SYMPOSIUM PT 1

Phaedrus
● Love is a God, the eldest and noblest of the gods
● Love as a verb, not just a feeling: it will lead you to do certain things, die for the person
you love
● Eros god of love
Pausanias
● Eros is inseparable from Aphrodite，this there is more than one god of love
● There are two types of love: heavenly Aphrodite and common: Eros
Heavenly love - between a younger man and older man, with the end goal of knowledge and
bettering oneself
● Associated with men - intelligence, variance
● Associated with the daughter of uranus, aphrodite, does not have a mother, so it is
expeirenced only by men, not women.
● Does not necessarily signify a romantic relationship, almost a teacher/student
relationship
● Noble
● Love of mind rather than love of body
● A sharing of knowledge and wisdom
Common love - between a man and a women or man and a young boy, with the end goal of
sexual gratification
● About body, not soul
● Associated with the other ‘version’ of aphrodite, daughter of zeus and dionne, thus is
experienced by both men and women as she has a mother and father
● Lust driven
● Does not last
● Associates with women and youths
Relationship between boys and men - "love of boys"; refers to an asymmetrical and
hierarchical relation between an adult man and a pubescent boy; ideally the relationship, once
established, continued for a period of time during which the older man conferred on the boy the
benefits of his knowledge, wisdom, and experience in the polis and the boy granted his older
lover sexual favors. An intellectual love, a mentorship.
Honorable love
● open love, secret love is dishonorable
● Love of “the noblest and highest” is honorable love
● Hasty attachments are dishonorable
The physician
● Agrees that there are two kinds of love, but elaborates
● Love does not have to be between two humans, one can love music, animals can love,
plants etc.
● There are two kinds of love
○ Good love: Health, you body is harmonious
○ Bad Love: Disease, your body is disharmonious
Aristophanes
 ● Originally three sexes, two half’s of a man, two half’s of a women, and androgynous, one
half of a man and one half of a women
● Eventually zeus punished them for being too unruly and powerful
● Zeus cut them in two and rearranged them, they longed for their other halves, and
searched for them, if/when they found them, they wrapped themselves around them and
did not let go, a man sought out a man, a woman sought out a women, and andrognous
sought out the opposite sex. Eventually they began to die off.
● Zeus eventually took pity on them and made their genitals face front so they were able to
reproduce
● The desire and pursuit of human nature is love
● This is the origin of our desire for other human beings. Those of us who desire members
of the opposite sex were previously androgynous, whereas men who desire men and
women who desire women were previously male or female.

HOOKS “CLARITY: GIVE LOVE WORDS

● love is treated as something intangible and undefined.
● We use this as an excuse to ignore the lacking in our own relationships in which love is
present
● Love is not a noun or feeling but a verb something to be acted out, the act of loving
● Men and women have different ideas of love
● "Everyone admits that love is wonderful and necessary, yet no one can agree on what it
is." Coyly, she adds: "We use the word love in such a sloppy way that it can mean
almost nothing or absolutely everything."
● It would be easier to learn how to live wholly and properly if we were given a shared
definition of what love is
● "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual
growth." Definition of love as it should be
● We choose to love
● Affection is just one component of love
● Care is just one component of love
● “When we feel deeply drawn to someone, we cathect with them; that is, we invest
feel-ings or emotion in them. That process of investment wherein a loved one becomes
important to us is called "cathexis."
● Cathecting is often confused with love
● Love and abuse cannot coexist
○ We cannot claim to love or be loving if we are abusing or neglecting our partners
○ Abuse and neglect stand in direct opposition to care and nurturance

SYMPOSIUM PT. 2
Agathon
● We still get the idea that love is a god, but agathon believes eros is the youngest god
and never ages, not oldest
● Eros also spends his time with young people
● What love is
 ○ Always being fair and peaceful
○ Love is soft and tender
○ Love is not in the body, but in our minds and characters
○ Love can come, go, move about, it is intangible
○ Love never forces itself onto people, only engages with people who consent to
it/are open to it (relates to hooks “love is willful, it does not just come and sweep
you off your feet)
○ Love is braver than war
○ Love has an element of innovation and creativity
● Agathon and socrates have a dialogue, question and answer
Diotima
● Many scholars argue that diotima is not actually a real person, many argue that socrates
did not want to continue the dialogue with agathon, so in order for the dialogue to
continue, Plato created this figure diotima. Presumably, diotima is actually socrates
● Diotima believes love is
○ not a god, but a spirit
○ Love is an intermediate; not mortal or immortal
○ Love is a spirit
○ Love can convey messages between mortal and immortal
○ Spirits are intermediaries between humans and gods
○ Believes eros was born because: it was aphrodite's birthday party, the god of
resources got drunk and passed out, god of poverty shows up at part and takes
advantage of resources, nonconsenaul sex act--eros is born of this act.
○ Love is the child of resources and poverty (balance, contradiction)
○ Love has the potential to make the contradictory work together
○ Love is pursuing, not possessing wisdom, beauty, etc.
○ Love has both the properties of its mother and father; it is always in a state of
need, but always has the skill set to seek out what it needs
○ Diotima rejects the idea that love searches for another half, rejects zeus’s story of
cutting people in half
○ Rejects the idea of soulmates
○ Love is not in pursuit of a person; it is in pursuit of beauty or good as a theoretical
○ Not only is love in pursuit of beauty, but in pursuit of knowledge
○ Humans are mortal, but we have the resources to allow ourselves to live on
○ We live on through reproduction, it is almost a form of reincarnation
○ There are two kinds of reproduction
■ Physical reproduction/ of the body - men’s ability to reproduce, a man
seeking out a woman and creating a child which will continue their legacy,
miniature versions of yourselves
■ Reproduction of the mind - wisdom and virtue are brought into the world,
by way of creation. Writing a book, painting a painting. This creation lives
on.
■ Reproduction of the mind is superior/preferred, the body fades
○ The idea of the forms
 ○ For everything that exists in the world. There is a pure, perfect version which
exists outside of us. There are less perfect versions which we are able to see
■ Transcendence - beyond us
■ Ex. the form of red. There is a pure, theoretical notion of what red is. We
know what it is, but there are no exact physical manifestations of red.
None are the actual, pure form of red. Red exists whether I live or dont
live but my ability to see red is dependent on me
● Diotima suggests love operates in a similar context as the above forms
○ Diotima's ladder
■ Lowest level of love - associated with what we can see (beautiful bodies),
physical beauty, singular, a single body is beautiful and good, we love this
one body
■ Second level - a person is able to see bodies are similar, the beauty of the
body is not singular, beauty in lots of different bodies.
■ Third level - person's ability to love others minds rather than bodies, a
maturer version of love is love of the mind, not body. Body is less
important.
■ Fourth level - falling in love with beauty itself. Beauty is not associated
with body or mind, but the pure form of beauty. Love of beauty, wisdom,
etc. investment in the theoretical. You are able to pursue the theoretical
for of love, about an immortal constant pursuit.
■ This connects to the allegory of the cave: the highest level of knowledge
is forms. Ex. the sun, we cannot look at it exactly, it is omnipresent.

Socrates - How does Alcibiades speech position Socrates as “love”? Put differently, how
does his account of Socrates align with how
love is defined by others in the Symposium. Provide three examples.

● Declared the wisest person to exist because he knows he does not know everything, this
connected to the idea of love as a philosopher, an ongoing search of things (love is in
pursuit, not possessing)
● Socrates is in ongoing pursuit of love in its purest form--intelligence, intellect, which
situates him as love itself.
● Giving up your body is not a true form of love
● True mark of love is wisdom, willingness to share wisdom
● Socrates is love?
● Philosophy is love?
● The ongoing pursuit of knowledge which leads you to the forms is love? YOu would be a
thinking thing, almost superhuman? Transcendence of the body

HOOKS ROMANTIC SWEET LOVE

● Romance has corrupted our understanding of love
○ We put too much stock in romantic relationships
 ○ Romantic love is a destructive idea, because it suggests we come to love with no
will or capacity to choose
○ Love is actually, and should be associated with choice and responsibility
● Toni Morrison says that romantic love is an incredibly destructive idea, one of the most
destructive in the history of human thought because this idea situates love as something
we do without choice or will. Hooks challenges this idea, framing love as a choice.
● We do not fall in love, we choose love
○ In choosing love, we must be responsible for our actions
● We should objectively choose our partners based on what we want in a partner
● Many would rather have a partner just to have one rather than having an actually
fulfilling
○ We would rather have a lacking partner than no partner
● Erotic attraction
○ Gender subjects are differentially gendered
○ Pressure on men to perform sexually causes men to prioritize sexual gratification
over love
○ Feminine subjects prioritize love so much so they dismiss sexual gratification
○ Most people would choose great love over sexual passion
■ Is it possible to have both?
● Emergence of STD’s has led to more open discussion about sex
○ Communication is vital in relationships, sexual and otherwise
● Language is really important in changing the way we choose love
○ Rather than saying am in love, say “i am loving”
● The real ability to assess love does not come until you truly see who someone is
○ We are taught to put on a facade when dating, we do not put our genuine selves
forward
○ Should we put our everyday selves forward rather than best
● Distinction between heart and soul connection
○ Heart connection: lets us appreciate those we love just as we are whereas a soul
connection: we see who we could be, who they could be
○ Soul connection: “ ‘A soul connection...a resonance between two people who
respond to the essential beauty of each other’s individual natures, behind their
facades and who connect on a deeper level” element of potentiality
● We are changed by our relationships
○ Ex. Judith butler, when someone passes away, we realize how much they have
impacted us. We will not be the same
○ We are incredibly impacted by the people in our lives
● Romance has corrupted our idea of true love
○ True love requires work, it is not always sweet and fun
○ True love: an insight, we see the wholeness of a person and accepts the person
and help them achieve goals of “self unfoldment”
● Most of us avoid love even though we claim we want it, we see true love as dangerous
because it requires revealing our true selves, dropping our facades or false sleeves we
often present to others when we first meet them.
 ○ True love requires risk and exposure, this is scary
○ Love is vulnerability, compromise, communication, we may be changed

POLYAMORY IS DEVIANT: BUT NOT FOR THE REASONS YOU THINK - ELISABETH
SCHEFF
● Polyamory - a form of consensual non-monogamy
○ Emphasizes emotional intimacy with multiple partners
○ Usually not associated with religion
○ Across all genders
○ Began as a form of CNM in the 70s, has gained popularity in the past decade
● Consensual non-monogamy - a category of relationships in which the participants
negotiate multiple sexual and/or romantic partners
○ The largest category is an open relationship - broad category of CNM: gives little
information about the specifics of the structure beyond the fact that the
participants have agreed on non-monogamy
○ Polyamory is one of these categories
○ Differs from infidelity because it is consensual
● Polygamy - a form of concenusal non monogamousrelationships
○ A form of marriage with multiple spouses
○ Usually associated with cultural or religious community
○ Polygyny - most common for fo polygamy i which one husband takes mutple
wives
● Swinging - a form of consensual non-monogamy
○ Heterosexual couoples swapping partner
○ Or having group sex w other partners in a semi-structuresd setting like a cruise,
house party, sex club
● Compulsory monogamy - the cultural and societal assumption that monogamy is the
default and only legitimate form of relationship
○ Fueled by the institution of marriage as almost a required social norm in western
cultures
○ Fueled by criminal statutes surrounding non monogamous relationships which
enforce monogamy
○ Associated with jealousy as a signal of love, supermonogamy (evryon has one
true love/soulmate), sociobiological phenomena of exclusive heterosexual
matings
● Polyamorus possibility - awareness to the fact that monogamy is not the only consensual
option in relationships
○ People typically react to this possibility in three ways
■ Blase - it has little effect on them, they have little reaction, tend to dismiss
polyamory as an oddity they would not consider taking part in
■ Delight - freedom and relief from compulsory monogamy
■ Abject terror - feel threatened and possessive to a maximum degree,
especially if their partner has expressed interest in some form of CNM
● This can be caused by past experiences with cheating, mistrust
 ● Monogamy and Polyamory as orientations - the idea that some people are naturally
monogamous (do not feel attraction for others when in a relationship) and others
naturally polyamorous (can feel attraction to multiple partners)
● MIsconceptions about why polyamory is deemed devant
○ Sex for pleasure
■ Stigma, seocifically against women, for havign sex without intention of
procreation
■ This stigma is not confined to polyamory, but found in our culture of se
and love as a whole
○ Multiple partners
■ Traditional monogamy of marrying and having sex with one person is not
longer relevant as our society has progressed
■ Most people have had multiple partners in their lives, just consecutively
rather than concurrently
■ Cheating and infidelity are also extremely common
● The real reasons there is so much stigma surrounding CNM
○ Honesty restructures power imbalance
■ Infidelity or non-consensual non-monogamy usually comes hand in hand
with a power imbalance within a relationship, in which both have agreed
to monogamy but only one practices it. The knowledge of the unfaithful
party, who knows is not actually monogamous despite what they had
agreed upon, holds a certain power. The secret of the cheater gives them
power in the relationship.
■ Further, the party with more power in the relationship to begin with is
more likely to cheat, and the less powerful party may put up with it for fear
of losing the relationship.
■ Polyamory promotes honest negotiation of non-monogamy, threatening
this power dynamic.
○ Women get multiple partners too
■ Within monogamy and even polygamy their has historically been ample
room for men to have multiple partners, through mistresses, multiple
wives, etc. (specifically for men of high status).
■ While typically non-monogamous women are slluthsmaed and ridiculed.
Polyamory threatens this double standard as polyamory allows for
freedom across genders.
○ Challenge to heterosexual nuclear families
■ Monogamy supports a socially accepted and instituted idea of a legitimate
family, typically a mother, father and kids. Polamaroy threatens this idea,
introduces other familial possibilities for those in consensually non
monogamous relationships.

FROM ROMANTIC JEALOUSY TO SYMPATHETIC JOY: MONOGAMY, POLYAMORY,

AND BEYOND by JORGE FERROR
 ● Sympathetic joy - the human capability to feel joy for the happiness of others, it is a central pillar of
or ultimate aim of many religions, mainly Buddhism (one of the four immeasurable states). To
feel happy when others feel happy
● Evolutionary basis of jealousy
○ Male - reproductive benefit of jealousy was the security of a mate or the certainty of
Paternity, this can explain why men feel more jealous about sexual infidelity while women
tend to feel more jealous if a man is emotionally attached (emotional infidelity) to
another woman
○ Female - guaranteed resources and protection for children by having a steady mate
○ males and females today still feel these evolutionary tendencies of
jealousy though they do not have the same or as necessary a function in the modern world.
● Genetic Selfishness - a genetically or biologically ingrained egotism associated with prioritizing
one’s own family over others
● Compersion - the emotional response opposite to jealousy, “the feeling of taking joy in the joy
that other you love share among themselves”, transforming jealousy into sympathetic joy
○ One can feel happiness in response to their partners happiness, no matter what third party
Is making their partner happy
○ Feeling warmth, happiness, joy, pleasure in response to one’s partner loving others in a
healthy, beneficial way
● Jealousy vs. envy
○ Jealousy - a response to the imagined or real threat of losing one’s relationship to a
third party
○ Envy - resentment or bitterness towards others for their successes, talents, or good fortune
● Love as a possession
○ Romantic or sensuous love has come to be associated with possession and jealousy
○ Separating this love from possession and expectation would build healthier and
realistic relationships
● Social monogamy - the socially accepted and promoted mask of monogamy that often entails
Infidelity or even forms of consensual non-monogamy
● Expectations of monogamy - promises of life-long monogamy can foster unrealistic expectations
Causing harm to relationships
● Polyamorys potential impact on serial dating - mindful polyamory is an arguably a more fulfilling
alternative to serial monogamy which would allow for lasting, deep spiritual connections with
multiple partners instead of jumping from partner to partner
● Prioritization of personal relationships
● The notion of social monogamy - the social emphasis on monogamous relationships as the only
Valid and accepted form of a relationship. Monogamous relationships aren't actually
monogamous due to infidelity and chronological switching of partners.

ARE WE HAVING SEX NOW OR WHAT BY GRETA CHRISTINA

● Christina used to count her sexual partners, but ran into confusion about what counts as sex?
● In what ways does Christina’s interaction with Gene lead her to think about the relationship
between physical sex and moral considerations of sex: Christina intially did not
classify her and Gene’s experience with one another sex (in which they kissed, fondled, grinded, and
 groped one another, but did not have penetrative intercourse), later she re-evaluated why she did
Not classify this sex, and wondered if it was because she had a boyfriend at the time who had
cheated on her, and wanted to maintain her morality in that relationship, positioning herself as the
Doting, ever-faithful girlfriend.
● There is a social pressure to identify one’s self or worth based on the number of people they
have had sex with
● We have been conditioned to count penis vagina pentration as sex or gential conteact as sex,
and not much else
● What defines sex?
● Sex is not just intercourse, sex can mean any number of things
● Lesbian sex is a threat to this penetrative construct, as sex between women can mean any
number of things
● What counts as sex?
○ Feeling sexual is not the same as having sex with someone, as you can feel sexual when
You are attracted to someone, flirt with them, dance with them etc., but this does
not mean you are having sex w them
○ Being sexual with someone does not necessarily constitute sex
● Tentative definition of having sex with someone - the concious, consenting, mutually
acknowledged pursuit of sexual pleasure
● This does not account for situation in which one consents to sex but does not really
enjoy it, complicating the definition of sex, or what if neither enjoys it? Is this still sex?
● Christina's friends suggested if you feel like you are having sex with someone, you are having
sex with them, this raises the question however, of what one thinks sex is? This is
incredibly subjective
● Why, for Christina, might masturbation in front of someone be considered distinct from solo
Masturbation? Because this is the mutual pursuit of pleasure, which is consistent with her tentative
Definition of sex
● Does pleasure constitute sex? People have sex for many reasons other than for pleasure, such as
Sex workers.
● Does physical contact constitute sex
● Does genital contact constitute sex
● Consent = voluntary, enthusiastic agreement to engage in a sexual act
● No consent = no sex
● Conclusion = sex can mean so many things, it is incredibly subjective and difficult to define

HAS VIRGINITY LOST ITS VIRTUE? BY AMANDA N. GESSELMAN, GREGORY D. WEBSTER &
JUSTIN R. GARCIA
● Virginity until marriage has been historically valued, but in current society, sex is treated as
A norm in young adults
● Sociosexual norms have changed in the US
○ Most people engage in pre-marital sex
● Six decades of research show these changing trends, from 1939 to 1996
○ Chastity as a trait one looks for in a partner has decreased greatly in the past decades
 ○ 75% of people (currently) lose their virginity before the age of 20 (virginity in this context
referring to penal vaginal penetrative sex
● Stigma and discrimination associated with sexual inexperience
● Sexual experiences have become a standard part of late adolescence and early adulthood
● Interpersonal sexual scripts: how social norms sorrounding sex influence sexual activity
● Authors conducted three studies with six hypothesis to find relationship between sexual experiences
And stigma
● SIX HYPOTHESIS
○ Late adolescence as the age for onset of sexual experience SUPPORTED
○ Sexually inexperienced adults feel stigmatized SUPPORTED
○ Sexual inexperience limits dating options SUPPORTED
○ Older sexually inexperienced individuals face more stigmatization NOT SUPPORTED
○ Sexually inexperienced adults with prior romantic relationship would be perceived more
positively b/c it shows ability to be intimately connected with someone NOT SUPPORTED
○ The likelihood that single adults would enter into a relationship with an adult virgin
SOMEWHAT SUPPORTED
● Higher likelihood of sexually experienced individuals entering relationships with other
Sexually experienced individuals
● Virginity as a social construction - virginity is not a physical state of being, as it is often
associated with the presence of a hymen in women, which can be broken in many ways, not just
through pentrative sex. It is socially constructed because it is not based on any physical,
scientific reality, it also signals that one is ‘losing’ something when they have sex for the first time,
Which is a fabrication.
● The distinction between abstinence and virginity - abstinence is the choice to not actively have
Sex, one can have had sex in the past, but now be abstinent; it is voluntary celibacy. Virginity, on the
Other hand, is treated more so as an identity, not a state that one can enter in and out of.
● The virginity test - hymen testing is one method of virginity testing, performed on women in wich
Women's hymens are ‘checked’ to ensure they are in place, as this is seen as a marker of virginity
Despite its inaccuracy, as the hymen can be ruptured in a number of ways having nothing to do
With pentrative sex.
● How virginity upholds compulsive heterosexuality/heteronormativity
(impact on queerness/disability/sexual assault) - viriginity erases queerness as it is based on
The assumption that heterosexual sex is the only legitimate form of sex. This is simply untrue.
This assumption upholds heteronormativity. For people who have been sexually assaulted,
The idea of virginity as something lost, survivors often frame their assaults as when there first
Sexual experience or loss of virginity, this is incredibly harmful as they should be encouraged
To redefine and reclaim one's sexuality and relationship with their body. The social construct of virginity
Encourages over-emphasis on ones first sexual encounters despite the circumstances in which this
May have occurred.
● How definitions the value of virginity differ depending on one’s gender - virginity is often
Treated as a prize, or signal of innocence and purity in women, a woman who is sexullya active
Is often shamed, and a woman who is a virgin is often praised (some virgin women are labeled
prudes). Men, however, are oftens ahmed for being virgins, and praised for having sex.
‘‘I’M NOT GONNA FAKE IT’’: UNIVERSITY WOMEN’S ACCOUNTS OF RESISTING THE NORMATIVE
PRACTICE OF FAKING ORGASM BY MICHELLE N. LAFRANCE, MONIKA STELZL, AND
KRISTEN BULLOCK
● The relationship between one’s self and orgasming: the failure to bring one’s female partner to
orgasm can put one’s sense of self, specifically in relation to their sexual prowess in question.
It can also cause a questioning of a woman’s own sense of self if she cannot orgasm. This
pressure is largely due to social pressures to uphold male ego and accepted ideas that orgasm
is essential to sex, as well as signals the end of sex. Pressure to orgasm thus leads to pressure to
fake orgasm as they are awarded a social significance. If a women does not orgasm, their bodies
Are perceived as abnormal.
● The notion of emotion work: performing pleasure or feigning pleasure is a sort of emotion work,
As it is a means of pleasing their partner and protecting the emotions of their partner and
thus their relationship. It is a sort of emotional labor. More common in feminine subjects.
● Male orgasms as signaling the end of sex: male orgasms often signal the end of sex according to
A culturally pervasive reproductive model of sex, it is thus often priotized.
● Women faking orgasm is a common and widespread practice, especially in heterosexual sex
● Faking orgasm in heterosexual sex has become almost compulsary
● Female sexuality and pleasure
○ Often associated with sin, deviance, or marital duty
○ Have recently become more so associated with liberation, empowerment, and health
● Failure to experience pleasure can signal inadequacy in a woman, or trigger insecurity in her partner
● Most men claim they have never been with a woman who has faked and orgasm, however, most
Women report having faked an orgasm at some point, with many women faking consistently
● Two dominant reasons for faking orgasm
○ To end sex: due to exhaustion, boredom, knowing you are not going to orgasm etc.
■ Also to avoid hurting partners feelings, to please partner
○ The idea that a successful sex act ends in orgasm, specifically male orgasm,
shaped by a focus on reproduction (male orgasm/ejaculation is necessary for procreation,
also fosters an emphasis on male pleasure). Orgasm is considered an achievement, and not
Having one is a failure. This narrative has developed in response to pressure from partners
and society that orgasm are expected and considered the norm, demonstrating
confirmation of a male partner's sexual skills, serving his masculinity.
● How can women resist the normative practice of faking orgasm?
○ Three main reasons for not faking orgasm
■ Faking an orgasm reduces possibility of future orgasms
■ They did not want to offend or upset their partner by deception
■ Did not want to be dishonest
○ Faking an orgasm would not help their partner better learn how to give an orgasm
○ Being honest about not orgasming would allow for possibility of orgasm in the future
● Study - 15 female college students, ages 19 to 28, majority heterosexual
○ Conducted interview about 3 topics
■ Expeirneces taliing about sex
■ Feigning sexual pleasure
 ■ Resisting feigning sexual pleasure
○ Results
■ Future pleasure discourse
● Resisting faking pleasure or orgasm to open oneself to future pleasure,
the belief that not feigning pleasure would encourage authentic pleasure
in the future
● Faking pleasure leads to less ultimate sexual satisfaction
● counterproductive
■ Equal rights discourse
● Reciprocity: The notion that pleasure ought to be equally given and received
○ Fair exchange of sexual pleasure
○ Women's equal entitlement to pleasure
○ Fights the notion that men are inherently more sexual, and women
less sexual
○ Limits to equal rights discourse: this study’s subjects were primarily white
Heterosexual women attending a predomintaely female liberal arts
College which may have allowed for more exposure to feminist and
Equal rights discourses
● Feminist discoruse issue of gender and power:
○ Faking orgasm seen as a symptom of the patriarchy that prioritises
mens egos and pleasure over womens.
● 2 discursive strategies to resisting faking orgasm (common ways that women
Avoid faking orgasm or feeling the need to feign pleasure)
○ Deflecting blame: blaming oneself for not orgasming due to their
Own shortcomings rather than their partners inability to bring them to orgasm,
Specifically to protect masculinity of partners
● Gendered dynamics of blame:
● Expressing pain: tellings one’s partner, usually on’es make partner that sex
Is hurting them as a loophole to feigning pleasure. Pain as a justification for
Resisting sex
● This method of resistance to feigning pleasure still seems to feed
the male ego, it is still a form of dishonesty
● This can also go two ways, some women report faking pleasure
Due to pain
● Gendered dynamics of sexperts/sexpertise: heterosexual men are positioned as having innate,
natural sexpertise, “the masters of technique” in sexual encounters, thus their inability to produce
orgasms puts their masculinity in question.
● Feminist post-structuralism - attends to the ways in which knowledge claims are situated based on
Social and cultural ideals. Poststructural feminism is a branch of feminism that engages with
insights from post-structuralist thought, it unpacks patriarchal hierarchical constructs,
Poststructural feminism emphasizes "the contingent and
discursive nature of all identities", and in particular the social construction of gendered subjectivities.
● Attends to the ways in which knowledge claims are always situated in social, political, and
cultural contexts
 ● The ways in which patriarchy is mobilized, maintained, and resisted in our everyday
interactions through language
● Language as loaded

SOME NOTES ON FAKING IT BY HILDUR KALMAN

● Faking orgasm is not limited to heterosexual women, but lesbian women and men have
also reported faking orgasm
● Among 1000 women aged 18-35, 25% have faked an orgasm at some point
● How does this idea of faking orgasm arise?
○ First, the idea of an orgasm is communicated to us through media, bokos, movies, plays, etc.
○ Second, the orgasm is assigned value and importance
○ Third, an orgasm must be able to be faked
● Why do people feel faking orgasm is necessary?
○ In the name of love, meeting the expectation and hope for sexual pleasure
○ To put an end to sex
● Why are orgasms assigned such importance?
○ They are seen as an achievement, both to have and give
○ To give an orgasm s a triumph, a success
○ It is more important to many go give an orgasm than receive one
● The notion of scripts that shape our growth as men and women: embodied socially constructed
ideas of how men and women act, perceive and are perceived. The values and ideals of society
are inscribed in our bodies
○ One example of this is how men are taught to associate a naked woman's body with arousal,
A notion of pornography causing erection inscribed in one’s body
○ From a young age, men are taught they are innately sexual, and should pursue sex,
While women are taught their sexuality is shameful, and sex is for the purpose of their
Partner.
○ Another accepted script is our perception of the female orgasm, what it looks like
○ Also narrative that men and innately sexual beings while women are not. This is taught
○ Habits such as kissing, caressing etc. are habits, not necessarily innate. The ways we perform
actions and the actions we perform are habitually embodied.
○ a n embodied script is shame around women’s bodies, specifically vulvas vaginas
● To elements of loves, loving care and erotic ecstasy: loving care is feminine, wheras mean live and
experience ecstasy. Women tend to show more loving care, but also suppresses their own needs
For the sake of coming across as someone loving and caring. Erotic ecstasy allows for one’s
prioritization of sexual pleasure, more associated with masculinity, emphasis on one’s own needs
being met.
● Loving care and erotic ecstacy as oppositional: tied to our undertsanding of masuclnity and feminity
As opposed to eachother.
● Freud's myth of the female orgasm: psychologist well known for his arguments about the female
Orgasm, he created a hierarchy between vaginal and clitoral orgasms, claiming clitoral orgasms
are an immature form of orgasming, claiming mature women should be able to orgasm vaginally,
or from penile penetration in heterosexual sex.
● The distinction between sex and foreplay: sex is taken to refer to an activity in which culminates in
 orgasm, foreplay is seen as a second rate activity even though many women experience orgasms
In activities considered foreplay. Foreplay is the opening act, not the real thing, patriarchal.
● The reproductive model of orgasms: The socially accepted idea that ejaculation is necessary to
validate sex, ejaculation should occur in a womens vagina. This is a social script. Women are also
expected to have vaginal orgasms in conjunction with penal ejaculation.
● The notion of performances of pleasure: scripts about how we should perform pleasure, how it should
look and sound. This is influenced greatly by pronography, in which women’s orgasms are portrayed
In a caricatured, performative way dictating how women believe they should act during sex and how
Men expect women to act during sex.
● The relationship between pornography and women’s subordination: porn often portrays male sexuality
As dominant and often violent, which conditions individuals to associate male domination and in turn
Female subordination and submission as a condition for male orgasm. These pervasive
qualities of male sexualtiy as seen in pornography are reflections and reinforcements of a
hierarchical, patriarchal narrative.
● The relationship between lack of pleasure/desire and erectile dysfunction: many men find it hard
To say no to sex, as it is expected that men are always turned on. Men are thought to always be
Desiring sex, this is a reason why masulcine subjects expierneces of sexual assault are often
Erased or considered invalid. This is also a reason why erectile dysfunction is often brought up in
Regards to men’s failure to perform sexually, instead of emphasizing a lack of desire or pleasure,
More often considered in regards to women.
● The body as habitual: if you perform a specific act, your body will acclimate to this.
Habit becomes the terms on which on which one experiences similar conditions,
How one’s body responds to a situation can become habit--once you begin to fake an
orgasm the body will become habituated to performing pleasure
● The body as beyond our control: the body will do things out of our control. For example, getting
Hungry, having to use the restroom, these feelings cannot be ignored. Orgasms functions in this way
As well, the body produces an orgasm, it cannot be controlled or willed. However, the body can
be invited to orgasm by providing appropriate, encouraging conditions.