We Will Rock You Queen
We Will Rock You Queen
*Hey!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- While the sun hangs in the sky and the desert has sand
We Will Rock You While the waves crash in the sea and meet the land
Music: Queen While there's a wind and the stars and the rainbow
Lyrics: Queen Till the mountains crumble into the plain
Book: Ben Elton Oh yes, we'll keep on trying
Premiere: May 14, 2002 Tread that fine line
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh, we'll keep on trying
Till the end of time
*Act 1 * Till the end of time
Till the end of time*
/(The front curtain is down, showing an image of a waterstained
curtain.
A bass note is played as the Queen image on the curtain is replaced by a /(The tabs go up. POP is sitting alone on a dark stage, reading a
series of dates, one after the other)/ magazine. He takes out a recording device and speaks into it) /
Khashoggi: **
But you've read the secret histories. Surely you've learnt that there is
no hope. *We sit alone and watch your light
Our only friend, through teenage nights
Pop: And everything we want to get
There is always hope! We download from the internet *
Hope is our birthright!
*No need to think, no need to feel
Khashoggi: When only cyberspace is real
Then where is it? Where is this 'hope'? It makes us laugh
It makes us cry
Pop: It makes us feel like we can fly
Any way the wind blows. (Globalsoft)
We watch our shows /(the KIDS and two of the TEACHERS leave the stage. One TEACHER
We watch your stars remains and addresses GALILEO) /
Across our screens for hours and hours
We hardly need our eyes or ears Teacher:
We just log on and dreams appear Hey mate, go out and celebrate! School's finished - your life is just
(Globalsoft) beginning!
Khashoggi:
*I've fallen in love And he is aware that music other than that programmed by the
I've fallen in love for the first time Globalsoft Corporation is illegal? The act of an individual?
In love with a world that's for real
I've fallen in love, yeah Teacher:
God knows, God knows I've fallen in love Of course - but he doesn't care.
/(the green lasers disappear and GALILEO sinks into the floor) / Purple:
What's today's statement, then? 'Hello, I'm a pathetic ugly little zero?'
Teacher:
Goodbye - mate! Blue:
How will you ever get with one of the boys from the boyzone dressed
Khashoggi: up like some sort of freak?
Are there any other potential Bohemians in this year's graduation
group, or is he the only one? Green:
You're a disgrace to the GaGa girls!
Teacher:
I'm sorry to have to report that there is one other. A repulsive Scaramouche:
creature - a girl. I ain't no GaGa girl! And I'm not interested in the kind of boys-r-us,
duh-brain zone-clones you hang out with!
/(SCARAMOUCHE enters on the school steps stage left, as KHASHOGGI
and Pink:
TEACHER exit stage right) / You are such a sad loner!
Scaramouche: Scaramouche:
*I want to break free Well, you sure are right about that - bitch!
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies GaGas:
You're so self-satisfied, I don't need you Oooh!
I've got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free Scaramouche:
* *Can anybody find me somebody to love? *
/(five GAGA GIRLS enter.//
/(laughter from GAGA GIRLS) /
Purple:
Check out the weirdo, girls! Scaramouche:
*Each morning I get up I die a little
Yellow: Can barely stand on my feet (take a look at yourself)
Don't your mum download you anything decent to wear? Take a look in the mirror and cry (and cry)
Lord, what you doing to me
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I spent all my years to believe in you
But I just can't get no relief, Lord *
Somebody (somebody), ooh somebody (somebody) Got no feel, I got no rhythm
Can anybody find me somebody to love I just keep losing my beat (You just keep losing and losing!)
* I'm OK, I'm all right (she's ok - she's all right)
And I ain't gonna face no defeat
Purple: I just gotta get out of this prison cell (prison cell)
Somebody to love you? Yeah, right! One day I'm gonna be free, Lord!
*At the end (at the end of the day) Can anybody find me somebody to love
I take home my broken heart all on my own Somebody to love!
I get down (down) on my knees (knees) *
And I start to pray (praise the lord)
Till the tears run down from my eyes (oooh) /(KHASHOGGI and two MINIONS enter. GAGA GIRLS scatter and exit) /
Oh somebody (somebody), ooh somebody (somebody)
Can anybody find me somebody to love Khashoggi:
How very touching, young lady. But surely you understand that the
Everyday (everyday) company loves you. Arrest her.
I try and I try and I try
But everybody wants to put me down /(the MINIONS grab SCARAMOUCHE and they sink into the floor.
They say I'm going crazy KHASHOGGI leaves. //
They say I got a lot of water on my brain
I got no common sense Voice:
I got nobody left to believe Workers of Globalsoft - junior executives, senior executives,
Yeah! *
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vice-presidents, presidents, chairmen, chairwomen, chairtransexuals The Globalsoft board and I have been discussing your recent security
and chair-androgynous-artificially-created-lifeforms. Please prepare to memo. We want answers. Can you hear me? Is the resistance
welcome the chief executive officer of Globalsoft planet-wide - destroyed?
[email protected]/theWorld //
Khashoggi:
/(KILLER QUEEN enters// Yes - and no, ma'am.
Khashoggi: Galileo:
Do you really have a girl named Daisy who almost drives you crazy? Haven't you got it yet? I don't know what anything is!
Galileo: Khashoggi:
Of course! And she knows how to love me, yes indeed, you don't know Excellent, excellent! I think I've found you just in time!
what she's doin' to me:
/(more MINIONS appear at the back of the stage, wheeling a gurney) /
Khashoggi:
Then where is she? What is her email address? How does she love you? Minion 1:
How does she drive you crazy? Is she a drug pusher? The Seven Seas of Rhye, Commander?
Galileo: Khashoggi:
You're madder than I am, pig! There is no girl named Daisy! I wish there No, not yet. Eventually, yes. But first I think this boy may have his
was:.I just wrote it, that's all. It appeared in my head! uses!
Khashoggi: /(the MINIONS pick GALILEO up, sit him on the gurney, and wheel it
Don't play games with me, boy! I'll make you wish you'd never been off) /
born!
Khashoggi to Killer Queen!
Galileo:
Don't you think I wish that every day? /(the video screen descends, depicting KILLER QUEEN. Hands are
primping
Kashoggi: her hair) /
Where is Penny Lane? What are the Strawberry Fields? Killer Queen:
'Under ground, over ground, wombling free'. What means this dark and Yes, Commander?
cryptic text, boy?
Khashoggi:
Galileo: Good news, ma'am!
I wish I knew! Oh, sweet mother, I wish I knew:.
Killer Queen:
It had better be; I'm having my hair done. /(to one side)/ Get me a
skinny latte! /(hands disappear)/ So?
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Khashoggi: Oh, they want it all, ma'am, and they want it now. They want their
I believe the last of the remaining rebels will soon be within my 'rhapsody'.
clutches, ma'am!
Killer Queen:
Killer Queen: That is a prescribed word, Commander! No such state of being exists!
Then you must crush them without mercy!
Khashoggi:
Khashoggi: Not yet -
My, my, ma'am, you are an eager beaver.
Killer Queen:
Killer Queen: Not ever! The bohemian rhapsody is a myth! A myth, do you hear me?
Just leave my eager beaver out of this! We were discussing the rebels. Have you not reported that the euphoria they seek can only be
unleashed through music? Real, live music?
Khashoggi:
Yes. The last thing we want to do is worry the GaGa kids. Particularly Khashoggi:
now, with summer upon us once more. That is certainly what they believe, ma'am.
Khashoggi: Both:
*One shaft of light that shows the way *We're challenging the doors of time *
No mortal man can win the day*
GAGA Kids
GAGA Kids:
*It's a kind of magic* *It's a kind of magic
It's a kind of magic*
Khashoggi:
*The bell that rings inside your mind All:
Is challenging the doors of time* *This is (this is) a kind (a kind) of magic (yeah)
There can't be only one
Killer Queen: This - - - - that - - - - a thousand years
*The waiting seems eternity Will soon be done
The day has dawned of sanity * Now we are one! * //
*Is this a kind of magic?* /(fade to black. Stage clears. We hear voices from off stage) /
Both: Meat:
*There can't be only one Are you sure the cops have gone?
This reign will last a thousand years
We will live on* Brit:
I'm going up to the surface!
Killer Queen:
Meat:
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Meat:
Be careful - I'm coming up too! Sometimes I wish you didn't care so much about this stuff. Sometimes I
wish we'd never even heard of 'the vibe'.
Brit:
No! You are so stubborn! Brit:
You don't mean that!
Meat:
Yeah - but that's what you love about me! Meat:
No, I suppose not. But I miss you so much, baby - it's tougher every
Brit: time you go away.
So, what we got?
Brit:
/(MEAT drops a rucksack on the ground) / I'll be back - I always come back! And one day, I'll bring the Dreamer
with me.
Meat:
Not much. It's mainly plastics and hydrocarbons. But, we got a sheet of Meat:
tin that we can wobble. Some pebbles that make a nice rattle, and a Sometimes I think it's us that's dreaming. Perhaps the music really did
bottle we can blow across, and a piece of wire to twang. die.
Brit: Brit:
Sweet, sweet music! If only we could find another bit of wood to bang It's only sleeping, babes! It's in a deep, deep sleep. It won't be me
against the one we've got. that wakes it - but one day, I'll find the man who can. And if I could
just find it, that lost vibe, then we could share our love with the
Meat: whole world! And you know what we get then, don't you babes? We
Ill find one! could have it all!
Brit: /(we hear voices off stage. BRIT and MEAT hide behind the van.
No. Your job is to take this stuff back to the Heartbreak. GALILEO and SCARAMOUCHE enter from the back of the stage.
GALILEO is jumping about enthusiastically, SCARAMOUCHE is just
Meat: mooching along) /
But Brit -
Galileo:
Brit: My whole life, I mean all my life, I've always known that I had some
No. I travel alone. You know that. How can I do the things I have to do, kind of purpose, y'know, some special destiny! That has to mean
if all I'm thinking about is you? something, surely.
14
Scaramouche: Scaramouche:
Oh, it does. That you're a self-important, arrogant pig.
Fine - what 'special destiny'? Scaramouche? Isn't that bit - sort of pants.
Galileo: Galileo:
It has to do with the stuff I dream. The voices - they always come back Well, I did dream some others, but frankly I thought it was the best.
to the same thing. Well - I see a big, wide space. And people - people
everywhere. And noise - huge, huge noise! And then - then come the Scaramouche:
words. What were the others?
Scaramouche: Galileo:
Ooh, what words? /(sarcastic)/ Long tall Sally. Honky-tonk woman. Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Or
fat-bottomed girl.
Galileo:
'Seek out the place of living rock. A bright, bright star will lead the Scaramouche:
way. Go to where the champions played!' Okay, I'll take Scaramouche. Scaramouche! Actually, I quite like it.
Sounds kinda anarchic. It's almost like what I think they used to call a
Scaramouche: 'tune'.
Sounds like rubbish to me.
Galileo:
Galileo: A tune? Yeah:
Hey! Y'know, I dreamed a name for you too, I think. Scaramouche, Scaramouche - will you do the fandango?
Scaramouche: Scaramouche:
How could you do that? I mean, you only met me today. What's doing the fandango?
Galileo: Galileo:
Yes, but I always knew I'd meet you. I always knew there was another I think perhaps it's dancing.
rebel out there, another wild thing.
Scaramouche:
Scaramouche: You mean like GaGa moves? Excuse me while I puke. Globalsoft write
Okay - so what do you want to call me? the songs, then work out the steps, and every kid on Planet Mall does
exactly the same thing.
Galileo:
Scaramouche.
15
Galileo: Scaramouche:
No - I think that there was a time when dancing wasn't like that. When Okay - so we're friends.
it was more free. You know? Kind of individually expressive.
Galileo:
/(GALILEO dances, allegedly) / This is so cool!
Scaramouche: Scaramouche:
I don't think I've ever seen anything quite so embarassing in my life. As long as you promise to work on your dancing.
Galileo: Meat:
Well, it looks better when I'm holding a tennis racket. Let's get them!
Scaramouche: /(MEAT and BRIT run out from behind the van. BRIT grabs GALILEO
It would have to! and shoves him against the side of the van. MEAT tries to grab
SCARAMOUCHE but has less success) /
Galileo:
Look. Maybe doing the fandango is just about being friends. Meat:
Where'd your boyfriend get those words?
Scaramouche:
Friends? Well, I never had a friend. Scaramouche:
What words?
Galileo:
You amaze me. Meat:
He calls you Scaramouche! He's read the fragments, he knows the holy
Scaramouche: texts!
I always thought I'd quite like one, though.
Galileo:
Galileo: I don't know any holy texts, I don't know what you're talking about!
So, we are friends then?
Brit:
Scaramouche: Long tall Sally! Honky-tonk woman! The words, man, the words from
If you want. the past!
Galileo:
Oh, I do, I really do!
16
Meat: Meat:
You've seen the fragments - you've been to the Heartbreak Hotel! Then test him! And his chick!
You're a spy!
Scaramouche:
Galileo: His 'chick'? What am I now, poultry?
No, I said I don't know what you're talking about, I hear these words in
my head, that's all! Meat:
Test him!
Brit:
Who are you? Brit:
*Mama, just killed a man
Galileo: Put a gun against his head
I don't know! Why do people keep asking me that? I am the walrus! Pulled my trigger, now he's dead *
This is Major Tom to Ground Control. Can you hear the drums,
Fernando? I am the dancing queen! /(BRIT points at GALILEO, who hesitates before continuing) /
Brit: Galileo:
You just hear these holy words, in your head?
**
Galileo:
Yes! I don't know where they come from! It's driving me mad, all these *Mama, life had just begun
phrases and sounds, just stupid, useless phrases:.I mean, what the hell But now I've gone and thrown it all away *
is a tambourine man? What's the story, morning glory? Who WAS the
real Slim Shady? It's torture! But all I know, and I don't even know why Brit:
I know it, is that I really, really, really wanna zig-a-zig-ah. He knows the text - but he's never read it! He's the man!
Brit: Meat:
Meat, I think we've found him! This dude's the one! He's the man! But what does it mean? Tell us! Who is Mama, who's been killed, why
has it all been thrown away?
Meat:
I say he's a spy! Galileo:
I don't know!
Brit:
No! He's the Dreamer! The one we've been waiting for! Meat:
We've been searching for the meaning all our lives!
17
Galileo: To be a shooting star, a tiger?
I said, I don't know, I see these things in my mind, that's all! **
Brit:
*Mama, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh - * Defying the laws of gravity!
Meat: Scaramouche:
We're the resistance - the last hope! Sounds perfect. Let's go!
Brit: Meat:
We are the bohemians! *And you're rushing headlong, you've got a new goal
And you're rushing headlong out of control*
Meat:
And now you have a choice. Are you ready to break free? Brit:
Galileo: Meat:
*Nothing you can* *It ain't no time to figure wrong from right
Cause reasons out the window, better hold on tight*
Scaramouche:
*Nothing you can* All:
*Headlong down the highway
Meat: And you're rushing headlong, out of control
*Do about it* And you think you're so strong
But there ain't no stopping and there's*
Scaramouche:
Where're we going? Brit:
*Nothing*
Meat:
We're going down! // Meat:
*Nothing*
/(the van and the streetlamps disappear. A collage of sweet, fast food
and clothing logos scrolls up and the Heartbreak Hotel forms at the Galileo:
back of the stage as the song continues) / *Nothing*
Galileo: Scaramouche:
*When a red hot man meets a white hot lady* *Nothing*
All: All:
*Oop diddy diddy, oop diddy doo* *Nothing you can, nothing you can
Nothing you can do about it
Scaramouche: Headlong! *
*Soon the fire starts to burn and gets 'em more than half crazy*
Brit:
All: Welcome to the Heartbreak Hotel!
19
Brit:
/(the Heartbreak Hotel turns out to be the old, broken down He calls the chick Scaramouche.
Tottenham
Court Road tube station. Other BOHEMIANS come on stage) / Scaramouche:
What is this chick business? Do I have feathers? Do I lay eggs?
Big Macca:
Who're these two, Brit? Big Macca:
Hey! Baby! We believe there was a time, when if a cool dude wished to
Brit: refer to his red hot momma, he would use the term 'chick'. It was a
I think I've found him. The one we've been waiting for. mark of respect.
Meat: Meat:
I'm Meat. Meatloaf. We find it! We're scavengers. There's tons of it if you know where to
look. Here, help yourself if you like. /(indicating a shopping cart full
Madonna: of clothes)/
I'm Madonna.
Scaramouche:
Prince: Like? I used to dream about getting my hands on gear like this!
They call me Prince.
Meat:
Cliff: Well, get some on you! You're a bohemian now!
I'm Cliff Richard.
Big Macca:
Jackson 5: Girls, please! I am talking to the man!
Jackson Five.
Meat:
Bob: Makes a change from talking out of your bum. /(to SCARAMOUCHE)/
And I'm Bob. Bob the poet; Bob the rebel; Bob the prophet - I am Bob Go on, hen, there's loads back there.
the Builder.
/(SCARAMOUCHE exits) /
Galileo:
And who are you? /(to BRIT)/ Big Macca:
As I was saying. This is a rebel base. But it is also a shrine. A shrine
21
to everything we believe in. And, a place to remember the long dead Kurt Cobain.
king.
Bob:
Galileo: Janis Joplin.
What king?
Prince:
Big Macca: Jim Morrisson.
Little is known about him, except that his name was Pelvis. A kid from
nowhere, who sang like an angel, and danced like the devil. A teenage Big Macca:
truck driver who broke free to become a mighty rebel - a rebel that Bob Marley. John Lennon.
spawned a thousand rebels!
Meat:
Prince: Freddy:
But he was too wild, too free. And when he wiggled his hips he made
thekids feel good about themselves! So they took him and they cut off *A hand above the water
his hair. An angel reaching for the sky
Is it raining in Heaven
Big Macca: Do you want us to cry
They shaved off his cool, greasy, standup quiff, like he was a convict:
And everywhere the broken-hearted
Prince: On every lonely avenue
:and they put him in the army. No one could reach them
No one but you
Aretha:
Then they humiliated him. The king was forced to make foolish movies, One by one
singing nursery rhymes to gangs of grinning children. He was ashamed. Only the good die young
It broke his spirit. He took refuge in drugs, pills and fast food. They're only flying to close to the sun
Life goes on
Big Macca: Without you
Just like a million kids that followed. The king was dead, and many Another tricky situation
kings and heroes died thereafter. Their songs are lost, but their names I get to drowning in the blues
live on. We remember the ones that died young. Buddy Holly. Jimi And I find myself thinking
Hendrix. What would you do?
Galileo: Meat:
So - you mean all those heroes died for rock'n'roll? But what is Yeah, but it's all about the combinations! Isn't that right, Prince?
rock'n'roll?
Prince:
Brit: Right! Exactly!
Gazza, baby! Rock'n'roll is anything you want it to be!
Big Macca:
Cliff: People, please! I'm talking to the man!
It's lightning!
23
Brit: *This thing called love I just can't handle it*
You tell 'em, Big Macca!
Meat:
Big Macca: *This thing called love I must get round to it*
All we know is that there came a day when rock'n'roll - died. But, we
all believe that in time, there will come a man who carries the past Brit:
within him. Someone who can remember. Somewhere on Planet Mall *I ain't ready*
there areinstruments, there must be. If Britney is right, you are the man
who can find them. Both:
*Crazy little thing called love *
Galileo:
But I don't even know what they look like! Meat:
*This thing (this thing)
Brit: Called love (called love)
I do! It cries (like a baby)
In a cradle all night*
/(BRIT goes off stage and returns with an instrument made out of a tea
chest, a pole and some wire) / Brit:
*It swings (woo woo)
I've been working on this for months! Can't play it though. // It jives (woo woo)
It shakes all over like a jelly fish*
/(another bohemian takes it and plucks a few notes) /
Both:
Sweet, sweet noise! And when you get that vibe, all you need is your *I kinda like it
baby! You see, Galileo, what passes for music these days is only created Crazy little thing called love *
for money, which is why it has no soul. But when rock'n'roll started, do
you know why they did it? Brit:
*There goes my baby
Galileo: She knows how to rock 'n' roll
No, why? She drives me crazy
She gives me hot and cold fever
Brit: She leaves me in a cool cool sweat *
They did it for their babies, of course! They did it for a crazy little
thing called love! Oh yeah! ** *Oh yeah *
Scaramouche: Brit:
*Take a back seat* No! You'll never take the Dreamer while I'm alive!
Galileo: /(Fight, to the intro of 'Ogre Battle'. The COPs herd the
*Hitchhike* BOHEMIANS off,and fight BRIT, who collapses to the floor. Lights
out, safety curtaindown, house lights up for the interval)/
Scaramouche:
*And take a long ride on my motorbike*
All:
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Scaramouche:
He must have some way of tracking us! OK, crush them.
Galileo: Scaramouche:
The hospital! When they operated on our heads! What, a couple of state-of-the-art micro-transceivers? No way, I'll just
activate the maximum negativity spectrum.
/(he peers at SCARAMOUCHE's hair)/
Galileo:
I think I've found something! What?
Scaramouche: Both:
The dream? *Who wants to live forever
Who *
Galileo:
No, you! Galileo:
But:..we will be caught in the end. You know that, don't you? *There's no chance for us
It's all decided for us
Scaramouche: This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us *
Yeah. I know. And probably killed.
*Who wants to live forever*
Galileo:
I love you, Scaramouche. Both:
*Who wants to live forever
Scaramouche: Who dares to love forever*
I love you too, Gaz.
Galileo:
Galileo: *Oh, when love must die! *
Do you think, just this once, you could use my full name?
Scaramouche:
Scaramouche: *But touch my tears with your lips*
I love you too, Gazza:.Fizza:.
Galileo:
Galileo: *Touch my world with your fingertips*
Then if I have your love, time doesn't matter much at all, does it?
Both:
Scaramouche: *And we can have forever
And we can love forever*
**
Galileo:
*There's no time for us *Forever is ours today *
There's no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams Both:
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*Who wants to live forever And I would rather you did not call me 'pig'.
Who wants to live forever*
Aretha:
Scaramouche: Pig's too good for you!
*Forever is ours*
Khashoggi:
Galileo: Hurt her, too!
*Who waits forever, anyway? * //
Bohemians:
/(they kiss and disappear inside the van. Fade to black, then lights up *Flash! Aah!*
to reveal six BOHEMIANS (including MEAT and PRINCE), seated, each
with aMINION to their right. KHASHOGGI is suspended in, well, a ship) Khashoggi:
/ In fact - hurt them all!
Khashoggi: Bohemians:
What do you know of the phrase 'living rock'? Where is the place of *Flash! Aah! *
champions?
Khashoggi:
Bob: For what it's worth, your 'Dreamer' knows no more about the place of
They're freedom words, pig! Words the Dreamer used! We don't know living rock than you or I. He's just a poor idiot, parroting phrases he
whatthey mean! does not understand. Still, he lead me to you, and for that I am grateful.
Minion 1: Prince:
He tells the truth, Commander Khashoggi. I've applied a search Are you going to kill us?
programto one of his brain functions and I find no evidence of deceit.
Khashoggi:
Khashoggi: Please, Mr Prince! Globalsoft is not some medieval inquisition! We're
Pity! Hurt him anyway! // merely going to kill your souls - and empty your brains of such absurd
notions as real music and individual thought.
/(Bob jerks backward) /
Jackson 5:
Bohemians: You're sending us to the Seven Seas of Rhye!?
*Flash! Aah!*
Meat:
Khashoggi: Dreamer! Follow us! Bohemians, give him your power! Make your last
29
thoughts the Dream! Give out the good, leave out the bad evil cries
I challenge the mighty Titan and his troubadours
Khashoggi: And with a smile
Good night, Miss Loaf:. I'll take you to the seven seas of Rhye *
Bohemians: Bohemians:
Noooooo!
*Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside
Khashoggi: Oh, I do like to be beside the sea
*Fear me you lords and lady preachers There are lots of girls beside, oh I do like to be beside
I descend upon your Earth from the skies Beside the seaside, beside the sea *//
I command your very souls you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine /(fade to black, then lights up to show the van again. It is the next
The seven seas of Rhye * morning) /
Galileo: Scaramouche:
Gee. You really know how to make a guy feel inadequate. We really Exactly! Which is why it's stupid of you to risk your life! I'm
have to get to the Seven Seas of Rhye dispensable. You should stay here.
Scaramouche: Galileo:
31
Oh, right. Like I'm going to let my chick fight my battles for me. Galileo:
Well - if you say so!
Scaramouche:
Let your chick?! Excuse me!? Scaramouche:
Right! From now on, our relationship is purely professional. We've got a
Galileo: job to do, and we'll do it, and that's all.
That's it, Scaramouche! Must everything always be a fight with you? I
thought you'd mellowed out! Galileo:
Well, suits me! But I'm going to the Seven Seas! //
Scaramouche:
Well, I haven't! Scaramouche:
Well, so am I! And if, when we get there, you get caught, and the Dream
Galileo: is lost, and the kids are enslaved till the end of time - well, you're
Well, it's really starting to irritate me! going to feel a bit bloody stupid, that's all!
Scaramouche:
Oh no. My heart just broke. //Killer Queens Castle//
Galileo: Khashoggi:
Look, you're my girlfriend! I want to protect you! M'am, I bring splendid news! My officers have been successful in
breaking up the bohemian stronghold! The Heartbreak Hotel is
Scaramouche: destroyed!
Just cos youre The Man doesnt mean you own me, yknow!
Killer Queen:
Galileo: But Khashoggi - this is wonderful! Incredible! A triumph! The resistance
You are such a pain with this constant female assertion thing! is vanquished! We've won!
Scaramouche: Khashoggi:
Fine! Well, at least we know now where we stand! Yes, ma'am. Unfortunately -
Khashoggi: Khashoggi:
Ma'am, I hate to do it, but - All right, perhaps I was pitching it a bit strong. But the point is, we're
currently stretched to the limit! The summer heat is intense.
Killer Queen: We're encountering serious civil disorder. The rivers and seas that rose
*Don't stop me, 'cause I'm having a good time with global warming are receding again as the planet dehydrates.
Having a good time
I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky Killer Queen:
Like a tiger, defying the laws of gravity - * Who cares? I like hot weather.
Khashoggi: Khashoggi:
Maaaaaaaa'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!! We're having to drain the lakes simply to supply the coke dispensers in
the multiplexes.
/(KILLER QUEEN stops singing and gives KHASHOGGI a filthy look) /
Killer Queen:
I'm afraid you didn't let me finish. We broke up the bohemian That's absurd.
stronghold, but I fear the Dreamer - and his bad-arsed babe - slipped
our clutches. But I don't foresee this as a problem - Khashoggi:
Well, have you seen the size of the cups these days? They've been
Killer Queen: getting bigger for three hundred years. 'Regular' is now the size of a
You lost them? dustbin. Only last week a small child fell into her Sprite and drowned.
*She walks warily down the street *Another one bites the dust
With her brim pulled way down low Another one bites the dust, hey hey
Ain't no sound but the sound of her feet Another one bites the dust
Machine guns ready to go Another one bites the dust *
*
*There are plenty of ways that you can hurt a man
*Are you ready, are you ready for this And bring him to the ground
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat You can beat him
Out of the doorway the bullets rip You can cheat him
To the sound of the beat * You can treat him bad and leave him
When he's down, yeah
*Another one bites the dust But I'm ready, yes I'm ready for you
Another one bites the dust I'm standing on my own two feet
And another one gone and another one gone Out of the doorway the bullets rip
Another one bites the dust, eh Repeating to the sound of the beat
Hey, I'm gonna get you too *
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The bad things in life were so few
*Another one bites the dust Those days are all gone now but one thing remains*
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone Pop:
Yes, another one bites the dust *When I look and I find no change *
Hey, I'm gonna get you too *You can't turn back the clock, you can't turn back the tide
Another one bites the dust * Ain't that a shame?
I'd like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride
*Another one bites the dust When life was just a game
Another one bites the dust, hey hey No use in sitting and thinkin' on what you did
Another one bites the dust You can lay back and enjoy it through the kids
Another one bites the dust Sometimes it seems like lately - I just don't know
Yeah, yeah, yeah! * Better sit back and go with the flow
*
//Pops Bar//
Pop & Bohemians:
Pop: *These are the days of our lives
They've flown in the swiftness of time
*Sometimes I get to thinking These days are all gone now but one thing remains*
I was back in the old days, long ago
When we were kids, when we were young Pop:
Things seemed so perfect then - you know? *When I look and I find
The days were endless Hope still survives
We were crazy, we were young Oh yeah *
The sun was always shining
We just lived for fun /(GALILEO and SCARAMOUCHE enter, stage right) /
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just don't know
The rest of my life's been just a show * Galileo:
Meatloaf! Guys, you're all here! Oh, it's so good to see you!
/(the backdrop goes up and reveal a barroom scene. The back of the
stage and part of the bar are covered in white drapes. The BOHEMIANS Scaramouche:
sit slumped at tables. POP puts the crate on the bar and walks around How did you escape?
room, replacing drinks and wiping the tables) /
Galileo:
Pop & Bohemians: This is fantastic! The bohemians are back! The fight is on!
*Those were the days of our lives
35
/(the BOHEMIANS look at GALILEO and SCARAMOUCHE blankly) / Pop:
There is something about this place. It's as if there's a spirit here.
Big Macca: Long ago, before global warming, the lake was much smaller. Who
Do I know you, kid? knows, perhaps there's something down there, beneath the water.
Something these washed-out folk need to be close to.
Galileo:
But - it's me, Big Macca. You know. The man. The Dreamer. Galileo Scaramouche:
Figaro. So who are you?
Pop: Scaramouche:
Your friends aren't there, dude. Their bodies are, but their spirits So you remember something of what you read? Of the secret histories?
have gone. They've been processed.
Pop:
Galileo: I remember one story. A legend so strong and powerful they could not
What do you mean? wipe it from my brain. Would you like to here it.
Pop: Scaramouche:
This is where they all come - the guys and chicks who tried to break on Nah, I thought we'd just have a drink and get lost. Of course we want
through to the other side, and failed. They come to drown themselves in to hear it, you hairy old git!
the Seven Seas of Rhye. Rhye whisky, man. The last comfort of those
who have rocked. Pop:
Whoa! That is one gutsy chick, man! I bet she takes some handling!
Scaramouche:
So - why do they come here? Galileo:
36
Well actually, she's not my chick.
It's been that way ever since.
Pop:
Lucky you, I reckon. Pop:
Exactly! A three hundred year bum vibe! But you see, some people saw
Galileo: what was coming. Take a look at this. It's a scroll of what I think they
Perhaps you could tell us your story, Mr - er: used to call 'celluloid'.
Scaramouche: Pop:
Star:.bright star! Gazza! Your dream! A bright star, that will show the I'll come with you, I can show you how to get there.
way! It's not a star in the sky at all - it's a rock star!
/(at the gates they get off the motorbike, which sinks back into the
Pop: stage) /
Freaky.
39
Galileo: Galileo:
Nothing. Nothing at all. You mean me?
Pop: Pop:
Bummer. Ouch.
Galileo: Scaramouche:
There aren't any instruments here! There isn't even any rock. What do you think the mighty Queen died for? What? So you could act
like a pathetic little coward? You wanted to be a rock star? They
Pop: wouldn't let you in a boy band!
Just rubble.
Galileo:
Galileo: Hey! Babe! I'm getting a little sick of this self-righteous thing of
This place must have been destroyed centuries ago. It's no place of yours, all right? We tried, we failed. The instruments aren't here. Get
champions any more, if it ever was. I've failed, Scaramouche. I'll never over it!
find where the holy axe was hidden. I'll never play the lost riffs. My
dreams - they never came true. Scaramouche:
Then we'll just have to make music without them!
Scaramouche:
Don't blame yourself, Gazza. It's not your fault. Galileo:
What? A capella?
Galileo:
Thanks, Scaramouche. Pop:
No!
Scaramouche:
I mean it's not your fault you're a spineless, gutless, whinging little Scaramouche:
crybaby! If necessary!
Galileo: Pop:
Excuse me? No! It is never necessary!
Scaramouche: Scaramouche:
I know why you can't find the guitar, mate! What was it Pop said? Isn't that what it was all about? In the beginning? It was kids, doing
Queen wove deep and terrible spells to protect the instruments from it for themselves! They were playing in the streets, in the garages!
those not worthy of playing them!
Pop:
40
Yes, it was, it was!
Pop:
Scaramouche: Ooh, I've gone all tingly.
So come on, Gazza! Where's the bloke I used to love? Where's the bloke
with the lead in his pencil? Where is Galileo Figaro? /(they part) /
Galileo: Scaramouche:
Right here, babe! So - let's rock!
Scaramouche: Galileo:
Then prove it! Are we gonna rock, or what? Yeah!
I don't know how to start.
Galileo:
Yes! Yes we are! I don't need any second-hand instruments to make Scaramouche:
music with, I can make music on my own. The music of a human being, Well, come on buddy, you're a boy:.
and not of a machine!
Pop:
Scaramouche: Make a big noise!
Right on!
Scaramouche:
Pop: Playing in the street:
Hello, Wembley!
Pop:
/(silence) / :gonna be a big man some day!
Galileo: Galileo:
But not without you, Scaramouche. Don't you remember what Britney Wait - that's it. **
Spears said before he died? Making music is about love. You do it for
your baby. And I can only do it for you. I love you with all my heart. *Buddy:
Please come back to me. Because if you don't, I don't know if I can do Buddy, you're a boy
this thing. And the kids'll forever be in chains! Make a big noise
Playing in the street
Scaramouche: Gonna be a big man some day
Oh, god. Talk about emotional blackmail: You got mud on your face
You big disgrace
/(she kisses him) / Kicking your can all over the place
41
Pop: So they do exist, after all!
What a curiously exhilarating collection of words!
Pop:
Galileo: The dream machine! The greatest weapon on freedom known to
Scaramouche - can you hear it? The beat! It's returning! mankind! An electric guitar! Seize it, Galileo Figaro! For none but the
just shall play the hairy one's mighty axe! None but the kids! //
/(sure enough, we hear the beat. Soon we can hear it all over the
auditorium, as well) / /(GALILEO takes the electric guitar) /
*Singing Pop:
We will, we will rock you Ooh, no, the rebirth of modern jazz.
We will, we will rock you
We will, we will rock you Scaramouche:
* Give me that.
/(suddenly, on the of the gateposts splits open, revealing a guitar) / /(she takes the guitar and plays it really really well!)
Scaramouche: Galileo:
What's happening? The hairy one is back. And this time, she's a babe.
Pop: Scaramouche:
Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening! So - I'll play, you sing.
Galileo Pop:
An instrument! A real musical instrument! And I'll be a groupie!
Scaramouche: Scaramouche:
42
Shut up, Pop! could be on every coke can in the universe! What you need is a
manager!
Pop:
Message received and understood. But first - Galileo:
I don't think so, Queen! Shagileo Gigolo only rocks for the kids.
Galileo:
What're you doing, Pop? Killer Queen:
You mean, for free?
Pop:
What do you think? I'm hacking into the Globalsoft mainframe, and Galileo:
emailing the power of rock to ever GaGa kid on the planet! Soon they'll Yes. Yes I do! Pop, get me my mike.
all be bohemians!
Pop:
Scaramouche: I shall be thy roadie!
But Pop, Killer Queen will get your message too!
Killer Queen:
Pop: Noooooooo!
Oh, no, man! She just did! She wants to schedule a meeting:.we're all
going to be downsized! /(her screen ascends) /
Chorus: Chorus:
*Galileo figaro magnifico* *No, no, no, no, no, no, no*
Galileo: Galileo:
45
*Oh mama mia, mama mia*
Chorus:
*Mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me
For me, for me *
Killer Queen:
*So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die*
Chorus:
*Oh baby, can't do this to me baby
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here *
Galileo:
*Nothing really matters*
Scaramouche:
*Anyone can see*
Galileo:
*Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me *
46