Parental Alienation

Many would agree that divorce presents one of the most difficult moments in the life of a family. Apart
from its economic impacts, divorce would most likely affect the relationship between the families of the
couples involved, their friends, and between the parents and children. Each of the partners, in most
cases, tends to lure children to take their side resulting in parental alienation.

Parental alienation occurs when one of the parents psychologically manipulates their child to develop a
negative attitude or perception towards his/her partner. This can be done either purposively or
unintentionally. Either of the couples may make demeaning comments about the other with no
intention of earning the child’s trust. In some instances, however, this is done strategically to help win
the custody case.

It is of great significance to note that parental alienation does not only occur in divorced but also intact
families. However, it’s common in scenarios where one of the parents is the primary caregiver or when
the custody plan directs each of the couples to have equal time with the child. This kind of alienation
ruins the relationship between the child and one of his/her parents. There are cases where children
have extended the strained relationship into adulthood. This impacts severely on the alienated parent.

None of the genders is secure when it comes to parental alienation. Fathers and mothers both have the
potential of being on the receiving end. Even though mothers play a central role in the day to day care of
the child, they are not immune to alienation. Sometimes it doesn’t even depend on the custody or time-
sharing plan. Most victims have found the results of alienation very humiliating. They, however, choose
to respond differently depending on a number of factors.

Get Help from San Diego Divorce Attorney

Children will eventually begin to show the signs of parental alienation. You should be able to notice this
earlier especially when you are closer to the child. You always should consider contacting San Diego
Divorce Attorney when you believe that your partner is negatively manipulating the child’s attitude
towards you or when you are accused of the same. Parental alienation is a sensitive case and the court
would need a high level of proof before issuing a verdict.

The San Diego lawyers of Schoenberg Family Law Group, P.C does not only boast of rich experience in
dealing with issues of parental alienation but also an impressive performance record. The organization
has continued to represent a number of parents on either side of these accusations in the courts. We
have always worked with the court to effectively help our clients while prioritizing children’s best
interests. It’s only the court that can alter the custody plan.

Parental Alienation Syndrome

Parents should be reminded that children do suffer significantly from custody court battles. The process
has exposed many children to parental alienation syndrome, popularly known as PAS. It is important for
parents to understand that while parental alienation is brought about by their abusive behaviors,
actions, and psychological manipulative tactics, PAS is the child’s response. PAS would most likely show
whenever a child is subjected to choose from either of the parents. Since parental alienation denies the
child the opportunity to love or be loved by both of his or her parents, he/she will suffer a great
psychological damage.

Different children respond differently to parental alienation. This explains the variation in PAS symptoms
from one kid to the other. PAS symptoms also vary depending on the extent to which the child has been
affected by the alienation as well as the degree in which the other parent has been vilified. There are
children who have totally rejected the alienated parent. Some have developed an extremely negative
perception towards the vilified parent.

The most common PAS symptom among children is their new habit of avoiding direct contact with the
other parent. Children also begin to show hatred towards one of his or her parents for no apparent
reason.

Mental and emotional impacts of PAS would most likely run into adulthood. Under severe
circumstances, the child will distance him/herself from the target parent completely. This, in turn, ruins
the relationship between the two thereby depriving the child the privilege of living a happy and healthy
life.

Signs of Parental Alienation

There are a number of factors that should help you to know that your partner is trying to manipulate
your child to take side with him or her. The alienating parent is always working hard to have the child
reject or perceive the other parent to be bad. You should be alarmed when the custodial partner is
exhibiting any of the below signs:
  Denying you the opportunity to access the child’s medical records, school reports, and activity
among other schedules
 Telling the child biased family’s marital-life following a divorce. In most cases, the alienating
parent will build her name while tarnishing the other partner’s
 Demanding that the child’s possessions be transferred
 Putting false blame on the other parent, including financial problems, family separation, and
adultery
 He/she subjects the child to choose from between his/her parents
 Discouraging the child from visiting the other partner through blackmail tactics
 Presenting the child for adoption by a step-parent and eventually asking for a name change
 Encourages the child to be angry at you without any genuine reason
 Asking the child to spy any of your activities while at home and report back to him or her
 Showing signs of anger and discomfort whenever you are having a good time with the child
 He/she is keen to follow each and every conversation that you have with the child over the
phone by either putting on the loudspeaker or records all of your calls
 Constantly asking the child of your personal life after separation and makes demands which do
not conform to what the court ordered

You should consider getting professional advice whenever you note any of the above and many other
signs. The earlier you deal with this, the better for you and your child’s health and happiness.

How to Tell That a Child Has Been Alienated

As indicated earlier, children will respond differently to parental alienation. However, common
indicators that a child has been successfully alienated include but not limited to:

 The child vilifies one of the parents while using inaccurate descriptions to praise the other
 He or she does not want to either see or talk to the targeted parent
 Exhibits total hatred towards one parent with no logical explanation as to why he/she loves the
other
 Does not empathize; feel sorry or guilty when the targeted parent is hurt
 The child abruptly does not want anything to do with the alienated parent, his family members,
and friends
 The child is unable to explain the reasons as to why he/she is angry with his/her father or
mother

What are the Causes of Parental Alienation?

In a normal family life, each of the parents tends to encourage their children to love and respect them as
well as members of the society. This is not the case in a family in which either of the couples is not
happy in their relationship. Below are some of the most common causes of parental alienation:

 The alienating partner may unresolved relationship issues and is unable to separate them from
raising their child
 An alienating partner may have historical matters which they attribute their cause to the other
parent
 Other alienating parents suffer from personality disorders and therefore do not understand the
kind of damage and suffering they are exposing their children to
 Some alienating partners use this as a reactive strategy after being pushed into certain
temptations by their partners

How to Prevent Children Alienation During Divorce

Cases of parental alienation are treated with utmost seriousness in the California courts. The courts’
primary objective during and after the hearing is to ensure that the child in question gets to
experience the best possible relationship with both of his or her parents. Prior to the final verdict,
the courts will direct for a psychological evaluation. It is natural that each of the partners will be
battling to have the child put in his/her custody. This kind of motive is likely to make them prioritize
personal interests as opposed to the best interest of the child. In a number of instances, the courts
have relied on a reputable third party while delivering the verdict.

What many people do not know is that the courts prioritize children’s well-being when dealing with
custody cases. The concerned judges will try to find out the root-cause of the alienation and offer a
remedy that allows both of the parents to play a role in the upbringing of their child. The court may
order for a limited or full scope custody evaluation based on various factors, including the age of the
child and kind of the allegations.

In many instances, the courts would use the services of a reputable psychologist to interview the
child, his/her parents, and the witnesses. The expert will conduct a comprehensive analysis of the
previous correspondences between the parties involved in the case. These may include emails,
texts, phone, and voicemails.

If the court finds that actually there are signs of parental alienation, it can order the alienating
parent to stop the behavior and even direct him/her to get professional counseling services. This is
particularly applicable when the court establishes that the alienation was perennial. However, when
it’s found to be severe or that it is a repeated offense, the alienating parent may be denied custody
of the child. It will wholly be awarded to the targeted parent.

Perennial parental alienation in most cases ends with the initial custody dispute. All that the courts
consider is the child’s interest and whether both of the parents are willing to cooperate. Therefore,
it is advisable that you remain calm during such proceedings. Avoid dragging yourself into such
battles. Do not manipulate the child against your partner or use abusive language towards your
spouse in front of the child. Consider solving your domestic issues away from the child.

How To Cope Up With Parental Alienation

Being alienated from your child is absolutely one of the most difficult situations to handle. However,
there are families who have successfully dealt with it. Notably, divorced fathers are the greatly
affect population when it comes to this kind of alienation. The top secret in dealing with this
challenge is to put your child first. Stop focusing so much on the custodial parent. You need to
behave your best when you are in the non-custodial position. Unless you want to grant full custody
of the child to the other parent, you will try your best to exhibit the highest standards of childcare. R
Do not engage the child concerning the alienation and instead continue to rebuild your relationship
with the child.

You need to document every aspect whenever you feel like your spouse is alienating the child from
you. Such documentation will be handy when custody or visitation issues arise in court.

Tips on How To Stop Parental Alienation

There is no direct shortcut to stopping this kind of alienation. It is not easy either. You need to
remain proactive and work hard to earn the trust of the other parent. Here are some essential tips
that have helped many people deal with parental alienation:

 Concentrate on having memorable moments with the child during visitation

 Call your child regularly and talk politely to the custodial parent
 Consider enrolling for parenting course in order to enhance your knowledge and skills that
will you be a better parent
 Keep calm, logical and avoid topics that might expose your temper
 Follow the court orders to the letter
 If possible, try to rebuild your relationship with your spouse
You should be encouraged to file a motion in court whenever you feel like the child’s life or health is
threatened by your partners’ actions or behavior. When dealing with a custody case, remember to
maintain constant communication with the child. Whenever you find it beyond your control to handle
the ongoing parental alienation, do not hesitate to get the services of a reputable family attorney in the
region.