Cold Comfort Farm (Level 6)

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C O L 0 COMFORT FARM
Cold Comfort Farm in Sussex ts the home of the

Starkadder family, and when Fiora Poste, their young
cousin, decides to go and hve with them, she is rather
afraid of what she will find there. She knows that people
who hve on farms in Sussex are bound to be deeply
unhappy. They are usually simple country people, close
to the earth, working in muddy fields and smelly
cowsheds. They are moody, quarrelsome, and confused.
It is always raining, and nobody ever laughs.
Her cousins at Cold Comfort Farm meet alt her

expectations, and more. The Starkadders quarrel and
fight, are miserable most of the time, and their farmyard
is fout-smelling and dirty. And they are alt peculiar in
different ways - Amos about religion, Judith about her
son Seth, Reuben about his muddy fields, Elfine about her
poetry. Worst of ail, ancient Aunt Ada Doom can never
forget that she saw something nasty in the woodshed
when she was two.
Flora, however, is cheerful, efficient, and full of common

sense. She disapproves strongly of unhappiness ('so
unnecessary") and smelly cowsheds {'so disgusting'}. She
also has great determination, and the Starkadders have a
few surprises coming to t h e m . . .
P E O P L E IN T H I S S T O R Y
Flora Poste
Mrs Mary Smiling
1
friends of Flora's
Ciaud Hart-Harris
Charles Fairford, Flora's second cousin
Flora Poste
Aunt Ada Doom [old Mrs Starkadder)
Judith, her daughter
Amos, Judith's husband
Reuben ) , ,, , ,
' s sons
Seth
Elfine, Judith's daughter The education given to Flora Poste by her parents had been too
expensive, too full of team sports, and too long. So when they
Mark '
died of a sudden illness within a few weeks of cach other, during
Micah
Urk her twentieth year, Flora was discovered to possess every skill
Ezra the Starkadder cousins except that of earning enough to live on.
Caraway Her father had always been described as a wealthy man, but
Harkaway j
on his death the lawyers were surprised to find him a poor one.
Renntt, Mark's daughter
Adam Lambsbreath, the cowman After all the necessary taxes and bills had been paid, his child was
Meriam, the hired girl left with an income of one hundred pounds a year, and no
Mrs Beetle, Meriam's mother
property.
Flora inherited, however, from her father a strong
Richard (Dick) Hawk-Monitor, a young country gentleman
Mrs Hawk-Monitor, his mother determination and from her mother an attractive ankle. The first
Ralph Pent-Hartigan, his friend had not been weakened by the fact that she always did what she
M t Mybug, art intellectual
wanted, nor the second by the violent outdoor sports which she
Earl P. Neck, a Hollywood film producer
Dr Adolf Mude!, a psychoanalyst from Vienna
had been forced to play, but she realized that neither was
adequate as equipment for finding paid employment.
She decided, therefore, to stay with a friend, a Mrs Mary
Smiling, at her house in Lambeth, a fashionable part of London,
until she could make up her mind where she and her hundred
pounds a year should go. : vuif/: . i •..
1
Cold Comfort Farm Flora Poste
The death of her parents did not cause Flora much sadness, as Mrs Smiling's second interest was her collection of brassières,
she had hardly known them. They had been extremely fond of and her search for a perfect one. She was said to have the largest
travelling, and spent only a month or so of each year in England, and finest collection of this type of underwear in the world. It was
Flora, from the age of ten, had passed her school holidays at the hoped that on her death it would be left to the nation. She was an
house of Mary's mother, and when Mary married, Flora spent expert on the cut, fit, colour, construction, and proper use of
them at her friend's house instead. She felt, therefore, as if she brassières, and her friends had learnt that they could interest or
was returning home when she entered Lambeth, on a dark calm her, even in moments of extreme emotion, by saying the
afternoon in February, a fortnight after her father's funeral. following words: 'I saw a brassiere today, Mary, that would
Mrs Smihng had inherited three houses in Lambeth when her have interested you . ,
husband died, and now lived in the pleasantest of the three, Mrs Smiling's character was firm and her tastes civilized. Her
number 1, Mouse Place, facing the River Thames. One of the system of dealing with human nature when it insisted on forcing
others had been sold, and the third had been rented out as a its coarseness upon her way of life was short and effective: she
gentlemen's club. pretended things were not like that, and usually, after a time,
'How glad 1 am,' she occasionally said to her close friends, they werenot. Certain religions take the same approach; they are
'that poor Tod left me all his property! It does bring in such a lot perhaps larger organizations, but seldom so successful,
of money,' Like ail people who have been disagreeably poor and 'Of course, if you encourage people to think they're messy,
have become deliciously rich, Mrs Smihng had never grown used they tvill be messy,' was one of Mrs Smiling's favourite sayings.
to her money, and always took delight in thinking what a lot of Another was, 'Nonsense, Flora, You imagine things.'
it she had. And all her friends looked on with approval, as if she 'Well, darUng,' she said when Flora entered, 'will you have tea
were a nice child with a toy. or a drink?'
Mrs Smiling had two interests in life. One was bringing Flora, who was tall, bent and kissed her friend, and said she
reason and common sense to the hearts and minds of about would have tea. She folded her gloves and put her coat over the
fifteen gentlemen of good family and fortune who were madly in back of a chair, and took a cup of tea.
love with her, and who had gone to work in such wild and 'Was the funeral awful?' asked Mrs Smiling, She knew that
distant places as Jhonsong La Lake M'Luba-M'Luba and the Flora did not greatly regret her parents' death.
Kwanhattons because of her refusal to marry them. She wrote 'It was dreadful,' replied Flora. 'But I must say all the older
to them all once a week, and they (as her friends were only too relations seemed to enjoy it a lot.'
aware, because she was always reading aloud long, boring bits 'Did any of them ask you to go and live with them?] meant to
from their letters) wrote to her. These gentlemen were known warn you about that. Relations are always wanting you to go
collectively as 'Mary's Explorers' by her social circle. and live with them,' said Mrs Smiling,
'No. Remember, Mary, I have only a hundred pounds a year going to live with someone. Of course, you can stay here as long
novv^. And I cannot play card games.' as you like, darling. But I suppose you will want to start some ^
'How can people spend their time playing cards?' said Mrs kind of work some time, won't you, and earn enough to have a
Smiling. 'I think you are very fortunate, darling, to have got flat of your own?'
through all those awful years at school and college, where you 'What kind of work?' asked Flora.
had to play all those terrible outdoor games, without getting to 'Well -organizing work, like I used to do.' (Mrs Smiling had
like them yourself. How did you manage it?' been an organizer for a fashionable club before her marriage.)
Flora considered. 'Well, first of all I used to stand quite still 'Do not ask me what that is exactly, as I've forgotten. It's so long
and stare at the trees and not think about anything. But 1 found since I did any. But I am sure you could do it. Or you might be a
that people would bump into me, so 1 had to give up standing journalist. Or an accountant.'
still, and run about like theothers. I started running the ball Flora shook her head. T m afraid I couldn't do any of those
- because that's what's important in a team game, isn't it, Mary ? things, Mary.'
-until I found they didn't like medoingthat, because! never got 'Well. •. what then, darling? Now, Flora, don't be silly. You
near the ball or hit it or did whatever you are supposed to do with know perfectly well that you will be miserable if you haven't got
it. So then I ran away from it instead, but they didn't seem to like a job, when all your friends have. Besides, a hundred pounds a
that either. year won't even buy your gloves and underwear. What will you
'And then a whole lot of them told me after one game that I live on?'
was no good. And the games teacher seemed quite worried, and 'My relations,' rephed Flora.
asked me if I really didn't care about games, and I said no, I was Mrs Smiling looked at her, shocked, as although she was
afraid I didn't, really. And she said it was a pity, because my civilized in her tastes, she was a strongminded and moral
father was so keen, and what did і care about? woman.
'So I said, well, 1 wasn't quite sure, but on the whole 1 liked 'Yes, Mary,' repeated Flora firmly, 'I am only nineteen, bur I
having everything very tidy and calm all round me, and not have already observed that while there is still some foolish
being asked to do things, and laughing at the kind of joke other prejudice against living on one's friends, it is perfectly
people didn't think at all funny, and going for country walks, respectable to ask one's relations to provide one with a
and not being asked to express opinions about things (like home. Now I am pecuharly (I think if you could see some of
love). So then she said, oh, well, didn't I think I could be a little them, you would agree that is the correct word) rich in
more enthusiastic, because ofFather, and Isaid, no, I was afraid relations, on both sides of the family. There is an unmarried
I couldn't, and after that they left me alone.' cousin of Father's in Scotland. There is a sister of Mother's at
Mrs Smiling nodded her approval. She said, 'Now about this Worthing, on the south coast. A female cousin of Mother's lives
in Kensington, And there are also some distant cousins who live usual flowers, music, guests and so on, as her own had been,
in Sussex, I believe.. 'But what I wanted to ask you was,' continued Flora, 'do you
'Sussex,' murmured Mrs Smiling, 'I don't much like the sound think I should write just one letter, and send a copy of it to each
of that. Do they live on some dreadful muddy farm?' relation? Would they be impressed by my efficiency?'
'1 am afraid they do,' confessed Flora unwillingly, 'However, 'No,' said Mrs Smiling firmly, 'they would not like that. You
I need not try them until all else fails, I propose to send a letter to must write to them (making it a completely different letter each
the relations I have mentioned, explaining the situation and time. Flora), explainingthe situation-that is, if you are going to
asking if they are ready to give me a home irt exchange for my be so mad as to go on with the idea.'
beautiful eyes and a hundred pounds a year.' 'I will write the letters tomorrow. I think, Mary, we ought to
'Flora, you must be madV cried Mrs Smiling. 'Why, you have dinner our tonight- don't you? - to celebrate the beginning
would die after the first week. You know that neither of us have of my new life. 1 wilt take you to the New River Club!'
ever been able to put up with relations. You must stay here with 'Don't be silly. You know perfectly well we must have some
me, and learn to type, and then you can be somebody's secretary men to go with.'
and have a nice little flat of your own, and we can have lovely 'Then you can find them. Are any of the Explorers home for a
panies., few days?'
'Mary, you know I hate parties. My idea of hell is a very large 'Yes, Bikki is. And your second cousin, Charles Fairford, is in
party in a cold room, where everybody has to play a team game town. The tall, serious, dark one.'
with great enthusiasm. But I was going to say that when I have 'An excellent choice,' said Fiora, with approval. 'He has such
found a relation who is willing to have me, I shall take him or her a ftmny little nose.'
in hand, and alter his or her character and way of living to suit Later that evening they all drove away from Mouse Place in
my own taste. Then, when it pleases me, I shall marry.' Mrs Smiling's car. Bikki was plain and thirtyish, and talked a
'Who, tell me?' demanded Mrs Smihng rudely. She was great deal. Charles spoke very little, but occasionally gave a
feeling rather upset. loud, deep, musical laugh when amused by anything. He was
'Somebody whom I shall choose. I have always liked the twenty-three and studying for the priesthood. He stared out of
sound of "a marriage has been arranged". And so it should be the window most of the time, and hardly looked at Flora.
arranged! Is it not the most important step a human being can Mrs Smihng was still thinking about her earlier conversation
take? That is how my marriage will be.' wjth Flora. 'I shall probably have to come and rescue you,' she
Mrs Smiling was horrified at Flora's cold and businesslike said coldly, 'from some impossible relations living in some
attitude. She herself believed that a marriage should be the unreachable place, when you can't bear it any longer. Have you
joining of two loving natures, celebrated in church, with all the told Charles about it?'
'Certainly not! Charles is a relation. He might think I wanted then ] shall collect material for it. ff anyone asks me what I work
an invitation to go and live with him and his mother." at, I shall answer, "Collecting material". You know, Mary, I
'Well, you could live with us if you liked," said Charles, think I have much in common with Jane Austen. She liked
turning away from the window to look at her. 'Probably Mother everything to be tidy and pleasant and comfortable about her,
and I would quite like it if you did.' and so do I. Because otherwise, you see, Mary, people cannot
'Don't be silly,' said Mrs Smiling, 'Look - here we are.' even begin to enjoy life. I cannot bear messes'
The evening passed pleasantly, as they ate and drank at their 'Oh, neither can I,' cried Mrs Smiling, 'If there is one thing I
table by the river, and danced on the glass fioor, looking at the do hate, it is a mess. And I do think you are going to be messy, if
water flowing under their feet. When Flora told Charles of her you go and live with a lotof distant relations.'
plan, he was silent at first, and she thought he was shocked, 'Well, my mind is made up. I am sure it will be amusing, and
because he was very serious. But at last he said, looking amused, I expect there will be a lot of material I can collect. And perhaps
'Well, if you get fed up with it, wherever you are, phone me and some of the relations will have messes in their lives which I can
I will come and rescue you in my plane.' tidy up. You know how untidy lives annoy me. Untidiness is
'Really, Charles? Do you think a priest owg/fi to have a plane?' uncivilized,'
asked Flora, who was in a foolish mood. The use of this word closed the conversation, as the friends
'What has that got to do with it?" said Charles calmly. shared a strong dislike for what they called 'uncivilized
'Anyway, you let me know and I will come along,' behaviour'. Flora began to write her letters, taking a certain
Flora promised she would, because she liked Charles, and pride in varying the style in which each letter was written, to
then they danced some more, and all four sat a long time over suit the character and situation of the person who would receive
coffee, and then it was time to go home. it. The four letters were posted that afternoon.
'Good night, Mary,' said Flora sleepily, as she went upstairs When two days had passed, with no reply from any of the
to bed. 'I will write my letters tomorrow.' relations, Mrs Smiling said, 'I hope none of them will answer.
Mrs Smiling said,'Good night,darling.'She added,'You will And I only pray, if any of them do answer, it won't be those
have thought better of it by then, i am sure.' people in Sussex. [ think the name's awful - what was it? Judith
However, at breakfast the next morning Mrs Smiling was Starkadder of Cold Comfort Farm!'
shocked to find that Flora was determined to carry out her plan, '1 rather agree with you,' said Flora, 'I think, if I find Cousin
'I think it's terrible. Flora,' cried Mrs Smiling, 'Do you mean Judith has any sons who are named Seth, or Reuben, I shall
to tell me you don't ever want to work at anything^ decide not to go. Highly sexed young men on farms are always
'Well, when lam fifty-threeorso, I wouldliketo write a book called Seth or Reuben, and are such a nuisance. Her husband will
as good as Persuasion, but set in modern times, of course. Until probably be called Amos.'
Cold Comfort farm
Flora and Mrs Smiling were much excited by this unusual

letter. They agreed that it sounded by far the most interesting of
the four. Mrs Smiling hoped that Flora would soon grow tired of
living with her Sussex relations, and return to London, while
Flora was fascinated by the mention of her rights, and
determined to find out what exactly they were. There were no First impressions of
air connections or express trains to that part of the country, so
Flora resigned herself to a long, dull journey on several slow Cold Comfort Farm
trains.
There was quite a little party to say goodbye to Flora at the
station.'Two Explorers, keeping a jealous eye on each other, The farm lay in the shadow of a cold, windswept hill, not far
accompanied Mrs Smiling, and Charles came too, with a bunch from the village of Howling, and a httle further from the small
of spring flowers which he nearly forgot, but put into Flora's town of Beershorn. It was surrounded on all sides by rough stone
hands at the last minute. buildings, where the animals were kept - cowsheds for the thin,
'Goodbye,' he said. 'Don't forget to phone me if it gets too bony cows, stables for the horses, and a separate, windowless
much for you, and I'll come and take you away.' shed, where the huge bull. Big Business, lived alone in warm,
'I won't forget, Charles dear. Thank you very much - damp darkness.
although I am quite sure I shall find it very amusing.' The farmhouse was a long, low building, which had been
'Goodbye!' cried the Explorers. added to and rebuilt many times during its six-hundred-year
'Goodbye, darling!' cried Mrs Smiling, as the train began to history. However, by the time of Flora's visit, there was not
move. much of the original building left, except the tradition that it had
'Goodbye. Don't forget to feed the parrot!' shouted Flora, always been there, and it was not a convenient house to live in.
who disliked endless goodbyes, as every civilized traveller must. The front door was never used as it led directly into a muddy
'What parrot?' they all shouted back at the departing train, field. Instead, the family always went in and out of the back door,
just as they were meant to do. which opened on to the farmyard facing the cowsheds. Sunlight
But they were too far away to hear an answer now, and Flora, always took a long time to reach the yard, so it was often in
giving one last wave to Mrs Smiling, sat back in her seat and shadow.
opened a fashion magazine for the journey. The regular sound of milk against metal came from the
foul-smelling cowsheds. A bucket was held between Adam
Lambsbreath's knees, and his old grey head rested against the
13
First impressions of Cold Comfort Farm
Cold Comfort Farm
Suddenly a shadow fell across the door. At once all the cows
side of one of the cows, whose name was Careless. As he milked
lifted their heads, and Adam stood up fearfully.
her, his hngers moved mechanically, and a strange low sound,
'Adam,' said the woman who stood in the doorway, 'how
mindless as the wind itself, came from his lips. He was asleep. He
many buckets of milk will there be this morning?'
had been awake all night, wandering in thought over the bare
" T e s hard to tell,' replied Adam respectfully.
shoulders of the hills after his wild bird, his little flower... Elfine.
Judith Starkadder made an impatient movement with her
The name, unspoken but musical as flowing water, hung in the
large hands. She was an impressive figure, with black hair
thick, damp air.
falling untidily on to her bitter, beautiful shoulders. 'Well, get as
The three other cows, Pointless, Aimless, and Hopeless, were
much as you can,' she said hfelessly, as she turned away. 'Mrs
waiting, with dull eyes and heads held miserably low, to be
Starkadder has been comparing us with other farms in the area,
milked. Suddenly a deep, powerful cry broke the quiet of the
and says we should be producing more.'
morning. The echo rang round the yard, and died sadly away. It
Adam said nothing.
was Big Business, waking up to another day, in the steamy
'And another thing,' continued Judith, 'you will have to drive
darkness of his shed.
down to Beershorn station tonight to meet the six o'clock train.
The sound woke Adam. He lifted his head and looked round
Robert Poste's child is coming to stay with us for a while.'
confusedly for a moment. Then slowly his eyes, small and wet
Adam fell back against Pointless. 'Mun I?' he asked pitifully.
and Hfeless in his primitive face, lost their terror as he realized
'Mun I, Miss Judith? Oh, don't send me! How can I look into her
that he was in the cowshed, that it was half-past six on a winter
liddle flower-face, me knowin' what I know? Oh, Miss Judith, I
morning, and that he was performing the same task he had done
beg 'ee not to send me. Besides,' he added, more practically, "tes
at this hour and in this place for the past eighty years.
sixty-five years since I last drove the horse and trap, and i might
He stood up, sighing, and went over to Pointless, who was
have an accident.'
eating Hopeless's tail. Adam, who had lived and worked among
Judith was already halfway across the yard. She turned slowly
dumb creatures for so long that he was almost one of them, took
to reply. 'No, you must go, Adam. You must forget what you
the tail out of Pointless's mouth, and gave her his handkerchief
k n o w - a s we all must, while she is here. As for the driving, you'd
to eat instead. She chewed on it while he was milking her, but as betterdrive the horse and trap to Howlingand back six times this
soon as he moved on to Aimless, she spat it out and hid it under afternoon, to get some practice.'
her foot. She did not want to hurt the old man's feelings by 'Couldn't Master Seth go instead o' me?'
refusing to eat his present to her. There was a closeness between Emotion shook the frozen sadness of her face. She said, low
them, a slow, deep, pnmitive, silent, earth-loving attachment and sharp, 'You remember what happened when he went to meet
between Adam and all living creatures; they knew each other's the new kitchen g i r l . . . No. You must go.' * r t ,}!.
simple needs.
15
14
Coy Comfort Farm First impressions of Cold Comfort Farm
Adam's eyes, like blind pools of water, suddenly lit up with There were eleven of them, including five distant cousins of
understanding. He turmd back to continue milking Aimless, the Starkadders, and two brothers of Amos, Judith's husband.
saying, 'Aye, then I'll go, Miss Judith, to bring Robert Poste's This left only four others who were not members of the family,
child to Cold Comfort. Aye, 'tes strange, but so 'twill be.' which explained why the mood among the farm-workers was
Judith was no longer listening. She crossed the yard and never exactly cheerful. The Starkadders had a depressing
entered the house by the hack door. influence on those they came into contact with.
In the large kitchen, a miserable fire burned, its smoke rising A strong family likeness was visible in the fierce, earth-
up the blackened walls, and in the centre of the room was a plain reddened faces of the seven family members. Micah was the
wooden table, darkened by age and dirt, with a few spoons and biggest of the cousins. His nephew, Urk, was a small, red, cold-
bowls on it. A pot full of coarse porridge hungover the fire, and, eyed man with pointed ears. Urk's brother, Ezra, looked similar,
looking moodily down into the pot, stood a tall young man bur with a longer nose. Caraway was a thin, silent man, with
whose riding-hoots were splashed with mud, and whose rough some of Seth's animal good looks, which he had passed on to his
shirt was open to the waist. The firelight played on the muscles son, Harkaway, a quiet, nervous young man. Amos's brothers,
of his manly chest. Luke and Mark, were thickly built, heavy men, who hardly ever
'Well, mother mine,'he said at last, 'here I am, you see. I said said a word.
i would be in time for breakfast, and I have kept my word.' When they were all sitting down, two shadows darkened the
His voice had a low, throaty, sexy quality, which added to his sharp, cold light at the doorway, and Amos Starkadder and his
attractiveness, despite his outward coarseness. Judith breathed eldest son, Reuben, came into the kitchen. The human passions
deeply. Her chest, and his, rose and fell. The porridge in the pot in them seemed deeply hidden, but the porridge boiled over
also rose and fell, moving like a living thing, keeping time with again.
the human passions above it. They all ate breakfast in silence. Judith only pretended to eat
'Dogi' said Judith at last, in a deep, dry voice. 'Coward! her porridge, looking all the time with burning eyes at Seth, as he
Wicked one! Will you ever lead a moral life? Who were you with sat at the Other side of the table in the pride of casual manhood,
last night? Molly ? O r Violet ? Or Ehzabeth ? Seth - my s o n . . . do with a good many buttons undone.
you want to break my hean?' Suddenly Amos asked, 'Where's Elfine?'
'Yes,' said Seth simply. The porridge rose to the top of the 'She is not up yet,' replied Judith. 'I did not wake her. She's no
pot, and boiled over into the fire. help to me i' the mornings.'
Biting back her tears, Judith spooned it back into the pot. " T e s a godless habit to he in bedon a workingday,' said Amos
While she was doing this, there was a confused noise of voices angrily, 'and those who do will burn in hell for it! Aye' - his
and boots outside. The men were coming in to breakfast. furious blue eyes turned to rest on Seth, who was secretly looking
16 17
First impressions of Cold Comfort Farm
Cold Comfort Farm
'Have I got a dirty mark on my nose?' Flora wondered. And

a sleeping atiimal. Time had no meaning for him. Instead, the
then she realized what was happening. It was the first time a
names of Elfine and Richard Hawk-Monitor turned and turned
Starkadder had ever looked upon a civilized being.
endlessly iti his head.
'Will you think me awfully rude. Cousin Judith,' said Flora
Suddenly he realized that something was happening. The
eventually, 'if I do not meet the rest of the family this evening?
dirt which had been lying on the floor of the trap for the last
Might I just possibly have a light supper in my room?'
twenty-five years was being kicked out into the road by a small
'It is cold there,' said Judith, heavily, at last.
foot with an attractive ankle. Meanwhile a voice was saying,
'Oh, a fire will soon warm the room,' said Flora firmly. 'So
'How disgusting!'
'Eh . . . eh; murmured Adam, looking confusedly into the nice of you, I do think, to take care of me.'
'My sons, Seth and Reuben' - Judith swallowed, then
darkness. 'Is that 'ee, Robert Poste's child?'
continued in a lower voice - 'my sons are waiting to see you.'
•It is,' said Flora. 'Now shall we start, if you are quite ready?
'How nice of them,' said Flora, smiling sweetly, 'but 1 think,
My luggage will be arriving tomorrow. Would you like me to
all the same, I will see them in the morning. Shall we go in? Oh,
drive?'
and I would like Adam to send this telegram for me.' Quickly she
Adam was so shocked by this offer that he started driving
wrote a note and gave it to Judith.
immediately. Flora sat next to him, with her coat buttoned up to
Half an hour later, she sat beside a smoky fire in her room,
her neck to protect her from the cold night air, and holding her
eating two boiled eggs, which had seemed the safest thing to ask
small overnight bagon her knees. Her journey had been longand
for. She was thinking that if the dusty corridors, the unused
rather uncomfortable, and she felt depressed at the thought of
rooms and the ancient furniture were typical of the house, and
what she might find at Cold Comfort. She felt relieved, at least,
Judith and Adam were typical of the Starkadders, her task at
that at the last moment she had packed her dearly loved copy of
Cold Comfort would be long and difficult. However, she refused
The Thoughts ofFather Bertrand. It would be easier to meet the to admit defeat, and return, beaten, to London, otherwise Mrs
Starkadders in a proper and civilized way if she were guided by Smiling might say, 'I told you so.'
The Thoughts. And indeed, far away in Mouse Place, Mrs Smiling was at that
When they arrived, Flora stepped carefully through the foul- moment reading with some satisfaction a telegram saying;
smeUing yard, and was met at the door by Judith. WORST FEARS REALIZED DARUNG. SETH AND REUBEN TOO.
'Oh, how do you do?' said Flora politely. 'You must be my SEND BOOTS; 1 '
cousin Judith. Terribly nice of you to have me. Isn't it strange we
have never met?' She put out her hand, but Judith did not rake it
at once. The seconds passed while the older woman stared into
Flora's face in silence.
20
Flora starts tidying up
was half-past eight. There was not a sound from the yardor from
anywhere in the old house. Everybody might have died in the
night.
'Not a hope of hot water, of course,' thought Flora. But she
was pleased to find that the water was soft, so she did not mind
Flora starts tidying up washing in cold water. She looked round her room while she was
dressing, and decided she liked it. It was large and unusually
high, with old, heavy furniture, and two beautiful, old-fashioned
mirrors. The curtains were of excellent quality, but rather dirty.
They must be washed today,' Flora told herself.
She was woken very early next morning by a noisy quarrel going She went downstairs, finding her way with difficulty through
on below her window. Male voices were raised in anger. the dark corridors. A smell of burnt porridge floated up from the
'Hopeless has lost a leg! Where is it, ye old fool?' kitchen, and she noticed a breakfast tray outside one of the
'I don't know. Master Reuben. An' if I did, I wouldn't tell 'ee.' bedrooms. 'Good,' she thought. 'If someone else has breakfast
Flora thought she recognized that high, ancient voice. in their room, then so can I, another time.'
'But who'll buy her now when I take her to Beershorn market? Eventually she found the kitchen, which at first seemed
Who wants a cow wi' only three legs?' empty. The door leading into the yard was open, and a cold wind
'Don't speak like that about our Hopeless, Master Reuben! was blowing in. Flora went across and shut the door firmly.
Shame on 'ee, countm' every mouthful o' grass th' cows eat! Who 'Eh, never do that, Robert Poste's child!' protested a voice
should know the dumb creatures better than me? I know what's from the back of the kitchen, near the sink. 'I cannot cletter the
in their hearts, but I don't watch 'em from morning till night to dishes and watch the dumb creatures in the cowshed at the same
see where they leave their legs!' time, if ye shut the door.'
'Now, listen to me, Adam Lambsbreath—' Flora recognized old Adam. 'I am sorry,' she said clearly, 'but
At this point Flora got crossly out of bed and felt her way I cannot eat breakfast in a cold room, is there any breakfast, by
across the dark room to the window. She pushed it open and the way?'
called down, 'I say, would you mind not talking quite so loudly Adam came slowly forward into the light. Flora wondered if
please? 1 am so sleepy, and I would be io grateful if you would be he ever washed. 'There's porridge, Robert Poste's child.'
a Httle quieter.' Total silence followed her request, and she went 'I don't much care for porridge. Is there any bread and bitter?
back to sleep. And some tea? And have you a piece of clean newspaper tct^ccirer
When she woke again, it was daylight, and her watch said it the table with? There's porridge all over it!' b:4
22 23
Coid Comfort Farm Flora starts tidyirtg up
'There's tea and bread and butter over there. Ye mun find He stopped suddenly, as if he had said too much, and turned
'em yourself, Robert Poste's child. 1 have my tasks to do, and I back to the sink. 'I mun cletter th' dishes now. Leave me i' peace,
cannot run here and there to serve a young thing like 'ee. Besides, Robert Poste's child.'
we've troubles enough at Cold Comfort without bringin' in a 'Oh, all right. But I do wish you would call me Miss Poste. Or
newspaper to upset and frighten us.' even Flora. I do feel that "Robert Poste's child" every time is
'Oh, have you? What troubles?' asked Flora interestedly, as rather a mouthful, don't you?'
she busily made some tea. This seemed a good opportunity to 'Leave me i' peace. 1 mun cletter th' dishes,'
learn something about the other members of the family. Flora said no more, but thoughtfully finished her breakfast.
'Haven't you enough money? Is that the problem?' 'So that's the answer!' she was thinking. 'Old Mrs Starkadder is
'There's money enough i' the farm, Robert Poste's child, but the curse of Cold Comfort! She must be Aunt Ada Doom.' Flora
the seeds do not grow and the animals have no young ones. An' Sighed, She knew that old ladies like Aunt Ada rook great delight
why?Because there's a CMrs^ on us, Robert Poste's child.' in arguing and interfering, and she was sure that if she intended
'But, look here, couldn't something be done about it? - (This to tidy up life at Cold Comfort, she would find herself opposed
bread is really not at all bad, you know. Surely you don't bake it by the influence of Aunt Ada.
here?) - Perhaps Cousin Amos could sell the farm, and buy She felt more cheerful when she remembered that, in addition
another, without any curse on it, somewhere else?' to Father Bertrand's Thoughts, she had brought with her a copy
Adam shook his head. 'Nay, there've always been Starkadders of The Higher Common Sense, by the same author. The
at Cold Comfort. There's reasons why we can't leave. Mrs Thoughts were helpful with everyday, routine difficulties, but
Starkadder, she says we've got to stay here, 'Tes her whole life, The Higher Common Sense provided a guide for civilized people
'tes her life's blood. Cold Comfort.' facing a really serious problem of the Aunt Ada kind.
'Cousin Judith, you mean? But she doesn't seem very happy On the whole. Cold Comfort was not without its promise of
here.' mystery and excitement, and she wished that Charles was there
'Nay, Robert Poste's child, I mean the old lady.' His voice to share it with her. Charles really enjoyed a mystery.
sank to a whisper, and he looked respectfully upwards. Meanwhile, Adam had brought a small stick in from the yard,
'Is she dead, then?' asked Flora, thinking Adam must mean turned on the cold tap, and started scratching at the cold dried
that old Mrs Starkadder was in heaven. porridge on the plates. Flora could hardly believe her eyes, but
Adam laughed. It was a strange, dry sound. 'Nay, she's alive, waited as long as she could before saying, 'Surely you could do
all right. Her hand lies on us like iron, Robert Poste's child. But that much more easily with a little mop? A nice little mop with a
• she never leaves her room, and she never sees anyone except handle? It would get the dishes cleaner, and save a lot of time,'
Missjudith.' '1 don't want a liddle mop wi' a handle. I've used a stick for
24 25
fifty years and more, and what was good enough then is good with th' men. Master Seth is off mollocking somewhere in the
enough now. An' I don't want to cletter the dishes more quickly. village, and Miss Judith is layin' out th' cards upstairs.'
It passes th' time, and takes my thoughts off my liddle wild 'Well, I shall go and find her. What does mollocking mean?
Elfine.' No, you need not tell me. I can guess. What time is lunch? A n d -
'But,' su^êsted Flora cleverly, remembering the conversation e r - w h o cooks it?'
that had woken her early that morning, 'if you had a little mop 'One o'clock, Robert Poste's child. And Miss Judith, she
and could wash the dishes more quickly, you could have more cooks th' lunch. Were ye afraid / would cook it?'
time in the cowshed with the dumb creatures.' Flora had in fact been worried about that, and was glad to
Adam stopped his work, evidently impressed by this. hurry away from his accusing stare. But it was a relief to know
Flora added quickly, 'Anyway, I shall buy one for you wheni she would be able to eat the lunch. She had been prepared to
go to Beershorn tomorrow.' starve rather than eat anything cooked by Adam.
At this moment, the door opened and a figure in a long green She had no idea where Judith's bedroom might be, but soon
dress rushed across the room and up the stairs so rapidly that found a guide to take her there. On the stairs she met the girl in
Flora hardly saw it. green running lightly down. Elfine stopped, as though shot, at
'Who was that?' she asked. the sight of Flora. 'Pretending to be a wild bird again,' thought
'My darlin', my liddle Elfine,' said Adam. Flora, while giving her a pleasant smile.
'Indeed, and does she always rush about like that?' enquired 'What do you want?' whispered Elfine.
Flora coldly. She considered her cousin lacking in politeness. 'Cousin Judith's bedroom,' replied Flora. ' Would you mind
'Aye, she's as wild an' shy as th' birds i' the trees. She's away showing me the way? It's so easy to get lost in a strange house,
from home all day, wanderin' over th' hills. Aye, an' at night isn't it?' She noticed that her cousin's eyes were large, blue, and
t o o . . . " His face grew angry. 'Aye, at night she wanders far from very fine, but that her dress was the wrong green.
those that love her. She'll break my old heart, she will.' 'Do forgive me,' she said smoothly, 'but I would love to see
'Does she go to school? How old is she?' you in blue. Those dull greens areso verydifficult, I always think.
'She's seventeen. Nay, never talk o' school for my Elfine, If) were you, I'd try blue-something re^)//)' well cut, of course,
Roben Poste's child. Ye might as well send a flower to school as and very simple-bur it must be blue. Try it, and see.'
her. She learnsfrom th' skies an' the wild birds, not out o' books.' Elfine did not answer this. She said casually, 'Here it is,' as
'Oh, does she!' observed Flora, who was feeling lonely and they arrived in front of a closed door.
rather cross. 'Now, where is everybody this morning? I want to 'Thank you so much,' said Flora charmingly. Elfine gave her
see Missjudith before 1 go out for a walk.' a long stare, then rushed off down the corridor. 'I will have to
'Master Amos and Master Reuben are scranletting th' fields start work on her at once,' thought Flora. 'In another year it will
26 25
be too late, because even if she escapes from this place, she will 'Just as you like. Cousin Judith. Now I hope you don't mind
only go and open a café in some seaside town, and try to look my mentioning money, but I would like to ask you when I should
artistic in long flowery skirts and open-toed shoes.' pay you for my food and hving expenses. You know I have a
And sighing a litde at the greatness of the task she had given hundred pounds a year of my own.'
herself. Flora knocked at the door and went in. 'Keep i t - k e e p it,' said Judith violently. 'We will never touch
Two hundred photographs of Seth, aged from six weeks to Robert Poste's money. While you are here, you are the guest of
[wenty-four years, stared down from the walls of the bedroom. Cold Comfort.'
Judith was sitting with some dirty-looking cards laid out on the 'How very kind,' said Flora, who was privately rather
table in front of her. The bed was not made. Nor had she brushed annoyed. If she lived at Cold Comfort as a guest, it would be
her hair, which hung around her face like lifeless black snakes. extremely rude of her to interfere in the family's way of life, but
'Good morning,' said Flora brightly. 'I'm so sorry to interrupt if she paid for herself, she could interfere as much as she liked.
you if you are busy. I just wanted to know if you would like me 'Another thing, Cousin Judith,' she added. 'I simply love my
to amuse myself, or if you wanted to make other arrangements bedroom, but do you think I could have the curtains washed? I
for me. Personally, I think it's much easier if a guest finds her own believe they are red, and 1 would so like to make sure."
way of passing the time. I am sure you are much too busy to want 'Curtains?' asked Judith vacantly. She seemed to have fallen
to bother with looking after me.' into a dream. 'Child, child, it is many years since we have washed
Judith, after a long stare at her younger cousin, threw back curtains at Cold Comfort. Adam's old arms are not strong
her head with its load of snakes. Her laugh rang unpleasantly enough. 1 suppose Meriam, the hired girl, might, but—'
through the cold air, She looked outof the window at a small wooden house at the
'Busy! Busy waiting to die, you mean. Nay, do what you far end of the field, and a slow wave of blood flooded her face. 'I
please, Robert Poste's child, as long as you don't interrupt my heard her cries of pain,' she whispered thickly. 'She has given
loneliness. Give me time, and I will put right the wrong that my birth. 'Tes the fourth love-child she has had! The fourth! Every
man did to your father. Gi ve •.. u s . . . a l l . . . t i m e . . - the words year, in the fullness of summer, when the sukebind hangs heavy
came slowly and unwillingly. from the branches, 'tes the same. 'Tes the hand of Nature, and
'I suppose,' suggested Flora politely, 'you would not care to we women cannot escape it.'
tell me what the wrong was? I do feel it would make matters 'Oh, can't we?' thought Flora. But aloud she said, 'Well, she
easier,. can't wash the curtains if she's just had a baby, can she?'
Judith pushed away the words with a heavy movement of her 'Such girls are like field animals,' said Judith. 'She'll be
hand, like an animal in pain. 'Haven't I told you my lips are working again tomorrow. You can ask her if you wish.' She
sealed?' . .J . . . ..... . seemed weighed down by some great sorrow, and as she spoke.
29 25
she looked angrily across the room at a photograph of Seth in 'Nonsense!' said Flora firmly. 'Nature is all right in many
footballdothes. ways, but must not be allowed to make things untidy. Now
'He is really very handsome,' thought Flora, following remember, Meriam, no more sukebind and summer evenings
Judith's glance. 'I don't suppose he plays football any m o r e - h e without some preparations first. And if you wash my bedroom
probably mollocks instead.' curtains for me, 1 will pay you, and that will help to feed your
'Aye,'whispered Judith suddenly,'look a t h i m - t h e s h a m e o f children.'
our house. A curse on the day he was born, and a curse on his At that moment the door opened to reveal Meriam's mother,
silver tongue, that leads weak women to shame and ruin.' She Mrs Beetle. Her sharp little black eyes examined Flora with
stood up and looked out into the steady rain. interest. 'Good morning, miss. A nasty wetday,'shesaid, closing
Flora realized that the conversation was not likely to develop a large umbrella.
beyofid this point, so she rose, said goodbye, and left Judith to Flora was so surprised that anyone in Sussex should speak to
het bitter thoughts. her in a respectful and normal manner, that she almost forgot to
'So Seth is the father of all Meriam's children,' thought Flora. answer. But habit is strong, and she agreed pleasantly that it was,
'Realty, it is too bad. 1 must see what lean do about Seth.' indeed, a nasty day.
That afternoon, she visited Meriam's small house, and was ft soon became clear that Mrs Beetle was an admirable
relieved to find that the girl had recovered so quickly from giving character — someone who was very close to being an ordinary
birth that she was reading a magazine and looking bored. Flora human being, and who understood that curtains must be washed
introduced herself and asked after Meriam's health. and life generally tidied up before anyone could even begin to
'And if you feel well enough,' she went on, 'I would like you think of enjoying it.
to wash my bedroom curtains.' 'Meriam'll wash your curtains for you, and I'll come an'
Meriam was doubtful. 'Haven't 1 enough to do, wi' three collect them myself, miss, with pleasure,' said Mrs Beetle, as she
children to feed, and my mother lookin' after a fourth? And quickly tidied up the small room. 'About rime someone did some
who's to know what will happen to me when the sukebind is out washing at Cold Comfort. That old Adam could do with a wash
again, on th' long summer evenings—' himself. I'm lookin' after my daughter's children, you know,
'Nothing will happen to you,' said Flora, 'if only you use your miss. Well, someone's got to, poor little things. But I've got a
intelligence. Listen.' And carefully, she explained in some detail plan for them, you see. I'm goin' to turn the four of them into a
how Meriam's recent experience could easily be avoided in jazz band. They can earn as much as six pounds a night playing
future. in a London club! So I'm givin' them plenty of milk, and makin'
Menam was horrified. " T e s wickedness! 'Tes going against sure they go to bed early. They'll need to be fit and healthy if
Nature!' she cried fearfully. they're goin' to stay up late playing in night-clubs.'
30 25
Cold Comfort Farm Reuben, Seth, and Atnos
'Mr Mybug,'was the improbable answer. ...n . know. How do you do? Do sit down. Will you have tea? Do you
Flora simply did not believe this, but she was too busy earing take milk? Sugar?'
to start a longand exhausting argument. She decided Mr Mybug Reuben said nothing. His head was full of confused thoughts
must be extraordinarily clever. Any normal person with amme and questions he could not answer. A woman . . . Had she come
like that would have changed it by now. to take away his land, the land that would be his when his father
'What a nuisance!' she thought. 'Haven't 1 got enough to do died? The land he loved, the dark earth of the fields under rain,
at Cold Comfort, without having an intellectual called Mybug the swelling of seeds into green plants, the smell and cry of
staying in the village? He will probably fall in love with me. cows . . . They were his, all h i s . . .
Intellectuals rarely choose women of their own type, but 'Here is your tea,' said Flora. 'Do have some bread and butter.
concentrate on normal, quiet, properly dressed people like me.' Oh, never mind your boots. Adam can sweep up the mud
She finished her meal morequickly than she intended, in case Mr afterwards. Do come in.'
Mybug should come in. Defeated, Reuben came in.
'Don't worry, he's never in before half-past two,' said .Urs He stood at the table, staring at Fiora and blowing heavily on
Murther kindly, reading her thoughts. his tea to cool it. Flora did not mind. Itwasquite interesting, like
So Flora paid for her lunch, and walked back to the farm, having tea with a bull. Besides, she was rather sorry for him. Of
feeling more cheerful. There were sounds of life in the cowshed, all the Starkadders, he seemed to enjoy life the least. Amos had
and the loud bellow of the bull came from his dark shed, (')doti't religion, Judith had Seth, Adam had his dumb creatures, Elfine
believe he's ever let out into the fields when the sun's shining,' danced about on the hills in a peculiar green dress, and Seth went
thought Flora, and made a note to deal with this, as well as the mollocking. But poor Reuben didn't seem to have any such
Starkadders.) Angry noises came from the chicken house, but interests.
nobody was visible. Shedecided to spend a quiet afternooninher After a silence which lasted seven minutes by Flora's watch,
room, arranging her books. Reuben finally produced the following remark:'Iscranletted five
At four o'clock she came downstairs, added more wood to the o' th' fields today.'
fire, and put some water in a pot to boil. There was bread and 'Did you.!" sajtj Flora, in a bright, interested way. She saw
butter, but no cake or anything as lady-like as that. Just as she immediately that she had said the wrong thing. How awful! He
poured the hot water into the teapot, a shadow darkened the thought she did not believe him!
doorway. There stood Reuben, looking at her preparations 'Aye, I did too. Five fields, without a man to help me. Could
with an expression of amazement and anger. ye have done that, I'd like to know?'
'Hullo,' said Flora quickly, to prevent him speakingfirst.'I 'No, indeed,' said Flora warmly. 'But then, you see, I wouldn't
feel sure you must be Reuben. I'm Flora Poste, your cousin, you want to.'
34 35
Flora knew that he hoped it was a brassière. 'Just a small cloth sewing and look thoughtfully at his handsome face. 'So, you like
for the tea-table,' she rephed calmly. films?'
' A y e . . . woman's nonsense,' said Seth softly. 'Women are all 'Better than anythingelse in th' whole world,' he said fiercely,
alike, always makin' a fuss over this an' that, makin' men took 'Better than Mother, or th' farm, or women. I've got photos of
at 'em, when alt they really want is mian's blood an' his heart out every film star there's ever been, I can tell you their names, I know
o' his body an' his soul an' his p r i d e . . . ' their voices, I know all about 'em.' Talking about the passion of
'Really?' said Flora, looking in her sewing-box for her his life made him sound almost human.
scissors. 'Indeed,' said his cousin, still looking at him thoughtfully.
'Aye, That's all women want - a man's life. Then when 'That's interesting. Very interesting indeed.'
they'vegot him tied up in their women's ways and their softness, But she said nothingof the plan that had come to her in a flash,
do ye know what they do then?' and Seth suddenly decided he had been betrayed into talking to
'I'm afraid not,'said Flora. 'Would you mind passing me that a woman about something else than love, and was angry. So he
needle and cotton, just behind you? Thank you so much,' Seth went out of the kitchen, into the yard, leaving Flora to a quiet
passed it mechanically, and continued. evening on her own.
'They eat him. That's what women do, if a man lets 'em. But All this was pleasant enough. She had made a good start at
I - 1 don't let women eat me, I eat them instead.' tidying up Cold Comfort, although she had only been there for
Flora thought that silence was the best response to this. After two days. But soon she must get to know the rest of the
all, his conversation was just a kind of game, a little battle of Starkadders, and that unfortunately would involve taking some
words in which each player tried to score points. It was a game of her meals with them.
that Flora was familiar with (from parties in London and But it was not easy getting to meet all the family. Another
elsewhere). And as, in her case, one of the players was a little whole week passed, and still no one suggested introducingher to
bored by it all and was just looking forward to some hot milk Aunt Ada Doom. Flora watched, fascinated, as Mrs Beetle, who
before going to bed that night, there was not much point in came regularly to help in the kitchen, took heavily loaded trays
playing. of food up to Aunt Ada's room, and later brought them down
However, she did not want to appear rude, so she smiled up empty.
at him and said, 'I am sure that is very interesting. Now tell me, Once Flora said casually, 'I have not met my aunt yet.'
what do you do on the evenings when you aren't - er - eating 'You haven't missed much. Miss Poste,' said Mrs Beetle
people?' darkly. 'But she's the only one here that knows her own mind,
'1 go to Beershorn,' said Seth. 'I go to th' cinema there.' even if she did see something nasty in the woodshed when she
And something in the way he said it made Flora put down her was two.'
34 39
Flora had no idea what she meant, but was not the type of for her in the horse and trap. It was a cold night, and Flora
person who questions servants, and so no more was said on the hesitated.
matter. 'Is there a blanket or anything?' she asked.
Meanwhile, there was Amos. She had discovered from Adam 'Nay. The sins burnin' in your bones will keep 'ee warm.'
that Amos preached twice a week to the Church of the Shaking But Flora thought otherwise, and went to fetch an extra coat.
Brothers, a religious group which met in Beershorn, She decided They started on their journey and at first Amos was silent.
to accompany him one evening, and begin working on him This was typical of the Starkadders, none of whom had any
during the long drive to the town. general conversation. But this was a golden opportunity for
So, on the Thursday evening of her second week at the farm, Flora, who took it.
she approached her cousin and said firmly, 'Are you going to 'It must be so interesting to preach to the Brothers, Cousin
Beershorn to preach to the Brothers tonight?' Amos,' she said. 'Do you prepare what you're going to say
Amos looked hard at her. 'Aye,' he said, in a satisfied voice, before, or do you just make it up as you go along.>'
after a paus£. 'They'll all burn in hell, and I mun surely tell 'em There was a pause. The figure of Amos, sitting beside her in
so.' the darkness, appeared to be swelhng with anger, and Fiora was
'Well, may I come too?' quite relieved when he replied in a more or less controlled way.
He did not seem surprised. 'Aye, ye can come, ye poor 'Don't speak o ' the Lord's word in that godless way. 'Tes no
miserablecreepin' sinner. Maybe ye think ye can escape the fires story ye invent to tell children. It is not prepared b e f o r e - i t falls
of hell if ye come wi' me and bow down wi' the rest, but 'tes too on my mind, straight from heaven.'
late! Ye'llhurn wi' all the other wicked sinners! Ye'll have to say 'Really! How interesting. Does anyone else preach, or are you
what your sins have been.' the only one?'
'Do I have to say them out loud?' asked Flora, a little 'Only me. Deborah Checkbottom tried once to get up and
nervously. She had heard of a similar custom from friends of hers preach. But she couldn't. I knew there'd been a mistake, and the
who were being educated at that great centre of religious life, spirit meant for me had fallen on Deborah. So I just hit her with
Oxford University. the Lord's good book, to let the devil out of her soul.'
'Aye, but not tonight. Nay, there'll be too many saying their 'And did the devil come out?' asked Flora, trying with some
sins aloud tonight. There'll be no time for the Lord to listen to a difficulty to show the proper spirit of serious enquiry.
new sheep like you. And maybe the spirit won't move ye to 'Aye, it came out. We heard no more o' Deborah tryin' to
speak,' preach. Now I preach alone. No one else gets the word like I do.'
Flora was fairly sure it would not; so she went upstairs to put He sounded rather pleased with himself. ' O ' course, I don't enjoy
on her hat and coat. When she came down, Amos was waiting it. But 'tes my duty, to tell the Brothers, and Sisters' - and here he
34 41
fixed Fiora with a meaningful s t a r e - ' o ' the flames of hell fire that more comfortably, while Amos rose with terrifying slowness ^
will bum 'em for ever.' } and went to stand in front of the rows of seats. For some three
Flora suddenly had a very good idea. 'You ought to spread the minutes he stared at the Brothers, his face wearing an expression
word wider than the Brothers,' she said. 'You mustn't waste of the deepest hatred, mixed with a godlike sorrow and pity. It
yourself on a few miserable sinners in Beershorn, you know, was an excellent performance, Flora thought approvingly. The
Why don't you buy a Ford van, and go round the country, man was an artist.
preaching on market days?' She was sure that Amos would At last he spoke. His voice cracked the silence like a broken
object to some of the changes she was planning to make to the bell, 'Ye miserable crawhng insects, are ye here again? Have ye
farm, so it would be much easier for her to get things done, if he come creeping secretly out of your doomed houses to hear o'
were out of the way on a long preaching tour. your punishment? Have ye come to hear me tell ye o ' the great
Amos obviously found her suggestion appealing. After a long red fiâmes o' hell fire?'
silence he said, 'Aye, there's some truth in what ye say. Maybe it A long and effective pause, and another furious stare. Amos
is my duty to look for a wider field. 1 mun think about it.' continued, with a short laugh, 'Aye, ye've come. And what good
'Just think of the thousands of sinners whose souls you could will it do ye?' Another pause. 'No good at all.' He drew a long
save,'urged Flora. breath, then suddenly shouted out as loudly as he could, 'Ye're
'A Ford van,' Amos murmured to himself. 'Thousands of all damned!'
sinners. Aye, there's something in it.' An expression of extreme interest and satisfaction passed
At that moment they arrived outside a small building next to over the Brothers' faces, as they coughed and moved about a
the puh in Beershorn High Street. Flora watched with interest as little in their chairs, making themselves as comfortable as
the Brothers (and Sisters) hurried inside to take their seats. When possible while listening to the bad news.
Amos judged that almost everyone had arrived, he said, "Tes 'Damned,' he repeated, his voice sinking to a thrilling and
nearly full. We mun go in,' and in they went. effective whisper. 'Do ye ever stop to think about what that word
Flora took a seat at the end of a row near the exit, in case she means? Well, I'll tell ye. It means, that as soon as ye leave this
felt like leaving early. A song was sung, to remind the Brothers miserable world, ye will go down into the flames of hell, and will
of their name. It went something like this: burn there for ever and ever, til! the end of time.'
Whatever shall we do, O Lord, He stopped to drink from a glass of water, then began again.
When the wind blows over sea and lake, 'Ye know, don't ye, what it feels like when ye burn your hand
When sun beats down on stone and hoard. wi' a match? 'Tes a fearful pain, isn't it? And ye hurry to put a bit
The earth may bum, but we will shake. o ' butter on it to take th' pain away. Ah, but' (an impressive
Then everyone crossed their legs and arranged themscHw pause) 'there'll be no butter in helll Your whole body will be
34 42
Mr Mybug falls in love
his elbows on the table, sank his chin in his hands, and looked
steadily at her. 'Well?' he said. Flora, with a sinking heart,
recognized this behaviour. It was what intellectuals who had
decided to fall in love often did.
'You are writing a book, aren't you?' she said, rather quickly.
;мг Mybug falls'M 'Isn't it about Branwell Bronte? I remember Mrs Polswett
mentioning it to me.'
'Yes, that's right. For far too longpeople have believed the old
story about the Bronte sisters writing all those wonderful
novels,' He glanced quickly at Flora to see if she looked surprised
Не looked цр at her as she came in and smiled. By now Flora was or shocked, but the gentle, interested expression on her face did
really cross. Surely she had put up with enough for one evening not change, so he continued. 'You see, it's obvious that their
without having to listen to intelligent conversation! So she sat brother, Branwell, wrote them all - the quality of the writing is
down at a table with her back to the supposed Mr Mybug, and so male - and his sisters hated him because he was such a great
hoped for the best. writer.'
A waitress brought her coffee, a piece of cake and an orange. 'I thought most of the documents of the time show that his
Flora drank her coffee, ate her cake and started putting sugar on sisters loved him dearly,' said Flora, only too pleased to keep
her orange. Suddenly she heard a voice behind her. their conversation impersonal.
'Hullo, Flora Poste. Do you believe that women have souls?' 'I know, but that was just their clever little game, you see.
And there he was, standing at her side and smiling down at her. They were extremely jealous of him, but they dared not show it.
She knew that intellectuals always talked like this, So she They wanted to keep him at home, where they could steal his
replied pleasantly, but from her heart, '1 am afraid I am not very work and sell it as their own, to buy more alcohol.'
interested.' 'Who for-Branwell?'
Mr Mybug laughed. 'Aren't you? Good girl. We'll be all right 'No, for themselves. They all drank heavily. Poor Branwell
if only you'll be honest with me. As a matter of fact, I'm not very used to have to go to the pub to ask for alcohol for his sisters -
interested in whether they have souls either. Bodies matter more that's why people always thought he was the drinker! What a
than souls. You do remember me, don't you? We met at Mrs wonderful, loving brother he was, caring so little for his own
Polswett's. May 1 sit here?' reputation! I've proved all this, using three letters I've
'Do,' said Flora, seeing there was no escape. discovered, written by Branwell to an old aunt living in Ireland.*
Now Mr Mybug was able to concentrate on Flora. He leaned 'Are you sure he really wrote these letters.-" asked Flora, In her
46 47
Cold Comfort Farm Mr Mybug falls in love
personal experience, it was not the habit of artists and poets to somehow feel like explaining what he had really meant to Flora.
take time to write to old aunts; this task, indeed, was usually He was not used to talking to young women who looked as clean
performed by their wives or sisters. and pure as she did.
'Oh,absoJuteiy. You sec, his aunt was the passion of hishfe,' Just then Flora noticed through the teashop window that the
said Mr Mybug simply. 'For him, she was mystery... w o m a n . . . street outside was fuH of the Brothers, streaming out into the
the unsolvable question, the unfindable answer. In his letters we darkness. She put on her gloves and rose to her feet.
can read his passion between the lines. He asks how is her 'I must go, I am afraid. My cousin will be looking for me.
health , . . has her cat recovered from his i l l n e s s . , . what is the Goodbye. It's been so interesting. Perhaps we shall meet again
weather like , . . how is Cousin Martha (and what a picture we sometime...'
get of Martha in these simple words).' Mr Mybug jumped at this remark, which Flora had let slip
Flora glanced at her watch. It was half-past eight. She could unintentionally, and said eagerly, 'It would be great fun if we
hear the Brothers singing across the road. She hoped that soon could meet again. Here is my card.' And he brought out a large,
they would be released, and she would be able to leave. dirty, nasty one with his name and address on, which Flora
Mr Mybug was still looking steadily at her, and now he said, rather unwillingly put into her bag.
'Do you care about walking?' 'I warn you,' he added, 'I'm a strange, moody creature.
She now had a dreadful choice to make. If she said she loved Nobody likes me, but there's something in me if you care to dig
walking, Mr Mybug would take her out all day in the rain while for it.'
he talked about sex, and if she said that she only quite liked it, he Flora did not care to dig, but she said goodbye again and
would make her sit on wet grass, while he tried to kiss her. And hurried across the road to join Amos. He had seen Mr Mybug in
if she said she hated it, he would make her sit in some awful tea- the teashop, and was looking at Flora with a face as black as
room while he talked more about sex. thunder.
But before shecould answer, Mr Mybugcontinued,'I thought 'Wicked woman!' he cried, pointing at her.
we might do some walks together, if you'd care to? I'd better 'No, really, Cousin Amos, that wasn't a stranger, I met him at
warn you - I'm - 1 have very few defences against—' a party in London,' protested Flora. 'And we were only having
'Damp weather?' she said, pleasantly. 'Then perhaps we had coffee.'
better postpone our walks until the weather is finer. It would be " T e s all the same-aye, and worse, him comin' from London,
sad if you could not make progress on your book because you the devil's city,' said Amos darkly.
caught a cold, and if you really have a weak chest, you cannot be But he did not take his accusation any further, and only
too careful.' pointed out that Flora had missed a good deal by not staying for
Mr Mybug looked a little confused at this, but did not the shaking. Flora replied that she was sure she had, but that his
48 49
Cold Comfort Farm Mr Mybug falls in love
powerful preaching had been too much for her weak and sinful Richard Hawk-Monitor spent together, and although it was a
spirit. She also mentioned the Ford van to him again, and was delicate matter, she asked Adam when the young couple were
pleased to see that he was actively considering her suggestion. planning to marry,
They drove the rest of the way home in silence. The old man gave a short, unpleasant laugh. 'Nothin' like
By the third week in March, Flora felt that most of her plans that!' he replied. 'She thinks she's in love wi' him, and he - he
were going well, although she had not succeeded with Adam. She likes women too much. He'll take her, and ruin her - that's
had bought him an attractive little mop to wash the dishes with, what'll happen.'
but when she gave it to him, he took it and stared dreamily at it, Flora felt that was unlikely. Probably, Richard Hawk-
his eyes like sightless ocean pools, 'Tes mine,' he murmured. Monitor was only slightly attracted by Elfine, and would never
" T e s mine. Aye - my own liddle mop!' He pushed it inside his think of behaving as Adam feared. But it was even less likely that
shirt to keep it safe. he would want to marry her. Youngcountry gentlemen generally
'Yes. It's to cletter the dishes with,' said Flora firmly. spent their time hunting, fishing and shooting. They liked their
'Nay, nay,' protested Adam. "Tes too pretty to cletter those dogs well trained and their girls well dressed. They hated fuss,
nasty old dishes wi'. I mun do that wi' th' stick I always use. I'll and talkative people, and they were always bored by poetry
keep my hddle mop in the cowshed, wi' the dumb creatures.' (Flora was sure Elfine wrote poems).
'They might eat it,' suggested Flora. 'So, unless I do something about it,' thought Flora, 'Richard
'Aye, so they might. Well, I mun hang it up above the sink. simply won't think of proposing to her. And no one will want to
'Tes prettier than a flower, my liddle mop.' He hung it carefully marry her while she looks like that and wears those dresses.
on the wall above the taps, and stood ad miring it for some time. Except Mr Mybug, of course.'
Flora was annoyed, and went crossly out for a walk. But at the moment Mr Mybug was in love with Flora herself,
She often received letters from her friends. Maty Smiling so that was another problem. And was it quite fair to throw
wrote frequently. Charles also wrote in reply to Flora's little Elfine, all unprepared, into London's intellectual circles? No,
notes, giving her details about the weather in his part of the Elfine must be civilized, and then she must marry Richard.
country and messages from his mother. Whatever else he wrote So Flora continued to look for Elfine when she went out for
about. Flora seemed to find it extremely satisfying, and she walks on the hills.
looked forward to his letters. So, although she was a long way
from her friends, she was not lonely. Meanwhile, Aunt Ada Doom sat in her room upstairs, alone. She
Occasionally, while taking her daily walk on the hills, she saw was the centre of the house, the centre of the family, and she was,
Elfine in the distance, and decided she must find out more about like all centres, completely alone.
her. She had heard from Adam how much time Elfine and / will not see my niece . . . Keep her away . . . Make some
48 50
Colli Comfort Farm Mr Mybug falls in love
excuse. Shut her out. She has been here a month and I have not season into season, year mto year. And I sit here, alone. I am Cold
seen her. I do not want to see her. But I can feel the warm wind Comfort Farm.
of the approaching spring... Rubbing the walls of my house like Sometimes Urk comes to see me, and tells me the farm is
sleepy cows ...lam sleepy myself... The spring is coming... failing, falling into ruin, losing money.
When 1 was very small, I saw something nasty in the No matter. There have always been Starkadders at Cold
woodshed. I have never forgotten it. I never spoke of it to Comfort Farm.
Mother, hut I have remembered it alt my life. Well, let it fail... Nobody can have a farm without sheds (for
That was what has made me ... different. What I saw in the wood, tools, bicycles, cows, the garden), and where there are
toolshed made my life seem like a bad dream. Even now that I am sheds, things are bound to fall into ruin... Besides, from what I
seventy-nine, I cannot see a bicycle go past my bedroom window can see from the farm accounts (which I check twice a week),
without having a sick feeling in my stomach . . . It was in the things aren't doing too badly . . . Anyway, here / am, and here
bicycle shed} saw it, something nasty, when / was very smalt. they all are with me.
That was why I stayed in this room. I've been here for twenty I've told them I am mad. I've been mad ever since I saw
years, ever since ]udith married and her husband came to live at something nasty in the woodshed, years ago. If any of them went
the farm. I ran away from the huge, terrifying world outside away, to any other part of the country, I'd go much madder. In
these four walls, against which my thoughts rub themselves like fact, any attempt by any of them to get away from the farm
sleepy lions. Yf-s, that's what they are like. Lions. Exactly like always makes one of my attach of madness come on. It's
lions. unfortunate in some ways but useful in others... The woodshed
Outside in the world there are garden sheds where nasty experience damaged something in my child-brain all those years
things can happen. But nothing can happen here. And I will not ago.
allow any of the family to leave the farm, and go out into the And it's because of that experience so many years ago that I
great dirty world where nasty things happen in cowsheds. 1 hold sit up here, controlling everything and everyone, and having five
all my family in my hand. None of them has any money, except meals a day brought up to me, so I suppose it wasn't such bad
what I give them. I allow tenpence each week to Micah, Urk, luck, seeing something nasty in the woodshed that day.
Caraway, Mark, Luke, and Ezra. Harkaway gets a shilling, to
cover his bus fare to Beershorn and back when he pays the farm's
profits into the bank every Saturday. Seth, my darling, my
favourite grandchild, has one shilling and sixpence. Amos gets
nothing. Judith gets nothing.
So here I sit, living from meal to meal. Day slips into day.
52
Help for Reuben and Elfine
but if you mean did I go with Cousin Amos to the Beershorn

meeting of the Shaking Brothers, yes, I did.'
'And did the old devil say anything about me?'
Flora could only remember a remark about stepping into
dead men's shoes, which it would scarcely be wise to repeat, so
Help for Reuben and Elfine she said, 'I am afraid the preaching was so powerful that I
really cannot remember anything else that was said. I have
advised Cousin Amos to preach to a wider audience. I think he
should go round the country in a Ford van, preaching—'
'Frightening the harmless birds off the bushes, more like,'
The bull was bellowing. Seth leaned moodily on the gate, interrupted Reuben crossly,
watching Reuben repair part of the fence. The air smelled of '—on market days. You see, if Cousin Amos were away a
spring, and a bird sang foolishly from the cowshed roof. good deal, someone else would have to take charge of the farm.'
Both brothers looked up as Flora came across the yard for her 'Someone else will have to take charge of it in any case when
morning walk. She looked enquiringly at the shed where Big the old devil dies,' said Reuben. Passion made his eyes flash and
Business was still bellowing noisily. his breath come in gasps.
i think it would be a good idea if you let him out,' she said. 'Yes, of course,' said Flora, 'Now, if he could be persuaded to
Seth smiled wickedly, and Reuben's face went a dull red. go away on a long preaching tour round England, whoever is left
'I don't mean, with the cows,' Flora added, i meant simply in charge could reorganize things here, to make the farm run
for air and exercise. He shouldn't be shut up in the smelly dark more smoothly and efficiently. Then, when Cousin Amos did
all day.' come back at last, he would see that the management of the farm
Seth disapproved of the impersonal note the conversation must be left in the hands of that person, who would obviously be
had taken, and walked away. But Reuben was always ready to the best person for the job.'
listen to advice about improvements to the farm, and he said, 'And who is that person - you?' he asked angrily.
quite pleasandy, 'Aye, 'tes true. We mun let him out in the 'No, indeed, I've already told you, Reuben, that I would be no
great field tomorrow.' Just as Flora was walking away, he added, use at all at running the farm. I wish you'd believe me."
'So ye went wi' the old devil, did ye?' Reuben looked puzzled. 'If ye don't mean you, who do you
Flora was learning how to translate the Starkadder language, mean?'
and understood 'the old devil' to refer to Amos. She replied, with Fiora abandoned the delicate approach and said, 'You.'
a touch of polite surprise, 'I am not quite sure what you mean. 'Me?'
54 55
^ ^ Cold Comfort Farm Help for Reuben and Elfine
'Aye, you.' She patiently dropped into Starkadder language, first sign of human feeling she had met among the Starkadders,
in order to itnprove communication. and she was moved by it.
He stared thickly at her. "Tes impossible,'he said at last. 'The It was a fresh, pleasant morning as she started her walk. She
old lady would never let him go.' knew she would enjoy it more because Mr Mybug was not with
' Why not?' asked Flora. 'Why does Aunt Ada Doom like to her. For the last three mornings he had accompanied her, but this
keep you all here, as though you were all children?' morning she had suggested he ought to do some writing. It
'She's — she's ill,' said Reuben uneasily, glancing up at the cannot be said that Flora really enjoyed taking her walks with
closed, dusty windows above his head. 'If any of us leaves, or says Mr Mybug. The problem was that he was not really interested in
we'll leave, she has an attack.' anything except sex. This was understandable, if unfortunate.
'An attack? What of?' Flora was becoming a little impatient. After all, many of our best minds have had the same weakness.
Unlike Charles, she did not enjoy a mystery. But it meant that everything Mr Mybugsaw reminded him of sex
'Well, she's —she's mad.' Fat and dark, the word lay between — the hills, rhe trees, the flowers. He pointed them all out, and
them in the air. asked Flora what she thought. She found it difficult to reply,
'Oh,' said Flora thoughtfully. So that was it. Anyone might because she was not interested. He then remarked how strange
have expected a mad grandmother at Cold Comfort, and anyone it was that young Englishwomen were so cold. How important
would have been right. 'That's very awkward,' she observed. it was to be free and natural! Just to throw off your clothes if you
'Aye, 'tes terrible. An' her madness takes the form of wantin' felt like it! T o give way to your desires! So delicious! So simple!
to know everything that goes on. She sees all the account books So reall
twice a week. An' if anyone does anything she doesn't like, she So, on the whole. Flora was pleased to have her walk alone.
has an attack. 'Tes terrible.' Just then, as she came round the side of a hill, she saw Elfine
'It is indeed,' agreed Flora. It seemed to her that Aunt Ada sitting on the grass in the sun. Both cousins were surprised, but
Doom's madness had taken the most convenient form possible. Flora was quite pleased. She wanted a chance to talk to Elfine.
'Well, anyway, just because Aunt Ada is mad, there's no reason Elfine jumped to her feet, and stood staring at Flora.
why you shouldn't try to persuade Cousin Amos to go on a 'You're Flora - I'm Elfine,' she said simply.
preaching tour. Then you can manage the farm while he is away. ' 'No prizes offered,' thought Flora, rather rudely. Aloud, she
Do try.' Slid politely, 'Yes. Isn't it a lovely morning? Have you been far?'
Reuben's face took on a number of different expressions as he ' Y e s . . . N o . . . Away over t h e r e . . A wild movement of her
considered this, and suddenly, as she watched, victory was hers! arm showed no limit to her wanderings. Judith made similarly
'Aye,' he said, 'I'll do it!' And much to her surprise, he held out sweeping movements; there was not a vase left anywhere in the
his hand to her. She took it and shook it warmly. This was the farmhouse. .it
56 57
^^Cold Comfort Farm Help for Reuben and Elfine
'Do you like poetry?' ElBne asked suddenly. 'I love it. It says moment that she decided to adopt Elfine and rescue her from all
all the things I can't say for nnyself... s o m e h o w . . . It m e a n s . . . the Starkadders.
oh, I don't know. Just everything, somehow. It'se«o«g/j. Do you 'And does this Someone know about Urk?'
ever feel that?' - ' W e l l . . . I told him, and he just said, "Bad luck, old girl".' «
'Occasionally,' replied Flora cautiously. 'It's Dick Hawk-Monitor, isn't it? Forgive my asking ytHi
'I write poetry,' said Elfine. (Sol was right! thought Flora.) 'I'll these questions, Elfine, but does he seem to love you?' ^^
show you s o m e . . . if you promise not to laugh. I call my poems 'He . . . he does when I'm there, Flora, but I don't somehow
my children. And love, too,' she added in a lower voice, 'love and think he thinks much about me when I'm not there. Perhaps I'm
poetry go together, somehow, don't they?' „^j selfish, but I would like us to get married. You know. Flora,
Flora said sternly,'Elfine, are you engaged?' jû i g j,, there's a dangerous cousin called Pamela, who often comes
Her cousin stood still, the colour leaving her face. She bent her down from London for weekends. Dick thinks she's great fun.'
head. 'There's someone . . . We don't want to spoil things by Flora felt depressed when she heard this. It would be difficuh
making any definite arrangement... It's horrible... to take away enough to win Dick for Elfine anyway; it would be a thousand
anyone's freedom.' times more difficult against a rival.
'Nonsense,' said Flora. 'It is a very good idea. Now, what . . And then there's his birthday dance,' Elfine was saying,
do you suppose will happen to you if you don't marry this 'I did rather want to go, because it's Dick's twenty-first, and it's
Someone?' going to be a proper bail, but of course Grandmother would not
Elfine looked more cheerful. 'Oh, I've got it all planned. I'll go allow me to go. She doesn't allow Starkadders to accept any
and get a job in a shop, somewhere by the sea, and m my spare invitations, except to funerals, and she thinks dancing is wicked.
time I'll do some painting, and make t h i n g s . . , ' Dick did say he wished I was going, but perhaps he was only
'And that would be most unsuitable,' said Flora coldly. But being kind.'
she felt sorry when she noticed how miserable Elfine was 'Now, listen, Elfine, I think it would be an excellent plan if you
looking, and went on to say, in a very friendly way, 'Now what went to this ball. I shall go, too, to keep an eye on you. I will ask
is the matter? Tell me,' one of my friends to try to get some invitations for us. And then
'It's . . . it's Urk,' whispered Elfine. ' H e . . . t h e y . . . I think he I will take you up to London with me, to have your hair done and
wants to marry me, and Grandmother intends us to marry when buy you an evening dress.'
I am eighteen. He sometimes climbs up the apple-tree outside my 'Oh, Flora!' Flora was pleased to see that Elfine's wild-bird
window and watches me undressing... I have to hang a towel look was beginning to disappear, and that she was talking quite
over the window. I don't know what to do.' naturally. A well-cut dress and a fashionable hairstyle might
Flora was extremely angry, but did not show it. It was at this make her look really lovely.
58 57
^ ^ Cold Comfort Farm Help for Reuben and Elfine
'I will ask a friend of mine, Claud Hart-Harris, to write to Mrs polite, and dress carefully, and brush her hair. And there was
Hawk-Monitor,' said Flora. 'I expect he knows her - he knows such a very short time to teach her these things!
so many people! He can be my partner.' (She had decided not to A few days later, when Flora had gone into Beershorn by bus
ask Charles, as she felt she needed to keep a clear head for this to do some shopping, she met one of the Starkadders, Harkaway.
occasion, and might take too personal an interest in the success He was performing his weekly task of paying the farm's profits
of the eveningif he were there.) 'But you must have a partner too, into the bank, and had driven into Beershorn in the horse and
you know. Does Seth dance?' trap (in this way he saved the shilling his grandmother gave him
'I don't know. 1 hate him,' replied Elfine, simply. every week for the bus fare). He stared suspiciously at Flora, but
'1 cannot say 1 like him that much myself,' confessed Flora, offered to drive her back to the farm. She accepted, as she was
'but 1 do not think there is anyone else we can ask.' Of course Mr always glad to see more of the private lives of the Starkadders.
Mybug would be available, she thought. It was dreadful having She began to make polite conversation. 'How are you all
no choice except Seth or Mr Mybug, but Sussex was like that. getting on with the new well you're building?'
That day Flora wrote to Claud Hart-Harris, who replied with " T e s all fallen down. 'Tes terrible.'
admirable speed and efficiency. He knew Dick's mother, who 'Oh, I am sosorry! What a pity! How did it happen?'
was a charming woman. He could certainly arrange four 'Mark an' Micah were arguing an' Mark pushed Micah down
invitations, and would be delighted to go as Flora's partner. th' well. Laugh! We had to lie down, we were laughin' so much.'
Flora began to feel a little ashamed of her plan. The 'charming 'Was - is Micah - er - is he badly hurt?'
woman' might not consider Elfine the ideal wife for her son, 'Nay. But th' bricks are all broken. T h ' old lady won't be
Elfine would have to change completely, inside and out, before pleased when she finds out.'
Mrs Hawk-Monitor could consider her suitable. And even then, 'Ah, yes, my aunt,' said Flora thoughtfully. 'I cannot
Dick'smothercouldnotpossibly approve of Elfine's family. And understand why you do not break away from her,'
the Starkadders themselves would no doubt be extremely angry 'She's mad. If any of us left th' farm, she'd go madder still.
when the engagement was announced. That would be a terrible thing. We mun keep the head o' the
Difficult times lay ahead. But this is what Flora liked, fighting family alive an' in good health. There have always been—'
battles in a cool and organized way. She decided to start training 'I know, I know,' interrupted Flora. 'So comforting, isn't it?
Elfine immediately. There would be no more poetry, or long But really, Harkaway, I do think it is strange when grown men
walks, unless Elfine were accompanied by the proper sort of dog are prevented from marrying—'
to take on long walks. She must learn to be serious about horses. Harkaway laughed shortly, and said, 'Nay, nay. Most of us
She must learn to laugh when music or books were mentioned, are married. But th' old lady, she mun never see our wives. So our
and to confess that she was not brainy. She must learn to be women live down i' th' village. Micah, Mark, Luke, Caraway,
60 57
^^Cold Comfort Farm Help for Reuben and Elfine
and Ezra have al! got wives. M e . . • I've got my own troubles,' On April 19th Flora came down to breakfast with a pleasant
Flora wanted to ask what his own troubles were, but feared feeling of excitement. She was looking out for the postman,
that this might produce a flood of embarrassing secrets. Perhaps because today was the day the invitations were supposed to
he was in love with Mrs Beetle? Meanwhile, his news was so arrive from Hightree Hall. It was a relief to see that none of the
surprising that she could only stare and stare again, 'Do you Starkadders seemed to be around. She did not want any of them
mean to say there are five Starkadder wives living in the village?' to see the letter and perhaps interfere with her plans.
'Aye, five, and Rennet, o' course. Poor R e n n e t . . . ' Just then the bull bellowed loudly. Flora looked thoughtfully
'Who's Rennet, and what is the matter with her? asked Flora, out at his shed. She spoke to Mrs Beetle, who was cleaning the
rather sharply. She was upset to hear there were so many more kitchen. 'Mrs Beetle, the bull ought to be let out. Can you help
Starkadders to deal with. me? Ate you afraid of bulls?'
'She's Micah's wife's daughter, from when Micah's wife was 'Yes,' said Mrs Beetle. 'I am afraid of bulls. I'll go up to your
married to Mark. She's never married. She's a bit strange i' th' bedroom window, miss, and shout at him from there.' She
head. Sometimes when the sukebind hangs heavy from the rushedaway before Flora could stop her, and a few .seconds later,
branches, she jumps down th' old well. 'Tes Nature, ye might she shouted downfromFlora's window,'Goon, miss, I'm here!'
say, turned sour in her blood.' Flora was now rather frightened. The situation seemed to
Flora wanted to hear no more. She felt she could not possibly have developed much faster than she had expected. BigBusiness
rescue these women as well as Elfine. They would just have to bellowed again, a sound full of sorrow and suffering. Flora ran
manage for themselves. across the yard and pushed open the gate leading to the big field.
For the next three weeks she was so busy with Elfine that she She went back to the bull's shed, and opened the door.
had no time to worry about the unknown female Starkadders. Out came Big Business. He stood for a second or two,
She was delighted to find out that Elfine was more than ready confused by the light, his big head moving stupidly from side to
to give up her strangeness of dress, attitude, and behaviour, side.
if something better was shown to her. Also, she was only 'Go on, ye old horror!' shouted Mrs Beetle.
seventeen, and underneath the poetry and painting and dreams. Slowly the bull moved his huge body across the yard and into
Flora found her to be a friendly and sweet-tempered girl,capable the field. Flora followed cautiously, and banged the gate shut
of loving calmly and deeply, and fond of pretty things. As the behind him. She went back into the kitchen for her breakfast.
weeks passed, Elfine grew more confident and happier with But unfortunately, just as she was drinking her tea, she
her new self, and looked forward to sharing Richard Hawk- noriced the postman and another figure in conversation, some
Monitor's life. Flora knew what a disaster it would be for Elfine distance from the house. And soon Urk Starkadder entered the
if the plan did not succeed,? kitchen. He had been out shooting that morning, and a number
62 57
Cold Comfort Farm
'Who let th' bull out?' shouted Reuben, appearing from a
7
field. Fiora pointed silently to the note.
'Who let th' bull out?' screamed Judith, from an upstairs
window. And Amos repeated the question as he came running
into the yard.
But Flora, Elfine and Seth were off. The horse and trap moved ildbe^Mawk-MoiOior b^l
away from the farm. Flora just stopped herself bowing from side
to side, or giving a royal wave, as they passed through the gate.
They passed a pleasant day in London, Flora first took Elfine to

her favourite hairdresser, who cut Elfine's hair short and
brushed it into a careless, simple, extremely expensive style.
Then they went to her dressmaker, a world-famous Frenchman
who made all Flora's clothes for her. His eyes widened when he
saw Elfine. He looked at her wide shoulders and long legs, and
reached blmdly towards a roll of snow-coloured silk that a well-
trained assistant put into his arms.
'White?' suggested Flora cautiously.
'But what else?' screamed the Frenchman, seizing his scissors
to cut the silk, 'it is to wear white that God, once in a hundred
years, makes a young girl like this.'
Flora watched for an hour while he cut and tore and folded
the silk- She was pleased to sec that Elfine did not seem nervous
or bored, but enjoyed being the centre of attention.
At one o'clock one of Flora's friends, Julia, came to take them
to lunch at the New River Club.
'Well, do you like your new dress?' Flora asked Elfine.
'It's heavenly,' said Elfine seriously. 'It's better than poetry,
Flora.' Flora was pleased. She was spending a lot of money on
67
Coid Comfort Farm The Hawk-Monitor ball
Elfine, but she did not mind, if it meant defeating rhe birds singing in the trees and the air smelling of leaves and
Starkadders, freshness.
That afternoon Flora took the opportunity of attending a The intelligent and sensitive reader will no doubt have
concert, one of the civilized pleasures she had been missing wondered during this story what the bathroom arrangements
lately, while Julia took Elfine shopping for underwear, shoes, were at Cold Comfort. The answer is simple. There was no
and an evening coat. In the evening they all went to an amusing bathroom. The Starkadders managed without that modern
play at a theatre, and then Fiora and Elfine spent the night at a convenience. However, Flora had discovered that capable Mrs
quiet, respectable hotel. Beetle had a tin bath, which she allowed Flora to use every other
The next morning they collected the finished dress, and when evening, for a small weekly payment.
they arrived back at Beershorn station. Flora was pleasantly But tonight, just when baths were needed, baths were
surprised to see Seth waiting to meet them with the horse and impossible. So Flora heated a large quantity of water on the
trap. On the way to the farm, they stopped at a large garage, to kitchen fire, and took it up to her bedroom, where Elfine was
arrange for a cat to collect Claud Hart-Harris from the station waiting. Fortunately, the Starkadders did not seem to have
the following day, and then come to pick them up from Cold noticed the girls' absence from the farm the previous night. But
Comfort, before taking all four of them to the Hawk-Monitor Aunt Ada - d i d she know? If she found out they were going to the
ball. dance, she would certainly stop them.
'Are you looking forward to it, Seth?' Flora asked cheerfully, 'She may come downstairs one of these evenings,' said Elfine
as they drove up to the farm, fearfully. 'She sometimes does, in the spring.'
'Aye,' he answered softly, in his warm voice. "Twill be the 'I hope she enjoys it,'said Flora, almost rudely.
first time I've ever been to a dance where all the women aren't 'And the sukebind is ready to flower,' added Elfine.
chasing me. Girls are all th' same. They mun have every bit of 'That dark green plant?' said Flora. 'I suppose when its
your time and your thoughts. But I'm not like that. I only like flowers open, the trouble begins, does it?' But there was no time
films.' for more conversation; the serious business of dressing had to
Seth's problem was the next on her list, thought Flora. She had begin.
a letter in her handbag from an American friend of hers, Ear! P. Perhaps somethingin the restless air of the springevening had
Neck, who was coming to see her in Sussex in the next few days. entered the room whereold Aunt Ada sat in front of her dying fire.
Mr Neck was a film producer in Hollywood, and Flora was She suddenly rang a small bell, which brought Judith to her side,
going to introduce Seth to him. '1 mun go downstairs,' said the old woman.
At fiveo'clock on the evening of the next day, the cousins were 'Mother, you're mistaken. 'Tes not the first o' May nor th'
beginning to get ready. It was a mild, rosy spring evening, with seventeenth of October. You'd better stay here.'
68 69
Cold Comfort Farm The Hawk-Monitor ball
waiting for them. Flora saw to her relief that Claud was looking
'1 tell you 1 mun go downstairs. 1 mun feel you all around ІЇНІ.'
out of thecar window. She waved to him, just catching the words ^
Help me with my clothes, girl.' ''
'too primitive' floating across the still evening air.
Silently, Judith obeyed. The old house was silent, and Aunt
'I'll carry Elfine. She mun never spoil her shoes,' whispered
Ada's thoughts turned in circles.
Seth, with unexpected thoughtfulness, and picking up his sister,
Once ... when 1 was a little girt... і saw something nasty in
he carried her across the dirty yard. He made a second journey
the woodshed. Now 1 am old... but 1 remember...
for Flora, and soon they were all four inside the car. Seth gave
In her bedroom. Flora was standing back, looking at Elfine
instructions to the driver, who nodded and starred the car.
with great satisfaction.
'My dear Flora, you look extremely nice,' said Claud, taking
•Oh, Flora . . . do I look nice?'
her hands. 'Now tell me all about it.' And Flora told him the
'You look extremely beautiful,* replied Flora. 'Make sure you
whole story in a low voice. He was both amused and interested.
behave properly.' She felt that her own appearance, in a pale
Claud had fought for his country in the recent war and seen his
green dress and blue-green evening coat, was modestly pleasing.
friends die in terrible pain, so for him the whole of the rest of his
They had a whole hour to wait before the car arrived. T o calm
life was an entertaining game which no man of taste and
them. Flora read aloud from The Thoughts of Father Bertrand.
intelligence could permit himself to take seriously.
She did hope that everything would go as planned. So much
The ball was being held in Godmere, a town near Beershorn,
could go wrong! Above all, would Richard Hawk-Monitor
in the Grand Hotel there. Flora's driver stopped near the main
propose marriage to Elfine? Even Flora did not dare imagine
entrance to the hotel, to let his passengers get out. Fiora
what would happen if they returned from the ball and he had not
instructed him to return to pick them up at midnight.
asked her. He WMS^ propose! She prayed to the god of love, by the
spring evening, by the song of the birds, by the amazing beauty There was a red carpet leading up the steps to the impressive
of Elfine, to make it happen. double doors of the building. All around was an admiring crowd,
come to enjoy the sight of so many well-born, wealthy and
There was a knock on the door. It was Seth, informing them
elegant people. Just as Flora was going up the steps, she thought
in a whisper that a car was approaching.
she heard someone say her name, and when she turned her head,
'Is Urk anywhere near?' asked Flora, slightly nervously.
she realized it was Mr Mybug. He had climbed halfway up a
'1 saw him hanging over th' well, talking to th' water-voles an
lamp-post in order to get a better view of rhe guests. He waved
hour ago,' replied Seth. ,
cheerfully enough at her, but she felt a little sorry for him,
'Oh, then, 1 think we can go down without fearof seeinghim,-^
because he was rather fat and his clothes were not very good, and
said Flora. 'Are you ready, Elfine? Come along.' }
when she compared him with Charles, she considered him a
By the light of Seth's candle they made their way to the empty
rathersad figure. .
kitchen. Outside in the yard they saw a large car, with driver.
71
70
at the bottom of the stairs was iooktng up at Elfine as though she more. Seth was also enjoying himself, with a crowd of London
were a goddess; and she was satisfied. beauties, and was almost as much admired as Elfine.
The music began again, and the young man (Richard Hawk- Flora and Claud sat for a long time over their supper, enjoying
Monitor himself) came forward to give his hand to Elfine and the sight of a crowd of happy young people laughing and talking.
lead her into the dance. Flora and Claud also joined the dancers. As at all good parties, an atmosphere, untouchable as a perfume
Flora had every reason to feel satisfied with her evening's but as real, rose above the heads of the smiling guests. There was
work as she floated round the room in the arms of Claud, who an air of enjoyment and cheerfulness, which was breathed by
danced admirably. She could see, as she observed Elfine and her everyone, an invisible cloud of success over the whole evening.
partner, that Richard appeared to be deeply in love. The love god Suddenly Flora realized Elfine had appeared at the door of the
had answered Flora's prayer, and Richard had realized, not that supper-room, accompanied by Richard. They were glancing
Elfine was beautiful, but that he loved her. (Flora knew that it is round asif in search of someone, and when Flora hfted her hand
frequently necessary to point out this fact to young men.) Now in its pale green glove, Elfine smiled eagerly and hurried towards
Flora had to wait patiently till the end of the ball, when Elfine her. She arrived at their table, hand in hand with Richard, and
would tell her whether Richard had proposed marriage or not. said breathlessly, 'Oh, Flora, I do so want you to meet Dick.'
However, she began to enjoy the bail so much that she almost Flora bowed and smiled, and said, 'How do you do? I have
forgot heranxiety about her cousin's future. It was indeed a very heard so much about you.'
pleasant ball, as there were a large number of guests, most of '1 say, I'm awfully glad to meet you. Miss Poste. Elfinehas told
whom knew each other slightly. The richness of the furnishings me all about you, too. I simply can't thank you enough for
and the elegance of the supper added to the success of the bringing Elfine. We're engaged, as a matter of fact.'
evening, 'My dear! How charming! I am delighted! I congratulate
Elfine danced most of the dances with Richard, but she also you!' cried Flora, who was indeed overcome with relief and
danced with some of the eager young men who gathered round satisfaction,
her as soon as the music stopped. Flora noticed that Mrs Hawk- 'Charming,' murmured Claud, behind her.
Monitor was beginning to look anxious, especially when Elfine 'We're going to announce it at the end of the ball,' said
was dancing with Richard. Flora herself divided her dances Richard. 'Good opportunity, don't you think?'
between Claud and Seth. Several young men approached her and Claud, wondering how Dick's mother would feel when she
asked her to dance, which pleased her, but she had decided that heard the news, agreed it was the ideal moment. Conversation
she would not be a rival to Elfine that evening. She knew she did continued among the four young people, until the music started
not look as beauriful as Elfine, but considered that she looked again for the final dance.
distinguished, elegant, and interesdng, and asked for nothing As Flora danced with Claud, she observed how happy and
75 69
beautiful Elfine looked in Richard's arms. '1 have achieved my Finally Flora and her party said goodbye to the Hawk-
aim,' she thought contentedly, 'Elfine is rescued. From now on Monitors and got into their car. They left Claud at Beershorn
her hfe wit! be normal. She will have children, and they will be station, and started the long drive back to Cold Comfort. Flora
pleasant, ordinary English people who have poetry in their secret was rather tired after such a busy few days, and slept for a while
souls. That is as it should be.' in the car. She woke to hear Seth and Elfine arguing.
In the pause that followed the music. Flora noticed that 'Aye, th' old lady'll have something to say about what
Richard was leadingElfine up thestairs, to where his mother was happened tonight.' i i-îivu«
sitting with some old friends. After a few words to his mother, 'Grandmother can't stop me getting married!'
Richard turned to the guests below, and held up his hand for 'She'll certainly try. You wait an' see.'
silence. A- 'I think Elfine will marry very soon,' interrupted Flora coldly,
'Ladies and gentlemen, it's been awfully good seeing you all 'so she must avoid Aunt Ada while she's in the house. That won't
here tonight,' he said. T i l always be glad to remember you were be very difficult, as Aunt Ada never leaves her bedroom.'
all here on my twenty-first birthday. Good fun, isn't it?' There Seth gave a low, unpleasant laugh. They were just drivinginto
was laughter and some clapping. Flora held her breath. He must the farmyard, and, leaning past Flora, Seth pointed through the
- he must announce the engagement now! car window at the farmhouse.
But it was all right. He was speaking again, pulling Elfine Flora stared in the direction in which he pointed and saw, to
gently forward towards the guests. 'And this is a particularly her horror, that instead of the usual total darkness, all the
wonderful eveningfor me, because I've got something else to tell wmdows were brightly lit.
you ail, I want to tell you that Miss Starkadder and I are
engaged.' There! It was out! There was a storm of clapping and
excited comment, and people began streaming up the stairs to
offer their congratulations. Flora felt quite weak after the
nervous excitement of the past five minutes, but, as Elfine's
chaperone, made herself go to say a few words to Dick's mother.
Mrs Hawk-Monitor was, naturally, extremely shocked at the
suddenness of the engagement, but Flora was able to persuade
her that she would soon grow to love Elfine for her sweetness
and honesty. Flora took the opportunity to advise a short
engagement and an early wedding, to avoid any unpleasantness
with the Starkadders.
76 69
The Counting
'Ye see, we're violent people, we Starkadders. Someof us push
t others down wells. Some of us die o' drink or go mad. There's a

whole crowd of us too. 'Tes difficult to keep count of us. So once
a year Grandmother holds a gatherin', called the Counting, and
she counts us all, to see how many of us have died i'th' year.'
The Counting 'Well, she won't be counting me," said Flora. 'Now, Elfine,
this may be difficult. You had better not say a word, f will do the
talking.'
And she knocked at the back door. For a few moments there
was a silence they could almost touch. It was broken by heavy
'It's Grandmother!' whispered Elfine, who had gone very white. footsteps, and then the door was slowly opened. Urk stood
'She must have chosen this night, of all nights, to come looking at them, with an expression on his face that was a
downstairs and have the family party.' mixture of desire, anger, and misery.
'Nonsense! You don't have parties at places like Cold The great kitchen was full of people. They were all silent, and
Comfort,' said Flora, taking notes from her bag with which to all painted a hellish red by the firelight. Flora could distinguish
pay the driver. She got out of the car, breathingin the fresh, sweet most of the Starkadders. They were standing in a circle around
night air, and put them into his hand. 'There. Thank you very someone who was sitting in a large high-backed chair by the fire.
much. Good night.' On the walls were hanging great bunches of sukebind, whose
And the driver, having thanked her respectfully, drove out of pink flowers had opened, filling the air with a powerful, sweet-
the farmyard and away down the road. The friendly sound of the smelling perfume. Everyone was staring at the door, completely
engine began to fade away, until it disappeared completely in the still, like wax figures,
quiet of the night. 'Well, well,' said Flora pleasantly, stepping in and taking off
They al! turned and looked towards rhe house. The lights in her gloves. 'The gang is all here, isn't it? Is that Big Business in
the windows looked unpleasantly like the faces of evil old men. the corner? Oh, I'm sorry, it's Micah. I suppose there aren't any
A thin wind blew across the dark, muddy yard. sandwiches?'
'Aye, 'tes Grandmother,' said Seth. 'She's holding the This cracked the social ice a bit. Signs of life were observed.
Counting. Aye, 'tes her, all right.' 'There's food on th' table,' said Judith hfelessfy, her burning
'So what is the Counting, for heaven's sake,' said Flora eyes fixed upon Seth, 'but first, Robert Poste's child, ye must
crossly, beginning to pick her way across the yard, 'and why is it greet your Aunt Ada Doom.'
held at half-past one in the morning?' And she took Flora's hand (Flora was glad she had taken off
78 79
Cold Comfort Farm The Counting
her clean glove) and led her up to the figure in the high-backed Flora could see that there was no point in hiding the truth any
chair. longer, so she took a deep breath and said loudly and clearly,-
'How do you do. Aunt Ada?' said Flora, putting out her hand. 'He's been to Godmere, to Richard Hawk-Monitor's twenty-
But Aunt Ada made no effort to take it, She folded her own hands first birthday dance. So have I, So has Elfine. So has a friend of
a httle more closely upon a copy of the Milk Producers' Weekly mine called Claud, whom none of you know. And what is more,
Magazine, and observed, in a low expressionless voice, 'I saw Aunt Ada, Elfine and Richard Hawk-Monitor are engaged to be
something nasty in the woodshed.' married, and will be married, too, in about a month from now.'
"Tes one of her bad nights,' said Judith. 'Mother,' she said There came a terrible cry from the shadows near the sink.
more loudly, 'don't you know me? It's Judith. I have brought Everybody turned to look. It was Urk, lying face downward in .
Robert Poste's child to see you.' the sandwiches, with one hand holding his heart in dreadftil
'Nay . . . I saw something nasty in the woodshed,' said Aunt pain. Meriam laid her rough hand .shyly upon his bowed head,
Ada Doom, moving her old head from side to side. "Twas sixty- but he shook her off.
nine years ago. An' me no bigger than a b i r d - 'My little water-vole,' they heard him murmur.
Flora had been observing Aunt Ada's firm chin, clear eyes and Confusion and shouting broke out, in which Aunt Ada could
tight httle mouth, and decided that if Aunt Ada was mad, then be seen beating at everybody with the Milk Producers' Weekly,
she. Flora, was one of the Marx brothers. while screaming, 'I shall go mad! There have always been
'Saw something nasty in the woodshed!!!' suddenly screamed Starkadders at Cold Comfort! I saw something nasty in the
Aunt Ada, hitting Judith with the Milk Producers' Weekly. woodshed . . . something nasty . . . nasty , . . ' Seth was holding
'You're ail wicked and cruel. You want to go away and leave me her hands and speaking quietly to her, as to a sick child. Flora
alone in the woodshed. But you never shall. None of you. Never! had pulled Elfine into a corner, out of the way, and was feeding
There have always been Starkadders at Cold Comfort. You must both of them on bread and butter. She had given up all hope of
all stay here with me, Judith, Amos, Micah, Urk, Luke, Mark, going to bed that night. It was nearly half-past two, and
Elfine, Caraway, Harkaway, Reuben, and Seth. Where's my everybody seemed happy to go on till sunrise.
darling Seth?' She observed several females moving miserably around in the
Seth came pushing his way through the crowd of relations. dark room, putting bread on plates and occasionally crying in
'Here I am, grandmother,' he said comfortingly. 'I'll never leave corners.
'ee, never.' 'Who's that?' she asked Elfine, pointingat one who was crying
'That's my good boy,' the old woman murmured. 'But how half inside a boot cupboard.
grand you are tonight! What's all this?' And she pulled at Seth's "Tes poor Rennet,' said Elfine sleepily. 'You see her wet
evening clothes.'Where have you been, boy?' clothes? She jumped down th' well this evening, Meriam told me.
80 81
Cold Comfort Farm The Counting
'Amos!' she cried from her heart. But he never turned. He pulling her to him, he kissed het firmly on her open mouth. Aunt
stepped into the dark - and was gone. Ada Doom, shaking with anger, struck at them with the Milk
Suddenly there was a wild cry from the corner in the shadows Producers' Weekly, but missed. She fell back in her chair,
by the sink. Urk fell forward, pulling Meriam after him. Flora exhausted.
woke up Elfine, who had gone to sleep on her shoulder, and told 'Come, my beauty, my handful of dirt. I mun carry 'ee up to
her that more fun was just beginning. It was only a quarter past th' well an' show 'ee to the water-voles,' said Urk, his eyes bright
three. with desire.
Urk was laughing madly, noiselessly. Meriam pulled herself 'What! At this time of night?' cried Mrs Beetle, deeply
away from him, her face white with fear. shocked-
'Me an' th' water-voles, we've failed,' Urk whispered. 'We're Urk put one arm round Meriam's waist and tried to lift her,'
beaten. We planned a home for her near the well. An' now she's butshe wastooheavyforhim.Sohe madeherstand in the middle
given herself to html When she was an hour old, I made a mark of the floor, and with a low, passionate cry, ran to her. 'Come,
on her milk-bottle with water-vole's blood. She was mine, see? my beauty!'He caught her up in his arms and continued towards
Mine! And /'ve lost h e r . , . ' the door, all in one movement. Mark (who loved a bit of sport)
He turned upon Meriam, who stared at him in terror. 'Come held open the door, and Urk and his load rushed out into the
here-you. I'll takeyou instead. Aye, dirt as ye are, we'll sink into night.
th' mud together. There have always been Starkadders at Cold Silence fell. The door remained open, swinging in a slow, cold
Comfort, and now there'll be a Beetle too.' wind which had just started blowing. As though frozen, the
'And not the first either, as you'd know if you'd ever cleaned groupinthekitchen waited for thedistantcrash which would tell
the kitchen,' said Mrs Beetle sharply. Flora had not noticed her them that Urk had fallen down.
before; she had been busily cutting bread in a far cornet of the Quite soon it came, and Mark shut the door.
kitchen. She now came forward and said nastily to Urk, 'Who are It was now four o'clock, and Elfine had gone to sleep again.
you to talk about dirt? A pity you don't spend less time with your So had all the farmworkers. Fiora was desperately sleepy; she felt
old water-voles and a bit more with some soap and hot water.' as though she were at some awful modern play that goes on for
She turned to her daughter. 'Don't you have him unless you feel hours and hours.
like it, dear,' she advised. 'You're still young and he won't see Aunt Ada was sitting in her chair, her lips moving softly. She
forty again.' did not sound very happy. 'Two of them . . . gone. Elfine . . .
'I don't mind,' said Meriam. 'I'll have 'un, if he wants me. I Amos . . . and I'm alone in the woodshed now. Who took them
can always make 'un wash a bit, if I want to.' away? I must know . . . That g i r l . . . Robert Poste's child.' Her
Urk gave a wild laugh. His hands fell on her shoulders, and. old face looked evil in the dying light of the fire. Suddenly, with
5 81
Cold Comfort Farm
the Milk Producers' Weekly, she struck at Rennet, who was

standing close, staring madly down at her, and Rennet ran back
to her dark corner. It was half-past four.
Just then Flora felt cold air at her back. She looked round
crossly, and found herself looking into the face of Reuben, who
had opened a small hidden door in the wall, which ied out into Seth's departure
the yard. 'Come on,' he whispered soundlessly. "Tes time ye
were in bed.'
Amazed and grateful. Flora silently woke Elfine, and
cautiously they crept through the door, which Reuben closed
behind them. They stood outside in the yard, in a bitter wind, "he next day was Sunday, so fortunately everybody could stay
with the first coid light of morning creeping into the purple sky. 1 bed and get over the shocks of the night before. At least, that
The way to their beds lay clear before them - round the house : what most families would have done. But the Starkadders were
and in at the frontdoor, avoiding the kitchen and the rest of the ot like most families. Life burned in them with a fiercer flame,
Starkadders. nd by seven o'clock most of them were up, and, to a certain
'Reuben,' said Flora, too sleepy to speak properly, but «ent, working.
remembering to be polite, 'you are u/onderful. Why did you help Reuben, of course, had a lotto do because of Amos's sudden
us?' eparture, and wasdelighted to be in charge of the farm. The five
'Because you got th' old devil out o' th' way for me. Th' farm tarkadder wives had been accompanied back to the village by
will be mine now, surely.' dam, at half-past five that morning, and the old man had
'So it will,' said Fiora, smiling. 'Such fun for you.' iturned in time to begin the milking. He was still confused by
Suddenly a terrible noise broke out in the kitchen behind le news of Elfine's engagement, and did not notice that Aimless
them. The Starkadders were quarrelling again. But Flora never ad lost a foot.
knew what it was about. She walked to her room, undressed and It was a beautiful spring day, with birds singing in the trees,
fell into bed, already half asleep. jdith sat, grey-faced, in the kitchen, looking out with dull,
liserable eyes over the green countryside. Rennet stayed by the
re, stirring some rather nasty soup she was making. She had
decided to stay at the farmhouse when the other female
Starkadders had departed with Adam; she did not want their
unspoken pity.
87
Cold Comfort Farm Seth's departure
Old Ada Doom stayed in Ker room, where she had been holding out both his hands and saying, 'Well, well, sweetheart. ^
carried at six o'clock that morning by Micah, Seth, Mark, How's the girl?'
Caraway, and Harkaway. No one dared go in to see her. She sat 'I am fine. Earl,' said Flora warmly.
alone, a bent, ugly ruin of a woman, staring unseeingly into the Mr Mybug, who had hoped to find Flora alone, was looking '
distance. Her fingers picked endlessly at the Milk Producers' annoyed. He became even more annoyed when he heard Mr
Weekly. She did not notice the sharp blue air of spring outside. Neck call Flora 'sweetheart', but after a while he decided that Mr
Powerless waves of anger flooded her ancient body, and Neck must be the sort of Amusing Type who calls everybody
sometimes names burst from her green lips. ' A m o s . . . Elfine... 'sweetheart', and did not mind so much.
Urk...' Flora instruaed Mrs Beetle to make them some tea, and they
No one had seen anything of Urk since he had gone rushing sat very pleasantly in the sunshine which poured in through the
out into the night carrying Meriam, the hired girl. It was window, drinking their tea and talking. Flora felt sleepy and
generally assumed that he had drowned her and then himself. relaxed. She had made up her mind that Mr Neck must not go
Who cared, anyway? without seeing Seth, and quietly told Mrs Beetle to find him and
As for Flora, she was still asleep at half-past three in the send him to the kitchen as soon as possible.
afternoon, and would have continued sleeping comfortably 'Have you come to England to look for film stars, Mr Neck?'
enough until teatime, but she was woken by a knocking at her asked Mr Mybug, eating a little cake that Flora had wanted for
door. herself.
'Two gentlemen to see you. Miss Poste,' Mrs Beetle was 'Yeah, that's right. I want to find another Clark Gable. You
saying excitedly. wouldn't remember him, maybe. A great film actor, twenty years
'Oh, who are they? Have they told you their names.^' asked ago. I want someone like him, a big good-looking man who
Flora sleepily. smells of the countryside, with a golden voice. I want passion. I
'One's that Mr Mybug, miss, and the other's a gentleman who want red blood. I don't want any delicate sensitive types, see?
says his name's Neck.' The great American public have had enough of them.'
'Oh yes . . . of course, how delightful. Ask them both to wait 'Do you know the work of Limf?' asked Mr Mybug eagerly.
downstairs till I come. I won't take long,' and Flora began to get 'One of the greatest of our modern film-makers, I always think.
dressed. She was delighted at the idea of seeing her old friend Mr Difficult, of course. But realV
Neck again. Of course, Mr Mybug was a nuisance, but she could 'Never heard of him,' said Mr Neck, who had decided that he
deal with him easily enough. did not like Mr Mybug. 'Thank you, sweetheart,* (to Flora, who
She went downstairs at last, looking as fresh as a leaf, and as was feeding him cake). 'You know, Mr Mybug, we gotta
she entered the kitchen, Mr Neck came forward to greet her. responsibility to the public. Wegottagivethem what they want.'
89
Cold Comfort Farm I Seth's departure
Then Flora said, 'Oh, Seth, I wanted Mr Neck to see you. Earl, Neck. 'Well, we must leave quietly, that's all. Tell her not to
this is my cousin, Seth Starkadder. He's very interested in films. worry. We'll send her five thousand pounds out of the first film
Mr Neck makes films, Seth.' he's in. Oh, he's fantastic! He's just what I want! It'd take more
Mr Neck, forgetting everything else, was leanmg forward than anyone's grandmother to stop me now.'
with his head slightly bent, to hear Seth speak. And when that When Seth returned, wearing his best hat and a coat, and
deep, warm voice said slowly, 'Pleased to meet you, Mr Neck' - carrying a suitcase, everybody moved towards the door. As they
Mr Neck looked up with an expression of extreme relief and walked towards Mr Neck's car, which was waiting in the
delight. farmyard, Mr Neck held rightly on to Seth's arm, as though he
'Well, well,' said Mr Neck, 'so how's the boy ? You and I must feared Seth might change his mind. He need not have worried.
get to know each other, right? Maybe you'd thought of doing The expression on Seth's face seemed to say, 'Of course 1 am
some acting yourself?' going to be a film star. It's what I've always expected.' He was
Mr Mybug sat comfortably back in his chair and put a little too proud to show the fierce joy deep inside him.
cake in his mouth. He was looking forward to seeing Mr Neck Well, everything was going beautifully, and they were all
make fun of Seth, Seth himself was looking angry; he was not standing round the car saying goodbye, when suddenly they
sure how sincere this American was. heard the alarming sound of a window being opened. A voice
'No, no, I'm not joking,' said Mr Neck quickly, 'I mean it. floated out into the quiet air of the late afternoon. It was
Would you like to act in a film?' observing that it had seen something nasty in the woodshed.
A great cry broke from Seth. Mr Mybug fell off his chair, and Everybody looked up. Flora a little worriedly. Sure enough, it
swallowed too much cake. No one noticed him. All eyes were on was Aunt Ada Doom. She was leaning out of her bedroom
Seth. His eyes shone, as he answered slowly, 'More than a ny thin' window. Behind her left shoulder there was a shape, which,
else in th'world.' because of the untidiness of its hair, must be Judith. Another
'Well, isn't that great?' said Mr Neck, looking round proudly shape behind her right shoulder was probably Rennet.
for agreement and support. 'He wants to be a film star and I want 'Oh dear!' whispered Flora rapidly to Mr Neck. 'Hurry up
to make him one. Now, sweetheart, get your bags and we'll catch and go!'
a plane to America tonight. But what about your family? Will 'Is that Grandmother?' asked Mr Neck. 'Come on,
they agree?' sweetheart,' he added to Seth, 'we gotta catch a plane.'
'I'll tell you all about that. Earl,' said Flora. 'Seth, go and pack ' S e t h . . . S e t h . . . where are you going?' Judith's voice was full
what you need for the journey.' And when Seth had gone silently of terror and pain.
out, she explained the situation to Mr Neck. 'I saw something nasty in the woodshed!' screamed Aunt Ada
'So it's all right if Grandmother doesn't stop us?' said Mr Doom, waving all that was left of the Milk Producers' Weekly.
92 93
Cold Comfort Farm I Seth's departure
'My baby . . . my dariin' Scth! You mustn't leave me! 1 shall go could cook and clean and sew, so she would look after Mr
madr Mybug, and love him very much, and he would become very
'Seth... you mustn't go!" begged Judith. 'You can't leave your comfortable, and would be very grateful to her.
mother! And there's work to do!' Mr Mybug walked across the yard and called up to the
'I saw something in the woodshed!' window, '1 say! Will you come for a walk with me?'
'Yes, but did it see you?' murmured Mr Neck, getting into the ' W h a t . . . now?' asked Rennet shyly. Nobody had ever asked
car beside Seth. The engine started and the car began to move out her to do such a thing before.
of the yard. 'I know it's hard,' he shouted up to Aunt Ada, with 'Why not?' laughed Mr Mybug boyishly. Flora thought it was
his head out of the car window, 'but that's life, girl. I respect a a pity he was rather fat. He was obviously very pleased with
grandmother's feelings, sweetheart, but I just can't give him up. himself. Flora knew that intellectuals thought the proper - no,
He'll send you five thousand out of the profits of his first film. the only-way to fall in love with somebody v/^s instantly.
That's a promise.' Rennet left the window, and Flora suddenly felt extremely
'Goodbye,' said Seth to Flora, who smiled back at him in a sleepy. Things were happeninga little too fast at Cold Comfort.
friendly way. She watched the car drive away. Seth would never She wished Mr Mybug a pleasant walk with Rennet, and was on
have a chance, now, of becoming a nice, normal young man. He her way across the yard to the kitchen door, when Mr Mybug
would become a world-famous, swollen mask, smiling down said, 'We're friends, aren't we?'
from a great silver screen in dark cinemas. Already he was 'Certainly,' she replied pleasantly.
beginning to seem unreal. 'We might have dinner together in London sometime?'
Aunt Ada and Judith were still screaming and crying in the 'That would be delightful,' agreed Flora, thinking how nasty
bedroom. But Rennet was now leaning out of the window, and and boring it would be.
Mr Mybug had noticed her. 'Who's that?' he asked Flora, in a 'There's something about y o u . . . ' said Mr Mybug, staring at
low voice. Flora told him. 'What a fascinating face,' he said, her and waving his fingers. 'Something d i s t a n t . . . and pure. I'd
staringup at Rennet. 'Dehcate, nervous... She has that untamed like to write a novel about you, and call it The White Goddess'
look you see sometimes in newly born animals. Don't you feel 'Do, if it passes the time for you,' said Flora, 'and now I'm
it?' afraid 1 really must go. Goodbye.'
Rennet was staring down at him, too. Flora could see they Later that afternoon, she was delighted to hear from the very
were attracted to each other. It would be quite a good thing if he useful Mrs Beetle that Elfine had been invited to stay at Highrree
married her and introduced her into his intellectual circle . . . Hall for six weeks, and had already been collected by Dick in his
except that she. Flora, must make quite sure that he would be a car. It also appeared that Urk and Meriam were still alive, and
good husband to poor Rennet. He probably would be. Rennet planning to get married very soon; Mrs Beetle was determmed to
92 94
Cold Comfort Farm
make sure that he looked after Meriam and all her children, the
future jazz band, properly.
The final news of the day came on a postcard, which was
delivered to the farmhouse after supper, it read;
10
the lir^fi This TroiTimg I p r e a c h e d the Lord's '
word Xt thousarids )n the wart;et^p!ace. I am riov
judihidnd
tci hire a Ford V9ri, P'raise th^ Lord! Tn.y cottoA
shirts. Fcii\<i loVe to all. ,,
After the departure of Seth, life at the farm returned to normal

(at least, as normal as it ever was), and Flora was quite glad to
have a rest after rhe exhausting weeks of training Elfine, and the
exciting events which had removed Seth and Amos from Cold
Comfort.
The first of May brought the summer weather. There were
rich green leaves on all the trees, and the warm, soft air breathed
love. Mrs Beetle appeared in a cotton dress, while Flora wore
pale green and a shady hat.
But Judith lay on her bed in silence, and rhe sunshine did not
warm her room. She had put a iittie piece of black cloth over each
of the two hundred photographs of Seth, and now, what else did
life hold for her? The flies flew around her room, with as much
noise and as iittie meaning as life itself.
The old woman also stayed in her room, sitting in front of the
fire, and talking to herself. Flames of hate lit her darkness. She
felt the summer was taking away all the Starkadders from Cold
Comfort. Where was Amos?The sunlight answered. Where was
Elfine? The birds sang in reply. W h e r e - worst of all - was Seth?
She did not even know where he had goneor why. Was everyone
97
Cold Comfort Farm Judith and Aunt Ada
mad, except her, sitting atone, an ancient body in front of a fire? 'Oh, I'm sure he won't,' said Flora decidedly. And she
And Urlt, a Starkadder, saying he was going to marry the girl jroduced from her handbag, for the tenth time that morning, a
paid to work in the kitchen . . . It was Robert Poste's child who econd postcard, which said:
had done this, who had poured poison into the ears of the farnity,
and sent them out into the world. They would all go-Judith, Vaise the Lord! I 30 to spread the lord's word amor.g the
Micah, Ezra, Harkaway, Caraway, Luke, Mark . . . Then . • - l\%enc.at\s. P-raise the jjindt Tell ]?euben Ke caw
when they had all gone , . . she would be alone at last - alone in \ave the old :place. Send d e a n undenvear, Love to all.
the woodshed. ?i7P,os S t a r k a d d e r
Flora was having quite a nice time. It was now the second
week in May, and the weather was still wonderfuL As everybody 'Yes, I'm sure he means it,' repeated Flora. 'I wouldn't worry
now considered Reuben the owner of Cold Comfort, he had f I were you,' So they finished their meat in comfort. Just as
started making improvements to the farm, and asked Flora if leuben was wiping his lips, he stopped and said, looking across
she would accompany him into Godmere, to help him choose It Flora, 'I don't suppose 'ee would marry me. Cousin Flora?'
some new equipment. So one Wednesday morning, they drove Flora was much moved. She had grown to like Reuben in the
off together in the horse and trap, and after a busy morning ast fortnight. He was worth whole sackfuls of the other male
shopping, had lunch at the Red Lion HoteL >tarkadders. He was really very nice, and kind too, and ready to
'Where did you get the money to buy all those lovely tools, earn from anyone who could help him improve the condition of
Reuben?' asked Flora, as she ate her chicken, rhe farm. He had never forgotten that it was Fiora who had
'I stole it,' replied Reuben simply, invested to Amos that he should go on a preaching tour, and he
'Who from?' asked Flora, who was bored by having to ivas deeply grateful.
pretend to be shocked at things, and really wanted to know. She put out her hand across the table. Wonderingly, Reuben
Trom Grandmother. Ye see, I put false information in th' ;ook it and stared down at it.
accounts. When we sell twelve eggs, I write down two, see? And 'Oh, Reuben, that is nice of you. But I'm afraid I am not at all
I keep the money from the rest. She checks th' accounts twice a the kind of person to make a good wife for a farmer,'
week, but she hasn't noticed yet. I've been doin' it for nearly five '1 like your pretty ways,' said Reuben,
years - I've been planning this, see?' 'That's charming of you. I like yours, too. But honestly,
'My dear, I think you're so clever,' said Flora.' Qw(tf amazing. somebody like Nancy from the village would be much better,
If you continue like this, the farm will make lots of money.' and more useful on the farm, too.'
'Aye, if th' old devil doesn't change his mind and come back 'Aye,' said Reuben slowly, after a pause. 'Maybe you're right,
from America,' said Reuben doubtfully. Nancy would be a good wife.' And he released her hand. He did
101
98
not seem at all offended or hurt, and they drove home together she was only human. So they had brought their wives up to the
afterwards in comfortable silence. farm, where they slept in rooms as far away from Aunt Ada's
Eifine was still staying with the Hawk-Monitors, and Flora as possible. Life at the farmhouse was pleasanrer for the
had twice been invited to tea there. Much to Flora's relief, Mrs Starkadders than it had ever been before, and they had Flora to
Hawk-Monitor seemed very fond of Elfine, and described her to thank for it.
Flora as 'a dear little thing'. Flora congratulated Elfine in private. But Flora was not satisfied. There was much still to do at Cold
The wedding was arranged for the fourteenth of June. Dick's Comfort, before she could really say that the farmhouse was in
mother ha<i decided it should take place in Howling church, a condition to satisfy Father Bertrand. There was the problem of
which was very beautiful. She then shocked Flora by suggesting Judith, There was old Adam, And then there was Aunt Ada
that the reception should be held at Cold Comfort. Doom herself, the greatest problem of all.
'So much more convenient than coming all the way back to She decided to start with Judith. After all, she had been lying
Hightree Hall, don't you think. Miss Poste?' in her room with the window shut quite longenough. Twice Mrs
' O h , 1 say,' said Flora nervously, 'I rather doubt if that would Beetle had asked if she could clean the room, and twice Flora had
work, you know. I mean, old Mrs Srarkadder is - e r - not very been forced to reply that it was not yet convenient. But now
well. The - er - noise might upset her.' things had gone far enough, and when she arrived back ar the
'She could stay in her room. A tray of cake can be taken up to farmhouse, she went straight up to Judith's room.
her. Yes, I think that would certainly be the best thing. Is there a She knocked, but receiving no reply, went in. Judith was
really large room at the farmhouse. Miss Poste?' washingone of the two hundred little black curtains {for the two
'Several,' said Flora faintly, thinking about them, hundred photographs of Seth) in a bowl of water. Her eyes stared
'Excellent, I will write to old Mrs Starkadder tonight.' lifelessly out of her sorrowful face.
So there was a new horror on the horizon! Really, thought 'Oh, Cousin Judith, would you care to come to London with
Flora, there was no end to her worries. She was beginning to me tomorrow?' asked Flora pleasantly. '1 want to do some
think she would never be able to finish tidying up the farm in her shopping, and 1 hope to have lunch with a very charming friend
hfetime. of mine, a Dr Miidel from Vienna, D o come.'
However, it was true that matters were better since Reuben Judith's biner laugh shocked even the flies circling above
had taken over the management of the farm. Wages were paid her head into silence. '1 am a dead woman,' she said simply-
regularly, rooms were cleaned, and accounts were kept 'Look . . . The linle black curtain was dusty,' she murmured. 'I
correctly. Aunt Ada had not been downstairs since the night of had to wash it.'
the Counting, and the remaining male Starkadders, encouraged 'I intend to catch the ten-thirty train,' said Flora patiently,
by the departure of Seth, Elfine, and Amos, bad realized that 'and I will expect you to be ready by nine o'clock. You'll enjoy
100 101
You see. Flora, all that energy - she was destroying herself with In the next few days. Flora was busy with preparations for
it. Now she can spend her energy on old churches — yes, yes, she Elfine's wedding reception, Reuben gladly gave her thirty
will be all right.' pounds to pay for fiowers and food. She went to London several
Certainly Judith was looking happier already and she clearly times, to have a new dress made for herself. She also instructed
found Dr Miidei very sympathetic. the female Starkadders to clean every corner of the farmhouse; it
i understand that you are going to stay with Dr Miidel for a was the first real cleaning it had received for a hundred years.
while. Cousin Judith?' Flora said, while the Doctor was paying Meanwhile, she kept an eye on the relationship between Mr
for the lunch. Mybug and Rennet, and was relieved to hear that they were
'He has asked me. He is very kind . . . There is a dark force in getting married in London, several days before Elfine, and
him,' replied Judith. 'It b e a t s . . . like a black bell. 1 wonder you attending the reception at Cold Comfort as a married couple.
do not feel it.' As theevenings grew longer. Flora used to sit in a quiet corner
'Oh, well, we can't all be lucky,' said Flora. 'But I think it's an of the kitchen, reading The Higher Common Seme, and hoping
excellent idea for you to have a holiday. It will do you good.' that Father Bertrand would provide the solution to the problem
She said goodbye to Judith there and then, and promised to of Aunt Ada. And on an evening of more than usual peace and
send a share of the farm profits to her regularly, to pay for her beauty, the answer came, suddenly, in a flash. In a few seconds
pleasures during the next six months. she had every detail of her plan clearly in her head. Calmly she
It was with a feeling of satisfaction, and something strangely wrote a telegram to Claud Hart-Harris, asking him to send her
like affection, that Flora returned, alone, to Cold Comfort that the latest number of a particular fashion magazine, and a
night, h was a mild and lovely evening, with no clouds m the sky. brochure for the Hotel Miramar in Paris.
The farmhouse no longer looked dirty and miserable and Claud did not fail her. The papers were delivered the next day.
depressing, as it had when she first saw it, several months ago. Flora brushed her hair, and put on a fresh dress, and, as it was
The windows were clean, with fresh curtains, and the farmyard lunch-time, asked Mrs Beetle to give her the tray upon which was
smelt of the flowers Ezra had planted in the garden. Flora leaned arranged Aunt Ada's lunch.
forward, thinking,'/ did all that.' And a feeling of joy opened 'Oh, no, miss, it's far too heavy,' said Mrs Beetle.
inside her like a flower. But Flora quietly took the tray, and, watched with fascination
But then she looked upwards at the closed window just above by Reuben, Mrs Beetle, and the female Starkadders, she put the
the kitchen door. Aunt Ada was srill in that room upstairs, magazine and the brochure on it. '1 am taking lunch up to Aunt
fighting her losing battle. Could she. Flora, really congratulate Ada,' she announced. 'If I am not down by three o'clock, Mrs
herself upon her work at the farm, while Aunt Ada was still Beetle, will you kindly bring up some fruit juice. At half-past four
undefeated? you may bring up tea and cake. If I am not down by seven, please
m m
bring up a tray with Slipper for two, and we will have hot milk at eally. You needn't w o r r y - t h e r e will be no fuss at the wedding
ten. Now, goodbye, ail of you. I beg of you not to worry. Ali will jr anything. We've arranged everything.'
be well.' 'Cousin Flora, nobody but 'ee could have done it,' .said
And slowly Flora went upstairs, carrying the tray. They heard ^,euben simply. 'How - how was it done?'
her knocking on the bedroom door and calling, 'May 1 come in. 'Well, it's a long story, you know. W e talked for hours. You'll
Aunt Ada? It is Flora.'Therewasasilence, then the door opened, leewhen the time comes. On the weddingday, Imean. You wait,
and Flora and the tray entered. T h a t was the last anyone saw or t'll be a surprise. 1 can't tell you now. It would spoil things. It
heard of her for nearly nine hours. vill be simply lovely. Surprise!'
At three, half-past four, and seven o'clock Mrs Beetle took up Her voice had been growing sleepier and sleepier, and the
the food and drink as instructed. Each time she could hear the âss fell from her hand. She was asleep.
steady riseandfallof voices inside, but although she listened for 'Just like a little, tired child,' said M r Mybug, who like most
many minutes she could not distinguish a word, and this laring intellectuals was as soft as cheese underneath, and he
disappointing information was all she could carry back to the ftâs just reaching out to stroke Flora's hair when Mrs Beetle
eagerly waiting group downstairs. M r Mybug and Rennet had tmacked his hand, crying, 'Hands off, you!' This upset him so
joined the Starkadders, and they all hada very pleasant evening, nuch that he and Rennet departed rather suddenly, without
eating supper and talking about the farm and the family, past iaying goodbye.
and present. Slowly it grew dark and cooler outside, and the Mrs Beetle gently woke Flora, who stood up sleepily and
summer stars came out. smiled at Reuben as he gave her a candle.
Suddenly, at a quarter past ten, Mrs Beetle jumped up, saying, 'Good night. Cousin Flora. 'Twas a good day for Cold
'There! I forgot to take up the hot milk! I'll do it now.' But just Comfort when 'ee came here,' he said.
then they all heard a light step on the stairs, and through the dark 'My dear soul, don't mention it. It's been such fun for me,'
doorway walked Flora . . . at last. She looked calm, but rather iaid Flora. ' M r s Beetle, you know how I dislike making
pale and sleepy. :ompIaints, but the meat we had for supper was slightly
'Hullo,' she said pleasantly, 'you're all here, then? I'll drink andercooked. Mrs Starkadder's, in f a a , was almost raw'
that milk down here, Mrs Beetle. Y o u needn't take any up to 'I'm sorry, I'm sure. Miss Poste,' said M r s Beetle.
Aunt Ada. I've put her to bed. She's asleep.' And then everybody went sleepily up to bed.
There was a gasp of wonder from everybody. Flora sank into
her chair, with a long yawn.
"We were afraid for ye, dear soul,' said Reuben.
' T o o niceof you,'said Flora sleepily.'But it wasquiteall right.
106
Elfine's wedding
just beginning,' And the Starkadders were satisfied.

They all worked enthusiastically for the rest of the morning.
II By eleven o'clock everything was ready, and as Flora looked
round at the kitchen, with its vases of sweet-smelling flowers
and its tables loaded with dehcious-looking food, she was
Elfine's wedding completely content. She went upstairs to visit Aunt Ada for a
short time, shutting the bedroom door carefully behind her, and
then went to her own room to wash and put on her new dress.
Soon she came out, looking calm, happy, and elegant, ready for
the pleasures of the day.
The Starkadders were all at work very early on the morning of She and the Starkadders, all dressed in their best clothes,
the wedding. The future jazz band were out picking flowers for walked in the bright summer sunshine to Howling church, where
the church and the farmhouse. The female Starkadders were they found quite a crowd of people already gathered. As soon as
making cakes in the kitchen, while Micah was putting the wine the female Starkadders sat down, they started to cry, but
into buckets of ice, to keep it coot. Mrs Beetle and Flora were fortunately Flora had brought five spare clean handkerchiefs,
unpackingthe silver knives, forks and spoons Flora had ordered which shepassed silently along the row to them. She took a quick
from London. Chairs and tables were moved, bread was baked, glance around the church; there the Starkadders were, enjoying
flowers were arranged in vases, and at half-past eight everybody themselves in an ordinary human manner, like normal people.
sat down to breakfast. Really, thought Flora, when she thought what they had been
'I'll just take up th' old lady's breakfast,' said Mrs Beetle. like, only five months ago . . , She bowed her head. She had
'There's some cold meat an'—' achieved a great task, and had much to be thankful for. And
'Oh, I've just been in to see her,' said Flora. 'She doesn't want today would see her greatest achievement of all!
anything except a 'Hell's Special', Here, give me an egg. I'll mix At last! Everybody had turned towards the door of the church.
it for her.' And they all watched in amazement as she beat a raw 'Here comes the bride!' The low murmur ran along the rows, as
egg, some brandy, milk, and ice in a cup, and gave it to Mrs Beetle a large car stopped at the door and the crowd outside started
to take up to Aunt Ada. cheering There was Elfine, pale and serious, floating into the
'Will she come down an' upset everything after all, do 'ee church like a cool, white cloud. There was Dick, his pleasant red
think. Cousin Flora?' asked Reuben anxiously. face betraying none of his nervousness, and his mother, in a grey
'Certainly not,' said Flora. 'Everything will be all right. suit. The ceremony was about to begin.
Remember, 1 told you there was going to be a surprise. Well, it's Half an hour later, the wedding was over, and Flora realized,
108 109
Cold Comfort Farm Elfine's wedding 1
Aunt Ada's appearance gave everybody something to talk about, But at that moment Elfine and Dick came to speak to Aunt
and only added to the dehcious flavours of the food they were Ada, and Flora's question went unheard.
eating. After she had said a few pleasant words to ail the guests. 'Grandmother,' said Elfine, 'Adam wants to come and live at
Aunt Ada sat down again, to drink some wine and eat a httle. Hightree Hall with us and look after our cows. May he?'
Flora sat beside her. She t h o u ^ t it was best to keep an eye on 'Of course, my dear,' said Aunt Ada generously. 'But what
Aunt Ada until the last minute. The plane that would take Aunt will happen to Pointless, Aimless, Hopeless, and Careless if he
Ada to Paris would be landing in one of the fields in half an hour. deserts them?'
It seemed that Aunt Ada had thoroughly realized what a nasty A wild scream broke from Adam. He threw himself forward,
time she had had for twenty years, and was now determined to his ancient hands held together in pain. 'Nay, never say that,
have a nice one. 'But you never know,' thought Flora. Mrs Starkadder. I'll take 'em wi' me. There's room for us all at
Flora was also waiting for the opportunity to ask her aunt Hightree Hall.'
about her mysterious rights, mentioned in Judith's letter nearly 'Well, well, you may take them if you want to,' said Aunt Ada,
six months ago. Soon the moment came. smiling.
Aunt Ada thanked Flora for the hundredth rime, for showing Adam hurried joyfully away to tell the dumb creatures the
her what a pleasant time could be had in this world by a good news, and Flora repeated her question, a little louder this
handsome, sensible old lady of good fortune, excellent health, time. She was anxious to know.
and firm character. 'I am greatly looking forward to staying at 'And did the sheep die? And what about my rights?'
the Hotel Miramar,' she added. 'Is there anything i can bring But it was no use. Mrs Hawk-Monitor chose that second to
back from Paris for you, my dear?' come up to Aunt Ada, to invite her to dinner at Hightree Hall as
'A sewing-box, please,' said Flora. 'But Aunt Ada, there is soon as her world tour had ended. So Flora's question was not
something else I would like to ask you. What was the wrong that answered, and would never be answered, because the next
Amos did to my father? And what are my "rights" of which interruption was the noise of a plane approaching.
Judith used to speak? I feel 1 cannot let you go on your tour Everyone rushed out across the yard and into the big field
without askingyou.' behind the house. The pilot, a cross-looking young man, was
Aunt Ada's face became serious. She glanced round the presented with a piece of wedding cake, to his obvious disgust.
kitchen, and observed with satisfaction that everybody was Aunt Ada said goodbye to her family and guests, and thanked
eating much too hard and talking much too fast to take any Flora again for all she had done to change her aunt's life. Fiora
notice of anyone else. So she leaned towards Flora and began to smiled prettily, but could not help feeling a bit disappointed
whisper into Flora's ear. At last the murmur stopped. Flora about the sheep and the rights. Aunt Ada climbed in, and the
asked, 'And did the sheep die?' machine rose slowly from the ground. The crowd saw Aunt
112 113
Cold Comfort Farm Elfine's wedding
Aunt Ada's appearance gave everybody something to talk about, But at that moment Elfine and Dick came to speak to Aunt
and only added to the deHcious flavours of the food they were Ada, and Flora's question went unheard.
eating. After she had said a few pleasant words to all the guests. 'Grandmother,' said Elfine, 'Adam wants to come and live at
Aunt Ada sat down again, to drink some wine and eat a tittle. Hightree Hal! with us and look after our cows. May he?'
Flora sat beside her. She thought it was best to keep an eye on 'Of course, my dear,' said Aunt Ada generously. 'But what
Aunt Ada until the last minute. The plane that would take Aunt will happen to Pointless, Aimless, Hopeless, and Careless if he
Ada to Paris would l>e landingin one of the fields in half an hour. deserts them?'
It seemed that Aunt Ada had thoroughly realized what a nasty A wild scream broke from Adam. He threw himself forward,
time she had had for twenty years, and was now determined to his ancient hands held together in pain. 'Nay, never say that,
have a nice one, 'But you never know,' thought Flora. Mrs Starkadder. I'll take 'em wi' me. There's room for us all at
Flora was also waiting for the opportunity to ask her aunt Hightree Hall.'
about her mysterious rights, mentioned in Judith's letter nearly 'Well, well, you may take them if you want to,' said Aunt Ada,
six months ago. Soon the moment came. smiling-
Aunt Ada thanked Flora for the hundredth time, for showing > Adam hurried joyfully away to tell the dumb creatures the
her what a pleasant time could be had in this world by a good news, and Flora repeated her question, a little louder this
handsome, sensible old lady of good fortune, excellent health, time. She was anxious to know.
and firm character. T am greatly looking forward to staying at 'And did the sheep die? And what about my rights?'
the Hotel Miramar,' she added. 'Is there anything I can bring But it was no use. Mrs Hawk-Monitor chose that second to
back from Paris for you, my dear?' come up to Aunt Ada, to invite her to dinner at Hightree Hall as
'A sewing-box, please,' said Flora. 'But Aunt Ada, there is soon as her world tour had ended. So Flora's question was not
something else I would like to ask you. What was the wrong that answered, and would never be answered, because the next
Amos did to my father? And what are my "rights" of which interruption was the noise of a plane approaching.
Judith used to speak? 1 feel I cannot let you go on your tour Everyone rushed out across the yard and into the big field
without asking you.' behind the house. The pilot, a cross-looking young man, was
Aunt Ada's face became serious. She glanced round the presented with a piece of wedding cake, to his obvious disgust.
kitchen, and observed with satisfaction that everybody was Aunt Ada said goodbye to her family and guests, and thanked
eating much too hard and talking much too fast to take any Flora again for all she had done to change her aunt's life. Flora
notice of anyone else. So she leaned towards Flora and began to smiled prettily, but could not help feeling a bit disappointed
whisper into Flora's ear. At last the murmur stopped- Flora about the sheep and the rights. Aunt Ada climbed in, and the
asked, 'And did the sheep die?' machine rose slowly from the ground. The crowd saw Aunt
m 113
Cold Comfort farm Elfine's wedding
Ada's confident face smiling down at them, as she was carried 'Thank you so much, but no,' said Flora. 'But could you
from their sight high into the sky. possibly just take me down to the village? I want to telephone,'
'Now let's go back and drink some mote wine,' suggested He was delighted, and soon they were driving down the hill
Ralph Pent-Hartigan, taking Flora's hand in a familiar but into Howling.
rather pleasing way. But Flora had to go and help Elfine change 'I suppose you wouldn't care to have dinner with me in
her clothes, as the newly married couple were also leaving by London tonight?' asked Ralph. 'It's a lovely evening. We could
plane, in another half hour. dance at the New River Club, if you like?'
Elfine was very happy and not at all tearful or nervous about 'I would have loved it, but I'm afraid I've just decided to leave
her new life. She kissed Flora and thanked her warmly for all her the farm tonight, so I'll be busy packing and so on. I'm so sorry.
kindness and good advice. Flora gave her a copy of The Higher Some other rime, perhaps.'
Common Sense, with a suitable message written inside the cover. 'Well, b u t . . . 1 could drive you back to London.'
After Elfine and Dick's plane had taken them away, to the The car stopped outside the phone box and Flora got out.
great excitement of the Starkadders, Flora began to feel very 'Again, I'm so sorry,' she said, smiling into his disappointed
tired. She was so wishing everybody would go home. And she young face, 'but I think my cousin is coming to fetch me. We
had forgotten to ask what it was that Aunt Ada saw in the made the arrangement months ago. I'm just going to see if he's
woodshed. Now she would never know the answer to that at home.'
quesrion either. Luckily, she did not have to wait long in the phone box before
Fortunately, the guests were leaving. Everybody, especially Charles answered. 'Hullo,' said his quiet, deep, musical voice,
Mrs Hawk-Monitor, congratulated Flora on the deliciousness of many miles away.
the food and the elegance of the arrangements. She was invited Flora gave a little gasp.
to dinner at Hightree Hall, to coffee at the Mybugs' flat in 'Oh . . . hullo, Charles. This is Flora. Look, are you doing
London, and to tea with Urk and Meriam at the little house Urk anything tonight?'
had bought out of his profits from the water-vole business. She 'Not if you want me.'
thanked them all smilingly, as she accepted. 'Well, could you possibly come and collect me from the farm
One by one, the guests departed, and the Starkadders, sleepy in your plane? We've had a wedding here today, and I've tidied
with wine and the strangeness of enjoying themselves in a everything up. I mean, there's nothing left for me to do here. And
normal manner, crept off to their bedrooms for a rest. Mrs Beetle I really am tired.'
started tidying up in the kitchen.' ; 'I'm coming,' said the deep voice. 'I'll be there at eight.* f
'MISS Poste, you look exhauste^^ttudltal|ihflefMiafii«^ There was a pause. 'Charles,' said Flora. ' I t . . . I meanCi. it
'Come for a drive with me?' isn't too much trouble, is it?'
114 US
Cold Comfort Farm Elfine's wedding 1
Smiling, she heard the distant sound of Charles's laughter. field. The pilot got out and саше across to meet her, running his
Young Pent-Hartigan drove her back to the farm, before hand through his black hair.
saying goodbye. She went into the house, where quiet was It was the purest happiness to see him. It was like meeting
flowing back into the sunny empty rooms like the returning sea, again a dearest friend whom one has loved for long years, and
and up to her bedroom. There she changed into a suit, and missed in silence. Flora went straight into his open arms, put hers
packed her bags, which would be sent to Mouse Place tomorrow. round his neck, and kissed him with all her heart.
She was taking with her only The Thoughts, The Higher Soon Charles said, 'This is for ever, isn't it?'
Common Sense, and a few things in a small case. And Flora whispered, 'Forever.'
When she came downstairs again, the kitchen was tidy and It was nearly dark. The stars and moon were out. Flora and
empty, and all was cool, quiet and peaceful. Flora's supper was Charles sighed at last, looked at one another and laughed.
neatly laid on the table, and of the Starkadders there was not 'Look here,' said Charles, 'I think we ought to go, darling.
a sign. She supposed they must all be asleep upstairs, or Mary's waiting for us at Mouse Place. What do you think? We
mollocking in Godmere. She hoped they would not come can talk when we get there.'
downstairs before she left. She loved them all dearly, but this 'I don't mind,' said Flora. 'Charles, you do smell nice. Is it
eveningshe just did not want to see them any more. stuff you put on your hair, or what? Oh, it is nice to think how
She sat down, with a contented sigh, to eat her supper. When many years we've got to find out things like that! At least fifty
she had finished, she wrote an affectionate little letter to Reuben, years, I should think, wouldn't you, Charles?'
explaining that now her work at the farm was finished, she was 'I hope so, darling. Actually, I don't put anything on ray hair.
returning to London, and promising to come back very soon and Oh, Flora, I'm glad 1 was born!'
see them all. Then she put on her coat, picked up her case and He started checking the plane for the return journey, while
went out into the cool evening. Flora told him what she had been doing at Cold Comfort.
It was the loveliest hour of the day. There was not a breath of Charles said sternly that he did not approve of people who
wind, and the long, fresh grass in the field threw millions of interfered with other people's lives.
shadows, which were growing steadily longer. Flowers were Flora heard this with delight,
beginning to close, but their perfume sttll hung in the cool air. 'Shall I be allowed to interfere with yours?' she asked. Like all
The sun was sinking behind the trees, and the birds were singing women of strong character, she loved it when someone gave her
their last song before nightfall. orders; it was so restful.
The countryside was falling asleep, and Flora looked up into 'No,' said Charles, smiling at her disrespectfully. 'Now, are
the darkening sky. She could hear the sound of a plane in the you ready, my dearest darling? Oh, Flora, I'm so unbearably
distance, ft came closer, and there it was at last, landing in the happy! I can't believe it's true,' He pulled her roughly into his
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Cold Comfort Farm (Level 6)

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Cold Comfort Farm (Level 6)

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ТУПИЦА)

Cold Comfort Farm in Sussex ts the home of the

Her cousins at Cold Comfort Farm meet alt her

Flora, however, is cheerful, efficient, and full of common

Flora and Mrs Smiling were much excited by this unusual

'Have I got a dirty mark on my nose?' Flora wondered. And

but if you mean did I go with Cousin Amos to the Beershorn

'Who let th' bull out?' shouted Reuben, appearing from a

They passed a pleasant day in London, Flora first took Elfine to

'Ye see, we're violent people, we Starkadders. Someof us push

t others down wells. Some of us die o' drink or go mad. There's a

the Milk Producers' Weekly, she struck at Rennet, who was

After the departure of Seth, life at the farm returned to normal

just beginning,' And the Starkadders were satisfied.

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