MAY 2015

LAUGHTER,
THE BEST MEDICINE
...
EVEN AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE 64

Exonerated!
From CLEVELAND SCENE ... 122

The Most Heroic Dogs in America

From DAISY TO THE RESCUE ... 86

I Owe It All to Community College

By TOM HANKS ... 118

Watch the World Wake Up

From TRAVEL & LEISURE ... 38

Letter to My Daughter
Who’s About to Drive
By DAVE BARRY ... 12

The Voice in the Box

An RD CLASSIC ... 72

13 Things Gyms Won’t Tell You

An RD ORIGINAL ... 132

Why We Bend the Rules

From PSYCHOLOGY TODAY ... 33

Day in the Life of Your Feet

An RD ORIGINAL ... 52

My J.R. Ewing Story

From CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR ... 94

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 Contents MAY 2015
Cover Story
64 LAUGHTER,
THE BEST MEDICINE …
… Even at the doctor’s office!
RD Classic
72 THE VOICE IN THE BOX
A little boy forges a connection
with the local telephone
operator. PAU L V I L L I A R D P. | 92
Science
78 JOGGING ON THE
Adventure
INTERNATIONAL
SPACE STATION 102 100 DAYS AT SEA
Our astronauts have been Our round-the-globe trip was
orbiting Earth for 15 years. a profound voyage of discovery.
J E A N HA NF F KO R E L I TZ
Here’s how they spend their
days. C H A R L E S F I S H M A N Extraordinary People
FROM THE ATLANTIC 110 THE STORY OF
Animals HENRY & JANE
86 THE MOST HEROIC A sudden stroke, despair, and
DOGS IN AMERICA then a brilliant idea. B R I A N E U L E
FROM STANFORD MAGAZINE
Do our pets have instincts
to help human beings? Personal Essay
JEFF CAMPBELL FROM THE BOOK 118 I OWE IT ALL TO
DAISY TO THE RESCUE
COMMUNITY COLLEGE
What It’s Like ... Tom Hanks credits these two
92 TO SEE MILLIONS years for his spirit and success.
ILLUSTRATI ON BY SI LJA GOETZ

OF COLORS FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES

BET H DREH ER
Justice
National Interest 122 EXONERATED!
94 MY J. R. EWING MOMENT The staggering yet optimistic
Science writer William Sargent story of the longest wrongful
inherits an oil well and asks: To incarceration in American
frack or not to frack? F R O M T H E history. KY L E SW E N S O N
C H R I ST I A N SC I E N C E M O N I TO R FROM CLEVELAND SCENE

rd.com | 05•2015 | 1
 Volume 185 | Issue 1110
MAY 2015

4 Editor’s Note 6 Letters Everyday Heroes

8 The Strangers Who

Came Running
P. | 142 A N DY SIM M O NS

11 A Lesson Goes Viral

A LYSSA J U NG

VOICES & VIEWS

Department of Wit
12 A Letter to Sophie
Dave Barry coaches his
daughter before her first time
behind the wheel. F R O M T H E B O O K
LIVE RIGHT AND FIND HAPPINESS

Words of Lasting Interest

18 Why I Stopped Whining
I was the queen of complaints—
READER FAVORITES until I realized what I was
missing. R OXA N E G AY
16 Points to Ponder F R O M O M AG A Z I N E

22 Faces of America Finish This Sentence

25 100-Word True Stories 20 The One Song That
26 Life in These United States Always Makes Me Feel
46 All in a Day’s Work Better Is …
P HOTOGRA PH BY YASU+JUNKO

58 News from the You Be the Judge

World of Medicine 23 The Case of the
101 Laugh Lines Mother’s Milk
106 Photo of Lasting Interest Is a ban on pumping sexual
134 Look Twice discrimination? V I C K I G L E M B O C K I
145 Word Power Choice Words
147 Humor in Uniform 30 Paul McCartney
148 Quotable Quotes The Beatles bass man sounds off.

2 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 P. | 40 WHO KNEW?

132 13 Things Gyms Won’t

Tell You
M IC HE LLE CR O U CH
ART OF LIVING
136 The Danger of Eating
33 Why We Bend the Rules Late at Night
JENA PINCOT T JA M IE A . KO U F M AN, M D
FROM PSYCHOLOGY TODAY FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES

Travel 142 Does Life Cost More for

38 Watch the World Wake Up Men or Women?
P ET ER JON LINDBERG HANNAH K. GOLD
FROM TRAVEL AND LEISURE FROM ALTERNET.ORG

Food
40 Freeze Better &
Defrost Faster
FROM TOP: PHOTOGRAPH BY YAS U+JUNKO; I LLUSTRATION BY TRACY TURNBU L L

KELSEY KLOSS P. | 30
Home
42 7 Sneaky Ways Your
House Is Making
You Cranky L AU R E N P I R O
FROM GOOD HOUSEKEEPING

Health
52 A Day in the Life
of Your
Foot
TE RESA
DUMAIN

PHOTOGRAPH
BY ROBERT
TRACHTENBERG;
PROP STYLIST:
LISA BAZADONA;
GROOMING:
JACQUELINE BUSH
FOR RENE
FURTERER AND
LA MER
ILLUSTRATIONS
BY PETER ARKLE

DOWNLOAD OUR TABLET EDITIONS FOR

ADDITIONAL MEDIA
rd.com | 05•2015 | 3
 Editor’s Note
A Funny Thing Happened
To Our Humor Editor

FROM TOP : ERIN PATRICE O’ BRIE N. STE VE VACCARIE L LO;

THE OTHER DAY, our joke guru, Andy Simmons, was sifting through
the bin of reader-submitted laughs when he came upon an envelope
containing a typewritten letter and four $100 bills. Many years ago, this
reader had accepted payment from Reader’s Digest for a funny anecdote that
was not truly his, and he’d been racked with guilt ever since: “I consider what

WARDROBE STY LIST: E LYSHA L E NK IN

I did a lie and the money I have taken as stealing,” he wrote. “But I have
waited, shamefully, until now to do the right thing.”
He included no more information—no name, no return address. We had
no way to thank him or to return the funds.
Dear Anonymous Reader, please know that we donated your money to
the ComedyCures Foundation (comedycures.org), a New Jersey organization
cocreated by Saranne Rothberg, a cancer survivor who passionately believes
that joy and laughter help us recover from illness and depression.
ComedyCures delivers therapeutic humor programs to
chronically ill kids and adults. Your decency and integrity
pay themselves forward.
I invite you to e-mail me at [email protected] and
follow me at facebook.com/lizvaccariello
and @LizVacc on Twitter.

DER WHAT PLACE HAS YOUR HEART?

REAOTO
PH EST Take a picture of it, tell us why, and enter the
T
CON image in our Extraordinary America Photo
Contest. The photos and stories that move us the
most will appear in our July/August issue. One grand-
prize winner will receive $500 and will be published,
and three runners-up will receive $125. Go to rd.com/
photocontest for rules, prizes, and entry details.
Don’t delay: The deadline is 9 a.m. on April 27.
 Letters
COMMENTS ON THE MARCH ISSUE

What Does Wonder

Look Like?
Wonderment is … discovering that
the picture of Antelope Canyon
was shot by my baby brother. He
is becoming the talented photog-
rapher he has always aspired to be.
JULI HORNE, Me s a , Ar i z o n a

The Editor’s Note was touching.

I’ve been making a list like you
suggest every week for a year. It
has changed my outlook on life and
strengthened my 31-year marriage.
C. O., v i a e - m a i l

Funny Teacher Stories Such warmth in a columnist’s writings

After wiping away my tears from is rare. JO JOHNSON, L e n e x a , K a n s a s
laughing, I decided that I would
ask if this could be a regular feature Your True Stories
in Reader’s Digest. This was the When I read “Kindred Spirit,” I had
greatest; please do it again. to put my issue down for a moment to
SCOTT F. MAGRATH, Ne w b u r y , Ve r m o n t regain my composure. It’s not often
that 100 words can move you to tears.
Sometimes One Note As the daughter, sister, cousin, and
Will Do niece of American servicemen and
What a treat to find Joe Posnanski in -women, I’d like to extend my grati-
the March issue! He used to work at tude to Ms. Spargur and wish her son
the Kansas City Star, and his column a safe and speedy return!
was always my first choice to read. PATRICIA LEVESQUE, P l y m o u t h , Mi n n e s o t a

6 | 05•2015 | rd.com
What Do Teachers Make? Sounding the Alarm
I loved this article! I come across on Sleep
many people who tend to belittle the It is gratifying that the importance
teaching profession. Teachers are of sufficient sleep is being recog-
heroes who make a world of differ- nized. As a person who dealt with
ence in our youth. To all the teachers severe insomnia for over a decade,
who love what you do: Kudos and I hope that health professionals
keep inspiring our future generations! are learning how to help those
GIANNIN MATIAS, who want to get enough sleep
Ne w B e d f o rd , Ma s s a c h u s e t t s and cannot.
IRENE EGGERS, W h e a t R i d g e , C o l o ra d o
Eliminate Ants
The author advised that a person 93 Days
should “spray the insecticide on the I have mixed feelings about Jessica
entire lawn.” If we care about our Buchanan’s working in Somalia.
health and that of our yards, we won’t Why go to a place everyone knows
apply any kind of poisons to “the is dangerous and put people’s lives
entire lawn.” Doing so to wipe out in danger to rescue her? There
members of a largely beneficial are a lot of less violent places that
species—and any other creatures need charitable work.
that crawl—would be thoughtless KATHERINE WIXOM,
and destructive. Cornelius, North Carolina

EARLA POPE, W i l m i n g t o n , N o r t h C a r o l i n a
The Hearts of Soldiers
The Man Next to Me I really enjoyed this story, but I
I found this truly inspirational: believe there is an error. It states that
“Look, you have a choice in life ... Corrado Piccoli was born in 1932
You can either put your stuff deep and enlisted in 1943. That would
in your pockets and take it to your have made him 11 years old.
grave, or you can help someone … L. L., v i a e - m a i l
Don’t hog your journey. It’s not just CORRECTION: Corrado Piccoli was
for you.” Life-altering words. born in 1923. We regret the error.
GLORIA JOHNSON, O r l a n d o, F l o r i d a

Send letters to [email protected] or Letters, Reader’s Digest, PO Box 6100, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1600. Include your full name,
address, e-mail, and daytime phone number. We may edit letters and use them in all print and electronic media. Contribute Send
us your 100-word true stories, jokes, and funny quotes, and if we publish one in a print edition of Reader’s Digest, we’ll pay you
$100. To submit your 100-word stories, visit rd.com/stories. To submit humor items, visit rd.com/submit, or write to us at Jokes,
Box 6226, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1726. Please include your full name and address in your entry. We regret that we cannot acknowl-
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and inquiries: Visit rd.com/help, call 877-732-4438, or write to us at Reader’s Digest, PO Box 6095, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1595.

rd.com | 05•2015 | 7
 EVERYDAY
HEROES
After a car plunges into a Philadelphia creek,
a small crowd gathers to help

BY ANDY S IM M O NS

ON AN AUGUST afternoon last from a contracting job when Rita

year, Pamela Rivers, 40, and her flagged them down. Kenny stopped,
friend Rita Graham, 38, were stopped and the men got out of the car
at a red light on Cobb’s Creek Park- and peered over the cliff. The SUV
way in South Philadelphia when a had landed upside down in five feet
white SUV traveling in the opposite of water. A woman’s leg could be
direction veered across traffic in front seen flailing out the driver’s side
of them. It then jumped the curb and window.
streaked through a grassy expanse “I have a fear of water,” Kenny says
before plunging down an embank- now. “I almost drowned when I was
ment toward Cobb’s Creek. Pamela nine.” Even so, he and Taron hustled
quickly pulled over, jumped out of down the 50-foot embankment into
her car, and dialed 911. the murky water. “I couldn’t just
Kenny Gibson, 23, and his friend leave her,” he adds.
Taron Green, 25, were driving home The men waded out to the car ➸

8 | 05•2015 | rd.com PHOTOGRAPH BY ROBYN TWOMEY

From left: Marcell
Porter, Rita Graham,
and Pamela Rivers
helped in the rescue.
 E V E R Y D AY H E R O E S

and saw that the woman, Cheryl drag her lifeless body onto a rock.
Allison, 61, was partially submerged. “Give her CPR!” Pamela yelled
Kenny tried unsuccessfully to open down to them. But the two men had
the door. Then he punched out the no idea what to do. “Put your mouth
window, slicing his hand on the on her mouth and breathe,” she
glass. But when he reached in to pull shouted to Marcell. And to Kenny,
out Cheryl, he found she was trapped “Pump her chest!”
by the seat belt. “We tried three times,” says
“Run back to the truck and grab Marcell. Finally, Cheryl burped up
a box cutter,” Kenny yelled to Taron. water and started moving her fingers.
Meanwhile, Kenny tried in vain to The men rolled her over onto her
push the car onto its side to create stomach to let out more water.
an air pocket for Cheryl. Soon an ambulance arrived and
That’s when mechanic Marcell transported Cheryl to the hospital,
Porter approached the site. “I flipped where doctors treated her for broken
into rescue mode,” he said. When ribs and a fractured sternum. They
Taron returned, Kenny sliced through never discovered what caused her
the seat belt with the box cutter. He to pass out, but she assumes it had
and Marcell tried to pull Cheryl out, something to do with the sweltering
but she wouldn’t budge. summer heat.
Marcell shattered the rear window Over the next few days, the five
with a rock, hoping to extricate her rescuers took turns visiting Cheryl in
from the back. Then he saw that she the hospital, where they shared hugs
was still strapped in by her shoulder and tears. “We couldn’t believe she
belt. Marcell reached for the box was all right,” says Pamela.
cutter and sliced the remaining strap “It’s just amazing that these five
in two. Kenny leaned in, grabbed people [came together],” says Cheryl.
Cheryl by the waist, and pulled She stays in touch with her “angels” P REVIOUS S PREA D: GROOMI NG: KIM GRAY

her out feetfirst. Marcell grasped via frequent phone calls. “They are
Cheryl’s legs, and they managed to really beautiful people,” she says.

DER A PARK FOR MORGAN

REA RO
HE My friend Gordon Hartman donates all profits from the professional
soccer team he owns to Morgan’s Wonderland—a wheelchair-
accessible theme park his daughter Morgan, who has cognitive and phys-
ical challenges, inspired. Those with and without disabilities are welcome,
and anyone with special needs gets in free. BOB MCCULLOUGH, San Antonio, Te xas

To nominate your hero, e-mail the details and your name and location to [email protected].

10 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

A Lesson
Goes Viral
BY A LYSSA JU N G

AT THE END of 2014,

Tulsa, Oklahoma, sixth-
grade teacher Melissa
Bour received a friend
request on Facebook
from one of her students.
She didn’t accept the
request, but a quick
browse through the girl’s
friends list revealed the names of doz- “I care very much about my students’
ens of kids from her classroom. Many reputations,” says Melissa Bour, left.
of the students’ Facebook pages were
completely public, meaning even In hours, it was shared 108,000
strangers could trawl through the times across dozens of states and four
kids’ personal photos and messages. countries. She deleted it after eight
“I saw middle fingers, students hours, but it continued to circulate.
dressed inappropriately, and “I wanted to show them that it’s on
extremely foul language,” Melissa the Internet forever,” she says.
says. “It was disturbing.” When she As she explained the results of her
brought up her discovery in class, experiment in class, the students’
the students were unfazed. So she “eyes got bigger and bigger,” she says.
created a post of her own. “It scared a few of them into deleting
With a bright green Sharpie, she their pages completely,” she says.
wrote on a piece of paper in all caps, Others have removed inappropriate
“Dear Facebook: My 12-year-old posts and utilized privacy settings to
COURTESY MELISSA BOUR

students think it is ‘no big deal’ that manage their pages.

they are posting pictures of them- Her intention wasn’t to scare them
selves … Please help me … [show off social media but to push them to
them] how quickly their images can be mindful of what they post. Melissa
get around.” She put a picture of the says, “I tell them, ‘Just because every-
letter on her Facebook page and one else is sharing doesn’t mean you
asked people to share it. have to.’ ”

rd.com | 05•2015 | 11
VOICES VIEWS
Department of Wit

( (
Who’s
Learning to
Drive
BY DAV E B A R RY F R OM T H E BO O K
LIVE R IGH T A N D F IN D HA P P I N E SS
(ALTHOUG H B EER IS M UC H FAST E R )

DEAR SOPHIE,
So you’re about to start driving! How exciting! I’m going ILLUSTRATION BY JOE MCKENDRY (BARRY )

to kill myself.
Sorry. I’m flashing back to when your big brother, Rob,
started driving. When he turned 16 and got his driver’s
license, he had a marked tendency to—there is no diplomatic
way to put this—drive into things.
DAVE BARRY This was never his fault. I know this because whenever
is a Pulitzer he drove the car into something, he would call me, and the
Prize–winning
conversation would go like this:
author and
columnist. Me: Hello?
This is from Rob: Dad, it wasn’t my fault.
his latest book. My point, Sophie, is that just because the state of Florida

12 | 05•2015 | rd.com ILLUSTRATION BY STEVE WACKSMAN

thinks you can drive a car, that But, Dad, you’re thinking, didn’t
doesn’t mean you actually can drive you drive when you were a teenager?
a car. As far as I can tell after three Yes, I did. I got my New York State
decades on the roads of Florida, driver’s license in 1963, at age 16,
there isn’t anybody that the Florida and I spent many hours cruising on
Department of Motor Vehicles the highways and byways and occa-
doesn’t think can drive a car. I cannot sionally the lawns in and around
imagine what you would have to do Armonk, New York. But that was
to fail the driving test here. different, Sophie, because I drove
DMV officer: OK, safely. I don’t mean
make a left turn here. “safely” in the sense
Test taker: Whoops. of “carefully.” I was
DMV officer: [Writes I was definitely your standard
something on clip- definitely your male teenage idiot. But
board] I was a safe idiot be-
Test taker: Does that standard male cause I was driving the
mean I failed the test? teenage idiot. safest vehicle ever built:
DMV officer: Nah, my mom’s 1961 Plym-
she’s getting back up. But I was outh Valiant station
You just clipped her. a safe idiot. wagon. It did not have
modern safety features

S O TO SUMMARIZE,
Sophie: Many people who lack
the judgment and/or physical skills
such as seat belts, air
bags, antilock brakes, or a computer-
ized collision-avoidance system.
needed to safely microwave a bur- What the Valiant had was … inertia.
rito are deemed qualified by the I would stomp violently down on the
state of Florida to operate a motor accelerator, and basically nothing
vehicle. When you get out on the would happen for several lunar
road, you will be surrounded by cycles because the Valiant was no
terrible drivers. And guess what. more capable of acceleration than
You will be one of them. Yes, a fire hydrant. This was the only car
Sophie: You will be a bad driver, ever manufactured that traveled
and not because you’re careless or faster on the assembly line than
irresponsible but because you’re a under its own power.
teenager, and it is a physiological You could not hit anything in a
fact that at your stage of brain devel- Valiant. Fully mature trees moved
opment, you are—to use the term quickly enough to get out of its way.
preferred by researchers in the field If I were in charge, today’s teenagers
of neurological science—“stupid.” would be permitted to drive only if

rd.com | 05•2015 | 13
D E PA R T M E N T O F W I T

they drove Plymouth Valiant station Q: Yes.

wagons. A: No.
Unfortunately, Sophie, I am not in Q: How is the turn signal used in
charge, which means you’re going to Florida?
be driving on roads teeming with A: It is used to indicate to other
modern high-speed automobiles op- motorists that you do not realize
erated by incompetent idiots such as your turn signal is blinking.
(no offense) yourself. To prove that Q: My car’s engine seems to have
you’re qualified to do this, the state stopped, and I hear a “burbling”
of Florida will make you take a test noise. What could be causing this?
based on the information found in A: Are you a senior citizen?
the official Florida Driver’s Handbook. Q: Yes.
But there’s a big difference A: You have driven into a swim-
between how the Florida Driver’s ming pool.
Handbook says you should drive and Q: I’ve had a few drinks. How can
how actual humans drive in Florida. I tell if I should drive?
So I’ve prepared this Reality-Based A: Take this simple test: Are you
Florida Driver’s Q&A: wearing your underpants on your
Q: If I arrive at an intersection at head?
the same time as another motorist, Q: Not my underpants, no.
who goes first? A: Then you are good to go.
A: You do.
Q: But what if …
A: There is no “what if.” You go
first.
I DIDN’T WRITE THIS letter to make
you nervous about driving here.
I wrote it to make you terrified about
Q: Florida law strictly prohibits driving here. Because I love you, and
texting while driving. Does this law I will do everything I can to make
apply to me? sure you’re really ready to drive. I’m
A: Ha-ha! Of course not. going to keep coaching you until the
Q: If I stop at a red light, how will day you finally get your license and
I know when it turns green? are allowed to drive alone. Even
A: You will hear honking behind when you finally drive away, solo at
you. This is your cue to start wrap- last, you’re going to feel as if I’m still
ping up your current text—unless, right there next to you, guiding you.
of course, it is important. In fact, I will be right there next
Q: When I come to a stop sign, do to you, walking at a leisurely pace
I need to stop? alongside your car.
A: You personally? Your 1961 Valiant.
LIVE RIGHT AND FIND HAPPINESS (ALTHOUGH BEER IS MUCH FASTER), COPYRIGHT © 2015 BY DAVE BARRY, IS PUBLISHED BY
G.P. PUTNAM’S SONS, AN IMPRINT OF PENGUIN PUBLISHING GROUP, A DIVISION OF PENGUIN RANDOM HOUSE LLC., PENGUIN.COM.

14 | 05•2015 | rd.com
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 Points to Ponder
NO ONE CAN give money to everyone [THE 21ST CENTURY IS] just not what
who asks. But when you come upon it was cracked up to be. I would have
one of your species who is struggling, liked to see us control the weather
you need to let him know that you as opposed to being able to make
see him. Look into his eyes, and let a phone call without having a cord.
him look into yours.
LEWIS BLACK,
ELIZABETH BERG, comedian, in the Eugene Weekly

novelist, in Real Simple

GIVING YOUR BABY a name, it turns

THERE IS A DIMENSION to life that out, also includes anticipating how
is not fully knowable simply by our other children will cruelly twist it
rational capacities. I love reason, to hurt them. After a few rounds of
I love science, but reason doesn’t brainstorming possible mean things,
explain to me what it feels like to you begin to think you may have
kiss my wife. missed your calling.

THOMAS TROEGER, MEAGHAN O’CONNELL,

theologian, on wonderingsound.com w r i t e r, on nymag.com

They say you really appreciate

a garden only once you reach a
certain age … There seems to
ILLUSTRATIONS BY KAGAN MCLEOD

be something miraculous about

seeing the relentless optimism
of new growth after the bleakness
of winter, a kind of joy in the
difference every year.
JOJO MOYES, n o v e l i s t , in her book Me Before You

 Sign up for a daily Points to Ponder e-mail

at rd.com/ptp.

16 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 My son and I will be watching a baseball
game together, and a popular player hits a
home run, and … my son, without hesitation,
will … ask, “You think he’s on steroids?”
Heroes have been broken before his eyes
so many times, and that’s disheartening.
MATT LAUER, c o h o s t o f To d ay , in Esquire

THE RED CARPET is a strange zone IF YOU WANT to live a good life these
in the Western world, one utterly days, you know what you’re supposed
untouched by feminism … It is a to do. Get into college but then drop
place where there is a tacit agree- out. Spend your days learning com-
ment that both celebrities and the puter science and your nights coding.
public are idiots and will be treated Start a technology company … that’s
as such by entertainment journalists. the new American dream.

HADLEY FREEMAN, FAREED ZAKARIA,

op-ed columnist, in the Guardian (U.K.) w r i t e r, in his book In Defense of a Liberal Education

ON THE PRESIDENCY

WE ELECT OUR PRESIDENTS with all this hope and all this expectation.
The fact is, the job just isn’t that powerful. The president is one actor
among many. By design. GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS,
T V corresp ondent and former presidential advis er, in Parade

ONE OF THE ODDITIES of America’s cherished political system is that

the job of chief executive … requires no executive experience. Men who
have done little more than … manage the staff of a U.S. Senate office find
themselves in charge of a vast bureaucracy and an all-powerful military.
EDWARD KOSNER,
f o r m e r Ne w s w e e k e d i t o r, in the Wall Street Journal

OUR WOULD-BE PRESIDENTS … are expected to spend the prelude to

Election Day hurtling across time zones, doing a slew of interviews and
oodles of speeches … Is it any wonder that our rulers as a class, and we as
a country, are bereft of big ideas? FRANK BRUNI,
op-ed columnist, in the New York Times

rd.com | 05•2015 | 17
WORDS OF LASTING INTEREST

W
I was the queen of complaints—until I realized
what I was missing BY ROXANE GAY FR O M O MAG A ZIN E

I HAVE LIVED in rural America a stranger—someone on the outside

for nine years, first in Michigan, looking in.
where I was getting my PhD; then in There are few things I enjoy more
central Illinois; and now in Indiana, than complaining about my geo-
where I am a professor. In a place graphic isolation. I’m a vegetarian, so
where most people have lived there’s nowhere to go for a nice dinner
the whole of their lives, I feel like that isn’t 50 miles away. I’m black, so

18 | 05•2015 | rd.com PHOTOGRAPH BY RUSS AND REYN

 there’s nowhere to get my hair done was born and bred in Nebraska and
that doesn’t involve another 50-mile have lived most of my life in one of
drive. I’m single, and the dating op- the plains states. When I go to the
tions are, at times, grim. And the clos- coasts, I am struck by how ultimately
est major airport is two hours away. unappealing big-city living can be.
I recite these gripes to my parents, And while I may not love where I
my brothers, my friends. Sometimes live, there are plenty of people who
it seems like complaints are the are proud to call this place home. At
lingua franca in my circle. We all are a party with colleagues, I was going
dissatisfied with something. Back on about everything I couldn’t stand
in Illinois, my friends complained in our town when I noticed that they
about the train to Chicago and how were silent and shifting uncomfort-
it’s never on time; my friends in ably. That humbling moment forced
bigger cities complain about the a shift in me.
expensive rent and strange smells Complaining may offer relief, but
on the subway; my married friends so does acceptance. There is no
complain about their partners; my perfect place. There is no perfect life.
single friends complain about the There will always be something to
wretchedness of dating. moan about. By focusing on griev-
Complaining allows us to acknowl- ances, I risk missing out on precious,
edge the imperfect without having startling moments of appreciation.
to take action—it lets us Those times when, during a
luxuriate in inertia. We all drive home from the airport,
have grand ideas about what I stare at the prairie flatness,
life would be like if only we the breathtaking shades of
had this, or did that, or lived green as buds of corn push
there. Perhaps complaining up through freshly tilled soil;
helps bridge the vast yawn at the wooden barns, their
between these fantasy selves paint peeling and faded; and
ILLUSTRATION BY JOE M CKENDRY

ROXANE GAY
and reality. at pieces of farm equipment,
is an English
And there’s this: I really professor massive but with poetry in
don’t intend to change most at Purdue how they rumble across the
of the things I complain University and land. When I get home,
about. Griping is seductive the author of I stand on my balcony and
Bad Feminist,
on those days when happi- look up into the night sky and
an essay
ness requires too much en- collection, and see the stars. And I know that
ergy. But it also makes me An Untamed I have absolutely nothing to
lose sight of the fact that I State, a novel. complain about.
COPYRIGHT © 2014 BY ROXANE GAY. O MAGAZINE (SEPTEMBER 2014), OPRAH.COM.

rd.com | 05•2015 | 19
FINISH THIS SENTENCE

Spokane, WA

“Long Black
Train”
by Josh Turner. It reaffirms my
faith and commitment to God.
“All
GERALD ARMSTRONG Summer
American Fork, UT
Long”
by Kid Rock. It reminds
me of my Tennessee
summers by the
Nolichucky River and my
Michigan-born husband.

“Uprising” BETH RUTHERFORD ADAMS

by Muse. It makes me feel

Newbury Park, CA
empowered.
SARAH PRATT

“What a Wonderful “Passionate

World” by
Kisses”
Louis by Mary Chapin

Armstrong. Carpenter. It is my
personal anthem.
This is the song that REBECCA DYANNE MINOR
I danced to with my son
at his wedding.
KATHY HOLZER
 “Summer
Nights”
from the movie Grease.
It made me completely
forget about my impending

“America chemotherapy. I was 22.

I’m still grateful for those
the minutes of relief.
Cumberland, RI

Beautiful.”
JOHN DEMEO

It fills me with great

Westlake, OH
gratitude every time
I hear it.
MEL MAURER

Lee’s Summit, MO
Du Quoin, IL “Time After Time”
by Cyndi Lauper.
My sister sang it to me when I was
a baby, and I sang it to my daughter
“I Just Called when she was a baby.
to Say I Love You” by AMBER CARROTHERS

Stevie
Wonder.
According to my sixth-grade
diary, that’s what was on the
“Single Ladies” by
radio when I got my first kiss.
NICHOLE AIRHART Beyoncé.
Get up and dance!
DEBBIE ROSENKRANZ
Austin, TX

 Go to facebook.com/
readersdigest for the chance to
Miami, FL

finish the next sentence.

rd.com | 05•2015 | 21
 FACES
OF AMERICA

BY G L E N N G L ASS E R

Melissa Vargas
PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND
“I’m a costume designer.
For Halloween last year,
my friends and I dressed
up as sushi. I was a tuna roll.
We had wasabi and ginger
hats and little grass purses
(to represent the grass
they put in the box). We
had backpacks made out
of packing peanuts as our
‘rice’ and seaweed belts.”

22 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 YOU BE THE JUDGE

Is a ban on pumping
sexual discrimination?

The Case
Of the
Mother’s
Milk
BY VIC KI GLEMB OCKI

ON DECEMBER 1, 2008, Donnicia vice president Harry Cagle that

Venters began a leave of absence she’d return as soon as her doctor
from her job to have a baby. For released her. During this time, she
three years, she’d been working as a called Fleming at least once a week.
collector at Houston Funding, a debt In one conversation, she mentioned
collection firm, in Houston, Texas. she was nursing the baby and asked
With only about 25 employees, if she could use a breast pump at
Houston Funding wasn’t large work when she returned. When
enough to be governed by the Family Fleming asked Cagle about it, the
and Medical Leave Act, and it had no partner’s response was strong: “No.
official “maternity leave” policy. Still, Maybe she needs to stay at home
Venters’s manager Robert Fleming longer.” Venters testified that she
assured her, “Your spot will be here wasn’t aware of his remark.
when you get back,” though a return She called Cagle on February 17,
date wasn’t specified. 2009, to tell him she was ready to
The baby was born on December come back. She also let him know
11, and complications from Venters’s that she was still nursing and won-
C-section kept her home for several dered if she could use a back room
more weeks than expected. She told at the office to pump milk. After ➸

ILLUSTRATION BY NOMA BAR rd.com | 05•2015 | 23

YO U B E T H E J U D G E

what Venters described as “a long the basis of pregnancy, childbirth, or

pause,” she alleges Cagle told her, related conditions was discrimination
“Your spot has been filled.” Three related to one’s sex.
days later, Houston Funding mailed “I feel that when I told him about
a termination letter to Venters dated the breast pump that his attitude
February 16, stating that she’d been changed,” Venters testified in court.
fired due to “job abandonment.” “[I]nstead of letting me know, he told
On June 29, 2011, the U.S. Equal me I was fired.”
Employment Opportunity Commis- On November 11, Houston Fund-
sion (EEOC) filed a sex discrimination ing’s attorneys filed a motion for
lawsuit on Venters’s behalf in district summary judgment, arguing “that
court for the Southern District of the EEOC’s case failed as a matter of
Texas. The EEOC argued that the Preg- law because breast pump discrimi-
nancy Discrimination Act (PDA)—the nation is not prohibited by Title VII.”
1978 amendment to Title VII of the
Civil Rights Act, which prohibits Was it sex discrimination when Hous-
employment discrimination based ton Funding fired Donnicia Venters
on race, color, religion, and gender— after she asked to pump breast milk
makes it clear that discrimination on at work? You be the judge.

THE VERDICT

The district court dismissed the lawsuit on February 2, 2012, ruling that
the PDA didn’t apply. Since “lactation is not pregnancy, childbirth, or a
related medical condition,” the court stated, “firing someone because
of lactation or breast pumping is not sex discrimination.”
EEOC spokesperson Justine Lisser noted that the ruling “flew in the
face of not just the law but common sense.” That spring, the EEOC
appealed to the Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit, which unanimously
agreed that Venters had been discriminated against and overturned the
lower court’s ruling. In May 2014, Venters received a $15,000 settlement
from Houston Funding. “The Fifth Circuit opinion didn’t set a major
precedent,” says Lisser, “but recognized the obvious.”

Agree? Disagree? Sound off at rd.com/judge.

24 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 Your True Stories
IN 100 WORDS

MOTHER OF ROCK fish. Even though to-

F or my brother, my sister,
and me, Guitar Hero
was a competition of
day my tiny red fish
can’t swim in water
anymore and the
who could score the clown can’t move
most points on the in funny circles
hardest level. Mom, anymore, I can still
on the other hand, feel the ultimate joy
would play the of those unexpected
ten-minute “Free- little toys. ANUM WASIM,
bird” on the easiest K a ra c h i , Pa ki s t a n

level while we kids

prepared for our next A CUT ABOVE THE REST
showdown. When Mom restarted the
song after missing a note, we all
shouted our disapproval. “Rock stars
T he Vietcong lobbed mortars into
our base camp. My friend and
I were asleep when a shell hit close
do what they want,” she said, and we by. He had a tattoo on his left arm,
laughed because we agreed: Mom a bulldog with the letters U.S.M.C.
was a rock star. That’s why, later, her underneath. We were both wounded
funeral felt more like the last stop on and evacuated, and I did not see him
a farewell tour, with “Freebird” as the again until months later when we en-
perfect send-off. countered each other at Great Lakes
PAUL ANDERSON, Mt . P l e a s a n t , Mi c h i g a n Naval Hospital. I noticed his Marine
Corps tattoo was completely gone.
THE LITTLE THINGS He said the mortar shell had sliced it

W hen I was in first grade, my

father lovingly brought home
a colorful schoolbag for me. I shoul-
off with the precision of a surgeon’s
scalpel. There you have it: free tattoo
removal courtesy of the Vietcong.
dered the new empty bag like a prized KEN MCBRIDE, C h e s t e r f i e l d , Mi s s o u r i
possession for an hour; then I heard
a barely audible clunk from within To read more 100-word stories and to
submit your own, go to rd.com/stories.
it. I sifted through every pocket until If your story is selected for publication in
I found a little clown man and a red the magazine, we’ll pay you $100.

ILLUSTRATION BY KAGAN MCLEOD rd.com | 05•2015 | 25

 Life
IN THESE UNITED STATES

“Guess which one I made with a 3-D printer.”

MY SISTER DIDN’T DO as well on suitcase off the baggage carousel.

her driver’s-ed test as she’d hoped. “Excuse me,” I shouted. “That’s
It might have had something to my suitcase.”
do with how she completed this The man shot back defensively,
sentence: “When the ______ is dead, “Well, somebody took mine!”
the car won’t start.” C. S., v i a In t e r n e t
She wrote: “Driver.”
NATHAN HELLMAN, B r o o k l y n , Ne w Yo r k MY 11-YEAR-OLD grandson spent
a beautiful Saturday playing video
AS I WAITED for my luggage games. His older sister tried coaxing
at the airport, a man lifted my him outside by warning, “Someday,

26 | 05•2015 | rd.com ILLUSTRATION BY PHIL WITTE

you’re going to be 30 years old, single,
and living in Mom’s basement play-
ing video games all day!”
His reply: “I can only dream.”
SYLVIA CARDENAS,
HERE’S TO YOU,
Ha c i e n d a He i g h t s , C a l i f o r n i a MOM!
THERE’S NOTHING SIMPLER than Stories that show why mothers
avoiding people you don’t like. Avoid- deserve their own day.
ing one’s friends, that’s the real test.
■ After catching her five-year-
Source: The Dowager Countess (Maggie Smith),
on Downton Abbey old son Lucas trying to pull a
fast one, his mother demanded,
AFTER AN IMPROMPTU song, our “Do you think I have idiot written
pastor asked the church pianist, on my forehead?”
“What key did I sing that in?” Lucas answered, “I don’t know.
The pianist replied, “Most of them.” I can’t read.”
JUDY SCHEFFEL, A l p h a r e t t a , G e o r g i a
■ Watching his mother apply
nail polish, Lucas asked, “Why
A HOTEL MINIBAR allows you to
are you doing that?”
see into the future and find out what “It’s just something ladies do
a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020. in order to look nice,” she said.
C o m e d i a n RICH HALL He considered this a minute
before asking, “So, are you a
DURING A VISIT with my grand- kind of lady?”
mother, my husband noticed a birth-
day card from a local funeral parlor. ■ As he got his diaper changed,
Daniel looked down and said,
“That was nice of them,” he said.
“I have a wee-wee. Daddy has
She was unimpressed. “They only a wee-wee.”
want me for my body,” she grumbled. “That’s right,” said his mother.
CARMEN SCHMEISER, N o r m a l , I l l i n o i s “That’s because you’re both
boys. Do you know what
AND ONE FROM ABROAD: mommies have?
During a Pilates class, our thin Daniel did: “Earrings.”
teacher apologized to one of her From I Am So Full of Happy Today
by Martin Nedergaard Anderson and Moira Tuffy
larger students for blocking her view (Borgen Publishers)

of herself in the mirror.

“Don’t worry,” the woman said. “I Make Mom proud and get your anecdote
can see myself on either side of you.” published in Reader’s Digest. It could be
AMANDA BARTON, D e r b y , E n g l a n d worth $100. See page 7 for details.

rd.com | 05•2015 | 27
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CHOICE WORDS

M
The Beatles bass man sounds off

L ife is quite mysterious and quite

miraculous. Every time I come to
write a song, there’s this magic little
couple, to them we’re just Mom and
Dad. I think that’s what’s important
… and it worked. Source: USA Weekend

thing where I go, “Ooh, ooh, it’s hap-

pening again.” I just sit down at the
piano and go, “Oh my God, I don’t
know this one,” and suddenly there’s
T here’s an urge in us to stop the
terrible fleetingness of time.
Music. Paintings. It’s the same with
a song.  Source: Reader’s Digest Linda’s photos … The night we blew
the candles out on a birthday with

O ver the years, people have said,

“Aw, he sings love songs.” …
Well, I know what they mean, but
the kids. Capture it, please.
Source: New Statesman

people have been doing love songs

forever. I like ’em, other people like
’em, and there’s a lot of people I love.
I ’d come back after a jog, and I’d
thought of a couple of lines of
poetry, and I’d tell them to Linda …
Source: Billboard She often said, “What a mind.” … Your
little heart just goes boom, boom.

I n the ’60s, [my ambition] was to

get a car … And I got one. We used
Source: Hamilton Spectator

to always say it when we were kids:

Get a guitar, a car, and a house. That
was the height of our ambition … It
T he last time I [saw George
Harrison], he was very sick, and
I held his hand for four hours. As I
wasn’t to rule the world. was doing it, I was thinking, I’ve never
Source: Sunday Telegraph (U.K.) held his hand before, ever. This is not
what two Liverpool fellas do … He

W e were there every night to put

[our children] to bed, there in
the mornings to wake them up. So
just stroked my hand with his thumb,
and I thought, Ah, this is OK; this is
life. It’s tough, but it’s lovely.
even though we were some famous Source: the Daily Mirror (U.K.)

30 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 We played ... “She loves
you, yeah, yeah, yeah,”
and [my father] said,
“Oh, that’s very good, son.
But there’s just one thing.
Couldn’t you sing, ‘She
loves you, yes, yes, yes’ ?”
Source: NPR’s Fresh Air

I ’ve never met any peo-

ple more soulful, more in-
telligent, more kind, more filled
with common sense than the people
I came from in Liverpool … They’re
not important or famous. But they
are smart … people who can just cut
through problems like a hot knife
SOURCE P HOTO: DANI EL BOC ZARSKI /GETTY I M AGES

through butter. Source: Playboy

I should be able to look at my

accolades and go, “Come on, Paul.
That’s enough.” But there’s still this
that was something metaphysical.
Something alchemic. Something that
little voice … that goes, “No, no, no. must be thought of as magic.
You could do better. This person over Source: Rolling Stone

here is excelling. Try harder!”

Source: NPR’s All Things Considered

I am the eternal optimist. No

matter how rough it gets, there’s

L ife is an energy field, a bunch of

molecules. And these particular
molecules formed to make these four
always light somewhere. The rest of
the sky may be cloudy, but that little
bit of blue draws me on.
guys, [the Beatles] … I have to think Source: Sunday Times (U.K.)

ILLUSTRATION BY TRACY TURNBULL rd.com | 05•2015 | 31

 Sweet raisins and tart cranberries.

Together at last.
I love redheads Stop, I’m blushing

New Kellogg’s Raisin Bran® with Cranberries.

The tongue-teasing taste of tart and sweet, plus an
excellent source of fiber and Antioxidant Vitamin E.
 ART of LIVING

Even the most honest among us lie, cheat,

or push boundaries now and then ...

BY JE NA P INCOTT
FR O M P SYC H O LOGY TODAY

PHOTOGRAPHS BY YASU+JUNKO rd.com | 05•2015 | 33

WHY WE BEND THE RULES

IN MY EARLY 30s, I used an when you behaved dishonestly.

expired grad-student ID to buy Test yourself. Why did you pilfer
discounted movie tickets. (I’d peeled office supplies? You might say that
off the date sticker.) I’d tell myself, you worked through lunch or that
I’m buying a ticket I wouldn’t have businesses get the stuff cheaply. This
otherwise bought. One must be re- is how creative types “reframe” an
sourceful in an overpriced city, right? event. And a creative mind-set, Gino
If you also break rules sometimes, found, is easy to induce in almost
you understand this paradox. We anyone—just by using subtle cues.
think of ourselves as honest citizens When players in a gambling game
despite daily acts (one to two on av- were primed to think more flexibly
erage) of cheating, lying, or otherwise (by being exposed to words like origi-
innocuous rule breaking. We stand in nal, novel, and imaginative in a text
the express line with too many gro- they read), they cheated more often
ceries, play hooky from work, board than those not given the prompts did.
planes before our seat is called, or lie “Working for an organization
to give our kids an advantage. that stresses being innovative and
Researchers who study everyday original can increase our tendency
transgressions believe that character to cheat,” Gino says.
isn’t the real driver; situational forces “Should we encourage less creativ-
are. We might break the rules under ity in banking?” Ariely wonders.
some conditions and in some mind-
sets, but not in others. The Status Defense
Picture two accountants alerted to
The Creativity Defense suspicious entries in the books. The
Years ago, Francesca Gino, a profes- first takes the violation seriously.
sor at Harvard, and Dan Ariely, a The second pooh-poohs it. Who has
behavioral economist at Duke, won- more clout? When Dutch psycholo-
dered if people with higher IQs were gist Gerben van Kleef asked study
more likely to cheat. The duo found participants that question, most
that smarts didn’t correlate with chose the second accountant. Pow-
dishonesty, but creativity did. When erful people break the rules—ergo,
Gino and Ariely posed ethical dilem- breaking rules makes one seem
mas to employees in an advertising more powerful.
firm, the copywriters and designers “In its modest form, rule breaking
were more likely to break the rules is actually healthy,” says Zhen Zhang
than the accountants. The more of Arizona State University. He found
creative you are, the easier it is to that relatively minor Ferris Bueller–
retell the story of what happened style violations during adolescence—

34 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

damaging property,
playing hooky—predicted an
esteemed occupation: entrepreneur.
When young men, in particular, drivers. This held true even when
take risks that pan out, testosterone people were role-playing—that is,
levels surge. The hormone may they weren’t rich in real life.
underlie the “winner effect,” say That’s because environment—not
researchers John Coates and Joe any intrinsic personality trait—abets
Herbert of the University of Cam- rule breaking, argues Andy Yap,
bridge, who tracked the hormonal a behavioral scientist. Yap and his
activity of stock option traders (again, colleagues asked volunteers to sit in
all male) over their good and bad an SUV-size driver’s seat versus a
days in the market. The more wins, cramped one or an executive-size
the higher the hormones, the greater office space versus a cubicle and then
the confidence boost, the bigger the tested their responses to various
risks, and so on. moral scenarios. In roomier settings,
P ROP STYLIST: SA RAH CAVE FOR EH MA NAGEM ENT

But at a certain point, risk taking people reported feeling more power-
can become irrational, reckless, or ful and were likelier to steal money,
ruthless. This can cause “ethical cheat on a test, and commit traffic
numbing.” Consider Steve Jobs: As violations in a driving simulation.
Apple grew, so did lawsuits against
it, like those over patents. The Bonding Defense
Being wealthy takes a moral toll on We aren’t born with an enlightened,
both genders. Studies have found that universal sense of fairness for all,
the $150,000-plus-per-annum set was Harvard University psychologist
four times as likely to cheat as those Joshua Greene argues in his book
making less than $15,000 a year when Moral Tribes. We evolved as tribal
playing a game to win $50. The rich animals who followed the rules
didn’t stop for pedestrians at a cross- within small groups (Us) but not
walk nearly as often as less-wealthy with the rest of the world (Them).

rd.com | 05•2015 | 35
WHY WE BEND THE RULES

We may be born with a crude sense likely in adulthood to lie to a cus-

of right and wrong, but our culture tomer or inflate an insurance claim
refines it. If your tribe downloads compared with non-cheaters, ac-
pirated music, sells dubious stocks, cording to the Josephson Institute.
or accepts bribes, you’re likely to go Behavioral psychology offers a few
with the flow or cover up for peers. antidotes. Keep yourself fed and well-
rested—we’re likelier to lapse when
The Level-Playing-Field hungry or tired. Reflect on how your
Defense actions look through others’ eyes. In a
Let’s say you witnessed someone tear classic British experiment, a drawing
through a red light. Or a colleague of eyeballs mounted over a collection
received a promotion after boozing box at a corporate coffee bar helped
with the boss, while you toiled and enforced the honor system.
got nothing. Chances are, you’ll When people sign an ethics pledge
experience a knee-jerk reaction: to at the beginning rather than the end
get even or at least to level the field. of tax forms or job applications—be-
To test the fairness instinct, Har- fore there’s an opportunity to cheat—
vard researcher Leslie John, along they are significantly less likely to be
with two colleagues, told volunteers dishonest. The same goes when asked
that others in the room were making to recall the Ten Commandments
more money than they were for get- before a test, which Ariely found
ting questions right on a trivia test. works even among the nonreligious.
Guess what happened? That group, Most of us need to see ourselves
which perceived itself as disadvan- in a positive light. In a Stanford study,
taged, cheated more than those who when researchers used the verb
believed that everyone received an cheat—please don’t cheat—partici-
equal payment. pants still cheated freely because they
felt distanced from the act. When the
The Solution: Self- noun cheater was used—don’t be a
Awareness cheater—not a single person did.
The real threat is the slippery slope— The novelist Wallace Stegner
that minor transgressions can snow- summed it up in his novel All the
ball into cataclysmic ones. Imagine Little Live Things: “It is the beginning
Bernie Madoff or Lance Armstrong of wisdom when you recognize that
thinking, Just this once. OK, once the best you can do is choose which
more. And eventually, they just don’t rules you want to live by.” To which
think about it. Rule breaking worsens he added: “It’s persistent and aggra-
over time. Kids who cheat on high vated imbecility to pretend you can
school exams are three times as live without any.”
COPYRIGHT © 2014 BY JENNIFER PINCOTT, PSYCHOLOGY TODAY (NOVEMBER 4, 2014), PSYCHOLOGYTODAY.COM.
TRAVEL

Watch
The World
Wake Up
BY PE TE R J O N L I N D B E RG
F ROM TRAVEL A N D LEISU R E

I AM NOT a morning
person. I am a lover of eve-
nings and midnights, firmly
oriented to the post meridiem.
(It took me some time to
realize there was a 6 “a.m.”)
On the road, however, I make a point or put together, unaware that any-
of waking early. Just as safari guides one’s watching when it steps out for
have you up at dawn to catch the the paper in a bathrobe. Like waking
day’s prime activity, the world re- in a stranger’s bed, there’s a disarm-
wards those who rise before the sun. ing intimacy to seeing a place in the
Jet lag often makes this imperative, pale light of dawn.
as do crazy-early flight arrivals. I Things are different just an hour or
remember landing at Heathrow with two later. Under the day’s full glare, a
my parents on a Sunday morning at foreign place can appear too foreign,
age 13, only to learn our B and B too harsh, too much. But in morning’s
wouldn’t take us till noon; we wan- gauzy half-light, hard edges soften,
dered London’s vacant streets for and the most overwhelming metropo-
hours, searching in vain for an lis achieves a certain gentleness,
open restaurant. before the heat and the clamor roll in.
But there are good reasons to hit Some of my favorite travel
the town before sunrise. Mornings memories are from 4 or 5 a.m.’s
are when a place is most specifically around the world, badly immortal-
itself—before it’s properly dressed ized in hundreds of grainy, inchoate

38 | 05•2015 | rd.com ILLUSTRATION BY JOSIE PORTILLO

photographs. (It’s almost impossible and you’ll see what frenzied activity
to capture that particular primordial goes down before the sun is up. Your
light with a camera; in this case, you taxi will glide down empty express-
really do need to be there.) ways as if you’re in rural Nebraska,
I remember, for instance, a pre- not a city of 13 million. On the side-
dawn walk on the beach in Trancoso, walks of Ginza, stray revelers are
Brazil: earth and sky and surf drained staggering home from their revelries.
of color, hermit crabs scarcely both- One girl is dressed as Snow White.
ering to move at my approach. The You’ll start to wonder if you’re actu-
previous night’s phosphorescence ally awake.
sparkled faintly on the sand. The Finally, you’ll pull up at the Tsukiji
world felt like a carnival ride that fish market, amid a madcap ballet
had yet to be turned on. And I of forklifts. They careen at you full
remember returning from a late night tilt, then swerve at the last possible
out in Paris, crossing the Pont Neuf as moment. Everyone is wide-awake,
the sky went purple to pink. Off the smoking, and wearing rubber
Rue de Seine, I passed the open door boots—except you. You are wearing
of a still-closed boulangerie, out of an ill-advised pair of loafers, which
which came an intoxicating smell of in a few hours will be summarily
butter and yeast. Someone had left a tossed in your hotel trash bin, the
rack of warm baguettes in the door- reek of fish guts so pervasive that no
way to cool in the crisp morning air. amount of free shoe shining could
There was no one else in sight. I possibly remove it.
stood there for a few seconds before You make your way inside to the
realizing what had to be done. It was famous tuna auction. From a corner,
the best baguette I’d ever tasted. you watch the action unfold, and in
But mostly I remember mornings in your transpacific delirium, you’re
Asia, where dawn’s transformational convinced you understand what’s
power feels most profound. It helps going on. Men with poles are poking
that the time zones are a half-day off a lifeless 500-pound tuna while
from home, such that nocturnals like smoking and shouting at one another.
me are wide-awake at daybreak— This could get ugly quick. You escape
right in sync with the city itself. In out a side door. Moments later you’re
Asia, morning life feels like nightlife. at Sushi Dai, and at 6:15 a.m. on a
It’s not just street sweepers and Tuesday, you’re sipping ice-cold
saffron-robed monks; there’s a whole Sapporo and gorging on shrimp as
parallel morning economy at work. if it were Friday night.
Follow my lead, roust yourself Back at your hotel, the newspaper’s
from your Tokyo hotel bed at 4 a.m., not even on the doorknob yet.
COPYRIGHT © 2014 BY PETER JON LINDBERG, TRAVEL AND LEISURE (NOVEMBER 21, 2014), TRAVELANDLEISURE.COM.
FOOD

Freeze Better
& Defrost Faster
BY KELSEY KLOSS

Freeze It
■ CHILL BERRIES
Prevent a mushy mess by freezing
berries on a baking sheet in a single
layer first. The exposure to the cold
freezes them quickly. This prevents
the formation of large ice crystals,
which destroys cell walls and makes
berries lose their structure and be-
come soft when they thaw. Once fro-
zen, transfer to a plastic freezer bag.

■ SAVE MILK STYLIST: SARAH CAVE FOR EH M ANAGEMEN T

Accidentally bought a gallon of milk

before leaving town? Freeze it at 0ºF
for up to three months. Milk expands the pan into an ice cube tray and
when frozen, so pour out a bit first freeze. Throughout the week, warm
if the container is full. Thaw in the up the cubes and drizzle on salad
refrigerator for two to three days. or trickle over popcorn—or use to fry
potatoes.
■ PRESERVE BACON GREASE
After Sunday morning brunch, make ■ PUREE AVOCADOS
a delicious topping while reducing Freezing avocados changes their
waste. Pour leftover bacon fat from consistency (making them squishy

40 | 05•2015 | rd.com PHOTOGRAPHS BY YASU+JUNKO

and not-so-preferable for sand- off as many pieces as you’d like;
wiches), but they’ll still be tasty in defrosting will be a quick breeze.
guacamole. Puree with a food pro-
cessor and add one teaspoon of lime ■ BATHE BERRIES
or lemon juice (these acidic agents Typically, it’s best to thaw frozen
prevent browning) per avocado. berries in the refrigerator overnight.
Store in an airtight container. The However, if you’re craving blueberries
puree will last for five months. for breakfast and didn’t prepare in
advance, there is a quicker method.
■ PEEL TOMATOES Instead of microwaving, which can
Preserve summer produce for quick make frozen berries soggy, pour them
sauces and soups all year. Freeze ripe into a bowl and cover with cold water.
whole tomatoes in a single layer on This will thaw one cup of blueberries
a tray with parchment paper. Once in about five minutes.
frozen, transfer to a freezer bag,
where they’ll keep for up to eight ■ SCOOP ICE CREAM
months. To thaw, run under warm Ice cream hard as a brick? Heat a
water, and the skin will slip right off. sharp knife under warm water, then
use it to make one-inch-deep cuts
Thaw It in a grid formation, spacing the lines
■ SOFTEN BUTTER about an inch apart. This increases
To make cold butter spreadable your sweet treat’s exposed surface
(but not a puddle!), put the amount area, speeding up the thawing process
you plan to use on a plate. Fill a glass (similar to the beef trick). Run a
with hot water until it is warm on scooper under warm water, and
the outside, then pour out the water, easily serve up each section.
dry quickly, and place the glass over
the butter. After about a minute, the ■ DEFROST MEAT
butter will be soft and ready. Thank high school science for this
neat trick: Remember, metal conducts
■ PORTION YOUR BEEF heat. Place meat in a plastic bag, then
Plan ahead to quickly defrost ground put it on top of an upside-down
beef for a dinner for one: Before aluminum pot. Fill another pot with
freezing, press it thin in a plastic bag room-temperature water, and set
with a rolling pin (increasing surface it on the meat. In five to ten minutes,
area will speed up thawing later). your meat will be defrosted.
Use a chopstick to crisscross and Sources: cookinglight.com, foodnetwork.com,
huffingtonpost.com, avocadocentral.com, Vegetarian Times,
separate the meat into portioned food.unl.edu, clemson.edu, healthyeating.org, America’s Test
Kitchen, womenshealthmag.com, favoritefreezerfoods.com,
squares. When ready to cook, break lifehacker.com, thekitchn.com

rd.com | 05•2015 | 41
HOME

7 Sneaky Ways Your House

Is Making You Cranky
BY L AUR E N P I R O F R OM GO O D H O U S E K E E P I N G

THERE’S NOT A POTTED amount of brightness to shine from

1 PLANT IN SIGHT (OR IT’S the bulb, so vertical surfaces don’t
DEAD). Bright green leaves breathe get sufficiently lit. That leaves your
life (literally) into your home— space dark and gloomy. But task
houseplants can purify the air lights (like table lamps or under-the-
indoors, which can be five times cabinet lighting) help you to actually
more polluted than outdoor air, see what you’re doing and create
reports the Environmental Protection a brighter, happier space.
Agency. Plus, studies have shown
that plopping one in a bare spot can EVERY ACCESSORY YOU
reduce stress. 3 OWN IS A SOLID COLOR.
When you choose pillows, throws, and
YOUR ONLY LIGHT SOURCES wallpaper for your space, don’t be too
2 ARE IN THE CEILING. If you matchy-matchy. Mix in different pat-
rely on recessed lights (especially terns and colors for texture and per-
in your kitchen), you might not sonality. With only solids in the same
realize you’re still living in the dark. tone, your design will appear flat,
Recessed lights don’t allow the full boring, and not very energizing.

42 | 05•2015 | rd.com ILLUSTRATION BY EDWIN FOTHERINGHAM

OxiClean™ Versatile tackles over 101 different types of stains,
is color safe and chlorine free.

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Dissolve OxiClean™ Versatile Stain Add OxiClean™ Versatile Stain Create a solution of OxiClean™ Versatile
Remover powder with warm water Remover to every load of laundry to Stain Remover and warm water. Apply
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Menopause... HOME

you don’t have to YOUR ENTRYWAY IS

put up with it! 4 DESIGNED TO BE A “DROP-
EVERYTHING-HERE” ZONE.
A makeshift mudroom with hooks
and bins might sound smart, but feng
shui principles hold a clear entryway
in high regard. You should be able to
open the door all the way without hit-
ting anything (and, ideally, without
cringing at piles of clutter).

YOU PAINTED YOUR DINING

5 ROOM A COOL BLUE. Certain
blue hues can feel chilly instead of
inviting. Research has found that the
color can actually suppress appetite.
That might sound great if you’re
looking to drop a few pounds (some
dietitians even suggest eating off a
blue plate), but it’s not the best for
family dinners.

YOUR CURTAINS ARE HUNG

6 TOO LOW. Hang drapes from
the ceiling, not from the top of your
Are you ready to feel like window frame. This way, your room
yourself again? will feel lofty instead of squat, and
the curtain rod won’t block any
Promensil Menopause is known
smile-inducing natural light.
worldwide for offering a safe and
effective solution to women looking
for natural relief from the symptoms THE FOCAL POINT OF YOUR
of menopause. Promensil comes 7 BEDROOM IS THE TV. Zoning
directly from nature to provide safe,
out in front of the fluorescent screen
multi-symptom relief, so you really
don’t have to put up with it anymore.* before bed might hamper your
For more information and special
ability to sleep. Plus, one study found
offers visit www.PromensilUS.com that couples with a television in their
room have half as much lovin’ time
Promensil – Feel Better, as couples who don’t. Now, that
Naturally doesn’t sound very fun.
*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug GOOD HOUSEKEEPING (2014), COPYRIGHT © 2014 BY HEARST
Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure COMMUNICATIONS INC., GOODHOUSEKEEPING.COM.
or prevent any disease.
 Never
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 ALL IN

A Day’s Work

“You can’t eat that. It has nuts in it.”

WE WERE MAKING leaflets for a MY FAVORITE GAME is “Professional

local church, and the client wanted Dog Walker or Crazy Person?”
a logo designed with Earth being @KENJENNINGS
shielded by the hand of God. I sent
the client a proof. Shortly thereafter, “NOW HIRING,” read the classified
I got a call. ad. “Cemetery superintendent. The
Client: The hand looks too human. ideal candidate must be able to su-
Please use a hand that looks more pervise in a fast-paced environment.”
like God’s. Source: clientsfromhell.net A. S., v i a In t e r n e t

46 | 05•2015 | rd.com ILLUSTRATION BY PAT BYRNES

AN APPLICANT for an open A CLIENT CALLED my help desk
teaching job submitted a résumé. saying she couldn’t send an e-mail.
Under the heading Qualities and When I was done troubleshooting
Skills, she listed, “Impeachable the problem, she interrupted me to
character and integrity.” ask, “Wait a minute, do I type @ in
M. O., v i a In t e r n e t lower- or uppercase?”
SWATI KHATRI, Ne w D e l h i , In d i a
IT’S THE FIRST of the month;

A+
here are excuses tenants gave their
landlords for not paying the rent.
■ “I have to make payments on my
BMW and iPhones.” OOH, OOH,
■ “You are too wrapped up in the I KNOW, I KNOW!
whole concept of ‘money. ’ ”
■ “So ... you’re talking to me only These smart-alecky student
because the rent’s not paid? Is that answers show why teachers
all I am to you? A tenant?” need their summer vacations.
Source: the Landlord Protection Agency (thelpa.com)
Q: What’s the name of a
six-sided polygon?
THE BEST EVER legal advice spotted A: Sixagon.
on a billboard came from an ad for
Q: What part of the body is
the law office of Larry L. Archie: “Just
affected by glandular fever?
because you did it doesn’t mean A: The glandular.
you’re guilty.” Source: funnyordie.com
Q: In The Tempest, why does
Ariel sing in Gonzalo’s ear?
MY GRANDDAUGHTER was A: She’s a mermaid and wants to
graduating from college, so I asked be human.
about any plans she had for the
Q: In comparison with large
future. She hadn’t any, but she hydrocarbons, how would you
did know this much: “I certainly describe small hydrocarbons?
don’t want to sit in one of those A: They’re smaller.
cubicles and think all day.” Q: Who were the Bolsheviks?
B. O., v i a In t e r n e t
A: A Russian ballet company.
From F in Exams: Pop Quiz,
ANY TIME A PERSON with a jour- by Richard Benson (Chronicle Books)

nalism degree writes a story about

a celebrity getting bangs, Walter Anything funny happen to you at work
Cronkite punches an angel. lately? It could be worth $100. See
@JENNYJOHNSONHI5 page 7 for details or go to rd.com/submit.

NOTE: Ads were removed from this edition. Please continue to page 52.
HEALTH

“You berate my bunions, curse my

achy heels, and pop my poor blisters.
Enough! Here’s how to give me the
TLC that I so rightfully deserve.”

BY TER ESA DU MA I N

IGNORE THE ALARM clock. Thanks for the Walk

I’m so cozy snuggled between your Kudos for not skipping your morning
hubby’s feet. They’re always warmer workout, even though you’re running
than I am. (A woman’s body draws late (not my fault—the other extrem-
more heat toward the core, the theory ity hit snooze). I appreciate that
goes, which gives me and my friend you’re serious about slimming down.
on the left the shaft.) Your schedule is Weighing as little as one pound more
packed, and you’re going to be lean- than your ideal weight can increase
ing on me for most of it. So please, pressure in your hips, knees, and
just a few more minutes in bed. ankles by as much as eight pounds,

52 | 05•2O15 | rd.com PHOTOGRAPH BY STEVE VACCARIELLO

which puts even more strain on me. Give Me Some Space,
See, I wish you would appreciate Please!
that I have to orchestrate a complex Though you and I didn’t get off
network of 26 bones, nearly three on the best, um, foot this morning,
dozen joints, and more than 100 I’m loving the broccoli and low-fat
muscles, tendons, and ligaments cheese omelet you had for breakfast.
for every single step you take. It’s a The extra calcium in the dairy and
high-pressure job that, frankly, you veggie is important—your feet are
sometimes make harder without home to a quarter of all the bones
meaning to. in your body. Plus, broccoli has anti-
Thirty seconds. That’s all it would inflammatory properties. If eating it
have taken for you to grab the new can help ease the burning sensation
walking shoes you just bought. But in flaring up in me, go ahead and have
your rush, you opted for the old, ratty it for lunch and dinner too.
sneakers by the back door. I know The burning started a few months
you feel bad about tossing them, but back. It’s a sign of Morton’s neuroma,
believe me, I feel much worse wear- in which the nerve between the
ing them. The sole is worn so thin bones of my third and fourth toes
that it stresses my bones and joints gets compressed, inflamed, and then
when you walk and leaves me vul- enlarged. Your toes sometimes tingle
nerable to getting hurt. Plus, I need and go numb when you walk, and
the extra foam cushioning under my the pain radiates through the balls
fat pad. That spot—the one you call of the feet. Part of the problem is that
the ball of your foot—is packed with I was born without much of an arch,
mini fat-filled chambers that serve as which can leave my toe joints a little
shock absorbers. But it’s starting to less secure and irritate the nerve.
thin as you get older. And those extra Then you spent years wearing those
20 pounds you’re trying to lose has high, pointy shoes to the office
sped up the process. After 50 years almost every day, squeezing my toe
and walking about 75,000 miles bones and nerves until they couldn’t
(that’s like three times around take it anymore.
Earth), I think I’ve earned the right Since you wisely packed up the
to additional support. pumps a few years back (thank you,
Ahh. At least you remembered thank you, thank you), the inflamma-
to rub me with antiperspirant first. tion is slowly dissipating. But it may
Since I sweat a lot, a swipe on my take a little trial and error before we
sole (where all my 125,000 sweat find the right shoes to stop it from
glands reside) helps keep moisture getting worse. Like today: The heel is
and odor to a minimum. low, and the shoe is well cushioned,

rd.com | 05•2015 | 53
H E A LT H

but the toe box is still too narrow, and your favorite flip-flops are
pinching the nerve and making it slipped on as we head out to pick up
burn. Yesterday’s flats were plenty the last few things for your husband’s
roomy, but the sole was too thin to birthday party tomorrow. You know
offer any shock absorption. You can I’ll hoof it to get you to all the stores
fit those flats with a pad from the before they close. Your husband’s
drugstore—the extra cushioning been a little down since he was
takes pressure off the nerve to ease diagnosed with diabetes, and I want
the neuroma pain. to help you lift his spirits.
If this shoe experi- But these cheap
menting fails, the next plastic flip-flops are not
step is to talk to my cut out for an errand
favorite person—your If only you’d fit marathon. My toes
podiatrist—about your flats with have to over-grip to
treatments such as
injecting me with
a drugstore pad. keep the shoe from
flying off, which puts
a nerve block. The The cushioning a lot of unnecessary
combo of a numbing takes pressure stress on me. That pain
medication and you feel from ankle to
a steroid can some- off my nerves. inner arch? It’s my
times help decrease posterior tibial tendon
inflammation. cursing you. That ten-
Your afternoon meeting is long, don is one of my major supporting
which annoys you—but not me! After structures. Because I’m flat, it’s had
the pressure I’ve experienced all day, to work extra hard your whole life to
taking a load off feels good. help you walk. It’s getting tired now
Do you mind uncrossing your legs and relies on arch support in your
though? It sometimes pinches the shoe to do its job. These flimsy
peroneal nerve along the knee, which flip-flops have nothing. Please save
can leave me temporarily numb. That them for hanging out around the
“pins and needles” feeling you hate pool. And even better, replace these
is the nerve regaining function. with a sturdier pair (pick one that
And do you have to slap me against can’t fold in half easily).
the ground to help “wake me up” Alas, you push through my pain
faster? Ouch. and even manage a stop for a new
pair of shoes to match your party
No. More. Flip-Flops. outfit for tomorrow. I’m glad you
Your computer is shut down for the tried them on—you haven’t been
weekend, your heels are kicked off, a true size 8 in maybe a decade.

54 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 #
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H E A LT H

Between your pregnancies, which scrubbing back and forth, which

loosened my ligaments, and years splits the skin layers and causes
of weight bearing and wear and tear them to grow back flaky and rough.)
that weakened my tendons, I’m a tad I actually prefer this be done at home
bigger than I used to be. The half size rather than at the salon, where it can
up helps a lot. be a little brisk.
Ahhhhh. Thank you for slathering
Pamper Me, Please! on foot cream as soon as I stepped
You head to the bathroom to shower out of the shower, especially the one
before bed and find your husband with urea and lactic acid. They’re
sitting on the floor, using your com- strong enough to penetrate my thick
pact mirror to examine his feet. skin and bring out my softer side.
He’s been doing it every night The thick nail on my big toe,
since his diabetes diagnosis, and however, can’t be helped much. It
boy, are his feet grateful. Too much stems in part from your years in high
glucose in the blood can cause heels, which stressed and damaged
nerve damage and poor blood flow, the nail so that it now grows in
so the smallest crack or cut could thicker. The best way to trim it is
turn into an ulcer without prompt straight across and not too short—
care, and result in … my worst and polish goes a long way.
nightmare. It’s a lot more common Finally, you’re ready for some
than you think. More than half of beauty sleep. You slip some socks
lower-limb amputations (excluding on to keep me cozy. Smart move: This
accidents) occur in adults with should help you get a few extra winks.
diabetes. So who cares that he’s When I’m warm, my blood vessels di-
using your makeup mirror, as long late, which allows heat to redistribute
as he’s taking care of himself? throughout your body. That helps you
As for me, your new shoes for fall asleep faster and gives me more
tomorrow are sling backs, and my time to rest my weary toes so I’m
heel is in no shape to reveal so much ready to put my best foot forward.
skin. Not only is it drier with age,
but all that friction from your shoe EXPERTS: Jamal Ahmad, MD, orthopedic
foot and ankle surgeon, Rothman Institute
makes the top layers of skin get thick in Philadelphia; Christopher E. Hubbard,
and scaly. MD, chief of foot and ankle surgery,
The pumice stone you use in Department of Orthopedic Surgery
the shower is great to help remove at Mount Sinai Beth Israel in New York
City; M. Joel Morse, DPM, president
excess skin cells. (Just remember of the American Society of Podiatric
to pumice in one direction—that Dermatology; Jacqueline M. Sutera, DPM,
creates a smoother surface than City Podiatry in New York City

56 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 Do you experience vaginal dryness,
itching, irritation, or painful intercourse?

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 NEWS FROM THE

World of Medicine
BY KELSEY KLOSS

Om for a Healthier Heart day, what many experts recommend).

If you prefer a downward dog to Researchers say it could be because
an uphill walk, your cardiovascular salt raises blood pressure, which in
health still benefits. Yoga significantly turn may cause headaches.
reduces risk factors such as high
body mass index, blood pressure, Smile for Your Skeleton
and LDL cholesterol levels, found a Enjoying life may pay off in an unex-
new study of nearly 3,000 participants pected way. Finnish researchers
in the European Journal of Preventive collected data from more than
Cardiology. Effects were comparable 2,000 women and followed up after
to those of cardiovascular exercises ten years. Women who found life less
like biking or walking. satisfying experienced 52 percent
more bone weakening in their later
A Salty Culprit Behind years than those who found life
Headaches more satisfying; the results were
In a recent study published in the independent of lifestyle, diseases,
journal BMJ Open, participants ate physical activity, and other health
food with low, medium, or high factors. Though the exact relation-
sodium levels, each for 30-day ship is still unclear, experts
periods. Those who ate say promoting good
foods high in sodium spirits in the elderly
(about 3,300 milli- is just as important
grams of salt per as promoting a
day, what the healthy lifestyle.
P ROP STYLIST: ROBIN FI NLAY

average American
consumes) had Lift Away
one-third more Belly Fat
headaches than If you’re a cardio
those who ate foods junkie, add weights
low in sodium (about to your routine to
1,500 milligrams blast belly fat.
of salt per Harvard School

58 | 05•2015 | rd.com PHOTOGRAPH BY ADAM VOORHES

of Public Health researchers (linked with depression symptoms)
followed 10,500 healthy men for and lower melatonin levels (linked
12 years, assessing how their activity with poor sleep).
levels were linked to their waistlines.
Men who increased the amount of Age Affects Aspirin Risks
time they spent lifting weights by New research published in Heart
20 minutes a day had slimmer waists assessed data from a randomized
than those who increased aerobic trial of nearly 40,000 healthy women
exercise by 20 minutes a day. who took either 100 milligrams
Researchers recommend a mix of of aspirin or a placebo every other
weight training and aerobic activity day for ten years and were monitored
for best results. for five years after. Aspirin use was
linked to a reduced risk of colon
One-Minute Trick for cancer and heart disease, but for
Brain Health the majority of women under 65,
Can you balance on one leg for gastrointestinal bleeding risks out-
at least 20 seconds? Japanese weighed those benefits. For those
researchers asked more than age 65 and older, the risk for heart
1,000 participants (average age: 67) disease and colon cancer were larger,
to lift one leg for up to 60 seconds, so aspirin’s benefits outweighed
then compared their performance the intestinal risks.
with scans of their brains. Those
who couldn’t balance for more than The Science of Gift Giving
20 seconds were more likely to have Consider a gift card for your friend’s
cerebral small blood vessel disease birthday this year. New research
(linked to stroke and dementia) even presented at a Society for Personality
if they didn’t have classic symptoms. and Social Psychology conference
shows that when individuals are
The Healthiest Place to Sit given a choice between giving and
In the Office Is … receiving a general or specific gift,
Near a window. Brazilian researchers givers pride themselves on tailoring
assessed 20 women in a workspace gifts to their loved ones. However,
for a week, testing their levels of recipients prefer more general gifts,
melatonin and cortisol and recording like gift cards. But don’t necessarily
their sunlight exposure and amount opt for cash: Related research has
of physical activity. Half worked by a found that when people get cash,
window, while the other half did not. they feel obligated to spend it on
By 10 p.m., the women deprived of “useful” items rather than treating
a window had higher cortisol levels themselves.

NOTE: Ads were removed from this edition. Please continue to page 64.
LAUGHTER,
The Best
Medicine

51 true stories and jokes about health and

the people who make it happen
Scene: The operating room. I’m “Here,” says the nurse, handing the
reviewing the surgical checklist patient a urine specimen container.
with the nurses. “The bathroom’s over there.” A few
Me: We have the surgical equipment, minutes later, the patient comes out
the heart-lung machine, antibiotics, of the bathroom.
and the replacement heart valve on “Thanks,” he says, returning the
hand. empty container. “But there was
Patient: You wait until now to figure a toilet in there, so I didn’t need
this stuff out? MARC GILLINOV, MD, this after all.”
the Cleveland Clinic TRAVIS STORK, MD, Na s h v i l l e , Te n n e s s e e

PHOTOGRAPHS BY ROBERT TRACHTENBERG

ILLUSTRATIONS BY PETER ARKLE

64 | 05•2015 | rd.com
COVER STORY
LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE

Overheard in the TEST YOUR MEDICAL

VOCABULARY
Doctor’s Office
I prescribed an inhaler for a patient’s Patients reported that they
cat allergy. He came back a week suffered from these ailments.
later saying he was none the better. Can you decipher what they
Turns out, he was spraying the meant and come up with the
inhaler on the cat. Source: sunnyskyz.com
correct malady?
1) “Immaculate degeneration”
As I leaned in to check her eyes,
2) “Liza Minnelli”
my older patient got a little frisky.
“You remind me of my third 3) “Smiling mighty Jesus”
husband,” she said coyly. 4) “Fireballs of the universe”
“Third husband?” I asked. “How uterus
many have you had?” meningitis; 4) Fibroids of the
“Two.” LEON PENDRACKY, OD,
ation; 2) Salmonella; 3) Spinal
Av e l l a , P e n n s y l v a n i a
Answers: 1) Macular degener-

My patient announced she had good Sources: overheardintheoffice.com;

notalwaysright.com; reader Evelyn Rosemore,
news … and bad. “The medicine for Plano, Texas; Scrubs magazine
my earache worked,” she said.
“What’s the bad news?” I asked.
“It tasted awful.” Patient: Doctor, I slipped in the
Since she was feeling better, I didn’t grocery store and really hurt myself.
have the heart to tell her they’re Me: Where did you get hurt?
called eardrops for a reason. Patient: Aisle six.
MURRAY GROSSAN, MD, founder of
JOHN MUNSHOWER, DO,
the Grossan Institute, Los Ang eles
Me d i a , P e n n s y l v a n i a

I gave my patient the results of

her sleep study: “It looks like you
stopped breathing in your sleep
over 65 times per hour.”
P ROP STYLIST: LISA BAZ ADON A

Her response: “Did I start back?”

MICHAEL BREUS, PHD, S c o t t s d a l e , Ar i z o n a

During surgery, my fellow resident

bumped heads with the surgeon.
“Ah, Dr. Jones, a meeting of the
minds,” he said, laughing it off.
The surgeon mumbled, “Yes. And
I felt so alone.”
SID SCHWAB, MD, E v e r e t t , Wa s h i n g t o n
 READER’S DIGEST

From Our Side of

The Stethoscope
I was coming to just as my doctor
was finishing my colonoscopy.
Feeling some pressure “back
there,” I reached down and patted
the doctor on the head.
“It’s OK, Yehudi,” I said. “Just go
back to sleep.”
Yehudi is the name of my dog.
SHERRY MOORE, E a u C l a i r e , W i s c o n s i n

MEDICAL
TRANSCRIPTION
ERRORS

To paraphrase Mark Twain: Be When I went to the ER to have a

careful of medical transcripts; painful ingrown toenail removed,
you may die of a misprint. I was a complete basket case—
sobbing, gagging, petrified … the
● Social history reveals this
works. But my doctor knew how to
one-year-old patient does
GROOMING: JACQUELIN E BUSH FOR REN E F URTERER AND LA MER

calm me down.
not smoke or drink and is
“Don’t worry about a thing,” he
presently unemployed.
assured me. “I just looked up how to
● On the second day, the knee perform this operation on YouTube.”
was better, and on the third CHELSEA BENDER,
day, it disappeared. Ha m b u r g , P e n n s y l v a n i a
● Discharge status: alive but
without permission. The day after I had surgery on my
leg, a nurse came into my hospital
● Exam of genitalia reveals room with a box in her hand. “Are
that he is circus sized. you ready for this?”
● Occasional, constant “What is it?” I asked.
infrequent headaches. “Fleet enema. Didn’t your doctor
tell you about it?”
● Bleeding started in the
“No.”
rectal area and continued all
She rechecked the orders. “Whoa!”
the way to Los Angeles.
she bellowed. “That didn’t say Fleet
● She is numb from her toes enema. It said feet elevated!”
down. Sources: gmrtranscription.com; JULIA FUSSELL,
nursebuff.com
W i n s t o n -S a l e m , N o r t h C a r o l i n a

rd.com | 05•2015 | 67
LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE

Patient: I’m worried about this

birthmark.
Doctor: Birthmark, you say? How
long have you had it?
Source: overheardintheoffice.com

My husband’s new “unbreakable”

titanium eyeglasses broke. When
he brought the many pieces back to
the optometrist to have the glasses
replaced, the assistant asked what
had happened.
“They fell under the lawn mower,”
he explained.
“Oh,” she said, nodding. “Were you
wearing them at the time?”
SUSAN STRONG,
South Glastonbury, Connecticut

Overheard at the
TRIALS AND Nurses’ Station
FIBRILLATIONS
A gentleman calls our office with
Lawyer: Do you recall the time questions about an upcoming test
that you examined the body? he is scheduled for, and we talk
Doctor: The autopsy started at length about the procedure.
around 8:30 p.m. Patient: I’m sorry to have so many
Lawyer: And Mr. Eddington questions.
was dead at the time? Me: Oh, that’s no problem. You can
always call and ask for clarification
Lawyer: Doctor, did you say when you need it.
he was shot in the woods? Patient: Thank you very much, Clara
Doctor: No, I said he was shot Fication! You’ve been very helpful.
in the lumbar region. Source: notalwaysright.com

Lawyer: Now, Doctor, isn’t it After discussing a patient, the

true that when a person dies doctor ended his conversation by
in his sleep, in most cases he telling me, “I love you.” Following an
just passes quietly away and awkward pause, he said, “I’m sorry,
doesn’t know anything about you were telling me what to do, so it
it until the next morning? made me think I was speaking with
Source: rinkworks.com my wife.” Source: Scrubs magazine
 READER’S DIGEST

Call it … carma! A car belonging to

a pregnant patient was broken into.
The only thing that was stolen was
a wine bottle in a brown paper bag.
4 MEDICAL EXCUSES It turns out, that’s where she was
FOR MISSING WORK keeping her urine sample, which
(PEOPLE ACTUALLY she’d brought in to be tested.
THOUGHT MIGHT FLY) JANET GROW, O v e r l a n d Pa r k , K a n s a s

● “My child stuck a mint up I asked a young mother in our neo-

my nose, and I had to go to natal unit why she thought we had
the emergency room to have so many expectant mothers from
it removed.” her small town. She said, “Well, we
don’t have cable.” Source: Scrubs magazine
● “I got sick from reading too
much.”
The doctor explained to his
● Employee got stuck in the patient that she suffered from
blood pressure machine at the cervicitis, or inflammation of the
grocery store and couldn’t get cervix. Concerned, she demanded
out. that he test her husband for it too.
● “My dog wasn’t feeling well, The doctor assured her, “I’m
so I tasted his food, and then positive your husband does not
I got sick.” Sources: careerbuilder.com; have cervicitis.”
blog.oregonlive.com She shot back, “How do you know?
You haven’t examined him yet.”
ROIANNE LOPE, P i n e Hi l l , Ne w Je r s e y
I was working in a long-term-care fa-
cility, and there was a celebration for
one of the residents. It was her 100th
birthday. She was quite somnolent as
the party began, so I asked her, “Do
you know how old you are today?”
“No, how old am I?”
“You’re 100 years old.”
“Well, no wonder I’m so tired.”
Source: healthdegrees.com

Scene: I answer a patient’s phone

call …
Me: Dermatology, how may I help
you?
Patient: Hi, I just had an autopsy. I’d
like to know my results.
Source: notalwaysright.com

rd.com | 05•2015 | 69
LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE

Take Two Jokes

And Call Me in the
Morning!
A doctor tells his wife, “You’re a
terrible cook, you spend too much
money, and you’re a lousy lover!”
Two weeks later, he comes home to
find her making out with his partner.
“What’s going on here?!” he
demands.
“Just getting a second opinion,”
she replies.
S u b m i t t e d b y DEBORAH AXELROD, MD,
Ne w Yo r k Un i v e r s i t y
Perlmutter Cancer Center

“Did you hear what happened to

MEDICINE IN THE NEWS
Mel?” one friend said to another. “He
was seeing his doctor for six months
Actual stories ripped from the because of chest pains and short-
headlines: ness of breath. Last week, he
● “Utah Poison Control Center dropped dead from cancer.”
reminds everyone not to take “That’s terrible,” says the other
poison” Source: kizaz.com friend. “Well, I told him a hundred
times to go see my doctor.”
● “Elderly woman breaks hip
“Is he any good?”
at Niagara hospital, told by
“Good? He’s the best! If he treats
staff to call ambulance”
you for heart problems … you’ll die
Source: the Toronto Star
of heart problems.”
● “Breathing oxygen linked to S u b m i t t e d b y STEVEN LAMM, MD,
staying alive” N Y U L a n g o n e Me d i c a l C e n t e r
Source: Masoc County News (Texas)
Mr. Harper sued a hospital, saying
● “Troopers: Trucker pulling
that after his wife had surgery there,
his own tooth caused accident
she lost all interest in sex.
that congested I-20/59”
A hospital spokesperson replied,
Source: al.com
“Mrs. Harper was admitted for
cataract surgery. All we did was
correct her eyesight.”
S u b m i t t e d b y AMAR SAFDAR, MD,
N Y U L a n g o n e Me d i c a l C e n t e r
RD CLASSIC

A little boy forges a strong

connection with the local
telephone operator This article first
appeared in the

Voice
June 1966 issue of
THE Reader’s Digest.

Box
IN THE

BY PAUL VILLIARD

HEN I WAS QUITE YOUNG, my family

had one of the first telephones in the
neighborhood. I remember well the polished
oak case fastened to the wall on the lower stair landing. The shiny
receiver hung on the side of the box. I even remember the number:
105. I was too little to reach the telephone, but I used to listen with
fascination when my mother talked to it. Once she lifted me up to
speak to my father, who was away on business. Magic!

72 | 05•2015 | rd.com ILLUSTRATION BY GÉRARD DUBOIS

T H E VO I C E I N T H E B OX

Then I discovered that somewhere “Isn’t your mother home?” came

inside that wonderful device lived the question.
an amazing person—her name was “Nobody’s home but me,” I blub-
“Information Please,” and there was bered.
nothing that she did not know. My “Are you bleeding?”
mother could ask her for anybody’s “No,” I replied. “I hit it with the
number; when our clock ran down, hammer, and it hurts.”
Information Please immediately sup- “Can you open your icebox?” she
plied the correct time. asked. I said I could.
“Then chip off a little
Y FIRST per- piece of ice, and hold it
sonal experi- I called on your finger. That will
ence with Information stop the hurt. Be care-
this genie-in- Please for ful when you use the ice
the-receiver came one day pick,” she admonished.
while my mother was vis-
everything: “And don’t cry. You’ll be
iting a neighbor. Amusing geography and all right.”
myself at the tool bench in arithmetic After that, I called
the basement, I whacked help—and what Information Please for
my finger with a hammer. everything. I asked her
The pain was terrible, but
to feed my pet for help with my geog-
there didn’t seem to be chipmunk. raphy, and she told me
much use crying, because where Philadelphia was,
there was no one home to and the Orinoco, the
offer sympathy. I walked around romantic river that I was going to
the house sucking my throbbing explore when I grew up. She helped
finger, finally arriving at the stairway. me with my arithmetic, and she
The telephone! Quickly I ran for told me that my pet chipmunk—I had
the footstool in the parlor and caught him in the park just the day
dragged it to the landing. Climbing before—would eat fruit and nuts.
up, I unhooked the receiver and held And there was the time that my
it to my ear. “Information Please,” I pet canary passed away. I called
said into the mouthpiece just above Information Please and told her the
my head. sad story. She listened, then said the
A click or two, and a small, clear usual things that grown-ups say to
voice spoke into my ear. “Information.” soothe a child. But I was unconsoled:
“I hurt my fingerrrr—” I wailed into Why was it that birds should sing so
the phone. The tears came readily beautifully and bring joy to whole fam-
enough, now that I had an audience. ilies, only to end as a heap of feathers,

74 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

feet up, on the bottom of a cage? he pulled the cord out of the box.”
She must have sensed my deep He hung up, smiled, gave me a pat
concern, for she said quietly, “Paul, on the head, and walked out the door.
always remember that there are other

A
worlds to sing in.” LL THIS TOOK PL ACE in
Somehow I felt better. a small town in the Pacific
Another day I was at the telephone. Northwest. Then, when
“Information,” said the now familiar I was nine years old, we
voice. moved across the country to Boston—
“How do you spell fix?” I asked. and I missed my mentor acutely.
“Fix something? F-i-x.” Information Please belonged in that
At that instant, my sister, who took old wooden box back home, and I
unholy joy in scaring me, jumped somehow never thought of trying the
off the stairs at me with a banshee tall, skinny new phone that sat on a
shriek—“Yaaaaaaaaa!” I fell off the small table in the hall.
stool, pulling the receiver out of Yet, as I grew into my teens, the
the box by its roots. We were both memories of those childhood conver-
terrified—Information Please was no sations never really left me; often in
longer there, and I was not at all sure moments of doubt and perplexity, I
that I hadn’t hurt her when I pulled would recall the serene sense of secu-
the receiver out. rity I had when I knew that I could call
Minutes later, there was a man on Information Please and get the right
the porch. “I’m a telephone repair- answer. I appreciated how very pa-
man,” he said. “I was working down tient, understanding, and kind she was
the street, and the operator said there to have wasted her time on a little boy.
might be some trouble at this num- A few years later, on my way west to
ber.” He reached for the receiver in my college, my plane put down at Seattle. I
hand. “What happened?” had about half an hour between plane
I told him. connections, and I spent 15 minutes
“Well, we can fix that in a minute or or so on the phone with my sister, who
two.” He opened the telephone box, lived there now, happily mellowed
exposing a maze of wires, and coiled by marriage and motherhood. Then,
and fiddled for a while with the end really without thinking what I was
of the receiver cord, tightening things doing, I dialed my hometown operator
with a small screwdriver. He jiggled and said, “Information Please.”
the hook up and down a few times, Miraculously, I heard again the
then spoke into the phone. “Hi, this small, clear voice I knew so well:
is Pete. Everything’s under control at “Information.”
105. The kid’s sister scared him, and I hadn’t planned this, but I heard

rd.com | 05•2015 | 75
T H E VO I C E I N T H E B OX

myself saying, “Could you tell me, one of these days, you’ll be off for the
please, how to spell the word fix?” Orinoco. Well, goodbye.”
There was a long pause. Then came

J
the softly spoken answer. “I guess,” U S T T H R E E M O N T H S later,
said Information Please, “that your I was back again at the Seattle
finger must have healed by now.” airport. A different voice an-
I laughed. “So it’s really still you,” swered, “Information,” and
I said. “I wonder if you have any I asked for Sally.
idea how much you “Are you a friend?”
meant to me during all “Yes,” I said. “An old
that time … ” friend.”
“I wonder,” she re- I told her how “Then I’m sorry to
plied, “if you know how often I had have to tell you. Sally
much you meant to me? thought of her had been working only
I never had any chil- part-time in the last few
dren, and I used to look
and asked if I years because she was
forward to your calls. could call again. ill. She died five weeks
Silly, wasn’t it?” “Please do. Just ago.” But before I could
It didn’t seem silly, ask for Sally.” hang up, she said, “Wait
but I didn’t say so. In- a minute. Did you say
stead I told her how your name was Villiard?”
often I had thought of her over the “Yes.”
years, and I asked if I could call her “Well, Sally left a message for you.
again when I came back to visit my She wrote it down.”
sister after the first semester was over. “What was it?” I asked, almost
“Please do. Just ask for Sally.” knowing in advance what it would be.
“G oodbye, Sally.” It sounded “Here it is; I’ll read it—‘Tell him I
strange for Information Please to have still say there are other worlds to sing
a name. “If I run into any chipmunks, in. He’ll know what I mean.’ ”
I’ll tell them to eat fruit and nuts.” I thanked her and hung up. I did
“Do that,” she said. “And I expect know what Sally meant.

WINNING AT LIFE

I’m so glad I moved walking distance from a supermarket.

Now all I have to do to get groceries is drive across the street!
@TAYLORCOMEDY

76 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 The Christianity Myth
K. A. G. Thackerey
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One way is the traditional way, with divine intervention; and the other way is
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Mia de Laire NSLeumas
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SCIENCE

GI N G
JO
T
G
H E
O N NA L
NA T IO
E R
IN T
PAC E
S TION
STA rican
,
public s.
r
th e Ame for 15 yea
nb y arth
ly forgotte orbiting E r days.
Large have been pend thei
auts they s
astron ere’s how HMA
S FIS TIC
N
H HA R L E
LAN
BY C E AT
M TH
FRO

78 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 Due to zero
gravity, astronaut
Reid Wiseman is
tethered to the
treadmill when
working out.
J O G G I N G O N T H E I N T E R N AT I O N A L S PA C E S TAT I O N

hen humans move to space, we are the aliens,

the extraterrestrials. And so, when living in
space, the oddness never quite goes away.
Consider something as elemental as sleep.
When an astronaut is ready to sleep aboard the
International Space Station, he or she climbs
into a sleeping bag tethered to a wall in a
private cubicle the size of an airplane lavatory.

“On Earth,” says Col. Mike Hopkins, The station, a vast outpost big
who returned in March 2014 from a enough that it can be spotted tracing
six-month tour on the space station, across the night sky when it passes
“after a long day, when you first lie overhead, is a joint operation: half
down on your bed, there’s an immedi- American, half Russian. Navigation
ate sense of relaxation.” But in space, and operations are shared, and the
there is no gravity, and thus, no lying role of station commander alternates
down. “You never have that feeling of between a cosmonaut and an astro-
taking weight off your feet—or that naut. The Russians and Americans
emotional relief.” typically keep to their own modules
Sleep position presents its own during the workday. But the crews
challenges. The main question is often gather for meals and hang out
whether you want your arms inside or together after work.
outside the sleeping bag. If you leave As a facility, a spacecraft, and a hab-
your arms out, they float free in zero itation, the station has its own person-
gravity, often drifting out from your ality and quirks. On the station, the
body, giving a sleeping astronaut the ordinary becomes peculiar. The ex-
look of a wacky ballet dancer. “I’m an ercise bike has no handlebars. It also
inside guy,” Hopkins says. “I like to be has no seat. With no gravity, it’s just as
cocooned up.” easy to pedal furiously, feet strapped
ALL P HOTOS : COURTESY NASA

Spaceflight has faded from Ameri- in, without either. You can watch a
can consciousness even as our per- movie while you pedal by floating a
formance in space has reached a new laptop anywhere you want. But sta-
level of accomplishment. Every day, tion residents have to be careful about
half a dozen men and women are staying in one place too long. Without
living and working in orbit on the gravity to help circulate air, the carbon
International Space Station—and dioxide you exhale has a tendency to
have been since November 2000. form an invisible cloud around your

80 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

head, resulting in a carbon-dioxide Control in Houston and Moscow do.

headache. And while the food is much And life on the station is managed via
better than it was 20 years ago, most spreadsheet: Every minute of each
of it’s still vacuum-packed or canned. astronaut’s workday is mapped out in
The arrival of a few oranges on a cargo blocks devoted to specific tasks. As-
ship every couple of months is cause tronauts typically start work by 7:30
for jubilation. a.m. and stop at 7:00 p.m. They are
supposed to have the weekends off,

H
“ EY, HOUSTON, this is Station.
Good morning. We’re ready for
the morning DPC.”
but Saturday is devoted to cleaning
the station—vital, but no more fun in
orbit than housecleaning down here.
That’s U.S. station commander Highly educated, highly motivated
Steven Swanson, hailing Mission astronauts end up doing one task
Control from orbit one morning last after another, all day long, some of
July. Every day starts and ends with them fun and intellectually chal-
a daily planning conference, or DPC. lenging (conducting research with
Although the astronauts live and ground-based scientists), some of
work in the space station, they don’t them tedious (recording the serial
fly it or otherwise control it—Mission numbers of the items in the trash

The space station is as long as a football field and sees a fresh sunrise every 92 minutes.
J O G G I N G O N T H E I N T E R N AT I O N A L S PA C E S TAT I O N

before sending them to be burned up to understand life in space. As with

in the atmosphere). No one signs up anything else, the privileges and joys
to fly through space in order to empty of working in space don’t neutralize
the urine container or swap out air ordinary office politics.
filters.
From 2003 to 2010, ten astronauts
who served on the station each kept
a diary as part of a study on people
S TILL, ASTRONAUTS never tire
of watching Earth spin below—
one wrote of stopping at a window and
living in extreme environments. being so captivated that he watched an
The anonymous diaries reveal men entire orbit. “I have been looking at
and women who are thrilled by life in Earth from the point of view of a visit-
space, though occasionally bored and ing extraterrestrial,” wrote another.
sometimes seriously irritated. “Where would I put down, and how
“I had to laugh to myself at the pro- would I go about making contact?”
cedures today,” wrote one station as- The diary entries make it very clear
tronaut. “To replace a lightbulb, I had that six months is a long time to be
to have safety glasses and a vacuum in space—a long time to go without
cleaner handy. This was in case the family and friends, without fresh food,
bulb broke. However, the actual bulb without feeling sunshine or rain or the
is encased in a plastic enclosure, so pleasures of gravity; a long time to be
even if it did break, the shards would tethered to the tasks of maintaining
be completely contained. Also, I body and station, on a ship with no
had to take a photo of the installed bathing or laundry facilities.
bulb—before turning it on. Why? I On the station, NASA and the
have no idea! It’s just the way NASA astronauts themselves have had to be
does things.” more attentive to morale. The space
“It has been a pretty tedious week station has a telephone—astronauts
with tasks that were clearly allotted can call anyone they want, whenever
too little time on the schedule,” wrote it’s convenient—and their families get
another. “Talking to [a Mission Control specially programmed iPads for pri-
staffer] today, I realized he just doesn’t vate videoconferences. The astronauts
understand how we work up here.” have private conversations with NASA
That’s a pretty standard com- psychologists once every two weeks.
plaint, of course: Soldiers at the front The space station is stocked with
line have one impression of how the movies and books. But Ed Lu, one of
war is going; military headquarters the earliest crew members, decided
has another. All report getting along that he wasn’t going to spend his free
well. But from the astronauts’ per- time doing something so earthly as
spective, it’s hard for the ground staff reading a paperback. The singular ex-

82 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

perience of space is the flying—not fly- ing new dishes to make with the food
ing the spaceship you’re in, but flying, NASA supplied, especially with the de-
yourself, inside it. That’s what really livery of, say, a fresh onion. “It takes
makes you an astronaut—the almost hours,” she says. “Why hours? Think
unbelievable liberation from gravity. about one thing: when you cook, how
I don’t know if I’m ever coming often you throw things in a trash can.
back here, Lu remembers thinking. How can you do that? Because gravity
“I wanted to do things I could never lets you throw things in the trash.
do at home. I decided Without gravity, you
to learn to fly better, have to figure out what
to learn acrobatics,” to do. I put the trash on
he says. “I would pick SIX MONTHS IS a piece of duct tape, but
a module and say to A LONG TIME TO even so, dealing with
myself, Every time I go GO WITHOUT the trash takes forever.”
through this module, FAMILY AND When you’re in zero
I’m going to fly through FRIENDS, G, all the fluids in your
without touching the WITHOUT THE body are in zero G, too,
sides. I would pick a PLEASURES OF so astronauts often feel
compartment and say, GRAVITY. s t u f f y - h e a d e d f ro m
Every time I go through fluid migrating to their
this compartment, I’m sinuses; some end up
going to do a double flip.” literally puffy faced.
“What’s it like to live in zero G?” Zero G also causes bone-mass loss.
asks Sandra Magnus, who took Bones regenerate and grow partly in
three spaceflights. “It’s a lot of fun,” response to the work they have to do
she says, laughing. “The thing is, in each day. Without weight to support
space, Newton’s laws rule your life. in space, the bones make fresh cells
If you’re doing something as simple at a slower rate; they thin and weaken.
as typing on a laptop, you’re exerting A postmenopausal woman on Earth
force on the keyboard, and you end might lose 1 percent of bone mass a
up getting pushed away and floating year. An astronaut of either gender
off. You have to hold yourself down can lose 1 percent a month.
with your feet.” The antidote is almost relentless
exercise. The astronauts have three

G RAVITY IS AN indispensable exercise machines—the seatless bike,

organizing tool, she says, one a treadmill, and a weight machine
you don’t appreciate until you have to with a 600-pound capacity. Astronauts
live without it. Magnus liked to cook are scheduled for two and a half hours
for her colleagues on the station, find- of exercise a day, six days a week.

rd.com | 05•2015 | 83
J O G G I N G O N T H E I N T E R N AT I O N A L S PA C E S TAT I O N

Sweating in the craft isn’t pleasant.

“On the ground, when you’re riding
the bike, the sweat drips off you,” says
C APT. SCOTT KELLY and Col.
Tim Kopra are standing back-
to-back on a steel platform in the
Hopkins. “Up there, the sweat sticks Neutral Buoyancy Lab in Houston,
to you—you have pools of sweat on outfitted in NASA space suits. A crane
your arms, your head, around your slowly lowers the astronauts into a
eyes.” The astronauts use large wipes huge swimming pool. Kelly and Kopra
and dry towels to clean off. “The will spend six hours underwater, do-
shower was one of those things that ing a practice space walk, going
I missed.” through every step of replacing part of
The focus on fitness is as much the space station’s robotic arm. It’s a
about keeping any individual astro- maintenance task they will do in
naut healthy as it is about science and space in November.
the future. NASA is worried about two They spend 30 minutes getting
things: recovery time once astronauts latched into the suits, each of which
return home and, crucially, how to weighs 230 pounds empty. “See how
maintain strength and fitness for the each astronaut has three or four guys
two and a half years or more that it helping him?” says astronaut Kevin
would take to make a round-trip to Ford. “On the station, it’s just one guy.
Mars. Figuring out how to get to Mars The procedure to get into the space
safely, in fact, underlies much of what suits and out the hatch is a 400-step
happens on the station. checklist. And you don’t want to skip
That’s because we don’t yet un- too many of those steps.”
derstand all the implications of Spacewalking is the ultimate thrill
long-duration spaceflight. “Five years ride. When you’re outside the station,
ago,” says John Charles of NASA ’s sealed into your one-person space-
Human Research Program, “we had craft, you are literally an indepen-
an astronaut all of a sudden say, dent astronomical body, a tiny moon
‘Hey, my eyesight has changed. I’m of Earth, orbiting at 17,500 miles an
three months into this flight, and I hour. When you look at Earth between
can’t read the checklists anymore.’ ” your boots, that first step is more than
It turns out that all that fluid shifting one million feet down.
upward in zero G “pushes on the eye- But spacewalking also exemplifies
ball from behind and flattens it,” says just how dangerous space is, how a
Charles. “Many astronauts slowly get single connector not properly mated
farsighted in orbit.” can lead to catastrophe, or how a
Bone mass and aerobic fitness all re- single O-ring can lead to destruction,
turn to normal, for the most part, back as it did with the Challenger shuttle di-
on Earth. But astronauts’ eyes do not. saster in 1986. NASA grapples with risk

84 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

by wringing all the surprise out of it. All in space as curious explorers now
the scripting, the rehearsal, the design because one day we may need to fly in
considerations—life in space isn’t just space, as miners or settlers.
stranger than folks realize; it’s harder. These are long-horizon ideas—
The space walk is in some ways centuries long. Even so, what’s miss-
a microcosm of the whole space- ing from them is a sense of how hard
station program : difficult, awe- living, working, and traveling in space
inspiring, and strangely tautological. still is. We take for granted something
Astronauts walk in space to maintain that is anything but routine. The
and repair the space station so that astronauts experience this every day.
future astronauts will have a base to One day on the station, Mike Fincke
fly to. decided it would be fun to call one of
And they fly in space because of his professors from MIT.
human ambition, because nothing “So the department secretar y
tests our ability and character like answers the phone,” Fincke says. “She
stretching ourselves beyond what we said, ‘Well, he’s busy right now.’ Pause.
can do now. We fly in space because ‘But I guess because you’re calling
space is the eighth continent. We fly from space, I’ll put you through.’ ”
THE ATLANTIC (JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2015), COPYRIGHT © 2015, BY THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY GROUP, THEATLANTIC.COM.

Since it was launched in 2000, the ISS has been home to 216 men and women.
ANIMALS

ILLUSTRATIONS BY ERIC NYQUIST

 Saving lives, comforting strangers,
battling bears: Do animals
have instincts to help human beings?
These four pets do.

BY JEFF CAM P BE LL
F R OM T H E BO O K DAI SY TO T H E R E SCU E

THESE DAYS, YOU’D BE HARD-PRESSED to find a scientist who doesn’t

acknowledge that most animals have the ability to feel emotion in some way.
In the past decade, a tremendous amount of research has focused on how ani-
mals think and feel and the possibility that they possess reason and morals. We
may never know what motivates animals when they go out of their way to save
people, as they do in these stories, but in these moments, it’s hard not to see
striking evidence of empathy, love, and perhaps a basic understanding of life.

ROSELLE’S FINEST HOUR Labrador retriever named Roselle,

BREED: Labrador retriever dozed by his feet.
WHERE: New York City At 8:46 a.m., a tremendous boom
On the morning of September 11, rocked the building, eliciting screams
2001, computer sales manager throughout the floor. Michael grabbed
Michael Hingson, who is blind, went Roselle’s harness, trusting that the dog
early to his office on the 78th floor of would lead him out of danger, and
the North Tower of the World Trade they navigated their way to a stairwell.
Center to prepare for a meeting. As “Forward,” Michael instructed, and
Michael worked, his guide dog, a they descended the first of 1,463 steps

rd.com | 05•2015 | 87
THE MOST HEROIC DOGS IN AMERICA

to the lobby. After about ten floors,

the stairwell grew crowded and hot,
and the fumes from jet fuel had made
it hard to breathe.
When a woman became hysterical,
yelling that they wouldn’t make it,
Roselle nudged the woman until she
finally petted the dog, calmed herself,
and kept walking down the stairs.
Around the 30th floor, firefighters
started passing Michael on their
way up. Each one stopped to offer
him assistance. He declined but let
Roselle be petted, providing many
of the firefighters with what would
be their last experience of uncondi-
tional love. In 2004, Roselle developed a blood
After about 45 minutes, Michael disorder, and she retired from guiding
and Roselle reached the lobby, and and touring three years later. She died
15 minutes later, they emerged out- in 2011.
side to a scene of chaos. Suddenly “I’ve had many other dogs,” Michael
the police yelled for everyone to wrote, “but there is only one Roselle.”
run as the South Tower began to
collapse. LITTLE JOE VERSUS
Michael kept a tight grip on THE BLACK BEAR
Roselle’s harness, using voice and BREED: Yorkshire terrier
hand commands, as they ran to a WHERE: Ringwood, New Jersey
street opposite the crumbling tower. Deborah Epstein’s Yorkie, Joe, proved
The street bounced like a trampoline, that guard dogs sometimes come in
the sky rained debris, and “a deafen- small packages. On a warm July day in
ing roar” like a hellish freight train 2013, Joe and his owner were loung-
filled the air. Hours later, Michael and ing on Deborah’s front porch when
Roselle made it home safely. the phone rang. Deborah stepped
In the months that followed, inside to answer it, leaving the front
Michael became a spokesperson for door open. Seconds later, Joe began
Guide Dogs for the Blind, the orga- barking excitedly. That’s not unusual
nization that had trained Roselle. for a terrier, especially this little shel-
Together, they spread their message ter dog, but he “sounded a little more
about trust and teamwork. furious than usual,” Deborah said.

88 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

Sh e t u r n e d a ro u n d t o s e e a an unseasonable, violent snowstorm

100-pound black bear making its blew in. When the couple went out-
way toward Joe’s food bowl in the side to check the weather, several
living room. Big mistake. “You don’t trees fell, trapping them in a narrow
touch [Joe’s food],” said Deborah. alley between two buildings. Eve
She watched in awe as the six-pound and Norman weren’t wearing coats
dog growled, barked, lunged, and or gloves and couldn’t climb over or
nipped at the bear until it retreated. duck below the tree trunks. For the
“Joe chased it right back out the next two and a half hours, they hud-
door,” Deborah said. The bear dled together for warmth as the snow
escaped into the woods behind piled higher.
Deborah’s house. “We were in big trouble,” Eve said.
The prospect of losing his food may “I told Norman, ‘We can’t stay here.
have propelled Joe into action, but he We’ll die.’”
managed to defend his territory and Around 9:30 p.m., Shana, who was
protect his owner at the same time. outside, began burrowing toward Eve
“I saved him from the pound, and and Norman in the deep snow. It took
he saved me from a bear,” Deborah the dog nearly two hours, but even-
said. “We’re even.” tually she cleared a narrow tunnel
about 20 feet long stretching from the
SHANA’S FROZEN DIG front porch of the main house to the
BREED: German shepherd–wolf mix Fertigs’ location.
WHERE: Alden, New York When Shana finally broke through
In 1999, Eve and Norman Fertig, the snow and reached the curled-
founders of the Enchanted Forest up couple, she gave one short
Wildlife Sanctuary, saved a two-week- bark. Her message was
old half-wolf, half–German shepherd clear: Follow me.
from a puppy mill. The pup they
named Shana grew to an intimidat-
ing 160 pounds, but Eve said the dog
trailed her like “a little lamb.”
One October several
years back, as the
Fertigs, both then
81, fed injured
rescue animals
housed in one
of the buildings
on their land,

rd.com | 05•2015 | 89
THE MOST HEROIC DOGS IN AMERICA

Norman looked at the tunnel, MAX’S PAINFUL CHOICE

which was a foot high, and refused, BREED: German shepherd
telling Eve he’d spent too much time WHERE: Novato, California
in foxholes in Okinawa during World Late one night in February 2014, Jack
War II. But in her no-nonsense Bronx Farell, 80, called 911 to report a dog
accent, Eve changed her husband’s attack. He had woken up bleeding on
mind: “Norman, if you do not follow his kitchen floor, his left arm in the
me, I will get a divorce.” jaws of his adopted German shep-
Shana grabbed Eve’s jacket and herd, Max. “I thought he had turned
guided the 86-pound woman onto her on me,” said Jack, a retired firefighter.
back. Norman clutched Eve’s ankles, But as emergency personnel figured
and for the next two hours, Shana out later, Max had actually saved Jack
pulled the couple through the tunnel. from carbon monoxide poisoning.
Shana finally reached the house When Jack had gotten out of bed
around 2 a.m., and the Fertigs man- during the night, he’d passed out from
aged to get just inside the front door. inhaling the gas and collapsed to the
They collapsed with fatigue. The floor. Max likely tried to wake the man
storm had knocked out the electric- by clawing his face, to no avail. So the
ity and heat, but Shana lay next to dog took Jack’s left arm in his mouth
them all night. “She kept us alive,” Eve and pulled the comatose man from
said. the bedroom and down the hall, pre-
Firefighters arrived later that morn- sumably intending to drag Jack out of
ing and were astonished at the sight. the house.
Eve said, “They kept looking at that When Jack learned the
tunnel and saying, ‘We’ve never seen truth, his heart flooded with
anything like it.’” gratitude. “He saved my life,”
After the ordeal, it took five months Jack said.
for Shana’s feet to heal from the
injuries she received while digging.

DAISY TO THE RESCUE: TRUE STORIES OF DARING DOGS, PARAMEDIC PARROTS, AND OTHER ANIMALS,
COPYRIGHT © 2014 BY JEFF CAMPBELL, IS PUBLISHED BY ZEST BOOKS; ZESTBOOKS.NET.
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WHAT IT’S LIKE ...

To See
Millions
Of Colors
BY BE TH D R E H E R

F
OR CONCETTA ANTICO, the night sky bursts with sapphire and
violet; a pink rose is tinged with gold and azure; a stone pathway
is a rainbow of oranges, yellows, greens, blues, and pale reds.
Antico has “super vision,” or tetrachromacy, a rare genetic condi-
tion that allows her to see nearly 100 million colors. Compare that
with the one million colors people with normal vision can see.

While super vision isn’t unusual more colors in low light,” says Antico.
in animals—a few species of birds “If you and I look at a leaf, I may see
choose mates based on subtle color magenta running around the outside
differences in feathers, and some of the leaf or turquoise in certain parts
insects can see color wavelengths that where you would just see dark green,”
flowers reflect—it’s estimated that Antico says. “Where the light is mak-
the condition affects only 1 percent of ing shadows on the walls, I’m seeing
human beings. violets and lavenders and turquoise.
“I see more nuanced shades and You’re just seeing gray.”

92 | 05•2015 | rd.com ILLUSTRATION BY SILJA GOETZ

 “She truly does see the world as tetrachromacy. “I want everyone
differently than we do,” says neurolo- to realize how beautiful the world is,”
gist Wendy Martin, who has studied she says. (Neither of her sons has the
Antico’s case. mutation.)
As a child in Australia, Antico knew Despite Antico’s enhanced visual
she had a unique point of view. At experience, there’s a downside to full-
seven, she painted vivid reproductions spectrum vision: sensory overload.
of works by Cézanne, “When I wake up, I stare
Van Gogh, and Monet in out the window for a
oils. Now she makes her little while because I
living as a painter and The mutation can’t help but see all
an art instructor in San that led to the colors outside,”
Diego, where she moved
with her husband,
Antico’s super Antico told the BBC .
“I see all the colors in
Jason Pizzinat, in the vision also the wood floor as I’m
mid-1980s. The colors caused her walking to the bath-
she sees in Southern daughter’s color room. I notice all the
California’s flora and colors in the toothpaste.
fauna make up her
blindness. Downstairs, the fruit in
vast palette. the bowl [is bursting
Antico readily volun- with color].”
teers for scientific studies, hoping that The grocery store is “a nightmare,”
research on her will also lead to a bet- Antico continued. Down every aisle,
ter understanding of color blindness, “it’s [an assault] of color.”
which affects the vision of her 12-year- Perhaps as a result, Antico says
old daughter. Color blindness can be her favorite color is white. “It is so
caused by the same genetic mutation peaceful and restful for my eyes.”

RIDDLE ME THIS

QUESTION: I multiply, but never breed;

live on air, but never breathe. Devour much, but never eat;
I’m often measured by my heat.
What am I?

ANSWER: Fire.

rd.com | 05•2015 | 93
NATIONAL INTEREST

To frack or not to frack? A science writer who

inherited a share in a Texas oil well is forced to choose.

My J. R. Ewing
Moment
BY W IL LI A M SA R G E N T FR O M T H E C H R I ST I AN SC I E NC E MON ITOR

E A ST TE XAS BET W E E N Houston and Galveston is a low

flatland of cayenne pepper heat coming off the tepid waters
of Galveston Bay. The cries of laughing gulls and great-tailed
grackles fill the salty air. Donkey-head wells and offshore rigs
are moored opposite shrimp boats.
I’m here to check out an oil well I own. And I’ve come to
ILLUSTRATION BY JOE MCKENDRY

WILLIAM answer a question: Should I hang on to its mineral rights and

SARGENT is keep getting my small royalty check each month? Or sell them
a consultant to a wildcat suitor who wants to “frack” the well?
for PBS’s This could be my J. R. Ewing moment.
NOVA and
Like many Americans, I’ve followed the debate over frack-
the author
of 20 books ing from a distance. The technology, which uses prodigious
about science amounts of pressurized water laced with chemicals to break
and the shale rock and liberate entombed oil or natural gas, is either go-
environment. ing to help the United States achieve an elusive goal—to become

94 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 energy independent—or unleash a conflicts of interest. He gave my sis-
host of problems. ters and me part ownership of a well
As a science writer from a famously that he had bought from an old Army
liberal state, Massachusetts, I’m buddy. That might sound pretty grand,
keenly aware of how my values clash but the well had been in operation for
RICHARD HAM ILTON SMI TH/GALLERY STOCK

with famously conservative Texas. In years and was producing a trickle,

Massachusetts, we post “frog cross- enough to pay each of us $28 a month.
ing” signs at every vernal pool. In It wasn’t that unusual at the time
Texas, they post “pipeline crossing” to own an oil well. In many countries,
signs at almost every intersection. the government owns the rights to oil,
gas, and other underground resources
YES, EVERYDAY FOLKS and controls development. Here, oil
OWN OIL WELLS companies deal directly with the peo-
I became an oil well owner in 1968, at ple who own the booty, which tends
the age of 22. My father was running to encourage entrepreneurialism and
for governor, and he had to divest development, for better or worse.
himself of many holdings to avoid In 1973, I started receiving letters

rd.com | 05•2015 | 95
 MY J. R. EWING MOMENT

from Exxon explaining that the com- royalties plunged to about $10 a month.
pany planned to “unitize” our oil field, I was beginning to feel a little less like
so we’d be paid a percentage of what J. R. Ewing and a lot more like Cliff
the entire field produced rather than Barnes, the dupe who was always
what came from our individual well. getting outfoxed by the Ewings. But
There was a risk: We could earn less. time passed and technology pro-
The company offered to buy me and gressed until, last year, I started
my siblings out for $5,000 each. receiving letters and phone calls
My sisters were elated. One bought again. They were from wildcatters
a horse with the money; the other who wanted to use newer techniques
put an addition on her house. I fig- to siphon the remaining oil out of the
ured that if Exxon wanted our well so field, now called the Webster tract. In
badly, they had to know something I some cases, they were sending $6,000
didn’t, so I hung on to my share. The checks to buy my share.

Two Ways to Tap Oil and Gas

1. FRACKING Also known as hydraulic fracturing, this process uses pressurized
liquids and sand to break rock and release trapped fossil fuels.

The well
Oil or gas
freed
Water from the
table rock rises
back out
through
Cement and the well
steel casing
protects the
water table

A perforat-
ing gun
blasts holes
in the steel
casing

Fluids at high pressure and

sand are pumped through
holes in order to fracture rock
 READER’S DIGEST

THE FRACKING DEBATE But I had also noticed what frack-

GETS PERSONAL ing had done for the economy. For
As the oilmen explained it, primary example, by tapping previously locked
production had drawn about 80 per- natural gas, it had enabled gas
cent of the oil out of the field. But prices—and home heating and electric
the remaining 20 percent was still bills—to remain low for several years.
lying below, and they believed they I watched as Salem, Massachusetts,
could recover it. I had read most of the replaced its old coal-fired power plant
literature about the negative effects with a new gas-fired one, thanks to
of fracking: how it could contaminate fracking. But did I really think that my
groundwater, contribute to air pollu- well was going to help usher in energy
tion, create wastewater issues, and, independence—or just more environ-
according to some anecdotes, even mental problems?
cause tap water to become flammable. I needed to do more sleuthing. I

2. CO2 FLOODING
When CO2 is combined with oil that has been trapped underground, it lowers
the viscosity of the oil so that it is able to flow into the production well.

The injection well

The production well

Water
table

The recov-
Cement ered oil is
casing pumped
protects out through
the water the produc-
table tion well

Any
remaining
CO2 is
recom-
pressed
and stored
in a salt
CO2 is injected and mixes dome
with oil, making it easier
to pump out
Not to scale
INFOGRAPHIC BY BRYAN CHRISTIE DESIGN
MY J. R. EWING MOMENT

clicked on Google Earth to locate the allow it to flow at a higher rate—and

Webster tract. It consisted of about a dramatically increased the amount of
dozen wells just north of the town of retrievable natural gas.
Webster, an aerospace hub of 10,500 In the late 1990s, these technolo-
people 20 miles southeast of Houston. gies, coupled with other innovations,
I went online to do research and helped trigger a nationwide frack-
discovered that Texas has a 100- ing boom. Today, the Newark East
year history of derricks and drill rigs Field underlying the Barnett forma-
coexisting beside homes tion continues to be
and farms. Cities like the largest producer in
Fort Worth, Dallas, and Texas, accounting for
Houston boomed be- The early 30 percent of all the
cause of the black gold frackers made natural gas extracted in
sitting in subterranean the state. Because it is
mistakes and
vaults. As a result, I so big and was the first
thought I might find
garnered field to be exploited,
unconditional support
critics—newer the early frackers made
for oil and gas extraction, players do not mistakes and garnered
but instead I found that want to repeat their share of critics.
Texas is having many of that history. Newer players do not
the same debates as the want to repeat that his-
rest of the country. tory. I found an online
A North Texas family was awarded forum for land and royalty owners
$3 million last year in a landmark suit above the Haynesville shale forma-
against a company whose fracking tion, which covers 9,000 square miles
operations, they argued, had made in East Texas, northwestern Louisiana,
them sick and killed some of their and southwestern Arkansas. The web-
ranch animals. In November, Denton, site demonstrates a determination to
north of Dallas, became the first city get things right. Its introduction reads,
in Texas to ban fracking altogether, “As exciting as this shale is, we know
although legal challenges remain. that we have a responsibility to do this
Other articles gave me important thing correctly.”
historical context. What we know Then I called the owners of the
today as fracking began in 1981 when Webster tract : Denbury Resources
Mitchell Energy was the first to drill in Plano, Texas. I asked Jack Collins,
horizontally to reach the Barnett shale head of owner relations, when the
formation beneath Fort Worth. It used company planned to start fracking my
a “slick-water frack”—which involves well. He replied, by e-mail, “We have
adding chemicals to well water to no plans to frack Webster field, but we

98 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 READER’S DIGEST

do plan to commence a CO2 flood of graze beside the capped wells of the
the field next year.” oil field. Across the highway, towering
With fracking, fluids are forced into rigs are starting to drill.
a wellhead to break up the shale and I spoke to several neighbors to
free the oil or natural gas. With CO 2 learn what they thought of the proj-
flooding, carbon dioxide is pumped ect. I talked to a carpenter who said
into a well and adheres to the drop- he was concerned about reports of
lets of oil in the shale. It’s a little like earthquakes in West Texas, echoing
mixing turpentine with paint: The oil a common concern about both frack-
droplets swell and become thinner so ing and CO2 flooding. “Of course there
they can be pumped out. (CO2 is also is no way in heaven you can say they
used to boost natural gas extraction, were caused by fracking,” said the
but this practice is less frequent.) man. “But there have never been any
In 2015, Denbury plans to pump earthquakes there before.”
human-made CO 2 emissions—via I asked another local resident,
pipeline from a new power plant Weezie McKay, what she would do if
being built in Mississippi—into the a company wanted to recover oil or
Webster field. After the oil is extracted gas under her house. “I would start to
from Webster, the company intends look for a new home,” she said with-
to leave the remaining carbon diox- out hesitating. However, Eric Miller, a
ide underground, where it cannot chemical engineer in Orange, said he
contribute to global warming. The would be thrilled if someone wanted
federal government will provide the to use carbon dioxide to get more oil
plant with a grant to participate in out of his well. “This kind of thing has
the project. been done safely for years,” he said.
I wondered: Had I become an I was discovering that there are
investor in an energy company that many ways of looking at oil. Eastern-
is doing carbon sequestration and ers tend to look at it as a messy busi-
oil extraction right? I decided to go to ness of booming gushers. But the
Texas to find out more. average well isn’t a gusher; it’s one
more like mine that can produce a
TALKING WITH THE moderate amount of oil for several
NEIGHBORS decades or more if the correct tech-
I found the Webster tract sitting on nology is used. Scientists see oil as a
both sides of the Gulf Freeway, not mineral that built up when our planet
far from the Johnson Space Center. was much warmer and plankton was
There are large expanses of hard- removing heat-trapped CO2 from the
wood forests and the remains of old ocean, then sequestering it under
fruit orchards. Horses and dairy cows sediment, where it gradually cooked

rd.com | 05•2015 | 99
MY J. R. EWING MOMENT

into oil and natural gas. In essence, Do I think there are no problems
oil is our planet’s way of cooling itself associated with carbon injection? No.
down. The problem is that now we are In 2011, Denbury paid a $662,500
putting that carbon dioxide back into fine after its injection system blew
the atmosphere so fast that the system the cement casing out of a well in Mis-
can’t absorb it without contributing to sissippi and carbon dioxide escaped,
global warming. asphyxiating several deer and other
Many thoughtful environmental- smaller animals. Critics remain con-
ists look at oil and gas cerned about whether
differently. They see companies do enough
running out of oil as to safely cap the wells
one of our biggest en- In theory, so they can withstand
vironmental problems. my field will the pressure that forces
Despite its reputation, make modest the oil out. But even
oil is one of the clean- w i n d t u r b i n e s hav e
est fuels we have—far
profits been blamed for kill-
cleaner than coal or tar
extracting oil ing wildlife. Like wind
sands. In their view, we without the and solar power, carbon
should convert to wind problems of sequestering is not the
and solar energy while fracking. complete answer, but it
conserving what oil is seems to me to be a step
left for essential things in the right direction.
like transportation. In theory, my field will make a
Finally, most Texans still see oil as modest profit extracting oil out of
a decent investment that can earn an the ground without most of the prob-
income for several generations while lems associated with fracking. It will
helping to build our nation’s economy. sequester four percent more heat-
trapping carbon underground than
MY VERDICT will be emitted by the pumped-out
I like to think that using CO2 to extract oil, the equivalent of taking several
oil takes all the considerations into hundred thousand cars off the road.
account, and my well is owned by a So I have decided to hang on to my
company that is a leader in the field well to see what happens when it is
of carbon dioxide sequestration and pumped full of carbon dioxide. I’m
oil extraction. hopeful it will help create a world in
Do I think this technology is the which CO2 emissions are declining. If
silver bullet that will solve all our so, I may pass on the well to my grand-
global warming problems? No. children, as my father did to me.
THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR (SEPTEMBER 28, 2014), COPYRIGHT © 2014 BY THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR,
CSMONITOR.COM.

100 | 05•2015 | rd.com

 Laugh Lines
SUMMER JOBS

Big Lemonade Being a lifeguard is a weird summer job for

continues a kid. Ninety-nine percent of the time, sit
its annual and do nothing. One percent of the time,
summer job SAVE SOMEONE’S LIFE.
shocker. This JAKE WEISMAN (@WEISMANJAKE)

year, some
seasonal
employees are Try an internship!
clearly under Internships give
six and also you all the experi-
pushing stolen ence of a summer
cookies. job without the has-
@MERRILLMARKOE
sle of a paycheck.
STEPHEN COLBERT

L.A. public
pools don’t have
lifeguards— I got my first full-
[they] have life time job, but I
coaches. If they could have sworn
see you strug- I was making
gling in the more money in
water, they say, college, working
“Are you happy for my parents
with the deci- as their daughter.
MELANIE RENO
sions you’re
making?” and
give you a
GETTY I MAGES

pamphlet for This summer, I’m going to go to the beach and

a yoga studio. bury metal objects that say Get a life on them.
CRAIG FERGUSON DEMETRI MARTIN

rd.com | 05•2015 | 101

ADVENTURE

The author with

her husband and
son at Ta Prohm,
in Cambodia, in
April 2012

100
Far from a pleasure
cruise, our round-
the-globe trip was
a profound voyage
of discovery

DAYS AT SEA
102 | 05•2015 | rd.com
BY J E AN H A N F F KO R E LITZ

WHAT KIND OF RIGHT-THINKING PERSON takes off in the middle

of her life to travel around the globe on a refitted cruise ship with
750 college students? That would be me, or, more accurately,
me along with my 12-year-old son, Asher, and my husband, Paul.
A poet, Paul had been hired to teach for Semester at Sea, a program
that takes college students and instructors on ocean voyages.
I’ll admit that I went reluctantly. on an Outward Bound course, where
I did not want to take my son out of I spent weeks rowing through frigid
seventh grade, nor did I want to be an waters and soloing on uninhabited
ocean away from my parents (both in islands. Now the overarching lesson
their 80s) and my college-aged daugh- of that experience came back to me:
ter. But long ago, a more intrepid teen- Ships may be safe inside the harbor,
age version of me had gone to Maine but that is not what ships are for. So

ILLUSTRATION BY PETER OUMANSKI rd.com | 05•2015 | 103

1 0 0 D AY S A T S E A

when, in the course of a person’s resources as the average citizen in

generally settled life, she is offered most of the countries we’ll be visiting,”
the opportunity to voyage around the one professor said. “You may not be
world with her husband and child, her aware of the disparity. But they are.”
only possible response is: yes. By the time we left Africa, most of
On the appointed day, we boarded the kids were reeling. At a debriefing
our ship in Fort Lauderdale with a a f t e r l e av i n g G ha na, s t u d e nt s
handful of exotic visas and an armful described a level of disorientation so
of exotic inoculations, profound that I couldn’t
bound for San Diego help thinking, This is
the long way around. what it sounds like when
Our stops would in- I had a feeling of hundreds of minds are
clude Dominica, Brazil, being completely blown simultaneously.
Ghana, South Africa, One group, who vis-
Mauritius, India, Singa- untethered from ited a village in the
pore, Vietnam, China, the familiar, northern part of the
and Japan. While Paul country, told us how the
taught, I would work on
propelled into women walked miles to
a novel and bully Asher a place that was fetch water because the
through a reading list not logical. well was broken. The
of books I’d paired with amount needed to fix it
our ports (Lord of the turned out to be pocket
Flies in Dominica, Cry, the Beloved change—literally, the students cov-
Country in South Africa, Hiroshima in ered the needed repairs with what they

P REVIOUS S PREA D: COURTESY JEA N H AN FF KORELI TZ

Japan). I hired a student to tutor him had in their pockets. “So I didn’t buy
in math, and he audited college classes a souvenir,” one young woman said
in chemistry, anthropology, and film. when she described how the village
My husband and I would share a tiny elders had embraced her in gratitude.
cabin, with our son in an even tinier Another student, the first in her family
one across the corridor. to attend college, had always thought
“This is not a cruise; this is a voyage of herself as poor. “Now I don’t know
of discovery” is Semester at Sea’s un- what I am,” she said.
official motto, and that statement, al- I’d had my own disorienting experi-
though hokey, was true. The students ence in the backseat of a taxi in Accra,
embarked as cheerful American kids, Ghana’s capital. Frantically looking
open-minded and up for adventure, back and forth between the map in
even as the faculty tried to prepare my hands and the streets flying by
them for the cultures they’d encoun- outside, I saw that the two versions
ter. “You consume ten times as many of the city had almost nothing to do

104 | 05•2015 | rd.com

 READER’S DIGEST

with each other and that my legend- consumed the single most surreal
ary (within my family) map skills were dish of the voyage: a sparerib, basted
useless. I had no idea where I was. I in chocolate, covered with whipped
felt completely untethered from the cream, and topped with a cherry.
familiar, propelled into a place that As we neared San Diego, one profes-
was not logical. It was a profoundly sor told me that he had never felt “more
uncomfortable sensation, but I present” than he had on our voyage. I
thought, If you’re not willing to give had to agree, although in one sense,
up some small measure of control, I was significantly less present than
you might as well not go anywhere. when I’d embarked. I’d lost 15 pounds,
And so, I surrendered. During my the result of persistent low-grade
100 days, I subdued—OK, with phar- seasickness and the ship’s execrable
maceutical help—my arachnophobia food (although credit must also go to
long enough to board a riverboat trav- an intestinal bug I picked up in Africa).
eling up the Amazon, where I spent And while I may not have recovered
two nights sleeping in a hammock and the bravery of my younger, Outward
listening to the rain forest. I toured the Bound self, I was amazed by what I
mesmerizing and appalling slave cas- had done. I’d circumnavigated the
tles on Ghana’s coast; camped in the globe with my son and husband and
tea plantations of Munnar, India; and returned home, full of sights and expe-
hiked on a remote, unrestored section riences from places I’d never thought
of the Great Wall of China. In South I’d visit. (And the three of us were still
Africa, I listened to a former prisoner on speaking terms!)
describe his life at Robben Island with Sometimes we are outward bound for
Nelson Mandela; in Cambodia, I heard reasons that aren’t particularly coura-
a guide report witnessing the death of geous, but bravery isn’t the only attri-
his eight-year-old sister as his family bute worth having. Saying yes to an
tried to escape the Khmer Rouge. adventure, for whatever reason, brings
I watched the sun set over Cape its own rewards, and it’s never too late
Town and rise over Angkor Wat. I to relearn something I’d managed to
ate manioc, fufu, Peking duck, dosa, forget: Ships may be safe inside the har-
and shabu-shabu. In Singapore, I bor, but that is not what ships are for.

BAD NEWS …
Insanity is hereditary. You can get it from your children.
SAM LEVENSON
Source: Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations by Gyles Brandreth (Oxford University Press)

rd.com | 05•2015 | 105

ASSOCIATED P RESS/COURTESY N EWSEUM
 PHOTO
OF LASTING
INTEREST

Photograph by
Slava Veder
Chosen by
Cathy Trost,
senior vice president
f o r e x h i b i t s a n d p r o g ra m s
a t t h e Ne w s e u m
“I have a copy of this
photo in my office, and
it lifts me up each time
I see it. An American
prisoner of war is released
from captivity in Vietnam
in 1973. His family mem-
bers have waited nearly
six years without knowing
if they will ever see him
again, and they are liter-
ally lifted off their feet
with excitement at this
moment of reunion.
“The photo symbolizes
hope and healing near
the end of a bitter war,
but for me, it’s all about
the love of family.”

rd.com | 05•2015 | 107

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 EXTRAORDINARY PEOPLE

A sudden stroke, despair, and then a brilliant idea

THE
STORY
OF HENRY
& JANE BY B R I A N EU LE
FRO M STA N FORD
MAGA Z IN E

ATOP LONG AND WINDING Page Mill Road in Northern

California, where the miles turn over without fanfare, a driveway
stretches, removed from Silicon Valley below. At its end, a
house, and inside, Henry Evans lies in bed. It’s where he spends
between 18 and 24 hours of each day. Occasionally, he is taken
to the bathroom or put in a wheelchair. A few times each
week, he is placed outside by the garden. Most of the time,
though, he is here, head propped up, the rest of his body
motionless beneath the covers.

PHOTOGRAPHS BY DAN WINTERS rd.com | 05•2015 | 111

T H E STO RY O F H E N RY & JA N E

It’s been like this for more than a website. With Jane’s help, Henry’s
dozen years. Though Henry can turn words come fast. Then Jane puts the
his head and has limited use of one board down and leans in, and Henry
finger on his left hand, the rest of his moves his eyes to where the letters
body is paralyzed. And though he can would be. Jane, too, has the board
let out a deep laugh and cry, he can- memorized and reads as they go,
not speak. But Henry can feel every- spelling out his sentences.
thing—every itch he cannot scratch, Henry’s story is as much about
every pain he cannot ease, and every Jane as it is about him. “We are one
pressure he cannot relieve. person,” Henry jokes. “We just can’t
Then there are his eyes. They smile decide if we are a boy or a girl.”
and roll when he teases. Jane radiates warmth
They narrow and focus, and positivity. She’s
connecting the distant “JANE AND quick to laugh, and
world with the bright I ARE ONE He n r y s ay s s h e h a s
mind still fully function- PERSON,” greatly prolonged his
ing inside his head. HENRY life. The two grew close
There are a few ways JOKES. “WE in high school and were
in which Henry speaks. JUST CAN’T married in their early
A wink of his left eye DECIDE IF 20s. “It was like magic,”
is a request to scratch WE ARE A Jane says of their first
an itch. Blinking twice BOY OR dance. “I felt like I was
m e a n s “ t h a n k y o u .” A GIRL.” home.” Although she’s
Rolling his eyes toward more than a foot shorter
the ceiling means Henry than Henry, Jane man-
is requesting the letter board, a trans- ages to lift him out of bed and into a
lucent plastic rectangle with sets of wheelchair. She adjusts him to ease
letters in various places: ABC in the top pressure and feeds him. Sometimes,
left; DEF in the top middle; GHI in when they long for an embrace, she
the top right, and so forth. As Henry’s maneuvers his arms to wrap around
wife, Jane, holds up the board, she her, squeezes him, and feels the pres-
follows his eyes and calls out the sure of him leaning in.
letters he focuses on, spelling words
as he goes. Often, she finishes them
for him. I N 2002, Henry’s life was full. He
was physically fit and a towering
“I, P, O—I posted—A, N—and— presence. The chief financial officer
T, W—two people …,” Henry begins at a start-up, he and Jane had four
telling me through Jane one eve- young children. Eight months earlier,
ning, describing a note he posted to a they had bought their first house, on

112 | 05•2015 | rd.com

 Henry spells words by directing his gaze to clusters of letters on a board.

a beautiful piece of land in Los Altos he told Jane. And then he fell into
Hills. Henry, good with his hands, a coma.
looked forward to renovating it. He Doctors initially thought Henry
was 40, and life was just beginning. might have meningitis. It turned out
One August morning, Henry was that a birth defect had precipitated
GROOMING: AMY LAWSON FOR ARTI ST UNTIED

driving his children to school on the the stroke-like symptoms. He was put
way to work when his vision nar- on life support, and when he emerged
rowed, and his speech began to slur. from the coma two weeks later, he was
He focused on the road and dropped unable to speak or move. Jane noticed
his children off, and then he turned he tracked her with his eyes.
around. Six miles back up the hill, “I soon realized they were all
Henry stumbled into the house. He I could move,” Henry writes. “My dad
told Jane that he just wanted to lie explained that I had no motor con-
down. She said they were going to the trol, and I got it—I was trapped in my
doctor. Henry had to crawl to get back own body.”
to the car. At first, Henr y was unable to
In the emergency room, Henry’s breathe on his own. He had a trache-
right arm went limp. “I’m so scared,” ostomy and a feeding tube, and he

rd.com | 05•2015 | 113

T H E STO RY O F H E N RY & JA N E

was on about 25 medications. Two Living with quadriplegia had given

blinks became “yes,” and one, “no.” He Henry a grasp of what ideas would
was barely alive, but his mind and his be beneficial in practice. Using a
senses were perfectly intact. head tracker that converts tiny head
movements into cursor movements,

F OUR MONTHS LATER, Jane and

Henry returned home. Though
Henry had developed use of a finger
Henry fired off e-mails to Steve
Cousins, then president and CEO of
Willow Garage, and to Kemp. Longer
and better control of his neck, he had e-mail discussions and, eventually, a
a hard time thinking about living. For collaboration ensued between Henry
the next three years, Henry talked to and Jane, Willow Garage, and the
Jane about helping him with suicide. Healthcare Robotics Lab at Georgia
“There is a reason God left you with Tech that led to the use of robots that
your mind, and you have life,” Jane function as body parts for the severely
told him. “Those are two incredible disabled. Henry called it Robots for
gifts that we take for granted every Humanity, describing his work on the
day. The hardest thing you have to do company’s website as “using technol-
is figure out why you’re left here on ogy to extend our capabilities, fill in
Earth. You have a purpose.” our weaknesses, and let people per-
A few years later, a television show form at their best.”
helped change Henry’s outlook on One of the first things Kemp and
life. One day, while watching CNN, he Cousins did with Henry and Jane was
saw an interview with Georgia Tech ask them to identify tasks that would
professor Charlie Kemp. Kemp was be the most helpful for a robot to per-
discussing his collaboration with Wil- form. Scratching and shaving ranked
low Garage, a now defunct robotics high on their list. First, Kemp and
research lab in Menlo Park, California, Cousins designed a program that al-
and its robot, the PR2. Henry immedi- lowed Henry to use his head tracker
ately recognized the potential of robots and a computer to manipulate the
to level the playing field for severely PR2 to scratch an itch on his face. It
disabled individuals. was the first time he had been able to
Like Henr y, many people are do so in ten years. Shaving, they felt,
dependent on caregivers for their would take a little more practice.
“activities of daily living,” as they are Thanks to software developed pri-
called: eating, showering, moving marily by Kemp, Henry could operate
around, shaving, even scratching an the robot remotely on his own com-
itch. But robots have the potential puter. When it came time to test the
to help by serving as extensions or technology for shaving, Kemp agreed
surrogates for body parts. to be the guinea pig in a practice run.

114 | 05•2015 | rd.com

“THERE IS A
REASON GOD
LEFT YOU WITH
YOUR MIND, AND
YOU HAVE LIFE,”
JANE TOLD HIM.
“THOSE ARE
TWO INCREDIBLE
GIFTS.”
T H E STO RY O F H E N RY & JA N E

One day in his lab at Georgia Tech, stage. A monitor on top shows Henry,
Kemp sat very still as a robot con- back in California. The audience
trolled by Henry in California moved grows quiet.
closer to Kemp’s stubble-covered A speaking device reads what Henry
face. The robot held an electric razor. types, and he controls a robot from the
Tight in the professor’s hand, a small other side of the country with his head
control with a red kill-switch button. tracker. Henry “speaks”—both on
The trial was a success. Later that stage and at home beside Jane—and
day, a clean-shaven Kemp sent out an demonstrates how he can fly a drone
e-mail to their collaborators. remotely, in front of his listeners.
“I suspect that a mobile manipu- “From a distance, all humans are
lator controlled from disabled,” Henry tells his
across the country by a audience. “As humans,
person with quadriplegia “YOUR we adapted to our envi-
to help someone shave is DISABILITY ronment through evolu-
a first for robotics,” Kemp DOESN’T tion. We developed sight
wrote. MAKE YOU and hearing and speech.
The implication of LESS OF Yet these adaptations are
the trial was significant. A PERSON,” quite limited. We can’t
It provided further evi- HENRY run faster than about
dence that people with SAYS. “AND 25 miles per hour. We
motor impairments NEITHER can’t fly. We can’t stay
could operate robots to underwater forever. All
DOES MINE.”
perform physical labor humans are limited by
from remote sites, per- nature in many ways.
haps for compensation. Kemp envi- “I may have lost a few of the natural
sioned people with impairments also adaptations that evolution afforded
helping one another remotely. me, but I have adapted, often in a
Not long after his practice run with way similar to how you have adapted
Kemp, Henry shaved his own face. to nature’s limitations.”
The next time you see a disabled

O N NOVEMBER 20, 2013, nearly person, Henry tells the crowd, remind
3,000 miles away from Henry’s yourself that you use assistive devices
Los Altos Hills home, a capacity crowd at least as often as he or she does. But
fills Sidney Harman Hall in Wash- that doesn’t diminish you. “Your dis-
ington, DC, and applauds as Henry ability doesn’t make you any less of
is introduced to talk about this new a person, and neither does mine,” he
technology. A robot rolls onto the says. He gets a standing ovation.
COPYRIGHT © 2014 BY BRIAN EULE, STANFORD MAGAZINE (JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2014), ALUMNI.STANFORD.EDU.

116 | 05•2015 | rd.com

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PERSONAL ESSAY

I Owe It All to
Communıty
College BY TO M H ANKS
FR O M T H E N E W YO R K T I ME S

I
N 1974, I G R A D UAT E D from Skyline High School in Oakland,
California, an underachieving student with lousy SAT scores.
Allowed to send my results to three colleges, I chose MIT and Villanova,
knowing such fine schools would never accept a student like me but
hoping they’d toss some car stickers my way. I couldn’t afford tuition
for college anyway. I sent my final set of stats to Chabot, a community
college in nearby Hayward, California, which, because it accepted
everyone and was free, would be my alma mater.

For thousands of commuting stu- few thousand cars—all free but for the
dents, Chabot was our Columbia, An- effort and the cost of used textbooks.
napolis, even our Sorbonne, offering Classmates included veterans back
courses in physics, stenography, auto from Vietnam, women of every mari-
mechanics, certified public account- tal and maternal status returning to
ing, foreign languages, journalism— school, middle-aged men wanting to
name the art or science, the subject improve their employment prospects
or trade, and it was probably in the and paychecks. We could get our gen-
catalog. The college had a nursing eral education requirements out of the
program that churned out graduates, way at Chabot—credits we could trans-
sports teams that funneled athletes to fer to a university—which made those
big-time programs, and parking for a two years an invaluable head start.

118 | 05•2015 | rd.com

I was able to go on to the California as art—like Jean Renoir’s The Golden
State University in Sacramento (at $95 Coach and Luis Buñuel’s Simon of the
a semester, just barely affordable) and Desert), and classes I dropped after
study no other subject but my major, the first hour (astronomy, because
theater arts. (After a year there, I moved it was all math). I nearly failed zool-
on, enrolling in a little thing called the ogy, killing my fruit flies by neglect,
School of Hard Knocks, aka Life.) but got lucky in an English course,
By some fluke of the punch-card “the College Reading Experience.”
computer era, I made Chabot’s dean’s The books of Carlos Castaneda were
list taking classes I loved (oral inter- incomprehensible to me (and still
pretation), classes I loathed (health, are), but my assigned presentation on
a requirement), classes I aced (film the analytic process called structural

PHOTOGRAPH BY YASU+JUNKO rd.com | 05•2015 | 119

I OW E I T A L L TO CO M M U N I T Y CO L L E G E

dynamics was hailed as clear and L Baltimore and Desire Under the
concise, though I did nothing more Elms, then saw their productions.
than embellish the definition I had I got to see the plays he taught,
looked up in the dictionary. through student rush tickets at the
A public-speaking class was un- American Conservatory Theater in
forgettable for a couple of reasons. San Francisco and the Berkeley Rep-
First, the assignments forced us to get ertory Theatre. Those plays filled my
over our self-consciousness. Second, head with expanded dreams. I got an

P REVIOUS PAGE: PROP STYLI ST: SARAH CAVE FOR EH MANAGEM ENT; CHIC D ONCHIN/ABC/G E TTY IMAG E S ( HANKS)
another student was a stewardess, as A. Of course, I goofed off between
classes eating french fries
and looking at girls; such are
For thousands of students, the pleasures, too, of schools
that cost thousands of bucks
Chabot was our Columbia, a semester. Some hours I
Annapolis, even our Sorbonne. idled away in the huge library
that anchored Chabot’s oval
flight attendants called themselves in quad. It’s where I first read the New
the ’70s. She was studying communica- York Times, frustrated by its lack of
tions and was gorgeous. She lived not comics.
far from me, and when my VW threw a If Chabot’s library still has its col-
rod and was in the shop for a week, she lection of vinyl records, you will find
offered me a lift to class. I rode shot- my name repeatedly on the takeout
gun that Monday-Wednesday-Friday, slip of Jason Robards’s performance
totally tongue-tied. Communicating of the monologues of Eugene O’Neill.
with her one-on-one was the antith- On Side B, he was Hickey from The
esis of public speaking. Iceman Cometh, a recording I listened
Classes I took at Chabot have rippled to 20 times at least. When I worked
through my professional pond. I pro- with Mr. Robards on the 1993 film
duced the HBO miniseries John Adams Philadelphia, he confessed to record-
with an outline format I learned from a ing those monologues at 10 in the
pipe-smoking historian, James Coove- morning after lots and lots of coffee.
lis, whose lectures were riveting. Mary Chabot College is still in Hayward,
Lou Fitzgerald’s “Studies in Shake- though Mr. Coovelis, Ms. Fitzgerald,
speare” taught me how the five-act and Mr. Kennedy are no longer there.
structures of Richard III, The Tempest, I drove past the campus a few years
and Othello focused their themes. ago with one of my kids and summed
In Herb Kennedy’s “Drama in Per- up my two years there this way: “That
formance,” I read plays like The Hot place made me what I am today.”
THE NEW YORK TIMES (JANUARY 14, 2015), COPYRIGHT © 2015 BY THE NEW YORK TIMES CO., NYTIMES.COM.

120 | 05•2015 | rd.com

(Clockwise from top
left) The crime scene;
and after their release,
Wiley Bridgeman,
Ronnie Bridgeman,
and Ricky Jackson, who
served the most time

EXONE
122 | 05•2015 | rd.com
 JUSTICE

A crime, a lie, life

sentences—and
vindication, ending
the longest wrongful
incarceration in
American history
BY KYLE SWEN SON
FR O M C L E V E LA N D SCEN E

RATED!
E X O N E R AT E D !

B
EFORE THEY THREW HIM IN CHAINS, he was a gutsy kid
with wandering feet.
The Cleveland Museum of Art was a favorite. He’d go
alone, even though he was only six. Entry was free, and
Ricky Jackson’s shoes would squeak down the marble hallways hung
with Dutch masters and Monets. He always stopped in the Armor
Court to look at the polished knights; here was a world as strange as
the places on Star Trek, the show his stepfather watched on TV.

He kicked around the streets too. police said Ronnie and Ricky beat the
He’d jump on the bus and go as far man before Ricky pulled the trigger
as his change took him. His family— and Wiley drove them away. No physi-
mom, stepdad, two brothers, and a cal evidence linked them to the crime,
sister—moved as well, from house to but a witness, 12-year-old Edward
house, and eventually they ended up Vernon, told police he’d seen it all.

P REVIOUS S PREA D, CLOCKWI SE FROM TOP LEF T: COURTESY CLEVELAND SCENE.

on Arthur Avenue. One house down Ricky, Ronnie, and Wiley were 18,
was a family with a son around Ricky’s 17, and 20 years old, respectively.

JOHN KUNTZ/THE PLAIN DEALER/LANDOV M EDIA (2). P HIL LON G/A P PHOTO
age. Ronnie was a kid so tiny that They were innocent—but it would
everyone called him Bitzie, as in itsy- take nearly 40 years to prove it.
bitsy. Bitzie’s older brother, Wiley, was
known as Buddy. As teens, the trio be- The Chance Encounter

I
came inseparable, playing chess and N N O V E M B E R 2 0 0 1 , the past
tooling around in Buddy’s Sebring. hit Edward Vernon like a falling
By the mid-1970s, Ricky was punch- anvil. He was at the desk at the
ing in regularly at a restaurant. Bitzie City Mission, checking the IDs
was doing shifts as a porter, and he’d of the homeless men shuffling in. He
completed training in welding. Wiley overheard a stranger explaining he’d
was in the National Guard and work- just paroled out after 25 years for a
ing at a clothing store. They were good 1975 murder he didn’t commit. When
kids easing into that age when they the man showed his ID, Vernon stared
were starting to figure it all out. at the name: Wiley Bridgeman.
That life came to a close in the fall of By 2001, Vernon’s life was straight-
1975, when Ricky Jackson along with ening out. His adult years had been
Bitzie and Buddy—Ronnie and Wiley clouded by cocaine and marijuana; he
Bridgeman—were sentenced to death. did jail time after a drug bust. But that
A white salesman had been robbed at was behind him. Now here was Wiley,
a corner store, shot, and killed. The one of the three he’d sent to prison,

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 READER’S DIGEST

in front of him a quarter century later. Elections. Things were good, but the
The next day, Vernon approached past kept tugging at him. “For a long
Wiley in a group therapy session, time, I just felt like I had abandoned
blubbering. The men talked. Wiley those guys because they had let me
told Vernon they should go to a TV out,” Kwame said. “It was killing me,
station with the truth. Vernon wasn’t man. That motivated me every day.”
so sure. He kept his distance, and He called people from the old
Wiley moved into an apartment. After neighborhood, asking if they remem-
an argument with his parole officer in bered anything about the 1975 inci-
2002, Wiley went back to prison. As far dent, and contacted lawyers about
as Vernon was concerned, the door mounting a challenge to the convic-
had swung shut on the past again. tions. Lawyers, however, cost money,
which Kwame didn’t have. I was a
A Changed Man writer at Cleveland Scene, the city’s

H
OME WAS THE last place alternative newsweekly, when a law-
Ronnie Bridgeman wanted yer told me about Kwame. I went to
to go when he paroled out meet him one day at a coffee shop. He
in 2003. (Because he was was sitting with thousands of pages of
identified as the shooter, Ricky had court documents in a neat stack.
difficulty getting parole.) “Cleveland I expected anger from someone
was no longer my town,” Ronnie said who’d been wrongly put away, but
recently. “It represented everything Kwame had learned to metabolize
that was ugly and hurtful. It had noth- the injustice. He was remarkably
ing to do with the people I knew per empathic, even about Edward Vernon.
se, but it was the people who were “He was just a kid then,” he said.
supposed to protect and serve. They As Kwame explained it, the testimony
ruined it for me.” that led to their convictions went as fol-
Inside, he’d converted to Islam and lows: On May 19, 1975, Vernon claimed
changed his name to Kwame Ajamu. “I he’d left school early and boarded a
decided Ronnie Bridgeman should be city bus home. When he arrived, he
left there in prison,” he says. Return- saw Ricky and Ronnie struggling with
ing home made that hard. “Every day Harold Franks outside the Fairmount
of my life, it seemed like I would run Cut-Rate store. They splashed the man
into someone from my past, someone with acid and beat him before Ricky
who knew Ronnie Bridgeman but who shot him twice. The two sped off in a
didn’t know Kwame Ajamu.” green car, which Vernon said he’d seen
He put together a life. He married Wiley driving earlier.
a woman named LaShawn in 2004; All lies, Kwame said. On the day
he found work at the County Board of of the crime, he and Ricky played

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E X O N E R AT E D !

basketball in a park in the morning be- Anthony Singleton, a lanky, dapper

fore heading to the Bridgeman house. man of God, likes to park himself in
Kwame and Ricky spent the afternoon the lives of his 200 or so parishioners.
at the chessboard until they heard As soon as Vernon began attending,
there was trouble at the corner store. Singleton struck up a relationship.
Wiley was washing his car outside. The Drink, smoke, and vulgarity never
boys went to see what was going on. passed Vernon’s lips, and he knew
I did six months of reporting, which his Scriptures and ministered to the
backed up Kwame’s account. I found sick. Still, “there was always this black
witnesses who said they were with cloud over him,” Singleton said.
Vernon when he was supposedly Bad luck dogged the man. “In a
witnessing the crime. Others remem- two-year period, he lost, like, two cars
bered being with the Bridgemans and and three jobs,” the pastor said. “I’m
Ricky at the time they were allegedly just saying to myself, ‘This is not mak-
robbing the store and murdering ing any sense.’ ” Then there was the
Franks. None of them was approached crying. Vernon often burst into tears
by the police during the investigation at services. During the year, Singleton
nor had any of them come forward held shut-ins for the congregation’s
with their information. men, all-nighters of spiritual search-
My reporting showed that the men’s ing, where Vernon wept dusk to dawn.
convictions were based on Vernon’s One day Singleton answered the
improbable, inconsistent testimony. phone in his office. I was asking to
Vernon, however, did not want to speak to Vernon. Singleton said he’d
talk. “As far as I’m concerned, it’s a relay my message, and he was curi-
done deal,” he said in 2011 after I ous about why I was calling. He asked
finally tracked him down. Vernon and got the brush-off.
Months of work built up to June 8, After my story appeared, Single-
2011, the day of my story’s publica- ton read it. When he tried to nudge
tion. Then, nothing. Ricky and Wiley Vernon into talking, Vernon refused.
were still inside. “It actually crushed Singleton knew he couldn’t push
me,” Kwame said. it with his parishioner. But he also
couldn’t leave it alone.
A Reckoning In early 2013, Vernon was hit with

C
LEVEL AND’S EMMANUEL skyscraping blood pressure that put
Christian Center is one of him in the hospital. During the same
the steady pulses of life in period, an attorney from the Ohio
an area of gutted blocks. Innocence Project called Singleton,
Vernon has bowed his head there on asking to speak with Vernon about the
Sundays for the past six years. Pastor 1975 case. One Sunday after church,

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 READER’S DIGEST

Singleton trekked to the hospital and offered the boys’ names. “I don’t
found Vernon alone. “I have some- exactly know why I went up to the
thing to talk to you about,” the pas- police at first,” he said later. “I think I
tor said. “I’ve been praying about it just wanted to be helpful. You have to
and watching you.” He explained to understand I was 12 years old at the
Vernon that he’d read time. I thought I was
my Cleveland S cene doing the right thing.”
story. “I want to know
VERNON’S According to Ver-
if you’re ready to talk TESTIMONY non, when detectives
about it.” WAS ALL spoke with him in the
Vernon was out of THAT days after the murder,
the bed like someone PINNED THE they gave him details
had cracked a starter’s CRIME TO g l e a n e d f ro m o t h e r
pistol. Arms wrapped witnesses—the number
around Singleton, he
THE BOYS, of assailants, the weap-
wept. The words tum- EVEN ons used, the make
bled out. Vernon con- THOUGH and model of the car.
fessed to Singleton. And EVIDENCE After police arrested
in April 2013, in a sworn POINTED R o n n i e, Wi l e y , a n d
affidavit taken by the ELSEWHERE. Ricky, Vernon went to
Ohio Innocence Project, the station to look at a
he admitted he’d not lineup.
only lied about witnessing the mur- He failed to make an ID, and a de-
der, but he also claimed he had been tective took him into a back room. “He
forced to do so by the police. got really loud and angry and started
Vernon told the lawyers that he’d yelling at me and called me a liar,”
gone home on May 19, 1975, on his Vernon stated in his affidavit. “He was
school bus, not earlier as he’d testi- slamming his hands on the table and
fied. While the bus was pulling up to pushing things around, calling me this
his stop, Vernon heard gunshots ring- and that. I was frightened and crying.
ing from the Cut-Rate. By the time he The detective said that I was too young
rushed over, Franks was gasping his to go to jail but that he would arrest
last breaths. He and a friend, Tommy my parents for perjury because I was
Hall, walked home. Hall told Vernon backing out. My mom was sick at that
he knew who did it: “Ricky, Bitzie, and time, and that really scared me.”
Buddy.” The police wrote a statement, which
Vernon returned to the scene Vernon signed. After the first trial, he
later, and when an officer asked if was given a copy of his testimony to
anyone had information, Vernon study for subsequent hearings. This

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E X O N E R AT E D !

testimony was all that pinned the commuted to life in prison. His men-
murder to Ronnie, Wiley, and Ricky. tal state deteriorated until he was
What’s troubling is how much other diagnosed with schizophrenia. In a
evidence pointed elsewhere. way, Wiley’s breakdown helped save
The day after the murder, the his brother. Ronnie focused on his
FBI contacted Cleveland detectives older sibling, worrying about his state
with names from an informant. The and keeping it together for him.
list included brothers Arthur and As for Ricky, “I dealt with it badly,”
Willie King, who had been tied to he said. “I was acting out, showing
earlier stickups. The police also traced aggression, having this I-don’t-care
a green car matching the description attitude.” He was racked with anxiety,
of the getaway vehicle to 23-year-old his blood pressure geysered high, and
Ishmael Hixon. A woman from the a pain chewed at his stomach. It went
neighborhood told police she believed on for years. What turned him around
her 16-year-old son, Paul Gardenshire, was the company he was keeping. He
was involved. Witnesses didn’t come saw lifers who had let bitterness burn
through with an ID. But in June 1975, away everything else. He realized he
after the arrests, another resident couldn’t let rage sit in the driver’s seat.
fingered Gardenshire. He claimed that “It was a gradual thing,” he told me. “It
the teen had a .38, the caliber of gun just didn’t hurt as bad. But the truth
used in the murder, and drove a green is, the anger doesn’t disappear.”
car, but he was never charged. He read all the time. Science fic-
tion was a favorite; it went back to
Life Inside watching Star Trek with his stepdad.
AD D OESN’T BEGIN to “As bleak as my reality was, I could
touch it, nor does angry. always fantasize about the future or
Despair doesn’t suffice. pick up a book and be on another
Use as many synonyms planet or be in another time.” Ricky
as you want, but words can’t cage the also enrolled in classes, and he found
feeling: One moment, you’re a young a passion for gardening. He liked the
man, life stretching ahead. Then whole process—seed to flower, the care
you’re in a cell. For no reason. When and attention and detail—and grew
Jackson and the Bridgemans went to poinsettias for the annual prison sale.
prison, each coped in his own way. And he maintained his innocence.
Wiley poured himself into his legal Five times, he was up for parole. Each
case. He won a retrial in 1977 but was time, he’d be considered for release
again given the same sentence. At if he admitted what he’d done and
one point, he was 20 days away from expressed remorse. Each time, he’d
execution before his sentence was say he didn’t do it. Over the decades,

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 READER’S DIGEST

Ricky wrote to organizations that dealt are certain realities that I have expe-
with wrongful incarceration, includ- rienced throughout this whole ordeal
ing the Ohio Innocence Project. that have so profoundly changed the
The Ohio Innocence Project oper- way I look at everything and every-
ates out of the University of Cincin- body, I simply have to accept the
nati’s law school, and fact that I will never be
it had a file open on
Ricky’s case for years.
EXONERATION happy or completely
whole again. They broke
Although the law stu- IN something inside of me.”
dents felt the inmate WRONGFUL He also knew the
was innocent, the case CONVICTION odds were against him.
lacked a sturdy legal CASES IS Exoneration in wrong-
basis. Vernon, however, RARE: IN ful conviction cases is
was a game changer. rare: In 2013, 87 peo-
Last March, the Ohio
2013, ONLY
Innocence Project filed
87 PEOPLE IN ple nationwide were
cleared of crimes. Ohio
a motion for new trial THE UNITED has an incentive to fight
w i t h t h e Cu y a h o g a STATES WERE claims since it compen-
County Common Pleas CLEARED OF sates wrongfully impris-
Court on behalf of Ricky CRIMES. oned individuals some
Jackson. It argued that $40,000 a year, as well
Vernon’s recantation as pays their court costs
was evidence that would have changed and lost wages; the state is also open
the original trial. The attorneys also to legal action by exonerees.
filed a motion for post-conviction relief
on the basis that Jackson’s constitu- The Truth Comes Out

I
tional rights had been violated in 1975 RONICALLY, Ricky’s case landed
because the defense didn’t know in the courtroom of Richard
about the pressure placed on Vernon McMonagle. His father, George
to cooperate. McMonagle, had presided over
In a letter Ricky sent me in the fol- the original 1975 trial. As Judge
lowing months, his response to the McMonagle’s courtroom filled for
news was gut-wrenching. “Honestly, Jackson’s trial on the morning of No-
though, I doubt this will ever be over vember 17, 2014, Vernon—a shrunken
entirely. How do you shake off some- man in his 50s—entered. At the de-
thing that has been a part of your life fendant’s table, Ricky, 57, his hands
for so long?” he wrote from prison. and feet in chains, watched the wit-
“As much as I might long for some ness cross the room to take the stand.
semblance of a ‘normal life,’ there The defense attorney took Vernon

rd.com | 05•2015 | 129

 “The English language doesn’t have the words to express how I’m feeling right now,”
said Ricky Jackson, here with his lawyers on November 21, the day of his release.

through the day of the crime and his Ricky’s hands were clasped to his
encounters with the police. He ad- face with his eyes shut tight, as the
mitted that he had not seen the crime truth was spoken. Finally, he thought.
and had not picked Ricky and Wiley
out of a lineup. After that, he testified, Justice for All

V
he’d been threatened. “[The detective] E R N O N ’ S S T I N T on the
said, ‘We’ll fix it,’ ” Vernon said, words stand ended the next day,
trickling out between tears. “After that, and the courtroom was
they took a statement from me that I largely empty as the clock
was scared, that’s why I didn’t pick swung around to 2:15 that Tuesday
them out of the lineup. But I wasn’t afternoon. Suddenly, several law-
scared. I didn’t pick them out because yers from the state marched in with
I knew they didn’t do it.” Cuyahoga county prosecutor Tim
Ricky’s attorney, Brian Howe, asked McGinty bringing up the rear.
Vernon whether he had seen Ronnie “We are waiving final argument on
Bridgeman, Wiley Bridgeman, or Ricky the issue,” McGinty began. “The state,
Jackson tussling with Franks. No, no, in light of the evidence produced by
no, answered Vernon. the defense at this hearing, and the
P HI L LONG/A P PHOTO

“How did you feel about testify- total recantation of the key witness,
ing about something that you knew hereby drops our opposition for a
wasn’t true?” Howe asked. motion for a new trial.
“I felt really bad about it. Guilty “The state concedes the obvious; it
about what I was lying about. I is no longer in a position to retry the
carried all of that,” Vernon said. case. And as all key witnesses that

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 READER’S DIGEST

might produce any collateral evi- sweater. A smile spread across his
dence are no longer living, we do so face, revealing perfect white teeth.
fully recognizing that the result will “Life is full of small victories,” Judge
be the eventual release of Mr. Jackson McMonagle said before closing
and the other codefendant. If the court Ricky’s legal case. “This is a big one.”
does grant their motion, which we no An hour later, Wiley Bridgeman
longer oppose, we will move for a walked free as well.
dismissal today.” Ricky paced the holding cell as
There was a pause as the words slid paperwork was stamped. More wait-
into place: Ricky was getting out. ing in a lifetime of waiting. He didn’t
“All right,” McMonagle announced. know it, but 16 floors below, cameras
“Mr. Jackson, we’re going to get you and reporters clogged the hall where
back here on Friday, just so that all the he’d soon take his first free steps. Ac-
paperwork is done.” cording to the National Registry of
“Thank you, sir. Thank you. Thank Exonerations, Jackson’s 39 years is the
you,” Ricky cried, before burying a longest wrongful incarceration term
sobbing head in his hands. When he to end in release in American history.
came up for air, he shook hands with T h e t h re e b oy s f ro m A r t hu r
his legal team. Someone pulled out a Avenue met at a nearby hotel, all
phone, asking Ricky who he wanted together for the first time in 39 years.
to call. From memory, he recited Now men, they embraced. Kwame’s
Kwame’s number. “Hello … Who is wife, LaShawn, stepped forward.
this? … This is Ricky … Hey, it’s over, “Hey there, brother,” she said before
man … It’s over, bro, I’m coming home hugging Ricky.
… Friday, man. Friday. Friday … Be Lunch was at Red Lobster. Ricky,
here to get me. Please … Let every- Kwame, and Wiley bulldozed their
body know … I love you.” feasts. Someone ordered a glass of
On Friday, Kwame worked the champagne for Ricky. “Tastes like
pedal with a heavy foot as he and his manna from heaven,” he announced.
wife, LaShawn, drove to Ricky’s 9 a.m. That night, although they were all
hearing. He hadn’t slept in three days. exhausted, they drove around the
His brother Wiley had been brought to city until 2 a.m. They rolled through
Cleveland on the judge’s order, so he their old neighborhood, including
might get out as well. Arthur Avenue, abandoned now and
Inside the courtroom, the guards drowned in shadow. For Ricky, it
led in Ricky Jackson. His prison was like sci-fi, like getting off one of
jumper was gone, and he was wear- those ships in Star Trek, confronting
ing dress slacks and a zip-up argyle a strange new world.
CLEVELAND SCENE (DECEMBER 3, 2014), COPYRIGHT © 2014 BY CLEVELAND SCENE, CLEVESCENE.COM.

rd.com | 05•2015 | 131

BY MIC H E L L E C R O U C H monthly or annual membership pays
70 percent more—about $300 more a

1 We count on you not to show up.

About 50 percent of people who
year—than those who pay per visit.

start an exercise program quit within

six months. If more members started
coming regularly, it would be chaos
3 Many of you use the treadmills
totally wrong. Holding on for bal-
ance is OK, but some people support
in here. Here’s a tip to help you stick almost all their body weight on their
with it: Start slow. People who quit arms. That’s unsafe—and it prevents
typically push themselves too hard you from burning as many calories.
at first and get discouraged. If you can’t manage to loosen your
grip, try slowing down.

2 It’s often cheaper to pay per visit.

Economists at the University of
California, Berkeley, found that the 4 What’s hot right now? Functional
fitness, or doing exercises that
average gym user who enrolls in a help you in everyday life, which is

132 | 05•2015 | rd.com ILLUSTRATION BY SERGE BLOCH

important for older adults hoping
to prevent injury. That means fewer
exercises like leg extensions, a move-
9 Want us to offer a class at a
different time? That’s great.
But we won’t create a new class just
ment you likely will never do outside because one person asks; we need
the gym, and more multi-joint, full- about 12 people to come regularly
body exercises (like squats) that to make it work. Get a group of
strengthen you for real-life activities coworkers or friends who are
like lifting heavy boxes. interested, and request it together.

5 Don’t drop your kid off at our day-

care and leave the premises. It’s
just rude—and it’s against our rules.
10 Members can be unbelievably
territorial. Once, I was teach-
ing a spin class when two people
If you want to get your nails done or came in late and saw other members
go shopping, hire a babysitter. on their reserved bikes. They started
yelling and pulling the people off. It

6 Enjoy the free personal-training

session when you join. But if your
was like a scene out of a movie.

trainer shows you complex exercises

and doesn’t write anything down, it
might be per management orders.
11 See those bottles of disinfectant
spray and paper towels? They’re
not there for decoration. Please wipe
The goal: to make exercise seem com- down your sweaty machine after you
plicated so you buy training sessions. use it. One poll found that 74 percent
of gym-goers notice other members

7 Patience, people! TV shows may

give you the idea that you can lose
skipping post-workout wipe downs.

25 pounds and transform your body

in a few weeks, but unless you’re
spending eight hours a day in the gym,
12 Don’t automatically pay the
initiation fee. Most of the time,
it’s completely negotiable.
that’s just not reality. Stick with us for
three months, and you will see a no-
ticeable difference in your physique. 13 What I look for in a gym: a
friendly front-desk staff, which
tells me it’s well managed, and a

8 Beware the smoothie station.

Some smoothies pack as many
as 500 calories, which may negate
high-quality rug just inside the front
door, which means the gym takes
cleanliness seriously.
the workout you just did. Plus, we Sources: Tom Holland, MS, CSCS, former gym owner and
sell those products at a big markup. author of Beat the Gym; Tiffany Richards, former employee
at a fitness chain; Charlie Sims, owner of a CrossFit gym in
You can save money—and calories— Louisville, Kentucky; Jim Thornton, MA, ATC, CES, president
of the National Athletic Trainers’ Association; and economist
by making them at home. Stefano DellaVigna, who studied gym users for three years

rd.com | 05•2015 | 133

 LOOK
TWICE …

… What do you see? No, that fuzzy bump on the leaf isn’t
CON NY SAN DLAND/M ALAYSIA

chest hair. It isn’t part of the leaf at all—it’s just trying to

look that way. Native to India and Southeast Asia, the com-
mon baron caterpillar is one of nature’s best-camouflaged
vegetarians. A central yellow stripe and branch-like spinal
growths keep the baron invisible to birds and free to feed
on mango leaves like this one. Look while you can: With
camouflage this good, it’s only a matter of time before
the caterpillar grows into a baron butterfly.

134 | 05•2015 | rd.com

WHO KNEW?

The Danger
Of Eating Late at Night
BY JAMIE A . KO U F M A N , M D FR O M T H E NE W YO R K T I ME S

TYPICAL WAS the restaurateur like heartburn. Reflux can lead to

who came to see me with symptoms esophageal cancer, which has in-
of heartburn—as well as postnasal creased by about 500 percent since
drip, sinus disease, hoarseness, and the 1970s. The drugs we use to treat
a chronic cough. He reported that he reflux, called proton pump inhibi-
always left his restaurant at 11 p.m. tors, don’t always work and may
After he arrived home, he would eat even increase the risk of developing
dinner and then go to bed. esophageal cancer when used long
His problem was acid reflux—an term, according to a Danish study.
epidemic that affects as many as What is responsible for these
40 percent of Americans, a marked disturbing developments? For one,
increase in recent decades. our poor diet, with its huge increases
I specialize in the diagnosis and in the consumption of sugar, fat, soft
GETTY I MAGES

management of acid reflux, espe- drinks, and processed foods. But

cially “silent” airway reflux, which another important variable has been
often affects the throat, sinuses, and overlooked: dinnertime. Over the
lungs without digestive symptoms past two decades, the time of my

136 | 05•2015 | rd.com

patients’ evening meals has trended often the sole cause of their problem.
later and later. Dinner—already And yet, changing the timing of their
pushed back by longer work hours— meals is a challenge they struggle to
is often further delayed by activities meet.
such as shopping and exercise. A patient with reflux came to see
In my experience, the single most me because her father and uncle
important intervention for reflux is died of esophageal cancer, and
to eliminate late eating. she was afraid of getting it too. Her
For my patients, eating late is nightly routine included a 9 p.m.
often accompanied by overindulging dinner with at least two bottles of
because many skip breakfast and good red wine for the table. The
consume only a sandwich at lunch. reflux was serious, and changes
Thus the evening meal becomes the were needed.
largest meal of the day. After that She listened, then did not come
heavy meal, it’s off to the sofa to back to see me for a year. “For the
watch television. But after eating, it’s first two months, I just hated you,”
important to stay upright because she told me, “and then for the next
gravity helps keep food in the stom- two months—I was having some
ach. Reflux is the result of acid spilling trouble swallowing—I figured I was
out of the stomach; lying down with a going to die of esophageal cancer.”
full stomach makes reflux much more Then she nudged me and added,
likely. In a healthy young person, the “You know, we’re the reason that it’s
stomach normally takes a few hours not so easy to get 6 p.m. reservations
to empty after a moderate-size meal. at the good restaurants anymore.”
In older people or those who have re- To stop the remarkable increase
flux, gastric emptying is often delayed. in reflux disease, we have to stop
And if you add an after-dinner eating at least three hours before
dessert or a bedtime snack? Again, bed. For many people, eating dinner
reflux is a natural consequence. Des- early is a significant lifestyle shift.
sert calories tend to be high in carbo- It will require healthy, well-planned
hydrates and fat, and high-fat foods breakfasts, lunches, and snacks.
often create reflux by slowing diges- As for my restaurateur patient?
tion and relaxing the stomach valve I told him to eat dinner before
that normally prevents the condition. 7 p.m. Within six weeks, his reflux
If your reflux is the silent variety, it’s was gone.
easy to mistake for such conditions as
sinusitis, allergies, and asthma. Dr. Koufman is a physician in New York
Some of my reflux patients already City who specializes in acid reflux and
eat well. For them, dining too late is voice disorders.
THE NEW YORK TIMES (OCTOBER 25, 2014), COPYRIGHT © 2014 BY THE NEW YORK TIMES CO., NYTIMES.COM.
 Is your BLADDER
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WHO KNEW?

Does Life Cost More for

Men or Women? BY H ANN A H K. GOLD
FR O M A LT ERN ET.O RG

P ROP STYLIST: SA RAH CAVE FOR EH MA NAGEM ENT

RESEARCHERS IN CALIFORNIA once discovered that women in that
state annually pay around $1,351 more than men for basic services—adding
up to about $15 billion a year nationwide. But discrimination in pricing works
both ways: Men can get overcharged too. Here are seven occasions where it’s
advantageous to be a man, or a woman.

Car Insurance they drive less and get in fewer acci-

COSTS MORE FOR: Men dents than men, who take greater
When it comes to car insurance, risks behind the wheel and make up
men are better off saving money by the vast majority of DUIs. In 2012, the
switching their gender than they FBI reported that 743,029 men were
are switching to GEICO. Women are arrested for drunk driving, compared
generally offered better deals because with just 244,195 women.

142 | 05•2015 | rd.com PHOTOGRAPH BY YASU+JUNKO

New Cars and Their Parts a markup: $9.49 for the rugged
COST MORE FOR: Women Gillette Mach3 HD Men’s Razor,
Women, on the other hand, are often $13.79 for the Gillette Venus Embrace.
given a raw deal at the dealership
and the repair shop. One study in Nail Salons
Chicago found that new car dealer- COST MORE FOR: Men
ships asked white women to pay On average, American men spend
40 percent more of a markup than $37.14 for a single manicure com-
white men, while black women pared with women’s $24.38. The rea-
were asked to pay upward of three son? Businesses that charge more for
times a white male’s markup. Simi- men’s manis argue that male hands
larly, auto-repair shops are prone are generally larger and rougher, and
to overcharge women, according take longer to manicure, than wom-
to a 2012 report that surveyed 4,600 en’s. More labor and more product
body shops. Women were quoted means higher prices (this same logic
an average price of $406 to replace is why women’s haircuts can cost
a car radiator, compared with the three times as much as men’s).
$383 their male counterparts were
offered for the same service. Women Dry Cleaning
who expressed limited knowledge of COSTS MORE FOR: Women
car-part pricing, in particular, were It’s common practice for dry cleaners
charged more than men with the to charge different prices for men’s
same level of knowledge. and women’s clothing. The fight for
gender equity at the dry cleaner has
Beauty Products been spearheaded, in large part, by
COST MORE FOR: Women Janet Floyd, a cofounder of a market
In a recent article for bustle.com, research firm in New York City and
author Amanda Chatel tracked down a starched-shirt owner. Floyd found
several beauty products made by the that her local dry cleaner was charg-
same company—nearly identical for ing $2 for men’s “shirts” and $6.50
all intents and purposes—that are for women’s “blouses,” insisting that
priced differently depending on the distinction in terms gave them
whom they are marketed to. For the right to more than triple the
example, Head & Shoulders makes an price. New York City’s Department
anti-dandruff two-in-one shampoo of Consumer Affairs has stricter
and conditioner for women priced at ordinances, at least: Prices can
$10.99. A very similar product with differentiate between shirts with
an extra Old Spice kick for men costs and without ruffles, but not between
only $7.99. Razors also charge women “shirts” and “blouses.”

rd.com | 05•2015 | 143

MAXimum WHO KNEW?

Nightclubs and Bars

Pain Relief. COST MORE FOR: Men
Bars that dish out “ladies’ nights”
discounts for women and cover
charges for men are participating
in a decades-old American tradition,
which has sparked some controversy.
Some feminists have been skeptical
of the practice—which, though it
can help women financially, was
implemented for the benefit of
men—but it’s men, and men’s rights
activists in particular, who are most
vocally opposed to it. In 1998, for
example, New Jersey resident David
Gillespie filed a civil rights complaint
against the Coastline Restaurant,
which allowed women free entry
(a savings of $5) and drink discounts
on ladies’ night. Because of this,
• 8long-lasting
hours of
cold therapy New Jersey outlawed ladies’ nights
in 2004.
• for precise pain reliefof cold”
Advanced “points
Long-Term Care
• Comfort-fi t support wrap
for maximum mobility COSTS MORE FOR: Women
In 2013, several big insurance compa-
• Safe and reusable nies, including Genworth Financial,
started charging women higher rates
cryomax.com than men for the same long-term care.
The insurance companies’ rationale?
Women live longer than men and
are presumably greater liabilities to
potential profits. But it’s not just Gen-
worth: A 2012 report by the National
Women’s Law Center found that
more than 90 percent of America’s
Available at:
bestselling health-care plans charge
men less than women.
ALTERNET.ORG (DECEMBER 3, 2014), COPYRIGHT © 2014 BY THE
INDEPENDENT MEDIA INSTITUTE, ALTERNET.ORG.

And other fine retailers.

 IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR

Word Power
Each week, the folks at merriam-webster.com highlight a word that’s
in the news. Here’s a recent sampling from their Trend Watch section. Test
yourself to see how current you are, and then check the next page for answers.
BY E M ILY COX & H ENRY RATH VO N

1. amnesty ('am-neh-stee) n.— 9. intransigence (in-'tran-sih-jents)

A: treason. B: pardon. C: safe haven. n.—A: stubbornness. B: hard travel.
C: secret information.
2. harridan ('har-eh-den) n.—
A: brief, wild storm. B: mercenary 10. subterfuge ('sub-ter-fyewj) n.—
soldier. C: haggard, old woman. A: deceptive stratagem. B: underwater
dwelling. C: cheap replica.
3. repudiate (rih-'pyu-dee-ayt) v.—
A: overthrow. B: refuse to accept or 11. inherent (in-'hir-ent) adj.—
support. C: divulge. A: inborn. B: granted by a will.
C: leased for low cost.
4. indict (en-'diyt) v.—A: point out.
B: charge with a crime. C: vote. 12. eponymous (ih-'pah-neh-mes)
adj.—A: unsigned. B: opposite in
5. gentrification (jen-treh-feh-
meaning. C: named for a person.
'kay-shehn) n.—A: gender switch.
B: uncultured upbringing. 13. intrepid (in-'treh-pid) adj.—
C: displacement of the poor by A: stumbling. B: unpleasantly hot.
the affluent. C: fearless.
6. sovereignty ('sahv-er-en-tee) 14. sectarian (sek-'ter-ee-an) adj.—
n.—A: full knowledge. B: supreme A: related to a horse. B: of religious
power. C: communal state. factions. C: having six parts.
7. conflate (kon-'flayt) v.—A: barter 15. culpable ('kuhl-peh-buhl) adj.—
or deal. B: ignore. C: confuse or A: blameworthy. B: likely to happen.
combine into a whole. C: not competent.
8. solipsistic (soh-lep-'sis-tik) adj.—
A: highly egocentric. B: slick.  To play an interactive version of
Word Power on your iPad, download the
C: applied to the lips. Reader’s Digest app.

rd.com | 05•2015 | 145

WORD POWER

Answers
1. amnesty—[B] pardon. President 9. intransigence—[A] stubbornness.
Obama’s deportation amnesty is a key The government shutdown was
controversy across the nation. a display of intransigence, said the
Los Angeles Times.
2. harridan—[C] haggard, old woman.
During trial, former Virginia governor 10. subterfuge—[A] deceptive
Bob McDonnell portrayed his wife as stratagem. Democratic Leader Nancy
a harridan, said the New York Times. Pelosi said the Republicans’ intent to
sue the president was a “subterfuge.”
3. repudiate—[B] refuse to accept or
support. After the midterm elections, 11. inherent—[A] inborn. When
Senator Paul said, “Tonight is a repu- the Declaration of Independence
diation of Barack Obama’s policies.” refers to “unalienable” rights, it is
4. indict—[B] charge with a crime.
describing the inherent privileges
Darren Wilson was not indicted for people are entitled to.
the killing of Michael Brown. 12. eponymous—[C] named for a
5. gentrification—[C] displacement person. Who was the original Oscar
of the poor by the affluent. Spike Lee behind the eponymous statuette?
has denounced the gentrification in 13. intrepid—[C] fearless. After
neighborhoods such as Fort Greene. “stealing” a block while playing,
6. sovereignty—[B] supreme power. Prince George was called “very
Ukraine will not settle its conflicts intrepid.”
with Russia until it regains full
14. sectarian—[B] of religious
sovereignty over Crimea.
factions. The UN has warned of
7. conflate—[C] confuse or combine “further sectarian violence” in Iraq.
into a whole. News-
15. culpable—
man Brian Williams
[A] blameworthy.
doesn’t know what WHY WE CAST ABOUT Oscar Pistorius was
caused him to The word cast has its roots found guilty of
“conflate one air- in Middle English via the Old culpable homicide
craft with another.” Norse kasta, meaning “to
in South Africa.
throw.” This is close to the
8. solipsistic—[A]
modern definition of “to put VOCABULARY
highly egocentric. forth.” So it makes sense RATINGS
Some view Face- that now a newscaster can 9 & below: Up-to-date
book as a simply broadcast the forecast. 10–12: In the know
solipsistic forum. 13–15: Newshound

146 | 05•2015 | rd.com

 “I had no idea we had this kind of technology.”

STUDENTS ARE GREAT about IT WAS SHEER BRILLIANCE. The

sending our troops letters, and the ship’s operations officer entered
troops love ’em. You can see why: the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at
■ “Dear Soldier, If you’re having half-mast. He grabbed a bagel and
a rough day, remember the most took a seat. Unfortunately, the sun
important thing in life is to be was shining through a porthole right
yourself. Unless you can be Batman.” onto his face. Rather than move, he
■ “Dear Veterans, You rock more called the bridge: “Hey,” he said,
than AC/DC or Metallica or Red “can you shift the ship 15 degrees?
Hot Chili Peppers.” Thanks.” Source: abovetopsecret.com

■ “I am so happy you are risking your

life for the USA! My grandpa Bob was Send us your funniest military anecdote
in the Navy. Now he likes peanuts.” or news story—it might be worth $100!
Source: uniformstories.com Go to rd.com/submit for details.

ILLUSTRATION BY P. C. VEY rd.com | 05•2015 | 147

It is more fun A MOTHER IS NOT A
to be the PERSON TO LEAN ON
BUT A PERSON TO
painter than

FROM TOP: ERNESTO RUS CI O/GETTY I MAGES . CHRISTOP HER F URLONG/GE TTY IMAG E S. BACHRACH/G E TTY IMAG E S
MAKE LEANING
the paint. UNNECESSARY.
GEORGE CLOONEY D O R OTH Y C . F I S H E R , a u t h o r

When you come out of the Art is how we decorate space;

storm, you won’t be the same
person who walked in. That’s music is how we decorate time.
what the storm’s all about. Q u o t e d b y ALEX CLAY HUTCHINGS
HARUKI MURAK AMI, auth or on reddit.com

WHEN THE WHOLE WORLD

IS SILENT, EVEN ONE VOICE
BECOMES POWERFUL.
M A L A L A YO U SA F Z AI

I am still The Eskimos had 52 names

encouraged to go for snow because it was
on. I wouldn’t
important to them; there
know where
else to go. ought to be as many for
E . B . WHITE love. M A R GA R E T AT WO O D

Reader’s Digest (ISSN 0034-0375) (USPS 865-820), (CPM Agreement# 40031457), Vol. 185, No. 1110, May 2015. © 2015. Published monthly,
except bimonthly in July/August and December/January (subject to change without notice), by The Reader’s Digest Association, Inc.,
44 South Broadway, White Plains, New York 10601. Periodicals postage paid at White Plains, New York, and at additional mailing offices.
POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Reader’s Digest, PO Box 6095, Harlan, Iowa 51593-1595. Send undeliverable Canadian addresses to
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corrected address within one year. A special Reader’s Digest Large Print with selected articles from Reader’s Digest is published by The Reader’s
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148 | 05•2015 | rd.com

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