Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Writing in Business
Writing in Business
• Audience benefits
• “you” view
• Conversational but Professional
• Positive Language
• Courteous Language
• Inclusive Language
• Plain English
• Familiar Words
Audience benefits
Sender focus Audience focus
1. The Human Resources Department requires 1. By filling out the enclosed questionnaires,
that the enclosed questionnaire be you can be one of the first employees to
completed immediately so that we can sign up for our training resource funds.
allocate our training resource funds to
employees.
2. Your warranty begins working for you as
2. Our warranty becomes effective only when
soon as you return your owner’s
we receive an owner’s registration.
registration.
3. We are proud to announce our new
3. Now you can be sure that all your
software virus checker that we think is the
computers will be protected with our real-
best on the market!
time virus scanning.
“You” view
2. Look, dude, this report is totally 2. Because the figures in this report
bogus. And the figures don’t look seem inaccurate, please submit the
kosher. Show me some real stats. source statistics.
Got sources?
Conventional but Professional
Overly Formal Conversational
1. All employees are herewith 1. Please return your contracts to me.
instructed to return the
appropriately designated contracts
to the undersigned.
1. Per your recent e-mail, the undersigned takes pride in informing you that we
are pleased to be able to participate in the Toys for Tots drive.
2. Pursuant to your message of the 15th, please be advised that your shipment
was sent August 14.
3. Yo, Jeff! Look, dude, I need you to pound on Ramona so we can drop this
budget thingy in her lap.
4. BTW, Danika was totally ticked off when the manager accused her of ripping
off office supplies. She may split.
5. He didn’t have the guts to badmouth her 2 her face.
6. The undersigned respectfully reminds affected individuals that employees
desirous of changing their health plans must do so before November 1.
Positive language
Negative Positive
1. You failed to include your credit card 1. We look forward to completing
number, so we can’t mail your order. your order as soon as we receive
your credit card number.
2. Your letter of May 2 claims that you 2. Your May 2 letter describes a headset
returned a defective headset. you returned.
3. You cannot park in Lot H until 3. You may park in Lot H starting April 1.
April 1.
4. You will be happy that . .
4. You won’t be sorry that . . .
Courteous language
Less Courteous More Courteous and Helpful
1. You must complete the report before Friday. 1. Will you please complete the report by
Friday.
2. You should organize a car pool in this 2. Organizing a car pool will reduce your
department. This is the second time I’ve transportation costs and help preserve the
written. environment. Please credit my account for
$450.
3. Can’t you get anything right? 3. My latest statement shows that the error
noted in my letter of April 2 has not been
corrected.
4. Am I the only one who can read the operating 4. Let’s review the operating manual together
manual? so that you can get your documents to print
correctly next time.
Positive and Courteous Language: Revise the following statements to make them more positive
and courteous.
1. Employees are not allowed to use instant messaging until a company policy is established.
2. We must withhold authorizing payment of your consultant’s fees because our CPA claims that
your work is incomplete.
3. Plans for the new health center cannot move forward without full community support.
4. This is the last time I’m writing to try to get you to record my October 3 payment of $359.50
to my account! Anyone who can read can see from the attached documents that I’ve tried to
explain this to you before.
5. Although you apparently failed to read the operator’s manual, we are sending you a
replacement blade for your food processor. Next time read page 18 carefully so that you will
know how to attach this blade.
6. Everyone in this department must begin using new passwords as of midnight June 15. Because
of flagrant password misuse, we find it necessary to impose this new rule so that we can
protect your personal information and company records.
Inclusive language
• Sexist/Noninclusive Every attorney has ten minutes for his
summation.
Alternative 1 All attorneys have ten minutes for their summations.
(Use a plural noun and plural pronoun.)
Alternative 2 Attorneys have ten minutes for summations. (Omit the
pronoun entirely.)
Alternative 3 Every attorney has ten minutes for a summation. (Use
an article instead of a pronoun.)
Alternative 4 Every attorney has ten minutes for his or her
summation. (Use both a masculine and a feminine pronoun.)
Inclusive language
Inclusive Language: Revise the following sentences to eliminate terms that are
considered sexist or that suggest stereotypes.
Run-On Revision
Most job seekers present a printed résumé some are Most job seekers present a printed résumé. Some are
also using Websites as electronic portfolios also using Websites as electronic portfolios.
One candidate sent an e-mail résumé another sent a One candidate sent an e-mail résumé; another sent a
traditional résumé. traditional résumé.
Place the bad news in a dependent clause connected to an independent clause with something positive
De-emphasizes Bad News Emphasizes Bad News
Although credit cannot be issued at this time, you We cannot issue you credit at this time, but we have
can fill your immediate needs on a cash basis with a special plan that will allow you to fill your
our special plan. immediate needs on a cash basis
Using active and passive voice
Using active and passive voice
Achieving parallelism
Lack parallelism Improved
1. The policy affected all vendors, suppliers, and those 1. The policy affected all vendors, suppliers, and
involved with consulting. consultants. (Matches nouns)
2. Our primary goals are to increase productivity, reduce 2. Our primary goals are to increase productivity, reduce
costs, and the improvement of product quality. costs, and improve product quality. (Matches verbs)
3. We are scheduled to meet in Dallas on January 5, we 3. We are scheduled to meet in Dallas on January 5, in
are meeting in Montreal on the 15th of March, and Montreal on March 15, and in Chicago on June 3.
in Chicago on June 3. (Matches phrases)
4. Shelby audits all accounts lettered A through L; 4. Shelby audits all accounts lettered A through L;
accounts lettered M through Z are audited by Andrew. Andrew audits accounts lettered M through Z.
(Matches clauses)
5. Our Super Bowl ads have three objectives: 5. Our Super Bowl ads have three objectives:
1. We want to increase product use. 1. Increase product use
2. Introduce complementary products. 2. Introduce complementary products
3. Our corporate image will be enhanced 3. Enhance our corporate image (Matches verbs in
listed items)
Parallelism: Revise the following sentences so that their parts are balanced.
1. After leaving the midtown meeting, Angela’s car would not start.
2. Walking up the driveway, the Hummer parked in the garage was
immediately spotted by the detectives.
3. To complete the project on time, a new deadline was established by the
team.
4. Acting as manager, several new employees were hired by Mr. Lopez.
5. Michelle Mitchell presented a talk about workplace drug problems in our
boardroom
3. Drafting powerful paragraph
1. The old scoreboard is a tired warhorse that was originally constructed in the 1970s.
2. It is now hard to find replacement parts when something breaks.
3. The old scoreboard is not energy efficient.
4. Coca-Cola has offered to buy a new sports scoreboard in return for exclusive rights to sell
soda pop on campus.
5. The old scoreboard should be replaced for many reasons.
6. It shows only scores for football games.
7. When we have soccer games or track meets, we are without any functioning scoreboard.
Revise the following paragraph. Add a topic sentence and improve the organization.
Correct problems with pronouns, parallelism, wordiness, and misplaced or dangling
modifiers. Add transitional expressions if appropriate.
You may be interested in applying for a new position within the company. The
Human Resources Department has a number of jobs available immediately. The
positions are at a high level. Current employees may apply immediately for open
positions in production, for some in marketing, and jobs in administrative support
are also available. To make application, these positions require immediate
action. Come to the Human Resources Department. We have a list showing the
open positions, what the qualifications are, and job descriptions are shown. Many
of the jobs are now open. That’s why we are sending this now. To be hired, an
interview must be scheduled within the next two weeks.
More practice
Revise the following paragraph. Add a topic sentence and improve the organization.
Correct problems with pronouns, parallelism, wordiness, and misplaced or dangling
modifiers.
As you probably already know, this company (Lasertronics) will be installing new computer
software shortly. There will be a demonstration April 18, which is a Tuesday. You are invited.
We felt this was necessary because this new software is so different from our previous
software. It will be from 9 to 12 a.m. in the morning. This will show employees how the
software programs work. They will learn about the operating system, and this should be
helpful to nearly everyone. There will be information about the new word processing
program, which should be helpful to administrative assistants and product managers. For
all you people who work with payroll, there will be information about the new database
program. We can’t show everything the software will do at this one demo, but for these
three areas there will be some help at the Tuesday demo. Presenting the software, the
demo will feature Paula Roddy. She is the representative from Quantum Software
Writing in business
Revising business messages
Revising
1. Revising for conciseness
2. Revising for clarity
3. Revising for Vigor and Directness
1.1. Eliminating flappy expressions
Flabby Expressions: Revise the following sentences to eliminate flabby
phrases.
1. Despite the fact that we lost the contract, we must at this time move
forward.
2. inasmuch as prices are falling, we will invest in the very near future.
3. We cannot fill the order until such time as payment is received for
previous shipments.
4. Due to the fact that our manager is acquainted with your sales rep, we
are fully cognizant of your price increases.
5. as a general rule, we would not accept the return; however, we will in all
probability make an exception in this case.
1.2. Limiting long lead-ins
Wordy Concise
1. This e-mail message is being sent to all 1. New parking permits will be issued
of you to let you know that new parking January 1.
permits will be issued January 1.
2. You will be interested to learn that 2. You can now be served at our Web
you can now be served at our Web site.
site.
3. I am writing this letter because 3. Dr. Mara Evans suggested that your
Dr. Mara Evans suggested that your organization was hiring trainees.
organization was hiring trainees.
Long Lead-Ins: Revise the following to eliminate long lead-ins.
1. This message is to let you know that i received your e-mail and its
attachments.
2. This memo is to notify everyone that we will observe Monday as a
holiday.
3. I am writing this letter to inform you that your homeowners’ coverage
expires soon.
4. This is to warn everyone that the loss of laptops endangers company
security
1.3. Dropping unnecessary There is/are and It is/was Fillers
Wordy Concise
1. There is only one candidate who 1. Only one candidate passed the test.
passed the test.
2. There is an unused computer in the 2. An unused computer is in the back
back office. office.
3. It was our auditor who discovered 3. Our auditor discovered the theft.
the theft.
There is/It is Fillers: Revise the following to avoid unnecessary there
is/it is fillers.
1. There are many businesses that are implementing strict e-mail
policies.
2. It is the CEO who must give her approval to the plan.
3. There are several Web pages you must update.
4. The manager says that there are too many employees who are
taking long breaks.
1.4. Getting rid of redundancies
Redundancies: Revise the following to avoid redundancies.
1. Although our last presentation bombed, we think that beyond the shadow of a
doubt our new presentation will fly.
2. Our team must be willing to think outside the box in coming up with marketing
ideas that pop.
3. True to form, our competitor has made a snarky claim that we think is way
below the belt.
4. If you will refer back to the budget, you will see that there are provisions that
prevent blowing the
budget.
3.1. Unburying Verbs
Using these noun expressions increases sentence length, drains verb strength, slows
the reader, and muddies the thought.
Buried Verbs: Revise the following to unbury the verbs.