-MART

106

Yates stands looking out at the dawn light, smoking a

cigarette.
YATES
This sucks. This truly sucks. But
youre okay, youre gonna get it
done. Theres winners and theres
losers. Youre a winner. Youre
gonna get it done. Thats what
winners do, we get it done, weTechs begin walking past him, hauling equipment.
dismantling the base.

Theyre

YATES (CONTD)
What is this? Where are you going?
TECH
They pulled the operation, theyre
saying anyone who doesnt report
back to debrief is acting against
interests of POTUS.
YATES
POTUS? How the fuck is the
President involved, hes notTECH
He is now, sir.
Yates stands there, flummoxed, and then turns and hurries to
the big eighteen wheeler, opening the door.
YATES
ALL ASSETS OUT, NOW, you are all
CODE THREE, on ME.
The remaining thirteen men begin unloading from the truck,
swarming around Yates; they all look like what they are,
highly trained psychotic supersoldiers.
Yates turns, and sees Otis jeep coming up the street, very
quickly.
YATES (CONTD)
Otis jeep? What the fuck isILLEGAL FIREWORKS BEGIN LAUNCHING FROM THE edge of the
parking lot, AT GROUND LEVEL.
Lasseter is FIRING THEM FROM COVER.

95.
YATES (CONTD)
FUCK! WHAT? NO SHIT FUCK!
Yates turns, and starts back towards the tent, which is
STRUCK BY A FIREWORK AND EXPLODES, flooring Yates as the
jeep, driven by Mike, comes skidding into the lot.
Fire works start streaking in all over the place, exploding
at ground level; the chaos of light and sound this causes is
INCREDIBLE.
The tent COLLAPSES, techs running everywhere in panic.
Laugher!
NOW!

YATES (CONTD)
BRING SELBURG! WITH ME,

Yates shoots out the front door of the Wal-Mart. Laugher,

dragging Phoebe, approaches, with the rest of the assets
following.
THE JEEP IS DRIVING STRAIGHT TOWARDS THEM, FIREWORKS FIRING
OFF FROM INSIDE IT!
YATES (CONTD)
Shit, shit, FALL BACK, FALL BACK!
Form a defensive line, well take
him out inside!
107

INT. WAL-MART - CONTINUOUS

107

The Wal-Mart is dark as Yates and the assets enter. Yates,

with Laugher dragging Phoebe in tow, hurries towards the back
as the rest of the assets follow loosely and thenTHE JEEP COMES crashing through the front doors of the WalMart, fireworks EXPLODING INDOORS.
The assets are dazed. Mike HOPS OUT, and we enter a THE MOST
EPIC TRACKING SHOT YOU EVER DID SEE:
Mike encounters an asset immediately at check-out; he hops
the counter, throws a magazine in the guys face, and then
SMASHES HIM WITH THE DIGITAL CASH REGISTERMike moves into the first aisle, cosmetics, an asset rushing
up to him- Mike fights him for a moment before knocking him
away, grabbing hairspray off the shelf, raises a lighterBOOM THE GUYS ON FIRE- Mike grabs eyeliner pencil and SLAMS
IT INTO THE ASSETS EYEHe ducks around the corner-

96.
An asset attacks- Mike fights him before grabbing dish soap
off the shelf and spraying him in the face, then nabbing a
dustpan-dustbrush combo- another asset rushes him and after a
few blocks Mike slams the dustpan into his neck, slicing it,
then turns and DRIVES THE DUSTBRUSH into the side of the
blinded agents faceHe grabs some Lemon Pledge off the shelf, and a mop and moves
to the next aisle, nearly catching up to YatesYATES
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

Yates shoves three assets at him, and Mike faces them ALL
with the Lemon Pledge, and then begins beating them with the
mop before realizing hes in kitchenwares, and grabs a set of
kitchen knives, dumping it out onto the floorEveryone scrambles to pick up the knives and Mike QUICKLY
GRABS KNIVES, PINNING TWO OF THE ASSETS HANDS TO THE FLOOR,
THEN STANDSAnd is slashed THREE TIMES by the remaining asset. Mike
staggers back, then pops up and SLAMS A MEAT CLEAVER INTO THE
ASSETS HEAD, before curbstomping one of the downed assets
and punting the otherMIKE
RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Mike charges into the next aisle, grabbing a teapot as he
goes, and Yates takes a shot at him; he ducks to cover and is
ATTACKED BY AN ASSET, punches and kicks before MIKE JAMS THE
TEAPOT STRAIGHT INTO THE GUYS FACE, KILLING HIM.
WOW, this is a lot of action to write out, lets hope youre
having more fun reading it than if I just wrote Mike goes
ape on these motherfuckers.
PHOEBE
You cant stop him Yates, just let
me go! He doesnt care about you,
he justYates PUNCHES PHOEBE IN THE FACE.
YATES
COME ON, were going out the back!
YOU TWO, STOP HIM PLEASE.
Laugher drags her along.
three assets-

Back with Mike, hes confronted by

97.
Hes in the garden aisle. Everyone realizes where they are,
and immediately goes to grab weapons- MIKE CHARGES THEM WITH
A PITCHFORK. One goes down, but the other two pincher Mike,
repeatedly kicking and punching himHe grabs a can of RAID of the shelf and GETS THEM BOTH IN THE
FACE, then picks up a garden sheers and STABS A DUDE IN THE
HEART. The other asset, he sprays with more Raid and then
bashes him with the can before jumping over him into
THE HARDWARE AISLE, where hes confronted by the remaining
four assetsMIKE DRAWS OUT ONE OF THE ILLEGAL FIREWORKS AND LIGHTS ITKABOOM!
When the smoke clears, noise is gone, replaced by a piercing
ringing, and everything is colorfully on fire. Mike stands
up, grabbing a rubber mallet off a burning shelf, and walks
through the assets, SMASHING THEIR HEADS LIKE WHACKAMOLE as
they start to recover.
Yates, seeing Mike approaching looking like the motherfuckering terminator, grabs Phoebe by the hair and yanks her
to her feet.
MIKE
(to Laugher)
For fucksakes, KILL HIM.
Yeah okay.

LAUGHER

Laugher starts towards Mike, as Yates retreats back into an

Employees Only hallway.
...But Mike is suddenly gone.
confused.

Laugher looks around,

LAUGHER (CONTD)
...Dont hide. Come out. Dont
hide. I want to talk to you.
108

INT. WAL-MART - EMPLOYEES ONLY HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

108

Yates hurls Phoebe into the hallway, she hits the walls hard,
her head banging off, leaving a smear of blood. Yates slams
the door behind him, locking it.
ow- ow--

PHOEBE

Yates tries to grab her and she swats his hand away.

98.
PHOEBE (CONTD)
I FUCKING HATE YOU!
What?

YATES

PHOEBE
Youre the worst fucking- CHRIST do
you see how stupid you are? You
cant even see it youre still sure
that youre going to come out on
top, WELL YOURE NOT, ADRIAN.
YOURE GOING TO FUCKING DIE. IS
THAT REAL TO YOU YET, DO YOU SEE
THE FIRE, DO YOU SMELL THE FUCKING
SMOKE, YOURE GOING TO DIEYates grabs Phoebes head, and smashes it against the wall,
SPLAT, and she drops to her knees.
YATES
Look at you. Pathetic, And you
hate me? What are you, fucking
fourteen years oldYates tries to grab her head again and Phoebe blocks and goes
for the throat. Yates jumps backwards, startled.
Phoebe looks at him through bangs of bloody hair.
Fuck.

YATES (CONTD)
Whats that about, fuck you-

Yates tries to smash her head again, and AGAIN PHOEBE BLOCKS
AND GOES FOR THE THROAT- SHIT MAN, FUCK!
Yates leaps back.
YATES (CONTD)
Man, fuck this. And fuck you,
Selburg. Theyll be fucking
laughing at your dead pothead ass
tomorrow morning in the debriefing.
Tarzan, you can fucking burn with
your ape.
Yates spits on her, and starts to walk away. Phoebe, on her
knees, concussed and bloody, lets out a weird low laugh.
PHOEBE
(sing song)
Youre gonna diiiiieeeeee
(laughs)
ADRIIIIANNNN, youre gonna diiieee-

99.
109

INT. WAL-MART - CONTINUOUS

109

Laugher is looking around the burning Wal-Mart.

LAUGHER
Were you crazy too? Were you a
person who was exceptional like me
or are you a different type of
exceptional, do you...can you move
me? Will you move me? I feel like
I need to be moved, you know,
please move meMIKE ATTACKS- LAUGHER BLOCKSListen, Ive written a lot of action here. You know it, I
know it, and I want this script to be under 110 pages
because, cmon, its Stoner Bourne, not Kafka. This isnt
Kafka, okay?
They have guys...There are like, fight coordinators, guys who
can make this look awesome. This isnt a comic book. We all
know ultimately its going to come down to what we can shoot
on the day anyway, right?
So just take my word for it that the fight between Mike and
Laugher makes any of the action in the new James Bond films
look like fucking 1960s Batman. Its violent, its
incredible, they beat the living shit out of each other, and
it ends with them
REPEATEDLY STABBING EACH OTHER WITH SCREWDRIVERS before Mike
BURIES A CLAW HAMMER INTO LAUGHERS FOREHEAD, and then
collapses, seemingly dead.
110

EXT. BACK OF WAL-MART - CONTINUOUS

110

Yates is running, frantic. He gets about twenty feet,

repeatedly looking behind him, spinning and running STRAIGHT
INTO KRUEGER.
KRUEGER
Hello Adrian.
111

INT. WAL-MART - CONTINUOUS

111

Phoebe slowly moves through the back of the burning Wal-Mart,

discovering Mike laying face down on the ground.
Mike.

PHOEBE
Mike. Hey.

100.
MIKE
Hey Phoebe.
PHOEBE
Do you want to...leave Wal-Mart?
MIKE
...Yeah...I guess, yeah.
112

EXT. WAL-MART - MOMENTS LATER

112

Phoebe, supporting Mike, exits Wal-Mart, and is immediately

HIT BY MULTIPLE SPOTLIGHTS.
She squints against the light, and turns, seeing Krueger,
nearby, surrounded by Seal Team 6, with Lasseter and Yates
handcuffed on their knees in front of him.
Phoebe looks around, dazed.
The Wal-Mart burning behind them, Black Hawk choppers in the
air overhead, dozens of military vehicles and cop cars are
parked into the lot, its CRAZY. They are ready to take down
God himself out here.
PHOEBE
I wanted you to break your
training. You know that right? I
wanted you to come to Hawaii with
me, I hoped youd be able to get
through it, I believed in youI know.
What?

MIKE
Lasseter told me.

PHOEBE
Lasseter, you saw Lasseter-

Mike drops to one knee, clearly about to pass out.

PHOEBE (CONTD)
Mike, are youHe produces the ring box.
MIKE
Are you want to...marry me?
Phoebe looks around, breathing hard, and immediately begins
to cry, wiping blood off her face.

101.
MIKE (CONTD)
Dont cry. Its perfect. This is
all just...this is perfect.
PHOEBE
Im sorry...
MIKE
Dont say sorry.
...Yes.

Just say yes.

PHOEBE

THEN A SYMPHONY OF CLICKING GUNS.

MIKE
(thrilled)
Hey! SHE SAID YES!

WOOO-

Mike is HIT WITH A BOUT A MILLION TAZERS, DROPPED INSTANTLY.

HARDCUT TO:
113

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM

113

The room is spotlessly clean and empty, save for a stainless

steel table and two chairs. In one of them is Mike.
Hes been cleaned up and bandaged, but hes still a total
mess. Bloody, slightly burnt finger tips drumming away on
the steel, but other than that, hes motionless.
The door opens, and a young CIA ANALYST, in a suit and
looking very official, comes in carrying a file, and sits
down across from the Mike.
HARDCUT TO:
114

INT. GOVERNMENT CAR - BACKSEAT

114

Yates and Lasseter, still all fucked up, are being driven
somewhere. Theyre let out in a
SNOWY FIELD
In the middle of the woods. Its about noon on a cold, gray
day. Both of them are shivering.
They stand there with one another in silence.
his throat, startling them.

Krueger clears

102.
KRUEGER
Diane Lasseter. Adrian Yates.
Hello sir-

YATES

Shhhhhhhh.

LASSETER
Good morningKRUEGER (CONTD)

Krueger regards them both, shivering there in the cold, while

he himself is dressed warmly, and looks comfortable.
All right.
He checks his watch.

KRUEGER (CONTD)
The timer is at 3 HOURS 40 MINUTES.

KRUEGER (CONTD)
Lets wrap this up.
Lasseter cant hide an involuntary chill.
LASSETER
I just want to say, sir, that Peter
Douglas should not have his actions
in the past twenty four hours held
against him. I manipulated DouglasKRUEGER
To betray the United States and the
direct orders of his commanding
officer?
I-

LASSETER

KRUEGER
Douglas will be dealt with when
hes dealt with. You, on the other
hand directly interfered in a
government operation.
Unsanctioned, without notification,
without authorization, you killed
an American Government Operative,
and share indirect accountability
for the deaths of seven civilians
and seventeen government assets.
Is that correct?
LASSETER
Yes, but sir, I felt Yates wasShhh.

KRUEGER

103.
YATES
Thanks to Lasseter alerting asset
Howl, seven American citizens
were killed in theKRUEGER
-Operation you created and
spearheaded, without any direct
authorizationYATES
Yes sir, but you have to
understand, I was self starting.
You see opportunities, you take
them; what am I supposed to do
other than take opportunities? You
werent gonna authorize some
multibillion dollar test in Europe,
Asia, so I started here, with
people we already had deemed
expendable. Yes, maybe I took
shortcuts, maybe I made mistakes,
but in the end, I was doing what I
understood that I needed to do to
create a cost-efficient exploit of
a system already put in place. I
know maybe I didnt have
permission or whatever, but if
Id pulled this off, youd be
thanking me. Youd be fucking
THANKING ME, right? Am I right?
After a beat, Krueger nods.

CIA is shady like that.

YATES (CONTD)
This is what the problem is, is
that somebody created an
environment where I was made to
look foolish. It was an
unpredictable environment; I didnt
account for Diane Lasseter and
Phoebe Selburg betraying their
country, their ideals, and this
agency in defense of a wash-out
stoned nonfunctional asset, I acted
to the best of my abilities and in
the best interest of national
security-

104.
KRUEGER
And was this before or after you
created a fake malaria panic,
attempted to order a drone strike
on a American soil and wiped out an
entire small town police force?
YATES
Well sir, its complicated.
KRUEGER
No it isnt.
YATES
With all due respect, yes it is.
With all due respect, you werent
fucking there. You havent read
the file, there is no file yet, you
havent read the logs, you have no
fucking clue the kind of bullshit
Ive been dealing with from these
two psycho bitches, and IKrueger draws a pistol and shoots Yates three times in the
chest. Lasseter stifles a scream. Yates drops, falling onto
his back.
Yates lays in the snow, shocked, bleeding, dying, and Krueger
goes and stands over him.
KRUEGER
YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID. YOU GO
BEHIND THE BACK OF THE DIRECTOR AND
AUTHORIZE A CLANDESTINE OPERATION
USING MURDERERS AND LUNATICS TO
KILL AMERICAN AGENTS? THATS HIGH
TREASON, MORON. WHAT THE FUCK ARE
WE COMING TO THAT A PSYCHOPATH LIKE
YOU WAS PUT IN CHARGE OF ANYTHING!?
You cost the taxpayers money, and
worse than that, you KILL
TAXPAYERS, and then youre going to
tell ME I dont have a clue? Im
so happy and relieved that I just
killed you, because now theres no
paperwork, you just FUCKING DIE,
AND IN DOING SO, BECOME LESS OF A
FUCKING PROBLEM.
Yates dies.
Krueger straightens himself, and turns to Lasseter, whos
shaking.

105.
LASSETER
Sir. I dont know if this is
appropriate to say, but please,
please, please do not kill me.
KRUEGER
You know theres a strong chance
thats exactly whats going to
happen.
Yes sir.

LASSETER

Theres a beat, Krueger staring Yates body.

KRUEGER
Im your source.
Lasseter widely hides any kind of reaction.
KRUEGER (CONTD)
(long beat)
When I called you to notify you the
sweep was happening, I did it out
respect and courtesy. Youve made
me regret that now.
(beat)
There is a universe where this is
all my fault. But since no one
knows that am I am your source, and
no one will ever know that I am
your source, we are not living in
that universe, understood?
-yes sir-

LASSETER

KRUEGER
My intention was not for you to act
like fool child moron and try to
save your puppy, the puppy was
being put down, I was notifying you
of the puppys death, not asking
you to save the puppy, nor implying
that Id vindicate you saving the
puppy. Well the puppy just shit
all over everything and lit a WalMart on fire. You have a crazy,
scary, rabid puppy that murders
people. Its a bad puppy, and will
still need to be put down. You
understand that, correct?

106.
LASSETER
...yes sirKRUEGER
Douglas, hell, Douglas might be
okay. He called me. You better
pray you can find a way to turn
this into a win. You better pray
and sweat and pull a miracle out of
your ass, a fucking Bethlehem make
me believe shock the world miracle,
because if you cant...
(indicates Yates)
Thats you. Thats you.
Krueger turns, getting ready to walk away, trudging up the
hill. Lasseter steels herself.
LASSETER
You already have your miracle, sir.
Krueger stops dead, and turns back to Lasseter.
LASSETER (CONTD)
My project worked. Wiseman
returned on its investment, even if
it wasnt in the way we expected.
Mike Howell dismantled the entire
Toughguy program singlehandedly.
That makes him the most effective
asset ANY of the Ultra programs
have ever seen. In sixty years.
(Krueger is listening)
Pardon me for saying this sir, but
that is a puppy worth saving. That
is a two hundred million dollar
puppy.
(beat)
And you have him sitting in a
holding cell right now.
Krueger just stares at her. Yates lays dead between them.
The wind howls on the snowy field. Yates reaches down, and
clicks off the timer on his wristwatch.
115

INT. LASSETERS HOUSE - LATER

115

Scott is sitting up on the couch, watching the news, which is

debunking the false malaria panic created by a disgruntled
CDC employee. Hes clearly been up all night.
The door opens, and the alarm goes off, startling him.
rushes over the foyer, and sees Lasseter coming in.

Scott

107.

Mom?

SCOTT

Lasseter turns, clearly exhausted, and Scott rushes and hugs

her tight. Lasseter hugs him back, and begins crying, more
exhausted than emotional.
She laughs, repeatedly kissing the top of Scotts head.
FADE TO BLACK.
116

EXT. BELIZE - BEACH - MONTHS LATER

116

Its a stunningly beautiful beach in Belize. Mike and Phoebe

are sitting out on the beach, holding hands, drinking
Bellinis.
Mike and Phoebe look great. Healthy, rested. Mikes hair is
a little longer. Mike gets up, and Phoebe waves to him as he
walks up to the bathrooms.
Mike gives her thumbs up, and goes inside, only to be
SNATCHED BY GOONSHARDCUT TO:
117

INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN

117

Its all clean steel surfaces, and whites; were in a very

high end industrial kitchen. Mike, on his knees, has a bag
pulled off his head, and finds himself facing an
INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL, impeccably dressed, looking like one
of Oceans Eleven. Goons flank him on all sides. One of
them approaches the boss.
GOON
All he had on him was this.
The goon shows the International Criminal a napkin with a
picture of Rocket Monkey drawn on it that says FUCK YOU.
INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL
This is it? This is him? How far
has the CIA fallen, that they send
one man. Who are you? Are you
James Bond? Did they really think
they could sneak up on ME? I am
Robertito Lazaniafrespasda. And
what do they send? A TOURIST.

108.
The goons laugh. Mike looks around the room; knives on the
counter, skewers in a cupboard, pans hanging, sausages
hanging, open flame on the grills, a tray of dirty forks
knives and spoons, a pile of plates.
One man.

INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL (CONTD)

One UNARMED man.

Mike laughs to himself weirdly.

INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL (CONTD)
Something funny?
MIKE
Im sorry.
(beat)
Im just so fucking high right now.
The criminal reacts: What? And then MIKE SUDDENLY LUNGES
FORWARDSLAM TO BLACK.
CUE: EXTREME
WAYS BY MOBY
THE END.
AFTER CREDITS...
118

INT. THE MAURY POVITCH SHOW

118

MAURY Povitch is interviewing Rose, whos seated next to a

big fat chinese woman who looks mad. Up on a big screen
theres an image of a half-chinese baby.
MAURY
Well, the test results are in.
Rose, do you still deny you are the
father?
ROSE
Thats right, it is unfeasible that
that baby could be mine.
MAURY
Unfeasible, really?

109.
ROSE
Yes sir. Yes sir Maury, I was
involved in an incident, a violent
incident ten months ago,
clandestine and sworn to secrecy,
but it has left me unfertile.
Unfertile?

MAURY

ROSE
Yes sir unfertile and barren.
MAURY
Okay. In the case of one month old
baby Dim Dom Kwang...
(opens folder)
You are NOT the father!
Heavy music comes on, the camera moves all around as Rose
jumps up and starts dancing.
SLAM TO BLACK.