Marital Infidelity
Marital Infidelity
The 1987 Philippine Constitution Article II on Declaration of Principles and State Policies
particularly on Section 14 provides that The State recognizes the role of women in nation-
building, and shall ensure the fundamental equality before the law of women and men.
Article XV, Section 2 also provides that the State shall protect the marriage as inviolable
social institution and foundation of family life.
WHAT ARE THE EXPERIENCES OF OTHER COUNTRIES IN ADDRESSING THE ISSUE?
In Canada, the crime of adultery applies to both a man and a woman when either of them
has sex with someone outside the marriage. Adultery is also a crime in Korea punishable by
up to two (2) years in jail. In many countries such as the United States, Russia, Canada,
Israel and Poland, adultery represents as ground for divorce. Iran, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia
and Yemen punish adultery by death however, there have been no recent executions unless
other crimes were involved . 2
WHAT ARE THE CONSIDERATIONS IN ADDRESSING THIS ISSUE IN THE COUNTRY?
Promoting womens rights and gender equality
Removing the double standards in the crimes of adultery and concubinage will contribute to
ensuring equality before the law between women and men. It will also protect the rights of
legally married women.
Responding to International Commitments
Article 2(g) of the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against
Women (CEDAW) requires the State to modify or abolish existing laws, regulations, customs
and practices that constitute discrimination against women. Article 16 also called on the
States Parties to take all appropriate measures to eliminate discrimination against women
and ensure equality of men and women in all matters relating to marriage and family
relations.
The 2006 CEDAW Committee Concluding Comments on the 5th and 6th Philippine Country
Report raised its concern on the lack of progress in undertaking and completing necessary
revisions of discriminatory provisions in the RPC, particularly Marital Infidelity Bill which is
still pending.
Alignment with National Priorities
The proposed measure is consistent with item 13 of the governments 16-Point Agenda on
Gender Equality which states, from a lack of concern for gender disparities and shortfalls,
to the promotion of equal gender opportunity in all spheres of public policies and programs.
It will also complement the Constitutional provision on the protection of marriage as an
inviolable social institution and foundation of family life.
POLICY RECOMMENDATION
Marital infidelity should remain an illegal act because it is not only a crime against the other
spouse but also a breach to the marital vows. Marriage is a special contract such that it is a
three-party agreement that involves the spouses and the State. Although the personal
rights of the spouses are involved, the State also considers itself as an offended party, not
because of a breach of public order but because of the violation of marital vows which the
State itself protects. The State regulation of marital relationships which criminalizes
infidelity will help strengthen the marriage as an institution by serving as deterrent for both
spouses from testing the minefield of extramarital affairs.
But the law should not distinguish between the infidelity of a man from the infidelity of a
woman.
After all, they said the same marriage vows and the wife is not any less betrayed by the
unfaithful husband than a husband whose wife broke her vows. In order to address this
gender bias, it is recommended that Revised Penal Code provision on Adultery and
Concubinage be amended as follows:
1. Define marital infidelity as committed by "any legally married person who shall
have sexual intercourse with another person other than the legal spouse, and by the
person who has sexual intercourse with the married person, knowing that person to
be legally married, even if the marriage be subsequently declared void";
2. Impose the same penalties for offending parties for the same gravity of offense
committed;
3. Mandate that the crime of marital infidelity shall not be prosecuted except upon
complaint filed by the offended spouse;
4. Provide that an offended party shall be barred from instituting a criminal prosecution
if said party is also guilty of committing the offense.
While this proposal will not guarantee that the spouses will remain faithful to the marital
vows, equalizing the grounds and penalties for marital infidelity will give women the option
to file criminal charges against a philandering husband; an option which although present in
our current law, is inutile given the nature and the degree of burden needed to file and
prove the crime of concubinage.
CONCLUSION
Legislative proposals to amend RPC provisions on adultery and concubinage by enacting a
marital infidelity law were filed but remained pending since the 13th Congress. It is hoped
that, in the interest of fulfilling their mandate under the Magna Carta of Women, our
legislators will prioritize and favor the immediate enactment of a marital infidelity law.
PCW Policy Briefs aim to stimulate informed discourse and guide policy actions on
issues concerning the empowerment of women and promotion of gender equality.
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We previously noted that infidelity is not, by itself, a ground for annulment, although
it could be a basis for legal separation or filing a case for adultery/concubinage. As to
custody, the Supreme Court alreadyruled that sexual infidelity, by itself, is not
sufficient to grant custody over a child. Lets continue the discussion on these
concepts:
What is concubinage?
Concubinage is committed by any husband who shall keep a mistress in the conjugal
dwelling, or, shall have sexual intercourse, under scandalous circumstances, with a
woman who is not his wife, or shall cohabit with her in any other place (Article 334 of
the Revised Penal Code or RPC).
What is adultery?
Adultery means the carnal relation between a married woman and a man who is not
her husband, the latter knowing her to be married, even if the marriage be
subsequently declared void (RPC, Article 333). Each sexual intercourse constitutes a
crime of adultery.
What are the differences between adultery and concubinage?
1. Adultery is committed by a wife (who must also be charged together with the
other man), while concubinage is committed by a husband (who must be
charged together with the concubine).
2. Proof of sexual intercourse is enough in adultery, but in concubinage, the
prosecution must prove that the sexual intercourse must be under scandalous
circumstances, or that the husband kept a mistress in the conjugal dwelling or
cohabited with her in any other place.
3. The penalty for concubinage is lower than that of adultery. The penalty for the
concubine is only destierro, while the penalty for the man other in adultery is
the same as that of the guilty wife.
What is destierro?
Destierro means banishment or only a prohibition from residing within the radius of
25 kilometers from the actual residence of the accused for a specified length of time.
It is not imprisonment.
Who can file the action for adultery or concubinage?
Only the offended spouse can legally file the complaint for adultery or concubinage.
The marital status must be present at the time of filing the criminal action. In other
words, the offended spouse must still be married to the accused spouse at the time of
the filing of the complaint.
Who must be prosecuted?
The offended party cannot institute the criminal charge without including both guilty
parties (the offending spouse and the paramour), if both are alive.
What is the effect of consent or pardon by the offended spouse?
The criminal charge cannot prosper if the offended spouse has consented to the
offense or pardoned the offenders. Pardon can be express or implied. An example of
express pardon is when the offended party in writing or in an affidavit asserts that he
or she is pardoning his or her erring spouse and paramour for their act. There is
implied pardon when the offended party continued to live with his spouse even after
the commission of the offense. Pardon must come before the institution of the
criminal action and both offenders must be pardoned by the offended party.
What is bigamy?
Bigamy is basically the act of marrying again while the first marriage is still
subsisting. It is defined under Article 349 of the RPC as the contracting of a second or
subsequent marriage before the former marriage has been legally dissolved, or before
the absent spouse has been declared presumptively dead by means of a judgment
rendered in the proper proceeding.
What are the elements that must be proved in a prosecution for bigamy?
In a case for bigamy, all the following matters or elements must be shown by the
prosecution:
1. The offender has been legally married.
2. The marriage has not been legally dissolved or, in case his or her spouse is absent,
the absent spouse could not yet be presumed dead according to the Civil Code.
3. He/she contracts a second or subsequent marriage.
4. The second or subsequent marriage has all the essential requisites for validity.
What is the effect of a pending petition for annulment or a declaration of nullity
of marriage on a criminal case for bigamy?
We already have a previous discussion on this. Please click here.
How is bigamy different from adultery/concubinage?
In adultery/concubinage, the law requires that both culprits, if both are alive, should
he prosecuted or included in the information. In bigamy, the second spouse could be
charged only if she/he had knowledge of the previous undissolved marriage of the
accused. Bigamy is a public offense and a crime against status, while adultery and
concubinage are private offenses and are crimes against chastity. In
adultery/concubinage, pardon by the offended party will bar the prosecution of the
case, which is not so in bigamy.
What if I killed or injured my spouse when I caught him/her in the act of
committing sexual intercourse with another person?
The law provides that any legally married person who, having surprised his spouse in
the act of committing sexual intercourse with another person, shall kill any of them or
both of them in the act or immediately thereafter, or shall inflict upon them any
serious physical injury, shall suffer the penalty of destierro (RPC, Article 247). The
accused spouse, which could be the husband or the wife, must prove the following:
1. A legally married person (or a parent) surprises his spouse (or his daughter,
under 18 years of age and living with him), in the act of committing sexual
intercourse with another person.
2. He or she kills any or both of them or inflicts upon any or both of them any
serious physical injury in the act or immediately thereafter.
3. He has not promoted or facilitated the prostitution of his wife (or daughter) or
that he or she has not consented to the infidelity of the other spouse.
The accused must proved that he/she actually surprised the other spouse in flagrante
delicto (or in the act of doing the deed), and that he/she killed the other spouse and/or
the other party during or immediately thereafter. (http://jlp-law.com/blog/a-briefdiscussion-on-infidelity-concubinage-adultery-and-bigamy/)
(https://faculty.unlv.edu/fifes2/pdf/Infidelity%20and%20Extramarital%20Sex.pdf)this is for the pdf file
The Filipino population is predominantly Catholic. From the Catholic viewpoint, the sacrament of marriage is
meant to be permanent, for better or for worse. This means constant fidelity to each other and indissolubility
of the union (Cathecism for Filipino Catholics, 1997). The document specifies the sacrament of marriage:
The deepest reason is found in the fidelity of God to his covenant, in that of Christ to his Church. Through
the sacrament of Matrimony the spouses are enabled to represent this fidelity and witness to it. Through the
sacrament, the indissolubility of marriage receives a new and deeper meaning (Cathecism of the Catholic
Church, no. 1647).
The Catechism for Filipino Catholics (1997) interprets this bond as follows: "We love one another and want
our love to last forever. We ask you to respect this commitment, and help us to keep it."
The Filipino word used during the seminars conducted around the Philippines on marital enrichment from
Marriage Encounter or Tipanan (literally, covenant) is tapat. Tapat implies being truthful, willing to do what is
good for the other, loving responsibly in small, specific steps, and committing oneself from now on. This
concept of tapat provides a basis for the marital life of the Filipino couple to spring to a new level of
relationship.
A common concern emerging from family ministry in the Philippine setting is of a marriage affected by
infidelity. Infidelity is the breaking of marital vows. In Philippine culture, infidelities or extramarital
relationships range from casual relationships to the keeping of a querida or paramour (Medina 1991). Alano
(1995) lists some Filipino terms referring to infidelity: pakikiapid or pangangalunya (used in legal and
scholarly documents), paglalaro sa apoy (playing with fire), pamamangka sa dalawang ilog (rowing up two
rivers),pagsusunong ng uling (carrying of burning charcoal), pangangaliwa (turning left or going against the
expected direction), pagkulasisi or pangtsitsiks (catching chicks or birds), and pambababae (collecting
women). Kabit (clinging attachment) and querida or kirida (Spanish word for beloved, refers to the mistress).
The husbands infidelity is a major concern in Filipino marriages (PCP II, 1992). Carandang (1987) notes that
wives rank infidelity as the number one family stressor. Lacar (1993) reports that male infidelity is the most
frequent reason for marital separation. Vancio (1980, 1977) cites male infidelity as a major issue for marital
break-ups in Metro Manila. In the McCann Metro Manila Male Study (1995), half of the 485 male respondents
reported having had extramarital affairs. Relucio (1995) in her in-depth interview with seven separated
women, notes that "infidelity was found to be a common problem." Dayan, et. al. (1995) in their study of 60
petitioners for nullity of marriage, report that adultery was one of the major reasons cited. In spite of the
above figures, there are no clear records on figures about marital break-ups with finality because of the
absence of divorce in the Philippines (Lapuz 1977). Lapuz devotes a whole section to her clinical
observations on marital infidelity in the Philippine setting. She observes:
From the high incidence observed by colleagues of women seeking help due to the husbands infidelity, it
seems that Filipino women of contemporary times are either running out of patience with the doublestandard type of morality or are looking for more security and fulfillment in marriage than what the present
socio-legal status accords a wife. The old reassurances have lost their validity.
Background
In an archipelago with a total land area of 115, 707 square miles or 300,000 square kilometers, the
Philippines, a country "almost as large as Italy, larger than New Zealand, twice as big as Greece, slightly
larger than Arizona and very much larger than Britain" (Zaide 1998; The Economist, 2001; mapquest 2002)
has a total population estimated at 76.5 to 76.8 million, with the National Capital Region (NCR) having 9,
932,560 or 13% of the total population (NSO, 2002). The estimated national average household size is 5; NCR
average household size is 4.62. It is estimated that by the year 2015, the Philippines will be ranked 12 th(95.9
million) in terms of largest world populations.
Dancel (2001) reports that a "family of six should have an income of at least PhP 6,958 a month (PhP 83,496 a
year or $ 1,669.92/ a year) to stay above the poverty line." His figures show that around 5.2 million families or
(roughly 33 to 40 percent of the population live below the poverty line). About 9.4 percent of the labor force
was unemployed in 1999 (Economist 2001). Religion is important in the Philippines. The majority of the
population (85%) are baptized Roman Catholics (Guerrero 1995). The McCann Erickson study (1995) reports
that 89 percent of the male respondents (N: 485 in Metro Manila) believe in God; 86 percent of the
respondents (N:1200; nationwide survey) have no doubts at all about the existence of God; 94 percent of the
respondents have always believed in God and 64 percent feel extremely close to God. Mangahas and
Guerrero (1992) report that roughly eight to nine Filipinos out of ten agree that there is a God who personally
cares for every human being (89%) and that life is meaningful (79%). The data shows a fertile ground for faith
or spirituality as a coping resource for lifes adverse events. The Filipinos are also outwardly religious.
The majority of the Filipinos disapprove of extramarital relations. Guerrero (1995) notes a large majority of
the Filipinos (88 percent of the 1,200 respondents nationwide) disapproved of extramarital relations. In
another survey, Acuna (1997) reports that a large majority (81%) of respondents disapproved of single
parenthood among women. Ninety-six percent of the respondents (N:1,200 nationwide survey) disapproved
of extramarital relations (Daylo-Laylo and Montelibano 2000; de Vera 1976). Ninety to ninety two percent of
the women (N: 1,200 nationwide) consider maintaining a mistress, being a mistress, being a prostitute or
using a prostitute, cheating on spouse as wrong (McCann, 1996). The disapproval (6 out of 10 youth) of
marital infidelity is confirmed (N:900 nationwide){McCann, 2000}. Casuga (1996) observes that compared to
other countries, Filipinos still do not think divorce is the solution to a bad marriage (Disagree: 47%; Agree:
39 %; N: 1, 200). In contrast, most "countries do not believe that having a bad marriage is better than no
marriage at all."
The data reflects a strong disapproval of extramarital relationships and at present, a strong disapproval of
divorce as a way out of a bad marriage. Vancio (1977) notes a difference in approval of divorce among high
or low-income level Filipinos. He observes: "More women (65%) than men (41%) disapproved of the
legalization of divorce. The higher the income level of the respondent the more likely he is to approve of
divorce."
Some Cross-cutting Themes from the Literature Review
The following themes are presented for consideration as background material for the topic of interest, the
Filipino context of infidelity and resilience. The following themes have been chosen: A) infidelity as a gender
issue; B) Filipino male infidelity and its external environments: education, and migration and other
challenges; C) Filipino male infidelity: marital dynamics; D) reasons why Filipino husbands stray; E) feelings
about infidelity; and F). Filipino wifes resilience.
A. Infidelity as a gender issue. Data shows that marital infidelity is a major concern among Filipino married
couples, especially in fast growing cities like Metro Manila or Iligan City. On the other hand, further
observations show that this is largely a male gender phenomenon. Vancio (1980; 1977) reports that:
thirty-six percent of the males of the 368 respondents admitted to extramarital relations while only 2 percent
of the females did so. The male respondents did not find that their extramarital relations were at variance
with their marital involvement. About 85% of them said that their marriage was not in any danger of breaking
up and actually the marriage had turned out better than they had expected.
While infidelity may be a major marital or family stressor especially for the wife, it does not mean that it is a
problem from her husbands perspective.
While more men were engaged in extramarital relations, a husband is less tolerant or less forgiving when his
wife becomes unfaithful. Lapuz (1977) comments that men can have sex outside the marriage, women should
remain chaste (like a Madonna).
Carandang (1987) observes a gender-specific response with regard to marital stressors: "While the wives
ranked asawa (husband) as the most frequent stressor among the four mentioned, the husbands ranked
wives only as the fourth, or the least of four stressors." She underscores the difference in the role-specific
response to family stressors:
While the wife needed attention and loyalty from her husband as she conscientiously performed her duties,
the husband was more interested in activities outside of the familys scope, such as looking for jobs or for
diversions in the form of extramarital relationships.
Lacar (1993) found that in his study of 769 respondents, "the idea of separation was initiated by the fathers
46.7 percent of the time; while the mothers did so only 19.5 percent of the time."
Alano (1995; 1994) in a nationwide study of 200 subjects reports that twenty-four percent of the participants
stated that their fathers had an affair and none of the respondents admit that their mothers have had an
affair. She continues: "Half of the males claim they have found the time to have been "sweet lovers" to
women other than their wives. Extramarital affairs and dalliances are an inevitable eventuality in the eyes of
many men."
Jocano (1994) indicates that "to most men, many of their flings or affairs are just pastimes and should not be
taken seriously. They mean nothing. But not to women. They all mean very much to them."
The 1995 McCann Metro Manila Mate Study reports that extramarital affairs for men are inevitable. "He cannot
control it." This inevitability for men is illustrated by a proverb quoted in the Aguiling-Dalisay, et. al (2000)
study: "Bakit di tutukain kung palay na ang lumalapit sa manok?" (Why not peck the rice grain when it brings
itself to the chicken?)
According to Dayan and Samonte (1998), their study of petitioners for nullity of marriage reported that:
Adultery for males seemed more blatant, almost natural, where males courted and sought out their female
partners. Female petitioners, however, tended to feel more guilty, keeping it a secret. Unlike the males who
actively courted, the females affair was more happenstance, situation-bound, such as meeting an old
boyfriend, or being closely thrown together by circumstances. Females also would prefer to go abroad to
carry on the affair instead of remaining in the Philippines.
When the husband is confronted with marital infidelity, he defends himself by stating his expected and
traditional gender role: "Ibinibigay ko naman sa inyo ang sweldo ko. Hindi ko naman kayo pinababayaan.
Ano pa ang gusto ninyo? (I give you my salary. I take care of your needs. What else do you want?)." (Alano
1995, 1994).
The gender issue behind infidelity is well-entrenched in Philippine culture. The excuse given is that men are
expected to be material providers or breadwinners, pure and simple. (Guerrero 1995; McCann Metro Manila
Male Study 1995; Alano 1995 and 1994; Liwag, et. al 1997).
The McCann Metro Manila Male Study (1995) describes the Filipino male and his infidelity:
They are to their children what their fathers were to them: Men who worked hard to provide and protect, gave
their lives to their work, found respite in their beers, in many cases, in their women, and generally kept their
hearts to themselves. They do not share with them what they do. They do not play with them. They consider
parenting primarily mothers responsibility.
Alano (1995, 1994) highlights the gender excuse of husbands for infidelity, without feelings of guilt:
"Unfaithful husbands assess that sex outside of marriage is appropriate and extramarital relations are okay
should one be able to afford it and/or provided the material needs of the legitimate family are met."
B. Filipino Male Infidelity and its External Environments: Education, and Migration and other Challenges. It is
interesting to see how people survive (Dancel 2001; Economist 2001). One way to provide for the material
needs of the family is for the Filipino wives with some education and achievements to find jobs, outside their
traditional chores and nurturing roles. Some work in the Philippines while others travel abroad to help
provide for their families.
A new and increasing trend in education among Filipino women is taking place. Of the 1,200 women
participants nationwide, Guerrero (1995) observes:
One out of six (16%) have some elementary education, over a third (37%) have completed an elementary
education, another third (32%) secondary education, and a seventh (14%) completed college. A large majority
(84%) went through the public school system.
While it may be true that only a few women are able to climb up the ladder of education, a closer look will
present an interesting observation on the comparative study of males and females in education (Licuanan
1971).
The above finding was confirmed by the report of the National Commission on the Role of Filipino Women:
Issues and Trends (1995). On the higher percentage of more women attending college, the study showed
that:
Consistent with the slight advantage of men in early schooling, school enrolment data for school year 19931994 indicates that there are slightly more boys (50.4%) among the total enrollees in the elementary grades.
The proportions are reversed from high school and onwards. Women make up 51.6 percent of high school
enrollees and 56.9 percent of those in college.
In terms of school completion rates, there are gender differences. According to the Department of Education,
Culture and Sports (1999), from 1988-89 to 1997-1998, the elementary to high school completion rate was
73.72 percent for females, and 57.53 percent for males. From 1994-1995, 1997-1998, the high school
completion rate was 75.05 percent for females and 63.31 percent for males. The college degree completion
rate from 1995-1996 was 61 percent for females and 39 percent for males. The master degree completion rate
was 61 percent for females and 39 percent for males. The doctorate degree completion rate was 66 percent
for females and 33.8 percent for males.
The above figures reflect a trend that women are becoming more educated than men, especially outside of
areas of science and technology. A question for research may be: Is the trend of Filipino women pursuing
education a possible future source of resilience in adverse times like spousal infidelity? Does the trend for
the more educated woman threaten the old way of gender typecasting of woman as mere "housewife" or
"mother?" Does the trend for the highly educated woman mean that she has less tolerance for the unfaithful
husband?
Another interesting change in the last decade is Filipino womens contribution to the family income. In
the1994 ISSP Survey (Guerrero, 1995), about three-fifths (62%) of the 1,200 women respondents nationwide
were working during the period of the survey. Thirty-seven percent were self-employed. Aside from working
outside the home, women work abroad to help provide for their families:
The most noted phenomenon of the decade was the feminization of overseas employment in which in 1991,
52% were females, 60% of whom were deployed as domestic helpers in more than 175 countries (PinedaOfreneo, et. al. 1996).
On Filipino migration, recent statistics from the National Statistics Office (2001) indicate the largest
concentration of female workers in the service sector. Filipino womens global workforce participation was
88.5 percent in 1998 and 83.3 percent in 1999, of which 52 percent and 53 percent were within Asia. In the
same study, it was observed that an effect of this migration pattern is: "Millions of Filipino families are today
without wives, mothers, daughters and sisters. These women could be found instead as migrant workers
elsewhere in the worldfrom Algeria to Zambiamainly as domestic helpers and entertainers."
Baga (1997) cites Tanalegas observations on migrant issues: loneliness, infidelity, losses, oppressive
working conditions, delinquency and drug dependency of children, and social stigma. "Meanwhile, those
families break apart. It is hard, for instance, to find married amahs (domestic helpers) whose husbands at
home have not taken a mistress, or even fathered other children" (Economist 2001).
About 6 to 7. 5 million Filipinos (The Economist, 2001) are working abroad. There are about 36 million
families affected by the migration trends (this is half of the total population in the Philippines!). In other
words, at least a third of the total population will have a father, a mother, a sister, an aunt, a daughter or a
son working abroad. Actual statistics of registered Overseas Workers deployed from the Philippine Overseas
Employment Administration show that a total of 831, 643 in 1998; 837, 020 in 1999; 841, 628 in 2000; and
866,590 in 2001 have been deployed abroad especially in the Middle East, Asia and Europe.
The McCann Youth Study (1985) confirms what observers are saying about a Filipino family stress when one
or both spouses work abroad:
With barely two-thirds of 12 to 21 year-olds living with both father and mother, we may be seeing the
beginning of the break up of the Filipino family as we know it. In addition to single parents and marital splitups, we believe that the overseas migrant worker may have the biggest impact on this statistic.
According to Aguilar (2002), while some studies indicate a marital deterioration link to migration (Osteria
1994 with 15 percent; Asis 2001 with 26 percent; Cruz 1989 with 31.5 percent), distinctions will have to be
made on how many of these marriages have been unhappy already even before the migration for work
abroad (Tacoli 1996, Salazar 1987). Asis (2001) reported that three quarters of marital relationships remained
unchanged, with some of them even improving.
Aside from the education and migration trends, an interesting clinical observation is made by Lapuz (1977)
about infidelity and business practices: "it is common knowledge that womanizing is very much part of the
current scene of commerce when business deals are discussed and clinched." This observation perhaps
needs further study as to how the business environment contributes to Filipino male infidelity. This may
need a re-evaluation of ethical practices in business or government.
Among poor women, Vancio (1977) reports that the "querida relationship" is an interesting situation where a
woman has sexual relations with one married man on an exclusive basis usually in exchange for partial or
full financial support. The phenomenon of infidelity is well-entrenched, especially when illegitimate children
are born because the adulterous men believe in the need to support them (Alano1995, 1994). While there are
definitely humane reasons for supporting children out of wedlock, how does one define the relationship with
the mistress or lover as a delicate arrangement, if the legitimate marriage is to survive? Definitely, the wife
will be constantly on the watch for any signs of the affair continuing or the man being attached to the family
outside the legitimate marriage.
C. Filipino Male Infidelity: Marital Dynamics. Before examining marital dynamics, a review of the wellentrenched gender roles for the husband and wife will probably help in understanding the built-in stress in
married life. Liwag et al. (1997), in their comprehensive review of literature, analyzed different standards in
the way Filipinos raise their children: "Girls are assigned tasks defined as domestic, indoors and nurturant,
or in general, feminine tasks; while boys are assigned tasks requiring physical strength, farther distance
from the home and hardly any emotional skills or masculine tasks."
The same authors report on studies that have shown that: "boys are given more freedom while girls are more
restricted in terms of rules for social activities, especially in relating with the opposite sex." (Mendez &
Jocano 1979a; Minoza et.al. 1984; De la Cruz, Santos, & Vida 1971; Porio 1994; Espina 1996).
This infrastructure of gender roles, the way Filipino daughters and sons are raised, is also reported by The
McCann-Erickson National Womens Study (1996): "Early in life, little girls are taught how to become
responsible moms. They learn to cook and clean, take care of younger siblings, get organized, manage time
between schoolwork and homework. They learn to deal with pain."
The effect of this pattern of establishing gender roles is the probable exclusion of Filipino boys from the
household chores normally attributed to the girls (Mendez & Jocano 1979a; Estrada 1983). Even when boys
grow up to be fathers, they are most likely "outside" or "uninvolved" in the "home-making" or perceived as
"emotionally distant" (The McCann Youth Study 2000; Lapuz 1987; Licuanan 1979; Carandang 1987). I
wonder how this phenomenon of exclusion of men will play out in the bigger home of the city life or the
"polis." Is the Filipino male, by and large, involved in the running of the socio-cultural, political, religious,
economic fabricin things that really matter for the nation?
The gender roles of being an exclusive "home-maker" (maternal, mother) of the Filipino wife versus the
"provider, breadwinner" of the Filipino husband may lead to the woman being overprotective or a future
"meddling mother-in-law" and to the exclusion of the Filipino husband. Given the well-entrenched gender
roles and the absence of marital companionships (Jurilla 1986; Lapuz 1977; Hare 1969) the husband
becomes more prone to play outside with his drinking buddies and find a mistress (Alano 1995; The McCann
Metro Manila Male Study 1995; Jurilla 1986; Domingo 1977; Tanseco 1972; Hare 1969; Guthrie, et al. 1969).
Tanseco (1972) makes a poignant clinical observation with regard to the absence of marital companionship,
because of the dominant maternal role of the Filipino wife:
He may marry and be a father of a family, but he may be incapable of assuming the full responsibilities of
fatherhood and leadership of a family, except to provide for them materially. He may not know how to enjoy
the companionship of his wife as an equal, but may only know how to enjoy her company as a mother, what
many little things she can do to take care of him.
Lapuz (1977) comments on an aspect of the overprotective, "mother" role of the Filipino wife in the way she
deals with her husband by covering up his faults in front of other family members. She notes that even if the
husband errs or strays, the Filipino wife will accept him anyway:
After a long litany of particularly horrendous complaints, a recitation of woes suffered at her husbands
hands, a wife may be asked, Have you thought of leaving him? Her reply will not surprise a Filipino. I have,
but I feel sorry for him (Naawa ako). She is a maternal figure again who cannot imagine abandoning her son.
The dependence is mutual; she needs him as much if not more than he does her.
According to Jurilla (1986), while the Filipino husband expresses themes of nurturance/affiliation motives in
projective testing, more frequently than do women, he seeks companionship more with their children or with
other men but not with his wife.
The marital dance (the overprotective, central mother role for the Filipino wife and the distant, withdrawn
Filipino husband) is played out in many Filipino marriages with the husbands infidelity (Carandang 1987;
Lapuz 1977).
The McCann-Erickson National Womens Study (1996) makes this comment on Filipino culture about the role
of the Filipino wife in the running of the home and the family life:
Our culture holds the woman personally responsible for the quality of home and family life; when the
household isnt running well, the woman must be incompetent. When the husband strays, the wife must have
been inadequate. A nag, most likely. When the children are not well-behaved, the mother must have
neglected them. In our culture, family failure is the womans personal failure.
An interesting observation is made by Villacarlos-Berba (2000) on another marital pattern of infidelity as a
domestic abuse. She notes that the emotional trauma inflicted on the "victim" wife is worse than the physical
abuse. She says: "it results in humiliation, hurt, rejection and loss for the injured partner since it attacks the
persons self-worth and ego." Briefly she sums up the recurring cycle:
Ongoing infidelity follows a predictable path similar to the domestic abuse cycle. Both situations go through
anticipated stages. A typical cycle includes a tension-build-up phase, the infliction of pain and a brief period
of remorse and guilt and then the reconciliation phase followed by the return of the tension build-up.
Unconsciously it is mutual dependency, which keeps marital partners together and further strengthens the
bond.
D. Reasons why the Filipino Husband Strays. Lapuz (1982, 1977) builds on the hypothesis of marital
deficiency or why a Filipino husband strays "into another womans arms":
It is a symptom of some marital deficiency, not of one spouses inadequacy. Even if one concedes that the
mans extramarital adventure is exclusively his thing, that most likely mans alleged polygamous nature and
search for variety are the culpable factors, still it is the marriage which has failed him.
Lapuz adds a few other emotional needs of the Filipino husband who searches for affairs outside the
marriage: eternally looking for the Dream Girl, looking for challenges in his extramarital encounters, seeking
to recapture youth, repeating the pleasures of sexual explorations in youth, wanting a relationship devoid of
obligation and responsibility, wanting emotional comfort in numbers and lastly, looking at the other woman
as a status-affluence symbol.
As previously noted, Tansecos conclusion (1972) is similar to the marital deficiency hypothesis of Lapuz
(1977). He says that perhaps the husbands infidelity is an act to prove his masculinity when the wife
attempts to infantilize or dominate her husband. de Vera (1976) cites mens responses to the causes of male
infidelity: sexual rejuvenation, temptation and peer pressure. A hint of spouse inadequacy is also mentioned
in her study. Vancio (1980) cites the views of some of the experts interviewed in his study for reasons of the
husbands infidelity: wifes sexual inhibitions rooted in deep culturally induced psychological attitudes. The
Filipino wife is more comfortable with her role as a mother than her role as wife.
Torento (1987) summarizes some of the cases of male infidelity from a marriage-and-family center, and
records of legal separation cases. Some of the reasons are the perception of lack of care and concern by the
wife, pressures about providing from a domineering wife, and sexual inadequacy of the wife.
In addition to the issue of marital infidelity Jocano (1994), writes about infidelity as "pastimes." He says: "to
most men, however, many of their flings or affairs are just pastimes and should not be taken seriously. They
mean nothing. But not to women. They mean very much to them. They feel degraded at the thought that they
cannot completely satisfy the man they are going out with. They feel inadequate." Holmes (1999) quotes the
letter of a wife: "Was my husband in love with the girl? He says she was just a game to play with."
Alanos (1995) observations are similar to the findings of Lapuz, Tanseco and Vancio. Alano reports that five
of the six highest probable reasons for a husbands infidelity are related to marital and family dissatisfaction:
"lousy" marriage, neglect of kids/household duties, neglect of the spouse, negative personality traits of the
spouse and not having legitimate children. Some other reasons given were: being tricked or seduced, being
in love and the giving in to the polygamous tendencies of men. In other words, the querida (the mistress or
lover) is perceived as filling needs of the husband unmet by his own spouse.
Relucio (1995) observes a relation between infidelity and the husband being overly attached to his mother.
Perhaps, there is lack of mature autonomy or differentiation on the part of the husband toward his mother.
The McCann Erickson National Womens Study (1996) highlights the cultural perception of the inadequacy of
the wife when her husband strays. One understands this powerful cultural perception because the wife is
expected to be a home maker and in charge of running the household well.
Tanalega mentions the migrant workers feeling of loneliness, when living abroad (Baga1997) and the spouse
being left behind (in the Philippines), as a possible reason for marital infidelity.
Lee-Brago (2001) cites reasons for infidelity from a study of Dr. Sandra Tempongko of the University of the
Philippines College of Public Health entitled "Determinants of Risky Behavior Related to Sexually
Transmitted Diseases (STDs) Among Population Groups." From the participants interviewed, the reasons
given for infidelity were the following: machismo, peer pressure and influence of alcohol. The most
compelling reason was machismo. Infidelity (commercial sex) occurs when there is peer pressure during
drinking sprees. Drinking was also given as a reason for infidelity. Some respondents mentioned sexual
inadequacy of the wife as a reason for male infidelity.
E. Feelings about Infidelity. The next themes to be explored are the feelings surrounding the issue of her
husbands infidelity. There are a number of feelings reported from various studies. Torres (1998) cites
Guthries study (1970) about Filipino "wives worried over losing their spouses to other women." Tanseco
(1972) mentions the point of view of the unfaithful husband: "I cannot help it. I love my family, but I also love
my querida." Tanseco observes this feeling of being driven and the split within the Filipino husband:
weakness of will. There is a feeling of near admiration for the unfaithful husband who is not caught and a
feeling of pity for him and the wife (de Vera 1976). Usually, the wife is blamed for her husbands infidelity.
Lapuz (1977) captures the overwhelming feeling of the wife in times of her husbands infidelity:
The wounds are deep. More than pride, more than a laceration of ones feminine image, love was lost through
betrayal. Trust has been broken and unless enough is restored, love can hardly thriveOnce bitten, twice
shy, goes the saying.
The distrust remains longer when the wife is more insecure and emotionally dependent. In fact, Lapuz
continues: "The most oppressive feeling one can experience is the lack of freedom to be oneself, compelling
one to continuously suppress or deny oneself in favor of another."
Because of her bruised ego, the wife finds a way of releasing her pent-up anger against the other woman for
breaking up the familys solidarity (Jurilla 1986). Lapuz summarizes the relief that is sought for: "licking
ones wounds may be painful but soothing at the same time." She will recount, in an obsessive pattern, every
detail of the pain of infidelity.
Carandang (1987) reports the wife feeling frustrated, helpless and neglected as frequent stressors in the face
of her husbands infidelity. Alano (1995) highlights a nationwide respondents strong feelings of threat and
suffering for the family when affairs strike the marriage. There is the perception of a feeling of loss for the
wives and legitimate children. They feel insecure, like failures, "reduced by guilt and rejection, her efforts
and sacrifices discounted" and "shortchanged and taken advantage of." In other words, aside from the
feeling of rejection, there is also a feeling of a "lowered self-esteem and loss of control." Alano describes
further the feelings of the wife:
She is embarrassed as her family is talked about in whispers. She feels sorry for herself and her children.
She feels impotent in shielding them from pain. She feels guilty that she is unable to give them the ideal life
she wishes them to have.
The children feel a "sense of incompetence and unworthiness. They feel rejected, anxious and insecure." On
the other hand, the adulterous men downplay familial and moral consequences because they rationalize that
infidelity is natural for men, they do not stop their role as economic providers, and they absolve themselves
by saying they still come home to their legitimate family. Some of them project their guilt onto their wives
who they say fail to accommodate and sacrifice. The unfaithful husband feels a loss of self-respect, personal
integrity, peace of mind and self-esteem. The illegitimate children bear the "unmerited stigma of being the
fruit of immoral behavior." Mistresses feel that the queridas (mistresses) and the illegitimate children are
losing most in the adultery of the Filipino husband. Alano reports the feelings of the mistress: "The mistress
submits to being less than number one, resigned to being lonely on holidays and special occasions knowing
that her lover is out in public with his wife and family."
No one is spared of the feelings of loss and suffering when the infidelity of the husband sets in: the wifes
wound of betrayal and rejection, the childrens feeling of unworthiness, the mistress and illegitimate
childrens feeling of being less than number one and the husbands loss of self-respect or personal integrity.
F. Filipino Wife and Husbands Resilience. To date, there seems to be a dearth of available research on
resiliency of the Filipino wife when the husband becomes unfaithful. However, in the available literature there
are hints of various aspects of resiliency, in the broad sense of thriving in the midst of adversity or a certain
amount of coping well in the midst of the suffering.
Lapuz (1977), basing herself on her clinical experience, finds the following hints of the resilience of the
Filipino wife, after ventilating in her for a long time the wounds of her husbands infidelity:
She starts to listen. She looks neat. She streaks her hair. She uses make-up. She tries skirts and stockings,
not just pants. She tries a bust lift. She learns to drive. She returns to school. She starts a small cottage
industry. She takes a trip to Europe. She goes to church.
A number of things take place during the process. There are concrete steps taken that go beyond depression
and anger. There is a spiritual resource of going to church, to pray for strength and inspiration to move on.
Shahani (1988) underscores the value of religion as a resource for the Filipino wife: "Religion is the root of
the Filipino optimism and the capacity to accept lifes hardships." This support from religion is similar in the
findings of Alano (1995) and Relucio (1995) especially in times like spousal infidelity.
Jurilla (1986) mentions that the low-income wives turn to their neighbors for support when there are
problems, like infidelity. The higher income wives find resources or support by talking it over with "a friend,
relative, counselor, priest, lawyer or even hire a detective before making any confrontation." Moreover,
improving marital relationships is also mentioned. Alano (1995) and Relucio (1995) confirm the findings of
Jurilla with regard to how the Filipino wife, rich or poor, finds support with significant persons.
Because of the phenomenon of migrant workers, the observation of Torres (1988) about single parenting has
a bearing on the resilience of the Filipino wife in times of her husbands infidelity. She notes:
Solo parenting has forced the traditional Filipino wife to become more independent, to be stronger as a
person, to develop new interests and discover hidden potentialWhen wives are forced into circumstances
outside the traditional mold, she falls back on the family and herself to cope with the situation."
One can see the openness of the Filipino wife to expand her horizon beyond the experience of her husbands
infidelity. Family support and the focus of attention become a resource for the wife. Some wives pursue
graduate studies (Relucio 1995).
A very probable source of resilience for the Filipino wife is the attraction of economic independence aside
from the passion for taking care of the children (McCann Erickson National Womens Study 1996). The study
reports:
Across the board, across all ages, all over the country, at home, at work, and in school, Filipino women are
engaged in small-scale business. She is a tindera (vendor) at heart selling (tocino [marinated pork], chicken,
jewelry, antique watches. She also sells Avon and Sara Lee products). Early in life, little girls are taught how
to become responsible moms. They learn to cook and clean, take care of younger siblings, get organized,
manage time between schoolwork and homework. They learn to deal with pain. They learn to take joy from
giving; they learn to take risks.
The sources of resilience for the Filipino wife are varied: faith, prayer, religion, friends and family,
professional counselors and psychiatrists, priests, education, work and personal care. It would be
interesting to continue the research on resiliency of the Filipino wife when her husband turns unfaithful. The
present study tries to address this important gap in the research on the Filipino wife when the husband
becomes unfaithful.
On the other hand, I have noticed in my interviews with Filipino wives living with unfaithful husbands the
following three things happen when the husband decides to rebuild his marriage: the husband admits he did
something wrong; he begins to look deeply into the marital relationship; and he makes amends in various
ways.
First, he admits he did something wrong. When a man strays, his once predictable schedule changes. He is
no longer available for his family. He wastes the resources meant for his wife and children. He becomes
irritable with them. He covers his tracks with lies. Often, this leads to the collapse of his career or business.
Sometimes, the crisis hits closer to home: a child gets into troublepoor grades, drugs, etc. And this serves
as a wake-up call, ushering in a new beginning for the errant husband/father. His isolation brings the
realization of how important the family is. He goes through a deep spiritual conversion. He experiences
genuine contrition. One wife said: "my husband realized how deeply he has hurt me and the family."
Second, he makes a real examination (in self-regulation theory, one takes stock of which goals, whether
lower or higher order goals, are being served) of his relationship with his wife, and his children. The husband
and wife together communicate with each other what each misses in the relationship. Instead of secrecy and
lies, he becomes truly transparent. He becomes more predictable with his schedules. He then really tries to
listen to the wife and the wife listens to him too.
Third, he makes a decision (in self-regulation theory, there is a cognizance of the hard work or commitment
to self-control, in therapy to make life satisfactory changes happen) to let go of the other woman or women.
He reestablishes his relationship with his wife and family, and sometimes, with his community or church too.
He tries to manifest his presence in small ways. He spends more time with his wife. He sets aside Sunday as
the day for the family. He helps the wife in her business or career. He enters the renewal or growth programs
and becomes an active member of communities serving marriage and the family. He even becomes a channel
for the healing of the family.
While marital disharmony, or an innate tendency to be polygamous, or other reasons may explain the Filipino
husband's infidelity, I get a sense that there is this deeper, more primal reason: a man's poignant longing for
home. If and when he finds his true home (in self-regulation theory, integrating ones lifestyle, one talks of
higher order goals as truly satisfying), he ends his infidelity.
Filipino Context of Infidelity. This literature review and some personal observations lay the groundwork for
the need to continue the research on the Filipino wifes resilience. A number of themes arise: marital
infidelity as a major issue; risk factors in the environment: poverty, migration, and business; the cultural
upbringing of the Filipino male and female and how this might relate to the marital dynamics; infidelity is
predominantly more among Filipino husbands than wives; when infidelity happens to the Filipino husband,
no one is spared; there are deep wounds and stigma that are hard to heal or erase; and somehow the Filipino
wife becomes resilient she will fight to save her marriage or she will physically separate, she will find a
steady job, she will take care of the kids, she will go back to school, she will find the support of friends and
family and she will find the sanctuary of her God. And finally, if the husband decides to rebuild the marriage
from the ground up, he cooperates in nurturing the marriage and becomes more responsible for his family
and the local church.
(Source: http://www.eapi.org.ph/resources/eapr/east-asian-pastoral-review2003/volume-40-2003-number-2/the-filipino-context-of-infidelity-and-resilience)
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Inequalities in the law are no more harshly evident than in the Revised Penal Codes definition of marital
infidelity and legal sanctions on perpetrators. Since 2013 a number of bills have been pending in Congress,
seeking to amend if not to repeal Articles 333 and 334 of the RPC to correct the imbalance in the treatment of
men and women found guilty of the crime.
The National Commission for Women is in the forefront of a movement to amend laws that discriminate against
women but favor men. In its agenda during the current 16th Congress the NCW is pushing Congress to check
the imbalance. Representatives Emmi A. de Jesus and Luzviminda C. Ilagan go beyond amending laws as they
are authors of HB 4377 which ask for the repeal of the offensive articles.
The NCW defines marital infidelity as a violation or breach of good faith and confidence by one or both
spouses to the matrimonial vows. It is also a major spousal pressure that eventually causes the breakdown of
marriage as a foundation of the family.
Under marital infidelity, a breach of the marital relationship by a married woman constitutes adultery, and that
by a married man is called concubinage.
The NCW says present laws on adultery and concubinage under the RPC both constitute marital infidelity, but
these are seen as discriminatory and nebulous. While both aim to punish marital infidelity of the spouses, there
is higher burden put on wives than on husbands. This disparity in the treatment of the law is seen in the
evidentiary requirement for the two crimes and there is a huge underlying difference if the infidelity was
committed by the male or female spouse.
For the wife, adultery means catching her in just one act of sexual intercourse with a man who is not her
husband provable through circumstantial evidence; while for the husband, the evidentiary requirement for
concubinage is higher by proving that the sexual intercourse with a woman who is not his wife is 1) committed
under scandalous circumstances; 2)that he is keeping another woman in the conjugal home, or 3) and that he
is cohabiting with her in another dwelling.
Our present law also imposes higher penalty on married women who commit infidelity as compared to married
men. The penalty for women ranges from two years, four months and one day to a maximum of six years,
while the penalty for men ranges from only six months and one day to a maximum of four years and two
months.
Says the NCW: The disparity in treatment stems from gender biases that use double standards in being more
lenient thus seemingly accepting the infidelity of men as normal, but more stringent on women who are
expected to be faithful to their husbands no matter what. These discriminatory provisions in the law should be
amended.
Existing laws or policy issuances call for amending the Articles 344 and 334. Section 12 of RA 9710 or the
Magna Carta of Women (MCW) provides for the amendment or repeal of laws that are discriminatory to
women. The 1987 Philippine Constitution, Article II on Declaration of Principles and State Policies provides
that the State recognizes the role of women in nation-building, and shall ensure the fundamental equality
before the law of women and men.
Article 2(g) of the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW)
requires the State to modify or abolish existing laws, regulations, customs and practices that constitute
discrimination against women. Article 16 also calls on the State Parties to take all appropriate measures to
eliminate discrimination against women and ensure equality of men and women in all matters relating to
marriage and family relations.
NCW posits that marital infidelity should remain an illegal act because it is not only a crime against the other
spouse but also a breach to the marital vows. Marriage is a special contract such that it is a three-party
agreement that involves the spouses and the State. Although the personal rights of the spouses are involved,
the State also considers itself as an offended party, not because of a breach of public order but because of the
violation of marital vows which the State itself protects.
It is hoped that the 16th Congress will act on the pending bills on marital infidelity.
*
A new book, Mass Media and People Power: A Brief History of Philippine Communication, was launched June
19 on the occasion of the inauguration of the #MediaSeum at the Philippine Information Agency on Visayas
Ave., Quezon City.
Gemma Cruz Araneta and Secretary Sonny Colomba Jr. led the ribbon cutting for the #MediaSeum, which now
houses communication and media artifacts. The #MediaSeum is a project of the Asian Institute of Journalism
and Communication (AIJC) and UNESCO.
Mass Media and People Power: A Brief History of Philippine Communication, is the 31st book authored or
edited by former journalist and communication professor Dr. Crispin C. Maslog, senior consultant of the Asian
Institute of Journalism and Communication. He was recently elected chair of the Board of the Asian Media
Information and Communication Centre (AMIC), which just moved its headquarters to Manila.
The book gives a birds eye view of the evolution of Philippine media, from ancient times to the present. It
includes discussion on the early Philippine media the folk media, sometimes referred to as indigenous
media.
The history of mass media, as we know them today books, journals, newspapers, radio, film, television
from 1593 to today follows in another chapter.
The historic role of mass media in the two People Power Revolutions in 1986 and 2001 and in the sixth military
coup attempt against the Cory Aquino administration is discussed in detail in four chapters. In 2001, the newest
media the social media played a crucial part.
These recent events of historic proportions deserve to be highlighted for the sake of our youth who were not
yet born at the time, Dr. Maslog stresses in his preface.
Our People Power Revolution inspired other peoples to follow and demand democracy for their peoples, Dr.
Maslog adds, citing the cases of People Power movements in South Korea, Chile, Poland, Romania, Estonia,
Latvia, Lithuania, East Germany and Czechoslovakia, from 1987 to 1989.
The #MediaSeum soft launch and book launching event was attended by icons of Philippine media and
communication students, including a big delegation of 20 students from Batangas State University.
(Source: http://www.philstar.com/opinion/2015/06/30/1471565/amending-maritalinfidelity-law)
Some people cringed when Star Cinema produced and bombarded the cinema with
affair-themed movies such as No Other Woman and The Mistress, among others.
But these movies are not a far cry from reality.
Not your ordinary dating site. Ashley Madison.com offers a
secure and discreet platform for those looking for affair partners.
Most people know of someone who has an unfaithful partner or who has been involved
in an affair, one time or another. We hear stories from the grapevine about people
having multiple partners and raising two (or perhaps more) families. While most
Filipinos (about 96 percent) disapprove of extramarital relations, infidelity happens on a
daily basis.
Based on a report from the National Commission on the Role of Filipino Women in
2009, marital infidelity is one of the major causes of stress among Filipino couples, with
about 36 percent of men and two percent of women engaging in extramarital affairs.
This is quite evident in the rise in the number of marriage annulment cases in the
Philippines. In the last decade, there has been a 40 percent increase, with at least 22
cases filed daily. Data from the Office of the Solicitor General (OSG), as reported by the
CBCPNews, showed that the annulment cases had risen from 4,520 in 2001 to 8,282 in
2010.
But annulment requires time and money, not to mention one has to fight not only against
the spouse but with the church and state prosecutor whose jobs are to uphold the
sanctity of marriage. One has to prove that the marriage never happened which is
udoubtedly challenging because one can't use infidelity, desertion, physical or
psychological abuse and irreconcilable differences as valid reasons. With expensive
legal process that is not within the reach of the lower-income sector, those who are
unhappy don't have any other recourse but to be stuck in a difficult and dysfunctional
marriage or live in sin.
languages and have over 30 million members around the world, with one person signing
up every six seconds.
"Our Web site is an outlet, where married people can satisfy their needs without
endangering the relationship. We simply offer a trusted anonymous way to find affair
partners. We believe we are actually helping save marriages," said Christoph Kraemer,
the site's spokesman.
The Web site started its Asian expansion last year, now operating in Japan, Hong Kong,
Macau, Taiwan and India, which they recently launched. Last year, the Web site came to
the Philippines.
"Philippines is long overdue. We think Philippines will be one of our most successful
international markets for several reasons. For one, we have studied its economic growth
for the last 10 years. Two, it is the 12th most popular tourist destination in the world.
Three, it is considered a conservative society with strong Catholic heritage," shared
Kraemer.
The Philippines being a predominantly Catholic country, Kraemer believes, is not an
hindrance, but rather an advantage to the site.
"Based on our experience, socially conservative countries tend to do very well. We are
doing quite well in Catholic countries such as Spain, Brazil, Italy, among others. I think it
goes back to the story of Adam and Eve and the apple. The more norms and rules exist,
more people [are] tempted to taste the forbidden fruit."
He shared based on their recent survey on religion and infidelity, "Catholics are most
adventurous in the bedroom. The reason they gave us? The next morning, they can
always go to the confession and everything will be forgiven."
So far, there are about 2,500 to 3,000 Filipinos who sign up since AshleyMadison
opened their Web site to the Philippines, and they are forecasting to have more signing
up now that they have officially announced it.
Kraemer shared that the international demographics: "Ninety percent of the male
members are married, aged between 42 to 45, and mostly entrepreneurs. They are
mostly working in the finance, marketing and sales sectors. For female, two-thirds are
married and aged 30 to 35. we have a large group of single women who I classify into
three groups. The first group is the single mothers who have children. They don't want
to introduce a father figure but want to seek male companionship from time to time. The
second is composed of single career women whose focus are their work right now and
don't want to be tied down in a relationship."
Although it is the smallest, Kramer finds the third group of single women quite
fascinating. "I call them the vocational mistress. They don't want to be the girlfriend or
wife because they don't want to wash the dirty laundry, do the dishes and go grocery
shopping, They want to be taken to a nice restaurant or a luxurious escapade to Paris
for Valentine's or Christmas. Men tend to spend three times as much on their mistress
than their wives. These single women are quite fulfilled, happy and content being the
proverbial other woman."
With its tagline "Life is short. Have an Affair," it is likely that the site will stir controversy
and dispute. "We have received it, but we extend invitation for discussion and
collaboration. Instead of being antagonistic with church, we want to collaborate with
them. Our service is no more responsible for an affair than the hotel where the two
lovers met, or the phone where they exchanged secret love notes."
So, how does the site go?
"It is like any other normal social sites. You have to sign up. All you need is an email
address. But we strongly suggest not to use your office and private emails. There are
many providers out there. Create a special email account just for your AshleyMadison
account, with password that is totally different from your other passwords. Then, fill in
basic stats about your appearance and you can start looking at profiles of potential
partners. You can do so according to either geographic location, preferences or
interests," said Kraemer.
Signing up and looking at profiles are free. You can send wink as a sign of admiration.
Women can use options and features for free; men have to pay if they want to contact
another member but they only have to pay first initial contact. The subsequent contact is
free. Men also have to pay to use the chat features.
"We ask male members to pay so that we can protect our female members. On most
free dating sites, females are bombarded with not-so-pleasant messages. We want to
prevent that from happening on our Web site. Women seek affairs because they feel
neglected and are no longer desired by their partners. They sign up on the site because
they want to feel loved and be courted by the male members. We make sure that it is
done in an educated manner. If they are willing to pay just to send a message, then they
must be really serious and interested with the female members," said the site's
spokesperson.
So, what happens when the other spouse learns about the affair?
"We have been operating for more than 12 years now, and our success has always
been anchored on anonymity and account security," says Kraemer who admits that he
has an account with AshleyMadison to make sure the site is really working.
(http://manilastandardtoday.com/lifestyle/167613/have-a-break-have-an-affair-.html)
Infidelity
Infidelity is a breach of trust that signifies a lack of faithfulness to a moral obligation to one's
partner. Infidelity usually implies sexual infidelity, although some people, particularly women,
regard an intense emotional relationship as an unfaithful extramarital involvement, even when
there is no physical component. In short, infidelity is feelings or behavior that go against a
partner's expectations for the exclusivity of the relationship. Some couples are comfortable with
having relationships outside their union. These liaisons do not constitute infidelity unless they
violate the couple's shared understandings about discretion, partner choice, and sexual conduct
understandings that are designed to protect their relationship from disruption.
In the United States, open marriages that tolerate extramarital sex are the exception. Most U.S.
husbands and wives say that sexual fidelity is very important to a marriage (Blumstein and
Schwartz 1983; Greeley 1991). Ninety-nine percent of married people in the United States say
that they expect sexual exclusivity of their spouse, and 99 percent report their spouse expects the
same of them (Treas and Giesen 2000). Cohabitors are only slightly less likely (94%) to say they
expect fidelity from a partner. Although males in same-sex couples tend to be more tolerant of
multiple sexual partners, few heterosexuals in the United States are indifferent to their mate's
sexual activities.
Cross-Cultural Perspectives
It has been argued that limiting sex to socially sanctioned partnerships like marriage contributes
to the stability of the relationship, because it makes the union the unique focus of self-disclosure
and sexual pleasure. The emphasis on sexual fidelity, however, varies from culture to culture.
Around the globe, about half of societies have strong prohibitions against extramarital sex for
women, and about a quarter object strongly to extramarital sex for men (Frayzer 1985).
Extramarital sex is permissible for men in half of societies, but it is permissible for women in
only one quarter. This double standardcontrolling female sexuality more than male sexuality
has been traced to the desire to insure the paternity of heirs. It has also been attributed to the
unequal power between the genders inequality that supports a man's sense of ownership over a
woman. Masculine roles, by contrast, often encourage sexual adventuring. For example, brothel
visits are a common ritual of male camaraderie in Thailand and elsewhere.
Monogamy, the institutional form of marriage permitting only one spouse at a time, still
confronts extramarital relationships, particularly for husbands. La casa chica, or little house, is
an established Latin American custom whereby married men maintain a second partner and
family. Although polygamy, the custom of taking multiple wives and concubines, is illegal in
China, the tradition has made a comeback among businessmen, who can afford to maintain a
young mistress in her own apartment. These institutions, of course, still serve to protect the
family and the marital relationship by minimizing the intrusion of secondary partnerships. Even
in societies where extramarital relationships are casual and fleeting, a degree of secrecy and
discretion usually surrounds the activities to minimize marital disruptions.
In honor-based Arab societies, which place a high value on female chastity, relatives may feel
obliged to put an unfaithful wife to death. In other societies, casual sexual liaisons outside
marriage are widely accepted both for men and for women. This is the case in parts of Africa.
Where children are regarded as belonging to broad kinship groups, there may be less concern
with paternity and with controlling female sexuality. Where financial responsibility for offspring
falls to women, they often rely on supportive sex partners in order to provide for themselves and
their children. In urban Nigeria, for example, two-thirds of men and one-third of women in
monogamous marriages reported that their most recent sexual encounter was with someone
besides their legal spouse.
The less tolerant attitudes in Western nations may be traced to Christian teachings on marriage
and sexuality. In the twenty-four largely Western and industrial countries in the 1994
International Social Survey Program, most people stated that extramarital sex was "always
wrong" (Widmer et al. 1998). Fully 80 percent of U.S. respondents condemned extramarital
relations as being always wrong, a figure comparable to conservative Catholic populations like
Ireland (80%), Northern Ireland (81%), and the Philippines (88%). The "always wrong" response
found less favor in other countries: Australia (59%), Austria (67%), Bulgaria (51%), Canada
(68%), Czech Republic (43%), Germany (data reported separately: East Germany, 60%, and
West Germany, 55%), Great Britain (67%), Hungary (62%), Israel (73%), Italy (67%), Japan
(58%), Netherlands (63%), New Zealand (75%), Norway (70%), Poland (74%), Russia (36%),
Slovenia (57%), Spain (76%), and Sweden (68%). On average, however, only 4 percent of
survey respondents believed that extramarital sex was "not at all wrong." Thus, moral judgments
in Western countries continue to support sexual exclusivity between husbands and wives.
Although people in the United States have become increasingly tolerant of premarital sex and
homosexual sex, they voice stronger disapproval of extramarital sex. Disapproval has actually
increased in recent decades. According to data from the General Social Surveys, extramarital sex
was condemned as "always wrong" by 70 percent of U.S. respondents in 1973. Following a sharp
increase in disapproval at the end of the 1980s, perhaps in response to the AIDS crisis, views on
extramarital sex largely stabilized and stood at 81 percent strongly disapproving in 1998.
Permissive sexual values reflect liberal religious and political ideologies. Men are more
permissive than women. People with more schooling are more tolerant than people with less
education. African Americans and people who live in big cities are also more tolerant of
extramarital sex. Not surprisingly, people with permissive sexual values are more likely to have
adulterous relationships. Only 10 percent of U.S. respondents who say extramarital sex is
"always wrong" report having extramarital sex, as compare to 76 percent of respondents who say
extramarital sex is "not at all wrong" (Smith 1994).
Attitudes and Lifestyles (Wellings et al. 1994) and the U.S. National Survey of Health and Social
Life (Laumann et al. 1994) have contributed to our understanding of sexual partnering.
Contemporary interview surveys have devoted considerable attention to improving the quality of
sex data. Researchers go to great lengths to develop, pretest, and refine their questionnaires. To
insure the integrity of their scientific samples, they work hard to secure interviews with sample
persons who are difficult to locate or reluctant to be interviewed. They make special efforts to
conduct confidential interviews out of earshot of other household members. Anonymous, selfadministered questionnaires that work well for sensitive questions are combined with face-toface interviews where clarification is needed. For example, interviewers collect complicated
rosters for the start and end dates of sexual relationships; these can be used to determine if there
are overlaps in time that would indicate sexual infidelity. Data are analyzed for consistency and
compared to results from other surveys.
marriage than do men (Blumstein and Schwartz 1983; Wellings et al. 1994). When asked what
might justify extramarital sex, women are more likely than men to invoke falling in love and less
likely to cite sexual gratification.
One explanation for gender differences in sexual behavior frames an evolutionary argument:
Men's genetic legacy is maximized when they impregnate many women while women's optimal
reproductive strategy calls for breedingselectively with men who will help to raise the children.
Other explanations emphasize social roots of monogamy such as the gendered nature of learned
scripts explicitly motivating sexual activity.
For both men and women, normative beliefs and behavioral patterns seem to be established by
late adolescence and early adulthood. In the early teen years, girls' peer groups are already
reinforcing monogamous feeling norms (e.g., don't have romantic feelings for a boy who has a
girlfriend or for more than one boy at a time). Even in adulthood, sexual attitudes continue to
reflect the values of the community in which one was raised. Early experience foretells later
behavior. According to French survey data, the younger the age at first intercourse, the more
likely an individual living in a couple relationship is to have multiple sexual partners (Bozon
1996). In the United States, having had more sexual partners before the first marriage or
cohabitation also increases the likelihood of infidelity (Treas and Giesen 2000). The implication
seems to be that premarital sexual lifestyles encourage infidelity in marriage, but some
unidentified common factor (e.g., a preference for risk-taking behavior) may account for sexual
behavior both before and during marriage.
Individuals who strongly disapprove of extramarital sex are not likely to be unfaithful. The
personal discomfort in violating deeply held values discourages infidelity, although those who
are unfaithful may also work to bring their values in line with their behavior (Lawson 1988).
Most organized religions teach values that emphasize sexual fidelity. People who attend religious
services are less likely to engage in infidelity, even when the individual's sexual values are taken
into account (Treas and Giesen 2000). Belonging to a community that is supportive of sexual
fidelity seems to discourage extramarital sexabove and beyond any influence on individual
moral beliefs.
marriages. Research has not found a consistent association between marital satisfaction and the
risk of sexual infidelity. On the one hand, various studies report no significant association
between sexual infidelity and marital happiness, the quality of marital sex (for whites), or
physical satisfaction with sex (for men). Other studies show that sexual infidelity is positively
associated with marital unhappiness, low emotional satisfaction with the union, women's reports
of marital inequity, and men's sexual dissatisfaction. Unfortunately, there are no large,
longitudinal studies to sort out whether unhappiness comes before or after infidelity. The causal
direction of the association remains unclear. Although an unhappy relationship may lead to
sexual infidelity, infidelity may make people unhappy with their relationship. Ironically, married
people report that marital problems led them to have extramarital sex, but they blame
their spouse's infidelities for marital problems.
Couples who take pleasure in one another's family and friends are less likely to be unfaithful
(Treas and Giesen 2000). Shared social circles may validate the couple's relationship. They may
foster a satisfying union so that the partners have more to lose from infidelity. Certainly, couples
who share many activities have fewer opportunities for sex outside their marriage than do
couples who lead separate lives (Blumstein and Schwartz 1983). In other words, more
opportunities for sex outside marriage may lead to more sex outside marriage. The workplace is
one place where people meet potential sexual partners. In Britain, people who work away from
home overnight are not as likely to be sexually monogamous (Wellings et al. 1994). In the
United States, a job that involves intimate interpersonal contactbeing alone with, touching, and
discussing personal concerns of clients, coworkers, and customersis associated with a greater
risk of sexual infidelity (Treas and Giesen 2000). The risk is also greater in large cities that offer
greater anonymity and more potential partners than do small towns. More generally,
communities that have more potential partners have been found to have more divorce.
relationships are casual and short-lived. Many people do not even expect to have sex with the
secondary partner ever again. In fact, at least for women, the secondary relationship is not as
satisfying sexually as the primary one.
This may reflect the fact that secondary sexual relationships are often short-term relationships:
Men and women in short-term relationships say sex is less satisfying, emotionally and
physically, than married and cohabiting people do. Of course, sexual practices differ between
short-term and long-term relationships. Short-term sexual relationships are characterized by
greater condom usage, more oral sex, and more alcohol use than is the case for long-term
relationships, cohabitations, and marriages (Laumann et al. 1994). Secrecy and deceit also
characterize sexual infidelity. Sexual affairs, for example, are apt to involve clandestine meetings
in out of the way places and elaborate ruses to cover absences from home. Although some people
find the intrigue exciting, others experience guilt and anxiety.
else just before their marriage ended, 40 percent accused their ex-spouse of being involved with
someone else. It is not known, however, whether these extramarital affairs precipitated the
divorce or were only initiated after the married couple began the divorce. Whatever the chain of
events, the betrayal of norms of sexual exclusivity is condemned by most people in the United
States. (http://www.encyclopedia.com/social-sciences-and-law/sociology-and-socialreform/sociology-general-terms-and-concepts/infidelity)
As we end Women's Month in March, we look into some of the laws that,
according to womens groups, are unfair to women.
While the law itself is applicable to both spouses, the PCW notes that wives are
at a disadvantage owing to the general physical strength of husbands. The law
also states that the abuse has to be repeated to qualify. So in cases of wifebeating, battered wives may have to suffer sustained and heavy beating to be
able to file for legal separation, the PCW said.
It is on these grounds that the PCW is calling for an amendment to consider not
only the number of times abuse is inflicted but the seriousness of the abuse. The
legislative measure to amend Article 55 according to the PCWs
recommendations is pending in Congress.
Family Code Article 96 and 124
Articles 96 and 124 state that while ownership of properties belongs to both
spouses jointly, it is the husbands decision that shall prevail in case of
disagreements.
The issue that womens groups have with these articles is clear, as the law
presupposes that husbands are wiser and have better judgment than their wives.
It also implies that since husbands are most likely the breadwinners, they ought
to make the decisions when it comes to properties.
The PCW has submitted recommendations to amend these two articles, suggesting that decisions
on community property require the consent of both spouses to encourage mutual decision-making.
Like the above articles, the recommendations are pending in Congress.
Like Articles 96 and 124, Articles 221 and 225 are questionable as far as
womens groups are concerned. Based on the PCWs interpretation, these force
the wife to go to court every time she has to question her husbands decision.
To amend the two articles, the PCW suggests that both should require the consent of the husband
and wife over matters of legal guardianship over their children and their property. Rappler.com
(Source: http://www.rappler.com/newsbreak/iq/54225-philippine-laws-unfair-women)
Would you care to spend up to six years in a Philippines jail? I believe the majority of my readers
would probably answer with a resounding NO to that question. However, a new bill proposed
by a House of Representatives committee in the Philippines has been approved that would
impose stiff penalties on married citizens engaging in sexual intercourse with an individual other
than his or her legal spouse. Thats according to a recent April 22, 2012 report in the Manila
Bulletin.
Despite the proposed new legislature, adultery is already considered a crime in the Philippines.
Heres what the Revised Penal Code Book Two, Title Eleven Article 333 states:
Who are guilty of adultery. Adultery is committed by any married woman who shall have
sexual intercourse with a man not her husband and by the man who has carnal knowledge of her
knowing her to be married, even if the marriage be subsequently declared void.
Adultery shall be punished by prison correccional in its medium and maximum periods.
If the person guilty of adultery committed this offense while being abandoned without
justification by the offended spouse, the penalty next lower in degree than that provided in the
next preceding paragraph shall be imposed.
But the new proposed law by the House Committee on Women and Gender Equality, House Bill
5734, also eliminates gender bias in laws penalizing the crimes of adultery and concubinage.
In an article I did back in November 2010, I was amazed to learn that under Filipino law, murder
is essentially allowed for spouses caught in adultery! but the new law, as mentioned above, is
going to eliminate the current gender bias.
HB 5734, a consolidation of five bills filed by various House member, defines sexual infidelity
as an act committed by any legally married person who shall have sexual intercourse with
another person other than his or her legal spouse.
It does not exempt a person whose marriage has been subsequently declared void.
However, the crime cannot be prosecuted by anybody except upon the complaint of the offended
spouse.
The bill eliminates the disparity between the penalties imposed by existing laws on the crimes of
concubinage and adultery.
Again, under the above-mentioned current Article 333 of the Revised Penal Code, adultery is
committed by a married woman who engages in sexual intercourse with a man not her husband.
Offenders are punishable by a maximum jail term of six years.
On the other hand, Article 333 of RPC only metes out on the offender a penalty of destierro or
banishment from the community where the couple lives for a certain period of time.
HB 5734 treats the two crimes as the same acts that constitute sexual infidelity.
Also, lawmakers proposed that an offended party can no longer file charges against the alleged
offender if the former is also guilty of sexual infidelity or had abandoned the guilty spouse
without just cause for more than one year.
So for you expats that come over to meet a married Filipina and think you dont have a thing to
worry about, think again. It is a very distinct possibility that you could wind up in a Philippines
jail. Dont think it can happen to you? Yeah, Im sure thats what those foreigners already
languishing in jail for committing adultery thought, also. Better make sure you know what
head youre thinking with.
http://www.philippinesplus.com/2012/04/23/want-to-spend-six-years-in-a-philippines-jailcommit-adultery/
****
Guilty of adultery, concubinage, or bigamy
By: Joel Ruiz Butuyan / @inquirerdotnetPhilippine Daily Inquirer / 12:09 AM November 02,
2015
AN AVERAGE of 500,000 marriages take place each year in the Philippines. There are no
available data on the number of marriages that end in breakups, but a prevalence of marital
breakups is observed among young couples and overseas Filipino workers, and in the ranks of
our poor who constitute the majority of our population.
Among developed countries, marriage-breakup statistics average 40 percent. There are claims
that Philippine figures are not far behind, but even if we conservatively assume a 20-percent
breakup rate in our country, we have 100,000 broken marriages every year. Notwithstanding
these numbers, only 10,000 petitions for marriage dissolution are filed in court each year.
The Philippines is now the only country in the world that prohibits divorce, the Vatican excluded.
With the number of marriages ending in breakups each year, the lack of a divorce law is creating
an unnoticed social disorder and a serious malady in family relations. It is forcing second-chance
spouses to cohabit as criminals, and producing innocent children branded by law as illegitimate
offspring. (As an aside, there should be no illegitimate children under the law, only illegitimate
parents at the most.)
ADVERTISEMENT
Instead of divorce, what we have is a law that allows a marriage to be declared null and void
nonexistent from the beginningbecause one spouse (or both) is psychologically
incapacitated to perform the obligations of marriage.
This concept of psychological incapacity was copied from the Catholic Church canon law that
allows Catholic marriages to be declared void on this very same restrictive ground. This Catholic
canon became part of Philippine law because of the strong fear of election damnation instilled in
our politicians by the Catholic Church.
The law does not define what kind and quantity of evidence would amount to psychological
incapacity. Sometimes courts have allowed infidelity, drug use, and
physical/psychological/economic abuse as sufficient grounds to declare a spouse psychologically
incapacitated. At other times, courts have not allowed these same mentioned grounds as enough
reasons to declare a marriage null and void.
The unpredictability in court decisions is largely a result of the infinite levels of severity (from
slight to grave) of the alleged psychological incapacity of the erring spouse, thereby allowing
factors such as the judges personal bias or conservative religious beliefs, and even, as whispered
around, incidents of corruption to play pivotal roles in tipping the balance either way.
The marriage annulment process has been described variously as notoriously complicated,
torturously convoluted, and prohibitively expensive. The total cost incurred for attorneys
fees, psychologist fees, and court-related expenses is not less than P250,000an amount
unimaginable to the poor and even to a large segment of our middle class. The cost can reach up
to millions of pesos for the rich, depending on a variety of issues like poles-apart positions on
division of property and child custody. In most instances, the amount spent by spouses in their
extravagant wedding would be comparatively less compared to the amount they would spend to
dissolve the marriage.
With the law treating their second-chance cohabitation as a crime, their children branded as
bastards, and society despising them as outcasts, the cohabiting poor and their offspring become
second-class citizens with inferior rights.
An illegitimate spouse is not entitled to any part of the property, retirement pay, death benefits,
and even the cadaver of his or her still paper-married spouse. On the other hand, their illegitimate
children get only half of the inheritance of a legitimate child. But more than the economic costs,
the emotional harm to the second-chance life partner and the illegitimate children is
immeasurable.
We express revulsion at the caste system of India, not realizing that by making marriage
dissolution unattainable for our poor, we have created in our own country a lower caste of people
consisting of illegitimate spouses and illegitimate children with lesser rights under our laws. And
their numbers are multiplying.
The preservation of the sanctity of marriage is the avowed intention behind the prohibition
against divorce and the adherence to a strict brand of religious law that makes marriage
annulment available only to the rich. However, an accounting of this policys effect on families
and society in general should be made because there is growing evidence that all it accomplishes
is to criminalize poverty.
The Iglesia Ni Cristo meddles in the choice of political leaders. The Catholic Church interferes in
the choice of a spouse. If there is any psychological incapacity that should rightly be subjected to
court trial, it is the Philippines failure to perform its constitutional obligation to enforce the
separation of church and state.
(Source: http://opinion.inquirer.net/89980/guilty-of-adultery-concubinage-or-bigamy)
****
MANILA, Philippines What do numbers from the Office of the Solicitor General
(OSG) show about the state of marital affairs in the country?
Since 2001, the number of annulment and nullity cases filed has been increasing.
The latest available figures for the current year showed there were already more
than 6,000 cases filed; the number of cases in 2015 will most likely exceed the
number filed in the previous year.
Who filed?
The OSG's sampling of 2013 data showed that more females initiate the filing of
annulment or nullity proceedings. There is no specific profession that dominates
the list of those filing for annulment. Business people, employees, school
teachers, OFWs.There is no available data on income bracket of respondents.
A random sampling of 2008 cases revealed that the petitioners were between the
ages of 21-25 and had been married between 1-5 years.
AGE
HUSBAND
WIFE
9.76%
17.28%
42.86%
57.72%
26-30
27.53%
16.18%
31-35
12.89%
3.68%
36-40
4.18%
2.21%
41-45
1.74%
1.84%
46-50
0.70%
0.74%
Above 50
0.35%
0.37%
YEARS TOGETHER
PERCENTAGE
1-5 years
34.72%
6-10
26.04%
11-15
16.69%
16-20
8.30%
21-25
6.42%
26-30
1.89%
31-35
0.75%
36-40
0.38%
<1 year
4.91%
On the other hand, a look by the OSG at selected data from 2010 and 2011
cases showed that 82% of the couples had children.
Rappler.com
Source: Office of the Solicitor General
(Source: http://www.rappler.com/newsbreak/iq/117260-in-numbers-marital-woesannulment-philippines)
Source: http://www.gmanetwork.com/news/story/349518/lifestyle/one-out-of-five-pinoymarriages-is-annulled
COMMENTARY: Can a
mistress be held liable
under the law?
Published July 12, 2015 12:01pm
By ATTY. REEZA SINGZON
consented to be married.
Not all extramarital affairs, however, are as brazen, or scandalous.
In the Philippines, where such affairs are common and even
accepted as fact of life, mistresses and lovers abound. Secrecy is
elevated to an art form so oblivious spouses remain clueless and the
raging affair can continue uninterrupted.
The surprising revelation often comes only at the death of the
unfaithful spouse, when his ersatz "widow" and illegitimate children
weep before the coffin at the wake, or serve summons on the wife to
demand their share of the inheritance, to the utter shock of relatives
and friends who shake their heads in judgment, having known the
deceased to be "morally upright" or "devoutly religious."
When an otherwise discreet affair is discovered, whether in life or
after the death of the unfaithful spouse, some aggrieved spouses
choose to turn a blind eye to keep the peace, or to save face.
In the case of a financially dependent spouse, suffering in silence is
often the chosen recourse, for a cheating spouse who is a
breadwinner usually dominates the marital relationship.
As long as they leave me alone, he can sleep around all he wants,
a betrayed wife would say, fearful of repercussions at home from a
husband who wields the power of the purse.
Such wives are sadly unaware that they have a recourse under the
law, for withholding financial support is considered economic abuse
against a woman and is actionable under the Anti-Violence Against
Women And Their Children Act (RA 9262).
Furthermore, a husband's infidelity that causes mental or emotional
suffering for his wife is considered psychological violence and is also
actionable under the same law.
But let's assume a wife knows about these remedies and chooses to
do nothing for fear of implicating her husband, yet there is a
mistress who crosses the line drawn by decorum and discreet
conduct.
that the documents and papers (marked as Annexes A-1 to J-7 of respondent's comment in that
case) were admissible in evidence and, therefore, their use by petitioner's attorney, Alfonso Felix did
not constitute malpractice or gross misconduct, For this reason it is contended that the Court of
Appeals erred in affirming the decision of the trial court instead of dismissing private respondent's
complaint.
Petitioner's contention has no merit. The case against Atty. Felix, Jr. was for disbarment. Among
other things, private respondent, Dr. Alfredo Martin, as complainant in that case, charged that in
using the documents in evidence, Atty. Felix, Jr. committed malpractice or gross misconduct because
of the injunctive order of the trial court. In dismissing the complaint against Atty. Felix, Jr., this Court
took note of the following defense of Atty. Felix; Jr. which it found to be "impressed with merit:" 2
Indeed the documents and papers in question are inadmissible in evidence. The constitutional
injunction declaring "the privacy of communication and correspondence [to be] inviolable" 3 is no less
applicable simply because it is the wife (who thinks herself aggrieved by her husband's infidelity)
who is the party against whom the constitutional provision is to be enforced. The only exception to
the prohibition in the Constitution is if there is a "lawful order [from a] court or when public safety or
order requires otherwise, as prescribed by law."4 Any violation of this provision renders the evidence
obtained inadmissible "for any purpose in any proceeding." 5
The intimacies between husband and wife do not justify any one of them in breaking the drawers
and cabinets of the other and in ransacking them for any telltale evidence of marital infidelity. A
person, by contracting marriage, does not shed his/her integrity or his right to privacy as an
individual and the constitutional protection is ever available to him or to her.
The law insures absolute freedom of communication between the spouses by making it privileged.
Neither husband nor wife may testify for or against the other without the consent of the affected
spouse while the marriage subsists.6 Neither may be examined without the consent of the other as to
any communication received in confidence by one from the other during the marriage, save for
specified exceptions.7 But one thing is freedom of communication; quite another is a compulsion for
each one to share what one knows with the other. And this has nothing to do with the duty of fidelity
that each owes to the other.
WHEREFORE, the petition for review is DENIED for lack of merit.
SO ORDERED.
Regalado, Romero and Puno, JJ., concur.
BACK TO LIST
Contrary to popular belief, adultery is committed by the wife only; whereas the counterpart term concubinage
is committed the husband.
The crime of adultery is easier to prove than the crime of concubinage. For the husband, he must only prove
that his wife had sexual intercourse with a man other than him. The wife has to prove first that her husband has
committed either one or all of the following (1) had kept a mistress in the conjugal dwelling; (2) had sexual
intercourse, under scandalous circumstances; and/or (3) had lived together with his mistress in any other place. In
other words, a wife commits adultery every time she engages in a sexual activity with another man. However, the
husband cannot be proven guilty of concubinage even if he engages in a sexual activity with another woman.
The penalty for the crime of adultery is heavier than the penalty for the crime of concubinage. The maximum
period of penalty for adultery is 6 years while the maximum period of penalty for concubinage is 4 years and one day
only.
Are you a victim of adultery or concubinage? Trying to find a law office near Manila to seek legal help? There are
hundreds of law offices in the Manila but only a few offers a full-service legal solution, one of them is the Gancayco
Balasbas & Associates Law offices (GBALaw).
- See more at: http://www.gancaycolaw.ph/News-Press/News-Press-List/article/Inequality-in-Infidelity-The-Case-ofAdultery-Concubinage#sthash.Tu7EAmDb.dpuf
Source: http://www.gancaycolaw.ph/News-Press/News-Press-List/article/Inequality-inInfidelity-The-Case-of-Adultery-Concubinage