Marriage Ceremony of SHRINIWAS & USHA

The marriage rituals of the South Indian Brahmins are very interesting.
Traditionally, South Indian weddings lasted for five days. Nowadays, a typical South
Indian wedding takes a day and a half. We will now describe the events that take place
in a typical wedding.
VISHWAKSENA ARADHANA (PRAYER TO LORD VISWAKSENA)
VISHWAKSENA ARADHANA (Prayers to the God Vishwaksena - Chief
Commandment of Lord Vishnu's retinue), is the first prayer performed. Viswaksena is
the Lord of Wisdom, Dispenser of Success in all undertakings, and the eliminator of
obstacles. As a rule, Sri Vaishnavites invoke Vishwaksena prior to commencing any
ceremony or function works.
Basically all the Brahmins in India perform Vedic Marriage Rites, which are similar
throughout India. However, there are regional and local flavours.
During the marriage ceremony normally the girl wears a nine-yard, arakku red silk
saree with zari border and the groom wears only a silk upper and lower cloth (a dhoti
and an angvastram) and is bare bodied but adorned with a gold sacred thread. Before
proceeding further let me tell you about the
Salient features of the Wedding Ceremony
The marriage ceremony is conducted by half-a-dozen Iyengar priests. Beautiful
Iyengar women, in their colourful Kancheepuram silk sarees and flashing diamonds,
fill the courtyard of the wedding hall and they sing melodious songs at the
commencement of every single ritual and for every step of the ceremony appropriate
with the occasion. All the ceremonies -
like the bride and groom entering the hall, sitting in the mandapam, being seated on
the swing or playing games with each other, are conducted with appropriate singing.
The best part is that they sing for both sides, for the boys party as well as the girls
party.
USHA will have a typical South Indian hairdo, with her hair plaited in a long plait
and adorned with flowers. She wore a South Indian gold headgear with the
decorations of the Sun and Moon on either side of her parting and an ornament called
Rakoodi on the bun behind.her hair is made in plaits that are covered with gold
ribbons (gota) and tied in silk Kunjalams.
WEDDING PREPARATIONS
On the wedding day, the marriage hall and wedding altar are tastefully decorated
To reflect the local fauna and flora - festoons of mango leaves, flowers, plantain trees
and Kolam or Rangoli on the floor (colorful, geometric designs on the floors with
colored powders). A festive atmosphere prevails. Women wear colorful silk sarees and
dazzling ornaments. Women have a very important role to play throughout the
marriage and some of the rituals are exclusively theirs. The nadaswaram (also called
nagaswaram - a wind pipe instrument) accompanied by thavil (percussion drum) is an
important part of the marriage. No marriage ever takes place without it in the South.
This ancient musical instrument of South India is highly venerated. The traditional
belief is that its auspicious music heralds in tranquility and beatitude. The musicians
play a variety of classical Tunes (ragas) to suit every ceremony during the marriage.
PRIESTS
Generally, every family has their own priest who conducts the wedding. They are
Vedic scholars - thoroughly acquainted with Vedic practices, ceremonies, prayers,
rituals and the mantras (Vedic hymns). They conduct the wedding in accordance with
the Vedic tenets. In Hindi, the priest is called the pandit, from which comes the word
"Pundit". The Sanskrit and Tamil words are purohit and vadhyar. The chief priest
brings a group of Brahmin priests and assigns various duties, including the chanting
of Mantras. He presides over the function as the ceremonial Lord and supervises its
progress. The bride and the groom, parents and close relatives are instructed by him
on all their duties during the function. The chief priest (brahaspathi) represents higher
Gods at the ceremony and is therefore treated with great respect ad piety. He plays the
most important role in the wedding. Generous donations are given to the Brahmins in
cash, clothes and other forms as guru dakshina (offerings to the teacher). These priests
play a vital role in society.
Now about the ceremonies
Among Iyengars the first ritual in the process of marriage is celebration of the
Nischayartham (settling the marriage). There are basically two types of
Nischayarthams. The first one is a legal contract to conduct the marriage between
the two individuals, entered into by the elders of the family. It is a written
document, which specifies all the terms and conditions of marriage including the
dowry and the tentative date, time and place of marriage. The second
Nischayartham, which is indeed religious, may take place on the day of the
marriage, prior to the Muhurtham. It is in the form of a promise made by both the
parents concerned, to conduct the marriage, under the will of God, with their
entire mind and spirit.
Jaanavasam
On the previous day of a marriage or on the same day the Jaanavasam or the
bridegrooms reception takes place. The bridegroom is taken around the streets of the
town in an open luxury car in a procession. In the olden days he was taken around in a
chariot/car. The procession is preceded by the musicians playing sacred music and
followed by women wearing splendid silk sarees, decked with flowers and jewelry,
carrying trays full of the gifts. They carry clothes, jewelry, cosmetics, fruits, nuts and
sugar candy in large trays for the bride. In this fashion they arrive at the venue of the
marriage and are received by the brides people with much fanfare.
ON THE DAY OF MARRIAGE
After the ceremonial bath in the morning, the bridegroom is escorted to the altar to
commence his prayers and rituals. Several prayers (or pujas) are performed during the
ceremony, led by the chief priest, chanting the appropriate mantras. The initial prayers
prepare the bride and groom for the Muhurtham, the most auspicious time to
solemnize and sanctify the wedding. This time and day of the marriage are calculated
by pundits from Panchangams (Hindu almanacs) based on the birth stars and ruling
planets of the bride and the groom. This time usually falls during the morning. The
chief pundit ensures that the required ceremonies are completed before the
Muhurtham, as follows:
VRATHAM (THE MATRIMONIAL VOW)
This ceremony is performed by the bridegroom before the marriage ceremony. The
bride performs Jathakarma & Namakarna ritual before actual commencement of
Wedding ceremony. While the groom conducts the ceremony himself, guided by the
pundits, the father of the bride performs Jathakarma & Namakarna on her behalf.
Oblations are poured into agni in tribute to the Vedic-Gods, - invoking them
individually. It is a solemn request to the Gods, inviting them to witness the oath
taking and the marriage ceremony. The pundit chants the appropriate mantras while
the groom pours he oblations into the agni. After invoking each God the pundit
pronounces 'Avahayami' (The Gods have arrived) followed by 'Idham Asanam' (The
Gods are seated). The belief is that the Gods shall stay throughout the Wedding and
shower the blessings on the couple and the congregation. Some of the Gods invoked
are Soma (for fine progeny), Varuna (abundance and wealth), Brahaspathi
(impeccable morals and conduct), Gandharvas (conjugal bliss), Indra (power and
protection), Adityas, Visvadevas (health, long life and compassion), and Surya (the
Sun - purity, wisdom and peace). After completion of this ceremony, a yellow thread
soaked in turmeric solution is tied on the wrists of the groom and the bride. This is
called Kappu or Kankanam (a protective charm to indicate they are under oath). The
Couple are exhorted to abide by the Vedic dictum on moral, social and spiritual
obligations and responsibilities of married life. The bridegroom repeats these mantras
as narrated by the pundits. After this oath, nine earthen bowls are brought containing
edible seeds (lentils, rice). Water is poured into these bowls. The seeds sprout and are
immersed in a river later. This ceremony is called palikai, and symbolizes fertility and
compatibility.
Nichaya Muhurtham (Proclamation of Betrothal)
The bride and groom are led to the ceremonial altar and platform by their parents and
the pundits. There in the presence of all the guests, the chief pundit declares the
commencement of the marriage rituals. The pundits introduce both the bride and the
groom, tracing their respective lineage from the preceding three generations - their
names and Gotra (clan). The names and the Gotras of the couple, their parents,
grandparents and great-grandparents are recited. This announcement is considered as
the proclamation of the betrothal and marks the commencement of the marriage
ceremonies and the beginning of the Muhurtham.
NAANDI DEVATHA PUJA (PRAYERS TO VEDIC DEITIES)
The bridegroom continues with this ritual under the guidance of the pundit. A small
leafy branch of pipal tree is planted in the center of the altar, and milk is poured by
Sumangalis (noble married ladies). Though explanations vary, the common belief is
that this ritual is intended to offer oblations to the 33 Vedic Deities. These benevolent
deities symbolize splendor, strength, knowledge, wealth and truth. The Vedic Gods
belong to three orders: Terrestrial (Prithivisthana). Aerial or Intermediate (Madhya-
masthana) and Celestial (Dayusthana). They are invoked to subdue evil forces and
make nature benevolent. The hymns chanted describe the individual characteristics
and distinctive traits of each god.
On completion of this worship, new clothes are presented to the bridegroom and the
bride, after they are anointed with sandal paste, vermilion (Kumkum) and turmeric
powder. The presumption is that these Deities arrive to witness the wedding and bless
the couple and the assemblage with peace and prosperity.
After the above ceremonies also called as Poorvanga Shuba(Curtain raiser for the
function/ceremony) the parents of the bride who would be carrying out the Kanika
Dhaanam (giving away his daughter) undertakes the Sankalapa mantras.
He vouches religiously with prayers and slokas that he will be willing to give his
daughter as Kanika Dhaanam. Since the Brahmins have a right to give and receive
dhaanams, the bridegrooms father ensures the promise by giving a token amount as
compensation for receiving the girl. In the case of Iyengars, instead of the girls father
giving a dowry, it is the groom's father who gives a monetary compensation.
It is said that this custom has been prevalent even from the time of the legendary
marriage of Lord Ventatesha to Goddess Padmavathy. The Lord of Tirupati had to
borrow money from Kubera, the god of wealth, to pay the monetary compensation to
the father of Goddess Padmavathy. Incidentally, Lord Venkatesha is yet to pay-off his
debt to Kubera. The girls family gives her gifts of household objects like utensils,
cots, bed linen and other requirements, not intended as a dowry but to facilitate
starting a home. Hence the custom of dowry, as understood today, did not find place
in the Iyengar customs. After Poorvanga Shuba the Muhurtham, which is the main
ritual, takes place. The time within which the chief ritual has to be completed is called
one Muhurath Kala, which is about three and three fourth Nazahigai (one and a half-
hour). This time factor is very important for Mantra Shastra and for the principles of
Yaga. The full effect of the Vedas and Mantras shall be valid only for this Muhurtha
period.
Kashi Yatra
The Hindu code of Law and Justice (Dharma Sastra) formulates four successive
stages of a man's life. The first stage is Brahmacharin, a student's days with his guru at
his hermitage learning the Vedas, while observing strict celibacy and discipline. The
second stage is Grihasta, in which a man enters married life, establishes a household,
begets children, and discharges all social and religious responsibilities. The third stage
is Vanaprastha, in which he dwells in the forest as a hermit devoted mainly to
meditation. The final stage is Samyasin (ascetic) where he becomes an ascetic,
renouncing the world to meditate on the Atman, or supreme soul, and to achieve union
with it. The ascetic does not follow rituals or ceremonies. To become an ascetic, he
must, after his studies (Brahmacharin), proceed to Kasi in pursuit of higher
knowledge. Through the ages, the Hindus have revered Kasi (Varanasi) as the holiest
place and seat of learning. The tradition holds that every Hindu, after completing his
studies, proceeds to Kasi in pursuit of higher knowledge in philosophy. This choice is
Jana Marga, the path of wisdom.
In the Kasi Yatra ceremony, the bridegroom (Brahmachari, or bachelor) is supposed
to be commencing his pilgrimage to the holy city of Kasi to seek a guru for learning
advanced philosophy to attain salvation. here, the father of the bride intercepts him
and endearingly dissuades him from the pilgrimage, assuring the groom that the same
supreme state could be attained through married life.
The father of the bride promises to give his daughter to the groom for becoming
a Grihasta (married man). In this ceremony, the groom is attired in yellow robes
and holds an umbrella and some religious texts - like a young monk. The bride's father
addresses the groom thus: "We accord you a grand welcome. O Mahavishnu in human
form. Please step into my house and I shall give away my daughter to you in
marriage". He is ceremonially welcomed and this is known as the Mapillai Azhaippu
(the bridegroom reception). The bride's father then places a coconut and flowers in
the hands of the groom and leads him to the entrance of the marriage hall. There, the
bride and the groom exchange garlands and are seated on a swing. Sumangalis
circumambulate the swing singing devotional songs that describe the marriages of
various Gods. They carry oil lamps, flowers, water in silver pots, and colored cooked
rice. These are scattered around the swing, which is believed to ward off all evil
spells. The Hindus believe in triad of gods (Trimurti) composed of Brahma, the
creator, Vishnu, the preserver, and Shiva, the destroyer. By describing the groom as an
incarnation of the god Mahavishnu (Vishnu), the father's invitation implies the
indirect meaning of the Vedanta, that everything is an incarnation of the triad.
The most important part of the wedding ceremony is the 'Thiru Mangalaya Dhanam.
The Mangalaya Dhaanam takes place only after the bride and groom recite several
mantras assuring each other of sustained loyalty to one another, mentally, physically
and spiritually, throughout their lives. While other dhaanams are given by hand and
accompanied with water, the Kanika dhaanam is made by placing the girl on the lap
of the father. Prior to this, the girls maternal uncle (mama) who is known as the
Murai Maapillai (the customary bridegroom) has to garland the bride and the groom
to show that he has given his full consent to their marriage. This is done because
traditionally the mothers brother had the preferential right to marry the girl. The
marriage with the maternal uncle is not only common, but is very much in vogue even
today in South India in many communities. Hence, it is necessary to ensure that the
man who has a preferential right to marry the girl has forsaken it willingly. In small
coherent communities this type of endogamous exogamy became quite essential to
find the grooms within the community, who at the same time, do not belong to the
same gotra. In fact, nowadays marriages with close relatives are becoming quite rare
due to medical and genetic reasons. The maternal uncle had apparently some
disadvantages. Sometimes there could be a great deal of age difference between the
bride and her maternal uncle. The pair may not always be emotionally and
educationally compatible. On the other hand these marriages had many advantages
especially from the point of view of the girl. The biggest advantage was that the
maternal grandmother became the mother-in-law. In which circumstances the mother-
in-law and daughter-in-law relationship would be much better than it used to be in
other Indian communities. The trauma of transition, which an Indian bride faces, was
largely avoided. The adjustment to the new joint family was easier. The question of
ill-treating the girl by her own maternal grandmother would be almost out of question.
The future of the girl would be safer and secure. The family wealth could stay within
the family. The marriages would still take place even if the two families were not
economically equal, since they were deemed socially equal. This custom has also
been absorbed by the other Tamil communities. The fact that many Tamil women
address their husbands as mama indicates that marriage with the maternal uncle
would have been extremely popular. It is the maternal uncle who carries the bride and
brings her to the marriage pandal. The reason why the maternal uncle carries the girl
to the mandapam is to show the entire gathering that she is like a child to him. He
publicly displays that she is too young for him to marry her and brings her voluntarily
to be given away to another suitable groom.
Maangalya Dharanam
Among the gifts to be donated by a man to his fellow beings, giving away his
daughter in marriage is considered most virtuous and holiest according to Dharma
Sastra. This is one of the most important duties of a man (Karma Kanda). The custom
is that the bride is seated on the lap of her father while her mother stands close to him.
The bridegroom stands in front of the seated bride. A small loop of dharba - the sacred
grass - is placed on the head of the bride.
A yoke is placed over the dharba loop. Over the yoke, the Thali or Mangala Sutra
made of gold is placed, and water is poured in the aperture of the yoke. "May the
Gods multiply this gold for you into abundant wealth. May these waters strengthen
you with purity and lifelong sound health. May this yoke bless you with vigor, vitality
and tenacity to sail through life and remain as a resplendent wife throughout your life.
Let all the Gods bless you and be with you." This is the summary of the mantras
addressed to the bride. The bride then is presented with the ceremonial sari) Koorai -
a specially woven silk sari made for the marriage ceremony. This sari is retained by
the bride throughout her life and is worn during other religious ceremonies). The yoke
reflects its supreme importance to the pastoral people of the Vedic period. It also
represents the ideology that both the wife and husband must equally share the burden
of life - to plow through life smoothly.
 The Thali(Mangal Sutra) is placed on a silver plate with flowers,
vermilion powder, sandal paste, betel leaves, arac nuts, etc. It is circulated around the
hall to receive the blessings of the assembly. It is brought back to the wedding altar by
the priest. The bride returns after adoring her ceremonial sari (Koorai) and a thin belt
made of dharba grass is tied around her waist. Led by the chief pundit, all the
Brahmanas commence the ceremony by invoking the Vedic Gods. Facing the
bridegroom, the bride's father then makes the following statement in Sanskrit as
prompted by the priest:
"My daughter is a divine gift in human form, blessed by the Almighty and my
virtuous ancestors. She is an epitome of virtues, chastity, wisdom and wealth. Here in
the presence of all the DEVATHAS (heaven by deities) SAPTA(7) RISHIS and their
consorts (Seven Sages mind born sons of the God BRAHMA the creator) Vedic
Brahmanas and noble elders, I give her away in marriage to you, Mahavishnu in
human form. May you both live a long blissful and meaningful life, discharging all
your KARMAS (religious, social and cultural duties) and protect the DHARMA
(eternal law of justice and righteousness)" The bride's father pours a spoonful of water
on the right palm of the groom - symbolizing the giving away of the gift.
The bridegroom after receiving the holy water (acceptance of the gift) repeats the
following assurance thrice - repeating the mantras recited by the pundit:
"My Gotra (clan), family and myself, due to the virtuous acts down the generations,
are indeed suitably blessed with this divine gift in the form of your daughter. I
solemnly pledge in the presence of all Gods and this holy congregation that I shall
treat her with pure love, dignity and pride. We shall always remain together and share
the present life and beyond through all its phases, adding glory and radiance to both
our families.
"Thali is the South Indian term for mangal sutra. Mangal (a) means 'sacred and
auspicious', sutra is holy thread. The Thali is a pair of small gold tablets strung on
thick yellow thread that is soaked in turmeric solution. The tablets are embossed with
symbols, such as the sun, moon, conch, trident, and linga. These symbols represent
the family's affiliations Vaishnavites, Smarthas, Madhvas, etc. The sturdy thread is
composed of nine strings and compressed together, which represent the benevolent
characteristics of the nine planets.
The Thali, which indicates the marital status of a woman, is considered to have
originated in South India (Deccan) and was inducted into the Vedic system. The
traditional belief is that the Thali ensures the long and healthy life of the husband and
all the members of the family. At the auspicious time (muhurtham), the thali is tied
on the neck of the bride by the groom amid chanting of the mantras, showering of
flowers and Akshadai (turmeric - colored raw rice) by all the people in the
assemblage, and accompanied by a crescendo of nadaswaram and thavil. The
Sumangalis sing a chorus describing the celestial marriages. The tradition is that the
first knot is tied by the groom and the other two knots are tied by the sisters of the
groom. These three knots signify one of the Hindu philosophical principles - that
these three knots represent three inherent and eternal qualities of Prakriti(Nature, or
the primordial energy in all matter). Sattva (truth and harmony), Rajas (passion) and
Tamas (ignorance and delusion) are these three qualities of Nature - three strings
woven into one, three distinct qualities mixed into one, or three strata compressed
together. These three qualities must be kept in equilibrium to maintain Santhi (peace).
The bride, being Prakriti incarnate, has the central force to keep them in balance.
There are many interpretations and explanations offered in connection with the three
knots of the thali, but the precise rationale behind the tradition are obscure.
 While tying the thali, the groom says the following, as prompted by the pundit. "This
holy and auspicious thread which grants me a long life of sound health and prosperity
is being tied by me, May you live a hundred years with me in good health and
abundance." This is in Sanskrit and belongs to the later periods of the Vedas.
Pani Grahanam (Adoption of the bride into the groom's family)
This is accomplished by the groom by holding the hand of the bride in a special
manner and repeating the mantras as chanted by the pundit. The gist is as follows:
"The great Indra, Bhagan, Aryama, Savitha and other heavenly Gods have given you
to me to preside over the family as the Mistress. May you reward us with impeccable
progeny and prosperity. May we together live in absolute compatibility through all
stages of our life till the end. We adore you with deep reverence in the presence of this
learned assembly as Saraswathi - the Goddess of benevolence, wealth, compassion
and beauty. We seek your protection and support, Let the Gods grant you harmony.
Please lead us to the sublime state in this very life."
SAPTHA PADHI - SEVEN STEPS (Consecration of the Marriage)
This is the most important ceremony in the wedding, as it confirms the marriage and
sanctifies it. Only after this ceremony are the couple affirmed and accepted as married
religiously and socially - the groom and the bride becomes husband and wife.Seven
steps are taken in front of the Agni by the bride, led by the groom. One practice is for
the groom to gently grasp the right toe of the bride and guide her through Seven Steps
gradually without losing his grip. There is a mantra for every step, which is chanted
by the pundits and repeated by the groom. The mantras convey the following
meanings:
1. Let Mahavishnu, the great God, follow your First Step to alleviate all your
hunger by providing you plenty.
2. Let Mahavishnu accompany your Second Step to bless you with fine health,
beauty and intelligence.
3. Let Mahavishnu walk behind your Third Step as your guide to fulfill all
religious and social obligations.
4. Let Mahavishnu follow your Fourth Step and grant you total marital bliss.5.
Let Mahavishnu accompany your Fifth Step to give you skill in raising animals.
6. Let Mahavishnu walk behind your Sixth Step to give to transform the weather,
seasons and omens in you favor.
7. Let Mahavishnu be with you on your Seventh Step to administer all your
karmas
(spiritual duties) without blemish to foster Dharma (righteousness).
The fifth and sixth steps are particularly relevant in India, a largely agricultural
country. Instead of accomplishing the seven steps in the style above, a few perform it
by walking around the fire (groom and bride together holding each other's right
hands) while the same mantras are being chanted by the pundits. After completing
this, the groom addresses the bride through the Hymns (mantras).
Following is the synopsis:
"After crossing these seven steps together, we are now eternal companions and are
totally committed to love, compassion, fidelity, duty and mutual respect. We shall
remain as One, and together we shall truthfully perform all our duties sincerely. We
shall remain steadfast and faithful to each other and never desert one another. Unity in
thought and action will be our life's mission. Now I am the Sama Veda and you are the
Rig Veda. I am the expansive sky and you are the merciful and bountiful earth. I am
the mind and thoughts and you the words and expressions. I salute you, the angel of
virtues and serenity. Please walk with me and you shall realize all your aspirations,
flawless progeny and enormous wealth and health. I welcome you, the goddess of
beauty and wisdom with devotion and deep love. Let us live in harmony and attain
both bliss and peace." The marriage is sanctified and complete. The couple after their
prostration to the parents and elders takes their seat near the fire and pay homage to
the Gods as husband and wife.
PRADHANA HOMAM (Thanksgiving rituals)
This is the first ceremony the couple conducts after marriage. The husband, assisted
by his wife, offers ghee to Agni. The same Vedic Gods are invoked. The husband
prays both for protection of his wife form evil forces and for lasting conjugal bliss and
health.
There are many interesting rituals, which take place during the Iyengar weddings.
some of them are:
Metti
Metti is the silver toe ring worn traditionally by married women. It
is one more outer symbol to signify that the woman is married apart
from the 'Thali' the thread of marriage. During the ritual the
groom's younger brother has to sit on the ground and put the silver
mettis on the toes of the bride. I think the younger brother here is
like Lakshmana was to Sita. While putting Metti, he almost bows to
his sister-in-law and literally touches her feet. Thereby showing
that he will respect and obey his sister-in-law. At the same time
the brother of the bride puts a ring on the finger of the groom.
This occasion is also used to introduce both the brother of the
groom and the brother of the bride to each other to come close and
to become friends.
Unjal
This would remind one of Radha and Krishna on the swing or Goddess
Lakshmi and Narayan on the swing. In fact, the bride and groom are
almost treated like the god and the goddess and made to sit on the
swing while the brides maids and the female relatives sing beautiful
love songs around them. While sitting on the Unjal their feet is
washed with milk and they are protected, from the evil eye, by
circling a handful of coloured rice around their head and then
throwing away ( the ritual of Podi Suttruvadhu). The Unjal also
presents the beautiful couple together. It is hoped that they will
unite and enjoy life together and life would be as smooth for them
as swinging joyfully in a swing. This ritual is also meant to waive
away the differences if any and to bring them together for a
peaceful and happy life.
Arundati Partal
During the entire wedding ceremony there are a number of activities
where attempt is made to develop an understanding between the couple
and impart in them out traditional values. Arundati Partal (watching
the Arundati Star). is one such ritual, which takes place before the
mangalya dharanam. During the course of this ritual the groom takes
the girl out in the open and shows her the 'Arundati' star on the
horizon. Arundati was the wife of sage Vashista who became immortal
as a star due to her devotion to her husband. Arundati shines in the
sky near the sixth star in the collection 'Great Bear' (Sapta
Rishi). The groom, while showing the star to the bride, requests her
 to be as ardent and as loving to him as Arundati.was to her husband.
Ammi Midhithal
Since the bride and the groom are to begin their life as
householders, there is an introduction of the concept during the
marriage rituals by the ritual of ammi midhithal. Ammi is the
grinding stone, which is a basic kitchen implement in every Tamil
household. In the days before mixies and grinders the Ammi was a
most important part of idli, dosa, vada, chutney-eating Tamil
households. When a house used to be built, the Ammi was one of the
first things to be installed as one could not imagine entering a
house without an Ammi. During the ritual the boy places the foot of
the girl on the grinding stone and requests her to maintain the
reputation of the house and the family. We also can say that she
puts her foot firmly in the kitchen.
Thengai Urutal
In the ritual of 'Thengai Urutal' a coconut covered with turmeric is
thrown at each other by the bride and the groom. While doing so the
women from the both sides of the family sing songs asserting the
superiority of their families. One is reminded of a Qawali-like
situation where there is a competition of wits. This is done just as
a joyful intervention and to familarise the families with the
strengths and weaknesses of each other.
Nalangu
During Nalangu, two happily married women, carry a tray filled with
water with turmeric and the lime which makes the water turn red. The
feet of the bride and groom are washed with this water, while the
women sing and praise the qualities of the girl. These two women are
given gifts and money wrapped in the betel leaf.
Panthu Villayatu
A ball made of flowers is rolled by the groom towards the bride
which is returned by the bride while women continue to sing. This is
also to familarise the boy and the groom with each other. This is a
practice from the time of child marriage when the boy and girl were
made to know each other by playing games.

After taking the blessings, the couple must visit the family deity with a garland and
orship the family gods. Following which the girl is taken to the house of the groom.
An aarti is performed, with turmeric and limewater, for the couple, at the entrance of
the house to ward off the evil eye. On her first entrance, into the house, the girl is
seated on a bag of rice. This is done again perhaps to signify the prosperity, as she is
supposed to be the very form of Goddess Lakshmi, the Goddess of wealth.Her sister-
in-law, the sister of the groom, gives her a mild repast of plantains and milk. She is
also asked to light a lamp in the family shrine and worship the Tulsi (basal) plant,
grown in the yard, after which she returns to her mothers house. Marriages do not
take place during the month of Margazhi, as it is called Peedu maasam or Punya
maasam and the entire month is devoted to prayers and the worship of God to gain
spiritual benefit.
In the olden days the nuptials were kept much later, some time even after several
years, till the young bride attained puberty. Even today a special time and muhurtham
is fixed for the nuptials. The nuptials are held in the grooms house. Before the bride
and the groom enter the nuptial chamber they are pronounced with the slokas. These
slokas are meant to explain the holiness of the union, the purpose and method of the
union and to ensure the birth of an atma putra. The atma putra is a son born out of a
spiritual union, as against a kama putra who is born out of a carnal union.

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