PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

GROUP 1 REPORTERS

Submitted by:
AFALLA, Angelica Joice A.
MORENO, Jicell
VENTANILLA, Kevin B.
STEM 11-10

Submitted to:
Ms. Maria Aurora De Leon
Personal Development Professor
 How to Become a Better
Listener:
10 Simple Tips

by HENRIK EDBERG on FEBRUARY 21, 2018

1. Keep in mind: Listening is win/win.

Many may not listen that well because they think they don't get much out of it
personally.

But the better you listen, the better they will listen to you. And the better and
deeper the relationship will be.

If you focus on understanding him or her and on giving value based on that then
you'll get the same thing back.

This reminder has been a powerful motivator for me to become a better listener.

2. Tell yourself that you’ll tell someone else about this conversation
later on.
One of the best ways to remember something better is to know that you are going
to tell what you learned to someone else.

Then you'll be more alert, naturally start asking more questions to understand
and what is said – in my experience – simply seems to stick better.

Plus, you’ll stop focusing so much on what to say next and so the conversation
tends to flow better.

3. Keep the eye-contact.

Looking everywhere except at the person talking can make it seem like you are
not listening. And then the conversation suffers.

So keep the eye-contact. I found it easier to start doing this more often when I:
 Took it step-by-small-step and improved my eye-contact time in
conversations over the span of a few months.
 Focused my gaze at just one of the other person’s eyes at time.
4. Keep that smart phone away.
Browsing the internet on your phone or your computer while trying to listen
usually leads missing some part of the conversation and to the person talking
feeling like he or she is not listened to.

So put that phone down while listening if you don’t need it to check something or
write something down as a part of the conversation.

5. Summarize what was said.

I have found that taking a few seconds to summarize what someone just said –
like a longer segment about what happened at work or in a relationship – makes
it a lot easier to make sure I’ve understood what happened.

As I say that summary out loud the other person can adjust or correct my
understanding and so I can add my perspective, thoughts or questions in a better
way based on that rather than my assumptions about what happened and of how
the other person’s experienced this situation.

Or I can take some kind of action based on what they actually meant and not
what I thought they meant (for example in a work setting where a
misunderstanding could lead to frustration and time lost if you misunderstand).

6. Ask instead of trying to mind-read.

Reading someone’s mind is quite difficult. Most of the time impossible. Still, so
many of us have tried to do it and started conversations based on that too many
times.

So when you feel an impulse to assume and mind-read stop that and start being
curious and ask open-ended questions.

Going for this kind of question instead of the ones where the other person can
just answer a yes or a no will help him/her to open up and to start explaining and
sharing what is going on.

7. Get some fresh air and/or exercise.

Few things make it so hard to follow along in a conversation as a tired and foggy
head.
Two things that can keep that energy and mental clarity up are to open a window
or to take a walk outside to get both some exercise and some fresh air.

Exercising regularly a bit more intensely a few times a week also makes it easier
to fully be there when you want to and need to listen.

8. When you listen, just listen.

Don’t interrupt. Don’t jump in with solutions (this one can be a hard one in my
experience).

Just be present in the moment and listen fully to what the other person has to say
and let him or her speak until the entire message is said.

Sometimes that is also all that’s needed. For someone to truly listen as we vent
for a few minutes and figure things out for ourselves.

9. Be honest about your current limitations.

If you’re in a rush or feel very tired or stressed out let the other person know.

If you have listened for long while and your mind has hit its limit and starts to
wander and you need a break and maybe something to eat say that too.

It is better for the both of you to be honest and to continue the conversation later
on rather than trying to fake undivided attention or to try to keep the listening up
when you honestly just can’t.

10. Share what you have done in a similar situation.

When asked for advice while listening or when it seems appropriate – not when
the other person just needs to vent and get things out – share what you have done
in the same situation or a similar one and what worked well for you.

That gives a lot more weight to your input than just random advice or opinions
about what you think could work.

HOW TO DEAL WITH A DIFFICULT PERSON

 Approaching a Difficult Person

1
Choose your battles wisely. When butting heads with a difficult person, decide when it
is worth your efforts to discuss the problem.[1] Not every fight needs to be fought. The
sooner you realize this, the happier your life will become. Ideally, you and this difficult
person would be able to set aside your differences and compromise. Sometimes, this is
impossible.
 Ask yourself if the situation is causing you enough distress that it must be addressed.
 Consider your relationship to this person. If it's your boss or another authority figure, you
have to accept some things you don't like (unless it's abusive behavior).[2] If it's a friend
or family member, think about whether choosing not to engage is enabling bad behavior
or simply saving you time and grief.
 Can you even win this fight? You may really want to take on someone that irks you, but
you need to size up the situation and consider if it really is one that you can resolve.
Perhaps the timing is bad or you need to formulate a plan, get help, or consider your
options.

2
Pause for a moment. Take a deep breath before responding to collect your thoughts
and calm your emotions. If your conflict is happening via email or texting, try to avoid
sending digital text messages when upset. Take a bit of time to let your stress level
decrease. Then you will be able to approach the person more reasonably. [3]
 If possible, discuss your issue somewhere neutral or while doing an activity. For
example, you could talk while walking. This can limit negative face-to-face interactions.

3
State your needs clearly with assertive communication. Don't give the person the
opportunity to manipulate you or twist your words.[5] Aim to use “I” statements rather
than “you” accusations. For example:
 ”I understand that you are frustrated by my lateness. I would feel the same way.
Unfortunately, the subway line was down this morning and we were stuck in the station.
I am very sorry for making you wait!”
 Do not say: “You are unreasonable for expecting me to be punctual when the subway
system was broken down. If you really cared, you could have googled my line and
checked.

4
Continue being polite. No matter the response of the other person, keep your cool. Do
not resort to name-calling. Take breaths before your responses. The key is to not let
yourself sink to the other person’s level. Also, the calmer you remain, the more likely the
other person will notice and reflect on his or her behavior.

5
Stick to the facts. Keep a short clear narrative that is not bogged down with too much
detail or emotion. It is very possible you won’t be able to get the person to see your
point of view and you don’t need to try to convince them. State what happened and
don't feel you need to explain yourself.[7]
 Avoid trigger topics.[8] For example, if you always fight about holidays with your sister-in-
law, don’t discuss them! Have someone else do the mediating.
 Avoid being defensive.[9] You might want to argue your point, but with difficult people, it
is best to bypass these kinds of arguments. Do not waste your time trying to prove that
you are right. Instead, keep the situation as neutral as possible.

6
Minimize your interactions. Although hopefully you can deal with your problem
person; if not, limit your time with her. If you must interact, try to keep things short by
excusing yourself from the conversation or bringing a third party into the conversation.
Stay as positive as possible and make sure to calm down afterwards.[10]
 Accept that this person will likely never become the friend, colleague or sibling you
want.
 7
Talk to allies. If you are not making headway with someone and need to do so, speak
with a potential mediator. Perhaps your boss can help improve the situation. If your
conflict is within the family, find a mutual party who can negotiate. Strive to share
complaints only with people you trust.

Co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW, 2014.

1. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/dealing-with-difficult-people//
2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201309/ten-keys-
handling-unreasonable-difficult-people
3. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/dealing-with-difficult-people//
4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201204/the-high-art-handling-problem-
people
5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201204/the-high-art-handling-problem-
people
6. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/dealing-with-difficult-people//
7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201204/the-high-art-handling-problem-
people
8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201204/the-high-art-handling-problem-
people
9. ↑ http://www.webguru.neu.edu/professionalism/professionalism/dealing-difficult-people
10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201204/the-high-art-handling-problem-
people
11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201204/the-high-art-handling-problem-
people
12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201204/the-high-art-handling-problem-
people
13. ↑http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/three_easy_strategies_for_dealing_with_di
fficult_people
14. ↑http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/three_easy_strategies_for_dealing_with_di
fficult_people
15. ↑ http://www.kindspring.org/story/view.php?op=sg&sid=12742
16. ↑ http://www.kindspring.org/story/view.php?op=sg&sid=12742
 PRACTICING ASSERTIVENESS WITHOUT BEING
DISRESPECTFUL
Communicating Assertively

1
Identify your needs and feelings. Take stock of when you don’t feel like you’re being
treated with respect. Think about situations when you felt steamrolled. Then consider
how you would like to be treated in these situations.
 When you identify your needs and feelings, you can develop expectations for how you
want to be treated in the future.

2
Have clear boundaries in mind. Know what you’re willing to do or what would mean
you’re going too far. If you know your boundaries, then you won’t have to search for
your boundaries in the middle of a stressful situation.[2]
 For example, if your brother often asks you for money, and you're not sure how to
handle it, have an exact number in mind for how much you're willing to give. If you're not
willing to give any more money, know that before you talk to him again and be ready to
assert your boundaries.

3
Explain how you feel and what you need. When you are assertive, you explain how
you feel and what you need, without being rude or aggressive. These skills can help you
stand up for yourself and still treat other people with respect. [3] Convey your opinions,
thoughts and feelings in a respectful manner. If you feel unsure about explaining your
feelings, try writing them down first or practicing what you might say.[3]
 For example, perhaps you want a raise at work, but you haven't found a good way to
speak up about it yet. The best outcome would be having the opportunity to make
yourself heard and have your request for a raise accepted.
 4
Be straightforward. It can be difficult to simply tell someone what you want, especially
if being nice is one of your stronger qualities. You may feel that it seems rude to actually
say what you think. In reality, however, it isn't rude at all. Beating around the bush will
make you seem passive or bendable. Project self-awareness and strength so you can
get your way without having to argue.[4]
 Don’t sugarcoat your position to make it seem more palatable. For example, if you want
your aunt to stop dropping by unannounced, say something like "Aunt Ida, please start
calling before you come over. That will give me time to prepare for your visit." Don't say,
"Aunt Ida, would it be OK with you if you call me sometimes before you come over? But
only if it's convenient for you, I don't really mind either way."

5
Don’t apologize for your opinions or needs. When you are assertive, you own your
feelings and needs, and you feel justified in having them. Don’t apologize for asking to
get what you need.

6
Practice assertive nonverbal communication. Communication happens both with
words and with body language.[5] The way you present your position will impact the way
it’s received. To have assertive nonverbal communication, practice some of these skills:
 Maintain eye contact.
 Stand or sit with good posture.
 Speak with an appropriate tone and volume of voice.
 Keep your body relaxed and calm.

7
Show appreciation for the other person. When you communicate assertively, you
also recognize the contributions of the other person. You can still ask for what you want,
 but you should acknowledge when the other person has made concessions or has
conveyed their feelings.[1] Otherwise, you may come across as disinterested and rude.

8
Manage your stress. When you are stressed, it’s often the case that you feel you are
not in control of a situation. This can influence the way you respond in a given situation.
You might be more prone to respond aggressively or passively. Managing stress is
integral to communicating assertively.

9
Choose an appropriate time to have a conversation. If you’re tired or hungry, wait
until you’ve resolved those issues before embarking on a conversation. You might lose
your cool more quickly and come across as rude if you’re not feeling very good.

10
Practice and be patient. Learning to be assertive takes time and practice. Start
practicing your assertiveness techniques in small situations, such as telling your friend
that you don’t want to watch a certain movie. Build upon each experience and soon you
will find yourself to be assertive in other situations too.

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, 2011

References
1. ↑ 1.01.11.2http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/assertiveness.html
2. ↑ 2.02.1http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-
depth/assertive/art-20044644
3. ↑ 3.03.13.23.33.43.53.63.73.8http://www.childline.org.uk/Explore/FeelingsEmotions/Pages/being-
assertive.aspx
4. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/5-tips-to-increase-your-assertiveness/00010836/2
5. ↑ http://www.uwosh.edu/couns_center/self-help/assertiveness/non-verbal-assertive-
behaviors
6. ↑ 6.06.1http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/assertiveness2.html
7. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-
20044644?pg=2
8. ↑ http://www.gp-training.net/training/leadership/assertiveness/broken.htm
9. ↑ http://www.workingatmcmaster.ca/med/document/CYWTH_Apr_2011_VcrEN-1-37.pdf
10. ↑ http://www.acrwebsite.org/search/view-conference-proceedings.aspx?Id=9540