Other Guys PDF
Other Guys PDF
by
CHRIS HENCHY AND ADAM MCKAY
TELLER
Hello there. Whats this little
ones name?
BANK ROBBER 1
(also with German
accent)
Everybody relax. I want no
heroes! If you notice I have a
Germanic accent, from the Rhine
region. Something distinct to
tell the authorities.
BANK ROBBER 3
Three more minutes!
BARRY
This way!
TELLER
Barry, what are you doing?
(CONTINUED)
2.
CONTINUED:
BARRY
I have to. My daughters going to
Tulane. I want a plasma. ITS
CALLED LIVING!
BANK ROBBER 3
One hundred forty seconds!
BANK ROBBER 2
(in German)
Theres no money in the vault!
Just these notes!!
BANK ROBBER 1
Barry, there was supposed to be
two million in cash! What the shit
is going on!!!
BARRY
(fast nervous
description)
Well see, the Fed just came and
seized all our cash and reserve
deposits. Right before that
happened, the bank put all of its
outstanding mortgages into four
tranches, which was snapped up by
China, which is a good thing.
Cash infusion, right? Wrong,
sixty percent of debt was toxic.
Cash from China isnt coming in
and now weve had to issue
Promissory Notes to cover all
reserves on deposit. But I assure
you, in four years youre looking
at six hundred thousand dollars, a
nice tidy sum.
BANK ROBBER 3
I got eight thousand from the
drawers! Lets go!
BANK ROBBER 1
(turns and points
gun)
And Barry, just to guarantee that
no one talks.
(CONTINUED)
3.
CONTINUED: (2)
BARRY
I asked you a dozen times if you
were going to kill me after the
robbery and you said no.
BANK ROBBER 1
I lied.
BARRY
I even asked you if you would say
I lied if I asked you why you
were going to kill me after-
He shoots Barry. Barrys lifeless body falls against a
sign advertising low, low mortgage rates.
SFX: Alarms sound.
BANK ROBBER 1
(Mandarin accent)
Eight thousand dollars! That
robbery didnt even pay for
itself!
BANK ROBBER 2
(thick German accent)
At least with our German accents
they will never be able to
identify us!
BANK ROBBER 1
Stop with the accent! Its
annoying.
BANK ROBBER 2
(Cantonese accent now
as well)
Sorry. It was hard to master and I
am proud of it.
4.
BANK ROBBER 2
(German accent)
Our plan is exceeding
expectations.
BANK ROBBER 3
Seriously stop it.
They hit the brakes and skid to a stop around a corner
behind a delivery truck as the cop cars pass.
(CONTINUED)
6.
CONTINUED:
DANSON
Hey fellas, Sprechen zie Mandarin?
The Chinese guys realize theyve been made. THEY PUNCH IT
THROUGH THE RED LIGHT SMASHING INTO A DOUBLE DECKER
TOURIST BUS.
Danson and Manzetti almost get hit by the toppling bus
and cut around the corner.
The two cars battle for space as they fly up Park Avenue.
We see STORE FRONTS WITH FOR LEASE signs in the windows.
OFFICE WORKER
Thanks.
(CONTINUED)
8.
CONTINUED:
DANSON
Howd you get that?
MANZETTI
I used a coupon.
Danson laughs. Hes having a good time. Manzetti fires
the 50 cal at the Chinese. Its like a cannon.
SFX: THUNK, THUNK, THUNK
The Chinese fire back with 38s. Danson and Manzetti HIT
THEIR BRAKES HARD, screeching to a stop at an
intersection.
An OLD LADY PUSHES A GUY IN A WHEELCHAIR WHOS PUSHING A
BABY STROLLER through the intersection while all traffic
waits. They watch the Chinese speed off in the distance.
DANSON
(re: wheel
chair/stroller)
Amazing, all the years driving the
streets and Ive never seen that
before.
MANZETTI
(hanging up the
phone)
Bad news. She wrecked the sauce.
(CONTINUED)
9.
CONTINUED:
ROBBER 1
A tanker? How much did this
robbery cost?
ROBBER 2
Were going to have to get real
jobs to pay this off.
(CONTINUED)
10.
CONTINUED:
INMATES
Hey! Its Danson and Manzetti!
REPORTER #1
New York Post Online. Were you
guys at all concerned about your
safety?
DANSON
You know what I say, you can
always take a Motrin later.
Huge laughs from the press pool. Reporter #1 wipes a
tear away and jots down the quote.
REPORTER #2
New York Times Online. Is it true
that after forty-six million
dollars in property damage that
the robbers were caught with only
eight thousand dollars?
Silence. More silence.
MANZETTI
Looks like someone didnt have
their morning coffee.
Huge laughs from all the other reporters.
REPORTER #1
You guys are the best!
(CONTINUED)
11.
CONTINUED:
REPORTER #3
Entertainment Weekly Online.
Danson, Manzetti, how is your
department handling the current
budget cuts and lay offs to the
the force?
MANZETTI
So long as we got enough to buy
bones for ol Arnold here.
Manzettis BULLDOG barks, CAMERAS FLASH, medals are
pinned on by the Mayor.
WE PULL OUT OF THE PRESS CONFERENCE:
TERRY
Stop it man.
ALLEN
What?!
(CONTINUED)
12.
CONTINUED:
MARTIN
Spell Check and Hero pulling
up on the rear!
All the cops laugh. Terry walks over to Allen who is
typing with a big smile on his face.
TERRY
Jesus, look at that big smile on
your face.
ALLEN
Until theres a piece of paper
with the word guilty on it justice
can not be served. Paperwork is
the oxygen Justice breathes. So
feel free to make fun of me all
you want behind my back.
TERRY
If Im going to say something,
Ill say it to your face. I dont
like you. Not like I dont like
onions. I mean I dont like you
on a muscular, raw smell level.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
13.
CONTINUED: (2)
TERRY (CONT'D)
If we were in the wild, I would
attack you. Even if you werent in
my food chain, I would go out of
my way to attack you. If I were a
lion, and you were a tuna, I would
swim out and eat you.
ALLEN
Theres a reason people talk
behind each others backs! At
least pay me that courtesy!
DETECTIVE BOB DELANEY (Mike Delaney) pokes his head in to
the conversation, holding a mug of coffee. Hes an
affable and pleasant guy.
BOB
Hey guys, you see American Idol
last night? I cant believe that
girl won! I mean, wow! Shes a
cutie.
TERRY
Its a bad time Bob!
LESLIE STAHL
You own thirty percent of the
network. You can say whatever you
want.
DAVID ERSHON
(chuckling)
Thats right, I do. How does it
feel to be a
billionaire?...Stellar.
The Unseen Figure repeatedly rewinds it.
(CONTINUED)
14.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)
15.
CONTINUED:
OTHER COPS
Oh shit!
VETERAN COP
I hear a whistle. Look up and
its my partner tucked away on a
roof. He says, lets even the
odds and drops me down a Mosberg
pump, clip action, matte black,
nice. I send one right through the
bag of H hes holding and into his
chest. Game over.
All the cops applaud and cheer.
THERAPIST
Okay, this is supposed to be about
your feelings after using your
weapon to harm another human...
How did you feel after this?
VETERAN COP
I got a medal and a thousand pats
on the back. So howd I feel? Like
a rhino with a badge and a hard-
on.
Cops all cheer.
THERAPIST
Stop!! We're supposed to be
expressing grief we bury inside
ourselves after a traumatic
experience. Okay, Officer Hoitz?
Everyone looks at him, stares him down.
COP #3
Whys he even in here?!
THERAPIST
Hes in here because this is a
place where we can share without
judgement. Terry?
TERRY
Okay. I, uh, I relive it every
night. Bronx, October. Game
seven of the World Series. You
guys know the drill. High
pressure, unruly crowds and I pull
tunnel duty.
We see this unfold.
16.
COPS
Its called a bat! Come on!
TERRY
I didnt know! I warned him again
and then I shot.
We see TERRY RUN TO THE FIGURE HE SHOT IN THE LEG. As he
bends down, the lights in the tunnel brighten and we see
its DEREK JETER. Derek is wearing an iPod.
COP #2 (V.O.)
You shot Jeter!
DEREK JETER
My leg! You shot me in my leg!
BACK TO REAL TIME
COP #3
So do I. I lost ten grand on that
game cause of you.
(CONTINUED)
17.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
I was top of my class, number one
in marksmanship in the city,
number three Hapkaido and now I do
paper work.
COP #4
Jerk off!
THERAPIST
Listen, Terry messed up. He did an
incredibly dumb and hurtful thing
that no other cop would ever do
and his career will continue to
suffer for the rest of his life.
Beat.
TERRY
But?
THERAPIST
But what?
TERRY
Are you going to say something
about moving on and healing?
THERAPIST
No. I finished my statement. I had
box seats for that game. Officer
Tranton?
COP #4 stands up and starts waxing the story.
COP#4
Okay so Im undercover on a white
slavery case against the Russian
mob...
Some of the police reveal popcorn.
COP #3
Oooh, this is a good one.
ALLEN
Great. Ive seen a real increase
in illegalities in construction
permits, specifically scaffolding.
Id call it a crime wave actually.
MARTIN
Thats real interesting. Hey how
come youve never fired your
weapon in the office?
ALLEN
Who fires their weapon in the
office?
MARTIN
We all have.
ALLEN
That seems a little dangerous and
maybe against the rules.
FOSSE
Rules? Dangerous? Were cops.
The gun is a tool of our trade.
Its okay to use your tool. This
is a professional environment.
ALLEN
Come on!
MARTIN
You really think wed lie to you
about firing your weapon in the
office? Its called a Desk Pop.
Its a tradition in the force.
ALLEN
Really?
MARTIN
Yes, really. Take your gun out.
Allen tentatively pulls his gun out.
FOSSE
Pop one off!
ALLEN
I dont know. This feels wrong.
MARTIN
Wrong? Were cops. This is what
we do.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
19.
CONTINUED: (2)
MARTIN (CONT'D)
Theres no safer place in the
world to fire off a round than in
the station.
ALLEN
Wow, now Im kind of excited. Im
going to do it. Wait, let me ask
the Lieutenant --- nah, nevermind
Im just going to do it.
(aiming)
Up or down?
MARTIN FOSSE
Up. Down.
ALLEN (CONTD)
Boy, I dont know guys.
MARTIN
Youre over thinking it! Just do
it!
Allen fires straight up into the ceiling. Sheetrock
panels fall down and dust. Immediately all the cops pull
out their guns. Some guys hit the floor.
SFX: ALARM goes off in the distance.
ALLEN
Its okay! Desk pop! First ever
desk pop!
Fosse and Martin are laughing. Terry runs in, gun drawn.
TERRY
What the hell are you doing?!
ALLEN
(talking loud from
ears ringing)
I did my first ever desk pop! Its
a real thing, right? Right?
TERRY
A desk pop?!! No thats not real!!
ALLEN
I thought so but then they made it
seem real...!!
SMASH CUT TO THE LIEUTENANTS OFFICE
(CONTINUED)
20.
CONTINUED: (3)
ALLEN
Really?
Lieutenant Mauch reaches into a drawer. Allen puts his
gun on the desk. Lieutenant Mauch pulls out a black
wooden gun.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Here we go. This is a dummy gun.
They use it for ceremony. Its
wooden.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Not on my watch!
ALLEN
Why did you say that?
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Honestly, I was tired of dealing
with you guys and it seemed strong
and definitive. Now get out.
Allen puts the gun in the holster. It doesnt really fit
and sticks out.
SMASH CUT TO:
21.
FOREMAN
Lets go! Lunch!
As the CONSTRUCTION WORKERS leave their posts, a SOLDIER
type, 30s, buzz cut, in a track suit, jumps up on the
wrecking ball.
FOREMAN (CONT'D)
Hey! Get outta there! What the
hell are you doing?
The Soldier pulls out a TASER GUN and shoots off two
electric prongs into the Foreman who convulses and hits
the ground.
MUSIC: BAD ASS SCORE
(CONTINUED)
22.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
Thats enough, Im serious over
here!
MARTIN
Whatd you care? You hate him.
TERRY
I never used the word hate. And
hes still my partner. You guys
are just J holes with ties.
ALLEN
But is it true? About the pizza?
Cause it would be nice. You
always see it on tv shows... free
food for cops.
DISPATCH (O.S.)
(embarrassed)
Youre the best Danson.
TERRY
God gave me wings!! Let me use
em!!
FOSSE
Wow. That is uncomfortable to
watch.
CUT TO:
(CONTINUED)
24.
CONTINUED:
DANSON
Dammit. Stairs.
They both split up and scan the roof. Danson looks over
edge to the street below as Manzetti runs over.
DANSON
Dammit.
Their POV: Two Ex-Soldiers are on the ground waiting for
the third. THE THIRD IS MIDWAY DOWN AN IMPRESSIVE ZIP
LINE SLIDE THATS BEEN SHOT OUT OF THE 20TH FLOOR TO THE
STREET BELOW.
DANSON (CONT'D)
These guys are pros.
They both lock eyes. They know each other only too well.
MANZETTI
Are you thinking what Im
thinking?
(CONTINUED)
25.
CONTINUED:
MAYOR
Two days ago, this city wept. We
lost two heroes who gave
everything for this city...
As we PAN ACROSS the crowd we HEAR quips from different
cops.
COP
Who jumps from forty stories?
...past another cop.
COP #2
I heard Manzetti has an eighty
eight I.Q. -- thats clinically
diagnosed as dull.
... past another cop.
COP #3
... I had a piece of art in my
front yard. Real nice modern
sculpture... Manzetti took a shit
in. Thought it was a toilet.
Not a smart guy.
The Mayor continues.
(CONTINUED)
26.
CONTINUED:
MAYOR
I only hope in Heaven, God will
give them a medal, a slice of
Sals and a silver plated .44 just
to keep everyone in check.
Lots of laughs. We end on Terry and Allen. Everyone
salutes the coffins as the DRUM starts up.
Terry and Allen whisper to each other.
TERRY
This is our moment Allen. Our
moment to be the guys, step up,
fill the void.
ALLEN
This is a funeral! Have some
respect!
TERRY
What? You dont think every other
team here isnt thinking the same?
(CONTINUED)
27.
CONTINUED:
MARTIN
Scheming like two little mouthy
bitches.
TERRY
Hey, if you guys are looking to
mix it up. Im all about that.
FOSSE
(laughing)
Youre not worth the pit stains.
Look at these two jamokes. One
shot Jeter, the other shot an
office.
ALLEN
Guys, keep it down. Were at a
funeral.
FOSSE
(whispering)
Watch it Gamble. Ill smash your
little bean counting nose so far
down your throat youll be able to
smell your own taint!
Terry steps up to Fosses face.
TERRY
(also whispering)
Come on Fosse... You wanna roll?
Ill kick your fat head in and
then use your brain juice as shoe
shine.
Bob interrupts.
BOB
Hey guys. You have that ziti?
Its really outstanding.
TERRY
Get outta here Bob.
ALLEN
Im very sorry for your loss.
The Lieutenant runs over and whisper yells at them.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
(whisper yelling)
What the hell is going on?! Im
over there consoling the grieving
family and you guys are having a
damn street brawl?
He looks at Fosse and a bloody-nosed Martin, then at
Terry and Allen.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH (CONT'D)
(whisper yell)
Were at a goddamn funeral! Two
men have died!
ALLEN
(whisper)
I told them that.
A weeping WOMAN walks by being consoled by the D.A.
TERRY, ALLEN, MARTIN, FOSSE,
LIEUTENANT
Sorry for your loss...Hello
Frank...Sorry for your loss.
As soon as they pass, Terry punches Martin and they go at
it again.
ALL
(whisper cheering)
Kick his ass...Oh!...Come On!
(CONTINUED)
29.
CONTINUED: (3)
(CONTINUED)
30.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
I love you Francine. You dont
even ask about Terry Junior. He
misses you.
FRANCINE
Terry Junior is a dog! You named
him after yourself to try and
guilt me.
TERRY
Everyone on the block still asks
about you. Slappy and ChooChoo
and the guys still sing doo-wop
tunes around the ash can. They
cant believe were not together.
FRANCINE
You have to stop! You have to
give up on this fantasy. I moved
on a long, long time ago.
The black dancer walks over.
DANCER
Francine, is this guy bothering
you?
TERRY
Whos this guy? He your new
boyfriend?
FRANCINE
Hes my dance partner Terry.
TERRY
What? You dont think I can do
this shit?
Terry turns around and does an impressive pirouet into a
arabesque into a grande jete en attitude. He walks away.
TERRY (CONT'D)
I love you Francine!
ALLEN
He loves you Francine!
ALLEN
I didnt know you could dance.
(CONTINUED)
31.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
We used to do those dance moves to
make fun of guys. Show em how
queer they were.
ALLEN
You learned to dance like that
sarcastically?
TERRY
I guess.
ALLEN
I just realized after a year
working together, you've never
been to my house for dinner or met
Sheila.
TERRY
I dont know. Your wife seems like
a real ball buster.
ALLEN
Sheila? Yeah I married young. But
shes harmless.
ALLEN
Here are three downtown
construction sites that are
totally unpermitted. And this is
just from last month. The budget
cuts have gutted any regulatory
teeth the city had.....
TERRY
Dont you get it? Danson and
Manzetti are gone. When I said
this was our chance to step up, I
didnt mean this.
(CONTINUED)
32.
CONTINUED:
ALLEN
Honestly, does anyone know why
they jumped off that building?
TERRY
Who cares? Theres a vacuum in
this city and we could fill it!
Allen, its time to be a real cop!
FEMALE VOICE (O.S.)
Soups on!
Just then Allens wife SHEILA, 34, comes in with dinner.
SHE IS ABSOLUTELY STUNNING. She wears a sun dress and
could easily be a movie star or model.
SHEILA
You must be Terry. Sorry Ive been
hiding, this was a tricky dinner.
TERRY
Uh, hi. Youre Allens wife?
SHEILA
I know people are always shocked
because hes Episcopalian and Im
Catholic. But it works.
ALLEN
This smells delicious honey. Are
you going to change for dinner?
SHEILA
I already did.
ALLEN
Uh-oh! Foot goes in mouth!
Seriously though honey, are you
going to change? You look, not so
great and we have company....
Sheila is seated and serving dinner.
SHEILA
Im sorry baby. Just for tonight I
thought Id go casual.
TERRY
Its no big deal.... You look
nice.
ALLEN
You dont have to be polite Terry.
She looks terrible.
(holds up iPhone)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
33.
CONTINUED: (2)
ALLEN (CONT'D)
This is my People Magazine Fashion
App. I typed in what youre
wearing and you got a C plus.
SHEILA
Allen loves his Apps. And screw
People Magazine. I dont want to
look like Reese Witherspoon.
TERRY
Why are you with Allen? I mean,
how did you guys meet?
SHEILA
Its a pretty typical how we met
story Terry. I was a dancer for
the Knicks while finishing my
residency at Columbia Hospital.
Allen came in, he hurt himself.
He was unemployed and uninsured.
Needless to say, I fell for him
immediately.
ALLEN
Not immediately.
SHEILA
Thats right... Allen was still
dating his old girlfriend Dianne
Lane. But once they split I jumped
in there.
TERRY
You dated Dianne Lane?
ALLEN
(mouth full)
Y-up. Dark days.
CUT TO:
(CONTINUED)
34.
CONTINUED:
ALLEN
So whats that? Bicycle pants,
mesh top and Reeboks?
TERRY
No. Start with not that and work
from there. Thanks again for
dinner.
They close the door but we hear Sheila as it closes.
ALLEN (O.C.)
Why would you dress up as a French
Maid? The house is clean.
DISSOLVE TO:
-Cool necklace.
-A dab of WARNING SHOT Cologne
-Shoulder holster strapped and gleaming Baretta locked
and loaded.
-Topped off with a well worn leather jacket.
35.
TERRY
Its our time Carol.
At the end of the driveway, Allen pulls up in his Prius.
He sees Terry leaning against his impressive Dodge.
ALLEN
Lets just take mine!
MUSIC OUT.
ALLEN
I apologize in advance if Im a
little out of it. Sheila and I got
into last night.
TERRY
What were you guys fighting about?
ALLEN
She wants to take this blow job
class at the Learning Annex and we
just dont have the money in the
budget. Women, huh?
TERRY
Yeah... thats... messed up.
(CONTINUED)
36.
CONTINUED:
ALLEN
How so?
TERRY
Why youd do that?
ALLEN
This country thrives on feedback.
That guy will drive back to work
and therell be a nice message
waiting for him. Its called Pay
it Forward.
The radio crackles in the car.
DISPATCH (V.O.)
Weve got shots fired. 232 Grand
street. There are large amounts of
narcotics on the scene.
Terry picks up the receiver.
TERRY
Detective Hoitz and Gamble. We got
it!
We hear Martin and Fosse crackle on the radio.
MARTIN (VO)
This is Detectives Martin and
Fosse. Fuck you Hoitz. This ones
ours!
TERRY
Punch it!
(CONTINUED)
37.
CONTINUED: (2)
ALLEN
America!!
Terry pops in a CD on the radio. Bad ass heavy metal
kicks in.
MUSIC: PRONGS SNAP YOUR FINGERS, SNAP YOUR NECK
ALLEN
Exactly.
Allen turns up LRB louder. Terry turns it off.
TERRY
Lets go with no music.
FOSSE (V.O.)
This is Detectives Martin and
Fosse en route. We are two minutes
out!
TERRY
(into radio)
Negative! Hoitz and Gamble have
already made the call!!
MARTIN (V.O.)
Hoitz and Gamble should get ready
to do our paperwork. And please
dont shoot any beloved baseball
players.
TERRY
Punch it Allen! I swear to God you
drop that foot like a lead weight
or Im going to shoot you in the
foot!!!
(CONTINUED)
38.
CONTINUED: (3)
ALLEN
Ahhhh!!!! Im gonna do it!!!!
ALLEN
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
We hear the telltale BUMP of driving over a body as they
stop. The entire crowds GASPS and stares in shock. The
crime scene is destroyed.
MARTIN
That was nice guys. Forensics is
gonna love you.
(CONTINUED)
39.
CONTINUED:
FOSSE
Making biscuits!
Then the Reporters cheer. Several do their sign offs.
REPORTER #1
Looks like its prison biscuits
for these criminals. But the real
question is: Are Martin and Fosse
the new Super Cops!? Only time
will tell....
Allen pops in behind the Reporter #2s shot.
ALLEN
Except theyre not!
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
I cant have you guys out there
wrecking crime scenes.
TERRY
Sorry Lieutenant. Martin and Fosse
jumped our call.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Crime is changing detectives.
ALLEN
Flat.
Lieutenant is serving the salad, its elaborate.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
All Im saying is be sure you make
your cases count. Drugs, animals
and sex. Those are the crimes that
get air time and keep our budget
up. Fresh pepper?
ALLEN/TERRY
Yes....Please.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
And if you guys feel like
bitching, remember I should have
retired three years ago. Now Im
working three jobs.
ALLEN
Not to be a pain but can I get
this without anchovies?
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Go jump up your own ass.
The Lieutenant goes to serve another table.
(CONTINUED)
41.
CONTINUED:
ALLEN
So you were twelve when you split?
TERRY
Yeah. I just cant get her out of
my heart. I remember this one time
in fifth grade we were throwing
bricks at an old TV in the garbage
and she took my Sprees and I was
crying. Listen to me, I sound like
a Movie of the Week.
ALLEN
I guess...Man, thats young.
TERRY
Braveheart met his wife when she
was six.
DISPATCH (V.O.)
Get out your cash rewards cards,
heres a good one -- some reality
star is holding a lingerie model
hostage at the Plaza.
We HEAR sirens start up in the distance.
TERRY
This is Detectives Hoitz and
Gamble en route!
(to Allen)
This time I drive.
DISPATCH (V.O.)
(crackly barely
audible)
Hostage situation...lingerie
model...
(CONTINUED)
42.
CONTINUED:
FOSSE
We got to go!
MARTIN
Yep. Okay where are the guns?
Passem to the front!
Martin and Fosse look out to the kids who are passing
around their guns.
ALLEN
Everyones coming out for this
one.
Allen hits the music:
MUSIC: Little River Bands Night Owl
TERRY
No! No more. Clearly we have
differences in music. You listen
to what you want, Ill listen to
what I want.
TERRY
This better be Jimmy Hoffa selling
crack to OJ!
Allen is standing and looking at a residential building
with scaffolding while checking his iPhone.
ALLEN
This is a death trap.... An
absolute death trap.
Terry gets out of the car.
TERRY
If you say the word permit Im
gonna clock you I really am.
Cop cars with sirens blaring screech past in the
background.
ALLEN
Im checking records on my City
permits app and theres nothing on
this address! Six tons of
scaffolding over a public sidewalk
and they dont fill out a permit?
Buildings registered to a David
Ershon -- money manager.
ALLEN
Can be used as a flotation device.
Okay, thats not funny. Its been
awhile since Ive Mirandad
someone, okay?
DAVID ERSHON
It certainly took you long enough.
I guess I always pictured a more
impressive arrest scene.
Allen leads Ershon to the car. We hear their radio blare.
DISPATCH (V.O.)
Hostage taker has been disarmed by
Detectives Martin and Fosse. I
repeat Martin and Fosse have the
collar.
TERRY
Un-cocksuckin-believable! We blew
it!
Allen pushes Ershon into the back seat and gets in.
ALLEN
You have the right to an attorney,
anything you say can be... used to
do stuff...
DAVID ERSHON
Wait, what am I being arrested
for?
SUDDENLY - CRASH! The Prius is rammed into from the side,
knocking it onto the sidewalk. Terry and Allen are
dazed. We see a BIG WHITE ESCALADE has just him them.
(CONTINUED)
45.
CONTINUED: (3)
SHORT ARMENIAN
(soothing)
Please.... Please...please...
TERRY
Everyone okay?
TALL ARMENIAN
Please... please.
ALLEN
Theyre all very polite.
THE HOT SOUTH AMERICAN WOMAN STARES AT ALLEN FOR A BEAT,
DRINKING HIM IN. Then she gets in his car and drives
away with Ershon in it. The Range Rover quickly follows.
SCREECH! They look over and one of the Armenians drives
off in the Escalade.
It all went down in a matter of seconds leaving Allen and
Terry with no car, no guns and somehow no shoes.
ALLEN (CONT'D)
What just happened?
Beat.
TERRY
When did they take my shoes?
ALLEN
Then at least lets take the
subway.
TERRY
See, unlike you I have friends.
And occasionally I bump into them
on subways.
ALLEN
Im calling.
Feels for his phone, nothing.
ALLEN (CONT'D)
Dammit! My phone was in the car!
You know how many apps I had on
that? Sixty. Sixty apps.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
47.
CONTINUED:
ALLEN (CONT'D)
(off Terry)
You dont care, do you?
TERRY
No. Not at all.
They walk for a beat longer passing some restaurants.
ALLEN
Hey, its your birthday in a few
days.
TERRY
How do you know that?
ALLEN
I make the birthday calender for
the office.
TERRY
I thought that got torn down five
minutes after it was put up?
ALLEN
Yes, it did. And they drenched it
in toilet water and put it in my
desk with a note that said Were
cops not second graders.
TERRY
Thats pretty nasty. But honestly
you do anything on my birthday and
Ill punch your head. Understood?
ALLEN
Whats wrong with celebrating a
birthday?
TERRY
Im in my late thirties. Theres
no more growth to mark. No more
milestones. I just down a shot and
say Hey I didnt get stabbed or
hit by a car this year. Down the
hatch!
ALLEN
That is bleak.
TERRY
You know whats bleak? A party
store. Go into one of those,
fluorescent lights, cheap crap.
People trying to buy a good time.
The best parties just happen.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
48.
CONTINUED: (2)
TERRY (CONT'D)
Ive got some wine! Hey, I just
met these Puerto Rican girls!
Party!
ALLEN
Why were you in a party store in
the first place?
Beat
TERRY
Okay, you got me. It was
Francines 12th birthday and I
went to town. Balloons, streamers,
magnetic mustache games for
favors. Thats the day she broke
up with me.
ALLEN
But you were twelve?
TERRY
Yeah. Can you believe it? I ate
pop rocks and Pepsi to try and do
myself in. But it just made my
mouth tingle.
Beat.
TERRY (CONTD)
What was with you and the hot
Latin chick back there. You guys
had a moment.
ALLEN
I wouldnt say that.
TERRY
Are you kidding me? She undressed
you, did you and left a twenty on
the bed on her way out all in her
mind.
ALLEN
Youre nuts.
TERRY
Whatd you care, your wifes crazy
hot.
ALLEN
Who Sheila? Come on. Shes cute. I
love her. But shes not hot.
(CONTINUED)
49.
CONTINUED: (3)
TERRY
Youre delusional dude. Shes
insanely hot.
ALLEN
Well thats nice of you to say and
Ill pass on the compliment.
TERRY
Dont tell your wife I said shes
hot. Shell think Im a creep.
Beat
ALLEN
Once again, what the hell just
happened?
TERRY
I think we were just in the middle
of a kidnapping.
We watch the two cops walk down the street barefoot.
MARTIN
I like em. They really frame
your face. Make you look thinner.
ALLEN
(equally enthused)
Thats right folks, we said the
T word!
Martin and Fosse look over interested. Both wearing
sunglasses.
(CONTINUED)
50.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
Im going to need someone from the
motor pool. We got a missing car.
MARTIN
Who got kidnapped?
TERRY
We need full cooperation of all
departments, Terry and I will be
running point.
ALLEN
Interface people! Interface!
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Okay, slow down. Talk to me.
ALLEN
Okay, we apprehended David Ershon
for questioning concerning a
building violation. While in our
custody-- is someone writing this
down? While in our custody, we
were blind sided and then
overtaken by four members of a
multinational kidnapping death
squad. Really? No ones writing
this down? We were then stripped
of our weapons and our shoes and
Ershon was violently abducted. We
should expect a ransom phone call
within minutes. All it takes is a
pen and paper!! Its called a
statement!
MARTIN
They took your guns?
FOSSE AND OTHER COPS
And your shoes? Why shoes?
(CONTINUED)
51.
CONTINUED: (2)
TERRY
Enough about the shoes! Now I
suggest we start working the
streets or this guys coming home
in a body bag!
BOB
Guys, heads up. Guys? They just
said your guys name on the Knicks
game?
Everyone turns to the Knicks game on the TV.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Nate Robinson, for threeee! And
Nate high fives David Ershon and
his date.
ANNOUNCER II (V.O.)
The guy has game and Im talking
about Ershon.
MARTIN
I guess theyre holding your guy
hostage court side!
Everyone in the squad room laughs and walks away. Terry
walks over to the TV and looks at Ershon with his super
model girlfriend, who we only see half of.
TERRY
Who is this guy?
TIM (CONT'D)
Any idea when the city might bring
back the computer forensic lab?
(CONTINUED)
52.
CONTINUED:
ALLEN
Not looking good. Laid off twenty
more detectives last month.
TIM
Yeah, thats what I thought.
TIM
I think youre really going to
like this. Grab a seat.
Terry and Allen grab a seat in the Apple Theater.
TIM (CONT'D)
I used a Morgan Freeman voice over
app.
ALLEN
Oh, Im getting that!
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)
David Ershon, born Gale Forentsky
in Gainsville, Florida to parents
Eve and Tate Forentsky, ran a dry
cleaning concern in downtown
Gainsville.
(CONTINUED)
53.
CONTINUED: (2)
TERRY
Hes not even English.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)
After graduating from Florida
State, Gale Forentsky changed his
name to David Ershon. He became
a fast rising star in the
investment world and in 2005
started the Ershon Consortium,
current financial holdings are
said to exceed 70 Billion Euros.
They are the only investment firm
to show profits during the 2009
collapse. Lives a lavish
lifestyle with wife Evika
Hellimenez, arguably the most
beautiful woman on the earth.
Three times Ms. Universe.
We see a PIXALATED PHOTO OF A WOMAN.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The 97 cm, 121 KGs beauty is so
sexy that any photograph of her
automatically receives an R
rating.
TERRY
Ah Tim, why is everything in
metric?
TIM
Sounds cooler in kilos and Euros.
ALLEN
Ive always thought that.
The presentation continues.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)
The only financier to have a
corporate skybox at the Senate.
Ershon has one of the largest wine
and cheese collections in the
world. He frequently hangs out
with Judge Anthony Scalia, Brody
Jenner, and the lead singer of
Maroon 5.
The BIG SCREEN is interrupted by GEARS OF WAR.
TIM
Garry, get off the main drive!
Im working!
(CONTINUED)
54.
CONTINUED: (3)
TIM
Let me know if you hear of any
jobs opening up.
TERRY
I dont buy hes squeaky clean.
Once I see guns and airline
tickets I know someone left a
trout in the tanning bed.
ALLEN
This guys got a lot of foreign
investments.
(CONTINUED)
55.
CONTINUED:
ALLEN
That means nothing. Definitions of
power are changing every day. Who
would win in a fight, Noble Prize
winning economist Paul Krugman or
ultimate fighter Ken Shamrock?
TERRY
Ken Shamrock.
ALLEN
Really? But then Paul Krugman
manipulates currency rates
devaluing Ken Shamrocks earning
power, leading to unemployment and
less time working out.
TERRY
And Ken Shamrock walks in and
punches Krugman in the face.
ALLEN
Dont get me wrong, I love Ken
Shamrock. Im a huge fan. But in
the long run Krugman comes out
ahead.
TERRY
But in the short run Shamrock arm
bars Krugman.
ALLEN
I could not be a bigger Ken
Shamrock fan. But Shamrock has
gimpy knees and is broke by the
time hes forty having in no way
affected the world. Meanwhile
Krugman? Just started collecting
awards.
TERRY
You asked who would win and I told
you.
(looks at dash)
Ah, look at that. I gotta fill
up.
Terry pulls into a gas station.
(CONTINUED)
56.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
What? This coffee table?
Its a coffee table -- magazines, an ashtray, remote
control, half empty coffee mug, wrappers. Terry looks
closely at the price listing.
TERRY (CONT'D)
Five hundred thousand?
WORKER
Yeah.
Francine approaches.
FRANCINE
What are you doing here?
TERRY
I wanna be with you.
FRANCINE
Terry, we dated thirty years ago.
We werent allowed to have matches
when we were together.
TERRY
Youre lost baby. This worlds got
you all upside down.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
57.
CONTINUED:
TERRY (CONT'D)
You should be in my arms and
instead youre selling dirty
coffee tables. Look at this, its
nonsense.
FRANCINE
Its a comment on the inanity of
our consumer culture. The chaos of
the coffee table represents our
fractured ego.
TERRY
Its not art, its a dirty coffee
table.
FRANCINE
The fact that were discussing
this, makes it art. You think you
can do this? You cant.
Francines BOSS, 52, comes over. Hes wearing square
glasses, a Paul Smith suit jacket and T-shirt that says
IM GAY.
BOSS
Is this man bothering you
Francine?
TERRY
Francine, you actually have sex
with this creep?
FRANCINE
Hes gay Terry. Hes wearing a
shirt that says Im gay. And
hes also my boss.
BOSS
Its an ironic vintage shirt.
Except the irony is ironic because
I am gay.
FRANCINE
Everythings fine Mr. Reeger. Hes
leaving.
TERRY
What about us?
FRANCINE
There is no us.
TERRY
Fine.
(CONTINUED)
58.
CONTINUED: (2)
CUT TO:
ALLEN
Are you guys dusting for prints?
Everyone laughs. The head of the Motor Pool, OFFICER
WATTS, 48 walks them to the car.
OFFICER WATTS
Hardly. From fluid and hair
samples weve determined a bunch
of homeless old men had an orgy in
the car.
ALLEN
Oh God.
OFFICER WATTS
Then shortly after, a Dominican
woman gave birth on the floor.
And then to top it off some guy
took a nifty little dump in the
drivers seat. It was a little
swirl. Almost cute. He must have
found out you were a cop. It was a
spite shit.
ALLEN
You can tell all that from fluid
and hair samples?
(CONTINUED)
59.
CONTINUED:
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Ershon. He called and apologized,
played his political card, huge
contributor to every pol in town.
He said his security guys got out
of line. Were fining them and
then moving on.
Lieutenant Mauch hands them each their guns. Allen still
has a wooden gun.
(CONTINUED)
60.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
This is wrong Lieutenant! That
was NOT a security team!
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Leave it alone! There is no
collar!
ALLEN
(to Terry)
Look, I think what Lieutenant
Mauch is saying, is pursue the
case, but be careful.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
No, thats not at all what Im
saying. Im saying leave it
alone!
ALLEN
(to Terry)
Okay, so pursue the case but check
in with him from time to time.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Goddamit! Im saying there is no
case! Its over!
Lieutenant Mauch pulls out a folder.
(CONTINUED)
61.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
I want Ershon now.
ALLEN
You heard the Lieutenant, we can
only work the case on weekends.
TERRY
Its too neat the way this got
cleaned up. The Lieutenant
shouldve had our backs when our
guns were taken.
Allen looks through his phone.
ALLEN
Hey there was a thirteen minute
phone call after we were jumped.
TERRY
They used your phone?
ALLEN
My phone ghost dialed.
TERRY
So it coulda picked up some of
that conversation when Ershon got
grabbed. We got to hear the other
side of that call.
ALLEN
(changes his mind)
No, its probably nothing.
TERRY
Nothing? Its the only lead we
have.
ALLEN
Its an ex-girlfriend. Theres no
way Im talking to her.
TERRY
Do you realize this guy could be
putting up illegal scaffolding
right now?
ALLEN
I know, its tearing me up inside.
62.
CHRISTINITH
Allen.
CHRISTINITH
It feels like ten seconds to me.
Her husband HAL walks in with a tray of drinks.
HAL
Just a little pause for the cause -
- some Arnold Palmers. Sweetie,
that ones got the vodkey.
CHRISTINITH
Hal, just place them down.
HAL
Alrighty.
CHRISTINITH
I did things with you in bed that
I've never done with anyone!
ALLEN
Christinith your husband...?
CHRISTINITH
He knows all about us.
TERRY
Christine, this is a lovely house.
(CONTINUED)
63.
CONTINUED:
CHRISTINITH
Its Christinith! Are you deaf?
ALLEN
Look we really need the message.
We believe there was a kidnapping.
CHRISTINITH
Do you remember how every morning
I'd call and say, I'd die for
you?
ALLEN
Yeah, it was........sweet.
CHRISTINITH
It's still true.
ALLEN
So can we hear the message?
CHRISTINITH
Come into the kitchen and I'll
play it for you. Everyone else
stay here.
HAL
Okay, sweetie.
Allen and Christinith get up and leave Hal and Terry.
CHRISTINITH
Take me. Here. Now. Please!
Take me!
From upstairs we HEAR.
KID (O.C.)
Mom! Mom! Can you help with our
art project?
CHRISTINITH
Ill be right there!
HAL
She was so excited when she saw he
called.
ALLEN
Terry! Let's go!
ALLEN
Nothing. I think I looked like her
Dad. Shes very intense.
(and then)
Okay, here we go.
On SPEAKER we hear:
SFX: BEEP
We hear a conversation between Ershon and something that
sounds Spanish.
ERSHON
Im sorry. I panicked.
More foreign language.
ERSHON (CONT'D)
Tell them I wont do it again.
Tell them it was just about some
stupid building code violations.
TERRY
What is that? Spanish?
Allen looks at his phone.
ALLEN
No. New iPhone app: language
translator. See that? Portuguese.
They continue listening to the Portuguese speaker.
(CONTINUED)
66.
CONTINUED:
ALLEN (CONT'D)
Something about Banco Sao Paulo.
Must be something with currencies,
or currency reserves. Theyre-
A OLD MAN taps his shoulder.
ALLEN (CONT'D)
Hold on. Im up.
Allen stands. He stares at the floor, tapping his hand
on his thigh.
ALLEN (CONT'D)
AND ANNIES CHILD HELD HER SLEEVE
WHEN THE SOLDIERS CAME A KNOCKING,
SHE SAID THERES NOTHING LEFT TO
TAKE FROM US AND HER MOTHER DID
DROP DEAD. FOR FIVE DAYS YOUNG
TESS LAID THERE, NOT LETTING GO OF
ER SLEEVE.
Allen immediately swings back to the conversation.
ALLEN (CONT'D)
Currency reserves are usually a
safe bet. But dealing with those
countries in todays times, who
knows?
TERRY
So you think hes dealing drugs?
ALLEN
No! Its not drugs! Its not
murder! Its economies in flux,
shadow banking, offshore accounts.
Were going to have do paperwork,
due diligence, financial ledgers.
TERRY
Dont you get it? Thats not who
I am.
(re his gun)
This is cop work, what youre
talking about is homework.
ALLEN
Look, theres more to being a cop
than pulling a trigger. You gotta-
The Old man taps Allen.
(CONTINUED)
67.
CONTINUED: (2)
ALLEN (CONT'D)
Already?
(sings)
I PLEDGE MY LOVE TO ERIN, SHE
PROMISED TO BE TRUE. I WENT TO
WAR TO COME BACK AND FIND FIVE
BRITISH SOLDIERS HAD THEIR WAY
WITH HER, IT WAS CONSENSUAL.
Allen swings back to the conversation.
ALLEN (CONT'D)
You gotta think internationally
now and look for the deal thats
too good to be true! Thats police
work!
TERRY
I came out of my mamas privates
ready to kick in doors and cuff
perps! None of that is happening!
I want to be a cop and I NEED TO
BE A COP!
TERRY
I havent even cuffed someone in
six months Allen. Im starting to
feel confused.
ALLEN
Liuetenant will kill us if we
dont look into this illegal photo
studio...Lets go be cops.
SMASH CUT:
(CONTINUED)
68.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
Police! Step away from the kitten!
The Euro pulls out a straight razor and the Tweaker takes
out a buck knife. Terry is on them fast. He blocks the
knife from the Tweaker and cuts the Italian with the
blade nipping his ear. WE QUICKLY CUT TO THE CUTE KITTENS
WATCHING. Terry steps back causing the two dirt bags to
collide and snaps the Euros arm.
FLASH CUT: INT. HOSPITAL PRISON REHAB ROOM - DAY
MARTIN/FOSSE
Meooow.....meow....meoooowwww!!!
TERRY
Lets go get this guy Ershon.
ALLEN
(on his phone)
Good use of blinkers, nice even
pace, considerate to pedestrians.
All in all some fantastic driving.
(CONTINUED)
70.
CONTINUED:
ERSHON
(English accent)
I had been trying to reach out to
you. Please sit.
(to Secretary)
Three of those Russian waters,
lime wedges, cucumber.
TERRY
Let's cut the crap Florida boy.
We had you in our car and you were
taken from us at gun point.
ERSHON
I do apologize. I deal with many
high level international banks. My
security force is always on high
alert. What they saw was me being
forced into a car unwillingly. I
truly apologize.
Allen sips his water.
ALLEN
God this is really good water!
TERRY
You asked us not to let the first
group of armed men take you. Why
would you say that about your own
security team?
ERSHON
Detective Hoitz, everyone involved
has been reprimanded and will be
attending a sensitivity seminar.
To show my sincerity, I want to
offer you my personal court side
seats at the Knicks game and
access to the Ambassador Club.
Would you please accept them?
71.
TERRY
No more tickets!
ASSISTANT
Mr. Ershon, I tried-
ERSHON
Its okay. Could you get us three
glacier waters with Mediterranean
limes? How great is Mama Mia?
ALLEN
It was good but Ive listened to
the catalogue of ABBA for years,
but Ive always had a different
narrative in my head-
TERRY
(interrupts)
Youre a liar Ershon. And were
not going away.
While Ershon talks, Allen sips another water with fruit.
ERSHON
My intention was never to buy
you. But in my hand I have two
tickets to the premiere, at the
Zigfield Theater or Rob Shneider's
Chick Magnet. Where you will be
sitting with in close proximity of
Rob Schneider.
Ershon holds up two large, impressive tickets.
ERSHON (CONT'D)
Theres an after-party.
Terry and Allen look at each other - a lot of
Maybe/Maybe not looks.
ALLEN
(definitively)
No... Right?
(then)
No! Definitely no. We need some
answers.
TERRY
We want to know who those guys
were! I want gun permits on
everyone of them. Passports. Im
tired of this Leprechaun Breakfast
youre giving us!
(CONTINUED)
73.
CONTINUED: (2)
ALLEN
Whats that?
TERRY
Two eggs and a thumb up your ass.
Now whats going on?!
ERSHON
(calm)
You'll have to speak to my lawyer.
Were done here.
TERRY
So, you investigate bankers
involved in drugs and the sex
trade?
DON BEAMAN
No, we investigate high level
fraud, stock market manipulation,
things of that nature.
TERY
Cold cases? Human trafficking?
DON BEAMAN
No. Now I was told you are both
here regarding David Ershon?
ALLEN
Yes, what can you tell me about
his business? Are there any on-
going investigations,
discrepancies, fraud, what not?
DON BEAMAN
Gentlemen let me put you at ease.
David is an upstanding citizen. In
fact Im playing squash with him
in forty minutes.
TERRY
Is that when youll give him a
hand job?
DON BEAMAN
Okay, I think were done here.
TERRY
I guess you gotta get your hand
cream ready for Ershon.
DON BEAMAN
I do not give him hand jobs!
ALLEN
My partner mispoke Mr. Beaman. I
think he meant you both give each
other hand jobs.
DON BEAMAN
The only time I have ever shared a
bed with David Ershon was a
whitewater rafting trip on the
River Kern and no hand jobs were
had by anybody!!
(CONTINUED)
75.
CONTINUED: (2)
TERRY
Listen to me you Windsor knot
wearing monkey, you play squash
with Ershon, your kids go to
school with his, you tug on each
others poles in the shower!! How
do you know if hes clean or not!
Beat.
DON BEAMAN
Look, because you guys are
concerned, I will go back and look
at some stuff. Just to be sure.
TERRY
You do that champ.
TERRY
Yeah, of course.
A flatbed starts to back up to their car.
TERRY (CONTD)
What the hell is this mook doing?
MUSIC: TENSE SCORE
Just then, giant straps are thrown over the Prius by FOUR
BLACK GUYS IN JUMPSUITS. It's a professional group,
precise in their execution - the leader has a big fro and
a nose piercing. THE CAR DOORS ARE STRAPPED SHUT.
TERRY (CONTD)
What the hell?
(CONTINUED)
76.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
Mine too.
The car is then hooked up to the flatbed and hoisted up.
Allen and Terry pound the doors, trying to get attention.
ALLEN
(fast to get off
phone)
No we think it might be related to
the cats. Anyway, well be back by
morning depending on if we get
this Continental flight out of
Boise.
ALLEN (V.O.)
I told Sheila you thought she was
hot by the way. She thought that
was a weird thing to say to a
friend about his wife.
TERRY (V.O.)
I told you not to say that.
ALLEN (V.O.)
No you told me to tell her. Im
positive.
78.
ALLEN
Joshua no! Its really what he
looked like!
(CONTINUED)
79.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
Jesus Bob, you have got to stop
coming into conversations with
this stupid shit! Youre boring
and nobody wants to hear your
worthless shit! Now go away!
BOB
Jeez, guys. I just wanted to say
I wont be in to work tomorrow,
cause the wife is really sick.
Theyre not sure if shes going to
make it. Ill ahh.. pass on your
love to her.
Bob walks away.
TERRY
Oh Bob! Bob! Come on Bob!
Terry and Allen look at their desk. Its covered in
potatoes.
MARTIN
Next time you want potatoes, check
your desk.
Everyone laughs.
TERRY
Really funny.
(to the office)
You know what! Weve been
kidnapped twice! Held at gun
point! Car stolen! And no one
has our backs! Were police
officers! Were supposed to be on
the same team! Does anyone
remember that? The same team!
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
What case are you talking about,
Terry?
TERRY
(caught, but same
intensity)
Nothing! Not a specific case! I
mean, just in general! A lot of
crazy stuff goes on in this world.
Im a peacock!
ALLEN
Terry dont. Not the peacock.
80.
GUEST
Lighten up Allen, it's just a
surprise party.
ALLEN
You know what? You lighten up!!
SHEILA
Here he comes! Everyone hide.
(CONTINUED)
81.
CONTINUED:
They shut the lights off and hide. Terry jostles with the
lock and finally he opens the door.
CROWD
Surprise!!!
TERRY IMMEDIATELY ROLLS AND POPS UP ON A KNEE, GUN DRAWN
and SHOOTING. Lamps and framed pictures explode as
everyone runs screaming for cover. Terry throws a couple
of road flares down. HE GETS ONE GUY IN A HEADLOCK AND
ANOTHER GUY PINNED ON THE GROUND with his foot.
TERRY
Drop your weapon!!!
Everyone in the room has a gun pointed at Terry.
SMASH CUT TO:
TERRY
Always ready. Thanks for this
though Allen, its not so bad...
(CONTINUED)
82.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
Put that away. So wheres all my
furniture?
ALLEN
I put it on the roof. I had Evan
from crime scene draw chalk
outlines so we wouldnt forget
where it went.
We see chalk outlines on the hardwood floor of a sofa,
chair, TV stand etc.
TIM
Hey guys, nice party.
Its Tim from the Apple store.
TIM (CONT'D)
So I hooked up my Mosaic software
to my Macbook pro and pumped that
through my X-Box 360. No one will
ever tell you this, then ran it
through Ershons companys hard
drive...unnoticed! And got the
last million keystrokes. Back
tracked it and I found some
dripping wet juicy stuff. Turns
out his foreign banking clients
bought about 90 billion from him
in CDSRs. Credit default swap
reverses.
TERRY
Whats that? Smack?
TIM
No. How did you get that from what
I just said? Anyway, Ershon sold
several foreign banks Credit
Default Swaps which are basically
insurance that the reserves wont
fail, except you can sell and buy
them. But he then adds a reverse
which allows him to invest the
default swaps with other banks. He
created his own financial product.
Made billions off of this.
ALLEN
Thats fantastic work Tim.
TIM
So any word on re-hiring? Things
are pretty bad.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
83.
CONTINUED: (2)
TIM (CONT'D)
Im working on the Geek Squad.
I'm on call now, that's why I'm
not drinking.
ALLEN
Sorry man.
TIM
Hey, no ones eating the chicken
fingers, mind if I throw a sheet
of tin foil over it and take it
home?
ALLEN
The party just started.
TIM
Ill just stand by it and you give
me the high sign when its okay to
take it.
ALLEN
You know, just take it now.
TIM
Yeah, I thought thats the way to
go.
He walks over and takes the chicken fingers and a big
basket of nacho chips.
TERRY
So Ershons playing fast and loose
with money he shouldnt be playing
fast and loose with?
TERRY (CONTD)
You put all my furniture on the
roof and didnt even check the
weather?
ALLEN
There are dozens of ways to answer
that question but basically no, I
didnt check.
TERRY
Williams Sonoma Pizza Brick.
ALLEN
Barry?
TERRY
Hits of Motown Box Set.
ALLEN
Thats thoughtful. You got some
good gifts.
ALLEN (CONTD)
You know what you are? Youre
petulant! Petulant!
TERRY
Dont play that shit when were
working. Its all I ask!
ALLEN
You ask for much more than that!
(CONTINUED)
86.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
We don't have a bullhorn.
Allen looks around and sees an ICE CREAM TRUCK surrounded
by the onlookers. He runs towards it and reaches in
grabbing the microphone for the speaker.
ALLEN
This is police business. I need to
use this PA system.
ICE CREAM MAN
Okay, let me turn it on.
He turns it on and the PLUCKY CALLIOPE ICE CREAM TRUCK
MUSIC automatically comes on.
ALLEN
Mr. Beamen! Mr. Don Beamen. We
know you're in a really dark place
right now. Youre feeling like
the world is strangling you and
sweet death is your only release.
Are you wrong? Who can say?
Theres a very good chance you
kill yourself now, youre greeted
in heaven by an infinite number of
open, loving arms. But think
about life. All the great things.
Sure theres bad things, elderly
people with no one to talk too,
orphans who will never have a
mother kiss them on the forehead.
Innocent puppies that-
COP
We got a second jumper on the
fourteenth floor!
TERRY
What are you doing? Youre
starting to depress me!
ALLEN
I'm creating a bond with the
victim
(back to bullhorn)
Im not going to lie to you Don
and that second person, who ever
you are. People down here are
murmuring that you dont have the
balls to do it. Theyre saying
that youll probably screw this up
just like you screwed up your
whole life. I say you can do it.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
87.
CONTINUED: (2)
ALLEN (CONT'D)
Well I dont mean do it, I just
mean you have the capability.
TERRY
Stop it man!
ALLEN
Okay I went a little too far
trying to get a bond.
COP
The guy on the 14th went back in.
ALLEN
Alright, now Ive got some
momentum. I find laughter to be
very helpful on a gloomy day. One
time there was this black comic on
TV, and he was like some women
have big butts and they be showing
it off, like, thats right I got a
big booty...Uh-huh!! But he did
it better than that-
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Detectives, I believe youre done
here. Martin and Fosse were
already investigating this man for
cocaine and sex clubs.
Martin and Fosse enter.
MARTIN
Hey guys.
(CONTINUED)
88.
CONTINUED: (3)
FOSSE
Meoooow.
Terry and Allen are dumbfounded.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
I said youre done here!!!
Terry and Allen walk over to Mauch.
TERRY
We pulled this call!
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Youre going to tell me you didnt
try to get the Examiner to connect
this to Ershon?
ALLEN
We asked....Yes.
MUSIC SCORE: Grim cello. This is serious.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Ive got Senators calling the
Mayor whos calling the D.A.
Youve got zero political will on
this. And I told you five times to
lay off. But what did you do?
ALLEN
We didnt listen.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Youre being transferred. Terry,
Traffic. Allen, Harbor Patrol.
Its already done so save your
gas.
The Lieutenant walks off leaving Terry and Allen
devastated.
(CONTINUED)
89.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
You dont get it do you? I dont
want you Allen! I never did. But I
let myself forget and you dragged
us into this bullshit! Credit
swaps! SEC! Federal Reserve!
Currency reserves! Thats not cop
work!
ALLEN
I cant believe you still doubt me
after everything weve seen. This
case is real and Im a real cop.
TERRY
You carry a wooden gun! Youre not
a cop! Youre an accountant with a
hot wife!!
ALLEN
How dare you call my wife hot!
TERRY
Were done. Our job doesnt mean
we have to hang out anymore. Get
out.
Terry stops the car. Allen gets out.
TERRY (CONTD)
I was up front from day one that I
didnt like you.
ALLEN
Well I wasnt honest about one
thing.... I did like you.
Allen walks away. Terry punches the accelerator and
takes off.
ALLEN (CONT'D)
I am a cop. I AM A COP!
MUSIC: SEASON OF THE WITCH BY DONOVAN PLAYS THROUGH
MONTAGE
SHEILA
Whats happening to you Allen?!
ALLEN
I became a cop.
He grabs her and they kiss and make love.
ALLEN
I want my gun back. Now!
END OF MONTAGE
MUSIC OUT.
(CONTINUED)
92.
CONTINUED:
FRANCINE
Terry?
TERRY
Shh. Im not here to make a
scene. I just wanted you to know
I wont be bothering you anymore
and Im sorry.
A HANDSOME OLDER MAN walks over.
OLDER MAN
Francine, is this guy bothering
you?
TERRY
You win, chief. You can have her.
Enjoy making the sweet, sweet love
to her that I dreamt about for
years. But I swear to God, you
make sure you pleasure her first
before you cum, cause shes an
angel. Shes worth it.
FRANCINE
Terry, this is my dad.
Terry puts in finger over her mouth.
TERRY
Shhsssh. Please, lets not try
and hurt each other. Not now.
Terry downs his champagne and heads out.
(CONTINUED)
93.
CONTINUED:
ALLEN
Hey. Hows traffic?
TERRY
Its good. Been doing a little
moonlighting too. Found out a lot
about Ershon and myself.
ALLEN
I guess I did the same. I got
tired of pushing a computer mouse,
decided to pick up some real
metal. Grabbed my ol' .45.
TERRY
Thats a .38.
(then)
You were right. It's the
scaffolding. That building had
work completed a year ago, yet the
scaffolds are still up. Landmarks
approved work being done by a
Brazilian company thats owned by
the bank doing business with
Ershon.
ALLEN
I busted some guys stealing TVs,
drank whiskey and made crazy great
love to Sheila.
TERRY
And get this, I broke into the
city morgues computer and found
out that Don Beaman had half a
bottle of gin in his system when
he died. Beaman was AA for twenty
years.
ALLEN
I feel like the things you did
were more productive than what I
did.
TERRY
I doesnt matter. Whats important
is that weve got to bring in
those Brazilians and Armenians for
questioning and we can do it on
the fake construction charge. Now
we just gotta find them.
WE HEAR GUNFIRE from the other stalls. They look to the
left and see the BRAZILIAN MAN AND HOT LADY in two bays.
(CONTINUED)
94.
CONTINUED: (2)
More GUNFIRE, they look to their right and its the two
ARMENIANS.
ALLEN
There they are, right there.
Everyone notices everyone else and reloads for a full
harried beat. Terry is first and fires at the Brazilian
Man. WE RIDE THE BULLET as it tears into the Brazilian
Mans shoulder, knocking him back.
QUICK FLASH FORWARD: INT. EMERGENCY ROOM - DAY
The Brazilian Man is being treated by a Doctor.
DOCTOR
This is a nasty gun shot wound,
howd this happen?
BRAZILIAN MAN
Its a tattoo accident... A bear
bite...A BB gun wound.
DOCTOR
What?
The Brazilian punches the Doctor, grabs medicine and
runs.
ALLEN
Elbow cocked... both eyes
opened...
Allen squeezes off a shot at the Armenians and grazes one
on the thigh. He grabs his wound and they scamper out of
the range.
ALLEN (CONTD)
I got one!
(CONTINUED)
96.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
That was a rousing speech
Lieutenant.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Surprised to see you fellas.
Hows traffic and harbor patrol?
TERRY
We just came from getting shot at
and no back ups came to the scene.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
You guys arent my problem
anymore.
The Lieutenant takes a price tag gun and begins pricing
coffee makers.
ALLEN
Boss, were not making this up.
Brazilian cartel soldiers are
propping up Ershon while Armenian
security forces try and take him
out.
TERRY
From day one you were pushing us
off this case. Whats going on
Lieutenant? Is this an actual
conspiracy?
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
(big breath)
Its worse than a conspiracy. You
guys are caught in the most
powerful force there is...
He stops pricing the boxes.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH (CONTD)
Systemic indifference.
TERRY
Whats that?
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Everyone has money with Ershon.
The D.A., the Mayor, the whole
upper east side. Everyones
getting paid. They know they cant
openly obstruct your investigation
so they ignore it to death. And
its worse, cause not giving a
shit leaves no prints.
(CONTINUED)
97.
CONTINUED: (2)
ALLEN
You said that cool.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
When I was in uniform, I got a tip
about a Wall Streeter who was
ripping off millions. Ended up
being Ivan Boesky. I passed it
off to the SEC. Nothing happened.
Then I read hes ripped off
millions from people. I've put
guys away for years for selling
dime bags and this Boesky walked
after 24 months. I've busted
junkies, hookers, thieves and when
all was said and done, I felt like
they were just a hair on Andre the
Giants left ball. Take this
fucker down. But do it smart.
Terry and Allen have got their blessing. Its on.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH (CONTD)
Remember, youve got no support,
no back up, no friends.
TERRY
What else is new?
(CONTINUED)
98.
CONTINUED:
ALLEN
I know he will. Its only released
every ten years and todays the
day.
DAVID ERSHON
Hello Gregory. Did it arrive?
The Salesman takes out a velvet covered cask.
SALESMAN
This morning via private courier.
He opens it up, it's the most beautiful piece of cheese
ever. It looks like an ivory diamond. Ershon takes a
big sniff. He's in ecstasy.
DAVID ERSHON
If the Mother Mary wore
perfume....
Allen and Terry move in on each side of Ershon. Allen
looks only at the cheese.
(CONTINUED)
99.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
Thats a nice hunk of cheese.
Which countrys bank paid for
that?
ERSHON
I wondered when you would return.
ERSHON
This is not just cheese. This
is the Saint Marjora Gruyere, made
by blind celibate monks in the
Basque region. Aged ten years in
the tomb of Saint Ferdinand. They
say every slice of cheese has ten
tears the monks shed for the
flowers they will never see. This
single piece of cheese cost more
that you make in a whole year.
Terry and Ershon stare each other down.
ALLEN
Can I have a piece?
ERSHON
No. You may not. Now if youll
excuse me, I believe I asked you
to speak to my lawyers.
Ershon signs the credit card slip and exits the store
with Terry and Allen behind him.
ALLEN
Please can I have a taste of that
cheese?
(CONTINUED)
100.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
Don Beamen didn't commit suicide.
You know that. What did he find?
Ershon stops and wheels on Terry.
ERSHON
Don Beamen is a good friend of
mine, I don't appreciate you using
his name!!
ALLEN
Look, were all upset. Lets just
sit down, have some of that cheese
and figure this all out!
TERRY
Allen, shut up about the cheese!
ALLEN
Im cramping up. Too much cheese.
Terry grabs Ershon by the neck.
TERRY
Just get him in our car. Im in
the mood for a fight.
Allen leads Ershon to the Prius. The Armenians rush at
Terry who stands there calmly. Terry PUNCHES one in the
throat, KNOCKS a TELESCOPING ROD out of anothers hand
and breaks his wrist with it.
QUICK FLASH CUT: An X-RAY of a horribly broken wrist.
CUT BACK TO REAL TIME: Terry kicks the third guy into
traffic where he is hit by a passing car.
QUICK FLASH CUT: INT. TAXI CAB - DAY
Six months later. The Tall Armenian drives a cab. Hes
got a FAMILY of TOURISTS.
DAD
So, howd you become a cab driver?
(CONTINUED)
101.
CONTINUED: (2)
TALL ARMENIAN
I used to kill people, then I hurt
my hip. I take the FDR, okay?
CUT BACK TO REAL TIME: Terry kicks the last guy in the
stomach and punches the last guy with a nasty right hook
in the mouth where he knocks out several teeth.
ALLEN
Okay, lets find out.
Terry hangs Ershon half out of the car. He looks down
the street and sees the four Motorcyclists tearing at
him. A shotgun blasts at Ershon. Ershon panics.
(CONTINUED)
102.
CONTINUED:
ERSHON
I invest money for foreign banks
and I had some losses so I covered
them with illegal money transfers
from other banks and then I lost
it all!!
ALLEN
We havent had our lunch break yet
Terry.
TERRY
No we havent Allen.
Allen kicks up his feet and opens up Ershons cheese and
has a bite. The Motorcyclists rocket towards them firing
shots.
ERSHON
If it comes out that I bankrupted
the banks their whole economies
will collapse. So theyre propping
me up until I can set deals with
other countries or they can set up
something with the IMF.
TERRY
Is the IMF a street gang?
ERSHON
No! The International Monetary
Fund. The basically buy messed up
countries! Now give me my fucking
cheese.
Terry pulls him back in and Allen hits the pedal. Ershon
snatches the cheese back from Allen. Allen leans in and
takes one more bite.
(CONTINUED)
103.
CONTINUED: (2)
ALLEN
Ooohhhh. Soo good...
Allen cruises through a parking lot. The three
motorcyclists are still behind him.
ALLEN (CONTD)
I cant lose them. The door was
the only driving trick I knew.
TERRY
Listen to me. Youre gonna turn
here and then left on Lex.
The side window is shot out. The Motorcyclists are all
over them.
TERRY (CONT'D)
Now cut the wheel to the right....
Now!
ALLEN
What the-!
TERRY
I Twittered a Motorcycle
challenge. Said me and my buddies
are the fastest and who wants a
challenge.
As they pass through all the bikes follow the three
Motorcycles causing a giant pile up. Allen tears off
leaving them behind.
ALLEN
I cant believe you Tweeted! Was
that your first?
TERRY
I guess.
ERSHON
Theres many more people looking
for me. Were not safe.
TERRY
We got no back up. We need time to
figure out what to do.
ALLEN
Theres a safe house two blocks
from here.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
104.
CONTINUED: (3)
ALLEN (CONT'D)
I did the paperwork on the new hot
water heater they put in. They use
it for mafia witnesses.
DAVID ERSHON
My third in New York.
TERRY
(not impressed)
Wow. How impressive. Youve got
lotsa fancy apartments. Sit down
dick.
Terry pushes Ershon onto a chair. A butler DEMARCO, 50,
enters.
DEMARCO
Is everything okay Mr. Ershon?
ERSHON
Yes, Demarco. Everything is fine.
This is Demarco. He cares for the
place and cooks.
105.
TERRY
Drop dead.
ERSHON
How about the apartment plus two
hundred million in an untraceable
off shore account?
TERRY
We said no!
ALLEN
Are we tempted? Yes! But the
answer is no!
ERSHON
One billion dollars. Off shore
account.
There is a beat of silence.
ALLEN
Terry, can we talk?
Terry and Allen step away. They talk very close to each
other.
(CONTINUED)
106.
CONTINUED:
ALLEN (CONTD)
One billion dollars! And we know
he has the money. We have a moral
obligation to think about this.
TERRY
Are you crazy? Theres no
argument. We definitely take this
money. Its a billion fucking
dollars!
ALLEN
It's tempting. It really is. I
always wanted to open a hospital
for the sick kids.
TERRY
Right now, I want to cry that is
so amazing. I can't believe I
didn't know that!
ALLEN
When I was kid, I was sickly.
I've never told anyone that.
TERRY
David, we'll be with you in a
moment. Were just hashing out
some details!
ALLEN
You know what I just thought of,
so it doesnt seem so wrong? We
fund a department for the police
force that trains officers to
resist bribes.
TERRY
Thats good. That way, yes, this
is wrong. But a greater good comes
from it.
ALLEN
Wait, wait, wait.... Everyone will
wonder where the money came from!
TERRY
David! Wont everyone wonder where
the money came from?!
ERSHON
Believe me, if theres one thing I
know how to do its hide money.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
107.
CONTINUED: (2)
ERSHON (CONT'D)
Then you decide if you want to
leave the country or just take
small amounts out for the next
seventy years.
Beat.
ALLEN
Thats good enough for me.
Terry and Allen walk towards Ershon with hands extended
for a big handshake and a hug.
TERRY
Done deal!
ERSHON
You guys have made a wise
decision.
ALLEN
It feels great. A little wrong.
But great.
ALLEN
This is so great. Where do you go
from here David?
ERSHON
I actually made a deal with the
Chinese government. I bring tens
of billions into their economy and
they give me residence with no
extradition.
(CONTINUED)
108.
CONTINUED:
ALLEN
Thats a very smart deal. Very
smart.
Ershon press the conference button on the phone.
ERSHON
Lets go around the horn to see
whos on the call once again.
We hear voices on the phone.
LAWYER (V.O.)
This is Evan Riefle from Riefle
and Taback.
LAWYER #2 (V.O.)
This is Eileen Shapp from Gerland,
Shapp and Quentin.
FOREIGN BANKER (V.O.)
This is Rudolpho Mirici from the
First Bank of Venice.
TERRY
Thank God. I cant do it either.
ERSHON
Are you sure?
ALLEN
Absolutely. I could never live
with myself. My whole life would
seem corrupt.
TERRY
Sorry everyone.
ALLEN
Eileen, Evan, Rudolpho... Dmitri.
Thank you for all of your work.
But the deals off.
Ershon hangs up.
(CONTINUED)
109.
CONTINUED: (2)
TERRY
I immediately feel better. But now
that it sinks in that we just
passed on a billion dollars, I
feel sick.
ALLEN
I have an idea that could make us
feel better...
ALLEN
Whats the most expensive bottle
of wine you have? We may not be
taking your bribe but we can at
least live like you for one night.
TERRY
I love it.
ERSHON
This 98 Napa Valley Shiraz is
quite good.
TERRY
Bullshit. Go for the oldest
bottles at the end.
TERRY
Just for tonight. No professing my
love for you. No talking to you
about us getting married. Just us.
110.
TERRY
You believe this guy keeps tuxes
for his guests?
The doorbell rings.
ALLEN
Please, its not HiC. Thats a
forty thousand dollar bottle of
wine according to my wine
appraisal app.
DEMARCO
Kobe beef skewers with humanely
gathered foie gras. Enjoy.
111.
Sheila is now just in her bra. She and Allen are kissing.
ALLEN
You know I love you honey. But we
got to talk about some stuff
that's really been eating at me.
SHEILA
Sure. Whatever.
(CONTINUED)
112.
CONTINUED:
ALLEN
I just don't want us to walk into
a room and have people go, wow,
look at those two. I wonder if
she trapped him.
SHEILA
Look I'm sorry, I've been so
selfish in the last year. Like
when I said let's experiment with
a threesome or when I said take a
year off from work and I'll
support us.
ALLEN
You have been really, really
selfish. And honestly, physically
you look gross. But heres what
is amazing about us -- this
conversation opens my eyes to why
I love you. Your inner beauty.
SHEILA
I love you.
ALLEN (CONTD)
The sonofbitch jumped.
Terry and Allen look over the edge to see a BOUNCY CASTLE
perfectly placed to break his fall.
ALLEN (CONT'D)
Flight Tracker!
TERRY
Stop saying out loud what thing
youre using on your IPhone! Just
do it!
TERRY
I got to thinking, sure we have
different types of music. But
sometimes when you put two types
of music together. They become
better and stronger.
(CONTINUED)
115.
CONTINUED:
ALLEN
You mean like a team?
TERRY
I thought what I said, said it
without being too heavy handed.
The way you said it made me feel
queesy!
Allen hits play. ITS A MASH-UP BETWEEN LITTLE RIVER
BAND AND METALLICA -- it kicks hard.
ALLEN
Its our time! Get out of the
way!
Immediately, the Brazilians are behind them. The hot
Brazilian blows Allen a kiss and then they RAM the Prius.
IN SLO MO we see the car drive right up the ramp and flip
over, landing on their roof. Hard.
MUSIC OUT
BRIANNA BANKS
That was fun! Bye!
They both gun it and tear down town.
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
(answers phone)
Yeah this is him. Sweet Christ. A
high speed chase with shots fired?
I'll be right in.
He storms off.
MARTIN
Im going with brazilian wax.
FOSSE
Landing strip.
Fosse hits a button. They both scream with glee.
(CONTINUED)
117.
CONTINUED:
FOSSE/MARTIN
Clean shaven! I love this site.
DISPATCH (V.O.)
...Multiple cars involved in high
speed chase... Shots fired....
MARTIN
Lets go!
FOSSE
One more. One more.
They both go back to the screen.
(CONTINUED)
118.
CONTINUED:
POLICE CAPTAIN
You are now part of a tradition
built on tolerance and a firm
belief that everyone is innocent
and protected until proven guilty.
Just then, Ershon's car crashes through the back of the
stage. Immediately following are the SUVs, Terry's
motorcycle, Allen's Tesla. The Squad Cars chasing
another SUV. Two of SUVs crash off the stage and come to
an abrupt stop.
CADETS
Getem! / My first collar!
All the cadets descend on the security forces in the
SUVs. They BEAT THE CRAP out of the Armenians and the
Africans.
TERRY
Hes taking a chopper!!!
Allen comes barrelling around a corner and comes
screaming up.
Terry locks the brake as the back tires burn rubber and
then pops the clutch. Allen's eyes grow huge as Terry
full speed comes right at him. At the last millisecond,
TERRY POPS A WHEELIE USING the TESLA like a RAMP,
shooting himself in to the air. Terry in SLO MO sails
toward the rising helicopter. COPS, ALLEN, BAD GUYS all
stare, frozen. Terry sails, separating from his bike.
(CONTINUED)
120.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
I told you that was a phrase.
Cuff him Allen.
Allen puts cuffs on Ershon.
ALLEN
You have the right to remain
silent. Anything you say can and
will be used against you in a
court of law. You have the right
to...
We pull out as rights are read.
SEC OFFICIAL #1
Ershon is tied to a dozen
international banks not to mention
at least five major domestic banks
that have received bailout funds
are finally showing signs of
recovery.
D.A.
We know this is a mess. A lot of
us in the room will suffer losses
as well.
MAYOR
First and foremost, David, what
happened to the god damn money?
ERSHON
I dont know.
MAYOR
David you asshole! Im Godfather
to your son! I know you. Youre a
meticulous prick! Where is it!?
ERSHON
Its on my Facebook Page.
(CONTINUED)
121.
CONTINUED:
D.A.
What?
Allen clicks on Facebook. It shows on a large screen.
ALLEN
Theres a lot of data on this
page. Sorry for the delay.
We see the spinning pin wheel on the screen. Everyone
waits.
ALLEN (CONTD)
(singing to kill
time)
SPINNING WHEEL...SPINNING ROUND...
RIDE A PAINTED PONEY LET THE
SPINNING WHEEL SPIN!
D.A.
Stop it Detective.
The pin wheel stops. Everyone leans in.
SEC OFFICIAL #1
More bad news. Our lawyers have
been pouring over the charges
against Ershon and because of a
bill passed in 01 concerning
international banking regulations,
technically speaking David Ershon
hasnt done anything illegal.
TERRY
You gotta be kidding me! I never
heard about that bill!
MAYOR
I did. Page 22 section D bottom
right column of the Times. Plus C
Span mentioned it.
Ershon stands up and SEC Official #2 unlocks his
handcuffs.
ALLEN
Wait!
Allen puts a bunch of paper work on the table.
ALLEN (CONTD)
Ive been filing evidence and
writing reports during my down
time on this case...
He starts pushing forward immaculate files.
ALLEN (CONTD)
....Offering an officer of the law
a bribe....Fleeing and evading
arrest....Failure to comply....And
Of course: violation of the public
hazard act by failing to get a
proper permit for scaffolding.
The D.A. looks at the paperwork.
D.A.
Hell do ninety days, tops.
(CONTINUED)
123.
CONTINUED: (3)
LIEUTENANT MAUCH
Dont listen to these hacks
Detectives. This is the closest
theyve been to doing the right
thing in years.
REPORTER #1
When did you realize that
Brazilian terrorists were in the
city?
FOSSE
Its really something you just
know in your bones....
TERRY
I cant believe we traded ninety
days and failure to file a permit
for Brazilian terrorists.
ALLEN
Im fine with it.
TERRY
Yeah.... screw career.
(CONTINUED)
124.
CONTINUED:
TERRY
What the Hell?
The Strange Guys steps out of the sun, its DEREK JETER.
TERRY (CONT'D)
Derek Jeter?
DEREK JETER
Terry, you were set up that night
you shot me. There were no
threats and they knew putting a
quick trigger finger like you by
that door where I always take a
pre-game Ipod walk would turn out
bad for me. Id been doing my own
investigation on Ershon. I tried
to talk to people, no one
listened. And thats when they
sent you. It shut me up. It shut
me up for years, until I saw what
you guys did. I forgive you
Terry.
TERRY
Wow. I cant believe it was a set
up. Im so sorry.
DEREK JETER
The whole systems dirty with big
money. You guys arent the only
ones who love this city. There
are others. But start here.
Derek hands them a folder.
ALLEN
This guy Bastion is nasty. He
summers with Dick Cheney. Youre
going to have to teach me to shoot
and fight like you.
TERRY
Now, youre just blowing smoke up
my ass.
ALLEN
Please dont say that. Its
disgusting.
TERRY
How is that disgusting?
ALLEN
Why would blowing smoke up
someones ass be a good thing?
TERRY
Its a figure of speech.
ALLEN
Its deranged. What kind of a
pervert introduced that into the
language? By definition the smoke
is second hand, equally as
dangerous.
TERRY
Ive never understood kissing ass
as a phrase. The only person I
want kissing my ass is your wife.
ALLEN
Alright, you just crossed the
line.
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