NETFLIX - Ozark 1x01 (Pilot)
NETFLIX - Ozark 1x01 (Pilot)
- The Pilot -
Written by
Bill Dubuque
Story By
Bill Dubuque
&
Mark Williams
FADE IN:
MARTY (V.O.)
Scratch.
MARTY (V.O.)
Wampum, dough, sugar, clams, loot,
Dead Presidents -- though
technically incorrect as neither
Hamilton nor Franklin were ever
president -- bills, bones, bread,
bucks. Money. That which
separates the “haves”--
MARTY (V.O.)
--from the “have-nots.” But what
is money, really? Everything if
you don’t have it, right?
MARTY (V.O.)
Half of all American adults have
more credit card debt than savings.
Twenty-five percent have no savings
at all. And only 15 percent of the
population is on track to fund even
1 year of retirement. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
2.
MARTY (V.O.)
Which means the other 85 percent
can continue to live in the style
to which they’ve become accustomed
only if they’re lucky enough to die
within a year of retiring.
MARTY (V.O.)
Suggesting what? The Middle Class
is evaporating? The American Dream
is dead? Yes and no.
MARTY (V.O.)
You wouldn’t be here if the latter
were true. See, I think most
people just have a fundamentally
flawed view of money. What it is.
What it can and cannot do.
MARTY (V.O.)
Is it simply an agreed upon unit of
exchange for goods and services?
MARTY (V.O.)
Three-seventy for a gallon of milk?
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Thirty bucks to cut your grass?
3.
MARTY (V.O.)
Or is it an intangible? Security.
Happiness. Peace of mind.
MARTY (V.O.)
Let me propose a third option:
money as a measuring device, not
unlike a yardstick or barometer.
MARTY (V.O.)
Let me explain... The author Jack
Kerouac once said ‘you won’t
remember the time you spent working
in your office or mowing your lawn.
Climb that Goddamn mountain.’ Good
advice. For a bum.
Rain over. Hugging the shoreline, Marty motors past the base
of a rock bluff, looks up at the light spilling from a multi-
million dollar mansion perched high above.
MARTY (V.O.)
The hard reality is, how much or
how little money we accumulate in
life isn’t a function of who’s
president, the economy, bubbles
bursting, bad breaks and bosses...
MARTY (V.O.)
It’s about the American work ethic.
The one that made us the greatest
country on Earth.
MARTY (V.O.)
It’s about bucking the media’s
opinion as to what constitutes a
good parent. Deciding instead to
miss the ball game, play, concert
because you’ve resolved to work and
invest in your family’s future.
MARTY (V.O.)
It’s about ignoring the clarion
call of the indolent to ‘work
smarter not harder’ and doing both.
Taking responsibility for the
consequences of our actions.
MARTY (V.O.)
Patience. Frugality. Sacrifice.
MARTY (V.O.)
And when you boil it down to its
least common denominator what do
all those things have in common?
MARTY (V.O.)
They’re choices.
MARTY (V.O.)
Good ones, bad ones, for better or
worse. Money’s not peace of mind.
MARTY (V.O.)
Money’s not happiness. It’s not
even a unit of exchange.
MARTY
The measure of a man’s choices.
A YOUNG HUSBAND & WIFE sit facing him, unsure how to proceed.
YOUNG HUSBAND
We’re really just getting started
looking at... interviewing, I guess
you’d say, financial advisors.
MARTY
Understood. You’re doing your due
diligence.
YOUNG WIFE
Mr. Bird--
MARTY
Marty.
YOUNG WIFE
Marty, we don’t really know that
much about stocks, investing.
YOUNG HUSBAND
Well, I kind of do.
(off Wife’s look)
I do. I just don’t have time to do
the research.
YOUNG WIFE
We just want to be comfortable with
who we trust our money to.
YOUNG HUSBAND
The point is I don’t have time.
MARTY
Of course you don’t. It’s not what
you do. It’s what I do. Tell me,
what are your financial goals? Do
you have a five year plan?
YOUNG WIFE
We want to finish the basement.
Ideally. And we’d like a pool.
YOUNG HUSBAND
We don’t need a pool.
(to Marty)
We’re not getting a pool.
MARTY
Pools are tricky. You don’t recoup
your money when it’s time to sell--
MARTY
As an investment, they’re poor.
MARTY
You have two children?
BRUCE (O.S.)
How we doin’ folks?
MARTY
Mr. and Mrs. Hunkins, the Liddell
in Liddell and Bird, Bruce Liddell.
BRUCE
Gotta be in the city at four.
Leave in ten?
(to the couple)
New customers?
MARTY
They’re in the process of
interviewing financial advisors.
BRUCE
You didn’t tell them?
BRUCE
We handle the financial planning
for seventy-three percent of all of
Northwestern’s surgical staff.
YOUNG HUSBAND
Wow.
BRUCE
Wow. That’s our appointment.
We’re about to stop taking on new
clients. There’s an Edward Jones
office on Whacker I hear does a
halfway decent job--
BRUCE
Or... five thousand opens an
account. Would you rather use a
check or a credit card?
YOUNG HUSBAND
Check.
LIZ
Views of the Chicago River, room
for expansion--
BRUCE
It’s perfect, baby.
LIZ
Not while I’m working. Marty, what
do you think? Don’t you love it?
MARTY
It’s very nice, Liz.
BRUCE
Nice? C’mon, you’ve got no
imagination.
(gestures; grand)
You get that corner, I’m in that
corner. Twenty people working for
us, two receptionists.
MARTY
What kind of windows?
LIZ BRUCE
I don’t-- The kind you see thru.
MARTY
Southern exposure... depending on
their performance rating the
cooling bill will be 15, 20 percent
higher in the summer.
LIZ
Heating bill 15 to 20 percent lower
in the winter.
MARTY
Doesn’t work that way I’m afraid.
BRUCE
Liz, go call some clients will ya?
Bird and I want to talk amongst
ourselves.
BRUCE
Okay, what, what, what? You’re in
a mood. What’s the problem?
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
10.
MARTY BRUCE
I’m not in a mood-- You’ve been in a mood for
months.
MARTY
I just don’t think we need this.
BRUCE
The couple back at the shop.
You’re mad at me.
MARTY BRUCE
No, it wasn’t-- Sorry, all right?
BRUCE
What then? A place like this
validates us. We’re making money
hand over fist. Tell me we don’t
need the higher rent on our books.
MARTY
Seventy percent of the surgeons at
Northwestern?
BRUCE
(chuckling)
I fucking knew it.
MARTY
Not Naperville General but
Northwestern.
BRUCE
Seventy-three. A good lie’s all
confidence and detail.
MARTY
You didn’t have to lie, they were
almost there.
BRUCE
Did I hear “patience, frugality,
sacrifice”?
MARTY
You did.
BRUCE
Then they weren’t almost there.- For educational purposes only
TV Calling
(Marty pissed)
(MORE)
11.
BRUCE (CONT'D)
Nobody wants to kneel at Marty
Bird’s economic stations of the
cross. This is America. The sell-
by date on that Pilgrim’s Progress--
MARTY BRUCE
Delayed gratification. Financial blue balls--
BRUCE
--shit expired fifty years ago.
You gotta dangle the dream, baby--
(snaps his fingers)
--then snatch it away. The dream’s
the hook. Fear of loss. Regret.
That’s the close.
MARTY
You broke the law--
(Bruce eye-rolls)
A thousand dollars opens an I.R.A.
BRUCE
When you’re selling dreams people
don’t want a bargain.
(shoulder squeeze)
That’s why I’m the salesman and
you’re the numbers guy.
MARTY
(wistful)
Yeah, I’m the numbers guy.
BRUCE
Best I’ve ever seen. Why are you
wasting time with walk-ins? That
simpleton’ll be calling next week
telling you his wife just got five
new Friend requests and something
must be “going on” over at
Facebook, buy, buy, buy.
(beat)
They’re small fish. Throw ‘em back
in, they’re not what we do. Those
days are over.
MARTY
Small fish protect big fish.
MARTY
When you think back about who you
are, what you wanted to do? This
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
it, Bruce?
12.
BRUCE
You serious?
BRUCE
Okay. I’ll play. No. I wanted to
own a restaurant. Comfort food. A
micro-cuisine Dago-cracker hybrid.
Lobster albanello with a side of
cornbread. Maybe a little bakery
counter off to one side.
(thoughtful beat)
Had the name all picked out.
(glances at Marty)
This isn’t about business is it?
I saw your screen when I walked in.
BRUCE
Wendy catches you rubbing one out
to that amateur back-door action,
she’ll crap a toaster.
(Marty embarrassed)
Hey, you know I get it. Semen’s
like snake venom, it’s gotta come
out. Preferably under suction.
Plus you and Wendy’ve been together
how long? Twenty years?
MARTY
Twenty-two.
BRUCE
Christ. Those threads are
stripped. Don’t get me wrong,
Wendy’s a great gal, I love her to
death but she’s from a different
generation; to her a facial comes
with a pedicure and a glass of Two-
Buck Chuck. What’s her concession
to spicing things up? Shaving her
cooter? Bet she bitched about the
razor burn for two weeks.
(checks for Liz)
Liz is my fiancee and I love her
dearly... but a girl her age?
Nothing’s off-menu. Same night;
vaginal, oral, anal. Girl’s got a
wink like a bear-trap. We were
dating six months before I caved
and told her why she kept getting
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
bladder infections.
13.
Marty can’t help it, chuckles. Bruce digs in, pleased to see
his friend laugh. Cares about him.
MARTY
I don’t want to hear it--
BRUCE
Bullshit. Granted she’s only
thirty but you see any wrinkles on
her? No, you do not. You think
Mary Kay makes what’s going on her
face? Baby, that’s Bruce-Juice a
teaspoon at a time.
MARTY
Okay, that’s enough. She’s your
future wife.
BRUCE
Birdy, you can turn one dollar into
two better than anyone I’ve ever
seen, you’re my best friend and I
love you. I do. I love you. But
you’re living a subdued life. We
make the same bank--
(points at the skyline)
How is it I can see my place in
Trump Tower from here and you’re
driving a 10-year-old Camry? With
cloth fucking seats?
MARTY
There’s nothing wrong with my
Camry. And I do fine... sex-wise.
BRUCE
Says the man watching D.I.Y. porn
in his office. It’s not just sex,
it’s what sex represents: life.
I’ve cracked the code, baby, the
secret’s having fun. Can you even
remember the last time you were
really truly happy? That perfect
selfish melt-in-your-mouth moment
that’s just Marty’s? Ya got me--
financial advisor’s not my dream
job. But I’m taking a bite outta
the apple. The high point of my
year won’t be a birthday blow job
and a shirt from Banana Republic.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Bruce searches a pocket.
14.
BRUCE
Look. Liz and I went here this
past weekend.
MARTY
(opening; reading)
Lake of the Ozarks?
BRUCE
Southern Missouri, baby; the
Redneck Riviera.
MARTY
Thought you were going to Lake
Geneva.
BRUCE
Liz saw it on one of those white-
trash reality shows; some wing-nut
jerkin’ a catfish out of a log with
his bare hands. Thought I’d hate
the place... Got there, almost
pissed myself. This bad boy has
more shoreline than the coast of
California. Every summer, five
million cash-rich tourists. Five
million. It’s got everything;
rich, poor, bass boats, yachts,
condos, campsites, mansions and
mullets. You can buy land right
down to the waterline. We invest,
use it as an excuse for you and I
to get out of the city, you let
some corn-fed fly-over ginch drain
the snake, your mood improves,
probably your marriage. Unless of
course Wendy’s going to arch her
back and let you drill for oil like
that little hottie this afternoon.
LIZ
Decision boys?
BRUCE
We’ll take it.
MARTY
No. We won’t.
(pockets the glossy)
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
We’ll consider it.
15.
BRUCE
My two favorite people in the
world. Come here--
BRUCE
Here’s to the bold! The gamblers!
Taking a bite outta the apple!
MARTY
Hey, Char.
CHARLOTTE
Internet’s down again.
MARTY
When’s the last time you cleaned
Iggy and Cheez’s cage?
CHARLOTTE
I don’t smell anything.
MARTY
They need water.
CHARLOTTE
I just filled it.
MARTY
How was the first day of finals?
CHARLOTTE
Okay, I guess.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Marty picks up a shirt, sighs a useless sigh.
16.
CHARLOTTE
Dad, why do you come in here if
you’re just going to criticize?
MARTY
Why should I continue to buy you
nice things if you’re not going to
treat them responsibly?
CHARLOTTE
I don’t know, why should you?
MARTY
That’s it? That’s all you got?
CHARLOTTE
Why did you have children if you
wanted them to act like adults?
MARTY
Much better. Where’s your mother?
MARTY
Given any thought to what you want
to do with your summer break?
CHARLOTTE
Little as possible.
MARTY
Hey, buddy. How are you?
JONAH
Hey, dad.
MARTY
Ace your finals?
MARTY
You’re gonna dull that knife.
JONAH
I’m making a spear.
MARTY
I see that. May I ask why?
JONAH
So I can spear something.
MARTY
Sink the El whatever yet?
JONAH
Impoluto. Three weeks ago.
MARTY
Wanna go for a ride?
JONAH
Nah, not really. Look...
JONAH
There’s this lunch lady at school.
She’s super short, kinda plump.
She’s got a hunchback and an extra
finger on her right hand.
He hands Marty the phone: a selfie; Jonah and the Lunch Lady.
MARTY
Huh.
Marty considers his odd son for a beat, returns the phone.
MARTY
Where’d your mom go?
JONAH
Out getting supper I think. She
says she doesn’t cook on Wednesday.
Beep.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
19.
MARTY
(into phone)
Hey-- let’s pull the trigger. On
that office, let’s lock it in.
It’d be great if Liz could get some
utility comps we could review but I
think we should do it.
Marty tears his eyes from the house, turns in small circles.
MARTY
Parking, though. That’s something
we didn’t talk about. I doubt it’s
included, let’s find out what that
costs. And I’m sure the city’ll
want their one percent.
MARTY
Anyway, I think we should think
hard about it. Let’s review the
lease agreement, do another walk
through... you know there is the
possibility there’s another space
we’d like even more. So-- don’t
tell Liz we’ll take it, but...
we’ll hash it out on Monday.
Behind the wheel, the strawberry blonde from the amateur porn
smiles, holds up a Chipotle bag, shouts--
WENDY
Good timing! I’ve got your naked
burrito! Half spicy, half mild.
I’ll see you at home!
Marty nods at his wife, WENDY. The light turns green, she
gives a little wave, drives away. 4 SMILING STICK FIGURES on
her rear window; Dad, Mom, 2 kids: the Bird Family.
WENDY
...you realize you’re having fun.
JONAH
I don’t want to dance and I’m not
going to have fun.
CHARLOTTE
If he’s just going to stand around,
why make him go?
WENDY
It’s a high school dance, everybody
stands around.
JONAH
(to Charlotte)
You just don’t want me there.
CHARLOTTE
I’m trying to help you, retard.
JONAH
You’re the retard.
CHARLOTTE
Fine, go. Oh, wear your Minecraft
t-shirt and take your spear.
JONAH WENDY
Screw you, Charlotte-- You two, stop--
MARTY
(to Jonah; re: language)
Hey--
(to Charlotte; re: remote)
Leave it.
MARTY
Leave it.
WENDY
He just needs to put himself out
there more. I’d be interested.
CHARLOTTE
Ugh. All my eggs just spoiled at
once.
MARTY
(to Charlotte)
Clever. Not at the table.
CHARLOTTE JONAH
Why do you always take his (to Wendy)
side? You never say anything Can you make pork chops some
to him. time?
MARTY WENDY
I don’t take his side. Sure. You want pork chops?
CHARLOTTE JONAH
Oh my God, dad. Yeah.
WENDY
(to Marty)
How was your day?
MARTY
Same as it always is.
(beat)
How’d you fill yours?
WENDY
Let’s see, went to Costco, got
groceries... dropped off the
recyclables...
WENDY
...took Jonah to the dentist, he’s
gonna need braces like his sister--
(to Jonah)
Don’t throw that in the trash, your
father might want it.
JONAH
Want it dad? TV Calling - For educational purposes only
22.
MARTY
I thought you got groceries Monday.
CHARLOTTE
(to Wendy)
I need ten dollars.
WENDY
What for?
CHARLOTTE
Fund raiser for Hannah. Lawson.
MARTY
Which one is she?
WENDY CHARLOTTE
Tall, really fair-- She’s slept over--
MARTY
What’s her problem?
WENDY
She has psoriasis.
CHARLOTTE
It’s a disease, dad. Like cancer.
MARTY
She’s got itchy skin.
CHARLOTTE
There’s no cure.
MARTY
Then why waste the money? If you
tell me they’re on the verge of
curing flaky skin and your
contribution puts a crack team of
dermatologists over the top, then,
sure, pony up. Otherwise...
CHARLOTTE
I’m not calling you one... but why
are you being so dick-ish?
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
23.
WENDY
(puzzled; soft)
It’s only 10 dollars.
MARTY
(ignoring Wendy)
When you work for a living,
Charlotte, you get tired of
everyone’s hand in your pocket.
WENDY
(to Charlotte; calming)
Stop. Get it out of my purse.
CHARLOTTE
Forget it. Let her face fall off.
She stalks out, the room quiet save for MSNBC. Beat.
WENDY
You got a new Consumer Reports
today. The cover’s torn again.
MARTY
Thanks for getting dinner.
WENDY
(grins)
I worked hard at it.
WENDY
Julie and Lisa want me to go out to
dinner with them tomorrow night,
you have anything going on?
MARTY
Nope. Whatever you want, Wendy.
MARTY
You don’t want to see the weather?
WENDY
I’m tired.
(beat)
You seem awfully quiet.
MARTY
Just a lot on my mind, I guess.
WENDY
Remote?
MARTY
Sure.
WENDY
Care if I go to bed?
MARTY
(reading)
Why would I care?
WENDY
I don’t know why I say it.
MARTY
I don’t either.
WENDY
(smiles)
Good night.
MARTY
Night.
She heads upstairs. He waits till she can’t see him looking,
then watches her disappear. Torso, legs, feet. Cunt.
He pops up, snags her iPad from the couch, opens it, sits.
His eyes dart to the stairs, opens the Facebook tab, scrolls
thumbnails of Friends. Scrolls. Stop. Got him.
MARTY
Gary Silverberg.
MARTY
(squints; reads)
Fucking New Zealand?
“Jealous...”
MARTY
(whispers)
Who loves his little girl?
CHARLOTTE
(automatic; faint)
You do, daddy. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
26.
MARTY
(soft)
Alright then.
He whips the sheet off, swings his legs over the side.
BLONDE HOOKER
You haven’t done this before, have
you?
MARTY
Why?
BLONDE HOOKER
Handsome, clean, fit--
BLONDE HOOKER
Let me guess, your wife won’t do...
what you want her to do.
BLONDE HOOKER
If you were my man? Working all
day so I could stay-at-home...
BLONDE HOOKER
Which, let’s face it, was a bitch
when they were little but now
they’re both teens and in school
all day -- a private school too,
fifteen grand a pop, even though
you pay a shit-pot full of state
taxes and live in a top-rated
public school district.
BLONDE HOOKER
Who’s never missed a mortgage
payment? Marty Bird. Nice home on
a quarter-acre squared-off lot in a
suburb with just enough ethnics to
make Chicago Magazine’s Best
Neighborhoods list but not enough
to drop the property values.
Thanks Marty. Food on tables,
shoes on feet, braces on teeth.
Marty fuckin’ Bird, putting
presents under the tree since 1999.
Not only would I not cheat on you--
BLONDE HOOKER
I’d let you do... Anything. You.
Wanted. Do me a favor--
BLONDE HOOKER
Don’t cum too fast.
BLONDE HOOKER
Nice shirt. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
28.
Her head disappears into his lap, he gasps, closes his eyes.
BLONDE HOOKER
Hey! You can’t be beatin’ off in
your car, baby. This ain’t a
pettin’ zoo.
MARTY
(into phone; breathless)
Yeah...
BRUCE (V.O.)
(over phone)
Bird, it’s Bruce... I’m at Hansons.
MARTY
Trucking? Why?
BRUCE (V.O.)
I’m with Senior and Junior. I need
you here, Marty. Now.
MARTY
Tonight? No... Bruce what’s the--
BRUCE (V.O.)
Del’s here.
MARTY
Okay.
MARTY
Bruce? Mr. Hanson, what...?
DEL
There he is--
MARTY
Del, I didn’t know you were in
town. What’s going on?
DEL
You look good, Marty. Where’s my
five million dollars?
DEL
Oh, shit. The Mexican’s serious.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
30.
HANSON JR.
Whatever’s between you boys is your
business, it’s got nothing to do
with me and my dad.
DEL
Clean? Other than the hundred
million in drug money you and your
father collect and transport to
these two men to launder.
HANSON JR.
Clean to you.
Del chuckles.
MARTY
Whoa, whoa, whoa... Del, this money
you’re missing, however much--
DEL
The Federation produces a billion
dollars a year. I don’t know I’d
use any version of “miss.”
“Stolen.” That’s my word.
HANSON SR.
Mr. Del Rio, I swear we’re not
stealing from you. We log all our
weights -- check ‘em -- numbers
don’t lie.
DEL
Don’t tell him that. Not to
diminish your contribution, Bruce;
the ability to charm the Hansons of
the world, to recognize weakness
equal to your own -- seduce and
corrupt them -- is a talent in and
of itself. But Martin Bird...
there’s your artist. A conjurer.
A master of the dark arts of black
money. Placement, layering,
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
integration;
(MORE)
31.
DEL (CONT'D)
Chicago to Panama, Moscow to Tel
Aviv, this man can make one-hundred
million dollars of dirty money
disappear like spit on a hot
skillet.
Liz muffles a sob, Bruce takes her hand, she pulls away.
LIZ
Mr. Rio?
DEL
“Del Rio.” Arturo Del Rio. Like
Dolores Del Rio.
LIZ
I have to pee?
DEL
Of course.
Del helps Liz off the low couch. Wiping tears, she scuttles
into the john, bolts herself in. Del sits to the muted sound
of Liz retching.
DEL
When I was nine, I started working
in my parents’ grocery store.
Stocking shelves, unloading
produce. It’s tough, grocery. Low
margins, spoilage, shrinkage,
competition. But, people gotta
eat. My father loved working the
floor, the public. My mother, not
the warmest of women, took care of
the books, rarely left the back
office. Wasn’t a big store, but it
fed six kids. We had four cashiers
that weren’t blood. Our best --
Carlotta -- thirty maybe, started
there when she was fifteen. Loyal,
worked holidays, inventory,
somebody’d quit, call in sick, you
knew she’d cover. The kinda person
you call “aunt” when you’re nine
because her kids come to your
birthday parties. Always around,
always a smile.
(beat; reminiscing)
Then one day my father’s closing up
and he sees Aunt Carlotta slip five
dollars worth of pesos outta the
till, into her pocket.TV Calling
He could- For educational purposes only
not believe it. “Why Carlotta?
(MORE)
32.
DEL (CONT'D)
If you needed the money why didn’t
you come to me?” Carlotta was a
proud woman. Not too proud to
steal, but proud. She had four
kids, no husband. Her youngest had
asthma, said she needed the money
for medicine. So her boy could
breathe. Cried like a baby, swore
she’d never do it again. Begged my
father not to fire her. Begged.
DEL
What to do with Aunt Carlotta...
Mr. Hanson?
HANSON SR.
Five bucks? Tell her if it happens
again, she’s gone. Put her on
probation.
DEL
“Probation.” I love America.
Bruce?
BRUCE
One mistake against fifteen years.
Training cashiers is a bitch...
Give her a second chance, Del.
DEL
Marty? What should my father do?
MARTY
I know what you’re doing, Del. And
I’ve had enough. Bruce and I have
cleaned money for Mr. Beltran and
the Federation for fifteen years.
This is an intimidation audit,
nothing more. You think if you
blow in here, unannounced, rattle
some cages, someone might admit to
skimming money. You’re fishing. I
get it. People steal. When your
supply chain downstream is run by
drug dealers and meth-heads I
imagine you’ll find a lot of Aunt
Carlottas. But not in this room.
MARTY
All you’ve done with this stunt
is involve a civilian. And for the
record? This... Dale Carnegie
meets Pablo Escobar ruse? It’s
beneath you.
DEL
Ruse. Good word.
Del lifts his gun, FIRES FOUR TIMES into the bathroom door,
the cheap laminate splinters. The men recoil, horrified.
HANSON JR.
It was Bruce’s idea! I’m sorry!
Let my dad go, please! Just kill
me! He had nothing to do with it!
It was Bruce! It was their idea!
DEL
Know what I like about Chicago?
Other than its central location,
convenient interstate highways,
modern rail system, anonymous
warehouses, and not one but two
international airports? All the
Mexicans. Culture, language,
TV Calling food.
- For educational purposes only
The women. I feel at home.
(MORE)
34.
DEL (CONT'D)
Know what I dislike about Chicago?
All the fucking Mexicans.
HANSON JR.
It was that piece of shit! It was
his idea!
DEL
May as well put up a sign: “Welcome
to Chicago, drug hub of the United
States.” FinCen, DEA, ATF, FBI...
All circling like buzzards. And
where does the drama come from? 4
sticky-fingered white men.
HANSON SR.
Please. He’s my son. He made a
mistake. I’ll make it right.
DEL
A father shouldn’t have to see his
child die.
HANSON JR.
Daddy--!
DEL
Bruce. How’d you do it? Hey--
(Bruce tries to focus)
Hanson’s men pick up the shipment
of cash along with whatever
legitimate load; air conditioners--
BRUCE
(disoriented)
Dog food...
DEL
Dog food... sure.
BRUCE
Auto parts... TV Calling - For educational purposes only
35.
DEL
Subtract the weight of the cash
from the weight of the trucks and
the auto parts...
BRUCE
Dog food. Furniture, carpets...
DEL
What’d you do, Bruce?
BRUCE
We rigged the gas gauges.
BRUCE
They’d read full when they were
five gallons light.
DEL
The load would count lighter, you’d
take the weight of five gallons of
gas.
(doing the math)
Forty pounds?
BRUCE
Give or take.
DEL
I love it. How much, Bruce?
BRUCE
Eight million. Over three years.
DEL
Okay. I’m sorry about Liz. You
know that, right?
BRUCE
She was a good person.
DEL
I’m sure she was.
BRUCE
Del...? Del, Marty had nothing to
do with this. It was all me.
DEL
Okay. You ready?
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Bruce turns to Marty, eyes shining. Loss. Regret.
36.
BRUCE
“Carolyn’s Place.” After my mom.
We were gonna have pie--
BAM! Del shoots Bruce in the head. A sob rips from Marty,
he sinks to his knees, roots in his pockets with trembling
hands. Del strides to him.
MARTY
Please... just let me say goodbye--
DEL
(to Enforcer 2)
This man made me millions. It’s
over. You’re amused? How much
have you made me?
DEL
That’s right-- not millions.
MARTY
They’re asleep, Del. I’ll just
leave my kids a message. Please...
they can’t think I just
disappeared. That I left...
Del picks the glossy paper off the floor, unfolds, scans the
brochure. Lake of the Ozarks. Discards.
MARTY
I have to tell them I love them.
DEL
They know, Marty. They know.
DEL
Your kids still in school?
(Marty confused)
Summer break. I don’tTVwant to -doFor educational purposes only
Calling
Wendy in front of the kids.
37.
MARTY
(panicked)
No, Del... Wendy doesn’t know
anything about what I do! I never
told her... Never, not once!
Please, don’t hurt her--
DEL
We ready?
MARTY
Just gimme a second! Please!
Del lowers his gun, indulgent. Marty on his hands and knees.
Despairs. Breath labored, he half cries, half laughs, spent.
MARTY
More shoreline than the coast of
California.
DEL
Excuse me?
MARTY
The Ozarks. That--
(gestures to brochure)
The Lake. Southern Missouri.
MARTY
It has more shoreline than the
coast of California.
DEL
Missouri. Right below Illinois?
Maybe I’ll visit one day. Probably
not. I gotta go, Marty--
MARTY
Every summer the population
explodes. Tourists; white collar,
blue. Midwesterners. People with
jobs and money to spend. Coming
and going. All summer.
MARTY
Restaurants, bars, night clubs,
liquor stores... all cash
businesses... Impossible to track.
(beat)
Bruce was down there last week...
scouting businesses. I was going
to put my house on the market --
after talking to you first
obviously -- and move down with my
family.
MARTY
You’re right about Chicago. 100
percent. FBI, ATF, well you said
it. The CIA even, all of them,
circling Chicago, tapping phones,
monitoring bank accounts... You
need a new hub. One that’s off the
radar of every law enforcement
agency in the U.S. Virgin
territory. Cash rich.
MARTY
Right now I launder maybe ten
percent of the money the Federation
makes in the U.S. Even if another
five percent is piece-mealed out
to somebody else like me -- which I
doubt -- that leaves at least
eighty-five if not the entire
ninety percent to be shipped into
Mexico. How much of that is seized
at the border? How much money
siphoned off to bribe border
agents? Customs? Police, judges,
politicians...? I don’t want to
launder ten percent, Del. I want
it all.
MARTY
Bruce and the Hanson kid stole from
you... eight million? I don’t
know, that’s what he said right?
Eight? You tell me. But I’ll make
you whole. I’ll return what he
stole. Call it earnest money. - For educational purposes only
TV Calling
(MORE)
39.
MARTY (CONT'D)
My family and I will move to the
Ozarks, like we planned, get set
up, and I’ll start cleaning.
Money, Del... money’s all that
matters. Give me five years --
three -- give me three years, I can
be cleaning twice the money we are
now. Five years, five hundred
million. It’s got more shoreline--
DEL
You said that.
DEL
Here we go--
FLASH TO:
YOUNG CHARLOTTE
Me mommy, spray me!
Perfect.
DEL (V.O.)
Hey-- Marty--
RETURN TO:
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
40.
Marty opens his eyes, Del leans over, snaps his fingers.
DEL
500 million. In five years?
MARTY
Five-hundred fifteen. No question.
Del considers.
DEL
You have forty-eight hours to get
my money. Cash. No negotiable
instruments, no cashiers checks, no
wire transfers. Cash. All of it.
DEL
Marty...
DEL
When I drive by? I better see a
‘For Sale’ sign on your lawn.
WENDY
No! There’s no choice here...
Jesus, Marty, stop! They killed
Bruce. We’ve got to go to the
police!
MARTY
Really, Wendy? Let’s role play
that--
MARTY
I’m Detective Whoever The Fuck.
And you, you’re the wife of the top
money-launderer for the second
largest drug cartel in Mexico. Go!
MARTY
Police mean witness protection at
best. Prison time. If we get that
far.
WENDY
“We?” We? What are you telling
me, our family, our kids are in
danger? “We” don’t launder money
for the second largest drug cartel
in Mexico, you do. How are “we” in
danger, Marty?
MARTY
What do you want to hear, Wendy? A
million dollars in hundreds weighs
about 22 pounds. People who drive
trucks loaded with cash onto scales
and weigh it because there’s too
much to count don’t have some code
of ethics they adhere to. What’s
your solution? Hmm? Tell me.
WENDY
I don’t know... send Liz to the
police. Bruce didn’t come home.
He’s missing. They’ll find out
he’s dead. Lay the blame on--
MARTY
Liz is dead, Wendy. She’s
dissolving in a plastic barrel next
to the one they stuffed Bruce in--
MARTY
What we’re not going to do? Panic.
We’re going to prioritize.
Compartmentalize. Time management.
First thing tomorrow, after we tell
the kids, call your friend Laura--
(Wendy blanks)
The realtor? List the house. Then
call a moving company. Box only
what we can put in the van. Help
the kids pack, do it for them, I
don’t care. Come Friday after
school-- we’re on the road.
MARTY
The movers... get three bids.
Money’s gonna be tight.
CHARLOTTE
No fucking way am I going.
MARTY
Stop with the language. You’re
going. We’re all going.
CHARLOTTE JONAH
Not me. I’ll live with The Ozarks. That’s like,
Caitlin. woods and stuff?
CHARLOTTE WENDY
(to Wendy) (to Jonah)
Mom, what the fuck--? I think so, honey.
MARTY
Husbands, fathers--
MARTY
Wives--
(as Charlotte eye-rolls)
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
(MORE)
43.
MARTY (CONT'D)
--take new jobs and relocate with
their families all the time. This
country was built by Americans
pursuing opportunity-- Pioneers!
CHARLOTTE
You’re a financial advisor! A self-
employed financial advisor! You
decide where the “opportunity” is!
MARTY
That’s right! And I’ve decided the
opportunity is in Missouri!
MARTY
You’re upset. You’re leaving your
friends, your school... what you’re
feeling is normal. I understand.
But we are a family and we’re
making this move as a family.
(beat)
Now I would prefer... that you view
this as an adventure--
CHARLOTTE
Waffles and a shit sandwich--
Wendy follows after her. Marty and Jonah alone. Silence for
a beat. Marty wallows in the aftermath.
JONAH
I think it sounds like fun.
JONAH
You okay, dad?
RECEPTIONIST
Oh my God... you called the police?
MARTY
Yes.
RECEPTIONIST
They took my computer...
RECEPTIONIST
I’ll call the insurance company.
MARTY
Brenda?
MARTY
You’re fired. I’m sorry.
MARTY
(into phone; forced
upbeat)
No, not some, all. Everything.
Liquidated, cash.
BROKER 1
I...? All of it?
MARTY (V.O.)
$7,945,400.
BANK MANAGER
Sir, again, we don’t keep that kind
of cash on site. You can’t just
have it wired here then come by and
withdraw it. Not in cash.
BROKER 2
Whoa, whoa, whoa... Marty stop. If
the markets are spooking you, hell,
let’s slide it into mutual funds--
MARTY
No, I’ll be back in six months with
twice the money--
BANK MANAGER
I’m not explaining myself
correctly; because it says the
money’s in your account, doesn’t
mean it’s really there.
Physically.
MARTY
I know how the banking system
works. That’s why I’m calling you
in advance so you can get it.
BROKER 3
Your entire portfolio. Forget it.
Ten percent penalty for early
withdrawal plus at least thirty-two
percent in taxes. No--
MARTY
I’ll worry about taxes next April.
Sell it. Now.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
46.
BANK VEEP
Mr. Bird, there seems to be a
disconnect vis-a-vis large wire
transfers and your expectations
about withdrawing it. In cash.
MARTY
(rope’s end)
By end of business today there will
be close to 8 million dollars in 4
separate accounts at your bank. I
suspect that puts you in a woefully
undercapitalized position relative
to your obligations with the FDIC.
So unless you’re the Vice President
of the one institution exempt from
the liquidity ratio laws governing
every other bank in the Western
hemisphere, I suggest you call the
Federal Reserve at 230 South
LaSalle and order up a shitpot full
of cash.
GARY
Get the fuck outta here--
GARY
Your husband, the financial
advisor, Mr. Consumer Reports, is
laundering money for the Federation
cartel, that’s what you’re telling
me? TV Calling - For educational purposes only
47.
GARY
They kill his partner, partner’s
wife--
WENDY
Fiancee.
GARY
And two others-- and let him live?
WENDY
He cleans their money, Gary. He,
he... mixes drug money with company
pension plans, 401Ks... He moves it
all over the world--
WENDY GARY
Invests it, makes money on Yeah, I get that but--
top of money!
GARY
No offense, Wendy, I’ve seen your
house. How much are we talking
about?
WENDY
I don’t know... millions, tens of
millions, hundreds-- I don’t know!
GARY
Shh. It’s okay. We’re in Chicago,
not some beaner border town. I’ll
take care of it.
WENDY
How?
GARY
How? Really?
GARY
Do you love me?
(she nods)
Because this lawyer loves you. And
this particular lawyer is a partner
with arguably the most powerful law
firm in town. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
48.
WENDY
You’re an environmental lawyer.
GARY
I’m a partner. With other partners
who are the top criminal lawyers in
Chicago. Lawyers who know every
judge, D.A. and States Attorney
with lead in their pencil. Come
Monday, you and I will be sixty
stories up and your money-
laundering husband will either be
in jail or in federal protection.
His choice.
WENDY
You, me and my kids will be sixty
stories up. That’s what you meant
right? My kids?
GARY
I thought it was inferred.
(beat)
We need to work on articulating
your story.
(Wendy puzzled)
I assume Marty’s hidden profession
came as a shock, right?
WENDY
(guilty beat)
Let’s assume that it did, yes.
GARY
Cross that bridge when we come to
it. What you need to know is
you’re good. Your kids are good.
GARY
I’m never letting you go. And
certainly not to the Ozarks. Good
Lord, what’s that even like?
Camouflage as a primary color?
Pickup trucks with those... those
big rubber testicles they hang from
trailer hitches.
GARY
I only want you thinking of average
sized Jewish testicles.
WENDY
What do I do now? I can’t just...
wait.
GARY
What’s he doing now-- Marty?
WENDY
Paying back the money his partner
stole. How much I don’t know.
GARY
The government will try to attach
as much of that money as possible--
freeze your assets to force his
cooperation. You need to get as
much as you can as fast as you can--
(off her look)
That money’s either going to you,
the feds or a drug cartel. Time to
put your cards on the table.
SALES MANAGER
I know you know this, Marty, but
I’m going to say it anyway. I’ve
got to report this. You’ll get a
tax bill at the end of the year.
(finishes counting)
Eight thousand dollars.
MARTY
Can I get a loaner, Ray? Twenty
four hours. Tops. Please. I’ll
take the shittiest car on the lot.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Sales Manager pauses, pushes the keys back across the table.
50.
BOB EVANS
On the board of half a dozen non-
profits; Academy of the Arts,
Goodman Theater, Joffrey... one of
those. They see each other at
least twice a week. Sometimes
more. Either his place or halfway
between here and the city; an H.I.
Express, Fairfield Inn... the
Doubletree in Alsip’s where I
tagged ‘em.
(off Marty’s look)
Guy makes four-hundred grand, he
can afford better, I’m guessing
it’s convenience.
MARTY
How long?
BOB EVANS
Hard to say.
MARTY
“Sugarwood.” What is that?
BOB EVANS
(slight wince)
You jumped the gun coming here
today. Normally I transfer
everything from a working file to a
folio binder. Table of contents,
intro, summary. Suitable for
presentation, arbitration.
MARTY
What?
BOB EVANS
Sugarwood’s her pet name for him.
As in... y’know... Gimme some--
MARTY
Hypothetically... scale of one to
ten, how difficult would it be for
a person to disappear?
BOB EVANS
You or him?
BOB EVANS
Careful.
MARTY
Me. A family of four.
BOB EVANS
New I.D.’s, social security
numbers, credit cards. You could
do it, for a while anyway. Then
your money’d run out. You couldn’t
do what you do now, too many forms
to fill out, somebody gets audited,
cat’s outta the bag. But you’ll
get caught long before that. One
of your kids’ll get online sloppy;
Twitter, Instagram... your wife has
one lemon-drop too many with her
new best friend, wants to share. A
secret’s a powerful thing, ask
Whitey Bulger.
(MORE) TV Calling - For educational purposes only
52.
MARTY
The computers in my office were
stolen last night. All of them.
BOB EVANS
You download the footage I sent?
BOB EVANS
Tit, meet ringer. Let’s hope your
wife and Mr. Silverberg don’t wind
up splattered all over the
internet.
MARTY
It’s the bank. My wife just
emptied our checking and savings.
BOB EVANS
You got a gun?
BOB EVANS
Good. Aqua Towers. Sixtieth
floor. Apartment 6003.
MARTY
What makes you think she’s there?
BOB EVANS
It’s Thursday.
WENDY (V.O.)
(over phone; voice
TV mail)
Calling - For educational purposes only
Hi this is Wendy, leave me a--
53.
Marty throws his phone into the passenger seat, grips the
wheel in a black fidget.
MARTY
You bitch. You thankless bitch.
(detonates)
Fuck you Wendy! FUCK YOU!
WENDY
Gary...?
MARTY
Twenty-two years...
MARTY
Never cheated on you. Not once.
Had the chance. And not just a few
times. Worked, came home, got up
did it all over again. Not good
enough for you.
MARTY
You want to try and take my money?
You want a divorce? I’ll show you
the meaning of ugly. You have no
idea wh--
MARTY
(into phone; frantic)
Wendy?
DEL (V.O.)
(over phone)
Sixty floors. Sixty.
DEL
(into phone)
You think a person blacks out
around thirty or so? Or you think
they’re conscious all the way to
the pavement?
DEL (V.O.)
I got Wendy, you got my money?
MARTY
You’ll have it tomorrow. Forty-
eight hours, as promised.
DEL (V.O.)
Why does Wendy have a cashiers
check for $29,650? TV Calling - For educational purposes only
55.
DEL (V.O.)
You lied to me, Marty. I think she
knows about our business.
MARTY
What kind of man isn’t willing to
lie to save his wife’s life?
DEL (V.O.)
Was that before or after you found
out she was fucking the stain?
MARTY (V.O.)
After.
DEL (V.O.)
Ouch. The man with Wendy is
important to me, so we’re on the
clock. I bet you haven’t
confronted her yet. Am I right?
MARTY
You’re right.
DEL (V.O.)
You’re calculating the smart move.
Weighing options. Measure twice
cut once. You divorce her, things
turn ugly. She holds what you’ve
done over your head. You live with
the cheating and whatever man you
think you are is eaten away day by
day. Or -- hear me out -- we kill
both those birds with one stone.
Or in Wendy-Bird’s case, a sudden
stop after a sixty story drop.
Double suicide, no muss no fuss.
DEL (V.O.)
This has to be your call, Marty.
If I make the decision to kill the
mother of your children, wife of
sixteen years -- time turns a
cheating whore into a misunderstood
Madonna. Someday, eventually,
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
you’ll hold it against me.
56.
DEL (V.O.)
Hello?
MARTY
Yes--
MARTY (V.O.)
I mean what-- not yes, what?! What
is it, Del?
DEL
What should my father do?
MARTY (V.O.)
Your father?
DEL
About Aunt Carlotta. You didn’t
answer my question. What should my
father do about a woman who steals
from him? A loyal woman. A
mother. With him fifteen years.
What does my mother make him do?
MARTY
Fire her.
DEL (V.O.)
Why?
MARTY
It wasn’t the first time she stole
from you.
DEL (V.O.)
What was it?
MARTY
The first time you caught her.
DEL (V.O.)
One last question -- not to
influence your Wendy decision, tick-
tock -- but does “sugarwood” mean
what I think it does?
Wendy. She sits next to him, drawn, purse in her lap. After
a beat she dips into it, pulls out the cashiers check, hands
it to him. They slump in shell-shocked silence.
JONAH (O.S.)
Mom! I need my gym clothes washed!
MARTY
(soft)
You’re welcome.
MARTY
Seriously?
Marty and his suitcases enter, Bank Manager greets him, two
SUITS, 30s, converge, one puts a finger to his lips.
BANK MANAGER
(loud, enunciating)
Mr. Bird, good to see you sir.
BANK MANAGER
Can I get you a cup of coffee?
MARTY
What...? No, no.
MARTY
No, stop. Look, I appreciate your
concern. There’s no wires on me.
Nobody’s kidnapped anybody. I
just... I have a business
opportunity that requires cash.
FBI AGENT 1
There are no business opportunities
that require cash. Not legal ones.
MARTY
Agree to disagree. Where’s my
money?
BANK MANAGER
As I told you, we can’t cover that
amount within twenty-four hours.
MARTY
There are two federal agents here.
Which means you wouldn’t take the
chance there was a kidnapping and
you didn’t have my money. So if
you don’t produce it, immediately,
I’m walking into that lobby and
letting everyone know that I can’t
get my money out. Let’s see how
long that takes to go viral and you
have a good old-fashioned run on
your bank. And then you--
(in Bank Manager’s face)
--can play George Bailey in my
version of It’s A Wonderful Goddamn
Life. What do you say? Do you
think the good people of Chicago
resemble Bedford Falls folk? My
money says ‘no!’ Now, if I want to
put all seven-million nine-hundred
forty-five thousand, four hundred
dollars into a hot tub, get buck
naked and play Scrooge McDuck
that’s none of your business.
Where’s my money?
MARTY
That’s a twelve thousand dollar
Trek Madone. This is carbon! You
can sell it for nine, easy.
MARTY
Seven thousand.
Marty near the end of his rope, glances at the cash register.
Owner reads the look, hand closing around a gear wrench.
Marty abandons the thought, points to a used 12-speed.
MARTY
Three grand and throw in that bike.
MARTY
Fifty.
Marty and a sunglasses wearing Del sit across from each other
at a picnic table.
DEL
Today it’s the third deadliest body
of water in the U.S. Behind only
the Pacific Ocean and the Colorado
River. The Pacific Ocean. But you
know all that. You’re Marty Bird
and Marty Bird’s been planning this
a long time. How long again?
MARTY
Long time.
DEL
Say it ain’t so.
MARTY DEL
I’m short five-thousand. What’d I tell you?
MARTY
It’s not a problem. I have a mini-
van; a Honda. Odyssey. The Blue
Book on it’s $27,000. It’s the
number one ranked mini-van in the
U.S. I’ll sell it tomorrow--
DEL
What do you have left? You.
Another car, rainy day money?
MARTY
Nothing.
DEL
I’ll buy the “Odyssey” from you for
twenty-five. So, I owe you twenty,
take it outta the cash.
DEL
I’ll lease it back to you for say,
a thousand a month?
DEL
Top ranked mini-van in the U.S.
(Marty nods agreement)
Good. Now take my seven million.
Nine hundred and seventy-five
thousand. And clean it.
MARTY
Clean it-- it was clean. You lose
at least fifteen percent cleaning
it again, another twenty-five
percent in taxes. Minimum. I
could’ve wired the money into an
account and saved us both--
DEL
That’s not the point is it?
DEL
Marty, the thing I liked most about
our relationship, you, me, Bruce...
is that it lacked drama. See I’m
not a micro-manager. I gave you
dirty cash, you gave me clean. I
came to town twice a year, dinner
at Mortons, Bruce pays, I leave.
Simple. The rest of my life?
Drama. So even though I’m torn
between intrigue and thinking this
Ozark thing is complete and utter
straw-grasping horseshit, I’m
willing to roll the dice. Because
I meant what I said. You are
special. You’ve got a gift. But
if there’s drama, excuses... you
stop answering your phone, if I
have to spend time in Missouri or
if I think you’re about to fuck me
in any way-- I’ll kill you, Wendy
and both your children. Not in
that order.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Del rises, extends a hand. He and Marty shake. Del walks.
63.
DEL
Drive safely.
MARTY
The other night... you said,
‘where’s my five million’, Bruce
and the Hanson kid took eight.
DEL
I was this close. Almost gone. My
Steve McQueen intact.
(shades off)
I figured 5 was the floor. Any
less and it wouldn’t be worth it.
(Marty confused)
You were right. I was fishing. I
didn’t know they stole a thing.
MARTY
You killed Liz on a hunch?
DEL
A tell. I’ve worked with you and
Bruce how long? You ever know him
not to constantly run his mouth?
DEL
Take good care of my money, Marty.
MARTY
I’ve had a hard three days,
Charlotte. So if there’s anything
in here you can combine into one
suitcase, anything you’ve outgrown,
don’t wear or don’t need...
AGENT 1
Straight to voice mail. Want me to
keep trying, sir?
AGENT 1
Possible he ran. Changed his mind,
took his chippie and left the
country.
WINDBREAKER
Agent Petty, think we got ‘em all.
PETTY
Eight bugs went in, I want eight
out. My name’s on the req.
AGENT 1
You don’t seem too upset.
PETTY
Que sera sera.
AGENT 1
Liddell was our in. You heard him,
he would have been a fantastic
government witness.
PETTY
Mexicans, Mafia, Muslims. We all
want these people to be more than
they are. They’re not. They’re
just a product of their options.
If they weren’t dealing drugs,
extorting businesses or flying
planes into buildings they’d be
cleaning toilets. These aren’t
criminal geniuses, agent. They’re
pathological liars on a path of
least resistance. Liddell was no
different. Entertaining though.
AGENT 1
I’m confused. Del Rio, Beltran,
the Federation. Why’d we do all
this if Bruce was just...
entertaining?
PETTY
Where is Martin Bird?
WENDY
Don’t.
(off his look)
‘Look kids, the Arch. Adventure.
Pioneers. Gateway to the West,
jumping off point for... Lewis
and... and Davy fucking Crockett.’
Let them sleep.
WENDY
Remind me. What was it about
laundering money for a drug cartel
that struck you as a good idea?- For educational purposes only
TV Calling
66.
Long beat.
MARTY
Half of all American adults have
more credit card debt than savings.
25 percent have no savings at all.
Only 15 percent of the population
can fund one year of retirement.
(beat)
You were eight months pregnant. I
was a 28-year-old financial planner
in a country where half the
population sees Powerball as a
viable retirement plan. Last year
we W-2’d four-hundred eighty-two
thousand dollars. Remember now?
Heading south, St. Louis recedes, $50 bike lashed to the top.
CHARLOTTE
You disgust me.
JONAH
An armadillo’s the only animal that
carries leprosy.
CHARLOTTE
Oh. My. God.
JONAH
Where you going, dad?
MARTY
To take a leak.
MARTY
I’m sorry... I’m sorry. I’m so, so
sorry.
JONAH
(cool)
Alright, dad.
CUT TO BLACK:
END OF PILOT
TV Calling - For educational purposes only