HEALTH MONEY TRAVEL RECIPES FASHION TECHNOLOGY

R E A D E R S
D I G E S T

DECEMBER 2016

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Sir
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Tony Robinson:
P E R F E C T LY

Ive always had

great resilience
PAGE 20

Recipe Special:
I N F O R M E D

30 Festive
Ideas!
|

PAGE 53
D E C E M B E R

Celebrating
Centenarians
readersdigest.co.uk
PAGE 74
2 0 1 6

DECEMBER 2016 3.79

 Contents DECEMBER 2016

features

12 ITS A MANNS WORLD
Why Olly Mann is anxious
about his home improvements

Entertainment
20 TONY ROBINSON
INTERVIEW
The Blackadder star on his
surprising life and career

28 I Remember:
MONTY DON
28
p
The gardener discusses his
setbacks, successes and why
everyone loves his dog

Health 82 AGE UK APPEAL

36 DONT WORRY, Why no one should have
ITS NORMAL no one at Christmas
What happens to an ageing
bodyand what you can do 84 100-WORD STORY
about it COMPETITION
Enter your short tale and
Food & Drink Special you could win 2,000!
53 CHRISTMAS
Recipes & Tips Travel & Adventure
Cunning ideas and the best 88 ROLLING ALONG
online food suppliers for a THE WINE TRAIL
stress-free festive season The joy of exploring New
Zealands wine region by bike
Inspire
m onty don

74 HOW TO LIVE TO 100 100 A HAND ACROSS

Three centenarians share THE DIVIDE
their stories and lessons for Meet the organisation thats
a good life fighting segregation in Israel

Cover photograph By Paul Marc MitchelL 122016 | 1|

IN EVERY ISSUE editors letter

6 Over to You we can learn so

8 See the World Differently
much from older
Entertainment people, including
17 Decembers cultural highlights
how to live fulfilling
Health and meaningful lives.
42 Advice: Susannah Hickling
With the number of
48 Column: Dr Max Pemberton
people reaching their 100th birthday
Inspire
doubling every decade in the UK,
86 If I Ruled the World:
James Rhodes we asked three centenarians to share
their secrets on p74. We hope this
Travel & Adventure
96 Column: Cathy Adams inspires you to get involved with
Age UKs Christmas appeal on p82,
Money
108 Column: Andy Webb while on p20 we chat to one of Age
UKs ambassadorsour cover star
Home & Garden
112 Column: Lynda Clark Sir Tony Robinson, who discusses his
far-reaching career.
Technology
116 Olly Manns Christmas For a lot of people, however, the
gadget gift guide festive season is all about the knotty
Fashion & Beauty problem of feeding a huge number
122 Georgina Yates on how to of family and friends. But dont fret
look your best weve got all the tips youll need on
Books p53. Weve even managed to make
124 December Fiction: James sprouts seem exciting
Waltons recommended reads Finally, after two and a half years
129 Books That Changed My Life:
as editor, Ill be handing over to my
Jodi Picoult
wonderful assistant Fiona Hicks from
Fun & Games
next month. Thank you for all your
130 You Couldnt Make It Up
133 Word Power
support in that timeits the readers
136 Brain Teasers who have made my job such fun!
140 Laugh!
143 60-Second Stand-Up:
Sam Simmons
144 Beat the Cartoonist
Tom Browne
[email protected]
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2 | 122016 Readers Digest is published in 31 editions in 15 languages

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 readersdigest.co.uk santaS little
helpers? hardly
Meet the pets whove
gone out of their way
to ruin Christmas for
everyone. Bah humbug!

The most wonderful time of the year

Deck the halls and pour out the brandyChristmas
is here again! The elves have been busy over at
readersdigest.co.uk, where you can learn how to
have an ethical Christmas, the secret to cooking
sprouts people actually want to eat and how to beat
the dreaded festive bloat. Kick off the merriment
by heading to readersdigest.co.uk/Christmas

A year at
the pictures
As 2016 comes to a close,
were looking back on
the best books and films
Valeri P otapova/shutterstock

of the year. I, Daniel

Blake (right) has made
the cutbut what about
your favourites?
Were also warming up for 2017 with a sneak peek
at the television that will have us glued to our sofas See the full gallery at
for the foreseeable. Block out your schedule and readersdigest.co.uk/
visit readersdigest.co.uk/entertainment humbug

twitter.com/readersdigestuk facebook.com/readersdigestuk pinterest.com/rdigestuk google.com/+ReadersDigestUK1

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 122016 | 5|

 Over to You
LETTERS ON THE OCTOBER ISSUE
We pay 50 for Letter of the Month and 30 for all others

LETTER OF
THE MONTH...
I do so agree with Philippa
Gregorys suggestion
in Making History that
history lessons in schools
should start with the
present day and work
backwards. At my
traditional grammar school,
we began with the rise
of the Sumerian civilisation around 5400BC, continued in strict
chronological order andto my best recollectionjust about made
it to the start of the Industrial Revolution.
That being the case, my knowledge of events from the start
of Victorias reign onwards was decidedly sketchy until I began to
educate myself. Surely its more important for our young people
to gain an understanding of 21st-century issues before facing them
with the family squabbles of Plantagenets, Tudors or Stuarts?
 MAGGIE COBBETT, No r th Yo rk s hire

SOCIAL MUDDLE and Ive unsuccessfully dabbled with

Olly Manns article about social LinkedInbut thats as far as it goes.
media, Making Unwanted I hadnt realised that social media
Connections, really struck a chord is a modern-age skill!
with me. Im a regular user of After having read the article, I
Facebook, but only in a basic way. logged into my previously abandoned
In fact, Im a self-confessed un- LinkedIn account. I was disgruntled
media-savvy type. Ive tried, and to be told that my profile is weak.
failed, to get to grips with Twitter,  JANE GILL, S u r r e y

6 | 122016
A GRAND DAY OUT your informative article, I think I may
I enjoyed Best of British: Roman be on my way to solving this mystery
Britain. When visiting Chichester, and hopefully curing it.
our family went to Fishbourne  ANDREW BEDFORD, We s t Yo r k s h i r e
Roman Palace. On arriving, we
thought it looked like a school or SIMPLE PLEASURES
unused leisure centre, but dont be It was good to see your pudding
put off. Inside there were amazing of the month in Food and Drink
mosaics and walls, with even more was a simple semolina pudding.
remains outside. There are too many chefs recipes
The site is much bigger than we printed in magazines that seem too
expected, and the friendly staff gave complicated for the inexperienced
excellent talks on the historyso to try. Also, some items on long lists
good that we went back for a second of ingredients arent readily available
one later in the day! or too expensive to buy for only
MARY METHLEY, O x f o rd s h i r e occasional use.
The children loved the creamy
MYSTERY SOLVED? semolina I called comfort pudding
Thank you for your article Mystery when I was a school cook. The only
Stomach Pain. Im in my fifties disappointing aspect was that after
and for many years Ive suffered all the seconds were served up, there
from alternating constipation and was rarely a spoonful left for me!
diarrhoea, but I just regarded it as  HONOR WOODCOCK, Fi f e
one of those things that happens
as we age. As I read the article one GO JO!
word immediately jumped out at Long distance runner Jo Pavey is a
me: heartburn. Ive been having woman after my own heart with some
increasing problems with heartburn of her comments in If I Ruled the
recently, but had never made the World. I couldnt agree more that it
connection with my bowel problems should be acceptable to have a messy
and IBS. house! I would far rather spend time
Ive now started keeping a food with my daughters outdoors than be
diary and Ill be logging any instances inside obsessing over housework.
of bowel irregularities too. Thanks to  MELANIE LODGE, We s t Yo r k s h i r e

WE WANT Send letters to [email protected]

TO HEAR Please include your full name, address, email and daytime phone number.
FROM We may edit letters and use them in all print and electronic media.
YOU!
122016 | 7|
 see the world
Turn the page

photos: Getty Images 9

10
...differently
The gentoo penguin can swim up
to 22mph through the water before
piercing its surface, shooting through
the air and landing on solid ground.
That makes these otherwise flightless
birds the fastest of their kind.
Speed is also a must when they
fight among themselves for the best
nesting locations on Cuverville Island
in Antarctica. Here, during November
and December, this meagre two square
miles of land is shared by up to 9,000
mating penguin couples.
Its a Manns World 

Why a long-planned round of home improvement

is causing Olly Mann so much worry and guilt

Arrested
Development?
Were getting an extension. We only moved in
three-and-a-half years ago; upgrading from our urban flat to
a semi-detatched house in the sticks. At first our new home
seemed enormous, what with its front-garden path, staircase,
French doors, attic, garage and many other cottagey features
that so enthral the city-dwelling Millennial (A fireplace! A
gate! A gnome!).
Olly Mann But now were getting an extensionor at least weve
is a writer,
applied for planning permission, but were likely to get the
radio presenter
and serial greenlight because neighbours on both sides have added
podcaster, with rooms to their properties. Mann HQ should soon boast a front
shows including hall, a utility room, a larger kitchen, a bigger study, a double-
Answer Me height bedroom, a downstairs toilet, an en-suite bathroom,
This!, The a walk-in wardrobe, a skylight and an internal balcony. Thats
Media Podcast
and The
two more toilets, folks! One for me, one for the wife, one for
Modern Mann the kid. We can all poop together. Exciting times.

So why dont I feel excited? Whenever I contemplate

our extension (and I think about it a lot: every time I traverse
laminate flooring; every time a Velux ad comes on telly; every
time Im within a mile of B&Q), I feel a tad nervous. What
if we dont get planning permission because our bribes to
the planning office go unnoticed? (I jest! Hertsmere County
Council are, of course, entirely incorruptible andlet me be
clearsimply wonderful people, each and every one.)

12 | 122016
  Readers Digest
Illustration by eva bee

Then theres the disruptive building Theres the cost to consider too:
work: its going to take around six were going to have to borrow more
months, I reckon, and thats lots of against the house, increasing our
early-morning ceiling-drilling, lots mortgage payments, to afford it. Im
of cups of tea for the builders, lots of freelance and my wife works part-
Will this dust kill the cat?! time following maternity leave.

122016 | 13|
Its a Manns World 

Theres little room in the budget for on for a profit, or flooding it with new
anything to go wrong. features to keep up with the Joneses.
Perhaps all these things, floating Weve thought long and hard, having
round my mind, prevent me jumping lived in the building since 2013, about
for joy as I consider our new kitchen what might make our lives better,
work surfaces, megaflow boiler and so our family can live here for years
underfloor heating. But I think theres to comeperhaps even the rest of
another factor at play: guilt. our lives. And were trying to keep
I know, I know: middle-class guilt, as many period features as possible.
how preposterous!
Particularly so when but i keep coming
there are so many back to that morning;
problems in the world.
But I cant help it, I
I feel guilt that that dull February
morning when we first
feel it: guilt that Im in Im turning fell in love with the
a position to consider our Edwardian house. It was perhaps
making improvements the tenth or eleventh
to my home, when so homestead property wed viewed,
many of my peers will into another and we were beginning
never afford one of to think wed never
their own. Guilt that Im chic space for find a home wed want
borrowing more money middle-class to buy. Then we drove
to make it happen, a up to this cute cottage,
luxury never granted professionals surrounded by open
to my grandparents countryside, and just
generation, who bought knew we wanted to live
all they had with money theyd in it. It had a quaint porch with roses
earned. And, perhaps most pressingly, climbing up from the garden. It had
guilt that Im turning our Edwardian a sense of character and history. An
homesteaduntil the 1980s a council eccentric charm. A weird bolt running
property, designated for staff of a through the living-room ceiling. It
nearby hospitalinto another open- was everything we wanted, because
plan chic space for middle-class it wasnt everything we didnt want.
professionals. Guilt, basically, that It was anti-suburbia.
Im gentrifying my house. In our extension plans, currently
This is silly, of course, because its being considered by the council, the
not as if the changes were making are porch has been scrapped. It was the
for the benefit of anyone else: were porch or the front hall, and we wanted
not pimping up the property to sell it a hall because we need somewhere

14 | 122016
 Readers Digest

to park our boys buggy. Weve tried anxiety about getting older: Getting
to echo the triangular shape of the An Extension is something that
porch in the roof instead. Its not as grown-ups do, not young people.
pretty. The views are amplified, but But I also worry that in making our
only through the addition of many home more convenient for us, we
more windows, which are, somehow, may strip it of the very qualities that
less homely. once made it so appealing.
I wonder if my melancholic train But all things considered, Id rather
of thought about what is, essentially, mull over my thoughts in a bespoke,
an incredible extravagance is really freshly-painted home office

beyond the black cat

So youve avoided walking under that ladder or putting up an

umbrella indoors. Unfortunately, there are many more superstitions
you need to be aware of from around the world:

France: its good luck to step in dog poo with your left foot, but
bad luck to step in it with your right.

Russia: carrying an empty bucket, or even seeing someone carrying

an empty bucket, is a bad omen. Tsar Alexander II was reportedly
assassinated by a man with an empty bucket.

Senegal: keep your travel plans to yourselfif anyone learns about your
upcoming holiday or move, its destined to be ruined.

Germany: its bad luck to say cheers with water, because youre literally
wishing death on everyone with whom youre drinking.

Rwanda: women shouldnt eat goat meat, because it will cause them
to grow facial hair.

Malaysia: sitting on a pillow will cause your bottom and backside to be

covered in boils, blisters and other sores.

Portugal: dont walk backwardsit teaches the devil your path.

Egypt: its bad luck to open and close a pair of scissors without cutting
anything. Whats even worse is leaving them openyoure cutting evil
spirits that linger in the air, and theyll get angry.
SOURCE: DIPLY.COM

122016 | 15|
 ENTERTAINMENT

From Turnips
to

Titles For Sir Tony Robinson, the path

from drama school to knight of
the realm, via Blackadder and
Time Team, has been a long and
varied one. And, as he reveals
to Tom Browne, hes not exactly
sure how he got there

PHOTOGRAPH BY PAUL MARC MITCHELL 21

F R O M T U R N I P S TO T I T L E S 

How on earth should I address

him? Thats my main thought as I
wait for Sir Tony Robinson to answer
the phone for our interview. The
prologue to his highly readable new
autobiography speaks of his shock
at receiving a knighthood in 2013,
and he doesnt seem like the type of
person to insist on formality. So what
should it be? Sir Tony? Mr Robinson?
Or maybe just Tony?
Nowadays, nobody knows how
to address a knight, he says good-
humouredly at the start of our chat.
I often I get called Sir Robinson,
because in a lot of organisations your
first and last names are entered into
a computer, and the Sir is put down
as your first name. Is there irritation
when somebody gets it wrong? Well,
maybe occasionally!
I make a mental note at this point,
but he seems pretty relaxed about it.
Of course, its been three years since
he was ennobled, so has he got used
to Sir Tony yet?
I do forget it most of the time. For
the first six months, I thought, God,
this is going to be at the forefront of
my mind for the rest of my life. But
now whole weeks go by and it doesnt of Channel 4s Time Team, it may
impinge. Ill get a letter that says Sir be surprising to learn just how far-
Tony, or a waiter will come up to me reaching his career has been. In the
in a restaurant and say, This way, Sir early chapters of his book, were
Tony, and Ill think, S***, thats me! introduced to characters from Tonys
drama-school days, such as Steve
For those who only know Tony as Marriott (later of The Small Faces)
the turnip-loving Baldrick in the BBC and Vivian MacKerrell (immortalised
sitcom Blackadder, or the presenter by Richard E Grant in the cult film

22 | 122016
 READERS DIGEST

Tony with Blackadder co-star

Rowan Atkinson: I wasnt
dropped fully formed into the
role of Baldrick

Withnail & I). What it was like to and flattered that he wanted to be
encounter those people? friends with me, but he was just
Well, you have no notion that they another guy at drama school. It was
will be any different from your other the same with Steve.
friends, Tony replies with a chuckle. Withnail & I, of course, tells the
It wasnt until Withnail & I came out tragic tale of a struggling actor, and
that I began to put inverted commas Tonys autobiography serves as a
around my relationship with Vivian. rather salutary lesson in how tough
I was always quite impressed by him this world can be, where failure,

TRINITY MIRROR/MIRRORPIX/ALAMY STOCK PHOTO 122016 | 23|

F R O M T U R N I P S TO T I T L E S 

rejection and uncertainty lurk round might have a lucky break), what
every corner. happened next was, in retrospect,
I know in any job it hurts when the luckiest break possible. I say in
you get the boot, says Tony, recalling retrospect, because the production
how he lost out on a role in Dennis of Blackadderbeset by strikes and
Potters TV play Blue Remembered casting issuesnearly didnt happen
Hills. But the trouble with actors is at all, and Tony was on the verge
that their job is so closely identified of dropping out completely when
with their personality. Any rejection it did happen.
seems like a rejection of them, rather Its noticeable, however, that his
than their ability, say, to solder two autobiography (despite being called
joints together. No Cunning Plan), doesnt devote a
Given the high drop-out rate, was disproportionate amount of space to
he ever tempted to give up acting Baldrick, his most famous role. Its
and drama after his early setbacks? easy to forget that Tony, who turned
No, I dont think I was, replies 70 this year, only landed the part at
Tony after a thoughtful pause. Ive the age of 38, and his book is careful
always had a huge doggedness about to put the episode into context.
this profession. It doesnt have to I think I wanted to write a kind
be acting in playsit can be writing, of ticking time-bomb, to show that I
it can be directing, it can be a whole wasnt dropped fully formed into the
host of different media. But this is role of Baldrick, explains Tony. I
where my heart lives. I remember dont think Id have been able to deal
the head of my drama school saying with celebrityor all the other things
to me, Dont be an actor
if you want to be an actor;
be an actor if you have to
be an actor. I mean, for
Gods sake, its not Syria,
but Ive always felt lucky
that I have resilience.

Although Tony claims

he never really believed
in the concept of the
lucky break (that always
seemed to me a rather
Tony with first wife Mary on
Hollywood notionMickey
their wedding day in 1972
Rooney or Judy Garland

24 | 122016
 READERS DIGEST

Ive been asked to do sincehad it with his parents and their struggles
not been for the fact that Blackadder with dementia, something thats
came along quite late. motivated Tonys support for the
So fame would been harder at an Alzheimers Society.
earlier age? My parents were so important
Oh, Id have been ghastly if Id in my life, he confesses. However
become famous in my twenties! By much you might have demonstrated
the time it happened, Id got two your love for them, you always think,
children, Id undergone the death of Oh my God, I never said enough, I
loved ones, Id had enormous knocks never did enough. I still feel emotional
and learned how to deal with them. about it. I still feel that political
When youre in your parties on both sides
twenties, the likelihood havent really taken
is youll think youve into consideration the
Id have
achieved success fact that people are
because youre Gods been ghastly still human beings after
gift. I certainly would if Id become retirement age. You
have, Im sure of it. famous in hear an awful lot of the
I mean, he rhetoric, particularly in
my twenties
continues, warming the run-up to elections,
to his theme, you look Id have about how older people
at other people whove thought I was will be looked after by
got knighthoods and Gods gift the next government,
you imagine some kind but its bogus.
of blessed pathway,
some grand strategic plan, some great Politics in one form or another
loving figure whos guided you to the runs in Tonys veins, whether its
place your heart desired. None of that his time as vice-president of the
happened to me at all. It was all a actors union Equity or his long-
great surprise after a life thats frankly standing commitment to the Labour
been a shambles. Party, culminating in his election
This is a characteristically modest to its National Executive Committee
way of describing a path thats gone in 2000.
in some interesting directions. While At the time of our interview, the
many actors memoirs are a fiesta Labour leadership contest is still
of name-dropping and gossip, Tonys in full swing, and its clear that Tony
recollections are grounded by the has agonised over the direction in
twin pillars of family and politics. By which its going. Some of the online
far the most moving section deals exchanges hes had with Jeremy

122016 | 25|
F R O M T U R N I P S TO T I T L E S 

Corbyn supporters have been blunt, But although this might discourage
to say the least. some people, Tony simply doesnt
Its amazing the contempt people do pessimism. Whether its modern-
have for me on social media, says day politics or the current state of
Tony sadly, just because I want to television (were living in a golden
get the balance between leadership, age), he seems to have a lot of hope
power and principle. Those three for the future. Interestingly, the
things are incredibly difficult. But opening quotation of Tonys book is
if you feel let down by politicians, from one of his old Tory adversaries,
this rage comes out and anyone who William Waldegrave: Happiness
doesnt feel the same way is a class may not be something to pursue
traitor. I understand that. Do I think directly. Perhaps its a side effect of
theyre right? Of course not. Would I working hard at something to the
have thought they were right 35 years best of ones ability.
ago? Probably yes. Thats certainly true for me, says
I got an extraordinary tweet last Tony in conclusion. I lot of people
night that said, Youre like a white that get to my age feel an awful lot of
man whos joined the ANC and told doom and gloom. Theres this sense
everyone to vote for a white man that things can never get better. But I
rather than Nelson Mandela. Its a just dont think thats the case.
very torturous but also very revealing
tweetthis idea that the person who
Sir Tonys autobiography No Cunning
you want to win is Mandela, and
Plan is out now. You can read more
anyone opposed to him is akin to extracts from this interview at
a South African fascist. readersdigest.co.uk/entertainment

A BRILLIANT
BATTLE OF WITS
In a wonderful act of
cultured rebellion, a
teenage son decided
to give his father a
spelling lessonreplying
to a note pinned to
their microwave with
one of his own
SOURCE: BOREDPANDA.COM

26 | 122016
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ENTERTAINMENT

Monty Don, 61, is one of the UKs best-loved garden

writers and broadcasters. Since 2003 hes been the
lead presenter of BBC2s Gardeners World, ably
assisted by his golden retriever Nigel

Monty Don
I Remember
...BEING WRAPPED IN A TOWEL to us; hed go off to work and would
AND HELD BY MY MOTHER. Its always leave the table straight after
my earliest memory. She was kneeling dinner to retreat to his study.
on the bathroom floor and I was When I was at university he sent
standing on her thighs, having just me a recording hed made of the
been lifted out of the tub. evening birdsong. I was touched
My mother was busy and driven, by his attempt to be on the same
and there wasnt a lot of touchy- wavelength as me and to reach
feely stuff from her for any of us five out; I was as much moved by the
children. It was the first and last time clumsiness of the gesture as I was
I recall being cuddled by her. by the gift.

...MY FATHER SEEMED LIKE THE ...THE SCARY GAMEKEEPERS.

M ONTY DON

ODD ONE OUT. Hed been an only I grew up in Hampshire and we

child and was a natural loner, but always had dogs. All us children
then found himself with a large, noisy were assigned daily chores and
family. He was a rather distant figure I quickly cottoned on that taking

28
Monty with the charming and
lovely Nigel; (right) Montys
father, who was also fond of dogs

the dogs for a walk was a soft

optionapart from the fear
of meeting the gamekeepers.
They were a formidable
father-and-son duo, Mr
and Mr Brown. They both
wore flat caps and drove
a pale blue Land Rover,
with a shotgun balanced
menacingly between them.
Even when Id spotted them
coming, the dogs would be
blissfully unaware, chasing
 

With Sarah, his wife of 33 years, whom he met while at Cambridge University

the pheasants even as I frantically ...HAVING A DAMASCENE

yelled at them. Then Id get a proper MOMENT SOWING CARROT
telling-off from the Browns. I didnt SEEDS. Because I was coming
hate them though, as I knew it wasnt home every day [after school], I was
personalthey were just doing their given the vegetable garden to look
job. But I spent a lot of those walks after. The soil around us was chalky
hiding behind hedges. and when it warmed up it had a very
distinctive smell. I remember pouring
...I WAS VERY NAUGHTY. Too the carrot seeds into my hand and
ALISTA IR HEAP/ALA MY STOCK P HOTO

naughty for my nice primary school; being absolutely overwhelmed with

they couldnt cope with me at all the feeling that I was in the right place
and I was asked to leave. at the right time, and that I couldnt
I suppose Id be called a disruptive want for anything else.
influence today. I was also expelled Until thenaged 17Id thought
from my secondary school, Malvern, that what I wanted was sex and drugs
and I even remember being kicked and rock n roll. It took a few more
out of confirmation classes because years to work out that gardening was
I questioned Christianity! So I went something that could be an important
to the local comprehensive after that. part of my life.

30 | 122016
 READERS DIGEST

I got down on my hands and knees,

and had just about finished when she
The breakdown of our returned. Ill never forget the look on
business was the only her facea look Ive grown to know
well over the last 37 years. It was a
time Id truly failed at mixture of utter disbelief mixed with,
anythingand I felt like dare I say, approval.
Id let everyone down Ive always been of the opinion
that theres no physical job one cant
do. Of course, certain skilful jobs are
...KEEPING MY DOG GRETEL beyond me, but Ill always give things
AT CAMBRIDGE. In my first term requiring simple brawn a go.
my room was on a corner above
traffic lights. The lorries stopped ...FEELING DEEPLY ASHAMED
and then revved up their engines, AND HUMILIATED. Sarah and I set
and the streetlights kept me awake. up a jewellery business in the 1980s.
I was a country boy and asked if I It was successful and we were able to
could move. I was given a room with buy a beautiful home together. But we
two other studentsone of whom took on too much, got into debt and,
remains a dear friendand Gretel, like lambs to the slaughter, we lost
my yellow Labrador, moved in with everything, including our house.
us. Id walk her before anyone else The breakdown of our business
was up. We also put chickens in our was the only time Id truly failed at
backyard and converted the outdoor anything and I felt like Id let everyone
loo into a henhouse. down. I sank into depression.

...LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. Sarah was ...LEARNING WHO MY FRIENDS

married when we met at Cambridge. WERE. When something as huge
But I knew she was the one. The fact as that happens, all the clichs come
that her husband was away in Nepal trueyou find out that the people
at the time and hadnt contacted her you thought were friends dont want
in three months was in my favour. to know you any more, while people
Soon after we met she needed to whom perhaps you hadnt given
some help with her tiny back garden, enough time go the extra mile. But
so I said Id cut the grass for herthe what I learned most was that theres
lawn wasnt big enough to merit the nothing you cant let go of. I cared
purchase of a lawn mower. She left about letting Sarah down, but I
me to it but the only thing I could find learned that love is more important
to do the job was a pair of scissors. than any possession. It got us through.

122016 | 31|
I REMEMBER 

...THE HEARTACHE OF GIVING

ONE OF OUR DOGS AWAY. We had
two Blackdogs in the mid 1980s, but
after three years I knew that Baffin
would be happier elsewhere. He went
to live on a Scottish island and had a
lovely long life.
You can only give away what you
most love because you do whats right
for them. His brother Beaufort stayed
with me; he was a one-man dog and
Ive always thought he was the most
like mea bit troubled, a bit of him
that you couldnt quite get to

...RATS IN THE DRAWERS. After

we were forced to sell our home,
we rented a farmhouse that hadnt
been touched for over 30 years. We
kept noticing that the fruit in the
bowl appeared to be getting half-
eaten, but it wasnt until I opened
the cutlery drawer and saw a rat tail
disappearing that we realised the
house was infested. Our son Tom,
only a few months old, slept in our
room to make sure the rodents didnt
get him. I cant begin to explain the
chaos of our lives at that time.
We got a rat catcher and he taught
me two things: rats must have access
to water, so make sure you dont have
any broken pipes, and they dont like
being disturbedso disturb them.

...GOOSE AND BOILED POTATOES

FOR CHRISTMAS LUNCH. Sitting
around the table in the rat house on
Christmas day 1991 might have been

32 | 122016 MONTY DON

  READERS DIGEST

Christmas 1991 was

remarkably happy
wed stripped down to
the minimum, but the
minimum was enough

a low point. But I vividly remember

it as a remarkably happy gathering.
My wife and our three children
were around me, we were healthy,
wearing the silly hats and sharing
the experience togetherand eating
potatoes and a cabbage Id grown.
Wed stripped down to the minimum,
but the minimum was enough.

...SEEING LONGMEADOW FOR

THE FIRST TIME. We were able to
buy Longmeadow after my mother
died and left me 47,000 of stocks and
shares. Wed seen 68 other houses by
then, but it took us only 30 seconds to
decide that we wanted to live there.

...TRYING TO DO MY JOB WELL.

Id been working in TV for a long
time before Gardeners World came
my way in 2003.
I remember the first screen test
I ever did for This Morning back
in the early 1990s. I imagined I was
Nigel receives many letters.
talking to Sarahs Auntie Mary in
He soaks up the limelight
on film and always seems
Leominster. How can I explain this
to find the best bit of light to someone whos intelligent but
perhaps not knowledgeable on the

122016 | 33|
I REMEMBER 

subject? How can I make sure this is want him to be. He plays his role
accessible without being patronising? as the everyman to perfectionhes
I always felt at home gardening on the everydog.
TV and I take my job seriously. One
of the paradoxical skills of presenting ...REALISING THAT EVERY-
is to make it look like youre not trying THING IN LIFE IS CONNECTED.
too hard. To keep it natural I work out One of the great beauties of getting
what I want to say, but not necessarily older is understanding that you
how to say it until it comes out my dont have separate bits of your
mouth on the day. life and that everything impacts on
another part. I see that no experience
...KNOWING NIGEL WAS GOING is wasted, that Im simply the sum
TO BE A STAR. He soaks up the of it all.
limelight on film and always seems I dont dwell on the past but
to find the best bit of light to wander accept what life has thrown at me
into or lie down in. and wouldnt change a thing.
The degree of affection people Acknowledging that has made me
have for him is extraordinary. Hes easier on myself and makes me a
charming and lovely, though not more contented man.
particularly cleverbut thats the As told to Caroline Hutton
secret to his appeal. When he started
to get letters addressed to him, I Montys latest book Nigel, My Family and
realised that hes the dog that people Other Dogs (Two Roads, 20) is out now.

MIDDLE-CLASS FLIRTING

Theres nothing like a bit of bourgeois banter. Try these while

in line at your local luxury deli...

You had me at halloumi.

Is that a fair-trade banana in your pocket, or are you just
pleased to see me?
Want to come back to mine and watch me bake my own bread?
Did it hurt, falling from heaven? Because Ive got BUPA.
I like your dress. It would look great on my reclaimed parquet floor.
SOURCE: THEPOKE.CO.UK

34 | 122016 FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/ENTERTAINMENT

To ThoSE who
ARE VulnERABlE
AnD AlonE, i lEAVE
CoMpASSion,
REASSuRAnCE
AnD hopE
When you write or update your will,
please remember the work of the
British Red Cross.

The British Red Cross Society, incorporated by Royal Charter 1908,

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Making your will need not

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 Oh, those
embarrassing
bodily functions!
What happens
to your body as
you get older
and what you can
do about it

DONT WORRY,
ITS
NORMAL
BY J U L I E ST E WA R T

36
 HEALTH

1 WHY HAVE I
SPRUNG A LEAK?
EVERYBODY LOVES TO LAUGH, but
what if a good joke makes you squirt
a little? Stress urinary incontinence is
pretty common, says Dr Alan Wein,
chief of urology at the Perelman
School of Medicine at the Univer-
sity of Pennsylvania. The result is
people can leak when they laugh,
cough or sneeze.
Blame the ageing body. The
nerves and structures that hold things
in placeand prevent the urethra from
moving excessively when you laugh,
cough or sneezedeteriorate, he says.
WHEN DID
2
Pelvic muscle tears suffered during
childbirth increase risk in women,
while prostate surgery increases risk
MY BREATH
in men, says Wein. BECOME GROSS?
One solution? it the loo more often. MOST BAD BREATH ODOUR is bred on
This leaves less fluid to leak from your the back of your tongue, says Patricia
bladder. Also learn to squeeze: con- Lenton, director of the Oral Health
tract your pelvic muscles as if stopping Clinical Research Clinic at the Univer-
your urine midstream. Do this for ten sity of Minnesota. Your tongue is like
seconds, ten contractions, ten times a a shag carpet, she says, and bacteria
day to strengthen your urinary sphinc- hide between the bumps. Plus, as we
ter muscles. Squeeze when you cough age, we take more medications. Many
or sneeze. cause dry mouth, which exacerbates
Writing down what you eat and bad breath.
drink, and when you go to the toilet or Solutions include cleaning your
leak, will help your doctor determine tongue with a smooth-edged tongue
whether you have stress incontinence scraper, says Lenton. Start as far back
or urge incontinence (when your as you can. A mouthwash with zinc
bladder muscles contract at the wrong and cetylpyridinium chloride (CPC) is
time). Your doctor may advise a surgi- your best bet against stinky mouth
cal fix, and can check for infection or bacteria, studies suggest.
bladder cancer. When your mouth is at an alkaline

37
D O N T W O R R Y, I T S N O R M A L 

pH, volatile sulphur compounds are conditions that limit circulation are
released. When you eat, your mouth also susceptible. Early treatment with
becomes more acidic, reducing the a prescription topical solution such
stench, adds Lenton. as Jublia or Kerydin is best. A more
Get checked to rule out tooth decay severe infection may need oral meds
and gum disease, or even an under- that require liver checks for harmful
lying health problem, such as a chronic side effects, Tran says. Another option:
sinus infection or kidney disease. laser treatments work in 80 per cent of
cases, one study shows.

3
WHATS Be sure to visit a doctor if your nails
change markedly. Discolouration can
HAPPENING TO be the result of skin cancer, which is
MY TOENAILS? often diagnosed late when it occurs
CRACKED, BRITTLE, DISCOLOURED under nails.
and thick nails from a fungal infection
are embarrassing, especially if you like
open-toed shoes. Fungus feeds on the
nail, damaging it, says Dr David Tran,
4 WHO MOVED
THE TOILET?
an assistant professor at the California IF YOUVE EVER LOST CONTROL of
School of Podiatric Medicine at Samuel your bowels before getting to the
Merritt University. toilet, dont panicyou have plenty of
Age is the biggest risk factor, ac- company. A recent peer-reviewed
cording to a paper published in PLOS study reports that faecal incontinence,
Pathogens. People with diabetes and also known as accidental bowel leak-
age (ABL), affects more than 16 per
cent of people over 70.
As we get older, our nerves and
muscles degenerate, says Dr Satish
Rao, director of the Digestive Health
Centre at Augusta University in Geor-
gia. The same squeezing exercises
ALL PHOTOS: GETTY IMAGES

that help with urinary problems can

also strengthen your anal sphincter,
giving you extra time to get where
youre going.
Because certain foods can cause
problems, ask a gastroenterologist for
a breath test to see whether you prop-
erly metabolise foods that include the

38 | 122016
 READERS DIGEST

fruit sugar fructose, the Seborrheic keratoses

milk sugar lactose and genetic wart-like
fructan, a string of growths ranging from
molecules in foods yellow to brown to
such as wheat prod- blackare harmless.
ucts, onions, garlic Grant-Kels encour-
and artichokes, rec- ages most patients to
ommends Rao. leave the spots alone,
In some people, the but a dermatologist can
rectumusually a com- freeze them for you.
pliant reservoirstiffens into Red bumps called cherry
a tube that cant accommodate pile- angiomasclusters of dilated blood
ups. In this case, your doctor may vesselsare benign, but a doctor can
use a balloon to stretch your rectum, erase them with a laser or a scalpel.
or recommend surgery. Also see your If any skin spot concerns you, see
doctor if you have chronic diarrhoea, your dermatologist. Skin cancer is one
blood or pus in your stool, fever, diarr- of the most common cancers in the UK
hoea at night, dehydration or unex- in both men and women, according
pected weight loss. to figures from Cancer Research UK.
Symptoms for basal and squamous cell
WHERE DID
5
cancers include an unusual growth
that doesnt heal. Signs of melanoma
THESE SPOTS include a new spot, or one that changes
COME FROM? size, shape or colour.
MOST DARK SPOTS caused by the sun
arent dangerous, but a dermatologist
will identify changing patterns that can
signal problems, says Dr Jane Grant-
Kels, director of dermatopathology at
the University of Connecticut.
About 14 per cent of middle-aged
people have harmless brown spots,
also known as age spots, notes a study
in PLOS One. These appear more as
you age, in places exposed to UV rays,
such as your face, hands and forearms.
You can use a skin-lightening cream,
or a dermatologist can zap them with
liquid nitrogen or a laser.

122016 | 39|
D O N T W O R R Y, I T S N O R M A L 

6
IS IT ME, OR IS MY you might have rhinophyma, a com-
plication of untreated rosacea. See
NOSE GETTING your doctor; surgery or laser treatment
BIGGER? can help.
ALTHOUGH THE BONES in our faces

7 WHY AM I
stop growing around 15, the cartilage
in our noses and ears continues to
stretch, says Dr Steve Daveluy, an as-
SO GASSY?
sistant professor of dermatology at WHEN THE BACTERIA in your gut
Wayne State University in Michigan. At ferment food in your colon, gases such
middle age, the bones and fat in our as hydrogen and carbon dioxide are
cheeks sink inward, making our noses released, causing even healthy people
more pronounced. Maybe it got only to pass gas up to 20 times a day. As we
less than one millimetre larger, but age, some people let go more often and
because the cheeks shrunk, it adds with more odour. For instance, some
up, Daveluy says. Gravity pulls your develop trouble digesting lactose,
earlobes too, especially if youve spent making them feel bloated and causing
years wearing heavy earrings. more eruptions.
Applying sunscreen to your nose An over-the-counter anti-gas medi-
and ears daily will help stave off cine with simethicone can break up
age-related damage that makes skin gas bubbles. Swallow probiotics. When
droopy, Daveluy says. But cosmetic taken consistently, these good bacteria
surgery is the only way to shrink your can help calm gas, bloating and other
nose or ears. components of irritable bowel syn-
If your nose is thickening and red, drome, according to a study review
published in the American Journal of
Gastroenterology. Or spoon up a daily
helping of five to eight ounces of pro-
biotic yogurt.
Some people struggle with gas,
bloating and belching because they
suck in too much air when they drink
carbonated beverages or smoke ciga-
rettes. Its funny how often this comes
up, says Dr William Chey, director of
the GI nutrition and behavioural well-
ness programme at the University of
Michigan. People come in for bloating
and belching, and theyre drinking

40 | 122016
 READERS DIGEST

eight Diet Cokes a day. Also, avoid

consuming a lot of sugar-free sweets
and gums containing sugar alcohols
such as sorbitol, mannitol and xylitol.
Your body cant absorb them, and that
can cause bloating and gas.
If gas, bloating or burping strikes
often, a gastroenterologist can help
determine if you have a chronic prob-
lem digesting certain foods, says Rao
of Augusta University.

8 WHAT DID
YOU SAY? are damaged, theyre kaput. And the
MANY PEOPLE SUFFER some hear- longer you wait, the harder it will be
ing loss in one or both ears: nearly a to treat. Fortunately, the brain can
third of people aged 50-59; nearly relearn the ability to hear. That
half of those aged 60-69; and three- means you have to teach your brain
quarters of people over 70. While all to hear again, by wearing hearing aids
those rock concerts didnt help, there regularly, Newman says.
are other contributors, including age- But if you suddenly lose most, or
ing, genetics, smoking, a poor diet and all, of your hearing, get to the doctor
diabetes, says Craig Newman, section within hours, Newman cautions. De-
head of audiology at the Cleveland pending on the causevirus, reaction
Clinic. These all destroy hair cells in to medication or, in rare cases, benign
the inner ear that send auditory sig- tumours called acoustic neuromas
nals to your brain. steroids or antiviral medications can
Get a hearing aid. Once hair cells help with this.
AARP THE MAGAZINE (AUGUSTSEPTEMBER 2015), COPYRIGHT (C) 2015 BY AARP (AARP.ORG/MAGAZINE)

MAKING YOUR MEANING UNCLEAR

Fans of simple prose will enjoy the Gobbledygook Generator at
plainenglish.co.uk. Here are some of the nonsense phrases it gave us:
The consultants recommend knowledge-based reciprocal hardware.
We need to cascade memos about our interactive strategic paradigm shifts.
The solution can only be responsive third-generation mobility.

122016 | 41|
HEALTH

How To Avoid
Seasonal Slip-Ups
By s usa n n ah h i c k l i ng

Believe it or not, more than 80,000 people a year

need hospital treatment for injuries sustained over the festive
period. The good news is that a lot of them are preventable.

Ladder lapse
The trend for lighting up the outside of our houses in
Susannah is December is putting Christmas decorators at increased
twice winner risk of falling from a great height.
of the Guild of Stay-safe secrets: Always use a ladder during daylight
Health Writers hours and dont stand on a rung higher than fourth from
Best Consumer the top. Place all the lights in a container and raise and
Magazine lower it using a rope while maintaining three-point contact
Health Feature
with the ladder: one hand/two feet or two hands/one foot.

Ticker trouble
Deaths from heart attacks are high at this time of the year, as
cold weather makes your ticker do overtime to keep your body
warm. Part of the problem is that some heart-attack symptoms
are similar to those of indigestionanother seasonal hazard.
Stay-safe secrets: Sudden chest, neck, throat, jaw or arm
discomfortor shortness of breath or nausea that comes out
of the blueneeds to be taken seriously. Family history, high
blood pressure, high cholesterol, smoking, diabetes and being
overweight increase the risk. If in doubt, go to A&E.

42 | 122016
  Rea d e r s D i g e s t

a case for
last-minute
Christmas
trees
Did you know that
its possible to be
allergic to your
Christmas tree? If
you regularly get
the Yuletide sniffles,
it makes sense to
put up the tree as
late as possible. Here
are some other tips:
Preparation
Smoke alarm Make sure you
hose it down before
All those candles make fires more likely, as does all
bringing it into the
the cooking. Of course, your Christmas tree is a fire
house, as this can
hazard too. help remove some
Stay-safe secrets: Never leave food unattended of the mould and
on the hob and dont let candles burn in an empty spores that cause
room. Make sure theyre a long way from the tree the allergic reaction.
and other flammable items, such as wrapping paper. Decoration
Watering your tree every day will also make it less Get another member
of the family to do
likely to go up like a torch.
the decorating, but
if they refuseor
Killer turkeys you insist on hanging
Theres a spike in food poisoning over the festive the baubles on it
break. Washing your turkey will spread germs to yourselftry to
the kitchen surfaces, while eating cold turkey when disturb the branches
its past its best doesnt help either. Undercooking as little as possible.
the bird can also make you ill. Protection
asi fe/shutterstock

Consider using an
Stay-safe secrets: Dont wash your turkey before
allergen barrier balm,
cooking it but do wash your hands after theyve been
dabbing it around
in contact with the raw bird. Clean work surfaces your nostrils to help
thoroughly too. Make sure the juices run clear when prevent allergens
you pierce the cooked meat, and eat up any leftovers getting in.
within two days.

122016 | 43|
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  Rea d e r s D i g e s t

Making
Your Breath
Sweeter
Do
Start with your diet. Garlic,
spices, onions and dairy products
are common culprits when it comes
to bad breath.
Focus on oral hygiene. Bacteria
accumulates easily on the teeth, soft because they diminish the oxygen
tissue and tongue, causing gingivitis, available in the mouth, creating a
inflammation and even periodontitis. viable environment for bacteria.
Prevent it by brushing at least twice Ignore gastric reflux. Yes, gastric
and flossing once a day. refluxmain symptom heartburn
Sort out gum disease. If you already can cause whiffy breath. If you
have problems, your dentist should regularly have it, see your doctor.
be able to help. A scale and polish,
root planing (a deep under-the-gum
4 tips for
clean) and even surgical treatments cleaner teeth
may be needed.
1. Angle your brush 45 degrees
Dont to the gum line. Clean in a circular
Let your mouth dry out. Saliva motion for about five seconds, then
move forward one tooth at a time.
naturally cleans the mouth and has
an antimicrobial effect. Drinking lots 2. Avoid eating for an hour
of water will help prevent halitosis. before bed. This gives saliva a
kareln oppe/s hutterstock

Think mouthwash will work chance to clear away food debris

and neutralise acid.
miracles. It may temporarily mask
bad breath but it doesnt help correct 3. Use a pea-sized amount of
the underlying problem. The alcohol toothpaste. You dont need more.
in some mouthwashes can also dry 4. Dont wet toothbrush bristles
out your mouth. straightaway. Keeping them dry
Smoke. The dreaded cigs are a will improve plaque removal.
common cause of unpleasant odour

122016 | 45|
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  Readers Digest

Merry Mens HEalth

Morsels Keep calm and carry

on with Christmas
A study last year discovered that
Turkey
almost half of men consider the
Low in calories and saturated fat but stress of Christmas worse than
scoring high on vitamin B6, protein being dumped by their partner,
and the mineral selenium, turkey losing their job or moving home. To
should definitely be on your healthy stop you going Christmas crackers:
Christmas menu. Some studies have 1. Make a to-do list and use it.
suggested that a selenium-rich diet Breaking down stressful chores into
may help reduce the risk of prostate small, manageable tasks makes you
cancer in men. And its good for more likely to achieve them.
women too, assisting with thyroid 2. Accentuate the positives. Do
function and boosting immunity. you have a few days off work? Can
you spend time with the children?
Walnuts Focus on the festive benefits.
Nuts contain protein and the good- 3. Keep a lid on your drinking.
for-you omega-3 fats, which are Too much Christmas spirit will
linked to a reduced risk of heart just end up making you feel more
disease, stroke, high cholesterol and anxious and less able to tackle
holiday tasks.
high blood pressure. But thats not
all; research has shown that adding 4. Breathe deeply. Inhale slowly and
omega-3s to your diet on a regular deeply through your nose for about
basis can help lower bad LDL five seconds, then exhale through
your mouth, emptying your
cholesterol by almost seven per
lungs completely. Aim for
centwithout causing weight gain. six to eight deep breaths
Pass the nutcrackers! a minute.
5. Put on some calm
Olives
music. Soothing tunes
These cocktail nibblesalong with
kitty/shutterstock

produce slower brain-

olive oiloffer a generous dose of wave patterns,
the fat-soluble antioxidant vitamin E, like those
which plays a vital role in reducing in people
inflammation and damage caused about to fall
by free radicals to our skin, as well as asleep.
strengthening our immune system.

122016 | 47|
HEALTH

The Culture
Of Complaint
By max Theres been a complaint about you, says the
pe m b e r to n
woman on the phone. Its one of those heart-sink moments
that doctors dread. What could I have done wrong?
Much of being a doctor is a judgement call, and of course
there are patients you see that prey on your mind once theyve
gone home. You worry that you missed something, and you
want to run up to them and kiss them when you see them
alive and well in Sainsburys a few weeks later.
But the person who complained about me wasnt one of
those. Instead she was a lady in her 30s whod been out that
Max is a hospital evening, got roaring drunk and stumbled into the department.
doctor, author
She was seen by the A&E doctor, declared as being medically
and newspaper
columnist fit and promptly shown the door. At this point she mentioned
that she was feeling depressed, and so I was called.
This is frustratingly common. I saw her, assessed her and
decided that this was the drink talking. She spent a few hours
in the department, had a cup of tea, a sandwich and then left.
Fine. Case closed. Or so I thought.

what i didnt know until I saw the letter shed written

to the head of the Trust, was that as she left the department,
she slipped over and hurt her leg. Apparently it wasnt so
severe that she needed treatment, as she didnt bother coming
back into A&E. Her complaint was that both myself and the
A&E doctor were negligent in letting her leave the department
while she was still under the influence of alcohol.

48 | 122016
 This gobsmacked me. Drunk mistakes are made, and its only
people have a tendency to fall over. right that those whove been wronged
This is because alcohol, legs and get some sort of compensation for
pavements dont mix well. We cant it. But increasingly hospitals find it
be expected to admit everyone thats easier just to pay out and move on
drunk just in case they trip over. rather than engage in drawn-out legal
Surely I cant be held accountable disputes with people, regardless of
for other peoples choices? Surely how daft their claim is.
if anyone should take responsibility, Theres an idea underpinning this
its her? But apparently not. culture that when something goes
I know its ridiculous, but its wrong, someone must be to blame.
become a formal complaint against But even when the NHS is to blame,
you, so I have to investigate, the is it right that people are awarded the
Illustration BY DAN M ITCHELL

woman on the phone informs me. equivalent of lottery wins? The NHS
After a ton of paperwork, the trust has limited funds and awarding such
offered their apologies in an attempt large sums not only gives the wrong
to pacify the situationand when impression, but also ironically means
she tried to get compensation, the theres less to spend on services.
case was thrown out. I was relieved, There are attempts to limit the
but it did make me think about this amount people can claim from the
compensation culture and the cash- NHS. It seems desperately needed
cow that the NHS has become. to me. Im certainly not complaining.

122016 | 49|
HEALTH

medical mythsbusted!

Older People Are More

At Risk Of Hypothermia
When Its Very Cold
outside are between 2C and 6C. This
is because peopleespecially those
on low incomes such as pensioners
try and avoid putting the heating up.
They make do, without realising that
actually their bodies are struggling.
But when its freezing, theyre more
likely to give in and turn on the
heating. Its also likely that when its
very cold, neighbours, friends and
family become worried and check on
them, and pick up on any problems.

WHERE DID THE MYTH COME FROM? So what can be done?

We know that, tragically, thousands Its important that older people dont
Illustration By DAVID HUMP HRI ES

of older people die from hypothermia scrimp when it comes to heating.

each winter. The myth that the colder They should check that its working
it is, the riskier it is for older people before the cold snaps start. Its also
seems obvious. Its not true though. vitally important that you drop in on
In fact, theyre most at risk when the elderly neighbours or relatives, even
temperature is cold but not freezing. if its not freezing outside. You could
literally save their lives. It also helps
WHATs the truth? tackle that other issue affecting older
The vast majority of coldness-related people: loneliness. Lets all do our
deaths occur when the temperatures bit this winter to help.

50 | 122016
 What
will I do
without
you?

Sick, in
and ho jured
me
pets ha less
relied o ve
Pets into Care n
since 18 us
97
Put their future in our hands
Please send me:
Our Pets into Care Scheme gives you more information on Pets into Care
peace of mind by caring for your pet a free, no-obligation pack on making
should they outlive you. or amending a Will
We understand how much your pets mean Title &
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well looked after, no matter what happens.
Surname:
It is free to register your pet onto the
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consider making a donation or leaving us
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To find out more about our FREE Pets into
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Freepost BLUE CROSS FOR PETS Telephone:
Alternatively, please call or email us Telephone: 0300 777 1757
and quote: PIC88. Email: [email protected]
Thank you for your continued support. www.bluecross.org.uk

Blue Cross is a charity registered in England and Wales (224392) and in Scotland (SC040154). *From time to time we
may wish to communicate with you by phone with news about the pets you are helping and ways you can help in
the future. If you are happy for us to do this, please fill in your details above. We will never sell or share your data.
PARTNERSHIP PROMOTION

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WHO LIKES PAYING MORE than If youre paying too little for your
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 FOOD & DRINK

Chri stm a s
Food & Drink Special
By Rachel Walker
Recipes, tips and tricksplus the best shop-bought picks
to create a delicious (and stress-free) festive season

53
 Serves 1215 (as a canap)
2tbsps olive oil
2 red onions, diced
1tbsp fennel seeds
450g good sausages
2tbsps grainy mustard
1 tsp freshly ground

Ga rland
pepper

Sausage Roll
3 75g ready-rolled puff
pastry
1 egg
2tsps poppy seeds
SAINSBURYS

DID YOU THINK THAT A GARLAND onto a board. Trim one 5cm length,
was for the yuletide door knocker? cut out star shapes and put to one
Think again! Twist an oblong sausage side. Next, cut the remaining pastry
roll into a circular, garland shape to in halflengthwaysinto two long
make a buffet centrepiece. oblongs. Put a line of sausage meat

P REVI OUS IMAGE: SUNNY FOREST/SH UTTERSTOCK

down the middle and scrimp shut.
1 Preheat the oven to 200C. 5 Move both rolls onto a lined baking
2 Heat the olive oil and sweat the tray, curl them into a wreath shape
diced onions until soft. Add the fennel and scrimp both ends together.
seeds and cook for 1 more minute, Decorate with the stars, brush
until fragrant. Leave to cool. with an egg wash and sprinkle
3 Squeeze the sausage meat out with poppy seeds. Cook for
of their casings into a mixing 25 minutes and serve hot.
bowl. Use your hands to Tip
combine the sausage meat Make sure the puff BUY IT IN
with the diced onions pastry behaves itself Sainsburys Turkey
by ensuring the oven
fennel seeds, mustard is up to temperature
& Sausage Garland, 7
and pepper. and dont open Aldi Specially Selected
4 Unfurl the puff pastry the door while Sausage Roll Garland, 3.29
its cooking!

54 | 122016
 Serves 6
For the Marie Rose sauce
6tbsps tomato ketchup
6tbsps mayonnaise
1tsp Worcestershire sauce
Optional: pinch of
cayenne pepper, dash of
Tabasco sauce
1 lemon, juiced
2 avocados, roughly diced
810 baby radishes,
roughly diced
2 baby gem lettuces,
washed, halved and
Prawn Cockt thinly sliced
ail 300g cooked and peeled
prawns
1 lemon cut into wedges,
to garnish

THIS RETRO STARTER is making 2 Squeeze the lemon juice into a

a comeback. Great news! Not only bowl and add the avocado as you
because its a delicious dish, but dice it to stop it from turning brown.
also because its easy-peasy. Make Add the diced radishes and finely
the sauce the day before and keep slice the lettuce.
it in an airtight containerso all 3 Assemble the prawn cocktail by
you need to do on the big day is put dividing half the drained avocado
together a simple salad and assemble and radishes between six glasses.
the prawn cocktails. Top with a pinch of baby gem
lettuces, a tablespoon of the
1 First, make the Marie Rose Marie Rose sauce and half the
sauce by mixing together the prawns. Repeat the layers and
tomato ketchup, mayonnaise garnish with lemon wedge.
and Worcestershire sauce. Tip
Season to taste with the Pop some cracked BUY IT IN
cayenne pepper and black pepper and Morrisons The Best
freshly chopped chives
Tabasco sauce. If making into little bowls on
Prawn Cocktail, 2.50
in advance, store in an the table so people Marks & Spencer Shellfish
airtight jar in the fridge. can add their Knickerbocker Glory, 8
own

BARTOSZ LUCZAK/SHUTTERSTOCK 122016 | 55

 

Mai n C ou rs e
WHITE MEAT OR BROWN MEAT? the bird with juices from the pan
It divides opinion. If youre part of several times during cooking, and
a family with a united preference, halfway through cover it with back
then consider buying a joint instead. bacon or a bacon lattice to help keep
A large turkey crown will feed a in the moisture.
group of white-meat lovers, while a As with cooking the whole bird,

VICUSCHKA /BRENT HOFACKER/SH UTTERSTOCK

couple of turkey thighs will cater for allow 70 minutes, plus an extra 20
a family that prefers brown meat. minutes for every kilogram, at 180C.

Turkey crown Turkey leg

The turkey crown is the whole Turkey legs should be slow-
birdjust without the wings cooked, so the brown meat can
or legs. It means that the be easily lifted from the bone.
joint is easier to carve and Timings They work well with robust
it minimises leftovers. Roast a 2kg flavourssuch as roasted
The only thing to watch turkey crown shallots or garlicand are
for 110 minutes,
out for is that white meat or a 2.5kg turkey
good in a tray bake.
has a tendency to dry out. crown for For an easy dish, rub
Counter this by basting 120 minutes olive oil, salt and pepper

58 | 122016
 Carrots...& Cumin
Toss 1kg of peeled
and halved carrots
with 2tbsps of olive
oil and 1tbsp of dried
cumin seeds.

Up You r Sid es
S p i c e

Cranberry Sauce
& Allspice
Heat 250ml of orange
juice and stir in 150g
into the turkey leg and then cook of sugar to make a
for 90 minutes at 180C, basting syrup. Simmer 500g
halfway through. Consider of cranberries for 10
minutes until they
adding other roast vegetables
burst, and add a dash
carrots, celeriac or Tip of allspice to taste.
parsnipsto the pan half-
A meat probe
way through cooking, to helps tell when
save on the washing-up! a turkey is cooked.
Poke it in the
thickest part and
BUY IT IN check it reads
Crown Marks & Spencer 7580C
Pork & Cranberry Oakham Brussels& Bacon
Turkey with Maple Bacon Crown Halve 500g of Brussel
2kg (serves 68), 35 sprouts and simmer
Leg Morrisons Whole Turkey Leg for 23 minutes while
1.6kg, 4.50 frying 200g smoked
The whole bird Asda Extra Special lardons. Drain, add
Corn-Fed Bronze Dry Plucked & the Brussel sprouts to
the frying pan with the
Aged Turkey, 17
lardons and cook for 5
more minutes. Garnish
HANDMADEPICTURES/SHUTTERSTOCK leaves. |
062016
with torn sage 59|
 ts
Chocolate Po
Serves 6
150ml cream
50ml milk
200g milk chocolate
3 egg yolks

BY THE END OF CHRISTMAS LUNCH, hot milk. Continue cooking on a very

theres no need for a hulking-big low heat, while stirring constantly
pudding. Little chocolate pots until all the chocolate melts.
are an elegant way to wind down 3 Take the chocolate mixture off the
proceedings. These are extra super- heat and add the egg yolks straight
quick to prepare and ideally should away. Stir for another two minutes
be made the night beforeso on a gentle heat so the eggs thicken
theres even less to think about the hot liquid. Tip into a jug and
on Christmas Day. then pour into four espresso cups or
ELENA VESELOVA/SHUTTERSTOCK

ramekins. Chill for at least 6 hours,

1 Pour the cream and milk into preferably overnight.
a pan and heat gently until its
close to simmeringbut not BUY IT IN
quite bubbling yet. Tip Marks & Spencer
2 Before opening the For a twist, put a Chocolate Pine
chocolate, bang it on tablespoon of dulce Cones, 12
de leche at the bottom
the work surface and of each glass. Chill Pots & Co Salted
then break up the pieces before spooning Caramel and chocolate
the chocolate
straight into the pan of on top
Pot, Ocado, 2 per pot

62 | 122016
 FREE
DELIVERY!

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Bouquets are delivered by Royal Mail on or near date selected. Free Delivery not available on same day & florist delivered flowers. In non-delivery areas we
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pleasetick box . Full terms and conditions visit www.flyingflowers.co.uk. Offer valid until midnight 31 December 2016.
 the block, but Tokaji is a historic
wine, with intact bottles dating back
to 1680. King Louis XIV allegedly
gave Madame de Pompadour a
glass, declaring: Vinum Regum,
Rex Vinorum (Wine of Kings, King
of Wines), and its thought that
Rasputin was handed spiked Tokaji
the Tsars favourite tippleduring
an assassination attempt.

Tokaji
The wine is made from late-
harvest grapes that are left to linger
on the vines, encouraging the
approach of a fungus called noble
rot. This causes the grapes to shrivel,
concentrating their sweetness. It was
HAVE YOU EVER TRIED PAIRING among the most in-demand wine
STILTON WITH TOKAJI? I was asked for centuries. Hungarian vineyards
at the Sainsburys Christmas show suffered under the communist
earlier this year. I hadnt. But in the regime though, and it fell off the
name of research, thought Id better. radaruntil this years Christmas
The honey-golden dessert wine from shows, it seems.
north-east Hungary (pronounced so Tokaji is usually served slightly
that it rhymes with och-aye) isnt chilled (1114C) and is traditionally
a regular sight in supermarkets after enjoyed as a dessert wine. I doff my
all. Or so I thought. But there it was cap to the supermarkets that brought
again at the Aldi Christmas show, and it to my attentionand can confirm
again at Marks & Spencer. that its a revelation when sipped
It might seem like the new kid on alongside a lump of Stilton.

TOKAJI TO TRY

T Tip
 aste the Difference Late Harvest Tokaji 2015,
12, Sainsburys
St Stephens Crown Tokaji Aszu 5* 2013,
19.99, Aldi
Tokaji Asz 5 Puttonyos, 25, Marks & Spencer

64 | 122016
 B oa rds
IM NOT BIG ON
WHOPPING WICKER
Top 3 Cheese
HAMPERS, but I cant
think of a better parcel to arrive on
my doorstep than a box of cheese to
take me through the festive season.
The advantage of buying online is
the access to enormous varietya
cracking Christmas treat for anyone
not lucky enough to live near a good,
old-fashioned cheesemonger.

Gongs, The Fine Cheese

Company, 33/750g parcel
A selection of award-winning
cheeses from this Bath-based
company. Browse the condiment
selection before checking out,
and pop some slow-baked Dottato
figs (5.76) in your basket.

British Cheese Awards

Selection, The Courtyard
Dairy, 29.50/1kg parcel
Four British cheeses Tip
one sheep, one goat,
Pick a blue cheese, a
as well as unpasteurised hard cheese and a soft
and pasteurised cows cheese, allowing 5075g
milk cheesefrom this per person. Remove
from the fridge two
family-owned Yorkshire hours before
cheesemonger. serving

Christmas Extravaganza Box,

Pong Cheese, 49.95/1.5kg parcel
Five delicious cheeses to take you
through Christmasfrom cave-aged
Wookey Hole Cheddar to soft, nutty
Reblochon. Vegetarian boxes also
available with rennet-free cheeses.
FOOD & DRINK

Online
Sh o p p i n g
Food
By Fiona Hicks
Beat the crowds this Christmas and order festive fare
from the comfort of your own home

66
Beofst
sh
Briti
BEST OF BRITISH 

Melbury & Appleton

A busy professional familywho
mysteriously dont reveal their name
originally opened this business as
a high-street shop in north London.
We were frustrated by the lack
of variety in supermarkets, say the
founders. When we wanted to try
out new recipes at home, we struggled
to find the ingredients we needed,
often travelling miles to track down
a key item. We knew others must
experience similar frustrations, so
were inspired to open a shop.
Demand for such rare luxuries as
Italian candied chestnuts was so great
that the shop expanded to an online
supplier, which now boasts the largest
range of food ingredients available
in the UK. From Mexico to Malaysia,
delights from all corners of the globe
are coveredand they regularly hold
clearance sales, in which you can pick
up a real edible bargain.
Visit melburyandappleton.co.uk
for details

Cup of Tea
Bored of your bog-standard brew?
This website is here to take your tea-
drinking up a gear. Set up by Simon
and Christine Collinsexperts with
decades worth of experience in the
industryCup of Tea sources leaves
from the best estates in China, India,
Sri Lanka and beyond. Orthodox

68 | 122016 PREVIOUS IMAGE: IMCSIKE/SHUTTERSTOCK

 READERS DIGEST

Only hand-picked
leaves make the
cut in Cup of Teas
extensive selection

methods are used, which means Buying online can be faceless,

only hand-picked (and impeccable) but we encourage our customers
leaves make the cut. to talk to us if they need any help
Thats not to say theres a lack of in choosing their teas, says Simon.
choice, as the extensive selection Those with a real passion for char
features black, green, white, oolong can travel down to rural Somerset,
and fruit teas, herbal infusions and where Simon and Christine host
tea caddies (great for gifts)all ready popular tea-tasting workshops.
to be delivered to your door. Visit cupoftea.co.uk for details

AHMET DOGAN CEYLAN / AFRICA STUDIO / LIV FRIIS-LARSEN/SHUTTERSTOCK 122016 | 69

BEST OF BRITISH 

Summer Isles Foods Farmison & Co cut meat

The real-world foundations of this to order, never before
website are on the picturesque banks
of the Cromarty Firth, north Scotland.
Here lies a small smokehouse, which
has been producing smoked fish,
meats and Scottish cheeses for almost
40 years.
The popularity of their products
is largely down to their meticulous
and unique smoking technique.
Most smokers simply dry-salt their
fish before smoking, but the Summer
Isles method involves marinating
both sides of the salmon with a
brine mixture infused with molasses,
juniper berries and peppercorns,
before smoking the fish for a full 24
hours using fragrant oak shavings.
One of their selection boxes would
make for a great Christmas lunch
starter. As well as being incredibly
good value, they include free delivery
to any UK address.
Visit summerislesfoods.co.uk
for details

Farmison & Co
These days theres no shortage of
M EZZOTINT/SHUTTERSTOCK

online butchers, but Farmison & Co

is really leading the pack. Their focus
is on championing the best meat
from around the country and making
it available to everyone.
The British Isles has some of the
finest beef, pork and lamb breeds in
the world, says managing director

70 | 122016 SUMMER ISLES FOODS / FARMISON & CO

 READERS DIGEST

Irish Gourmet
We think one of the best parts about
this site is that they have to have a
dedicated section for Alcohol-Free
Hampersbecause booze is some-
what plentiful elsewhere.
Of course, its just not an Irish
Christmas if theres not a bit of liquor
to help the food slip down nicely, but
thats not to say the food plays second
fiddle. Far from it. These hampers,
which come ready-made or with the
option to create your own, feature
some of Irelands most delectable
offerings. Lots of the products are
hand-made with artisanal flair, and
a good number are winners of the
Great Taste Award.
With everything from Green Pepper
Venison Salami to Skelligs Mint
Crme Truffles, theres bound to be
something that caters even to Aunt
Evelyns fussy tastes this Christmas.
John Pallagi. They were bred to Visit irishgourmet.co.uk for details
perfection in the 18th and 19th
centuries, to yield more marbling
and fuller flavours.
Farmison & Co may supply some
world-famous kitchens, but they
make a point of treating every
customer like a top chef. Meat
is only cut to order (never
before), and delivered fresh
(not frozen) to any UK
address within 48 hours.
Perhaps its time to take
a break from that turkey
Visit farmison.com
for details

IRISH GOURMET 122016 | 71

 

This is how Gousto works:

you choose the recipes you
like the sound of (from a
selection of ten each week),
all the ingredients are
measured out, pre-portioned
and generally sorted out
(you know, all those fussy

preparatory bits that take an

irritating amount of time), and
then theyre delivered to your
Gousto door. You receive a sleek recipe card
You know youre living in a golden with each meal, so all you need to
age of convenience when you neither do is a casual bit of chopping, some
have to visit a supermarket nor chilled-out stirring, probably a bit of
even think about what ingredients sprinkling and hey prestoyou have
you need. Nowadays, if you want a gourmet-standard, home-made
a delicious home-cooked meal, a meal. Its great for mid-week suppers
GOUSTO

creative chef and some charming and, as youve probably guessed, a

food-packaging people can do most dream for festive dinner parties.
of the hard work for you. Visit gousto.co.uk for details

72 | 122016
  READERS DIGEST

Abel & Cole

were delivering
organic fruit
and vegetables
way before the
internet boom

Abel & Cole

Having begun 27 years agoway
before the internet boom, even
this is one of the original grocery a healthier way of farming that works
delivery companies. with nature, not against it. It protects
The legend has it that it all started our countryside and, frankly, we
ABEL & COLE / MON TICELLO/SHUTTERSTOCK

with a man named Keith Abel and reckon it tastes heaps better.
some spuds. He went to a potato It certainly does. Their organic
farm, saw all the chemicals used to fruit and vegetable boxes can be
grow them (some of which had a self-selected or filled according
skull and crossbones on the tin) and to the season. Its a wonderful way
decided there must be another way. of getting back in touch with our
He set up Abel & Cole to encourage bountiful landeven if you live in
a return to organic farming, and its the middle of a city.
a standard that infuses the companys Visit abelandcole.co.uk for details
practices and products today.
Says culture director Claudia Do you know a fantastic online food
Ruane, Fantastic organic food supplier? Email readersletters@readers
makes our heart sing because its digest.co.uk and tell us about it!

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/FOOD-DRINK 122016 | 73|

INSPIRE

How
to
Live
to
100
Since the 1950s, the number of centenarians has more
than doubled every decadeand now one in three
babies born in the UK is expected to reach their 100th
year. Amanda Riley-Jones asks three such people to
share their advice for a long and happy life

74
PHOTOGRAPH BY JAMES ECKERSLEY
H OW TO L I V E TO 1 0 0 

Gordon Browne, Kent teenage sweetheart two days after

100 on November 30, 2016 war was declared. He and Molly had
Adapt and try new things four sonsRichard, Robin, Nicholas
and Julianand were married 61
My attitude has always been to make years. Throughout my life, my family
the best of what youve got, declares has given me enormous pleasure,
Gordon Browne, who lives in a 15th- he says.
century Wealden house thats been in Of his career, he says, Ive been
the family for 100 years. Stay positive extremely lucky, except during the
and do your best to keep going! war, to do things that have interested
Gordon still cooks his own meals me deeply. He became a major by
and his retired sons visit frequently. the age of 26 and recalls, Youre
He uses a trolley or two sticks to get posted somewhere you dont know
about (I had a hip replacement at 94, a soul and you have to get on with it.
but I wont have the other one done Good pressure spurs you on.
unless it gets too bad), but hes sharp While fighting the Japanese in
as a pin and smartly turned out. No India, he caught a glimpse of an
wonder some of his friends still call enemy helmet in some bushes. Im
him Major. still alive because I have very quick
Gordon was born in Bangalore, reactions. I shouted Japs! and dived
India. Growing up in an army family, into the undergrowth, as did my
he and his two older sisters became men. A grenade exploded where Id
used to moving around. Its vital to been standing.
adapt, not try to resist change, he Gordon left the army in 1950 and
explains. Ive always been anxious joined MI5 the same year, in the early
to do things that are new. days of the Cold War. I was involved
At British boarding school, Gordon in very interesting work, both at home
played rugger, athletics, hockey and and abroadincluding meetings with
squash, and he was still playing tennis
until he was 80. He only puffed at
cigarettes occasionally as a youngster
and never drank much. Longevity PEOPLE WHO GET
seems to be in his genes. My father
died in his mid-seventies and my
INVOLVED ARE GOING
mother was 92, he remembers. My
TO ENJOY LIFE MORE
grandparents lived until their eighties THAN SOMEONE WHO
ancient for those days! SPENDS ALL THEIR
After Sandhurst, Gordon joined the TIME WATCHING TV
army as an officer and married his

76 | 122016
 My family has given me
enormous pleasure. They
all tell me to keep going!

Winston Churchill and President and get involved are going to enjoy
Eisenhower when helping to oversee life more than someone who spends
the security for the Three-Power all their time watching TV.
Conference at Bermuda in 1953. Inevitably, Gordon has outlived
many loved ones, including his son
Gordon retired in 1976, having Nicholas and beloved wife Molly.
been awarded a CBE. But hes stayed Its difficult to overcome and you
on the go, volunteering for his church, never forget, but those whove gone
successfully campaigning against the dont want you to be miserable,
development of a local airfield and he says. Youve got to put it behind
looking after his Grade II-listed home you and carry on.
(Gardening is a good contribution He plans to celebrate his birthday
to a long life). He enjoys keeping up surrounded by family, including 12
with current affairs, saying, Taking grandchildren and nine great grand-
an intelligent interest in life keeps one children. Im lucky to still be here.
on the ball. People who learn things My family all tell me to keep going!

122016 | 77|
INSPIRE

James Rhodes, 41, is a professional and applauded

concert pianist who performs all over the world. His
memoir Instrumental was an international best-seller

If I Ruled the World

James Rhodes
Music education would be a priority. Id make
our government accountable to the promise they made
in 2011 to give every child, whatever their background,
the opportunity to learn a musical instrument and
for teachers to have the budget and training to embed
it into the curriculum. That hasnt
happened and its terribly sad because
we know the benefits are astonishing:
better academic results, greater focus
in class and improved discipline
throughout the school. Ive seen kids,
who previously couldnt be in the same
room, rehearsing together as a team and
ILLUSTRATED BY JAMES SM ITH

helping each other tune their instruments.

Everyone would be afforded the time to have 45

minutes a day to do something creative. The world
we live in nowadays is manic and external, and its
too much. We need to stop and find calm so anything
that allows us to go inside ourselves is a wonderful
thing. In How to Play the Piano, I show its perfectly

86 | 122016
feasible to play a piece by Bach in heart. Radio stations should play all
six weeks if you put 45 minutes a different genres of music; the more
day aside to do so. Finding the time we get everyone listening the better.
is hard, but focusing completely on
something is where creativity starts. Wed be more honest. Life would
be much simpler if people said what
No more than two adjectives could was on their mindin a tactful, loving
be used to order a coffee. No more way. Otherwise we end up playing
skinny or wet anything, or any of the games with each other and I, for one,
other ridiculous adjectives. White or find it terribly confusing. Would the
black is enough. How fussy do you world be a better place if, when you
need to be? asked someone how they were doing,
they actually told the truth? I dont
We wouldnt abandon our dreams. know, but its a starting point to
Although I knew I wanted to be a the world being a more trustworthy
pianist from a young age, I stopped place. A big part of being honest is not
for ten years and worked in a high- pretendingoutside of playing the
paying city job. It made me very piano I have no clue what Im doing,
unhappy. I went back to the piano but Im OK with that.
and, although it took a lot of energy
and time to get to where I am now, Id make it illegal for anyone to
Ive never looked back. We get bogged walk down the street glued to their
down with responsibilities but, if mobile phone. Or use a phone while
were persistent, we can reawaken having a face-to-face conversation
our childish optimism. What are with someone else. If you go out for
you passionate about? Everyone I a meal with friends you should all put
most admire, alive or dead, has been your phones on the table. The first
single-minded in their relentless person who touches their phone, for
pursuit of whatever it is they love. whatever reason, pays for the meal.

Id end the segregation of musical Kindness would be our primary

genres. Id never dream of saying to aim. You can take medication or
a ten-year-old girl that Beethoven is go to therapy, but nothing compares
more worthy than Jessie J; its all just to someone being kind to youit
music. The biggest problem with dissolves all the barriers.
classical music is that certain people As told to Caroline Hutton
like to keep it in a weird gilded cage,
as though they dont want to share it Jamess book How to Play the Piano
with the wrong types. That breaks my is out now, published by Quercus.

122016 | 87|
H OW TO L I V E TO 1 0 0 

Joan Pettman, West Sussex Joan today

100 on August 1, 2016 and (below)
Accept your fate and make as a young
the most of it woman. Its
important to
I dont feel a hundred, laughs look decent
Joan Pettman, whos chatting in
her garden-facing room at Church
Farm Care Home near Chichester.
I had a birthday do in a local hall
and thought to myself, Who is this
100-year-old?
I just woke up one day and I was
old. Sometimes it gives me a jolt.
Its important to keep up standards
and look decent. I get my hair done
once a week and Im going to get my
teeth whitened, adds Joan, whos
beautifully made up and coiffured.
She was driving until she was 98
and is full of praise for the surgeons
who replaced both hips and one
ankle. I was hobbling with arthritis
and they made me into a bionic
woman! smiles Joan. She still gets
around using a wheeled frame.

Joan and her younger sister

Bernice grew up in Margate, Kent.
After a brief stint as an apprentice
hairdresser, 21-year-old Joan
married husband Tom and moved
to London. At five-foot-nine, she An incendiary bomb dropped on
landed a job modelling clothes our terrace of houses. But I wasnt
at Bourne and Hollingsworth afraid. Ive always been able to take
department store in Oxford Street. things in my stride.
She remembers one particularly While Tom was abroad with the
beautiful long scarlet gown. navy, Joan spent much of the war
When war broke out, Joan recalls, working in a NAAFI (Navy, Army and

78 | 122016
 READERS DIGEST

with others and have good friends,

she says.
Joans husband, who was a
company director, died four days
after their 75th wedding anniversary.
Framed family photographs fill
her room and she talks joyfully of
the youngsters in the family.
Grandchildren are such a pleasure
and keep you going. I enjoy talking to
them about new things and we have a
special bond.
Joan has visitors every day,
including her son Michael, who
lives nearby and also uses a wheel-
chair. Two of my children have
muscular dystrophy [a disorder that
weakens muscles]. My husband and
I both carried the recessive gene.
It was a million-to-one chance, she
says without self-pity. Her mother
and father lived to be 72 and 89,
although sadly her mother and sister
both had Parkinsons disease.

So whats the secret to Joans

longevity? I dont think Ive done
Air Force Institutes) canteen. I was anything special, she replies. I only
worried about doing the books and smoked a little during the war. I went
figures. But the war taught us how without sugar during rationing and
to deal with things and of course its havent had any since. Oh, and my
good to learn something new. friend and I walked four miles every
Later, Joan was busy running the day until I was 75!
family home and raising children I was initially upset when I had
Michael, Richard and Penny, who are to leave my home and come here,
now 69, 67 and 57 respectively. she admits. But I was soon resigned
I used to like throwing big parties. to it. If I were to give advice, Id say
All my life Ive found people so always accept your fate and make
interesting. Its essential to connect the most of it.

122016 | 79|
H OW TO L I V E TO 1 0 0 

Marjorie Hodnett, Devon After her father was called up,

102 on April 1, 2016 Marjorie, her mother and older
Do all the good you can, brother Gilbert moved in with an
for as long as you can aunt. When her mother patriotically
returned to work, little Marjorie spent
Ive always been interested in eating some days with another aunt. Aged
healthily and I was teetotal until I was four, she spent one term at school in
50but genes must have something Folkestone, staying with a third aunt.
to do with it. Im the sixth centenarian Travelling and experiencing
in our family! says Marjorie, who change helped me to become
was born in Harlesden, London, in independent. And Ive always been
1914. My great-aunt and two cousins able to see the best side of things!
from each side of the family lived for laughs Marjorie, whos visited every
over a century. My mother lived to 94 month by her niece.
and my father to 82, even though he
contracted illnesses as a soldier. And Marjorie was raised a Wesleyan
his five sisters were all ninety-plus! Methodistwith a strong social
conscience. Doing good is
Marjorie is the good for the soul and helps
sixth centenarian keep you out of mischief,
in her family; she smiles, before quoting the
(top left) with teaching attributed to founder
her mother and John Wesley: Do all the good
brother in 1917 you can, by all the means you
can, in all the ways you can,
in all the places you can, to all
the people you can, for as long
as you can. When she was
widowed for the second time
at 48, she found great support
in her church.
Marjorie was a devoted
teacherindeed, a former
pupil comes in to do her
hair. Other passions included
country dancing and painting.
At 50, she took seven months
leave to sail to New Zealand.
She advises, Stay busy and

80 | 122016
 READERS DIGEST

never turn down an to life. Marjorie, who took

opportunity! up writing poetry when
Marjorie was also she joined the WI, has sold
President of Sidbury 272 copies of A Sideways
Womens Institute, Glance at Life Around
volunteered with Meals Sidmouth, and raised over
on Wheels and led 1,000. Anything inspires
a choir until she was her to pick up a pen, from
95. She moved into the sea in winter to over-
Sidmouths Abbeyfield weight touristsand even
Court sheltered the car-park attendant!
accommodation in Her final piece of advice
2008 and still enjoys for a long, happy life is:
helping othersby helping Look forward with hope,
teach perspective in the weekly not back with regret. I hope Ill be
drawing classes and entertaining here to see the garden restored. It
other residents by playing DJ will be a good legacy.
in the lounge.
This year she published a book
Majories book A Sideways Glance at
of her poetry to help raise money to Life Around Sidmouth is available from
bring Abbeyfield Courts garden back Abbeyfield Court (01395 515 366).

WHAT DO CENTENARIANS HAVE IN COMMON?

In my view, it helps to have active and engaged lives, including physical and
mental exercise, says University of Southampton professor Asghar Zaidi, an
expert in the well-being of older people. Those who havent felt loneliness
and who feel independent are more likely to live longer than others.
A 2015 study of centenarians showed that men who live with a spouse are
more likely to live to 100. But for women, living alone is more advantageous.
Some studies suggest that the chance of living to 100 runs in families. Dr
Thomas Perls of the New England Centenarian Study found that children of
centenarians weigh less, take fewer medications and have a lower incidence
of hypertension and heart disease. Is there really a centenarian gene, or
could this be picking up healthy lifestyle habits from long-lived parents?
Reducing stress and having a sense of purpose also help, as does using
our bodies: scientists say that our walking speed is a stronger predictor of
lifespan than any other lifestyle habit.

122016 | 81|
INSPIRE

No One Should Have

No One At Christmas
FOR MOST, CHRISTMAS IS USUALLY saying its because the festive season
A TIME FOR CELEBRATION with brings back too many memories of
those you love. Its an opportunity to loved ones whove passed away.
create memories and enjoy traditions Loneliness can be a personally
with family, friends and colleagues. devastating experience and also
The build-up to Christmas is often a serious public health issue,
an exciting and busy time. However, undermining older peoples quality
this isnt always the case for older of life, well-being and resilience.
DBDAVI DOVA /SHUTTERSTOCK

people. For some, it can reinforce Age UK takes the issue seriously
feelings of loss, loneliness and of life because its not only unpleasant, its
passing them by. also profoundly damaging to older
Last year, Age UK found that peoplewith evidence clearly showing
around a quarter of all over-65s that feeling lonely is associated with
nearly three million older people* poor physical and mental health.
arent looking forward to Christmas, Age UK has supported older people
with around 555,000** of them such as John, who came to his local

82 | 122016
 Christmas Appeal

he attends regularly with his wife.

This has been a lifelinehes enjoyed
meeting new friends and being able
to talk regularly with people.
And Lisa, 81, says she felt like a
non-person with nothing going
on in her life following her husbands
death, almost as though she didnt
exist. Age UK wrapped their arms
around me from the moment I walked
in the door. Coming here has literally
brought me back to life. I was ready
to give up, but these groups give me
something to live for and I absolutely
love it.
Age UK is doing everything it can
to help older people through a range
of services, which provide friendship
and support. Not having someone
there regularly can be lonely and
isolating, but a friendly chat on the
Age UK following his wifes dementia phone, a visit from a volunteer or
diagnosis. They put him in contact connecting with the local community
with a nearby dementia cafe, which can make all the difference.

With Christmas round the corner, Age UK is urging everybody to support

its No one should have no one at Christmas campaign. To find out more
about how you can help support Age UK, go to ageuk.org.uk/no-one

Older people and their families can also get in touch

with Age UK to see how the charity could help
someone who may be feeling lonely by calling Age UK
Advice for free (365 days a year) on 0800 169 65 65

* The exact figure is 2,736,000 people. TNS polling for Age UK: fieldwork 14/11/1525/10/15.
Base sample: 1,793, all adults aged 65+ in the UK.
** The exact figure is 547,200 people. TNS polling for Age UK: fieldwork 14/11/1525/10/15.
Base sample: 1,793, all adults aged 65+ in the UK.

122016 | 83|
INSPIRE
Terms and
conditions
There are three
categoriesone for
adults and two categories
for schools: one for
children aged 1218 and
one for children under 12.
In the adult category,
the winner will receive
2,000 and two runners-up
will each receive 200.
In the 1218s category,
the winner will receive
a Samsung Galaxy Tab
S2 (9.7" Tablet, 32 GB)
and a Samsung Gear S2
Smartwatch, plus 150 for
their school. Two runners-
up will each receive 100.
In the under-12s
category, the winner will
receive a Samsung Galaxy
Tab S2 (9.7" Tablet, 32 GB),
plus 100 for their school.
Two runners-up will each
receive 75.
Your stories should be
Our annual short-story original, unpublished and
exactly 100 words long.
competition is up and Please submit them online
at readersdigest.co.uk/100-
running, so get your word-story-competition by
5pm on February 20.
entries in! Here are The editorial team will
two more tales then pick a shortlist of three
in each category and post
to inspire you them online on February 27.
You can vote for your
favourite, and the one with
the most votes wins the
top prize. Voting will close
at 5pm on March 20 and
the winning entries will be
published in our June issue.
The entry forms are on
our website, along with
details of the prizes.

84
 READERS DIGEST

Matilda Anthony
Svensson Horowitz
Going Home Heart Attack

HE PICKED UP GARY BLAKE

THE PAPER on HAD SOLD
his way to Waterloo second-hand cars
station. Front page showed pictures all his life, some of them nice little
of immigrants arriving to London. motors, otherswell, that was the
Cant they just go home? he game, wasnt it?
grumbled and threw the paper And here he was, on his
in the bin. back in the operating
00.14. Six minutes to theatre, in need of a heart
the last train home. He transplant. Whod

W,0IN
pulled out his topped- have thought it? He

00!
up Oyster card from would quit smoking.
his pocket. Drink less. Lay off the
Beeep.
SEEK ASSISTANCE 2 OP P O
FOR
S IT E R
NTE
white powder. He
promised himself.
flashed red. S EE TO E The surgeon
HO W
He tried again. And again. leaned over him. Nice
People around him passed to see you again, Mr Blake.
through without taking any notice. When had they met before?
Hello? I need help! I cant get Ive got a perfect heart
through! he shouted, but no one for you. Only one owner. Ticking over
aided him. Behind the barriers, he nicely. A real bargain
watched powerlessly as the last train Gary felt the touch of the scalpel
left the station. and screamed.

This story was submitted to last This story was first published in
years 100-Word-Story Competition Readers Digest October 2011 issue

Rules: Please ensure that submissions are Entry is open only to residents of the UK,
original, not previously published and 100 Channel Islands, Isle of Man and Republic of
words long (not including the title). Dont Ireland. It is not open to employees of Vivat
forget to include your full name, address, Direct Ltd (t/a Readers Digest), its subsidiary
email and daytime phone number when filling companies and all others associated with this
in the form. We may use entries in all print competition, their immediate families and
and electronic media. Contributions become relatives living in an employees household.
world copyright of Readers Digest. The judges decision is final.

85
travel & adventure

A paved path,
flat terrain and
sunshineNew
Zealands wine
region at its finest

88 | 122016
 Two days among the vines and
tasting rooms of New Zealands
premier wine region

Rolling
By Janie Alle n
Along
Wine
on the

Trail
B
y mid-morning, light breezes have swept
away the dawn overcast, leaving only some
wispy clouds. Its Februaryhigh summer in
New Zealandand the scent of flowering
lavender is in the air. My husband and I are in the
Marlborough wine region, located at the top of the South
Island, and were about to start two days of cycling in
the vineyards.
Ready? says Jo Hill, handing us a map to nearby
cellar doors (as tasting rooms are called here). About 40 of
Marlboroughs 140 or so wineries are open to the public
many are in easy cycling rangebut Jo suggests we visit at

89
rolling along on the wine trail 

most five a day. By the fifth winery, also planted sauvignon blanc in the
your taste buds are shot, she explains. region. In 1986 he entered his wine
Jo and her husband Steve own Wine in the Sunday Times Vintage Festival
Tours by Bike in Renwick. The village in Londonand won both the gold
is in the broad Wairau Valley, home to medal and the popular vote. It stunned
many family-owned and some corpo- the wine world.
rate wineries, such as Cloudy Bay. Her New Zealand sauvignon blanc was
map lays out a 12-mile circuit for the so different, it surprised everyone,
day. I hope Im up to itits been a says Jane Hunter, an internationally
while since I spent that much time on respected vintner whos managed
a bicycle. Theres just one wee hill, Hunters winery since her husbands
she says as we leave. death in 1987. It was our oak-aged
Glen and I push off to a wobbly start sauvignon blanc, she adds. Back then
on the crunchy gravel driveway and the sauvignon blanc was really grassy
turn our sturdy, three-speed bikes quite greenish and very overpow-
onto a quiet country roadalready ering. Ageing it in oak barrels created
among grape vines. a more mellow and elegant wine, she
explained. Hunters Wines won the

T
oday, the Marlborough competition three years in a row.
wine regionmade up of the The trophies were game-changing
Wairau Valley, Southern Valleys for New Zealand wines. There had
and Awatere subregionsis known been nothing new in the world of wine
for centuries, says Tessa Nicholson, a

P hotos, this page and previ ous spread, by jan ie a llen

around the world for its sauvignon
blancsavvy, as the locals call it. But reputed New Zealand wine writer.
it wasnt always so. This was farming Now its a worldwide phenomenon.
country in 1973, when Frank Yukich of Its gone from nothing to more 678m
Montana Winery in Auckland bought in wine exports.
land south of Renwick and planted
vines. Among the grape varieties he Is this the wee hill Jo warned us
tested was sauvignon blanc. Marlbor- about? I wonder aloud, as a half-hour
oughs sunny days and cool nights later Im pedalling hard to get up the
created a surprisingly pungent wine, short but steep hill to Seresin Estate.
tangy and aromatic, soon to fulfill But its worth it. At the top is a horse-
Yukichs prediction, Wines from here drawn wagon, and Melissa Rae, whos
will become world-famous. originally from Lapland but has worked
In 1979, the year Yukich released at Seresin for ten years, invites us on
his first sauvignon blanc vintage, a board. She tells us Seresins vineyards
young Irishman working in the liquor are among a handful in Marlborough
business in Christchurch, Ernie Hunter, to be certified biodynamic. Its more

90 | 122016
 Hunters award-winning vintages were a game-changer for the industry in the 1980s.
Today, the winerys Garden Cafe is set among two hectares of native plants

restrictive than organic, she explains. on an expansive lawn. Picnic tables

If we take anything from the land we and lounge chairs under silver birch
put it back, thats the principle. To trees look inviting. Owners Dave and
qualify, vineyards must be farmed in a Christine Macdonald arrived in Marl-
way that promotes soil health. Every- borough in 1989, part of a wave of
thing from mulch and fertilisers to small wineries that started up after
sprays are made on the estate. Ernie Hunters success.
At the small cellar door, manager Christine, a cheerful brunette in her
Fran Broad has lined up four wines on 50s, poured us an gewrztraminer,
the antique wood counter for us to sweeter than the savvies and creamy
taste. She pours the sauvignon blanc, on the palate. Were quite chuffed
which slides over our palates with a with this gewrz, Christine says with
tangy crispnessdelicious! The char- a smile, adding that Cuisine, one of
donnay, riesling and pinot noirthe New Zealands top food magazines,
latter a Marlborough up-and-comer rated it second among 33 New Zealand
P hoto: Jessic a Jones

are also exceptional. gewrztraminer wines.

Fifteen minutes later were back on She and Dave were in their 20s,
our bikes. We veer onto a picturesque living in Wellington and working in
lane and cross a stream edged with jobs a world away from wine when
old willow trees to arrive at Bladen they got caught up in the fire that was
Wines cellar door, a sheltered stand happening here, she says.

122016 | 91|
rolling along on the wine trail 

We bought this land off a farmer, by the time we leave Bladen, its
Christine continues. It was stony and midday, and we head north to Rapaura
dry. Their eight hectares hadnt been Road, known as the Golden Mile for
cultivated in years. They commuted the dozen-plus wineries on it. We work
from Wellington to Marlborough on up an appetite cycling the mile or so to
weekends for three years, planting our next stop, Wairau River Wines, and
gewrztraminer, semillon and pinot it has a restaurant.
gris grapes. The varieties we liked Passing through the winerys large
to drink, she says. They later added and modern cellar door, we enter a
riesling and sauvignon blanc. busy dining room with a contemporary
They banded together in a trading vibe that looks more Manhattan than
company with other small wineries rural New Zealand. Were shown to a
and went to international fairs to pro- table on a covered patio overlooking
mote Marlborough wines. That was a manicured lawn.
the best thing that happened for all The menu has crowd-pleasing
of us, she added. This industry has appealcurry, pizza and burgers
been amazing, watching it grow the all with a gourmet flair. We order the
way it has, she says. house speciality: a double-baked
So far everyone wed met had proven blue-cheese souffl, with rocket, pear
Steve Hill right when he had told us, and walnut saladand, of course, a
The beauty of this region is everyones glass of pinot gris. The souffl was
small enough that theyre interested in light and luscious and the wine
meeting people and passionate about a perfect pairing. We linger over a
what they do! second glass.

WHEN you go
Lodging Bell Tower on Dog Point B&B, Blenheim, $450*, thebelltower.co.nz;
Steve and Jo Hills Hillsfield House B&B, Renwick, $225, hillsfield.co.nz; 171 on
High Motel, Blenheim, walk to town, $150, 171onhighmotel.co.nz
Dining Arbour, 36 Godfrey Road, Blenheim, three-course Just Feed Me starts
at $73, mains from $35, stellar wine list, arbour.co.nz; Herzog Bistro: mains from
$28. Herzog Restaurant: tasting menu from $89, herzog.co.nz; Wairau River
Wines Restaurant, mains from $20, wairauriverwines.com
Cycling and Wine Tasting Wine Tours by Bike. 33 Blicks Road, Renwick.
Five-hour rental, $45, winetoursbybike.co.nz. There are 20 cellar doors within
three miles of the shop; wineries may charge a small tasting fee.

92 | 122016 *All prices in NZ dollars

 The Wairau Valley in autumn, set against the Wither Hills to the south

The winerys owners, Phil and Chris pretty good with multitasking around
Rose, farmed lucerne and alfalfa on here, she says with a smile.
the family farm here in the 1970s, says Te Whare Ra was named Winery of
marketing executive Gemma Lyons. It the Year for 2014 by Raymond Chan
took a court battle for the Roses to get Wine Reviews. A New Zealander with
permission from the county council to more than two decades of wine judg-
plant grapes. Farmers objected to the ing, retailing and writing experience,
change in use of the land, the forestry Chan called Te Whare Ra the modern
industry feared they wouldnt be able and young face of wine-growing in
to use sprays if grapes were growing New Zealand, and cited its wines and
nearby, and church groups objected respect for the environment.
to alcohol. Thats what gets me out of bed in
We visited two more wineries that the morning, says Anna. I want to be
afternoon, ending the day at Te Whare the best. If people have only got one
Ra (Maori for house in the sun). day and can only see five wineries, I
Anna Flowerday, 42, a tall brunette want to be on that list.
with a quick way of speaking, greeted
us at the small cellar door. After a day of touring cellar doors, it
Photo: david bri nn

She and her husband Jason, 38, was a delight to enter Arbour, an inde-
both from wine-making families, pendent restaurant where wed enjoy
bought the 14-hectare wine estate 12 the finest meal of our trip. Located in
years ago. Since then theyve had two a low-slung modern building tucked
sets of twins, now 12 and nine. Were between vineyards, the dining room

122016 | 93|
rolling along on the wine trail 

had a high ceiling and a dcor in For several years theyd divided their
shades of grey, green and silvera time between the two countries. But
cool, crisp ambience warmed by the after two vintages, Hans said, Why do
smiles of the polite serving staff. we make wines in Switzerland? This
We ordered the four-course prix vineyard is performing better than I
fixe menu, named Just Feed Me. The ever imagined.
feast included a combination of The couple moved to New Zealand
vegetables and sauces with local Ora in 1999 and started the restaurant
King salmon and Cloudy Bay clams, soon after arriving. Their chef, Louis
pork-neck medallions and beef Schindler, immigrated with them.
sirloin, served with wine, of course! Who else would I have? she says.
First a glass of delightful sauvignon This is how we show our wines
blanc, next a fine pinot noir. Chocolate theyre food wines.
mousse with a blueberry-raspberry After lunch, we cycled two miles to
coulis and a glass of imported port Nautilus Estatewhere assistant wine-
was a divine finish. maker Tim Ritchie gave us a tour of
the tank roomand then it was a short
Our second day was to be more ride to our last stop, the pretty gardens
relaxed than the first. Jo gave us a new and cellar of Framingham Wines. Every
map that took us back to the Golden wine wed tasted over our two days
Mile to visit wineries, then to lunch at had been exceptional. At Framingham,
the bistro at Hans Herzog Estate. manager Maureen Hamilton surprised
We dined on fresh skate and lamb on us with a ten-year-old riesling that
a sun-dappled terrace under the plane was unexpectedly dry and flavourful,
treesI felt transported to Provence. a perfect way to end our tour.
Therese Herzog, in her 50s, with a On the way back to the bike shop,
smile for everyone and an ebullient Glen and I savoured the beautiful
laugh, runs the winery bistro and countryside. All was still. It was as if the
restaurant. Before they moved to Marl- vintnersand the grapes themselves
borough, she and Hans had owned a were collectively holding their breath
successful winery and Michelin-starred before the next 24/7 harvest frenzy,
restaurant in Switzerland. less than a month away.

GET BUILDING!

During the Christmas period, nearly 28 LEGO sets are sold every second.
SOURCE: TELEGRAPH.CO.UK

94 | 122016
PARTNERSHIP PROMOTION

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travel & adventure
Brenda got
to grips wit
(below) cam h kayaking;
ping on the
archipelago

By C ath y a da m s

My Great
Escape:
Actively
Relaxing
Brenda Storey from Perthshire kayaks around
a Swedish archipelago

Kayaking in Sweden isnt everyones first thought

for a holiday. For me and my partner Russell, however, it
was a real break from the rat race: warm, lazy days paddling
among the thousands of islands that make up the St Anna
archipelago, just south of Stockholm.
Cathy has We flew into Stockholm and caught the train south to
danced in
Rio, been
Norrkping, where our trip started with a night in a hotel
microlighting the last chance for a shower for the next five days. We
in South Africa werent just kayaking but camping too.
and hiked During the day we paddled among the tiny islands of the
the mountains archipelago, taking it slow, enjoying the cool breeze (who
of Oman
knew that Sweden could be so hot?) and stopping at skerries
to enjoy the view.
It was generally calm water: Im no kayaker, but after a few
hours my technique improved. We found bays of smooth
waterlined by reeds to steer the boat throughshimmering
with iridescent blue dragonflies. We saw a mink basking on
a rock and a couple of water snakes gliding through the water,
heads up like little submarine periscopes.
For five glorious days there was no make-up, no hairbrush

96 | 122016
and no shower. Washing involved
a bottle of water and a flannel, or a
quick bracing dip. Toilets? Ducking
Postcard From...
into the trees with a towel and some
loo roll wasnt a big deal. One of
Borneo
the pleasures was being away from
everything, only talking to each other
and to the few people we met in their
kayaks and boats.
For anyone looking for a holiday
with a difference, miles away from
the demands of technology and one
that challenges their everyday life,
this is an ideal break. Well be back
ThIS SOUTH-EAST ASIAN COUNTRY
PADDLE AWAY is home to myriad wildlifeincluding
For more information on kayaking the famous orangutansplus vast
trips in the St Anna archipelago, unexplored beaches and relaxing
visit Do The North (dothenorth.com). resorts, such as Shangri-La Rasa Ria
Ryanair flies to Stockholm from 9.99 on the countrys northern coast.
one way (ryanair.com). On the bill for this autumn is the
breakfast with a view experience,
which involves trekking through
the resorts acres of jungle, spotting
wildlife like local macaques and
butterflies, before a champagne
breakfast overlooking Mount
Kinabalu, Malaysias highest peak.
An early startbut its worth it.

A room with a view

The breakfast with a view package
costs 84pp (shangri-la.com).

WE WANT Tell us about your favourite holiday (send a photo

TO HEAR
too) and if we include it on this page well pay you
FROM 50. Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us
YOU!

Mohd KhairilX/shutterstock 122016 | 97|

t r av e l & a d v e n t u r e 

Things To Do This Month

long/Short
haul:
mindfulness
holidays
Long: India Where
better than to reflect
on the past year than at a retreat in
southern India? Set amid 25 acres
of private gardens, the programme
at Shreyas Silent Retreat involves
Lapland in meditation by candlelight, private
two minutes yoga and massages. From 2,195pp
STAY: Icehotel 365 This month, (healthandfitnesstravel.com).
the famous Icehotel in Swedish
Lapland opens for its 27th winter Short: Norfolk Mental well-being
but this time its joined by Icehotel is a priority at Satvada Retreats five-
365, which will stay open through- day mindfulness retreat in Norfolk
out the year. Itll be kept cold in the this month. The menu includes
summer months by solar panels long walks, silence and absolutely
powered, conversely, by the midnight no mobile phones. From 599pp
sun (icehotel.com). (satvada-retreats.co.uk).

watch: The Northern Lights

The winter months are the prime Travel app
time to catch one of the worlds best of the month
spectacles: the Northern Lights. And
up in Swedish Lapland, the green What Now?!, Free,
and pale pink lights are right outside iOS. Add places to
your front door. your itinerary while
connected to WiFi,
Do: Husky sledding Imagine then unplug to use
picture-postcard scenes of being offline around town.
pulled through pristine pine forests The app simulates
by a pack of huskiesthis is a regular a live experience
day in the life of a visitor to Lapland without using data.
(discover-the-world.co.uk/icehotel).

98 | 122016 FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/TRAVEL-ADVENTURE

 accident advice helpline

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This service is offered and operated by, and your resulting contract will be with, Accident Advice Helpline; a company wholly independent of Readers Digest and Vivat Direct Limited. Accident Advice
Helpline is a trading style of Slater Gordon Solutions Legal Limited. Slater Gordon Solutions Legal Limited is a company registered in England & Wales with registration number 07931918, VAT 142 8192
16, registered office Dempster Building, Atlantic Way, Brunswick Business Park, Liverpool, L3 4UU and is an approved Alternative Business Structure authorised and regulated by the Solicitors Regulation
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 PHOTO/ILLUSTRATION CREDIT

A kindergarten class rehearse for

an end-of-year performance of
identity celebrations; (opposite)
children play together at Hand in
Hand Wadi Ara School in Israel
 A
Hand
Across
the
Divide

In a nation torn apart by segregation,

one organisation is cultivating a new
generation of acceptance
WO RDS AND P H OTO GRAP H S BY CR A I G STEN N ETT
A HAND ACROSS THE DIVIDE 

WE HAVE TO CHANGE OUR RELATIONSHIP with the Arabs,

says Shuli Dichter. Its not to be the relationship of rider and horse
it has to be one of mutuality. The 60-year-old is executive director of
the Hand in Hand Foundation, a non-profit organisation that runs six
integrated, state-funded and approved schools in Israel.
Were relaxing on the porch of his house in the Maanit Kibbutz in
Northern Israel. The kibbutz saw extensive military action in the First
Arab-Israeli War of 1948; bullet marks can still be found around it. Its
a place that Shulis parents helped build and that he grew up in.

W
hile we graze over a break- The schools they pioneered host
fast of olives, he lays out his an equal number of Jewish and Arab
vision: We have to create a students respectively, and two teach-
new societyone in which equality ers hold the lessons in both Arabic
between Jews and Arabs is essential, and Hebrew. Judaism, Christianity
sharing power and resources. and Islam are also taught with equal
Briefly pausing to let his concept weight to all students, and each faiths
fully sink in, he continues, respective religious holi-
When Jewish and Arab days are observed.
children dont meet each Emphasis is given not
other in their day-to-day only to ones own culture
liveswhile being raised and language, but also to
in a war zonehow do those of the other. The
you ensure they dont grow kids study two accounts of
up to hate everyone from history: the creation of the
the other side? You have to Jewish homeland and
bring them together and the narrative of the Pales-
let them play side-by-side. tinian struggle.
This is what we do in Hand Executive director This is a revolutionary
Shuli Dichter
in Hand. Where Jews and approach within the tight
Arabs learn together, theres hope for confines of the Israeli educational
a shared society. system. Almost every other school that
This concept was conceived in 1997 teaches the two million children of
by Amin Khalaf, an Arab teacher, and Israel is segregated along racial and
Lee Gordon, a Jewish-American social religious linesnot by law, but by a
activist, after they met while promoting tradition that goes back to before the
Arab-Jewish dialogue in Israel. establishment of the State of Israel in

102 | 122016
1948, when Palestine was Principal Hasan Agbaria a stretch of land known
under the British mandate. and vice principal Masha as the Triangle, an
Arabs go to Arab schools Krasnitsky with pupils at area of Israel thats pre-
and Jews to Jewishthey the Hand in Hand Wadi dominantly Arab. Here
Ara School
always have. is the Bridge over The
This isolation, the lack of contact Wadi School, one of six Hand in Hand
and communication between the two schools in Israel.
communities that both inhabit the Opened in 2004, the school offers
Holy Land, is established from an education to 263 Arab and Jewish
early age. Hand in Hands mission is to students from kindergarten until the
overcome this. age of 12. Significantly, Jewish parents
have to journey into an Arab town for
LOCATED JUST A SHORT DRIVE their children to attend schoolwhich
from the Maanit Kibbutz is the Arab theyve never done before.
town of Kafr Qara. Its situated within Zohar Shachar, a scriptwriter and

122016 | 103|
A HAND ACROSS THE DIVIDE 

The pupils are all smiles at

school; (right) Zohar Shachar
with her three children Alon,
Yasmeen and Iris

mother of three children at

Bridge over The Wadi, says,
From an Jewish-Israeli per-
spective you have to under-
stand that an Arab village is
considered a very dangerous
place. When my husbands
parents first learned I was
going to send my kids here,
they thought I was putting
them at great risk andas
they saw itsending them
beyond enemy lines! But the
minute we stepped inside,
we knew it was the correct
place for our children.
Fellow parent Tharwat
Masalha joins us. He adds,
At first I didnt agree with

104 | 122016
 READERS DIGEST

the school. I didnt

want my children to
be educated with
Jewish children as
I was afraid theyd
lose their identity.
However, over time
I started to realise I
was wrong, that my
kids will learn the
Jewish culture and
their own.
Tharwat admits
that he never met a
Jew to speak to until
he was 16, while Zohar admits to never Students Lor Sawalha, Aline Kitane and
speaking to an Arab eye-to-eye until Duna Gawi heading to the playground
she was 25.
We look ahead and we see how our stories, experiences and history to
complicated it is to solve everything one another.
in Israel, says Tharwat, but what we Around us, Bridge over The Wadi
have here with the school is a dialogue School is gearing up for its graduation
that allows us to meet each other and ceremony, where the students will be
understand each other. putting on a performance dedicated to
Hes specifically referring to the nations around the world.
dialogue groups that Hand in Hand The Students Council has decided
runs as a community activity for adults to continue this theme at breaktime
outside school hours. The groups pro- with a chocolate activity: croissants
vide an opportunity for an open and for France (with chocolate filling, of
frank exchange of views, highlighting course), waffles for Belgium and ice
the shared but different interpreta- cream for Italy are being served at
tions of their communal history. These three counters. Soul Controls Choco,
encounters can be emotionally raw Choco, Chocolate pumps out the
as Zohar recalls, Tears have been shed speaker system while teachers Shuli
at these meetings. Klein and Amina Tamne take the floor,
Tharwat adds, In the dialogue transforming the playground into a
groups, we have Jews that have simply makeshift dance studio. Pupils run
never heard the Palestinian story. This around excitedly, joyfully shouting
is what we should be doingtelling Chocolate! for all their worth.

122016 | 105|
 Co-principal Nadia Kinani
says, Many of our students go
on to set up organisations and
projects that foster co-existence

ONLY FIVE MILES from the Wailing can change peoples lives. Our students
Wall and the Dome of the Rock, be- will take that difference with them
tween the Jewish neighbourhood of when they leave.
Pat and the Arab community of Beit Arik nods in agreement as Nadias
Zafafa, stands The Max Rayne Hand in continues, Many of our students go on
Hand Jerusalem School. Its the NGOs to set up organisations and projects
flagship school, offering education to that foster co-existence. Some people
approximately 530 children up to the say that were living in a bubble here,
age of 18. but its the outside that isnt real. You
Following the Hand in Hand phi- cant have two groups occupying the
losophy, the school has co-principals: same land and living lives where they
Nadia Kinani, an Arab from Nazareth, ignore each other.
administrates the lower school, while The director of the educational de-
Arik Saporta, a Jew born in Jerusalem, partment for Hand in Hand is Dr Inas
is the upper-school principal. Deeb, an Arab Israeli who chooses to
Tackling the complex question of the live in the West Bank, making the daily
schools role in fostering co-existence, commute to the school through the
Nadia outlines her thoughts: People Israeli Defence Force checkpoints. She
think well solve the conflict alone, but concludes that its not enough to put
its such a big question, its beyond us two groups of kids together to learn
to change it all. However, we believe and play. It has to be a shared bilin-
we can make a small difference that gual education with equality of status

106 | 122016
 READERS DIGEST

among pupils, shared goals and insti-

tutional support to give the most effec- Dr Inas Deeb
tive form of education for reducing would like to
intergroup biases. extend Hand
Hand in Hands vision is to extend its in Hand to up
to 15 schools
base of six schools with 1,320 Jewish
and Arab students, which presently
involve about 6,000 community mem-
bers of parents and staff, to a further
ten to 15 schools, which will involve
some 20,000 Jewish and Arab Israeli
citizens. As Shuli Dichter says, Then
well have a movement.

REVISITING HER Jerusalem school

today is 21-year-old Shira Minglegrin.
Having graduated in 2012, shes just
finished her two-year compulsory
National Service in the Israeli Defence
Force. She says, When the last war was
going on in Gaza, my Arab friends were Hand, she answers clearly: It gave me
calling me to check if I was OK, while the ability to consider other peoples
I was calling them back to see if they point of view. Its a light even during
were fine in Jerusalem. the darkest times.
Shira is now going on to study at the
Hebrew University in Jerusalem. When For more details of Hand in Hand and to
asked what shes gained from Hand in make a donation, visit handinhandk12.org

THE WORST POP LYRICS OF 2015

Heaven cant reach us. Were high-fiving Jesus! Levels by Nick Jonas
How deep is your love? Is it like the ocean?
How Deep Is Your Love by Calvin Harris featuring Ina Wroldsen
And dont forget the flowers every anniversary.
Cause if you treat me right, Ill be the perfect wife, buying groceries
Dear Future Husband by Meghan Trainor
SOURCE: CONSEQUENCEOFSOUND.NET

122016 | 107|
MONEY

Beat The Festive

Finances Hangover
Christmas is just around the cornerand for
most people that means spend, spend, spend

By A n dy The average household spends 429 on gifts, food,

W ebb
travel and socialising over the festive season, the Money Advice
Service found, with a third of people borrowing on credit cards
and overdrafts to cover it. This can make for a stressful January
as the bills start to drop through the letter box.
Its not too late to make a few financial changes to help you
ease into the New Year with fewer worriesand more money.

Dont panic buy

Andy Webb is Around Christmas shops can be manic and stocks can be low,
a money expert forcing you to just grab something. The important thing here
at the Money is sticking to your budget. Your friends and family wont want
Advice Service. you getting into debt just for a present.
Visit money
adviceservice.
Even better, agree a budget between you ahead of time so
org.uk for neither of you are forced to spend more than you can afford.
details
Plan your food
Every year I eat more than I should at Christmas, but even
with all the excess theres often more than we need, especially
with Christmas dinner. Its money in the bin.
To combat food waste, plan out how much youll really need
and factor in subsequent meals that can make the most of
leftovers. If you cant use them straight away, the freezer is your
friend. Even unused gravy or wine can be put into ice-cube
trays for later use.

108 | 122016
 Use unwanted gifts up to 75%, cutting your spend in
Even if youve tried to talk to people November and December next year
about what youd like, youre bound to by a decent chunk.
open at least one unsuitable present.
Days later its under the bed and stays Surviving January
there for years until you finally get Times are often tight in the New Year.
around to a clear out. You likely spent a lot in December and
Instead, see if you can sell it on if you were paid early for Christmas,
auction websites such as eBay. You theres a longer wait for Januarys pay-
could also try regifting it to someone check. Plus, its likely you have larger-
you think will like it for their birthday than-usual credit-card bills.
or next Christmasjust make sure Hopefully youve enough to cover
Ariwasabi /shutterstock

you dont give the present back to the the gapsbut if youre worrying about
person who bought it for you! how youll cover essentials, dont stick
your head in the sand. Instead, seek
Pre-buy for next Christmas out some free and independent advice.
The best time to buy little Christmas The Money Advice Service has a tool
extras such as cards, wrapping paper to help you find someone near you to
and decorations is in the weeks after talk to, and begin to get yourself back
Christmas Day. You can often save in the black.

122016 | 109|
money 

Millions Are
At Risk With
Savings Of
100 Or Less
Two in five of the UKs working
population have less than 100
in savings, putting them and their
finances at risk if an unexpected
bill lands. Research by the Money
Advice Service found just one
emergency could easily push 16.8
million into debt.
Many wanted to save, but felt
they werent able to because of
a lack of spare money, motivation
or even just the skills needed to
manage money.
However, even households on
low incomes manage to save, with
a quarter of those earning under If youre managing to make ends
13,500 having more than 1,000 meet, set yourself a realistic savings
saved upshowing even regular goal and start small.
wavebrea kmedi a/shutterstoc k

small savings can add up and help Make a plan to reach this goal.
protect against lifes surprises. Think about how much time you
have to save and work out how
Ways to get saving much you need to save each month
If youre not saving, or feel youd like to reach your goal.
to save more, heres how you can Find ways to cut back on spending
start or get better at putting money each month to help you save.
away for a rainy day or another goal. Set up a regular standing order
Work out your budget to see how to a savings account to get in the
much is coming in and going out. savings habit.

110 | 122016 FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/MONEY

  R ea d er s Digest

Watch Out penny you spendby showing

receipts, for example.
R unning up debts in your name.
For Financial Controlling your access to money
to prevent you escaping the abuse.

Abuse What you can do if you feel

you or someone you know
Just because a partner isnt physically is being financially abused
violent, it doesnt mean they arent Everyone has the right to financial
abusive. According to a study by independenceso if you notice any
domestic violence charity Refuge of these signs in your relationship
and The Co-operative Bank, one in or in a friends, theres help at hand.
five women and one in seven men These organisations support
have experienced financial abuse in victims of domestic abuse. Theyre
a relationship. trained to help you regain control
And it can happen to anyone of your finances, as well as helping
regardless of your age, income, you rebuild your emotional health.
religion, race or sexual orientation W omens Aid (England):
leaving you feeling isolated, lacking 0808 2000 247
in confidence and trapped. Financial W omens Aid (Wales):
abuse is now recognised in law as a 0808 8010 800
form of domestic abuse and is seen W omens Aid (Northern Ireland):
as a criminal offence. 0808 802 1414
W omens Aid (Scotland):
What counts as 0808 027 1234
financial abuse? M ens Advice Line:
Typical behaviours can include: 0808 8010 327
S topping you from getting (or
keeping) a job.
M aking you hand over your wages.
M  aking you ask your partner
Lana_M/shutterstock

or othersfor money.
N  ot allowing you to spend on
yourself or your kids.
C ontrolling your bank account.
Stealing, taking or demanding
money from you.
M  aking you account for every

122016 | 111|
home & Garden

Table Talk
By Lyn da
Cl a rk

Christmas is THE PERFECT time to make an

impact by creating a stylish table setting.
A classic silver or gold colour theme will always be
striking, or for a more modern touch choose teal or
purple. Candles are a must to add a glow, so why not try
placing tealights in front of each setting to really make
Lynda Clark the table twinkle? Place names written in a glittery pen
is a homes, add a personal touchand dont forget crackers!
property and
interiors expert,
12-piece Decadence dinner set, 45; silver glitter place
and is editor
of First Time mats (pack of 8), 20; 16-piece Kensington cutlery set,
Buyer magazine 26; silver ombre glasses (pack of 4), 24; star bowls
(set of 2), 16; silver crackers (pack of 6), 12; sequin
table runner, 22; packs of baubles, from 8; metal stag
tealight holder, 20.
All available from Next (next.co.uk)

Get The Look

Accessories to make your home sparkle.
Reindeer candelabra, 30,
debenhams.com
Nouveau plate, 8,
marksandspencer.com
Holly scatter leaves, 3.49,
lakeland.co.uk
Winter glitter tree candle, 10,
sainsburys.co.uk

112 | 122016
 TREE-MENDOUS!

Set the mood for the

festive season with a
pretty Christmas tree

Enjoy a pot-grown tree,

available from one-
to five-foot high, from
19.99 (dobbies.com).

This Rockingham
bluetooth musical
Catching the rays! tree will delight the
kids, 148 (diy.com).
An ancient method of telling the time, its believed
the first sundial was built in Egypt around 1500BC.
In todays modern world, theyre a perfect gift
for a garden-lover. Border Sundials offer beautiful,
bespoke models. There are five different designs,
including the intricate topograph,
which allows you to choose places
around the world that have a
special meaning (from 139, at Break from tradition with
bordersundials.co.uk). this light-up bauble tree,
74.99 (lakeland.co.uk).

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/home-garden 122016 | 113|

ADVERTORIAL
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TECHNOLOGY

Buy your loved ones video games, fitness

tech or the ultimate selfie experience with...

The Gadget Gift Guide

BY OLLY MANN RELAXWELL ALASKAN HUSKY FAUX FUR GIFTS
HEATED CUSHION, 39.99 FOR
Hot water bottle, meet your match. No more MUM
fiddly refills, no more diminishing heatthis
cuddly, machine-washable
cushion has five heat
settings and only uses a
pennys worth of electricity
Olly is a for every three-hour use.
technology Basically, its the heated
expert, radio
presenter
blanket for the lady who
and podcaster wouldnt be seen dead in
a heated blanket...

SNUGS CUSTOM EARPHONES, TEFAL COOK4ME CONNECT, 299.99

159 INCLUDING FITTING In France, where microwave meals are
Many people find in-ear earphones taboo, these electric pressure cookers
uncomfortable, or even discover that shift by the bucketload. There are 50
they fall out of their ears. Custom-fitted delicious single-pot recipes built in, or
earphones are a luxurious solution it can sync with your
and make for an amusing gift too, as tablet to provide
the bizarre process of getting your ears illustrated guides
scanned to create on a bigger screen.
the moulds is Conjures up super
all part of the stews and soups
experience. in minutes.

116 | 122016
SEGA MEGADRIVE RETRO GAMING GIFTS
WIRELESS CONSOLE, 50 FOR
If you believe video games hit their peak in the 1980swhen DAD
play was restricted to running left to right and/or repeatedly
bashing baddies in the
facethis plug-and-play
console is a must-have.
All you need to do is stick
it in your tellys HDMI
port and you can relive no
less than 80 classic Sega
titles, including Mortal
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the Hedgehog. Just try
keeping it from the kids.

NORDIC WARE 365

KETTLE SMOKER, 88
You can hardly move in Britains
cities these days for BBQ joints, but
if you want to recreate that finger-
lickin taste at home, you need a
garden, or at least a patio, which most
city-dwellers dont possess. This little
pot, though, sits atop your (gas) hob
and achieves wood-smoked ribs, fish PARROT DISCO FPV, 1,149
and chicken indoors. A thermometer, Drones became that little bit less
recipe book and wood chips are special when their prices dropped
included; lumberjack shirt and beard and every Tom, Dick and Droney got
are optional. busy papping the neighbourhood
with their quadcopters. But now you
can bask in privilege once more, with
this ludicrously expensive 50mph
single-prop plane. It includes a first-
person-view headset, which transmits
live pictures to your face so you feel
like youre in the cockpit. Pointless yet
brilliantlike all good executive toys.

122016 | 117|
TECHNOLOGY 

PLAYSTATION VR, 349.99

GIFTS
Theres negligible competition from Microsoftwhove just
FOR
released a 4K XBoxbut lets not beat around the bush: this
BOYS
is the gaming device of the year.
Sonys virtual reality headset
is relatively comfortable, looks
futuristic as hell and launches
with 50 games.
Its compatible with any
PS4, but if youre buying your
whole set-up fresh, opt for
the PS4 Pro (also 349.99),
which handles
graphics more
smoothly.

SAMSUNG GEAR FIT 2,

149
This is a straight-up GPS fitness band
not a smartwatch
so it makes no
pretence to high
fashion and
doesnt require
you to carry your
smartphone. Its
sweat-resistant
NERF BATTLESCOUT, 59.99 band and bright
Its difficult to buy a toy gun these AMOLED
daysthis is a blaster and it takes screen make
darts, not bullets. But theres no it easy to read
hiding this bad boys ferocity, with its whatever the
pump-action ten-dart cartridge. weather, so
Theres an on-board camera too tracking your
which can be mounted to any Nerf gu heart rate, route
sorry, blaster so you can film your and distance data
sprees in HD. Watch the clips back and is a cinch. Sometimes less is more,
its like youre in your own video game. as the fashionistas would say.

118 | 122016
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FUJIFILM INSTAX SHARE SP-2, 154 GIFTS

This palm-sized printer creates FOR
Polaroid-style print-outs from your GIRLS
smartphone photos. It can print in
colour, black and white, or even a split
template that looks like a particularly
fabulous Instagram layout.
Up to eight devices can
be connected, so its a
good gadget to wheel out
at a party. Great retro
larksthough sadly
the film hasnt got
any cheaper since
the 1990s.

WORLDS APART SELFIE MIC, 19.99 SONY GTK-XB7, 280

Combining two irritating trends This chunky Bluetooth boom
selfies and karaokein one neat box has all the power and
device, Selfie Mic is essentially just a quality youd
selfie stick with a microphone instead expect from
of a handle, but dont underestimate Sony, effortlessly
the hours of fun that can generate. turning your
Theres plenty to appeal to young pocket tunes
performers, including songs by Justin into party
Bieber, Little Mix and Ed Sheeran. anthems. But
The app plays these and creates music its the pulsating
videos as you sing along with the DJ effects and
on-screen lyrics. You cant quite sing embedded
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though: a limited LED lights
number of that make it
tokens are stand out from
included the crowd. Sit
after that, back, hit EXTRA BASS and hope
each track that you wont hear your parents
carries an begging you to turn it down and do
extra cost. your homework.

120 | 122016 FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/TECHNOLOGY

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Fashion & beauty

Pin-Up Style
By G e or g i n a
yate s

This season, its not only the tree that must be

decoratedhair accessories are fashions equivalent
of the gold star at the top. Helmed by hairstylist Guido
Palau, Alexander McQueens AW16 catwalk pioneered
the trend for glittering hair accessories; draped up-dos
were pinned in place with an array of silver and beaded
Georgina is a clips. Hair Jewellery was also ubiquitous at Peter Pilottos
fashion and catwalk, while Sophia Websters models
beauty editor
for numerous
wore pretty floral crowns.
travel titles and As the catwalk commands, so shall
a blogger at it be done, and this trend has now
withgeorgia.com hit the high street. Accessory staple
Accessorize has an abundance of
ornate clips, headbands and hair-
pins that are sure to transform your
up-do into a glittering example of
the festive beauty look.
Available at uk.accessorize.com

Join the glitterati Making waves

Young girls will love the chunky The Perfect Curl Secret from
glitter and stick-on stars from In BaByliss (119.99, boots.com) takes
Your Dreams (5.506.50, inyour- seconds to create glamorous curls.
dreams.com). Apply the glitter Wash and dry your hair as normal
using some organic Paw-paw balm and place a small section of your hair
and either a Q-tip or an old make- into the centre of the device. The tool
up brush. Its great for fancy dress draws the lock into a ceramic barrel,
and will make where its heated
your little from all sides
princess really to produce long-
feel like one. lasting curls.

122 | 122016
 Flowers by Moonlight

This season, even

For Cath Kidston is dipping
Her into a darker colour
palette for its signature
floral prints (40,
cathkidston.co.uk).

Pair this flowing

A-line skirt with a
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understated elegance to toe to with these
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Smart and unique,

For Simon Carters dusky
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Feeling brave? Opt

for a beautiful and
bold print set against
Inky blue florals add a navy base for a look
a subtle splash of colour that will work well with
to formal suits (54.50, wintery jackets (40,
boden.co.uk). debenhams.com).

122016 | 123|
books

Whether you prefer chilling murder plots or tales of

burgeoning love, your Christmas reading is covered

December Fiction
By James The Mistletoe Murder
Walton
and Other Stories
by P D James (Faber, 10)
This beautifully produced book brings
together four stories that the late P D James
wrote for various newspapers and magazines
keen on giving their readers something nice
and murderous for Christmas. All find her on
James writes top form, her writing as elegant and unhurried as ever,
and presents even when faced with the tricky task of providing fully
the BBC Radio realised characters, a thoroughly imagined setting and
4 literary quiz
The Write Stuff
a proper murder plot in around 30 pages.
Perhaps because they were written for Christmas,
the stories tend to the traditional, with country houses,
locked rooms and last-minute twists a speciality. (I dont
think Ill have another case like it, reflects Jamess regular
detective Adam Dalgliesh at the end of one tale. It was
pure Agatha Christie.) Nonetheless, this touching respect
for the conventions of the genre doesnt prevent James from
supplying a psychological and social depth not generally
found in those earlier writers she so clearly admires. She

NAME THE AUTHOR 1. She used a pseudonym, but her

(Answer on p128) real surname was Lamburn.
Can you guess the writer from 2. Her most famous characters
these clues (and, of course, the surname is Brown...
fewer you need the better)? 3. and his first name is William.

124 | 122016
also adds touches of genuine
Childrens Books
creepiness, especially in A Very
Commonplace Murder, where
events take a far darker turn than Daves Cave by Frann Preston-
anything in Christie. Gannon (Nosy Crow, 5.99,
under-5s) Charming book about
A Fairy Tale a cave-hunting Neanderthal
for Christmas thats set to become a new bed-
by Chrissie Manby time classicalways welcome
(Hodder, 7.99) news (lets face it) for parents
In chapter one of Chrissie tired of the old ones.
Manbys latest novel we Jinks and OHare Funfair
meet 32-year-old Kirsty, Repair by Philip Reeve and
whos trying hard not to Sarah McIntyre (OUP, 8.99,
notice that her fab new boyfriend is a 59 years) Great mix of words
bit arrogant and doesnt always make and pictures in a thrilling
her feel good about herself. Chapter adventure on a funfair planet.
two then cuts to Ben Teesdale, hunky Ottoline and the Purple Fox
widower and all-round decent guy of by Chris Riddell (Macmillan,
about the same age living nearby with 10.99, 711 years) Latest in
his eight-year-old daughter. (Oh yes, the much-loved Ottoline series
and hes a fantastic dad too.) from the childrens laureate
By this stage, then, experienced again bursting with energy
chick-lit readers might already and humour.
think they can hazard a guess as A First Book of Animals by
to where the main story is heading. Nicola Davies (Walker, 14.99)
But they certainly wont be able to Winning combination of pictures,
predict how ingeniously Manby gets facts and poems for animal-
there. Or how many entertaining loving children of all ages.
subplots she manages to throw in The Road to Ever After
along the way, thanks to a large and by Moira Young
varied cast. (Macmillan, 9.99,
By the end, in fact, almost every 912 years) An
classic chick-lit ingredient has been orphan, a dog and
stirred into the mix. Yet the result an elderly recluse
never feels mechanical. Instead, its form a magical
a big, warm-hearted read, with an friendship in a book
infectious fondness for the characters full of wonders.
and plenty of good jokes.

122016 | 125|
BOOKS 

RDs Recommended Read

From crackers to carol singing, a festive tome explores

the customs of our most popular calendar event

Christmas Curiosities
Mark Forsyth begins his
terrific new book by reminding
us just how weird Christmas
is: a time when we sit around a
dead tree wearing paper crowns
and telling our children the
good news that a fat bloke with a
beard broke into their bedrooms
last night. But whats stranger,
Forsyth (right) suggests, is that
we no longer think of any of it as
strange. So how did Christmas
get this way?
For those who want to sound
clever, he says, the two usual
answers are that Christmas is all
pagan, or that it was invented by the that Gregory of Nazianzus started
Victoriansneither of which is true. another great Yuletide tradition by
Christmas is not a Christian version complaining that feasting to excess
of the Roman feast of Saturnalia, was blinding people to the true
and it was already being described meaning of Christmas.
as the mother of all festivals in Forsyth made his name with fact-
386ADthe same year, incidentally, filled but witty books about unusual
words. Now he applies the same
A Christmas combination of careful research and
Cornucopia: the a breezy writing style to all aspects of
Hidden Stories what made Christmas so crazy, from
behind our Yuletide the invention of crackers to how a
Traditions by Mark fourth-century Turkish bishop ended
Forsyth is published up travelling the sky in a reindeer-
by Viking at 9.99. driven sleigh. And, here, to carols

126 | 122016
 Readers Digest

The carol service was invented

in Truro in 1880 by a chap RD EXCLUSIVE:
called Edward White Benson. MARK FORSYTHS
BEST CHRISTMAS READS
The story goes that on Christmas
Eve everybody in Truro would
n The Box of Delights by
get disgustingly drunk, and that
John Masefield. My favourite
the Bishop of Truro (Benson) was
childrens novel, filled with
so disgusted he decided to lure
snow, sleigh-bells and wolves.
everybody out of the pub with his
new service. The problem with this n Jeeves and the Yule-Tide
story is that theres no evidence that Spirit by P G Wodehouse.
thats what motivated Benson. And All the ingredients of the
we do know a lot about him. He later classic Wodehouse story,
became Archbishop of Canterbury including Jeevess immortal
and his whole family had something advice: I would always
of a mania for writing. His wife had hesitate to recommend as
39 lesbian lovers. How do we know a lifes companion a young
that? Because she kept a diary, and lady with quite such a vivid
numbered them. One of his sons was shade of red hair.
the eminent gay novelist E F Benson. n A Christmas Carol by
Another was the eminent gay poet Charles Dickens. Because it
Arthur Benson, who wrote the words would be illegal and immoral
to Land of Hope and Glory. to make a list like this without
Anyway, in 1880 this family was it. Moreover, while researching
in the brand-new diocese of Truro A Christmas Cornucopia, I
and Benson decided to invent the watched The Muppet Christmas
carol service, perhaps not to get the Carol and was astonished to
people out of the pubs, but to get discover that its brilliant
the carols out. the best Dickens adaptation
You see, before this, Christmas Ive ever seen.
carols hadnt been sung in the
n Christmas by John Betjeman.
church, theyd been sung in the pub.
Carols were folk songs. This is why A beautiful and moving poem
so many of them are really rather about the true meaning of
odd. Why would you see three ships Christmas. It also contains
come sailing by? The answer is that the best description of a bad
nobody knows. It doesnt make any Christmas present: the hideous
sense anyway as a Christmas hymn tie so kindly meant.
because Bethlehem is landlocked.

122016 | 127|
BOOKS 

Then in the 18th and 19th centuries provided they print them just as
folklorists started to collect these folk they are. He goes on to say that he
songs, and people started to write doesnt want to be held accountable
new ones. But even these new ones for the doggerel of other men. But
changed all the time. For example, he is. Look in any hymn-book and
the co-founder of Methodism Hark the Herald Angels Sing will
Charles Wesley wrote a carol that be clearly listed: words by Wesley,
began: Hark how all the welkin tune by Mendelssohn.

Mendelssohn wrote in a letter that he didnt

mind what new words were written so long as
they werent religious

rings/Glory to the King of Kings. And Mendelssohn would be even more

thats how it went for 20 years, until vexed by the whole thing. He died
another preacher, George Whitefield, without even hearing of the hymn.
published a version that went: Hark, All he did was to write a song about
the herald angels sing/Glory to the Gutenberg. It was precisely 400 years
new-born King! since the invention of the printing
Wesley was not amused. He press and Mendelssohn knocked out
wrote: Many gentlemen have a song about it. However, he realised
done my brother and me (though that once the anniversary had passed,
without naming us) the honour to it would probably need some new
reprint many of our hymns. They words as songs about type arent
are perfectly welcome to do so that popular. He wrote in a letter
that he didnt mind what new words
and the NAME of were written so long as they werent
THE AUTHOR is religious. Then he died, and a few
Richmal Crompton, years later somebody noticed the tune
creator of Just would work very well with Hark the
Williamalthough, Herald Angels Sing and that was that.
rather sadly, she much
And ever since, people have been
preferred her novels
carolling away unaware that they are
for adults. (And several

thousand bonus points going against the explicit, written
if you can name any.) wishes of both the lyricist
and the composer.

128 | 122016
 Books
THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

Jodi Picoult is the author of 21 best-selling

novels, including My Sisters Keeper. Her
new novel Small Great Things has just been
published by Hodder and Stoughton.

Gone with are almost simplistic. It was as

the Wind if words failed her because they
BY MARGARET couldnt contain all her emotions.
MITCHELL Might what a character doesnt
I loved to act out the say tell you more about her than
roles of Rhett and what she does say?
Scarlett when I read
this at 13 years old. The Paper Bag
I was amazed that an author could Princess
create such a vivid world out of BY ROBERT MUNSCH
words. I thought, Why couldnt I When my daughter
do that too? I credit this as the book Sammy was young,
that made me want to be a writer. I read this to her
Mitchell was such a trendsetter in every night. Princess
creating the strong, feminist Scarlett. Elizabeths town gets ravaged by
a dragon that burns everything
Out of Africa (including her clothes) and steals
BY ISAK DINESEN away Prince Ronald. Elizabeth puts
This memoir might on a paper bag and rescues him
have been written by not with force, but with intelligence.
Hemingway, so spare But when she succeeds, Ronald
is the language. I was says she doesnt look much like a
fascinated by the way princess. She tells him that while he
Dinesens writing became stripped may look every inch the prince, hes
down the closer the tale was to her a jerk and she leaves him. I love that
own life; at the most complicated woman-power message, and I think
point, during her relationship with it resonated deeply with Sammy.
Denys Finch-Hatton, the sentences As told to Caroline Hutton

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/BOOKS 122016 | 129|

 FUn & Games

You Couldnt Make It Up

Win 50 for your true, funny stories! Go to readersdigest.
co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

I HEARD my barely-three-year-
old daughter muttering to herself
in the bathroom the other day.
Knowing she was too short to flush
the chain herself, I approached
to help her, when I heard her
repeating in an exasperated tone,
Hey, Siri, flush the toilet! 
 TZVANI RICH, Ma n c h e s t e r

TELEPHONING OUR LOCAL

HOSPITAL to rearrange an
appointmentwhich had been
postponed by themthe young
clerk apologised and said that
she couldnt help. Apparently the
secretary was away and they were
operating with a skeleton staff! A close friend, Abigail, was keen
 HEATHER FOULKES, Is l e o f W i g h t to make a good impression at her
interview, after a decade of caring
MY TEENAGE SON came home for her children full-time.
from school and told us theyd had While in the lift to the interview,
someone come in that day to teach Abigail was reading a publication
Cartoon: Guto Di as

them about first aid. He asked if on making a good impression, when

anyone at home knew about CPR. a hand suddenly blocked her vision.
His six-year-old brother then Afraid, she smacked the hand, only
piped up, Thats silly. I know the to hear a mans voice exclaim, I was
whole alphabet. trying to press the third-floor button!
 CORRINA WILLIAMS, D e n b i g h s h i r e Entering the interview room,

130 | 122016
 R e a d e r s D ig e s t

Abigail was overwhelmed with MY MOTHER was telling Jacob, her

embarrassment when she noticed grandson, that it was time to go sleep
the man shed smacked sitting on after shed read him a story.
the panel. She didnt get the job. He replied that he couldnt possibly
 JILL COHEN, Yo r k s h i r e go to sleep straight away. When she
asked him why, he replied, I hate the
WE TOOK our two young children inside of my eyelids!
to a smart restaurant for the first time. P J Maddocks, He r t f o rd s h i r e
My husband ordered his usual bottle
of wine with the meal. The waitress IN THE CREATIVE-WRITING class
came over to our table and began the I used to attend, there was one student
ritual uncorking, pouring out a small who would always offer constructive
amount for me to taste first. criticism. Hed say something like, I
Before I could try it, my youngest enjoyed this part, but...
spoke: Mummy has a lot more in her My tutor valued his contributions
glass than that at home. and missed him if he wasnt there,
JOSIE DRURIE, F l i n t s h i r e as the rest of us were too frightened
to critique the work of others.
MY HUSBAND went for an MRI scan When the student left the course,
and was helped into the machine at my tutor was left red-faced when he
the hospital by a pretty, young nurse. declared to the class that he missed
When the scan was over, a far older having this students But!
nurse helped him out. LISA DAVIS, b y e m a i l
My husband remarked, Goodness,
how long was I in there for? A POST-OFFICE CLERK said to my
MICHA BRYN, L i v e r p o o l father, who was posting a parcel
containing a Bible, Is there anything
HAVING RECENTLY put our family breakable in it?
home on the market, I was discussing Only the Ten Commandments!
moving house with my four-year-old he replied. SHULAH CLARKSON, N o r f o l k
son. In an effort to dispel any anxiety
about moving, I explained that WHEN MY DAUGHTER was four
moving house would be an exciting years old, we walked by a squashed
adventure and hed be able to make hedgehog on the side of the road.
lots of new friends. Noticing it, my daughter shook her
My son went very quiet for a few head sadly and said, Oh no! before
minutes and then said, So where adding, matter-of-factly, He didnt
are we going to move our house to? hold his mummys hand.
JANE GILL, S u r r e y  MELANIE LODGE, Yo r k s h i r e

122016 | 131|
Exclusive Subscriber Offer

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 it pays to increase your

Word Power
As Harry Potter and the Cursed Child continues to wow
audiences in Londons West End, weve conjured up a
quiz for you, using words from the wizards of Hogwarts.
Confundus! Not to worryjust a little spell to confuse you.
Answers on the next page.

1. peruse vA: to argue convincingly. 9. moor vA: to curse. B: hike.

B: read thoroughly. C: lie under oath. C: secure.

2. diatribe nA: criticism. B: lengthy 10. peevish adjA: very weak.

letter. C: exclusive club. B: complaining or cross. C: having
no equal.
3. tawny adjA: strong. B: golden.
C: gaudy. 11. incantation nA: magical
chant. B: sudden disappearance.
4. cavort vA: to trick. B: tell the C: human form.
truth. C: prance about.
12. brandish vA: to burn with
5. illicit adjA: perfectly clear. a hot iron. B: label. C: wave about.
B: not stated but implied. C: unlawful.
13. fortnight nA: two-week period.
6. divination nA: supernatural B: emotional strength. C: month-
foresight. B: huge, godlike character. long period.
C: distraction.
14. chivvy vA: to chase. B: shiver
7. gargoyle nA: carved figure. uncontrollably. C: hurry.
B: military troop. C: gagging sound.
15. askance advA: divisively.
8. colossal adjA: evil. B: colourful. B: sceptically or suspiciously.
C: gigantic. C: in a slanderous tone.

122016 | 133|
Word Power 

Answers
1. peruse[B] to read thoroughly. 9. moor[C] secure. We took
Before the interview began, I made time to moor the boat properly
a point of perusing the applicants before going ashore.
CV and cover note.
10. peevish[B] complaining or
2. diatribe[A] criticism. His cross. When asked to revise the
angry diatribe left his wife in tears, report a third time, the young writer
and marked the beginning of the responded in a peevish tone.
end of their marriage.
11. incantation[A] magical
3. tawny[B] golden. The tawny chant. The frightening incantations
owl swooped below the trees. of Shakespeares witches filled the
darkened theatre.
4. cavort[C] To prance about.
The antelopes cavorting in the 12. brandish[C] wave about.
meadow were quite a sight. The knight leapt from his horse
and brandished a sword.
5. illicit[C] unlawful. Their illicit
actions led to a lengthy review by 13. fortnight[A] two-week period.
the union. Wimbledon is the most important
fortnight in tennis.
6. divination[A] supernatural
foresight. The villagers were 14. chivvy[A] to chase. The
frightened by the womans talent librarian chivvied the noisy children
for divination. from the room.

7. gargoyle[A] word of the day* 15. askance

carved figure. KAIROS: [B] Sceptically
She was unsettled a perfect moment. or suspiciously.
by the creepy Alternative suggestions:
He looked at me
gargoyles that askance when I
adorned the When reading a word began concocting
backwards causes a sore
ancient mansion. my complex lie.
eye ache.
8. colossal[C] Chaos in Cairo.
Gigantic. She Vocabulary
A lesser-known Greek god Ratings
knew her new who now works under cover 9 & below: toad
job was a colossal as a chiropractor in Egypt. 1012: broomstick
waste of time. 1315: wizard

134 | 122016 *POST YOUR DEFINITIONS EVERY DAY AT FACEBOOK.COM/READERSDIGESTUK

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 FUN & GAMES

BrainTeasers
Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles and mind stretchers,
then check your answers on page 139.

BEEHIVE
Without going over a
line, trace a path from
the bee to the flower.

(BEEHIVE) CRAIG KAP LAN

136 | 122016
 A TALL ORDER NO MORE,
Order these digits from shortest to tallest in only NO LESS
three moves. A move consists of taking a single digit Find a path from
out of the line and reinserting it at another position. the highlighted

64
1 at the top of the

52
box to the high-
lighted 3 at the

3
bottom. You may
move horizontally
1 or vertically but
not diagonally.
The sum of all the
numbers in your
DISSECTION
path, including
Can you divide the grid below into three rotated
the two high-
(A TALL ORDER) DARREN RIGBY; (DISSECTI ON, N O MORE, NO LESS) M ARCE L DANE SI

but otherwise identical pieces? The solid rectangle

lighted numbers,
is not part of any piece.
must equal 23.

1 1 3 4
2 0 1 0
8 3 9 8
4 4 0 5
8 9 1 2
9 8 5 2
5 7 8 2
5 7 8 1
SEQUENCER
What should come next in the following sequence? 0 3 6 1
6 7 5 1
4 2 9 7 16 14 25 ? 9 7 6 3

122016 | 137|
BRAIN TEASERS 

CROSSWISE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Test your general
8
knowledge
9 10

ACROSS
01 Heat or
friendliness (6) 11 12

04 Expensive (6)
09 Naked (2,3,4)
10 Fluid in pens (3) 13 14 15 16 17

11 Poor light or 18
sadness (5)
19 20 21 22
12 Bombing attack
from overhead
(3-4)
23 24
13 Sale of tickets
to win prizes (6)
15 Reject all
25 26
connection
with (6)
19  Artists sketch (7) 16 Make ___, encroach (7)
21  Earth forced up between 17 T
 raffic sign meaning keep out (2,5)
furrows (5) 18 Violent behaviour (5)
23  Travel across snow (3) 19 C
 lub for dancing (5)
24  Move over a larger area (6,3) 20 E
 dition (of a magazine, etc) (5)
25  Unwrapped (a present) (6) 22 S
 laver, drivel (5)
26  US actress, ___ Judd (6)
DOWN
18 Aggro 19 Disco 20 Issue 22 Drool
14 Fragile 16 Inroads 17 No Entry
01 Complainer (7) 5 Refer 6 Chicago 7 Yoked 8 Pumas
02 Clothes or music in the 1 Whinger 2 Retro 3 Thermal
style of the recent past (5) Down:
03 Rising current of hot
air (7)
24 Spread Out 25 Opened 26 Ashley
15 Disown 19 Drawing 21 Ridge 23 Ski
05 _ __ to, mention (5) 10 Ink 11 Gloom 12 Air Raid 13 Raffle
06 USAs windy city (7) 1 Warmth 4 Pricey 9 In The Buff
07 Linked like oxen (5) Across:
08 Large mountain wild cats (5)
ANSWERS
14 Easily broken or damaged (7)

138 | 122016
  READERS DIGEST

BrainTeasers: Answers
50 PRIZE QUESTION
BEEHIVE
Answer published in
the January issue
When Robert threw die A,
Bett Wager paid him 15;
when Karen threw die B,
* Entry is open only to residents of the UK, Channel Islands, Isle of Man and Republic of Ireland aged 18 or over. It is not open to employees

Betty paid her 18; and when

Helen threw die C, Betty paid
A TALL ORDER
her 6. How much should
of Vivat Direct Limited (t/a Readers Digest), its subsidiary companies and all other persons associated with the competition.

The three moves below could be

Betty pay John, who threw
performed in any order: die D?
Move 6 to the position after 5.
Move 1 to the first position.
Move 2 to the position before 3.
DISSECTION A B

C D
The first correct answer
SEQUENCER NO MORE,
we pick on December 1
23. The odd- NO LESS
wins 50!* Email excerpts
numbered @readersdigest.co.uk
1 1 3 4
positions are
occupied by 2 0 1 0
square numbers 8 3 9 8 ANSWER TO NOVEMBERS
in ascending 4 4 0 5 PRIZE QUESTION
order (4, 9, 8 9 1 2
16, 25.) Even- ((13+5) x (3+2) x 11) +7
9 8 5 2
numbered = 997
positions are 5 7 8 2
occupied by 5 7 8 1 There are ten other possible
the result of 0 3 6 1 solutions.
subtracting two 6 7 5 1
from each pre- AND THE 50 GOES TO
9 7 6 3 Sam Pake, Guildford
ceding number.

122016 | 139|
 FUn & Games

Laugh!
Win 50 for every readers joke we publish! Go to readersdigest.
co.uk/contact-us or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

A BANK ROBBER pulls out a gun, Crikey, Im terribly sorry, said

points it at the teller and says, Give Paul with a smug look, but the fact
me all the money or youre geography! of the matter is, Ill be using it all day.
The puzzled teller replies, Dont In that case, smiled Peter, you
you mean history? wont be using your golf clubs. Mind
The robber says, Dont change if I borrow them?
the subject!  SEEN AT FACEBOOK.COM  KAY MADDOCKS, He r t f o rd s h i r e

AN OLD WOMAN is very upset at WHY DID the witches team

her husbands funeral. She says, lose the cricket match?
You have him in a brown suit and Because their bats flew away.
I wanted him in a blue suit.  SEEN ONLINE
The mortician says, Well take
care of it, madam, and shouts to A MAN GOES TO SEE HIS PRIEST.
the back, Ed, switch the heads on Father, Id like to confide in you and
two and four!  SEEN ONLINE ask for advice.
The priest asks, Whats wrong?
EVERY TIME peter, the man next The man replies, My wife is
door, headed towards Pauls house, poisoning me.
Paul knew he was coming to borrow The priest, very surprised by this,
something. He was always doing this asks, How can that be?
and it was driving Paul crazy. Honestly, Im certain shes
Peter wont get away with it this poisoning me, what should I do?
time, muttered Paul to his wife Liz. Tell you what, says the priest,
Watch this. let me talk to her. Ill see what I can
Er, I wondered if youd be using find out and Ill let you know.
your hedge trimmer this morning? A week later the priest calls and
asked Peter the neighbour. says, Well, I spoke to your wife. She

140 | 122016
 Readers Digest

kept me on the phone for three hours. IMPRESSIVELY LAZY

You want my advice?
Yes, Father. It may be season to slow down and
Take the poison. kick backbut some people are at it
 GRAHAME JONES, L o n d o n
all year round (from the poke.co.uk)

A MAN NAMED GEORGE was going

to bed when his wife told him that
hed left the light on in the shed.
George opened the door to go and
turn the light offbut saw there were
people in the shed in the process of
stealing things.
He immediately phoned the
police, who asked, Is someone
in your house?
George said no and explained the
situation. Then they explained that
all patrols were busy, and that he
should simply lock his door and an
officer would be there when available.
George said, OK. He hung up,
counted to 30 and phoned again.
Hello, I just called you a few
seconds ago because there were
people in my shed. You dont have
to worry about them now because
Ive just shot them all.
Then he hung up. Within five
minutes, an armed-response unit,
three squad cars and an ambulance
showed up. The police caught the
burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to
George, I thought you said that
youd shot them!
George said, I thought you said
there was nobody available.
 SEEN at laughfactory.com

122016 | 141|
Laugh 

A TEENAGER takes a shortcut home WHAT DO YOU CALL a kid who

through the graveyard. Halfway doesnt believe in Father Christmas?
across, hes startled by a tapping noise A rebel without a Claus.
coming from the shadows. Trembling  SEEN at jokes4us.com
with fear, he spots an old man with
a hammer and chisel, chipping away APPARENTLY ONE IN THREE
at a headstone. Britons are conceived in an IKEA
I thought you were a ghost! says bed, which is mad because those
the relieved teen. What are you places are really well lit.
doing working so late?  COMEDIAN MARK SMITH
Oh, those idiots, grumbles the
old man. They misspelled my name! I bought my girlfriend a fridge
 GINETTE HUGHES, He r t f o rd s h i r e for her birthday.
I know its not the greatest gift,
Ive jUST SWITCHED from venison but you should have seen her face
to pheasant. Absolute game-changer. light up when she opened it. 
 COMEDIAN DARREN WALSH  SEEN ONLINE

WHICH TWO LETTERS in the ARE HEADPHONES getting bigger

alphabet are always jealous? or are idiots getting smaller?
N, V.  SEEN ONLINE  COMEDIAN HENRY PAKER

INTELLIGENCE IS SEXY

So says Twitters @50NerdsofGrey, whose parody of the famous novel series

50 Shades of Grey will have you steaming up your glasseswith laughter:
Ive been a very bad girl, she said, biting her lip. I need to be punished.
Very well, he saidand installed Windows 10 on her laptop.
He was heavily into BDSMBatman, Dungeons & Dragons, Star Trek and
Mathematics.
Im all yours! she cried. You can do things with me youd never dare
do with any other woman.
Alright, he said, and made eye contact.
She told him she was turned on by dangerous men. So he disabled
his firewall.

142 | 122016
 R eader s D igest

60-Second Stand-Up
We chatted to sardonic-yet-sensitive soul Sam Simmons

WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE

OF YOUR OWN JOKES?
Imagine youre just walking down
the street one day and a hamburger
appears mid-air. You bite into the
hamburgerand the next thing
you know, youre on the moon. Is
that what its like for fish we when
we go fishing?
Its a philosophical joke.

WHATS the best part of

your current tour or set?
Theres a bit where I have a beer
on stage with the audiencethat
feels really good.
WHOS YOUR COMEDY
have you found any parts INSPIRATION?
of the country to be funnier My mother. Shes a very difficult
than others On your tours? woman: bitter, twisted and generally
Extreme north and extreme south propped up by peach-coloured,
are good. The middles a bit weird U-shaped pillows devouring Danielle
but being Australian, Im exotic. Steel novels. Shes the funniest person
Ive ever met in my life.
WHATS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE
HECKLE EXPERIENCE? IF YOU WERE A FLY, WHOS WALL
On one occasion, I hadnt even got WOULD YOU BE ON?
to the microphone when someone If I were a time-travelling fly, Id spy
shouted out, Oh no! A bald c***! on the Rat Pack. I think Sinatra might
I just thought, How are the musings have been a very, very bad man.
of a bald man going to be any
worse than the musings of a man Visit facebook.com/samsimmonscomedy
with hair? for more information on Sams tours.

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/FUN-GAMES 122016 | 143|

 Beat the Cartoonist! in the
JANUARY
issue

Alan Davies
interview
The actor discusses
his career and the
new Jonathan Creek.
Think of a witty caption for this cartoonthe
three best suggestions, along with the cartoonists

Pavel1964/s hutterstock / F eatureflash Ph oto Agency/shutterstock

original, will be posted on our website in mid-
December. If your entry gets the most votes, youll
win 100 and a framed copy of the cartoon, with
your caption.
Submit to [email protected]
or online at readersdigest.co.uk/caption by
December 9. Well announce the winner in our
February issue. Taking on the
Triathlon
Octobers Winner Its popularity is
It was a much closer on the rise, but
contest this month, why would anybody
but still no joy for want to do it?
the pros. Cartoonist
CARTOON (Top): Peter A. King

Peter King garnered Plus

some support for Best of British:
his caption, Youre Charity Shops
lucky to catch him Ways to Avoid
in. Hes usually found Diabetes
lurking in his shed, Lost in the Arctic
but he was pipped at the post by reader Kelvin Jay, How IKEA Took
who gave us I think youll agree, hes not the man Over the World
I married. Well done, and keep up the standard!

144 | 122016