Interpersonal Conflict

Aislyne Olsen
Jodie Jones
COMM 1080
7 December 2020
Interpersonal Conflict - Conflict Style, Management, and Communicating
Overview
Interpersonal conflict occurs when there is a perceived disagreement between two parties
that can be emotional, personal, or professional in nature These disagreements can occur at all
levels of interaction and either strengthen or weaken a relationship depending on how the
conflict is addressed. I’ve personally been in many conflicts in my life that have both shaped and
harmed my relationships, so for this paper I would like to explore common styles of conflict,
their advantages and disadvantages, and ways to manage conflict. By doing this, I hope to gain a
broader understanding of conflict so that I can better address conflict in my future.
Theory/Concept
While there are different types of conflict styles, the five we will be focusing on today are
avoidance, competition, compromise, accomodation, and collaboration. The first one we will be
covering is avoidance. It is “characterized by denial of the conflict by changing and avoiding
topics, being noncommittal, and joking rather than dealing with the conflict at hand,” (Wilmot &
Hocker, 2011). While avoidance is most often known for its dismissive and uncaring qualities, it
can have its advantages. It can “Supply time to think of some other response to the conflict, as
some people cannot ‘think on their feet.’ It is useful if the issue is trivial or if the other important
issues demand one’s attention.” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011).

Another aggressive and potentially uncooperative conflict style is competition. It is the
pursuit of one’s concerns at the expense of another’s. Individuals with this style “attempt to gain
power by direct confrontation, by trying to ‘win’ arguments without adjusting to the other’s
goals and desires.” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011). In order for this style to be the most advantageous
is to use it in an assertive way, allowing for “expression of feelings and open striving for goals.”
(Wilmot and Hocker, 2011). This can be helpful in generating creative ideas, but can focus the
conflict towards external goals- reducing it back to a ‘winning’ or ‘losing’ concept.
Next is compromise. It is characterized where both parties “give up some important goals
to gain others” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011). This mindset is dependent on shared power between
parties and finding a middle ground where both are satisfied. It’s advantages are that it
accomplishes important goals with less time expenditure and reinforces a power balance. It’s
drawbacks are that it “prevents creative new options because it is easy and handy to use...
‘splitting the difference’ can be a sophisticated form of avoidance of issues that need to be
discussed.” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011).
Accommodation is a cooperative and coordinating conflict style. Individuals often “set
aside his or her concerts in favor of pleasing the other people involved,” (Wilmot & Hocker,
2011, 165). As to the benefits of this style, it can promote reasonableness and allows for
accommodation without overt conflict. (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011). Accomodation, however, can
“foster an undertone of competitiveness If people develop a pattern of showing each other how
nice they can be... this tends to reduce creative options,” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011).
Collaboration is the most demanding of the conflict styles. It shows a “high level of
concern for one’s own goals, the goals, of others, the successful solution of the problem, and the
enhancement of the relationship,” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011). It is advantageous because it
generates new ideas, maintains grounds for respect, and both parties stand to gain from the
conflict. The drawbacks are the amount of time, effort, and level of investment that happens
between parties. If there is a power discrepancy, this can lead to a power imbalance or further
issues of conflict.
Analysis
There are times where I’ve engaged in these conflict styles, but a recent and memorable
one I had a few days ago. It started after a miscommunication. My friend went through a breakup
and while playing a game, I was joking with her ex. I am friends with both of them and had
assumed things had ended on good terms between them. I was mistaken. A confrontation broke
out and instead of lashing out, I managed the conflict with two amazing concepts: S-TLC and I-
Statements. S-TLC is where you stop, think about the conflict for a moment, listen to what the
other has to say, then communicate. Before things got out of hand, I took a break from my game,
thought about what happened, listened to what my friends had to say, before directly expressing
my feelings and apologized for my comment.
Reflection
While I wasn’t aware of it at the time, managing the conflict this way helped remove the
competitive win/lose feeling that was growing between all of us. We were able to figure out how
the breakup truly went for my friends and what jokes are appropriate. In future conversations and
conflicts, I’m going to try harder to pay attention to how the conversation is going, determine the
conflict style, and try to manage how I communicate with others. By doing this, I can better
understand how others are feeling and become a better communicator.

References
Bellafiore, D. R. (1998). Interpersonal Conflict and Effective Communication. Retrieved
December 7, 2020, from http://www.drbalternatives.com/articles/cc2.html
Cahn, D. D., & Abigail, R. A. (2014). Managing Your Conflict. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson
Education.
Wilmot, W. W., & Hocker, J. L. (2011). Chapter 5 - Styles and Tactics. In Interpersonal Conflict
(8th ed., pp. 144-174). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

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Aislyne Olsen

Interpersonal Conflict - Conflict Style, Management, and Communicating

broader understanding of conflict so that I can better address conflict in my future.

covering is avoidance. It is “characterized by denial of the conflict by changing and avoiding

issues demand one’s attention.” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011).

conflict towards external goals- reducing it back to a ‘winning’ or ‘losing’ concept.

discussed.” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011).

Accommodation is a cooperative and coordinating conflict style. Individuals often “set

my feelings and apologized for my comment.

understand how others are feeling and become a better communicator.

Bellafiore, D. R. (1998). Interpersonal Conflict and Effective Communication. Retrieved

December 7, 2020, from http://www.drbalternatives.com/articles/cc2.html

(8th ed., pp. 144-174). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

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