Grandparenting and Its Relationship To Parenting
Grandparenting and Its Relationship To Parenting
to Parenting
ABSTRACT
Grandparenthood occupiesa significantpart of the life cycleand has an important
impact on parenting. This impact can be characterized in terms of gender roles,
styles of grandparenting and indirect and direct patterns of grandparent•
parent-grandchild influence.We review parenting styles and their relationship to
recent insights in attachment theory which may illuminate processesof intergener•
ational transmission. Implications for practitioner use of attachment theory and
categoriesof functionaland dysfunctionalgrandparenting are presented. Wediscuss
two related areas in which grandparent roles are particularly under stress, grand•
parents acting as custodial parents and grandparent-grandchild contact loss in
casesof parental separation or divorce.Grandparentslegalrights to visitationin the
USAand UK and the use of mediation to help solvegrandparent-grandchildcontact
loss are summarized.
KEYWORDS
attachment, divorce, grandparents, intergenerational, parent
LIN o A M. o RE w has a masters degree from California State University, N orthridge. She is
currently a research associate and a graduate student at Goldsmiths College, University of
London. She is researching grandparents' emotional health and coping strategies when they
lose contact with their grandchildren through parental separation or divorce.
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GRANDPARENT Hoo o Is an important part of the life cycle for most people, both as
a personal experience and for its impact on parents and grandchildren. In the USA 70%
of middle-aged and older people will become grandparents (Tinsley, & Parke, 1984 ). The
average age of becoming a grandparent is approximately 50 years for women and a
couple of years older for men. Thus, many people will remain grandparents for some 25
years or about one-third of their life-span. The 103rd American Congress recognized the
important role grandparents play within families with the establishment of Grand•
parents' Day (Kornhaber, 1996); similarly in the UK 1992 Grandparents' Day was
officially established, by Age Concern, to celebrate the positive role grandparents and
older people play in society.
Most of our evidence on grandparenthood comes from modern urban, industrial
societies, particularly the USA, and to a lesser extent western Europe. The last few
centuries in urban-industrial societies have seen numerous changes (Le Vine, &
White, 1987). These include the demographic transition to lower birth and death rates,
and longer life-span expectancy; greater public interest and concern in children
(Le Vine, & White, 1987); and greater parental involvement in children (Vinovskis,
1987). More recently, there has been the increase in divorce rates and in numbers of
reconstituted families and stepkin; greater health and financial security in older
generations; and with this some greater ambiguity in the role of grandparents (Rossi,
& Rossi, 1990).
The research carried out in the last decade or so (Tinsley, & Parke, 1984; Bengtson,
& Robertson, 1985; Cherlin, & Furstenberg, 1986; Smith, 1991, 1994; Kornhaber, 1996)
has defined a number of issues central to the study of grandparenthood in contempor•
ary society. A partnership between parents and grandparents can be of benefit to the
entire family; conversely, conflict between generations can lead to distress for grand•
parents and loss for the grandchildren. In this article we review: the perceived gender
roles and styles of grandparents; the indirect and direct patterns of grandparent•
parent-grandchild influence, including models of parenting, intergenerational trans•
mission and recent insights from attachment theory concerning this; functional and
dysfunctional grandparenting; effects of custodial grandparenting; and the impact on
grandparents and grandchildren when contact is disrupted or lost through parental
conflict, separation or divorce. Leading on from the last issue is a discussion of grand•
parent visitation rights in the USA and UK, plus the use of education and mediation to
help solve family disputes which may involve legal proceedings.
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Grandfathers and grandmothers approach their role from a different perspective, for
example grandfathers have been called the 'head' of the family and the grandmother its
'heart' (Kornhaber, & Woodward, 1981). Grandmothers anticipate and become involved
in the role sooner than grandfathers (Creasey, & Kobleski, 1991). However, Tinsley and
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Parke (1988) have found grandfathers, when involved, are able to nurture and respond
to children's needs as effectively as grandmothers. Some grandfathers have been found
to be more nurturing than they were as fathers (Komhaber, 1996).
Komhaber and Woodward (1981) found in their Grandparent Study (discussed later
in detail) that children view their grandparents in stereotypical roles: a grandfather is to
'do things with' and 'get advice from'; a grandmother is to 'take care of you' and 'teach
you a lot, and you can talk to her about everyday things'. These views held by the grand•
children might well influence how grandparents respond to their grandchildren, in
stereotypical roles. Certainly more research needs to be conducted into gender role
differences in grandparenting and the impact these roles have on the grandchildren.
Most gender-specific research to date has been carried out on grandmothers. The limited
amount of research to date on grandfathers specifically might be explained by their
unwillingness to be involved in research about family issues and unavailability due to
continued work constraints, as well as a shorter life-span.
Styles of grandparenting
Neugarten and Weinstein (1964), using interviews with 70 sets of grandparents, delin•
eated five major styles of grandparenting. 'Formal': following prescribed roles with a
clear demarcation between parenting and grandparenting responsibilities. 'Fun-seeker':
the grandparent sees the grandchildren as fun and as a source of self-indulgence or
mutual satisfaction. 'Surrogate parent': the grandparent takes over the caregiving
responsibility. 'Reservoir of family wisdom': the grandparent dispenses special skills or
resources, with authority. 'Distant': the grandparent has only infrequent contacts with
grandchildren on ritual occasions. They found the formal role to be more frequent in
grandparents over 65, whereas the fun-seeker and distant styles were more frequent in
younger grandparents.
The Neugarten and Weinstein roles are in fact a mixture of intrinsically age-related
roles (especially 'surrogate parent') with styles which may be overlapping rather than
discrete. Inclusive, discrete typologies were produced by Robertson (1977) and Cherlin
and Furstenberg (1985). Robertson assessed the personal meanings (meeting individual
needs) and the social role meanings (meeting social norms) grandparents used to
describe relationships with grandchildren; this yielded four styles, 'apportioned' (high on
both), 'remote' (low on both), 'individualized' (high on personal only), and 'symbolic'
(high on social only). Cherlin and Furstenberg (1985) distinguished two main aspects of
grandparent-grandchild relationships, measured by scales of several items: those relat•
ing to exchange of services (giving and receiving help), and those relating to exerting
parental-type influence (disciplining, advising on problems). Also, they took account of
infrequent (less than once a month) or more frequent contact. This gave them a five-fold
typology which was clearly defined. 'Detached' grandparents were low on both scales
and had infrequent contact; 'passive' grandparents were low on both scales and had more
frequent contact; 'supportive' grandparents were high on exchange of services; 'authori•
tative' grandparents were high on parent-like influence; while those high on both scales
were 'influential'.
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Direct influences
Many studies of grandparent-grandchild contact, as reported by either generation,
converge in suggesting that, in contemporary western industrial societies, contact is
moderately frequent (modally, once a week to once a month). In general, such contacts
are seen positively (Bengtson, & Robertson, 1985; Smith, 1991, 1994); because most
contemporary grandparents adopt a supportive or fun-seeker role rather than either
authoritative or distant, they usually do not act as disciplinarians; as a consequence,
grandparent-grandchild contacts often lack the friction sometimes found in parent-child
relationships, especially at adolescence (Matthews, & Sprey, 1984).
Examples of direct influence include baby-sitting, giving gifts, being a companion and
confidant, acting as an emotional support or 'buffer' at times of family stress, passing on
family history or national traditions, acting as a role model for aging, acting as a mentor,
these varying in importance with age of grandchild.
A different situation arises when grandparents take on the parent role or become
custodial grandparents in the absence of a parent, due to parental separation or divorce
or other reasons. We discuss these situations in more detail later.
Indirect influences
Indirect influences are those which are mediated through the agency of third parties; they
include support of the parents financially and emotionally, providing advice, information
and models of childrearing skills (Komhaber, & Woodward, 1981; Tinsley, & Parke,
1984). More recently many researchers have looked at the intergenerational trans•
mission of parenting styles, this is how grandparents, by acting as parents themselves,
will have influenced the way in which their children act as parents. The intergenerational
transmission of parenting styles has been discussed by Belsky (1984) and attachment
relationships by Van IJzendoom (1995).
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tive and prospective bias weakens the ability to draw wide ranging conclusions from
these studies.
Research on children's anti-social behaviour has also pointed to intergenerational
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influences. Lefkowitz, Eron, Walder and Huesmann (1977) linked the use of physically
aggressive and punitive techniques in the grandparent-parent generation, to similar
behaviour in the parent-grandchild generation which was in turn linked to anti-social
behaviour in the grandchild. In the UK, Farrington (1993) reported intergenerational
continuities in bullying and violent behaviour, from fathers to their children. These
studies do appear to support the transmission of parenting attitudes and practices across
generations and their possible negative consequences. A growing area of research guided
by attachment theory has added to this evidence, by investigating the possibility of the
transmission of internal working models of relationships cross-generationally.
Attachmenttheory perspectives
Bowlby's theory of attachment drew on evolutionary theory and ethology to propose an
attachment behavioural system which functions to regulate infant safety and survival
(Bowlby, 1969; Bretherton, 1992). Ainsworth's discovery that 'secure' attachment was
significantly correlated with maternal sensitivity led to her development of the Strange
Situation (SS) technique for measuring infant attachment patterns (Ainsworth, Blehar,
Waters, & Wall, 1978). Three organized patterns of behaviour were observed: secure,
avoidant and resistant/ambivalent. A fourth classification of disorganized has since been
added, empirically linked to maltreated populations (Main, 1995).
As the child leaves infancy, a move to the level of mental representation is hypothe•
sized and these 'internal working models' of attachment develop as a direct result of
mother-infant interaction experience (Bowlby, 1969;Main, 1996). Main (1995) redefined
these internal working models as both conscious and unconscious rules for the organiz•
ation of information and behaviour and this has permitted investigation of attachment
in older children and adults. Research in this area has been advanced by the develop•
ment of the Adult Attachment Interview (George, Kaplan, & Main, 1985), a semi-struc•
tured interview for classifying an adults' current mental representation concerning past
parental relationships. This adult evaluation of childhood experiences becomes organ•
ized into a relatively stable 'state of mind' with respect to attachment (Main, Kaplan, &
Cassidy, 1985), and is thought to determine a parent's responsiveness to their own child's
attachment signals, thus, creating an intergenerational link (Van IJzendoorn, 1995). It is
proposed that internal working models also function to filter and channel new experi•
ences, and that individuals tend to remain on the same trajectory throughout their lives
(Van IJzendoorn, 1996).
Four AAI classifications, representing differing states of mind with respect to attach•
ment, have been identified; linked empirically to a corresponding infant attachment
category (Main, 1996).Autonomous parents tend to have secure infants; parents dismiss•
ing of their experiences tend to have avoidant infants; and parents preoccupied or
enmeshed by their own parents tend to have resistant/ambivalent infants. This provides
a traditional three-fold classification. With the introduction of the disorganized category
in infancy, a four-fold AAI classification was introduced, including an unresolved adult
category relating to the failure to resolve a loss or trauma (Main, 1995). The validity of
the AAI in predicting infant attachment status has been looked at in many studies, and
a meta-analysis of 18 studies totalling 854 parent-child dyads (Van IJzendoorn, 1995)
found a parent-to-infant match across secure vs insecure categories averaging 75%.
Patterns of caregiving in 10 of these samples were also analysed and an effect size of .72
was found between a mother's secure vs insecure AAI status and her sensitivity vs insen•
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sitivity to infant signals. This evidence supports fairly consistent transmission of attach•
ment patterns from parent to child.
As these studies have looked at the ability of the parent's AAI to predict their child's
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infant attachment status (i.e. two generational transmission), can we go further and
suggest that the grandparents' attachment status has an influence on the grandchild's
attachment security (i.e. three generational transmission)? One study (included in the
meta-analysis) attempted to do so by looking at three generations of the same family
(Benoit, & Parker, 1994). Mothers' AAI scores during pregnancy and when infants were
11 months old were compared with their infants' SS classification at 12 months, and the
maternal grandmother's AAI status measured at any time during the study. The mother's
AAI classification obtained during pregnancy predicted the infant's SS classification in
82% of cases while 65% of grandmother-mother-infanttriads had corresponding attach•
ment classifications in all three generations.
However, the secure category was over-represented in this study, and participants
were from mainly intact middle to upper-middle class families. The majority of studies
in van IJzendoorn's meta-analysis were carried out on mother-infantdyads and research
on the influence of fathers is rare as is that of grandfathers. Further studies are needed
using participants from wider socio-economic groups and containing higher risk families,
before firm conclusions can be drawn.
The actual life-long stability of attachment representation is still in doubt. The theory
does, however, allow for adults to work through or resolve unsatisfactory relations with
their parents thereby modifying their 'state of mind' with regard to attachment. Longi•
tudinal studies looking at stability and what factors might precipitate change are rare.
However, recently, three studies have investigated the relation between AAI status in
adolescence or young adulthood and the same individuals SS behaviour in infancy
(Jones, 1996; Main, 1996). A German study found no direct relation using a Q-sort
approach to interview analysis with adolescents (Zimmerman, Sremmer-Bombik, Span•
gler, & Grossman, 1995). A second study, by Hamilton (1995) did find 77% correspon•
dence between SS and AAI classifications with adolescents. A third by Waters and
colleagues (1995) found that 78% of young adults' AAI scores were predictable from
their infant SS classification, if individuals suffering negative life events were removed,
and a 70% match for the full sample. Main (1996) advises caution in interpreting this
evidence for stability or generational continuity, since the coherent discourse assessed in
the AAI has no direct resemblance to the corresponding exhibition of behaviour in the
Strange Situation.
These findings do, however, have important implications for practitioners. Some
researchers have already looked at the effectiveness of preventive or therapeutic inter•
ventions devised within an attachment theory framework, and a meta-analysis of 12 such
studies was undertaken by Van IJzendoorn, Juffer and Duyvesteyn (1995). These inter•
ventions were aimed at changing the quality of the infant-parent attachment relation•
ship, either by influencing parental sensitivity, or by altering parental mental
representations of attachment. Results showed that interventions were more effective in
changing parental insensitivity (d = .58) than in changing children's attachment insecur•
ity (d = .17). This appeared to be because interventions at the behavioural level may not
lead to changes in the insecure mental representations of the parents. If parents only
acquire new behavioural strategies, but remain still dismissive or preoccupied with their
own attachment biography, they may not be able to find ways to deal with the attach•
ment needs of their developing child (Van IJzendoorn et al., 1995).
Attachment theory has encouraged a significant body of empirical work which
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supports the indirect influence grandparents may have on their children's and hence
grandchildren's development. Clear intergenerational links have emerged. More
research needs to be done on the ways in which such transmission occurs. Van
IJzendoorn et al. (1995) conclude that maternal sensitivity does not provide a complete
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Custodial grandparenting
As mentioned earlier, a particularly significant role for grandparents is when they are
required to act in the parental role. This is far from infrequent. A review of the US
Bureau of Census in 1990 (see Shore, & Hayslip, 1994) indicated that 4.1 % of children
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under the age of 18 do not live with either parent; and many will live with grandparents.
According to the US Bureau of Census, there are more that 4 million grandparents
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raising their grandchildren (Komhaber, & Forsyth, 1994); Generations United, a support
group for grandparents in the US, believe ( on the basis of involvement in actual cases)
that the actual number of grandparents raising their grandchildren in the US in 1994 may
exceed 7 million. These situations may result from parental divorce - Cherlin and
Furstenberg (1986) reported that 30% of grandparents took grandchildren into their
homes after parental divorce; or from one-parent families- Kennedy and Keeney (1988)
reviewed US census data in 1970 which indicates that in parent-absent families grand•
parents are the most common source of care, especially for preschool children. Grand•
parents also provide essential help in many single-parent families including many
African-American families (Burton, & Dilworth-Anderson, 1991; Kennedy, 1991).
Observational studies have shown that grandparents can act as a source of secure
attachment for young children. Radin, Oyserman and Benn (1991) and Oyserman, Radin
and Benn (1993) examined 64 families where teen mothers of children under 2 were
assisted by grandparents. They found that in this situation the grandmother had little
effect on the child's development, but grandfathers who got involved did have a positive
influence, probably by modelling a male role of nurturance and co-operation. These were
father-absent families, so perhaps the grandparents had a well-marked role to play.
Custodial parenting can later lead to very close grandparent-grandchild relationships,
as reported by Hodgson (1992, p. 219). 'My grandmother took me in for five years. You
can get pretty close in five years of living together'. It can be a very positive role in
African-American families (Timberlake, & Chipungu, 1992).
Grandparents experience a great deal of difficulties and negative emotions when
taking in their grandchildren, yet many report feeling useful and derive satisfaction from
the experience (Kennedy, & Keeney, 1988). In a study conducted by Minkler and Roe
(1993) of grandmothers raising grandchildren who were victims of the crack cocaine
epidemic, 89% reported feeling they were appreciated and 96% felt they were fulfilling
their duties. Many women in this study 'described with pride how they had taken in an
infant who was near death, or young children who were emotionally disturbed or
severely behind in their learning, and managed to tum things around through patience,
love, and hard work' (p. 89).
Custodial grandparenting has been found to be beneficial in many aspects to the
grandparent as well as the grandchild. However, the relationship of grandmothers with
adolescent mothers or mothers-to-be can be emotionally charged, rivalrous or conflict•
ual as well as supportive (Musick, 1994). Some grandmothers, especially paternal grand•
mothers, may be reluctant to provide long-term support of this kind for working mothers
(Cotterill, 1992). Furthermore, many grandparents who are raising their grandchil•
dren feel they have lost their developmental right to be a grandparent and are
forced into becoming a parent again; in this sense, too, these grandchildren will miss
out on the special qualities and benefit of the normative grandparent-grandchild
relationship. Shore and Hayslip (1994) reviewed a model which has been developed to
predict grandparent well-being after taking on parental responsibilities of their
grandchildren. This model presents four criteria for grandparent's psychological func•
tioning: 'psychological well-being', 'satisfaction with grandparenting', 'perceptions of the
grandparent-grandchild relationship', and the 'personal meaning of grandparenthood'.
Their results indicate that 'having parental responsibility significantly detracts from
psychological functioning in grandparents' satisfaction with grandparenting, perceptions
of the grandparent-grandchild relationship and overall well-being of grandparenthood'
(Shore, & Hayslip, 1994, p. 200).
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Custodial grandparenting can clearly have both positive and negative aspects, and it
is important for clinicians to be aware of this range of possibilities. Kennedy and Keeney
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(1988) describe the running of a psychotherapy group for grandparents who were the
primary caregivers for children receiving mental-health treatment.
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children, providing the maternal grandmothers with undisrupted contact with their
grandchildren.
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Following divorce, fathers have care of or access to children less often than mothers.
The paternal grandmother can often maintain contacts with grandchildren when the
father finds it difficult to do so. However, paternal grandparents may have to 'tread care•
fully' if the mother has care or custody, and may have problems getting access to their
grandchildren. Jaskowski and Dellasega (1993) found grandparents rated their perceived
satisfaction with the grandchild relationship more highly when their own child had
custody.
In our own ongoing research (Drew & Smith), grandparents from the national Grand•
parents' Federation in the UK have been surveyed regarding the loss of contact with
their grandchildren, primarily due to parental separation/divorce. The national Grand•
parents' Federation offers support and advice to grandparents throughout the UK who
have lost contact or have limited contact with their grandchildren for a variety of reasons
(other possible reasons including the grandchildren being taken into care and possibly
adopted, perhaps due to suspected physical/sexual abuse, neglect or endangerment, and
death or illness of a parent).
We are surveying grandparents' contact with all their grandchildren; thus, providing a
contrast between the grandchildren involved in parental separation or divorce and those
who are not. This natural control should indicate the extent to which changes are due to
dysfunctional grandparenting rather than separation/divorce per se. In addition, detailed
interviews are being conducted with a subsample of these grandparents.
Besides examining changes in role and contact with grandchildren following separ•
ation or divorce of the parents, we are also interested in how these changes affect grand•
parents' physical and mental health, and what coping strategies they adopt. Many of
these grandparents indicate that they are suffering emotionally and physically due to
the loss of contact with their grandchild. One grandmother stated: 'I have had to have
counselling for severe depression. It has also made my husband ill'. Another stated:
'Loss of contact led to a state of permanent mourning, a grieving that never left me, day
in and day out'.
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for family functioning, as well as the role which the grandparent plays in the child's
developmental process.
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In Britain, the 1989Children Act, which highlights the interests of children, also allows
any person (not just grandparents or relatives) to request a leave to seek an order for
contact with a child. This contact order may be sought during divorce proceedings or in
other situations (Douglas, & Lowe, 1990; Crook, 1994).
Unfortunately, even if a contact order has been obtained by the grandparent there is
little which holds the parent to abide by the court ruling. In theory, parents who do not
abide by the court ruling can be held in contempt of court and serve 28 days in prison.
However, this sort of action by the grandparent is likely to increase the anger of the
parents, leaving the grandparent with less chance of seeing their grandchildren in the
longer term. Additionally, any negativity which exists between the family members is
likely to become only more enhanced in the court room (Kornhaber, 1996).
Conclusions
In recent decades, most grandparents have accepted a role in which they support parents
and provide companionship for grandchildren, without acting directly as authority
figures. This has probably eased three-generation relationships, and in general grand•
parent-grandchild contacts are reasonably frequent, pleasurable and have their own
distinctive character.
Although such overt roles have changed historically, grandparents always have had
and always will have influence on their grandchildren through the indirect transmission
of parenting styles and internal working models of relationships. Such transmission is not
absolute, and can be changed by gradual historical shifts as well as by individual life
experiences or directed interventions. Nevertheless, considerable continuity exists. Such
continuities can be beneficial, but are sometimes malign.
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Recent studies of grandparenting roles are also starting to explicitly examine types of
both functional and dysfunctional grandparenting. There is scope for these research
strands to come together, with increased input from recent developments in attachment
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