Demarco 1

Krystal Demarco

Professor Wright

ENG.1201.B51

17 November 2021

How does having divorced parents affect mental health and future relationships?

Most people know at least one person who has divorced parents. In fact, it is estimated

that 72% of marriages fail within the first 14 years (Anderson 379). Many married couples have

children within this timeframe, and many of the children will be young when their parents decide

to divorce. Sadly, 20% of children will experience the divorce of their parents by the age of nine

(“Children of Divorced Parents”). What psychological effects can this have on a young child or

adolescent? How do their views on relationships differ after seeing their parents’ marriage fall

apart? In what ways can parents help their child with this life transition?

Children of divorce are more likely to suffer from psychiatric disorders like anxiety and

depression, attempt or commit suicide (Anderson 383), and develop substance abuse issues

(Halford). This can be traced back to not only the experience of divorce itself, but also the

circumstances surrounding the divorce. Children who witness their parents constantly fighting

and blaming each other for what is happening, as well as unclear parent-child communication

can have devastating effects on the child in the long run. It may cause children to feel more bitter

about the divorce and, ultimately, about themselves, which can have lasting effects all the way

into adulthood (Mosier). Furthermore, when the conflict that occurs in front of the child is severe

and frequent, the child is even more likely to experience long-term effects (Halford). While some

children may not experience this trauma of conflict, the separation may still negatively impact
 Demarco 2

them long-term depending on their coping mechanisms and their mental state prior to the

divorce.

Coping with divorce does not come easy to a child. Communication is key. Tamara Afifi

and colleagues studied the differences between children who communicated well with their

parents and those who did not. They found that children who had good communication with their

parents had a higher level of resiliency following divorce than children who were not

comfortable communicating with their parents (21). The reason a child may not feel comfortable

talking to their parents does not necessarily stem solely from the divorce. Rather, the parent-child

relationship prior to the divorce plays a significant role in how a child will feel about

communication during and after.

Another issue that children of divorce face is creating and maintaining relationships.

Most obviously, the father-child and mother-child relationships take a turn. This does not

necessarily mean that the relationships are bad, but divorce does mean that the child will spend

more time with one parent and less with the other. Depending on the custodial agreement, the

child may only see the non-custodial parent every other weekend. Dr. Sun-A Lee highlights the

resulting relational issues in her article “Romantic Relationships in Young Adulthood: Parental

Divorce, Parent-child Relationships During Adolescence, and Gender.” Lee asserts that there is a

decrease of closeness between the parents and children following divorce, and the

communication between them may also suffer (411-412). Overall, when there is less time spent

with one parent, there is often less communication, involvement, and bonding with the child.

Fathers oftentimes are not the parent who gains custody of the child. In his article

assessing father-child relationships following divorce, Professor Glenn Stone addresses several

factors that contribute to a father being less-than-present in his child’s life. Self-efficiency and
 Demarco 3

role clarity of the father plays a drastic role in their parenting abilities after a divorce. Lack of

custody and limited time with the child can make a father feel as though they do not possess the

abilities to parent alone, and therefore are less likely to engage with the child (Stone 16).

Furthermore, mothers may prevent the child from seeing their father out of spite or for personal

reasons that have nothing to do with the child. In turn, an even more distant relationship between

the father and child results.

Mother-child relationships are also affected when the mother is the non-custodial parent.

Sandra Kielty conducted a study on non-residential mothers and how they felt their relationship

with their child was affected by the divorce. Some mothers argued that by not having custody of

their child, the child was unable to receive the amount of emotional security and nurturing that

only a mother could give (Kielty 8). Kielty’s study further revealed that mothers felt they were

rejected by their child due to fatherly influence (9). Therefore, mother-child relationships are

influenced in a similar manner as father-child relationships.

Romantic relationships are also affected by parental divorce. Children of divorce have

more commitment issues, conflict, and infidelity in their romantic relationships when compared

to those with intact families (Lee 411). They are unwilling or unable to commit to a relationship

due to fear of abandonment (“Children of Divorced Parents”). How the child views the romantic

relationship stems from parental influence. Lee argues that if parents are supportive and involved

during adolescence, the child will have higher emotional security and more positive interactions

with future romantic partners (412). A child must first learn what love is and what love feels like

before they can love someone else efficiently.

Social relationships become an issue when the child is forced to relocate due to the

divorce. If the custodial parent chooses to move to a different city, the child is forced to go with.
 Demarco 4

The child must move away from everything they have come to know and love. Moving may

mean losing friends and support systems, as well as switching schools (Anderson 381), resulting

in a sense of loneliness and insecurity. These emotions cycle back to the potential of developing

psychiatric disorders, suicidal thoughts, or addictions.

The effects of parental divorce vary based on the age the child was at the time of the

event. K. Alison Clarke-Stewart and colleagues examine how divorce affects younger children

differently than older children. They claim that children of toddler and pre-school age have more

emotional and behavioral problems, distress, sociability troubles, and overall poorer adjustment

when compared to children who were ages 7-11 (305). The age gap between five and seven may

not seem like much, but before the child is in school, they are heavily reliant on their parents for

support. There is no school system for the child to turn to when they are in need. The only people

they have are the people at home.

Some researchers suggest that there is little to no correlation between parental divorce

and future issues in children. Though divorce is not ideal, it is said that most children recover

and adapt well to their new reality rather quickly (“Children of Divorced Parents”). This may be

due to the underlying factor that the child has no choice but to accept what has happened. But

just because they accept it does not mean that it has not affected them. In fact, Jane Anderson

states that children of divorce are constantly reminded of their loss during special events and

holidays, and therefore may never have a full recovery (384). The claim originated from Judith

Wallerstein’s twenty-five-year study on the effects of divorce on children. Even in the light of

celebrating holidays and birthdays twice, the child is still reminiscent on a time when they could

spend these precious moments with both parents by their side. Each child responds differently to

divorce, meaning the effects are still probable.

Dr. Kim Halford, who focuses on couple relationship therapy and education, states that a

child will most likely do well following a divorce if the parents engage in mutual respect with a

focus on the child’s best interest. Divorce should occur only after the parents have burned

through every opportunity to keep their marriage thriving. If divorce is inevitable, parents should

strive to ensure that their child is kept in the loop in a way that does not place blame on the child

or one parent. Open sit-down discussions should be prevalent between the parents and child.

Additionally, conflict in front of the child should be avoided to reduce the potential of poor long-

term outcomes.

There needs to be further exploration of the surrounding circumstances leading to

negative outcomes in the child. There should be statistical evidence proving that children of

divorce and children of intact families differ in terms of relationship quality and mental

diagnoses. Lastly, further research should be conducted on how outcomes for females and males

of parental divorce vary from one another.

Works Cited
Affifi, Tamara D., et al. “Parents’ and Adolescents’ Communication with Each Other About

Divorce-related Stressors and Its Impact on Their Ability to Cope Positively with the

Divorce.” Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, vol. 45, no. ½, Aug. 2006, pp 1-30.

EBSCOhost, doi:10.1300/J087v45n01_01. Accessed 21 Nov. 2021.

Anderson, Jane. “The Impact of Family Structure on the Health of Children: Effects of

Divorce.” The Linacre Quarterly, vol. 81, no. 4, Nov. 2014, pp 378-387. NCBI NLM

NIH, doi:10.1179/0024363914Z.00000000087. Accessed 15 Nov. 2021.

“Children of Divorced Parents.” Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection, Gale, 2019. Gale

In Context: Opposing Viewpoints, Gale document no. GALE|PC3010999344. Accessed

17 Nov. 2021.

Clarke-Stewart, K. Alison, et al. “Effects of Parental Separation and Divorce on Very Young

Children.” Journal of Family Psychology, vol. 14, no. 2, Jun. 2000, pp. 304-326.

EBSCOhost, doi:10.1037/0893-3200.14.2.304. Accessed 21 Nov. 2021.

Halford, Kim. “How Will My Divorce Affect My Kids?” The Conversation, 10 Sep. 2018.

Accessed 17 Nov. 2021.

Kielty, Sandra. “Mothers are Non-resident Parents Too: A Consideration of Mother’s

Perspectives on Non-residential Parenthood.” Journal of Social Welfare & Family Law,

vol. 27, no. 1, Mar. 2005, pp. 1-16. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/09649060500085487.

Accessed 21 Nov. 2021.

Lee, Sun-A. “Romantic Relationships in Young Adulthood: Parental Divorce, Parent-Child

Relationships During Adolescence, and Gender.” Journal of Child and Family Studies,

vol. 28, no. 2, 5 Feb. 2019, pp. 411-423. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1007/s10826-018-1284-0.

Accessed 15 Nov. 2021.

Mosier, William. “When Parents Divorce They Must Emotionally Support Their Children.”

Divorce and Children, edited by Roman Espejo, Greenhaven Press, 2015. Gale In

Context: Opposing Viewpoints, Gale document no. GALE|EJ3010953207. Accessed 17

Nov. 2021.

Stone, Glenn. “An Exploration of Factors Influencing the Quality of Children’s Relationships

with Their Father Following Divorce.” Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, vol. 46, no. ½,

Dec. 2006, pp. 13-28. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1300/J087v46n01_02. Accessed 21 Nov. 2021.