The Night of Your Life Excerpt
The Night of Your Life Excerpt
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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either
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Lucy is doing that thing with her lips again. I call it a twibble, a
twitch too subtle to be a quiver or a tremble. She’s trying not to
let this get to her. She’s failing to hide that she’s trying not to let
this get to her. I just haven’t figured out what this is yet.
“So . . .” I lean against the doorway to her bedroom as Lucy
finishes getting ready for school, pulling up sections of her
hair to pin them back. If we talk, eventually the reason for
her twibble will come out. “Did you get your prom dress yet?”
“Prom is tomorrow night, JJ,” she says without looking away
from the mirror above her dresser. She plucks another pin from
the tray next to a bottle of lotion. “If I didn’t have my dress yet,
I wouldn’t be going.”
She also wouldn’t be Lucy if she didn’t plan every little
thing ten steps ahead. But for this, I’m in agreement. This is
senior prom. Our last big hurrah before high school gradua-
tion. Before our entwined lives go their separate ways. I picked
up my tux last week, but she never told me when she got her
dress. She hasn’t told me anything about it, actually, not even
the color.
1
“Can I see it?” I take one step toward her closet—
In a blink, she’s across the room and blocking me. “No!”
“All right, all right,” I say through a laugh. “I won’t look.”
I keep smiling—it’s not a big deal. But still . . . “What’s the
big deal?”
Prom is supposed to be a night of fun, nothing more.
Nothing serious. We made a promise to each other at the
beginning of senior year, that if neither of us had dates for
prom, we’d go with each other. At the time I hadn’t thought
that would actually happen. It was likely I’d still be single, but
before this past school year, Lucy never went long between
partners. But now it’s the day before prom, and we’re both still
dateless. The chances of that changing in the next thirty-six
hours are close to nil.
“It’s not a big deal,” she insists.
“Then why can’t I see it? I’m just curious.”
“Your curiosity can hold out one more day.” Her lips twibble
again.
Okay . . . Is this about the dress? “Does it fit okay?” I ask.
She goes back to the mirror to finish her hair, her green-
purple-blue-swirled tunic top swishing back and forth. “I didn’t
get too fat for it since picking it up, if that’s what you mean.”
“That’s not what I mean. You’re not ‘too fat’ for anything,
now or ever. I mean I know it’s hard for you to find clothes that
complement your shape, and I want you to be comfortable.”
Her dark-brown gaze catches mine through the mirror, and
then another twibble. “Sorry, my brother is just . . . getting to
2
me lately. He’s on some new fitness plan, and according to his
chart, I’m morbidly obese and one cupcake away from heart
failure.” She rolls her eyes, then mutters, “I’ve got a chart of my
own I’d like to show him.”
This again. God, I hate that guy. “You could out-yoga him
with both hands tied behind your back. Don’t listen to him.”
“Trying not to.” Her shoulders drop with a sigh. “Anyway,
I’ve got everything sorted out. Shoes, accessories, hair, makeup.
And the dress fits perfectly.”
“Good.”
“It is good.” She smiles unconvincingly, the corners of her
mouth barely lifting. Even in the weak lighting of her bed-
room, I notice her skin is already getting darker with the longer,
sunnier days. She drinks in sunlight as if it’s water and she com-
pletely dehydrated over the cold months. In midwinter Lucy
appears almost as white as I am, but by midsummer she turns
a radiant golden brown, while I become a very attractive shade
of burnt and peeling. She stabs the nest of dark-auburn curls
on her head with another pin. “And we’ve got enough to worry
about today,” she continues, then sucks in a breath, the rest of
her freezing in place. “Did you remember to bring Marty—”
“He’s in my car,” I assure her. “Everything’s ready to go.
Except you.”
Most school days I find Lucy and a to-go cup of coffee
waiting for me in the kitchen downstairs. It’s only on the
twibble days that I have to venture up to her room because she
needs more time. Is she nervous about our presentation with
3
Marty today? Is that what this is all about? Yesterday she was
fine. Today she’s on the brink of not-fine. But we’ve been prac-
ticing. It’s flawless, everything set, down to the pauses for
breath. Because Lucy is flawless, perfect as always, and so is all
she does. I’m the one who’s likely going to flub something up.
Oh. Maybe that’s it—me. I have a tendency to stress her out
sometimes. Okay, more than sometimes, but never on purpose.
She’s a perfectionist, and I’m whatever is the opposite of that. A
disorganizationist? A go-with-the-flow-ist? A hot-mess . . . ist?
So we clash. We have spats. And then we get over it. That’s just
us. Complicated, but it works. We are a well-oiled machine
made of broken parts.
Without Lucy to keep me in order, I’d probably fall apart.
Spontaneously self-destruct. I don’t remember how I kept it
together before I met her almost four years ago.
“I’m ready now,” she declares, and grabs her messenger bag,
then slings it over her head to crisscross over her chest. I turn
to walk out and she falls into step behind me as we head down-
stairs. “There’s a spot on your glasses,” she says casually. “Left
lens. Upper right corner.”
I remove them, use the bottom of my shirt to wipe away the
offending spot, and slip them back on. “Anything else?”
We reach the bottom of the stairs and she looks me up and
down. Her assessment pauses at my “distance-raptor over time-
raptor equals veloci-raptor” T-shirt.
Twibble. “Good choice. That’s one of my favorites.”
I know. That’s why I wore it. “Glad you approve.”
“You appear ready,” she says, “but if you’re not feeling ready,
4
tell me now. We have only one shot at this. One chance to nail
this thing that counts for half our final physics grade. One
chance.”
“You don’t have to remind me there are no second chances.”
With this project, or anything. “Everything’s going to be fine.
We got this, okay?”
“What do you got?” her dad shouts from the kitchen. “Unless
it’s a cold, you better share!” He laughs, throaty and robust,
at his own joke. The sound of it tugs a grin out of me, even
though I’ve heard that joke from him a million times. Yeah, I
hate her brother, but I love her dad.
Lucy sighs, heading across her living room. “Nothing, Papà,
just school stuff. A dopo!” She waves goodbye to him as she
passes the kitchen on her way to the front door.
“Ciao, Lucilla!” he calls back to her. “JJ, don’t forget your
coffee!”
“Va bene.” My Italian is borderline embarrassing with my
blah Ohio accent. But every word I know of it, I learned from
Lucy and her family. When I’m around them, it just comes out.
She glances over her shoulder at me. “Grab your coffee, let’s
go. We’re running late.”
“We’re running right on time.”
“I meant we will be running late if we don’t leave now.” She
snatches her rainbow-striped umbrella from the front closet
and then she’s out the door, into the grim haze of a steady
spring drizzle.
“My mistake.” I grab the to-go cup of coffee she left for
me on the kitchen counter, say hello and goodbye to Signore
5
Bellini—conveniently the same word in Italian for both—and
meet Lucy in my car. Same as I always do, every school day of
the year.
But today feels different, even with the routine. Because
today is the day before the day I’ve been looking forward to
since the start of freshman year. Tomorrow is our senior prom.
So today, nothing can go wrong.
6
in the present. Or at least that’s what we concluded was hap-
pening, because that’s what we’d wanted to happen.
The fact we were slightly delirious from too much sugar
and too little sleep that day—night?—didn’t make it into our
official data log. But we couldn’t have both had the same hal-
lucination at the exact same time, multiple times in a row . . .
I don’t think?
Someone cracks their knuckles. Another person lets out a
bored yawn. Mrs. Ruano checks her watch, then makes a note
on our score sheet. We’re running out of time.
Lucy laughs nervously, a forced grin plastered on her face.
Through her teeth she whispers to me, “What did you do to it?”
“Nothing,” I whisper back, analyzing what I can without
taking Marty apart. I really want to take him apart right now.
Let him think about what he’s done while I dissect him, slowly
and methodically, piece by piece. Everything looks good on the
outside, though. I don’t get it. “Why do you assume this is my
fault?”
Never mind. I was the last person to have Marty in my pos-
session, and I’m usually the one who screws things up. Usually
meaning always. The last time she saw this, it worked. We cel-
ebrated. We fantasized about getting rich and famous from
this thing. This thing that can’t even tell time now, let alone
manipulate it.
“Don’t start an argument, JJ, just help me.” Her tone is on
the verge of panic.
Okay. We got this. Deep breath. Time to improvise. I lift the
7
Sharpie and twirl it like a mini baton. We have to move it every
ten seconds or our model proves nothing. But also, I’m distract-
ing the class so Lucy can troubleshoot without twenty pairs of
eyes on her. I start spouting off whatever scientific anything I
can think of, as if it’s a step-by-step of what we’re doing. Like
this was all planned.
“In our quest to understand how the universe works, we
study the basic building blocks of our existence—matter,
energy, space, and time . . .”
Lucy catches on fast, and in my side vision I watch her fran-
tically flipping switches and discreetly popping panels open.
She pulls a hairpin from her head and uses it to tug on a wire,
muttering something under her breath in Italian. Probably
cuss words.
Even if she can fix this, we’re going to need consolation ice
cream later.
Lucy releases a mouse-like squeak, and I flick a glance at
her. She’s wide-eyed, pulling another pin out of her hair, which
loosens a curl. The bobby fell inside, she mouths, and tucks
the loose hair behind her ear. A blue spark flies, and she yanks
back her hand. Then, when it’s clear we didn’t accidentally cre-
ate a bomb, she tries again.
Make that triple scoops. Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.
In a last-ditch effort to give Lucy a few more seconds, I pull
the basic definition of science out of my butt and hope Mrs.
Ruano doesn’t call me out on it. “. . . the use of evidence to
construct testable explanations and predictions of natural
8
phenomena, as well as the knowledge generated through this
process—”
“Time’s up,” Mrs. Ruano says.
“Wait, I almost—” Lucy protests, but Mrs. Ruano raises her
palm toward us.
“Back to your seats, please.”
With a grimace, I grab the infernal thing off the counter
and shove it into my backpack, then follow Lucy’s swishing
tunic top to our table in the back of the class. Her lips are far
beyond twibble territory. They’re trembling, likely from hold-
ing in whatever she wants to vent about what just happened.
Mrs. Ruano studies her notes for a moment before lifting her
head and saying, “It was a good idea and very well researched.
You lost some points for presentation, but to be honest, I wasn’t
expecting it to work. Time travel just isn’t possible. Neither is
speeding up time, slowing it down, or stopping it altogether.
Scientists have been trying to do it for centuries—you aren’t the
first to fail at it and you won’t be the last.” And on that inspi-
rational concluding note, she calls up another pair of students
to the front of the class.
Triple scoops, whipped cream, and a cherry on top. I don’t
even like cherries, but after this, I need one or five.
Lucy’s leg bounces, her frustration seeking any physical out-
let it can find. She’s upset and has every reason to be. That one
section of hair that came undone has to be bothering her, too. I
know she’ll fix it as soon as we’re out of class and she can get to
a mirror, but part of me wishes she’d just let herself be undone
9
for a day, not worry about the little things. Part of me wants
to tell her it’s okay to be a mess sometimes, but the rest of me,
the logical me, keeps my mouth shut. Because when Lucy has it
in her head to do something—or not do something—there’s no
changing her mind. It’s a done deal. Finale.
I hand her the bright purple Sharpie, and she uses it to write
on her spiral notebook, then slides the message over to my side
of the table.
We failed.
I write back: We didn’t fail the project. The project failed us. It was
perfect until the very end. I bet we still get an A.
Slide.
Sigh.
Scribble.
Slide.
Until we know for sure, she wrote, what’s the plan?
She’s asking me for a plan? Has she met me? All I know how
to do is improvise. I mean, I’m the guy who chose what col-
lege to attend by putting all my acceptances on a dartboard,
blindfolding myself, and taking my best shot. With Lucy
already approved—a long time ago—for a geosciences program
in Italy, nothing I chose in the States would keep us any closer.
They were all the same to me, so. University of Texas, here
I come.
If she wants to know my “plan,” I guess it’s that we’ll figure
out what went wrong later, but for right now, for this project,
for this grade, for this class, for this school year, that was our
10
only chance. We’re done. There are no repeats and no do-overs.
So tonight?
I write: Ice cream.
11
a date. Take a chance. It takes me a while to get to this point
with someone, where I even want to give it a try to see if there
is a difference. And I think maybe I could be at that point with
Jenna now, if only she were free for me to even ask her.
She has a reputation for being the life of all the parties—
the ones I never get invited to but always hear about, the ones
that are reserved for Beaver Creek High elite. She’s got this
vintage-movie-star look going on, with platinum-blond hair,
a practically porcelain-white complexion, winged eyeliner, fire-
engine-red lipstick, and I don’t recall her ever wearing clothes
that are considered “modern fashion.” It works for her. Very
well. Jenna is one of the most popular girls in the whole school,
let alone the senior class, but she’s also one of the nicest.
There is only one thing that kept me from asking her to
prom. One six-foot-three thing with a chiseled physique, a
British accent—which may or may not be as fake as Jenna’s
hair color—and a smile that gets him virtually anything he
wants. Blair is sure to be voted prom king, and since Jenna is
his girlfriend, she’ll likely wear a crown tomorrow night, too.
He probably rigged the ballot with just one wink at the right
person.
Jenna’s concentration breaks when her phone buzzes next
to her paper, rattling the tabletop. The teacher supervising our
session tells her to put it away so we don’t disturb the other
tutoring groups around us—even though they’re “whispering”
louder than any phone would buzz—and then she goes back
to reading her paperback with the kilt-wearing Highlander on
the cover.
12
“Sorry,” Jenna whispers to me, and scowls at the message on
her phone. “It’s Blair. He’s . . . Nothing.” Her expression unna-
turally brightens. “It’s nothing.” She sets the phone on her lap
and goes back to trying to solve for X.
She’s received texts from Blair during our tutoring sessions
before, but this is the first time she hasn’t sent him a reply.
Something happened. Something bad. Something that’s none
of your business, a voice says in the back of my head. Don’t get
involved.
But a louder voice in front says, This is your chance. Take it. You
won’t get another one.
Her phone buzzes again. She glances down at it and sighs.
“What’s the problem?” I say.
Well. That was brilliant.
She lifts her blue gaze from her math paper to me. “I’m still
working on it. Sorry, I’m a little distracted today.”
“No, I didn’t mean the algebra problem. I meant with you
and Blair Bedford.” I say his name with the best British accent
I can muster, which is even worse than my Italian, but she
smiles. Okay. Good recovery. “I’m serious, though, are you all
right? We can take a break from this for a minute if you need
to vent.”
I try to not sound too eager, but also like it’s not a bother,
and I come off sounding bored.
Why am I so terrible at this? It’s no wonder I never get past
a first date. I spend so much time getting to know a person
before feeling anything in the realm of wanting to ask them
out—and then my awkwardness kills any chance of continuing.
13
Either Jenna didn’t notice or she doesn’t care. She sets her
pencil down and straightens, then turns to face me, keeping
her knees together so the phone doesn’t fall off her lap. It’s
buzzing again. “Go away,” she hisses at it, and then to me she
says, “So Blair and I were supposed to go out to the movies last
night. That new one that just came out with that guy who was
in the one from last year with the girl who used to be in that
one Disney show? You know the one.”
“I know the one. All the ones.”
“And I was really looking forward to seeing it at the mid-
night showing,” she goes on, “be one of the first so I could write
a review for it in time for our final edition of the paper before
school lets out. And why not make a date of it, right? So I told
Blair about it, weeks ago, and we planned to go together. But
then . . .” Her mouth twists. “I swear this isn’t me being petty.”
I flash my palms. “No judgment here. Just listening.”
“Okay.” Sigh. “He’s been, I don’t know, acting weird lately?
I thought it was me overreacting, because I’m all stressed out
about graduation and getting ready for college and trying not
to fail a math class that I’m in with a bunch of freshmen—and
prom. We’ve got everything planned, and I’ve been looking for-
ward to it, you know, just this one night where I can relax and
have fun and not worry about all the things I’ve been worrying
about.”
“Yes. Exactly. I get that.” What I don’t get is how this con-
nects back to the movie?
“See. Even you understand.”
Even me?
14
“But Blair’s all whatever about it.” She leans back in her
chair, crossing her arms with a huff. “And I broke up with him
last night.”
Wait—what? This is way worse than I thought. Or better?
They’re not together anymore. I thought I’d be listing reasons
why she should break up with him, or at least consider it,
but she’s already done the deed, without so much as a watery
eye the day after. The spine on this girl is amazing. She dumped
the guy everyone in this school pines after, two days before
prom. But . . . why?
Still in shock, I give her a minute to finish the story, but
she says nothing. “Uh . . . okay,” I start. “Can we back up a
few steps? I think I missed something. What happened at the
movie?”
“Nothing. That was the problem. And it’s a problem we’ve
had before. I’m tired of it.”
“Mr. Johnson, Miss Davenport,” the teacher says, eyes never
leaving her romance novel, “work quietly.”
“I’m not following,” I tell Jenna, keeping my voice low.
With a slide of her thumb, she opens something on her
phone, scrolls a bit, and then shows it to me. It’s a text conver-
sation between her and Blair, with yesterday’s date.
Jenna, 4:06 p.m.: Do you want to do dinner before the movie
tonight?
Blair, 5:12 p.m.: I just ate. What movie?
Jenna, 5:14 p.m.: The movie we’ve been planning to see
since forever ago. You’re still going right?
Blair, 7:47 p.m.: Not sure if I’m free
15
Jenna, 7:48 p.m.: We just talked about this yesterday! What
changed?
Jenna, 8:03 p.m.: It’s at midnight. Will you be done with your
whatever by then?
Jenna, 11:32 p.m.: I guess we can meet there?
Blair, 12:01 a.m.: Something came up
That’s the end of it. I hand her the phone, not sure how to
respond without using gestures and language that would get
me suspended.
“Something always comes up,” Jenna says. “According to
Savvy Teen, that’s one of the top three signs your guy is cheat-
ing on you. So I dumped him before he could dump me. And
you know what? I’m not even sad about it. I feel free. I should
have done it a long time ago. Sometimes, I guess, the only solu-
tion to your problem? Is to take yourself out of the equation.”
“Nice analogy. Very math-y.”
“Thank you.” She holds her chin up and grins, but it quickly
fades. “Now I have a different problem, though . . . I don’t have
a date for prom. I’m in charge of the prom committee. I worked
hard, for months, doing fund-raisers and making sure it will
be the best senior prom Beaver Creek has ever had. After all
that, I can’t just not go! And he’s been sending me texts all day
about how it only took him five seconds to replace me—”
Of course it did. He already had someone on standby.
“—and how ridiculous I’m going to look showing up alone,”
she finishes.
“He’s garbage, Jenna.”
“A steaming six-foot-three pile of rubbish,” she agrees, with
16
a spot-on British accent at the end. Even better than Blair’s.
“But he’s also right. If I show up to prom alone, and he shows
up with Farah freaking Justice on his arm, everyone’s going to
assume he dumped me.”
“Then don’t show up alone,” I say without thinking. “I can
take you.”
Her eyes go wide and her mouth drops open a little. So much
for not sounding eager.
“Are you—” She glances around nervously. “Are you asking
me out?”
“No, uh. Not like that. We could go as friends? Acquaintances.
Whatever you want to call us. No pressure. Just a stress-free
night of fun.” Because I’m already Lucy’s prom partner, and
I’m not going to pull a Blair and leave her stranded. So Jenna
and I can’t make this a date, or a “going out,” or anything else
that wouldn’t be considered platonic. No matter how much I
want to try a new kind of relationship with her.
Her shoulders drop as she smiles, releasing a breathy laugh.
“Okay. Sure! Why not?”
Yes. YES. Okay. Act casual. “What color is your dress?”
She doesn’t hesitate. “White and sparkly. Spaghetti straps
and a crisscross front. Long hem with a vertical ruffle all the
way down one leg. It’s a 1978— Actually, here, I have a picture
of it on my phone, do you want to see?”
“No, that’s all right.” I’m sure it looks better in person. When
her face falls, I add, “I was just . . . wondering.” Wondering
if she’d tell me what Lucy refused to, and she did. So I’m still
wondering why it’s such a big deal to Lucy that I not know
17
anything. It’s just a dress. If she wanted to see my tux, I’d show
her. “I’ll pick you up at seven thirty . . . ish,” I tell Jenna. “I
gotta get Lucy, too.”
“Who’s— Oh, Lucy your friend Lucy. Bellini, right? The one
with the big, um . . . nose . . .”
Lucy does have a larger-than-average nose. Definitely big-
ger than Jenna’s, which is slim, pointed, and petite, Hollywood
pretty like everything else about her. But I like Lucy’s nose. It
fits her. It’s different. “Something wrong with that?”
“No, of course not!” Jenna backpedals. “It’s great. I mean
she’s great. The more the merrier.” Flashy smile. “We’ll all
have fun!”
“That’s the idea. Nothing serious.”
We exchange numbers, and she rattles off her address. I tap
it into my phone, trying not to let a goofy grin take over my
face. Remind myself we’re going as friends, like me and Lucy—
except this is nothing like me and Lucy, because Lucy is my
best friend and Jenna could be my girlfriend. Potentially. We’re
just going to have fun tomorrow, though. I don’t want Lucy to
feel like a third wheel. But maybe, hopefully, after prom night
Jenna and I will keep having fun. As a couple. It could happen,
right? Anything could happen.
Jenna’s phone buzzes with another text message. She rolls
her eyes but reads the text anyway, then starts gathering her
things. “That’s not him this time, thank God, it’s just my ride.
I have to go. Thanks for helping me, JJ.”
“You’re gonna ace that test on Monday.”
“Right, yeah. That, too. But I meant with prom.” She stands,
18
slinging her backpack over one shoulder. “I’m not going to let
Blair ruin everything. He can kiss my sax.” She picks up her
saxophone case from the floor and grins. “Call me cheesy, but
that never gets old.”
I’m dead. She’s too adorable. “Okay, cheesy. See you
tomorrow.”
“Seven thirty. Ish.” Another smile and she walks out into the
hall, her high-heeled Mary Janes echoing loudly in the after-
school quiet.
Now I let the goofy grin take over my face, and fire off a text
to Lucy.
Me: You’re not going to believe what just happened
“I can’t believe it,” Mom says. “The meteor shower peaks the
same night as prom? What are you gonna do, sneak out to
watch it in between dances?” She tilts the can of Reddi-wip so
the nozzle is pointed downward and adds an illegal amount of
whipped cream to each of our sundaes, then I top them with
the cherries, and they’re done.
“No,” I say through a sigh. I haven’t missed a meteor shower
since I was nine. Each of them is different and beautiful in its
own way, like snowflakes, or sunsets. “It’ll be too light by the
building to see anything, anyway, even if I can sneak out and
take a look.”
This year, the Eta Aquarids—the fallen crumbs of Halley’s
Comet—are expected to be especially bright and active. You can
see them anytime after sunset, but that doesn’t mean I’m going
to miss them just because I’ll be having the night of my life
19
inside when it all starts. While most people have made plans to
attend an after-prom party of some sort, Lucy and I are going
to the bluffs to watch the meteors at their peak visibility. Mom
doesn’t know that, though. Because when she was my age,
Whip’s Ledge was where people went to make out. So if I told
her, she’d accuse me of trying to seduce my best friend.
It’s just not like that with Lucy and me. Never has been.
And I’m glad. Because all of Lucy’s exes are no longer in her
life, but guess who still is—me. Being her best friend instead of
her boyfriend is the better side of the deal.
Going to the bluffs was Lucy’s idea, anyway, not mine. There
are other places we could watch the meteor shower, but she
insisted Whip’s Ledge is the best, and we deserve the best on
prom night. I couldn’t argue with that. Her plans are always
better than anything I could think up.
“Well.” Mom shrugs. “There will be other meteors. You only
get one senior prom.”
Shayla, my runt of a little sister, skips into the kitchen, grabs
her sundae, and exits back to the living room, where Mama,
our other mother, is already setting up a movie for Shayla to
watch with her middle school friends. Mom starts to follow
her, while I grab the last two sundaes and then kill the lights
in the kitchen.
“Keep the lights on,” Mom says, pausing at the archway to
the living room.
“We need the lights off to see the stars.”
“Not with you and a girl out there alone. Keep the lights on.”
“Why? It’s Lucy.” We’ve been over this before. “Nothing like
20
what you’re thinking will happen is going to happen.”
“She likes you, James.”
“I like her, too. That’s kind of a requirement for being
friends.”
She eyes me up and down, the glow of the TV from the living
room at her back giving her pale face an eerie, shadowy visage.
“Are you still sure you aren’t gay? Or ace? Aro? It’s a whole spec-
trum, you know, and it’s normal to not have it all figured out at
your age. Has anything changed since the last time we talked?”
“Nothing’s changed.” We’ve been over this before, too, and
Mom gets carried away with the labels sometimes. If there’s
a particular label for me, I don’t know yet what it is, but I’ve
been going with “straight” so far, and that seems okay. I very
much want to be in a romantic relationship with someone, and
eventually, with the right person at the right time, I want the
physical things, too. With a girl. I’m sure. I just don’t fall head
over heels for someone as hard and fast as other people seem
to. What does that make me? No clue. And I don’t feel like
hashing it out with Mom right now; it’ll go all night. So I settle
on, “I can’t be queer just because you want me to be.”
She nods. “You’re right. I blame your father.”
Now she’s just messing with me. My father was an anony-
mous sperm donor. She knows nothing about him besides what
was on a medical chart. “You also can’t blame someone for
something just because they aren’t here to defend themselves.”
“True,” she says, “but your straightness had to come from
somewhere and it certainly wasn’t me. And since Lucy also
isn’t gay—”
21
“She’s not straight, either, though, she’s bi,” I remind her.
Not that that’s relevant here.
“There is potential there. Keep the lights on,” she says in her
Mom Voice. That’s it. Argument over. “Don’t make me pull the
Do It Because I Said So card.”
I flip the switch up with my elbow, and with a victorious
grin, Mom makes her exit.
So do I, in the other direction, through the sliding patio
door to join Lucy on the back deck. It’s too chilly tonight for
outdoor ice cream, and everything is still damp from the rain
earlier today, but once we have a plan for something, we don’t
deviate. Mostly because that’s what makes Lucy happy, and
when Lucy’s happy, I’m happy.
But now she’s kind of miffed at me for asking Jenna to prom
with us. It has nothing to do with Jenna and everything to
do with me. Lucy and Jenna aren’t friends, but they also aren’t
not-friends. I’m the one who messed it all up. I changed our
plans at the last minute, and Lucy doesn’t deal well with
change. One thing out of place might as well be all of them
out of place. I know I should know better than to make plans
without her input. She’s the planner, not me. When I make
plans, this is what happens. So now I’m getting the too-
calm-to-really-be-calm version of Lucy that’s unnerving. I’d
rather she snap at me. Nitpick me. Tell me off for being impul-
sive. Something.
I hand her a sundae, and she silently accepts it, her gaze
focused on the pink-orange horizon. The sun is sinking. It’ll be
dark soon—it’ll be tomorrow soon. But as much as I’m looking
22
forward to that, I’m not ready for today to be over yet. The
time I have left to spend with Lucy keeps getting shorter and
shorter.
The only bad thing about prom is that it’s at the end of senior
year. The end of senior year means the end of high school. And
the end of high school means things are going to change in a
way I don’t want them to.
But for now, I’m here. She’s here. We’re together.
“Talk to me.” I settle onto the patio swing next to her and
start pushing us gently.
Lucy focuses too intently on eating her sundae, wrapped in
a fleece blanket with different phases of the moon depicted on
it. She gave it to me as a gift a few months ago, but I think she’s
gotten more use out of it than I have. After a couple of bites,
she says, “Talk to you about what?”
“Ah. Okay.” I pop the cherry into my mouth and pull away
the stem. Swallow. Flick the stem so it sails across the deck
and into the grass. A lingering tartness tingles my cheeks. “We
haven’t played this one in a while. Remind me of the rules? Am
I supposed to pretend to believe you really don’t know what
I’m referring to, and then explain it all, and then get blamed
for bringing it up and starting an argument? Or is that a dif-
ferent game?”
“JJ . . .” She sighs.
“Lucy . . .” I mimic her sigh dramatically.
“I just need time to process and then readjust the plan in my
head, okay? After that I’ll be fine. There’s nothing else to say.”
I take a bite of ice cream, making sure to get the chocolate,
23
vanilla, and strawberry all in one scoop. The chill makes me
shudder, and I move all the way up against Lucy and the blan-
ket. Warm. Soft. Cozy. Perfection. “Will you be fine by tomorrow
night at, say, seven thirty?”
She laughs, then her tongue darts out to catch a rogue blob of
whipped cream on her lip. “That’s oddly specific,” she says after
swallowing. “Any particular reason you chose that day and time?”
“Nah.” I shake my head and take another bite of ice cream.
“Totally random.”
“Liar.”
“Blanket thief.”
Another laugh and I know we’re good now. That’s the magic
of ice cream. And our friendship.
“Scooch,” she says, and I slide all the way to the other
end of the swing’s bench. She shifts so she’s lying across the
length of it and leans her head against my ribs, staring across
the expanse of my backyard to watch the sun finally go to bed.
One by one the stars timidly start to twinkle all around us.
It’s mostly quiet out here, with eleven acres between my
house and our closest neighbors, but every so often one of the
horses in our barn putters a sigh through its flappy lips or
knocks against a bucket or something. We finish our sundaes
and set the empty cups on the deck. With my hands free now,
I drape one arm along the top edge of the bench and Lucy lets
her head drop back onto my legs, staring straight up at the sky.
Her nose is strikingly beautiful, like the rest of her, the per-
fect complement to her big brown eyes and her pillowy plump
24
lips. Jenna may be pretty and smart and fun—a trifecta, for
sure—but she has no clue about what makes a good nose on a
person.
I tear my gaze from Lucy’s face and tilt my head back to look
up into the black.
“Spica,” she says, starting our game. Name all the visible
stars. I guess it’s not a game, though, because no one wins or
loses. We just keep going until one of us declares game over.
“Jupiter,” I say.
“Not a star.”
“Yeah, but from here it looks like one.”
“JJ.”
“Fine. Ursa Major.”
“That’s a constellation.”
“It contains stars. It counts.”
“Game over.”
“That was fast,” I say through a laugh.
“You changed the rules.” Her tone is annoyed, but she smiles.
“You’re chaos personified, you know that?”
“Thank you.” I keep us swinging gently, like a rocking
chair, and her breaths get slow and even. Relaxed. The moon is
bright and swollen tonight, but not full.
“Look at that fat gibbous.”
Lucy feigns offense. “What did you call me?”
“You know I was talking about the moon,” I say, giving her a
playful bump of my leg, and her head bounces softly. “Besides,
if I ever called you the moon, it would be a compliment.”
25
“Please, enlighten me.” She curls up her legs and releases a
wide yawn. “How can a lifeless, dusty, crater-filled ball of cold
rock be a compliment?”
“Challenge accepted.” But it’s not a challenge at all. “The
moon is a light shining in a dark place.”
She snorts. “Cliché.”
“I wasn’t done yet. The moon is a loyal, steadfast, dependable
companion to the earth. Always in flux but entirely predict-
able. And even when it’s not full and appears broken, it still has
enough strength to pull the tides.”
I look down to see her reaction, see if I should keep going on
about the wonders of the moon and how she compares to it.
She isn’t looking back up at me, but her lips twibble.
I must have said something wrong. “Lucy—”
She flinches, pointing toward the midnight-blue horizon.
“Did you see that?”
“No. What—” A streak of white flashes across the sky.
Quicker than a blink, it’s gone.
“There’s another one!” she squeals.
“I saw it!” Excitement bubbles in my chest. I almost missed
it, though. It wasn’t that bright, or that high. “I’ll get my tele-
scope. We can see them better—”
“No.” She reaches up to put a hand on my arm. “Stay. Please?
I’m comfy. We’ll see them with the telescope tomorrow night.
Right now, let’s just . . .” She pulls her hand back inside the
folds of the blanket. “Stay,” she repeats, as if she’s afraid I
might actually deny her request.
Never. What the moon wants, the moon gets.
26
“All right,” I say. “Let’s play a new game. We’ll both make a
wish on the next one, and then see whose comes true.”
She hums in amusement, the sound vibrating softly against
my thigh. “Do wishes on falling stars come true? Wouldn’t the
fact that they’re falling and disintegrating cancel it out?”
“Good question.” I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and
ask Google. Just as the search results pop up, there’s another
flash in my peripheral vision. Lucy squeezes her eyes closed
tight, making her wish.
“I missed it.”
“I didn’t.” She opens her eyes again, smiling. “What does
Google say?”
I tap the link to the top article, then skim through it. “Hm.
It doesn’t cancel it out.”
“Good.”
“Not necessarily. According to this website, if you wish
on a falling star, you’ll receive the opposite of whatever you
wished for.”
“Oh . . . Oops.”
“What did you wish?”
“For Marty to work, eventually, so I can . . .”
We never talked about this. All those weeks building the
device together, we never admitted our personal reasons for
wanting it to work. It was just a school project, a way to get a
good grade—until it was more than that, because we started to
hope. Or at least I did. I didn’t realize Lucy had, too.
“So you can what?” I press.
“Go back to five years ago and see my mom. Convince her
27
not to leave us. Then we could have a second chance at, maybe,
having a relationship of some kind. Even if she wasn’t the
greatest mom. That would be better than nothing.”
“Lucy . . . I want that for you more than anything. But—”
“There are no second chances,” she says with me.
“Yeah.”
“And I just nailed that coffin shut tight with a backwards
wish on a falling star. Marty will never work now.”
I shove my phone in my pocket, then push us into a gentle
swinging motion again. “You know that stuff isn’t real. It’s
superstition. It’s people trying to find explanations behind
things that can’t be explained, because they’re just coincidence.”
“I know.” Her voice is too quiet, though. Disheartened. This
isn’t the note I want to end the night on. We were laughing a
few minutes ago. We had ice cream. We had magic. We can turn
this around.
“Okay, let’s make a wish on the moon, just to be safe. It’s so
big I bet it trumps all the stars, falling or not.”
“You’re full of it,” she says, “but okay. Just to be safe.” She
looks up at the broken moon, then closes her eyes, and so do I.
My other senses immediately heighten, focusing on the smell
of rain lingering in the air, the sound of the swing hinges creak-
ing, the sugary taste of ice cream still on my tongue, the feel
of Lucy’s warm body wrapped in fleece pressed against me . . .
I know what I want, and even though it can’t possibly come
true, I think it anyway.
I wish we could stay like this forever.
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