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5 Essential People Skills
5 Essential People Skills
SM
August 3, 2010
Introduction
Many people feel awkward in certain situations a
handicap that can prevent them from moving ahead
personally and professionally. Drawing on almost
100 years of experience by Dale Carnegie Training,
The 5 Essential People Skills presents a step-bystep guide to mastering rapport building, curiosity,
communication, ambition, and conflict resolution.
Through narrative text and action step activities
at the end of each chapter, this book seeks to help
readers feel empowered, respected, and at ease in
any situation.
The 5 Essential People Skills first examines assertiveness, the skill at the core of the five essential
people skills. Assertive people are able to make their
ideas known without inhibiting others from sharing
their ideas. The remainder of the book instructs readers how to apply assertiveness to the five essential
people skills. Each chapter provides specific, practical advice for applying each set of skills; a series
of real-life examples on how to effectively deploy
assertiveness in the workplace; and a set of action
steps that deepen readers understanding of and
ability to apply the chapters ideas.
Assertiveness
Assertiveness the ability to speak and act in ways
that naturally cause people to respond attentively and
positively is at the core of the five essential people
skills. It consists of being able to:
Resist the pressure and dominance of aggressive
people.
Stand up for ones beliefs.
Maintain control in important situations.
Business Book Summaries August 3, 2010 Copyright 2010 EBSCO Publishing Inc. All Rights Reserved
Key Concepts
The 5 Essential People Skills presents a
step-by-step guide to applying appropriate
assertiveness and mastering the five essential
skills of building rapport, demonstrating curiosity, communicating, harnessing ambition, and
resolving conflict. This Dale Carnegie Training
publication shows readers how to:
Focus on the factors that will move them
and their organizations forward.
Improve their confidence while learning
how to convey their messages with greater
esteem, power, and clarity.
Use a five-part template for articulate communications that grow business.
Create a cutting-edge business environment
that delivers innovation and results.
Live up to their fullest potential while
achieving success.
Resolve conflict or misunderstanding by
applying a handful of proven principles.
The combination of general principles, specific
tips, examples, and action steps at the end
of each chapter provides readers with the tools
they need to apply the lessons learned.
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the list to a friend. Doing so often provides unexpected feedback, as other people often see traits
that the individual does not see.
3. Assess the outer world, particularly the specific
situations that bear on career success. Choose a
specific circumstance and create an accurate view
of it. Make a detailed plan that describes how to
act assertively in the situation. Try to focus on
positive feelings rather than on resentment of
someone else. In addressing the situation, begin
with phrases such as What we might do is
We could do and I agree with some of what
youre saying, and heres what I would like to see
changed.
Rapport Building
Building rapport involves connecting with someone
else. Doing so depends on establishing a relationship of mutual liking and trust. Establishing rapport
increases the chances of mutually beneficial interactions. It also makes doing business more fun.
Individuals can develop self-confidence and engage
in more assertive behavior by doing the following:
Smiling and being positive. Smiling not only elicits a
positive reaction from others, it also increases the
production of neurotransmitters in the brain. This
means that smiling and acting happy can actually
make a person feel happier. Greeting colleagues
with praise can go a long way toward improving
the work environment.
4. Take the road test. Pick a manageable set of circumstances that demand assertiveness
on which to test the skills learned. Real leadership is inclusive and proactive. It does not domOver a period of a week or two, inate nonassertive people. It includes them and it involves
make a list of settings in which
them. Dominance as a management style is ineffective in
greater assertiveness would be
beneficial. Analyze the situations; almost all circumstances.
determine how best to communi Speaking up. For a variety of reasons, many people
cate ideas, wants, and needs; and take action.
speak too softly. Assertive people know to vary
A three-part assertiveness message requires individutheir voice quality to build rapport in different
als to summarize the facts of a situation, express their
types of situations. They know how to modulate
thoughts and feelings, and clearly state their wants
volume, pace, and inflection.
and needs, including benefits to the other party. This
Being specific when asserting ideas. When building
message serves as the foundation for tactics such as
rapport, assertive people might say, I was really
interviewing assertively, starting meetings on a posiimpressed with the way you handled that custive note, taking an indirect approach to discussions
tomer, by listening to her argument instead of
of errors or disagreements, asking questions rather
interrupting. This provides better feedback than
than giving direct orders, ending on a positive note,
a more general comment like Youre quite good
observing reactions, and dealing with denial.
with difficult people. Before giving any kind of
constructive criticism or feedback, assertive people
should make sure their motives are pure. Comments should never be used to manipulate others.
Speaking effectively about ones own accomplishments. When speaking about achievements, it is
important not to embellish or dramatize the facts.
Emphasizing the role of teammates will win trust,
credibility, and respect.
Cultivating assertive silence. In a business setting,
silence does not necessarily reflect anger or clamming up. Assertive silence is choosing to be quiet,
Business Book Summaries August 3, 2010 Copyright 2010 EBSCO Publishing Inc. All Rights Reserved
Page 3
8.
Reinforce curiosity with institutional support. No single manager
can sustain assertive curiosity in a
vacuum. A corporate culture that values curiosity is critical.
3. Engage in interactive listening. This involves listening, questioning, responding, and remembering
that all human beings are different. It also involves
avoiding criticizing, condemning, or complaining,
and instead developing feelings of appreciation,
gratitude, and genuine interest in other people.
4. Be interactive without an agenda. Asking team members where they live, what they enjoy doing with
their families, what they like or dislike about the
company, what sports they enjoy, and what they do
in their spare time is a way of exercising curiosity.
Business Book Summaries August 3, 2010 Copyright 2010 EBSCO Publishing Inc. All Rights Reserved
Page 4
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Conflict Resolution
5. Appeal to self-interest.
Angry conflict is inherently negative and unproductive in a business setting. The goal of conflict
resolution should therefore be to assertively end the
conflict as quickly and fairly as possible. Specific tips
for dealing with conflict include the following:
6. Appeal to authority.
7. Create consensus.
8. Time requests so that they come at good times for
the person or people you are trying to persuade.
Avoid using words or phrases that tend to perpetuate problems, such as You always do that.
Make sure that body language, words, and voice
tone match.
Maintain eye contact without staring or glaring.
Make an effort to sound positive and enthusiastic.
Smile and look confident no matter how tense the
discussion becomes.
Both the good thing and the bad thing about business relationships is that theyre basically unsentimental. Business
friendships are mainly significant when everything is
going well. When problems arise in the workplace, its
amazing how fast good buddies can become strangers.
Ambition
Leaders can maximize the positive energy of ambition of everyone on their teams. To do so, they should
arrive early, maintain a high level of energy, greet
their teams with enthusiasm and humor, and have
clear action plans. To create assertive ambition within
their teams, they should:
Create a culture of learning, so that team members are constantly exposed to the latest industry
trends, research, techniques, and tools.
Attend and send team members to seminars and
training programs.
Be gracious. Do not flaunt a
favorable resolution. Allow the other
side an honorable retreat.
Whatever the outcome of the
conflict, write a sincere note to the other
side in a positive and conciliatory tone.
Business Book Summaries August 3, 2010 Copyright 2010 EBSCO Publishing Inc. All Rights Reserved
Page 6
Contents
Chapter 1
An Introduction to Assertiveness
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Assertive Curiosity
Chapter 6
Business
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Skills
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Assertive Speaking
Chapter 12
Assertive Listening
Chapter 13
Assertive Ambition
Chapter 14
Ambition
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Negotiation
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Preface
Business Book Summaries August 3, 2010 Copyright 2010 EBSCO Publishing Inc. All Rights Reserved
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Business Book Summaries August 3, 2010 Copyright 2010 EBSCO Publishing Inc. All Rights Reserved
Page 8
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