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Jeff Foster - Life Without A Centre PDF
Jeff Foster - Life Without A Centre PDF
W ITH O UT
A CENTRE
Awakening from
the D ream of Separation
J eff Fo ster
NON-DUALITY PRESS
For my fam ily
N O N -D U A L IT Y PRESS
6 Folkestone Road Salisbury SP2 8JP United Kingdom
www.non-dualitybooks.com
Isbn: 0 -9 5 5 3 9 9 9 -0 -4
Isbn co m p lete: 978-0 -9 5 5 3 9 9 9 -0 -9
"And what then is action without a centre, what then
is life without a centre? ... Having a centre is the very
essence o f sorrow. The centre creates the tomorrow..."
J. Krishnamurti
Introduction 11
About This Book 14
D ialogues 1 59
D ialogues II 103
9
Introduction
ll
seem to spend a lot of time trying to escape from the
play of life and all the suffering that being "a person in
the w orld" inevitably entails. Drink, drugs, sex, money
and m editation are com mon m ethods of escape.
12
But don't m isunderstand me, I'm not saying we should
get rid of our beliefs. Beliefs are fine, and the need for
the destruction or transcendence of beliefs would just
be another belief anyway. And so, this book will not
offer the individual - that is, "y o u " - any new beliefs,
nor will it attem pt to destroy any present ones. Noth
ing ever needs to be denied or rejected for liberation
to be, because in this m oment, as life plays out, there
is always already liberation, and anything we do to
achieve liberation is sim ply misguided, but nonethe
less perfectly acceptable.
13
About This Book
14
• This book will not help you. But perhaps, in spite of
this book, there will be a seeing through of the need to
be helped. Perhaps there w ill be a seeing through of
the search for spiritual enlightenment, the search for
Nirvana, the search for peace, the search for liberation
and awakening. Or perhaps there w on't be any seeing
through of the search, and that is fine too. Nothing is
required of you.
15
waiting for som ething to "click"? Are you w aiting for
enlightenm ent to descend upon you in a flash of light
ning? Are you waiting to "u nderstand"? Do you feel
that you "nearly understand" (and isn't that the same
as w aiting to understand)? Virtually every sentence in
this book is pointing at the same thing. If you don't
"get it" from the first page of the book, you w on't "get
it" at all. Because really there's nothing to "g e t". As
long as there is the belief that there is "som ething to
get", there will appear to be som ething to get. Get it?
16
PART ONE
Liberation: Here and Now
19
meditated and ate vegetarian food and listened to poor
quality m p3's of happy Indian people telling me w hat
a wonderful thing it was to have a "silent m ind", and
yet the yearning to be free still burned more fiercely
than ever. How could I attain this state of utter stillness
and peacefulness that these so-called "enlightened"
people had apparently stumbled across? I certainly
had moments of peace, stillness and clarity, but how
could I make this perm anent? How could I dwell in
Heaven all the time? How could I escape my "ordinary
life" once and for all? How could I be free from m yself
and all my so-called "psychological baggage"?
20
♦
21
about everything, no m atter w hat happens. This is not
som ething that can be achieved, but som ething that
already is. Already, there is this ease, but perhaps it
is "obscured" by our incessant seeking for som ething
more. Of course, it can never really be obscured. It is
w hat we are. It is this. It is now.
This will never leave us. This will always be this. This
is home.
22
The End of the Search
The low hum o f the com puter fan , a tingling feelin g in the
left foot, the tweet-tweet o f the little birdies in the garden,
hopping from branch to branch....
But what reality does any of that have? Right now, there
is only the sound of the little robin jum ping about in
the tree over there, the beating of the heart, the steam
rising from a freshly brewed cup of tea, the morning
breeze gently caressing my cheek...
And then the thought "There must be more than this! I'm
not there now, but soon, one day, maybe, maybe even in
a few minutes, I'll reach that state that I've read so much
about! That state of no-state, that freedom, that release!"
23
But the thought "There must be more to life than this"
arises now. It is a present thought, as all thoughts are.
All thoughts are present thoughts. All sounds are present
sounds, all sights are present sights. The present can
never be escaped: thought is just the illusion of past
and future.
24
AND THIS IS IT!
So what to do?
That's fine.
25
There may be a little robin hopping from branch to
branch, and it may be seen (or not) that there is only the
robin, there is only the hop-hop-hopping, there is only
the "tw eet-tw eet". All this is oneness. Without begin
ning or end. Without purpose or goal or meaning.
26
I
27
L ib eration Is...
Liberation is ...
28
Liberation is
Liberation is ...
Liberation is...
Liberation is ...
30
Liberation is..
Liberation is...
31
Liberation is...
Liberation is ...
32
The Divine Paradox
What you see when you look this way is a bag of flesh
and bone that is seen to act in certain, sometimes pre
dictable, ways and emits certain, sometimes predictable,
sounds (and smells!). You see all this, and you know it
as "Jeff". That is your me. That is me, to you.
But is there a "m e" over here to which you are refer
ring? Is there a "Jeff" in here that you are somehow
recognising and putting a name to?
This is all there is: Present sights and sounds and smells,
present life playing out, but no "me" at the centre o f it all;
no “me" in control.
33
*
So when you look over here at this bag of flesh and bone
and its associated behaviours, and when you address
it as "Je ff", there is a response here, because there is
the deeply engrained knowledge that this sort of thing
is appropriate - to respond to the nam e that the bag of
flesh and bone and its associated behaviour has been
given. Not to respond would be socially unacceptable,
and this bag of flesh and bone may be cast into the
loony bin, or at least heavily medicated.
34
And it happens for nobody, it arises in this open space,
it arises now. And there is sim ply no "Je ff" outside of
that. Which is to say, there is no "Je ff" at all. I simply
do not exist. " I " am sim ply not here.
35
W ho Am I?
I-am-ness! W ho-am-ness?
Good grief.
37
And everything being talked about here is already the
case, for all of us (and yes, that includes "y o u ", of
course!). Already, there is liberation. Already, there is
freedom from it all. Truly, right now, there is nothing
more to attain. Thoughts arise, sounds arise, sights
arise, feelings in the body arise, but they alw ays already
arise for nobody.
36
Who Am I?
Good grief.
37
A no-bird un-tweets its birdy tweeting. For no-one.
This is undeniable.
This is undeniable.
TH IS is undeniable.
This is this.
Just this.
Just this.
I am.
Just this.
38
The Kingdom
39
w orshipping them, to listening to their talks and read
ing their books twenty-four hours a day.
40
assured. The "I" will even maintain itself by saying
"Well, if there's nothing I can do, I w ill give up the
search!" And it tries desperately to give up the search.
And in the m eantim e, its existence is maintained: an
individual (me) is trying to give up the search.
Nope. I'm not giving you any answers. The search for
answers to your questions is just part of the search.
C an't you see that the " I " - that is, "y o u " - just loves
to ask questions? As long as it is asking questions, its
continuity is assured: there is a sense of past, future,
individuality. There is a person who has questions,
and who w ill eventually find the answers.
So the " I " must continue to ask questions and wait for
answers. Its very existence is at stake! And so the great
search goes on: "One day I will be liberated! One day I
will be free!"
41
Why not today? Why not now? And if not now,
when?
This "se lf", this "y o u ", does not have to be denied, or
rejected. The search is fine too, the burden of individu
ality and the longing to be free from it all. The King
dom of Heaven is indeed spread out over the Earth,
and men and wom en do not see it, but even that - even
our ignorance of the Kingdom, even our search for the
Kingdom - even that is part the Kingdom. Indeed,
there is nothing that the Kingdom is not.
42
Liberation is Paying
the Gas Bill
^ " ^ n l y this.
Arising spontaneously.
Leaving no trace.
No words necessary.
Just this.
43
Cat miaowing. Kettle on the boil. Heart beating. Eating
cornflakes (m ilk's a bit sour). Bills plopping through
the letterbox.
Breathing.
Breathing.
Liberation.
Eating.
Liberation.
Drinking.
Liberation.
Liberation.
Liberation.
44
No need to search anymore.
Was there ever som eone who searched? Som eone who
suffered and longed to be free from it all?
Just stop.
45
Liberation is No-Liberation
And these days, I just sit back and smile. How w onder
ful it is to be free from all that nonsense. Though, of
course, the nonsense is fine and w onderful and doesn't
ever need to be denied.
46
thing as liberation" w hen this moment is so damn.
alive...
The Buddha in a Corner Shop
48
Things
Lots of them.
To me?
49
N o ... But I can feel it. I think.
Ah.
Shit.
Paradox.
Wait.
Okay.
To me?
50
No. The "m e " is the feeling that appears.
Yes, yes.
No, n o ... not even that. "N obod y" is just another idea
that appears.
And n o w ....
...o u t of nothing?
51
Out of no-thing?
It's simple:
Shit.
Good one.
Erm ...
Hello?
Crap.
Okay.
Words appear.
52
Yes, let's start from there.
No, wait.
The " I " that seeks is the " I " that is sought.
Good, good.
53
O kay......so, am I writing this?
Well....
Ah, language. D on't you just love it? It's one great big
paradox.
Look.
54
A "m e " writing these words, and looking for answers.
Or not.
Appear. Arise.
Spontaneously.
It doesn't matter.
55
Liberation is Staring
You in the Face
56
It's like trying not to breathe. Hopeless.
57
And it's astonishing.
58
Dialogues I
Q. I don't get it - a m I supposed to stop seek in g or not?
On the one hand you say that seek in g is the problem ,
on the other hand you say that there is nobody there
who can seek for anything anyway.
61
they arise now, already they arise for no-one. Already,
the paradoxes are resolved, so there's no need to seek
for any sort of resolution in the first place. Still, if seek
ing happens, that's fine.
62
These days, all that seeking has dropped (been seen
through) and there is a deep sense of ease, an ease which
always has been here, but perhaps was obscured, in the
past, by my (apparent) incessant seeking. U ndoubt
edly, the search is frustrating!
I'm not saying "D rop the search", because the effort to
do that would just be a prolonging of the search. I'm
not even saying "A ccept the search", because the effort
to accept the search would again just be more of the
same. Time and time again people tell me that they are
"w aiting" for the search to end. But this "w aitin g " is
merely more seeking. We seek the end of seeking, and
then we w onder why we haven't "got it" yet!
63
- can bring you any closer to this. Because this (look
around you!) is always already the case. Always.
It's always here, it's always now, it's always this. Reli
gion or no religion, belief or no belief, just this.....
64
would there be seeking? Seeking implies that there is
som ething wrong with NOW, with THIS, and there
could be som ething better in the future).
But this individuality, this seeking, this self, this " I "
does not need to be denied. It simply arises in the play
of life. It's all wonderful. It just happens... for no-one.
65
body, thoughts passing through, noises in the room.
W hat does it really matter who is in control of all this?
You could go round in circles trying to find out (and
believe, me, I did! We all do!). Just notice: it all hap
pens. No m atter w hat you do, or don't do, it's all just
happening now. Spontaneously.
66
that you are separate from the people you are "teach
in g "? A ren't you supposed to be "n o n d u al"? D oesn 't
this separation im ply duality?
67
And to end it is just this: "H i Tom, how are you?!" In
reality, there is no Tom, and no "m e " saying hello. But
still, life goes on, and Tom and I have a wonderful con
versation. Nothing has to be denied: real spirituality is
just everyday life, as it is.
68
I would be. W hat arrogance, to assume that I "had the
answ ers" and that others w eren't perfect as they are!
Everybody is perfect just as they are; the thing is that
a lot of people don't see this yet. And for those people,
it may appear that som eone like me could help them.
And if they ask for help, I m ight (or m ight not) help
them. I have no idea.
It's like with the Buddha; his teachings are for those
who have not "realised " yet. The teachings are still
part of the delusion, but they may be a "h elpfu l" part
of the delusion, that may help to "en d " delusion, or
not. And no, I'm not com paring m yself to the Buddha!
Except I do have a rather round belly these d ays....!
Sounds nice!
69
in some way, but is this not just another desire? The
desire to get something, and use it to one's advantage?
Does this desire not m aintain the search, and with it,
the separate self-sense? Isn't this just a very subtle,
sneaky way for the search to continue? Conscious
ness is That which you already are, and any attem pt
to "u se" consciousness is consciousness attem pting to
use itself.
And it's true, you could say "W hat will happen will
happen", but that's almost like saying nothing at all!
70
The point is, you cannot know what will happen, not
even in the next moment. All of that is just a story aris
ing now. "D estiny" is always a story, a thought, a belief
arising now. M eanwhile, the clarity and aliveness which
is already fully present, is apparently ignored, and
turned into a goal, something to reach in the future.
Yikes indeed!
71
dissolving, cat scream ing for food, hunger for lunch
arising.... just this......
... and then the thought "this can't be it!!!" - that's the
killer!
Ah, dear old "m e ", dear old mind. Always wanting
som ething more. Always looking for som ething other
than this.
72
evil. But all of this ceases to have a mesm erising effect
once it is seen through. It just arises in the infinite space
that we are. The space is big enough for all of it. None
of it has to be denied.
It's all a miracle - it's all the play of the divine. Choice
or no choice - no need to cling to either polarity. I think
that's w hat so-called "nondual teachers" are pointing
to w hen they say "There is no choice, no individual, no
volition". Words are definitely very misleading! But
then, of course, it's never about the words.
73
ing everyone that they are "th e king of pop" or "the
people's princess" or "a great and powerful leader".
It's just another story, another identity, another belief.
Another way to separate one human being from
another. Another act of violence.
74
Looking for an answer can't be the answer, because
it implies that this, here, now, is not the answer, that
liberation is somewhere in the future. But liberation is
always already here - it is just this, at it is.... breath
ing...reading these words.... looking for an answer, or
not. Just that is the only answer there is. It is, indeed,
the "open secret", always already present... no search
necessary!!
75
And w hat is so astonishing about all of it is that w hile,
in actuality, there is no entity, no doer, no individual,
there is, most definitely, an apparent entity, an appar
ent doer, an apparent individual. It's all a great appear
ance, a great show, but when we look closely, there's
simply nothing there. That's the divine paradox: there
is nothing, and apparently there is something. There is
nothing, but there are things.
76
W hat happens if seeking is just allowed to arise, and it
is not condem ned? What happens if seeking-an-end-
to-seeking is sim ply seen through?
You see, these thoughts just arise, and the secret is that
they may always arise. There will always be thought.
D on't believe those who claim they've ended thought:
only thought would claim to have ended thought! And
trying to get rid of thought is just more thought!
77
noises.... the beating of the heart.... breathing.....per
haps the thought "I'm confused, this can't be it!"... the
taps dripping.... the hum of cars outside.....
78
PART TWO
R ea lisin g T h e re 's N o b o d y H o m e
- Frederick Buechner
The Dance of Form
"O h , lost souls, can't you see you are all G ods?"
81
Nothing Wrong with Silence
The mind (that is, "you ") is not interested in the Mystery,
because the mystery cannot be an object of knowledge.
Indeed, it is That from which objects of knowledge arise,
the Void which gives birth to all life. Without it there is
nothing. Call it the Tao, call it God, call it Spirit, call it
Consciousness, call it Life, call it nothing at all or even
deny it; even the denial of it is simply It denying itself.
No proof is needed for It. Why? Because this moment is.
You are here. It is now. That, and just that, is God. There
is no need for belief.
82
*
You are Life itself, not an individual cut off from the
whole, but you are one with all things, because all
things are m anifestations of the one Life, and you are
that Life. The illusion of individuality arises, yes - but
it is a m anifestation, and you are not doing it. It is not
personal. And the m anifestation need not be denied
- no, it is there. No self-denial is necessary.
83
solid there called "self"? Is there any clear distinction
between you and not you? Where is the boundary? Are
"you" contained within the skin surrounding the body?
Is that what you experience yourself as?
Silence.
84
The noise com es, though. But now we see it in a new
way. It is pointless. In the sense that it is equal to silence.
Not better, not worse. But it is undeniably there. So we
honour it; we do not deny it.
Why did it take so long to see it? Why was I sleepw alk
ing my w hole life?
85
It doesn't m atter now. Let the past slide away. It is as
unreal as the imagined future.
86
Disintegration - 3 a.m.
No w ords for this; all words arise into this, and dissolve
into this.
87
Words that do not do this justice: peace, God, em pti
ness, nirvana, freedom. Who would want to describe
this anyhow?
88
both arise; they both fall away. Only this remains. And
this, and this, endlessly......
89
*
90
No world outside. All w orld is here. Typing, typing.
This is the world. No world outside.
91
A question is identical w ith the assum ption of an
answer.
92
that it does, because it does!! If it didn't, it w ouldn't,
and I'm sure I'd love that too, unless I didn't, in which
case I w ouldn't, and that would be fine too. Unless it
w asn't. Hey - this is fun!! This is w hat it is. In every
m om ent, it is perfectly itself, never claim ing to be
anything other than w hat it is. It is pure honesty, pure
integrity, pure humility. And it's not serious. There is
great hum our in this. Great humour. Great release.
Breathing. Silence.
93
Only this. Forever this, alw ays this. Nothing to fight
anymore. Total acceptance, total rejection, total em pti
ness, total fullness. The clash of the opposites, the ten
sion of the paradoxes, the frustration at "n ot getting
it": everything unravels in this moment.
94
1
*
Yes, yes. Silence. Let it be. Let it all be. It's all my very
own self, anyhow. All of this.
95
The world is not "out there" for me to gaze upon; no,
the world and I are one. My world is the world is me is
myself is I. These words are me and I am these words,
and they are not words and I am not me, but appar
ently there is a me and there are words.
Oh, to be free from this delusion! But the one who wants
to be free from the delusion is already PART of the delu
sion, is the delusion itself! No escape is possible!
96
Night-Time Voices
Yeah, right.
97
The Abyss will eat everything in the end.
Silence.
98
The world was always here. But the world tricks you, it
claim s to be "out there". No, no. It was never out there.
There were never any things, people, places, events.
The dualistic happy-unhappy dream is over, which is
to say it never happened. Now there is only breathing
which I do not do, and the beat of a heart which I do not
have, and the sights and smells and sounds of a room
in w hich I have never been. If the room is anywhere, it
is in me. And perhaps, but only perhaps, I am in it.
99
keep a record of what has gone, or projecting what is
to come. Lift a rock and you w ill find us. Open a door
and you will find us. Look to the heavens and you will
find us. Beyond good and evil, beyond all things, and
beyond even that, right at the heart of all phenomena
our dance originates, our passion and compassion
embracing all forms equally, no one and no thing
excepted. Nothing excepted but exception itself. And
perhaps not even that.
100
Let the void be.
101
Dialogues II
Q. There's a feeling of incompleteness that won't go
away. Part of me thinks it will go away if I get the
right answers to my questions. But then I think that
in my continuing to ask these questions, I'm prolong
ing seeking.
A. It's great that you see that your questions are just part
of the seeking game. But that's fine; questions don't ever
need to be denied. They may arise, or they may not; you
don't really have any choice in the matter!
105
for no-one, it just arises out of nowhere. It simply is. Any
question you could ask would imply that there is some
thing more than this, that there is some "completeness"
beyond this. But there is ONLY this.
And yes, there may be the belief "I just don't get it yet"
or "I wish I was more certain" or "I'm not as enlightened
106
as I should be." And these thoughts just float in aware
ness. It all just happens; it all arises for nobody. And all
of us already know this. But we search for something
else, something more than this. Some "higher" state.
These days, that, to me, seems so silly, so funny, because
already in our awareness right now is 100% enlighten
ment, 100% liberation.
Just this is it. Just this. Isn 't this the sim plest of m es
sages?
And now notice how the mind may object: "B u t it can't
be that sim ple!"
107
Ah yes. Perhaps that's because you have an idea of
w hat it should seem like!
108
This m essage is so simple: liberation is just this. Here.
Now. Breathing ... sipping tea .... cars rushing outside
... a cat pouncing on the tree in the garden... And the
thought "I just don't get it!" or "I wish the sense of
'm e' would subside!" But those thoughts are fine too.
They are just thoughts. Trying to get rid of them is just
more thought. Let it all be.
It's so utterly sim ple, and the mind com plicates it, set
ting goals and aims and telling you you're not "th ere"
yet. We are all already there, because we are all already
here. Right here. Look around you - can you imagine
wanting anything other than this? If you can, can you
see how that is just thought (the conditioned mind)
telling you that there is som ething better? And that is
the search. But the search is fine... it doesn't need to be
denied. Thought already arises for no-one. Liberation
is already 100% here.
109
And there may be a belief that these thoughts have
some reality to them; that there is some "an sw er" out
there, som ething beyond the thoughts, w aiting to be
discovered. And this is the merry-go-round that we
all seem to be on! Just for one m oment, consider the
possibility that it is just a m erry-go-round. W here does
that leave us? Here. Now. Breathing. Thoughts floating
through. Just this, just this - already this is the libera
tion that is sought. As long as it's being sought, there
is the tension you speak about. The tension is fine too.
The seeking is fine. But there is ONLY the tension, only
the seeking; there is nothing to be found at the "en d " of
the search (that idea just m aintains the search!); there
is nothing to "g e t".
110
Ah, did you expect som ething more than just this?
W hat sort of God would that be; a God who did not
appear in and as all the things of this world?
ill
So, just notice when you find a state of waiting occur
ring, when the thought "This isn't it, I'll be there soon"
arises and is believed. Just notice that. Notice how that
is the very thing that, in that moment, is blocking you
from the joy and utter simplicity of this moment.
It's very very subtle, but when you notice w hat you're
apparently doing to yourself you may start to laugh!
And then you may find yourself looking around at all
the things in the room, and listening to all the sounds
- the cat m iaowing (if you have one!), the kettle boil
ing, your heart beating - and realising that this is IT!
There is nothing more than this, more than now. Look
around - isn't it a gift?!
I'm only as "aw ake" as you are! The only thing that
has changed is that these days the dream of individu
ality has lost its hold. Often the same thoughts that
used to plague me still arise, but these days I simply
don't place any im portance on them. They sim ply float
through awareness. It's amazing what happens when
thought is seen for what it is.
112
Striving for an "aw akened" state is just another
habitual thought pattern. "I am not awake yet" or "I
am not awake enough yet": these very thoughts are the
ones "clou ding" your awakened state, which is already
100% present (and yet, liberation can never really be
"clou ded" at all...).
113
time because I didn't believe I was in that state I read
and read about. It sounded so good! A state free from
suffering and desire! I read all the stuff you read, and it
made me feel, well, inferior! But you see, the desire for
enlightenment, or permanent awakening, is just another
desire, but perhaps the most subtle of all, and the hardest
to spot, and you can probably feel that desire right now.
When the individual believes "I'm not awakened yet,
and I should be by now ", the individual will undoubt
edly feel frustration.
But the mind hears that and goes "W ell, that's very
nice". And then carries on searching! Just w atch the
mind as it throws up thoughts like "If I carry on with
my practice, I'll be enlightened" or "W h at's wrong with
me, I'm not as awake as these guys I'm reading about!".
But as "these guys" say over and over, you are already
that which you seek! So stop seeking! (The problem is
the mind hears that and feels deflated! "W hat do you
mean stop seeking? There must be som ething better
than this!")
114
Seeking is the problem, and yet "y o u " cannot stop
seeking. Can you see why an individual m ay be on this
merry-go-round for an entire lifetime?
115
you see you already are perfect? You breathe right on
cue. Your heart beats perfectly in time. Thoughts arise
and fall away.
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this moment. Reject everything anyone has ever told
you. It all could be false. Go on your own present evi
dence. Com e back to your own aw areness now. The
awareness of things in the room. Your breathing.
"If you see the Buddha, kill him " is a Zen saying. That
is, the image of the Buddha, the image of enlighten
ment, the image of perfection is the very thing that
keeps you on the search. But notice: that mind-created
ideal just appears in awareness. It's not personal. It's
like a cloud floating by. It w ill stay for a bit, and pass,
as all things do.
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Will this not also be the case five seconds from now?
Five years from now? Is there ever a time when it is not
now? Is there ever a time when the past and future do
not arise merely as thought? D oesn't this com pletely
destroy the fantasy of "becom ing liberated at some
point in the future"?
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"The search ends with the realization that there is no such
thing as enlightenment. By searching, you want to be free
from the self, but whatever you are doing to free yourself
from the self is the s e lf Hozv can I make you understand
this sim ple thing? There is no 'how'. If I tell you that, it
will only add more momentum to the search...."
- U.G. Krishnamurti.
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a huge spaciousness around it. I simply cannot convince
myself of anything. And the past feels so unreal...
120
The reason I say you are already free, you are already
liberated, is that already thought is not personal;
already the self is an illusion, in the sense that it is just
another appearance in awareness.
If you are already That which you seek, then why does
it feel like you're not? Because you are still seeking!
This was, for exam ple, Ramana M aharshi's ultimate
message. However, to those people w ho "d id n't quite
get it", he also taught to seek the root of the "I". Ulti
mately, it would be seen to be an illusion, and therefore
all seeking for it would fall away. It's the paradox. You
are already that which you seek, you are Awareness
itself, you are Spirit, but you believe that you're not,
and so you seek for It in the future. But what you Are
must be present right now, in this moment. Who you
Are m ust be 100% present right now. That is why seek
ing it in the future is the very thing that prevents you
seeing it now. The seeking IS the very ego that you
w ant to be rid of.
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pulling you into a future moment where you will be
"enlightened". Come back to the present moment. Who
is the one who wants enlightenment? That ego must
be present now. That ego IS thought. Who is aware of
thought, who is aware of the little individual self?
When you "g e t" it (and you already have, you're just
not adm itting it!) it will feel so obvious. So natural. So
ordinary that the mind will go "This can't be it!" You
will kick yourself for seeking som ething spectacular
all these years. It's this feeling of "T his can 't be it!"
that blocks it. Because this, now, is it! Enlightenm ent
does not com e in a flash of neon light and exploding
fireworks. It is sim ple, obvious, utterly ordinary. It is
the ending of all seeking.
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Of course, it's a nice dream. You could spend your
whole life waiting for this to "click ". But of course, is
there anything to "click "? Or is that just a hope? Is that
just an escape from THIS, from this present life, this
present appearance?
You say you feel peaceful som etim es, but then "the
m adness is back". You're implying that you w ant the
peace, but not the madness. But w hen the "m adness"
is happening, that is w hat is. That is the texture of the
moment. You project a future moment when you'll be
"peacefu l". And that is more of the search.
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arises in the being that you are. Being is never tainted
by what happens. It sim ply doesn't m atter w hat arises.
The more you fight w hat arises, the more frustration
there will be.
Madness and peace - one and the same. All equal, all
perm issible. All arise in THIS, all arise now. Everything
ALREADY arises for nobody, it ALREADY arises in
this open space. There is room for everything.
But the search does not need to be given up. The search
is fine. It may be seen through, or not. Either way, that
is liberation.
Well, there may be the story "W hen I truly don't care
about w hat is happening now, there will be liberation".
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See how the tricky little mind keeps on churning out
those stories about "w hat liberation will be like, when
it finally happens"?
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Our longing to be free from this life and all its apparent
problems is exactly w hat keeps us bound to it.
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PART THREE
L ife W ith o u t a C en tre
- Franz Kafka
The Miracle
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No seer, no knower, no speaker, no experiencer. Only
this, this moment, without beginning or end. So we can
not even really speak of this moment; for that implies
division: this m oment divided from the next moment,
this m oment as a slither of time between the past and
present. No, the moment we speak of this m oment we
speak in untruths, for in reality there is no moment
separate from the next moment, that is to say, there is
no time altogether. Nor is there the timeless, for the
tim eless can only be known in relation to time.
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But perhaps the plunge will be taken, by nobody,
without cause, w ithout intent, without purpose. Per
haps, then, there will just be the sim plicity of w hat is,
with nobody there to interpret, to create meaning, to
evaluate; and yet there w ill still be the light stream
ing through the window, a squirrel burying his stash
of food, the sound of breathing, the wind shaking the
leaves from the trees ... but now unconditional love
will be the ground from which all things arise, and the
ground back to which all things eventually retu rn....
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Perfection in Imperfection
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there is Consciousness in ail its purity, and you are
That. Reading these words. Trying to make sense of
them. Being utterly confused, or not. Just that, as it is,
is liberation.
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God in All Things
The trees, the birds, the road, the cars, the people going
about their daily business, all that is God. The suffer
ing in the faces of these people; that too, is God. The
smiles as they greet each other, the tears as loved ones
part, the anger and the violence and the fear and the
longing to be free from it all; all that, too, is God. There
is nothing, literally nothing, that is not God.
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doctrines and ideologies, to shrink Him into belief
sized chunks; that is nothing but idolatry, and the real
lie is that it is not seen as idolatry, but "th e way to
G od". Any way to God im plies that God is not already
here, now, and that is a denial of the God that stares
you in the face at this moment. Look around you. Is
this not God? If not, w here is He to be found? When
will you find Him?
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And w e'll let Saint Augustine have the final word:
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A Cup of Tea
"Our life is frittered away by d e ta il. . .
Simplify, simplify!"
- Thoreau.
I drink a cup of tea. And yet there is no " I " doing this.
"I" is m erely a figure of speech, a convenient sound
that m ight be used to confirm that it is indeed this
bodym ind, rather than any other, which apparently
drinks the tea. The hand goes out, the cup comes up,
the liquid goes into the mouth and down the throat
and into the stom ach, and I, if I am anything, am the
silent observer behind all of this, the space in which it
all appears. And there is no m eaning and no purpose
behind this play; it happens spontaneously, of its own
accord. And the thought "I'm drinking a cup of tea" is
all part of this wonderful show.
No, I do not drink the tea, for there is no tea and no "I"
who can drink, and certainly no " I " separate from any
drinkable tea. There is only the tea, only the cup, only
the liquid rushing through the body, but nobody here
to claim this as a self-initiated action.
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But still, I drink a cup of tea! It's sim pler just to say
that, and be done with it. I do not drink a cup o f tea, but
apparently I do.
Perhaps this will save the world: people com ing back
to the sim ple things, and finding the joy inherent in
them.
Or not!
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No World
139
So there are only these words, which write themselves.
It all happens spontaneously, without intention or pur
pose. These w ords appear. And perhaps the thought "I
am w riting". But that's just a thought. In reality, there
is only the tap-tap-tap on the keyboard, and words
appearing, which seem to form coherent (!) structures.
But there is no sense of doing, no sense of ownership,
no sense that these words "belong to m e", or that I
really have done anything here at all. Tap-tap-tap. The
flash of letters appearing on the screen. No, I do not do
this. It is done. And there is no " I " separate from all of
this.
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Anything said about this m oment is never said about this
m oment, for this m oment is already gone the moment
it is spoken of, and it is already a new m om ent... and
a new m om ent... and a new m om en t.... bringing new
delights, new wonders, new experiences, new sights
and sounds and sm ells......
141
that presence, awareness, consciousness is not separate
from all those apparent things! The world is you, and you
are the world. Did you ever think otherwise? Did you
really believe you were a self, an ego, an individual
cut off from the whole, a little person in a sea of other
people? Well, it w as a nice illusion......
And now you may find that the world drops away,
mind drops away, to reveal only this, which has been
here all along. And w hat an astonishing and m ysteri
ous thing this - this m oment - is.
And it's gone before you can even think about it!
142
The Last Day
143
So there is com plete attention to whatever one is doing,
total action, absolute involvement. This is the end of
suffering, because it is the end of a past. And so each
moment feels like the first and last moment of your
life, each day the first and last day.
144
Death
145
self. The end of "I". The end of my life story, my saga,
my epic, my journey.
But if you look deeply, you will see that " l” is not
separate from the entire structure of thought, the entire
experiencing structure with which the apparent world
is perceived. All of which is to say, when the " I " goes,
the whole world goes with it. There is no world apart
from my experience of it, in my experience! Perhaps
that sounds obvious. But if this is really taken on board,
then it is clearly seen that death is not the end. It is
merely the end of the personal experiencing structure
you take to be yourself. It is the end of the personal, the
end of the known, and a plunge into Nothingness.
This is the dream. The dream that you were born, and
will die.
146
that you are, is liberation. And liberation can happen
now, in this moment, if you would only drop your
entire belief system, your religions, your superstitions,
your concepts, everything you have taken on authority.
If you would only drop everything you take to be true,
you would see truth, not the word, but the experience.
Breathing......
....a cough......
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....th e buzz o f the television...
So let people die! Let them! They die w hen they die,
and you can't stop it. Yes, you can probably help them
to ease their pain somewhat, and that may be the kind
est thing to do in the circum stances, but ultim ately you
w on't stop them from dying, w hich is w hat you really
desire. You must let go of them. Say goodbye now, for
you w ill not save them! And keeping them alive, as if
that were possible, will not save you.
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*
149
*
150
On Love and Aloneness
151
with it, the ending of all division between two people.
But this will never be achieved through effort. The
very effort to end the division strengthens the divi
sion, gives power to the division. For the division is
not there. It has never been there, and it will never be
there. The division is an illusion, and w hen you fight
an illusion you must always lose.
A risk.
152
And he who risks in this way may taste it; the sweet and
simple joy of radical aloneness that is true love. Look!
The robin tweet-tweets as he hops over dew-stained
grass, as the morning sun begins to warm and wake the
slumbering creatures in this Garden of Eden w e have
named Earth, and nowhere can I find isolation, loneli
ness, separation; but all things are in all things, and
everywhere is mother, everywhere is home.
153
The Tree of Knowledge
"But you must not eat from the tree o f the knowledge o f
good and evil, fo r when you eat o f it you will surely die."
- Genesis 2:17
154
Throughout the ages, men have sought the eternal
silence beneath the ripples of life. But they have never
attained it, because it is in the very seeking for it that we
lose any hope of finding it. It cannot be found, for it is
that which is prior to the search - prior to thought, prior
to knowledge, prior to rationality. It is that which you
see before you. It is this moment. It is now.
And when you think about it, it's already gone, it's
already a new moment, and your search prevented the
seeing of it. A moment captured by thought is already an
old moment, it is already dead. You killed it yourself.
155
*
And yet, as the little bird hops off the tree and flies
away, I really cannot seem to find a "m e " anywhere.
You see, I call that thing over there a "b ird ", but really
I have no idea w hat it is. I call that thing over there a
"tree", but really it is a divine mystery that leaves me
speechless with bew ilderm ent when I begin to contem
plate it. I call that thing over there a "c a t", but is that
really w hat it is? The whole damn thing is a mystery,
and any explanation I'd give would be sim ply that, an
explanation, an interpretation after the fact, a theory;
all m ind-stuff overlaid on a reality that is prior to
interpretation.
But that thing over there, the thing I point to and call a
"ca t", is that thing mind-stuff? Is that thing over there,
the one I point to and call a "tree", is that mind-stuff?
O f course not, you may exclaim , but have you really
known anything other than mind-stuff?
Do you really want to know what that thing over there is?
156
Then let the mind be still. Go, walk over there. Touch
that thing we call "tree". Feel its shape, its texture.
Listen to it, smell it, even taste it. See the little crea
tures who call it a home. Look closer; those incredible
patterns in the grain of the bark, the moss that grows
along its trunk. Look closer, closer. Is it really a "tree"?
Does that capture w hat it is?
You see, it's really nam eless, isn't it? It's not a tree at
all, is it? It's an experience, an experience that changes
with every passing moment, an experience therefore
which cannot be named. The word "tree", the concept,
the knowledge of it, that is a thing from the past, that is
a dead thing. This, whatever this is, is alive. It is never
the same from one moment to the next.
157
ary between "tree' and "n ot Tree"? W here would I
slice reality? How would I ever know where to slice?
Reality is a unified whole, and thought kills it, cuts it
up into little bits, turns it into stale knowledge, proc
esses it in terms of the past, because the mind cannot
comprehend the enorm ity of it all, it cannot begin to
fathom the great mystery we call life. And so it reduces
it, fragments it, calls this a "tree", groups it with all
the other things that look sim ilar and calls them all
"trees", and does this in the nam e of knowledge, in the
name of science.
But the word "tree" satisfies the mind, doesn't it? Once
it has the concept "tree", it can go off and generate all
sorts of theories about trees and how they "w ork". But
the trees of knowledge, the trees of science, are trees of
the mind. Eat from the tree of the knowledge and you
will surely die. You will surely stay locked in the past,
a past which tortures you.
But com e over here. Feel this bark. Feel it as you con
template your "tree". Which is real?
158
Ode to a Particle of Dust
But look closer... closer ... and closer still... and the
particle of dust reveals its hidden message.
159
has been, or could be, without any preconception as to
its function, purpose, or m eaning; only when all that
madness drops away, the secret is revealed.
160
Doubt
161
only awareness will be left, only I am-ness.
And then you will literally melt into the divine mystery
of this moment, you will sim ply dissolve in bew ilder
m ent at the astonishing fact that you are here at all,
that any of this is happening. You will not believe it is
possible; you will fall to the ground in am azem ent at
your own existence, at the apparent existence of other
things, at the fact there can be apparent relationship
between things, between yourself and others; even
though in reality there are no others, no things, and
certainly no self. You will die, literally die, into the
Nothingness of it all, the Nothingness that contains
all things, the Nothingness that is total Fullness, the
N othingness/Fullness that is not separate from the
apparent things it contains; and you will realise that
yes, of course, you are that N othingness/Fullness, you
always have been. That N othingness/Fullness is the
essence of it all, the reason for it all, the cause of it all,
the beginning and end of it all, for all eternity and
beyond ....
162
The End
This is Heaven:
163
See - the m iracle is all around, but for som e reason
w e've spent our lives searching for something so much
more.
This is the only mystery: the fact that you are here, that it
is now; that there are things, apparent or otherwise; that
there can be movement, time, space; that there appear to
be others; that any of this is at all possible...
164
Life is, w hatever we believe or don't believe. This
m oment is, however much we resist it, however much
we try to escape it. But no escape is really necessary.
This world is only a problem from the point of view of a
separate individual struggling to make som ething out
of his life before he dies; trying to stay safe, to succeed,
to find m eaning in a seemingly m eaningless world, to
be popular, to find love, to avoid pain and suffering...
165