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Why Women Proposing Is Still Rare
Why Women Proposing Is Still Rare
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Tom Bloom
originated in the fifth century, with an Irish nun later known as St.
Brigid. Through her intervention it was decided that on Feb. 29,
women would be given the opportunity to pop the question as a way
to balance traditional gender roles in a manner not unlike how leap
year serves to balance the calendar.
On the face of it, giving a woman an occasion to ask a man to wed
would seem an empowering moment. But not everyone sees it that
way. The leap year tradition looked like it was giving women
opportunities but in reality, it kept them in their place, said Katherine
Parkin, an associate professor of history at Monmouth University in
New Jersey. Back then women who asked men to marry were
portrayed as ugly, mannish, crass or desperate.
Centuries later, women are still using this bit of folklore as an
impetus to get down on one knee and ask for their partners hand in
marriage on a Feb. 29 or on any day in a leap year.
In February 2012, Dana Sessa and Kevin McGettigan of Fairless
Hills, Pa., had been together for seven years when she began to
become concerned that both the calendar and biology were
creeping up on her. Ms. Sessa already had a child from a previous
relationship.
I knew we wanted more children. So time was ticking, she said. But
no marriage proposal had been put on the table. I knew he had
been thinking of it, but sometimes a girl has to take things into her
own hands to get things done, she said.
Then Ms. Sessa, now 35 and who says shes half Irish, heard that
The Rachael Ray Show was looking for women who were willing to
propose to their man on a special leap year segment on the show.
Mr. McGettigan is full Irish, she said, so the leap year tradition fit
well into our theme.
Mr. McGettigan, now 34, had been lured into appearing on the show
that Feb. 29 to be interviewed about a dietary matter when during
the taping Ms. Sessa got down on one knee with a ring box in hand
and asked him to marry her.
I dont think it matters who asks whom, Ms. Sessa recently said.
Some women dont need leap year to step up and ask what they
want.
Alexandra Pavlenko asked Alexander Tague to marry her on April
13, 2015. I asked Alex for two reasons; I was madly in love with him
and nothing about asking him felt wrong to me, said Ms. Tague, 32.
He said something about how much he loved me, and I said, Im
crazy in love with you and do you want a reminder of that every
day?
Mr. Tague, 33, who lives with Ms. Pavlenko in Brooklyn, said he did.
She then brought out the rings she ordered on Etsy and presented
them to him. Mr. Tague said yes right away.
For women like me who live in New York City its almost chic to do
it, she said. To me, there was something very empowering about
not having to wait for the man you love to ask you.
Although girlfriends say how great it is that she asked him, Ms.
Pavlenko added those same friends admit that they could never do
something like that themselves.
proposed.
And what better way to tell that story than on social media. Despite
our share-all mentality, in which one click equals global
announcement, people still care about how theyre seen by others.
Women dont want to be seen as less feminine, or too sexual or
coming on too strong. And theres a concern for men about being
publicly emasculated, said Beth Montemurro, a professor of
sociology at Penn State University.
When you look at how public social media makes things, it could be
holding people back, Professor Montemurro said. They may be
afraid to take bigger risks and break gender roles because theyre
concerned with how their story will come across.
Specialists also surmise that women arent more forthcoming
because they lack encouraging illustrations.
We dont have many positive examples of women who have
proposed, Professor Parkin said. Those that have asked men have
not been successful in our eyes. Pink and Britney Spears asked
their men to marry, and those marriages either ended poorly or
didnt do well in the beginning, she said, (although Pink reunited
with her husband and they are still married).
Professor Parkin supposed that, if Taylor Swift pops the question it
might start a trend, but right now, its not seen as romantic.
And perhaps thats the conundrum.
Mr. McGettigan, who was proposed to on television, recalled that the
that asking him took his breath away, and that I was the one to do
that, was an amazing feeling.