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Attachment and Narcissism
Attachment and Narcissism
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PISTOLE
ADULT ATTACHMENT
Attachment (Bowlby, 1979, 1988) influences development, psycholog cal
organization, and adult love (Shaver & Hazan, 1988; Shaver et: al., 19 !8).
According to Bowlby, attachment is a behavioral system experienced . s a
bond with a particular other who is sensed as a source of security and sal ;ty.
As a safe base, the attachment figure facilitates exploration and the qus lity
of development throughout the lifespan. More successful exploration \ reduces a stronger sense of capability, and this in turn contributes to appro mate self-reliance, autonomy, and success in relationships and work.
Behavior within attachment relationships is planned and guided b / a
cognitive-affective schema or "internal working model" that is origin .11 y
constructed in infancy from interactions (Bowlby, 1979, 1988). This mo lei,
which also mediates the experiencing and meaning of the relationship, includes (a) expectations about the other's caring and responsiveness, (b)
beliefs about the self's worthiness of care and attention, and (c) rules for
affect regulation (e.g., in negative or distressing situations; Kobak & Sc& rj,
1988; Mikulincer, Florian, & Tolmacz, 1990). These working models are
thought to underlie individual differences in adult attachment style.
Stimulated by an interest in love (Shaver & Hazan, 1988) and building on
the work of Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, and Wall (1978) with infants, Ha :an
and Shaver (1987) identified three forms of adult attachment relationshi DS:
secure, insecure-anxious-ambivalent, and insecure-avoidant. More rec ;nt
research (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991), which conceptualized styles
logically by crossing positive and negative models of both self and otl er,
suggests that a four-style model (secure, preoccupied, avoidant-fearful, ; nd
avoidant-dismissing) may more accurately describe adult attachment. I i a
comparison of the three and four-style models, Brennan, Shaver, and Tot ey
(1991) found systematic correspondence between the frameworks. The c iscussion in this article is organized along a three-style model because feai : u.
and dismissing are both avoidant styles with much in common.1
Briefly, the research indicates that the securely attached are more coi fident and competent in their emotional interactions, more "happy, frienc ly
and trusting" (Hazan & Shaver, 1987, p. 515). Preoccupied (or anxious-a nbivalent) attachment is characterized by clinging and neediness and an
intense focus on the partner (Feeney & Noller, 1990; Hazan & Shaver, 198 7).
Avoidant attachment is distinguished by emotional distance and a comp ilsive self-reliance (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991; Hazan & Shaver, 198 7).
NARCISSISM
As introduced by Freud (1914/1961), the term narcissism has been used to
describe a variety of clinical phenomena, including the libidinal investmi nt
'Distinctions between fearful and dismissing avoidance are articulated when meaningful.
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of the self (Moore & Fine, 1990; Sandier, Person, & Fonagy, 1991). In
current usage, the term narcissism, despite theoretical differences between
authors, is often used in the context of self-esteem and refers to an aspect of
personality, (i.e., of ego organization) that manifests in both healthy and
pathological ways (Blanck & Blanck, 1979; Kernberg, 1985; Kohut & Wolf,
1978; Moore & Fine, 1990; Sandier et a l , 1991).
Narcissism is related to the cognitive-affective patterning or structuring
of the intrapsychic self (Blanck & Blanck, 1979; Kernberg, 1985; Kohut &
Wolf, 1978). With a well-patterned or solid intrapsychic structure, the person
is able to (a) soothe and comfort self (i.e., regulate esteem internally; Baker
& Baker, 1987), (b) sustain goals and relationships (Patton & Robbins,
1982), and (c) value both self and significant others (i.e., there is an even
distribution of self-esteem and other-esteem; Blanck & Blanck, 1979; Moore
& Fine, 1990). If, however, the self-structure is less patterned or more
nondifferentiated, positive valuing of the self and management of esteem
functions depend more on others' behaving in ways that support the self
that is, provide valuing, confirming, or comforting functions (Baker &
Baker, 1987; Patton & Robbins, 1982). With a more fragile self-structure,
the person has more difficulty maintaining an inner sense of comfort and
esteem and so is more easily wounded or hurt (i.e., more narcissistically
vulnerable).
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ATTACHMENT
11 9
is balanced by recognition of another as a separate, autonomous self (Solomon, 1989, p. 47). The self is solid enough that the partner is intellectually
and emotionally experienced as different and separate from self (i.e., with
separate interests and desires). Although involvement with the partner does
heighten self-esteem, esteem enhancement is provided through a sense of
mastery or competence including success in the relationship and appreciation of the partner as a way of fulfilling internal values and standards.
Research indicates that secure attachment relationships demonstrate a
sense of self and the partner as separate. For example, secure attachment has
been associated with more positive views of others (Collins & Read, 1990;
Hazan & Shaver, 1987), interdependence (Simpson, 1990), intimacy
(Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991; Levy & Davis, 1988), trust (Feeney &
Noller, 1990; Hazan & Shaver, 1987), and mutuality (Feeney & Noller,
1991). Securely attached adults have reported "being able to accept and
support the partner despite the partner's faults" (Hazan & Shaver, 1987, p.
515); and in describing their relationships, they "emphasize the importance
of openness and closeness . . . while at the same time seeking to retain their
individual identity" (Feeney & Noller, 1991, p. 208). The picture that
emerges of secure attachment includes an appreciation of both self and other
as well as a capacity for openness and cooperativeness. This description is
consistent with others being perceived as separate people and with esteem
being distributed between self and other.
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logically enhances self-esteem through fusion with a partner who is >erceived as possessing "all greatness, all power, all esteem, all worth ind
value" (Elson, 1987, p. 40). With the partner serving as a selfobject (Kc hut
& Wolf, 1978), the power and worth are experienced as belonging to s ;lf.
The partner is valued as part of the self (Elson, 1987, p. 40) and "for ths
internal functions and the emotional stability" (Baker & Baker, 1987, p 2)
he or she augments. Moreover, as a part of the self, the partner is expectei to
interact in a way that is congruent with the self's defensive strategies.
If the partner does not meet the self's narcissistic needs (e.g., for ck seness or distance), then the person is subject to an awareness of differentr sss
between self and partner. This incongruence would be experienced a > a
separation threat and trigger intense separation anxiety, which would aro lse
the attachment system (Bowlby, 1988). The ensuing attachment beha\ ior
might also be contaminated by defensive behavior designed to regulate ; nd
protect self (rather than regain security). That is, the needs of the attachm ;nt
system would be to experience the partner as either symbolically or ph1 sically available. Defensive needs would be to protect the self "from expi riencing needs for love, understanding, and validation" (Basch, 1987, p. 31 8).
Preoccupied attachment.
Preoccupied attachment can be constri ed
as a defensive strategy in which narcissistic vulnerability is manaj ec.
through merger with the partner. In research, preoccupied romantic relati< >nships were characterized by high levels of idealizing the partner and ar
extreme approach to love which includes obsessive preoccupation (Peer ey
& Noller, 1990; Hazan & Shaver, 1987), hypervigilance to separation,
greater distress over separation (Mikulincer et al., 1990), and attending tc
distress (Kobak & Sceery, 1988). These characteristics indicate more inti nsity in attention to partner than is required for interdependency and intim; -y
(see Elson, 1987), which indeed are not so well accomplished in preoccup: sd
attachment. In addition, the strong clinging and idealized focus on partnei is
consistent with gaining affirmation through mergerthat is, experienci ig
the idealized other, who contains worth and value, as if he or she were a p irt
of self, were a selfobject.
Moreover, although subtle, language also indicates fusion with the pa :tner. In one study, persons with a preoccupied attachment exhibited a higl er
level of couple references ("we" vs. "I") associated with the perception of
problems in the relationship (Feeney & Noller, 1991). Only when there ; re
problems (i.e., incongruence between self and partner) is a "we" (two ps ople) versus an "I" (fusion) recognized.
Other relationship characteristics also suggest that a component of nee< !iness directs the relationship behaviors. Studies have found that preoccupi ;d
attachment is characterized by more emotional dependence, a desire i :>r
more commitment (Feeney & Noller, 1990), greater reliance on the partn ;r,
more use of others as a safe base (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991), a id
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nature" (Kernis, Grannemann, & Barclay, 1989, p. 1013). Perhaps the ho: til ity associated with avoidant attachment (Bartholomew & Horowitz, IS 31;
Kobak & Sceery, 1988) is triggered as a self-protective mechanism that (a)
defends against anxiety and negative feelings about self or (b) function to
repair damaged self-esteem and preserve a feeling of well-being (Kerni ; et
al.( 1989; Solomon, 1989).
Self-defense in the relationship is also suggested by the avoidantly attached person's endorsement of love as friendship in the absence of a co responding endorsement of romantic love, passion, commitment, or
satisfaction (see Feeney & Noller, 1990, 1991; Hazan & Shaver, 1987; L ;\y
& Davis, 1988). The endorsement of friendship can be interpreted as a me ins
of maintaining safer levels of emotional intensity, which is consistent wi h a
more fragile self-structure and with using a defensive style rather t lan
internal resources to regulate esteem.
In a seeming contradiction to this argument, like the securely attached nd
unlike fearful avoidants, dismissing avoidants have reported high self esteem and self-acceptance (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991). The uniqt sly
high, positive evaluation of self was coupled with a uniquely low leve of
subjective distress and with interpersonal problems characterized by ho: tility and coldness (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991). This constellation of
findings, interpreted in conjunction with directing attention away from i istress (Kobak & Sceery, 1988) and dismissing attachment needs (B .rtholomew & Horowitz, 1991), can be construed as indicating a defensiv ily
bolstered self. Meaningful self-worth would be accompanied by compete ice
in relationship and affect management (Basch, 1988), which is associa :ed
with secure but not dismissing attachment.
In sum, the primary characteristic of avoidant attachment is avoidance of
closeness and ensuing intimacy. The defensive strategy creates a sort of
safety in the perceived "detachment" from the partner. Distance facility tes
cutting off or never being "touched" by perceived criticism or the experie ice
of intense emotions and, thereby, protects a fragile self from being emoti >nally overwhelmed with unmanageable emotion. Similarly, the stance of
detachment functions to keep away from the self-structure "anything t lat
would diminish it" (Akhtar & Thomson, 1982, p. 13). For instance, by
distancing, fearful avoidant people hold at bay their fear of intimacy, pro )able rejection, and the self's being overwhelmed with unmanageable emot on
(see Bartholomew, 1990). Similarly, the high self-concept of dismiss ng
avoidance can be construed as an idealization of self. Distancing ft )m
emotional closeness with partner helps ensure that the facade is not pu ictured, self-esteem is not injured, and unmanageable emotion is not exp rienced. In avoidant attachment, the person protects self against he
dangerousness of others (Kinston, 1987). It is as if the persons' "fragile se lse
of self will disintegrate" (Modell, 1986, p. 299) or be emotionally o^ erwhelmed or swallowed up (see Kohut & Wolf, 1978) if the partners get cl >se
or if feelings are intense.
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CONCLUSION
Looking at attachment through the lens of narcissism stimulates making a
distinction between appropriate security needs and narcissistic use of the
partner to manage self and avoid being hurt. In preoccupied attachment, the
defensive strategy is to merge with an idealized other who bolsters feelings
of worth. In avoidant attachment, the partner is distanced to maintain self
through a behavioral or phenomenological response that strictly avoids
closeness and any ensuing intense or negative feelings. One avoidant strategy keeps the self contained, closed, passive, and nonassertive; the other
strategy protects through idealizing the self and discounting the importance
of the attachment system.
Although I explored how healthy personalities navigate narcissistic issues, attachment style may also be relevant to psychopathology. Fearful
avoidance corresponds closely to avoidant personality disorder (Bartholomew, 1990), and dismissing avoidance is reminiscent of narcissistic
personality disorder. The high, defensive self-concept of dismissing attachment is similar to the idealized, narcissistic grandiose self; both patterns
involve latent vulnerability, coldness, hostility, and using others (American
Psychiatric Association, 1987; Kernberg, 1984).
Finally, the distinction between attachment and narcissistic needs can be
useful to both clinicians and researchers. With relationship issues, therapists
can facilitate clients' progress by defining and validating attachment needs
and also clarifying how narcissistic needs related to self-regard, self-esteem
management, and ego organization are compromising autonomy and intimacy. Further, because avoidant attachment is associated with hostility,
which is in turn associated with pathological aspects of narcissism (see
Raskin, Novacek, & Hogan, 1991) and with shame (Tangney, Wagner,
Fletcher, & Gramzow, 1992), research investigating associations between
attachment style, narcissism, and shame might be productive. Last, research
designed to separate aspects of personality organized around specific attachment needs from more global aspects of personality organized around needs
to manage esteem and defensively protect self would be useful. Investigating
adults' attachment behavior under conditions of unexpected separationthat
is, when proximity seeking and security needs are active and strongest
(Bowlby, 1979, 1988)may lead to distinctions between attachment and
narcissistic vulnerability and thereby enrich the science and practice of
psychology.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
A portion of this article was presented at the 1993 Convention of the American Psychological Association.
I appreciate the helpful comments of Richard De Lisi and the anonymous
reviewers.
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