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 Contents SEPTEMBER 2017

Cover Story Life Lesson

30 25 Ways Sugar Is Making 64 Shifting Gears
You Sick With a little preparation—and
SY D N E Y LO N E Y some strategic choices—you
can find the ability to embrace
Humour change. M I C A H TO U B
40 A Master Class in Funny
12 comical school stories from RD Vault
across the country. 68 I’ve Come to Clean
Your Shoes
Knowledge
In the face of tragedy, the
48 Cultivating Wisdom smallest gestures can be the
Equal parts teacher, gardener most valuable. M A D G E H A R R A H
and historian, ethnobotanist F R O M O N C H I L D R E N A N D D E AT H
Nancy Turner has dedicated
her life to keeping Indigenous
plant lore alive. H E AT H E R
P R I N G L E F R O M H A KA I M AG A Z I N E
OLIVER KONI NG

Drama in Real Life

56 The Pilots Who Crashed PHOTOGRAPH
BY LIAM MOGAN;
Into the Sea (FOOD STYLING)
ANDREW BULLIS/
N I C H O L A S H U N E - B R OW N JUDY INC.

P. | 56
 Vol. 191 | No. 1,142
SEPTEMBER 2017

Environment
72 Murder Mystery
Each morning, thousands of crows
descend upon Vancouver’s
downtown. Why? JA K E M ACD O N A L D
FROM CANADIAN GEOGRAPHIC

Department of Wit
80 Match Point
In the battle of wills between
parent and child, the winner is…
S E A N W I L L I A M S F R O M S L AT E .CO M

Memoir
82 Reflections From the River
A childhood lesson in
contemplation leads to decades
of ruminations and recollections.
H U G H W. M C K E RV I L L
P. | 92

COURTESY OF BETTY ANN ADAM; (PHOTO FRA ME) ISTOC KPHOTO

F R O M AT L A N T I C S A L M O N J O U R N A L

Editors’ Choice
92 Scooped
When I was seized from my mother as a toddler, I lost my family and my
Indigenous identity. This is the story of how I made my way back to them.
B E T T Y A N N A DA M F R O M T H E S A S KATO O N STA R P H O E N I X

READER FAVOURITES

9 Finish This Sentence 104 That’s Outrageous!

13 Life’s Like That 106 Brainteasers
18 Points to Ponder 108 Trivia Quiz
55 @ Work 109 Word Power
71 Laughter, the Best Medicine 111 Sudoku
90 As Kids See It 112 Quotes

2 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 Health
ART OF LIVING
24 Skipping a Beat
Atrial fibrillation—what it
10 Shared Vision is and what to do.
Optician Philippe Rochette SA M A N T H A R I D E O U T
believes everyone has a right
to see clearly, no matter their Health
means. A N D R E A B E N N E T T 28 What’s Wrong With Me?
A medical mystery resolved.
The RD Interview BY SY D N E Y LO N E Y
14 News Maker
Veteran journalist Carol Off on
global conflict, gender politics GET SMART!
and becoming part of the story.
SA M I A M A DWA R
102 13 Things Pet Stores
Culture Won’t Tell You
16 RD Recommends MICHELLE CROUCH ADDITIONAL
R E S E A R C H BY A N D R E A B E N N E T T
Our top picks in books and
movies. SA R A H L I S S

Health
20 Travelling With Diabetes
Six tips for a safe, worry-free
trip. J I L L B U C H N E R

Health
22 Compulsive
Consumption
Strategies and solutions to

22
manage binge-eating disorder.
DILIA NARDUZZI P. |
ISTOCKP HOTO

4 Editor’s Letter 6 Contributors 7 Letters

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 3
 Editor’s Letter
Sweet Surrender
LAST WEEK, A WALK IN THE COUNTRY led me
to a clearing by the side of a lake. From the edge
of the glade I was thrilled to spot little hints of red
poking through the green grass: wild strawberries. The berries had
been warmed by the sun and were delicate to the touch and very
juicy. Moreover, they were delicious.
Few things delight me as much as picking my own
food. As a child, I spent a lot of time outside of the
city, foraging for wild mushrooms and berries with
my family and helping my grandmother in the
garden. I have a deep appreciation for fresh,
simple foods straight from the source … which
isn’t to say I’m without my vices. Truth be told,
my husband and I ate our wild strawberries
with a good dollop of ice cream. Everything
in moderation, right?
This month’s cover story serves as an excel-
lent reminder of why we should be mindful of
certain food habits. While few people would
consider sweets a benefit to one’s health, our
feature, “25 Ways Sugar Is Making You Sick”
(page 30), sheds light on many surprising ex-
amples of how excess sugar is wreaking havoc
on our bodies. Learn how to look out for hidden
sugars—and why it’s important to enjoy sweet
things with a balanced approach.
ROGER A ZIZ

Send an email to
[email protected]
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rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 5
 Contributors
VIRGINIA FISHER RICHMOND LAM
YAFFE (Photographer,
(Writer, “A Master “Shared Vision,”
Class in Funny,” page 10)
page 40)
Home base:
Home base: Montreal. Previously Montreal. Previously published in
published in The Montreal Gazette re:porter and Die Zeit. Out of all
and The Globe and Mail. Teachers my family members, I’m the only
can benefit from making mistakes. person who never needed glasses.
Learning how it feels not to “get it” But as a photographer, I should
makes for a compassionate educa- probably get my eyes checked out
tor. I’ve always valued a good soon. I don’t believe that having
chuckle in the classroom. As a stu- good eyesight is a privilege, so mak-
dent, I liked it when a teacher ing glasses affordable for everyone
appreciated my sense of humour. is a necessity.

JASON SCHNEIDER SAMIA MADWAR

(Illustrator, “A Master (Writer, “News Maker,”
Class in Funny,” page 14)
page 40)
Home base:
Home base: Toronto. Previously
Toronto. Previously published published in The Walrus and Up
in The Wall Street Journal and ESPN Here. Carol Off’s sincerity is, I
The Magazine. Humour makes imagine, the reason why so many
hard lessons more digestible. sources have trusted her over the
My most memorable classes were years. The conflicts that are caus-
ones where we had a teacher who ing the refugee crisis aren’t iso-
was willing to laugh. I feel most lated. Western countries have a hand
inspired in an air-conditioned in the circumstances that are driving
studio after having consumed a millions to flee their homes. That’s
four-shot cappuccino. something we must all try to change.

6 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 Letters
READERS COMMENT ON OUR RECENT ISSUES

In honour of our 70th anniversary,

we reached out to readers to ask,
“What does Reader’s Digest
mean to you?”

SHARING IS CARING
To me, Reader’s Digest is about legacy. During the 1960s
and ’70s, my dad raised us on the magazine. He was a
man who truly valued education, particularly because he
never had the opportunity to attend high school himself.
He always used the Word Power to teach me and my sib-
lings the value of words. In 1999, a story of mine was
published on the Life’s Like That page. I’ve often thought
my dad’s early Reader’s Digest training played a part in
my being published years later.
NANCY HAIGH GORDON, Hamil t o n, O nt.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 7
READER’S DIGEST

HOW TO HELP LETTER OF THE LAW

I recently read “13 Things Librarians Your June 2017 Points to Ponder
Won’t Tell You” (April 2017). I want page was certainly interesting, but I
to thank you for bringing to light the was surprised by a quote from pot
many services that our public li- activist Jodie Emery that proposed
braries provide. However, as a librarian law-breaking: “The only way to
myself, I did have one small con- change the law is to break the law.”
cern. One of the points suggested I’ve always preferred the unattrib-
that patrons donate unwanted items uted quote “the best way to get rid
using the book drop. While libraries of a bad law is to enforce it”—an
appreciate our communities helping idea that could legally achieve the
out, some used books aren’t terribly same result.
useful—especially encyclopedias, GEORGE DUNBAR, To r o n t o
dated fiction and textbooks that are
more than a couple of years old. QUALITY AND QUANTITY
Most staffers would much rather see I have been a subscriber to
the donated material at their front Reader’s Digest for more than
desks than have to sift through the 40 years. The magazine has been
book drop. a constant companion to both
ADELE REID, S u t t o n , O n t . my family and visitors to our home
for decades. Thank you for pub-
NO JOKE lishing a compact magazine filled
I am a loyal Reader’s Digest reader, with educational, amusing and
and I was disappointed to see you entertaining articles.
promoting pranksters in “Fool’s Para- SIGI ZRINSCAK, Ha l i b u r t o n , O n t .
dise” (April 2017). Most of them are
mean-spirited bullies! Published letters are edited for length
GLADYS WIRTH, W i n n i p e g and clarity.

WRITE We want to hear from you! Have something to say about an article you read in Reader’s
TO US! Digest? Send your letters to [email protected]. Please include your full name and address.
Contribute Send us your funny jokes and anecdotes, and if we publish one in a print
edition of Reader’s Digest, we’ll send you $50. To submit, visit rd.ca/joke.
Original contributions (text and photos) become the property of The Reader’s Digest
Magazines Canada Limited, and its affiliates, upon publication. Submissions may be
edited for length and clarity, and may be reproduced in all print and electronic media.
Receipt of your submission cannot be acknowledged.
 FINISH THIS SENTENCE

If I had one extra

vacation day I would…
...spend time reading.
There never seem to be enough hours
to get through all the books on my list. …knit
JOANNE WATERS, BELLEVILLE, ONT. my two-year-old
grandson a sweater.
CHERYL MACMILLAN
ASHTON, SIMCOE, ONT.

…make
some
pottery. …sightsee
SHERRY LESSER, in some nearby towns.
LINTLAW, SASK. CHANDRAMOHAN KUNCHAM,
MISSISSAUGA, ONT.

…go for
another hike
along the
Netagamiou River
in Chevery, Que.
ANA OSBORNE, …relax and go fishing.
CHEVERY, QUE. LISA GIESBRECHT, ABBOTSFORD, B.C.

 Visit the Reader’s Digest Canada Facebook page for your chance to finish the next sentence.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 9
 ART of LIVING

Optician Philippe Rochette believes everyone has a

right to see clearly, no matter their means

Shared Vision
BY AND RE A BENNETT
PHOTOGRAPH BY RICHMOND L AM

! IN THE LOW-CEILINGED
lobby of YMCA Guy-Favreau in
and reassures a waiting woman that
she hasn’t been forgotten.
downtown Montreal, two women Rochette fell into a career as an
are trying on eyeglasses. One holds optician by accident, he says—he
up a square mirror, tilts her face needed to support himself while
from side to side, then shakes her studying creative writing and cinema
head: not quite right. She moves on at the Université du Quebec à Mon-
to the frames her neighbour has just tréal. After completing an optical
put down. training program and spending sev-
Optician Philippe Rochette, bet- eral years selling high-end designer
ter known by his alias, Bonhomme frames—“Plated gold, 23.6 karat; I
à lunettes, triages the crowd. Who’s did all of that”—Rochette was fed up
here to pick up glasses? Who’s here with how the cost of glasses was tied
for repairs? To find a new pair? less to function and more to fashion.
Switching between French and In 2007, while volunteering at
English, with a bit of Spanish a fundraising drive at an east-end
thrown in, the gregarious 42-year- YMCA, he had an idea: affordable
old negotiates a deposit with a eye care for all—or at least as many
senior whose glasses have been people as possible. He purchased the
stolen—how much can he afford?— bare necessities, like tools and ➸

10 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
Philippe Rochette
provides affordable
eyewear to adults and
children in the Montreal
area—and donates $10
per pair to community
organizations.
READER’S DIGEST

frames, and with the blessing of the benefits but with high-degree my-
Y, set up in their lobby. His goal was opia, requires a very strong prescrip-
to offer fair prices (frames from $20 tion. At a bricks-and-mortar shop,
and up for people on social assis- she’d likely pay at least $1,200 for
tance with coverage, for example) a single pair of glasses; with Bon-
by purchasing discontinued or out- homme à lunettes, she gets two pairs
of-season stock from warehouses, (one for distance and one for read-
as well as non-branded frames. He ing) for $500. Though Rochette’s
would then give a portion from each clients may pay slightly more with
sale back to the community in the him than through an online service,
form of donations. Rochette is better equipped to han-
From that one YMCA, Rochette’s dle complex cases and can do frame
business has grown exponentially. fittings. Moreover, his clients receive
What began as a part-time endeav- the satisfaction of giving back to their
our is now a 21-employee outfit that community. Jean is impressed with
serves 48 different locations in the the work Rochette is doing: “There
greater Montreal area every week. need to be more people like him.”
Rochette has raised approximately A decade after founding Bon-
$325,000 for community organiza- homme à lunettes, Rochette is
tions (including Camp LIFT, which expanding his enterprise. He has
runs outdoor programs for at-risk joined forces with fellow health
youth) and political causes (the professionals and started a collec-
Occupy movement). He estimates tive, Portes Orange, to offer acu-
that he’s sold a total of 50,000 pairs puncture, psychotherapy, massage,
of glasses so far. counselling and other services at
For his customers, Rochette’s affordable rates in Montreal’s Mile
business model makes a big differ- End neighbourhood.
ence. Twentysomething Ouiam Rochette has also trained opticians
Didane is at Guy-Favreau to buy from Vancouver, Toronto, Saguenay–
her first pair of glasses. For her, it’s Lac-St-Jean, Sherbrooke and even
important to see well—but she still Wisconsin on how to adopt his
wants glasses that suit her. “It’s the model. The trick, he says, is to stick
first thing you see on yourself, and to simple. “If you keep your fixed
that others see too,” she says, trying expenses as low as possible from the
on a model with wire frames. “It’s start, you get closer and closer to the
how you present yourself.” real worth of a frame,” Rochette says.
France Jean, a 63-year-old admin- “Being able to see is not a luxury. It’s
istrative assistant without health a matter of public health.”

12 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 Life’s Like That

PROFESSIONAL OPINION SIMPLE SELF-CARE

My six-year-old son ran to me after I deleted an email with the subject
lightly scraping his knee at a park. I “three-second joy exercise,” and I
looked at the scratch and kissed it think I found a new three-second joy
better, and he ran off to play again. exercise. C o m e d i a n MARK CHALIFOUX
My brother, who was standing
nearby, raised his eyebrows and WE HAD JUST MOVED to the coun-
quipped, “Four years of medical try from the city when our neigh-
school and that’s all you’ve got?” bour came by. “Several of my hogs
LINDA O’CONNOR, Ki n g s t o n , O n t . have gotten loose,” he said. “Have
you seen them?”
SWEET REVENGE My concerned husband responded,
On the day I got my learner’s permit, “What do they look like?”
my father agreed to take me out for BETSY SMITH
a driving lesson. With a big grin, he
hopped in behind the driver’s seat. EXPECTATION VS. REALITY
SUSAN CAM ILLERI KONAR

“Why aren’t you sitting up front, on “Baggage carousel” sounds a lot

the passenger’s side?” I asked. more fun than it actually is.
“Kirsten, I’ve been waiting for this @INGRIDMUSIC
ever since you were a little girl,” Dad
Is your life a lot of fun? Send us your
replied. “Now it’s my turn to sit back amusing stories! They could earn you
here and kick the seat.” $50. See page 8 or visit rd.ca/joke for
KIRSTEN WILEY more details.

rd.ca | 06 • 2017 | 13
THE RD INTERVIEW

Veteran journalist Carol Off on global conflict,

gender politics and becoming part of the story

News Maker
BY SA MI A M A DWAR
ILLUSTRATION BY AIMÉE VAN DRIMMELEN

In your new memoir, All We Leave

Behind, you describe reporting from
Pakistan early in your career. Three
decades later, you’re the co-host of
CBC’s As It Happens. How have
things changed for female journal-
ists in the intervening years?
When I started out, it was unusual to
meet women in the field. Now there
are many of us. I remember a turning
point: going back and forth between
Jordan and Israel during the Gulf War
in early 1991. This young male journalist
from Ireland started hanging around with
me, which was surprising—the men
were cliquish. He said, “You
get through the checkpoints
easier than anybody.”

That access is part of

why you wrote this
book, which centres
on the Aryubwals, an
Afghan family. Their

14 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
lives were in danger in part because are a relief after wondering if you’re
the father spoke out against local going to get killed or abducted.
warlords in a documentary you
produced in 2002. You’re candid In the book, you reflect on key
about your struggle to separate events—the U.S.’s involvement in
yourself from this story. arming mujahedeen in Afghanistan
I still think you have to keep that dis- during the Cold War to fight a proxy
tance as best you can, but now I have war with Russia, for example—
a stronger sense of my responsibil- which led to the current refugee crisis.
ities in protecting the lives of others. Are there similar red flags today?
Libya is a failed state because we
You helped the Aryubwals come to joined a campaign to take down
Canada, which took over a decade. Muammar Gaddafi, and when he
What did you learn in the process? was dead, we said, “You’re on your
They came in as a government- own.” ISIS is there. Al Qaeda is there.
sponsored family, but if I hadn’t We’re creating failed states all over
been helping them, I don’t know the place. The biggest victims of ter-
how they could have survived. After rorism aren’t in Manchester, Boston
they arrived in Hamilton in 2015, or Paris. Overwhelmingly, they’re
they were sent to a shelter to get pro- people in Muslim countries who are
cessed; we met refugees there who under attack by their countrymen.
didn’t have anyone to advocate for
them. What they went through was You describe your experience with
appalling. I think the government the Aryubwals as “life changing.”
should expand the private sponsor- How so?
ship program tenfold. It doesn’t just I have my brothers and sisters. I
benefit those who’ve found places have a husband, kids, stepkids and
to live; it’s transformative for the grandchildren. But I also have this
communities themselves. other family, and I consider them
to be part of my family, too. I can’t
The family arrived two years ago. imagine my life without them. It’s
How has the transition been? hardly consolation for what I put
The Aryubwals are doing fine. them through, but it’s just been
It’s difficult for them to find the such an extraordinary friendship.
jobs they want, to find housing
they want. I keep saying, All We Leave Behind: A Reporter’s
“These are normal problems.” Journey Into the Lives of Others is
They agree: these problems available Sept. 19.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 15
CULTURE

Our top picks in books and movies

RD Recommends
BY SA RA H L I SS

1
STRONGER
On April 15, 2013, 27-year-old
Jeff Bauman was waiting to cheer
on his girlfriend, Erin Hurley, as she
finished the Boston Marathon, when
terrorists detonated two bombs in the crowd.
He survived but lost his legs in the carnage.
Based on Bauman’s 2015 memoir, this tear-jerker
details the man’s painful recovery. You’ll root for Jake
Gyllenhaal’s stubborn protagonist at every turn, but it’s the emotional scenes
with Tatiana Maslany as Hurley that will fill your heart. Sept. 22.

(ST RONGER) SCOTT GARFI ELD/EN TERTAI NM ENT ON E F ILM S;

DID YOU KNOW? On the Canadian hit series Orphan Black, Tatiana Maslany

(DIANA SPENCER) ANWAR HUSSEI N/GETTY IMAGES

played an astonishing 11 characters, working with a dialect coach to master
the vocal idiosyncrasies of a Ukrainian assassin and a suburban soccer mom,
among others. Stronger is her first crack at a Boston accent.

2 REMEMBERING DIANA: A LIFE

IN PHOTOGRAPHS
National Geographic and Tina Brown
As the Princess of Wales, Diana Spencer was the most photo-
graphed woman in the world. Two decades after the car
accident that killed her, some of those images have been col-
lected in this formidable tome. The pictures range from fam-
ily candids to indelible portraits, with quotes and captions
offering insights into the life and legacy of an icon. Aug. 1.

16 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 3 POPPIES
OF IRAQ
Brigitte Findakly and
4 AN ODYSSEY:
A FATHER,
A SON AND AN EPIC
Lewis Trondheim Daniel Mendelsohn
Born to a French This moving memoir fol-
mother and an Iraqi lows New Yorker contributor
father, Brigitte Finda- and classics professor Dan-
kly spent her forma- iel Mendelsohn on his quest
tive years in Mosul, to retrace the hero’s journey
Iraq, before her family from Homer’s The Odys-
fled to Paris amid sey—with his 81-year-old
(BOOK) I STOCKP HOTO; (BATTLE OF TH E SEXES) © 2016 TWENTIETH CENTU RY FOX FIL M CORPORATION

growing turmoil in dad by his side. Part meditation on the power

the region. Here, she of classic myth, part odd-couple travelogue, it’s
reflects on a child- an unconventional and irresistible tale of father-
hood caught between son bonding. Sept. 12.
cultures. The illustra-
tions, by Findakly’s
husband, Lewis
Trondheim, vividly
capture an oppressive
5 BATTLE OF THE SEXES
At the time, it was one of the most monu-
mental events in sports history: a televised tennis
regime as seen from match that combined heated competition with
a kid’s guileless point the nascent feminist movement. The legendary
of view. Sept. 5. 1973 faceoff between top women’s player
Billie Jean King and self-proclaimed male chau-
vinist Bobby Riggs is recreated in this punchy
film, which homes in on the larger-than-life
personalities on either side of the net. Sept. 22.
 Points to Ponder

(S LEA N) APRI L 19, 2017; (OUELLET) C BC RADIO’S TH E SUN DAY EDITION ( APRIL 9, 201 7 ) ; ( MANNING ) APRIL 2, 201 7 ; (G OPNIK ) MAR CH 20, 2 01 7.
PHOTOS : (GOWDY ) RUTH KAP LAN; (GOP NI K) JOHN SUTERA/PEN AMERICA. QU OTE S: (G OW DY) THE G LOBE AND M AIL ( APR IL 1 3, 201 7 ) ;
BY CH RISTINA PALASSI O

Writing saved me. It’s kind of a We’ll be really good neighbours, but
meditation. You’re in the moment. sharing the same fridge is not a great
You’re in the word. You’re in the thing for us and the rest of Canada.
sentence. I could kind of We’d rather have our own place.
forget my pain when
I was writing. Ne w B l o c Q u é b é c o i s l e a d e r
MARTINE OUELLET on the party’s
commitment to separatism
N o v e l i s t BARBARA GOWDY,
on how writing her novel Little Sister helped
her deal with chronic back pain
I think there are unsavoury aspects
to populism. And I think one needs
As a recording artist, you’re in a to deplore those, but I think one
unique position. You have a tangible needs to focus more on the root
record of the evolution of your own causes of that alienation, rather than
thinking—I have time capsules of my fixating on just the negative eccen-
mind from various stages of my life. tricities of it.

Mu s i c i a n SARAH SLEAN PRESTON MANNING,

on CBC Radio’s q on CBC Radio’s The Sunday Edition

Getting out to
make good things
happen beats
sitting down and
thinking big
things up.
Wr i t e r ADAM GOPNIK in The New Yorker

18 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 [One time] my young daugh-
ter said, “Mama, I’m white on
the outside but Indian on the
inside. My bones are brown.”
[It] was at once heartwarming
and heartbreaking.
PIYA CHATTOPADHYAY, h o s t o f C B C R a d i o’s O u t i n
the Open, in an essay on the complexity of racial identity

I would like it to be understood… People tend to forget that there

that all our human economic have always been those who are
PHOTOS : (C HATTOPADHYAY ) C BC M EDIA CEN TRE; (P ENNER) KENDRA HOPE PHOTOG RAPHY.

achievements have been done by deniers of history and they deny

ordinary people, not by exceptionally history for their own reasons. They
educated people, or by elites or by deny, perhaps, because they’re
supernatural forces, for heaven’s sake. slow-minded and dim-witted, but
more importantly I think it’s because
Late great urbanist JANE JACOBS, they believe in a certain delusion
in Jane Jacobs: The Last Interview about our history that they are
and Other Conversations
unwilling to give up.

Right from the beginning, I made S e n a t o r MURRAY SINCLAIR,

a commitment to myself that when responding to fellow Senator Lynn Beyak’s comments
about residential schools
my children started school I would
stop putting myself in front of
the camera. I’ve had so many expressions from
parents about how my music was
GALEN WESTON JR., to The Globe and special to their children, particularly
Mail, on why he’s transitioning away from being the face children with autism. Often they
of the Loblaws brand
[are] saying, “My autistic child,
I don’t know why, but your
My father, though he had inter- music talks to him or
national acclaim, always reminded her and just gets right
me that he got his start in Canada. inside them.”

ADAM COHEN, s o n o f L e o n a rd B elov e d chil dren’s enter t ain er

Cohen, accepting a Juno for his father’s final album FRED PENNER, in Today’s Parent

QUOTES: (CHATTOPADHYAY) MARCH 27, 2017; (JACOBS) MELVILLE HOUSE (APRIL 2016); (WESTON JR.)
APRIL 1 5, 2017; (COHEN) T WI T T ER.COM (APRIL 2, 2017); (SINCLA IR) CBC NEWS (MARCH 29, 2017);
(PENNER) APRIL 28, 2017.
HEALTH

Six tips for a safe, worry-free trip

Travelling
With Diabetes
BY JI L L B U C H N E R

! EVEN IF YOU’RE planning

a getaway, your blood-sugar levels
than three time zones, your doctor
will need to adjust your prescription
should stay put. Jillian Paulmark, so you don’t overdose or underdose.
a registered dietitian and certified
diabetes educator in Winnipeg, BRING HEALTHY SNACKS. A bag
shares advice on managing diabetes of nuts or a meal-replacement drink
while away from home. can save you during long food-free
stretches on the plane. And if you’re
PACK EXTRA MEDS. Keep medica- unusually active at your destination,
tions in your carry-on in case your you may need to eat more often.
luggage is lost, and bring more than
you think you’ll need. Unopened MONITOR YOUR GLUCOSE LEVELS.
insulin must remain cold, so use A rich restaurant meal could send
a cooler bag with a gel ice pack. your blood sugar soaring, while a
walking tour could cause it to plum-
DRINK WATER. It’s easy to get met. Pack extra glucose strips—and
dehydrated during air travel or in use them.
warmer climates, which can be dan-
gerous if you’re on diabetes meds BRING COMFY SHOES. Beware of
that prompt your body to release fancy footwear that could cause
extra sugar through your urine. blisters or nicks. Opt instead for
ISTOCKP HOTO

running shoes and check your feet

CHECK YOUR DOSE. If you take nightly—diabetes can cause nerve
long-acting insulin at a set time damage, which may make you less
each day and are crossing more likely to notice injuries.

20 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
B
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HEALTH

Strategies and solutions to

manage binge-eating disorder

Compulsive
Consumption
BY D I L I A N A R D UZZ I

! MORE THAN JUST finishing a

bag of chips in one go, binge eating
medications to address those issues.
In some cases, a physician might
involves consuming a large amount also prescribe Vyvanse (lisdexamfet-
of food in a short period of time. If amine dimesylate), a drug Health
this happens once a week or more, Canada approved in 2016 for mod-
you may have binge-eating disorder erate to severe BED, and that helps
(BED). Though BED typically devel- manage the compulsion.
ops in one’s late teens or early 20s, it Those facing BED can also benefit
can surface in any age group, says from psychological assistance. Cog-
Martha Peirce, a psychotherapist nitive and experiential behavioural
in Hagersville, Ont., who specializes therapy and behavioural modifica-
in eating disorders and addictions. tion programs may ease symptoms,
People affected by BED may grap- but Peirce says peer support groups,
ple with stigmatization, so bingeing such as Overeaters Anonymous, are
often happens in isolation and can particularly effective—the social
be followed by feelings of shame engagement they offer thwarts isola-
or guilt. Moreover, the disorder can tion and shame.
lead to worrisome issues over time: To expand on treatment, consider
an increased chance of type 2 dia- mindfulness meditation and creative
betes, gastrointestinal issues, high activities like painting or yoga. Any-
ISTOCKP HOTO

blood pressure and migraines. thing that works to quiet the nega-
Sufferers may be using food to tive, chaotic thoughts that lead to
manage feelings of depression or the self-harming behaviour of BED,
anxiety, so treatment may involve Peirce says, can aid in recovery.

22 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 Binge Eating Disorder:
It’s a real medical
condition

You’re not alone.

In a multinational survey, almost 2% of
people experienced Binge Eating Disorder.†
Binge Eating Disorder (BED) isn’t just overeating. It’s a real
medical condition, and one that’s quite common. In fact, in a
multinational survey of over 24,000 people, the prevalence Reach out. Ask for help.
was higher for BED than bulimia in all countries surveyed.†
Characterized by repeated episodes of binging (eating a Start the conversation.
large amount of food in a short period of time), BED may be
accompanied by feelings of distress, disgust and a sense of
a lack of control.‡

There is help.
BED can be managed, but it can also be a very sensitive
topic. You might not be comfortable discussing it, or maybe
you’ve hidden it from your loved ones. But now, there’s
more information and understanding about BED than ever † A survey to assess BED was performed using the DSM-IV®§ diagnostic
before. criteria across 14 countries including the United States, Belgium,
France, Germany, Italy, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Northern Ireland,
Portugal, Spain, Colombia, Brazil, Mexico and Romania.
Getting the support you need starts with a simple
‡ This does not represent the full diagnostic criteria as per the DSM-5™¶.
conversation. If you think you might have BED, reach out to § DSM-IV is a registered trade-mark of the American Psychiatric Association.
family, friends or your doctor for the help you deserve. ¶ DSM-5 is a trade-mark of the American Psychiatric Association.

CDA/BU/15/0126
64614-04-2017-E
HEALTH

Atrial fibrillation—what
it is and what to do

Skipping
a Beat
BY SA MA N T H A R ID EO UT

! THE MOST COMMON kind of

heart-rhythm abnormality, atrial
shortness of breath, light-headedness
or anxiety. (Chest pain or pressure
fibrillation (AFib) affects about six could also indicate a heart attack, so
per cent of people over 65. It occurs if you encounter either of those, you
when the atria—the heart’s two should play it safe and head to a
upper chambers—contract quickly hospital.)
and chaotically. Whereas a normal Different variables can contrib-
resting heart rate ranges between ute to the development of AFib,
60 and 100 beats per minute, a rest- including but not limited to thyroid
ing heart affected by AFib may beat problems, high blood pressure,
between 100 and 175 times within sleep apnea, binge drinking or
the same time period. heart disease—anything that could
As scary as this sounds, many stretch or scar the atrial walls. It is
people with AFib feel fine. They may more common among seniors and
not know about their condition until people with a family history of the
ISTOCKP HOTO

a doctor notices an unusual heart- condition. Once you’ve been diag-

beat during a checkup. However, if nosed, your doctor will likely rec-
there are clear symptoms, those ommend blood thinners to help
can include chest pain or thumping, prevent strokes and blood clots.

24 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 For many patients, AFib progresses which control abnormal heart
from occasional episodes to longer, rhythms, preventing new episodes.
more frequent ones, “like a car that Your doctor may be able to reset your
needs to go to the heart from an AFib
garage for the same episode using drugs

35%
problem increas- AFib causes nearly or a slight electric
ingly often,” says shock. Your best
Dr. Dan Atar, a shot is catheter
co-author of the ablation, which
European Society involves sending
of Cardiology’s a catheter into the
AFib treatment heart to burn the tis-
of all strokes in
guidelines. sues that are firing
people over 60.
For as long as the off irregular
issue persists, you’ll impulses. Ablation
likely need rate-control drugs, which works about 70 to 75 per cent of the
slow the heart’s racing; you can also time and stands a decent chance of
take antiarrhythmic medications, solving the problem permanently.

News From the

World of Medicine
ADAM VOORHES; (PROP STY LIST) ROBIN FI NLAY

Stair Walking Provides

Energy Boost
Falling asleep on the job? A short black tea). The stair walkers felt
jaunt up and down the stairs will more energetic than those who
provide a better pick-me-up than had ingested capsules containing
a small dose of caffeine, suggests caffeine or a placebo.
a study in Physiology & Behavior.
Sleep-deprived subjects were asked Surgery Is the Leading
to either walk on a staircase for 10 Incontinence Treatment
minutes or ingest 50 milligrams of Nearly one in 10 older men and one
caffeine (the rough equivalent of a in five older women have urinary
cola, half a cup of coffee or a cup of incontinence. When an international

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 25
READER’S DIGEST

team reviewed the scientific litera- is between 21 and 23°C. However,

ture to compare treatments, they dis- brief exposure to slightly warmer or
covered that surgery was the most cooler temperatures throughout the
effective option, with an 82 per cent day burns more calories, claims a
cure rate for people with stress UI paper from Maastricht University
(brought on by sneezing, etc.). Pelvic Medical Center in the Netherlands.
floor exercises ranked second, with What’s more, mild chilliness influ-
a rate of 53 per cent. Drugs had a ences glucose metabolism: in a pre-
49 per cent chance of curing patients vious study, type 2 diabetes patients
with urge UI (a sudden need to urin- increased their insulin sensitivity
ate), while “bulking agents”—fillers by more than 40 per cent—a result
injected into the area around the comparable with the best drug treat-
urethra to tighten it—worked only ments out there—after 10 days of
37 per cent of the time. occasional heat dips.

Gratitude Really Is
Good for You
Expressing gratitude promotes men-
tal and physical health, according
TEST YOUR MEDICAL IQ
to a recent review by University of
Montana scholars. Gratitude is dif-
A ferritin test measures…
ferent from happiness, they said,
because it stems from a sense of A. the severity of an immune
reaction.
having received a gift or a benefit.
Besides psychological perks, such B. iron in the blood.
as optimism and decreased stress C. the body’s metabolic rate.
and envy, being grateful also brings D. spatial intelligence.
concrete health results (fewer ill- Answer: B. A ferritin test meas-
nesses and improved sleep). Finally, ures the amount of ferritin—a
it strengthens relationships: one protein that contains iron—in
heartfelt expression of appreciation your blood. If levels are low,
can enhance relationship quality for your doctor may diagnose you
with iron deficiency. A higher-
up to six months afterwards.
than-normal result could point
to liver disease, hyperthyroid-
Benefits Linked to Varying ism, rheumatoid arthritis,
Indoor Temps Hodgkin’s lymphoma or
The standard comfort zone where various other conditions.
most buildings set their thermostats

26 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
LANTUS
®

Always there
for me
Continue your
adventure

There’s only one LANTUS

®

Get treatment support at lantus.ca

Copyright © 2017 sanofi-aventis Canada Inc.

All rights reserved.
HEALTH

What’s Wrong
With Me?
BY SY D N E Y LO N EY
ILLUSTRATION BY VICTOR WONG

THE PATIENT: Frank, 46, a software touch. Frank was admitted, diag-
engineer in Stoney Creek, Ont. nosed with cellulitis—a potentially
THE SYMPTOMS: A sore, swollen leg serious bacterial skin infection—
and fatigue and given broad-spectrum antibiot-
THE DOCTOR: Dr. John David Neary, ics. He showed some improvement
clinical teaching unit director, general after two days and was discharged.
internal Medicine at St. Joseph’s Three months after the onset of
Healthcare in Hamilton, Ont. his symptoms, Frank’s leg flared up
again. He felt lethargic and was
! IN SEPTEMBER 2012, Frank
got off a plane from England and
having trouble walking. He’d also
developed bruises on the backs of
went straight to the ER at St. Joseph’s his legs. Doctors inserted a needle
with a sore, swollen right leg. Both he into his knee to extract the fluid they
and the doctors on call suspected a believed they’d find as a sign of infec-
blood clot—a risk after sitting still tion, but they drew blood instead.
in a confined space for long periods— Frank’s physicians struggled to arrive
but an ultrasound showed nothing at a diagnosis that made sense.
amiss, and Frank was sent home. The patient was slightly anemic
His symptoms continued, so he and had developed pinpricks of
returned three weeks later and was blood (known as petechiae) on his
sent home again. It was the end of legs. This suggested he was bleeding
October when he made his third from somewhere, but a bleeding
trip to the hospital. By now, his right disorder would cause either deep
knee was red, puffy and hot to the or superficial bleeding, not both.

28 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 “His symptoms didn’t fit together,” that it requires a blood test for vita-
says Dr. John Neary, who was a resi- min C, the results of which would
dent when he heard about the case. take up to three weeks to come in.
“I said to my mentor, ‘Maybe it’s Rather than wait, they gave the
scurvy.’” He was just throwing out patient a 500-milligram vitamin C
the suggestion for a laugh, but when supplement. Two days later, his
they examined the patient more bruises faded and his knee swelling
closely, they noticed the petechiae diminished. By the third day, he
were centred around his hair fol- could walk comfortably and return
licles, and the hairs on his legs had home. The test results eventually
curled into a corkscrew shape, both showed that Frank had vitamin C
of which are signs of tissue fragility. levels below the limit of what the lab
Suddenly, Neary’s far-fetched diag- could detect. Left untreated, scurvy
nosis became more plausible. can cause jaundice, edema (swelling
Scurvy is caused by a severe defi- caused by fluid buildup), joint pain,
ciency in vitamin C, a nutrient that’s bruising, bleeding gums and poten-
essential for maintaining the integ- tially fatal heart problems.
rity of the skin, connective tissue,
bones, gums and blood vessel walls.
Common on long ship voyages in
the 17th century, the disease is still
Frank’s symptoms had
diagnosed in the elderly, anorexics, initially improved because
alcoholics and low-income families of the hospital food.
who can’t afford or don’t have easy
access to fresh fruits or vegetables.
Neary and his supervisor asked Frank’s symptoms had improved
Frank about his daily habits. “We during his initial hospital stay not
discovered that he ate the same because of the antibiotic he’d been
thing every day. All of it was heavily given but because of the hospital
processed and out of a box.” The food. “Scurvy is hard to get because
patient’s life revolved around work; you basically have to eat nothing
he never dined at restaurants or with fresh,” Neary says, although his team
friends. Now they were convinced has seen six other cases since.
that scurvy was the correct diagnosis. Frank made a full recovery and
Because the condition is rare and vowed to eat a healthier, more var-
the doctors hadn’t encountered it ied diet, but he also takes a multi-
before, they had to investigate how to vitamin and vitamin C supplement
confirm the diagnosis. They learned every day, just to be safe.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 29
 COVER STORY

25
Ways

Is Making
You Sick
BY SYD NEY LO NEY
PHOTOGRAPH BY LIAM MOGAN

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 31
READER’S DIGEST

3 Excess sugar is linked

to dementia
In February, researchers at the
University of Bath found a molecu-
lar link between sugary diets and
early Alzheimer’s. The scientists

THI S S PREA D: (C AN DY HEART) MASTE RFIL E ; ( AL L OTHE R PHOTOS) ISTOCK PHOTO

discovered that glycation—a reac-
tion through which glucose affects
cells—causes damage to an impor-
1 It hurts your heart tant enzyme that’s involved in the

PREVI OUS SP READ: FOOD STYLING BY AND RE W BU L L IS/JU DY INC. ;

Researchers at Harvard University reduction of abnormal protein
studied thousands of American buildup in the brain, which is
adults over the course of 15 years characteristic of the disease.
and found those who consumed
25 per cent or more of their daily
calories from sugar were, in that 4 Sugar won’t make kids
time, more than twice as likely hyper; it’s worse than that
to die from heart disease as those A meta-analysis in the Journal of
whose diets included less than the American Medical Association
10 per cent of added sugar a day. found that sugar does not affect
(The worst offenders? Sweetened children’s behaviour. “It may simply
beverages, grain-based treats, fruit be the environment where certain
drinks and dairy desserts.) food is being served (i.e., parties)
that causes children to be more
excitable,” says Andrea D’Ambrosio,
“No sugar added”
2 a registered dietitian in Kitchener-
doesn’t mean “healthy” Waterloo, Ont. But it does spike
If the label says “100 per cent blood pressure and cholesterol.
juice,” don’t chug with abandon. One 2016 study in the journal Obes-
Even if the drink has no added ity showed that reducing young
sweeteners, its naturally occur- subjects’ sugar
ring sugars are far more concen- consumption for
trated than you’d find in just nine days
a piece of fruit. And unlike led to immediate
an orange or apple, which improvements
are high in fibre, juice offers in those areas,
empty calories and is of as well as blood
minimal nutritional value. sugar levels.

32 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
5 STEALTH SUGAR STOWS AWAY IN SNACKS
These five convenience foods may appear to be healthier choices,
but they often contain startlingly large amounts of the sweet stuff.
Consider homemade alternatives instead.

TRAIL MIX YOGURT

Conventional wisdom A 118-millilitre serving of
SMOOTHIES suggests stashing trail fruit-flavoured yogurt
On average, a medium mix in your car for a can contain 13 grams of
(473-millilitre) store- healthy snack on the go, sugar. If you top it with
bought smoothie con- but a quarter cup of a a quarter cup of store-
tains between 30 and 80 commercial variety can bought granola, you’re
grams of sugar. contain 16 or more downing another
grams of sugar. six grams.

OATMEAL SALAD DRESSING

Flavoured oatmeal packets may Grabbing a salad for lunch may
seem like a healthy strategy for seem like a savvy dietary choice,
busy mornings, but they can con- but it’s important to know that
tain as many as 12 grams of sugar some bottled dressings, such as
per serving. (Heaping on another French and raspberry vinaigrette,
tablespoon of brown sugar adds an often have four or more grams of
extra 12 grams.) sugar per two-tablespoon serving.
READER’S DIGEST

20 BAGS
Equivalent to the amount of added sugar the average Canadian eats in a year—
without realizing it. The Heart and Stroke Foundation recommends that sugar
comprise only 10 per cent of an adult’s daily calories, which means each of us

(S CH MIDT) COURTESY OF LAURA A . SCHMIDT; (ALL OTHE R PHOTOS) ISTOCK PHOTO

should be consuming only 48 grams—slightly more than a bag of Skittles—of
added sugar per day, rather than the 100 grams we currently ingest.

7 Experts fear sugar will kill you sooner

Laura A. Schmidt, a professor at the associated with weight gain and
University of California San Fran- glucose intolerance, the two things
cisco School of Medicine, worries people use them to prevent. Based
about all the damage sugar is doing on what we know, I wouldn’t con-
to our bodies. That’s why she became sume those products—or give them
lead investigator for UCSF’s Sugar- to my kids.
Science research site, developed as
an “authoritative source for the sci- How do you keep added sugar from
entific evidence about sugar and its seeping into your own diet?
impact on health.” Here, she explains I just don’t have it around the
some of her concerns. house. Take all that stuff out of your
environment. Once you start cutting
With all the negative health news back, you’ll lose your sweet tooth.
about sugar, should we It’s a palate phenomenon,
switch to something else? and it doesn’t take long.
The evidence is mounting You’ll notice that you can
against sucralose, sac- suddenly taste the nat-
charine and aspartame. ural sweetness in unpro-
Some research shows cessed food, and you’ll
artificial sweeteners start to find processed
damage the microbiome products cloying and
in the gut. They’re also unpleasant.

34 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 8 Sugar is as bad for your
liver as alcohol

172
Unlike other forms of sugar, fructose,
which occurs naturally in fruit, is pro-
cessed in the liver. We’re consuming too
10
much of it, thanks to our penchant for
foods with added sweeteners, and it’s
leading to a rise in non-alcoholic fatty GRAMS
liver disease (NAFLD). One visible red The amount of total sugar
flag: a sugar belly (yes, like a beer belly). consumed by the average
Why? The liver breaks down excess fruc- Canadian teenage boy each
tose into fat globules that travel through day, based on information
the bloodstream and lodge around your from the Canadian Commun-
midsection and internal organs. And, ity Health Survey. (The
like the liver damage caused by alcohol, leading culprit among kids
NAFLD causes inflammation and scar- aged 9 to 18? The added sug-
ring. “It is one of the leading causes of ars in pop.) Excess sugar is
liver transplants,” Schmidt says. linked to weight gain, Type 2
diabetes, cavities and high
cholesterol in children, while
9 “Healthier” sweeteners obesity rates for young people
are no better for you have nearly tripled in the last
Those trying to cut down on sugar may 30 years, according to the
be drawn to studies that tout the healing Government of Canada.
power of honey or the antioxidant bene-
fits of maple syrup. Ignore them, says
D’Ambrosio. “All 11 Cancer cells are
sugar provides sugar fiends
Still sugar energy in the form New research from the Uni-
of calories but it versity of Texas at Dallas
doesn’t add a sig- shows a link between sugar
nificant amount of and squamous cell carcin-
other nutrients,” oma, which is hard to treat
she says. “Sugar and accounts for a quarter of
is sugar, so it’s all lung cancers. The study
best used in mod- also found that four other
eration no matter types of squamous cell cancer
what form it takes.” also consume a lot of sugar.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 35
READER’S DIGEST

13 Sugar may keep us

up at night
A 2016 study in the Journal of Clinical
Sleep Medicine shows eating more sugar
(along with less fibre and more saturated
fat) is associated with lighter, more dis-
rupted and less restorative sleep.

14 We’re still drinking too

much liquid sugar
Good news: we’re drinking less pop than
we were a decade ago. Bad news: we’ve
replaced it with options that may be just
as unhealthy, says Amanda Nash, a diet-
12 itian with the Heart and Stroke Founda-

4.6
tion in Winnipeg. A 2017 report from the
University of Waterloo found sales of
energy drinks increased by 638 per cent
in the last 12 years, while sales of spe-
The number of cialty coffees increased by 579 per cent.
additional years Energy drinks contain 84 grams of
you age if you sugar, sports drinks contain about
drink a 591-millilitre
40 grams, and your average flavoured
sugary beverage
every day. (The latte comes in at around 36 grams.
effect is comparable
to that of being a
regular smoker.) 15 Sugar messes with
our cholesterol
A 2010 study of 8,495 Americans over 18 in
the Journal of the American Medical Associ-
ation found that as subjects’ added-sugar
intake went up, their levels of HDL
(good cholesterol) dropped, increasing
their risk for cardiovascular disease. The
MASTERF ILE

study also found that women in particu-

lar who ate more added sugar had higher
levels of LDL density (bad cholesterol).

36 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 16 66%
The proportion of packaged
foods that contain added sugars,
18 Food labels can hide
sugar content
At long last, revised nutrition labels
for packaged foods are coming to a
according to a Canadian Medical
Association Journal study from shelf near you. Look for them on
2016, which analyzed more than everything from crackers to corn
40,000 items on the shelves flakes by the end of this year.
of one of the nation’s
biggest retailers. WHAT’S CHANGED
All sugars are grouped together.

There’s a new % daily value

(DV) for total sugars (5 per cent
of your DV is a little, 15 per cent
is significant).

17 It’s bad for your BMI

Researchers from the University of
Reading, the University of Cam-
bridge and Arizona State Univer-
sity studied the sugar intake of
1,700 men and women aged 39 to
77 in Norfolk, U.K. According to a
study published in 2015, they
found that those who ate the
most sugar were 54 per cent
more likely to be overweight
(that is, have a BMI over 25)—
and were also more likely to have WHAT’S MISSING
underreported how much of the The label doesn’t differentiate between
substance they consumed. added sugars and naturally occurring
ones, so you’ll need to dig around.
ISTOCKP HOTO

HELPFUL TIP
4 grams of sugar = 1 teaspoon (A can
of Coke contains 40 grams of sugar,
which is equivalent to 10 teaspoons.)

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 37
READER’S DIGEST

21 Sweets are worse than

salt for hypertension
Normal blood pressure falls between
90/60 and 120/80. According to a
study published in the Journal of the
American Society of Nephrology in
2010, a high-fructose diet can push
your blood pressure over the thresh-
19 old of 120/80, which is considered
the upper end of normal. In a 2014
BEWARE: YOU research review published in the BMJ
MAY BE EATING Open Heart journal, medical experts
INCOGNITO SUGAR argued that sugar intake may have the
Here are 10 sneaky pseudonyms most dramatic effect on modulating
manufacturers use to fool you into blood pressure—and, in fact, could be
thinking their food isn’t packed more detrimental to heart health than
with the sweet stuff:
■ Amazake
sodium consumption.
■ Carob powder
■ Corn syrup
■ Dextrose
■ Evaporated cane juice
■ Fructose
■ Fruit juice concentrate
■ High-fructose corn syrup
■ Honey
■ Maltose

22 Sugar can make you sad

20 Sugar takes your Ending a bad day with a bowl of Ben &
breath away Jerry’s may make you feel worse in the
Scientists have long suspected a long run. In 2015, Columbia Univer-
link between sugar-sweetened sity Medical Center researchers found
beverages and asthma. After post-menopausal women with diets
analyzing data from 146,990 high in added sugars and refined
adults in the U.S., they found grains were at an increased risk of
ISTOCKP HOTO

that, sure enough, adults who new-onset depression, while the risk
downed at least two of these decreased in subjects who ate more
drinks a day were more likely dietary fibre, whole grains, vegetables
to have respiratory issues. and unprocessed fruits.

38 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 24 …and make your
gums bleed
Most kids grow up learning about the
connection between candy and cavities.
As it turns out, a high-sugar diet also
inflames your gums and increases
23 Sweet treats ruin your risk of periodontal disease, based
your teeth… on a 2014 study in the American Journal
Your childhood dentist was of Clinical Nutrition. (Signs of periodon-
right—sugar causes cavities. tal disease include bad breath, bleeding
gums and sensitive teeth.)
1. You sip a sweet
coffee shop beverage.
25 You might be addicted
Though some researchers quibble with
2. Bacteria in the idea that sugar is addictive, past
your mouth thrive studies, including a 2015 paper out of
on sugar, which
provides them
MIT, do show that the sweet stuff ele-
with energy. vates levels of the neurotransmitter
dopamine, which forms a key part of
the brain’s reward and pleasure centres,
3. Those micro- in a way that’s remarkably similar to the
organisms multiply,
effects of tobacco and morphine.
creating a film of
plaque on the surface “There’s growing evidence that sugar
of your teeth. leads to cravings and withdrawal, which
are the hallmarks of addictive disorders,”
says Schmidt. “You can see the effects on
4. The plaque pro- an MRI.” Now, Australian researchers
duces an acid that
dissolves the miner-
have discovered
als that make up that drugs typically
the hard surface used to treat nico-
of your teeth. tine and cocaine
addiction, such as
varenicline, could
5. The longer plaque
builds up, the worse be employed to
the damage. Tiny holes help so-called sugar
appear and expand addicts kick their
until they become cavities. habits as well.
HUMOUR

12 comical school
stories from across
the country
I L LU STR ATIO NS BY JAS O N S C H NEID ER

40 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
READER’S DIGEST

Kitchen Catastrophe for a European gourmet touch—and

BY T E R RY FA L L I S chocolate chip cookies. By late in the
Growing up in 1970s Toronto, my term, we were feeling confident, even
reality was rooted in the strictly cocky, in the kitchen.
defined gender roles of the nuclear Then came our culinary come-
family. So you can imagine how novel uppance: Rodeo Stuffed Hot Dogs.
we found it when my public school They were our culminating assign-
began offering Grade 8 boys’ cooking ment—the Grade 8 equivalent of a
as part of the curriculum. I promptly Ph.D. dissertation. The class was split
signed up. into teams to make the complex and
At our first class, I looked around challenging dish, which involved
at my dozen or so fellow pioneers. stuffing wieners full of medium ched-
Our culinary expertise ranged from dar cheese, wrapping them in strips
“absolutely no cooking experience” to of bacon anchored by toothpicks,
“almost no cooking experience.” As a then baking and broiling the entire
growing boy, I seemed to be hungry creation to perfection. To an adolescent
all day long. The good news, then, was boy, hot dogs, cheese and bacon all at
that we had to eat what we cooked. once was nothing short of nirvana.
The bad news was that we had to The preparation proceeded satis-
eat what we cooked. factorily. Even the baking seemed to
We started off slowly with a clas- progress as intended, the cheese
sic, the boiled egg. I was not aware melting and the bacon sizzling. But
there were quite so many ways to my team ran into trouble when we
botch the dish. Next we tackled turned on the broiler to brown our
toast, grilled cheese sandwiches, masterpieces. It really wasn’t our
canned SpaghettiOs, French toast— fault ; we were distracted by the

Heads Up
il all winter, but
I wore my hair in a long ponyta
ided it was time
when spring came around, I dec g
cut short and coloured. Not lon
for a change and had my locks one
de 1 class I was teaching,
after, when I arrived at the Gra
you got a new head!”
student commented, “Teacher, k, B.C.
Margaret Peterson, White Roc

42 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
members of another group, who were
busy extracting their Rodeo Stuffed
Hot Dogs from the oven and placing
them on the counter to cool. The
aroma was tantalizing. We huddled
around those heavenly hot dogs and
were mesmerized, paralyzed … until
plumes of black smoke rising from
our neglected oven abruptly ended
our reverie.
It was only a small fire, but there
seemed to be much more smoke than
four incinerated wieners could possibly
have produced. Still, we were saluted
as that day’s heroes, thanks to the fire
alarm, ensuing evacuation and early because I’m going to be the first per-
dismissal of the entire student body. son to land on the sun.”
The boy’s friend looked at him
even more incredulously and said,
Out of This World “You can’t land on the sun. It’s way
BY J O H N C U L L E N too hot. That’ll never happen.” But
Being a teacher is fun because when the first student persevered. With
you’re sitting at your desk, kids will conviction, he responded, “Yeah,
act as though there’s a soundproof I know it’s too hot. That’s why I’m
force field around you. The false con- going to land on it at night.”
fidence that they won’t be heard
leads to entertaining moments, like
this exchange in which two Grade 11 Imagine That
boys in a science class were discuss- As an elementary-school principal,
ing their futures. “You know what I I often called children into my office
wanna be when I grow up?” the first for talks when they were being disci-
student said. “An astronaut.” plined. I kept a record of those con-
The second student adopted a versations in a book on my desk, and
quizzical look, as if to suggest he’d students were aware I made notes
seen his classmate’s science mark about our meetings.
and doubted a job at NASA was on After one such chat with a boy
the horizon. Still, the first student in Grade 4, the book mysteriously
continued, “I want to be an astronaut disappeared. After we’d done a bit

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 43
READER’S DIGEST

of sleuthing, the school counsellor enrolled in an intensive two-month

and I discovered the student had French-immersion course. Our class
taken it and was bragging to a friend. was a motley crew: grandmothers
I brought the perpetrator into my with time on their hands, profes-
office for another conversation. sionals from everywhere but Quebec
“My notebook is missing,” I said. needing to pass French proficiency
“Do you know anything about that?” tests, teenagers fulfilling course
When he said no, I pressed on: requirements, and me, a starry-eyed
“You were the last one in my office and enthusiastic 29-year-old. I was
before it went missing. I think you determined to be bilingual.
took it. What do you think?” Often we were asked to just get up
Without hesitation, he answered, and speak. Our topics were randomly
“I think it’s all a fig nut of your imag- assigned, as our teacher wanted to
ination.” Vi Hughes, West Vancouver make sure we hadn’t prepared in
advance. One day my turn came.
“Please tell the class what you did
Mortifying Mistake yesterday,” my teacher said in French.
BY V I R G I N I A F I S H E R YA F F E I’d made jam the previous evening.
It was Montreal, the 1980s; I was But what was the word for the con-
teaching English at Concordia Uni- fection en français? In English, we
versity and was acutely aware of my refer to the spread as “preserves,” so
inability to converse in French as I tried to turn that into something
fluently as I desired. To fix this, I’d that at least sounded French.
“Hier j’ai fait des préservatifs.”
(“Yesterday I made jam”—at least I
hoped that’s what I’d said.)
The class giggled. The Korean
businessman in the green suit cov-
ered his mouth with his hands.
Pleased that my first stab had been
successful, I continued: “J’ai fait des
préservatifs aux fraises, aux fram-
boises et aux bleuets. J’ai donné à
goûter à ma mère et ma belle-mère.”
(“I made jam from strawberries, rasp-
berries and blueberries. I gave some
to my mother and mother-in-law to
taste.” Or so I thought.)

44 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 A Loyal Following
In my Grade 2 class, stu
dents are encouraged
work independently an to
solving skills. One day, d to use their problem-
a pupil began following
the classroom. Whene me throughout
ver I turned around, he
ing there. Eventually I wo uld be stand-
said, jokingly: “You do
me. Would you follow n’t ne ed to follow
me over a cliff if I jumpe
He looked at me very d off?”
seriously before respo
see if you were okay!” nding, “Yes, to
J. Russell, Mississauga,
Ont.

Now the teacher was laughing; waved it around my head until the
not a chuckle, a full-throated, hearty whole class burst out laughing. The
guffaw. “Surely,” she said, “You know incident has become part of my leg-
that a préservatif is a condom!” acy: when I run into old students,
Humiliated, I sat down. To this day, they still bring up the slip, not the
I’ve never forgotten the French word excellent grammar lesson I gave that
for “condom.” fateful February morning.
Carole Touchette, Lachine, Que.

Dressed Down
I worked as an elementary-school Lesson Learned
teacher for 35 years. Back in the ’80s, I BY ST E P H A N Y AU L E N B AC K
used to wear a slip under my skirts This past May, my seven-year-old
and dresses. One day during a gram- daughter’s teacher gave her class an
mar lesson, I felt something sliding assignment: to write helpful notes to
down my legs, underneath my skirt. characters from well-known stories
Suddenly, my black slip fell to the they’d read. When asked what advice
floor, settling around my ankles. I tried she would offer the first Billy Goat
to kick it to the corner of the room Gruff, my killjoy second-grader had
unnoticed, but it was too late—all my this to say: “If I were you, I’d find an-
students were staring at my feet. other bridge nearby. You could also
At a loss, I decided to face my go find another spot that has grass in-
wardrobe malfunction head on. I stead of crossing the troll bridge. You
picked up the wayward garment and can also wait until he is gone.”

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 45
READER’S DIGEST

Emergency Relief than me. That’s weird, I thought. Do

BY A N N A F I T Z PAT R I C K students and teachers share bath-
In 2007, I transferred to a new rooms at this school?
school for Grade 12. Having spent “You’re not supposed to be in
11 years being solidly uncool, I was here,” one of the faculty members
determined to keep my head down said. Muttering an apology, I left,
and make it to June. When the bell drying my hands on my jeans. Sure
rang at the end of the first day, I enough, on the door outside, big let-
realized I really needed to pee. The ters spelled out “TEACHERS ONLY.”
only problem? I didn’t know where My hopes of keeping a low profile
any of the bathrooms were. Soon I were instantly dashed: the halls were
was lost, winding in big, panicky still crowded and everyone saw me
loops around the building as crowds coming out. Their looks seemed to
of teens pushed by. I tried to look say, Ugh, what a teacher’s pet. She
confident—I didn’t get up at 7 a.m. even whizzes with the faculty.
that morning to learn how to contour
my cheekbones for nothing—but
inside I was thinking, So this is how it Bad Dog
all ends for me. My Grade 4 students knew the only
Finally, bingo! Spotting the univer- acceptable excuse for incomplete
sal “women’s washroom” stick-figure homework was a note from their
symbol, I rushed inside. It wasn’t parents. One morning, everyone had
until I stepped out of the stall to wash turned in their assignments except for
my hands that I realized every other Robbie. When he told me his dog had
person in the room seemed older eaten it, I couldn’t help but laugh.

Spoken Words
We were having a discussion in
our kindergarten
class about the languages spo
I teach in a multicultural school ken by the students.
, so most children responded tha
they spoke two languages: Eng t
lish and their mother tongue.
One little boy raised his hand and
declared proudly that he
spoke three languages. When
asked which ones, he replied
confidently: “English, Urdu and
Bonjour!”
Karen Melvin, Mississauga, Ont
.
46 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 “Nice try,” I said. “That’s the oldest
excuse in the book!” Since he was
usually a responsible student, I gave
him another copy of the work and
told him to return it the next day.
Later on, as I was heading to my
car after school, I spotted the stu-
dent walking his dog with his dad. I
teased: “Robbie, is this the dog that
ate your homework?”
I was shocked when his father
replied very seriously: “Oh yes, Mrs.
Jones. Robbie was so worried he
would get in trouble!”
Eva Jones, Mississauga, Ont.
Winnie the Pooh to class. Launch-
ing into the book, I adopted different
More Than I Can Bear voices and mannerisms for Winnie,
At the height of the plush backpack Eeyore, Piglet and company. I was
craze in the late 1990s, I was teach- enjoying myself so much that I began
ing at a public elementary school in to laugh, which got the class giggling,
Ottawa. Two students in my Grade 5 which increased my mirth until tears
class were obsessed with their Win- streamed down my cheeks. The stu-
nie the Pooh bags and never let them dents and I struggled to regain con-
out of their sight. One day I teased trol as best we could, wrapping up
the girls about their packs, shaped storytime with grins on our faces.
like one of the whiniest heroes in When those same students gradu-
(PAP ER, PEN CIL, ERAS ER) ISTOCKPHOTO

children’s literature. “He’s always ated a few years later, one of the kids
complaining and is unwilling to put wrote me a note that said, “I’ll al-
in the effort to change his situation,” ways remember when you laughed
I said to them of the character who so hard you cried.” And that’s my
famously uttered, “For I am a bear take-away: when children see an
of very little brain and long words adult enjoy herself that much, it
bother me.” My students’ response, means something. That storytime
which did little to boost this teacher’s was one of the most delightful
spirits: “But Madame! He is SO cute!” moments of my career—thanks to
The next morning, determined to one very querulous bear.
make my point, I brought a copy of Alana Forrester, Guelph, Ont.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 47
KNOWLEDGE

Equal parts teacher, gardener and historian,

ethnobotanist Nancy Turner has dedicated her life
to keeping Indigenous plant lore alive

BY H E ATH ER P RINGLE FR O M H A KA I MAGAZIN E

PHOTOGRAPH BY CATHIE FERGUSON

48 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
READER’S DIGEST

IT IS A SUNNY SPRING DAY near the death camas seeds—thousands of

mouth of the Big Qualicum River averted possibilities for further dis-
on British Columbia’s Vancouver persing the poisonous plant.
Island, and Nancy Turner is hard at For more than 40 years, driven by
work. Brow furrowed, the 69-year-old unwavering zeal, Turner has worked
ethnobotanist arranges hundreds of closely with coastal First Nations to
newly cut plants into two neat lines preserve their traditional know-
along a gravel lane. The greenery is ledge of native plants. An emeritus
death camas. Its teardrop-shaped professor at the University of Vic-
bulb contains enough poison to kill toria in B.C., the ethnobotanist has
a child, maybe even a small adult. logged hundreds of thousands of
For centuries, Indigenous people kilometres, sitting down with elders
here carefully cultivated meadows in remote kitchens and recording
like this one, tending a host of edible their ancient learning.
plants, from field strawberries and To preserve Indigenous botan-
chocolate lilies to one of the staples of ical knowledge, Turner has writ-
Northwest Coast life, a carbohydrate- ten dozens of books and published
rich root vegetable called common nearly 100 scientific articles, many
camas. A century and a half ago, co-authored with elders. She has given
government officials began pressur- public demonstrations of pit cooking,
ing the local First Nations to adopt led guided forest walks and field trips,
European agriculture. Reluctantly, taught a generation of university stu-
they complied, grazing cattle and dents and served as an expert witness
growing hay in their gardens, until in land-rights trials. Her curriculum
weeds invaded the meadows, and vitae is a hefty 90 pages long.
knowledge of their valuable plants For Turner, conserving this trad-
began to fade. itional knowledge has become
In May 2016, elders from Qua- a deeply personal act of reconcilia-
licum First Nation asked Turner for tion. In a country where government
advice on restoring one of these lost officials once placed Indigenous
gardens. This afternoon, she and youth in residential schools to “take
two old friends, Kwaxsistalla (Clan the Indian out of the child,” she has
Chief Adam Dick) and Kim Recalma- spent her career trying to reverse that
Clutesi, have been halting the spread process, passing along essential lore
of a lethal intruder. After flowering, from now-departed elders to their
death camas looks almost identical to descendants. At a recent celebra-
the edible variety. The fruiting stalks tion of her work in Victoria, many
at our feet contain more than 55,000 Indigenous leaders stepped forward

50 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
to publicly thank her. Turner, said From the start, the work was a race
Tsawout elder Belinda Claxton, is against time. On one memorable trip
“a big knowledge keeper for all of us.” in 1977, an elder showed her how to
twist the stems of sandbar willows
GROWING UP IN MONTANA, Turner into a tough, springy rope used to
loved exploring the woods and pick- build pit houses or construct sus-
ing wild strawberries. Her entomolo- pension bridges across rivers, a skill
gist grandfather was an expert on the he had learned as a child. A decade
ants of the Philippines; her father, later, heavy machinery had removed
also an entomologist, studied bark all the willows in the stand to widen
beetles and the role of pheromones the road. Today, she says, few people
in insect communication. By the age in the region know anything about
of nine, Turner was following in their sandbar-willow rope.
scientific footsteps. In Victoria, where
her family moved in the 1950s after
her father took a new job, she joined
a natural history club for children. WHEN A COMMUNITY
“I was interested in edible plants and LOSES A CULTURALLY
how to make dyes,” she says. IMPORTANT WILD
In university, she yearned to study HABITAT, INFORMATION
ethnobotany, the scientific study of a ABOUT ITS PLANTS
culture’s relationships with plants. So CAN DISAPPEAR, TOO.
in the late 1960s, she contacted a local
elder, Christopher Paul, who agreed
to teach her about the edible and For Turner, the destruction of the
medicinal plants of the Coast Salish willows was an object lesson. When a
people for $2 an hour. The resulting community loses a culturally impor-
paper was published in 1971 in the tant wild habitat, critical information
prestigious journal Economic Bot- about its plants can disappear, too.
any. Turner enrolled in a graduate Even if the habitat is restored a few
program in ethnobotany and began decades later, no one who remem-
contacting linguists who were work- bers how a plant was once prepared
ing in First Nation communities to or processed may be left.
preser ve Indigenous languages.
Soon she was paying regular visits to ON A BRIGHT MARCH afternoon,
elders’ homes. “The people who still Turner leads the way through a small
speak their language tend to know a woodland near her campus office.
lot about the culture,” she says. Shedding light on ancient plant use

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 51
READER’S DIGEST

is difficult, but Turner’s research— fection. Today in some First Nations,

based partly on archeological reports families serve this dish at celebra-
and linguistic studies—now links tions; many call it “Indian ice cream.”
a remarkable shrub known as soap- Linguistic studies suggest that
berry to one of humanity’s greatest this popular dish has been around
adventures: the southward migra- for a very long time. The evidence
tion of Paleoamericans along the comes from a large family of endan-
Pacific coast near the end of the last gered languages, Salishan, that once
ice age, a time known to geologists extended from southwestern British
as the late Pleistocene. Columbia to Oregon. Among the 23
languages in this group, at least 19
contain names for soapberry, all of
which derive from a root word mean-
EARLY EUROPEAN ing “to foam or froth.” The oldest
COLONISTS HAD name was part of the earliest Salishan
NO IDEA THAT THE language, which was likely spoken in
WILDERNESS THEY SAW southwestern British Columbia some
WAS A PATCHWORK 5,000 to 7,000 years ago.
OF GARDENS. Other evidence suggests this “ice
cream” dates back even earlier.
As Turner points out, Indigenous
Soapberry, Turner explains, is one peoples in the region discovered a
of the first plants to follow lichens unique way of gathering the berries,
and mosses in colonizing the mor- by spreading a mat below the shrub
aines left by melting glaciers, and and beating it with a stick to collect
studies show that it took root along the fallen fruit. They also developed
the northwest coast soon after the a wide range of related artifacts: pick-
great ice sheets retreated. The shrub, ing baskets, birchbark vessels; sturdy
which reaches up to two metres in whisks; carved or painted wooden
height, produces clusters of sour- spoons; and cylindrical baskets for
tasting red or orange berries that can carrying these spoons to gatherings.
be eaten fresh and contain trace lev- All this dessert culture may have
els of natural detergents known as sa- taken millennia to develop. “I sus-
ponins. When squeezed, the berries pect that it is indeed an ancient food
produce a sudsy foam. If they are going back thousands [of years],”
added to water and sweetened, they Turner says. Along a rugged coast
can be whipped like egg whites to newly freed from its icy prison,
make a frothy, rose-coloured con- brightly coloured soapberries may

52 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 Holding a bowl of soapberries in her hand, Annie York, a Nlaka’pamux elder, shows
Turner how to make a soapberry whip from maple bark in the early 1970s.

have welcomed Paleoamericans as on the tidal flats. Kwaxsistalla and his

they explored a new world. relatives gathered edible roots from
several species of plants. He told
IN THE ME AD OW along the Big Turner that this process helped the
Qualicum River, Turner gathers up plant “grow better every year,” and
the death camas and says goodbye described what took place as “fertil-
to Kwaxsistalla, who is sitting on a izing” and “cultivating.”
walker in the meadow. Now 88, the “I couldn’t figure out what he was
clan chief has been Turner’s teacher talking about,” Turner says with a
COURTESY OF N ANCY TURNER

and friend for more than two decades. grin. Eventually, the elder took her
During a conversation in 1996, the on a trip to Kingcome Inlet. As she
elder reminisced about travelling as watched, he used his digging stick
a young boy from his home in King- to pry back the moist earth around
come Inlet on British Columbia’s a mature rice-root plant. In the soil,
central coast, where his family and she saw not only a large bulb but
other high-ranking lineages owned also dozens of small sprouts and
plots of land, to the “root gardens” bulblets. Each of these could grow

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 53
READER’S DIGEST

into a full plant, he told her. He and they saw—the meadows, marshes and
his family gathered the bulbs but left forest clearings of the coast—was, in
behind the bulblets and replanted fact, a giant patchwork of gardens.
the sprouts elsewhere. It was a clear
example of selective harvesting and ON THE CAR RIDE back from the
sustainable horticulture. Big Qualicum River, Turner seems
Fascinated, Turner began gather- quietly elated by the thought that a
ing information about ancient gar- common camas meadow could be
dens. In the B.C. interior, Secwepemc restored along the coast. First Nation
elder Mary Thomas recalled watch- leaders, she says, are reviving trad-
ing her mother harvesting yellow itional cultures in the Pacific North-
glacier lily. There were small nodules west, teaching their children to speak
attached to the edible bulb, known as ancestral languages, perform ancient
corms, which the women broke off dances and prepare traditional foods
and replanted. “That brought me to from native plants.
a new way of thinking,” says Turner. Like the biological refugia that pre-
Anthropologists had long described serve small relict populations of plants
B.C.’s Indigenous inhabitants as and animals until the return of condi-
hunters and gatherers. But these tions favourable to spreading, Turner
groups were the owners and stewards explains, the elders have preserved an
of gardens. More than 20 years after encyclopedic knowledge of North
talking to Thomas, Turner has found American plants, passing it down
traces of many other horticultural from one generation to the next. They
techniques employed by ancient waited out “times of disturbance,” she
Indigenous cultivators in the region. says, and now are spreading their
Yet early European colonists took knowledge again. And Turner, now
little notice of all this sophisticated edging close to her eighth decade, is
horticulture unfolding around them. also part of this ecology of hope, this
They had no idea that the wilderness ecology of rebirth.

© 2017, HEATHER PRINGLE. FROM “IN THE LAND OF LOST GARDENS,” HAKAI MAGAZINE (JUNE 7, 2017), HAKAIMAGAZINE.COM.

PAY IT FORWARD

When you learn, teach. When you get, give.

MAYA ANGELOU

54 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 @ Work
EFFORT, RANKED

NOW THAT’S GOOD SERVICE FLIMSY DEFENCE

Stepping up to the counter at a fast- Need an excuse for being late to the
IDE AS OF NOTE, BY CHAZ H UTTON © 2017/COURTESY A BRAMS

food restaurant, I asked for a baked office? Don’t try these—they didn’t
potato with butter on the side. With work the first time.
the gusto of someone newly employed,
■ “I forgot it wasn’t the weekend.”
the teenager taking my order asked,
“Which side?” ELIZABETH JONES ■ “My dad offered to make me a
grilled cheese sandwich, and I
DEAR CO-WORKER… couldn’t say no.”
We all had to sign a card for a
■ “I had to watch a soccer game that
co-worker who’s retiring, and I just
was being played in Europe.”
wrote “Please take me with you”
in it. @GLENNA_OPT ■ “My mother-in-law wouldn’t stop
talking.” careerbuilder.com
My co-worker is pregnant, and they
passed a card around and I didn’t
No more excuses! It’s time for you to send
know what to write, so I just put, us a work anecdote. A funny one could
“HAVE A GOOD BABY, TANYA.” earn you $50. To submit your stories, visit
@ONLINE_SHAWN rd.ca/joke.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 55
 DRAMA IN REAL LIFE

Pilots Dave McMahon (left)

and Sydnie Uemoto had never
met before the flight that
landed them in the Pacific.
READER’S DIGEST

AS HER TWIN-ENGINE PIPER APACHE sliced through the postcard-

blue sky 1,500 metres above the Pacific Ocean, 23-year-old pilot
Sydnie Uemoto heard the sound—a subtle change in timbre as the
engines began to strain and rattle.

Her co-pilot, 26-year-old Dave falling quickly, Uemoto made their

McMahon, heard it too. Until that last distress call. “We’re 40 kilometres
point, the two-hour flight from Oahu northwest of Kona,” she said to air
to Hawaii had been uneventful. traffic control. “We’re going down.”
Uemoto and McMahon were both Uemoto gripped the controls. In
relatively new to the job, strangers pilot school, they teach you about
to each other, looking for flight time ditching a plane, but you never actu-
and taking a quick trip with no pas- ally practise dumping your ride into
sengers. When they heard the sound, the ocean. She knew the chances
shortly after 3 p.m. on July 14, 2016, of survival were slim. If she hit the
McMahon brought the plane down to water at too steep an angle, the force
1,000 metres, where things seemed to of the collision would kill them. If
run more smoothly. Then, without she allowed one wing tip to hit the
warning, the pilots lost power to the water first, the plane could cartwheel
right engine. A moment later, the left uncontrollably and be torn to pieces.
one went. Sitting in their metal com- Just land as if you’re touching down
partment high above the ocean, they on the ground, Uemoto told herself. As
heard what every pilot dreads: quiet. the plane hurtled toward the ocean,
The next few minutes were a blur she forced herself to imagine a runway
of activity. As they began to lose alti- stretching along the choppy surface of
tude, Uemoto and McMahon powered the water. The air roared in her ears
through the items on the emergency as the ocean rose up to meet them. At
checklist—turning on fuel pumps, the last moment, with the Pacific filling
pushing the throttles to full—which her field of vision, she pulled back on
can sometimes restart the engines. the yoke, nudging the Apache’s nose
Nothing worked. Following his emer- up a little. Then everything flashed
gency training, McMahon handed white as the plane made contact.
the controls to Uemoto and, fighting The aircraft struck the surface with
a rush of warm air, propped open the a shuddering impact, water spray-
cockpit door. Now they wouldn’t get ing over the windshield as the plane
trapped inside after the marine crash plunged into the ocean. McMahon
landing. At about 300 metres and and Uemoto were thrown forward

58 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 Lanai Maui

Kahoolawe
McMahon and Uemoto
swam 25 kilometres and
faced toxic jellyfish and
the threat of sharks
before being sighted. Crash Rescue
site site

Kailua- Hawaii
violently, as though they’d been rear- Kona
ended by a tractor-trailer. In a daze,
McMahon opened his eyes. Getting
his bearings, he realized that he was,
miraculously, okay. Uemoto was
slumped next to him in the cockpit,
shocked and bleeding but still con- life preservers along the way. By the
scious. Then McMahon felt the water time she’d climbed out onto the wing,
pouring through the open door, and the water was covering the seats of
a new realization hit him: they had the aircraft. As the Apache sank, the
to escape, fast. He unbuckled his seat pair jumped into the ocean. Within
belt and climbed out onto the wing. seconds, the plane disappeared
“Sydnie, get out!” McMahon called. beneath the surface. The ocean had
She looked at him blearily. With her erased all signs of human life except
hands on the controls, Uemoto hadn’t for the two small figures bobbing in
braced herself for impact and had the vastness of the Pacific.
slammed forward, breaking her nose.
She rose to her feet unsteadily AS THE WAVES broke around them,
and felt the blood pouring down her McMahon felt an odd sense of calm.
face, bait for the sharks that prowl He pulled the tab on his life pre-
the waters around Hawaii. “Get out!” server. The seal holding the CO2 car-
McMahon called again. The water tridge fell off, leaving a gaping hole
was knee-high inside the plane, and in the now-useless flap of plastic. But
SOULCLD/GETTY I M AGES

soon, she would be submerged. even that didn’t faze him. A laid-back
“What about the sharks?” she Oahu native, he had grown up in the
asked McMahon. water—surfing, canoeing and com-
“You can’t think about that!” he peting for years on the swim team. He
answered. Uemoto trudged through and Uemoto had done the impossible
water toward the door, picking up two by surviving a crash landing into the

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 59
READER’S DIGEST

ocean. It was a clear, beautiful day, make it, McMahon, who also wanted
and the Coast Guard knew where to log time on a twin engine, agreed
they were. Now they just had to stay to join her.
put, treading water in the warm sea “When will the Coast Guard get
until they were rescued. here?” Uemoto asked.
Uemoto, however, was a wreck— “They’re coming,” McMahon said.
crying and terrified. McMahon tried “We’re just going to float here.”
to calm her, keeping the two of them After a couple of hours, McMa-
turned away from the waves. “Tell me hon’s prediction seemed to come
about your family,” he said. “Do you true. A Navy plane appeared in the
have any siblings?” sky, circling the area. It flew directly
overhead as McMahon waved his
life preserver, overjoyed. And then,
without any sign of recognition, the
UEMOTO FELT A aircraft continued on its way. Salva-
FLASH OF PAIN. IN THE tion had arrived, then disappeared
THE MOONLIGHT, over the horizon.
SHE SAW THE CAUSE: Over the next several hours, plane
THE TOXIC HAWAIIAN after plane flew overhead, circling in
BOX JELLYFISH. search of the lost pilots. Each time,
McMahon and Uemoto did what
they could to be seen. And each time,
“I have a sister,” she said between the potential rescuers continued on
gulps of air. Family was the reason without spotting them.
Uemoto had been on that flight. The
young pilot was intensely focused WITH THE SUN growing dim, McMa-
on her career, taking on as many hon’s calm began to crack. We’re going
flights as she could during the week to have to spend the night on the wa-
and working as a baggage handler ter, he thought. Uemoto saw the fear
for Hawaiian Airlines on weekends. on his face. She felt the current shift
That day was her father’s birthday, direction, the waves moving southwest
but rather than take the whole day now. A Hawaiian native, Uemoto knew
off, she had decided to work in the what all locals know: there is nothing
morning and then rent a plane to fly south of Hawaii until you hit Antarc-
home that afternoon, getting in some tica, 12,000 kilometres away. She and
of her required hours behind the McMahon made the decision quickly.
controls of a multi-engine aircraft. They looked to the outlines of the vol-
When her original co-pilot couldn’t canoes at Kailua-Kona, 40 kilometres

60 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
away, and swam toward them, moving find some way to help, she began to
against the current. examine his life preserver and found
By approximately 10 p.m. that night, it had two separate air compartments.
Uemoto’s legs began to cramp, so she Both sides were deflated, but McMa-
propelled herself with her arms, let- hon hadn’t tried the second CO2
ting her legs drag behind her. Soon cartridge. She gently tugged the tab,
enough, McMahon was faring even which caused that half of the vest to
worse. More than eight hours on the fill with air. Then it started to leak,
water had left him exhausted. He, and the second CO2 cartridge fell off.
too, cramped up and began shivering McMahon stuffed his fingers into the
uncontrollably in the breezy night air. two holes where the cartridges had
While McMahon had been the one ripped through the plastic, forming
supporting Uemoto in those first few a seal. By exhaling each breath into
hours, she now took over. Swimming the air tube, he found he could keep
on her stomach, she had McMahon his vest inflated on one side, provid-
wrap his arms around her knees. He ing just enough support to keep him
rested his head on the back of her legs afloat. He wrapped his free hand
while they swam in tandem—Uemoto around Uemoto’s ankle and rested,
pulling McMahon with her arms as he gathering his strength, while she
kicked. But even with that support, it pulled them toward the shore. “Just
slowly dawned on him: if we keep hang on,” she called out.
going like this, I’m going to drown. As Uemoto swam, hour after hour,
“Sydnie, I need to stop,” he said. a feeling of tranquility came over her.
Uemoto unhooked herself from The two had begun as colleagues who
McMahon. In a desperate attempt to had never exchanged a sentence, but

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 61
READER’S DIGEST

in the quiet of the night, they had should just take a break,” she said
become partners. To be alone in the feebly. They floated for a few min-
ocean was terrifying. But to be with utes, then she said, “I am not hang-
someone else somehow made the ing out with these jellyfish anymore.”
ordeal bearable. “Let’s get a move on,” McMahon
“Hey, Dave?” Uemoto said softly at said. He hooked himself back onto
one point. She hadn’t heard from him her legs, and Uemoto somehow
in a little bit. found the strength to swim toward
“Hey, Sydnie,” he called back. land once again.
“You doing good?”
“I’m doing good.” WHEN THE SUN rose on July 15, a
It was while they were still in this beautiful sight greeted the two pilots:
position, McMahon clinging to her the island of Hawaii, green, majes-
legs, that Uemoto felt a flash of pain. tic and closer than they had dared
In the moonlight, she saw something to dream. Despite the jellyfish and
white and silky clinging to her fore- exhaustion, they had made remark-
arm: a Hawaiian box jellyfish. able progress overnight.
Within seconds, the animal’s toxins Throughout the morning, cute lit-
can cause nausea, loss of conscious- tle black fish schooled beneath them,
ness, muscle problems and difficulty companions on their journey. In any
breathing. And now, in her weakened other circumstance, Uemoto thought,
state, Uemoto was plowing through this would all be quite pleasant.
a swarm of them. Moments after the Suddenly, the black fish were gone,
first sting, she felt the venom work its frightened off, and Uemoto spotted a
way through her body. Her heart felt shadow up ahead.
as if it were beating more slowly; she McMahon saw it, too—a shark,
gasped for air as her muscles seized. about three metres beneath the
Then she fell unconscious. surface. “What do we do?” Uemoto
“Sydnie!” McMahon yelled, fran- asked, panicked. “Just keep looking
tically patting her face. She was forward,” said McMahon, who told
out cold, her body trembling. The himself that the creature was sim-
male pilot clutched her to keep her ply curious. “Don’t splash, and keep
head above the surface, treading swimming.” The shark circled them
water and ignoring his couple of methodically for about 30 minutes,
stings. “Sydnie, are you okay?” he then disappeared. Half an hour later,
asked over and over again. it was back. Now McMahon’s stom-
Uemoto’s eyes fluttered open. Her ach dropped. We survived a crash;
body relaxed. “I think maybe we we made it through the night, he

62 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
thought. There’s no way this is going “This is it, Syd,” McMahon said.
to end with a shark attack. “This is the one God sent for us.”
“What are you going to do if it McMahon and Uemoto waved frenet-
comes close?” asked Uemoto. ically. The helicopter banked toward
“I’m going to kick it in the eye,” them. They had been seen.
said McMahon evenly. Uemoto and McMahon burst into
And then, just as quietly as it had tears and hugged in the water. Alone,
appeared, the shark swam off again, either of them would have died. But
and Uemoto and McMahon were together, they had made it. “You
alone once more. They were 16 kilo- know, from not knowing you at all,
metres from shore now, the details you kind of surpassed all levels of
of the island coming into focus. They friendship,” Uemoto told McMahon.
made a pact: they would be home
by sunset. “Do you want to go out LATER—AFTER THE rescuers had fed
to eat afterwards?” Uemoto joked. McMahon every last sandwich in the
“McDonald’s?” helicopter, after doctors had tended
A few minutes before noon, they to Uemoto’s broken nose and jellyfish
saw the familiar orange shape of a stings and she’d finally been able to
Coast Guard helicopter. It whizzed wish her father a happy birthday—
overhead, to their right, and the the young pilots, who have remained
two of them waved their hands. Like close, would recall an emotional
before, the aircraft disappeared— turning point. It occurred maybe 30
another agonizing near miss. minutes after they’d crashed into the
After almost 20 hours, Uemoto’s water. Uemoto was panicked, fearing
body was done. She had simply run the worst. McMahon began to com-
out of power. At a certain stage, your fort the stranger floating beside him.
mind entertains an idea: what if I “We’re going to be good,” he said,
just gave up? She was reaching that though he had no idea what kind of
point, but then she heard the whir of journey was in front of them. “This is
the helicopter again. “It’s coming!” a story we’re going to tell our chil-
she shouted. dren and grandchildren.”

THE CASE FOR CASH

I’d like to live as a poor man with lots of money.

PABLO PICASSO

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 63
 With a little preparation—and
some strategic choices—you can find
the ability to embrace change

Shifting Gears BY M ICAH TO UB

ILLUSTRATION BY JORI BOLTON
 LIFE LESSON

E V E R Y W E E K , Toronto-based notes from her lawyer that she wanted

psycho therapist Susan Valentine to discuss,” Valentine says. While the
helps clients navigate troubling and logistics around the separation were
traumatic changes in their lives, important, spending valuable therapy
often related to the loss of a loved time on those discussions was also a
one through the breakdown of a way for her client to keep her emo-
relationship or death. This work, tions bottled up.
she says, usually involves helping As Greek philosopher Heraclitus
people recognize—and release— put it: “There is nothing permanent
mechanisms that keep them from except change.” But that doesn’t
accepting their new reality. “It’s nor- mean acceptance is easy when our
mal to go through denial,” she says. set path suddenly veers off course.
“It’s a necessary state of protection.” Even 2,500 years later, we could all
But, she adds, if we stay in that state, still use some tips.
we don’t move toward healing.
One recent client used what Valen- Drop Your Defences
tine describes as a common procrastin- After sharing the above anecdote,
ation technique around acceptance: Valentine described common strat-
obsessive information gathering. egies that help us avoid coming
The woman and her husband had to terms with loss. At first glance,
been having difficulties, but when he some might not seem so bad, such
asked for a divorce, she was caught off as minimizing (“it’s not such a big
guard. And after their school-aged son deal that I’m getting a divorce”), the
said he wanted to live with his father, aforementioned information gath-
she started consulting the Internet ering and keeping busy with lots of
rather than facing her sadness and an- appointments. Others are obviously
ger. “She’d arrive at sessions with arti- negative: substance abuse; blaming
cles on divorce and co-parenting and others; obsessive thinking; denial.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 65
READER’S DIGEST

In her 2005 memoir, The Year started accepting that the marriage
of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion was really over,” she says.
described her need to let go of the
belief that her late husband might Prepare if Possible
miraculously return. “I know why we For many, dramatic emotional and
try to keep the dead alive: we try to psychological upheaval can be caused
keep them alive in order to keep them by something they have been looking
with us,” she writes. “I also know that if forward to for years: retirement. Janet
we are to live ourselves, there comes a Christensen, a professional career
point at which we must relinquish the and retirement coach based in Lon-
dead, let them go, keep them dead.” don, Ont., says being unprepared for
Didion’s “magical thinking” is ref- this stage of life can be disastrous—
erenced by Dr. M. Katherine Shear something she saw first-hand in 1978

Instead of looking back, people getting ready

to retire should be asking themselves what
would bring them joy in the next phase.

in a 2013 Current Psychiatry Reports when her own father left his job as
article as an example of “compli- a head caretaker with the Etobicoke
cated grief ”—prolonged distress Board of Education.
that interferes with daily function- “He was mandated to retire when
ing and relationships. In her paper, he was 65, and it was devastating
Shear notes that the condition affects for him,” she says. “We bought him
seven per cent of people over 60 who a puppy to get him out walking, but
experience loss. there were days when he would call
According to Valentine, the desire my mother in tears because he didn’t
to function normally again is what know what to do.”
usually motivates clients to lay According to a 2013 report from
down their guard. In the case of the the United Kingdom’s Institute of
woman facing divorce, once she Economic Affairs, this response is
stopped researching, she began pro- common; data collected from more
cessing her anger and sadness. “By than 7,000 Europeans in the second
getting in touch with that, she also half of their lives showed that they

66 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
were, on average, 41 per cent more neurotransmitter—has to be con-
likely to develop clinical depression verted into a physical change in the
after retirement than when they brain. But this takes time and prac-
were still working. tice. “We don’t want to be uncomfort-
When Christensen coaches retired able, so we don’t push ourselves to
or soon-to-be retired individuals, that edge of failure,” she says, noting
she encourages them to think about that persevering through difficulty is
their sense of purpose. Instead of key to brain change.
looking back, she explains, they Exercise is also crucial. At UBC’s
should be asking themselves what Brain Behaviour Laboratory, Boyd is
would bring them joy in the next examining how high-intensity work-
phase. “Or I ask them, ‘If you could outs can facilitate the formation of
make a difference in the world, long-term memories in individuals
where would you put your energy?’” who have suffered from strokes. Her
Similar to saving money for your past studies have shown this to be
post-work life, Christensen says it’s the case with healthy individuals.
never too early to start asking these According to a 2013 review out of
questions and nurturing passion the University of Pittsburgh, tak-
projects for when the time comes. ing a short walk three times a week
increased the size of brain regions
Keep Challenging devoted to memory. This is impor-
Your Brain tant, the study stated, because those
Most of us have internalized the old same neural areas shrink one to two
saying that you can’t teach an old dog per cent every year after the age of 55.
new tricks. According to University Changes, especially big ones,
of British Columbia neuroscientist bring with them inherent uncer-
Dr. Lara Boyd, the problem with this tainty that can cause us deep anxiety.
so-called truism is that it’s simply not Perhaps the best piece of advice can
true. “The adult brain continues to be found in something Christensen
have a tremendous capacity for plas- tells people who get laid off from their
ticity into old age,” she says, referring jobs. Her aim is to help them realize
to the brain’s ability to change shape that the change might open up new
in response to shifts in our environ- opportunities or bring them closer to
ment or new requirements in our the people who support them
daily lives. through tough times: “I say, ‘I know
To master a new skill, explains you can’t see it now, but there are
Boyd, a short-term memory—which gifts in this. You do have a right to be
is marked by a chemical shift in a angry, but be open to the gifts.’”

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 67
RD VAULT

In the face of tragedy, the smallest

gestures can be the most valuable

I’ve Come To
Clean Your
Shoes
BY M A DGE HA R R A H FRO M
O N C H IL DREN A N D DEATH
PHOTOGRAPH BY MOLLY CRANNA

68 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 and I and our two young children, Eric
and Meghan, would need were boxed
up. Other clothes lay unwashed in a
pile on the laundry room floor. Sup-
per dishes sat on the kitchen table.
Toys were strewn everywhere.
While Larry made plane reserva-
tions for the following morning, I
wandered about, aimlessly picking
things up and putting them down.
I couldn’t focus. The words I’d heard
on the phone echoed through my
mind: “Bill is gone—Marilyn too.
June—and both of the children…”
It was as though the message had
muffled my brain with cotton.
After finalizing our travel arrange-
ments, Larry phoned a few friends to
tell them what had happened. Occa-
sionally someone asked to speak with
me. “If there’s anything I can do, let me
IN SHOCK, I STUMBLED around the know,” that person would offer kindly.
house trying to decide what to put “Thank you very much,” I’d reply.
into the suitcases. Earlier that even- But I didn’t know what to ask for. It
ing, I’d received a call from my was impossible to concentrate.
mother telling me that my brother I stared into space while Larry called
and his wife, along with his sister- Donna King, the woman with whom
in-law and both of her children, had I taught a nursery class at church.
been killed in a car crash. “Come as Donna and I were casual friends, but
soon as you can,” Mom begged. we didn’t see each other often. She
That’s what I wanted to do—to and Emerson, her thin, quiet husband,
leave at once, to hurry to my parents were kept busy during the week by
in my Missouri hometown. But my their own “nursery”—six children
husband, Larry, and I were in the ranging in age from two to 15. I was
midst of packing our belongings for glad Larry had thought to warn her that
an upcoming move from Ohio to New she’d be teaching alone on Sunday.
Mexico. Our house was in total dis- Suddenly Meghan darted by,
array. Some of the clothes that Larry clutching a ball. Eric chased after her.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 69
READER’S DIGEST

They should be in bed, I thought. Emerson settled himself on the

When the doorbell rang, I rose floor and got to work. Watching him
slowly and crept to the door. Emer- concentrate on one task helped me
son King was standing on the porch. pull my own thoughts into order.
“I’ve come to clean your shoes,” he Laundry first, I told myself. As the
said softly. washer chugged, Larry and I bathed
Confused, I asked him to repeat. the children and put them to bed.
“Donna had to stay with the baby,” While we cleared the supper
he said, “but we want to dishes, Emerson con-
help. I remember when tinued to work, saying
my father died, it took me nothing. The love in the
hours to get the children’s IN A LINE act released my tears,
shoes cleaned and shined AGAINST washing the fog from my
for the funeral. So that’s ONE mind. I could move. I
what I’ve come to do. KITCHEN could think. I could get on
Give me your shoes—not WALL with the business of living.
just your good shoes but STOOD ALL One by one, the jobs
all your shoes.” fell into place. I went
OF OUR
I hadn’t even thought into the laundry room to
about our shoes until he
SHOES, move the load of washing
mentioned them. Now
SPOTLESS. into the dryer, returning
I remembered that Eric to the kitchen to find out
had waded through mud that Emerson had left. In
in his good pair after church the pre- a line against one wall stood all of our
vious Sunday. Not to be outdone, shoes, spotless.
Meghan had kicked rocks, scuffing Now when I hear of an acquaint-
her toes. ance who has lost a loved one, I try to
While Emerson spread news- think of one task that suits that per-
papers on the kitchen floor, I gathered son’s need, such as polishing the car,
up the family’s footwear. Emerson taking the dog to the boarding kennel
found a pan and filled it with soapy or house-sitting during the funeral.
water. He got an old knife out of a And I always have the same answer if
drawer and retrieved a sponge from the person asks, “How did you know
under the sink. Larry had to rum- I needed that done?”
mage through several cartons, but at I reply, “It’s because a man once
last he located the shoe polish. cleaned my shoes.”
THIS ARTICLE ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN THE DECEMBER 1983 ISSUE OF READER’S DIGEST. ADAPTED FROM ON CHILDREN AND DEATH,
© 1983 BY ELISABETH KÜBLER-ROSS. PUBLISHED BY TOUCHSTONE, A DIVISION OF SIMON & SCHUSTER, INC.

70 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 Laughter
THE BEST MEDICINE

SECURITY MEASURES
Q: What is Forrest Gump’s
THE BEST JOKE password?
I EVER TOLD A: 1forrest1. reddit.com
BY CLIFF PRANG
BASIC MATH
When I tell bar audiences I used
Q: How do you make seven even?
to be a pastor, they laugh at me.
When I tell church people I am A: Take away the S. reddit.com

a comedian, they pray for me.

A MAN WALKS INTO a bar with
Cliff Prang is a professional
actor, comedian and speaker,
a newt on his shoulder.
and an amateur stay-at-home The bartender says, “Oh, what
dad. You can find him online at an odd pet. What’s his name?”
cliffprang.com. “Tiny,” the man replies.
“Such an interesting name! Why
do you call him Tiny?”
“Because,” the man says, shrug-
ging, “he’s my newt.” reddit.com

CAT GAMES
BARTENDER: What can I get you?
CAT: A shot of rum.
[Bartender pours it]
[Cat slowly pushes it off the bar]
CAT: Another one.
@SADANDUSELESS

Send us your original jokes! You could

earn $50 and be featured in the magazine.
See page 8 or rd.ca/joke for details.

rd.ca | 06 • 2017 | 71
ENVIRONMENT

MURDER
MYSTE RY
EVERY MORNING, THOUSANDS
OF CROWS DESCEND ON
VANCOUVER’S DOWNTOWN
CORE. INSIDE THE CASE OF
THE CURIOUS CORVIDS.
BY JA K E M AC D O NALD FR O M C ANADI A N G EO G RA PH IC

72 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
READER’S DIGEST

O
N A CLEAR JANUARY MORNING IN VANCOUVER,
daybreak arrives with a blaze of sunlight that
floods into the downtown core, igniting the glass
towers of Yaletown and glinting off the sailboats
moored along False Creek. It looks like a pleasant
and normal winter morning until the crows
appear—an undulating torrent of at least 5,000 birds that pours
into the heart of the city. For almost half an hour, the corvids flow by.
Vancouverites have grown accustomed to these daily trips in fall
and winter, but to a visitor their appearance is strange and intriguing.
Where are all these birds coming from? And why are they here?

Like the rush-hour commuters corvid specialists from as far afield as

merging onto the Granville Street Moscow, Winnipeg and Cambridge,
Bridge below them, the crows seem U.K., have all come to the same con-
to have timetables and destinations clusion: crows are much smarter than

(P REVIOUS PAGE) JOEL SARTORE, NATIONAL GEOGRAP HI C PHOTO ARK

in mind. A smaller flock of 60 splits we previously thought.
off from the main stream and heads
southwest into Kitsilano, breaking IT’S A WIDELY HELD BELIEF that
apart again into smaller groups of six suburban sprawl spells doom for wild-
or eight birds. These posses glide into life. Whenever a black bear gets tran-
the parking lots of shopping malls and quilized in a schoolyard or a coyote
fast-food joints, head for the Univer- kills the neighbour’s cat, a common
sity of British Columbia campus or response is, “Well, what do we expect?
continue toward the lawns of Kerris- We’ve invaded their natural habitat.”
dale, where they will spend the morn- But this theory is only partly true.
ing digging up juicy chafer grubs. Wild animals sometimes seek out the
As the crows get to work, they stay company of people. While deer in the
in touch using unique squawks that countryside have been struggling,
each member can recognize from deer populations are thriving in
blocks away. These intricate dynam- Canadian metropolises, particularly
ics suggest a complex society— in Victoria, B.C. Cities such as Prince
a theory that has recently gained George have been seeing increasing
credence with researchers around numbers of black bears scavenging
the world. After decades of studies, for food. Foxes, coyotes, raccoons,

74 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 A murder of crows takes flight above Jericho Beach, against the Vancouver skyline.

squirrels, beavers, rabbits and a wide Of the 44 species originally tallied, 10

variety of birds find that urban living “avoiders,” such as the Townsend’s
has much to recommend it. warbler and western tanager, had
In 1900, a bird survey in London, declined or disappeared. “Adapters,”
England, enumerated 25 species. A such as finches, sparrows and hum-
second survey 75 years later showed mingbirds, had integrated well, and
that the city had lost five species “exploiters,” such as wrens, mallards,
but gained 20. The latest survey, swallows and Canada geese, did even
put together by the London Natural better, in some instances increasing a
History Society, estimates that 181 hundredfold. All told, 34 of the orig-
different bird species live in the city inal species had increased in number.
right now. Other urban areas have None of these findings cast doubt
seen similar changes. on the importance of wilderness
Trends like this prompted Amer- preservation. But they do demon-
ican ornithologist John Marzluff, strate that while it’s true we are
professor of wildlife science at the invading wildlife habitats, animals
University of Washington and author are also invading ours. The fast-food
of Gifts of the Crow, to survey his own restaurants, Dumpsters, mowed
CHARLES KAPLAN

suburban region of Seattle. From lawns, boulevard trees, wooded

1999 through 2012, with the help parks, engineered ponds and golf
of graduate students, he counted courses typical of Canadian subur-
birds on a housing development site bia create a sort of Valhalla for many
before, during and after construction. birds, especially crows.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 75
READER’S DIGEST

THE CITY MAY BE the crows’ pre- the mud flats, you’ll see that they’re
ferred feeding ground, but Burnaby mostly socializing,” says Clulow.
remains their choice destination for “Crows have strong family ties. They
downtime—at least when the temper- help raise the young, and the families
ature drops. During nesting season, travel together. It’s possible that they
from March to August, the birds stay come here to find a mate.”
in Vancouver, where they raise their According to Clulow, crows might
young. When fall hits, however, the also frequent these pre-roosting areas
same crows that pour west into down- to swap intel—the corvid equivalent of
town every morning make the reverse after-work pubs. Honeybees use body
journey every afternoon, heading language to tell each other about food
toward Burnaby. Why not just stay in sources, and scientists have identified
Vancouver? As one local wit quipped, several dozen distinct crow vocaliza-
“They can’t afford to live there.” tions that, when combined with clicks
When the crows arrive in Burnaby, and gestures, form the building blocks
they settle in pre-roosting areas on the of complex communication.
outskirts of town. One busy territory is To test the corvid ability to pass on
on the edges of Burnaby Lake, which information, Marzluff and his gradu-
teems with waterfowl and has marshy ate students have been conducting
edges that make for good feeding an ongoing experiment since 2006.
grounds. But the multitudes of crows They don rubber Halloween masks,
that swoop into the park around four live-trap crows, mark them with leg
in the afternoon don’t seem hungry. bands and release them onto the
George Clulow, past president of the campus of the University of Wash-

JUN E HUN TER

British Columbia Field Ornithologists, ington, in Seattle.
says it’s not clear why the birds gather The researchers are often mobbed
in these spots. “If you watch them and scolded by different crows (in
closely as they’re walking around addition to the members of the

76 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
originally banded flock) whenever head into Burnaby, joining dense
they put on the same masks and flocks from other staging areas. At a
walk the campus. When they wear main intersection, vortexes of black
a “neutral” disguise—in this case birds whirl down out of the over-
a mask of Dick Cheney—the crows cast sky, settling on rooftops, lamp-
generally ignore them. Somehow, posts, boulevards and stop signs.
most of the crows on the campus To an onlooker, it seems as if the
got the warning about the experi- sky has cracked open and every
menters. Marzluff also learned that crow on the planet is swarming this
crows have long memories—in one expanse of suburbia. Like a scene
case he was harassed by a specimen from Hitchcock’s The Birds, thousands
he’d banded 11 years earlier. of crows gather in fidgety masses on
How do captured crows “tell” bare trees and crowd shoulder to
other birds about scary research- shoulder on hydro lines. It’s not rain-
ers? Until recently, scientists assumed ing, but people heading home after
that language, information swapping, work nevertheless grimace and hold
problem solving and using tools sep- umbrellas over their heads to protect
arated humans from animals. But as themselves from droppings as they
experiments such as Marzluff’s add to pass under the jostling crows.
a growing body of research about ani- There may be no obvious reason
mal behaviour, these distinguishing why the crows come here, but Clu-
criteria are falling away. Scientists are low says they’re clever birds, and they
learning that octopuses can memor- have a motive for everything. “They
ize, dogs feel grief and parrots enjoy exploit every chance of survival,
watching cartoons. and they’re quick to adapt,” he says.
“Their choice of this spot may have
AT DUSK, THOUSANDS OF CROWS something to do with the growth of
lift off from their pre-roosts and Burnaby. It’s a bit warmer than the
surrounding countryside, so this roost
may allow them to conserve energy on
a cold winter night. There’s safety in
READER’S DIGEST

numbers, too, and any predators, such of this research is still underway, the
as hawks, owls or raccoons, would be idea that crows have a level of intel-
quickly mobbed and driven off.” ligence approaching that of a “feath-
Other birds, such as robins and ered ape,” according to the Cambridge
sparrows, do well in suburbia, but they scientists, is gaining traction.
don’t form huge, complicated soci- Crows also get high marks among
eties that share information and de- scientists for their impressive problem-
fend against threats. The crows’ ability solving skills. In 2002, under the obser-
to organize has to do with their intel- vation of Oxford researchers, a crow
ligence. Without implying disrespect jammed a wire rod into a crevice, then
toward the typical male robin, which gripped the other end for maximum
might spend hours attacking its own mechanical advantage and walked in
reflection in a bid to a semicircle, bending
defend its territory from the tip of the rod into
a perceived intruder, Crows talk to a small hook, which it
scientists are learning then used to extract a
each other,
that crows are smarter treat from the bottom
than the average bird.
build tools of a tube. A New Zea-
Cornell Lab of Orni-
and solve land researcher tested
tholog y res earcher problems. a crow that could solve
Kevin McGowan, One rode the a sequence of complex
who has been study- Vancouver problems—in the right
ing crows for 20 years, SkyTrain. order—to get a reward.
asserts that their intel- Unlike that territorial
ligence has evolved as a male robin, a corvid is
result of learning about human behav- able to learn how to recognize a mir-
iour. He claims that it has been advan- ror image as a reflection rather than
tageous for crows to observe us, giving another bird. They also likely know
them a better understanding of how that they are distinct from others. Sci-
best to use their environments, a view entists call this “theory of mind.” When
supported by studies conducted at the other corvids, namely ravens and jays,
University of Cambridge in England. are stashing treats, they make sure
At the University of Manitoba, psychol- crows aren’t watching. They compre-
ogy professor Debbie Kelly has found hend that crows may have separate
that crows are able to reason and and sometimes conflicting needs.
plan for the future, an evolutionary In human children, recognizing that
advantage in light of their relatively other people have different points
long lifespan of 20 years. While much of view and interests is a major step

78 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
in psychological development that tests while others fumble. It’s reason-
occurs around the age of five. able to assume that clever crows will
do better in a demanding and rapidly
IN 2012, MARZLUFF CONDUCTED changing urban environment.
experiments that determined crows The idea that crows may be getting
have large brains compared to their smarter sounds like the premise for a
body size. Brain-to-body-mass ratio spooky movie. But crows talk to each
is a good indicator of intelligence, and other. They build tools and solve prob-
corvids have larger brains than any lems. They even take transit—in Van-
other bird relative to their body size couver, one crow rode the SkyTrain
except parrots. And the crow fore- on at least two occasions, in Novem-
brain is organized in clusters rather ber 2015 and January 2016. The soli-
than layers. This is important because tary bird got on the train downtown,
birds belong to a distinct evolution- minded its own business and got off in
ary line that branched off 300 million East Vancouver. (It beats flying.)
years ago. Bird brains and mammalian Marzluff says the idea of rapidly
brains have very different wiring plans evolving super crows may not be far-
and hardware, but their CPUs perform fetched. “They are definitely chang-
similar tasks. This calls into question ing their behaviour,” he says. “For
the old model of the “tree of evolu- example, in Japan, when cars stop
tion,” with human beings at the apex. at a red light, crows will swoop down
The “tree” may be more of a shrub, and place a walnut in the path of the
with smart animals developing along tires. Natural selection favours indi-
any number of off-shooting branches. viduals that make good choices, and
For a crow or a human, a large crows have done so by learning
brain has proven to be an asset. Of to take advantage of expanding
course, some humans are more intel- cities. Crows are evolving cultur-
ligent than others. Ditto with crows. ally—and that is the very definition
In a laboratory, certain crows ace of evolution.”

© 2016 BY JAKE M AC DONALD. FROM CANADIAN GEOGRAPHIC (OCTOBER 2016) CANADIANGEOGRAPHIC.CA

MOTHER NATURE

Just got off the phone with my mom. She had a nice talk.
@MZELD

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 79
DEPARTMENT OF WIT

In the battle of wills

between parent and
child, the winner is…

Match
Point
BY SE A N W I L L I AM S FR O M S LAT E .CO M
ILLUSTRATION BY NISH ANT CH OKSI

ARGUMENT 1 That’s what you just said.

CHILD: Can I have this? CHILD: Well, can I watch YouTube?
ME: No. ME: You also can’t watch YouTube.
CHILD: Ah, I’ve miscommunicated. CHILD: If I can’t watch YouTube,
I’m asking for it because I want it. then can I have it?
ME: I understood that, actually. ME: No! Sorry. No.
CHILD: I think maybe you’re not hear- CHILD: Can I have part of it?
ing me. I’d like it because I want it. ME: No. The having of it is what I’m
ME: I heard you quite well. I’m saying saying no to. Having part of it is the
that it’s not actually an argument. same as having it.
CHILD: PERHAPS IF I TRIED SAY- CHILD: So can I have all of it?
ING IT LOUDER. ME: No! I’m answering the same
ME: There’s no problem with my question. The answer is no.
hearing. The problem is that your CHILD: Why not?
argument is, as the Romans would ME: BECAUSE I—look, no.
say, circulus in probando. CHILD: But, okay, look. Here is some
CHILD: Then let me offer this new new information.
information: I want it. ME: Yes? What is it?
ME: That’s the same information. CHILD: I need it.

80 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
ARGUMENT 2 CHILD: Hold that thought.
CHILD: Where is Mom? (Child leaves room. Long pause;
ME: Why do you need her? muffled discussion from upstairs.
CHILD: Sometimes one just needs Child returns.)
one’s mother. CHILD: Mom says she’s busy and that
ME: I’m standing right here. Perhaps you should just tell me where the thing
I can help you. is because I promised not to get it.
CHILD: This falls under Mom’s pur- ME: You promised?
view, so… CHILD: As Mom is my witness.
ME: She’s busy right now, and I’m ME: Okay. The thing is on top of the
taking care of you. refrigerator.
CHILD: Busy where? CHILD: Why did you put it there?
ME: Upstairs. But don’t go there. ME: Because I don’t trust you.
(Child leaves room. Long pause; CHILD: But … how is that possible?
muffled discussion from upstairs. I trust YOU.
Child returns.) ME: Thanks.
CHILD: I spoke with Mom. CHILD: I trust you so much that I
ME: So I gather. know when I go and get a stool and
CHILD: Mom says to ask you. Where bring it over by the refrigerator and
is the thing from before? climb up on it, the thing will be there.
ME: The thing that I wouldn’t give ME: You promised you wouldn’t
you before? do that.
CHILD: Yes. (Child leaves room.)
ME: Why do you want to know? ME: DO NOT GO TO THE KITCHEN.
CHILD: I’m a curious person. I thirst I SWEAR TO GOD, IF I HEAR THAT
for knowledge. STEPSTOOL—
ME: But you can’t have it. (Child comes back into room.)
CHILD: Boy, you’re really jumping CHILD: Why are you yelling at me?
to conclusions here! I know I can’t ME: I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.
have it! I’m just curious. CHILD: Can I play on the computer?
ME: If I tell you where it is, will I find ME: Yes.
out at some future time that you (Child opens laptop and begins
have the thing? watching videos on YouTube.)
CHILD: Does anyone truly know (Mom walks downstairs.)
what the future holds? MOM: I specifically told you not to
ME: So there is a future where get on the computer.
you’ve gone and gotten the thing. CHILD: Dad said I could.
SLATE.COM (OCTOBER 7, 2015), © 2015 BY THE SLATE GROUP LLC.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 81
MEMOIR

A childhood lesson in contemplation leads

to decades of ruminations and recollections

Reflections Fr

82 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
om the River
BY H UGH W. M C K E RVILL FR O M AT L A N TIC SA L MON JOU RN A L

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 83
READER’S DIGEST

D
uring the time I attended Dunmurry
Public Elementary School in Northern
Ireland, the school principal was a man
called Tricky Burns. When I reached
Grade 8, Tricky became my homeroom
teacher. That was also the year he retired,
though I disavow any causal relationship
between the two events.

Tricky, as you may have guessed, the child” was recited like a religious

ILLUSTRATION BY BEN WEEKS; PH OTOGRAPH COURTESY TOURISM NORTHE RN IRE L AND

was not the man’s real name. He was creed by parents and teachers alike.
called Sir, or sometimes Mr. Burns. At our school, the weapon of choice
The nickname had been assigned by for combatting potential outbreaks
generations of pupils on account of of child spoilage was a bamboo cane
his penchant for using trickery to nab that could be applied to the open
and punish miscreants. For example, hand of any pupil accused of mis-
when he occasionally left the class- behaviour. This kind of discipline,
room for a few minutes, bedlam the adult world believed, was essen-
would often erupt. Upon returning, tial for building character.
Tricky would immediately single out Tricky was a big man. He was a First
those who had misbehaved. We were World War veteran, with a ruddy
astonished at his ability to unerringly complexion that was the result, peo-
pick out the culprits, and it was ages ple said, of weekends spent in the
before we discovered that he had countryside in pursuit of trout and
made a peephole in the frosted glass salmon. Mind you, it was difficult for
through which he could observe from us students to visualize him plodding
the corridor what was going on in the around riverbanks in rubber boots. In
classroom during his absence. the classroom, he always wore a dark
My public-school attendance took suit complete with matching waist-
place in an era when the use of cor- coat and a pocket watch securely
poral punishment was deemed to be anchored by a silver chain across his
the foundation of sound pedagogi- midriff. To maintain discipline,
cal practice. “Spare the rod and spoil a man of his stature and bearing had

84 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
only to scowl and start moving Having obser ved this sort of
towards the cupboard where the thing on a number of occasions,
dreaded cane was kept. and thinking that a run to the post
Mercifully, Tricky used that form office would be a refreshing change
of punishment sparingly. In fact, from algebra—and also believing
I don’t remember girls in our class that if I sprinted extra hard I might
ever being physically disciplined, have time to lean over the old stone
though a restless boy might be called bridge on Main Street to see if any
to the front of the room to have his trout were lurking below—I brazenly
character built up a bit. Even then, broke a couple of rules one day.
instead of immediately administer- Apparently, my timing was off. I
ing the cane, and depending upon was immediately called to the front
the seriousness of the offence, of the room, where Tricky applied

“It’s a good idea to have

a hobby,” Tricky told us. “It will make
your life more interesting.”

Tricky would sometimes give the a whack of the cane (rather gently,
luckless lad a half-penny and send I realized in hindsight) to each hand.
him to buy a postage stamp, warn-
ing him that if he didn’t get back by FROM TIME TO TIME, usually late on
such-and-such a time the “slaps” a Friday afternoon, Tricky would tell
would be administered—possibly us to put our books away. He would
with interest. The only place to buy then sit on the front edge of his big
stamps was at the post office, which oak desk and chat with us. There we
lay at the opposite end of the village. were—a motley group of students
Consequently, a boy would need to and a wise man encouraging boys
run all the way there and back in and girls “to talk of many things,” to
order to avoid the pending punish- think for ourselves and to express
ment. The strategy was brilliant, for our ideas. In turn, he shared wisdom,
a well-exercised lad was less likely to drawn not from textbooks but from
squirm at his desk. life experience.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 85
READER’S DIGEST

One day, after a discussion about over the roomful of freckles and acne.
pastimes, in which I had nattered “You know,” he continued, “one of
at length about why I liked fishing, the nice things about retiring and
Tricky summed up before dismiss- growing older is the ability to look
ing the class. “It’s a good idea to have back and reflect upon things that
a hobby,” he said. “It doesn’t much have happened in your life.”
matter what it is, and you can change Always the teacher, he couldn’t
it from time to time, but always have resist a literary reference. “Remem-
at least one hobby. It will make your ber how Wordsworth defined poetry
life more interesting.” The words in his preface to Lyrical Ballads:
sank in, and for an instant, I was ‘It takes its origin from emotion
beside the stream that trickled down recollected in tranquillity.’” At this
from Colin Glen, through our village, point Tricky leaned forward, and he

A salmon that fights so vigorously

when hooked must, in its own way,
desire life as desperately as any human.

along the mossy floor of the woods, seemed to engage every young eye
then out across the meadows towards in turn. “The thing is,” he said, “if
the Lagan River where, according you don’t do anything interesting
to Tricky, there used to be salmon when you are young, you won’t have
before the linen mill was built. much to recollect or reflect upon
On what turned out to be one of when you are old.”
his last days of teaching, with our I can’t swear to it, but I believe I
books all packed away, Tricky took saw a trace of moisture in his eye as
up his customary position at the he eased his way off the desk. “Class
edge of his desk. dismissed,” he blurted out.
“You have probably heard that I’m
about to retire,” he said. OVER THE YEARS Tricky equipped
“Yes, sir,” we responded. hundreds of boys and girls with the
“I will miss you all.” He paused essential tools of reading, writing and
while his gaze roamed affectionately arithmetic, but just as importantly,

86 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
he introduced us to
precepts, principles
and ideas that would
help us live useful and
happy lives. Now older
by far than Tricky was
when he said goodbye
to us, in moments of
reflection, I sometimes
hear his broad Ulster
brogue congratulating
me on still enjoying
my fishing hobby, urging me to make
time for reflection.
Fortunately, fishing is a hobby that
encourages contemplation. Who can
tread the shore on a misty morning
or watch the tipping sun pour gold
upon the surface of the lake without
reflecting on the beauty of this earth?
What fisherman can fail to be moved routine and ceaseless hurry towards
by the migration of a fragile monarch ill-defined destinations. Fishing slows
that flits past his nose on its way to a person down.
Mexico while he is changing his bat- Often, when I’m alone on the
tered butterfly lure? And who doesn’t river, weary from hours of wading,
marvel at the mysterious navigational images of long departed friends and
powers of a salmon returning from loved ones visit my mind. At such
the trackless ocean, determined to moments I reflect upon the brevity
reach the place where it was born and preciousness of individual life,
four years before to lay the seeds of and I muse that a salmon that fights
a new generation? so vigorously when hooked must,
I see these things when I’m on the in its own way, desire life as des-
river, and I reflect that there’s more to perately as any human. Some days,
life than meets the eye. as my lengthening line reaches for
Likewise, there’s a great deal more a promising ripple just beyond the
to fishing than catching fish. Sport ability of my cast, I recall the words
fishing, as a hobby, can liberate one’s of Alexander Pope: “Hope springs
soul from the chains of mindless eternal in the human breast; man

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 87
READER’S DIGEST

never is but always to be blessed.” “gaze upon that inward eye which
And I reflect how frequently our best is the bliss of solitude.” Then, with
casts come short of our better aspira- a chuckle, I recall the shore lunch
tions. I reflect upon the perversity of of dried-out bologna sandwiches I
my species and ponder why we per- shared with my lazy guide, and how
sist in polluting the earth. Why are utterly delicious they were, washed
we locked into a senseless system down with swigs of tea—and what
of perpetual growth and gluttonous a fine fellow the guide was after all.

The river raises many reflections,

some of them disturbing. Fortunately, other
ruminations are a salve for the soul.

consumption in a finite world? Why Or, I sniff again the subtle peat of a
do those who chose to make war not single malt sipped with companions
do the fighting? The river raises many on the camp’s broad deck while the
reflections, some of them disturbing. “the stars o’erhead were dancing heel
Fortunately, fishing also gives rise and toe.” Such sweet reflections!
to ruminations and recollections Of course, as Tricky Burns would
that are like a salve for the wounded say, if I had never taken up fishing
soul. Even in winter, when the river is when I was still young, I wouldn’t be
hard as iron, and sharp winds shear enjoying these recollections now that
the hemlock’s brittle limbs, I often I’m old.
© 2016, BY HUGH W. M C KERVILL. FROM ATLANTIC SALMON JOURNAL (AUTUMN 2016), ASF.CA.

NO COMPARISON

Never keep up with the Joneses.

Drag them down to your level; it’s cheaper.
QUENTIN CRISP

88 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
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 As Kids See It

“My parents actually met each other in person.”

NOT SURE IF I SHOULD be more MY SON FIRST TOOK a plane at the

concerned about the son who age of four. He was scared about fly-
locked me out of my bedroom today ing, so he told the flight attendant
or the one who showed me how to he wanted the plane not to “fly” but
pick the lock. @AMYDILLON instead to “get going on the road!”
Playing along, she agreed. As the
DAVID WEIGHAM

A TODDLER CAN DO more in one plane sped down the runway, my

unsupervised minute than most son called out, “When I said ‘on the
people can do all day. road,’ I didn’t mean so fast!”
@MAMABIRDDIARIES ANA CAROLINA CARRILLO

90 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
AFTER THE DEATH OF an elderly
family friend, my seven-year-old
AND ONE FOR THE KIDS
granddaughter, Zoe, asked her mom
to describe heaven. Her mother Q: What kind of lion never roars?
struggled to find an answer, eventu- A: A dandelion! babycenter.com

ally replying that while we can’t

know exactly what heaven is like, it’s
SETTLE DOWN, school picture day
said to be a wonderful and peaceful
packages. I don’t need a body pillow
place. Zoe thought about that very
with my son’s face embroidered on
seriously for a few minutes, then
it for $400. @MOMMY_CUSSES
replied, “Well, Mommy, when you
get there, will you send me a text
WHILE ON A FAMILY vacation in
and tell me about it?”
the Virgin Islands, I went on a walk
JANE MARSHALL, We s t Va n c o u v e r
with my six-year-old grandson, Mat-
teo. We spotted a species of tree that
KIDS CAN BE NOTORIOUSLY picky
we’d never seen before, with spiky
eaters. Just ask any parent:
thorns that climbed up its slender
“I like meat, pasta and cheese, trunk. It looked like a dragon’s back.
unless you mix them all together. Matteo pointed at it. “How did it get
Then I don’t like it.” like that?” he asked.
—My eight-year-old on lasagna This was a chance to introduce
@DOMESTICGODDSS him to the idea of evolution. We sat
on the ground and talked for 45
I never knew that parsley had the
minutes. It was glorious.
power to destroy someone’s life, but
The next day, he was swimming
six leaves of it in my kid’s rice has
with his cousin and asked her a
taught me otherwise.
question. She said, “That sounds
@SIX_PACK_MOM
like a science question. Why don’t
you ask Grandpa?”
MY FRIEND, A NURSE, was reviewing
“I’m not making that mistake
a patient’s medical records when she
again,” he replied. A c t o r ALAN ALDA
realized that the girl and her mother
shared the same first name.
“Doesn’t that ever get confusing?” If there’s no question that the children
you know are funny, tell us about them!
my friend asked. A story could earn you $50. For details
“Oh no,” the girl replied. “I just on how to submit your anecdote, see
call her Mom.” BETH NELSON page 8 or visit rd.ca/joke.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 91
The author in 1968, six years
after being taken away from
her birth family.
 EDITORS’ CHOICE

When I was seized

from my mother as
a toddler, I lost my
family and my
Indigenous identity.
This is the story of
how I made my way
back to them.

Scooped
BY BE TTY ANN ADAM
FR O M T H E SAS KATO O N
STAR PH O E N I X

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 93
READER’S DIGEST

I’M THREE YEARS OLD. I’m wearing a got to keep me for almost another
plaid dress that I don’t usually wear. year, but in 1962, they pried me from
It’s too small. her arms.
A policeman and a lady are in the The memory of that moment has
room and they’re being really nice never faded, but as an adult, it’s my
to me. My mother’s arms are tight mother’s pain that haunts me.
around me; she’s crying and plead-
ing. I don’t know why they are taking I WAS PLACED WITH non-Native
me away from her. farmers in a home that was safe and
I’m in a police car. It’s a hot sum- inclusive. There were three Metis fos-
mer day and the seat is burning my ter children in the family, but neither
legs. The woman puts me on her lap. they nor I had strong connections to
Next I’m in an airplane looking down other Indigenous people or culture.
at tiny cars on the road. Finally I’m In the white world my foster par-
at the farm where, without knowing ents moved in, we stood out as dif-
why, I’m living a new life. ferent. My only option was to do my
I was part of the Sixties Scoop—the best to fit in.
term for the 1960s to late-’80s prac- At the time, Canadians weren’t
tice of taking First Nations children careful when they spoke about Indi-
out of their homes and placing them ans. When people were kind, verbal
in foster care or up for adoption. and non-verbal messages frequently
My birth mother, Mary Jane Adam, implied that I was acceptable in spite
attended Holy Angels Indian Resi- of being Native.
dential School in Fort Chipewyan, Our family relocated to Prince
Alta. She left the school in her teens Albert in 1968. In elementary school,

(P REVIOUS PAGE, PHOTO FRA ME) ISTOC KPH OTO

but never returned to the reserve to we had a unit in Grade 6 on the First
live. She was 22 and single when I Peoples, but the only thing I learned
was born in Uranium City, a fly-in from it was that I was an outsider
mining town in the northwest corner from them, too.
of Saskatchewan, 85 kilometres west I had felt proud that we were learn-
of her home reserve of Fond du Lac. ing about my heritage, but when one
My sister Esther was born two years of my non-Native classmates told
after me. me I was mispronouncing the name
In the early 1960s, few in Can- of my own people, the Chipewyan, I
adian society had less power than an was embarrassed and ashamed.
unmarried Indian woman with kids. I could never be white, but it
Social workers took Esther when she seemed I wasn’t really Indian, either.
was three months old. My mother Who was I?

94 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 That nagging question about who me any greater understanding of who
I was and where I belonged stayed I was. She was as disconnected from
with me. our origins as I was.
In Grade 8, the only information I After Rosalie’s family moved away
could find about the Chipewyan in to Alberta, we lost track of each other
the school library was a thin pamph- for many years.
let with a half-page description,
since disputed, that said they were
fierce and war loving and abandoned
members who were too sick or frail ONE DAY, I RECEIVED
to travel. A CALL FROM A MAN
I didn’t want anything to do with WHO CALLED ME
those people. “COUSIN.” I DISCOVERED
After school one day, my foster THERE WERE PEOPLE
mom told me the social worker had
WHO REMEMBERED ME.
phoned and said I had a sister. I was
thrilled and excited to meet her, but
it seemed like months went by with
no further information. No one told AT 19 , I WAS TRAINING as a dental
me that she lived on a farm 150 kilo- assistant and had a chance to do an
metres away. internship in Uranium City, where I
Then at a wedding, a family friend was born. I jumped at it.
approached me and said, “Betty Ann, I was staying with my supervising
your sister is my cousin—she lives dentist, and over dinner one night,
with my auntie. She’s so cute!” I told her my story. The next day,
I was devastated. She was sup- she showed me a black binder that
posed to be mine, my sister. Once contained the membership list for
again, white people knew more about nearby Fond du Lac.
my people, my own family, than I did. We found my mother’s name, Mary
About two months later, I finally Jane Adam, and under it my name
met 11-year-old Rosalie. She was the and birthdate, along with those of
third child to be scooped from our my three siblings: Esther, Rosalie
mother. We had the same smile and and Ben.
the same hands. I had no memory of a sister born
We visited each other’s homes and when I was two. I also learned I had
wrote letters for a few years, but we a brother.
had no shared experience. Meeting I wrote the names and birthdates
that bubbly little stranger didn’t give on a slip of paper.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 95
(Left and centre) Adam in 1965 and 1971; (left) Adam in Saskatoon with her
daughter, Lucia, and her mother, Mary Jane, in 1998.

ALL PHOTOS COURTESY OF BETTY ANN ADAM . (PHOTO FRAME) ISTOCKPHOTO

A FEW YEARS LATER, I had a chance Archie said our grandfather wanted
meeting on a bus with a Fond du Lac to see me. I balked—I was nervous
man who offered to connect me with about stepping across the chasm
my relations. I accepted, with a cer- between the world I’d grown up in
tain amount of trepidation. and the one I was born to.
As much as I wanted to find out Over time, however, I met many
who I was, I had lived my whole life of my cousins when they visited Sas-
afraid of “Indians.” I had managed by katoon, where I was living. In 1985,
fitting into the white world. when I was 26, one of them called
Not long after, I received a call me to tell me the Salvation Army had
from a man named Archie who called helped him locate my mother. She
me “cousin.” I discovered there were was living in Vancouver’s Downtown
people who remembered me, who Eastside, and he had an address.
claimed me. I wrote to her, and she replied. I
Archie said his mother and our wanted to connect, but I was leery of
grandfather had often mentioned my getting too close.
siblings and me, wondering where
we were. My mother had gone south I FINALLY GATHERED the courage
years earlier, and no one knew where to visit my grandfather in 1986, just
she was. months before he died.

96 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 Going to one of Saskatchewan’s In 1991, she visited me in Saskatoon.
northernmost reserves, before the The day she was to arrive, I ate at a
Internet or even cable TV, was like Chinese restaurant where my fortune
travelling to another country. It was cookie read: “You will soon receive
startling to finally be in the major- something you have always wanted.”
ity, among black-haired people who In those awkward first days together,
looked like me. Everybody spoke I showed her the fortune. She read it
Dene, as I’d learned to call our people. and looked at me for a few moments
They tried to speak English when I was before asking, “Do you mean me?”
in the room, a fact that reminded me I All I could do was nod.
was different.
My grandfather, Ben Adam, was 84,
bent and white haired. My cousins
translated his words for me. Everyone IN THE HOSPITAL,
welcomed me unreservedly as family MY MOTHER WAS ABLE
and treated me with a kindness and TO SQUEEZE MY HAND.
generosity that was humbling. SHE SQUEEZED IT
My cousin Billy stepped into the AGAIN WHEN I SANG
middle of the living room one after- “AMAZING GRACE.”
noon with a proud and happy smile
and held out to me a pair of mukluks
his mother had made for him. The I knew she had no simple answers
hand-tanned caribou hide smelled of to difficult questions like “Why did
wood smoke, the beaver fur was thick you let me go?” and “How could you
and glossy, and the floral beadwork let this happen?”
was the product of an expert hand. I made careful inquiries about my
I felt unworthy of such a precious origins and my siblings. She tried to
gift. answer them, but there were limits
I realized my Indigenous identity to what she would say. It was clearly
had felt like a shadow that followed painful for her. My mother didn’t
me and that I had feared all my life. answer questions about residential
When I stopped running and turned school, other than to note that it’s
to meet it, I saw a friend. I saw my where she learned to knit. She sent
family. I saw myself. me many pairs of hand-knit socks.
We stayed in touch and visited
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH my mother occasionally. She loved Zane Grey
evolved slowly, through occasional novels, Scrabble and bingo. She
letters, cards and phone calls. laughed often.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 97
READER’S DIGEST

In 2006, I got a call from St. Paul’s funeral, we buried her beside her
Hospital in Vancouver. My mother mother, near the graves of her sib-
was in the intensive care unit in sep- lings who had died in childhood.
tic shock. When I got there, she was How many residential school chil-
on a breathing tube, her eyes closed. dren, I wondered, were deprived of
But when I spoke to her, she was able family life and then, as adults, denied
to squeeze my hand. She squeezed it the experience of parenthood?
again when I sang “Amazing Grace.”
Her long-time companion, Joe, IN 2007, RESIDENTIAL SCHOOL sur-
and I were with her when she died. vivors, or the families of those who
She was 72. had recently died, became eligible to
receive the Common Experience Pay-
ment as part of a multi-billion-dollar
settlement of a class action lawsuit
FOR OVER 100 brought by survivors against the gov-
YEARS, GENERATIONS ernment and the churches that ran
OF INDIGENOUS the schools.
CHILDREN WENT I had misgivings about applying.
UNNURTURED BY How could money ever compen-
THEIR PARENTS. sate for what my mother had lost,
or for what my siblings and I had
never known?
My mother’s body was flown back The next year, as required in the
to Prince Albert. From there, Rosalie settlement, Prime Minister Stephen
(with whom I’d reconnected in my Harper apologized in the House of
early 30s) and I, our two daughters, Commons for the wrongs committed
Joe and a few cousins flew in a small by the schools and to the commun-
chartered plane, with our mother’s ities whose children were taken. I felt
casket between the seats, as we made that this apology wouldn’t mean any-
a pilgrimage to our homeland. thing if nothing changed. I would get
We were doing right by Mary Jane that money and use it for what it was
Adam, but it was too little, too late. meant for.
I’d never gone there with her while I applied for the payment on my
she lived. mother’s behalf and searched again
There was a wake, with neighbours for Esther and Ben. I had started the
and relations who sat up all night process years earlier, but it required
praying, singing hymns in Dene, filling out forms with questions I
visiting and eating. After a Catholic couldn’t answer: the government

98 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca
 (Left to right) Siblings Esther, Rosalie, Betty Ann and Ben, in Banff, Alta.
© 2016 NATI ONAL FI LM BOA RD OF C AN ADA. ALL RI GHTS RESERVED.

wouldn’t give out information about and having them educated by Chris-
foster children to siblings. tians who taught them that Indians
When I submitted a Freedom of were inferior to white people; many
Information request to Indian Affairs were told their languages and beliefs
seeking help, the reply was a classic were evil.
Catch-22. A form letter told me I’d For more than 100 years, genera-
have to provide permission from my tions of children went unnurtured
siblings before I could access infor- by their parents. Social breakdown,
mation on how to find them. It was a alcohol abuse and poverty were the
ludicrous example of the govern- legacies of the schools, which devas-
ment’s disrespect for Indigenous tated many Indigenous communities.
people; they didn’t seem to be in any
hurry to undo the damage of the resi- IT TOOK YEARS, but in 2012 I finally
dential schools and the Sixties Scoop. tracked down Ben in Edmonton and
The government’s stated intention then Esther in 2014 in Southern Cali-
with the residential schools was to fornia using word of mouth and the
“remove the Indian from the child” post-adoption registry. Both of them
by taking them from their parents had been adopted, and neither was

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 99
READER’S DIGEST

even aware they had siblings looking Amid that emotional turmoil, I was
for them. heartened by a talk given on April 1,
Connecting with the last missing 2015, by commissioner Marie Wilson.
members of my family was a joy- She told a Saskatoon audience about
ful relief, but the enormity of what the Truth and Reconciliation Com-
we’d lost hit me hard. It caused a mission’s findings and its upcoming
fundamental shift in the way I saw closing ceremonies. She called on us
the world. all to work toward reconciliation.
I approached her afterwards and
told her about my mother, my new-
found siblings and how we were
THE FILM’S CREW using the Common Experience Pay-
DOCUMENTED OUR ment to fund our first gathering. We
FIRST GATHERING couldn’t call it a reunion—we’d never
AS WE HUDDLED IN A all been together.
GROUP HUG, CRYING “Who’s going to document it?” was
AND LAUGHING. Marie’s immediate response. People
could learn from it. It could prompt
others to seek their families.
More than ever before, I under- I felt called to action. I sought
stood myself to be an Indigenous advice from Cree filmmaker Tasha
person in Canada. I realized that the Hubbard, herself an Indigenous
broad outline of my life had been adoptee, on how to tell the story. She
shaped by government policies. The approached the National Film Board
weight of injustices, current and his- with the idea, and I was relieved and
torical, against Indigenous people delighted when she officially took on
crashed down on me. the project.
The Winnipeg murder of young Just four months after my first
Tina Fontaine felt as personal as if discussion with Tasha, she was film-
she’d been my sister. Cindy Black- ing each of us at our homes. A week
stock’s decade of fighting the govern- later, on September 16, 2015, at an
ment’s discriminatory child welfare airport terminal in Calgary, her crew
funding resonated. The Truth and documented our first gathering as
Reconciliation Commission’s years of we huddled in a group hug, laughing
uncovering abuses—even torture—at and crying.
residential schools felt like a body We travelled to Banff, where we
slam. Courts and prisons overpopu- spent a week together as a family.
lated with our people sickened me. On the mantel at our rental chalet,

100 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca

we propped up a charcoal portrait of We are intergenerational survivors
our mother, which she had given me. of the Indian residential schools and
Beside it, we placed a photograph of children of the Sixties Scoop. We were
a statuette our mother had kept in raised without our language and we
her living room: an Indian mother yearn for our place in the circle with
holding her baby and looking defi- our people. The journey back is long.
antly ahead. Some of us will never really get there.
My siblings took the cameras in It’s been said that there are more
stride, one more remarkable twist to Indigenous children in foster care
our story. We gathered again in June now than there were students at the
2016, and in April 2017 we came height of the residential schools.
together with Tasha so my siblings Canada’s project of assimilation
could watch the film, called Birth of and the resulting cultural genocide
a Family, for the first time. continues. The only way it will ever
end is if Canadians tell politicians to
ESTHER, ROSALIE, BEN and I stay stop discriminatory child welfare
in touch, through Facebook and by underfunding so communities can
phone. We are committed to build- develop supports to heal families and
ing memories together. keep them together.
FROM “HOW I LOST MY MOTHER, FOUND MY FAMILY, RECOVERED MY IDENTITY,” BY BETTY ANN ADAM, SASKATOON STARPHOENIX
(APRIL 26, 2017), THESTARPHOENIX.COM

THE GREAT OUTDOORS

Sometimes I just want to go live alone in the woods

and meditate, but other times I think that’d be
Thoreauing my life away.
@RACHELLE_MANDIK

Camping tip: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help
you get lost more north.
@THETHRYLL

If you’re too busy to go fishing, you’re too busy.

ANONYMOUS

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 101

 GET SMART!

13 Things
Pet Stores
Won’t Tell You
BY MI C H E L L E CR O UC H
AD D ITIONAL R ES EAR C H BY A N D R E A BE N N E T T
ILLUSTRATION BY SER GE BLOCH

1 You may find lower prices for pet

food in big-box stores or online.
But as Beth Cowley, a former pet
recommends picking a reputable
food company that has board-certi-
fied veterinary nutritionists on staff.

3
store employee based in Hamilton,
notes, independent shops usually Visiting animals pee and poop
offer a wider food selection: raw in pet stores all the time—that’s
foods if your dog requires them or why all the products on the lower
smaller brands that contain more shelves are sealed in plastic! Emp-
nutritional bang for your buck. loyees don’t mind, as long as you

2
alert them to the mess.

4
“The quality of pet foods is not
directly proportional to the Are you looking to bring home
price,” says Christina Nosotti, a Mont- a hamster, rat or rabbit? Many
real veterinarian and blogger. If your independent shops partner with
pet has allergies or a medical condi- shelters or rescues to foster small
tion, follow your vet’s advice about animals, and you can find them at
what food works best; if not, Nosotti the SPCA, too.

102 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca

5 Before you get a pet, do the
math. A hamster may cost you
less than $40, but you’ll probably
9 Choose a natural cat litter, both
for your own safety and for the
safety of your pet. “They give off no
spend another $100 on a cage, food, dust and won’t get into the cat’s
bedding, toys and treats—plus you’ll lungs,” says Collingwood. Instead of
have to restock monthly. Nicole clay-based litters, opt for corn, wheat,
Collingwood, a Hamilton-based pet nut or pine. Some are even flushable!

10
store manager, recommends coming
in to chat about what your pet will If you’re a first-time pet
need before you adopt. owner—or even a pro who’s

6
struggling with a tricky situation—
According to the Humane Soci- try your local independent pet
ety, most of the puppies sold store. Employees test products and
in Canadian pet stores come from educate themselves on everything
puppy mills. At the same time, thou- from litter to leash training.

11
sands of cats and dogs are eutha-
nized at shelters every year. Instead Nervous about trimming your
of buying from a breeder, consider dog’s or cat’s nails? Stores
adoption. Many retailers, including such as Pet Valu often offer in-store
PetSmart, foster pets from rescues grooming sessions or workshops.

12
or shelters instead of selling them.

7
No need to spring for new-
No matter where you get your fangled gadgets. Instead of
pet, it may be harbouring para- spending money on a pooper scoop-
sites, a respiratory infection or a er (bags will do), Cowley suggests
more serious disease. “Rescue organ- that dog owners invest in good-
izations are unregulated and aren’t quality basic accessories such as the
all equal in the standards of care proper comb for their dog’s fur type.

13
they provide to the animals,” cau-
tions Nosotti. Book an appointment When choosing toys for your
with your vet after you bring your dog, says Cowley, it’s impor-
furry friend home—and before they tant to know your pet’s personality.
meet other household animals. If the canine is an aggressive chewer,

8
pick out a tough toy that will with-
To save money on food, ask for stand abuse—and make sure you
a bulk discount. Some stores avoid, say, a rawhide bone, which
will give you a deal, especially if could be dangerous (your dog could
you’re a regular. accidentally swallow shards).

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 103

 That’s Outrageous!
CREATIVE SOLUTIONS
BY LINDA BES NE R

BUZZ OFF soda can instead.

A library in Christ- He called his mom,
church, New Zea- Terri, to see if there
land, was abuzz had been a mix-
with controversy last up. No mistake,
year after its adminis- she said; she’d filled
tration took an offbeat the box with the trash Cox
approach to security. When pat- had promised—and failed—to take
rons complained that they felt inti- out on his recent visit home.
midated by groups of young people
loitering outside, staff installed a BIRTHDAY BASHED
teens-be-gone device: an outdoor On March 30, citizens of Plumtree
speaker emitting a mosquito-like in Nottinghamshire, U.K., shamed
whine at a frequency so high that their local government by tweeting a
only ears younger than 25 can hear it. photo of a not-so-sweet celebration:
The sound drove youngsters away, a pothole’s second birthday party.
but human rights groups took the li- Parish councillor Vonnie Daykin
brary to task for discrimination. Staff had been trying to get the eyesore
have since removed the device and fixed since April 2016, at which
are considering a less pesky solution. point it was already a year old, but
the government insisted the roads
SPECIAL DELIVERY didn’t need any TLC. To rekindle the
This past February, Connor Cox, an issue, Daykin stuck two candles in a
18-year-old college student in New cake and photographed the dessert
Wilmington, Penn., got an odd les- next to the hole. Despite assurances
PIERRE LORANGER

son in responsibility. Cox opened a from the council that the road will
package from his mother expecting be repaired, a second cheeky photo
to see snacks but was mystified to of the pothole was posted on the
find that the box contained candy village’s Twitter account; this time,
wrappers, tissues and an empty surrounded by a toy construction set.

104 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca

 Brainteasers
Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles and mind stretchers,
then check your answers on page 111.

TIME FOR DESSERT (Moderately difficult)

Mario wants to make a parfait with exactly
five layers. He has eight ingredients from
which to choose: yogurt, bananas, walnuts,
strawberries, custard, granola, caramel and
whipped cream. Without using the same
ingredient for more than one layer in the
same parfait, how many different parfaits
could he make? (Consider a dish with the
same five ingredients layered in a different
order to be a different parfait.)

(TIM E FOR DESSERT, WHO’S IN CH ARGE H ERE? ) M ARC EL DANESI

WHO’S IN CHARGE HERE? (Easy) CEO
At Logicapuzzle Inc., the positions
of CEO, engineer and programmer
are held by Anna, Belén and
Cathy, but not necessarily in that
?
order. The CEO never lies, while
the engineer and the programmer
are born liars. In fact, they never
tell the truth! Here’s what each one ENGINEER
said this morning:
Anna: I never lie. PROGRAMMER
Belén: Anna told you the truth—
she never lies.
Cathy: Anna always lies.
Who’s the CEO?

106 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca

 BLOCK BUILDER (Difficult) ANIMAL HOUSE (Easy)
How could you rearrange the two- How many pets live in my
dimensional diamond shapes below— house if all of them are snakes
currently arranged to represent four except two, all are hamsters
cubes—to represent one cube? except two and all are rabbits
except two?
(BLOCK BUILDER) DARREN RI GBY; (A NI M AL HOUSE) M ARCEL DANESI; (PATH PU ZZL E ) ROD E RICK K IMBAL L

PATH PUZZLE
(Moderately difficult)
Draw a path that goes from the
opening at the top of the grid to the
opening at the bottom. As the path
winds from one cell to the next, it
can move up, down, left or right 4
but not diagonally. It cannot pass
through any cell more than once. 1
The numbers next to the grid tell
how many cells the path must pass
through in the corresponding row. 3
If a row has no number, then the
path may pass through as many or 1
as few cells as you like.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 107

 Trivia Quiz
BY BE TH S H ILLIBE ER

1. The Ancient Greeks played a game 7. What red-hot food phenomenon

that used curved sticks and a ball is measured by the Scoville scale?
and resembled which modern-day
8. What piano-playing star changed
Olympic team sport?
his middle name to Hercules?
2. Where does 90 per cent of Earth’s
9. What Swedish actor-director
volcanic activity occur?
turned down a Fulbright scholarship
3. Which European country is offer- at MIT in order to pursue acting?
ing an “e-residency program” letting
10. What French author wrote,
you register a business and open a
“Believe those who are seeking
bank account without having to set
the truth. Doubt those who find it”?
foot on its soil?
11. Which country has the world’s
4. Of the hundreds of paintings
northernmost surfing school?
Vincent van Gogh created, how many
are formally recorded as having been 12. What is the thinnest material
sold during his lifetime? ever invented—only one atom thick
yet stronger than steel?
5. In which country
did scientists recently 13. What kind of
unearth the remains bulbs caused a 17th-
of an Arctic camel? century market crash
in the Netherlands?
6. In 1995, a Dutchman
named Fred Rompel- 15. Which herb is yummy 14. Ratatoskr, a chatter-
berg reached 268.83 to most people but tastes ing, gossiping scamp
kilometres per hour like soap to those with a in Nordic mythology,
on what vehicle? certain genetic variation? is what kind of animal?

14. A squirrel. 15. Cilantro, also known as coriander.

ISTOCKP HOTO

11. Norway, at 68° north in an area called Unstad. 12. Graphene. 13. Tulip bulbs.
draft). 7. The spiciness of a pepper. 8. Elton John. 9. Dolph Lundgren. 10. André Gide.
5. Canada. 6. A bicycle (he rode behind a race car, which sped him up by providing a
ANSWERS: 1. Field hockey. 2. In the ocean. 3. Estonia. 4. One; The Red Vineyard at Arles.

108 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca

 Word Power
Born in 1770, poet William Wordsworth had a passion for nature
and a penchant for flowery language. Test your romantic sensibility
with these words from his works.
BY LINDA BES NE R

1. glade—A: group of young boys. 9. corporeal—A: relating to the

B: gust of fresh air. C: clearing in body. B: warm yellow. C: capable
a forest. of sustained hard work.
2. vernal—A: relating to spring. 10. vanquish—A: drown. B: defeat
B: green. C: relating to winter. utterly. C: thin mist caused by
3. sedulous—A: having airborne
morning evaporation.
seeds. B: diligent. C: gullible.
11. sylvan—A: covered with a grey-
4. vale—A: valley. B: three- blue patina. B: delicate. C: wooded.
stringed musical instrument.
C: mountain ridge. 12. sickle—A: nurse a baby.
B: farming implement with a semi-
5. beguile—A: dampen with a circular blade. C: ash that collects
moist cloth. B: decorate with light- in a blacksmith’s shop.
catching ornaments. C: charm
someone, perhaps with deceit. 13. incessant—A: impolite. B: never
stopping. C: fragrant.
6. ministrations—A: kneeling to
pray. B: acts of caring. C: balancing 14. votive—A: offering that fulfills
a liquid’s pH level. a vow. B: tributary emptying into
7. intimation—A: irregular tapping the ocean. C: groundskeeper on a
noise. B: signal or hint. C: betrayal feudal estate.
of someone’s confidence.
15. bower—A: archery sling.
8. sycamore—A: common name for B: pasture with a southern exposure.
various large trees. B: tool for baling C: area sheltered by foliage in a
hay. C: songbird found in wetlands. garden or wood.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 109

READER’S DIGEST

Answers
1. glade—[C] clearing in a forest; as, 9. corporeal—[A] relating to the
The picnickers found a sunny glade body; as, Wedged into a crowded
and set down their blanket. streetcar, Owain focused on his
mystery novel instead of his
2. vernal—[A] relating to spring; as, corporeal discomfort.
The vernal equinox took place on
March 20 this year. 10. vanquish—[B] defeat utterly; as,
During this morning’s tennis match,
3. sedulous—[B] diligent; as, Natalia vanquished her opponent.
Saleema’s sedulous planning ensured
that the outing went smoothly. 11. sylvan—[C] wooded; as, The
passenger train wended its way
4. vale—[A] valley; as, We hiked over through sylvan countryside.
a hill and descended into a vale.
12. sickle—[B] farming implement
5. beguile—[C] charm someone, with a semicircular blade; as, The
perhaps with deceit; as, Batting his farmer used a sickle to cut hay for
eyelashes, the toddler beguiled his her livestock.
babysitter into giving him a second
helping of ice cream. 13. incessant—[B] never stopping;
as, The incessant chatter in the
6. ministrations—[B] acts of caring; library upset Maureen.
as, Walid’s tender ministrations
brought his rose bushes back to life. 14. votive—[A] offering that fulfills
a vow; as, Sofia lit a votive candle to
7. intimation—[B] signal or hint; as, symbolize her intention to pray for
Although Gloria hadn’t proposed to her mother.
Edmund during her stay, there had
been intimations that she might do 15. bower—[C] area sheltered by
so soon. foliage in a garden or wood; as,
During the ceremony, Etgar stood
8. sycamore—[A] common name in a bower and played a harp.
for various large trees; as, The word
“sycamore” refers to a plane tree in
VOCABULARY RATINGS
North America, a maple species in 7–10: fair
Europe and a type of fig tree in the 11–12: good
Middle East. 13–15: excellent

110 | 09 • 2017 | rd.ca

 Sudoku
BY IA N R I EN SCHE

Brainteasers:
Answers
(from page 106)

TIME FOR DESSERT

6,720. Mario has 8 x 7 x 6
4 5
x 5 x 4 different choices.
1 6 4 2 3
WHO’S IN
CHARGE HERE? 3
Cathy.

BLOCK BUILDER
7 5 4 3 2 8
6 2 9 7
2 4 7 1 9 6
9
9 8 7 4 5
8 7
ANIMAL HOUSE
One of each, for a total
TO SOLVE THIS PUZZLE…
of three.
You have to put a number from
PATH PUZZLE 1 to 9 in each square so that:
(S UDOKU) SUDOKUP UZZLER.COM

■ every horizontal row SOLUTION

7 9 4 6 2 1 3 5 8
and vertical column 3 6 5 4 7 8 9 2 1
contains all nine numerals
4
1 2 8 5 9 3 7 4 6
(1-9) without repeating 6 3 9 1 5 7 4 8 2
1 any of them;
4 5 7 9 8 2 6 1 3

3
8 1 2 3 6 4 5 9 7
■ each of the 3 x 3 boxes 2 4 1 7 3 5 8 6 9
1 has all nine numerals,
9 8 3 2 4 6 1 7 5
5 7 6 8 1 9 2 3 4
none repeated.

rd.ca | 09 • 2017 | 111

 Quotes
BY CH RISTINA PALASSI O

I KNOW LESS NOW THAN

I EVER DID ABOUT HOW
LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO
GO. IT’S RELAXING.
LE S LI E F E I S T

I’m really just a lucky IT TAKES ME AS LONG TO

old farm boy… All I ever FIND THE RIGHT FILE FOR
AN EMAIL ATTACHMENT
wanted to do was stick
AS IT USED TO TO WRITE
around for a while, A LETTER LONGHAND
but as time went by, I AND SEND IT THROUGH
decided I’d play 20 years. CANADA POST.
G O R D I E H OW E S TE V E PAT TE R SO N

You can’t go on your whole life longing to do something

and never having the guts to do it. M A RY WA L S H

IN ALL THE CHAOS My kid is wasting

his childhood
THAT’S GOING doing quadratic
equations. I have
ON, WE NEED no reason to
A LITTLE LOVE support this.
Teach them how
AND ROMANCE. to do my taxes.
D IA N A K R A LL K E LLY OXFO R D

PHOTOS: (FEIST) REUT ER S/ALAMY; (PATTERSON) JOHN HRYNIUK ; ( K RAL L ) UNIVERSAL MUSIC
CANADA. QUOTES: (FE I ST ) T HE NEW YORK TIMES (APRIL 5, 2017) ; ( HOW E ) ZOOMER (SEPT. 2016);
(PATTERSON) TWITTER .COM (APRIL 3, 2017); (WALSH) CBC RAD IO’ S q ( MAY 4, 2017); (KRALL) CBC
RADIO’S q (MAY 5, 2017); (OXFORD) TWITTER.COM (MAY 3, 2017).
 “Less bulky bladder protection
means more dresses like this.”

Depend* Always Discreet

Always Discreet with 360° FormFit™ Always Discreet.
is less bulky than Depend and drier too.* For bladder leaks.

*vs. Depend Fit-Flex Small/Medium, Maximum absorbency.

Depend is a trademark of Kimberly-Clark Worldwide.

© 2017 P&G
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