Professional Documents
Culture Documents
2018 05 01 Reader - S Digest PDF
2018 05 01 Reader - S Digest PDF
Insurance
Is Made
“W ith a pull of the crank
And a turn of the gears
Savings and service for 75 years
With many ways to save
Friendly agents, night and day
he right coverage is just the start
To how great insurance is made.”
Humor
90 THE HISTORY OF THE
WORLD IN DUMB JOKES
Were you bored silly in
civics class? Then you’ll
love laughing at Socrates,
Caesar, and more.
P. | 94
Volume 191 | Issue 1140
MAY 2018
Department of Wit
15 So You’re Going to the
Royal Wedding!
Our guide to the poshest event
of the year. A N DY S I M M O N S
Words of Lasting Interest
18 The Bell Still Tolls
A small town’s monument to its
fallen soldiers has tarnished, but
2 | 05•2018 | rd.com
ART OF LIVING
Family
42 Making Memories
Last Forever
LAURA A. ROSER
FROM KIPLINGER.COM
Health
44 Beware These 4
Send letters to [email protected] or Letters, Reader’s Digest, PO Box 6100, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1600. Include your full name,
COURTESY N IKKI FOX
address, e-mail, and daytime phone number. We may edit letters and use them in all print and electronic media.
Contribute To submit your 100-word true stories, visit rd.com/stories. If we publish one in a print edition of Reader’s Digest,
we’ll pay you $100. To submit humor items, visit rd.com/submit, or write to us at Jokes, 44 South Broadway, 7th Floor,
White Plains, NY 10601. We’ll pay you $25 for any joke, gag, or funny quote and $100 for any true funny story published in a
print edition of Reader’s Digest unless we specify otherwise in writing. Please include your full name and address in your
entry. We regret that we cannot acknowledge or return unsolicited work. Requests for permission to reprint any material
from Reader’s Digest should be sent to [email protected]. Do Business Subscriptions, renewals, gifts, address
changes, payments, account information, and inquiries: Visit rd.com/help, e-mail us at [email protected], or write to us
at Reader’s Digest, PO Box 6095, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1595.
rd.com | 05•2018 | 3
Dear Readers
I
T’S NO SECRET that Reader’s Digest
aspires to be both relevant and
timeless. As DeWitt Wallace put it on
the first cover, “Each article of enduring
value and interest.” Recently, we watched
with pride and astonishment as an article
from our archive reaffirmed the value
of that goal in the social media age.
In June 2014, we reprinted a beautiful
essay by writer Glennon Doyle Melton that
described how her son’s math teacher reached out to isolated kids. Every
Friday, the teacher asked her students to write the names of the four kids they
wanted to sit with the following week. Then she studied the patterns in those
“safe, private little sheets of paper.” Who was being excluded or, perhaps worse,
who couldn’t think of anyone to request? “Then she gets lonely kids the help
they need,” Doyle Melton wrote. And for a very serious reason: The teacher
had begun the routine on the first Friday after Columbine.
Fast-forward to February 14, 2018, when a student in Parkland, Florida,
walked into his former school and killed 17 people. Doyle Melton’s story had
been largely forgotten on our website, but among those who remembered it
was Josh Strickland of Durand, Michigan. “This. This. This. Love!” he posted
on Facebook. The article spread almost instantly. Within 72 hours, upward of
two million people had shared it, and five million had read it on rd.com. P HOTOGRAP H BY MATTHEW COHEN
© 2018 P&G
Letters
COMMENTS ON THE MARCH ISSUE
We’ve saved a bunch of money over Reader’s Digest, stories like his are
the years following that advice. the ones I enjoy the most.
RICHARD D. STEVENS, Pa l m C o a s t , F l o r i d a SAM KIEFFER, R i c h a rd s o n , Te x a s
6 | 05•2018 | rd.com
outlawed the practice of boiling
them live. A similar law was passed
in Italy, where it is now illegal to put
lobsters on ice before cooking them.
I hope you provide an update to your KILLER HOUSE DEBATE
story promoting humane practices
instead of barbaric ones. In response to “Will Your House
JANET TOOLE, P h o e n i xv i l l e , P e n n s y l v a n i a
Kill You?” we heard from a few
electricians and others who
wanted to clarify our cautions.
The Adventures of a
Lifetime With regard to electrical outlets,
I felt as if I’d met a soul mate when saying “The left slot is connected
I read Arlene Chaplin’s article. I to the neutral wire” is correct—
rarely travel, except to visit family when the ground hole is installed
or friends and occasional trips to the to be at the bottom. But in the
beach, which are indeed enjoyable. National Electrical Code, there is
no official right or wrong way to
What I treasure more is time with
orient an outlet.
my husband and children, adven- M. T., Im p e r i a l , C a l i f o r n i a
tures with my granddaughters, day
trips, good books, hobbies, learning While Teflon pans will not kill your
new things, and any time with family readers, they may kill pet birds.
and friends. There are blessings and Parrots have died of respiratory
delightful moments in every day! failure because of fumes released
when people cook with them on
S. T., v i a e - m a i l
high flames. As for the safety of
cooking with Teflon, the canaries
Photo of Lasting Interest were right about the coal mines ...
Your caption saying that Mickey MARGARET MARIAM ROSENTHAL,
Mantle hit the first home run in the Ja m a i c a P l a i n , Ma s s a c h u s e t t s
rd.com | 05•2018 | 7
EVERYDAY
HEROES
When a patient sees her doctor’s dismal cancer
treatment rooms, she knows just the cure
10 | 05•2018 | rd.com
®, TM, © 2018 Kellogg NA Co.
After the plane clipped his car and crash-landed on the freeway,
John Meffert (below) doubted that anyone could have survived.
Janan Pisano, pop her head up back, an errant twist could leave
on the passenger side. him paralyzed. But Meffert
By the time Meffert reached had to hurry. He dragged the
the aircraft, part of the fuselage pilot off the wing and carried
was on fire and Janan, who him to the side of the freeway
12 | 05•2018 | rd.com
May We Borrow
Your Brain?
Choose our covers, share ideas with staff,
and judge what stories merit publishing by joining
our exclusive inner circle of readers.
Just for participating, you will have a chance to win prizes,
including books, DVDs, gift cards and more!
Department of Wit
So You’re
Going to
The Royal
Wedding!
BY A N DY S I M M O N S
16 | 05•2018 | rd.com
READER’S DIGEST
the ice with a joke. “Hey, why did the down. Instead of stabbing their food
queen go to the dentist? To get her and making a complete mess like
teeth crowned!” normal people, they turn the meal
Watch the queen’s reaction. It’s into a gymnastic event by balancing
said that if she moves her handbag morsels on the back of their forks,
from its normal spot on her left arm then bringing them to their mouths.
to her right arm, her handlers know Should they spill even a pea, they
that she wants to wrap up her chat drop one spot in the royal line of
with you. Don’t be de- succession.
terred. “What’s a royal Royals do not inhale
pardon? What you say their food. Nor do they
when a queen burps!” Here’s the lick their plates, dunk
If the queen places her excellent news: their doughnuts, play
handbag on the floor, drums with the oyster
that is a sign that she The royals must fork and bouillon
needs to be saved from accept every spoon, or point to the
an uncomfortable en-
counter ASAP. This is
gift, no matter half-eaten partridge on
the plate of the Duch-
your sign to press on. how awful. ess of Loch Ness and
“When is a piece of say, “Are you gonna eat
wood like a queen? that?”
When it’s a ruler!” If the queen takes If royals need to use the little mon-
her handbag and stuffs it in your archs’ room, they don’t shout, “Hey,
mouth, that signifies that she’s not nobody use the third stall. That’s
waiting for help. mine!” They simply say, “Excuse me,”
then cross their utensils so waitstaff
DINING know not to take their plate. When
5 Every meal begins and ends royals are finished, utensil handles
with the queen. You can’t start eating are placed at the bottom right of
until she starts, and you stop when the plate. To signify that they want
she stops. The queen doesn’t appear a doggie bag, they mold the mashed
to be a large eater, so you should potatoes into the shape of a corgi.
snarf down your food lest she shove
the plate away after a few bites while Have you unearthed your invitation
proclaiming, “Oh, Philip, why’d you yet? No? Don’t worry. Season three
let me eat that last grouse!” of The Crown will soon be on. You
When dining, the royals hold can watch it while eating. And in
knives in their right hand and forks your home, the tines can face any
in their left with the tines facing way you want them to.
rd.com | 05•2018 | 17
WORDS OF LASTING INTEREST
lives in St. of the high school, compliments of the classes of 1945 and
Augustine, 1971. Mounted atop a brick pedestal, the bell forms part of the
Florida. memorial to boys from London High School who died in
American wars, starting with World War I.
The focal point of the monument, affixed to the pedestal,
is a bronze plaque that lists each conflict, followed by the
names of the men it claimed. The names are familiar: Mabe,
McSavaney, Turvy, Cunningham, and Speasmaker. We know
their relatives and their family stories. They represent London,
18 | 05•2018 | rd.com
past, present, and forever. Thirty-five struck painfully close, especially to
BELL: ELEN_STUDI O. BRIC KS : LENATRU. SHUTTERSTOCK (2)
names in total. Years and weather my mother. I was only ten, but my
have tarnished the plaque, draining sister was the same age as these sol-
most of the names of their physical diers. My mother knew their moth-
luster. But even nature cannot dimin- ers, and she grieved with them.
ish their sacrifice and our loss. She made casseroles for their fami-
When I was a kid, the bell mysti- lies, tears mixing with the ingredi-
fied me. I studied the names while I ents. In their living rooms, she held
waited for the traffic light at the cor- the hands of other local ladies, part
ner of First and Oak Streets, espe- of a mothers’ union. I knew when
cially the ones on the far-right side she left the house with a Pyrex dish,
of the monument. They still shone emotion-choked beyond speaking,
then. They were recent additions, that another shiny name would soon
members of my church or kids who appear on the bell.
drag-raced toward South Charleston And the cycle continues. Each gen-
every Friday night. These boys died eration takes its turn with casseroles
in Vietnam, and their bright names and mournful mothers’ gatherings,
Q The electric eel is not an eel. Unlike a true eel, this knife fish
breathes air, lays eggs in freshwater, and has no dorsal fin.
20 | 05•2018 | rd.com
Your True Stories
IN 100 WORDS
22 | 05•2018 | rd.com
A DV ERTI S EM EN T
CONNECTIONS:
Your link to values and insights each month
Visit Atkins.com/Go
YOU BE THE JUDGE
other events all over the country, Lanham Act, which supported it, vio-
Tam decided to trademark his lated his right to freedom of speech.
group’s name. In November 2011, he
filed an application with the U.S. Pat- Does refusing to trademark
ent and Trademark Office to register The Slants as an Asian American
“THE SLANTS” for “entertainment in band’s name violate its rights?
the nature of live performances by a
musical band.” However, the attorney
assigned to examine Tam’s applica-
tion refused to register the mark.
He found it “disparaging to persons
of Asian descent,” since its associa- THE VERDICT
tion with those of Asian descent
“is evidenced by how the applicant Yes, it does. The Federal Circuit
uses the Mark—as the name of an all court ruled that the disparage-
Asian-American band.” The attorney ment clause was unconstitutional
and that the patent office could
cited the disparagement clause
no longer reject a trademark be-
in the Lanham Act, enacted in 1946, cause it disapproves of it. “Many
which bars the patent office from of the marks rejected as dis-
federally registering “scandalous, paraging convey hurtful speech
immoral, or disparaging marks.” that harms members of oft-
Tam asked the office to reconsider, stigmatized communities,” wrote
arguing that the real offense was that Judge Kimberly Moore. “But the
the office refused to register the mark First Amendment protects even
hurtful speech.” In response,
based on the band’s “ethnic back-
the patent office petitioned the
ground.” Had the band been white, Supreme Court to weigh in, and
would its application have been de- on June 19, 2017, it did, agreeing
nied? In fact, years earlier the trade- with the lower court: “Speech
mark office had approved a request may not be banned on the
for the rap group N.W.A, which ground that it expresses ideas
stands for “N—— Wit Attitudes.” But that offend.” Some saw the ruling
the Trademark Trial and Appeal as a loss for political correctness;
others saw it as a win for free
Board held firm against the Slants.
speech. For the band’s part, the
So Tam took his case to the United Slants celebrated the victory
States Court of Appeals for the Fed- by giving its next album a suit-
SHUTTERSTOCK
26 | 05•2018 | rd.com
The number one
thing that keeps
me motivated is
operating like my
back’s against the
wall. When my back
is against the wall,
there’s only one way
to go: forward.
DWAYNE JOHNSON,
a c t o r, in Entertainment Weekly
rd.com | 05•2018 | 27
Life
IN THESE UNITED STATES
28 | 05•2018 | rd.com
THINGS I OVERHEARD AT MY
HEALTH CLUB:
■ “I’m only taking this class so I
don’t eat for an hour.”
OMG!
■ “Who knew 40 years of neglect MY MOM JUST SAID ...
would have repercussions?”
■ “Does this body make me look fat?” In the good old days, a mother
MARK GARVEY, C o n c o rd , Ma s s a c h u s e t t s might utter something a little,
well, wacky, and only the kids
I TACKED UP a flyer on the street would know. Now they can blab
that proclaimed, “Take what you on Twitter using #momquotes.
need.” At the bottom were tear-off
■ Growing up, my mom would
strips with the words Passion, often say, “If you kids didn’t cost
Strength, Love, Patience, Cookies, so much, I could drink wine that
Courage, and so forth. The first strips comes out of a bottle.”
taken were Cookies and Love. @THELORDHASSPOKE
Source: mylifeisaverage.com
■ Instead of LOL, my mom will
text OTAH ... for Oh That’s a
TRAVELING THROUGH the Midwest, Hoot. @RACHELLE1101
I stopped at an Ohio welcome center ■ I told my mom that I did a
to pick up a state map. I found plenty report on Mary, Queen of Scots,
of brochures but no maps. Then I and she said, “She ruled Ireland,
spotted two employees and asked right?” @JJBID20
whether they had any. “Sure,” said ■ My mom said, “You know what
the first guy. “I’ll get you one.” I need? A selfie stick. So when-
As he walked to the back, the sec- ever I see someone taking a
ond guy explained, “We keep them selfie, I can hit them with the
in the storage room. If we leave them stick.” @MANIKIVANAS
out on the counter, people just come ■ Mom: I keep my cell phone
in and take them.” turned off so my bill won’t be 2
JAMES NEALIS, C o l l e g e Pa r k , Ma r y l a n d high. Me: But how can I call you?
Mom: I’ll turn it on if u call.
THE DEFINITION of a perfectionist: @LISACRAN
rd.com | 05•2018 | 29
bladder (OAB) treatment in its class.
In clinical trials, those taking Myrbetriq made fewer trips to the bathroom and had
fewer leaks than those not taking Myrbetriq. Your results may vary.
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR OAB SYMPTOMS BY TALKING
TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT MYRBETRIQ TODAY.
USE OF MYRBETRIQ (meer-BEH-trick)
Myrbetriq® (mirabegron) is a prescription medicine for adults used to treat overactive
bladder (OAB) with symptoms of urgency, frequency, and leakage.
IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION
Myrbetriq is not for everyone. Do not use Myrbetriq if you have an allergy to mirabegron or
any ingredients in Myrbetriq. Myrbetriq may cause your blood pressure to increase or make
your blood pressure worse if you have a history of high blood pressure. It is recommended
that your doctor check your blood pressure while you are taking Myrbetriq. Myrbetriq may
increase your chances of not being able to empty your bladder. Tell your doctor right
away if you have trouble emptying your bladder or you have a weak urine stream.
Myrbetriq®LVDUHJLVWHUHGWUDGHPDUNRI$VWHOODV3KDUPD,QF$OORWKHUWUDGHPDUNVRUUHJLVWHUHG
WUDGHPDUNVDUHWKHSURSHUW\RIWKHLUUHVSHFWLYHRZQHUV
$VWHOODV3KDUPD86,QF
5HYLVHG-XO\
$0,5%5)6
30
DELICIOUSLY
HEART HEALTHY
PHOTOGRAPHS
BY DAN ROBERTS
rd.com | 05•2018 | 35
12 FOODS WITH EXTRA HEALING POWER
36 | 05•2018 | rd.com
READER’S DIGEST
rd.com | 05•2018 | 37
LIFE WELL LIVED
ONE AFTERNOON a few months ball off the wall over the table, then
before Tom and I were to be mar- off the ceiling.
ried, Max wandered into the dining “Nice moves,” I said.
room of the house, where I was No reply. Wall. Ceiling. Twirl. Wall.
sorting through a box of old photo- “Whatcha doin’?” he finally asked.
graphs. He tossed a bright orange “Just trying to organize some of my
Nerf ball over and over, said nothing, pictures,” I said.
and didn’t look at me; he just fo- In my months of living with them,
cused completely on the ball. Soon I’d learned to let Max, who was all of
he began to twirl around after each seven, come close on his own. If I
toss, catching the spongy ball be- crowded him or moved too quickly,
hind his back. Then he bounced the he skittered away. If I was patient,
rd.com | 05•2018 | 39
LIFE WELL LIVED
40 | 05•2018 | rd.com
READER’S DIGEST
“Sweet,” he said, tossing the ball dust off each finger. With his focus
as he walked out of the room. deep inside the near-empty snack
bag, he suddenly said, “I notice I
TOM AND I were married a few don’t call you Mom.”
months later. For a couple of days Oof. Who threw that rock at my
afterward, Max tried out a new title chest? “I noticed that too.”
for me. “Can we go bowling?” he’d One last Cheez-It. “When I say
ask, and then follow the question Betsy, I mean Mom.”
by mouthing the word Mom. Or, “Thanks,” I said. “That’s nice to
“Can we go to the store?” And the know.”
mouthed word Mom. Mom was He looked out the window. “Moms
always silent. It seemed he was try- die, you know. I think it’s maybe
ing it on, seeing how it felt in his safer if you’re just Betsy.”
mouth. “Whatcha doin’, Mom?” We could have a long talk about
“Can I watch TV now, Mom?” magical thinking and death and how
It felt wrong to take such pleasure nothing he could say, or not say,
in seeing his little plum lips form could cause me to die or could have
that singular syllable. After all, this caused his mother to die. But this
new son of mine was an inheritance just didn’t seem like the time for all
I would not have if he and Tom of that.
hadn’t sustained such an enormous I willed tears away, not wanting
loss. I felt small … and smaller still to overwhelm him. He had enough to
when old habits resumed and Betsy carry. “Thanks, bud. I appreciate you
was once again my only title. telling me.”
Those big chocolate eyes found
WEEKS LATER, as I drove him home mine. I waited.
from school, Max pulled a baggie “Hey, Betsy?”
full of Cheez-Its from his Teenage “Yeah,” I said, delighted with the
Mutant Ninja Turtles lunch box. He new sound of my old name.
munched away, licking the orange “What’s for dinner?” he asked.
FILLING HER SHOES BY BETSY GRAZIANI FASBINDER, COPYRIGHT © 2017 BY BETSY FASBINDER.
rd.com | 05•2018 | 41
FAMILY
Making Memories
Last Forever
BY LAURA A. ROSER FR O M K I PLI N G E R .CO M
layer—leading to
1 CONTACT LENSES
It’s not wearing
contacts per se that
oxidative stress and
premature skin
causes wrinkles; aging. Look for
it’s the habit of raising skin-care products
your brows to put that are high in
them in that’s the antioxidants, and use
problem. Over time, a gentle cleanser at
that repetitive motion night to wash away
can cause the skin on outdoor residue.
your forehead to wrinkle.
2 LACK OF SLEEP
Your skin is repairing itself
4 YOUR PHONE
A 2008 study suggests
that high-energy visible light
during those hours when you are (aka blue light) emitted by fluores-
conked out, so depriving yourself of cent and LED bulbs, flat-screen TVs,
a good night’s rest will lead to a dull computer screens, tablets, smart-
complexion. That said, don’t sleep phones, and other digital devices
on your stomach. Your pillow can can penetrate the deeper layers of
cause wrinkles, and sleeping on your the skin. “The consequences may
FESUS ROBERT/SHUTTERSTOCK
44 | 05•2018 | rd.com
You Choose... SA LI
M
45-DAY VE - IT
ED
$1 TI
W
You get the best digital
45-day home trial
hearing aid value in the USA!
W
FREE support from
EarMate-4330 Apollo-6310 licensed professionals
ONLY
W W
Flexible payment plans
$499 PER
AID !
FREE shipping
39 YEARS EXPERIENCE
OVER 750,000 SATISFIED
CUSTOMERS
Ofer
• Expires
7/31/18 Since 1979
46 | 05•2018 | rd.com
had high sodium intakes were more YOU UNWIND WITH WINE
than four times as likely to have a 5 Low levels of alcohol con-
fracture as those with low sodium sumption may be good for your
intakes. That’s because as the kid- bones, according to a study from
neys excrete the sodium, calcium is Oregon State University, but more
drained from the bloodstream. than a couple of drinks a day has the
opposite effect. “Too much alcohol
YOU SHUN SUNLIGHT can make it harder for the GI tract
3 “Vitamin D is required for the to absorb calcium,” says Dr. Lee.
body to successfully absorb and use Alcohol can also increase cortisol
calcium,” Dr. Lee says. “Most Ameri- levels, which can lead to lower
cans do not get enough sun exposure bone mineral density. Furthermore,
to generate enough natural vitamin D, “in women in particular, higher
and thus supplementation is essen- alcohol consumption can decrease
tial.” According to the National Osteo- estrogen levels, and this can also
porosis Foundation, adults under 50 lead to osteoporosis,” Dr. Lee says.
need 400 to 800 IU of vitamin D daily “To top it all off, alcohol is directly
and adults 50 and older need 800 to toxic to osteoblasts, the cells that
1,000 IU. Talk to your doctor about become bone cells.”
your specific needs based on where
you live, what time of year it is, and YOU LIVE IN AN AREA WITH
which vitamin D–rich foods you eat. 6 DIRTY AIR
In a study recently published in the
YOU’RE LOSING TONS Lancet Planetary Health, researchers
4
ILLUSTRATION BY JOSÉ DE LA ROSA; SHUTTERSTOCK (6)
NOTE: Ads were removed from this edition. Please continue to page 52.
NEWS FROM THE
World of Medicine
Sleeping with the Fishes cancer correlation applied to post-
Doctors have long touted the benefits menopausal women who ate more
of omega-3 fatty acids from fish for than nine grams of processed meat a
better heart health. Now researchers day—the equivalent of about one pork
from the University of Pennsylvania sausage link per week. They found no
who studied more than 500 Chinese association between red meat intake
children have found that those who and the risk of breast cancer.
ate fish at least once weekly slept
more soundly than those who seldom Acne Drug Can Help
or never ate fish. One likely explana- Early-Stage MS
tion is that omega-3 fatty acids help A small trial from the University of
boost the production of prostaglan- Calgary in Canada found that mino-
dins, the body’s own sleep-promoting cycline, a pill usually used for acne,
substances. The subjects who ate fish can slow the progress of multiple
also scored 4.8 points higher on IQ sclerosis in patients who take it soon
exams, perhaps because better sleep after experiencing their first symp-
helps improve brain function. toms. There are no oral drugs for this
P ROP STYLI ST: LI SA EDSA LV FOR BERN STEIN & AN DRI ULLI
early stage of the disease and more
Processed Meat and tests on minocycline are needed, but
Breast Cancer if you think it might be appro-
The risk of developing breast priate in your case, talk
cancer increases by 20 per- to your doctor about
cent for women whose prescribing mino-
diets include even small cycline for this
amounts of pro- off-label (but
cessed meats such legal) use.
as bacon, hot dogs,
and pepperoni, ac- A Frequently
cording to doctors Misdiagnosed
in the United King- Type of Diabetes
dom. They analyzed A British study recently
data from more than 260,000 showed that the major-
women and found that the breast ity of patients with a
A Day’s Work
dictionary does success come before Me: How old are your kids?
work.” He ordered a large banner for Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my
our work area with his “improved” wife who passed away, and from my
version of the quote. The banner, second wife, 15 and 13.
which I can see from my desk, Me: That’s quite the age difference!
reads: “Only in the dictionary does Patient: Well, the older ones didn’t
success come before hard work.” give me any grandkids, so I made my
Source: inc.com own. MARIA MURILLO, Tu s t i n , C a l i f o r n i a
54 | 05•2018 | rd.com
MY DAUGHTER received this e-mail WANTED: THE BACKSTORY
from a prospective student prior to
the start of the semester: “Dear Pro- Spotted in a variety of public
fessor, I won’t be able to come to any places, these notices left us with just
one question: What happened?
of your classes or meet for any of the
tests. Is this a problem?”
CAROL HARPER, Ma d i s o n , G e o r g i a
e
Because of th
incide nt on
SPORTS ANALYSTS get paid to talk,
,
not necessarily to make sense: November 14
-Its are no
■ “I had a feeling today that Venus Cheez
ed
longer allow
Williams would either win or lose.” e ca fete ria!
in th
Te n n i s c o m m e n t a t o r
MARTINA NAVRATILOVA IN LIGHT OF
■ “There’s nothing wrong with the RECENT
car except that it’s on fire.” EVENTS,
R a c i n g c o m m e n t a t o r MURRAY WALKER NO OREOS
■ “The wind is rushing from the OUIJA WILL BE
player’s rear.” BOARDS ALLOWED
G o l f a n n o u n c e r STEVE MELNYK AND IN THE
■ “We haven’t had any more rain SÉANCES LIBRARY.
since it stopped raining.” ARE NOT
Te n n i s c o m m e n t a t o r HARRY CARPENTER ALLOWED
Source: The Stupidest Sports Book of All Time TO BE
PERFORMED IN
by Kathryn and Ross Petras (Workman)
rd.com | 05•2018 | 55
COVER STORY
50
WAYS TO
SURVIVE
YOUR NEXT TRIP TO THE
HOSPITAL
From medication mix-ups to surgical errors, dangerous
falls to deadly infections, hospital hazards can be harmful
to your health. Here’s how to stay safe and get well.
A
s many as 440,000 Ameri- there to advocate on your behalf.
cans die every year from “You are part of the care team,”
medical errors and infec- says Peter Pronovost, MD, PhD, for-
tions contracted in the mer senior vice president for patient
hospital. Combined, they are the third- safety and quality at Johns Hopkins
leading cause of death in the United Medicine in Baltimore. “This is your
States. body, and you have wisdom.”
Your best defense? Take charge of While some risks are beyond your
your care as much as possible. Ask control, these lifesaving tips will help
lots of questions, take tons of notes, protect against some of the biggest
and have a family member or friend perils you face in the hospital.
56 | 05•2018 | rd.com
“You are part of
the care team,”
says Dr. Pronovost.
“This is your body,
and you have
wisdom.”
5 0 W AY S T O S U R V I V E T H E H O S P I T A L
HAIR AN D M AKEUP : A LLISON BROOKE FOR IGK HAIR A ND FACE ATELI ER COSME TICS
could save your life, even if it means
paying more to go out of network. A
2016 study in the journal PLOS One
found that patients at the worst Amer-
ican hospitals were three times more
likely to die during their stay (and
13 times more likely to have compli-
cations) than patients with the same TAKE STEPS TO AVOID
health problem at the best hospitals. MISDIAGNOSIS
Three key questions to ask: • Always ask, “Is there anything else
(1) How many times last year did the it might be?” This crucial question en-
hospital perform the surgery you’re courages your hospital health-care pro-
getting? Multiple studies show that viders to think about other possibilities,
the more often a hospital does a pro- helping to reduce the risk of a diagnos-
cedure, the better the outcome will tic mistake, says Hardeep Singh, MD,
be. You are significantly more likely MPH, a patient-safety researcher at the
to have complications—sometimes Michael E. DeBakey Veterans Affairs
fatal ones—in a facility that performs Medical Center and Baylor College
the surgery only once or twice a year, of Medicine in Houston. As many as
Dr. Pronovost says. 160,000 patients in the medical system
(2) Does the ICU have critical-care die or suffer a significant permanent
specialists? Called intensivists, these injury every year because a condition
specialists are experts on caring for is misdiagnosed or missed, according
58 | 05•2018 | rd.com
READER’S DIGEST
to a report in BMJ Quality and Safety. • Take charge of your test results. If
Such mistakes are especially common you have a CT scan or a biopsy in the
in the fast-paced environment of the hospital, find out when the results will
ER. A patient may come in with a head- be in and how you will be informed—
ache, receive a migraine diagnosis— and make a note to follow up. Also,
and suffer a stroke hours later. ask the imaging center or lab to send
• Consider a second opinion. If the results to any doctors working on
you’ve been diagnosed with a seri- your case. Dr. Singh’s research shows
ous, complex, or rare condition—or that about 7 percent of abnormal lab
if you have any doubts about your tests and 8 percent of abnormal scans
diagnosis—seek out another doctor’s get lost in follow-up. “Don’t assume
insights before starting treatment. Re- no news is good news,” he says.
search shows there’s a 20 to 30 percent
chance the second doctor’s opinion
will be different from the first’s. Even
if the diagnosis is the same, you may
learn new information about your
treatment options.
• Call a bedside huddle. If your case is
complex, ask whether your doctor can
get all your care providers together to
brainstorm possible diagnoses and PROTECT YOURSELF
come up with a plan for care, suggests FROM LIFE-THREATENING
Dr. Pronovost. One study found that SUPERBUGS
bringing providers from different spe- • Be smart about antibiotics. Anti-
cialties together to talk about specific biotics fight infections, but they can
patients cut the number of adverse cause them too. Because the drugs
events almost in half. Happily, this kill the protective bacteria in your gut,
has become an increasingly common they increase your risk of picking up
practice in many hospitals. Clostridium difficile (C. diff ), one of the
ALL I CONS : THE NOUN P ROJEC T
rd.com | 05•2018 | 59
The CDC no
longer recommends
antibiotics after an
operation if you
have no signs of
infection.
READER’S DIGEST
rd.com | 05•2018 | 61
5 0 W AY S T O S U R V I V E T H E H O S P I T A L
62 | 05•2018 | rd.com
READER’S DIGEST
bacteria from something as simple as a your doctor can start you on blood-
tooth abscess can get into your blood- thinning medication, recommend
stream and cause a potentially life- compression stockings, or use a me-
threatening situation. You and your chanical device to prevent blood from
doctor can weigh the risks and discuss pooling in your legs, Dr. Pronovost
whether to delay your operation. says. Getting up and walking as soon
• Be the first surgical patient of the as you can also reduces your risk.
day. The room is cleaner, your surgery • Ask for extra blankets. Surgeons
is less likely to be delayed, and your often like to keep the operating room
surgeon won’t be as tired, says Jeanne cold so they won’t get overheated in
Dockins, RN, a surgical care nurse in their gowns, masks, and hats while
Tucson, Arizona. If you’re wheeled in working under the warm surgical
around 4 p.m., you’re four times more lights. But research shows the chill
likely to have anesthesia-related prob- and the effects of anesthesia may
lems such as nausea and pain as pa- give you mild hypothermia, which
tients who have surgery before noon, can cause cardiac arrest and increase
according to a Duke University analy- your risk of infection. For that rea-
sis published in Quality and Safety in son, many anesthesiologists now use
Health Care. The authors speculated warming devices on patients during
that the discrepancy might be related surgical procedures. And you should
to the doctors’ or nurses’ fatigue, pile on the sweaters and blankets to
swings in their circadian rhythms, and/ stay warm before and after surgery.
or the fact that late-in-the-day surgical
patients go all day without eating.
• Get screened for blood-clot risk.
Your risk of developing deep vein
thrombosis—a condition in which
a dangerous blood clot forms in a
deep vein in the leg or another part
of the body—is ten times higher
when you’re in the hospital because
surgery can release tissue debris or REDUCE YOUR
other substances that don’t belong in POST-OP RISKS
your veins. Being confined to bed also • If you’re at all unsteady, get help
raises your risk. Before your surgery, to go to the bathroom. Every year,
your doctor should take your medi- 700,000 to one million patients fall
cal history and give you a physical in the hospital, and 30 to 50 percent
to determine your level of risk. If the end up with a serious injury such as
screening shows you’re at high risk, a broken bone or a concussion. Wear
rd.com | 05•2018 | 63
5 0 W AY S T O S U R V I V E T H E H O S P I T A L
64 | 05•2018 | rd.com
READER’S DIGEST
rd.com | 05•2018 | 65
5 0 W AY S T O S U R V I V E T H E H O S P I T A L
66 | 05•2018 | rd.com
GETTING THE BEST INTEL
Many websites have data to let you
compare hospitals, and you should
consult a variety of them, Dr. Pro-
novost says. Hospitals are complex,
and different sites will capture
different information. Start with these:
• medicare.gov/hospitalcompare: This
site allows you to compare up to three
hospitals at a time while looking at 57 dif-
ferent variables.
• whynotthebest.org: A nonprofit called
IPRO ranks hospitals based on safety,
quality of care, and the number of times
they follow recommended practices for
treating common conditions.
• hospitalsafetygrade.org: The nonprofit
Leapfrog Group ranks hospitals on mea-
sures of safety based on data the hospitals
voluntarily submit as well as publicly avail-
able data on nonparticipating hospitals.
ten-pound potato bags. Then try Your funny joke, list, or quote might be
50-pound potato bags, and eventu- worth $$$. For details, see page 3 or go
ally try to get to where you can lift a to rd.com/submit.
rd.com | 05•2018 | 69
IDEAS
How to
Create an
Aha!
Moment
BY B RU C E G R I E R SO N FR O M PSYC H O LO GY TO DAY
70 | 05•2018 | rd.com
H O W T O C R E AT E A N A - H A ! M O M E N T
Lovell was in Europe when he spot- real human being again.” He never ran
ted his next victim in a bar, plied him another con.
with drinks, and drew him into a In the decades that followed, Lovell
“cross”—a classic con in which the vic- turned his gift for smooth patter and
tim is made to believe he or she is part sleight of hand into a successful one-
of a foolproof get-rich scheme. The man show that ran off-Broadway for
con went perfectly. “I took him for an eight years. After he suffered a stroke,
extremely large amount of money,” good wishes and cash dona-
Lovell says. tions for his care poured in
After he was done, from friends and
L ov e l l hu s t l e d t h e fellow magicians. In
d r u n k ma n o u t What could his professional
of the hotel room explain an event so world and well
where the fleecing transformative that it beyond it, Lovell
had occurred, cleaves a life into ha d b ecome
intending to before and after? respected, even
leave him in the hall- beloved. His re-
M
light suddenly went on. I thought, OST OF THE TIME, ideas de-
This. Is. Really. Bad. For the first time, velop from the steady per-
I actually felt sorry for someone.” colation and evaluation of
Lovell’s next move was hard for thoughts and feelings. But every so
even him to believe. He returned the often, if you’re lucky, a blockbuster
guy’s money and declared himself notion breaks through in a flash of
done with the swindler’s life. “There insight that’s as unexpected as it is
was an absolute epiphany that I just blazingly clear. These revelations can
couldn’t do it anymore,” he says. be deeply personal, even existential,
The next day, he felt different. prompting the realization that you
Lighter. “I had become,” he says, “a should quit your job, move to another
72 | 05•2018 | rd.com
READER’S DIGEST
city, mend a broken relationship, or, bearings and decide whether you’re
as Lovell did, redirect your moral on the right path or not,” he says.
compass. They can also be creative, Schulz thought, What advice would
generating a brilliant start-up idea, the 90-year-old me give to the me of
the perfect plot point of a novel, or the right now? He was a technology con-
answer to an engineering quandary. sultant who dabbled in photography.
In all cases, you apprehend something “I said to myself that if I don’t take
that you were blind to before. the path of being a full-time photog-
The early-20th-century psycholo- rapher, I will regret it,” he recalls.
gist William James described such So he went for it. His background
moments of clarity, in his book The interest elbowed its way to the front,
Varieties of Religious Experience, as and he became a successful portrait
snap resolutions of the “divided self.” and commercial photographer.
It’s as if a whole lifetime’s worth of “I’ve often wondered, If I hadn’t
growth is compressed into a single hit the moose, would I be a full-time
instant as dense as a collapsed star. photographer right now?” he reflects.
That’s how it felt to Leroy Schulz. “I don’t think so.” Schulz believes that
Driving home from a wedding in Can- the collision changed his biochemis-
ada late one night, Schulz glimpsed a try, unlocking something in his brain
ghostly form surging from the high- that prompted his shift in perspective.
way median toward his headlights. He
W
didn’t have time to brake. He barely ILLIAM MILLER, PHD, an
had time to turn his face away from emeritus professor of psy-
the flying glass as the moose’s head chology and psychiatry at
hit the windshield. the University of New Mexico, inter-
“Had I been a half-second slower, viewed people who had experienced
the whole mass of it would have come sudden realizations that led to life
into the car,” Schulz says. “I have no transformations. Most of the triggers
doubt I’d have been decapitated.” were not so dramatic, he reported
Several motorists who’d witnessed in his coauthored book Quantum
the crash approached the wreck Change. People experienced moments
in shock. “I can’t believe you’re of sudden realizations and life trans-
alive,” one gasped. There was no life- formations while walking to a night-
changing epiphany at that precise mo- club, cleaning a toilet, watching TV,
ment or in the immediate aftermath. lying in bed, and preparing to shower.
But Schulz’s near-fatal experience They reported a striking similar-
seeded something, and what followed ity, however, in how the moments
weeks later “was one of those pan- felt: more like a message revealed to
oramic moments when you get your them from outside than something
rd.com | 05•2018 | 73
H O W T O C R E AT E A N A - H A ! M O M E N T
their own minds had ginned up. It felt the 2001 discovery of Washington Uni-
foreign, mystical even. Which may ex- versity neuroscientist Marcus Raichle,
plain why so many historical accounts MD, who, in observing the resting
of revelations have been interpreted brain, saw that there was essentially a
as communications from the divine. party going on in the dark. The default
In more recent years, studies of the mode network, as Dr. Raichle came to
neuroscience of insight have begun call it, is crackling with activity, burn-
to give us clues to what they really are. ing perhaps 20 times the metabolic re-
In 2003, Mark Beeman, PhD, a cog- sources of the conscious brain. So the
nitive neuroscientist, presented people brain’s resting-state circuitry—which
with a series of brainteasers in his lab is turned on, paradoxically, when you
at Northwestern University. The test stop focusing on a problem and just
he used, called the “remote associates veg out—is very likely the best place
test,” is designed to produce leaps of to park a problem, for it employs the
thought. It asks subjects to provide the best, wisest, and most creative (though
missing link among three seemingly not necessarily fastest-working)
unrelated words—say, pine, sauce, and mechanics.
tree. (People sometimes exclaim “Aha!”
U
when the word apple pops to mind.) NFORTUNATELY, the unfo-
The subjects were also wired to cused brain, while a great tool
machines that captured their brains’ where genuine solutions lurk,
electrical activity. “A second and a half is frustratingly beyond our control. Is
or two seconds before the conscious it possible to jump cognitive tracks to
insight, we see this burst of activity that place if you’re struggling with a
over the back of the brain,” Beeman thorny problem? Instead of spending
says. The brain, he thinks, “is block- time on a mountaintop incubating
ing visual input, which helps allow a solution, could you instead con-
weaker information to compete for sciously keep doggedly trying things?
attention.” When a thought entered This deliberate mode of attack is
the subjects’ consciousness—aha!— the one we typically try first. There are
the neocortex, the part of the brain many small contradictions hidden in
associated with sight and hearing, any big problem: When you identify
lit up like a Christmas tree. The con- them and follow a set of rules to re-
scious brain takes credit, one could solve them, as a computer program
say, for the heavy lifting done behind might, that gives you a critical leg up.
the scenes. If A dead-ends, then go to B.
The brain in “idle,” it turns out, can But truly novel solutions are hardly
be far more active than the brain fo- ever discovered that purposefully. If a
cused on completing a task. This was searched-for solution is outside our
74 | 05•2018 | rd.com
READER’S DIGEST
rd.com | 05•2018 | 75
H O W T O C R E AT E A N A - H A ! M O M E N T
“Ten years’ worth of work on ac- Antonio Damasio, MD, PhD, has put
tivation was suddenly relevant to it. We ignore gut instinct at our peril,
solving the default mode problem,” for it’s the product of evolutionary hard
Dr. Raichle says. The leap would wiring. Like budding thoughts, bud-
amount to the biggest breakthrough ding feelings are evaluated based on
of his career—his paper on the de- their biological significance. Only the
fault mode has been cited more than fittest are selected to reach conscious-
8,500 times. It’s an affirmation of ness. Strong emotions create loud
Louis Pasteur’s famous line: “Chance signals. They tell the brain, There’s
favors the prepared mind.” something important here—you’d bet-
There is one more thing that is im- ter put some horses on this.
portant to keep in mind (so to speak) A hunch, then, is a kind of pre-aha.
as you approach the task of cultivat- If intuition is indeed a trainable fac-
ing an aha: Timing is critical. If we ulty, then it would seem to involve
stay in the deliberate mode too long, sharpening our emotional sensitiv-
we can drive the solution away. But ity. Get good at the care and feeding
if we back off a problem too soon, of hunches, and we might prime our-
before we have all the puzzle pieces, selves for insight.
we prevent the solution from coalesc- This may be what prompted one
ing. The key may be knowing when to woman’s epiphany when she stum-
zoom in tight on a problem and when bled upon a Facebook photo of a
to pull back so that we don’t crush the couple she barely knew. Something
tender shoot of an insight just as it’s about the way the happy duo looked,
emerging. the way they just fit together, hit her
“I think that part of the formula is like a gut punch and put her own mar-
the tension between the two modes, riage in perspective. The woman, who
this back-and-forth between being prefers to remain anonymous, called a
very focused and not,” Beeman says. friend and blurted, “I think I married
Drawing back from the problem puts the wrong person.”
us in a position to boost the under- She had always prided herself on
lying signal of the hunch that’s quietly her hyperrationality; indeed, she
developing so that it penetrates the had functioned “almost like the pro-
conscious mind. You might call this ducer in my own marriage,” pen-
training our intuition. cil poised to tick off everything that
needed to be done: get settled, get
K
NOWN AS a somatic marker, a pregnant, build a life. “But some-
hunch is “a physiological clue to thing about the photo triggered
what to do next,” as University what I think of as the right brain,”
of Southern California neurobiologist she says. “It was like, Oh. My. God.”
76 | 05•2018 | rd.com
READER’S DIGEST
At the time, the woman was tak- through a one-way door—there was no
ing classes in a particularly intense going back,” says Miller. Perhaps that’s
form of emotion-based acting, and as because there is often a moral dimen-
a result, she had cracked open a lot sion to stories of quantum change.
of bottled-up feelings. From the In short, people’s values changed.
moment she started applying those Miller likes to recount a case
lessons on the stage, she says, study of a fiercely addicted
“I felt a door just smoker who pulled
open wide. It was up to a public library
the door—there’s no one day to pick up
other way to put “I felt a door just his kids. He
it—to truth.” open wide. It was r ummaged in
Over the follow- the door—there’s no the glove com-
ing months, other way to put it— partment and
her rational looked under
to truth.”
mind accepted the the seats for his
insight that had hit cigarettes but
her in a flash. She couldn’t find
committed herself to living them. It was star ting
more authentically. That did lead to to rain. The kids would be out in a
a divorce. As it turned out, she—like second. But wait—there was a store
Simon Lovell and countless others not far away. He could zip over
who have experienced aha moments— there and be back in just a few min-
changed her life forever. utes. It wasn’t raining hard. The kids
Indeed, when professor William wouldn’t get too wet.
Miller’s coauthor, Janet C’de Baca, Then something shifted in this
PhD, followed up a decade later man. He thought, Dear heaven, I am
with the people they’d studied, not the kind of father who would let his
a single one had returned to the pre- kids stand in the rain while he chased
epiphany life. “The moment it hap- a drug. “And that was it,” Miller says.
pened, they knew they had gone “He never smoked again.”
PSYCHOLOGY TODAY (MARCH 9, 2015), COPYRIGHT © 2015 BY BRUCE GRIERSON, PSYCHOLOGYTODAY.COM.
rd.com | 05•2018 | 77
Laugh Lines
HORSING AROUND AT DERBY TIME
Between the
Kentucky Derby
and Cinco de
They call
Mayo, drunk
the Kentucky
people in big
Derby the
hats are about
fastest two
to take up a
minutes in
lot of real
sports. But
estate on your
they haven’t
Instagram feed.
seen me @MARINARACHAEL
start, then
quit, a 5K.
@BOBTHESUIT
THE NIGHT I
JOINED THE
CAJUN
NAVY BY H O LLY H ARTM AN
EPA-EF E/SHUTTERSTOCK
80 | 05•2018 | rd.com
“What if the flood
had happened before
cell phones and social
media?” asks Holly
Hartman. “The
deaths would be in
the hundreds.”
PHOTOGRAPH BY
BUFF STRICKLAND
T H E N I G H T I J O I N E D T H E C A J U N N AV Y
I
coverage of Hurricane plucking stranded residents from
Harvey pummeling the rooftops and flooded cars. The ar-
Texas coast for four days ticle explained that they were using
when the storm finally a walkie-talkie-type app called Zello
turned on my city, Hous- to communicate with one another. I
ton. I’m a 47-year-old high downloaded the app, found the Cajun
school journalism teacher Navy channel, and started listening.
who lives alone. Luckily, I was completely enthralled. Voice
my house was spared. But with flood- after voice coming through my
waters reaching 20 feet, many others phone—some asking for help, others
were not. replying that they were on their way.
On that day, August 29, 2017, I At first, most of the transmissions were
turned off the TV around 11 p.m., lay from Houston, but as Harvey moved
in bed, and picked up my phone to eastward, panicked calls started com-
ing in from Port Arthur and
Orange, Texas. Now that the
LEF T: MIC HELM OND/SHUTTERSTOCK. RIGHT: DI IMSA RES EARCHER/SH UTTE RSTOCK
volunteers knew folks were
trapped in their homes there,
the rescuers—with boats in
tow—were driving straight into
the middle of Harvey.
A couple of women who
had been taking calls came on
the line around 12:30 a.m. and
said they had to sign off. They
asked whether anyone could
work through the night taking
rescue requests.
I sat up, timidly pushed the
Members of the Cajun Navy (above and opposite)
Talk button, and said, “I can.”
searching flooded streets of Southeast Texas for
I got a two-minute “train-
Harvey’s victims
ing” session and a “Good
do a quick check of e-mail and Face- luck!” When I heard a rescue request,
book. I read an article about the Cajun I was to ask the person for his or her
Navy—the thousands of selfless volun- phone number, then call the person
teers, most from Louisiana, who pilot directly to avoid clogging up the app
their boats into flooded areas, helping (which, like a walkie-talkie, allows only
overwhelmed emergency responders. one person to speak at a time). After
82 | 05•2018 | rd.com
T H E N I G H T I J O I N E D T H E C A J U N N AV Y
the phone call, I was to log the infor- What began as nice, neat notes quickly
mation on a designated website. When devolved into chaotic scribbles.
all of that was done, dispatchers would I had begun the job while sitting
give the location to those on the boats up in bed with my laptop, my phone
while I moved to the next call. in hand and a notepad on my night-
stand. Pretty quickly, I moved to my
INUTES AFTER my tuto- dining room table and poured a huge
84 | 05•2018 | rd.com
let us know that the Cajun
Navy still had no boats on
the water. Conditions were
still too dangerous. No won-
der we had so many people
desperately begging for res-
cue. No one was coming for
them. All night long, I had
been telling them to “hang
on—we’ll be there soon.” I
didn’t know I’d been lying.
ROUND 3 A.M., I
86 | 05•2018 | rd.com
READER’S DIGEST
ROUND 4:30 A.M., I got a re- finally able to mark one of my cases
water.
Shaundra texted
Hartman this photo of
tell her to get out of the her and her grandfather, wanted to know when
attic and go to her roof. safe and sound. we had last heard from
The volunteer came her. I gave him the ad-
back on the line and said that she’d dress but told him I had no idea when
talked to the woman, but she’d refused she’d last been heard from because
to move because her kids couldn’t the volunteer who had taken that call
swim. I asked whether she had any- had signed off.
COURTESY HOLLY HARTMAN
thing they could use to break through The calls for rescue were slow-
the attic and get to the roof. No. ing down. Every 20 to 30 minutes,
We got word around 7:30 a.m. on I’d remind the rescuers that Chester,
Wednesday—seven hours after the Shaundra’s grandfather, still needed
first calls started coming in from Port to be saved on 19th Street. And I kept
Arthur—that the Cajun Navy had telling Shaundra that they would get
been allowed in the water. Reports there.
of rescues started coming in. I was At 3:02 p.m., I got a text from
rd.com | 05•2018 | 87
T H E N I G H T I J O I N E D T H E C A J U N N AV Y
Shaundra that read, “Ma’am, I thank was no way I could’ve slept right then.
you so much. My grandfather is on his I thought back on the last day and a
way to a rescue center. He was on a half and couldn’t believe what I had
boat at first. Now he is on a truck.” just heard and experienced.
I let out a huge sigh of relief. I think Even as I write this, it seems sur-
I may have actually said real. I don’t know how
“Thank you, God” out police officers and fire-
loud. I texted Chad at fighters and 911 dis-
5:30 p.m. to see whether I POURED TEA patchers and EMT s do
he was safe. I didn’t hear AND WALKED this every day. What I
back from him until do know: I am grateful
7:30 the next morning:
AROUND, beyond measure that
“We are safe now.” I
THINKING, they do it.
pinged Goose to ask WHAT ARE And thank God for
whether the woman who YOU DOING? the Cajun Navy and all
lost her two boys had YOU’RE NOT the other volunteers.
been rescued with her QUALIFIED How many more people
other kids. He said they TO DO THIS! would be dead today
had. I never did find if not for our first re-
out about the woman sponders and the thou-
on Sassine Avenue and her kids. sands of volunteers? I saw a meme on
Facebook today that read, “Someone
T 6 P.M. Wednesday, I closed needs to erect a statue honoring the
A my laptop. I’d been awake for random average dude with a bass
34 hours but wasn’t tired. I boat.” It was meant to be funny, but
was emotionally drained, but there in actuality, it’s spot-on.
THIS STORY ORIGINALLY APPEARED AS A FACEBOOK POST BY HOLLY HARTMAN, COPYRIGHT © 2017 BY HOLLY HARTMAN.
END PRODUCTS
88 | 05•2018 | rd.com
That’s Outrageous!
THE PRICE OF STUPIDITY
A man was arrested after Florida po- told rtv6.com. The hotel, it turns
lice mistook the glaze on his Krispy out, says it can charge customers
Kreme doughnut for crystal meth. His $350 for negative reviews. The
sweet revenge: a $37,500 settlement. Indiana attorney general wasn’t
Source: orlandosentinel.com crazy about that. He says the policy
is “unfair, abusive, and deceptive”
A Norwegian man hired a friend and is suing the hotel.
to knock off a potential lover who Source: theindychannel.com
1509: 1492:
A New Tudor Christopher
King Is Columbus
Crowned Comes to
Who America
invented What
fractions? vegetable did
Henry the Columbus not
1/8th. want on his
ship? A leek.
90 | 05•2018 | rd.com
27 BC to
AD 476:
The Roman
Empire
What did
Caesar say
when his friend
asked how
many oranges
he’d had?
“Et two, Brute.”
rd.com | 05•2018 | 91
T H E H I STO RY O F T H E WO R L D I N D U M B J O K E S
92 | 05•2018 | rd.com
READER’S DIGEST
1886: Lady
Liberty Is
Dedicated
What does the
Statue of Liberty
stand for? 1861: The War
It can’t sit down. Between the
States
Civil War jokes?
I General Lee
don’t find them
funny.
rd.com | 05•2018 | 93
HEALTH
PAIN
RELIEVERS
BY E RI KA H AYASAKI FR O M W I R E D
O
N A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN, how would you rate
your pain? Would you say it aches or stabs? Does
it burn, or does it pinch?
Steven Pete has no idea how you feel. Sitting in
a café in Longview, Washington, he tells me he
cannot fathom aches or pinches, much less the searing scourge
of peripheral neuropathy that keeps millions of people awake at
night or hooked on pills. He was born with a rare neurological
condition called congenital insensitivity to pain, and for 37 years,
no matter the wound, he has hovered at or near a one on the
pain scale. Because he never learned to avoid injury, which is
the one thing pain is really good for, he gets hurt a lot. When I
ask how many bones he has broken, “He thinks it’s funny,” she says. “I
he lets out a quick laugh. don’t think it’s funny.”
“I haven’t actually done the count
yet,” he says. “But probably some- AM CO STA , who lives about
where around 70 or 80.”
A few years ago, Steven noticed P 100 miles away, in Tacoma,
Washington, is on the other end
that the movement in his left arm and of the pain scale. The 52-year-old was
shoulder felt off. His back felt funny born with a rare neurological condi-
too. He got an MRI. The doctor looked tion called erythromelalgia, otherwise
at the results and stared known as “man on fire”
at his patient in disbe- syndrome, in which
lief. “You’ve got three inflamed blood vessels
fractured vertebrae.” It Pam was throughout her body
turned out that Steven determined not are constant sources of
had broken his back pain. Pam wears loose-
eight months earlier to pass on her fitting clothes because
w h i l e i n n e r- t u b i n g condition. “I had fabric feels like a blow-
down a snowy hill. my tubes tied,” torch against her skin.
Throughout his body She sleeps with chilled
today, Steven feels “a she says sadly. pillows because the
weird radiating sensa- slightest heat makes her
tion,” as he describes it, an overall limbs feel as if they’re crackling.
discomfort but not quite pain as you Pam takes 50 milligrams of mor-
and I know it. He and others born with phine twice a day. A college psychol-
his condition have been compared ogy instructor and the mother of a
to superheroes ; he even owns a teenage daughter, she agonizes over
framed sketch of a character in full her morphine dependency. But if she
body armor, with the words “Pain- goes without her medication, her pain
less Pete.” But Steven knows better. If becomes unbearable.
he could feel pain, he says, he would A year ago, she went to Las Vegas
probably be constrained to a bed. for a work conference and the plane
“I worry about him all the time,” his home got stuck on the tarmac with a
wife, Jessica Pete, says with a sigh— mechanical issue. There was no air-
about him working with his power conditioning, and the temperature
tools and cooking over a grill. “If he started to rise. With her skin throb-
has a heart attack, he won’t be able to bing, Pam persuaded a flight atten-
feel it. He’ll rub his arm sometimes, dant to let her off. “I was so afraid
and I freak out: ‘Are you OK?’” She I was going to pass out or throw
looks over at him, and he chuckles. up or get to where I was immobilized.”
rd.com | 05•2018 | 97
PA I N R E L I E V E R S
Pam and Steven have never met, a child, she was sometimes accused of
and their daily negotiations with the having behavioral problems. In school,
world could not be more different. Yet, she’d sneak off to water fountains to
thanks in part to studies the two have wipe down her limbs with cold water.
participated in, scientists have uncov- She would dawdle in the deep gutters
ered an unprecedented genetic link near her home, the cool, mucky water
that binds their mirror-image condi- providing momentary pain relief. One
tions together. Scores of pharmaceu- physician said her symptoms were
tical researchers are now deep into psychosomatic. Then, in 1977, when
clinical trials on a new type of drug Pam was 11, a letter from the Mayo
that would mimic Steven’s condition Clinic arrived. A cousin had been re-
as a way to treat Pam and millions of ferred to the medical center after com-
other chronic-pain patients—without plaining of constant pain. The doctors
the sometimes severe side effects there discovered that 29 members of
of existing painkillers such as non- Pam’s extended family appeared to
steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs have erythromelalgia. After learning
(NSAIDs) and opioids. more about Pam’s symptoms, a Mayo
researcher told her parents that their
F YOU BURN yourself on a stove, daughter had apparently inherited the
98 | 05•2018 | rd.com
READER’S DIGEST
obsessed with helping patients who the results of their study of a Chinese
could find no relief from their pain. family afflicted with man on fire, in
“We simply had to do better,” he says. which they linked the disorder to
Today, Dr. Waxman, 72, is the di- mutations in a single sodium chan-
rector of the Center for Neuroscience nel gene, SCN9A. When Dr. Waxman
and Regeneration Research at the Yale spotted the article, he directed his
University School of Medicine. For team to find families with erythrome-
much of his career, he lalgia. Pam Costa’s was
has been interested in the first.
sodium channels—por- Dr. Waxman’s team
tals that allow charged “I worry all the gathered DNA from 17
particles to flow in and time,” Steven’s of Pam’s cousins, aunts,
out of nerve cells. In wife says. “If and uncles who suffered
particular, he believed from erythromelalgia
that one of those chan- he has a heart and sequenced their
nels, Nav1.7, played a attack, he genes to find the mu-
powerful role in how we won’t feel it.” tations. Then the team
experience pain. introduced the muta-
In his theory, a stimu- tions into DNA that en-
lus triggers the Nav1.7 coded normal sodium
channel to allow sodium channels and tracked
ions to pass through, how these channels
which then enables responded to stimuli.
messages of stinging, The results proved
soreness, or scalding Dr. Waxman’s theory
to register in the brain. correct, not only dem-
When the trigger sub- onstrating that SCN9A
sides, Nav1.7 closes. In those with mutations made Nav1.7 channels
certain mutations in their Nav1.7 more likely to open (meaning harm-
channels, sensations that typically less stimuli often triggered feelings
wouldn’t register with the brain are of pain) but also showing that when
instead translated into extreme pain. those channels opened, they did so
In 2004, Dr. Waxman’s team was for longer, amplifying the feeling of
searching for subjects with some form discomfort. “We now had a fully con-
of inherited pain so they could deter- vincing link from Nav1.7 to pain.”
mine exactly how the Nav1.7 channel If his team could somehow regulate
worked to either cause or dampen or even turn off the Nav1.7 channel,
painful sensations. That same year, they could regulate or turn off how we
scientists in a Beijing lab published experience certain kinds of pain.
rd.com | 05•2018 | 99
PA I N R E L I E V E R S
T AROUND six months old, members could not feel pain. Sus-
A Steven Pete chewed off part pecting their illness was genetic, Xe-
of his tongue. As he got older, non started hunting for more subjects.
he would bang his head against walls. Following news reports and word
His parents made him wear a helmet of mouth, the researchers tracked
and wrapped his arms and legs in down and studied 12 families with
long socks. insensitivity to pain. (The Petes were
His younger brother, not among them.) Xe-
Chris, had many of the non found one com-
same symptoms. A day mon trait: mutations in
rarely passed when one Seeing the a single gene, SCN9A,
of them didn’t bleed or medical proof and the sodium channel
bruise. The boys were “was the most it encodes, Nav1.7.
eventually diagnosed “This single channel,
with congenital insen- validating when it is nonfunction-
sitivity to pain. Some experience in ing in a human being,
years later, a doctor told my entire life.” renders them unable to
Chris that a lifetime of understand or feel any
injuries had caused form of pain,” Robin
so much damage he Sherrington, PhD, then
would likely end up in senior director of bio-
a wheelchair before he logical sciences at Xe-
was 30. It was too much non, says. If Xenon
for Chris to bear. He could develop a drug
hanged himself, nine that mimicked this
years ago. He was only condition—“to inhibit
26. “It felt like losing ... the Nav1.7 channel to
my life,” Steven says. partially replicate that
In the meantime, outside Van- absence of pain,” he explains—it
couver, British Columbia, a small could use it to relieve chronic pain
company was inching toward a break- without any of the side effects of opi-
through in understanding the broth- oids and other painkillers.
ers’ condition. The company, which It is rare for a single gene to have
is now called Xenon Pharmaceuticals, such a black-or-white effect on a
studied rare single-gene disorders in single sensation. Sherrington’s and
an effort to create drugs to treat more Dr. Waxman’s teams learned of each
common ailments with similar symp- other’s discoveries only through pub-
toms. In 2001, it heard about a fam- lished reports and journal articles.
ily in Newfoundland in which four They were as surprised as anyone
that people like Pam Costa and Ste- choice for their children who don’t
ven Pete had anything in common. “I feel pain, to activate that sodium
was overwhelmed when we saw both channel so that their children can live
sides of the genetic coin,” Dr. Waxman a normal life.”
remembers. “SCN9A really is a master
gene for pain.” O PROGRESS would have been
She Lifted
A Finger
BY K I M P O R T E R
F R O M N A R R AT I V E . LY
ILLUSTRATIONS BY TATSURO KIUCHI rd.com | 05•2018 | 103
SHE LIFTED A FINGER
I
SIT ON THE STOOP in front of my friend’s house. She
lives at the top of a ridiculously steep hill. Halfway up, my
four-year-old daughter, Colette, collapsed in mutiny,
refusing to take another step, and I had to lug her the rest of
the way on my back. And now my friend is late, and we’re
stuck here waiting as the 4 p.m. San Francisco fog rolls in,
kicking up gritty wind and making the temperature plummet.
ceiling, but I don’t see the finger. not to squeeze too hard. I don’t want
“We are attempting to locate the to collapse all the delicate little doo-
finger,” I say, because even in an dads at the business end, because
emergency, silence over a phone line I’m assuming they’ll need those when
is awkward. they reattach it.
I thought a severed finger would When we get outside, Colette is still
jump right out at me, but I can’t find sitting where I left her, and it’s still
it. I lift up each foot and look under- daylight, which surprises me because
neath to be sure I’ve it felt as if we’d been
not already stepped on our finger-recovery
on it. I’m getting mission for hours.
that jumpy, tight- We sit on the stoop
shouldered feeling and wait for the am-
like when you’ve lost bulance, which we
sight of a spider that can hear in the dis-
was on your ceiling tance. We listen to the
a moment ago. siren growing louder
“Do you see it?” I as the ambulance
ask him. approaches, and just
He points. With when we’re expecting
his elbow. At his own finger. to see the flashing lights at the bot-
The finger lies on the floor beside tom of Treat Street, the siren begins
the table saw, drained of color and to grow quieter and quieter, as if the
curved slightly. I don’t have any rub- ambulance is driving away. The man
ber gloves or tongs, so I grab a paper looks at me with the whites of his eyes
towel and lay it over the finger, pinch- showing all the way around.
ing delicately, the way you might pick “Sounds like they’re going the
up a harmless but terrifying bug. wrong way. Are they leaving?” I ask
“We have secured the finger,” I tell the operator.
the operator. After a brief silence, she returns
“Hang tight. The ambulance is on with, “They couldn’t find you. The
its way.” address does not exist.”
I cradle the swaddled finger back I sit up straight. “No! Tell them to
down the skeletal stairs, being careful come back! We’re on the other side
of the park. Drive around the park!” The finger!” I hand off the finger to
I tell the man, “It’s OK. They’ll be the paramedic and watch as they
here soon.” drive away.
I can see all the fear he has been
X X X
staving off overtake him. A tear ap-
pears on the rim of his eye, where it HROUGHOUT the evening,
balances for a second before it spills
out and runs down his cheek. I don’t
know what he’s thinking, but I’m think-
ing, What if he has a wife and kids de-
pending on him, and he can’t go back
T I can’t stop worrying about
the man. I decide to call the
hospital.
“Hi,” I say. “I helped a guy who cut
off his finger, and I don’t even know
to work? What if he doesn’t have insur- his name, but I’m wondering whether
ance? Or isn’t in the country legally? he came to your hospital.”
“You’re going to be OK,” I say. I put The nurse says, “Kim?”
my free hand on his sawdust-covered “Ye-ees?” I say, feeling mystified.
back. “It’s me. Katanya.”
“Gracias,” he says. Katanya is the mother of one of my
“De nada. Esta no problemo,” I say, daughter’s classmates. I find it mi-
emboldened enough to risk mangling raculous that she recognizes my voice.
my middle-school Spanish. I rub my She says, “His name is Jose Ramos,
free hand in a circle on his back. and he’s waiting for surgery. Would
It feels good to be able to soothe you like to leave a message?”
someone, anyone. For months now, “No. I don’t want to bug him. I just
the second my hands would go idle, wanted to be sure he was OK.”
a familiar specter, depression, would The next morning, I call the hospi-
climb on my back. I’ve been this way tal again. This time, I’m put through to
for months. I have been trying to put Jose’s room. “How was the surgery?”
on a good face for my kid, but I feel as “No surgery,” he says. “No enough
if I’ve been failing. Could I save my- blood.” Whatever that means.
self? I wouldn’t know how. But I am “Oh, I’m sorry,” I say. “Do you need
determined to save this man. anything?”
Finally the ambulance arrives. Jose says, “No, gracias,” and then
They hustle him into the back, and launches into Spanish. I can’t under-
they’re off. stand what he’s saying, but I can hear
Colette and I are watching the in the tone of his voice the same
ambulance back down the hill when letting-your-guard-down feeling I
I realize I’m still holding the finger. feel. Which makes sense. It’s impos-
I run after them, waving my arm sible to be the carrier of a person’s
and screaming, “The finger! Stop! chopped-off body part and not feel
and not the other way around? But fantasize about the world without me.
today, I get it. It’s a great honor to When I stop moving, melancholia no
help someone in need, even if all longer drops anchor.
you did was push three buttons on a Now, more than a decade has
phone and carry a couple of ounces passed since Jose’s accident. Periodi-
of former human for 15 minutes. I cally I search for “Jose” plus “Ramos”
want to keep doing it. plus “finger.” I wish I could see him
I start keeping a lookout for other again, to see how he’s getting on.
people in need of rescuing. I help But more important, to thank him,
push a stalled car out of the road. I because when he lost his finger, he
aid a disoriented cyclist when her bike saved my life.
NARRATIVE.LY (SEPTEMBER 4, 2017), COPYRIGHT © 2017 BY KIM PORTER, REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION BY NARRATIVE.LY.
Why a grieving
widow, a Minnesota
high school, and
a Nebraska online
community are
devoted to helping
people they’ve
never met
Perfect
Strangers
WHEN TYRA DAMM lost her husband, Steve Damm, to brain
cancer in 2009 after 15 years of marriage, her heart broke
for herself and her kids, then ages four and eight. And in the
opaque blur of that first year, one day stood out: his birthday.
It was the hardest day of them all, full of unbelievable grief.
Almost out of desperation, she hatched a plan for Steve’s next
birthday. She would use it to help people she’d never met.
On November 4, 2011, Tyra asked friends in her Texas
community to perform random acts of kindness in Steve’s
honor. Hundreds of people responded. A movement—and
the hashtag #dammkind—was born.
In the years since, #dammkind has to record the #dammkind deeds but
been passed along and expanded, also to spread the word about Steve.
moving people Tyra has never met The website contains a card that peo-
to do good deeds: buying coffee or ple can print and give away as they
ice cream for a person in line behind perform an act of kindness. It reads,
them, leaving a note of gratitude and “This gift is given in memory of Steve
a large tip for a waiter, baking cookies Damm. His life was cut short by brain
for Meals on Wheels. cancer, but his legacy continues. He
“November 4,” says Tyra, a 46-year- loved kindness and he loved life. I’m
old middle school teacher and parent- happy to share some of that life with
ing columnist for the Dallas Morning you.” Tyra estimates that #dammkind
PREVIOUS SPREAD: BALLOONS: UPIXA/SHUTTERSTOCK. FAMILY AND THIS PAGE: COURTESY TYRA DAMM
News, “is my favorite day of the year.” followers completed at least 400 acts of
Doing good in her husband’s hash- kindness in 2017.
tagged name is a natural extension of After Steve died in 2009, Tyra says,
who he was. A health-conscious mara- she was overwhelmed by the way
thoner, Steve was diagnosed with glio- her neighbors in Frisco, Texas, came
blastoma, an aggressive tumor in his together to help her family with
brain, in 2007. He began chemotherapy rides, meals, babysitting, and more.
while still working as an administrator Repaying their support—for her and
at a medical clinic for underprivileged especially for her kids—helped fuel
children. Tyra uses her blog not only her mission.
The movement has helped the
children—Cooper, now 16, and Katie,
12—make positive connections as
they grieve. “They don’t have the
same memories I do,” Tyra says. “It’s
a way for them to see what was impor-
tant to Steve is still important to us.”
Some years on their dad’s birthday,
the kids bake for neighbors or give out
pencils to classmates. They always
give their teachers a small gift.
“My hope is that their grief is com-
forted by the goodness of his life and
not the hard reality of his death,” Tyra
Steve Damm holds his daughter, says. “I hope this helps keep that
Katie, on the day of her baptism in goodness around.”
September 2005. ALLISON KLEIN from the Washington Post
*** The
NICEST
Mending Fences PLACES in
For most of her life, Kelyn Nightengale AMERICA
of Lincoln, Nebraska, says she was 2018
more likely to donate her money than
her time. But after watching the social
ruptures that emerged from the 2016
presidential election, that changed.
“I knew that while I couldn’t fix the
world, I could affect what was around TUNE IN, TURN
me, my family, and our city,” she says. ON TO KINDNESS
So she launched a Facebook group Many of the entries in our
called Make Lincoln Kind Again. 2017 Nicest Places in America
Members have made cards for seniors, search were built on kindness.
assembled hygiene bags for women in In Ottawa, Illinois, strangers in a
need, and gathered supplies for an in- grocery store line paid the bill of
coming refugee family. There’s some an older woman ahead of them
karma at play, too: When Nightengale who had lost her wallet. In Pitts-
field, Maine, residents some-
had a stroke in January, members ral-
times found their lawns mowed
lied to make hospital visits and look by a mystery neighbor.
after her kids. “It’s amazing to see If you find selflessness to be
people you barely know come out of both uplifting and entertaining,
the woodwork to support you,” she check out Random Acts. It’s a
says. “Being nice isn’t hard—and it TV show where the producers
doesn’t have to cost a thing.” J. L. set up a hidden camera, create
a moral dilemma (such as find-
ing a wallet on the sidewalk),
Make Lincoln Kind Again founder Kelyn and then record what happens.
Nightengale with her daughter, Zoe The April 3 season premiere
on BYUtv includes a segment
COURTESY KELY N NIGHTENGALE
Family Adventures
The Beaches of Fort Myers & Sanibel Cruise the Mississippi River
Florida’s Beaches of Fort Myers & Sanibel, where Offering One & Two Day Mississippi River Cruises
gentle waves, white-sand beaches and abundant aboard the Victorian-styled Riverboat Twilight. Let our
wildlife meet. Captain be your guide to majestic bald eagles, towering
Plan your getaway at FortMyers-Sanibel.com or bluffs and historic river towns.
call 800-237-6444. Call 800 331-1467 or visit RiverboatTwilight.com.
Volcanoes, Beaches, Rainforests—Your Costa Rica Vicksburg is a great place to bring your family to learn
tour is fully guided with all hotels, all meals, and all American history, experience Southern charm, enjoy
activities. Plus tax, fees. Join the smart shoppers and educational museums and check out the wonder of
experienced travelers. FREE Brochure: the Mississippi River.
Visit caravan.com or call (800) CARAVAN. Visit www.VisitVicksburg.com or call (800) 221-3536.
Family Adventures
Visit Sitka
Win A Family Vacation!
Request your FREE travel information via
text or rd.com, & enter to win $2,000
towards your next vacation!
1. Text TRAVEL to 51684
2. Visit RD.com/TravelTips
3. Mail or fax the below form to: Readers Digest
P.O. Box 413050, Naples, FL 34101-3050
Fax: 888-847-6035
You will receive 1 text message. Message and data rates may apply. Text HELP for
help. Your information will not be sold or used for any other purpose. No purchase Sitka Alaska, where the fish is fresh, culture is celebrated and
necessary to enter or win. Sweepstakes begins 01/01/2018 and ends 9/14/2018. wilderness beckons steps from your door. Hike, fish, kayak and
Sweepstakes open to residents of the U.S., its territories and possessions age 21
and over. Void where prohibited. For official rules and prize information go to www. explore the pristine landscape. Experience vibrant cultures
rd.com/traveltips for further details. Data and message charges may apply. that have thrived here for millennia. Inspire your imagination.
The beauty of Sitka awaits! Order your free guide today.
Explore visitsitka.org or call 800-557-4852.
NAME
ADDRESS
E-MAIL
q Yes, I would like to receive additional Travel Information at the e-mail address above. CODE: FA0518
13 Things
You Didn’t
Know
About
Mother’s
Day
BY LAUR EN CA HN A N D
C ARO LI N E FA N N I N G
A social activist (and mother of 13), for years against what she saw as
Jarvis hoped the special day would its commercialization, from candy
quiet the seething animosity between to store-bought cards to a 1934 post-
the Union and Confederate soldiers, age stamp. “If the American people
in addition to their families and are not willing to protect Mother’s Day
neighbors, at the end of the Civil War. from the hordes of money schemers
that would overwhelm it with their
schemes, then we shall cease having
2 Her daughter took it very
seriously too. After Ann Jarvis a Mother’s Day,” she wrote.
bouncing baby boy on April 19, 2016. maternal behavior and motivation in
Kaur and her 79-year-old husband, the development of higher cognitive
Mohinder Singh Gill, spent decades function.
trying to have a baby—and finally
succeeded after saving up enough
money for fertility treatments. 12 She’s got the same name in
every mother tongue. Babies
in nearly every country on the planet
speak the word mama in almost ex-
11 Becoming a future mom is
good for your brain. Pregnancy
not only alters a woman’s skin and
actly the same way.
If you are a current or former owner of a home or other structure with Pella
ProLine® Casement Windows, manufactured between 1991 – 2009, you may
TXDOLI\IRUEHQH¿WVIURPDFODVVDFWLRQVHWWOHPHQW
SI DESEA RECIBIR ESTA NOTIFICACION EN ESPAÑOL, LLÁMENOS O VISITE NUESTRA
PÁGINA WEB.
A settlement has been reached with Pella Corporation and Pella Windows and Doors, Inc.
(“Defendants”) about allegedly defective Pella ProLine® brand aluminum clad wood casement,
awning, and/or transom windows manufactured by Pella Corporation between 1991 and 2009 (“Pella
ProLine® Casement Windows”). The settlement covers water intrusion damage to qualifying windows
and property. Defendants deny all of the claims in the lawsuit. The Court has not decided who is right.
Who Is Included? You are included in the Settlement as a Settlement Class Member if you are a
current or former owner of a structure in the United States containing Pella ProLine® brand aluminum
clad wood casement, awning, and/or transom windows (including 250 and 450 Series) manufactured
by Pella Corporation between 1991 and 2009 (Pella ProLine® Casement Windows).
What Does The Settlement Provide? Pella will dedicate $25.75 million for a Settlement Fund, of
which $23.75 million will be used for Fund A and $2 million will be used for Fund B. Fund A will be
used to pay settlement administration costs and make up to $25,000 service award payments to each
RIWKH&ODVV5HSUHVHQWDWLYHVEHIRUHPDNLQJSD\PHQWVWR6HWWOHPHQW&ODVV0HPEHUVZKR¿OHDYDOLG
Claim Form for an Eligible Damage. Payments for Eligible Damage will vary based on the window’s
date of sale, damage and repair costs, and if and when the damage occurred, among other things. Fund
%ZLOOEHXVHGIRUZDUUDQW\DQG3UR/LQH6HUYLFH(QKDQFHPHQW3URJUDPEHQH¿WV
How Do I Get A Payment? You must complete and submit a valid Claim Form by June 20,
2018. Claim Forms are available at www.pellawindowsettlement.com, by calling 1-866-658-
6764 or by writing to Eubank v. Pella Settlement Administrator, PO Box 404041, Louisville, KY
40233-4041.
<RXU 5LJKWV$QG 2SWLRQV If you do nothing, your rights will be affected but you will not get a
6HWWOHPHQWSD\PHQWRUEHQH¿WV,I\RXGRQRWZDQWWREHOHJDOO\ERXQGE\WKH6HWWOHPHQW\RXPXVW
exclude yourself from it by June 20, 2018. Unless you exclude yourself, you will not be able to
sue Defendants for any legal claim resolved by this Settlement or released by the Settlement
$JUHHPHQW ,I \RX H[FOXGH \RXUVHOI \RX FDQQRW JHW D 6HWWOHPHQW SD\PHQW RU EHQH¿WV EXW \RX DUH
free to pursue any legal claims that you may have against Defendants in a different lawsuit. If you
stay in the Settlement (that is, don’t exclude yourself), you may object to it by June 20, 2018. More
information can be found in the Detailed Notice and Settlement Agreement, which are available at
www.pellawindowsettlement.com.
7KH)LQDO$SSURYDO+HDULQJThe U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Illinois, located
at 219 South Dearborn Street, Courtroom 1241, Chicago, Illinois 60604, will hold a hearing in this
case (Eubank, et al. v. Pella Corporation et al., Case No. 06-cv-4481) on September 14, 2018. At this
hearing, the Court will decide whether to approve: the Settlement; all counsels’ requests for attorneys’
fees, costs, and expenses of up to $9 million; and up to $25,000 each as a service award to the Class
Representatives. You may appear at the hearing, but you do not have to. You may also hire your own
attorney, at your own expense, to appear or speak for you at the hearing.
ZZZSHOODZLQGRZVHWWOHPHQWFRP
1- 866-658-6764
WHO KNEW?
The Dance
Of a 2
Lifetime
BY JACO P O D E L L A Q U E RC IA
DOES THINKING BACK to your senior prom still make you smile—or
make you queasy? In either case, May is part of prom season, which makes
crashed the John Burroughs Senior She persuaded her dad—aka the
Prom on June 7, 1963, he brought president of the United States—to
comedian Jack Benny with him. host her senior prom at the White
California Democrats were hosting House. The event, held in the East
a fund-raiser in the Beverly Hilton Room on May 31, 1975, was attended
Hotel the same night as the prom, but by 74 students from Washington’s
after Kennedy learned this had almost exclusive Holton-Arms School and
caused the dance to be relocated, he their very well-behaved dates. For
stepped in—literally. The president the record, the government didn’t
walked into the hotel’s grand ball- pay a penny for the soiree. The
room and declared to the stunned girls raised the $1,300 necessary for
seniors, “Actually, this is a better room the dance through bake sales and
than the room we have upstairs.” other fund-raisers. Unfortunately,
Word Power
How well do you know the peaks and valleys of planet Earth? Can you
tell a bluff (that’s a cliff) from a gulch (a narrow ravine)? Circumnavigate
your way through this list of words, and then turn the page for answers.
BY EM ILY COX & H E NRY RATH VO N
Answers
1. biosphere—[B] parts of Earth that effect of oil spills on deep-sea ecology.
support life. The biosphere is home to
9. terra firma—[C] dry land. After
a stunning variety of species, from
a week on the rickety sailboat, Alex
tiny microbes to enormous whales.
couldn’t wait to return to terra firma.
2. strata—[A] rock layers. Did you
10. aquifer—[C] underground water
know the strata of the Grand Canyon
bed. The Ogallala Aquifer stretches all
are hundreds of millions of years old?
the way from South Dakota to Texas.
3. bayou—[C] marshy waterway.
11. flora—[B] plant life. Walt’s art is
Marie often paddles down the bayou
inspired by the flora of Cape Cod.
in her canoe at sunrise.
12. tarn—[A] mountain lake. A dip
4. arroyo—[A] gully. That’s my car at
in a tarn is just as bracing as a shot
the bottom of the arroyo, Officer.
of espresso.
5. cartography—[B] art of mapmak-
13. latitude—[C] distance north
ing. “Why would anyone study
or south from the equator. Lines of
cartography in the age of Google
latitude are also called parallels.
Maps?” Dora asked.
14. primordial—
6. seismic—[B]
POLAR OPPOSITES [C] from earliest
related to earth-
When you were a kid, did times. This primor-
quakes. After moving
you ever try digging to dial forest looks like
out west, Nick got
China or Australia—or something straight
used to regular whatever was down there? out of Game of
seismic activity. Points on Earth that are op- Thrones.
7. scree—[A] loose posite each other (such as
the North and South Poles) 15. hogback—
rocks. Petra had
are called antipodes (an- [B] steep-sided ridge.
to scramble 'tih-poh-deez). The word Honey, I’m not sure
through piles of comes from the Greek anti you should take a
ankle-wrenching (“opposite”) and pod selfie so close to the
scree to reach the (“foot”), meaning “people
hogback’s rim!
summit. who have their feet against
our feet.” So whose feet are
8. ecology—[A] pressed against yours? VOCABULARY
relationship of RATINGS
Probably no one’s. In most
9 & below:
organisms to their of America, your antipode all over the map
environment. Scien- is in the Indian Ocean. 10–12: salt of the earth
tists are studying the 13–15: out of this world
We owe it to you.
Ancient prophecies, Alien invasions, worldwide political corruption and
scandal, famine and destruction—these are topics that make you think of a
science fiction thriller, but these riveting events and more have been foretold
by the prophets and they are beginning to unfold as we speak!
Reader’s Digest (ISSN 0034-0375) (USPS 865-820), (CPM Agreement# 40031457), Vol. 191, No. 1140, May 2018. © 2018. Published monthly,
except bimonthly in July/August and December/January (subject to change without notice), by Trusted Media Brands, Inc., 44 South Broadway,
White Plains, New York 10601. Periodicals postage paid at White Plains, New York, and at additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address
changes to Reader’s Digest, PO Box 6095, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1595. Send undeliverable Canadian addresses to [email protected]. All rights
reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, in any manner, is prohibited. Reader’s Digest and The Digest are registered trademarks of Trusted Media
Brands, Inc. Marca Registrada. Printed in U.S.A. SUBSCRIBERS: You may cancel your subscription at any time and receive a refund for copies not
previously addressed. Your subscription will expire with the issue identified above your name on the address label. If the Post Office alerts us that
your magazine is undeliverable, we have no further obligation unless we receive a corrected address within one year. A special Reader’s Digest Large
Print with selected articles from Reader’s Digest is published by Trusted Media Brands, Inc. For details, write: Reader’s Digest Large Print, PO Box
6097, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1597. CONSUMER INFORMATION: Reader’s Digest may share information about you with third parties for the
purpose of offering products and services that may interest you. If you would rather not receive such offers via postal mail, please write to
Reader’s Digest Customer Mailing List, PO Box 3123, Harlan, Iowa 51593-0189. You can also visit www.tmbi.com/preference-center to manage your
preferences and opt out of receiving such offers via e-mail. Please see our Privacy Policy at www.tmbi.com/privacy-policy.
Peter M.
Professional Fisherman and TV Show Host
Actual Patient
§
Get back to a life free from chronic neck or back pain.
If you’ve had an MRI and have been told you might need neck or back surgery, call
Laser Spine Institute today for your MRI review.
§ +
Each patient is different. Results may vary. For more information, visit LaserSpineInstitute.com/surgeons.
^For more information, visit LaserSpineInstitute.com/results. *Not a diagnosis. See LaserSpineInstitute.com/MRIreview for more details.
Medicaid currently not accepted. © 2018 Laser Spine Institute, LLC 5456-112917-AM
HOW DO YOU
KNOW SHE’LL
LOVE THE TASTE
OF GRAIN FREE?
Trademarks owned by Société des Produits Nestlé S.A., Vevey, Switzerland.