Self Amuse Concept
Self Amuse Concept
Self-Amusement is a particularly important concept for nighttime game, like at bars and
clubs. Less so if youre doing day game, but the principles are still important.
The idea of self-amusement is that you want to have FUN meeting girls. That going out
is not supposed to be so serious, and the state you want really is to be totally relaxed and
giving out positive energy.
So self-amusement can be yelling, singing, busting jokes, chatting up the people around
you, talking to your friends from across the room. Making silly faces at girls, poking
girls, playing games with the girls like thumb wrestling. Saying things that are absurd,
hilarious, offensive, non-sensical.
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Basically have your own fun.
Be positive, radiate it!
So the key here is that you want to practice making yourself laugh. So that you can just
walk up to the girls and just make yourself laugh, and the girls will instantly be into it.
Because if youre going to go out, you might as well make it fun. Because if youre not
having fun, lets face it, the club and bar are pretty miserable. So youre number one
question you should be asking yourself is, How can I make this FUN for myself?
Self-amusement draws the women in like crazy because when everything is FUN for
you and no big deal, everything because FUN and no big deal to the girls either, because
of state transference.
So you can say shocking and wild things that might otherwise make a girl pissed off,
but shell feel good about it, because YOU feel so good. Meaning shes going to pick up
on your good state, not the content of your words.
And thats part of the self-amusement, is positive leading. Plow over any bullshit or
negativity a girl has. Just ignore it. Ignore any bullshit or negative nonsense and plow
the girl over with your positivity and what will happen is, the girl will be attracted to
your better state and youll pull her in, shell want to enter your reality of fun and
positivity if you just persist a little.
And then you never look like youre getting rejected either. Its more like the girls are
simply leaving your party which is more fun than theirs.
Self-amusement: you dont care about the girls reactions, you have self-trust that all
people on Earth respond well to fun and positivity through the law of state transference.
Self-amusement: Youre pumping your own state instead of looking to the girls to pump
your state.
Self-amusement: Youre in your own personal universe, in your own reality of fun and
positivity, sucking girls into your vortex, instead of looking to the girls to make you
happy with validation.
Self-amusement: You generate your own positive energy internally, youre not pinging
off the environment or girls to determine how you should feel.
So thats a basic breakdown of how a guy who is self-amusing himself sees the world,
versus a guy who is reacting to everything in his environment and looking for positive
validation from girls to make him feel happy.
Its more about pushing the boundaries of pissing them off and breaking rapport. Youre
trying to make yourself laugh, not the girls. Thats very important. This is NOT about
impressing the girls and making them like you, but about having your own FUN.
So its not funny to the girls. It should be funny to YOU.
Youre getting your pleasure and kicks from the girls reactions, positive OR negative.
And because you draw her into what YOU think is funny, now the GIRL will often
think its funny.
theyll gravitate to your fun, literally getting sucked into your frame of positivity no
matter what.
Now this forcing the fun, and self-amusement is really critical in a club environment
where its essential to suck women into your positivity, and somewhat less so in day
game.
But even day game you can still be laughing with the girl, joking around, and shell love
your for that. The key is not to be canned, but to ride on the edge of chaos and let it free
flow.
So just self-amuse yourself, enjoy life, and girls will want to be around you. Dont look
for things in your environment to tell you now is the time to be happy, dont wait for
someone else or something else to pump you up with happiness, being happy is a
decision you make in every moment.
by Darius Belejevas
Saturday, 22 August 2015
As Im packing my things for a four-day music festival, I remember all the crazy stuff
from the past events pure, unadulterated fun. Well, at least the parts I can remember.
For some reason, many of us have no trouble letting go and having fun during
vacations, music festivals, or camping trips, but fail to do the same when were at a
local bar, looking to meet someone new.
And this is what this article is going to be about having fun. Essentially, Ill try to
convince you in about 2000 words to do something that comes natural to every child,
and something that should be completely obvious to every adult.
Yet for too many this simple act doesnt come naturally were too invested in forcing a
particular outcome and planning every single step, as if we can prepare for dynamic
social interactions in the same way we prepare for a weekend road trip.
And while were sitting there, pondering what line to use as an opener to get that girl
into bed (yeah, as if it works that way) or mindlessly grind approaches telling the same
damn lines and analyzing the nights results (wait, was it 33 or 34 approaches?) life is
happening in the background.
With the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse of a random group of people laughing
and telling jokes over drinks. You think that they sound fun, but theres no time for fun
youre here to get women.
Unsurprisingly, for many guys, seduction and meeting women becomes a chore;
something that they need to dedicate blocks of time to every week and just work
through like a bad case of paperwork.
What is Self-Amusement?
Essentially its a mindset that helps you have fun and enjoy whatever youre doing. Its
your ability to entertain yourself (no, not with the me-time-hand).
Please pay special attention to the self part in self-amusement this has nothing to do
with entertaining others, only yourself. In other words, you simply do what you feel like
doing and see what happens. Sounds simple, doesnt it?
Here comes the tricky part: you need to be able to let go of seeking a particular outcome
or outcomes and instead operate from a frame of mind of blissful curiosity any
outcome is fine, youll have your fun either way.
A common misconception is that self-amusement is about being the loud life of the
party, and indeed it sometimes happens as a results (when we stop censoring ourselves
and the real I comes out to play), but its not necessary.
As you can see, acting from a frame of mind of self-amusement makes you naturally
more attractive and in many ways you get a green card to do pretty much anything you
want naturally, within the boundaries of the law, rules of the establishment, and
common sense.
So first things first, here are a few tips to help you get curious again:
Observe and notice Think about the last time youve been in a place that is
not your home (maybe the office, classroom, store, etc. somewhere where there
other people around). Can you recall what other people in there were wearing?
What were they doing? We spend a lot of time on autopilot in our daily lives and
its difficult to be curious when youre not paying attention to whats happening
around you.
Ask questions Both in your self-talk and when talking with other people. In
your self-talk try to replace assumptions (She looks like someone who goes to
clubs a lot) with questions (I wonder, how does she spend her Friday nights?)
and then translate them into actual questions: Aright, I gotta ask, are you a club
girl? For some reason you strike me as one and I just dont know what it is
about you.
a big nose), so over the years as we learned social etiquette and common sense we
started censoring and restraining those weird thoughts and impulses.
And its a great thing that we did, otherwise wed quickly find ourselves outcasts from
all social circles and probably find ourselves in real trouble more often than not.
However, the problem is that its also easy to go significantly overboard in the
other direction, where we find ourselves censoring everything other than what we
think would please others (your typical shy, nice guy behavior). We become rigid
and afraid that someone might take offense or that we may draw unwanted attention
towards ourselves.
Unfortunately, this repressive self-censoring and self-amusement cannot happen at the
same time. Actually, such self-censoring goes against genuine seduction youll never
get good at dealing with women if you never take social risks.
What this means is that we need to learn to let go of the leash we put on ourselves little
by little, until we find ourselves in a place where we can express ourselves without
causing any harm to ourselves or others.
Just Do It
Earlier I referred to self-amusement as something to deal with getting caught inside
your head, being paralyzed by analytical thinking, and the anxiety that follows.
But the thing is, sometimes you will find yourself in a situation where you dont feel
like doing anything; youre inside your head and just making this first action and
making yourself move and act is an emotional strain.
In such situations, just like with social momentum, you simply need to force yourself to
take the first, small step in the right direction, get those few awkward moments out of
the way, and soon you will realize that youre in your Do shit, have fun mood again.
While you do this, entertain the following thought in your mind: Lets see what
happens
Why Bother
Ive already talked about why self-amusement is attractive in itself after all, youre
just having fun and being playful without any hidden agenda thats hot. But Id like to
explain a bit more about its implications for seduction and meeting women in the real
world.
You might have noticed that in my articles I rarely share complete conversations,
approaches, or techniques used. Theres a reason for this when I go out (or sit at home
doing online dating) and find myself stuck in my head, thinking about tactics and
techniques (like in my last article), its an indication that something is not right and
more often than not it leads to crummy nights (and dates).
Most of my best seductions happened as a result of self-amusement, where I found
myself having fun, doing my own thing and what do you know theres a girl
around my arm and were going to my place (how did that just happen?).
However, as we covered earlier, if you try to make it a technique, youve already failing
at self-amusement (if you find yourself thinking OMG, I tried this self-amusement
thing last night and it didnt work I didnt get laid. This sucks. Youre doing it
wrong.).
So heres the takeaway self-amusement is a way of operating to increase your own joy
and satisfaction during interactions with women (and people in general) to make it less
of a grind, which in turn makes practicing and progressing so much easier. It does have
positive implications towards seduction, but it should not be your primary focus.
This also means that if youre on a long dry-spell and desperately need to get laid, you
should focus on that first (ref: You Really Should Be Having Sex). After that you can
come back and focus on having fun and learning to love the process to increase the
overall satisfaction (and make seduction easier in the process).
Finishing Thoughts
I dont know when, I dont know why, but somewhere along the line we forgot how to
have fun, and furthermore, started treating it as something childish; a weakness:
The gym is no place for fun you work hard to build your muscles.
Raaawwwwrrr.
Work is no place for fun youre here to make money and do your job!
Nights out are no place for fun (wtf?!) youre here to pick up women and get
laid, now start approaching!
And hey, I dont say that the grind doesnt have its place it does. But the dirty little
secret is that if you want to make something sustainable long-term you need to learn to
love it, make it a game; something you look forward to.
Seduction, after all, is based on human interactions youre talking and dealing with
another human being who has dreams, aspirations, and insecurities; someone who also
wants to have fun. Can there be anything more fascinating?
So go ahead, have fun, do something goofy, and see what happens.
Darius
He laughs and laughs, all day long... All the energy in the world, it's like being out with
Stifler from American Pie on a rampage.
I cant stress enough how EASY this guy makes it... and
yet, with the implementation of outer game he also gained a lot of useful knowledge
about the LOGISTICS of taking an interaction from open all the way to the end.
One of his sticking points, for example, is that most of his friends arent able to keep up
with him.
He winds up eclipsing them (and putting them into "spectator mode" where they just sit
there) because when he talks hes just more self-amusing and charismatic than they are.
This often results in him losing the girl he likes because she chooses to walk off with
her friend who's bored of dude's tongue-tied associates.
A quick tweak: Send in the friend in first so that he gets the brownie points of being
the one who had the spontaneity to approach, then once hes hooked attention just join
in and quickly split the four-way conversation into a two-way conversation so that the
friends girl doesnt get distracted.
Basic outer game...
See, even if you have the ability to generate insane and over-the-top attraction with a
woman just by CONFIDENCE ALONE, there is still the continual issue of logistics
to deal with.
Is she walking down the street with her headphones on??
Is she at the venue with long time friends who will irrationally judge her negatively for
going home with you??
Is her cell phone ringing like crazy when shes back at the house messing around??
No.
Why not? Keep reading.
STEP 2 CREATE ATTRACTION
Self amusement is caused by a change in where you reference your reality internally
or externally.
Most people crack a joke, look to the girl to see if shell laugh, and THEN decide
whether or not what they said was funny.
Theyre joking around as a subtle form of approval seeking which cuts down and
undermines their own humour.
KEY: DO NOT TRY TO MAKE THE GIRL LAUGH. SIMPLY MAKE YOURSELF
LAUGH.
THE GIRL DOES NOT WANT YOU TO ENTERTAIN HER. SHE WANTS A TRIP
INTO *YOUR* REALITY, AND THAT MEANS BEING EXPRESSIVE OF WHAT IS
FUNNY TO *YOU*.
Even if what youre saying isnt objectively funny she will laugh hysterically,
uncontrollably.
And if she doesnt KNOW why what youre saying is funny because its not the type of
humour that shed normally laugh at, shell sit there saying I dont even know why Im
laughing!! Youre so funny I dont even know why!!
Beyond that, I recommend adopting a sort of Zen view where EVERYTHING IN THE
ENTIRE WORLD IS FUNNY.
Instead of being the sour-grapes SOB who walks around depressed, negative, bitchy, be
the positive fun and self-amused dude who brings value to every single person he
interacts with.
I had a German student the other night with wicked game but who lacked in being
overly expressive with his self-amusement.
As an exercise I had him do a retarded-sounding-laugh after every sentence where hed
say Heeh heeh heeh...
It sounded demented.
Guess what though?? In spite of it he beamed with fun and positivity. Its not a
permanent mode of being for him, but an exercise just to get him in the right state of
mind.
This is different from the laughing at your own jokes to EASE PRESSURE AND
RELIEVE TENSION.
Dry humour can be wickedly sharp when you dont laugh at your own jokes because it
amps up tension, but there is also a way to laugh at your own jokes that shows self
amusement and lack of neediness to whether or not other people find it funny. Be the
latter.
(Lastly, notice that the WORDS themselves are not creating attraction.... they're just
keeping her there feeling comfortable while NIMBUS AND POLARITY are doing the
attraction work for you effortlessly -- she is feeling lit up around you just by being in
your presence).
STEP 3 MOVE GIRL AROUND
Now while the girl is ENTHRALLED in your reality, which is sooooooooooo easy once
you get the hang of it, the next thing to do is swap her around into various
environments.
Boom boom boom, shes inside with you, outside, different rooms of the club, etc etc...
Guess what?? Now the two of you have history together. A brief, but at least somewhat
crystallized and substantial bond.
Nice. During this time she also sees how you interact with other
people, including the dickhead guys who might try to snatch her attention off of you.
Be cool and she sees all this, and it tells her that you know how to handle yourself
socially which is very attractive and important for her to see.
STEP 4 TIME TO GO TO THE RESTAURANT AND THEN HOME
Notice here that YOU are the one leading the reality.
It is TOTALLY NORMAL that you go to a restaurant after the club closes. Likewise to
go home.
You call this the this happens all the time attitude. Use it and move forward.
STEP 5 ESCALATION
Whether you want to...
A) Barrel through the kiss with the girl within the first 30 seconds...
B) Smoothly wait until she signals you part way through the interaction...
or
C) Deliberately hold off on contact until late in the game to escalate emotional tension...
...that's entirely up to you.
Some guys like to makeout within a minute or so just to get it out of the way.
How to do this?? Spark HARD attraction.
Duhhhhh, Tyler how do I spark hard attraction??
Its called NIMBUS.
Being FULLY IN THE MOMENT, and FULLY IN YOUR OWN REALITY.
Again, you walk up and boom boom boom you are just SO FRIGGIN FUNNY and SO
Now if the girl is resisting the kiss it can also be a result of her not feeling qualified to
be with you, which points to a need to say some positive things about her.
Some girls are self-hating and negative and cant piece it into their realty that you really
like them, so in that case you can say You dont deserve this cause youre so crazy, but
I like you anyway... I dont even know why I just do...
This sidesteps the logical reasons because shes unable to see why anyone would like
her, so the only other route is emotional.
Alright so youve made out with the girl?? So what?? What now??
Shes kissed you, it basically means nothing. Most girls makeout with like hundreds of
guys a year. Theyll make out with anyone whos fun and non-needy and escalates
confidently because they enjoy physical contact as much if not significantly more than
guys do -- heck, they'll even make out with OTHER GIRLS most of the time if they're
feeling silly enough.
Key here is to NOT be the delusional newbie who sees the window and doesnt take it,
using the I was waiting to build tension as a nonsense excuse.
Always bear in mind that male/female attraction is very much a dance with specific
steps, which is basically guy interacts in front of girl, girl gives guys signals that she
wants slight escalation, guy continues to interact in front of girl, girl gives more signals,
and so on and so forth all the way to sex.
If as a guy you miss one of these steps the window for escalation will typically close
and NEVER, EVER open back up (if you've ever had a girl sleep in your bed and you
didn't "do anything" in order to be a gentleman and found that she wouldn't return your
phonecalls after, then you've experienced this first hand... you were a douchebag who
dissed her by screwing up the dance).
It's cool to keep tension dialed but just remember that it has to be from a position of
CHOICE where she can tell that you aren't sure about her yet, not out of being too
socially inept to read the play.
(NOTE: Sometimes you have to push the flow through the clogged pipeline by playfully
escalating ahead of her schedule, and sometimes you go too fast and she doesn't like it
but it's all good if you just lay off and give her space, keep interacting and then wait for
the next signal.... it doesn't matter HOW SMOOTH you are, there will always be a few
missteps that occur and that's TOTALLY FINE so long as you're cool about it and keep
moving the interaction forward non-needy and fun).
Alright now as far as sex goes, well, Ill leave that to you guys to figure out on your
own.
As always its a combination of LIGHT and FUN pressure without ever being a creepo
or weird.
If the girl is having fun then shell keep coming back to you and jumping on you even if
shes giving you the dose of mandatory token resistance to fuel your male chauvinistic
delusion that she doesnt do this all the time.
Make sense?? Good.
The last thing Id say is that youve always got remember that youre offering a gift
here.
Any girl you hook up with should be able to brag about it to her friends if she wants to,
feel good about it, know that she got with a SUPER FLY COOL dude.
This understanding alleviates you of any internal resistance in terms of taking the right
steps forward.
Have fun!!
Tyler