Professional Documents
Culture Documents
The Coaching Habit
The Coaching Habit
Why coaching?
Prevents us from jumping into advice-giving, problem-solving, Rescuer
mode, which:
It’s neither too open and broad not too narrow and confining
For development: turning the focus from the issue to the person dealing
with the issue.
Do not stop at vague, tip of the tongue answers to the Kickstart Question
When trying to get to the heart of the issue, follow-up "What's the real
challenge here for you?" with "What else is a challenge here for you?"
Variation: "If you had to pick one of these to focus on, which one here
would be the real challenge for you?"
What > Why: if you're not trying to fix things, you don't need the
backstory. Ask more What? questions
Needs are deeper and help us understand the more human driver who
might be behind the want.
Affection
Creation
Recreation
Freedom
Identity
Understanding
Participation
Protection
Subsistence
A bit of neuroscience
According to neuroscientist Evan Gordon, the "fundamental organizing
principle of the brain" is the risk-and-reward response
T for "tribe":
the brain: "Are you with me, or are you against me?"
E for "expectation":
R for "rank":
the brain: "Are you more important or less important than I am?"
A for "autonomy":
Edgar Schein: when you offer to help someone, you raise your status
and lower theirs, whether you mean to or not
It starts by assuming that, at least some of the time, we're playing less-
than-fantastic versions of ourselves with most of the people with whom
Victim:
The price paid for playing the role: You have no sense of being
able to change anything—any change is outside your control.
You’re known to be ineffective. And no one likes a whiner.
Persecutor:
Benefits of playing the role: You feel superior and have a sense of
power and control.
The price paid for playing the role: You end up being responsible
for everything. You create Victims. You’re known as a
micromanager. People do the minimum for you and no more. And
no one likes a bully.
Stuck is: “I feel stuck because I don’t trust anyone. I feel alone.”
Rescuer:
Core belief: “Don’t fight, don’t worry, let me jump in and take it on
and fix it.”
Benefits of playing the role: You feel morally superior; you believe
you’re indispensable.
The price paid for playing the role: People reject your help. You
create Victims and perpetuate the Drama Triangle. And no one likes
First, you're forcing the person to make a direct and clear request
Second (and more importantly), it stops you from thinking that you know
how best to help and leaping into action
Instead, use this: "That's a great question. I've got some ideas, which I'll
share with you. But before I do, what are your first thoughts?", followed up
with "What else could you do?"
The goal is not to stop giving advice at all but to prioritize making people
better at getting to their own answers (and at the same time, not adding
more work to your pile)
When you combine the overuse of the term with the fact
that anything to do with strategy is often seen as being
“their work”—when “they” are anyone two or three levels
Can be followed by "What could being fully committed to this idea look
like?"
You can use the 3Ps Projects, People, and Patterns of behavior) to frame
this
Planning fallacy: we're lousy at figuring out how much time something
will take us to complete
How will we win? What’s the defendable difference that will open up
the gap between you and the others?
What capabilities must be in place? Not just what do you need to do,
but how will it become and stay a strength?
It asks people to identify the Big Thing that was most useful
It makes it personal
Chis Argyris calls this the "double-loop learning" 40 years ago
The 2nd loop is creating a learning moment about the issue at hand,
when people pull back and find insight (the aha moments)
It's the job of a manager/leader to help create the space for people to
have these learning moments