Individual Reflection Paper :

“ Meaning in the Middle of Nothingness”

Francis Gregory L. Ku

Philosophy of Religion

January 4, 2022
 Introduction

On the left: Marcuss Aurlieus, the author of “Meditations” and a devout Stoic. On the Right: Viktor Frankl, the

author of “Man’s Search for Meaning” and the creator of “logotherapy”.

Grasping with the possibility of an untimely death in the middle of nothingness is

something that I don’t need to conceptualize. Amidst the height of the pandemic (and of my

Covid symptoms) , I recall often waking up in the middle of the night in cold sweats, wondering

what I was supposed to do, where I was going, and whether this would be my “last night”. As a

recent atheist, I was also afraid that I would die “abandoned”, with no purpose, no meaning, and

with nothing accomplished.

Although ,eventually, I was able to overcome my disease and rid myself of these life-

threatening symptoms, I was not able to shake off the fear of death and feeling of

purposelessness. I would constantly think about it everyday and unconsciously manifest within

myself a tiny fear that slowly gnawed away at my ego ,sense of purpose, and mental state. With

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these feelings , even simple mundane things started to feel foreign and useless. Breakfast started

to appear alien, the weight of my toothbrush started to feel unbearable, and almost every moment

of decision making I had was constantly met with dread or despair. I was constantly

overwhelmed by , to quote Stan Kubrick , a “ numbing sense of futility and hopelessness brought

about by “ a fear of impending termination, terrifying insignificance , and complete loneliness”

(Playboy 1968).

Furthermore, as an atheist, I believed I was eternally condemned to this state. Although

many of my family and friends combatted these feelings through the comfort, assurance, and

protection of “religion”,I believed salvation was impossible for me as I could not bring myself to

believe in any God. I believed that since I was abandoned, I was condemned to infinite

meaninglessness.

It wasn’t until I came across two books that , similar to Sartre’s Existentialism, talk about

the importance of our perceptions of the world and our ability to define our meaning that I

started to change. After reading the first book “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl , I

realized that I was not trapped in a meaningless world but rather in a world where I could define

potentially infinite meaning for myself. No matter the situation, Viktor Frankl showed me that I

could feel absolute control in knowing that when “[I was] no longer able to change a situation...

[I could ] change [myself]” ( Frankl 1984, 135). This importance of action and changing of

perception was then further stressed in Marcus Aurelius’ “Meditations” who argued that it was

not the events of our lives that caused suffering but rather our judgements about them (Hays

2003). Although I didn’t realize until now , it was ultimately the ideas embodying Sartre’s

Existentialism that helped me find meaning. It was realizing that I was “nothing else but what [I

make] of myself” and that I was the sole legislator of my fate that I was ultimately able to

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overcome my existential crisis ( Sartre 2007, 22). This is why in the following paragraphs I plan

to primarily talk about Existentialism as a core concept in my philosophy to deal with this

hypothetical existential crisis.

How I would live the rest of my life to the fullest

The newest designs for SpaceX’s “Big Falcon Spaceship” which was unveiled at SpaceX’s headquarters last 2018.

Aside from being placed in a similar existential crisis and confronted with the idea of

dying in “the middle of nothingness” , there is almost nothing common with myself now and

myself in this hypothetical “Space-X disaster”. Contrary to today, this situation puts me in a

place where God has been confirmed to be dead, where I am trapped in an area with nowhere

else to go, and where I am a lot older and at a significantly higher risk of dying. Despite the

massive differences in these circumstances ,however, I don’t think there will be any difference

with the philosophies I use to live my life today and those that I will choose to equip myself with

in order to face this “existential crisis”.

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 First, and most importantly, I will choose to shape the foundation of my philosophy

around Sartre’s atheistic existentialism. As God has been proven to be dead for 24 years ,I

believe this philosophy is extremely relevant not only because it teaches us how to confront

ourselves with the situation’s confirmed abandonment of God but also because it teaches us how

to find meaning, how to deal with apparent hopeless situations, and also how to understand the

responsibility of our choices.

As we are trapped in this spaceship it may seem as if we have absolutely no control over

anything and that we are merely passive objects subject to the will of larger forces such as

destiny , fate, or luck . That as there is no God , we are merely condemned to a state of despair.

Sartre's philosophy , however, teaches us that we are not condemned to die in “the middle of

nothingness”. As our “existence precedes essence” we have the complete power and freedom to

shape and define ourselves and our “meaning”(Sartre 2007, 49 ). I plan to embody this

philosophy in my daily life and live not in constant anxiety of dying a meaningless death but

rather in constant pursuit of creating a meaningful life. This means striving to create meaningful

experiences with the 199 people on-board,with the opportunities present in the spacecraft, and

with other friends and family using communication technology. I plan to attain this meaning

through socializing and finding a purpose in the spacecraft. Whether this is through making use

of my skills, acting as a pillar for emotional support, or through teaching others about my

philosophy in order to help those with similar “existential crises” cope. I also plan to make the

most out of the futuristic technology to enhance my comfortability, communicate with others,

and enjoy life.

Another important concept I plan to embody through Sartre’s philosophy is the teaching

that freedom comes with responsibility . As we are placed in an “abandoned state” we are fully

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responsible for everything we do “without excuse”( Sartre 2007, 29) . We must acknowledge the

consequences of our choices and the responsibility we have towards mankind as a whole as the

actions we choose can represent, affect, and fashion all (Sartre 2007, 24). Through embodying

this philosophy, I plan to center my daily life with actions that are also aimed toward self

improvement, growth, responsibility, and meaningful relationships. Rather than pursue an

unrestrained hedonistic pursuit of fun everyday, I plan to make sure that my actions are one of a

responsible individual worthy of fashioning man. As I am also aware of the accountability I have

for my own state, I plan to aim toward setting goals of self improvement. I also plan to strive to

learn new skills, attain new knowledge, and enrich my awareness of culture through meaningful

interactions with the people on the board.

Another philosophy that I plan to embody in my stay here is Alain de Botton’s “Atheism

2.0”. Like Botton, I believe that just because there are no longer believers in religion doesn't

mean there are no longer people who can enjoy religion's influence. As Atheism has no

religion , proper structure, or unifying moral code that requires one to denounce all things

religious, non-believers are free to embrace religious practices when they want to and learn from

them when they can. Whether one is “attracted to the ritualistic side, the moralistic , [ or]

communal side but can’t bear the doctrine”, one can simply appreciate the parts they like. To

quote Botton, “There is nothing wrong with picking and mixing, with taking out the best sides of

religion” (Botton 2011) . I believe all should be encouraged to do this , even secular non-

believers, should be encouraged as the practice, appreciation, or even mere observance of

several religious aspects can provide several benefits.

First, it can help build upon one’s set of moral values and help one develop practices that

improve one’s way of life. For example, although I don’t agree and believe all of Buddhism’s

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concepts such as the story of Siddhartha Gautama or the concept of reincarnation, I admire and

plan to embody their religious practices in my daily life on the spaceship. Its concept of the Four

Noble Truths for example which claims that there is constant dissatisfaction and suffering in the

world, suffering is caused by desires and attachment, and that one can transcend suffering by

removing/managing desires and changing his/her outlook rather than his/her circumstances can

greatly improve and add on to my previous atheistic existentialist philosophy (The School of Life

2014). This is because the Four Noble truths stress the importance of one’s agency toward

despair while also providing followers with a specific path to solve it.Through this I plan to

practice the withholding of desires and the changing of depressing outlooks in life in order to live

more meaningfully. Another important concept that I plan to embody from Buddhism is The

Eightfold Path . This Buddhist concept consists of aspects of behaving wisely and justly which

one must practice on an everyday basis, such as: right view, livelihood, speech, intention,action,

effort, mindfulness, and concentration ( School of Life 2014). This builds on Sartre's concept of

responsibility and accountability by also providing a specific way to live life properly. I plan to

incorporate these teachings in order to act as a more responsible individual not only for myself

but for the people I fashion around me.

Second, the practice of religious traditions can foster meaningful experiences, celebrate

important values, and develop feelings of togetherness, belonging, and community even for the

non-believer. Although I may not believe in the religious ,superstitious, or archaic origins of

these events , I plan to celebrate Christmas, Chinese New Year, and Valentine's Day. I want to

celebrate Christmas not because I want to celebrate Christ but rather because I want to practice

gratitude, strengthen familial bonds, and have fun by exchanging gifts. I also plan to celebrate

Chinese New Year not because I believe in the Chinese superstitions behind the festivities but

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because it encourages people to hope for the future , it celebrates my Chinese cultural heritage,

and it also puts a strong emphasis on Family. Lastly, I want to celebrate Valentine's Day not

because I want to celebrate the saint that inspired the event but because I believe that it is

important to celebrate and strengthen notions of romance, love and devotion.

Although these are the philosophies and traditions I value the most, I acknowledge that

there are still multiple other religious and secular traditions that I can learn from,

appreciate ,enjoy and utilize to enrich my own worldviews. This is why I plan to not restrict and

limit my own philosophies and traditions to only these but instead have an open and inclusive

worldview that is willing to grow and change when confronted with new knowledge. Knowledge

that I plan to constantly strive toward and attain by learning about the experiences, culture, and

beliefs of the people I meet in the spaceship and through reading books, browsing the internet, or

watching new information using this era’s futuristic technology. I also plan to share and

celebrate these events with others as well in order to help enrich their knowledge and in order to

strengthen my bonds.

Overall, I plan to live my day to day life in the spaceship to the fullest by making the

most out of the opportunities I have in the ship. Instead of fearing the uncertainty of the

spaceship's repair status, I plan to enjoy learning more about the people around me and the

people I can contact with through communication technology. I also plan to teach and learn from

others by exchanging ideas on philosophy, religion, tradition, and culture; focus on actions and

goals that better myself and others; and attain new knowledge that enhances my current

worldview.

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 My Spotify playlist through the stars

Spotify Link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1kyH7e5RmSpEPSbPPIs2Mr?si=6ce2e3b1cdf4499c

To accompany me on my journey here in space, the following songs I plan to create a

playlist that contains the songs: “Pluto Projector” by Rex Orange County, “Eye of the Tiger” by

Survivor , “It’s My Life” by Bon Jovi, “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson, What do You

Mean by Justin Bieber”, “Family” by the Chainsmokers,and “ Somewhere Over the Rainbow”

by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole,. I chose these songs specifically because each of them play an

important role in depicting my atheistic worldviews, my source of strength, my goals, my

feelings , and my mindset as I embark on this uncertain space trip.

First, I plan to incorporate Pluto Projector into my playlist because it is a song that I

believe represents my current existential crisis and also showcases the appropriate actions I plan

to take in order to address uncertainties associated with this crisis. As shown throughout his

song, Rex shows that he is afraid of living a meaningless life. He constantly worries about what

“[he’s] supposed to be”. He wonders if everything he does “counts for nothing” , whether he will

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amount to anything , or whether he will ever understand the meaning behind his “faults” ( Rex

Orange County, 2019 ). He eventually realizes that it is useless to worry about these things.

Similar to Sartre’s teachings, he comes to the conclusion that since he cannot bend large passive

things: to his will, his choices must consider only possibilities to the “strict extent that [his]

actions encompass them”( Sartre 2007, 34). It reminds me to acknowledge that whether there is

or there isn't a God, I must accept that he will never be able to find an ultimate objective meaning

and consider taking action for myself.

Realizing that I am condemned to an unsolvable “uncertainty” , especially in this

spaceship scenario, may cause me to undergo Marcel’s concept of despair. Faced with constant

dread, mental anguish, and an uncertainty, I may feel as if “time [were] a prison and that they

were slowly moving toward their impending death ( Marcel 1962, 53). Furthermore, fearing the

possibility of repair being postponed until my death may cause me to succumb to despair and to

a state of closedness Randall citing Marcel described as “paralysis” ( Randall 1992, 329-330). I

might feel as if I am trapped in a situation where salvation is impossible, where I could no longer

do anything but “freeze in [my] anguish” ( Randall 1992, 329-330).

In order to address this problem, I plan to add the song “Eye of the Tiger ” by Survivor .

This song encourages one to not give up in the face of despair. It encourages one to “[Hang]

tough”, “[Rise] up to the challenge”, and contain a “strong will to survive”. This lesson stresses

the importance of Gabriel Marcel’s notion of “hoping in despair”. Rather than accepting the

impossibility of salvation, it helps me remember that I should assert that “there is at the heart of

being, beyond all data, beyond all inventories and all calculations, a mysterious principle which

is in connivance with [oneself]” (Marcel 1995, 28). I should , no matter the odds, not condemn

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myself to a deterministic unchangeable suffering . Instead, in the words of Viktor Frankl , I

should “find “meaning within the suffering”. By embodying the meaning song, I plan to escape

the state of “paralysis” and strive toward creating meaning for myself.

To be able to create this meaning, I must, however, first acknowledge that I have the

freedom to create this meaning. I have to realize that my being precedes essence and that I have

the freedom to define myself through actions and choices rather than through predetermined or

fixed natures ( Sartre 2007, 22). This is why I also plan to add the song, “It’s My Life” by Bon

Jovi”. Here, Bon Jovi affirms his intention to live life to the fullest and recognizes that one

should not let their lives be determined by deterministic belief. He states that one should “better

stand tall…[and] don’t bend, don’t break, baby, don’t back down” in front of anything that states

otherwise. This song is important because it stresses that one should acknowledge that it. is up to

them to live their life. It is “my life” and I decide what I should do with it.

This freedom, however, should also come with responsibility. As man makes a choice ,

their actions create an image of man as they think “[they] ought to be”. This affirms values that

are “valid for our whole era” and effectively influences not only ourselves but all of mankind

(Sartre 2007, 24). This implies an accountability we have not only to ourselves but also to others.

. In regards to this, I strive toward self-improvement and toward the good of all, by adding the

“Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson. Here, the lyrics stress the importance of making a

chance for the betterment of all. It stresses that one should center their actions around choices

that are “right” ,“make a difference” , “make the world a better place”. It also encourages self

improvement by telling one to assess whether they are on a path to betterment and if they aren't

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they should “look at oneself] and then make a change” for the better. Whether there is God or

not, it teaches me to acknowledge their accountability and to strive to be good, moral, and

ethical.

In striving to be good, moral, and ethical, I may look at religion for advice and

inspiration. Although this is good, this may make me desire to forcefully believe religious claims

even though God is already disproven. I may become enticed with the notion of having no

accountability and a guaranteed ultimate objective reality that I may start to believe to go against

my own beliefs. This direct inauthenticity to the self, referred to “bad faith” , however, only

ignores responsibility for one’s actions and does not absolve one from any consequences ( Sartre

2007, 48) . I plan to prevent this occurrence by adding the song “What do You Mean” by Justin

Bieber to my playlist. This reminds me that I should always be authentic to my values. If I do

actions that directly contradict with what I believe in or intend to do, I will only cause

miscommunication and prolong inevitable consequences. Like how Justin’s significant other

only caused confusion as the actions did not coincide with the intent. It also stresses the

importance of improving upon and questioning one’s worldview. As beliefs are processes that

are subject to several factors such as faith’s historical nature and the “ideals or culture” the

beliefs were primarily shaped around, they may no longer resonate with us in the future ( Lauer

1967, 93) .Over time, they may no longer embody the ideals and values that made brought us to

belief in the first place. This song , mirroring Lauer, teaches us that it shows us that it is ok to

question these belief systems. To evaluate whether there is commitment or relevance to back up

our practices or whether these are all “empty mere formalism” ( Lauer 1967, 96).

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 Lastly, In order to ensure that I have inspiration to continue this pursuit and in order for

me to not forget where to find my sense of home, comfort, and love I also plan to add the songs

“Family” by Chainsmokers and “Rainbow” by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole. The song “Family” by

Chainsmokers stresses the importance of appreciating the people that are close to me. The people

that I know “would die for me”, would care for me , and would treat me as “family”.

Furthermore , the song “Rainbow” by Israel reminds me to take a step back and appreciate the

simple things that make up the “wonderful world”. Although I may not have all the answers, and

although I may not be able to find solace in a higher being, I can find solace instead through the

people and things I love and cherish. If they may currently seem hard to reach now, I must

always remember to keep hope. Hope that “Somewhere over the rainbow”, the dreams that I

dream of “really do come true

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