ATOMIC

ATTRACTION
The Psychology of Attraction
Christopher Canwell
Rampage Books

 Atomic Attraction © 2017 Christopher Canwell
This is a work of non-fiction. The information contained within this book is strictly for educational
purposes. If you wish to apply the ideas contained in this book, you are taking full responsibility for
your actions.
All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted, in any form or in any means—by electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or
otherwise—without prior written permission. For permission requests, write to the publisher or author,
addressed “Attention: Permission Request,” at the address below.
Develop Attraction
www.developattraction.com
eISBN 978-1-9998722-7-4
First Published by Rampage Books in 2017
Throughout this book I have included many case studies to help provide a deeper understanding of
attraction and how it works in real-life situations. These case studies are all based to some degree on
events and scenarios I have witnessed. All names, locations, and personal information have been
changed for obvious reasons. Any similarity to other people or events is purely coincidental.
Christopher Canwell has asserted his right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with
the Copyright, Designs, and Patents Act 1988.
Set in Steelfish, DIN EngSchrift, Frutiger,
Garamond, and Baskerville.

 TABLE OF CONTENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
INTRODUCTION
PART ONE: BECOME ATTRACTIVE

BUILD A STRONG BODY

CHOOSE THE RIGHT HAIRSTYLE
TO SHAVE OR NOT TO SHAVE?
IS PENIS SIZE IMPORTANT?
AGE AND ATTRACTION
A SEDUCTIVE VOICE
SMELLS THAT SEDUCE
CLOTHES THAT CAPTIVATE
MONEY AND STATUS
YOUR SEXUAL MARKET VALUE
GOOD GUYS VS. BAD GUYS
PART TWO: CREATE ATTRACTION

APPROACHING WOMEN
READ HER BODY
ATTRACTIVE BODY LANGUAGE
EYES AND SMILES
ONLINE DATING
USE SOCIAL MEDIA TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
TEXTING AND CALLING
SETTING DATES
WHEN SHE FLAKES AND CANCELS DATES
GOING NO CONTACT
STOP APOLOGIZING
PART THREE: BUILD ATTRACTION

NEVER RUSH THE SEDUCTION PROCESS

NEVER INVEST TOO MUCH TOO SOON
MAINTAIN MYSTERY
EXPLOIT HER WEAKNESS FOR WORDS
THE MAGIC OF TOUCH
 GET HER TO CHASE YOU
THE POWER OF SEX
NEVER GIVE YOUR LOVE TOO EASILY
LEAD HER INTO ATTRACTION
PART FOUR: MAINTAIN ATTRACTION

STAY LIGHT AND RELAXED

DON’T FOCUS ON THE RELATIONSHIP
GIVE HER WHAT SHE NEEDS
DON’T PLAY IT SAFE
ANXIETY FUELS ATTRACTION
YOUR LOVER IS NOT YOUR MOTHER
NEVER FOLLOW A WOMAN’S LEAD
BUYING GIFTS FOR WOMEN
ATTRACTION GROWS IN SPACE
NEVER USE LOGIC TO FIGHT EMOTION
MIRROR HER EMOTIONS
WOMEN ALWAYS TEST
INDUCE SCARCITY TO INCREASE YOUR VALUE
STAY OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE
SHE MUST INVEST IN YOU
DEALING WITH CONFLICT
HANDLING JEALOUSY
RESTORE DYING ATTRACTION
THE X FACTOR
REFERENCES

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Christopher Canwell is a psychologist who specializes in attraction and
relationships. He works with clients around the world and is the founder of
Develop Attraction (a popular website that shows men how to harness the
power of attraction to get what they want in life and relationships).

For more information visit:
www.developattraction.com

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I owe a debt of gratitude to all the men I’ve interacted with both
professionally and personally over the years. I’ve had the privilege to work
with thousands of men, working together to help them solve their relationship
problems. During this time, I’ve seen both the best and worst of humanity.
I’ve seen men on the verge of suicide, I’ve seen families torn apart, and I’ve
seen men restore relationships that in ordinary circumstances appeared broken
beyond repair. I’ve witnessed thousands of relationship problems, failures,
and successes from which predictable patterns of behavior began to emerge. I
came to realize that as humans we are all different yet we are all the same. We
are plagued by the same fears, the same hopes, the same goals, and the same
ambitions. Without the honesty and insight provided by my clients, I would
not have been able to write this book. With that said, the case studies in this
book are all based on true events. Only names, locations, and personal
information have been changed with permission from the people involved.

 From a little spark may burst a flame.
— Dante

INTRODUCTION
As you read through this book, keep in mind that the information found
within these pages is not for the faint of heart. Getting results is all that
matters; and to get results, you must be willing to face reality no matter how
uncomfortable that reality might be. And while love is an emotional state of
being that is accompanied by feelings of comfort, safety, and warmth, you’re
about to discover that attraction is anything but safe or comfortable—building
attraction is a process that is both challenging and unsettling. If, however,
you’re one of the few men who can summon the strength of mind to accept
the truths buried deep within this book, your potential to get what you want in
life and relationships is well within reach. And although there are many tricks
and superficial strategies you can use to build attraction such as walking a
dog,1 carrying a musical instrument,2 and even bearing physical scars to make
yourself appear more attractive3—this book is not about gimmicks—this book
is about cutting through misconceptions to show you how to build real
attraction—attraction that leads to more dates, more sex, and more love.
With that said, there is the illusion that women need love and commitment
for attraction to exist. Men assume they must court a woman and be sweet and
kind to her to capture her interest and stand out from the crowd. There is the
all too pervasive belief that women are non-sexual beings who only engage in
sexual intercourse to please men. An outdated belief? Perhaps. But these
misconceptions are still, to this day, propagated by millions of nice guys
around the world. These nice guys live under the illusion that if they are just
that little bit more supportive and kind they will be handed the “keys to the
kingdom” and receive unlimited sexual access to women.
Furthermore, political correctness has without doubt taken a toll on modern
relationships. We live in a world where men are now more afraid than ever to
act like men. Over the past several decades there has been an undeniable shift
in Western society towards political correctness, feminism, and the
suppression of masculine behavior. You only have to look as far as
Hollywood and the mainstream media to see evidence of this cultural shift on
an epic scale. The message is clear: do the right thing; man up; be a nice guy;
buy her gifts; buy her flowers; be chivalrous; women are more precious and
deserving than men; men are the root of all evil; if men didn’t exist, there
wouldn’t be any wars; if you want to have sex with a woman, you’re both a
pervert and a creep. Sound familiar? This refrain, sung en masse, has not only
corrupted and corroded society, causing a massive gender imbalance, it has
also given birth to a sociological phenomenon known as Nice Guy syndrome.
 If you live in the developed world and you’re reading this there’s a good
chance you’re a nice guy. You’ve been raised to honor and protect women.
You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. You want a real and authentic
relationship where you can love, honor, and respect a woman with the
expectation that she will do the same for you in return. There’s only one
problem—you’ve been sold a lie.
Men have moved so far away from their innate masculinity that they’ve
lost sight of what it takes to attract women and capture a woman’s interest.
It’s no surprise that approximately 50 percent of marriages end in divorce
when the biological fabric of society has been ripped apart.4 When you stop
behaving in a way that’s true to your masculine self, you repel women and
drive them away. And instead of falling for Mr. Nice Guy, that beautiful
woman ends up in the arms of Mr. Not So Nice (someone less caring, less
kind, but a lot more attractive).
Sigmund Freud—the famous Austrian neurologist and founder of
psychoanalysis—once said, “The great question that has never been
answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty
years of research into the feminine soul, is what does a woman want?” Now,
thanks to modern research we can finally answer this question. What do
women want? What turns them on? Who do they find attractive? And what
makes a woman fall in love? We now have the ability to answer these
questions, and, more importantly, understand what turns a woman on and off.
Ever wondered why that beautiful woman keeps dating assholes and unsavory
characters? The answer, which you’ll implicitly understand by the time you
finish this book, is both surprising and counter-intuitive.
The world is full of misinformation and false prophets. It has become
harder than ever to separate fact from fiction, especially where male/female
relations are concerned. How do you deal with the inevitable tests, the
unexpected withdrawals, the unresponsive behavior, and the inevitable loss of
attraction that creeps into all relationships at some point in time? How do you
meet a woman for the first time and generate attraction, and not only generate
attraction but maintain it over the long-run? The purpose of this book is to
answer all these questions by shining a light onto attraction so you can see it
for what it is: your best friend or your worst enemy.


 PART ONE
BECOME ATTRACTIVE
Shallow men believe in luck; strong
men believe in cause and effect.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Attractive people have easier lives. Attractive people make more money, get
more promotions, get better jobs, have more friends, and have more sex.5 An
international study into attraction found that women are much more likely to
go on a date, go to bed, or go to the apartment of a man who’s rated
“moderately high” or “highly” attractive. But as the study also discovered,
these same women were unwilling to go on a date, go to bed, or go to the
apartment of a man rated “less” attractive.6
At first, it’s natural to assume a man must be physically handsome in much
the same way a woman is physically beautiful to be considered attractive.
Men often believe they don’t have what it takes to be attractive; attraction
isn’t for them, it belongs to those ethereal creatures blessed with great
physical beauty. You might think you’re not tall enough, not talented enough,
not interesting enough, and not good looking enough to be attractive. But as
you’re about to discover the nature of attraction is often deceptive. When a
woman looks at a man she considers attractive, she isn’t looking for a pretty
face or beautiful features as so many advertising campaigns would have you
believe. Instead, she’s looking for indicators of strength and a “rugged visage”
characterized, most prominently, by the presence of testosterone.
I would be doing you a huge disservice writing a book about attraction if I
told you that looks don’t matter. Human beings are superficial creatures, and
when it comes to attraction, looks are undoubtedly important. Most men,
however, assume that the features that make a woman attractive are the same
features that make a man attractive—they are not. Men and women are
attractive in different ways. Watch any advertising campaign or TV
commercial and it’s easy to be fooled into thinking that societies’ view of
male beauty is a man with a feminine face and soft features. Despite the fact
the media often portrays feminine men as the ideal, it’s safe to say that the
vast majority of women don’t find feminine men sexually attractive or
appealing. In general, healthy, masculine features are the type of features
women find most desirable. If you focus on cultivating beautiful features, yes,
you might be considered handsome and aesthetically pleasing, but you’ll do
little to generate attraction.
One interesting study into facial attractiveness found that facially attractive
men (meaning men with attractive masculine features) have better sperm
quality than non-facially attractive men.7 In most cases, when a man is
considered facially attractive, this means he displays strong traces of
testosterone characterized by the presence of facial hair, a thicker brow, and a
broad chin. Testosterone tells a woman that a man has good genes and a
healthy reproductive capacity.
Research carried out by the University of California, Davis discovered that
women are looking for significantly fewer physical qualities compared to men
when selecting a mate.8 To further corroborate these findings, a study
conducted by researchers at Aquinas College confirmed that the cognitive
aspect of attraction is much more important to women than it is to men.9
Women also tend to focus more on a man’s behavior, personality, and attitude
as a measure of attraction as opposed to his physical attributes. So, if a man’s
physical attributes are relatively unimportant in the realm of attraction, what
is it about men that women find most attractive? And what is it that compels
women to seek men out for love, sex, and reproduction?
Women, as the research shows, are looking for signs of strength and
confidence. Every decision a woman makes concerning attraction comes back
to one crucial point: can you, as a man, provide her with strong, healthy
children? If the answer is yes, her child is more likely to grow up to be
healthy, strong, and capable of reproduction, ensuring the longevity of the
woman’s genes well into the future. Every time a woman considers going on a
date, having sex, and getting into a relationship, she is assessing, at a
subconscious level, the strength of her date’s DNA and his ability to create
strong, healthy offspring.
Still, there are times when women choose to date and marry men they don’t
find attractive. In this case, the woman opts to settle down with a beta male
who’s caring, nurturing, beta qualities make for an excellent provider. But are
these women sexually attracted to their beta partners? The answer, of course,
is a resounding no. The woman has simply chosen to settle down with a beta
male as she seeks out stronger more confident men for sex and reproduction.
This relationship dynamic provides women with the best of both worlds—a
provider husband and the strongest possible DNA for her offspring. It is, at
the same time, unfortunate that the beta male reaps few benefits in this
arrangement with all the real, tangible benefits going to the woman and her
alpha partner. Given a choice between an alpha male and a beta male, a
woman will always choose to be with a strong, confident man for romance,
marriage, and sex.
If your goal is to become more attractive, you must first understand the
core elements of attraction. For instance, how can you emulate the behavior
of an alpha male and attract more women into your life? At this point, it’s
important not to become fixated on attributes you can’t change like your age,
ethnicity, and height. (As an aside, it’s interesting to note that men often
assume that tall people are more attractive; however, a revealing study carried
out by Ohio State University discovered that women don’t prefer to date tall
men, they just prefer to date men who are taller than themselves.10 A man’s
height is, of course, relative to a woman’s height.) Instead of focusing on
those physical attributes you can’t change, it’s always better to think of
female attraction for what it is in its purest form: women are attracted to
strength and masculinity. Anything you can do to enhance your strength and
masculinity will make you significantly more attractive to women.
CASE STUDY #1
MAKE AN IMPACT
Peter worked as an account executive for a large insurance company; and at
age 35, he felt like he was doing pretty well for himself. He had a good
income, a nice car, and a spacious condo overlooking the city.
One morning, Peter stopped by his favorite coffee shop on his way to work.
As soon as he walked through the door, he saw her—a beautiful woman
standing by the counter. Wow, Peter thought, she looks amazing. Peter stood
by the entrance to the coffee shop, watching the woman’s every move. Her
delicate hands closed the lid on her coffee as she strolled right past him on her
way out the door. Her perfume, sweet and flowery, lingered in the air long
after she was gone. From that moment on, Peter was hooked. Peter decided
there and then to make it a part of his daily routine to stop by the coffee shop
every morning before work, where, at exactly 8:45 a.m., every Monday and
Wednesday, the same woman would walk into the coffee shop and order a
cappuccino with soy milk.
Every time Peter saw her, he felt intoxicated. She was so attractive, he
knew he had to ask her out or he would go to his grave with a deep sense of
regret for having let such a beautiful woman get away. Peter knew all he had
to do was find a way to approach her and strike up a conversation.
Unfortunately, this was easier said than done. Every time Peter tried to talk to
this incredible woman, his body shut down. He had never felt this nervous
around a woman before. I guess it just goes to show how much I like her,
Peter mused.
The following week, after much deliberation, Peter finally summoned the
courage to go up to the woman and say “hi” as she added a dash of cinnamon
to her cappuccino. The woman turned and saw Peter standing beside her.
Peter raised his coffee and smiled, “Hi, I’m Peter.”
The woman gave Peter a faint, disinterested smile, then left the coffee shop
without saying a word.
Peter stood by the counter, shocked and confused. He felt like his world
was about to collapse. She couldn’t even bring herself to say hi, he thought.
Am I that unattractive? Where did I go wrong? Maybe I didn’t smile enough.
Maybe she didn’t hear me. No, that’s not possible. Peter was so upset and
embarrassed he wished the ground would just open up and swallow him
whole.
* * *
Three months later, the same woman was in the same coffee shop, adding a
dash of cinnamon to her cappuccino when she heard an unfamiliar voice call
out beside her—“Hey.” The woman looked up and saw a man standing close
by. The man was in his late-thirties, had a shaved head, and thick designer
stubble. The woman was intrigued. The man didn’t break eye contact as he
looked directly into her eyes. Wow, she thought, he’s confident. Who is this
guy?
“Hi,” the woman said.
The man reached out and touched her on the arm. “You come here often?”
“Almost every morning,” the woman gushed.
“What’s your name?”
“Jane,” the woman replied, flashing a smile.
“I’m Paul, nice to meet you.”
* * *
Why, given their similar approach, did Jane dismiss Peter and accept Paul?
The answer, as always, boils down to attraction. Paul displayed significantly
more markers of attraction than Peter. For his part, Peter was still on the
chubby side, even though he went to the gym three to four times a week. His
clothes were a bad fit, and this signaled a serious lack of style and social
awareness. Peter’s prominent bald patch was also a turn-off, especially as it
made him look like a corporate version of Friar Tuck. And finally, more than
anything else, there was the obvious lack of confidence.
For the past two weeks, Peter had been lingering around the coffee shop,
checking Jane out. Jane, who was no stranger to attention, had noticed Peter’s
presence and his frequent gaze in her direction. Once, when Peter was at the
counter, ordering coffee, Jane had taken a moment to study him. He looked
like a regular middle-aged guy. And although Peter was only in his mid-
thirties, he looked 35 going on 50. From Jane’s perspective, Peter was just
another out of shape office worker strolling around in a bad suit.
In contrast, Paul was able to generate attraction with Jane in a matter of
seconds. He displayed extreme confidence in his approach and never hesitated
not even for a second. Surprisingly enough, from a physical perspective, Peter
was naturally better looking than Paul. Paul had a receding hairline and in fact
had less hair than Peter. Paul, however, shaved his head instead of letting it
grow out. Paul also had thick stubble on his face, another key marker of
testosterone. And then there was the suit. It was obvious that Paul knew
enough about fashion to make a strong first impression. The fact that Paul
was in excellent physical shape, and had a lean, muscular body didn’t hurt
either. Everything about Paul’s appearance signaled strength, confidence, and
masculinity.

~•~
A lot of men are intimidated by the concept of masculinity. This fear of the
masculine is even more pronounced in today’s politically correct, feminist
society where a dominant left-wing media continues to promote nice guy
values where men are expected to behave in a subservient, pleasing manner
towards women. In reality, this weak, insecure behavior turns women off and
results in a loss of attraction. So why are so many men afraid to embrace their
masculinity and project strength? The truth often lies in the inherent belief
that men don’t feel like they have any real strength or masculinity to begin
with. The modern man often feels weak and powerless; castrated by society
and emasculated by women. Add to this the fact that society often portrays
masculine traits as unattractive and antisocial and you can see why
masculinity is in decline and feminism is on the rise. This aversion to
masculinity often stems from the misconception that strength equals
aggression.
Projecting strength is not about being aggressive or rude. It’s not about
being hostile and starting fights—nothing could be further from the truth. In
fact, acting in this way is a sure sign of weakness and insecurity. A study into
aggression by researchers at the University of South Florida found that men
often overestimate another man’s desire to want to resort to aggression when
faced with conflict.11 Men often have the misconception that acting in an
aggressive and “macho” way is attractive to women and that aggression is
often necessary to gain the respect of a man’s peers (this is one reason why so
much violence exists among gangs of young men).
Interestingly enough, research into aggression and attraction found that
women view men as more desirable when they’re less aggressive and able to
solve problems in a more sophisticated way. After all, violence, unless under
serious threat, is considered reckless for it comes with a high risk of
punishment. And while it’s true that women find dominant traits like
assertiveness attractive, assertiveness should never be confused with
aggression. Being cool, calm, and composed is much more attractive than
being a reckless hot-head who flies off the handle at the slightest sign of
provocation. True attraction is built on confidence, and a confident man only
uses aggression as a last resort.
With that said, this section examines the traits you should focus on to make
yourself appear more attractive and confident around women. You’ll discover
how to become more attractive by optimizing every aspect of your appearance
from your body to your clothes. And once you know how to create a striking
appearance, you’ll be able to inspire the kind of attraction that melts hearts
and arouses lust and devotion in equal measure.


 BUILD A STRONG BODY
Everything is judged by its appearance;
what is unseen counts for nothing.
— Robert Greene

You’ve just been introduced to a man whose body is muscular and athletic.
You look at this man and you’re immediately impressed by his physique. His
body looks primed as though ready to explode. When the man speaks, he has
your immediate respect, not because he’s dangerous, but because his presence
sends a clear message: I’m worthy of respect. Simply by looking at this man
you get a clear sense of his personality and character. You know for a fact that
he’s hard-working, focused, and persistent. After all, you don’t build a strong
body by being lazy, lying around on the couch, eating pizza all day. This man
respects himself and his body. You also know for a fact that this man is
mentally strong and doesn’t shy away from hardship or pain. A strong body
is, after all, a reflection of a strong mind. A man must be willing to sacrifice a
degree of comfort for pain if he’s to carve out a muscular physique. Most men
prefer to take the easy route in life, not this man.
Now imagine you’ve just been introduced to a man who’s overweight and
out of shape. He cares little for his appearance and has a protruding belly and
weak posture. He’s also a heavy smoker and drinks a lot, which does nothing
to endear him to women as a study published in the journal Evolutionary
Psychology points out: women view men who smoke and drink to excess as
significantly less attractive than nonsmokers and occasional drinkers.12 The
findings of this study indicate that smoking and drinking to excess are both
forms of risky behavior that offer no long-term reward and few advantages.
On the other hand, risky behaviors that bring rewards, such as starting a
business or taking a loan for further study are viewed as much more attractive
by women because they fall under the category of a “calculated risk.”
As you look at the weak, overweight man in front of you, you instantly—
and without even being aware of it—lose a measure of respect. The man’s
poor physique and excess body fat tell you all you need to know about his
character. First, he’s more likely to be lazy and gluttonous. Studies show that
people who are overweight are more likely to be perceived as lazy and thus
less attractive (this accounts for about two-thirds of the population in the West
who are categorized as clinically overweight). Second, the fact that this man
has allowed his body to deteriorate to such an extent indicates that the man
has poor self-control.
The way you present yourself to the world reveals a lot about your
character. Call it superficial and shallow, but human beings are programmed
to pick up on physical cues, and to make mental shortcuts when evaluating
other people. One of the best ways to display good genes and a healthy
reproductive capacity is to develop a strong, muscular body. A study
conducted by researchers at UCLA noted that women rate men with muscular
physiques as more attractive and desirable.13 The reason for this is simple.
The man with a muscular physique projects strength, health, and good genes.
Juxtapose this with the man who’s weak, skinny, or overweight, and you can
see why women find muscular men more attractive.
At this point it’s important to note that a good muscular physique shouldn’t
be confused with a bad muscular physique. So, what exactly constitutes a bad
muscular physique? If you’ve ever seen a man with over-sized arms, an
enormous chest, a big bloated stomach, and skinny legs, you’re looking at a
man with a bad muscular physique. On the other hand, a good physique is
well-balanced, symmetrical, and pleasing to the eye.
After dealing with hundreds of clients over the years and witnessing the
benefits of working out first-hand, I’m of the belief that developing a strong
body is one of the most important things a man can do to improve his life. Not
only does working out improve your health, it also makes you look infinitely
more attractive.
THE BENEFITS OF WORKING OUT
— You’ll boost your immune system.
— You’ll increase your mental strength.
— You’ll increase your testosterone levels.
— You’ll become more sexually attractive.
— You’ll get more respect from men and women.
— You’ll increase your strength and bone density.
— You’ll project greater strength and masculinity.
— You’ll reduce your risk of depression and anxiety.
A lot of men resist working out, often citing busy work schedules or hectic
lifestyles as an excuse to avoid the gym. Keep in mind this way of thinking is
indicative of the unattractive man. Research conducted by UCLA provides a
healthy dose of motivation for men who are still reluctant to workout. The
UCLA study examined how likely women are to pursue men who are “more
muscular than average,” or if muscles are even a factor when it comes to
attraction. The results of the study found that women aren’t just more
attracted to men who are muscular; women are more likely to chase and
pursue muscular men to have short-term affairs and romantic relationships.14
Once you summon the mental fortitude to push through the initial pain barrier
that comes with working out, you’ll not only strengthen your body; you’ll
strengthen your mind as well, making you that much more attractive in the
process.

 CHOOSE THE
RIGHT HAIRSTYLE
Can’t say it often enough—change
your hair, change your life.
— Thomas Pynchon

When choosing the right hairstyle, it’s important to think about what makes
you feel good as well as what makes you look good. If you feel good wearing
short hair, this, in turn, will increase your confidence and make you feel better
about yourself. Nevertheless, the goal of this book is to make you more
attractive. To achieve this end, your appearance must first and foremost
project masculinity. Thus, when it comes to choosing the right kind of
hairstyle, there are two important considerations to keep in mind: first, short
hair projects masculinity; and second, long hair projects a softer, more
feminine look.
As a general rule, short to medium length hair will help you project a more
masculine image, especially when complemented by light stubble or a beard.
And while long hair might make you look more handsome, it will also make
you look more feminine. If you’re unsure about what kind of hairstyle works
best for you, it’s better to lean on the side of caution and keep your hair short
to project a more masculine image. If you still want to grow your hair long,
you can add a touch of masculinity to your appearance by letting your facial
hair grow out. And just as you must be aware of the consequences of growing
long hair, you must also be aware of the consequences of excessive grooming.
Spend too much time grooming your hair and you’ll leave the vast majority of
women feeling uninspired and disinterested. If you over-style your hair you
run the risk of coming across as cold, sterile, controlling, boring, predictable,
stuffy, and overly focused on your appearance.
Surprisingly enough, women often express a fondness for men who let their
hair grow a little wild and disheveled. Yes, be clean, yes, groom your hair, but
don’t focus on your hair to the point of perfection. The key to maintaining an
attractive head of hair is to keep your hair short-to-medium length, healthy,
and natural. And even more important than all these factors combined—you
must choose a hairstyle that makes you feel good and instills you with
confidence.
DEALING WITH GRAY HAIR
When you look in the mirror and see those first gray hairs sprouting from
your head, the natural reaction is to panic and reach for the tweezers. Only a
couple of months later, those pesky gray hairs keep coming back. Again, you
reach for the tweezers… until eventually it dawns on you: you’re fighting a
losing battle. And while you might convince yourself that gray hair is
something that only old men have to deal with, it’s not uncommon for men in
their early twenties and thirties to have gray hair, nor is it uncommon for men
in their twenties and thirties to have a receding hairline. Men often believe
that “going gray” spells the end of attraction. This fear, however, is all in the
mind. In reality, the more mature and distinguished a man looks, the more
opportunities he will have to seduce and attract women regardless of age.
A MATCH.com study found that 72 percent of women rated men with gray
hair as “distinguished” and “hot.”15 Based on these results, you shouldn’t fear
the onset of gray hair; instead, you should embrace your “grayness” and the
romantic opportunities that come with being a silver-haired fox. Nevertheless,
if you have gray hair, it is important to keep your hair short. If you grow your
hair long, gray hair tends to look thin and wiry compared to other types of
hair.
Men who go gray in their twenties and thirties often have a hard time
accepting this sudden change in their appearance. If you feel as though you’re
too young to go gray and you still have a full head of hair, one solution is to
dye your hair to retain a more youthful appearance (just make sure you use a
good quality hairy dye that matches your natural hair color). As a proviso,
dyeing your hair should only be an option if you have less than 20 percent
gray hair, any more than 20 percent and it will be difficult to conceal the gray
for too long.
GOING BALD
(MAN’S GREATEST FEAR)
Ninety-four percent of men listed going bald as one of their greatest fears.16
Permanent hair loss is often seen as a sign that a man is getting old and is now
“past his prime.” At least that’s what we’re led to believe, but is it true?
There’s no doubt going bald does make a man look older, but it doesn’t mean
a man looks any less attractive. For men, youth doesn’t equal attractiveness in
the same way it does for women. That being said, once you start going bald,
you have three options when it comes to dealing with hair loss:
Option one, stop hair loss by taking a Propecia/Finasteride pill every day
for the rest of your life (this is the only medication that is scientifically proven
to stop hair loss); option two, get a hair transplant to cover up those bald
spots; and option three, embrace hair loss and shave your head.
Option one sounds tempting, doesn’t it? After all, wouldn’t it be great just
to take a pill and stop hair loss dead in its tracks? And if it sounds too good to
be true, it’s because it is. Hair loss, also known as male pattern baldness,
occurs in men when Dihydrotestosterone (DHT) reacts with the hair follicles
in the scalp and shuts down normal hair production. Anti-hair loss medication
like Propecia shuts down the production of Dihydrotestosterone (DHT), the
sex hormone responsible for hair loss. Blocking DHT will prevent further hair
loss and, in some cases, reverse hair loss. So why should you think twice
about using Propecia as a viable hair loss solution? To shut down DHT
production in your body, Propecia must first shut down your body’s
testosterone production. There’s no way to avoid this. Every single man who
takes Propecia to stop hair loss inhibits the production of testosterone in his
body. Despite what the information on the box might tell you, it’s impossible
not to experience side-effects when your testosterone levels are depleted.
I’ve lost count of the number of men I’ve spoken to who’ve taken Propecia
to combat hair loss only to report the following devastating side-effects:
numbness in the testicles, shrunken testicles, erectile dysfunction, energy loss,
loss of muscle mass, and loss of hardness in the body caused by reduced
testosterone levels. I’m yet to hear of a single man who’s taken Propecia over
an extended period of time who hasn’t experienced at least one of these side-
effects. When you inhibit testosterone production, you’re starving your body
of the one key hormone the male body needs to function effectively—
testosterone.
If you’re considering option two, a hair transplant, this is a relatively safe
albeit expensive procedure. You need to be aware, however, that in the case of
hair transplants, there’s a strong possibility that if you’re still relatively
young, your hairline might continue to recede well into the future. You should
only consider a hair transplant if you’re at least 30 years of age to limit the
risk of further hair loss.
Now, let’s consider option three: shaving your head. Over the years, I’ve
spoken with dozens of men who blame a lack of sex and a lack of interest
from women on hair loss. “If only I still had my hair,” the balding man
laments. “If I still had a full head of hair, women would still find me
attractive.” Of course, it’s understandable to feel this way. After all, a lot of
men experience ridicule and feelings of embarrassment the moment they start
going bald. But going bald isn’t ridiculous or unattractive; it’s only ridiculous
if you try to conceal it.
A man who walks around sporting a hairstyle that resembles Friar Tuck
will be the butt of countless jokes. The man who takes matters into his own
hands and shaves what’s left of his hair off is suddenly transformed into a
hyper-masculine, attractive male. An interesting study conducted by
researchers at the University of Pennsylvania found that men with shaved
heads were rated more attractive, assertive, and masculine compared to men
with a full head of hair.17 The Pennsylvania study also discovered that men
with bald heads consistently ranked higher on masculinity, strength,
dominance, and leadership potential. All this to say, if you’re going bald, it’s
possible to become more attractive simply by shaving your head. It’s sexy, it’s
masculine, and women love it.


 TO SHAVE OR
NOT TO SHAVE?
Nothing makes her purr
like a face full of fur.
— Unknown

Women are intrigued and captivated by men who sport facial hair. It might
sound superficial and ridiculous to imagine that growing facial hair can make
a man look more attractive. Numerous studies, however, show that facial hair
is desirable and sexy. One such study, published in the Journal of Evolution
and Human Behavior found that facial hair has a dramatic and positive effect
on a man’s appearance.18 Men with heavy stubble or a beard were not only
rated more masculine and assertive, they were also rated as healthier and
more attractive.
A study comprised of 351 women found that heavy stubble is the most
attractive facial hair a man can grow (this is around ten day’s worth of
growth). Researchers at the Evolution & Ecology Research Centre also made
a note of the fact that facial hair is not only correlated with maturity and
masculinity it’s also correlated with high-levels of dominance and
assertiveness.19
CASE STUDY #2
WHAT IS IT ABOUT FACIAL HAIR?
Gary was a regular clean-cut guy. He came from a middle-class, conservative
family who espoused the virtues of good grooming and a neat appearance. His
clothes were always pressed, his hair was always groomed, and his face was
always smooth. Gary didn’t like change, and that was part of the reason why
he had kept the same look his entire life. When Gary looked in the mirror, he
liked what he saw—a handsome, fresh-faced guy staring back at him. He was
traditionally handsome and had a face that was both inoffensive and
unthreatening.
Gary felt confident in his appearance, but there was one thing that bothered
him. Even though he knew he was good-looking, he didn’t get all that much
attention from women. It was odd, Gary thought. Everything except my love
life is awesome. And the few girlfriends I’ve had in the past have all left me
feeling uninspired. Then, just as Gary was lamenting his romantic misfortune,
something happened that would change his life forever. Gary contracted
pneumonia. The illness put Gary out of action for almost a month. He
couldn’t work, he had a constant fever, and except for a week where he stayed
in the hospital, Gary spent the rest of his time convalescing at home.
* * *
A month later, Gary was starting to feel better. On the weekend before he was
due back at work, Gary decided to join some friends for dinner at a restaurant
downtown. When Gary walked into the restaurant, his friends were surprised
to see him. He looked different, and although he had lost weight, he also
looked more rugged. One of Gary’s friends said he looked “cool with
stubble.” Another friend said he looked like a “badass… in a good way.”
These unexpected compliments made Gary stop and think. Nevertheless, it
wasn’t until an attractive girl, sitting at a table on the far side of the restaurant,
looked right over and flashed him a smile that Gary thought there might be
something more to his new “badass” appearance. It was now only a matter of
time before Gary ditched his old, nice guy image in favor of a more edgy,
masculine vibe.

~•~
If you’re a typical nice guy, your clean-cut image might be working against
you. If you want to maximize your potential and become more attractive,
never underestimate the power of facial hair when it comes to projecting
masculinity. When you first read this, it’s hard to imagine that growing
stubble or a beard could have such a single, dramatic effect on appearance.
What is it about facial hair and why is it so attractive to women?
At a basic level, facial hair signals masculinity, strength, and dominance as
evidenced by the presence of testosterone. There is, however, a fear among
nice guys that growing facial hair only makes a man look rough and
disheveled. If you’re tempted to think along these lines, keep this in mind—if
you want to be perceived as attractive, you must project masculinity and
strength at all times. Facial hair is an easy way to display masculinity and
exhibit testosterone in much the same way that a peacock fans out its feathers
to attract a mate.


 IS PENIS
SIZE IMPORTANT?
Women don’t suffer from
penis envy. Men do.
— Joseph Heller

There isn’t a man alive who hasn’t, at some point, worried that his penis
wasn’t big enough or virile enough to satisfy a woman. Penis size is a major
source of concern for men. Men worry that their penis isn’t the right size, they
worry that their penis isn’t the right shape, and they worry that their penis
doesn’t have what it takes to bring a woman to orgasm. The truth is, the
majority of penises when measured fall within just a couple of centimeters of
each other.
The most extensive study on penis size, published in the British Journal of
Urology, measured 15,521 penises around the world (including Africa, the
Middle East, Europe, and North America). The results of the study found that
the average penis was 5.2 inches in length with a circumference of 4.6
inches.20 Men in the 25th or 75th percentile—meaning men who were either
25 percent smaller or larger than average—were only one centimeter bigger
or smaller than the average 5.2 inches. Extremely small or large penises were
rare. Only 5 percent of participants had a penis larger than 6.3 inches, and less
than 5 percent of participants had a penis smaller than 3.9 inches.
Further research found that women when viewing digitally altered pictures
of the same man with a different sized penis, didn’t rate the man with the
largest penis or smallest penis as the most attractive; the women rated the man
with the intermediate or “average” sized penis as the most attractive.21 The
most extensive penis size study in history reveals that most male penises are
approximately the same size (give or take a couple of centimeters).
The penis is the one part of the male anatomy that stands alone as penis
size is neither correlated with body mass index, foot size, hand size and is
only slightly correlated with height. There are, of course, outliers, and men
with large and small penises do exist, but these men are the exception, not the
rule. And while women have a preference for proportionally sized penises
(relative to a man’s body), penis size isn’t an issue that should cripple your
ability to meet and date attractive women, nor should it prevent you from
getting intimate with a woman and providing her with a sexually satisfying
experience.
Men who constantly worry about the size of their penis and their ability to
satisfy a woman are more likely to suffer erectile dysfunction and experience
lower levels of confidence as a result. If a woman thinks you’re insecure
about the size of your penis, even if it’s not an issue or a problem for her, she
might one day decide to use your “penis anxiety” against you. You mustn’t let
concerns about your penis or its size be a source of weakness. According to
science, there’s a 95 percent chance you’ve got nothing to worry about.


 AGE AND ATTRACTION
Men are like wine—some turn to vinegar,
but the best improve with age.
— Pope Adam XXIII

There’s a long-held assumption that as a man gets older, his looks, virility,
and physical appearance all take a turn for the worse. The belief that age
erodes attraction is one of the most prevalent myths out there. Research,
however, indicates that as a man gets older he often becomes more
attractive.22 And where a woman is considered to be in her physical prime in
her twenties, a man is considered most attractive between the ages of 25 and
40. Unlike women who are judged mostly on their physical appearance, a
man’s attractiveness is based on a combination of skill, appearance,
confidence, status, and experience.
Further research into age and attraction shows that women, on average, find
older men more attractive than younger men.23 These findings hold true even
if a woman is financially independent and self-sufficient, suggesting that even
when a woman has the freedom to choose her romantic partner without
financial considerations, she will still choose to be with an older man who is
more likely to be fun and possess greater experience and wisdom.24 And
while most men don’t hit their prime until they’re in their thirties or forties, a
lot of men are already out of shape and physically unattractive by this age.
This is usually a result of too much alcohol, smoking, and junk food
consumption. As a general rule, the more overweight and out of shape a man
is the more difficult it will be for him to attract and date beautiful women
(unless the man has exceedingly high levels of status and wealth to
compensate for his physical shortcomings).
In contrast, men who workout on a regular basis and eat healthy food can
stay in excellent shape well into their forties, fifties, and sixties. If you look
after yourself and remain young at heart, don’t be surprised if you’re still
dating young and attractive women well into middle-age. It’s certainly not
uncommon for high-status men in their fifties and sixties to date young,
beautiful women in their early twenties. A man is only limited by his beliefs
and his imagination. Getting older is not something to be feared but
something to be embraced.
DATING YOUNGER WOMEN
Women who date older men are often more feminine than women who date
men of a similar age. In fact, the greater the age difference the more feminine
a woman is likely to be. Feminine women often seek out older men as
partners because this relationship dynamic feels more natural to their
feminine soul. If you want to keep a younger woman attracted to you, you
must exude masculine traits like leadership, confidence, and decisiveness.
Where younger men are known for their indecisiveness, uncertainty, and false
confidence, an older man must stand out with his years of experience,
strength, and confidence.
If a woman senses uncertainty and weakness, then she’ll pull away from
you and look for a man who’s stronger and more confident. The same applies
if you try to seek reassurance from a woman about whether or not she loves
you and is attracted to you. It’s not uncommon for confident, attractive men to
become weak and insecure the moment they start dating a young woman.
These same men worry that they look too old, they worry that their girlfriend
will leave them for a younger (more handsome) man, and they worry that
their relationship is too good to be true and it’s only a matter of time before
their partner realizes she’s dating an “old man.”
The moment you start doubting yourself is the moment you open up
Pandora’s Box and bring unnecessary problems into your relationship.
Remember, thoughts are energy and they hold real-world consequences. Age
isn’t a problem unless you make it a problem. Men who successfully date
younger women never focus on age. Instead, they keep the relationship light,
fun, and relaxed, and they never try to lock a woman into commitment before
she’s ready. If you want to date younger women, you mustn’t let a small thing
like age difference get in the way.



 A SEDUCTIVE VOICE
The human voice is the most beautiful
instrument of all, but it’s the
most difficult to play.
— Josh Strauss

Researchers at University College London (UCL) found that deep voices

command more respect and are more memorable than high pitched voices.
Deep voices were also found to resonate more with women. The UCL
researchers concluded that women find deep voices attractive because deep
voices appear to signal that a man possesses high levels of testosterone.25 The
study also noted that deep voices, when tempered with a “breathy” quality,
were rated as the most attractive because these voices signal lower levels of
hostility and aggression.
An excellent way to develop a more commanding and authoritative voice is
to take slow, deep breaths and speak from your diaphragm as opposed to
speaking from your throat. Most men tend to speak from the throat or directly
from the mouth without utilizing the full power of their diaphragm. When
you’re feeling tense or nervous, your muscles will automatically tighten, and
your breathing will become fast and shallow. This results in a high-pitched
speaking voice. If you find yourself in a stressful or uncomfortable situation
where you need to communicate, it’s important to make a conscious effort to
slow your breathing and relax your muscles, especially around the shoulders.
Speaking directly from the diaphragm helps to ensure your voice comes out in
its full, natural tone—a tone that women find most seductive.


 SMELLS THAT SEDUCE
Smell is the sense of memory and desire.
— Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Since Roman times, men have adorned themselves with scents and fragrances
to attract the attention of beautiful women. Indeed, what every man wants to
know is whether or not there’s a magic scent he can use to attract women with
ease. In the world of fragrances, a chemical compound called hedione—first
used by Christian Dior in their iconic fragrance Eau Sauvage—was found to
stimulate an area of the brain in women responsible for the release of sex
hormones.26 Hedione is now found in many well-known fragrances like CK
One, Paco Rabanne’s Invictus, Acqua di Gio, and Voyage d’Hermes.
There is, however, another type of smell that’s even more powerful and
effective than hedione. I am, of course, talking about testosterone, or more
precisely, androstadienone. Androstadienone is a pheromone derived from
testosterone (naturally found in men with high levels of testosterone). So how
exactly does androstadienone work and what does it do? A fascinating study
published in Nature Neuroscience found that female mice, when exposed to
the smell of dominant alpha mice, underwent a form of neurological change
after only two days.27 After being exposed to alpha mice, the female mice
would refuse to have anything more to do with the other beta/omega mice.
The brains of the female mice had essentially been rewired to attach and mate
with alpha mice only. There is evidence to suggest that women react much the
same way after being exposed to the scent of alpha males.
Androstadienone also has another powerful effect on the female brain.
Exposure to androstadienone has been found to trigger cortisol in women.
This cortisol release can induce euphoria, shed inhibition, and reduce
uncertainty and psychological concerns regarding a sexual partner. Another
study published in the journal Hormones and Behavior found that women
who were exposed to androstadienone for approximately fifteen minutes
would become “subtly” more attentive, aroused, and happy.28 With this
research in mind, let’s take a moment to look at some ways to increase the
amount of natural testosterone in your body so you, too, can harness the
benefits of androstadienone.
— Get good sleep and lots of rest.
— Consume more zinc and vitamin D.
— Eat a healthy diet with sufficient protein.
— Reduce alcohol consumption, as alcohol is extremely estrogenic and toxic.
— Reduce excess body fat through diet and exercise.
— Use intermittent fasting to reduce insulin spikes and release more HGH
(Human Growth Hormone).
— Eat more healthy fats (like peanut butter, olive oil, almonds, avocados, red
meat, eggs, and dark chocolate).
— Workout in the gym, focusing more on compound movements (like the
squat, deadlift, bench press + high-intensity interval training).
It’s also advisable to include garlic in your diet as a team of researchers in the
Czech Republic discovered that men who regularly consume one to two
cloves of garlic a day smell more attractive to women.29 Garlic contains many
antioxidants that improve the bodies metabolic functioning. These
antioxidants reduce body odor, and garlic’s powerful antibacterial properties
help kill off strong smelling microorganisms while boosting the body’s
immune system at the same time.
Another study published in the International Journal of Cosmetic Science
found that men who use a scented fragrance in day-to-day life feel more
attractive and confident compared to men who don’t wear any fragrance at
all.30 In the study, the researchers recorded silent video of the male
participants either “wearing” or “not wearing” a fragrance. The researchers
then showed the video footage to different groups of women. The women all
rated the men who wore a fragrance as more attractive than the men who
didn’t wear any fragrance at all (even though the women had no way of
knowing from watching the video whether the men were wearing a fragrance
or not). The researchers claimed that the men who wore a fragrance must
have acted more confident and thus appeared more attractive on video.
After reviewing this information, you can see how it’s possible to increase
the amount of natural testosterone in your body, and, in return, produce
greater quantities of androstadienone (a pheromone that’s been found to
attract women and lower their defenses). Also, if you apply a cologne that
contains hedione, a powerful combination takes place—you’ll not only smell
more attractive, you’re also more likely to behave in a way that’s more
attractive as well.


 CLOTHES
THAT CAPTIVATE
Clothes make the man.
— Mark Twain

One of the surest ways to gain influence and become more attractive is to
wear the right type of clothes. People believe what they see, and they’re quick
to cast judgment and make assumptions based on clothing and appearance
alone. Like it or not, clothes matter. The airline pilot who wears a pilot’s
uniform is seen as skilled, professional, intelligent, and successful. A con man
who wears the same pilot’s uniform is viewed the same way—skilled,
professional, intelligent, and successful.
If you know how to dress in style, you have a clear and distinct advantage
in the realm of seduction. To better demonstrate this point, an interesting
study published in David J. Buller’s book Adapting Minds31 examined the
type of relationship a woman was willing to have with a man depending upon
the type of clothes he was wearing (these clothes were either “low,”
“medium,” or “high-status”). The type of relationship the woman was willing
to enter into was separated into six different categories: (1) coffee and
conversation; (2) a date; (3) sex only; (4) serious involvement, marriage
potential; (5) sexual and serious, marriage potential; and (6) marriage. The
goal of this study was to examine the effect clothes had on women’s
responses. The results of the study found that women were more attracted to
the (same) man when his clothes were “high-status.” So far, no surprise there;
however, the study also discovered that women were much more likely to
consider the man in all six categories if his clothes were “high-status” as
opposed to “low” or “normal” status. In other words, if you’re looking for a
one night stand: wear high-status clothes; if you’re looking for a long-term
relationship: wear high-status clothes.
Further research has found that women find men who are well-dressed to
be sexier, more intelligent, successful, more popular, and better relationship
material. These findings provide striking evidence that clothes really do make
a difference. In fact, wearing “high-status” clothes is one of the easiest ways
for a man to become instantly more attractive to women. Still, this
information is useless if you don’t know how to choose the right types of
clothes to enhance your appearance.
CHOOSING THE RIGHT
 CLOTHES FOR YOU
When choosing clothes that will make you look more attractive, your most
important consideration is to decide what type of image you want to project?
If you’re the nerdy, intellectual type it would be a mistake to try and pull off
the edgy, biker look. At the same time, if you’re covered in tattoos, trying to
dress like Poindexter would do nothing to enhance your appearance. At this
point, you might be tempted to ask whether or not there’s one type of look
that works for every man? As a rule, it’s always better to dress well (and it’s
always better to overdress than to underdress).
An insightful study conducted by Kelton Research found that women view
men who dress up as sexier, smarter, and more successful.32 What was even
more interesting about this study was that 85 percent of women thought a
well-dressed man was sexier than a man with a lot of money. Dressing well
shows that you’re socialized and socially intelligent—two characteristics that
are attractive to women. The Kelton Research study also discovered that three
out of every four men were underdressed most of the time. Of course, it’s
more comfortable to stroll around in a comfortable shirt and baggy shorts, but
how do you expect to stand out when every other man is dressed the same
way?
The purpose of this book is not to turn hordes of men into fashionistas, the
purpose of this book is to help you increase your sexual market value, and, at
the same time, help you improve your overall appearance so you become
more attractive. Choosing the right clothes is one way to achieve this goal.
This means you must first eliminate all clothes from your wardrobe that make
you look unattractive. If your wardrobe is filled with clothes that are either
too tight or too loose, you might as well throw them in the trash or donate
them to charity because these clothes are killing your image.
Wearing suits, fitted shirts, and dress shirts will make you look more
professional and successful. And where once women barely noticed you, your
new appearance puts you firmly on the female radar. The wonderful thing
about suits, fitted shirts, and dress shirts is that they work for all men,
regardless of height, size, age, appearance, and ethnicity. Whether you’re a
biker covered in tattoos or a full-blown nerd, a good suit or fitted shirt will,
without doubt, improve your appearance. And while you might be reluctant to
sacrifice casual attire for something dressier, you must consider the rewards
for being well dressed, not just in your relationships but in your personal and
professional life as well.
When putting your wardrobe together, your number one priority is to make
sure your clothes fit and look good. There are countless fashion magazines
and websites out there from which to draw inspiration. I encourage you to
browse these magazines and websites to get an idea of the type of clothes that
look good on men. And when it comes to trying clothes on, don’t be tempted
to buy something just because you “think” it will look good or because it’s on
sale. Your clothes must fit, and they must fit you well. Just because an item of
clothing looks good on the rack doesn’t mean it will fit you or even look good
on you
A good way to begin your journey into fashion is to start by focusing on the
fundamental elements of style. In this case, suits, dress shirts, and fitted shirts
look great on just about every man who’s in shape. Once you feel comfortable
with these clothes and have developed an eye for what works and what
doesn’t, you can branch out into other areas of fashion to flesh out your
wardrobe and give it more depth. You must never underestimate the power of
dressing well for a well-dressed man is an attractive man.
THE BENEFITS OF DRESSING WELL
— Women will notice you.
— You’ll feel more confident.
— You’ll look more successful.
— You’ll get more immediate respect.
— You’ll act in a more attractive way.
— You’ll make a great first impression.
— You’ll be perceived as more attractive.
— Women will be more interested in you.
As you can see, the benefits are tangible and real, and your renewed sense of
style will change the way you’re perceived by women and the world around
you. This book encourages you to step outside your comfort zone; if you can
do this, the rewards and benefits are yours for the taking. Nonetheless, before
you consider making any further changes to your wardrobe, you must also be
aware of some crucial fashion mistakes that are known to kill attraction.
— Bad color coordination.
— Wearing clothes that don’t fit.
— Wearing clothes that are too tight.
— Wearing oversized suits and shirts.
— Fastening all the buttons on your shirt.
— Wearing sportswear on a regular basis.
— Wearing clothes with large logos and slogans.
If you can avoid these fashion mistakes, you’ll not only sharpen your image,
you’ll strike a powerful first impression as well. At this point, it’s important
not to confuse “peacocking” with being fashionable and stylish. The man who
peacocks (overdressing or dressing flamboyantly to attract attention) puts
himself at severe risk of not only attracting the wrong kind of attention, he
also risks looking ridiculous at the same time. Peacocking not only invites
ridicule, it makes a man look desperate. Understated charm and elegance
never goes out of fashion.
THE MOST ATTRACTIVE COLORS
Take a moment to consider the impact of color on attraction. Knowing what
colors women find attractive goes a long way when it comes to creating a
strong first impression and choosing the right clothes to enhance your
appearance. An enlightening study published in the Journal of Experimental
Psychology found that women are more attracted to the color red.33 Red has
been a symbol of power since Roman times. The most powerful men in Rome
were known as Coccinati—meaning “the ones who wear red.” The inclusion
of red shirts, ties, scarves, and pocket squares in your wardrobe are sure to
enhance your appearance and help you stand out from the crowd as women
from the US, England, Germany, and China all rated men more attractive
when they wore the color red.
Another study published in Evolutionary Psychology examined the effect
of color on attraction in more detail.34 Once again, red was found to be the
most attractive color alongside black. The reason why these colors are so
popular, however, remains something of a mystery. Although the researchers
of the study speculated that red and black are colors that look good on most
people and that these colors possibly have some evolutionary significance,
purveying greater masculinity and strength on the wearer. The same study
also discovered that women found the following colors the most attractive (in
order of preference): red, black, blue, green, yellow, and white.
When choosing the right type of clothes to enhance your appearance,
selecting the right colors is an important consideration that mustn’t be
overlooked. The moment you take control of your appearance, you
immediately stand out, for a well-dressed man is not only physically
appealing but psychologically appealing as well.


 MONEY AND STATUS
Money without brains is always dangerous.
— Napoleon Hill

Men often believe that they don’t have any real-world value unless they have
money or status. Look around and it’s easy to see why a man might feel this
way, especially in a world that is often obsessed with fame and fortune. The
world can be a shallow place, and it’s no secret that the majority of cultures
and countries hold people with wealth and status in high esteem. Men who
have money and status are often seen as a “catch” compared to men who are
less prosperous. As we dig deeper into the phenomenon of wealth and status,
however, it soon becomes clear that it’s the “prestige” element of status, not
the “money” element that women find most attractive.
A study published by researchers at the University of North Carolina
observed that wealthy men and attractive women are more likely to enter into
relationships with each other.35 But these relationships are often plagued by
doubt and insecurity. I have personally consulted with many wealthy men
who live in a state of constant fear and anxiety as they struggle to keep their
girlfriends and wives happy. Despite spending thousands of dollars, these men
often discover that money by itself is not enough to maintain attraction.
Money, it turns out, is no cure-all or panacea for the absence of attraction.
The occasional gold digger aside, money doesn’t make a man more
attractive and desirable. Instead, it’s the qualities and character traits that
make a man wealthy that women find attractive, not the money itself. These
positive qualities and character traits are especially prevalent in self-made
men. And unless a man inherits his wealth, a wealthy man is more likely to be
intelligent, determined, focused, strong, and confident for without these
qualities it’s unlikely he would have become wealthy in the first place. The
man’s wealth, in this case, is a form of social proof. At this point, it’s
important to note that women aren’t just attracted to high-status men, women
are also attracted to men who exhibit unrealized potential and ambition. In
other words, an ambitious poor man is infinitely more attractive than a lazy
rich man. In a world of talkers, the man who takes action stands out from the
crowd.



 YOUR SEXUAL
MARKET VALUE
Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve
got and fifty percent what people
think you’ve got.
— Sophia Loren

An unattractive, nervous man walks up to a woman and says: “Hi, how are
you?” almost stumbling over his words. The woman looks at the man and
without uttering a single word in response walks off, leaving the man feeling
dejected and worthless.
The next day, an attractive, confident man walks up to the same woman and
says the exact same words: “Hi, how are you?”
The woman looks at the man and smiles: “I’m good, how about you?” This
is the power of sexual market value. The unattractive man has low sexual
market value, while the attractive, confident man has high sexual market
value. Why are successful actors and professional athletes so attractive to
women? Because their celebrity status automatically confers high-value. They
have near unlimited options with women. They are wealthy, successful, and
(sometimes, but not always) talented.
You don’t have to be a celebrity, however, to attract beautiful women into
your life, but you do have to increase your sexual market value. When a
woman rejects a man because he’s overweight, is she rejecting him because
she’s a shallow, superficial person or is there another more profound
explanation? The truth is, the overweight man gets rejected because his
excess body fat sends the message that he doesn’t respect himself. Any man
who allows himself to become overweight and unattractive obviously doesn’t
care about his appearance. Second, excess body fat indicates a lack of drive
and poor self-control. An overweight body is an indicator of general laziness
and a lack of ambition. Most attractive women won’t consider dating an
overweight man unless the man is highly skilled, talented, or wealthy.
While it might be tempting, at this point, to label women superficial and
shallow for behaving this way, it must be noted that just because a behavior
appears superficial doesn’t mean that behavior serves no purpose. As with all
human behavior, there’s often more going on beneath the surface than first
meets the eye. For example, developing your body is the superficial
development of muscle. Dig deeper, however, and you’ll soon discover that
improving your physique sends a much more powerful message. The man
with a good physique is telling the world he’s strong, healthy, has good genes,
self-respect, ambition, focus, and persistence. Growing your facial hair, again,
might at first appear superficial, but in reality, facial hair communicates
masculinity, health, and the presence of testosterone. A smell might offer little
more than a pleasant aroma, but as you now know, scents and fragrances
communicate much more than the superficial. The right scent signals
cleanliness, good grooming, social intelligence, health, testosterone, sexual
compatibility, and masculinity. And as for clothes, isn’t all that focus on
fashion superficial and feminine? We now know that the benefits of being
well-dressed extend far beyond the superficial. Stylish clothes project power,
influence, social intelligence, style, glamor, and socialization.
As you raise your sexual market value, you increase the likelihood that
women will find you attractive. At a rudimentary level, low sexual market
value leads to fewer dating options, and high sexual market value leads to
increased dating options. Women of childbearing age are looking for men
they can reproduce with and thus give birth to strong, healthy offspring.
From a woman’s perspective, the supply of high-value men is severely
limited. As men, we are all the same, yet we are all different. We all
experience the same emotions and have the same desires. We all want sex,
love, affection, security, happiness, excitement, and adventure. We all
experience loss, sorrow, despair, defeat, and uncertainty. These are the
similarities that bind us together, regardless of race, age, and ethnicity. At the
same time, we are all different. We all have different levels of education,
wealth, physical ability, risk tolerance, drive, ambition, confidence, and
opportunity. These are just some of the differences that separate the high-
value man from the low-value man.
The low-value (beta male) is all too common. He’s the majority, not the
exception. In a world where it’s easier to follow others than to take control of
your life, the low-value man prevails. In a world where it’s easier to be
sedentary than to workout, the low-value man is the norm. In a world where
it’s easier to be lazy than to be ambitious, the low-value man thrives. A study
into perceived attractiveness published in the journal Evolution and Human
Behavior found that women rated men who were lazy and unambitious as less
attractive.36 When the supply of high-value men is limited, the demand for
high-value men increases as a result. A high-value man is cherished, adored,
respected, and desired. Unfortunately, the reality is that not every man can be
high-value. This is one of the brutal truths of attraction.
 Most men stumble through life taking the path of least resistance. They are
happy to live in this state, as this state requires little effort or risk. Most men
seek shortcuts and instant gratification. One distinct difference that separates
high-value men from low-value men is the high-value man’s propensity to
take risks and invest more effort into life. This extra effort on the part of the
high-value man is what separates him from lesser men. A man with high
sexual market value continually strives to improve himself both physically
and mentally. It’s a mistake to think women are only attracted to men who are
successful. It’s precisely this kind of thinking that leads to the crippling “she’s
out of my league” mentality.
Women aren’t just attracted to men who are successful and ambitious—
women are attracted to men who show “unrealized potential.” A man who
displays ambition, persistence, drive, energy, creativity, and a sense of
purpose is more likely to be successful in the future. In other words, you don’t
have to be successful at this present moment in time to get the girl; you just
have to create the perception that you have what it takes to be successful in
the future. Whether or not you become successful is beside the point.
Most men, however, can only dream—they dream of getting the perfect
girl, the perfect house, the perfect job, all the while falling short of realizing
their full potential. The fundamental laws of physics dictate that you must
take action to influence the world around you. What you think is of little
consequence unless you have the ability to turn your thoughts into actions.
The world of thoughts and emotions is a woman’s world, a world that’s ever-
changing and uncertain. The world of men is a world of action. Men who take
action have something that women crave—stability, strength, and purpose.
The purpose of this book is to show you how you to become irresistible to
women and maintain attraction in both short and long-term relationships. At
this point, we’ve already discussed how to increase your sexual market value
at a superficial level by projecting strength and masculinity. This is still not
enough—you must embody strength. You must live and breathe it. You must
learn to embrace your inner bad guy if you’re to transform yourself into the
kind of man that women find irresistible.


 GOOD GUYS
VS. BAD GUYS
Bad guys do what good guys dream.
— Rene Balcer

Why do bad guys have all the fun? If there’s one thing that separates the
attractive bad guy from the unattractive good guy, it’s that attractive men are
never weak around women. If you’re weak around women, even if you’re
rich, successful, and handsome, women will lose attraction for you. If a
woman smells weakness, she’ll pull away. If a woman feels she can control
and manipulate you, she’ll abuse you and try to control you. If a woman feels
as though you’ll do anything to please her, she’ll lose respect for you.
It’s at this point that you must ask yourself two important questions: first,
how can a man be perceived as strong by women (or become what is
commonly known as alpha)? And second, is a man born alpha or does he
become alpha over time? Is alpha, in other words, a result of nature or
nurture? In my own experience, alpha, as I’ve come to see it, is a trait that’s
mostly developed over time through conscious effort and awareness. Alpha
versus Beta is strength versus weakness. The beta male is weak; the alpha
male is strong. The alpha male consistently chooses strength over weakness;
the beta male chooses weakness over strength. The alpha male takes the
strongest course of action; the beta male takes the weakest course of action.
But how do you know what actions are strong and what actions are weak?
Let’s take a look at some different scenarios that better demonstrate this point
in more detail:
Scenario #1: Your girlfriend tells you she wants to break up with you. What
is the strongest course of action you can take and what is the weakest course
of action?
The weakest course of action is to beg and plead with your girlfriend to stay
in the relationship. The strongest course of action is to walk away with your
head held high—this is the path of the alpha male.
Scenario #2: A woman doesn’t respond to your text messages.
The weakest course of action is to send more messages. The strongest course
of action is to walk away and ignore her until she gets back in touch with you.
Scenario #3: Your girlfriend tells you she just wants to be friends.
The beta male accepts the offer of friendship, hoping things will change in the
future. The alpha male, again, walks away and ignores his girlfriend until she
changes her mind.
Whenever you’re in any doubt about how you should interact with women,
ask yourself one important question: what’s the strongest course of action I
can take? If you’re being honest with yourself, you already know the answer.
Strong actions and behaviors are actions and behaviors that make you feel
good about yourself. If you choose the strongest course of action in all areas
of life, it won’t be long before you project an alpha mindset without even
thinking about it. At first, adopting an alpha mindset is a conscious decision,
but over time this thought process becomes a natural part of who you are. An
alpha mindset endures not just because it’s guaranteed to get you more
women and more sex, an alpha mindset endures because it’s the right path to
follow. It’s the path to self-respect, freedom, and dignity. And just as
weakness is the ultimate attraction killer, strength is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
The “nice guy” beta male who tries to please women by pretending to be
kind and chivalrous does nothing to instill attraction. All he does is conceal
his true thoughts and feelings. In reality, the nice guy is not nice. He’s lying to
himself about what he wants, and he’s lying to the world around him. The
nice guy pretends he just wants to be friends with women, even though being
friends is the last thing on his mind. The nice guy thinks that by being nice,
women will be compelled to like him in return. The nice guy rushes to a
woman’s defense with the hope that she’ll reward him for his chivalry. The
nice guy says he’s not interested in sex when it’s all he ever thinks about. This
is in contrast to the “bad guy” alpha male who does the exact opposite. The
alpha male doesn’t care if people like him or not. The alpha male has no
interest in defending women or saving them. The alpha male makes it clear
that he’s interested in sex and that he would love nothing more than to be
intimate with a woman. As you can see, the bad guy is not really a bad guy,
he simply speaks a truth that few men dare speak.
An alpha male embraces all that is masculine. He doesn’t care what society
thinks or what his family, friends, and other people think. The alpha male
walks his own path and marches to the beat of his own drum. If he wants
something, he goes after it. If he wants to become intimate with a woman, he
lets her know without worrying about rejection. Part of the reason why alpha
males can feel so confident and self-assured is that they don’t rely on other
people for validation. An alpha male never seeks validation from women;
therefore, women are unable to rattle him or affect his confidence in any way.
The alpha male also lives in a state of abundance. If a woman rejects him, it’s
no big deal. There are plenty more fish in the sea.
Most men are scared. They live their lives in a constant state of fear and
anxiety. What happens if I get rejected? What happens if my wife leaves me?
What happens if I lose my job? These are just a handful of fears men struggle
with on a daily basis. But why are men so afraid? Men are afraid because they
believe they have limited options in life, which, in turn, makes them feel
powerless and helpless. The man who’s afraid to lose his job believes he has
limited economic opportunities, even in a world of financial abundance. The
man who’s scared his wife or girlfriend will leave him has the misguided
belief that he’ll never find a woman better than his current partner.
Women can smell weakness like a shark smells blood. When you see
yourself as weak, helpless, and powerless, women can’t help but see you the
same way. In my discussions with men who’ve successfully made the
transition from beta to alpha, I’ve noticed that these men all share one thing in
common: they embrace masculinity. Some men are born into a state of alpha,
for the majority of men, however, becoming alpha requires work (work that’s
both highly rewarding and satisfying).
Making the transition from beta to alpha always begins with the body.
Strengthen your body and you strengthen your mind. The moment you start to
feel powerful in your body is the moment you start to think with strength and
certainty. When you feel vulnerable, you become vulnerable. When you see
yourself as attractive, you become attractive. Your thoughts are manifested
into reality, and you choose the path that ultimately determines your reality. In
a world of beta males, the alpha male is king. You must never be afraid to go
after what you want, even if it means ruffling a few feathers along the way.
Scientific research has discovered that men who are arrogant, selfish,
cunning, manipulative, and over-confident enjoy a greater number of sexual
partners and are viewed as infinitely more attractive by women. Women are
also more attracted to men who display more dominant characteristics. One of
the main problems with dominance is that it’s often misconstrued as
aggression. So, what is the best way to define dominance? A study conducted
by the University of New Mexico attempted to break dominance down into
three distinct components: social, financial, and physical.37 In the New
Mexico study, the researchers discovered that women rated physically
dominant men high in both attractiveness and social dominance. The effect of
financial dominance on attraction, however, was found to be inconsistent to
the extent that financial dominance in and of itself was not a reliable indicator
of attraction.38 The New Mexico study also discovered that attractiveness was
strongly correlated with the number of one-night stands a man was likely to
have. Another study published in the Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology discovered that dominant men were often perceived as sexually
attractive, yet dominance had no effect on the man’s overall level of
likability.39
Exploring this topic further, a study carried out by UCLA researchers came
to the conclusion that given a choice between a “dominant” man or a
“prestigious” man, women have a definite preference for prestigious men.40
Prestigious men are still dominant, but they’re dominant in a different way. A
prestigious man is neither aggressive nor violent; he’s too smart and efficient
to indulge in such high-risk/low reward behavior. Instead, the prestigious man
constantly strives to raise his value in the world. He has clear and specific
goals. Whether or not he’s already achieved his goals is immaterial. Having a
clear path and having direction in life is crucial when it comes to raising
prestige. And as the UCLA research shows, being prestigious is much more
attractive than being dominant.
Further research published by researchers at the University of California,
Irvine suggests that women who are more sensitive and submissive are
viewed as more attractive by men.41 In fact, any time a person displays
behaviors that are consistent with their gender norms (for example, men
displaying leadership qualities, and women acting submissive and demure)
that person is more likely to be seen as desirable by the opposite sex. Put
simply, men are attracted to women who project feminine qualities, and
women are attracted to men who project masculine qualities.
Another unexpected and enlightening aspect of the research into attraction
is that selfishness often makes men appear more attractive. Being strategically
selfish and assertive lets women know that you’re more likely to acquire
resources and thus more likely to become successful. Your success is, after
all, not only your success but your partner and your offspring’s success as
well.
Consider the following scenario: a man sits in a coffee shop. He takes a
seat and picks up the menu. After studying the menu for several minutes, the
man carefully returns the menu to its placeholder before lighting a cigarette. A
moment later, a waiter comes up to the man to take his order. The man looks
at the waiter and nods hello. “May I have a vegetarian sandwich and a sweet
coffee, please,” the man says with a smile before adding, “Thank you.”
Later, the same man returns to the same coffee shop. The man puts his feet
up on the chair next to him. He then lights a cigarette and taps the ash onto
the ground as he looks at the menu. He leaves the menu on the table as the
waiter approaches. “Uh, bring me a vegetarian sandwich and a sweet coffee,”
he grunts, not even looking at the waiter. The man finishes by dropping his
cigarette on the ground and crushing it under his shoe.
The two scenarios outlined above describe an experiment carried out by
researchers at the University of Amsterdam.42 The aim of the experiment was
to examine how people watching the experiment would react to the “polite
man” in comparison to the “norm-violating man.” The results of the study
were both illuminating and insightful. People who viewed the footage of the
man in the coffee shop rated the “polite man” as less powerful, whereas the
“norm-violating man” was rated more powerful (even though the roles were
played by the same actor). The implications of this study are both profound
and instructive. The belief that you must be polite and kind to get ahead in life
is nothing but an illusion. Women are attracted to men who project confidence
and power. Bold men eat, while nice guys starve. To develop attraction, you
must first develop the right mindset. You must be masculine. You must
project strength. You must own your environment and your actions. And most
important of all, you must be true to yourself and your desires.


 PART TWO
CREATE ATTRACTION
Nature is infinitely creative. It is always
producing the possibility of
new beginnings.
— Marianne Williamson

Attraction starts with a spark. You meet a woman, and if she likes you and
you seduce her the right way, sex is all but guaranteed to happen. Only
society has drilled it into our heads that women don’t want sex. Women are
pure creatures corrupted by man’s lust. This has a habit of making a man feel
guilty for even talking to a woman. Women are, however, biologically
programmed to want men to show interest in them. That being said, before
you think about approaching and meeting women, it’s important to consider
the role that logistics plays in the seduction process. If your objective is to go
out into the world and meet beautiful women—location is key. And just as a
man who lives in a desert can’t be a fisherman, a man who lives in isolation
will find it difficult to meet, date, and seduce women.
If you’re currently struggling to meet quality women, it might be time to
consider the importance of location in your life. Simple logic dictates that
men who live in New York City have more dating options than men who live
in Lost Springs, Wyoming (population 5). In the same way, men who teach
English in Europe, Asia, or South America have more opportunities to meet,
date, and have sex with women than men who work in a bank in a big
metropolitan city. Meeting and dating women is not a question of resources,
money, or prestige—it’s simply a matter of access.
Men often believe that after college their glory days are over, as they find
themselves falling into careers and lifestyles that severely limit their dating
options. Yes, you might have a well-paid insurance job working forty hours a
week, but your chance to meet, attract, and date beautiful women is going to
be restricted by your lifestyle. Why do bartenders, tour guides, overseas
English teachers, and personal trainers get to meet, date, and have sex with so
many beautiful women? The answer is access.
As you read this, there are literally millions of women out there in the
world who would be willing to date you and have an intimate relationship
with you. This is no exaggeration. The only thing that prevents you from
meeting these women is access. You can’t date someone if you can’t meet
them. This is where the power of the direct approach, and to a lesser degree,
online dating comes in. The ability to meet women is a crucial factor when it
comes to dating success.
But not all locations offer the same opportunities. Take bars and clubs for
example. If you walk into any club or bar and expect to meet beautiful women
you won’t be disappointed. You must be aware, however, that women enter
clubs and bars with a certain mindset—that mindset is to have fun with their
friends and try to attract as much attention from men as possible. To make
matters worse, you not only have to compete with other men for a woman’s
attention, you also have to capture a woman’s interest in a noisy, crowded
environment. Nightclubs and bars are two of the worst places to meet and
seduce women. Even if you exchange phone numbers, there’s a good chance
the woman will still flake on you. After all, the two of you just shared a fun
drunken encounter and that’s all it was. Somewhat counter-intuitively, some
of the best opportunities to meet women can be had during the day when a
woman’s guard is down. You don’t have to compete for her attention, and she
doesn’t have to worry about what her friends think as she tries to have a
conversation with you over blaring music.
CASE STUDY #3
LOCATION IS KEY
Andrew lived with his parents in a small, quiet town in Florida. The town
where Andrew lived was mostly full of retirees, and there was almost no way
for Andrew to meet women unless he drove to one of the big cities nearby.
Frustrated with his current living arrangement, Andrew decided it was time to
move back to LA (where he went to college) or end up dying of sexual
frustration.
A couple of months later, Andrew landed in LA, and as soon as he arrived
he felt a sense of relief tinged with excitement. Everywhere he looked he saw
beautiful women. It wasn’t long, however, before Andrew realized that being
surrounded by beautiful women wasn’t going to improve his love life unless
he could find a way to meet these women and talk to them.
After three months in LA, Andrew still hadn’t met a girl he liked. If
anything, he was feeling even more frustrated than before. The city wasn’t the
problem—he was surrounded by beautiful women every day. So, what exactly
was going wrong for Andrew? In short, Andrew needed to learn one crucial
skill: how to seduce women. Andrew was driving around LA, expecting
women to just fall into his lap and that was never going to happen. Somehow,
Andrew had to make his presence known. If he was going to have any
success, Andrew would not only have to seek out and find attractive women,
he would have to learn how to approach them and engage them in
conversation.

~•~
Assuming you live in a town or city with a relatively large female population,
you’ll be able to meet women in the most unexpected locations. These
locations include coffee shops, elevators, restaurants, concerts, supermarkets,
the gym, parks, shops, malls, and just about any place that human beings
congregate. Meeting women isn’t difficult; meeting the right kind of women,
however, requires more thought and attention. Yes, thousands of beautiful
women can be found in bars and clubs, but as previously stated, bars and
clubs aren’t the most conducive environments for seduction. Instead, you
must ask yourself what type of woman you want to meet?
It stands to reason, if you want to meet beautiful, healthy women, you’ll
have a greater chance of success finding such a woman in the gym or a place
where health-related activities take place. Interestingly enough, research has
found that women who exercise or have just finished exercising, are much
more likely to find a man attractive due to increased physiological arousal.
Studies into exercise and attraction show that people are more likely to
attribute an elevated heartbeat and feelings of arousal to the presence of a
stranger as opposed to the actual source of their arousal—exercise.43
A similar well-known study was carried out on men over the Capilano
River in North Vancouver, Canada. The researchers in the study had women
approach men as they walked across a high suspension bridge. Afterwards, it
was found that the men were more likely to find the women attractive when
they were in a state of heightened physiological arousal.44 In other words, the
men confused fear, anxiety, and arousal for attraction. In the same way, if a
woman’s feeling fearful, anxious or aroused, she’s more likely to be receptive
to a man’s advances, even if her arousal is triggered by something other than
the man’s presence.
The chaotic nature of life means you can only control so many variables at
once. The opportunity to meet attractive women, however, is a variable that is
largely out of your control. That’s why it’s so important to seize every
opportunity you can to meet and interact with women whenever you get the
chance. The man who pursues beautiful women ends up meeting and dating
beautiful women. The man who settles for mediocrity ends up meeting and
dating mediocre women. The choice, ultimately, lies with you. When it comes
to meeting women who are worth pursuing, there are only two rules to keep in
mind: first, it’s easier to meet and seduce attractive women during the day;
and second, you must be prepared to meet beautiful women in the most
unexpected places without warning and without notice. This means you must
be willing to act without hesitation or regret letting another opportunity pass
you by.


 APPROACHING WOMEN
Who dares wins.
— British SAS

Men who approach women directly have a rare quality that women find
intoxicating. These men have nerve, confidence, and boldness—attributes that
are increasingly hard to find in the modern world. Men who have the
confidence to approach women directly immediately set themselves apart
from other men. And although approaching women is often a nerve-wracking
experience, the rewards for having the courage to toss rejection aside and go
after what you want inspires admiration and attraction in equal measure.
Of course, most men prefer to take the safe approach, opting to get to know
a girl first before they try to seduce her. As a man, however, it’s always better
to state your intentions without fear of reprisal. Yes, you can become friends
with a woman, then try to seduce her later on. Although this often leads to a
loss of attraction, as failure to take action and approach women with boldness
usually results in metaphoric castration. But these are sensitive times you tell
yourself. What if she rejects me, or worse, stops speaking to me? A woman
will never hold it against you for making your intentions clear and expressing
interest. Approach a woman with boldness and it’s unlikely she’ll ever forget
you. On the other hand, the man who waits for women to approach him in an
almost catatonic, subdued state inspires neither interest nor attraction.
CASE STUDY #4
BOLDNESS INSPIRES ATTRACTION
Sabrina had only just broken up with her ex when she met Robbie online. The
moment she started talking to Robbie, she felt an instant connection. When
Sabrina finally got around to meeting Robbie, she was delighted to discover
that she not only liked him online, she liked him even more in person. Robbie
was fun to be around and the fact he was good looking only made him appear
even more attractive. As the days went by, Sabrina and Robbie grew closer
and closer. And the more time they spent together, the more they grew to like
each other. It was now only a matter of time before they took their
relationship to the next level.
* * *
One day as Sabrina was walking through the subway on her way to work, she
heard an unfamiliar voice call out beside her—“I like your dress.” Sabrina
turned and saw a man standing beside her. “That’s my favorite color.”
“Really?” Sabrina laughed. “You like turquoise?”
“I love it.”
“You don’t think it’s too bright?”
“It looks awesome.”
“Thanks.”
“My name’s Paul by the way.”
“Sabrina.”
“Nice to meet you,” Paul shook Sabrina’s hand and continued to engage her
in conversation. They chatted for a couple of minutes and Paul made no
attempt to hide the fact that he was attracted to Sabrina. After all, why else
would he stop and talk to her in the middle of the subway?
* * *
When Sabrina got home all she could think about was the confident stranger
who’d asked for her number. It wasn’t every day that a man approached her
with such charm and confidence. Nowadays, it seemed that most men
preferred to meet women online. Unfortunately for Robbie, he had no idea
that in the space of an afternoon Sabrina’s attraction for him had greatly
diminished. Sabrina couldn’t help it. Every time she thought about Paul, she
smiled. Boy was he confident.
On the other hand, she had no way of knowing whether Robbie was
confident or not. He was just some guy she had met online. What Paul did
was something extraordinary—he had singled her out and made her feel
special.

~•~
You can’t seduce a woman if you don’t talk to her. You might see an attractive
woman in the park, but if you only look at her, you’ll do nothing to establish a
connection or build rapport. Your ability to connect with women on an
emotional level allows you to take the interaction into the realm of the
physical and beyond. Women crave emotional connection, yet many men are
still too timid and apprehensive when it comes to opening up the channel of
communication, waiting instead for that perfect moment. There is, of course,
no such thing as a perfect moment. There are only opportunities—
opportunities that are taken and opportunities that are missed.
 CASE STUDY #5
MAKE YOUR INTENTIONS CLEAR
A group of international college students were staying in a hostel not far from
the center of Rome. It was there, in the hostel, that the students met an Italian
by the name of Paolo. Paolo was a modern-day Casanova, he loved women
and he loved to flirt. The girls in the hostel, however, were already aware of
Paolo’s overly flirtatious behavior. And within the space of 24 hours, Paolo’s
reputation had been sullied and tarnished. Behind his back, the girls called
Paolo a “creep” and a “pervert.” After all, girls will be girls. But Paolo didn’t
care, he’d heard it all before. Instead, his attention was focused entirely on
one girl and one girl only—Imogen.
“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” Paolo said as he looked
deep into Imogen’s eyes.
“I want to kiss your beautiful lips,” Imogen said as she told her friends
what Paolo had said to her when she came back to the hostel.
“He said that? Oh, my God, what a creep.”
“Weirdo, avoid,” said Janice.
“So nasty.”
“Ughhh,” Imogen said. “Who does he think I am?”
As the girls sat around the hostel bar, having a good laugh at Paolo’s
expense, they were completely unaware that later that night, Imogen would
end up sharing the same bed as Paolo. Paolo’s bold, confident approach
would ultimately prove too much for Imogen to resist. For as her friends sat
around, talking about what a creep Paolo was, Imogen’s imagination had
started to run wild thinking about all the wonderful things Paolo might do to
her. In a hostel full of horny young men and women, Paolo had been the only
one who’d expressed any real interest in her. His romantic overtures made her
feel alive. And although Imogen and her friends had been quick to dismiss
Paolo and label him a “creep,” Imogen knew her friends were just jealous
because she was getting all the attention and they weren’t. Paolo knew what
he wanted and he knew a beautiful woman when he saw one. Ultimately,
Paolo’s direct approach was enough to secure a night of passion that Imogen
would never forget.

~•~
A great approach is one of the most important elements of seduction. When a
confident man approaches a woman, he makes her feel attractive and alive.
And in the world of seduction, there’s no greater aphrodisiac than confidence.
As such, the direct approach is the strongest and most attractive form of
introduction you can make. The confident man knows there’s no such thing as
a woman who’s out of his league. A man with sufficient sexual market value
can effectively pursue any woman no matter how attractive or unattainable
she might appear to be—all that’s required is the right approach.
APPROACH WOMEN NATURALLY
One of the most effective ways to approach women is to use an environmental
approach. An environmental approach allows you to approach women using
elements within the natural environment to make a woman feel more at ease.
Imagine, for a moment, that you’ve just seen an attractive woman at the gym.
You want to approach her, but you don’t know what to say or how to break
the ice. Using the environmental approach, there are literally thousands of
things you can say to a woman in this situation. An example of an
environmental approach in the gym would be to say: “Hey, how’s your
workout?” The same environment-specific approach can be used in the
supermarket: “Hey, do you know where the [chocolate/milk/fish] is?”
Your approach doesn’t have to be clever or entertaining. Instead, it’s always
better to talk to women as though you’re talking to a close friend. Also, take
note that women have a propensity to wear interesting trinkets and
accessories. They style their hair in unique ways, sport tattoos, and color their
nails. The next time you go out in public, take a moment to look at the women
around you. What makes her stand out? What is it about her that catches your
eye? Is it an item of clothing, her earrings, her hair, or even her shoes? All of
these items are talking points that allow you to approach women in a natural
and relaxed way. To give you an idea of how this works in practice, consider
the following pickup lines as a great way to start a conversation:
— “Nice shoes.”
— “I like your perfume.”
— “That’s a cool tattoo.”
— “That bag looks heavy.”
— “What are you drinking?”
— “That’s my favorite color, I love [insert color].”
Simple, innocuous comments within the context of the woman’s immediate
environment work best here. There’s no better way to signal outcome
indifference and confidence than a light throwaway comment to disarm a
woman and make her feel at ease. Remember, conversation is fluid as
opposed to static. That’s why it’s always better to use an approach that can be
adapted to your natural environment.
If you approach women in a positive, relaxed way, you communicate
strength. But still the issue of what to say looms large. Trying to figure out
what to say to a woman when you first meet her and what pickup lines work
best is a question that’s plagued men for decades. Now science can finally
shed some much-needed insight into the conversation. One study published in
the Sex Roles journal found that women prefer it when men approach them
with a simple: “Hi” or “Hello.”45 Other effective pickup lines include the
honest and direct: “Since we’re both sitting alone, would you care to join
me?” or “Do you want to dance?” Pickup lines such as: “Hey, what’s your
sign?” or “Did you hurt yourself when you fell from heaven?” were seen as
less attractive, disingenuous ways to start a conversation.46 That being said,
you should simply use pickup lines as a way to assess whether or not a
woman is interested in talking to you. Watch closely and you’ll notice that a
woman expresses all her intentions and desires through her actions. If a
woman is open and interested in talking to you, she’ll stop to engage you in
conversation; if she isn’t interested, she’ll move away from you—it’s that
simple.
The moment you approach a woman, it’s advisable to keep the
conversation light and relaxed. Talk to her like you would talk to a close
friend. There’s no need to rush the interaction by trying to get intimate too
soon. Yes, one night stands can and do happen, but usually only after a man
has spent at least a couple of hours interacting with the woman first, even then
a one night stand is never guaranteed.
One of the most famous studies in psychology, carried out on a college
campus in the 1980s, proved that the odds of getting immediate sexual
gratification from women was, surprisingly, not even 50 percent, but closer to
zero percent.47 In the study, attractive men and women were asked to
approach complete strangers of the opposite sex, posing the question: “Would
you go to bed with me tonight?” The results of the study showed that 70
percent of men agreed to the woman’s request to go to bed with her that night.
On the other hand, zero percent of women agreed to the man’s request to have
sex.
In case you think these findings are the result of a more conservative
Anglo-Saxon culture, think again. The same study was replicated in sexually
liberal France with exactly the same result.48 Zero French women agreed to
go to bed with a male stranger, even when the man was physically handsome.
Women want sex just as much as men do, they just want it when they’re ready
and within the confines of a safe environment (drugs and alcohol
notwithstanding).
CASE STUDY #6
BREAKING THE ICE
Simon saw the new waitress standing behind the counter as soon as he walked
into the coffee shop. The moment he saw her, he was smitten. The waitress
had long, flowing black hair and big brown puppy dog eyes. If I could marry
a girl like that, I’d be happy for the rest of my life, Simon thought as he
stepped up to the counter.
“What can I get you?” the waitress said, flashing a smile.
“Can I get a tall mochaccino please?”
“One tall mocha coming right up. Would you like anything else with that?”
the waitress said.
For what felt like an eternity, Simon didn’t know what to say. He looked at
the waitress’s nametag—Christy. He wanted to say something, anything, but
his mind drew a blank. In the end, all he could muster was a simple, “Thanks,
that’s all.”
“Here’s your change,” Christy said.
Simon looked at the waitress. He didn’t want to leave, not yet. He wanted
to say something funny or humorous, something that might impress her, but
he couldn’t think of anything smart enough or funny enough to say. Sensing
an awkward silence, Simon stepped away from the counter and waited for his
mochaccino to arrive.
Over the next couple of weeks, Simon became a regular visitor at the coffee
shop, coming almost every day to see Christy. But every time Simon ordered
his coffee, he became increasingly frustrated by his own inability to get
Christy to open up and talk to him.
* * *
The following week, Simon was in the coffee shop, having just ordered
another mochaccino, when Derrick walked in. Derrick saw Christy standing
behind the counter and liked what he saw straight away. As Derrick stepped
up to the counter, he looked at the menu and noticed a wide selection of
reserve coffee. Derrick paused for a moment, then turned to Christy and asked
her what coffee she liked best. Christy let out a small, girlish giggle, and for
the next five minutes, she spoke at length about all the different types of
coffee they served. At one point, Derrick stopped Christy by touching her
briefly on the arm to ask, “Where does your coffee come from.” That’s a
dumb question, Simon thought as he listened in on their conversation. Christy
laughed and told Derrick they sourced their coffee from Jamaica, Nicaragua,
Kenya, Java, and Costa Rica—her favorite being Costa Rican coffee. Derrick
smiled and told Christy, “I’ve never been to Costa Rica but I wouldn’t mind a
taste of it.” Simon couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was furious. This
guy had only just met Christy and now she was giggling and obviously having
a great time talking to him. Life isn’t fair, Simon thought as he walked out the
door and threw his mochaccino in the trash.

~•~
A lot of men assume that women don’t want to be approached and “hit on.”
This is true in so much that women don’t want to be “hit on” in a crude or
unflattering way. Women also don’t want to be hit on by unattractive men. A
woman will, of course, be flattered if a man with high sexual market value
approaches her. As previously mentioned, women are biologically wired to
receive men, they just want to be approached by the right kind of men.
Women live their lives in a waiting state. They wait for men to talk to them;
they wait for men to approach them; and they wait for men to show interest,
giving them the opportunity to either accept the man or reject him. A woman
only resents it when a man shows interest in her if the man is weak, timid, or
unattractive. You’ll notice, however, that it’s usually unattractive women who
are the first to label men “creeps” and “perverts.” How often do you see a
beautiful woman at a feminist rally? It’s the unattractive woman with low
sexual market value who lashes out in anger and frustration. Her cries of
feminism are, in reality, a cry for attention. A beautiful woman doesn’t need
to call attention to herself. For the most part, attractive women love men and
enjoy their company. Their experience with society and men is usually a
positive one. Feminine women respect the laws of nature and they understand
that it’s the man’s role to approach her.
OVERCOME APPROACH ANXIETY
Approach anxiety is the amplified fear of rejection, and like all fears, it exists
primarily within the confines of the mind. Approach anxiety can be so
overwhelming it often induces paralysis in men. The most stifling aspect of
approach anxiety is not knowing what to say. Take a moment, however, to
imagine that your job involves approaching women. Every day you have to
interview women for a survey about beauty products. You notice that your
fear of rejection is greatly diminished when you approach women to fill out
the survey. It doesn’t matter whether women talk to you or not because
they’re not rejecting you personally, they’re rejecting the survey. In this
situation, it’s easy to know what to say, and it’s easy to move on to the next
woman.
Now imagine you have to approach a woman because you want to get to
know her in a more intimate way. You think about all the things you could say
and you’re instantly crippled by anxiety. What if she rejects me? What if she
laughs at me? What if she humiliates me? And once more, your fear and
anxiety stops you from approaching yet another beautiful woman.
CASE STUDY #7
ATTRACTION FAVORS THE BRAVE
Adam was having lunch with Josh when he noticed Josh making eye contact
with someone behind him.
“What is it?” Adam asked.
“That girl keeps looking at me.”
“Which girl?”
“The one sitting behind you.”
Adam turned to see a beautiful girl sitting by herself at the table behind
them. “Why don’t you go talk to her,” Adam said.
Josh shoveled a mouthful of pasta into his mouth. “Hmm, you think that’s a
good idea?”
“Sure, why not? She’s obviously into you.”
Josh looked doubtful. “I dunno, man. I wouldn’t know what to say. Oh boy,
she just looked over again. She’s really cute.”
“Dude, you gotta go talk to her, she likes you.”
Josh looked down at his food. “Nah, she’s probably not interested anyway.”
“Trust me, if she looks at you and smiles, she’s interested. She wants you to
go and talk to her.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
 “Could you do it for me? I mean, I really don’t know what to say,” Josh
said.
“You sure?”
“Oh man, she just looked over again.”
“Alright,” Adam said. “But once I break the ice you better get your ass up
there.”
“You got it.”
When the girl looked up again, she was surprised to see Adam, not Josh
coming towards her.
“Hi,” Adam said. “I hope I’m not disturbing you. My friend, he’s a slow
eater… he just asked me to come over and keep you company.” Adam waved
over at Josh. “I’m Adam by the way.”
“Evelyn,” the girl said with a tentative smile.
“Nice to meet you.” Adam held out his hand and continued to engage
Evelyn in conversation. A couple of minutes passed by before Josh finally
finished his meal and came over to join them.
“He’s right. I am a slow eater,” Josh said as he rubbed his stomach.
Evelyn glanced at Josh, then turned her attention back to Adam. “You were
saying?”
Despite Adam’s best effort to include his friend in the conversation, Evelyn
appeared to have lost all interest in Josh, even though he was the one who’d
initially caught her eye. Her attention and interest was now focused entirely
on Adam. As far as Evelyn was concerned, Josh was no longer a contender.
* * *
What happened? One minute, Evelyn was smiling and flirting with Josh,
letting him know she found him attractive, practically inviting him to come
over to speak to her. The next minute she was entirely focused on Adam. How
could this happen? In one word: confidence. It was Adam, not Josh, who had
the guts to go up and talk to her. It didn’t matter that Josh was better looking,
his hesitation communicated weakness. It was now too late to redeem the
situation. The moment Josh allowed Adam to speak on his behalf was the
moment Evelyn lost all attraction for him.

~•~
Missed opportunity hurts more than rejection. When your mind is flooded
with doubt, it’s important to remember that women want to be seduced. A
woman might appear busy, filling her day with an endless array of activities.
This doesn’t change the fact that most women are starved for attention. A
woman wants to live her life like it’s a movie. A movie filled with drama,
suspense, and romance. Her movie, however, is not of the gentle Disney
variety. Her movie is much more brutish in nature. Women fantasize about
being swept off their feet by a strong, confident man who’s unable to resist
her.
Keep in mind, no one is exempt from the daily grind of life, women
included. Not even the most beautiful women are exempt from mundane tasks
like sleeping, eating, working, and shopping. The sheer mind-numbing
monotony of everyday life instills in women an insatiable desire for romance
and passion. As a man, you must simply be aware of this desire. Women are
constantly looking for stimulation and attention. If a woman believes your
presence will bring passion and excitement into her life, she’ll gladly receive
you and welcome your approach. Keep in mind, women have evolved over
thousands of years to respond to you as a man and find you attractive. The
most natural thing in the world is for men and women to come together as
one. In fact, you could argue that women desire this more than men because
relationships are the centerpiece of a woman’s life.
Women want you to take the initiative and start a conversation. You must
revel in the fact that seduction is filled with anxiety and tension for the ability
to overcome this anxiety is what separates you from other men. All seductions
start with a spark—a spark that lights the fire of attraction. Whatever you
want out of a relationship, whether it’s a short-term fling, sex, or marriage,
you must be able to approach a woman first to capture her attention and start
the seduction process.


 READ HER BODY
In the land of the blind, the
one-eyed man is king.
— Erasmus

There is the misguided belief that the spoken word is the predominant form
of communication among human beings when in fact there is another even
more powerful form of communication that accounts for up to 60 to 80
percent of all communication. I am, of course, talking about body language. If
only I could read a woman’s mind and know what she’s thinking, the
frustrated man thinks as once more he’s left rattled and confused by the
actions of a woman he’s trying to seduce. What’s going on, he wonders. She
tells me she likes me, but she never wants to see me.
Women communicate through body language and if you learn to read the
signs you’ll know when a woman is interested in you and you’ll know when
she’s not. You’ll also know when she’s attracted to you and when it’s time to
make your move. Women have always used body language to communicate
desire, men just have a difficult time reading the signals. Consider an
interesting piece of research that found that women initiate up to 90 percent of
all seductions.49 Women do this in such a discreet way, however, that most
men believe they’re the ones making the first move.
CASE STUDY #8
A PICTURE TELLS A 1000 WORDS
Samantha was in a quiet hotel bar, drinking alone, when Bill came up and
introduced himself. Bill, ever the gentleman, asked Samantha if he could sit
down and buy her a drink. Throughout their entire conversation, Bill became
increasingly flirtatious, often laying his hand on Samantha’s shoulder
whenever he made a point or told a joke. Bill was a natural conversationalist.
He loved to tell stories and found it easy to make people laugh.
Sure enough, Samantha soon found herself laughing at just about
everything Bill said. Bill had a feeling Samantha liked him, especially as she
kept on telling him how funny he was. What Bill failed to notice, however,
was the myriad of nonverbal cues Samantha kept sending his way. Despite the
fact that Samantha was looking directly at Bill and smiling, her body told an
entirely different story. The moment Bill sat down, Samantha grabbed her
purse and crossed her arms. At no point during their conversation did she turn
her body to face him. She even kept her legs crossed, pointing her feet away
from him. As Bill continued to engage her in conversation, Samantha barely
touched her drink and kept her wrists face down on the table. And even
though Samantha continued to chitchat to Bill in a light-hearted way, not once
did she touch her hair or touch her body to signal romantic interest. To the
casual observer, Samantha’s body language screamed please leave me alone.
Bill, however, had no idea what Samantha was thinking because he was
entirely focused on the sweet and encouraging words flowing from her
mouth. Only when Bill finally asked Samantha for her phone number did he
discover her true level of interest.
Fifteen minutes later, Bill skulked away from the bar, frustrated and
humiliated. What a cock-tease, he thought. I bet she loves to lead men on. If
only Bill knew how to read body language, he would have saved himself a lot
of trouble and preserved his ego in the process.

~•~
In every seductive encounter, there’s a natural process you must follow to
build attraction before you can become intimate with a woman. Research into
body language found that women use certain nonverbal cues to signal their
interest and availability to men. These body language cues can be broken
down into five distinct steps:
Step #1 (eye contact): The woman makes eye contact with the man, letting
him know that she’s noticed him. Once a woman makes eye contact with you,
you’re much more likely to get a positive response if you approach her.
Step #2 (smiling): Also referred to as the “invitation.” The moment a woman
smiles at you she’s letting you know that she likes what she sees and she’s
inviting you to come and talk to her.
Step #3 (communication): A lot of researchers put step four, preening,
before communication but in the vast majority of cases, the man talks to the
woman right after she’s made eye contact or smiled at him. When you
approach a woman before she’s either seen you or smiled at you, you’re
playing a numbers game. In which case, you should immediately proceed to
step four.
Step #4 (preening): This is the stage where a woman lets you know whether
she’s attracted to you or not. The woman preens herself to advertise her
interest and encourage you to escalate the seduction. The following is a list of
preening cues that women frequently use to signal sexual availability and
interest:
— She blushes when talking.
— She touches her neck and throat.
— She frequently giggles and laughs.
— Her breathing becomes deep and heavy.
— She licks her lips, drawing attention to them.
— She lets out a soft whimper or nervous laughter.
— She points her body towards you, especially her knees and her feet.
— She dangles her shoe from her foot, symbolizing the rhythm of sexual
intercourse.
— She reveals the underside of her wrist in a gesture of submission.
— She strokes a phallic object (like her finger or a wine glass to let you know
what she’s really thinking).
— She plays with her hair and strokes it (one of the most common indicators
of interest).
— She drops her gaze and looks at the ground in a gesture of submission.
Step #5 (touch): The woman touches you to signal interest and to let you
know that she’s happy for you to take the interaction further.
In the same way that women use body language to signal interest, women also
use body language to let men know when they’re not interested in being
seduced. It’s important to understand what these nonverbal cues are so you
can avoid wasting your time trying to seduce women who aren’t interested.
Closed, unreceptive body language is often displayed in one of the following
ways:
— She crosses her legs and arms.
— She keeps her wrists turned down.
— She turns her feet and legs away from you.
— She moves personal objects out of your reach.
— She doesn’t touch any objects or preen herself.
When you pay close attention to a woman’s body language, you’ll quickly
discover how a woman feels about you. You no longer have to try to figure
out what she’s thinking or feeling. The important thing to remember here is
that female communication is covert as opposed to overt. A woman will rarely
tell you that she likes you and wants to date you. This doesn’t mean a woman
won’t signal her interest or availability. When a woman’s attracted to you,
she’ll let you know by displaying, what are to her, obvious signs of interest.
Understanding how a woman communicates her interest is a crucial part of
the seduction process. What does her body language tell you? Is her body
language open or closed? Are her toes pointing towards you or away from
you? A woman that’s interested in you will make herself available to you.
She’ll communicate her interest through her body language and her actions.
Besides a woman’s body language, there are even more subtle signs of
interest that you must be aware of. For instance, has the woman suddenly
started wearing lipstick or perfume? Does she come and sit close to you? And
does she frequent the same places you frequent? You only need be aware of
such “coincidences” to realize that most women go out of their way to make
themselves available to men they find attractive.


 ATTRACTIVE
BODY LANGUAGE
The most important thing in communication
is hearing what isn’t said.
— Peter Drucker

Women by nature are more skilled at interpreting body language than men. A
study conducted by Harvard University examined the difference between men
and women when it came to reading a person’s body language.50 In the study,
male and female participants were asked to view silent films of couples
engaged in conversation. While watching the films, the participants were
asked to interpret what was going on by studying the body language of
couples in the film. The results of the experiment revealed that women were
able to accurately interpret what was going on in the film 87 percent of the
time, whereas men were only able to accurately interpret what was going on
42 percent of the time. These results appear to give women a significant
advantage in the mating game as women are much more likely to be able to
read a person’s body language.
Further research into body language conducted by the University of Texas,
Austin, noted that men are more likely to underestimate a woman’s level of
interest—although men looking for one night stands often overestimate a
woman’s sexual interest.51 Conversely, the study found that most women
underestimate a man’s level of romantic interest. The findings of the study
indicate that men are routinely selling themselves short. Not only do men
frequently underestimate a woman’s level of interest, but when they do show
interest, women are unlikely to notice. The solution to this problem it seems is
for men to be more direct in the way they communicate. Once you understand
how to communicate desire, you will find that women become a lot more
attracted to you in response. As the saying goes, first impressions count. And
nonverbal communication is approximately 12 to 13 times more powerful
than verbal communication.
Another illuminating piece of research found that more dominant and open
power poses make men look more attractive.52 When a man’s body language
is closed (for example, crossed arms or hunched shoulders), he is perceived as
less attractive. The researchers in the study found that women were more
likely to want to date someone with open and “expansive” body language.
This means you must avoid making your body look small as though you’re
trying to hide from the world. There should be no hunched shoulders or
crossed legs and arms, which displays a certain level of defensiveness and
insecurity. You should also refrain from avoiding eye contact and looking at
the ground in a gesture of submission.
Further research into attraction and body language conducted at Loyola
Marymount University even went so far as to examine the effect that direct
eye contact has on attraction.53 The researchers came to the conclusion that
men who looked a woman directly in the eye, especially while
communicating, were perceived to be more intelligent, confident, and
attractive than men who failed to maintain eye contact or only used limited
eye contact.
At this point, it’s worth noting that men who pretend to be someone they’re
not are easily red-flagged as pretenders. A study carried out by Queen’s
University found that sexual attraction is linked to the way men move their
bodies.54 Men who move in a natural, healthy, fluid way are more attractive
compared to men who move unnaturally. As a general rule, it’s always better
to move naturally as opposed to moving in a way that you think will make
you look more attractive.
Attempting to quantify the impact that body language has on attraction is
no easy task. Nonverbal cues, however, are so powerful even the most casual
observer can get a sense of a man’s personality simply by watching the way
he moves. A study carried out at Durham University showed a series of video
clips of 26 students walking around campus.55 Some of the students had
loose, relaxed gaits, while other students had tighter gaits. After watching the
students take only a couple of strides, the participants who viewed the footage
rated the students with relaxed gaits as more confident, extrovert,
adventurous, and attractive compared to those students who walked with
tighter more “clipped” gaits that created the perception that the person was
more neurotic, introverted, and unattractive.
One story that nicely demonstrates the power of body language is the
famous casting of Sean Connery in the role of James Bond. When Connery
walked in to audition for Dr. No (the first movie in the Bond franchise), the
film’s producers Albert R. Broccoli and Harry Salzman, as well as the
original author, Ian Flemming, had a more sophisticated character in mind for
the role of Bond than the larger-framed Connery. Other big-name stars like
Cary Grant, Michael Redgrave, and Richard Burton were being considered
for the role, leaving Connery, a then relatively unknown actor, with little
chance of getting the part.
 Yat Malmgren, Sean Connery’s acting coach at the time, explained how
Connery had come to him only a couple of days before the audition. Connery
told Malmgren that he would approach the audition by establishing himself as
an “overpowering presence.” During their discussion, Malmgren told
Connery he should replicate the movements of a cat because “cats are loose
and relaxed and languid.”
On the day of the audition, Connery walked into the room, in Malmgren’s
words, “very self-assured, very large, and very secure.” The producers
instantly recognized star quality when they saw it. They knew without a
doubt, after only a couple of seconds, that Connery had the masculinity and
presence to play Bond. After the audition was over, the producers went to the
window of their London office and watched as Connery sauntered like a
panther down the sidewalk below. Brocolli would later recall, “It was the
sheer self-confidence he exuded. I’ve never seen a surer guy… It wasn’t just
an act, either. When he left, we watched him through the window as he
walked down the street. He walked like the most arrogant son-of-a-gun
you’ve ever seen—as if he owned every bit of Jermyn Street from Regent
Street to St James’s. ‘That’s our Bond,’ I said.”56
The moment you demonstrate control over your environment and your
body is the moment you command respect. One notable study showed that
drivers, when parked behind a high-status car (such as a Porsche or Mercedes)
at a set of traffic lights, were much less likely to honk their horn at the vehicle
in front of them if the vehicle was high-status.57 The explanation for this
phenomenon is due to the level of respect high-status vehicles confer on their
owners. People are more respectful and cautious around high-status people. In
this particular experiment, the researchers drew the conclusion that if a person
was driving an expensive car that person was more likely to be high-status.
Furthermore, high-status people usually wield greater influence and power,
and as a result, they’re more likely to be able to retaliate and confront
aggressors with a greater degree of force than the average citizen. Similarly,
understanding how to project status and value through body language is an
important skill to acquire. Open body language that demonstrates confidence
and control over your environment is sure to leave a lasting impression on
women.


 EYES AND SMILES
When a woman is talking to you, listen
to what she says with her eyes.
— Victor Hugo

It’s said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. When a woman looks at
you, even for just a brief second, her look says a thousand words. When a
woman looks at you and gives you a coy smile, she is, without doubt,
expressing her interest and openly inviting you to come and talk to her. Any
approach you make after a woman has made eye contact with you will not
only be welcomed, it will be expected.
A confident man knows how to use his eyes to catch a woman’s attention.
When a woman looks deep into your eyes, it’s tempting to look away or be
the first to break eye contact. Resist this initial temptation to shift your gaze
elsewhere; instead, break the tension and draw her in with a soft smile. Direct
eye contact without a smile is considered a threat and a challenge. On the
other hand, direct eye contact accompanied by a smile or slightly raised
eyebrows is seen as charming and flirtatious. Don’t worry about how a
woman will respond when you look directly into her eyes and smile. Some
women will smile back, letting you know they’re receptive to being
approached. On other occasions, when a woman doesn’t return your smile,
don’t allow yourself to become unsettled by her apparent lack of interest. If
your smile catches a woman by surprise, she won’t have time to acknowledge
you. It’s only in the moment after you smile that she realizes what just
happened. And if a woman likes you and is open to talking to you, expect her
to look at you again—this time with a smile.
IS SMILING ATTRACTIVE TO WOMEN?
Studies into smiling and attractiveness show that women who smile are rated
more attractive. But what do women think of men who smile? It’s natural to
assume that women are attracted to men who smile and appear friendly.
Science, however, tells a different story. A study published in the journal
Emotion found that women are more attracted to men who have brooding and
mysterious facial expressions as opposed to men who have smiling, friendly
expressions.58
In the study, the male and female participants were asked to rate the sexual
attractiveness of members of the opposite sex when they displayed different
facial expressions and emotions. These various facial expressions included
happy (smiling), sad, moody, broody, proud, powerful, and confident
expressions. What was most interesting about the study was that women rated
the men who “smiled” as the least attractive. Men who displayed a “moody”
appearance were rated more attractive than men in the “smiling” condition.
Of all the different facial expressions, women rated the “broody” men as the
most attractive. There are many reasons to explain these results. First, the man
who smiles is more likely to be perceived as weak and open to influence and
manipulation. A woman sees the man’s smile for what it really is: an attempt
on the part of the man to win favor by pretending to be nice. Conversely, the
man who assumes a “broody” demeanor is more likely to appear masculine
and less open to influence and manipulation.
At first, it’s natural to assume that women would prefer being around men
who are friendly and approachable, but the results of the study indicate that
women are more likely to feel safe and secure around “broody” men because
these men are more likely to be able to protect themselves and their loved
ones in times of danger. By now you’re probably wondering if it’s ever okay
to smile at a woman? And second, if you make eye contact, should you
remain cold-faced and broody, or should you break the tension with a smile?
The ideal strategy is to maintain a broody expression around women you want
to seduce, then, when you make eye contact, you can offer the woman a
muted impish smile to signal warmth and approachability. The impish smile is
a slight smile that turns the edge of the mouth upwards then slides away just
as easily as it appeared, projecting a look of bemusement as opposed to
appearing overly excited by the woman’s presence. At the same time, the
impish smile allows you to maintain an aura of mystery as the woman is left
wondering whether or not you actually like her.
Every time you smile at a stranger and use social graces like “please” and
“thank you” you’re attempting, either consciously or unconsciously, to
ingratiate yourself with that person. When a man smiles for no reason, women
become suspicious. The nice guy thinks that smiling at women will make him
look more attractive. In reality, women are turned off by his all too familiar
nice guy behavior. One study conducted by researchers at the University of
British Colombia found that men are rated as less sexually attractive when
they smile.59 Even in online dating studies researchers found that men who
posted pictures “not smiling” had more success compared to men who posted
pictures of themselves “smiling.” Any time you attempt to ingratiate yourself
with a woman by smiling, you inadvertently run the risk of killing attraction.
One hallmark of the alpha male is that his thoughts and actions should be in
perfect alignment. An alpha male smiles because he has a reason to smile, not
because he feels socially compelled to do so. An alpha male is attractive
because his emotions come from a place of honesty. The nice guy is anything
but honest. The nice guy’s actions are designed to please other people and do
not reflect his true thoughts or feelings.
CASE STUDY #9
A SMILE IS ALL IT TAKES
Mike’s birthday party was in full swing. And Larry had just arrived in time to
see Mike blow out the candles on his birthday cake. As Mike was blowing out
the candles, Larry noticed a beautiful woman standing in the crowd, singing
“Happy Birthday.”
An hour went by and Larry still couldn’t take his eyes off the woman.
Maybe it was the way her hair flowed down her back or the way her tight,
green dress accentuated every curve on her body. Larry watched as the
woman excused herself from a group of people and sauntered over to the
poolside bar. This was the perfect opportunity to go and talk to her. Larry
finished his beer and strolled over to the bar. Now would probably be a good
time to say something, Larry thought as he ordered a whiskey on the rocks.
And just as Larry was about to introduce himself, the woman turned and
caught his eye. Larry flashed her a smile. “Hi,” he said. “I’m Larry.”
“Rachel,” the woman replied.
“Are you friends with Mike?”
“Not a close friend, but I know him.”
Larry and Rachel chatted for a couple of minutes before Rachel excused
herself.
* * *
Rachel couldn’t wait to get back to her friends. She had noticed Larry looking
at her out the corner of her eye for the past hour and a half. That wasn’t so
bad, she was used to guys checking her out, but something about this guy was
“off.” First, there was the way he carried his drink with his arms folded across
his chest. Then when he came over to the bar, she knew he was going to speak
to her, but even then he looked nervous as he rubbed his face and scratched
the back of his head.
* * *
Towards the end of the night, Larry saw a man walk up to Rachel and
introduce himself. Rachel flashed the man a big, warm smile and the two of
them were soon locked in conversation. Nothing to worry about, Larry
thought. It’s only Brad, Mike’s friend from college. Whenever Larry saw
Brad he rarely smiled or looked happy. He even looked bored as he stood
there talking to Rachel. That’s definitely nothing to worry about, Larry
reassured himself. There’s no way Rachel could fall for a broody, miserable
guy like that.
* * *
Meanwhile, on the other side of the pool, Rachel couldn’t take her eyes off
Brad. She had noticed him about an hour ago when he first arrived, and
something about the way he moved caught her attention. Maybe it was the
way he strolled by the pool without a care in the world, his drink held loosely
at his side with his jacket slung over his shoulder. Rachel couldn’t understand
what it was about him that she found so attractive. He wasn’t that handsome,
at least not in a conventional way, but there was something about him that
drew her in. For one, he oozed confidence. He wasn’t trying to fit in, he was
just being himself. He appeared relaxed and mysterious all at the same time.
Rachel felt attracted to Brad the moment she saw him. And when Brad finally
introduced himself, Rachel knew she would find it difficult to resist this man.
His presence was intoxicating.

~•~
The master seducer knows how to use his body to project an aura of strength
and confidence at all times. He takes up space and maintains an expression
that challenges people to impress him. He rarely if ever smiles, and when he
does, it’s a rare and precious gift. The skilled seducer strolls through the
world at his own pace and never hurries or worries about a thing. His
movements are akin to those of a cat—loose, relaxed, and languid. The world
is there to serve him, not the other way around. It is this projection of attitude
that makes the alpha male so irresistible and attractive to women.


 ONLINE DATING
The goal of online dating is to get
offline as fast as possible.
— Ruth Webb

One of the main advantages of online dating is that it allows men to connect
with hundreds of women in a relatively short space of time. At no other time
in history has it been easier to connect with so many women so quickly. A
man with low self-esteem and almost no confidence can now interact with
more women in a single week than Casanova could expect to meet in his
entire life. Having unlimited access to women, however, doesn’t make the
seduction process any easier.
Before the birth of the Internet, a man had to go out and seduce women
face-to-face. He either failed in this endeavor or succeeded. In previous
generations, if you wanted to meet a woman and become intimate with her,
you had to summon a degree of courage to make this happen. The Internet
erases the initial fear and anxiety that comes with meeting women for the first
time. After all, how scary is it to talk to someone online? And how scary is it
to talk to someone who’s made it abundantly clear that they too are also
looking for romance and intimacy? Despite this, you mustn’t be lulled into
thinking that online dating is a problem free zone. There are, as you’re about
to discover, many problems to overcome when it comes to online dating.
When you meet women online, you bypass an important part of the
seduction process—the direct approach, a chance to display confidence and
strength. As a result, anytime you meet a woman online, a woman is going to
have lower levels of attraction for you than she would have if she had met you
in person as one question remains to be answered: are you capable of
seducing her without the help of the Internet? To answer this question, a
woman will undoubtedly test you to get a true measure of your strength.
In the world of online dating, you’re judged first and foremost by your
appearance. If you’re to have any success developing attraction online, you
must first learn to cultivate an attractive image. You can achieve this by
posting pictures that portray you in a strong, positive light. Indeed, first
impressions are so powerful, research published in the Personality & Social
Psychology Bulletin discovered that people can accurately predict the
personality of people they see for the first time, even in photographs.60
Qualities like extraversion, self-esteem, confidence, health, and emotional
stability can all be judged accurately simply by looking at a person’s
appearance.
CASE STUDY #10
APPEARANCES ARE EVERYTHING
Vanessa broke up with her ex around six months ago, and only now, after
going through a lot of emotional turmoil, did she feel ready to dip her toes
into the water and start dating again. Her friends were all dating men they’d
met online, and Vanessa thought the Internet would be a good place to start.
That was how she met Carl. After being online for only a couple of days,
Vanessa saw Carl’s profile and was instantly impressed. Carl looked confident
and sophisticated. And when they got around to chatting online, Vanessa
found him easy to talk to.
When Vanessa met Carl in person, however, she was instantly
disappointed. Where was the confident man she had met online? In the flesh,
Carl was neither funny nor charming. He was clearly out of shape, something
his profile pictures did well to conceal, and his elegant turn of phrase had
been replaced by the rambling stutter of a man who was insecure around
women. Even though Vanessa was attracted to Carl online, her impression of
him now was nothing short of disappointing.

~•~
It doesn’t matter how attractive your online profile is and how well you
communicate, if a woman isn’t attracted to you in person, there’s nothing you
can do to redeem the situation. One of the great perils of online dating is the
speed with which a man and a woman can become intimate in such a short
space of time; although this intimacy is often an illusion, as the woman soon
discovers that the “online” version of the man is nothing like the “real”
version.
Even if you’re confident and attractive, there’s still another problem that
must be overcome. When you become intimate with a woman online without
first meeting her in person, you unconsciously derail the seduction process.
Men often lament how they “talked to a girl for hours” or how “they became
so close online they both agreed not to meet and date other people.”
Unfortunately, theirs was a relationship built on nothing more than hope and
illusion. It’s only when you sit down face-to-face that the real seduction
begins.


 USE SOCIAL MEDIA
TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
Appearance rules the world.
— Frederick Schiller

Used the right way, social media can stimulate attraction and build intrigue;
used the wrong way, however, and social media has the potential to wreak
havoc and make you look desperate and weak. It’s for this reason that we
must examine social media—not just as a way to build attraction, but also as a
way to avoid killing attraction altogether. The dark side of social media is that
so much of it is ego driven. When a woman posts a picture of herself online,
men often assume that the best way to get her attention is to start liking all her
posts and pictures in return. In other words, they inadvertently become just
another “fanboy.”
A surprising number of men believe they can capture a woman’s interest by
liking all her social media updates. If building attraction were that easy, every
man would be having sex with the girl of his dreams. That’s not to say liking
a woman’s posts doesn’t have its place. Intermittently liking a woman’s posts
lets her know that you’re aware of her presence and that you might be
interested in her—might being the operative word here for doubt and
uncertainty are key factors when it comes to building attraction.
CASE STUDY #11
THE DANGERS OF SOCIAL MEDIA
When Laura found Jordan’s profile on social media, she couldn’t believe it—
Jordan had changed so much, she hardly recognized him. In high school,
Jordan had been a skinny, little kid; now he was a strong, handsome man.
After exchanging a couple of messages, Laura and Jordan both agreed they
should meet up in person. It wasn’t long, however, before Laura found herself
getting turned off by Jordan’s behavior. Every time she posted a picture or
comment, Jordan would always like it. It didn’t matter what she posted,
Jordan would always comment or like her post straight away. Laura didn’t
know why, but she began to feel like she was losing interest in Jordan. Why
was he so responsive to everything she did? His availability and high level of
interest reeked of desperation.
When Jordan tried to meet up with Laura the following weekend, Laura
told him she was busy and would be unavailable for the next couple of weeks.
And although Jordan was frustrated by Laura’s response, it didn’t stop him
from liking all her posts and updates on social media. Jordan believed that if
he continued to shower Laura with enough attention, she would soon come to
realize what an amazing guy he was.
What Jordan didn’t know was that Laura had also been checking out the
profile of another guy she’d met a couple of weeks ago (some guy called
Nick). Nick wasn’t that active on social media, but whenever he did post a
photo or comment, he was always doing something fun and interesting.
Usually, he was taking a trip, riding his bike, or going scuba diving. The more
Laura looked at Nick’s profile, the more she liked him.
Over the next couple of weeks, Laura found herself thinking more and
more about Nick. What kind of man was he? She had no idea. He only
occasionally liked her posts and he only messaged her if she reached out and
messaged him first. Nick was a complete mystery. But from what Laura could
see, he was definitely a fun and attractive guy to be around. Maybe I should
send him a message and ask him out on a date, Laura thought.

~•~
Researchers at the University of Alaska found that women are more attracted
to men who take “hunter-gatherer” type risks as opposed to stupid risks.61
Hunter-gatherer type risks include outdoor physical activities like mountain
biking, scuba diving, rock climbing, and extreme sports. The results of the
study found that women are more attracted to men who take risks similar to
those faced by our hunter-gatherer ancestors. In contrast, men who performed
what were considered “stupid risks” were found to be significantly less
attractive. A good example of a stupid risk would be handling dangerous
chemicals in an unsafe way, plagiarizing an academic paper, or stealing.
Additional research published in CyberPsychology & Behavior revealed
that social media is also most likely responsible for increased levels of
jealousy and suspicion in relationships.62 Because the nature of social media
is often ambiguous and open to interpretation, it often leads to high levels of
jealousy amongst both men and women. This knowledge, of course, can be
used to your advantage.
Creating artificial jealousy is often an effective way to capture a woman’s
attention and restore fading interest. If you want to introduce the element of
jealousy into your relationship, however, you must refrain from being too
overt and direct. Posting pictures on social media of yourself being intimate
with another woman will only instill resentment and throw up more problems
and resistance. Instead, it’s better to be seen pictured with attractive women as
opposed to being intimate with them. One picture with an attractive woman is
all you need to create a sense of anxiety and discomfort. A woman’s mind will
naturally gravitate towards feelings of jealousy, which, in turn, will lead her to
feel heightened levels of attraction for you.
It’s also worth noting that researchers at Texas Christian University
discovered that women find men more attractive when the man is pictured
with other attractive women (this can include attractive ex-girlfriends and
even strangers).63 This phenomenon, known as mate choice copying, builds
on the theory that men become more attractive when they’re chosen by other
attractive women. And even though attraction, in this case, is based on
nothing more than a mental shortcut, the impact of mate choice copying on
attraction mustn’t be overlooked.
If your goal is to build attraction, you should post as many high-status
pictures on social media as possible. A study published in the British Journal
of Psychology brought to light an interesting aspect of attraction.64 The study
revealed that men who posted pictures of themselves sitting in a Bentley
Continental were immediately seen as more attractive than men pictured in a
Ford Fiesta. Okay, no real surprise there. Yet another study published in the
Journal of Evolutionary Psychology found that men who had their picture
taken inside a luxury apartment were rated more attractive than the same men
pictured outside on the street.65 Women by nature are attracted to high-value
men. The expensive car, the luxury apartment, the lavish lifestyle all indicate
that a man is likely to possess high-value traits such as confidence,
intelligence, strength, and persistence.
You mustn’t assume that you have to rely solely on ostentatious displays of
wealth to build attraction on social media. You only need to make sure that
the pictures you post reflect a lifestyle that’s both appealing and attractive.
Pictures of physical activity, traveling, developing a business, and working on
a hobby are all pictures that communicate high-value. Another study that
explored the effect of social proof on attraction was carried out by researchers
at the University of California at San Diego.66 The study found that men and
women usually look better when photographed as part of a group.
When it comes to creating attraction, everything you post online should be
geared towards building value and status. Because human beings are social
creatures, you mustn’t forget the power of social proof and the role it plays in
attraction. One excellent form of social proof is preselection. So how exactly
does preselection work?
 A man walks into a bar by himself. The women in the bar look at the man
and think nothing of it—all they see is a man walking into the bar, he could
be anyone. Now imagine the same man walks into the same bar and this time
he has a beautiful woman on his arm. The other women see the man and their
reaction is now completely different. The man is no longer just a regular guy
who walked in off the street. What is it about this man that enabled him to
attract such a beautiful woman into his life? This is the power of social proof.
The man has already been preselected by a beautiful woman, the other women
in the bar see this and automatically assume the man has high-value.
In a similar way, when you walk past a restaurant and see a crowd of
people lined up outside, you are naturally inclined to wonder what’s so special
about that restaurant in particular. Most people will assume the food is
exceptional because so many people want to eat there. This, once again, is the
power of social proof. The Royal Society published an interesting study that
helps to explain the power of social proof in more detail. The study analyzed
how female participants would react to different pictures of a man and woman
(with the woman looking at the man with different facial expressions).67 In
the pictures, the woman’s facial expressions were either (a) smiling (b) bored,
or (c) neutral. The results of the study showed that the female participants
rated the man most attractive in those pictures where the woman was seen
“smiling” at the man.
Other studies evaluating the effect of social proof on attraction found
similar results. One such study published in the Journal of Social,
Evolutionary and Cultural Psychology explained how women are more likely
to be drawn to men who are already in a relationship, as opposed to men who
are single.68 Further research into this dark area of attraction revealed that
women only find men attractive in this situation if the man is dating an
attractive woman. In other words, if you’re seen walking around with plain
Jane, you’ll do nothing to inspire interest or raise your value.69
Social proof can be used to great effect on social media. And based on the
body of scientific research that already exists in this field, it’s safe to say that
men who are seen with attractive women immediately raise their value and
become more attractive as a result. Any time you raise your value to the point
where you’ve acquired a certain level of prestige and recognition (for
example, you’re seen with a beautiful woman, you’re a semi-celebrity, or
you’ve achieved recognition in a particular field or industry), you exhibit
social proof and value.
Even when you’re simply having a good time, hanging out with a group of
friends, you have an opportunity to display positive social proof based on the
fact that you’re socially aware and liked by your peers. Displaying social
proof is a great way to build attraction for human beings are nothing if not
social animals.


 TEXTING AND CALLING
I think what ruins relationships and
causes most fights is insecurity.
— Oscar Wilde

You live in an age where you can now contact a woman anytime, day or
night, without restriction, and without difficulty. In the history of mankind,
this has never before been possible—until now. Our ability to communicate
24/7 has made the dating game a whole lot easier, yet it’s also brought with it
a whole new set of problems. The first problem is that women no longer
exclusively use the phone as a way to communicate, the phone is now
frequently used as a psychological weapon. At no other time in history has it
been easier for women to test men and wreak havoc on their emotions.
Women know that if they can unsettle a man, there’s a good chance they’ll be
able to expose his insecurities and find out just how confident he really is.
This is why it’s so important to understand how to text and call a woman the
right way.
Ninety-five percent of men get a woman’s contact details and immediately
ask the woman out on a date. Yes, you want to ask her out, but not with your
first message. The first message you send to a woman should simply be a
“feeler message.” At this point, all you’re trying to do is figure out if the
woman is interested in you or not. Your first message to a woman should be
something simple along the lines of: “Hey, it was nice to meet you.” Nothing
more, nothing less. You’re not enquiring into how she’s doing or appearing
too interested at this point. As always, it’s important to cultivate an aura of
mystery and suspense.
Most men remain ignorant of the fact that longer messages only make them
look more responsive and thus more desperate. This does nothing to raise a
woman’s attraction or cultivate an aura of mystery. The same applies to
talking on the phone for hours on end. As with all areas of seduction, less is
more. There are, after all, only so many things you can say to a woman before
she knows everything about you. If you try to get too close to a woman too
soon, you run the risk of giving away too much information. You become a
known quantity; and while this brings with it the elements of safety and
security, it does nothing to build a sense of intrigue and fascination.
If a woman is interested in you, she’ll be in touch. You don’t raise a
woman’s attraction by sending her lots of messages and calling her on the
phone. To get a sense of whether a woman is interested in seeing you or not,
all you have to do is send her one message and wait for her to respond. No
response means she’s either not interested or she’s seeing someone else. If
you receive no reply from your initial message, there’s no point sending
another message in a desperate attempt to try and win her over.
Only when a woman responds to your initial message, should you respond
with some light-hearted banter before using this as an opportunity to ask her
out on a date. If, for whatever reason, a woman is unable to meet up with you,
it’s important to remain unaffected by her response. She might be genuinely
busy and unable to meet you even if she wants to. It is, however, easy to kill
attraction by handling resistance the wrong way. You might interpret a
woman’s initial resistance as a sign of rejection. This is the moment most men
become hyper-responsive, bombarding women with messages and phone calls
without waiting for a response.
The rules of attraction dictate that you should never display too much
interest in a woman too soon to preserve your value and create an aura of
mystery. One sure way to kill attraction is to send too many messages without
giving a woman enough time to respond. It’s essential that you allow a
woman the opportunity reach out to you after you send her a message. The
natural flow of a text conversation should resemble that of a face-to-face
conversation. In face-to-face conversation, a speaker who rambles without
letting the other person speak comes across as overbearing and tiresome.
If you send too many messages without giving a woman the chance to
respond, you’re telling the woman that you want her more than she wants
you, and that’s never a good foundation for attraction. Consider the following
text conversation between Stan and Diane:
Stan: Hey Di, it was great to meet you the other day. How are you?
(No response from Diane.)
Stan: Just finished work. Now on my way to the gym :)
Stan: What are you up to this evening?
Diane: Hey, super busy day. Need to workout myself.
Stan: Hope you have a great workout. What kind of workout are you doing?
Stan: I just did some weights and cardio.
Stan: Need to bust my stress. My day was crazy busy too!
(No response from Diane.)
 Stan: Let me know if you’d like to catch up over the weekend. If you’re
free? :)
In this situation, Diane might have been legitimately busy or she might
have been testing Stan. Either way, Stan failed to give Diane enough time to
respond. By sending seven messages to Diane’s one solitary message, Stan
displayed a weak, insecure side of himself that did nothing but lower Diane’s
attraction for him.
In the early stages of the relationship, it’s easy to fall into the trap of texting
a woman for hours on end. Resist this trap, for it offers few rewards. You
might feel an intense level of desire and comfort when you speak to a woman.
You might feel the need to express this desire when you communicate,
convinced that doing so will bring the two of you closer together and
strengthen the bond between you. Many good men have fallen into this trap
with disastrous consequences.
A study published in Psychological Science examined how women reacted
to men who expressed different types of feelings for them.70 In the study, the
women were asked to rate men in three different categories. In the first
category, the women were told the men “liked” them. In the second category,
the women were told the men had “no feelings” for them. And in the third
category, the women were told it was “unknown” how the men felt about
them. What was interesting about this study was that the women didn’t rate
the men who “liked” them as the most attractive; surprisingly, the women
rated the men whose feelings for them were “unknown” as the most attractive.
The study also revealed that the women found themselves thinking most often
about the men whose feelings were “unknown” as opposed to the men who
“liked” them or had “no feelings” for them at all. This study demonstrates that
uncertainty increases a woman’s attraction for a man. There’s no doubt the
more a woman thinks about you, the more likely she is to find you attractive
and desirable.
Equally interesting research published in the Journal of Experimental
Social Psychology examined the power of winning a lover over.71 The
participants in the study were asked to engage in a series of meetings. During
these meetings, each participant would “accidentally” overhear one of the
experimenters describe the participant in one of four ways: (1) all positive: (2)
all negative; (3) initially negative but becoming positive; or (4) initially
positive but becoming negative. It was predicted that the participants in the
study would like the experimenter more when the experimenter’s assessment
of them was “all positive.” What the researchers discovered, however, was
that the participants in the study liked the experimenter more when the
experimenter’s assessment of them was “initially negative but becoming
positive.” The findings of this study can just as easily apply to the world of
dating, where a woman is much more likely to find you desirable and
attractive if she has to win you over as opposed to knowing that you liked her
right from the start.
CASE STUDY #12
BE A CHALLENGE
Greg was attracted to Michelle the moment he saw her running on the
treadmill at the gym. After summoning the courage to ask her out, Greg and
Michelle soon started dating. Greg couldn’t believe his luck. Here was a
woman who was not only beautiful and smart, she was also in great shape and
had a body to die for.
Greg and Michelle had now been dating for three months, and the more
time they spent together, the more they liked each other. Greg had dated a lot
of women in the past, but Michelle stood head and shoulders above the rest.
Now, in his early forties, Greg was looking to settle down and start a family.
Every morning, Greg would start the day by sending Michelle a message
telling her how much he loved her and cared about her. Michelle loved this.
Greg was sweet, attractive, successful, and kind. In fact, he was just about the
kindest man Michelle had ever met. It was nice to feel loved and appreciated
for once, especially after having had so many bad relationships in the past.
Michelle loved how she could talk to Greg on the phone for hours, talking
about anything and everything. That is until one morning Greg sent Michelle
another “Rise and shine, I love you” message. For the first time in their
relationship, Michelle no longer felt the need to respond. She couldn’t explain
why she felt this way. When Michelle looked at Greg’s message, she felt
nothing. No need to panic, Michelle thought as she fired off a quick “Love
you too” in response. Greg had no idea that endlessly expressing his love and
devotion had slowly but surely killed Michelle’s attraction for him.

~•~
Talking too long on the phone, sending too many messages, initiating every
conversation, and expressing your love and devotion are all common traps
that men fall into. If your goal is to raise a woman’s attraction, you must learn
to project strength and value even when speaking and texting on the phone.
And although it’s your role as a man to initiate and chase a woman at the
beginning of the relationship, this doesn’t mean you should send a woman a
stream of messages if she doesn’t respond to you. All you have to do is send
one message, then give her enough time to respond. Whether it takes her a
minute to get back to you or a week is immaterial.
There will always be times when a woman goes cold and she decides to
ignore a man’s messages. The woman might be genuinely busy, she might be
in a bad mood, or she might be testing you. Whatever the reason, you must
wait for a woman to respond in her own time, even if this means walking
away until she gets back to you. If a woman takes an hour to respond, simply
mirror her response time. If she responds within five minutes, feel free to
respond in a similar timeframe. If a woman doesn’t get back to you for a day
or two, return the favor and respond the following day. Don’t feel as though
you have to respond straight away just because it’s the “nice” thing to do. And
don’t be afraid to make her wait. Just because it’s polite doesn’t mean it’s
right.
CASE STUDY #13
EXPOSING INSECURITIES
Kyle didn’t try to hide the fact that he was falling head-over-heels in love
with Anita. She was the sexiest girl he had ever dated; not only that, she was
easy-going and even easier to talk to. During the week, when Kyle and Anita
didn’t see each other, they would often spend hours talking to each other on
the phone.
One afternoon, Kyle sent Anita a message: “Hey, how’s your day going?”
Four hours later, Kyle was still waiting for Anita to respond. What’s going
on? Kyle thought. Has she lost interest in me? Kyle decided to send Anita
another message to find out what was going on.
* * *
Anita was driving to the gym when she saw Kyle’s message. She couldn’t
respond right there and then so she told herself she would get back to him
when she wasn’t driving. Anita drove to the gym then went to the
supermarket. It was a busy afternoon and she kept telling herself to send Kyle
a message as soon as she got home. When Anita got home three hours later,
she was exhausted and decided to jump in the shower then grab something to
eat. She reminded herself to call Kyle right after she finished dinner. When
Anita eventually got around to checking her phone, she saw a bunch of
missed calls and messages from Kyle.
Kyle: Hey, I guess you’ve been really busy this afternoon. What are you
doing?
Kyle: Just going out for dinner, want to join me?
Kyle: Is everything okay?
Kyle: What’s going on? Has something happened?
Kyle: Where are you?
Anita sighed with disappointment. She thought back to a time when she
had dated a guy called Will. Once, when she didn’t respond to Will for half a
day, she remembered how he had gone crazy and proceeded to blow-up her
phone. Without even realizing it, Kyle had just made a similar mistake. All
those messages seeking reassurance exposed a weakness Anita had seen
before in her ex-boyfriend, and she wouldn’t hesitate to dump Kyle if he
acted the same way.

~•~
Attraction grows in space, not in close proximity. If you want to raise a
woman’s attraction for you, you first need to get her thinking about you.
Being less responsive is one way to accomplish this. There’s a deep
underlying psychology when it comes to texting and calling women if you
want to build attraction. What you say, how you say it, how long your
messages are, how frequently you send messages, who initiates first, and how
fast you respond communicates either weakness or strength. When a man
immediately responds to a woman’s messages, the woman can’t help but feel
the man’s desperation. And what kind of man is desperate? The weak and
unattractive man.
Numerous psychological studies show that men who are highly responsive
are less attractive to women. A responsive behavior set is comprised of
behaviors that signal that a man “understands, values, and is willing to
support a woman and invest his resources into the relationship.” In other
words, he is prepared to become the ultimate provider both physically and
emotionally.72 Most men believe that acting this way is a good thing. They
assume the more supportive, understanding, and responsive they are the more
likely a woman is to find them attractive. And while it’s true that men find
responsive women attractive, women don’t feel the same way about
responsive men.
If there are any lessons to be learned from studies into attraction, it’s that
women aren’t attracted to nice guys. They’re attracted to men who project
strength and confidence. If you start with the fundamental truth that women
are attracted to strength in all its various forms and guises, it becomes a lot
easier to see why being a “nice guy” and why being responsive is so
unattractive. From a woman’s perspective, a responsive man is more likely to
be exploited by others. The responsive man also sends the signal that he’s
eager to please, has a weaker character, and has fewer dating options.73
If you’re over responsive and too available, you communicate weakness. A
woman wants to know that she can have space without having to worry about
you getting upset or becoming clingy. Every human being wants freedom. If a
woman thinks you’ll try to restrict her freedom in any way, she’ll instinctively
pull away from you. It’s only in times of strife and uncertainty that problems
arise. You must never allow your fears and insecurities to derail what should
otherwise be a straightforward seduction. With this in mind, you must be
conscious of where you stand in the seduction process and how fast you
respond to women.
When a woman sends you messages, you must be acutely aware of how
long her messages are, and also how long your messages are in response. If a
woman sends you short, abrupt messages, her current level of attraction for
you is low. Never make the mistake of responding to short messages with an
overly long response. If, for whatever reason, a woman sends you short
messages, which indicate a severe lack of interest, simply delay your response
time, replicating a similar lack of interest. Alternatively, sending no message
at all is often the perfect way to allow a sense of anxiety to creep into the
woman’s mind and grab her attention. One of the main drawbacks to modern
technology is that it’s now easier than ever for women to test men. Be aware
that technology can be used to project strength and it can also be used to
expose weakness—which response will you choose?


 SETTING DATES
Genius is patience.
— Isaac Newton

If a woman is attracted to you and wants to see you, setting a date to meet in
person is easy. Logistics, however, are a significant part of the seduction
process. Yet the importance of logistics is often overlooked. It doesn’t matter
if a woman is attracted to you or not, if she can’t see you because you live too
far away, or because your work schedule conflicts with her work schedule, it
will be impossible to take the seduction to the next level.
FIRST DATES
If you live relatively close to a woman, meeting up during a weekday evening
is often the most convenient and least threatening time to meet up. In this
situation, it’s always better to push for a date on a weekday evening, which
comes with a natural time constraint built in, as opposed to a weekend date,
which carries with it the weight of expectation. A woman’s weekend is often
reserved for close friends and family.
If a woman lives far away, you’ll have no choice but to see her on the
weekend. In this situation, there’s no point sending a woman a message early
on in the week, trying to set a date for the weekend. Instead, you must give
her time to think about you. If you’re too available, you become boring and
predictable. The unattractive man, in a moment of desperation, rushes to set a
date, scaring the woman away in the process. The skilled seducer, on the other
hand, isn’t afraid to wait and bide his time for the perfect moment. He
understands that waiting will prime a woman and make her even more excited
to see him.
FOLLOW-UP DATES
After you’ve had one or two successful dates with a woman, don’t be in a
rush to see her again too soon. Patience is a virtue. You must give a woman
time to miss you. As a man, it’s natural to want immediate gratification. We
want to have sex as fast as possible. We want love and affection straight away.
In short, we want to have our cake and eat it. Nonetheless, if you rush the
seduction process you’re telling a woman that you don’t have control over
yourself and your emotions.
The seduction process is, in many ways, like going fishing. You hook a fish
and the fish starts to struggle. The more the fish struggles, the more tired it
gets. You now have an opportunity to land the fish, but you must be careful. If
you’re impatient at this point, there’s a good chance you’ll snap the line and
the fish will get away. As you draw the fish closer, you must remember to
occasionally let the line go slack and allow the fish to pull away from you.
Women are in many ways similar to fish. If you try to draw a woman in too
soon, there’s a good chance you’ll scare her away. You must allow a woman
to pull away from you, then come back when she’s ready. If you try to set a
date too soon, you risk snapping the line and losing the woman forever.


 WHEN SHE FLAKES AND CANCELS DATES
There are no desperate situations,
only desperate people.
— Heinz Guderian

There’s nothing more frustrating than having a date setup only for a woman
to flake and cancel at the last minute. To better understand why women flake
and cancel dates, it’s important to get inside a woman’s head and understand
the female mindset. When a man meets a woman for the first time, he’s
usually struck by the visual. He’s intoxicated by the woman’s appearance and
can’t stop thinking about her. The same, however, cannot be said of women.
When a woman and man meet for the first time, the man is instantly attracted
to the woman and curious to get to know more about her. The woman is also
curious about the man too and would like to get to know more about him, but
not with the same speed and level of intensity.
Before they part ways, the man and woman exchange numbers and express
a mutual desire to meet up in the not too distant future. The man goes home
and starts to think obsessively about the woman, wondering if he’ll ever see
her again. The man is driven, first and foremost, by his biological need to
have sex. This life force, or sexual energy, is what drives a man to go out into
the world to meet, date, and have sex with women. In contrast, women aren’t
propelled by the same life force to go out into the world and have sex in the
same way that men are. This is why it’s so much easier for women to be
patient in the early stages of a relationship. Before we look at how to handle
flaky behavior, it’s important to examine the main reasons why women flake
and cancel dates.
SHE’S NOT FEELING IT
She might be having a bad day. She might have had an argument with her best
friend. She might be feeling stressed out from work. It’s not that the woman
wasn’t feeling good vibes about you, or that she won’t feel good vibes about
you in the future, but right now, she isn’t in the mood to see you or anyone
else for that matter. That’s not to say she won’t change her mind. A woman’s
emotions are never static, and her mood can easily change from happy to sad
and back again all within the space of an hour.
SHE’S IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE
Yes, a woman might give you her phone number and flirt with you even if
she’s already in a relationship with someone else. She might even be flattered
by your attention. That doesn’t mean to say that she’s open to dating you and
taking things further. If a woman’s already in love with someone else, nothing
you do or say will convince her to throw her current relationship away.
SHE’S LOOKING FOR VALIDATION
Women love getting validation from men because it feeds their ego and makes
them feel sexy and beautiful. The man who engages in extended online/phone
conversations that lead nowhere does nothing but feed a woman’s ego and
desire for validation. A woman might give you her contact details, not
because she’s interested in having a relationship with you, but because she
wants to feel validated and desired. Your interest makes her feel attractive,
that’s all.
SHE HAS A GENUINE REASON
If a woman is on her period, is sick, is under a deadline, or another
unexpected problem has occurred, don’t be surprised if she flakes on you. It’s
not that she doesn’t want to see you, she does. She just has a genuine reason
why she can’t see you right now. If a woman genuinely wants to see you,
she’ll get back to you and let you know when she’s available at another time
and date that’s more convenient.
SHE’S TESTING YOU
When a woman tests you, she’s looking for visible signs of weakness. Flaking
is an easy way to test men for weakness because flaking usually elicits an
emotional response, causing most men to respond with anger, frustration, or
panic. This tells the woman that the man is overly invested in her before he’s
even got to know her. This is a red flag to women. When a woman’s testing
you, it’s important to remain calm and unaffected by a woman’s flaky
behavior. Expect women to flake and don’t be surprised when it happens.
CASE STUDY #14
FLAKY BEHAVIOR
Miguel was at a bar with some friends when he accidentally knocked into
Mary. Instead of getting angry, Mary smiled and playfully punched Miguel on
the arm. Miguel insisted on buying Mary a drink and they hit it off straight
away. For the next two hours, Miguel and Mary stood in a corner of the bar,
talking about everything from music to sport. After that night, Miguel was
hooked. He couldn’t stop thinking about Mary. Their attraction was so strong,
they both agreed they should catch up over the weekend.
 On Friday morning, Miguel sent Mary a message to make sure their date
was still on. When Mary got back to Miguel, however, it wasn’t the kind of
message he was expecting. Miguel blinked several times as he re-read Mary’s
message: “Hey, I’m really sorry, but I don’t think I can make it this weekend.
Got so many things to catch up on.”
Miguel felt a surge of anger and frustration. He squeezed his phone, then
typed out a reply, trying his best to stay calm: “No problem. Let’s catch up
this evening.”
“I’m really sorry. I can’t this weekend. Maybe next week,” Mary replied.
Miguel’s blood began to boil. He had seen flaky behavior before and he
wasn’t going to let Mary disrespect him this way. Miguel fired off another
message: “You know when you arrange to meet someone it’s rude to cancel.”
For the next hour, there was nothing but silence. Miguel decided to send
Mary another message to try and fix the situation: “Hey, I just wanted to say
I’m sorry I was angry before. I’m not angry at you. I was just disappointed
because I really wanted to see you. Let me know when you’re free and we can
catch up.”
Miguel never heard back from Mary. His initial frustration and high level
of emotional investment had turned Mary off and killed what little desire she
had for him.
* * *
Almost a year ago to the day, Mary had been shopping at a new department
store downtown when Jeff introduced himself. Jeff had asked for her number,
and over the course of the following week, they both agreed to meet up on
Saturday afternoon.
Jeff waited until Saturday morning before sending Mary a message: “Hey,
can meet at 7 pm?”
About twenty minutes later, Mary responded with a similar message to the
one she would later send Miguel: “Hey, I’m really sorry but I can’t make it
this weekend. I’m really busy, maybe next week.”
Jeff didn’t even bother to respond. As Mary waited for a response, she
began to feel more and more anxious.
By late Saturday afternoon, Mary got the sense that Jeff wasn’t going to get
back to her. She bit her lip. Maybe if I don’t see him tonight I’ll never see him
again, she thought as she reached into her bag and pulled out her phone.
 Jeff’s phoned buzzed. He looked down and saw a message from Mary:
“Hey, looks like I can make it after all. Still on for 7?”

~•~
The first time a woman flakes, a simple message saying: “No problem, let me
know when you’re free” should suffice. For added punch, you can also
reference something you both previously talked about or a shared topic of
interest. For example, if a woman told you she was obsessed with yoga, you
could respond with a message that references your past conversation about
yoga. When you reference a topic or shared interest, you bring the woman
back to the moment when she first met you. The woman remembers why she
liked you and why she gave you her number in the first place.
If a woman flakes more than twice, you must walk away from her and
never contact her again unless she reaches out first. This also lets the woman
know that you aren’t going to chase her because you don’t care if you see her
or not. Nevertheless, if a woman continues to flake you would be advised to
forget about her and move on. The reason why she flaked isn’t so important,
what is important is that the woman has shown through her actions that, for
whatever reason, she’s unwilling to meet you. A woman should always be
judged by her actions, not her words.
Going no contact often fixes flaky behavior as it lets a woman know that
you’re not desperate and you have options with women. Furthermore, if a
woman’s testing you, going no contact will guarantee you pass her test with
flying colors. On the other hand, if a woman’s only looking for validation,
going no contact lets her know that you aren’t going to be there to feed her
ego and give her the same validation that she gets from every other guy.


 GOING NO CONTACT
The silence is deafening.
— Unknown

If a woman’s interest level is currently low and you sense her pulling away
from you, going no contact is one of the most effective ways to restore
interest. If you’re always the first to initiate contact and reach out in
relationships, there’s a good chance you’re killing attraction. You’re neither a
mystery nor a challenge. Indeed, it’s only when a woman feels a degree of
uncertainty and anxiety that she starts to focus on a man and think more about
him.
Research conducted at the University of Virginia came to the conclusion
that men are rated as much more attractive and desirable when there’s a
degree of uncertainty and anxiety in the relationship.74 And while you might
hold the position that it’s mean or rude to go no contact on a woman—that
somehow you might hurt her feelings—you must focus on what works as
opposed to what’s nice if you want to build attraction. Going no contact is one
of the best ways to get a woman focused on you and restore fading interest.
Nevertheless, when you go no contact on a woman, you must expect a
degree of resistance. She might try to make you feel guilty for pulling away.
She might berate you for ignoring her messages and threaten to cut you off.
She might even play the innocent victim. In all these situations, you must
never apologize for your behavior, for doing so would only ruin the seduction.
A simple shrug of the shoulders accompanied by an “I’ve been busy” attitude
is all that’s required to diffuse the situation. And although this might sound
Machiavellian, such is the nature of human attraction. Women who cry foul
and deride men for “playing games” are simply infuriated that men now have
the ability to neutralize a woman’s long-held psychological advantage.
You must ensure, however, that you don’t go no contact in a passive-
aggressive way. Going no contact means a woman must reach out to you first.
It might take an hour, it might take a day, it might take a week, it might even
take a month. Regardless how long it takes, you must wait for a woman to get
in touch with you first before you send her any more messages. When a
woman reaches out to you, she’s letting you know that she misses you and
she’s thinking about you. You must use this opportunity to establish rapport
and ask her out on a date. It’s that simple. Remember, seduction should be
easy and never too complicated. The moment you feel a woman pull away
from you, simply mirror her behavior and allow her space by going no
contact. If you have the strength and confidence to give a woman space, she’ll
come back to you every time.


 STOP APOLOGIZING
A man is sorry to be honest for nothing.
— Ovid

Research into conflict resolution has found that apologies are often
accompanied by a loss of face and a loss of respect and status. A study
published in the European Journal of Social Psychology found that people
who refuse to apologize often feel better about themselves and have a greater
sense of control over situations.75 This doesn’t mean you should never
apologize under any circumstance. If you’ve lied, cheated, or caused some
other misdemeanor, it’s okay to apologize once and let a woman know it
wasn’t your intention to hurt her. In situations like this, it’s always better to
say, “I apologize” as opposed to “I’m sorry” as saying sorry makes a person
appear more vulnerable compared to the less contrite “I apologize.” If a
woman still doesn’t accept your apology, and she continues to call you a
“cheater,” “untrustworthy,” or a “liar” you must respond with indifference to
prevent the situation from spiraling out of control.
In the realm of attraction, it’s not a crime to cheat, lie, and break promises.
It is, however, a crime to repeatedly apologize for mistakes that were—rightly
or wrongly—made in the past. If you assume the mantle of the eternal
apologist, you’ll not only pay the price for your transgressions now, but you’ll
continue to pay the price for your transgressions well into the future. Research
into conflict resolution found that people who apologize on a frequent basis
are more likely to be punished because their apology is seen as an admission
of guilt.75
One key factor that must be considered is the way women perceive men
who apologize. The apologetic man is considered weak and untrustworthy. If
you cheat, or lie, or commit some other delightful sin, you must own your
behavior and act without apology. A woman will only punish you for as long
as you allow yourself to be punished. The moment you adopt a “get over it
and move on” attitude is the moment a woman loses her ability to punish you.
She can no longer make you feel guilt or remorse. Her attack is rendered
useless, a senseless act of futility that serves no purpose other than to
strengthen your position and make her look foolish.


 PART THREE
BUILD ATTRACTION
Pursuit and seduction are the essence of
sexuality. It’s part of the sizzle.
— Camille Paglia

Boy meets girl. Boy courts girl. Boy and girl have sex. This is the natural
flow of the seduction process. At any point in time, however, the seduction
process can be derailed, leading to the death of attraction and a failure to
copulate. If you take a moment to analyze the seduction process in more
detail, you’ll discover that the seduction process can be broken down into two
distinct stages: “first contact” and “the chase.”
STAGE ONE: FIRST CONTACT
At a basic level, the natural seduction process is easy to follow. All you have
to do is meet a woman you like, create attraction, then consummate the
relationship. It should be noted, however, that just because you get a woman’s
number doesn’t mean the seduction will move forward without resistance;
instead, getting a woman’s number simply allows you to test the waters and
see if she’s open to being seduced. The moment you establish contact with a
woman is the moment you get a sense of where she’s at and whether or not
she finds you attractive. This is the point where you begin to feel a woman
out and get a sense of her baseline rate of attraction. Keep in mind, not all
women are going to feel the same way about you right from the start. As the
saying goes: 30 percent will love you, 30 percent will like you, and 30 percent
will be indifferent towards you.
STAGE TWO: THE CHASE
The second stage of the seduction process, which is all about creating
attraction and elevating a woman’s desire for you is the most crucial stage of
the seduction process. This is the stage where most relationship problems
arise and the point where most women pull away and go cold for no apparent
reason. It’s at this stage that attraction either thrives or dies. At this stage of
the seduction process, you’re attempting to seduce a woman, and she’s
deciding whether or not she’s going to allow you to seduce her or not.
At the beginning of the relationship, the man usually pursues the woman.
This is the natural way of things, and you must ensure you strike a delicate
balance between pursuing too much and showing just the right amount of
desire. You must be proactive and bold without appearing desperate. By this
stage, if everything goes well the woman will start to warm up to you. Once
you sense a change in her behavior and notice that the woman is becoming
more responsive, you must back off and allow her to chase to you.
One of the biggest mistakes men make is to come across as overly
desperate in the early stages of the relationship, bombarding women with
messages and phone calls as they try to chase the woman into commitment.
Men who do this are fearful that if they wait too long, another man will
swoop in and steal the woman away. These men often roll out the same tired,
old phrases: “I’ve never felt this way about a girl before” and “I think I might
be falling in love with you” followed by the inevitable “When are you free?
Anytime is good for me.” And while these emotional expressions might
appear romantic on the surface, all they really do is communicate weakness
and desperation. Building attraction is like building a house. If you want to
build a house that’s strong and stable, you must first lay the right foundations.


 NEVER RUSH THE
SEDUCTION PROCESS
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
— Alexander Pope

In the grand cathedral that is your relationship, you must consider how you
construct your temple. Do you build your temple like a cage to trap a woman?
Or do you let a woman construct her temple around you, knowing full well
that no matter what she does, she can never own you for you’re a man who’s
born free and will remain free until the day you die.
CASE STUDY #15
‘TIL LOVE DO US PART
Vanessa and Eric couldn’t keep their hands off each other. The sex was
fantastic and their relationship was full of excitement and passion. Vanessa
could tell Eric was infatuated with her, and it was intoxicating to be around
someone who found her so attractive. Nevertheless, Vanessa was surprised to
hear Eric confess his love only a month into the relationship. Eric said he
couldn’t imagine living without her and he was ready to settle down with
someone he truly loved. This was music to Vanessa’s ears. Her ex-boyfriends
had all been horrible, selfish men who only cared about themselves. Now,
finally, here was a man who genuinely loved her and wanted to be in a
committed relationship.
You can imagine Eric’s surprise when a couple of weeks later Vanessa told
him she needed space. Confused, Eric fell into a blind panic. Why was
Vanessa pulling away from him now when all he’d done was show her love
and devotion? Something wasn’t right. When Eric confronted Vanessa, she
apologized for pulling away. She told Eric it wasn’t his fault. “You’re a great
guy and you deserve to be with a woman who loves you and respects you.”
Overcome with emotion, Eric began to tear up. “But we’re so great
together,” Eric said.
“We were, we are… I don’t know what happened… I just need some time
to myself,” Vanessa replied. And she wasn’t lying. Vanessa genuinely didn’t
know why she had lost attraction for Eric. She couldn’t understand her
feelings and was at an utter loss to explain what was going on. All she knew
was that she needed space and needed time to herself.
 In reality, Eric had slowly killed attraction by continually expressing his
desire to be in a committed relationship. This told Vanessa that Eric wanted
the relationship more than she did. After a couple of weeks, Vanessa started to
realize that Eric was fundamentally weak and relationship focused. He was
the polar opposite of what a confident man should be. Vanessa knew strength
when she saw it and Eric was anything but strong.

~•~
At the start of a blossoming romance, it’s easy to get swept away by your
emotions only to realize later that the relationship is moving too fast. It must
be the man’s fault, the woman reasons, for only a weak man would allow
himself to be ensnared so quickly with such little resistance. When a woman
comes to realize that the man is the one who’s always expressing his love and
devotion, alarm bells start ringing. You’re the one who’s always reaching out
to her, seeking warmth and comfort in her embrace. Once, twice, and it barely
registers. But slowly, over time the message couldn’t be clearer: you care
more; you need her more; and as a result, she comes to the sudden realization
that you want the relationship more than she does. This is the primary reason
why you must never rush the seduction process.



 NEVER INVEST
TOO MUCH TOO SOON
Never commit all to one boat.
— Latin Proverb

In the early stages of a relationship, dating should be simple and relaxed. A

date shouldn’t be expensive and it shouldn’t require excessive planning. You
don’t need to think about taking a woman to an overpriced restaurant, in the
same way you don’t need to plan an expensive trip to Paris to win her over.
Spend too much money too soon and a woman will wonder why you’re trying
so hard to impress her. The unattractive man feels the need to impress; the
attractive man knows his presence is enough.
CASE STUDY #16
THE PERILS OF OVER INVESTING
Ted was at a rock concert when he saw Lauren for the first time. She was
standing with her eyes closed, swaying to the music in a tight-fitting black
dress. As soon as the concert finished, Ted rushed over to Lauren and
introduced himself. After some light chitchat, they exchanged numbers and
went their separate ways.
For the next couple of weeks, Ted texted Lauren on a daily basis. But it
didn’t matter how much he texted her, he found it impossible to get her out on
a date. Frustrated by Lauren’s resistance, Ted decided to go all out and invite
Lauren to an expensive restaurant for dinner. The restaurant had amazing city
views, and the cost of dinner was $200 per head. Lauren was delighted to get
Ted’s invitation. Without skipping a beat, she got on the phone and told her
best friend Lisa where she was going.
“Oh, I’m so jealous. Who are you going with?” Lisa asked.
“Just some guy, but he’s paying for it, so it’s all good,” Lauren replied.
Poor Ted. He had no idea that once their night of fine dining was over, he
would never see or hear from Lauren again. Lauren knew all too well that Ted
was only buying her dinner because he wanted to get into her pants, but
Lauren was too smart to fall for that old trick. In her mind, the plan was
simple—get the free dinner, take some pictures, then go home. After all, a
man like Ted was lucky to be graced by her presence. She was a beautiful,
elegant woman, and he thought he could buy her love? What a loser.
 ~•~
It’s logical to assume that women will appreciate you going the extra mile to
make them feel special; and on the surface, it’s true, a woman might
appreciate your initial effort to make her feel comfortable. Scratch a little
deeper, however, and you’ll soon discover that women are wary of men who
try too hard to impress them. Are you trying to buy her approval? Are you
trying to buy her love? In an effort to impress, a man might talk endlessly
about his achievements and why he’s such a great catch, all the while
forgetting—less is more.
Why are movies and TV shows so popular? Why are people willing to sit
in suspense hour after hour to find out how their favorite TV show will end?
People are curious by nature, and no one is more curious than a woman.
Women crave suspense and “not knowing” drives them wild. The man who
gives away too much too soon leaves no room to the imagination and offers
little in the way of mystery or suspense. He has given away the end of the
movie before its even begun.
The following scenario is played out time and time again: man meets
woman. Man begins to imagine all the great sex they’ll have together; he
imagines all the adventures and trips they’ll go on together; he even imagines
getting married and having children. One trait that is uniquely human is our
ability to perform wonderful feats of mental time travel, known as
chronesthesia. Chronesthesia is a term that refers to the human ability to
travel into the future and predict what might happen if we perform certain
actions. For example, you know that if you invest five dollars today, it might
be worth twenty dollars in the future. And you know that if you ask a girl out,
she might say yes or she might say no. Every time you predict a possible
future event, you’re performing an act of chronesthesia. One of the great
disadvantages of chronesthesia, however, is that people often imagine positive
future scenarios that lead them to invest too much of their emotions and time
into someone in an irrational way.
Research into mental time travel has discovered a strong connection
between mental disorders and chronesthesia.76 These mental disorders usually
occur when a person imagines too many negative future events that ultimately
lead to high levels of anxiety, depression, and neuroticism. The same damage
occurs when a person projects too many positive future events onto one
person only to discover later that these positive future events are unlikely to
come true.
 CASE STUDY #17
FAST LOVE IS CHEAP LOVE
Ray had just finished playing tennis when he met Lorraine, relaxing with a
gin and tonic in the clubhouse overlooking the courts. From day one, Ray and
Lorraine were drawn to each other. Ray couldn’t stop thinking about Lorraine.
She was sexy, funny, athletic, and sassy—she was everything he loved in a
woman. When Ray thought about Lorraine, he could already see their future
mapped out together: the big house, lots of kids, and fun-filled family
vacations in the Caribbean.
Last week, Ray and Lorraine had spent the entire weekend hanging out,
having sex, and watching their favorite TV show. It had been the perfect
weekend, and Ray couldn’t wait to do it all over again the following week.
For her part, Lorraine enjoyed Ray’s company; however, she couldn’t
shake the nagging feeling that Ray was way more into her than she was into
him. This became all the more apparent when Ray told her how much he had
enjoyed their weekend together, and that he couldn’t wait to see her again
soon.
On Monday afternoon, Ray reached out with another love-infused message:
“Hey, sweetheart. How’s your day?”
Lorraine cringed when she read the message. This was all happening too
fast, she had only just met the guy and he was already telling her how much
he missed her and was even calling her “sweetheart.” Lorraine grabbed her
phone and told Ray she was busy for the next couple of weeks. Little did Ray
know he would spend the next two years trying, without success, to get
Lorraine to see him again.

~•~
How much are you willing to invest in a woman? Are you willing to invest
100 percent of your emotions, 50 percent, 20 percent, or less than 10 percent?
When you invest 100 percent of your emotions into a woman, you
inadvertently lay the foundation for your own demise. The over-invested man
is only too willing to open his heart and give his love away. He lets a woman
know he’s there for her and is responsive to her needs and desires. On the
other hand, the man who chooses to hold back is more likely to win a woman
over and inspire feelings of attraction. The man who holds back doesn’t invest
too much too soon. Instead, he sets himself up as a challenge and becomes a
man whose love is hard to acquire.
 The wise man chooses to hold back his emotions in case the relationship
goes south, and he discovers that he’s dating a woman who’s either unstable,
incompatible, or unworthy of long-term emotional investment. By holding
back on your emotions, you automatically become more attractive because
you’re neither focused on the relationship or its outcome. You keep your
options open and you’re reluctant to give away your freedom and
independence because you value those things above all else. As research
published in the European Journal of Personality points out, if a woman has
to fight for a man’s love and attention, she’ll think more highly of him, value
him more, and think about him more frequently.91 How do you make yourself
more valuable? First, you must make your love a scarce resource—something
that’s hard to acquire. This all starts by refusing to invest too much of your
emotions into a woman too soon. Emotional investment in a relationship
should be a slow, gradual process. The attractive man holds back and never
gives his love away too easily.



 MAINTAIN MYSTERY
It is the dim haze of mystery that
adds enchantment to pursuit.
— Antoine Rivarol

When you first meet a woman, it’s tempting to open up and tell her as much
about yourself as possible. And while you might initially be rewarded for
your candid disclosure, you’ll inevitably be punished later on for having
given away too much information too soon. Instead, you must use the
elements of mystery and challenge to your advantage. If you spend countless
hours sending messages back and forth, texting and calling a woman, talking
about your life, your dreams, and what you had for dinner, you inadvertently
kill attraction by revealing too much information. When you over-
communicate, you not only risk revealing too much about yourself, you risk
killing attraction by being too available and responsive. Regardless of whether
or not you want to see a woman, it’s always advisable to keep the calls and
messages to a minimum. That doesn’t mean you must act cold and distant, but
it does mean you should be aware of the dangers of over communication.
In the early stages of a relationship, it’s important not to move too fast.
There’s a tendency to worry that if you don’t get a woman out on a date as
fast as possible, she’ll forget about you and move on. You must have enough
confidence in yourself to know that a woman won’t be able to forget about
you that easily.
CASE STUDY #18
AVAILABILITY VERSUS MYSTERY
Ingrid was a successful, attractive businesswoman in her mid-thirties. But
because Ingrid worked so much, she rarely, if ever, had a chance to socialize.
That was why she was so surprised when last week, at a trade show, she met
two attractive guys, Ken and Phil, within the space of an afternoon. Ingrid felt
a rush of excitement as she left the convention center. She had forgotten what
it felt like to feel wanted and desired—let alone wanted and desired by two
men at the same time.
On Sunday morning, Ingrid checked her phone and saw two messages: one
from Ken and one from Phil. Both men asked how she was doing, and Ingrid
responded by telling them that she was heading out of town on a business trip
for a couple of days.
 On Monday evening, Ingrid received another message from Ken. Ingrid
and Ken chatted for twenty minutes before Ken said good night.
On Tuesday morning, Ingrid received a message from Ken and a message
from Phil. Ken sent his customary “Good morning” message, while Phil
simply asked Ingrid how long she would be going away for. Ingrid responded
to both men before heading off to work.
That afternoon, Ingrid received another message from Ken. They
chitchatted for ten minutes before Ingrid told Ken she had to get back to
work.
Later that day, Ingrid received another message from Ken while she was in
the shower. Ken told her how much he was looking forward to seeing her
when she was back in town.
On Wednesday morning, Ingrid received a good morning message from
Ken and nothing from Phil. Ingrid had a quick conversation with Ken as she
lay in bed, wondering briefly, for a moment, if she would ever hear from Phil
again. Ken was a nice guy. He liked to share his day with her and seemed to
be genuinely interested in what was going on in her life. Phil, on the other
hand, gave the impression that he wasn’t all that interested in getting to know
her. That’s a shame, Ingrid thought, he was cute.
On Thursday morning, Ingrid woke up to the usual good morning message
from Ken. They chatted for about twenty minutes before Ken invited her out
for dinner on Saturday night. With no other plans, Ingrid said yes. As for Phil,
Ingrid hadn’t heard a peep from him since Tuesday. Ingrid wondered if she
would ever hear from him again, maybe he was just being polite when he
asked for her number.
On Friday, Ingrid received a couple more messages from Ken, no surprise
there. Ken told her again how much he was looking forward to seeing her on
the weekend. Then, on Friday afternoon, Ingrid received an unexpected
message from Phil, asking if she’d like to meet up for drinks on Saturday
evening.
Ingrid didn’t know what to say. Ken had already booked dinner for the two
of them. She couldn’t just cancel on him now, could she? Ingrid couldn’t put
her finger on it, but she had the feeling that if she didn’t see Phil on Saturday
she might never see him again. She also knew that if she canceled on Ken
they could easily reschedule to meet up another time later in the week. After
thinking it over for a couple of minutes, Ingrid decided to cancel her date with
Ken and meet Phil instead. And although both men were attractive, Ingrid’s
intuition told her that out of the two men, Phil was the more confident, high-
value option. Her intuition, in this case, turned out to be correct.

~•~
The compulsive need to reveal too much information about yourself and your
feelings must be repressed. How can a woman find you mysterious when she
knows exactly what you’re thinking on a day-to-day basis? Wearing your
heart on your sleeve and expressing your innermost feelings spoils intrigue
and crushes desire. Less is more. Less initial effort, less initial investment,
and less initial expenditure shows a woman that you’re not actively seeking a
relationship. This helps foster a more relaxed environment, an environment
that’s conducive to seduction. Instead of being relationship focused, you must
keep the conversation light and playful. Tease a woman, have fun, and never
take her or yourself too seriously. The more time you spend talking to a
woman, the more she gets to know you and the more comfortable and secure
she’ll feel in your presence. Your mission, however, is to remain slightly
unknowable and mysterious in the early stages of a relationship.
You should never allow a woman full access to your mind. The misguided
belief that you should share your innermost thoughts and feelings is an
illusion propagated by a tell her all your feelings and she’ll love you for it
culture. Many men have traveled this road before with disastrous
consequences. All too often I see men open their hearts only to see women
respond with a loss of attraction. How could this happen? What happened to
the wonderful connection they both shared? The next time you think about
opening up to a woman ask yourself this: what are you trying to achieve?
Sympathy? Understanding? Reassurance? A sense of closeness? If that’s the
case, you’d be better off seeking solace in friends and family, for self-
disclosure and attraction rarely go hand-in-hand. Men of mystery are
attractive because they understand that less is more and women need to be
challenged.

 EXPLOIT HER
WEAKNESS FOR WORDS
Words are of course the most powerful
drug used by mankind.
— Rudyard Kipling

A man and woman sit next to each other in a quiet bar. “Who’s the most
important person in your life right now?” the man says.
The woman thinks for a moment. “Person? Well, my parents, my family,
my friends, umm, the people close to me,” she says with a smile. “How about
you, who’s the most important person in your life?”
The man looks deep into the woman’s eyes and says only one word, “You.”
The woman flinches. “I might not see you again, but right now you’re here
with me and I’m here with you. You’re the most important person in my life
right now.” And with that the woman falls completely under the man’s spell.
Such is the power of words.
It’s not uncommon for a man to become weak and vulnerable in the
presence of a beautiful woman. Indeed, a woman’s beauty is her main asset.
And just as men have a weakness for beauty, women have a weakness for
words. Women, being primarily auditory creatures, are influenced more than
anything by what they hear as opposed to what they see. This is in sharp
contrast to men who tend to focus on what they see as opposed to what they
hear.
It doesn’t matter how far along in the seduction process you are, whether
you’re dating a girl for the first time or you’ve been dating her for years, the
way you communicate with women should always be light and relaxed.
Serious talk is anti-seductive and the death knell of attraction. Talking about
serious subjects (like business, the economy, and politics) does nothing to
stimulate attraction or inspire interest in women. If you feel the need to brag
about your achievements or about how great and successful you are, a woman
will sense your need to impress. The confident man doesn’t feel the need to
brag or talk about his achievements; instead, he lets his behavior and actions
speak for themselves.
When talking to women, it’s important not to overthink what you say. All
you have to do is remain relaxed and open to the fluidity that is human
conversation. A study published in the Journal of Personal Relationships
made headlines when it claimed that men who have strong storytelling
abilities are perceived to be more powerful, high status, and attractive to
women. This is particularly true when a woman is considering a man for a
long-term relationship.77 The study suggests that men who are good
storytellers can convey social intelligence in a way that demonstrates high-
status and value. However, strong storytelling ability was found to have no
effect on women who were looking for short-term relationships. Still, another
study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found
that men who were more prosocial and outgoing were rated more sexually
attractive compared to less prosocial men.78 The key to building attraction
with words, according to a study published in the Journal of Personal
Relationships, is to tell “fluid” stories packed with “lively vocabulary” as
opposed to telling stories that are boring, uninteresting, and highly detailed. In
other words, keep it interesting and never labor your point.
Men have a natural tendency to want to communicate logically. Women,
however, prefer to engage their emotions when they communicate. The ability
to talk about a variety of topics and explore deeper feelings is a significant
component of female communication. The man who engages his emotions
and feelings and “lets go” in conversation has a distinct and significant
advantage when it comes to building attraction. In fact, being able to talk
naturally about a wide variety of topics is a key marker of intelligence. You
don’t have to talk about intelligent topics or lace your conversations with
facts, but you do need to engage a woman’s emotions and speak about various
topics in a fluid and engaging way.
Studies show that engaging conversationalists are seen as more attractive
compared to dull, inhibited conversationalists who are viewed as not only less
attractive but less likable as well.79 There’s a reason why good
communicators find it easier to seduce women. They know how to talk and
what they say is never boring. The charming conversationalist has no qualms
talking about things that are controversial or politically incorrect. Men with
lively conversation styles usually live lives filled with adventure and risk.
Attractive men go out into the world and collect wonderful stories and
memories along the way. Their ability to regale a woman with their
adventures and use colorful language is simply a by-product of living a full
and interesting life, something that every man should aspire to.
Women fall for charming men, not because these men are necessarily
handsome or particularly successful, but because these men know how to use
words to their advantage. Men who can tell stories and amusing anecdotes
hold a significant advantage in the realm of seduction. Researchers at the
University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and SUNY Buffalo confirmed
this theory with a series of long-running experiments.80 The researchers
discovered that women were more attracted to men who had good storytelling
abilities compared to men who rarely told stories. Men who were able to
recount memorable experiences, anecdotes or stories were perceived as more
socially intelligent and desirable. Furthermore, the researchers found that a
man’s ability to use words skillfully to entertain and charm indicates that the
man was more likely to be popular and have good leadership potential. It
should be noted that using words to charm doesn’t require great skill or
unassailable talent. To charm a woman, all you have to do is engage her on a
wide variety of topics to elicit an emotional response. To strengthen the
connection between yourself and a woman, you mustn’t be afraid to show
your vulnerable side, if only for a moment.
No one likes to be around people who appear too perfect and in control all
the time. If you appear too perfect, you run the risk of alienating women as
well as the people around you. Instead, you must show occasional moments
of vulnerability by opening up and revealing small, intimate details about
your life. Moments of candid self-disclosure can also help to lower a woman’s
defenses. Still, you must remember not to reveal too much too soon. When
you disclose personal information, you must only let a woman catch a brief
glimpse of your soul before closing yourself back up again. Indeed, it’s been
found that brief moments of candid self-disclosure allow a woman to feel
greater levels of trust and comfort.81 If you aim to create a close connection
with a woman, there’s no better way to achieve this than to ask the occasional
penetrating question peppered with selective self-disclosure.
All humans have insecurities and frustrations that we must deal with on a
daily basis. Such is the nature of life. Your ability to show moments of
empathy tinged with vulnerability is an endearing quality in a harsh and
unforgiving world. If you truly want to connect with women, first you must
learn to relate to them through shared experience and emotion. This is one
reason why books and movies are such popular forms of entertainment.
Humans have an insatiable appetite for stories. Stories are the means by
which we relate to the world and the people around us. When communicating,
you must give a woman the chance to open up and talk about herself. Talking
about herself is, after all, a woman’s favorite topic. And the more a woman
talks about herself, the more you cultivate an aura of mystery. You listen to
her with intent and get to know her innermost thoughts. This, in turn, allows
you to connect with her on a deeper level. Yet still she knows almost nothing
about you. Who are you? What are you thinking? What do you want? Women
are curious by nature and the more information you withhold, the more
curious she becomes. And once you add flattery into the equation, the effect
becomes almost intoxicating.
Imagine for a moment that you’ve just been introduced to your friend’s
colleague Jim. A couple of days later, your friend tells you that Jim thought
you were “interesting” and “funny.” As a result, you can’t help but like Jim
even though you’ve only just met him. This is the power of the likability
effect. A group of researchers, investigating the likability effect, conducted a
study where two strangers were asked to have a conversation with each
other.82 One person was a participant while the other person was an actor
working for the researchers. After the participant and actor had finished their
conversation, they were asked to make a brief statement, rating the other
person. After making their statements, each person was then allowed to read
what the other person wrote about them. The results of the study showed that
when the actor rated the other person highly and said positive things about
them, the other person was more likely to feel the same way and “like” the
actor in response.
Women always find it hard to resist flattery and attention. The key is to find
something about the woman that you like and use it to your advantage. Is it
her hair, her smell, her clothes, or her general sense of style and elegance that
you find appealing? Whatever it is, don’t be afraid to vocalize it and let the
woman know what it is you like about her. When you tell a woman, in no
uncertain terms, that you’re attracted to her and find her desirable, you exploit
the power of the likability effect.
Flattery will get you everywhere, and a well-placed compliment can easily
disarm even the most challenging woman. The key, as always, is to keep a
woman off-balance and remain unpredictable. You should never shower a
woman with too many compliments; instead, you must hold back just enough
to allow an element of doubt to creep into the woman’s mind and make her
wonder whether or not you really do like her. Uncertainty, after all, is more
attractive than certainty.



 THE MAGIC OF TOUCH
Too often we underestimate
the power of touch.
— Leo Buscaglia

The moment we’re born, we crave touch. Touch has an almost intoxicating
effect on the human body. A woman runs her hand through your hair, then
softly touches your chest before kissing you. A bolt of electricity shoots down
your spine, and you feel wonderful as a wave of oxytocin courses through
your body. Touch expresses your intentions and desires in a way that words
cannot. There’s no need to tell a woman that you want to become intimate
with her. If you touch her the right way, she’ll know what you’re thinking.
Touch wields enormous power and influence. If you ask someone to do
something for you and touch the person at the same time, that person is much
more likely to comply with your request. Studies into influence and touch
have confirmed this finding. One study found that a man who asked a woman
for her phone number and followed his request with a light touch on the arm
was much more likely to gain compliance from the woman and get her phone
number. Another interesting study examined what would happen when a man
asked a woman to dance in a nightclub. The study found that the man’s
request was more likely to be accepted if the man touched the woman on the
arm for one or two seconds before asking her to dance.83 The implications of
this study are far-reaching and powerful. What is it about touch that increases
a woman’s compliance? In both of these experiments, after the woman
complied with the man’s request to either “get her phone number” or “dance,”
the woman was asked to fill out a survey to explain her feelings during the
experiment. The women explained that they felt as though the man who
touched her was more confident, and as a result, they felt more inclined to
comply with his request.
Further research into this phenomenon has found that touch creates feelings
of attraction in both men and women.84 Not only does touch build attraction,
touch also makes a woman’s heart beat faster and leads to increased feelings
of desire, especially when accompanied by eye contact.85 Only one question
remains: are you bold enough and confident enough to touch a woman the
right way?
Touch a woman the right way and you pour rocket fuel on the flames of
attraction; touch her the wrong way, however, and there’s a good chance
you’ll turn her off and she’ll lose attraction for you. In the same way, if you
touch a woman too frequently and too soon, you run the risk of smothering
the woman and making her feel uncomfortable. The same applies if your
touch is clumsy.
A lack of finesse will make you look uncertain and unsure of yourself.
When you touch a woman, you must touch her with confidence and boldness.
You must reach out to her and commit to the touch. Allow her to feel you, if
only for a brief second, before pulling away.
With this in mind, when you first start dating a woman, there’s no need to
be distant. Hug a woman. Embrace her. Allow her to feel you because your
touch sets the tone for the rest of the encounter. If you sit beside a woman
while watching a movie, lean in and touch her on the arm whenever you say
something. The same applies if you go for dinner or go out for drinks. Sit
beside your date and position yourself so your hand can brush up against her
hand. Don’t attempt to kiss a woman in public or smother her with excessive
touching. Doing so will only ruin the seduction and build resistance.
Your goal, as with all seductions, is to be patient and build the fire of
attraction into a raging inferno. When you touch a woman’s hand, forearm,
shoulder or back, you put her at ease and give her a sense of comfort. Even if
she pulls away from you or tells you that you’re moving too fast, the fact that
she’s still with you shows that she wants you to keep trying. There will be
occasions when you touch a woman and she doesn’t respond. She might even
cross her arms and physically pull away from you. Expect a degree of
resistance, especially early on, but don’t let it stop you from pushing for
intimacy.
A woman will never punish you for trying to have sex with her. She’ll only
punish you if you apologize for your actions. Going back on your actions is a
form of weakness and a huge turn-off to women. As a man, you must be bold
and push for physical intimacy, even if you encounter resistance—resistance,
after all, is simply a woman’s way of testing you.
CASE STUDY #19
NEVER SEEK A WOMAN’S TOUCH
Alex and Grace had been together for almost six blissful months when one
day, while walking down the street, Grace unexpectedly pulled away from
Alex and let go of his hand. Alex immediately felt unsettled and anxious.
Why’s she pulling away from me? he thought. Have I done something wrong?
“Are you okay?” Alex asked.
 “I’m fine,” Grace replied as she continued to walk beside him with her
arms folded across her chest.
* * *
Later that week, Alex and Grace were sitting on the couch, watching TV, with
their arms wrapped around each other when Grace suddenly pulled away from
Alex and moved over to the far side of the couch.
“You okay?” Alex asked, an edge of anxiety creeping into his voice.
“Uh-huh,” Grace muttered, staring at the TV.
“You’re not getting away that easy,” Alex said as he shuffled over towards
Grace and wrapped his arms around her, holding her firmly from behind.
Grace immediately stiffened and pulled away. “What is it, what’s wrong?”
“Why do you have to touch me all the time?” Grace said.
“I’m not.”
“What’s wrong with you?” Grace snapped. “Why are you so clingy?”
“I’m not clingy, why do you keep pulling away from me?” Alex said as a
well of emotion built up inside him.
“Wait, oh my God. Are you crying?”
“No.”
“You are.” Alex turned his head, but it was too late. Grace had already seen
the tears. “Stop being so sensitive,” Grace said.
“I’m not,” Alex shot back.
Grace got up from the couch and grabbed her keys off the table. “God,
you’re acting like a woman. It’s so unattractive.”

~•~
There will be moments in a relationship when a woman purposefully holds
back, making it a point to introduce distance between the two of you. She
neither reaches for you nor welcomes your touch. This has the effect of
bringing a certain level of tension and anxiety into the relationship. Why
doesn’t she want to touch me, is she pulling away from me? the man thinks.
And with that, the man reaches out to try and close the distance, wondering
all along why the woman doesn’t want to touch him and why she’s being so
cold?
There are many reasons why a woman might act this way. She might be
testing you to see how you’ll react. Will you feel uncomfortable and insecure
or will you remain strong and unaffected by her withdrawal? At other times,
she might simply be asking for space. In both situations, you must let a
woman pull away from you without feeling the need to reach out and seek her
touch.
At this stage, it’s important to distinguish between two different types of
touch. Brief touching on the arm, shoulder, and back is closely aligned with
flirtatious, non-needy playful behavior. On the other hand, holding a woman’s
hand, hugging, and embracing is more closely aligned with needy, clingy
behavior. Initiate the second type of touch too frequently and the woman will
come to think that you need her more than she needs you. Once this
realization sets in, the woman’s attraction for you will inevitably fade.
Research published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin
observed that women rated men who displayed traits of neediness and
insecurity as extremely unattractive.86 How can a woman trust you when all
she has to do is withdraw her touch to upset you? The secure and confident
man never seeks a woman’s touch for comfort or validation.
CASE STUDY #20
TOO TIMID TO TOUCH
Sarah, an elegant woman in her mid-thirties, was talking to two men, Richard
and Joe, at the same time. It was Richard, however, who made the first move,
inviting Sarah out for coffee over the weekend. When Sarah and Richard
started talking to each other they were both struck by how much they had in
common. For one, they had both graduated from the same college. They also
loved the same kind of movies and the same kind of music. Sarah had a great
feeling about Richard. He was the perfect gentleman. He didn’t try to touch
her or come on too strong. Instead, he appeared to be genuinely interested in
who she was and what she had to say.
A couple of days later, Sarah accepted Joe’s invitation to go out for dinner.
The moment Joe picked her up, Sarah was taken aback by his brash behavior.
Right from the start, Joe came across as selfish and self-centered. Sarah didn’t
care for his manners either. When they got to the restaurant, she noted with
dismay that Joe never once said “please” or “thank you” to the wait staff. To
make matters worse, Joe didn’t even seem that interested in anything she had
to say, and he even openly disagreed with her on several occasions. Sarah
didn’t like his attitude. But despite the many red flags, there was something
about Joe that intrigued her. Yes, he was rude and arrogant, that was true. But
he was also interesting. He flirted like crazy and didn’t hesitate when it came
to touching her.
When she got home, Sarah felt confused. She had nothing in common with
Joe, but she’d still enjoyed their time together. When Richard called to
schedule another date, Sarah was surprised to discover that she no longer had
any interest in seeing him. Richard seemed so flat and lifeless in comparison
to Joe. Asshole or not, Joe was exciting and fun to be around. For better or
worse, he was exactly the type of guy Sarah found attractive.
* * *
Why did Sarah choose Joe over Richard? The answer, again, comes down to
attraction. Sarah felt a greater level of attraction for Joe compared to Richard.
Joe’s body language and actions were bolder and more confident. He wasn’t
afraid to call her out and disagree with her. And he wasn’t afraid to signal his
interest by touching her. This was in stark contrast to Richard who came
across as timid and shy in comparison.

~•~
When you’re out on a date, talking is the easy part. Taking the interaction
from friendly chitchat to playful touch, however, is what separates the
attractive man from the unattractive man. Your ability to escalate the
interaction and become physical with a woman is of paramount importance. A
woman knows you’re interested in her the moment you ask her out. Why not
demonstrate your interest in a physical way? After all, she’s not dating you
because she wants to be your friend.



 GET HER
TO CHASE YOU
If a woman doesn’t chase a man
a little, she doesn’t love him.
— E. W. Howe

Women are taught from an early age that it’s the man’s job to do the chasing.
This is only half-true. When a man seduces a woman, he chases her, makes
his move, and pushes through the woman’s initial resistance to become
physically intimate with her. It’s at this point that the woman transitions from
being passive (allowing the man to chase her) to being proactive (where she
actively chases the man).
A successful seduction requires you to let go and stop chasing. You must let
a woman come to you and express her interest in you by allowing her to chase
you. If you fail to allow this transition to take place, don’t be surprised if the
woman loses attraction for you and pulls away. The moment you focus on the
relationship is the moment a woman starts to lose attraction. It’s tempting to
tell a woman how you feel about her as though this will somehow soften her
emotions and make her easier to seduce. When a man is focused on the
relationship, he derails the seduction process. The woman used to dream of
the day when a man would come along and sweep her off her feet. But when
that day finally arrives something inside the woman tells her that love
shouldn’t be this way, and she’s right, it shouldn’t.
One of the problems we face as men is a natural discomfort at the speed
with which women respond to messages, want to see us, and are willing to
progress the relationship. All this can leave a man feeling uncomfortable and
uncertain about where he stands and where the relationship is headed. A
woman knows when you’re chasing her out of desire as opposed to chasing
her out of insecurity. This insecurity often leads men to take action in an
attempt to gain clarity and calm their nerves, but instead of feeling calm, the
man inadvertently pushes the woman further away from him.
Given a choice between freedom and commitment, you must always
choose freedom. An attractive man is a man with options. Why would you
want to sacrifice your options for the sake of one woman? Instead, if a woman
chases you, she can only draw one conclusion: you must be high-value
otherwise she wouldn’t be chasing you. Still, women continue to churn out
the usual clichés: “If a man likes me, he should chase me” and “Women don’t
chase, that’s a man’s job.” If you buy into this way of thinking, you become
just another weak, beta male in hot pursuit. Your strength as a man lies in
your ability to remain indifferent to a woman’s behavior, whether she’s
chasing you or not.
Getting a woman to chase you is a subtle process. There are, however,
certain techniques you can use to ensure a woman chases you and becomes
more attracted to you. First, you must have the inner-strength to allow a
woman to reach out to you. It’s always a good idea to adhere to the 80/20
rule. The 80/20 rule is a powerful concept that governs many areas of life, not
just relationships. For example, 80 percent of a company’s profit often comes
from 20 percent of its customers; 80 percent of the world’s population lives in
approximately 20 percent of the world’s land mass; 80 percent of the world’s
wealth is owned by approximately 20 percent of the world’s population. The
80/20 rule, when applied to male/female relationships, states that a man
should reach out to a woman 20 percent of the time, and a woman should
reach out to the man 80 percent of the time. Here, the 80/20 rule ensures the
woman chases the man, and it also ensures there’s enough space and distance
between the woman and the man for attraction to flourish.
CASE STUDY #21
NEVER CHASE ATTRACTION
A week before Valentine’s Day, Sam booked a trip for himself and his
girlfriend to Grenada in the Caribbean. Sam was doing well financially and he
didn’t mind paying for the holiday. After all, he was a generous guy. When
Sam got to Grenada with his girlfriend, Annie, the first thing they did was
check into a beautiful five-star resort. Sam hoped the resort would be the
perfect environment to help resolve their two biggest relationship problems:
no intimacy and no sex. Sam had been dating Annie for about four months,
and so far, Annie had refused to have sex with him. Annie said she didn’t
want to rush things because she was afraid to get hurt. Sam reasoned that
Annie just needed a little more time to warm up.
A week later, Sam and Annie returned home, and instead of feeling relaxed,
Sam was furious. During their time away, Annie had refused to have sex with
him or even give him so much as a kiss. One night, at an all-time low, Sam
had knelt beside the bed and begged Annie to have sex with him. From that
point on their relationship had continued to deteriorate as Annie became
increasingly rude and disrespectful. Despite all this, the moment Sam got
home, he sent Annie a message, hoping to reconcile their differences and fix
the relationship: “Hey, hope you got home safe. Thanks for the trip. I miss you
already X” Sam waited for Annie to respond. An hour passed by, two hours
passed by, three hours passed by… and still no response from Annie. This is
bullshit; she’s so disrespectful, Sam thought.
At first, Sam just wanted to get everything back to normal. However, when
he realized that Annie wasn’t going to play ball, he decided to change his
approach and try to reason with her by sending her a heartfelt message: “I
know what we have is real. You have to understand that when we were on
holiday together I didn’t give you the opportunity to see the real me. Maybe I
was holding back too. But I want you to know that I’m here for you now.
Ready to love you and be with you completely. All I ask is that you give us
another chance and you’ll see how amazing our relationship can be.”
Annie responded a couple of hours later, and her response was anything but
enthusiastic: “Thanks for the holiday and the kind words.”
After a couple of weeks trying to be nice, Sam lost his cool and sent Annie
a message laced with venom: “Did I ever hurt you like your ex-boyfriends?
Did I ever treat you with disrespect? Never. Did I go and have sex with other
women then leave you like all your ex-boyfriends did? I was the one who was
always there for you and showed you what true love really is. What did I get
in return? Nothing. Nothing but complete disrespect and BS. You didn’t even
want to kiss me on holiday. A holiday that I paid for. A holiday that cost me
over $5,000! What I want to know is this, why did you have sex with your ex-
boyfriends and not me?!?! They all treated you like shit and I treated you like
a princess.”
Annie cringed when she read the message. Thank God, I didn’t have sex
with him, that would have been a disaster. But hey, at least I got a free holiday
out of it, Annie thought as she blocked Sam and deleted his number from her
phone.

~•~
In the same way that you should never chase a woman over the phone, you
must also refrain from chasing commitment. The moment you ask a woman
that one fatal question: “Are we boyfriend and girlfriend?” is the moment she
starts to question your masculinity. A woman will let you know when she
wants to have a relationship with you, there’s no need to chase commitment.
A series of studies published in the European Journal of Personality
observed that less available men are perceived to be more attractive and
desirable.87 The researchers also discovered that people are willing to spend
more money on less available people. In one of the studies, men were ranked
as having either “low,” “intermediate” or “high” availability. The female
participants in the study were then asked whether or not they would be willing
to spend their money to take one of the men out to a “fast food,” “casual,” or
“fine dining” restaurant. The results of the study showed that the female
participants were much more likely to take a man to a “fine dining” restaurant
if the man had “low availability.” This further explains why nice guys finish
last. If you’re too available, women can’t help but see you as low value and
less attractive. If a woman’s chasing you, she’s going to value you; and if she
values you, she can’t help but find you attractive.


 THE POWER OF SEX
Sex is not only the basis of life,
it is the reason for life.
— Norman Lindsay

Men and women are biologically designed to come together to reproduce and
ensure the survival of the species. In most cases, sex marks a definite turning
point in the relationship. It’s the moment when a woman physically submits to
a man and allows him to become intimate with her. When a woman has sex, a
series of powerful chemicals are released. This chemical release makes a
woman feel closer to a man. During sex, the areas of the female brain that are
affected by arousal are the amygdala, ventral tegmental area, nucleus
accumbens, cerebellum, and the pituitary gland. One reason why sex has such
a powerful effect on women is that it activates so many areas of the brain all
at once. It’s not so much that love is blind, but the chemicals within our
bodies that make us blind.
A study published in the Journal of Neuroscience found that male and
female brains light up like a person taking heroin when experiencing
orgasm.88 A whole host of chemicals are responsible for this pleasure
overload. First, a dopamine release lifts our mood and gives us feelings of
pleasure. At the same time, prolactin relaxes us and makes us feel satisfied,
while oxytocin makes us feel closer and more attached to the person we have
sex with. It should be noted that oxytocin is released in much greater
quantities in women than men. Finally, phenylethylamine, a stimulant that is
also found in chocolate, improves our energy levels, and, at the same time,
makes us feel happy. This is why sex is so addictive and powerful. The
moment you have sex with a woman, there’s a good chance she’ll become
addicted to you.
A man who understands the power of sex can make a woman fall in love
with him simply by sleeping with her. There is, however, sex that increases
attraction and sex that kills attraction. If you have sex in a weak and
submissive way, you can still turn a woman off. So, what exactly constitutes
weak, submissive sex?
CASE STUDY #22
UNCERTAINTY KILLS PASSION
Harry had been dating Chloe for almost two months, and this was the first
time Chloe had been to his apartment. The moment Chloe arrived, Harry
made her feel right at home. He took her coat then invited her in to watch
Some Like It Hot (Chloe’s favorite movie starring Marilyn Monroe). As Chloe
relaxed, watching the movie, Harry went into the kitchen and brought out a
big bowl of lasagna and a Greek salad. Chloe was impressed—this was
homemade cooking at its finest.
Three hours later, Harry and Chloe were sitting on the couch together,
sharing a bottle of wine. Time to make a move, Harry thought, but how?
An hour later, Harry still couldn’t figure out how to make a move without
being too obvious about it. It was then, after growing restless, that Chloe
looked Harry straight in the eye and said, “Are you going to kiss me or not?”
“Sure, of course,” Harry replied. “I’d love to.”
Ten minutes later, Harry was lying in bed next to Chloe. “I want to kiss you
again,” Harry said as though waiting for Chloe to give him permission.
“No need to ask,” Chloe whispered.
“I’m so excited, I can feel my heart racing.” Harry stroked Chloe’s face,
then kissed her on the lips as he reached around to unfasten her bra. “I’m
sorry, I can’t undo it,” he said.
Chloe reached behind her back and unfastened the clasp. She was now
completely naked.
“You look amazing,” Harry said.
“Thanks,” Chloe whispered as Harry climbed on top of her and slowly
inserted himself. Chloe flinched.
“Are you okay?” Harry asked.
“I’m not ready.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Is it okay?” Harry said as he pushed deeper inside her. Harry continued to
thrust and wiggle on top of Chloe for a couple of minutes before she stopped
him by placing her hand on his shoulder.
“What is it? Did I hurt you?”
“No, I’m sorry.”
“What’s wrong?”
 “This isn’t working,” Chloe said as she pulled away from Harry and slid
out from underneath him.

~•~
If you rush intimacy, you risk turning a woman off. In the same way, if you
try too hard to please a woman, you’re making the woman’s pleasure more
important than your own—this also turns women off. So how can you have
sex with a woman and remain attractive? As always, it’s important to seek
intimacy without regret and without apology. You mustn’t shy away from
intimacy; instead, you must pursue it fearlessly. As with all things masculine,
actions speak louder than words.
One issue that infects so many lesbian relationships is a phenomenon
commonly referred to as lesbian bed death. Labeled “bed death” because
lesbian couples frequently have less sex and intimacy than heterosexual
couples.89 Because women don’t produce the same amount of natural
testosterone as men—testosterone that drives sexual desire and brings a man
and woman together—lesbian relationships often suffer from a lack of sex
and intimacy. But don’t be fooled into thinking that bed death only occurs in
lesbian relationships. Heterosexual relationships often suffer from bed death
as well. If you’re passive and wait for a woman to make the first move, the
woman will resent you and come to view you as weak and submissive. To
arouse desire, you must abandon inhibition and throw yourself into sex with
passion and gusto.
Men often worry that if they do this they’ll offend a woman’s delicate
sensibilities. These men are quick to put a woman’s needs first and make her
pleasure their number one priority. The danger with this approach is that it
does nothing to stimulate desire. As a man, your pleasure should be your
number one priority. You must take control of the interaction and lead a
woman into the bedroom as though you can’t wait to rip her clothes off and
make love to her.
One of the most common complaints leveled against men is that men have
become too passive and submissive in bed. They lack passion, refuse to take
the lead, and the sex is often predictable and boring. There’s no sense of
danger or eroticism. If you make a woman feel as though she’s there to serve
you and give you pleasure, her enjoyment will come as a direct result of your
pleasure. If you’re in any doubt that sexually dominant behavior is desirable
and attractive, you only have to look at movies like Fifty Shades of Gray, 9 ½
weeks, and Secretary to see that women, by and large, are obsessed with the
idea of dominance and submission.
A study carried out by researchers at Penn State University noted that
women reported more regular, earlier-timed orgasms during sexual
intercourse with men who were more masculine and dominant. Furthermore,
the Penn State study also discovered that women experienced more frequent
orgasms during or after a man’s orgasm.90 In other words, if you’re enjoying
the sexual experience, a woman is more likely to experience pleasure and
orgasm as a direct result of your enjoyment. What turns you on? What makes
you feel excited? Think about this for a moment. Once you know what you
want in the bedroom, you must have the courage to go after your desires
without inhibition. Sex doesn’t have to be complicated; it just has to be fun.
Being sexually dominant doesn’t mean you have to use whips and chains
and wear a gimp suit. To be dominant, all that’s required is your masculine
presence. You come to the interaction with a “loaded gun,” ready to engage in
a dramatic encounter. As the woman waits for you, you can no longer contain
yourself. You must have her even if it means ripping her clothes off and
destroying her panties. This type of behavior, however, doesn’t come
naturally to nice guys, especially men who are trained from birth to hold
women in high esteem and respect physical boundaries at all costs. As you
become more dominant in the bedroom, there will be times when it feels as
though you’ve crossed the line between what’s acceptable and what’s
unacceptable. The attractive man, however, understands one simple truth:
women crave controlled danger, they crave the attention of sexually dominant
men, and they crave submission.
Sexual dominance, in this instance, is not about using force or aggression
(although in some instances it can be). Sexual dominance is about letting a
woman know what you want and having the courage to make her submit to
you. It’s important to note that sexual dominance is made up of two
components: the physical and the verbal.
When it comes to physical dominance, let’s imagine you’re having sex in
the missionary position. To display dominance, all you have to do is hold a
woman’s hands above her head or out to the side, pressing her down against
the bed. In the same way, putting a woman’s legs over your shoulders, forcing
her into a more submissive position is another way to exert physical
dominance. If you’re having sex with a woman from behind, you can slap her
on the butt (an act that drives women wild and makes them feel even more
submissive). Additional ways to introduce dominance in the bedroom include
twisting a woman’s arm behind her back to force her into a more submissive
position. Even when she’s riding on top of you, in what is supposedly a
dominant position for the woman, you can lightly pull her hair and slap her on
the butt to make her feel even more submissive. Light hair pulling and soft
choking is another way to force the woman into a state of submission and
spike arousal.
When it comes to verbal dominance, telling a woman how much you want
to fuck her is a sure way to drive her wild. For even the most prudish woman,
dirty talk can be a wonderful aphrodisiac. Another important part of the
dominant/submissive relationship is getting a woman to comply with your
requests. When you tell a woman: “You love fucking me, don’t you?” Most
women will accept and internalize what you say. Even if the woman doesn’t
respond, it’s of little importance. As you continue to engage the woman in
sexual intercourse, you can introduce more dominant verbal language to
intensify arousal. Simple, short commands often work best: “Don’t stop.”
“Keep going.” “Make me come.” The more you get a woman to comply with
your requests, the more submissive she’s likely to become. If, for whatever
reason, a woman refuses to submit, you must become more forceful and direct
in your approach. If she continues to put up resistance, you must cut the
interaction short and pull away as a form of punishment. You must never let a
woman’s resistance affect you for she’s simply asking the question: are you
man enough to make her submit?

 NEVER GIVE YOUR
LOVE TOO EASILY
There is a charm about the forbidden that
makes it unspeakably desirable.
— Mark Twain

How long does it take a woman to fall in love? Research published in the
Journal of Social Psychology found that out of 172 participants, it took men
anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of weeks to fall in love; whereas
women took no less than a couple of months to fall in love.99 This is why you
should never rush a woman into love and commitment. If you try to rush the
seduction process, you’re forcing a woman to feel emotions for you that she’s
not yet ready to feel. Your role as a man is to interact with a woman in a fun
and relaxed way. Make no mistake, when a woman’s ready to commit to you,
she’ll let you know. If you try to chase a woman into love and commitment
(this includes talking about the relationship or trying to become exclusive), a
woman will lose attraction for you and pull away.
Being a challenge is an important element of seduction that mustn’t be
forgotten. Less available men are, after all, viewed as more desirable romantic
prospects. As stated in the European Journal of Personality, people who are
less available are seen as having higher overall value even if that value is only
perceived to be higher.91 In business, if you tell a customer that a product has
limited availability, your product immediately becomes more valuable as a
result. If a woman looks at a diamond necklace in a shop window, she’s most
likely just browsing. Yet, if the same woman is told that this is the last
diamond necklace of its kind in stock, there’s a good chance the woman will
be tempted to buy the necklace right there and then, such is the power of
scarcity.92 Playing hard to get requires a measure of strength and confidence,
the same strength and confidence that women find attractive. The man who
gives his love away too easily is like a cheap piece of jewelry—wanted by no
one and often discarded.

 LEAD HER
INTO ATTRACTION
A leader is one who knows the way,
goes the way, and shows the way.
— Adam C. Maxwell

If there’s one area of attraction where you can truly stand out and distinguish
yourself, it’s by taking the lead in the relationship. Men often fall short in this
area because they don’t understand what it means to lead a woman. They
confuse the word lead with control—and a controlling man is the last thing a
woman wants in her life. You must have the courage to give a woman
freedom; at the same time, you must be able to lead a woman into attraction.
As a man, your ultimate goal in any relationship should be to enjoy a
woman’s company as you lead her towards the bedroom. Sex, as crude as it
might sound, is the ultimate destination for all male/female relationships. If
this reality is subverted in favor of friendship, a woman will lose attraction for
you and disappear from your life.
Leading a woman the right way is as simple as knowing what you want and
having the courage to go after it. If you want to take a woman out on a date,
your goal must be to have fun and seduce her. If you want to have sex with a
woman, your goal must be to lead her towards intimacy. Leading doesn’t have
to be complicated, it only has to be done with confidence and a clear sense of
purpose. A simple way to lead a woman is to ask yourself: what would you do
if she wasn’t with you? If you find yourself doing something that you
wouldn’t ordinarily do without her, then you know you’re on the wrong path.
Leading is doing what you want and letting the woman come along for the
ride. Women by nature hate taking the lead in relationships. Once a woman
takes the lead in the relationship, she’ll inevitably start to feel as though she’s
the one in charge. This situation never sits well with women, and it’s only a
matter of time before they start to question your masculinity and confidence.
From an evolutionary perspective, a man who’s easily lead is easily taken
advantage of, and thus more likely to be outwitted and outmatched by his
opponents.
A study published in the journal Human Nature revealed that men who rate
higher on indicators of social dominance and leadership are more attractive to
women.93 This is in sharp contrast to women who are rated more attractive
when they score higher on indicators of submission and sensitivity. Another
interesting aspect of this study was that dominant women were only rated
attractive by other women (not men). This indicates that women find
leadership qualities attractive regardless of a person’s gender.
CASE STUDY #23
WOMEN SMELL WEAKNESS
Up until now, Lewis had been the perfect gentleman. This was only their third
date and Lewis wanted Eva to know two things: one, he was a good guy; and
two, he respected women. After they finished coffee, Eva smiled at Lewis and
said she was hungry.
“Me too,” Lewis replied.
“What do you want to eat?”
“I don’t mind. I could eat anything.”
“How about Italian?”
“Sounds great,” Lewis said.
After sharing a large vegetarian pizza, Lewis made a conscious decision not
to kiss Eva good night. That could wait. Why rush things and risk scaring her
off?
When Eva got home, she felt confused. Lewis was obviously into her, but
why did she feel like she was the one making all the decisions? Lewis had
even agreed to share a large vegetarian pizza with her when he found out she
was a pescatarian. And what was with that awkward, goodbye pat on the back
he gave her when they said goodbye? That was weird. At that moment, Eva
knew Lewis wasn’t the right man for her. She needed someone who could
make decisions and take the lead in the relationship. She needed someone
who wasn’t afraid to kiss her.

~•~
If you want to ask a woman out, you must do so without hesitation. If you
want to kiss a woman, you must do so without apology. Far too many men are
scared of offending women and hurting their feelings. In reality, a woman is
more likely to be offended by a nice guy who’s weak as opposed to a so-
called “bad guy” who makes his intentions clear right from the start. Nice
guys are paralyzed by anxiety, constantly asking themselves if it’s okay to
make a move? If it’s okay to touch a woman? If it’s okay to invite a woman
back to their apartment? Maybe the woman will feel better if I let her make
the decisions? After all, men and women are supposed to be equal, aren’t
they? These are just some of the ways nice guys self-sabotage and prevent
themselves from taking the lead in relationships.
Leading a woman and being dominant is not, however, the same as being
aggressive. You don’t lead a woman by strong-arming her into following you.
You don’t use force or threats to gain compliance; in fact, doing so would
only undermine your value. Research conducted by Pennsylvania State
University noted that men who are playful, humorous, and fun to be around
are considered more attractive and alluring.94 The theory as to why these
playful qualities are so endearing is that playful men are seen as more
grounded, stable, and resilient when facing life’s challenges and setbacks.
Playful men are also perceived to be less aggressive and less likely to hurt a
woman and her future offspring. Furthermore, these qualities are seen as a
marker of social intelligence and indicate that a man can form faster social
bonds with others thus increasing his ability to acquire more resources and
protection from society. From an evolutionary perspective, this ties in with the
theory that playful men are viewed as mentally strong and resilient. You
should never confuse the qualities of dominance and assertiveness with
aggression and anti-social behavior—two traits common to insecure men.
Even if a woman refuses to follow your lead, it’s important not to get upset
or derailed by her resistance. Being a leader doesn’t mean being headstrong
and stubborn. If you tell a woman you want to eat steak and she says no,
simply ask her what she feels like eating instead. If she comes up with a better
alternative that you’re happy to go along with, there’s no reason not to be
flexible. Nevertheless, if she can’t come up with a better alternative simply
tell her you’re going to eat steak and she’s welcome to join you. In leadership,
the person who has the strongest and clearest image of what they want
prevails. You must never get upset or angry if a woman doesn’t want to listen
to you or follow your lead, you know what you want and that’s all that counts.
An attractive man does what he wants, whether a woman is willing to follow
him or not.



 PART FOUR
MAINTAIN ATTRACTION
Even cowards can endure hardship;
only the brave can endure suspense.
— Mignon McLaughlin

If you’re only interested in short-term relationships, there’s no need to worry

about maintaining attraction over a long period of time. In brief encounters,
all that’s required is the initial spark of attraction to catch a woman’s attention
and seduce her. On the other hand, if you want to maintain a long-term
relationship, you must know how to keep the fires of attraction alive, not just
now, but over the course of many years. One reason why the divorce rate is
currently so high (over 50 percent in developed countries) and the reason why
women initiate the majority of divorces (approximately 70 percent) is that
women often lose attraction for their husbands and see no alternative but to
end the relationship.
CASE STUDY #24
“HE CHANGED”
Ben used to be a player. He knew all the pickup lines and he knew exactly
where, when, and how to meet women and seduce them. He was so good at
seducing women, in fact, that he always had three to five girls in his life at
any one time. And right now, Ben was seeing Michelle, Kate, and Irene at
various times throughout the week.
As far as Ben was concerned, Irene was just another girl in a long line of
conquests. At least that was how he felt about her in the beginning. It wasn’t
long, however, before Ben started to pay more attention to Irene. She was
different to all the other girls. She was sexy, beautiful, ambitious, and
interesting. She was also fantastic in bed, and she let Ben do things to her that
most men could only dream about. It wasn’t long before Ben was spending
more time with Irene and less time with Michelle and Kate.
A month later, Ben decided to focus exclusively on Irene. He had just
turned 38, and Ben felt it was time to have a serious relationship after so
many years fooling around.
* * *
Twelve months later, Ben and Irene were married with a baby on the way.
Now only a month into the marriage, Ben was already starting to see the
cracks appear in their relationship. For one, he had noticed that Irene was
becoming increasingly bitchy and disrespectful towards him. On a number of
occasions, she had even told him she couldn’t stand the sight of him. At first,
Ben thought she was joking; it turned out, she wasn’t. On another occasion,
Irene had gone so far as to call Ben a “stupid bitch.” Where was all this
animosity and hatred coming from? Ben closed his eyes and thought back to a
time when Irene had wrapped her arms around him and told him how much
she loved him. God, he missed those days.
Now that Irene was pregnant, it was clear that she was starting to lose
interest in Ben. Irene didn’t know what was wrong with her, but she knew her
feelings towards Ben had changed. She wondered if her bitchiness might be
caused by prenatal depression or the stress of being pregnant.
The moment they tied the knot, Ben had made the marriage his number one
priority. He was always going out of his way to make her happy, and he was
constantly telling her how much he loved her. He even bought Irene a new
house as a sign of love and devotion to her and their unborn child. Despite all
this, whenever Irene looked at Ben she felt nothing but disappointment
bordering on contempt.
One night, in a moment of calm serenity, Irene told Ben she was trying to
figure out what was wrong with her and she needed space and time to process
her thoughts and feelings. Ben didn’t like the sound of that—space? He told
Irene there was no way he could leave her alone, especially when she was
pregnant.
Over the next couple of weeks, Irene became increasingly irate as Ben tried
his best to fix the relationship. Then, one morning, Irene woke up, and with
perfect clarity knew what she had to do. She got into her car, drove to the
clinic, and had an abortion. Irene wanted nothing more to do with Ben. In
fact, the very sight of him made her feel sick. He wasn’t the man she had
fallen in love with. It was his fault, not hers. In the beginning, she had
relished the occasional moments of attention he had given her. She knew he
was seeing other women, but she found the challenge of winning him over
both thrilling and exciting. It wasn’t until later that Irene came to realize how
much Ben had changed. If she had a craving for chocolate, Ben would run to
the store and buy her chocolate. If she disagreed with him, he would instantly
back down and try to please her. What happened to the man she had fallen in
love with? Now Irene couldn’t look at Ben without feeling a sense of regret.
His weakness was palpable. Irene felt as though she no longer had any time to
herself and whenever she needed space, Ben was always there, hanging
around in the background like a bad smell. Irene knew she now had no choice
but to get out of the relationship as fast as possible.

~•~
In the early stages of a relationship, the connection is still fresh and
invigorating. Then, over the course of time, the man starts to soften. He lets
his guard down and becomes sweeter and more responsive to the woman’s
needs. This works for a time, perhaps a couple of weeks, perhaps a couple of
months, then, out of nowhere, the woman becomes increasingly withdrawn
and difficult to deal with. For her part, the woman has no idea why she’s
feeling so ambivalent about the relationship, the only thing she knows for sure
is that she no longer feels the same way. She wants out, and the relationship
as far as the woman is concerned is dead.
This section is all about maintaining attraction. If you want to keep
attraction alive in a long-term relationship, you need to know how to handle
problems when they arise and you need to know how to maintain attraction
over an extended period of time, keeping the fires of attraction alive through
the good times and the bad.

 STAY LIGHT
AND RELAXED
Never, ever underestimate the
importance of having fun.
— Randy Pausch

Whether you’re in the early stages of a relationship or a ten-year marriage,

it’s crucial to keep your relationships light and fun if you want to maintain
attraction. Most men enter relationships with the end goal already in sight—
final destination: marriage and kids. Using all their powers of deductive
reasoning, men often assume that in order to get from point (a) where they
currently are to point (b) marriage and kids, they must focus on the
relationship and do everything they can to make a woman fall in love with
them. The moment you become too serious and relationship focused,
however, is the moment you kill attraction and risk turning your partner off.
CASE STUDY #25
WHY SO SERIOUS?
Helen was dating both Marty and Ryan at the same time. And so far, there’d
been no intimacy, no sex, and only a couple of dates with both men. Helen
hoped she would develop feelings for either Marty or Ryan at some point in
time, making it easier to choose one man over the other. Up until now,
however, Helen was still finding it hard to choose between the two men. In
terms of looks, Marty was definitely the physically more attractive man. He
was in great shape, tall, and naturally handsome. Ryan, on the other hand, was
average looking at best.
One day, when Helen was getting ready to see Marty, she thought back to
their previous date and remembered how handsome Marty had looked sitting
there in the dark, candlelit restaurant—handsome until he had opened his
mouth and started complaining about everything and everyone. At first, Helen
found it easy to empathize with Marty and she encouraged him to talk more
openly about his problems. After all, she had faced similar problems at work,
and she knew what it was like to be around colleagues who didn’t appreciate
you.
For the next couple of hours, Marty and Helen swapped horror stories.
Marty told Helen how his parents had failed to support him in college and
how they had “forced him” to change his major from film and television—his
one true passion—to business. Again, Helen sympathized with Marty. She
remembered how she had wanted to study fashion in college, but her parents
had persuaded her to study accounting instead. As Marty gazed across the
table, his eyes began to tear. Finally, here was a woman who understood him.
It was only when she got home that Helen began to realize how negative
Marty was. She thought about Ryan. He was so different to Marty. He didn’t
have a care in the world. He never spoke about the past and never worried
about the future. It was as though all he wanted to do in life was have fun.
Sure, he wasn’t as handsome as Marty, but his positive, playful attitude more
than made up for it. It was at that moment that Helen realized which man she
wanted to be with.

~•~
Mindfulness is the ability to focus on the present without worrying about the
past or the future. A study published in the Journal of Personality and
Individual Differences discovered that mindful men were rated more
attractive compared to non-mindful men.95 In the study, male participants
were asked to fill out a mindfulness questionnaire where they were asked to
rate themselves on statements like: “I perceive my feelings and emotions
without having to react to them.” Men who were aware of their emotions, but
didn’t allow their emotions to overwhelm them were labeled more mindful. It
was also found that mindful men demonstrated a greater ability to stay
focused on the present. Mindful personality traits are attractive to women
because men who present a mindful disposition are also more likely to rate
higher on mental strength and confidence.
A recent study published by researchers at California State University,
Long Beach noted how playfulness, which means having a “sense of humor,”
and the ability to have fun and maintain a playful attitude is one of the most
attractive qualities a man can have.96 A further study carried out by
researchers at Stanford University School of Medicine observed that women
enjoy being in the presence of men who can make them laugh.97 The study
found that a woman’s biological reward circuitry is wired to respond more
positively to humor than men. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to
respond to inspiring and positive messages. In the Stanford University
experiment, the male and female participants were asked to view funny video
clips (showing people falling over and animals performing tricks). The same
participants were then asked to watch positive videos (that consisted of videos
of dancers and snowboarders). When viewing the funny videos, the women
showed greater activity in the midbrain and amygdala regions compared to
men when viewing the same funny videos. This explains why humor is so
attractive to women from a biological perspective.
Research continues to show that women are attracted to men who are
humorous and can make them laugh. Humor, for one, is seen as a significant
marker of intelligence. One study published in Psychological Reports had
three men sit at a bar near other female patrons.98 In the first experiment, two
men listened as another man told a joke. The man who told the joke was then
instructed to approach a woman sitting close by and ask for her number. In the
second experiment, again, two men listened as another man told a joke. Only
this time, the researchers instructed one of the listeners, not the joke teller, to
approach a nearby woman and ask the woman for her number. This situation
was repeated approximately sixty times at different times and locations to
ensure that the results of the experiment remained valid. At the end of the
experiment, the researchers found that the man who told the joke and
displayed obvious signs of humor was three times more likely to get a
woman’s number compared to the man who had just listened to the joke. The
researchers then asked the women to rate the men on their overall level of
attractiveness. The results showed that the man who told the joke before
approaching the woman was rated much more attractive and intelligent than
the man who had simply listened to the joke.
The results of the study are fascinating because they show just how
important it is for men to display humor and the important role that humor
plays in attraction. Humor also sends the signal that a man has social dexterity
and a mindful disposition. This is why it’s so important to remain light and
playful in your relationships.



 DON’T FOCUS ON
THE RELATIONSHIP
Talking about relationships is a
surefire way to jinx them.
— Maggie Grace

In all relationships, men and women have assigned gender roles. These
gender roles are not assigned by society or culture, they’re assigned by nature.
If a woman believes she must take the lead in the relationship, she’s being
forced to act in a way that runs contrary to her nature. The same applies to
men who seek commitment and focus on the relationship—they, too, are
behaving in a way that runs contrary to their nature. The relationship-focused
man kills attraction because his behavior is feminine. And as research
published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin explains: men
who are too caring and relationship focused are rated less attractive by
women.99 Highly responsive men believe that if they talk about their feelings,
they’ll be able to form a strong connection with a woman and get her to fall in
love with them. They believe that affirmations of love will make the woman
feel more secure in the relationship. In reality, anytime you’re too responsive,
putting relationships at the forefront of your life, you risk killing attraction.
Responsiveness, as measured by researchers, encompasses a series of traits
that includes being nurturing, kind, supportive, and emotionally available.
Surprisingly, and somewhat counter-intuitively, these responsive traits have
been found to kill attraction and turn women off.
CASE STUDY #26
NEVER SEEK LOVE TO GET LOVE
Kate and Doug had just had finished making love for the first time. As they
lay next to each other, all hot and sweaty, Doug reached over and touched
Kate on the arm. “That was amazing.”
“I hope you don’t think we’re in a relationship,” Kate said as she pulled
away from him.
“Why’d you say that?” Doug said, taken aback. “Why’d you sleep with me
then?”
“I’m just not ready for a relationship,” Kate said as she slipped out of bed
and got dressed. Doug had no idea that this was the first and last time he
would ever have sex with Kate. His desperate, needy behavior would
ultimately destroy what little attraction Kate had left for him.
* * *
Six months later, Kate and Eddie had just finished making love for the first
time. As they lay in bed, all hot and sweaty, Eddie reached over and touched
Kate on the arm. “That was awesome.”
“Just so you know, I’m not looking for a relationship,” Kate said.
“Why would I want a relationship?” Eddie replied.
“I’m just letting you know.”
“Take it easy. We’ve only just met.” Eddie said as he jumped out of bed.
Kate took a deep breath and relaxed. She felt relief, especially after her last
experience with Doug. Little did Kate realize that two months from now she
would be on the phone with her best friend, crying because Eddie refused to
commit to her.

~•~
When a woman thinks you’re overly focused on the relationship and
emotionally affected by everything she does, she’ll naturally start to question
your masculinity. The woman’s natural instinct is to then pull away and study
your behavior from a distance.
Take the following situations as an example: (1) A woman has sex with a
man without expressing any emotion or feeling for him and the man gets
upset; (2) A woman can’t see her boyfriend on Valentine’s day and the man
responds by throwing a tantrum; (3) The man confuses feelings of lust for
love and tells his girlfriend that he’s falling in love with her on the third date.
In all three situations, the man is overly focused on the relationship. To
protect yourself from situations like this, you must take the focus off the
relationship. Women are relationship focused; men are mission focused. The
moment you subvert this natural dynamic is the moment you kill attraction by
focusing on the woman when you should be focusing on yourself instead.

 GIVE HER
WHAT SHE NEEDS
What I like and what I need’s
two different things.
— J.D. Jordan

A woman asks for commitment, love, and devotion and a man thinks if he
gives her these things he’ll make her happy. He takes the woman’s words at
face value only to discover later that when he gives the woman what she
asked for she pulls away from him and starts to lose interest. Why does this
happen and why do women punish men for giving them what they want?
CASE STUDY #27
SHE WANTED MORE LOVE
“I need you to show me more love,” Jen said right after Eddie told her he was
going fishing on the weekend. Over the course of their ten-year marriage,
Eddie thought he had done a pretty good job of showing Jen how much he
loved her.
“I need to feel like you care about me. And I need to feel like I can trust
you. I don’t know what you get up to when you go on these ‘fishing trips’
with your buddies,” Jen said.
“Oh, honey, I just go fishing that’s all.”
“How do I know? You could be doing anything. Anyway, I’m just saying I
need to feel like you actually care about me.”
“Of course, I care about you, come on,” Eddie said. “Tell you what, I’ll
cancel my fishing trip and we can spend the weekend together. Just you and
me. How’s that sound?”
“You’d do that for me?” Jen said, all wide-eyed and innocent.
“Of course, I would,” Eddie replied. Five minutes later, Eddie called up his
buddies and canceled the fishing trip.
“Why’d you cancel?” Jen asked.
“I thought you wanted to spend the weekend together.”
“You didn’t have to cancel your fishing trip.”
 “What are you talking about?”
“I said you didn’t have to cancel.”
“Are you serious?” Eddie didn’t know what to say. Jen was the one who
said she wanted more love and attention. Now, after giving her exactly what
she asked for, she was getting all bitchy about it. In fact, she had been
downright nasty ever since he had canceled the trip.
When the weekend finally arrived, Jen told Eddie she now wanted to spend
the weekend by herself. WTF? Eddie tried to protest, but Jen cut him off. It
didn’t make any sense. He had given her what she wanted and now she was
punishing him for it.

~•~
A woman might tell you she needs more love and attention. She might even
tell you that she wants a man who’s honest and faithful. And at other times,
she might tell you that all she wants is to feel safe and secure. It’s important,
in all of these situations, not to focus on what a woman says she wants but to
instead focus on what she needs. Will giving a woman more attention make
her feel more attracted to you? Will giving a woman a sense of safety and
security make you more attractive as a man? Does going out of your way to
be true, honest, and faithful make a woman want you more? The answer to all
of these questions is a resounding no.
There are few occasions in life where giving a woman what she wants will
make her feel heightened levels of attraction for you. When you give a
woman what she asks for, she’s more likely to resent you for giving in to her
demands. The moment you give a woman what she wants is the moment she
starts to lose respect for you. This might not happen straight away. The
woman might, in fact, respond positively to your compliance at first. But once
the woman comes to realize that you’re willing to change your behavior just
to please her, she’ll come to resent you for your weakness and pliability.
You’ll often hear jilted men scream in frustration: “What about me? I gave
you everything you asked for. I was there for you and I loved you with all my
heart. No other guy will love you like I do or care about you the same way.”
What these men fail to realize is that women aren’t looking for men to give
them what they want, they’re looking for men to give them what they need.
Given a choice between the two, a woman will always choose to be with the
man who gives her what she needs.
When you’re with a woman, you must pay careful attention to her behavior.
If a woman tells you that she’s changed her mind about the relationship and
now just wants to be friends, it’s tempting to take the woman’s words at face
value and believe what she says. Another example is when a woman pulls out
the ever-present, yet well-worn cliché: “I’m not looking for a relationship, I
just want to hang out.” Once again, the temptation is to acquiesce and take the
woman’s words at face value. Of course, women don’t just want to be friends;
they need sex and intimacy like everyone else. It’s your job to give a woman
what she needs, not what she wants. This is a lot easier to do when you ask
yourself one simple question: what is the strongest course of action I can
take?
A woman might tell you that she’ll cut you off and punish you for not
listening to her, or for not giving in to her demands, but you mustn’t let her
threats affect you or derail you because you understand one vital truth: when
you exhibit strength, she always come back. Few men can remain strong and
resilient in the face of a woman’s demands—you must be the exception.


 DON’T PLAY IT SAFE
A ship in port is safe, but that’s
not what ships are built for.
— Grace Hopper

When it comes to life and relationships, most men like to play it safe. This
playing it safe strategy includes a reluctance to upset women. If you want to
create any real, lasting attraction with women, however, you must be able to
venture out of your comfort zone and endure a certain degree of discomfort
and pain. Attraction, after all, doesn’t grow in safety and security, attraction
grows in a swamp of anxiety, fear, jealousy, anger, and sadness. All the
negative emotions we try so hard to avoid in daily life are, in fact, the same
emotions you must embrace if you want to build attraction with women.
CASE STUDY #28
POLARIZE HER EMOTIONS
Rick and Heather were out having dinner when Rick told Heather he was
going to use the rest of his savings—approximately $15,000—to restore an
old ‘66 Mustang convertible.
Heather paused for a moment. “Are you serious?”
“It’s gonna look amazing,” Rick said. “I mean, it’s not cheap, but it’s totally
worth it.” Heather’s look said it all—she wasn’t impressed. “What is it,
what’s wrong?” Rick said, chewing his food.
“Why don’t you just buy a new one instead of an old rust bucket,” Heather
replied. Heather was known for her sharp tongue and tonight was no
exception.
“What?” Rick said. “Because it’s vintage. They don’t make ‘em anymore.”
“There’s a reason they stopped making them,” Heather replied.
“Look, it’s a ’66 Mustang.”
“I can’t believe I’m dating an idiot,” Heather groaned.
“Come on.” Rick said.
“It’s stupid.”
“Don’t be like that.”
“Idiot,” Heather hissed.
 Without saying another word, Rick reached across the table and knocked
Heather’s glass of wine over. The wine spilled across the table onto Heather’s
lap. “That’s for being a bitch,” Rick said, dabbing his mouth with a napkin.
Heather was too shocked to respond. She shook her head, stumbled to her
feet, then ran out of the restaurant. Rick didn’t care. He was only too happy to
get rid of her.
* * *
When Heather got home she was still crying. She had never felt so angry or
humiliated in her entire life. She stepped out of her wine-soaked dress and
jumped in the shower. The water felt wonderful. Heather stood under the
shower, letting the hot water wash over her body. Then, for some inexplicable
reason, she began to laugh. She couldn’t help it. Rick might be a rude son of a
bitch, but he was definitely an improvement on her last boyfriend, Eric.
Heather must have called Eric “stupid” more than a thousand times over the
course of their relationship, and all he ever did was apologize and say sorry.
As the years went by, Heather grew more and more disgusted by Eric’s
behavior. She closed her eyes, letting the heat from the water soak into her
skin. At least Rick knows how to stand up for himself. Come to think of it,
he’s pretty damn sexy when he’s mad. The moment Heather stepped out of
the shower, she grabbed her phone and called Rick’s number.

~•~
Modern culture states that peoples’ emotions are sacred territory. We must
never hurt another person’s feelings or upset them in any way. Nonetheless, if
you go through life reluctant to upset a woman or disturb her sense of
tranquility, you’ll have little to no impact on a woman’s feelings or emotions.
And if a woman feels nothing for you, she’ll lose interest in you and focus her
attention elsewhere. Women need to feel their emotions because emotions are
the centerpiece of a woman’s life.
Every human interaction is laced with emotion. These emotions can either
be on the positive side of the spectrum such as sex, pleasure, affection,
warmth, and love, or these emotions can be on the negative side of the
spectrum such as jealousy, anger, sadness, and fear. Women are feeling
creatures who are driven by their emotions. If a woman is in a relationship
with a man who inspires strong emotions, whether those emotions are positive
or negative, the woman is more likely to focus on the man and fall under his
spell.
Research into attraction discovered that women are attracted to men who
inspire feelings of anxiety and uncertainty. But that one question still remains
to be answered: why are women more attracted to men who make them feel
anxious and uncertain? A study carried out by the University of Chicago
finally shed light on this question when researchers reported that people are
much more likely to work hard and pay a “higher price” for a reward when
the reward is “uncertain” as opposed to “known.” The researchers in the study
noted that people are often pushed harder by the fantasy of “winning big” in
much the same way that people are enthralled by the prospect of winning the
lottery.100
Human beings are driven by hope and the knowledge that it’s possible to
get what we want, even if the odds are stacked against us. As humans, we
have an insatiable desire to bring order and control into our lives by
“resolving the uncertain” and bringing the “unknown into the light of
understanding.” Once we come to understand and appreciate this aspect of
human nature, it’s possible to see how feelings of anxiety can have such a
profound and dramatic effect on the human condition. Of course, anxiety is
by no means a positive emotion for women to experience, but anxiety does
without doubt build attraction by focusing a woman’s attention on the source
of her discomfort—you.
There’s no point trying to make a woman feel good all the time. That would
be an exercise in futility. Yes, there will be extended periods of bliss, but
make no mistake, relationships often give birth to extended periods of
discomfort and anxiety. You must be able to weather a woman’s chaotic
emotions whenever they surface, and indeed, create your own storms to
ensure you remain at the forefront of a woman’s mind. You should never
attempt to play it safe with women. If your goal is to spark attraction and
maintain interest over the long-run, you must allow a woman to feel angry,
sad, bitter, frustrated, nervous, anxious, resentful, jealous, envious, and
disappointed. Only then, can you expect to grab a woman’s attention and
inspire the kind of attraction that most men can only dream about.


 ANXIETY
FUELS ATTRACTION
Women are more attracted to men who put
them into a fearful and anxious state.
— Archives of Sexual Behavior

According to a study published in the journal Psychological Science titled

“He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not… Uncertainty Can Increase Romantic
Attraction,” anxiety has been shown to increase a woman’s attraction for a
man.101 These days, it’s often more beneficial for a man to bring a sense of
anxiety and uncertainty into a relationship with a women as opposed to
bringing a sense of security and certainty. Women, of course, don’t enjoy
being thrust into a state of anxiety. But results are what count here, and
research shows that women feel heightened levels of attraction for men when
they feel anxious. Again, it’s not our concern whether this is unethical or
immoral, it’s simply a matter of knowing what women respond to and what
actions get results.
Women don’t respond to safety and security with happiness, loyalty, and
affection. In reality, when a woman feels safe and secure she’s more likely to
pull away, create unnecessary drama, get bored, and lose interest.102 To grab a
woman’s attention, you must first give the impression that a relationship is the
last thing on your mind. If a woman has to fight to be in a relationship with
you, she’ll find you even more irresistible and charming.
Numerous psychological studies show that objects and people are
perceived to be more desirable and attractive when in limited supply. This is
the same reason why people covet diamonds—a mineral perceived to have
limited availability. If diamonds were in abundance, people would no longer
spend thousands of dollars to acquire them. The same concept applies to
relationships. If you actively seek love from women and try to make a woman
feel safe and secure, you send the signal that your love has little value because
it’s easily acquired. You instill neither anxiety nor scarcity, and as a result,
your value as a romantic prospect is greatly diminished.


 YOUR LOVER IS
NOT YOUR MOTHER
I’m not your mother, so get off my tit.
— Unknown

Women by design have hypergamous natures. This means that women are
hard-wired to mate with men they view as superior to themselves. Hypergamy
also states that if a woman senses weakness in a man, she’ll look to fill the
void with another man of superior strength. Hypergamy is one of the main
reasons why women cheat on their partners. And when you understand the
concept of hypergamy, it’s no longer a surprise that a study found that
approximately one out of every twenty-five fathers are biologically unrelated
to their children.103 Hypergamy is the reason why you must be eternally
vigilant around women.
When you view women through the prism of your own relationship with
your mother, it’s easy to assume that all women are kind and supportive. The
truth is, it’s impossible for a woman to love you in the same way your mother
loves you. You are your mother’s flesh and blood. When your mother looks at
you, she sees herself. You are as much a part of her as she is a part of you.
Part of the reason why men assume that women are such sweet, loving
creatures is that their own mothers have always been so devoted and loving
towards them. Therefore, it stands to reason that every woman must be the
same. And it’s true, all women do have the same emotional capacity for love,
but that unconditional love won’t be directed towards you; instead, a woman’s
unconditional love is saved exclusively for her children.
Any man who’s experienced the sudden withdrawal of a once sweet, loving
girlfriend or wife knows that a woman’s love isn’t unconditional. Far too
many men make the mistake of treating their girlfriends and wives like a
substitute mother. They believe their partner will always be there for them.
After all, their mothers were always there for them and would forgive them no
matter what. Therefore, it stands to reason that all women must be the same.
The moment you start treating your lover like your mother is the moment
your lover starts looking for someone else to love.

 NEVER FOLLOW
A WOMAN’S LEAD
Only one man in a 1000 is a leader of
men—the other 999 follow women.
— Groucho Marx

Sometimes a woman will try to suck you into a relationship as fast as

possible. From day one, she’s intense and passionate. And by the end of the
week, she’s telling you how much she loves you. When this happens, it’s
tempting to try and match the woman’s intensity with the same level of
passion. And why not? She’s into you and obviously loves being around you.
It’s at times like this that you must consciously hold back and resist being
drawn in by the woman’s intensity.
If you tell a woman that you love her too soon, you risk lowering your
value and derailing the seduction process. The woman, having started out
with such intensity, will eventually come to realize that the relationship is
moving too fast and that she doesn’t, in fact, love you. She was just in love
with the idea of being in love. And even though it was the woman who
pursued you in the first place, it’s your fault for rushing the seduction. If you
allow yourself to be pulled in by a woman too soon, don’t be surprised if the
relationship disintegrates and falls apart with the same speed with which it
materialized.
Similarly, when a woman says she wants to go to the ballet or go shopping,
most men will jump at the opportunity to accompany the woman. For the
great majority of men, it doesn’t matter if they enjoy the ballet or not, what
matters is the opportunity—the opportunity to be with a woman and the
opportunity to have sex with her. Women understand that most men have no
interest in going shopping or spending a night at the ballet. The moment you
willingly trade comfort for sex is the moment you become vulnerable and
start to look weak.
CASE STUDY #29
LAMB TO THE SLAUGHTER
Around 11 p.m. on Friday night, Scott received a message from Janice: “Just
at Skybar with a friend. Come join us!” Ever since he had first met Janice a
couple of weeks ago, Scott had found himself thinking about her more times
than he cared to admit. Deep down, Scott wanted nothing more than to go to
sleep, but he knew this was a golden opportunity to see Janice and possibly
have sex with her. It was Friday night after all.
* * *
When Scott arrived at the bar an hour later, he saw Janice standing in the VIP
area with a group of friends. Scott didn’t expect to see Janice with so many
people, he thought she was just going to be hanging out with her friend
Kelsey. Scott approached the group and tapped Janice on the shoulder.
“Scott, you made it!” Janice shrieked, throwing her arms around him. “Let
me introduce you to everyone.”
“Can’t wait,” Scott said, trying his best to feign interest.
An hour later, Scott found himself standing on the edge of the group,
talking to a guy called Mike who, it turns out, was also there to see Janice.
Janice, meanwhile, continued to ignore Scott. He had tried talking to her a
couple of times, but she didn’t seem that interested in anything he had to say.
“I knew coming here was a big mistake,” Scott muttered as he went to the
bar to order another drink. By the time he came back, Scott was just in time to
see Janice and Kelsey say good night to everyone. What a colossal waste of
time, Scott thought. I should’ve just gone to bed. At least then I would still
have a chance with this girl instead of looking like a total loser.

~•~
When you allow a woman to put you in situations that undermine your
comfort and control, you inadvertently kill attraction by letting her know that
you’re willing to sacrifice happiness and comfort just to bathe in her presence.
All you have to do is listen to your instincts. The moment a woman asks you
to do something that’s inconvenient or doesn’t feel right—refuse. Never be
afraid to make yourself unavailable for the attractive man understands one
fundamental rule: attraction grows in space. A woman will always test you to
see if she can hold power over you. This includes canceling dates, asking you
to go out of your way to meet her, as well as trying to get you to drop
whatever it is you’re doing for no good reason. The weak man bends to a
woman’s will; the attractive man marches to the beat of his own drum.

 BUYING GIFTS
FOR WOMEN
It irritates the hell out of me,
but you can’t buy love.
— Warren Buffett

The best gift you can buy a woman is, surprisingly, no gift at all. If you think
you can buy a woman’s love you’re deluding yourself. And while it is
sometimes possible to get a woman to spend time with you if you spend
enough money on her, it’s important to make a distinction between a woman
who’s with you because she’s attracted to you and a woman who’s with you
because she loves your money and the lifestyle you can provide.
At a biological level, it’s true that women desire men who have resources,
or at least the ability to acquire resources. A detailed study of beauty and
status published in the American Sociological Review highlights the fact that
although women do exchange beauty for status, the most attractive character
trait is a man’s ability to acquire resources, not the resources themselves.104
The wealthy man who inherits a fortune does little to attract women. On the
other hand, the self-made man is attractive because his determination and
drive is a testament to his character and mental strength.
Since the dawn of romanticism in the late 18th century, men have
conditioned themselves to believe that acting in a romantic way results in
heightened levels of love and attraction. To this day, modern romantics
continue to provide women with an endless supply of gifts, art, poetry, and
literature all in an effort to win a woman over and capture her interest.
Romanticism is so prolific that entire industries have sprung up to support its
cause. Valentine’s day, anniversaries, Christmas day, New Year’s Eve, and
birthdays are now all cause for romantic celebration, leaving the modern man
with a sense of obligation to declare his love as often and as frequently as
possible. As a result, men have come to expect declarations of love and
devotion from women in return.
CASE STUDY #30
EXPECTATION & DISCONTENT
Every Valentine’s day for the last three years, Luke went out and bought Jess
a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. This Valentine’s day was no
exception. Only this year the unexpected happened. When Luke gave Jess her
Valentine’s present, Jess apologized and told Luke that she had completely
forgotten what day it was. Luke smiled and told Jess it was no big deal and
nothing to worry about.
Later that evening, during a romantic candlelit dinner, Luke barely said a
word until after he had finished his meal. It was then that Luke took a deep
breath and told Jess he needed to get something off his chest. He proceeded to
tell Jess how much she had hurt his feelings. Valentine’s day was a tradition, a
tradition they’d kept alive for four years and it was an important milestone in
their relationship. Again, Jess apologized and told Luke how much she loved
him.
Unfortunately for Jess, her declaration of love wasn’t enough to calm
Luke’s nerves. I can’t believe this, Luke thought. I’ve given her so much,
bought her gifts, booked and paid for dinner, and she can’t even remember
what day it is.
As they drove home, Luke continued to berate Jess for ruining such a
special day. Jess put her head against the passenger side window and closed
her eyes. She wished he would just shut up and get over it. How many more
times did she have to listen to him complain about the same thing over and
over again?
* * *
Later that night, as Luke and Jess lay next to each other, Luke tried to kiss
Jess on the lips to bridge the distance between them.
“Are you okay?” Luke asked.
A minute passed before Jess rolled over and told Luke she wasn’t in the
mood to have sex, not tonight. Jess excused herself and went to the bathroom.
When she came back she was shocked to see Luke curled up on the side of
the bed, crying. “What’s wrong?” Jess whispered.
“You don’t love me anymore,” Luke replied as he tried to fight back the
tears.
Jess moved towards the bed, about to comfort Luke, when something
stopped her. It was as though someone had just shone a light onto her
boyfriend and exposed him for what he was—an emotionally weak and
fragile man.
* * *
Twelve months later, Luke was gone and Jess was now dating a guy called
Mike. With Valentine’s day fast approaching, Jess thought back to the
previous year and what a disaster it had been. Jess had never known how
weak and insecure Luke was until that moment. Now she knew what signs to
look out for she wasn’t about to make the same mistake again. This year, Jess
had made a conscious decision not to buy Mike anything for Valentine’s day.
She wanted to see how Mike would respond. Would he get upset like Luke or
would he pass her test?
When Valentine’s day finally arrived, Jess called Mike and invited him out
for dinner. Mike surprised Jess by telling her he couldn’t make it because he
had other plans. Jess took a moment to compose herself. She reminded Mike
that today was a “special day,” but Mike had no idea what she was talking
about.
“It’s Valentine’s day,” Jess said.
“Sorry, babe, I had no idea. But I can’t make it today. I’ll make it up to you
later.” Jess began to protest, but Mike cut her off mid-sentence by telling her
that Valentine’s day was “just another day.”
When Mike hung up the phone, Jess couldn’t help but smile. Somehow she
felt relieved. It’s a shame she couldn’t see Mike tonight, she missed him
already.

~•~
An attractive man doesn’t rely on gimmicks and gifts to lure a woman into his
life because he knows his presence is the gift, not the Tiffany necklace. Only
the weak and insecure man feels the need to buy gifts in a desperate attempt
to win a woman’s approval. The only time you should consider buying gifts
for women is not, as is commonly thought, on typical gift-giving days like
birthdays, Christmas day, Valentine’s day, and anniversaries, but on those
occasions where a woman deserves it and least expects it. An unexpected gift
is much more appreciated and valued for it is received with surprise and
gratitude and never taken for granted.


 ATTRACTION
GROWS IN SPACE
Eroticism resides in the ambiguous space
between anxiety and fascination.
— Esther Perel

If there’s one area of attraction that mustn’t be ignored, it’s the concept of
space. Space, or a lack of space, is responsible for more breakups than just
about any other relationship problem. Space is so powerful and important it
is, in essence, the means by which attraction either thrives or dies. Men and
women are born into the world as single entities. The moment we come out of
our mother’s womb, we start to develop a sense of self and a sense of our own
individual identity. We begin to separate ourselves from our parents as we
come to see ourselves as unique individual beings separate from other people
and the world around us. This separation of self drives our need for space. We
need space to grow. We need space to develop. We need space to think. And
we need space to have a sense of our own individual identity.
In most relationships, when two people come together, the concept of space
is usually forgotten. Most relationships start with a bang. The man and
woman come together with passion, frequently “love bombing” the other
person, only to discover later that they’ve squeezed all the life out of the
relationship. This is the great paradox of space—we want to be free and
separate from others, yet we also desire closeness and connection at the same
time. Introducing space is not only important in the early stages of a
relationship where coming on too strong can have disastrous consequences.
Space must also be present in long-term relationships as well. When a woman
loses attraction for a man, it’s usually because the man failed to bring enough
space and distance into the relationship. In the same way, when a woman
loses interest in sex, it’s usually because she feels deprived of space, and as a
result, her attraction has begun to fade.
Attraction doesn’t grow in close proximity, it grows in space. When space
is introduced, the focus comes off the self and back on to the other. When we
feel suffocated in a relationship, this is because the focus is on the other as
opposed to the self. Only when our partner grants us space do we crave
intimacy and turn our attention back to our partner. This is a cycle that all
healthy relationships must strive to balance, a balance that is often hard to
accomplish if one person requires more intimacy than the other.
 People who are insecure, lonely, or have a personality type that makes them
feel anxious often oppose the idea of space, preferring instead to live in a co-
dependent relationship. For the vast majority of people, introducing space
shouldn’t be a problem. Most people have a secure attachment style
(approximately 59 percent of the population); 25 percent of people have an
avoidant attachment style that requires fewer close connections and a reduced
need for intimacy; and 11 percent of people have an anxious attachment style
that lends itself to feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and the fear that their partner
will one day abandon them. Regardless of a person’s attachment style, you
must always allow space into your relationships, even if it feels like space is
the last thing the relationship needs.
In Esther Perel’s Mating in Captivity, eroticism and sexual attraction are
said to exist in an ambiguous zone between anxiety and fascination.105 The
amount of attraction (sexual or otherwise) we feel for another person is often
in direct proportion to the amount of anxiety and uncertainty the other person
stirs within us. The moment a woman feels smothered in a relationship is the
moment she begins to feel a slew of emotions ranging from boredom, apathy,
suffocation, and restlessness. On the other hand, the moment the all-important
element of space is introduced, the woman is no longer assured of the man’s
presence. It’s at this point that the woman begins to feel anxious and excited,
becoming more and more fixated on the man the longer he’s away from her.
Whether you find yourself in a new relationship or a twenty-year marriage,
you must learn to embrace space and welcome it into your life. In the same
way, you must resist the natural temptation to close the distance between you
and your lover. Men are often plagued by the thought that a woman will
forget about them, or, worse, find someone else and move on the moment
space is introduced. Just as your ability to introduce anxiety into a
relationship is often commensurate with the amount of attraction a woman
feels for you, your ability to introduce space is also a direct reflection of your
mental strength and character. There’s nothing more terrifying for a woman
than the prospect of losing her freedom and being trapped within the confines
of a suffocating relationship. Of all the values we hold dear, freedom is the
most important. Yes, we must eat and breathe to survive, but without freedom
we lose our humanity and the will to live. This is true of all animals, not just
humans. Only an insecure man would deny a woman space in a desperate
attempt to bind her to him. To bring space into the relationship, you must
have the confidence to allow a woman to pull away from you and come back
to you in her own time.
Many couples try to spend as much time as possible in each other’s
presence, especially when passions run high. You must learn to appreciate the
speed with which a woman falls in love. A study published in the Journal of
Social Psychology revealed that men fall in love faster than women and they
also want intimacy a lot faster too.106 Men and women frequently destroy the
element of space by making themselves too available—they talk about
everything, they see too much of each other, and they spend too much time
together. This lack of space often leads to a severe drop in attraction. To
overcome this problem, you must actively enforce the element of space, even
if the thought of bringing space into the relationship makes you feel
uncomfortable.
CASE STUDY #31
SUFFOCATING ATTRACTION
Jacob and Emily had been married for seven years when Emily dropped an
unexpected bombshell: “I want a divorce,” she told Jacob without a shred of
emotion.
Jacob was shocked. What about the kids? How would this affect them, and
why… why did she want a divorce when their life was so comfortable? Jacob
knew their relationship had problems but was it so bad that they had to get
divorced? The truth was, what had started out as an intimate and loving
relationship had quickly disintegrated into a sexless marriage devoid of
passion and intimacy. Despite this, Jacob still thought their marriage was
worth saving. Emily, however, wasn’t convinced. She wanted more, she
wanted love, she wanted passion, and she wanted to feel alive. As far as
Emily was concerned, her relationship with Jacob was dull and lifeless. Their
days had become routine and predictable. After work, Jacob and Emily would
come home and watch TV together. They would talk about their day and hold
each other close. At night, as they got ready for bed, they would often shower
together and brush their teeth at the same time. In fact, they were so
comfortable being around each other, they often left the bathroom door open
when they went to the toilet.
Now, when Emily looked at Jacob, it was like she was looking at a close
friend. She no longer wanted to have sex with him, and she no longer thought
about him or wondered what he was doing during the day. Emily remembered
how, almost a year ago, she had tried bringing the element of space into their
relationship. Emily knew she needed time to herself—time to think about
their relationship and their future together. But every time she asked for
space, Jacob would get upset and complain that she didn’t love him. Emily
felt trapped and suffocated. She now knew, without a shred of doubt, that she
had no choice but to leave Jacob and never look back.

~•~
The moment you become predictable (either in thought or deed), is the
moment you become boring, tiresome, unexciting, and unattractive. An
attractive man doesn’t make his romantic partner his primary concern. He
doesn’t need to be with her twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.
When you live a full and active life, the element of space will naturally be
present in your relationships.
When a man and woman live together in a long-term relationship, it’s still
possible to introduce space by living a life that’s separate from your partner.
Whether this means working out separately, meeting your own friends, seeing
family, or working on your own hobbies and projects, you must take the time
to focus on yourself as opposed to cruising by in a co-dependent relationship.
If you find it difficult to avoid being in the presence of your partner (for
instance, if you’re married with children), occasionally sleeping in separate
beds is a great way to restore attraction and a dying sex life. The idea of
sleeping in separate beds often induces a sense of panic among couples, as
though their partner has somehow lost interest in them and is about to exit the
relationship. Research, however, shows that sleeping in separate beds when in
long-term relationships often helps to bring the element of space and
attraction back into the relationship.104 Many of the most successful long-
term relationships, where both partners have a sustained, long-lasting desire
for each other has come as a direct result of space being introduced through
separate sleeping arrangements.
For the insecure and possessive man, the thought of giving a woman space
is enough to send him into a downward spiral of frustration and anxiety. A
relationship, however, should never feel like an obligation. There’s nothing
more unattractive than someone who forces their presence onto another
person when that person has already expressed their desire for space. If
attraction is to exist, the element of space must be present regardless of
whether you feel comfortable with it or not.


 NEVER USE LOGIC
TO FIGHT EMOTION
Logic will never change
emotion or perception.
— Edward de Bono

Women are predisposed to worry and anxiety. If you allow a woman’s

emotions to take over during the course of the relationship, her feelings of
worry and anxiety will overwhelm her and consume you in the process. If a
woman becomes moody or distant, there’s a good chance she’s allowed
herself to become a victim of her own emotions. If you try to talk a woman
out of her emotions using logic and reason, you’ll have more success talking
to a brick wall.
Reason and logic can never defeat emotion because emotion is neither
logical nor reasonable. The more you attempt to reason with a woman, the
more she’ll resist. If a woman’s acting distant towards you, it will be
impossible to try and talk her into feeling warmth and affection using logic
and reason. A woman doesn’t care if she’s right or wrong, she only cares
about how she feels in the present. If she’s feeling angry or sad, you won’t be
able to talk her into a state of happiness and bliss. Instead, you must allow her
to talk and make it a point not to fix her problems.
CASE STUDY #32
THE SILENCE IS DEAFENING
Dylan and Abi were having lunch when Dylan noticed that Abi was unusually
silent. Whenever Dylan tried to say something, Abi just gave him a weak
smile and continued to play around with her food. Dylan was confused. One
minute they were having a great time, fooling around in the kitchen; the next
minute Abi was acting like Dylan had just killed the family dog.
“Did I do something wrong?” Dylan asked. Abi gave him a withering look.
“Why don’t you just tell me if something’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Abi said.
“Talk about what?”
“I’m fine. Don’t worry.”
 “Of course, I’m worried. You’re obviously upset about something
otherwise you wouldn’t be acting this way.”
Abi sneered and looked out the window.
“Please just tell me what’s wrong. I hate to see you like this.”
“See me like what?”
“Like you are now. Sad. Unhappy.” Dylan took hold of Abi’s hand. “Please
don’t shut me out. Has something happened at work? I know you’re stressed
out, but…” Abi pulled her hand away. “You’re not even going to tell me
what’s wrong?” Dylan said. “Isn’t that what people do when they love each
other?”
“God, you’re so annoying,” Abi said as she got up from the table.
“Where are you going?”
“Away from you.” And with that, Abi left the house, slamming the door
behind her.

~•~
The moment a woman gets upset or pulls away, a flurry of thoughts rush
through the man’s head. His analytical brain goes into overdrive, asking the
same question over and over: how can I fix the situation and make this
woman happy? The short answer is you can’t fix her and you can’t make her
happy. You should expect a woman’s mood to fluctuate. You should expect
her to be happy one minute and sad the next. And you should expect her to
occasionally pull away from you. Fortunately, there are two simple ways to
deal with this kind of behavior. The first is to remain indifferent to a woman’s
emotions no matter her emotional state; the second is to mirror her emotions
and diffuse her negative energy.


 MIRROR
HER EMOTIONS
Sex relieves tension—love causes it.
— Woody Allen

Any man who’s been in a serious relationship knows that women frequently
pull away and create problems for no reason. When this happens, the man’s
natural instinct is to wonder why his girlfriend or wife is acting this way.
Sometimes there are legitimate reasons for a woman’s behavior; at other
times, there’s no logical explanation except for a female predisposition
towards emotional instability. Perhaps you’ve done something to upset her;
perhaps she woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or perhaps she’s testing
you to see how you’ll respond. Whatever the reason might be, the most
important thing a woman wants to know is this: are you strong enough to
handle her emotions or not?
CASE STUDY #33
FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE
When Neil met Gretchen outside her apartment, he could tell straight away
that she was in a bad mood. As usual, whenever Gretchen was upset her face
was the picture of misery.
“Are you okay?” Neil asked as he came up beside her.
“I’m fine,” Gretchen replied.
“Would you like to go for a walk?”
“Sure,” Gretchen said. As they walked to the park, Gretchen told Neil how
she had done yoga a couple of days ago and would try pilates next week.
“That’s awesome,” Neil said. “You’re putting me to shame, you’re so
healthy.”
“Why do you keep talking about my health?”
Neil looked confused. “I’m not.”
“You asked me how I’m feeling, now you’re telling me I’m healthy.”
“I only asked because you told me you weren’t feeling well the other day.”
“Don’t talk about my health,” Gretchen snapped.
 Neil had seen Gretchen act this way before and he knew it didn’t bode well
for the rest of the day. The last time Gretchen had acted this way, she had
spent the whole day chewing him out. Neil didn’t want to experience a repeat
of that all over again, so Neil did what he thought was best and told Gretchen
he “didn’t mean anything by it, it was just a harmless comment.” Neil then
proceeded to spend the next couple of hours trying to talk Gretchen into a
state of happiness, but nothing he said or did seemed to lighten her mood or
make her feel any better.
* * *
Six months later, Neil was gone and Gretchen was in a relationship with Sean.
One afternoon, while Gretchen and Sean were having coffee, Sean asked
Gretchen if she was feeling better. Gretchen had been sick for a couple of
days and Sean wanted to make sure she was okay.
“I’m fine,” Gretchen said, sipping her coffee.
“You sure?”
“I said I’m fine,” Gretchen snapped.
“Relax, I was just making sure you’re okay.”
“Well, don’t, it makes you sound stupid.”
Fortunately, Sean had seen this kind of behavior before. He got up from the
table and flashed Gretchen a smile. “You’ll get the check, right?” And with
that, he was gone. Sean knew there was nothing he could say to make
Gretchen happy. And he knew she would spend the next couple of hours
being rude and there was nothing he could do about it except mirror her
emotions and withdraw from the situation. Actions, after all, speak louder
than words.
As Sean walked out of the diner, Gretchen got up and followed him out the
door. “Where are you going?” she yelled.
“I’ve got stuff to do.”
“Are you mad at me? I didn’t do anything.”
“See ya,” Sean said as he crossed the street. The way Sean saw it he was a
busy guy. He had his own business, he loved to workout, and he had options
with women. He didn’t have time to waste on women who were rude and
disrespectful.
* * *
Gretchen didn’t contact Sean for the rest of the day, and Sean didn’t contact
her either. It was a classic standoff. Gretchen, however, was bristling with
anxiety. Will I ever see him again? Is this it? What was I thinking? Why did I
have to get so upset over nothing? she thought.
Later that night, Gretchen checked her phone… still no message from Sean.
Unable to contain her anxiety any longer, Gretchen typed out a message and
sent it to Sean: “Hey, I’m sorry about before. Are you okay?”

~•~
If a woman’s acting moody or withdrawn, all the talking in the world won’t
bring her back to a place of joy and happiness. Expressions of frustration and
anger will only pour fuel on the situation as the woman comes to realize that
she now has power over you and your emotions. In this situation, any attempt
to placate a woman and soothe her will be met with sharp resistance. Instead,
it’s always better to mirror a woman’s emotions to neutralize her power.
When a woman pulls away from you, you must also pull away; when she
grows distant and withdrawn, you too must become distant and withdrawn;
and when she pushes you away by acting rude and disrespectful, simply
withdraw your attention and refuse to empower her.
Imagine for a moment that a piece of string binds you to the woman you
desire. Every time the string pulls tight, there’s sexual tension in the
relationship. Similarly, when the string goes slack, tension dies and attraction
fades. When attraction fades and there’s a loss of sexual interest, either you or
the woman—preferably both—must pull away from each other to bring
sexual tension back into the relationship.
When a woman pulls away or becomes emotionally distant, most men, in a
desperate attempt to soothe their anxiety, try to close the distance, thus
making the string go slack, killing all sexual tension and attraction in the
process. Instead, when a woman pulls away, you must mirror her behavior
and also pull away in response. This, once more, pulls the string tight,
bringing sexual tension back into the relationship with force and vigor.


 WOMEN ALWAYS TEST
Fire is the test of gold;
adversity, of strong men.
— Martha Graham

Every man who’s ever interacted with a woman has, at some point in time,
been tested. Most men, however, go through life unaware that women test
men on a daily basis. It’s for this reason that so many men fail when it comes
to seduction. Before we explore the different ways that women test men, it’s
important to understand why women test in the first place. At its core, a test is
an easy way for a woman to determine whether a man is weak or strong.
Testing is not something that women consciously do, but something
they’ve been programmed to do since birth. In the same way that babies are
imprinted with a fear of snakes, women are imprinted with a need to test.107
This stems from evolution and a woman’s biological need to reproduce with
the strongest DNA possible. A test is nature’s way of helping a woman find
the best genes for her future offspring. If you pass a woman’s tests, she’s
more likely to believe you can father strong, healthy children. The reason why
women test comes down to simple biology, but as you’re about to discover,
the way women test is anything but simple.
CASE STUDY #34
EVERYTHING’S A TEST
Jason and Amy were celebrating their one-year anniversary at Amy’s favorite
seafood restaurant. This was Jason’s way of showing Amy how much he
cared about her. After they finished dessert, the waiter brought some cocktails
over to the table—a piña colada for Jason and a daiquiri for Amy.
“Wow,” Jason exclaimed. “They look good.”
Amy raised the daiquiri to her lips and took a sip. “Ughhh,” she groaned.
“No good?”
“That’s disgusting.”
“Want to try mine?”
Amy grabbed Jason’s piña colada and took a sip. “Oh, that’s much better.
I’m keeping this one,” Amy said.
“Let me try the daiquiri.” Jason lifted the daiquiri to his lips and took a sip.
She was right, it tasted terrible—too much alcohol and way too sour. Jason
pushed the daiquiri to one side and turned his attention back to Amy.
An hour later, Jason and Amy were getting ready to leave when Amy saw
the daiquiri resting on the table.
“You’re not going to drink it?” Amy asked.
“Nah, you’re right, it’s way too sour.”
“Oh, go on,” Amy goaded. “I dare you.”
“No way!” Jason laughed. “I’m not drinking that.”
Amy looked at Jason, then, with a cheeky smile, leaned in and whispered,
“If you drink it, I’ll give you the most amazing night of sex you’ve ever had.”
“You serious?”
“Of course.”
“You’ve got yourself a deal.” And with that, Jason picked up the daiquiri
and swallowed it down in one gulp.
* * *
Later that night, Amy was curled up in bed at Jason’s apartment when she
heard Jason step out of the shower and walk into the bedroom. Jason
approached the bed and kissed Amy on the cheek, letting his towel drop to the
floor.
Jason couldn’t wait to get into bed and claim his reward. In the shower,
Jason had wondered what Amy meant when she said: “…the most amazing
night of sex you’ve ever had.” What exactly was she going to do to him?
Jason could barely contain his excitement as he pulled back the covers and
climbed into bed. Jason placed his hand on Amy’s stomach. “You’re so soft
and warm.”
“I’m so drunk,” Amy responded.
“You only had one drink.”
Amy stiffened and rolled over onto her stomach. Jason lifted himself up
and kissed her on the cheek.
“Uhhh,” Amy moaned. “I’m kind of tired.”
“I thought we were going to make love?” Jason said, a touch of frustration
creeping into his voice.
 “I’m tired!”
“Come on,” Jason said. “A deal’s a deal. You made me drink that
disgusting cocktail, right?”
“I didn’t make you drink anything.”
“I only drank it because we made a deal,” Jason said, trying his best to stay
calm.
Amy pulled the covers over her face. “I can’t remember, I’m drunk.”
“You said we’d have the most amazing sex if I drank it.”
“Well, now we can’t can we? You’ve totally ruined the moment.”
Jason was hit with the sudden realization that Amy was just kidding
around. A sense of relief washed over him as he bent down and kissed her on
the lips.
“I told you, I’m tired!” Amy snapped.
“What do you mean tired?” Amy didn’t respond. “Are you serious?” Jason
said. “You promised we’d have sex, now you’re backing out. I can’t believe
this.”
* * *
The next morning, when Jason woke up, Amy was already dressed.
“You’re leaving?” Jason said, still groggy with sleep.
Amy came over to the bed and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ve got to run
some errands, then have lunch with my sister. How do I look?” Amy said,
spinning around in a bright blue dress.
“You look great,” Jason muttered. “You’re leaving so early?”
“Sorry, honey. I’ll call you tonight.” Amy smiled as she walked out the
door.
* * *
Later that night, Jason paced around his apartment, waiting for Amy’s call. It
was almost 10 p.m. and he was starting to get worried. Jason picked up his
phone and sent Amy a message: “Hey, how was lunch with sis?”
An hour went by… still no response. It was now 11 p.m. That’s strange,
Jason thought. Maybe something’s happened. I better call and make sure she’s
okay. Amy’s phone rang and rang… still no response. Something wasn’t right.
First, she refused to have sex with him and now she wasn’t answering her
phone. Jason began to sense that Amy was either pulling away from him or
about to leave him. Then another even more devastating thought struck him—
maybe she’s met someone else. Jason tried calling again… still no answer. In
a fit of rage, Jason threw his phone across the room and kicked a cushion
lying on the floor.
The next morning, Jason continued to send Amy a stream of messages,
trying to find out where she was, and, more importantly, find out why she had
pulled away from him. Unbeknown to Jason was the fact that Amy would
never have sex with him again, and she would only see him a couple more
times after that. He had failed all her tests and Amy’s attraction for him was
now at an all-time low.

~•~
When a woman withdraws from the relationship, it’s crucial to see her
behavior for what it is—a test. The moment you sense a woman pull away
(either by appearing disinterested or refusing to answer your messages or
return your phone calls) you should assume that she’s testing you. When this
happens, you mustn’t let insecurity and panic get the better of you; instead,
you must display strength and indifference in response to her behavior. All it
takes is a willingness to step outside your comfort zone and embrace
uncertainty. A woman might not get in touch with you for a couple of days,
she might not get in touch for a week, regardless how long it takes her to get
back to you, you must have the strength of character to walk away until she
contacts you.
THE BITCH TEST
When a woman intentionally acts rude, bitchy, or disrespectful, she’s trying to
get a measure of your strength using what’s commonly known as the bitch
test. In this situation, a woman might question your masculinity and attack
you in ways she knows will get under your skin. She might try to provoke you
and use any method she can to rattle you. She might make an off-handed
comment about your lack of physical strength (if you’re skinny); or if your
short, she might make a disparaging comment about your height. These
comments are designed to expose your weakness and find out whether or not
you’re confident or insecure. When this happens, there’s no point getting into
a heated discussion, trying to defend yourself with logic and reason—if you
do, you fail her test. Women are skilled at uncovering weakness, and once a
woman finds a chink in your armor, she won’t curtail her attack until you
shore up your defenses.
 A lot of men assume a “tough guy” persona only to fall apart the moment a
woman tests them. Even the most masculine men who are, for all intents and
purposes, alpha, still find themselves emotionally vulnerable to a woman’s
unexpected psychological attack. In the face of rude and disrespectful
behavior, it’s important to handle the situation the right way. Instead of giving
in to temptation and exploding in a fit of rage, it’s always better to keep a cool
head and walk away.
THE JEALOUSY TEST
Women often use jealousy as a way to expose weakness and test men. The
woman starts off, innocently enough, by talking about another man who may
or may not have shown interest in her. The instinct to mate guard immediately
triggers strong feelings of jealousy. It is, therefore, no surprise that jealousy is
one of the easiest emotions to exploit. Once a woman sets her jealousy trap,
she’s looking for one thing and one thing only: your reaction to the situation.
If you get jealous and feel threatened by another man, the woman will start to
question you and wonder why you’re acting so insecure.
A woman’s jealousy test should always be handled with indifference or
humor to shrink the situation down into an issue of minor importance. This
proves that you’re not the least bit concerned or threatened by the presence of
another man. The man who comes from a place of strength knows his true
value, and he knows that if a woman cheats on him, he can easily find another
woman to replace her. If you fly into a jealous rage, get upset, or become
passive aggressive, the woman will attribute your behavior to insecurity—
insecurity that translates into weakness. Is it because you feel like you can’t
compete or because you feel like you’re not good enough? Love rivals will
always be present as long as humans exist. The attractive man doesn’t
concern himself with potential love rivals unless they stray too far into his
domain.
HOW TO PASS EVERY TEST
When you meet a woman for the first time, the woman doesn’t know if you’re
strong or weak, stable or unstable, secure or insecure. And even though she
might enjoy your company and find you physically attractive, a woman won’t
have a measure of your true strength until she’s tested you. Every time you
pass a woman’s test, you move one step closer to proving your value. This is
why you must never get frustrated when women test you. Instead, you must
view a test as a healthy challenge that must be handled the right way.
If you eliminate weak responses from your repertoire, you’ll find it that
much easier to pass a woman’s tests whenever you encounter them. To make
it easier to deal with women in times of conflict, it’s always useful to ask
yourself one important question: am I acting in a way that’s insecure, or am I
acting in a way that’s confident? Any actions that come from a place of fear
and insecurity must be eliminated and replaced with actions based on strength
and confidence. To project strength and confidence, it’s useful to keep the
following guidelines in mind:
— Don’t try to control her.
— Never beg, plead, or cry.
— Never ask for forgiveness.
— Never become aggressive.
— Avoid showing signs of jealousy.
— Never make a woman your top priority.
— Don’t try to reason, explain, and apologize.
— Don’t chase her with messages and phone calls.
— If she withdraws her attention, never chase her.
— Remain indifferent to her emotions and moods.
— Take the focus off the woman and focus on yourself instead.
— Deflect rude, disrespectful behavior with humor and indifference.
One question that often comes up is whether women consciously test men or
not? The answer is both yes and no. A woman is always testing you, and she’s
always looking to get a measure of your strength to see how you handle
yourself in difficult situations. If you react with weakness and insecurity, a
woman will pull away from you and continue to test you until she either loses
all attraction for you or you shore up your weakness and she comes to realize
that you’re high-value and it’s safe for her to continue to invest her emotions
into you.


 INDUCE SCARCITY TO INCREASE YOUR
VALUE
If you tell me I can’t have something then
that just makes me want it more.
— Anna Benson

One of the least understood and unappreciated aspects of seduction is the

concept of value. Between a man that’s available and a man that’s less
available, who do you think is more attractive to women? In a study published
in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology researchers examined
how people would react to two identical sets of cookies placed in separate
glass jars.108 One jar contained ten cookies, and the other jar contained two
cookies. The researchers then attempted to find out which jar of cookies
would be perceived as more valuable (even though the cookies and jars were
both identical). The results of the study found that the jar with two cookies
was rated more valuable than the jar with ten cookies. It’s a strange quirk of
human nature that less available people and objects are perceived to be more
desirable and valuable.
When gold is as common as dirt, it has no value. Water is arguably the
most important element on earth. It sustains life and keeps us alive. As
humans, we can only survive for approximately three to four days without
water. Despite water’s obvious value, however, water is still considered a
low-value commodity because its supply is abundant. Yet, gold an element
that does nothing to support life is considered more valuable than water
because its supply is limited.
This brings us to an interesting point, out of all the human emotions, human
beings are most uncomfortable dealing with feelings of loss, regret, and
missed opportunity. Losing out on a scarce resource has the potential to
trigger a cocktail of negative emotions, and, as research into loss aversion
shows people are much more likely to want to avoid loss than they are to seek
gains.109 In other words, the pain of losing fifty dollars far outweighs the joy
of winning fifty dollars. Once you have a firm understanding of these
concepts, you can start to use scarcity and loss aversion to your advantage,
exploiting a woman’s natural instinct to mate and pair with high-value men.
CASE STUDY #35
LOW VALUE = LOW ATTRACTION
Zach and Brooke had been dating for almost two years when Zach got down
on one knee and asked Brooke to marry him. Zach knew he wasn’t going to
find anyone better than Brooke, even if he spent the next ten years looking.
Now in his mid-forties, Zach couldn’t wait to settle down and start a family.
Sure, their relationship wasn’t perfect and they sometimes fought, but who
didn’t? The more he thought about it, the more Zach knew he wanted to spend
the rest of his life with Brooke.
Logically, Brooke knew marrying Zach made sense. After all, he was a
loyal and loving boyfriend and would make an equally devoted husband.
Zach was Mr. Reliable, and Brooke loved that about him. Yet for some
reason, she couldn’t help but feel like something was missing from their
relationship. It wasn’t that Zach wasn’t a good man, he was. But where was
all the passion and excitement she craved? If Brooke was being honest with
herself, she knew she was just passing time, waiting for Mr. Right to come
along. This can’t go on, Brooke thought. It’s not fair to Zach and it’s not fair
to me.
* * *
Nine months later, Brooke was in a relationship with Daniel. Daniel was the
complete opposite of Zach. He was exciting, interesting, and bold. The sex
was incredible, the conversation was interesting, and they had enough passion
and excitement in their relationship to last a lifetime. There was only one
problem—Brooke felt as though she liked Daniel a lot more than he liked her.
She also felt as though she had to work overtime to get his attention. She was
the one who was always calling him and sending him messages. Daniel’s
elusive presence had turned him into a scarce resource. Little did Brooke
realize that this was the main reason why she was so attracted to him.

~•~
Basic human psychology dictates that men who are less available are seen as
more valuable and attractive than their more available peers. Research into
attraction has also confirmed that playing “hard to get” works in a man’s
favor.110 This is why being a scarce resource is such a powerful and effective
way to gain a woman’s respect and raise your own value at the same time.
However, being a scarce resource isn’t just a matter of pulling away and
becoming less available, it’s about becoming less emotionally available to
induce confusion and turmoil.
Emotional withdrawal means you disqualify a woman when she (a)
attempts to get close to you or (b) pulls away from you. As an example, when
a woman tries to draw close to you by saying: “So what are we?” It’s easy to
disqualify her with a simple: “I’m not looking for anything serious right
now.” This statement is loaded with subtext, providing hope and doubt in
equal measure. “I’m not looking for anything serious” sets up the challenge,
“…right now” offers a glimmer of hope and something for her to work
towards. In the same way, if a woman tries to pull away from you by telling
you that “things are moving too fast,” you must agree with this sentiment and
let her know you feel the same way and miss your freedom. Pushing a woman
away when she pulls away from you increases your value, forcing her to
chase you as she tries to capture that one elusive commodity more valuable
than gold—your love. If you seek love, you must act as though love is the last
thing on your mind. In the same way, if you seek commitment, you must
make freedom your number one priority.


 STAY OUT OF
THE FRIEND ZONE
She had a place in his life, he
never made her think twice.
— “What a Fool Believes,”
The Doobie Brothers

If you want to become intimate with a woman, you must avoid the friend
zone at all costs. The moment you become friends with a woman instead of
becoming intimate with her is the moment you sacrifice seduction in favor of
friendship. A study run by the University of Wisconsin explained how men
have a hard time being just friends and often want more.111 The Wisconsin
study also discovered that men and women mostly have no idea how other
people feel about them, as in: does this person find me attractive? Men,
however, are more likely to assume a woman is romantically interested in
them, while women are more likely to assume that men have no romantic
interest in them at all. Complicating the issue further, a lot of men willingly
enter the friend zone because they fear rejection and have low self-
confidence. These same men believe that if they become friends with a
woman first, they’ll be able to turn her into their girlfriend later on.
CASE STUDY #36
FRIENDS FOREVER
Ethan was attracted to Juliana the moment he saw her sitting outside the
college library. If only I could be with a girl like that, Ethan thought. She’s
perfect.
A couple of weeks later, a mutual friend introduced Ethan to Juliana. From
that moment on, Ethan decided he would make it his mission to get to know
Juliana. He would become her friend first, then turn her into his girlfriend
later on once they got to know each other.
The more Juliana got to know Ethan, the more she liked him. He was cute
and easy to talk to. He would often spend hours listening to her talk about all
her problems, and he never tried to control her or tell her what to do. Of
course Juliana knew that Ethan liked her, but how could she take him
seriously? He reminded her of a big, cute puppy dog. If she was being truly
honest with herself, there was a moment when Juliana thought Ethan was kind
of attractive, but he never made a move and always seemed so shy and timid
around her.
* * *
A couple of months later, Juliana was at the gym when she met Ed. Ed wasn’t
the kind of guy to waste time and he let Juliana know straight away that he
found her attractive. Juliana was instantly smitten by Ed’s confidence and
charm. She was so excited she couldn’t wait to get back to her dorm and tell
all her friends about him.
That evening, Juliana couldn’t stop talking about Ed and how she thought
he was so charming and handsome. Juliana’s friend were all excited to hear
the news—everyone, that is, except for Ethan.
Later that night, as Ethan and Juliana walked through the college campus,
Ethan knew he had to confront Juliana about her new love interest. “You can’t
trust strangers,” Ethan said. “Guys like Ed don’t respect women and they’re
only after one thing.”
Juliana smiled. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
Ethan felt a surge of panic. He knew he had to make a move now or risk
losing Juliana forever. “Juliana, there’s something I need to tell you. This
might sound strange, but I really like you.”
Juliana took a moment to compose herself. “Oh, Ethan, that’s sweet of
you… but honestly, you’re such a great friend. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You wouldn’t lose me,” Ethan replied.
“I would. It wouldn’t be the same.”
“I’m sorry,” Ethan choked. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, it’s sweet of you. You’re one of my best friends Ethan. We’re great
like we are, can’t you see that?”
“I can, I know. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Ethan replied.
“You’re so cute,” Juliana said, “Have you been drinking?”
“Maybe just a little.”
“Ha, I knew it. You’re hilarious. See you tomorrow.” And with that Juliana
smiled and waved goodbye, leaving Ethan standing alone on the sidewalk.

~•~
When you let a woman put you in the friend zone, you’re subconsciously
telling her that you don’t have the confidence to seduce her. Consider the
implications of a study carried out by researchers at the University of Virginia
and Pennsylvania State University where researchers observed that less than
10 percent of couples started out as just friends.112 Not great odds if you’re
looking to turn that attractive “girl friend” into a “girlfriend.” A woman
knows when a man wants to be more than just friends. At the same time, a
woman also knows when a man is too weak to make a move and seduce her.
This is the reason why so many men are condemned to the friend zone.
There’s nothing more unattractive and unappealing to women than a man
who’s too afraid to express himself and seduce a woman he finds attractive.
Early in the seduction process, there’s a good chance a woman will, at
some point, try to friend zone you. Often, this is just a test to see if you’re
prepared to accept a weakened position or do you have the guts to seduce her?
The weak man fails the test every time, while the attractive man rejects the
woman’s offer and lets her know that friendship is off the table. If a woman
says: “We should just be friends.” You must respond with a simple: “Sorry,
not interested.” This response immediately disqualifies the woman and lets
her know that friendship is not an option. This form of disqualification works
in much the same way that the Romeo and Juliet effect makes people more
desirable (by making your love hard to acquire, you become more desirable
and attractive in the same way that Romeo and Juliet’s attraction for each
other flourished the moment they were told they couldn’t see each other).
Even in long-term relationships, after years of marriage, a woman might still
try to put you in the friend zone. It’s up to you to decide whether or not you’re
willing to accept her offer of friendship or hold out for intimacy.


 SHE MUST
INVEST IN YOU
Commitment is an act, not a word.
— Jean-Paul Sartre

Most men believe that if they buy a woman gifts, take her out for dinner, and
show her love and affection, they will, according to logic, receive the same
amount of love and affection in return.113 The attractive man, however,
understands that his investment in a woman is nowhere near as important as
her investment in him. If we consider all the various forms of investment that
exist within a relationship, the main forms of investment are: (1) emotional:
investing one’s emotions and feelings into someone; (2) time: spent thinking
about someone, or time spent with them; (3) physical: sharing physical
intimacy with another person; and (4) financial: buying gifts or spending
money on someone. All of these forms of investment lead to higher levels of
commitment and attraction on the part of the investor.
The man who invests all his time, money, effort, and emotions into one
woman values that woman a lot more than the man who makes no investment
whatsoever. If you invest in someone, you are much more likely to value that
person.114 Whether your investment is good or bad is beside the point, the
feeling of value remains, making it increasingly difficult with each additional
level of investment to withdraw your emotions and walk away if the
investment turns out to be bad. This is the danger of the sunk cost fallacy,
which states that the more you invest in someone or something, the harder it
becomes to walk away, even if that investment turns out to be a bad decision.
It’s for this reason alone that people find it so hard to exit a relationship, even
when the relationship becomes toxic. The idea of leaving someone when so
much has already been invested is often too much to bear. Understanding how
investment works in relationships will not only protect you from future loss it
will also help you build greater levels of attraction.
In pure Machiavellian style, the man who’s selfish encourages women to
invest in him for he understands one simple truth: the more a woman invests
in him, the more committed she’ll be. If your goal is to ensnare a woman, you
must be selfish, you must be ruthless, and you must be willing to take more
than you give. Some dark research into attraction shows that women who
invest in men by taking risks (as in having unprotected sex) are more likely to
value the relationship than if they had taken no risks at all.115 The charming
yet ever selfish rogue builds attraction by getting women to invest in him. He
knows only too well that every additional act of devotion and investment
brings the woman further under his spell.
CASE STUDY #37
THE ATTRACTIVE BAD GUY
Joel was lost for words. His dream girl, Jocelyn, had spent the last two hours
talking about Cole—that selfish asshole who treated her like shit. Joel
struggled to keep his cool as Jocelyn told him what a terrible guy Cole was.
The list of charges against Cole was both long and depressing: (1) forgetting
Jocelyn’s birthday; (2) taking gifts from Jocelyn and never buying anything in
return; (3) having sex with Jocelyn while making no attempt to get her off; (4)
refusing to spend the weekend with Jocelyn; (5) hanging out with his friends
instead of hanging out with Jocelyn. And that was just scratching the surface.
It was enough to make Joel’s blood boil.
What was even worse was the fact that Cole refused to commit to Jocelyn
and be her “official boyfriend.” What the hell’s wrong with him? Joel
thought. I’m here. I’m ready to commit. Why can’t she see that? Joel was
even more frustrated by the fact that two years ago he was the one sitting
where Cole is now. What the hell happened? He had been nothing but kind,
loving, and supportive in their relationship. He remembered Jocelyn’s
birthday; he remembered their anniversary; he always bought her gifts and
showered her with love and attention; he must have given her over a hundred
massages; not to mention all the effort he made trying to please her in bed.
And for what? Jocelyn had never rewarded him for being a good boyfriend.
Instead, she had punished him by insisting they were better off as friends.
Now, here she was torturing him in the worst possible way. And Joel
couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The woman he loved was telling him
that even though Cole was the most selfish, arrogant son of a bitch she had
ever met, she still loved him. Cole, she said, was her “one true love.” And one
day he would love her as much as she loved him. Joel had to bite his tongue
to stop himself from screaming.

~•~
Look around and you’ll see countless examples of men over-investing in
women every day. There’s the man who buys gifts; there’s the man who cooks
for hours; there’s the man who spends lavishly; there’s the man who gives
massages; and there’s the man who tries to please women any way he can.
Consider the following question: could you imagine someone you admire, a
truly powerful and attractive man doing any of the above to try and seduce a
woman?
Once you pull back the curtain to reveal the inner-workings of the female
mind, a plain and simple truth is revealed: women only value that which they
work for. If your love is easy to acquire, a woman will naturally find it that
much harder to respect you and appreciate you. Conversely, if a woman has to
work hard for your attention, pouring all her emotions, time, and energy into
you in an effort to win you over, you become infinitely more valuable and
attractive.



 DEALING
WITH CONFLICT
The supreme art of war is to subdue
the enemy without fighting.
— Sun Tzu

In any relationship, the question: how can I handle difficult situations the
right way often enters a man’s mind after he finds himself, once more, dealing
with unexpected conflict. When women bring turmoil into your life, it’s
important to know how to handle the situation the right way. If you stumble
your way through emotionally charged situations, you’ll not only come across
as weak and unattractive you’ll end up feeling frustrated and resentful
towards the woman in your life as she becomes increasingly difficult to
appease.
CASE STUDY #38
NEUTRALIZE NEGATIVE ENERGY
Steve and Isabel had been living together for two months when Isabel
discovered a text message on Steve’s phone. The message was from Steve’s
ex-girlfriend.
“You forgot your phone!” Isabel screamed the moment Steve came home.
“What’s wrong?” Steve replied.
“Who’s Candice?” Isabel threw Steve’s phone across the room.
“What are you talking about? Candice my ex?” Steve set his bag down on
the table. “It’s probably an old message or something.”
“Bullshit,” Isabel fumed. “You’re lying. You’re just trying to cover up the
fact you still have feelings for her.”
“Where do you think I was just now, with Candice?”
“You could be.”
“Yeah,” Steve smiled. “I could be. I gotta get something to eat, you
hungry?” Steve walked into the kitchen.
Isabel watched him closely. He doesn’t even care. How can he be so calm
about everything? “You’re an asshole,” she shouted after him.
 Steve rummaged through the fridge, looking for something to eat. “We
don’t have any food. You want to go out or get takeaway?”
“I’ll take care of it,” Isabel said, getting up from the couch. She stepped
into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around Steve, squeezing him from
behind. “I’m sorry, I just get so jealous sometimes. Forgive me?”
“Only if you buy me dinner,” Steve replied.

~•~
When a woman levels accusations at you, whether those accusations are true
or not, your best form of defense is to agree and amplify. She threatens to
leave, your response should be, “Great, no more headaches.” She calls you a
liar, tell her you’ve been called worse. She calls you an asshole, tell her you’ll
take it as a compliment. You must show no sign of weakness—weakness that
infects so many emotionally charged situations. You know better than to
engage a woman head on and try to convince her through logic and reason
that you’re one of the good guys. Instead, you must do the unexpected and
pivot. Agree with everything she says and even exaggerate her claims to the
point where she questions her own sanity. Agree and amplify is a simple
strategy that helps neutralize highly charged, emotional situations. This
ensures you remain attractive, even when a woman attacks you.


 HANDLING JEALOUSY
Never underestimate the power of jealousy
and the power of envy to destroy.
— Oliver Stone

Men and women all experience jealousy to some degree, we just experience
jealousy in different ways. For example, women are more likely to feel
jealous if their romantic partner falls in love with another woman; men, on the
other hand, are more likely to feel jealous if their romantic partner has sex
with another man. This is a key difference between the sexes. If you think
your girlfriend or wife is interested in someone else, or another man has
shown interest in your woman, it’s natural to feel jealous. In psychology, this
is known as mate guarding, which describes the defensive response that’s
triggered when facing sexual competition. It’s normal to feel jealous. It’s
normal to mate guard. It’s normal to want to protect your woman from other
men. But knowing how to protect a woman the right way is what separates the
attractive man from the unattractive man.
If you believe your girlfriend or wife has cheated on you or is about to
cheat on you, those initial feelings of hurt, jealousy, and anger can be
overwhelming. The natural response is to destroy the man that’s sexually
defiled your partner. Submitting to your emotions, however, will do nothing
to fix the problem or make those feelings of jealousy go away. You must
remember that jealousy is a temporary emotion. But because it’s such a primal
emotion, it’s impossible to eliminate jealousy altogether. Eliminating jealousy,
however, is an exercise in futility. Instead, it’s better to know how to handle
jealousy the right way so you don’t kill attraction and turn a woman off.
CASE STUDY #39
JEALOUSY LOVES INSECURITY
Glen was celebrating Christmas with his girlfriend Hope at her family home
in the Berkshires when he noticed that Hope was spending a lot of time
messaging people on her phone. Who’s she talking to? And dammit, how
could she do this to me? I need to find out what’s going on, Glen thought.
Later that evening, when Hope was in the shower, Glen crept into Hope’s
bedroom and checked her phone. On the screen, he saw a message from a guy
called Kevin. Who the fuck is Kevin?
* * *
The following day, Glen was watching TV when he saw Hope message
someone on her phone and smile. How could she be so disrespectful? Glen
thought as he gripped the edge of the sofa. “Look, we need to talk,” Glen said.
“You can’t be texting other guys when I’m here with you.”
“What do you mean?” Hope said.
“You’re supposed to be on holiday with me.”
“I’m just talking to my friend.”
“Bullshit you’re talking to your friend.”
“What are you talking about?” Hope said.
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“Jeez, it’s nothing. I’m not going to turn my phone off just because I’m
with you,” Hope snapped.
* * *
That night, Glen couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned and all he could think
about was Hope texting Kevin and all the other men who obviously wanted to
have sex with her. What’s she texting them anyway? Are they having text
sex? Are they sending dick pics? Is she actually having sex with them?
“Are you okay?” Hope reached out and touched Glen on the shoulder.
“I’m fine,” Glen said as he lay awake, staring at the ceiling. “Actually, I’m
not. I don’t think you should be texting other guys when you’re with me.”
“Are you serious?”
“Who are you talking to anyway?”
“It’s nothing, I told you.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Believe what you want,” Hope said.
“Show me your phone.”
“Good night,” Hope said as she turned away from Glen, pulling the duvet
cover away from him. Glen was half-right about one thing—Hope was talking
to other men, but she had friend zoned them all a long time ago. In her mind,
Hope was telling the truth when she told Glen it was nothing to worry about.
At least it wasn’t anything to worry about until Glen had decided to make a
big deal out of it.
 * * *
Two years later, Hope was sitting in a new apartment watching TV with Jack
(her new boyfriend) when Hope pulled out her phone.
“A guy approached me today and asked for my number,” Hope said.
“Awesome,” Jack grunted.
“What?”
“Take it as a compliment. It means you’re still hot.”
Hope was caught by surprise. Glen had spent half his time worrying about
other guys, and the rest of his time trying to check her phone. Why wasn’t
Jack acting the same way or getting upset?
“He was kind of cute too,” Hope said.
“I bet he was.”
“It doesn’t bother you that a guy asked for my number?”
“Why would it bother me?” Jack said. “You’re a woman, guys are gonna
hit on you.”
Hope didn’t know what to say. Not only was Jack not jealous, but somehow
he had managed to make her feel as though “being hit on” was an everyday
occurrence that happened to all woman. Jack was the complete opposite of
Glen. He didn’t care if other guys talked to her, and he didn’t show any sign
of jealousy or insecurity. Hope put her phone down and snuggled up close to
Jack, resting her head on his shoulder. Hope didn’t know why, but it felt so
good to be close to this man.

~•~
It’s not uncommon for women to use men as proxy weapons against each
other as a way of finding out if a man is confident or insecure. Your job, as
always, is to project strength and confidence, even in the most challenging
circumstances. It’s tempting to explode with rage, to call a woman out, to
become passive aggressive, and use every trick in the book to punish her for
making you feel jealous. All of these reactions do nothing but reveal
insecurity and emotional weakness.
The only time you should worry about a woman leaving you for another
man is when you allow feelings of jealousy to consume you. If you respond to
feelings of jealousy with threats, tears, or moody behavior, don’t be surprised
if the woman decides she doesn’t want to stick around to see the show. It’s
better, instead, to handle jealousy with an attitude of indifference. Try to find
humor in the situation. Humor tells women you’re unafraid and unaffected by
feelings of jealousy. And where the unattractive man lets feelings of jealousy
consume him and destroy the relationship, the attractive man acts in a way
that is counter-intuitive and surprising.


 RESTORE
DYING ATTRACTION
The fear of loss is greater
than the desire for gain.
— Zig Zagler

When a woman has lost attraction for a man to the point where she believes
she has no choice but to end the relationship, it’s not enough to simply pull
away to restore attraction. A woman’s emotions must be spiked, and her
cortisol levels lit ablaze if you’re to have any chance at keeping the
relationship alive. In other words, you must make a woman feel dread and
anxiety to capture her interest and reignite the passion in your relationship.
But why would you want to instill dread and anxiety in a woman just to
capture her interest? After all, isn’t a warm and loving relationship all about
fighting through the tough times and showing a woman how much you care,
even when she pulls away from you and makes your life difficult? Isn’t it
better to forgive and forget than to stir up trouble?
The path to forgiveness is littered with the broken bodies of countless men
who once extolled the virtues of love and kindness only to be left broken and
defeated on the scrapheap of rejection. When a woman wants to end the
relationship, all the love and kindness in the world won’t bring her back to
you. In this situation, you must use a more powerful strategy. You must
introduce dread and uncertainty into the relationship to rebuild value and
restore interest.
Introducing dread and uncertainty into the relationship sends several
signals to a woman all at once: first, you’re telling the woman you’re high
value and you have options; second, you make her feel anxious, which
captures her attention; third, you become a scarce resource and thus become
more valuable; and fourth, the woman feels as though she’s about to lose you
forever. She thought she was the one with all the power, now she’s forced to
re-evaluate that assumption. Remember, the purpose of dread is to recalibrate
a woman’s emotions and rebuild attraction. Listed below are some of the most
effective ways to rebuild attraction by introducing dread and uncertainty into
the relationship.
— Tell her you miss being single and you’re not sure if you want to be in a
relationship. This sudden desire for freedom will trigger her fear of loss
receptors, bringing her attention squarely back onto you.
— Openly and without shame look at other women in public and talk about
how attractive they are.
— Ignore her phone calls and text messages for days on end, forcing her to
come to you in a sweat-induced panic as she tries to find out what’s going on.
— Post pictures of yourself on social media with other women around you.
— Text and call other women in front of her. You can also text other people
while she’s with you. When she asks who you’re talking to, keep things vague
by telling her to “relax, it’s just a friend.”
— Start exercising (if you don’t already), buy new clothes, and wear nice
fragrances. She’ll notice these subtle changes and she’ll start to wonder
whether or not you’re seeing other women.
— Go on dates with other women. If she finds out, shrug and tell her you
thought she wouldn’t mind given her current behavior.
— Tell her you’re going to have sex with other women and that she doesn’t
need to bother you again with her lack of sex and shitty attitude. This will
trigger intense feelings of jealousy in conjunction with the fear of losing you
—a double dose of anxiety that’s guaranteed to make her work that much
harder to keep you.
— Lightly spray yourself with a woman’s fragrance. When she asks why you
smell of perfume, tell her you were sampling fragrances. It’s no lie, you were.
But she won’t believe it for a second.
— Tell her you’re going away on holiday and you’re not sure if you’ll be able
to speak to her while you’re away. She’ll wonder where you’re going and
who you’re going with. Again, it’s better to keep things vague. Let anxiety
and space work to your advantage.
A lot of men are terrified that if they implement these strategies they’ll lose a
woman forever. The reality is if you don’t implement these strategies you will
lose her forever, especially if your girlfriend or wife has already withdrawn
from the relationship and no longer respects you. As a general rule, when
employing these strategies, the less said the better. You must never apologize
for your behavior or show any sign of weakness.
Studies show that women are more attracted to men who put them into a
fearful and anxious state. Once more, anxiety proves to be a crucial
component of attraction. One study published in the Archives of Sexual
Behavior found that women are more likely to find men attractive after
they’ve taken a ride on a roller coaster.116 The study found that “residual
arousal from riding the roller-coaster intensified the participants’ later
experience of attraction.” In a follow-up study conducted by McKendree
University, researchers discovered that feelings of physical arousal and
attraction don’t stem exclusively from fear and anxiety. The McKendree study
noted that 15 minutes of exercise was enough to elevate a woman’s adrenaline
to the point where she was more likely to experience feelings of attraction for
another person.117
CASE STUDY #40
ANXIETY BREEDS ATTRACTION
When Aiden got home he opened his laptop and checked his email—only on
the screen it wasn’t his inbox. The browser was logged in to his wife’s email
account. Aiden was about to sign out when he noticed an email addressed to
his wife Maria. The email was from a man he had never heard of before, and
the subject line read: “RE: Can’t stop thinking about you.” Suspicious, Aiden
opened the email, then spent the next hour trawling through Maria’s inbox. It
wasn’t long before Aiden discovered that his wife of two years was having an
emotional affair with a colleague at work. From what Aiden could see, Maria
was the one chasing the guy. Her co-worker didn’t even seem to be that
interested or responsive. He was just being polite by responding to her emails.
Now it all made perfect sense—the lack of sex, the cold, disrespectful
behavior. Aiden finally understood why his wife was pulling away from him
and didn’t want to be around him anymore.
Later that day, when Maria came home from work, Aiden decided to
confront her and find out what was going on. Maria didn’t deny the charges
against her. She told Aiden she still loved him but she was no longer attracted
to him. This was the reason, she said, why she no longer wanted to have sex
with him and why she had considered having an affair with her colleague (if
only her colleague had been interested).
Aiden was devastated. He buried his head in his hands and sobbed. Maria
sat on the couch, cold and emotionless. She was surprised to discover that she
felt nothing. No emotion or pity. If anything, she was relieved. Relieved she
no longer had to pretend she cared about the relationship. Relieved she no
longer had to make excuses not to have sex.
As Aiden continued to sob, Maria took a moment to think about Matt—the
only man she had ever truly loved. What happened to Matt and why did he
leave her? Maria had conveniently forgotten that she had once treated Matt
the same way she was now treating Aiden. She had flirted with other guys and
she was often cold and dismissive, only Matt was different to Aiden. At the
first sign of trouble, Matt told Maria he was happy she was flirting with other
guys because he loved talking to other women too. Maybe they could even
have an open relationship. Maria didn’t like the sound of that. She tried
throwing a tantrum and even threatened to leave, but Matt simply responded
by disappearing from her life. When Matt finally resurfaced a couple of
weeks later, he didn’t even apologize. From that point on, Maria decided she
would make it her mission to win Matt over. She would pour all her energy
into him and make him fall in love with her. Unfortunately, things hadn’t
worked out the way she had planned.
Now, as Maria sat in the living room with Aiden weeping in front of her, all
she could think about was Matt. Where was he and what was he doing?
Would he still remember her? Maria wondered if she still had Matt’s number
lying around somewhere.

~•~
Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
found evidence for heightened levels of sexual attraction in conditions where
high levels of anxiety exist.118 In one example, the study found that men and
women are likely to throw caution to the wind and indulge in extremely
promiscuous behavior during times of war.119 This desire for sexual
intercourse arises, not from a state of safety and security, but from a state of
fear and anxiety. Because the purpose of humanity is to reproduce, an
imminent threat to life triggers extreme levels of sexual desire to ensure the
survival of the species. It is, however, still easy to activate this fear/sex
response in women by injecting uncertainty and anxiety into a dying
relationship.
Part of the reason why so many people stay in toxic relationships stems
from the fact that toxic relationships are the perfect breeding ground for
anxiety. One unusual aspect of stress is that key stress hormones are also
responsible for eliciting pleasure in the brain. As a result, women can become
addicted “biochemically” to stressful, negative, or life-threatening situations
when they become hooked on the chemical release that occurs during stressful
situations. This is the primary reason why a woman can be so angry and upset
with a man, yet find him so attractive at the same time.
Fear and dread are closely linked to human survival. Implementing dread
game is a simple way to trick a woman’s brain into thinking her survival is at
stake. At a biological level, inducing dread activates a woman’s fear
receptors, releasing endorphins, cortisol, adrenaline, and norepinephrine into
the woman’s body, causing wave after wave of anxiety and sexual tension.
This chemical release now brings the woman’s focus onto the source of her
anxiety—you. And just as she was about to forget you, you once more
become the focus of her attention.


 THE X FACTOR
People may hear your words
but they feel your attitude.
— Adam C. Maxwell

The idea that attraction flourishes in a swamp of anxiety, selfishness, and

uncertainty doesn’t sit well with men who prefer to believe that love and
attraction exist in perfect harmony. Love and attraction can exist in harmony,
but to have love you must first have attraction. It’s a classic case of the
chicken or the egg, which comes first? If your goal is to build attraction with
women, it’s crucial to separate the sweet, tender nature of love from the harsh
reality of attraction. Love does exist, and it does grow out of attraction, but if
you think you must be sweet, caring, and kind to win a woman’s heart, you’re
sure to be disappointed.
Throughout this book, we’ve explored a multitude of ways to create, build,
and maintain attraction. One area, however, we’re yet to touch on is how to
make yourself irresistible to women—to find the elusive X-factor in
attraction. We know the X-factor exists, but for most men, any attempt to
harness the power of attraction and channel its energy remains elusive. The
X-factor continues to remain an abstract concept, in much the same way that
nuclear fission remained an abstract concept until the day Trinity—the first
atomic bomb—exploded into reality in 1945. Right now, you hold in your
hands all the concepts and theories of attraction. Bringing these theories into
reality, however, requires its own kind of nuclear fission. For this to happen,
you must be able to turn theory into reality by smashing abstract concepts
together like atoms. Only then, when you look into the blast crater can you
catch a glimpse of the elusive X factor—attitude. Attitude is everything.
Men who are smart, handsome, educated, and who understand key concepts
of attraction often come to me with the complaint that women still don’t find
them attractive. Women often tell these men how “nice” they are, effectively
telling these men that they have no attraction for them whatsoever. Men who
are considered anti-seductive, lack that all-important element of attraction—
attitude. They smile too much; they’re too nice; they’re unsure of themselves;
they communicate with weak words like “perhaps,” “maybe,” and “possibly,”
words that mirror the uncertainty of their mind. When women snap at them,
act bitchy, and try to push them around, these men tolerate the abuse without
putting up the slightest amount of resistance.
 Bringing an edge to your character doesn’t mean being an asshole, it means
eradicating your desire to please and be nice. If a woman calls you a “nice
guy,” take it as an insult not a compliment. If a woman has the audacity to call
you “nice” you mustn’t respond with “thanks,” instead, you must respond by
telling her to “shut the fuck up.”
“What?” She says, shocked by your crude response.
“Just kidding.”
“Uhhh.” She looks around, feeling slightly uncomfortable.
“Still think I’m nice?”
She laughs. Maybe not, but you’re certainly a lot more attractive. As we
dig deeper into the depths of attraction, it becomes clear that women adore
men who score high on dark triad traits.120 These dark triad traits include
narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. Men who score high on dark
triad traits are usually more confident and selfish than their less self-assured
peers. They’re also more likely to be self-interested and attempt to manipulate
and exploit other people without any sense of guilt or remorse. Among such
men, there’s a dark, apathetic quality that often underpins their relationships
with women; a quality that challenges women and keeps them around despite
the man’s “asshole” behavior. Research has found evidence to suggest that
men who possess dark triad traits are more likely to date more women, have
more sex, and be seen as more attractive.121
A study published in the Journal of Evolutionary Psychology suggests that
self-absorbed, narcissistic men are more desirable for both one-night stands
and short-term relationships.122 If research into attraction is anything to go by,
women are more attracted to men who wear flashy, stylish clothes, have
humorous verbal expressions, and display open, confident body language—all
qualities that narcissists possess in abundance.123 It’s for this reason that
narcissists strike such a powerful first impression: they are natural born
charmers who stand out from the crowd.124
Another trait that makes dark triad men so appealing is their self-absorbed
nature. The dark triad man puts himself and his needs first. Taken to an
extreme, men who score high on dark triad traits are often highly destructive,
not just to themselves but to the people around them. And even though it’s
estimated that approximately one percent of the world’s population is
psychopathic, the majority of psychopaths are fully functional, productive
members of society. Instead of becoming serial killers and mass murderers, as
depicted by Hollywood, most “functional psychopaths” live highly productive
lives, only resorting to manipulation and deception to get what they want.
The benefits of selfishness and narcissism mustn’t be underestimated. The
man who’s selfish and self-centered is much more likely to be successful in
life. He’s more likely to get promoted, get what he wants, and acquire more
skills and knowledge along the way. He’s more likely to start his own
business. And he’s more likely to acquire a greater number of assets and
resources in the process. This is part of the reason why women find dark triad
men so attractive.125 Dark triad men are not only more resourceful and
assertive—two important components of attraction—they’re also more likely
to be charming and humorous. Another aspect that makes dark triad men so
alluring is their propensity to take risks and go after what they want without
fear of reprisal. This was corroborated by a study published in the Personality
and Social Psychology Bulletin. The study found that men who displayed
nonconformist traits such as risk-taking and assertiveness were seen as more
attractive.126 After all, in a world where most people are conformist, the man
who’s unafraid to stand out is a unique and valuable commodity.
Women want men who have a sense of purpose and ambition. The last
thing a woman wants is a man who’s focused exclusively on her and her
erratic emotions. A woman must feel safe pouring her emotions into you
without having to worry that you’ll fold under pressure. In the same way, you
wouldn’t want to keep your money in a bank that isn’t safe and secure,
women don’t want to invest their emotions into men who are weak and
vulnerable. This doesn’t mean you should go out of your way to be mean or
obnoxious. Research shows that women aren’t attracted to aggressive men
who commit reckless acts of violence, they’re attracted to assertive men who
have the courage to go after what they want in life. A man’s innate aggression
is only valued when it comes to protecting his loved ones from outside
aggressors. Are evil, aggressive men attractive? The answer is no. Research
has confirmed that men who were “known to be evil” or “mean,” regardless
of appearance, were classified as highly “unattractive” by both men and
women.127
As you read this, you might start to feel unsettled, wondering if you really
have to be an “asshole” or selfish to build attraction with women. In the world
of seduction, being selfish and self-centered is not as bad as it sounds. It
simply means focusing on you as opposed to focusing on her. What’s more,
displaying dark triad traits communicates to women that you have the ability
to stand up for yourself and focus on what’s important in life: you, your goals,
and your mission. You must have purpose, you must have goals, and you must
have a mission to give your life meaning. It doesn’t matter whether you want
to become a doctor, artist, businessman, entrepreneur, athlete, soldier, or
entertainer. If you can harness the dark triad traits that already exist within
you, you’ll not only achieve greater focus and clarity, you’re much more
likely to be successful as well.
The man who fails with women is the man who seeks out relationships to
give his life meaning. Without clear goals and a sense of purpose, you’ll be
left feeling unsatisfied, and no amount of love or tenderness from a woman
will make you feel better. That’s not to say that having a loving relationship
with a woman is impossible, far from it. In fact, I’m here to tell you that you
can have love, you can have sex, you can have trust, and you can have loyalty.
But before you have any of these things, you must first build attraction. After
all, the purpose of this book is not to show you how attraction should be, it’s
to show you how attraction really is. And once you appreciate and understand
the true nature of attraction, you can have all the love, sex, and intimacy your
heart desires.


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 Table of Contents
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
INTRODUCTION
PART ONE: BECOME ATTRACTIVE
BUILD A STRONG BODY
CHOOSE THE RIGHT HAIRSTYLE
TO SHAVE OR NOT TO SHAVE?
IS PENIS SIZE IMPORTANT?
AGE AND ATTRACTION
A SEDUCTIVE VOICE
SMELLS THAT SEDUCE
CLOTHES THAT CAPTIVATE
MONEY AND STATUS
YOUR SEXUAL MARKET VALUE
GOOD GUYS VS. BAD GUYS
PART TWO: CREATE ATTRACTION
APPROACHING WOMEN
READ HER BODY
ATTRACTIVE BODY LANGUAGE
EYES AND SMILES
ONLINE DATING
USE SOCIAL MEDIA TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
TEXTING AND CALLING
SETTING DATES
WHEN SHE FLAKES AND CANCELS DATES
GOING NO CONTACT
STOP APOLOGIZING
PART THREE: BUILD ATTRACTION
NEVER RUSH THE SEDUCTION PROCESS
NEVER INVEST TOO MUCH TOO SOON
MAINTAIN MYSTERY
EXPLOIT HER WEAKNESS FOR WORDS
THE MAGIC OF TOUCH
GET HER TO CHASE YOU
THE POWER OF SEX
NEVER GIVE YOUR LOVE TOO EASILY
LEAD HER INTO ATTRACTION
PART FOUR: MAINTAIN ATTRACTION
STAY LIGHT AND RELAXED
DON’T FOCUS ON THE RELATIONSHIP
GIVE HER WHAT SHE NEEDS
DON’T PLAY IT SAFE
ANXIETY FUELS ATTRACTION
YOUR LOVER IS NOT YOUR MOTHER
NEVER FOLLOW A WOMAN’S LEAD
BUYING GIFTS FOR WOMEN
ATTRACTION GROWS IN SPACE
NEVER USE LOGIC TO FIGHT EMOTION
MIRROR HER EMOTIONS
WOMEN ALWAYS TEST
INDUCE SCARCITY TO INCREASE YOUR VALUE
STAY OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE
SHE MUST INVEST IN YOU
DEALING WITH CONFLICT
HANDLING JEALOUSY
RESTORE DYING ATTRACTION
THE X FACTOR
REFERENCES
 Table of Contents
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
INTRODUCTION
PART ONE: BECOME ATTRACTIVE
BUILD A STRONG BODY
CHOOSE THE RIGHT HAIRSTYLE
TO SHAVE OR NOT TO SHAVE?
IS PENIS SIZE IMPORTANT?
AGE AND ATTRACTION
A SEDUCTIVE VOICE
SMELLS THAT SEDUCE
CLOTHES THAT CAPTIVATE
MONEY AND STATUS
YOUR SEXUAL MARKET VALUE
GOOD GUYS VS. BAD GUYS
PART TWO: CREATE ATTRACTION
APPROACHING WOMEN
READ HER BODY
ATTRACTIVE BODY LANGUAGE
EYES AND SMILES
ONLINE DATING
USE SOCIAL MEDIA TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
TEXTING AND CALLING
SETTING DATES
WHEN SHE FLAKES AND CANCELS DATES
GOING NO CONTACT
STOP APOLOGIZING
PART THREE: BUILD ATTRACTION
NEVER RUSH THE SEDUCTION PROCESS
NEVER INVEST TOO MUCH TOO SOON
MAINTAIN MYSTERY
EXPLOIT HER WEAKNESS FOR WORDS
THE MAGIC OF TOUCH
GET HER TO CHASE YOU
THE POWER OF SEX
NEVER GIVE YOUR LOVE TOO EASILY
LEAD HER INTO ATTRACTION
PART FOUR: MAINTAIN ATTRACTION
STAY LIGHT AND RELAXED
DON’T FOCUS ON THE RELATIONSHIP
GIVE HER WHAT SHE NEEDS
DON’T PLAY IT SAFE
ANXIETY FUELS ATTRACTION
YOUR LOVER IS NOT YOUR MOTHER
NEVER FOLLOW A WOMAN’S LEAD
BUYING GIFTS FOR WOMEN
ATTRACTION GROWS IN SPACE
NEVER USE LOGIC TO FIGHT EMOTION
MIRROR HER EMOTIONS
WOMEN ALWAYS TEST
INDUCE SCARCITY TO INCREASE YOUR VALUE
STAY OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE
SHE MUST INVEST IN YOU
DEALING WITH CONFLICT
HANDLING JEALOUSY
RESTORE DYING ATTRACTION
THE X FACTOR
REFERENCES