Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Reader's Digest (USA) December 2015 PDF
Reader's Digest (USA) December 2015 PDF
Miraculous
Christmas
Stories 5 CLASSIC TALES ... 66
Forever Memory
From BBC.COM FUTURE ... 112
JHLFRFRP_$872_/RFDORIFH
Some discounts, coverages, payment plans and features are not available in all states or all GEICO companies. GEICO is a registered service mark of Government Employees Insurance
Company, Washington, D.C. 20076; a Berkshire Hathaway Inc. subsidiary. 2015 GEICO
Contents
DECEMBER 2015 JANUARY 2016
P. | 66
PHOTOGRAPH BY YASU+JUNKO. SWAROVSKI STAR ORNAMENT COURTESY SWAROVSKI.COM
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 1
Volume 186 | Issue 1116
DECEMBER 2015 JANUARY 2016
Everyday Heroes
10 Helping the Homeless
Three stories of
humanitarians with
innovative solutions.
A LYSSA J U N G , B R AND O N S P E CKTO R ,
P. | 44 BE T H D R E HE R , AND
M IC HE LE WOJ CI E CH OWS K I
Department of Wit
17 The Real 12 Days of
6 Editors Note 8 Letters
Christmas
Its not all true love and
turtledoves.
READER FAVORITES
COLIN N ISSAN
FROM MCSWEENEYS
23 100-Word True Stories
26 Points to Ponder Words of Lasting Interest
31 Faces of America 20 Pretty Girl
32 Life in These United States Never give up on anything,
54 All in a Days Work least of all a dog.
R IC K BR AGG FROM THE BOOK
64 News from the
MY SOUTHERN JOURNEY
World of Medicine
78 Laughter, the Best Medicine Finish This Sentence
P HOTOGRAP H BY RALPH SMI TH
2 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
ART OF LIVING
Food
42 What Your Holiday Eating
Habits Say About You
KELSEY KLOSS
Home
44 How Bad Is It ...
KELSEY KLOSS
Health
56 Classic Health Debates
SUNNY S EA GOLD
LIN DA R OD R I G U E Z M CR O B B I E
FROM MENTAL FLOSS
PHOTOGRAPH BY
YASU+JUNKO
PROP STYLIST:
CHRISTINE
138 7 Touchy-Feely Questions
MOTTAU.
SWAROVSKI
Answered by Science
STAR ORNAMENT BR A N D ON S P E CKTO R
COURTESY
SWAROVSKI.COM
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 3
Plan for your future.
Consider Medicare supplement insurance.
Did you know that Medicare only covers about 80% of Part B
medical costs? That means the rest is up to you. But a
standardized Medicare supplement insurance plan could help
you save in out-of-pocket medical costs.
NotconnectedwithorendorsedbytheU.S.Governmentorthefederal Medicareprogram.
Thisisasolicitationofinsurance.Alicensedinsuranceagent/producermaycontactyou.
CALL A LICENSED INSURANCE AGENT/PRODUCER AT THE TOLL-FREE NUMBER
SHOWN IN THIS ADVERTISEMENT TO RECEIVE COMPLETE INFORMATION
(INCLUDING OUTLINES OF COVERAGE) SHOWING BENEFITS, COSTS, ELIGIBILITY
REQUIREMENTS, EXCLUSIONS AND LIMITATIONS.
You must be an AARP member to enroll in an AARP Medicare Supplement Plan.
AARPMedicareSupplement.com
Editors Note
Fantastic First Sentences
OPENERS ARE EVERYTHING. As Stephen King
famously remarked, An opening line should say:
Listen. Come in here. You want to know about this.
Ive long collected the first lines that move me.
Here are a few of my favorites from Readers
Digest over the past year. (High five to anyone who
can name the stories they start.)
When I was your age, I changed your diaper,
said the dark-haired boy to his father.
Just how bad a mother am I?
P HOTOGRAP H BY STEVE VACC ARI ELLO; WARDROBE STY LIST: ELYS HA LENK IN;
Long before I ever wanted to be a neuroscien-
tist, I wanted to be a Broadway star.
Its a good time to be a pessimist.
Before they threw him in chains, he was a gutsy kid with wandering feet.
If you want to probe one of the great mysteries of the human mind, all
6 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
ELIMINATES
ODORS FOR
10 DAYS
Guaranteed
For complete terms and conditions, see freshstep.com/guarantee
acts of kindness always make my valuable page and the sweet connec-
eyes leak. Keep up the good work tion it continues to make. You can
its much better than listening to quote me on that. J. C., v i a e -m a i l
the news. G. H., v i a e -m a i l
Alone. Injured.
Why I Study Memory Almost Dead.
I am sitting here with tears I read this story with mixed emo-
staining my face. I still wish I had tions. Ive been a Boy Scout leader
heard the words I love you from for more than 30 years. Mr. Hein
8 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
sounds like an expert hiker who Freeing Alexander
is fully prepared to go into the Hamilton (and the DC7)
wilderness. However, one of the I cried when I read this article.
most important lessons we teach is While I am happy these beagles
to buddy up. Never go hiking or will now be adopted, I pray for
exploring alone. the day when animal experimen-
DUSTIN FULLER, Wo r l a n d , W y o m i n g tation is a thing of the past.
R. C., v i a e -m a i l
Points to Ponder
The paragraph by Gretchen Carlson When Siblings Stop
is one of the most profound thoughts Speaking
Ive read in a long time. It should While its true you cant choose
be printed on postcards and sent to your family, you can choose to
all politicians, pundits, and media surround yourself with only people
personnel. who love and support you. You
TOM SCHROEDER, In d i a n a p o l i s , In d i a n a dont have to please everyone.
Family members shouldnt get
As Our Military Sinks a free pass.
It is laughable to read this article RACHEL KOZAK, E l g i n , S o u t h C a r o l i n a
at a time when the whole country
is under threat from numerous
sources and our military is under- CAN YOU TOP THIS?
funded. This is the big concern Reader Staci Bailey wrote:
so-called climate change? My sister explained to HA!
my nephew how his FUNN
GAIL MOOTER, Ke n n a rd , Ne b ra s k a Y
voice would eventually FAMIL
CONT Y
change as he grew up. EST
I had no idea our bases were sinking Cool! said Tyler. I hope
into the ocean. If more people knew I get a German accent.
global warming was threatening our Do you have a hilarious
national security, wed be more story about your clan? If so,
active in fighting it. you can win $500! Go to
KATHLEEN CHOJNACKI, rd.com/funnyfamily for details.
We s t Ne w t o n , P e n n s y l v a n i a
Send letters to [email protected] or Letters, Readers Digest, PO Box 6100, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1600. Include your full name,
address, e-mail, and daytime phone number. We may edit letters and use them in all print and electronic media. Contribute Send
us your 100-word true stories, jokes, and funny quotes, and if we publish one in a print edition of Readers Digest, well pay you
$100. To submit your 100-word stories, visit rd.com/stories. To submit humor items, visit rd.com/submit, or write to us at Jokes,
Box 6226, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1726. Please include your full name and address in your entry. We regret that we cannot acknowl-
edge or return unsolicited work. Do Business Subscriptions, renewals, gifts, address changes, payments, account information,
and inquiries: Visit rd.com/help, call 877-732-4438, or write to us at Readers Digest, PO Box 6095, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1595.
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 9
EVERYDAY
We want to
reach people
where they are,
says Doniece
Sandoval.
Helping the Homeless:
Three Innovators
We reconnect people with their dignity
Doniece Sandoval
12 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
This group
saves shelters
thousands of
dollars, says
Robert Lee.
I want to give
people a chance
without judging
them, says
Veronika Scott.
READERS DIGEST
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 15
Perfect vacations dont
always turn out perfect.
This plan provides insurance coverage that only applies during the covered trip. You may have coverage from other sources that provides you with similar benefits
but may be subject to different restrictions depending upon your other coverages. You may wish to compare the terms of this policy with your existing life, health,
home, and automobile insurance policies. If you have any questions about your current coverage, call your insurer or insurance agent or broker. Coverage is
offered by Travel Guard Group, Inc (Travel Guard). California lic. no.0B93606, 3300 Business Park Drive, Stevens Point, WI 54482, www.travelguard.com. CA
DOI toll free number: 800-927-HELP. This is only a brief description of the coverage(s) available. The Policy will contain reductions, limitations, exclusions and
termination provisions. Insurance underwritten by National Union Fire Insurance Company of Pittsburgh, Pa., a Pennsylvania insurance company, with its principal
place of business at 175 Water Street, 15th Floor, New York, NY 10038. It is currently authorized to transact business in all states and the District of Columbia.
NAIC No. 19445. Coverage may not be available in all states. Your travel retailer may not be licensed to sell insurance, and cannot answer technical questions
about the benefits, exclusions, and conditions of this insurance and cannot evaluate the adequacy of your existing insurance. The purchase of travel insurance is
not required in order to purchase any other product or service from the travel retailer. Travel assistance services provided by Travel Guard. 1515 06/15/15
VOICES VIEWS
Department of Wit
The Real
12 Days of
Christmas
BY COLI N N I SSA N
FROM M C SW EENEY S
18 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
READERS DIGEST
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 19
WORDS OF LASTING INTEREST
Pretty Girl
BY R I C K B R AG G F R OM T H E BO O K MY SO U T H E R N J O U R NEY
ILLUSTRATION BY JOE M CKENDRY. COURTESY FOUNDM YAN IMA L.COM (COL L AR AND L E ASH)
HER NAME was perfect.
She came to them in the dead of night, in the cold. She
was more than half dead, starved down to bones, her hair
completely eaten away by mange. She had been run off from
more than one yard when she finally crept into an empty
doghouse in the trees beyond my mothers yard. At least she
was out of the wind.
They found her, my mother and brother, in the daylight of
RICK BRAGG
the next day. They could not even tell, at first, she was a dog.
is a Pulitzer
Prizewinning
And it broke my heart, my mother said.
journalist and They did not call the vet because she knew what the vet
author. His would do. The dog was too far gone to save; any fool could
books include see that. My mama lives in the country and has to run off
Jerry Lee two wandering dogs a week, but this time, she said, I just
Lewis: His
couldnt. She couldnt even get up. How do you run off a
Own Story.
dog that cannot stand?
The broke-down dog had stumbled on two people who hate
to give up on anything, even a month-old newspaper. They
save batteries that have not had a spark of anything in them
for a long, long time. My mother keeps pens that stopped
writing in 1974. My point is, there is always a little use, a little
good, a little life left in anything, and who are they to decide
when something is done for good.
My brother Mark looked at her, at her tragic face, and
named her.
20 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com PHOTOGRAPH BY RUSS AND REYN
WORDS OF LASTING INTEREST
Hey, Pretty Girl, he said. and brother had tended her and
It was as if he could see beyond the even let her live in the house. She
ruin, or maybe into it. I dont know. ate people food and drank butter-
Her hips were bad, which was milk out of an aluminum pie tin. She
probably why she was discarded in was supposed to last, at most, a few
the first place, and her teeth were weeks or months. She lived three
worn down. Her eyes were clouded. more yearsdecades, in dog years
But Mark and my mother fed her, following my brother to the garden
gave her water, and to watch for snakes and
bathed her in burned listen for thunder.
motor oil, the way my I prayed for her,
people have been I prayed for her. my mother said. Some
curing the mange for Some people people say you aint
generations. They got supposed to pray for
her looking less atro- say you a dog, but
cious, and then they aint supposed And then after the
called the vet. gift of years, Pretty Girl
The vet found she
to pray for began to fail and died.
had heartworm. She a dog, but ... She is buried in the
was walking dead, any- mountain pasture.
way, at her age. It was The garden is already
then I saw her, still a sack of bones. planted. Some things were planted
It would be a kindness, I told my according to science, according to soil
mother, to put her down. She nod- and weather. And some things were
ded her head. planted according to lore, the shape
A month later, I pulled into the of the moon, and more. That is fine
driveway to see a beautiful white with me. There are things we cannot
German shepherd standing watch explain, things beyond science, like
at the front of the house. It was not how a man could name a ravaged and
a miracle; her ailments did not magi- dying dog and have her rise inside
cally cease. But together, my mother that, somehow, to make it true.
FROM THE BOOK MY SOUTHERN JOURNEY BY RICK BRAGG. COPYRIGHT 2015 BY RICK BRAGG.
REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION BY OXMOOR HOUSE, TIMEINCBOOKS.COM.
22 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
Your True Stories
IN 100 WORDS
Im finally
Spokane Valley, WA
Read
War and Peace.
CINDY MCMAHON
Stayton, OR
Fremont, CA
Follow my childhood
Ask her. dream and
TIMOTHY IP become a
cartoonist.
JEFF MORAN
Build my
tiny house!
JAN MCAFEE ROGAN
ready to Move
out
of my parents
Do my house.
Become
my Manchester, CT
mother... Stanton,
Lafayette
Hill, PA
CRISTINA MI Akron, PA
ALVARADO-PIERCE
Troy, MO
Oak Hill, OH
Accept that I will
probably never meet
St. Charles, MO
Hugh
Jackman.
REBECCA MILLEN
Forgive a friend,
and myself, for a rift that nearly
ended a 30-year friendship.
SHARON PARSONS
Wylie, TX
Tallahassee, FL
Publish Go to
facebook.com/
my first novel (Im 16). readersdigest
MARLEE HEAD
for the chance to
finish the next
sentence.
ON BAD MOVIES
Life is too short to dwell heavily on [lousy films and] their many sins.
Thats for another book that I wont be writing.
RICHARD SCHICKEL, m o v i e c r i t i c , in his book Keepers
The right attitude can make watching truly terrible movies one of lifes
best and most entertaining pleasures.
JOHN WILSON, c r e a t o r o f t h e R a z z i e Aw a rd s , in his book The Official Razzie Movie Guide
26 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
Laughter is the best
medicine. But its
more than that. Its
an entire regime
of antibiotics and
steroids. Laughter
brings the
swelling down
on our national
psyche and then
applies an antibiotic
cream. STEPHEN COLBERT,
late-night T V host,
in Entertainment Weekly
on NPR
TAS
ME
easier to enjoy --
Holidays Made Easy dishes
ol
up no-fuss recipes and time
ho
ne
li
saving tips to create ve c o o kin g sc
all-time holiday favorites.
Enjoy 24/7 access to our full
catalog of classes and
exclusive members-only
features when you gift the
All-Access Membership!
Go to TOHCookingSchool.com/holiday
Give the gift that keeps on giving!
YOU BE THE JUDGE
The Case of
The Ticket
Mix-up
BY VIC KI GLEMB OCKI
two days and three flights to get On March 7, 2014, Gamson and
the couple back to Lisbon, leaving Canaday represented themselves in
insufficient time to travel to Spain. a suit they filed in DC superior court
On September 22, Gamson sent against BA, claiming breach of con-
a letter to BA customer service ex- tract and negligence and demanding
plaining that the airline had errone- $34,000 in damages for their ruined
ously booked Gamson and Canaday vacation trip, lost wages, and other
on a flight to the wrong destination. associated expenses.
He asked to be reimbursed for their On March 28, the case was sent
out-of-pocket expenses (extra flights, to federal court on BAs request.
hotels, etc.), to be credited for the The airline argued that the Montreal
frequent-flier points they spent, and Convention, a treaty that governs
to be given two round-trip, first- international air travel, protected
class tickets from Dulles to Spain. the airline from certain claims that
BA instead offered to reimburse had been made. BA moved to have
them for their hotel in Grenada the case dismissed.
and to give each man 150,000
frequent-flier points. Should the airline pay for misrout-
I was beside myself, Gamson says. ing the couple? You be the judge.
THE VERDICT
In his opinion, federal court judge James Boesberg wrote, This case
proves the truth of Mark Twains aphorism that the difference between
the right word and almost the right word is the difference between
lightning and a lightning bug. Except here only a single letter is involved.
He noted that the case was not about aviation law, as BA contended, and
sent the case back to trial court. In July, BA filed a motion to dismiss the
case, and in an oral order on August 22, 2014, Judge Jeanette Clark tossed
it. She basically said, Ive flown before. Ive looked at tickets. Youre at
fault, says Gamson. We dont agree with her. Gamson hired an attorney
and, in September 2014, filed a request to appeal. Hes still waiting to find
out if its been granted. Last September, Gamson and Canaday flew to
Spainand paid for the flights with the points BA had given them.
30 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
FACES
OF AMERICA
BY GLEN N GLASSER
Charlotte Richards
L A S V E G A S , N E VA DA
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 31
Life
IN THESE UNITED STATES
Can you think of anyone the victim might have had a falling-out with?
NOTE: Ads were removed from this edition. Please continue to page 38.
While many factors affect heart disease, diets low in saturated fat
and cholesterol may reduce the risk of heart disease.
, TM, 2015 Kellogg NA Co.
Why time management
doesnt make us happier
or more productive
A Case
Against
The Clock
BY TON Y C R A B B E F R OM Q UA RTZ
40 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
READERS DIGEST
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 41
FOOD
IF YOU: Chomp off the head of men may associate it with a tough-
the gingerbread man first guy ability to withstand the burn.
IT MEANS: Youre a leader
Yes, someone actually studied IF YOU: Drink white wine
this: If you munch on a gingerbread IT MEANS: You probably drink more
mans head first, youre a natural-born White wine drinkers pour 9.2 percent
leader, according to an informal more vino into their glasses than do
analysis by Alan Hirsch, MD, of red wine drinkers, according to an
CocoaVia
1 Dark Chocolate
Unsweetened
Sachet 3 CocoaVia
Vegetarian
Capsules 4 Bars of a
Leading
Dark Chocolate 9 Bars of a
Leading
Milk Chocolate
This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Flavanol content determined by AOAC Official Method SM 2012.24
Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, / Trademarks Mars, Incorporated. 2015.
cure or prevent any disease.
HOME
Certain winter
habits may leave
you with chilly
regret. Know
what you can
(and cant)
get away with.
Sources: Mark Schaub, a chimney relining and restoration expert in Hillsborough, New Jersey; Judy Comoletti, division manager for
public education at the National Fire Protection Association; realsimple.com; artofmanliness.com; marthastewart.com; epa.gov
ASHES Save NEWSPAPER Stuff
1 the ash bed 4 seven grapefruit-size
from your last fire: balls of newspaper between
Two inches of ash 6 the two logs. Youll light this
insulates fireplaces to start the fire. Add dried
and creates a hotter orange peels for an inviting
fire. Keep one inch scent. Never burn wrapping
5
clear between the paper or boxes; they can
ash and metal grate. damage your fireplace and
release harmful chemicals.
GRATE Use a
2 metal grate or 4 STICKS Crisscross
andirons to raise logs 5 kindling, like thin
off the ground so air sticks of wood, across the
can fuel the fire from starter logs for air circula-
below. tion. The flames will spread
through the kindling first
STARTER and then to the logs. Never
3 LOGS use driftwood or wood with
Lay two dried paint or varnish (it may
3
logs (look for release toxic chemicals).
gray logs with
loose bark) EXTRA LOGS
parallel on each 2
6 Add another log
end of the grate. every ten to 20 minutes
If youre purchas- for the first hour, but
ing wood from dont get too aggres-
a store, look sive in building the
for seasoned, fire. You should always
ready to burn, be able to see the top
or kiln-dried on of the flame in the
the label. 1 fireplace.
ONE Food.
Whole Body Health For Life.
facebook.com/purinaonecats PurinaONE.com/WholeBodyHealthCat
HOME
AARP members
can save with AT&T.
Meet with one of our in-store experts and learn about
how, for a limited time, when you switch to AT&T youll get
$300 in credits when you buy a smartphone
on AT&T Next and trade in a smartphone.*
SM
Bring your AARP
membership card to an
And youll get a 10% service discount** AT&T store near you.
on qualified wireless plans.
*Reqs porting number, elig. svc & trade-in.$300 credit = $100 bill credit (w/in 90 days) + $200 phone trade-in credit (may be promo card).
**Service Discount: Offer avail. only to current members of AARP. Members must provide valid AARP membership card and subscribe to svc under an individual
account for which the member is personally liable. Discount subject to an agmt between AARP, AARP Services, Inc. and AT&T. If the foregoing agmt is terminated,
discount may be discontinued without notice at the end of the existing term of your svc agmt. Offer avail. only in AT&T and authorized retailer store locations.
Discount applies only to recurring monthly svc charge of elig. voice and data plans, not overages. Not avail. w/any unlim. voice plans. For FamilyTalk, discount applies
only to the primary line. For all Mobile Share plans, discount applies only to monthly plan charge for the data allotment of qual. plans with 1GB or more, not to addl
monthly device access charges. Discount may take up to 2 bill cycles to appear on invoice after eligibility is confirmed and will not apply to prior charges. Discount
is applied after application of any avail. credit or other offer and may not be combined with other svc discounts. Addl restrs apply. For eligibility or other questions,
visit a store or contact AT&T at 800-331-0500 for details.
*$300 CREDIT: Ltd time offers. $100 switcher bill credit + $200 trade-in credit per elig. line. New lines only. May not be combinable w/other offers. Select
locations.AT&T NextSM: Must buy phone via installment agmt w/qual. postpaid wireless svc (voice & data). Excludes Lifeline, Residential Wireless & select discounted
plans. If wireless service canceled device balance is due. May req. down pmt. Tax due at sale. Limit on no. of financed devices per acct. See att.com/next for
details. Switcher Bill Credit: Reqs porting elig. number (excludes Cricket) & buying elig. phone in same transaction. Must be active & in good standing for 45 days.
Trade-in: Must be in good working condition w/min. $10 buyback value & meet AT&T Buyback program requirements. At att.com, to complete trade-in & get credit
you are emailed promo code (valid for min. 30 days) after smartphone ships. Trade-in Credit: Get instant credit or promo card. Private label AT&T Promotion Card
(Card) issued by MetaBank or CenterState Bank of Florida NA, via license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. At att.com, get Card in ~3 weeks after elig. trade-in & condition
validation. Credit & Card (valid for min. 90 days) may be used only toward purch. of AT&T products & svc in AT&T owned retail stores, at att.com, or to pay wireless bill.
At participating dealers get credit (w/addl terms & conditions) for use only at specified dealer. GENERAL TERMS: Activ./Upgrade Fee: $15/line. Deposit: May
apply per line. Return/Restock:If return w/in 14days, up to $35 fee. Wireless Svc Terms: Subject to Wireless Customer Agmt. Other fees, monthly charges,
overage charges, & restrs apply.Pricing & offers subject to change & may be modified, discontinued, or terminated at any time w/out notice. Puerto
Rico: $300 Credit ends 10/31/2015. Svc not avail. everywhere. See participating store to learn more.
AARP member benefits are provided by third parties, not by AARP or its affiliates. Providers pay royalty fees to AARP for the use of its intellectual property. These
fees are used for the general purposes of AARP. Some provider offers are subject to change and may have restrictions. Please contact the provider directly for details.
2015 AT&T Intellectual Property. All rights reserved. AT&T and Globe logo are registered trademarks of AT&T Intellectual Property. All other marks are the property
of their respective owners.
Is your
BLADDER
calling the shots?
Tell your doctor about all the medicines you take including medications for
overactive bladder or other medicines such as thioridazine (Mellaril and
Mellaril-S), ecainide (Tambocor), propafenone (Rythmol), digoxin (Lanoxin).
Myrbetriq may affect the way other medicines work, and other medicines may
affect how Myrbetriq works.
Before taking Myrbetriq, tell your doctor if you have liver or kidney problems.
In clinical studies, the most common side effects seen with Myrbetriq included
increased blood pressure, common cold symptoms (nasopharyngitis), urinary
tract infection and headache.
Myrbetriq LV D UHJLVWHUHG WUDGHPDUN RI $VWHOODV 3KDUPD ,QF $OO RWKHU WUDGHPDUNV RU UHJLVWHUHG
WUDGHPDUNVDUHWKHSURSHUW\RIWKHLUUHVSHFWLYHRZQHUV
$VWHOODV3KDUPD86,QF
5HYLVHG-XO\
)0,5%5)6
30
ALL IN
A Days Work
We were looking for suitable human DNA to help save our species from
extinction, but we got sidetracked by your huge selection of seasonal coffees.
... to have worked in a jail when he collection. Once, a man asked how
was really in there serving time. much a record cost. My coworker
... he was fired on accident. quoted him the price, then added,
From careerbuilder.com But theres a surcharge if we have to
listen to how your mother made you
PAUL N ATKIN/GETTY IM AGES. CHARLES SY KES/GETTY IMAGES. STUART WIL SON/G E TTY IMAG E S
WHILE ON PATROL, I arrested a bur- throw out all your old vinyl records.
glar whod injured himself running LINDA NEUKRUG, Wa l n u t C r e e k , C a l i f o r n i a
from a home. He told me hed broken
in and unhooked the phone before Anything funny happen to you at work
searching for valuables. But hed lately? It could be worth $100. For details,
panicked when he heard a womans see page 9 or go to rd.com/submit.
A. B. C. D. E. F.
Madonna Eminem Barbra Axl Mariah Prince
Streisand Rose Carey
Source: stars.topix.com
Answers: 1-E; 2-C; 3-D; 4-F; 5-A; 6-B
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 55
HEALTH
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 57
C L A S S I C H E A LT H D E B A T E S
58 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
READERS DIGEST
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 59
HEALTH
RED WINE
Stop Drinking 6 ounces
60 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
HEALTH
The Seasons
Germiest Greetings
BY C A RO LINE P RAD ERIO FR O M PR E V E NTION
World of Medicine
BY KELSEY KLOSS
to induce motion
sickness. Those
who received the
current before
taking a second
ride took longer
to get sick than
before. The current
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 65
COVER STORY
66 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
Five classic tales
of wonder,
compassion,
and joy to inspire
you this season
68 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
READERS DIGEST
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 69
M I R AC U LO U S C H R I ST M AS STO R I E S
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 71
M I R AC U LO U S C H R I ST M AS STO R I E S
72 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
READERS DIGEST
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 73
M I R AC U LO U S C H R I ST M AS STO R I E S
was sitting on a wooden bench, star- began to pack. Suddenly I saw that
ing out into the woods. He spoke a light snow was falling, just begin-
without looking up. ning to adhere to the branches of the
Did you find what you were look- trees. I got my coat and went outside.
ing for? The wind was cold on my face, and
Suddenly I was afraid. Tony seemed I blinked my eyes against it. My heart
prepared for a simple answer, logical was beating very fast, and I began to
and conclusive. But I knew that I had run. And then, within a few yards of
stumbled upon something inscru- my destination, I stopped.
table, a thing that transcended rea- There, on a glistening blanket of
son, and I was afraid that Tony was snow, clad in a heavy coat of olive
not well enough to cope with such a drab, a solitary figure knelt, the white
mystery. It was nothingjust a white flakes falling like weightless feathers
birch stump, I whispered. on his bare head. He knelt at the feet
I should have known that of the woodland Madonna, which was
it would not end there. clothed in a new whiteness.
Late in November, When he finished his prayer, I did
Tony was transferred a thing that one does not do when
to a ward where he one is a student nurse. I moved to
was free to come and the place where he knelt and stood
go about the hospital behind him, taking the dark head in
grounds. Seeing him grow my hands. I brushed away the snow
stronger day by day, I began to that had collected in his hair.
believe that I had been wise in keep- Youll catch your death of cold,
ing silent about what I had really seen. I said.
So I held the lovely secret in my heart, He looked up at me, and I could see
hoarding itIm sure the other nurses that he had been expecting me.
wondered why I walked alone in the Miracles come in many sizes,
barren woods so often. he said.
It was a week before Christmas. Then he stood and turned to face
My training period was over, and me, smiling. And in his smile were
I was being reassigned. I said good- all wisdom and all tendernessand
bye to Tony and learned that he had I knew that he was well.
been given leave to go home for the
holidays. Then I went to my room and *Names have been changed.
READERS DIGEST
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 75
M I R AC U LO U S C H R I ST M AS STO R I E S
pretty regularly, and along toward and I couldnt read the date. When
Christmas a year later, I decided I got home, I took out my magnifying
I ought to join. The next Sunday, af- glass and tilted the copper surface to
ter the service, I was walking up Fifth the light. There was my birthday.
Avenue and spotted a penny in the As a journalist, Im in a profession
middle of an intersection. Oh, no way, where skepticism is a necessary and
I thought. It was a busy street; cabs honest virtue. But I found 21 wheat
were speeding byshould I risk it? I pennies on the streets of Manhattan
just had to get it. in the year after my father died, and
A wheat! But the penny was worn, I dont think thats a coincidence.
My Favorite Christmas
BY BILL BUTLE R
76 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
READERS DIGEST
IVE GIVEN UP social media for the them. And it works. I already have
New Year and am trying to make three people following metwo
friends outside Facebook while police officers and a psychiatrist.
applying the same principles. Every S u b m i t t e d b y NANCY L. CLARK,
day, I walk down the street and tell P o i n t s , We s t Vi r g i n i a
NOTE: Ads were removed from this edition. Please continue to page 86.
When a neighbor pulls an unconscious
toddler from an icy creek, the boys
family fears the worst. But one doctor
wont give up hope.
Baby IN THE
Stream BY D E RE K B U R N ETT
Gardell Martin,
age two, beside the
creek that nearly
took his life
BABY IN THE STREAM
TS THE FIRST warm day of spring, and the March sun pours
over the ridge that borders Doyle and Rose Martins rural
property outside Mifflinburg, Pennsylvania. Yesterday it rained
all day, melting the better part of the long winters snow, and what
the rain left behind, the sun is taking care of today. Water seeps
and trickles down the surrounding slopes, swelling the normally
humble creeks until they nearly jump their banks. The stream that
runs through the Martins yard is usually ankle deep and lethargic,
but today it is so spring-riled that it courses angrily beneath the
footbridge at startling speed, up to a mans waist and frigid.
The Martin boys will not squan- stream. Rose dials 911, and the girls
der such a lovely afternoon. After the call their father. The property echoes
school bus drops them off, they barge with the familys frantic shouts for
outside to ride bikes, gathering sticks Gardell, as mother and children
to build a fire. They are what people in scramble along the banks of the
some circles call free-range kids; the brook, sickened by the speed of that
Martins have eight in all [their youngest icy gray water.
boy born just this April], and in keep-
R
ing with their own upbringings, Doyle ANDALL BE ACHEL IS wash-
and Rose expect their children to learn ing dishes at his kitchen sink
independence and responsibility, the when he looks idly out the
older ones looking after the younger. window and sees Grace and Gary
Today, Gary, 11, and Greg, seven, are Martin running alongside the stream
playing with little Gardell, who is not where it exits their property. Some-
yet two. Doyle, a trucker, is out on the things wrong. Grace is barefoot, no
road. Rose is working in the kitchen, jacket. Theyre yelling. He steps out-
where she can frequently check on the side. Whats wrong? he calls to Gary.
boys through the window. We cant find my little brother!
Suddenly Greg bursts through the Randalls heart sinks. He runs back
door, his face streaked with tears. inside, tells his wife, Melissa, whats
I cant find Gardell! he screams. He going on, and pulls on his shoes.
was just with me! Together they rush outside and down
Rose and her two eldest, Gloria and the road to where the stream passes
Grace, charge outside, hollering through pastureland some eighth of a
Gardells name. Just to make sure, mile downstream of the Martin place.
they check the two outbuildings, but Randall holds the strands of electric
everybody is thinking about that raging fence wire, ignoring the shocks, as
88 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
READERS DIGEST
Melissa climbs through. When they the body. Thats all Randall sees before
reach the brook, Melissa goes down- the vehicle turns around and speeds
stream and Randall begins following toward town. As for Rose, she never
the brook back toward the Martins, gets so much as a glimpse of her son.
scanning the waters surface. After a Theyre taking him to Evangelical
moment, he sees a tiny pair of navy- Community Hospital in nearby Lew-
blue boots partially obscured by brush. isburg, she learns. Within minutes,
A step or two farther, and he sees the her sister and brother-in-law arrive
whole picture: the little boy, still clad at the house, and together they speed
in a hooded snowsuit, hang-
ing bizarrely on his side in
the middle of that rushing The CPR has gone on for more
stream, his face turned away
than an hour. If he survives, it will
from the current.
Randall plunges into the be a miracle, says a paramedic.
brook, gasping involuntarily
the water temperature is around 35 toward the hospital. As they rush
degreesloses his footing, and blun- into the emergency room 15 minutes
ders into a deep hole. Recovers him- later, Rose is told theyre transporting
self. Pulls the limp little body off what him by Life Flight to a trauma center.
turns out to be a grassy underwater Through the windows of the waiting
knoll. Staggers back to dry land, holler- area she can see the chopper on the
ing, I found him! even as he turns the heliport, its interior illuminated, med-
kid over to see if he can drain the water ical workers hunched over what must
from his mouth and lungs. An ambu- be Gardells body. Her brother-in-law
lance is coming up the road. Randall is an EMT, and he can tell that theyre
raises an arm, and it stops. still doing CPR in thereafter all this
A paramedic comes racing across the time!but he says nothing to Rose.
field, and Randall hands the little boy Mike Lesher, the paramedic who
off and stands watching as the rescuer first carried Gardell to the ambulance,
rushes back toward the ambulance, heads back to the station. The CPR has
performing CPR as he goes. When Ran- gone on for more than an hour; typi-
dall reaches the road, the ambulance cally rescuers give up after less than
staff have torn off Gardells clothes. half that time. If he survives, Lesher
One of the paramedics has placed remarks, it will be a miracle.
a mask onto the little boys face and A moment later, the aircraft lifts off.
is hand-pumping air into his lungs; Rose watches through the window,
the other is rhythmically compressing tears stinging her eyes; she has missed
the tiny chest to force blood through her little one again.
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 89
BABY IN THE STREAM
D
R. FRANK MAFFEI is prepar- at 6.54. No heartbeat, no breathing,
ing for his evening rounds in and a low pH: The boy is dead.
the pediatric intensive care Dr. Maffei has been doing this work
unit at Geisinger Medical Centers for 25 years. Objectively, he knows that
Janet Weis Childrens Hospital in its all over. Yet he cant shake some
Danville, some 15 miles from Lew- strange, subjective notion that Gardell
isburg. He gets a call from the ER is still in there. Keep going, he says.
downstairs: toddler on his way via Now its after 8 p.m., and Gardell
Life Flight, full cardiac arrest. Worse: remains unresponsive. The doctors
CPR ongoing for more than an hour, move him to the operating room and
to no avail. Not promising. prepare to put him on a heart bypass
Still, Dr. Maffei and his colleagues machine. Theyve gotten his tempera-
leap into action. Upon Gardells ture up to 83 degrees, but the machine
arrival, they run a breathing tube will allow them to warm his blood
down the boys throat, and four externally and recirculate it, speed-
residents line up on his left side to ing the process. A surgeon stands
continue CPR : two minutes of chest scrubbed and ready to cut into the
compressions, move to the back of the little boys chest.
line. Its critical to get Gardell warmed Lets just do one more pulse
up, so even as the limp little body jig- check, Dr. Maffei says, laying his
gles and jolts under the force of the fingertips against Gardells femoral
chest compressions, other doctors artery. To his amazement, there is a
and nurses carefully insert an IV and pulse. His colleague Dr. Rich Lambert
two catheters to send warm fluids into checks the brachial arterythere is a
his body, which is at only 77 degrees. strong pulse there. Excited, they stand
A resident turns to Dr. Maffei. At in the OR, monitoring Gardells pulse
what point are we going to stop? for more than an hour, then transfer
Well stop if we warm him to 90 him to pediatric intensive care.
degrees and hes still unresponsive, Dr. Maffei steps out into the waiting
Dr. Maffei says. area to meet Rose. Gardells alive, he
What about a pH? says. However, we have to understand
The resident is referring to the acid- that hes alive after essentially being
ity of the blood, which spikes when dead for an hour and 41 minutes. He
a person stops breathing; a pH lower needs to manage her expectations:
than 6.8 is considered incompatible Gardells oxygen-starved brain will
with life. probably be forever damaged. Its any-
Dr. Maffei hears himself answer, ones guess as to whenor whether
6.5. Its an outrageous threshold. A he will wake up and what function
few minutes later, the pH comes back hell have when he does.
90 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
READERS DIGEST
N
OW ITS THE wee hours of
the morning. Doyle Martin
has gotten in from the high-
ways, and he and Rose are sitting over
Gardells bed. Gardell, Doyle says
as he always does when he reaches
home, I came back from trucking to
play with you. Do you want to play?
And to the eternal astonishment of
all, the boy opens his eyes and turns
his head toward his fatherthe boy
who, eight hours ago, was dead.
Gardell stays in the hospital two
more days, under light sedation. Hes
kept at a cool 90 degrees to prevent his
brain tissue from swelling. He begins
opening his eyes more frequently, I never felt hopeless, says Dr. Maffei.
obviously aware of his surround- I thought, Weve got a shot to save him.
ings. The breathing tube is removed.
Hes weaned off the sedation. On flow and low oxygen, Dr. Maffei says.
the fourth day, a Sunday, he returns The severe cold stopped Gardells
home. Within a week, hes playing heart, but it also saved his brain, just
with his siblings. You would never as you might put an amputated finger
know anything happened, Rose says. on ice until you can reattach it. At a
higher temperature, Gardells brain
S
O HOW DID a little boy who, by cells would surely have died for lack of
every objective measure, was oxygen; as it was, they could waitat
dead for nearly two hours come least for an hour and 41 minutes. But
back to life unscathed? To the Martins no one involved in the rescue has ever
and many others, Gardells survival seen such an extreme case.
was simply a miracle. Rose points out Randall Beachel, the neighbor
that his pulse returned just as local who pulled Gardell from the stream,
church groups were meeting to pray sometimes looks over at the Martin
on his behalf. place and chuckles at the sight of
Physiologically, the key to Gardells the towheaded youngster kicking
survival was the fact that he nearly dirt around in the garden or chasing
drowned in ice water. Hypothermia his brothers. Its simple to him too.
imparts a degree of protection from Its truly a miracle, he says. Truly
the detrimental effects of low blood a miracle.
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 91
Thats Outrageous!
THE 7 FUNNY SINS
toise pornography.
The mating noise is PRIDE: A thief on
loud and startling, the lam was arrested
reports the Week UK. Its also evi- soon after liking a copy of his
dently quite seductive, since Boris Wanted poster on a Crime Stoppers
lumbered home soon after hearing Facebook page.
the videos play. Source: theweek.co.uk Source: Great Falls Tribune (Montana)
on car insurance for more than 75 years, MDHearingAid AIR is doctor designed
and wed love to do the same for you. and FDA registered. Experience topline
natural clarity like expensive devices
Get a FREE quote at geico.com, for 90% less.
call 1-800-947-AUTO (2886)
or your local ofce. 1.800.873.0541 One Year FREE
Batteries with code CG16.
MDHearingAid.com
Some discounts, coverages, payment plans and features are not available in all
states or in all GEICO companies. See geico.com for more details. GEICO and
Afliates. Washington DC 20076. 2015.
The Moth
TRUE TALES FROM AMERICAS PREMIER STORYTELLING GROUP
WINTS!
KE
TC
I
A
few years ago, I was involved Now Im going be on the radio
in a massive scheme to win competing with ten other people to
an Israeli quiz show similar to win the show. Not to worryhes
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, only planning to help me. With one phone,
I never wanted to be on the show. I listen to the radio show, and on an-
I was walking down the street when other phone, I have my friend telling
a friend called and said, Dude, youve me what to say. I am just echoing the
got to run home. Youre going to be on answers: Who won the 1998 World
the radio in 20 minutes. Explanations Cup? France. France. Whats the
later. As I walked, he explained that largest country in Africa? Algeria.
94 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
Algeria. And so on as we advance to HIPPIE HIPPIE
the final round, where I get the ques- SHAKE
tion Who has sold the most albums? BY NE S H AM A FR A N KLI N
I know the answer, so I shout it. SA N FR A N C I S CO, CA LIFO RN IA
I
As it turns out, Britney Spears is not m standing on a stage, almost
the one. stark naked. They start to laugh.
This is not a bad dream; this is
A SALTY JOKE real life. Its 1969, and I am about to
BY KAT HL E E N M I L L E R do the hippie dance of love in a San
NEW YO R K , NEW YOR K
Francisco nightclub so the tourists
I
n the fourth grade, I am accepted can have that wild experience in
into the advanced and gifted a safe place with drinks in hand.
program, and I am convinced life I had two toddlers at home and far
is going to be all Doogie Howser and from a showgirls body: short legs,
Harvard from now on. As the only wide hips, wide hair. And my partner,
girl, I spend most of my year trying the dance teacher who came up with
to win the approval of a dozen boys this gig, looked more like a grumpy
who think that an XX chromosome botanist than a hippie. But for four
always indicates a terminal diagnosis glorious weeks, I got paid for what
of stupid with cooties. I loved to do: improvising with an
Trying to be cool, I play a practical ironic twist, hence the laughs.
joke, slipping the leftovers from a salt Now, to look at me, you might not
rock crystal experiment into four milks think naked hippie dance of love.
at lunch. The boys really enjoy the These days, Im a librarian. When
disgusted looks on the faces of the you see an old lady with frizzy gray
drinkers as they recoil, and I am in. An hair, you have no idea what shes
hour later, I am in the principals office. been up to. I believe this is the mani-
He informs me that there are four festo. I believe we are like Russian
boys in the hospital having their stom- nesting dolls; everything weve done
achs pumped. They are near death. is still inside us. Twist off the top and
There could be manslaughter charges. there it is.
Little do I know, the boys have
momentary tummy aches and go Readers Digest has
back to class. The principal is trying partnered with the Moth
to teach me a lesson. on storytelling events in 19 cities, with
Then my mother arrives, meets the best stories appearing in a special
issue of RD next summer. To get tickets
with the principal, calls him out on to a show near you or subscribe to the
his total BS, and takes me out for ice Moths critically acclaimed podcast,
cream and to see the The Aristocats. visit themoth.org.
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 95
SPECIAL REPORT
OUTRAGEOUS
WHAT SOME
CHARITIES DO WITH
YOUR DONATIONS
AND HOW TO ENSURE
YOUR GIVING COUNTS
UNCHARITABLE!
BY D E RE K BURNETT
98 | 12/1501/16 | rd.com
READERS DIGEST
organizations would be
shuttered and their exec-
utives would pay restitu-
tion. (Reynolds declined
to comment on the case,
and litigation pertaining
to Cancer Fund of Amer-
ica itself, and Reynolds
personally, continues.)
But that might not be the
last we hear of the Reyn-
olds clan. They could set
up shop again tomorrow,
says Sandra Miniutti, CFO
of the watchdog organi-
zation Charity Navigator.
Its pretty scary.
In 2011, Reynoldss es-
tranged wifes daughter-
in-law, Jula Connatser,
who once worked for
Cancer Fund of America,
founded her own non-
profit, called the Ameri-
tied when it comes to charities fraud. can Association for Cancer Support. It
There is no federal law that prohibits was not named in the FTCs suit but is
a charity from lying to consumers to reportedly under investigation by the
get money, she says. Cracking down state of Tennessee. As of now, it has
on fraud is generally left up to the not been accused of wrongdoing and
states and their patchwork of laws. is operating freely in Knoxville.
Because it lacks jurisdiction over
charities, the FTC sought to prove that
Cancer Fund of America and its affili-
MONEY ON MUTE: THE
ates were not charities at all but rather
AMERICAN RED CROSS
corporations whose real purpose was Even the best nonprofits can fail the
to enrich their leaders. In June, with- public by not being up-front about
out admitting wrongdoing, two of how theyve spent donors money.
Cancer Fund of Americas affiliates When a 7.0-magnitude earthquake
agreed to a settlement in which the struck Haiti in 2010, killing some
rd.com | 12/1501/16 | 99
U N C H A R I TA B L E !
But at least Community Charity judge groups by how much work they
Advancement is open about how get done: Did they feed 10,000 home-
inefficient it is. Other groups are more less people last year? Did they counsel
subtle. Accounting rules allow them to 500 pregnant teens?
bundle certain fund-raising expenses But even the overhead myth bust-
in with program costsif the fund- ers concede there are reasonable limits
raising efforts can be somehow con- to how much it should cost to operate a
strued as supporting their missions. charity. For organizations that deliver
It can get kind of funny, says Daniel services, whether those services are
Borochoff, president of Charity Watch. provided by a for-profit or a nonprofit,
A charity might say the fund-raising the norm for overhead is 25 to 35 per-
that interrupted your dinner is a pro- cent, says Tim Delaney, president of
gram service because they ask you to the National Council of Nonprofits.
pray for people who are suffering in
the Sudan, or ask you to fly a flag and
show youre patriotic. Then they can
MONEY TO THE
magically turn the cost of that solicita-
MIDDLEMAN: OPTIMAL
tion call into a program service. MEDICAL FOUNDATION
Such techniques can have a major When a nonprofit fund-raising caller
impact on how effectual charities ap- interrupts your dinner, even though
pear to be. The Police Protective Fund he or she may speak of our mis-
claims to spend 48 percent of its ex- sion and our work, theres a strong
penses on its mission (to promote of- chance that that person has never
ficer safety through education). But even met anyone from the char-
according to Charity Watch, when ity he or she is asking you to give to.
you move the joint fund-raising and In fact, the person youre talking to
program costs into the overhead cat- most likely works for a decidedly for-
egory, you see that only 7 percent goes profit enterprise: a third-party fund-
to that cost. The rest is operating cost. raising firm that skims a hefty cut off
Overhead alone is not a sufficient every dollar raised for the charity that
basis on which to evaluate a charity. hired it. Thousands of charities use
A number of oversight groups point third-party solicitors, and their com-
out that for a charity to be effective, missions can be so exorbitantfrom
it must invest in its people and its 65 to 95 cents of every dollar raised
infrastructureafter all, nonprofits that they leave very little for the non-
compete for executive talent against profits to apply to their actual work.
the private sector, and no one believes Take the Association for Firefighters
that a choice to work for a nonprofit and Paramedics, which paid a fund-
should be a vow of poverty. Instead, raising firm nearly 90 cents for every
;OL4HYPUL*VYWZPZJVTTP[[LK[VUKPUNHUK
LUJV\YHNPUNHSSZLY]PJLTLTILYZ[OLPYMHTPSPLZ
HUKJP]PSPHULTWSV`LLZ^OVSP]LKVY^VYRLKH[
*HTW3LQL\ULPU VYILMVYL[VILPUJS\KLK
PU[OL*HTW3LQL\UL/PZ[VYPJ+YPURPUN>H[LYUV[PJH[PVUKH[HIHZL
(-LKLYHSW\ISPJOLHS[OHNLUJ`[OL(NLUJ`MVY;V_PJ:\IZ[HUJLZHUK+PZLHZL
9LNPZ[Y`(;:+9PZZ[\K`PUN^OL[OLYWHZ[L_WVZ\YL[VJOLTPJHSZPU[OLKYPURPUN
^H[LYH[*HTW3LQL\ULTH`OH]LJH\ZLKHK]LYZLOLHS[OL
LJ[Z)LZ[LZ[PTH[LZ
MYVT(;:+9Z^H[LYTVKLSPUNL
VY[ZPUKPJH[L[OH[ZVTLVM[OLIHZLZ^H[LY
^HZH
LJ[LKI`JOLTPJHSZHZLHYS`HZ \U[PSHZSH[LHZ 9LNPZ[LYLK
PUKP]PK\HSZ^PSSILUV[PLKVMYLZ\S[ZMYVT[OLSH[LZ[PUKLWLUKLU[ZJPLU[PJZ[\KPLZ
HZ[OL`HYLUHSPaLK
0UMVYTH[PVUYLNHYKPUNZ[\K`YLZ\S[ZHUKOLHS[OJHYLSLNPZSH[PVUJHUILMV\UKI`]PZP[PUN
[OL*HTW3LQL\UL/PZ[VYPJ+YPURPUN>H[LY^LIZP[Lwww.marines.mil/clwater
(SYLHK`YLNPZ[LYLK&=PZP[[OL*HTW3LQL\UL/PZ[VYPJ+YPURPUN>H[LY^LIZP[L
for additional information or to update your contact information.
THE CURIOUS
WORLD OF
Mrs.
Reese
BY H E ATH ER SELLER S
It was nothing like the one I lived land next door? I wondered. Some-
in with my mother, a dark place with times I glimpsed the father on
strict rules about befriending others. a horse with a lasso. Sometimes
As in: Dont. Never, ever talk to any- I saw the two boysdark curly hair
one, my mother said. She suffered running around the land, chased by
from profound depression and para- two border collies. I never saw the
noid delusions. Just getting through mother, but the whole operation
the day was a war for my mother. looked like heaven, and I yearned to
Who lives on that utopian plot of join that family.
BEING GROAN-UPS
FOREVER
Memory
BY S I M ON PARK IN FR O M BBC .CO M FU T URE
On the afternoon of April 9, she collect and curate our memories more
posted a letter to one of her late hus- thoroughly than ever before.
bands friends. In the envelope, she We save what we believe to be im-
enclosed snapshots of my grandfather portant, but what if some essential
and his friend playing as children. context to our words or photographs
You must have them, she wrote. It is lost? How much better it would be to
was a demand but also a plea, per- save everything: everything we know
haps, that these things not be for- and all that we remember, the love af-
gotten when, a few hours later, she fairs and heartbreaks, the moments of
slipped away in her favorite armchair. victory and of shame, the lies we told
and the truths we learned. If you could
SAVING YOUR MIND save your mind like a computers hard
T
he hope that we will be re- drive, would you? Its a question some
membered after we are gone is hope to pose to us soon. Engineers are
both elemental and universal. now working on technology that will
Poet Carl Sandburg captured this feel- be able to create wholesale copies of
ing in his 1916 poem Troths: our minds and memories that live on
Yellow dust on a bumblebees wing, after we are burned or buried. If they
Grey lights in a womans asking eyes, succeed, it promises to have profound,
Red ruins in the changing sunset and perhaps unsettling, consequences
embers: for the way we live, whom we love, and
I take you and pile high the memories. how we die.
Death will break her claws on some San Franciscan Aaron Sunshines
I keep. grandmother also passed away re-
Since the first paintings were cently. One thing that struck me is
scratched on cave walls, humans have how little of her is left, the 30-year-old
sought to confound the final vanish- tells me. Its just a few possessions. I
ing of memory. Oral history, diary, have an old shirt of hers that I wear
memoir, photography, film, and po- around the house. Theres her prop-
etry: Theyre all tools in our arsenal erty, but thats just faceless money.
in the war against times whitewash. It has no more personality than any
Today, we bank our memories onto other dollar bill.
Internet servers. Theres the Facebook Her death inspired Sunshine to sign
time line that records our life events, up with Eternime, a Web service that
the Instagram account on which we strives to preserve a persons memo-
store our likeness, the Gmail inbox ries after death. It works like this:
that documents our conversations, While youre alive, you grant the ser-
and the YouTube channel that broad- vice access to your Facebook, Twit-
casts how we move, talk, or sing. We ter, and e-mail accounts, uploaded
photos, geo-location history, and even knows, the act of recording ones life
Google Glass recordings of things that is a selective process. Details can be
you have seen. The data are collected tweaked, emphases can be altered,
and analyzed before being transferred and relationships can be erased.
to an artificial-intelligence avatar What if, rather than picking and
that tries to emulate your looks and choosing what we want to capture
personality. The avatar in digital form, it were
learns more as you inter- possible to record the
act with it, with the aim As anyone who contents of a mind in
of better reflecting you has a Facebook their entirety? The ef-
after youre gone.
Its about creating an
profile knows, fort would require three
breakthroughs. Scien-
interactive legacy, says recording ones tists must first discover
Marius Ursache, one of life is a selective how to preserve, non-
Eternimes cocreators. process. destructively, someones
Your great-grandchil- brain upon death. Then
dren will use it instead of the content of the pre-
a search engine or time line to access served brain must be analyzed and
information about youfrom photos captured. Finally, that capture must
of family events to your thoughts on be re-created on a simulated human
certain topics to songs you wrote but brain on which a backup of a humans
never published. memories could run.
Sunshine says a service like Eter-
nime could change our relationship ARE WE OUR MEMORIES?
R
with death, creating truer memories esearch in this area is ongoing.
in the place of the vague stories we The BRAIN Initiative is work-
have today. The technology is in its ing to record brain activity
infancy now. But even after it exists, from millions of neurons, while the
the company could go under some- Human Brain Project in Europe tries
day, and the people it homes would to build integrated models from this
die a second death. activity.
As my own grandmother grew older, Anders Sandberg, a researcher from
some of her memories retained their the Future of Humanity Institute at
vivid quality; others became confused, Oxford University, wrote a paper in
the specifics shifting in each retelling. 2008 titled Whole Brain Emulation: A
Eternime and other services counter Roadmap, in which he describes simi-
the fallibility of memory; they offer a lar projects as stepping-stones toward
way to fix the details of a life. But as emulating the human brain. Progress
anyone who has a Facebook profile has been slow but steady, he says.
Visit SimpliSafe.com/readers
Youll save 10% when you visit this page.
*UnTBTQFDJBMGPS3FBEFSnT%JHFTUSFBEFST
Big
One
Its past due. Are we ready?
BY KAT H RY N S C H ULZ FR O M T H E N E W YORKER
S
E I S M O L O G I S T S know a seismic-safety technology in which
that how long an earth- the body of a structure rests on mov-
quake lasts is a decent able bearings rather than directly on
proxy for its magni- its foundation. Goldfinger lurched
tude. The 1989 earth- over to take a look. The base was
quake in Loma Prieta, lurching, too, back and forth a foot
California, which killed at a time, digging a trench in the
63 people and caused six billion dol- yard. His watch swept past the three-
lars worth of damage, lasted about minute mark and kept going.
15 seconds and had a magnitude of 6.9. For decades, seismologists had
A 30-second earthquake generally believed that Japan could not expe-
has a magnitude in the mid-sevens. rience an earthquake stronger than
A minute-long quake is in the high magnitude 8.4. In 2005, however, at
sevens, a two-minute quake has a conference in Hokudan, a Japanese
entered the eights, and a three- geologist named Yasutaka Ikeda had
minute quake is in the high eights. By argued that the nation should expect
four minutes, an earthquake has hit a magnitude 9.0 in the near future
magnitude 9.0. with catastrophic consequences be-
The earthquake was not particularly cause Japans famous earthquake and
strong. Then it ticked past the 60- tsunami preparedness was based on
second mark, making it longer than the incorrect science. Now, Goldfinger
others that week. The shaking intensi- realized as the shaking hit the four-
fied. At a minute and a half, everyone minute mark, the planet was proving
in the room got up and went outside. the Japanese Cassandra right.
It was March. There was a chill in For a moment, that was pretty
the air and snow flurries but no snow cool: a real-time revolution in earth-
on the ground. Nor, from the feel of quake science. Almost immediately,
it, was there ground on the ground. though, it became extremely uncool
The earth snapped and popped and because Goldfinger and every other
rippled. It was, Goldfinger thought, seismologist in Kashiwa knew what
like driving through rocky terrain in was coming. One of them pulled out
P ROP STYLI ST: ROBI N FIN LAY
a vehicle with no shocks, if both the a cell phone and started streaming
vehicle and the terrain were also on videos from the Japanese broadcasting
a raft in high seas. The quake passed station NHK, shot by helicopters that
the two-minute mark. The flagpole had flown out to sea soon after the
atop the building that he and his col- shaking started. Thirty minutes after
leagues had just vacated was whip- Goldfinger first stepped outside, he
ping through an arc of 40 degrees. watched the tsunami roll in, in real
The building itself was base-isolated, time, on a two-inch screen.
M
OST PEOPLE in the United their epochs-long drift, rearrange the
States know just one fault line earths continents and oceans.
by name: the San Andreas, Take your hands and hold them
which runs nearly the length of Cali- palms down, middle fingertips
fornia and is perpetually rumored to touching. Your right hand repre-
be on the verge of unleashing the sents the North American tectonic
big one. That rumor is misleading, plate, which bears on its back our
no matter what the San Andreas ever entire continent. Your left hand rep-
does. Every fault line has an upper resents an oceanic plate called Juan
limit to its potency, determined by its de Fuca, 90,000 square miles in size.
length and width and by how far it can The place where they meet is the
slip. For the San Andreas, that upper Cascadia subduction zone. Now slide
limit is roughly an 8.2a powerful your left hand under your right one.
earthquake but, because the Richter That is what the Juan de Fuca plate is
scale is logarithmic, only 6 percent as doing: slipping steadily beneath North
strong as the 2011 event in Japan. America. When you try it, your right
27,000 will be injured, and the agency stuck on oceanic platesas North
expects it will need to provide shelter America is stuck on Juan de Fuca
for a million displaced people and and then getting abruptly unstuck. And
food and water for another 2.5 mil- nearly all the volcanoes are caused
lion. This is one time that Im hoping by the oceanic plates sliding deep
all the science is wrong, and it wont beneath the continental ones.
happen for another thousand years, The Pacific Northwest sits squarely
Murphy says. within the Ring of Fire. Off its coast,
In fact, the science is robust, and an oceanic plate is slipping beneath
one of the chief scientists behind it a continental one. Inland, the Cascade
is Chris Goldfinger. Thanks to work volcanoes mark the line where, far
done by him and his colleagues, we below, the Juan de Fuca plate is heat-
now know that the odds of the big ing up and melting everything above
Cascadia earthquakes happening in it. In other words, the Cascadia sub-
the next 50 years are roughly one in duction zone has, as Goldfinger put it,
three. The odds of the very big one all the right anatomical parts. Yet not
are roughly one in ten. Even those once in recorded history has it caused
numbers do not fully reflect the a major earthquakeor any quake to
dangeror, more to the point, how speak of. By contrast, other subduc-
unprepared the Pacific Northwest is tion zones produce major earthquakes
to face it. Forty-five years ago, no one occasionally and minor ones all the
even knew the Cascadia subduction time. The question facing geologists
zone existed, and its discovery stands was whether the Cascadia subduction
as one of the greatest scientific detec- zone had ever broken its eerie silence.
tive stories of our time. In the late 1980s, Brian Atwater,
a geologist with the U.S. Geological
Reading the Trees Survey, and postgraduate student
A
LMOST ALL THE worlds most David Yamaguchi found the answer
powerful earthquakes occur in and a major clue in the Cascadia puz-
the Ring of Fire, the volcani- zle. Their discovery is best illustrated in
cally and seismically volatile swath of a place called the ghost forest, a grove
the Pacific that runs from New Zea- of western red cedars on the banks of
land up through Indonesia and Japan, the Copalis River, near the Washington
across the ocean to Alaska, and down coast. The cedars are spread out across
the west coast of the Americas to Chile. a salt marsh on a northern bend in
The Ring of Fire, it turns out, is really the river, long dead but still standing.
a ring of subduction zones. Nearly Leafless, branchless, barkless, they are
all the earthquakes in the region are reduced to their trunks and worn to
caused by continental plates getting a smooth silver gray.
It had long been assumed that they But it did not. If you travel 5,000
died slowly, as the sea level around miles due west from the ghost
them gradually rose. But by 1987, forest, you reach the northeast coast of
FROM LEFT: JIJI P RESS /A FP/GETTY IMAGES. COURTESY U.S. GEOLOGI CAL SU RVE Y
Atwater, who had found in soil layers Japan. That coast is vulnerable to
evidence of sudden land subsidence tsunamis, and the Japanese have kept
along the Washington coast, sus- track of them since at least AD 599.
pected that that was backwardthat One incident has long stood out for its
the trees had died quickly when the strangeness. On the eighth day of the
ground beneath them plummeted. To 12th month of the 12th year of the Gen-
find out, he teamed up with Yamagu- roku era, a 600-mile-long wave struck
chi, a specialist in dendrochronology, the coast, leveling homes, breaching
the study of growth-ring patterns in a castle moat, and causing an accident
trees. Yamaguchi took samples of the at sea. The Japanese understood that
cedars and found that they had died tsunamis were the result of earth-
simultaneously: In tree after tree, the quakes, yet no one felt the ground
final rings dated to the summer of shake before the Genroku event. When
1699. Since trees do not grow in the scientists began studying it, they called
winter, he and Atwater concluded it an orphan tsunami.
that sometime from August 1699 to Finally, in a 1996 article in Nature,
May 1700, an earthquake had caused a seismologist named Kenji Satake and
the land to drop and killed the cedars. three colleagues, drawing on the work
That time frame predated the written of Atwater and Yamaguchi, matched
history of the Pacific Northwest that orphan to its parent. At approxi-
and so, by rights, the detective story mately nine at night on January 26,
should have ended there. 1700, a magnitude-9.0 earthquake
struck the Pacific Northwest, causing sample, then comparing their extent
sudden land subsidence and, out in and consistency along the length of the
the ocean, lifting up a wave half the Cascadia subduction zone, Goldfinger
length of a continent. It took roughly and his colleagues were able to deter-
15 minutes for the eastern half of that mine how much of the zone has rup-
wave to strike the Northwest coast. tured, how often, and how drastically.
It took ten hours for the other half to Thanks to that work, we now know
cross the ocean. It reached Japan on that the Pacific Northwest has expe-
January 27, 1700: by the local calendar, rienced 41 subduction-zone earth-
the eighth day of the 12th month of the quakes in the past 10,000 years. If you
12th year of Genroku. Once scientists divide 10,000 by 41, you get about 243,
had reconstructed the 1700 earth- which is Cascadias recurrence inter-
quake, certain previously overlooked val: the average amount of time that
accounts also came to seem like clues. elapses between earthquakes. That
The reconstruction of the Cascadia time span is dangerous both because
earthquake of 1700 is one of those it is too longlong enough for us to
rare natural puzzles whose pieces fit unwittingly build an entire civiliza-
together as tectonic plates do not: per- tion on top of our continents worst
fectly. It is wonderful science. It was fault lineand because it is not long
wonderful for science. And it was terri- enough. Counting from the earth-
ble news for the millions of inhabitants quake of 1700, we are now 315 years
of the Pacific Northwest. As Goldfinger into a 243-year cycle.
put it, In the late 80s and early 90s, It is possible to quibble with that
the paradigm shifted to uh-oh. number. Recurrence intervals are
averages, and averages are tricky: Ten
When the Dogs Bark is the average of nine and 11 but also
G
OLDFINGER TOLD ME this in of 18 and two. It is not possible, how-
his lab at Oregon State. Inside ever, to dispute the scale of the prob-
the lab is a walk-in freezer. In- lem. The devastation in Japan in 2011
side the freezer are floor-to-ceiling was the result of a discrepancy be-
racks filled with cryptically labeled tween what the best science predicted
tubes, four inches in diameter and and what the region was prepared to
five feet long. Each tube contains a withstand. The same will hold true in
core sample of the seafloor. During the Pacific Northwestbut here the
subduction-zone earthquakes, torrents discrepancy is enormous.
of land rush off the continental slope, The first sign that an epic Cascadia
leaving a permanent deposit on the earthquake has begun will be a com-
bottom of the ocean. By counting the pressional wave, radiating outward
number and the size of deposits in each from the fault line. Compressional
tion, whereby seemingly solid ground hesitating amid the ruins of a home,
starts behaving like a liquid, to the det- searching for loved ones. When that
riment of anything on top of it. Fifteen tsunami is coming, you run, says Jay
percent of Seattle is built on liquefiable Wilson, chair of the Oregon Seismic
land, including 17 day-care centers and Safety Policy Advisory Commission
the homes of some 34,500 people. So is (OSSPAC). You protect yourself, you
Oregons critical energy-infrastructure dont turn around, you dont go back
hub, a six-mile stretch of Portland to save anybody. You run for your life.
through which flows 90 percent of
the states liquid fuel and that houses What Can We Do?
T
everything from electrical substations HE TIME TO SAVE people from
to natural gas terminals. The sloshing, a tsunami is before it happens,
sliding, and shaking will trigger fires, but the region has not yet taken
flooding, pipe failures, dam breaches, serious steps toward doing so. Hotels
and hazardous-material spills. Four to and businesses are not required to
six minutes after the dogs start barking, post evacuation routes or to provide
the shaking will subside. For another employees with evacuation training.
few minutes, the region, upended, These lax safety policies guarantee
will continue to fall apart on its own. that many people inside the inunda-
Then the wave will arrive, and the real tion zone will not get out. Twenty-two
destruction will begin. percent of Oregons coastal popu-
Among natural disasters, tsunamis lation is 65 or older. Twenty-nine
may be the closest to being unsurviv- percent of the states population is
able. The only likely way to outlive one disabled, and that figure rises in many
is not to be there when it happens: to coastal counties. We cant save them,
steer clear of the vulnerable area or Kevin Cupples says. Im not going to
get yourself to high ground as fast as sugarcoat it and say, Oh, yeah, well
possible. For the 71,000 people who go around and check on the elderly.
live in Cascadias inundation zone, No. We wont.
that will mean evacuating in the nar- Those who cannot get out of the
row window after one disaster ends inundation zone under their own
and before another begins. They will power will quickly be overtaken by
be notified to do so only by the earth- a greater one. A grown man is knocked
quake itselfa vibrate-alert system, over by ankle-deep water moving at
Kevin Cupples, the city planner for the 6.7 miles an hour. The tsunami will be
town of Seaside, Oregon, jokes. De- moving more than twice that fast. Its
pending on location, they will have ten height will vary with the contours of
to 30 minutes to get out. That timeline the coast, from 20 feet to more than a
does not allow for finding a flashlight, hundred feet. It will look like the whole
ocean, elevated, overtaking land. Nor valuable by their proximity to the sea.
will it be made only of waternot But, covertly, they also present us with
once it reaches the shore. It will be a problems of time. The earth is 4.5 bil-
five-story deluge of pickup trucks and lion years old, but we are a young
door frames and cinder blocks and species, with an average individual
fishing boats and utility poles and ev- allotment of threescore years and ten.
erything else that once constituted the The brevity of our lives breeds a kind
coastal towns of the Pacific Northwest. of ignorance of or an indifference to
The inundation zone in a full- those planetary gears, which turn
margin rupture will be scoured of more slowly than our own.
structures from California to Canada. This problem is bidirectional. The
The earthquake will have wreaked its Cascadia subduction zone remained
worst havoc west of the Cascades but hidden from us for so long because
caused damage as far away as Sacra- we could not see deeply enough into
mento, California. FEMA expects to the past. It poses a danger to us today
coordinate search-and-rescue opera- because we have not thought deeply
tions across 100,000 miles and in the enough about the future. Where we
waters off 453 miles of coastline. stumble is in conjuring up grim fu-
OSSPAC estimates that in the I-5 cor- tures in a way that helps to avert them.
ridor, it will take one to three months
after the earthquake to restore electric- The School in the Zone
T
ity, a month to a year to restore drink- HE LAST PERSON I met with in
ing water and sewer service, six months the Pacific Northwest was Doug
to a year to restore major highways, Dougherty, the superintendent
and 18 months to restore health-care of schools for Seaside, which lies al-
facilities. On the coast, those numbers most entirely within the tsunami inun-
go up. Whoever stays there will spend dation zone. Of the four schools that
three to six months without electric- he oversees, with a total student pop-
ity, one to three years without drink- ulation of 1,600, one is relatively safe.
ing water and sewage systems, and The others sit five to 15 feet above sea
three or more years without hospitals. level. When the tsunami comes, they
How much all of this will cost is any- will be as much as 45 feet below it.
ones guess. But whatever the ultimate In 2009, Dougherty told me, he
figure, the economy of the Pacific found land for sale outside the inun-
Northwest will collapse. dation zone and proposed building
On the face of it, earthquakes seem a new K-12 campus there. Four years
to present us with problems of space: later, to foot the $128 million bill,
the way we live along fault lines, the district put up a bond measure.
in brick buildings, in homes made The measure failed by 62 percent.
Dougherty tried seeking help from behind the school. At its tallest, it is
Oregons congressional delegation 45 feet highlower than the expected
but came up empty. The state makes wave in a full-margin earthquake. For
money available for seismic upgrades, now, the route to the ridge is marked
but buildings within the inundation by signs that say Temporary Tsunami
zone cannot apply. At present, all Assembly Area. I asked Dougherty
Dougherty can do is make sure that his about the states long-range plan.
students know how to evacuate. There is no long-range plan, he said.
Some of them, however, will not Doughertys office is deep inside the
be able to do so. At an elementary inundation zone, a few blocks from the
school in the community of Gearhart, beach. Eighty miles farther out, 10,000
the children will be trapped. They feet below the surface of the sea, the
cant make it out from that school, hand of a geological clock is some-
Dougherty said. They have no place where in its slow sweep. All across the
to go. On one side lies the ocean; on region, seismologists are looking at
the other, a wide, roadless bog. When their watches, wondering how long we
the tsunami comes, the only place to have, and what we will do, before geo-
go in Gearhart is a small ridge just logical time catches up to our own.
COURTESY OF THE AUTHOR. ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW YORKER (JUNE 20, 2015), NEWYORKER.COM.
GUARANTEED RELIEF
ALSO FOR EXTREMELY DRY, CRACKED HANDS
Representative photos: Before and after hand images from one week usage period. Cream was applied before bed and three times daily. Results may vary.
AVAILABLE
WHO KNEW
13 Things
Credit Card
Companies
Know
About You
BY MICH E L L E C R O U C H
Lucky Luciano
Robert
Baden-Powell
Roald Dahl
Harry Houdini
Julia Child
Lucky Luciano
THE MOBSTER WITH THE Julia Child
HEART OF A PATRIOT THE CHEF WITH A TASTE
SOURCE P HOTOS , CLOC KWIS E F ROM TOP LEF T: P OP PERFOTO/GETTY IMAG E S. NE W YORK TIME S CO. /G E TTY IMAG E S.
another OSS officer, Paul Cushing set up Boy Scout troops across the
Child. After the two got hitched in globe. All the while, its rumored that
1946, Julia quit her job, while Paul Baden-Powell remained active in the
continued to work for the govern- military, spying wherever he toured.
ment. Within two years, he was
transferred to the U.S. Information Roald Dahl
Agency in France, where Julia took THE LADIES MAN WHO FELL
up cooking to occupy her time. IN LOVE WITH WRITING
The rest is culinary history. Long before he wrote Charlie and the
Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl was
Robert Baden-Powell a fighter pilot for the British Royal Air
THE BOY SCOUT WITH A MERIT Force during World War II. But after
BADGE IN SNEAKINESS sustaining several injuries in a 1940
Be Prepared figures into the codes crash, Dahl was transferred to a desk
of both spies and Boy Scouts, so job at the British embassy in Wash-
you may not be surprised to learn ington, DC. He quickly charmed his
that the Scouts were founded by an way into high society and became so
illustrious British agent, Lord Robert popular among DC ladies that British
Baden-Powell. intelligence came up with a new role
In 1899, Baden-Powell made a for him: seducing powerful women
name for himself during the Second and using them to promote Britains
Boer War in South Africa when he interests in America.
faced a 217-day siege by a Boer army It wasnt all fun and games. Clare
of 8,000 men. Wholly outnumbered, Booth Luce, a prominent U.S. repre-
he used props, cunning, and decep- sentative married to Time magazine
tion to defend the territory of Mafek- founder Henry Luce, was so frisky in
ing. He ordered his men to plant fake the bedroom that Dahl begged to be
mines on the edge of town and pre- let off the case. In the end, however,
tend to avoid barbed wire to throw his work with the ladies paid off. Dahl
off the enemy. Because he was short not only rallied support for Britain at
on troops, he enlisted all the young a time when many Americans didnt
boys in town as guards. Somehow, he want the country to enter the war, but
managed to protect the territory until he also managed to pass valuable
reinforcements finally arrived. stolen documents to the British gov-
The story made Baden-Powell a ernment. While penning propaganda
hero in England, and in 1907, he used and war stories in American papers,
his new fame to kick-start the scout- Dahl discovered something else:
ing movement. Soon he was helping his own talent for writing.
MENTAL FLOSS (DECEMBER 20, 2013), COPYRIGHT 2013 BY MENTAL FLOSS, MENTALFLOSS.COM.
Medical related emergencies are on the rise. More seniors are seeking an independent
lifestyle and better quality-of-life. Over 1 in 3 people over the age of 64 will fall this year.
Nearly half will not be able to get up without support.
Medical expenses can escalate when a person is not given timely support. You can prevent a
medical catastrophe with our 24 hour emergency response system. Our solution is highly
recommended by doctors, healthcare professionals, and hospitals.
We are offering a FREE Medical Alert System to seniors or their loved ones who call now.
For a limited time, there will be no set-up fees and the medical monitoring starts at less than
a dollar a day. The system is Top-Ranked and easy-to-use. The pendant is 100% waterproof
and it can travel with you. Our new system can detect falls automatically.
Call Toll-Free 1-800-231-0167 and gain peace of mind. There is no long term contract. Our
medical alert professionals can walk you through everything over the phone.
Dont wait until after a fall to give us a call. Take advantage of this special offer now to
protect yourself or a loved one.
Sincerely,
7 Touchy-Feely Questions
Answered by Science
BY BR A N D O N S P E C KTO R
of mobile phone users reported touches (fist bumps, high tens, etc.)
feeling vibrations from time to time after successful shots early in the
even though their phones werent season performed noticeably better
actually vibrating (or, in some cases, later in the season. To put it bluntly:
RIDDLE ME THIS
Statement required by the Act of August 12, 1970, Section 3685, Title 39, United States Code, showing the ownership, management and circulation
of READERS DIGEST, published 10 times a year at 44 South Broadway, Floor 7, White Plains, NY 10601, as filed on September 30, 2015.
The names and addresses of the publisher, editor-in-chief, and managing editor are: Publisher, Kirsten Marchioli; Editor-in-Chief,
Liz Vaccariello; and Managing Editor, Kerrie Keegan, of 750 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017.
The owner is Trusted Media Brands, Inc., 750 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017, and the names and addresses of Bondholders, Mortgages
and other Security Holders owning one percent or more of the total amount of Bonds, Mortgages or Other Securities are RDA Holding Co.,
750 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017.
Annual subscription price: $24.95.
Average number of copies of each issue during preceding 12 months, and of the single issue nearest to filing date, respectively, are as follows:
Total number of copies printed (net press run) 3,457,8503,485,793; paid distributionsales through dealers and carriers, street vendors and
counter sales 173,372170,263; paid mail subscriptions 2,430,0912,398,665; total paid distribution 2,603,4632,568,928; free or nominal rate
distribution 405,363459,881; total distribution 3,008,8263,028,809; copies not distributed 449,024456,984; percent paid: 86.53%
84.82%. I certify that the statements made by me above are correct and complete. Jim Woods, VP, Planning, Consumer Marketing
Chief Marketing Officer Leslie Dukker Doty SVP, Global Human Resources & Communications
VP, Brand Marketing Beth Gorry Phyllis E. Gebhardt, SPHR SHRM-SCP
Chief Digital Officer Vince Errico VP, Chief Technology Officer Aneel Tejwaney
VP, Digital Content & Audience Development VP, Consumer Marketing Planning
Diane Dragan Jim Woods
Braille and audio editions of Readers Digest are available from the American Printing House for
the Blind (aph.org/products/magsubsc.htm). A Readers Digest Large Print edition is available by
writing to: Readers Digest Large Print, PO Box 6097, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1597. For information about
our digital editions, go to rd.com/readers-digest-digital-editions.
IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR
Word Power
What makes a word beautiful? Is it a melodious sound?
An exotic meaning? For whatever reason, the words below appeal
to our sense of beautythough their meanings may not all be
pellucid (a pretty word for clear). Answers on next page.
BY E M ILY COX & H E NRY RATH VO N
Answers
1. lavaliere[B] pendant on a chain. Upon his first steps into the ancient
The lavaliere around the princesss chamber, the explorer fell under
neck caught the eye of her suitor. a penumbra of fear.
2. flan[B] custard dessert. We went 10. tendril[B] spiraling plant
from one Mexican restaurant to an- sprout. The alien pod wrapped its
other, searching for the perfect flan. tendrils around the captains ankle.
3. panoply[A] impressive array. 11. imbroglio[A] complicated
Eli was mesmerized by the panoply mix-up. For my tastes, too many
of dinosaur fossils at the museum. films these days are based around
a much-expected imbroglio.
4. gambol[B] frolic about. In
their downtime, North Pole elves 12. dalliance[A] frivolous or
are known to gambol in the snow. amorous play. The couples early
dalliance was marked by subtle
5. chalice[A] goblet. One chalice
flirting and letter writing.
contains deadly poison; the other,
an all-healing elixirnow choose! 13. mellifluous[C] sweet sound-
ing. Nothing is so mellifluous as the
6. languorous[C] lackadaisical
jingle of a bell on our Christmas tree.
or listless. The winter chill made
Sara long for the languorous hours 14. diaphanous[A] marked
of her summer at the lake house. by a fine texture. My wife wore a
diaphanous veil on
7. pastiche[C]
our wedding day.
artistic imitation. CELLAR DOOR
You call his work 15. recherch
Among others, the fantasy
a pastiche; I call it writer J. R. R. Tolkien main- [A] elegant or rare.
a knockoff. tained that the loveliest Alison wondered if
combination of sounds her grandmothers
8. opulent[C]
with the rs and ls that peo- bejeweled shoes
luxurious. During ple find lyricalis the phrase were too recherch
her first visit, Sally cellar door. Try repeating for the office party.
was overcome by it aloud. It ends with an
the opulent en- open o sound, which
trance of Tiffanys. Edgar Allan Poe called VOCABULARY
the most sonorous of the RATINGS
9. penumbra vowels (sonorous meaning 9 & below: Fair
[A] something that full sounding). 1012: Lovely
covers or shrouds. 1315: Pulchritudinous
FROM LEFT: GRANT FAI NT/GETTY IM AGES . PETRI FI ED COLLEC TION/GETTY IMAG E S. CE NTRAL PRE SS/G E TTY IMAG E S
Last Tuesday, 2,200 years A recent Navy World War I saw medical
after Hannibal defeated decree states that advances on the front
the Romans at the Battle of all troublemakers will lines when Germany hired
Canae, the last holdouts be kicked off ships an eye, ear, nose, and
finally turned in their and forced to walk to throat specialist, as well
spears and returned home. their battle. as a proctologist.
$RUGDEOH+HDULQJ$LG
Outperforms Many Higher Superb Performance From
Priced Hearing Aids Affordable Hearing Aid
CHICAGO: A local board-certified Ear, The high cost of hearing aids is a result
Nose, and Throat (ENT) physician, of layers of middlemen and expensive
Dr. S. Cherukuri, has shaken up the unnecessary features. Dr. Cherukuri concluded
hearing aid industry with the invention that it would be possible to develop a medical
of a medical-grade, affordable hearing grade hearing aid without sacrificing the
aid. This revolutionary hearing aid quality of components. The result is the
is designed to help millions of people MDHearingAid PRO, well under $200
with hearing loss who cannot afford each when buying a pair. Order for a
or do not wish to paythe much 45-Day Risk-Free Trial.
higher cost of traditional hearing aids.
Dr. Cherukuri knew that untreated hearing Tested By Leading Doctors
loss could lead to depression, social And Audiologists
isolation, anxiety, and symptoms consistent The MDHearingAid PRO has been
with Alzheimers disease. He didnt rigorously tested by leading ENT physicians
understand why the cost for hearing aids and audiologists who have unanimously
was so high when the prices on many agreed that the sound quality and output
consumer electronics like TVs, DVD in many cases exceeds more expensive
players, and cell phones had fallen. hearing aids.
z
Designed by a Board-Certified ENT Doctor DOCTORS AND PATIENTS AGREE:
z
Doctor-Recommended, Audiologist-Tested BEST QUALITY SOUND
z
Free USA Shipping LOWEST AFFORDABLE PRICE
z
FDA-Registered I have been wearing hearing aids for over 25 years...
z
Save Up To 90% Their sound quality rivals that of my $3,000
z
Rated Hearing custom pair of Phonak Xtra digital ITE. Gerald L.
Aid Online Thousands
of Satisfied Customers I have a $2,000 Resound Live hearing aid in my left
z
Batteries Included! ear and the MDHearingAid PRO in the right ear. I am
Comes Ready To Use
z
100% Money Back sound quality between the two hearing aids.
Guarantee! Dr. May, ENT Physician
For the Lowest Price Call Today Use Ofer Code CF96 to get
800-873-0680 FREE Batteries for a Full Year!
Phone Lines Open 24 Hours EVERY DAY
FREE USA Shipping
2015
www.MDHearingAid.com
Quotable Quotes
YOU HAVE TO BE GOING Its never too
TO A PRETTY AWFUL late to have
a happy
PLACE IF GETTING childhood.
THERE IS HALF THE FUN. TO M R O B B I N S ,
M I S S P I G GY, h a m novelist
GOD GAVE US
MEMORY SO THAT
I see life as like being attacked by a bear.
You can run, you can pretend to be
FROM TOP : SCOTT GA RFIELD/ WA LT DIS NEY PIC TURES/COURTESY EVERE TT COL L E CTION.
WE MIGHT HAVE
ROSES IN DECEMBER.
J . M . BA R R I E ,
dead, or you can make yourself bigger.
author AMY POEHLER, c om e di an
Readers Digest (ISSN 0034-0375) (USPS 865-820), (CPM Agreement# 40031457), Vol. 186, No. 1116, December 2015/January 2016. 2015.
Published monthly, except bimonthly in July/August and December/January (subject to change without notice), by Trusted Media Brands, Inc.,
44 South Broadway, White Plains, New York 10601. Periodicals postage paid at White Plains, New York, and at additional mailing offices.
POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Readers Digest, PO Box 6095, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1595. Send undeliverable Canadian addresses to
[email protected]. All rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, in any manner, is prohibited. Readers Digest and The Digest are
registered trademarks of Trusted Media Brands, Inc. Marca Registrada. Printed in U.S.A. You may cancel your subscription at any time and receive
a refund for copies not previously addressed. Your subscription will expire with the issue identified above your name on the address label.
SUBSCRIBERS: If the Post Office alerts us that your magazine is undeliverable, we have no further obligation unless we receive a corrected address
within one year. A special Readers Digest Large Print with selected articles from Readers Digest is published by Trusted Media Brands, Inc. For
details, write to: Readers Digest Large Print, PO Box 6097, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1597. CONSUMER INFORMATION: Trusted Media Brands, Inc., may
share information about you with reputable companies in order for them to offer you products and services of interest to you. If you would rather
we not share information, please write to Readers Digest Customer Care, PO Box 6095, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1595.
Memories of
the Heart
Yvonne Woolfolk Britton
www.xlibris.com
$24.99 hc | $15.99 sc | $3.99 eb
Brightfire
As she looks back, author chose to recall and A Tale of Sutton Hoo
share memories illed with extreme gratitude to
all the people who had shown her kindness, and P.M. Sabin Moore
contributed, in one way or the other, for her to www.authorhouse.co.uk
become what she is today. $12.99sc | $2.99 eb
Less than
1-inch incision.
Peter Miller
Professional Fisherman and TV Host
and Laser Spine Institute Patient
Every month, more people choose Laser Spine Institute to relieve their chronic neck
and back pain than any other spine surgery provider in the world. Heres why:
Minimally invasive outpatient procedures Board-certied surgeons
No lengthy recovery* 97% patient satisfaction rate
CALL TODAY FOR YOUR *Each patient is different. Results may vary.
For more information, visit LaserSpineInstitute.com/surgeons.
MRI REVIEW Medicaid currently not accepted. 2015 Laser Spine Institute, LLC