Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Happiness Work Book
Happiness Work Book
HAPPINESS
WORKBOOK
A CBT-Based Guide
to Fostering Positivity
and Embracing Joy
Resources 140
References 141
Index 149
“Once we recognize what it
is we are feeling, once we
recognize we can feel deeply,
love deeply, can feel joy, then we
will demand that all parts of our
lives produce that kind of joy.”
—AUDRE LORDE
INTRODUCTION
ix
In fact, my role as a mother taught me a lot that overlapped with my profes-
sional practice as a clinical psychologist. In my practice, I support many
individuals who feel that they are struggling to achieve or hold on to happiness.
Sometimes my clients are dealing with feelings of low self-worth, anxiety, loneli-
ness, hopelessness, depression, lack of motivation, and negative self-thoughts.
Many of my clients want to rid themselves of these feelings, so they resist the
sadness and worries and struggle against them instead of feeling them. I encour-
age my clients to embrace all facets of life while re-centering their focus on daily
joys anchored in healthy routines. As a result, they have been able to find happi-
ness even in times of discomfort. I look forward to working with you, throughout
the course of this workbook, to find healthy methods of coping with unwanted
feelings in order for you to seek out and welcome more happiness into your life.
This workbook is broken down into three parts. Part One: Understanding
Happiness will explore what happiness is, its foundations, and how to plot your
own personal journey toward happiness. Part Two: Say Yes to Happiness will walk
you through how to achieve happiness through skill and practice. This section
delves into how cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques can help you find
new and positive ways of thinking, learn how to lean in to discomfort when it
arises, and learn from those experiences. Part Three: Invest in Your Happiness
focuses on the big picture. It will build on the practical and inspiring CBT exercises
from part 2 and teach you how to maintain practices that will help usher in happi-
ness for the long term. Parts 2 and 3 both offer a variety of CBT-based
thought-provoking prompts, exercises, and practices that you can use outside
the workbook.
This workbook is a productive way to work through negative feelings and stress,
but if you experience extreme sadness, depression, debilitating worries, or anxiety,
or find that you are struggling to engage in the activities you once enjoyed, I
encourage you to seek professional help by a licensed provider. There is no
shame—in fact, there is strength—in seeking help or treatment. Whether you
choose to use this workbook as an independent guide or in tandem with your
current therapy program, follow its headlight on your road to greater happiness.
x INTRODUCTION
PART ONE
Understanding
Happiness
L
et’s embark on the first steps of your happiness journey. This
part of the workbook explores the definition of
happiness—what it is, what it isn’t—which will help you begin to
understand your personal relationship to happiness. You will explore
the benefits of welcoming happiness into your life by striking an even
balance with realism and practicality. You will also see how to achieve
happiness through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) approaches.
CBT is a therapeutic intervention through which you examine your
cognitions, or thoughts, and associated behaviors in order to consider
the various outcomes. CBT was developed by psychiatrist Aaron T.
Beck in the 1960s and is still considered the gold standard of psycho-
therapy treatment because of its evidence-based efficacy in treating
depression and anxiety.
3
ONE
The Power of
Happiness
B
efore you can achieve happiness, you need to define it. I say “you” instead of
“we” need to define it because everyone’s sense of happiness and journey to
achieving it is different. Understanding what happiness means to you is the crucial
first step. In this chapter, you will unpack degrees of happiness, internal happiness,
and external influences on internal happiness. Additionally, you will observe how
experiences and feelings can affect or even obstruct happiness so that you can
identify any obstacles that may arise along this journey. (You’ll explore ways to
overcome these obstacles in later chapters.) This chapter will also cover the many
ways that fostering happiness can improve your mental health.
What Happiness Is
The concept of happiness may seem simple, and you may feel that you know when
you feel happy. To help you be more conscious of the concept, “happiness” might
come in different forms, like in the form of confidence or courage. There is a
vulnerability that comes with happiness, a sense of openness and a possibility for
exploration and learning. Physically, happiness feels warm, or like a sense of calm,
fulfillment, and peace in your body. The reason behind this is that on a physiologi-
cal level, positive emotions are connected to the parasympathetic system of our
autonomic nervous system, which regulates our digestive system, heart rate, and
breathing rate through the activation of this system. This is why you may notice a
slower heart rate and lower blood pressure when feeling happy.
4 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
As you experience happiness, you may find that you can let little stressors go
and easily navigate the day. You may be able to make decisions more quickly and
easily. A sense of happiness can continue to grow and spread to others. You may
also find yourself appreciating others more and celebrating their successes, which
in turn makes you feel happier and more fulfilled by connecting to people you
care about.
Happiness can embody more than just the experience of positive feelings and
include the feeling that you have a sense of purpose and that you are honoring your
personal values. For some, being a contributing member to society brings fulfill-
ment and happiness. What starts off as a simple feeling grows into experiences,
connectivity, values, and engagement with the world, which, with feedback, results
in a sustainable cycle of happiness. From here, you can find true happiness.
CONTENTMENT OR BLISS?
Happiness, like all feelings, can be experienced on a spectrum, meaning you can
experience degrees of happiness. You can assess the degree of your happiness by
using other words for it, like contentment or bliss. At times you might feel “a little bit
of happiness,” and for that, you can call it contentment. For example, noticing
growth in my garden brings me contentment, as does enjoying a cup of coffee. On
the other end of the spectrum, anticipating seeing old friends makes me feel
excited, a higher degree of happiness. Think of happiness as a spectrum of feelings
that stem from that core feeling. Contentment, on the lower end of the spectrum,
relates to feeling satisfied; bliss, on the higher side of the spectrum, means feeling
perfect happiness.
Happiness Spectrum
It may be enough to discern that emotions like anger, sadness, fear, and disgust are
not equal to or related to happiness. Yet it is unwise to dismiss these feelings
entirely in your pursuit of happiness because they are natural, normal emotions
you experience. Happiness is not the rejection of other more challenging human
experiences or emotions. Although it may seem counterintuitive, embracing
discomfort can summon happiness in some instances; acceptance of your feelings
as you feel them can ultimately help you move with these moments and allow you
to refocus on other, happier moments.
Resisting the moments of discomfort makes it harder to access happiness.
When you resist discomfort, self-doubt, and low feelings, everyday stress that you
were able to handle before becomes overwhelming. Worry can take over, and you
may begin to feel symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Think about how children move through their emotions, quickly experiencing
negative feelings, letting them go, and moving with ease on to positive feelings. At
a young age, people are often allowed, if not expected, to express negative emotions
though yelling, crying, sulking, or tantrums. After children express and essentially
excise these feelings, they can refocus—sometimes with support and guidance
from caregivers—on welcoming, more positive emotions. As an adult, you are
socialized not to yell, cry, or throw a fit, but you still need to express these emotions.
Some of you have found ways to appropriately let out feelings of anger, hurt, and
sadness, while others have been conditioned by upbringings and society to repress
feelings rather than express and move through them. As a result, you may cling
unhealthily to these feelings and feel stuck or fixated. Or you may express negative
feelings in unproductive ways, like using drugs or self-harming, which can result in
fixating on negative feelings and then experiencing secondary feelings of guilt or
shame for the coping methods you chose and for hurting others and yourself.
6 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
No Feeling Is a Wrong Feeling
There is no such thing as a wrong feeling. Feelings may be labeled as negative or
positive, but none of the feelings you experience is inherently bad or wrong. It is often
out of your control when feelings arise in the first place, either as you work through a
thought or as a reaction to an experience. It is important to recognize any and all
feelings that you experience, as they can inform how you behave both consciously and
unconsciously. Recognizing your feelings is what allows you to make an active choice
about how you want to respond and move forward.
A JOURNEY OR A DESTINATION?
We are often fed the idea that once we achieve a form of happiness, we have
officially “made it” to our final destination. The truth is that achieving happiness is
an ongoing process, a journey. Because you are an ever-developing person whose
circumstances change and interests shift, happiness doesn’t take on a rigid shape;
how you achieve it and how you experience it will change as you change. What
once brought joy may one day bring contentment, or what once brought pleasure
may one day bring bliss—all of these shifts are normal and indicate that you are
evolving and growing.
The steps to achieving happiness may get easier and more enjoyable with time.
Other times, seeking happiness may feel like a daunting journey with some bumps
along the way. By equipping yourself with the tools to practice enjoying happiness,
you will be able to find your footing on the pathway once again.
Martin Seligman is a psychologist and writer who popularized the term positive
psychology in 1996. Positive psychology centers on individual strengths and
positive experiences as they influence personal well-being and individual function-
ing and as a means to achieve happiness. The idea is that you can shift your focus
Too much or too little of a good thing can affect anyone’s mental health. Extreme
experiences of happiness can make people feel out of control and manic. An extreme
lack of happiness can lead people to feel depressed. When we reach such extreme and
uncomfortable states of being, we often seek a better balance of these highs and lows.
Before getting into the right balance of happiness in the remainder of this
chapter, consider the well-being of your mind. Mental health comprises everything
that you take in; it’s a balance of stress and relaxation that stimulates and soothes
your mind. You can rest your mind through sleep and meditation. You can exercise
your mind by engaging in learning and growing. By doing these things you can
experience moments of happiness within a healthy range. Existing solely on either
of the two ends of the spectrum of mental health can lead to an imbalance. Finding
ways to attain happiness in a balanced way can help support your mental health.
Happiness can feel elusive because our minds ironically focus on negative emo-
tions in a struggle to move away from these uncomfortable feelings. By focusing on
these emotions, our minds think they can learn how to combat these negative
feelings, and—yes—sometimes this strategy works. More often than not, however,
8 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
we find ourselves instead fixated on these negative emotions and thus unable to
re-center ourselves on other positive or even neutral moments.
Happiness can also feel elusive because you might feel undeserving of it for a
whole host of reasons. Perhaps you feel guilt for something you have done in the
past, you compare yourself unfavorably to others, or you fail to meet your own
measures of perfection. In these instances, you can convince yourself that you are
undeserving of happiness. At the same time, deserving or not, you need to recog-
nize that you will not feel happy all of the time. Research suggests that although we
have a drive to want to be happy, we are not meant to be happy all of the time.
Rather, we need to balance ourselves with the positive and negative emotions, and
are meant to feel the other emotions in our lives for the sake of survival.
Further inhibiting your path to happiness is the fact that societal pressures
influence your definitions of fulfillment, satisfaction, connectivity, and contribut-
ing, which are all factors of happiness. It is important to keep in mind, however,
that these facets are subjective; you define them yourself, not through other lenses.
And then there is that societal pressure to present an image of perfection,
magnified by social media. Keep in mind that perfection is an unattainable goal, so
you need to be realistic. No one is perfectly happy; in fact, it will be your experi-
ences with sadness and adversity that allow you to know what happiness is and to
appreciate it. The darker moments highlight the happier ones.
Subjective Well-Being
Subjective well-being is an individual’s perception of happiness. Factors like mood,
personality, emotions, and life satisfaction contribute to your definition of subjective
well-being. It’s the general concept that you feel your life is going well. Ed Diener, a
psychologist and professor at the University of Utah, developed a three-part model in
understanding subjective well-being: experiencing more positive emotions, experienc-
ing fewer negative emotions, and having a positive belief in your life satisfaction. Your
well-being is a sense that your life is going in a positive direction based on your own
personal perceptions of your experience of well-being.
There are many things that can hinder happiness, such as stress from school or
work, relationship stress from friends or family, situational stress like having to
make a hard decision, or responsibilities such as caring for others or yourself.
Your mindset and temperament can also influence your outlook. Are you typi-
cally a glass-half-empty or a glass-half-full type of person? Just knowing this
about yourself is helpful. And because your physical body is connected to your
mind, your physical health can affect your ability to experience happiness. So not
only your temperament and mindset but also your aches and pains can converge
and lead to feelings of sadness, stress, and anger. By understanding the concerns
and conditions that influence your happiness, you can understand your personal
obstacles to happiness and figure out ways to overcome those obstacles in order
to achieve it.
SADNESS
Sadness can manifest as personal pain, grief, or loss. Sometimes you may feel
hopeless, helpless, disappointed, regretful, or sorrowful. Some people experience
more sadness than others. And some people may be subjected to circumstances
that elicit more sadness in their lives. Feeling sad is normal and completely accept-
able. If your sadness is overtaking much of your day, though, it can hinder your
ability to feel happiness.
With all feelings, experiencing a balance is important. Learning how to feel your
sadness as a natural reaction to the many stressors in life, and move with it and
through it to re-shift focus onto the other facets of your life, is important.
STRESS
Stress can feel like a mental or physical tension. It can live in your body as tension
headaches or tension in your neck and back. In modern society, feeling stressed is
all too common. You can feel stress from work, home, family, relationships, and
10 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
more. Like all things, striking a balance is important, as a little bit of stress can be
helpful. Stress can help motivate you and drive you to achieve your goals, which
can ignite feelings of joy. But you can feel overwhelmed by stress, too, and with too
much stress you will not be as able to organize your mind and move forward toward
more happiness.
NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
Negative thoughts are cyclical and self-critical. These thoughts repeatedly empha-
size negative feelings or narratives about yourself. These thoughts can feel out of
our control or automatic in nature. But these thoughts do serve a purpose. Their
automatic nature suggests that we evolved to think negatively as a means to
self-examine and grow. By carefully examining yourself and evaluating the areas
in which you can do better, you can develop into the best version of yourself. As
stated with all things, there’s a need for . . . balance. It’s important to catch nega-
tive thoughts and pause them in order to reflect on whether the thoughts are
helpful. If the thoughts aren’t helpful, then examine what made the thoughts
appear and how to shift your internal thinking in order to make the thoughts more
useful. Your automatic negative thoughts aren’t always well calibrated to support
your development, so you need to take the automatic nature out of the process
and put a more conscious effort into the thoughts to make them work for you
as intended.
SELF-DOUBT
Feeling a lack of confidence is self-doubt. Sometimes your negative thoughts may
have taken up real estate in your mind for so long that they have turned into a
long-term hit on your self-image. Self-doubt can trick you into thinking, “I’m not
good enough” and will impede your ability to seek out happiness, feel successful,
and celebrate accomplishments. For some, self-doubt can exist in such a way that
pushes you to grow, actively fighting back against the thought that you can’t, but
there is a limit to the ways in which this is helpful. It is important to be vigilant
about checking self-doubt when it chips away at your self-love.
PHYSICAL DISCOMFORT
Because the mind and the body are linked, sometimes you may not be able to enjoy
happiness because of physical discomfort. This becomes an unfortunate feedback
cycle in which physical discomfort affects your ability to feel happy, leading to even
more physical and psychological discomfort. But you can interrupt the cycle. If you
track when your body feels discomfort and find it to be consistent, or chronic, it is
best to confirm with a medical provider that there is no underlying health condi-
tion. In addition, nourishing your body, getting restorative sleep, and attuning to
your body’s needs will help you embrace more happiness in life.
Even though it feels like lots of things can weigh you down, happiness is within
reach. You will learn to acknowledge when sadness, stress, anger, and other
negative feelings arise, and find tools to cope with these times as a means to
move through them and invite more happiness into your life.
12 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
In turn, inviting more happiness into your life can result in being able to handle
daily stress and other negative emotions more easily. You will feel your best and
behave your best. You will be able to think more efficiently and clearly and will find
that you are more productive in all areas of life. You will find that you want to
connect more with others, letting them witness your successes and being able to
celebrate their successes. You will feel more connected and more able to be vulner-
able, furthering connections with the ones you love.
Embracing happiness supports and is supported by you living out your values
with a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Again, all of these elements build on one
another, which makes happiness grow. And just like this happiness adds to and
comes from these global elements, it also adds to and comes from your ability to
appreciate the smaller daily moments of joy.
Remember that happiness is a journey, not a destination. Within that journey, it
is still important to experience all of the other emotions as well. But by striving for
happiness, you can experience the other emotions in a healthier manner, a manner
that even allows your positivity to flourish. You will begin to define your own
happiness in the following chapters, and you will learn ways to consciously navi-
gate your personal challenges. By plotting out your journey to embrace more
positivity, you can begin to learn how to experience happiness in a balanced way.
1 = False 2 = Slightly False 3 = Not True or False 4 = Slightly True 5 = Very True
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
14 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
7. I feel energized and motivated after I exercise.
1 2 3 4 5
8. I enjoy my solitude.
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
Items rated 4 or 5 are sources of happiness. For items rated 3, you are not sure if they
bring you happiness; these items merit further exploration. Items rated 1 or 2 may not
be sources for your happiness. Your relationship to all these different parts of your life
may change; be open to finding joy in new places.
Now that you know what happiness is, what happiness isn’t, and obstacles that
you may encounter on your journey to achieving it, you can continue to develop
your own personal definition of happiness. Remember that happiness is a bal-
ance: a balance in the emotion itself and a balance with other experiences in life.
Experiencing a full range of feelings and moving through moments of discomfort
are natural and necessary for everyone. But by knowing that you wish to invite and
embrace more happiness in your life and understanding that happiness is a
journey, you can look forward to a brighter, more hopeful future. In the next c
hapter,
you will explore the many varied benefits of letting more happiness into your life.
16 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
TWO
Inviting a
Happier Life
I
n this chapter you will learn the many benefits of inviting more happiness into
your life. A happier self can bring better life satisfaction, improve well-being,
and foster more personal meaning. Feeling more positive can result in many other
mental and physical health benefits, which in turn feed into experiencing more
positivity. To be clear, happiness is an emotional state, and although you can
experience the feelings of positivity, there is no actual end point at which you attain
complete happiness and remain there. Feeling happy is an ongoing journey that
requires balance, patience, and hope.
Happiness is a state, not a trait. States are temporal experiences such as thoughts,
feelings, and behaviors. States may shift frequently and are susceptible to environ-
mental influences. Traits are enduring patterns of behaviors and can be
characterological, meaning the trait is part of your personality. But your state-like
experiences influence your trait-like characteristics. As a result of your state of
being, you can shift your trait characteristics, as states and traits feed into
one another.
For instance, the previous chapter mentioned being a glass-half-full or
glass-half-empty kind of person. Having multiple experiences (states) of happiness
and interactions with others that are fulfilling can begin to influence your character
or personality to become a glass-half-full kind of person. If you’ve had many
18 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
negative experiences (states) in life or those times in your life stand out to you in
ways that are hard to shake, you may seem like more of a glass-half-empty kind
of person.
Let’s pause to better understand what it means for someone to have had more
negative experiences or more positive experiences that can influence their person-
ality traits. Everyone has had both positive and negative experiences or states that
feed into their emotional responses and traits; the more important factor is not how
many of each type but rather which type of experiences you choose to focus on. The
more you pay attention to the positive moments, no matter the size or the quantity,
the more you can build on positivity. By focusing more on the positive moments
and finding tools to move through negative moments, you can begin to reside in a
more positive emotional state, which will influence your perceptions and, ulti-
mately, your personality traits.
Life Satisfaction,
Well-Being, and Meaning
Life satisfaction is how you perceive the various qualities of your life, perception
being the key. So what factors go into life satisfaction? Future goals, positive
self-esteem, and having a generally positive outlook. Having a direction in life,
being future-oriented by setting personal life goals, and setting forth on a pathway
to obtaining these goals all contribute to life satisfaction.
Moreover, having positive self-esteem, or viewing yourself in a positive way and
noting the unique attributes, values, and qualities you like, will improve life satis-
faction. On the other hand, feeling more negative about your attributes and having
poor self-esteem result in less life satisfaction. Generally, having a positive outlook
on life and being hopeful and optimistic can lead to better life satisfaction.
On a related note, well-being is a personal construct that includes elements like
positive emotions, engagement, relationship, meaning and purpose, and accom-
plishment. Meaning is another personal construct that encompasses fulfillment,
purpose, self-esteem, and well-being. Often, personal meaning extends beyond
HEALTH
Researchers have found that feeling happy can lead to a number of physical health
benefits. Feeling happier can support a stronger immune system because of a
decrease in damaging stress levels; it also can decrease your risk for cardiovascular
disease because of lower blood pressure and act as a buffer against the experience
of pain. Feeling happy leads to greater self-care, like eating a more balanced diet
20 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
and participating in more physical activity. It also improves your sleep. In essence,
embracing positivity can help you feel less physical distress.
STRESS IS LESS
Feeling happier helps you combat stress. Researchers have found that cortisol, a
hormone associated with stress, is produced at a lower level in happier people. In
practice, happiness grants you more bandwidth to handle daily life stressors. It
enables you to access your coping skills more readily, and it renders those coping
skills healthier and more effective, efficient, and adaptive.
PRODUCTIVITY
Feeling happy can lead to increased productivity in the workplace, which can
extend to being productive outside work as well. The happier you feel, the more
optimistic and motivated you are, resulting in you working harder. You also are able
to think more clearly, effectively, and efficiently and make fewer mistakes. As you
become happier, you work better with others because you can communicate and
collaborate more effectively. Your positivity is contagious, as others are drawn to
you, leading to a more productive environment all around. If you feel happier about
your life, you will be more invested in everything you do. The more invested you
are, the more productive you are. Plus, if what you are doing is fulfilling, it will add
to the sense of positivity and, cyclically, your productivity.
CREATIVITY
As you embrace happiness, you gain mental bandwidth to be creative, and being
more creative can be exciting, leading to even more happiness. Creativity lets you
develop new ideas, allowing you to be more innovative and approach problems in
new ways. Similar to how happiness leads to more productivity, happiness allows
for more creativity, as you have more ability to think outside the box and approach
problems in novel ways. As you’re inspired to be more creative, you can explore
parts of your identity through unconventional ways such as writing, music, or art.
While you are creative, you can find a sense of meaning. The bottom line: being
creative just feels good.
SELF-CONFIDENCE
Happiness can bring about feelings of self-confidence. Self-confidence is the
opposite of self-doubt. It’s feeling assured in yourself, knowing how to make a
decision, and trusting your own abilities. Being happy affords you an opportunity to
examine your internal drives and motivations more closely because you are han-
dling stress more effectively. Through this examination, you will begin to trust your
abilities and judgments, experience more success, and build your self-confidence.
OPTIMISM
Feeling happier can increase your optimism, which in turn lets you become even
happier. Optimism means embracing the positivity around you and seeing the
world in a more positive light. Highlighting the positive makes other people want
to be around you more, which, as you learned earlier, increases happiness. Optimis-
tic people expect to experience more positivity, which helps them really be in the
moment when those positive experiences happen.
SELF-COMPASSION
Having more self-compassion will lead to more happiness, and more happiness
will lead to self-compassion. People with depression, for instance, tend to be more
self-critical or judgmental. Practicing more self-compassion by giving yourself a bit
of grace can help address the negative thought patterns and can help you view
yourself in a more positive light.
22 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Define Happiness for Yourself
Perhaps the most important part of experiencing happiness stems from how you
perceive your own happiness. It is subjective and dependent on you to define. First,
locating various sources of happiness is helpful (see the Discover Your Sources of
Happiness quiz on page 14). Do you find joy in connecting with others? Do you find
yourself driven and inspired by your work or studies? Do your hobbies and interests
bring you fulfillment? Do you enjoy the peace of solitude or connecting with nature?
One way to learn about your personal definition of happiness is to consider an
ideal day. Is this a day in which you are accomplishing several tasks? Is this a day
you are taking it easy and enjoying the day moment by moment? Or is this a day
you are spending with friends and family, sharing an activity together? By envision-
ing your day, you can begin to suss out the elements that define happiness for you.
Your own happiness will need to be defined and then redefined as you continue to
develop in your life.
Setting up goals in order to experience more happiness in your life can be helpful.
These goals need to motivate you rather than act as a barrier to your achievements.
Before you settle on what your happiness goals are, consider a few helpful tips.
First, your goals need to be attainable and realistic. Setting small goals that you
know you can reach and slowly making the goals just a little bit more challenging
can help you stretch your skills. What is an attainable happiness goal? Here’s one:
Take two minutes each day to appreciate a moment outside. The time frame is
reasonable, and being outside can mean many things: standing on your stoop,
going for a walk, standing by an open window. Setting an attainable goal will
motivate you to continue your practices of happiness.
Seeing how you grow in objective, measurable ways can be motivating because
you can actually witness your growth. So how do you set a measurable happiness
goal? Let’s say you find fulfillment in connecting with others. Setting a goal to meet
one friend for coffee each week is attainable and measurable. You can slowly
increase this measurable goal by expanding your social network and reaching out
to more distant friends in an effort to bring more connectivity, which can bring on
more happiness.
And don’t forget to celebrate achieved goals to help motivate yourself even more.
The celebration can be big or small, but it needs to acknowledge your accomplish-
ment in reaching your goal which will help motivate you to continue to strive for
your goals.
One good first step is to focus on the motivating factors for wanting to feel happier.
You can use awareness of what motivates you as an anchor to inspire you to feel
more positive. Through this awareness you can begin to commit to being happier,
24 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
which means you are in the mindset and can begin to carve out the pathway to a
happier lifestyle. Through this process you should remain flexible, as growth isn’t
always linear and there may be parts of this process that can be challenging.
Having a flexible viewpoint on how to achieve happiness keeps you open to a
variety of ways to invite more positivity into your life. As you mentally prepare
yourself for the pursuit, it’s helpful to set up your environment to begin the process.
Create an environment that helps foster your happiness, since what you see
regularly in your home can remind you of your pursuit to include more joy in your
life. Your environment includes where you live, operate, learn, and grow. You may
not control all the elements of your environment, but you can create a daily routine
to begin and end the day. Finding a way to start your day a certain way can set you
up for success. This could mean waking up to coffee or tea, or beginning your day
listening to a podcast, playlist, or uplifting song. You can ground yourself by
reading or saying a mantra, reading a daily blog, or watching uplifting news. It is
good to wind down your day with a similar routine.
might have decided to shift the way you think, feel, or behave. Teaching your brain
to use new ways to think and to take on a more positive outlook means you have to
teach your mind to use neural networks that are less traveled. Your brain will
automatically want to go on its familiar route, so you have to work consciously to
travel down new neural pathways (that already exist). This takes a lot of time and
conscious practice before it can become more automatic. Be patient with yourself
as you unlearn old ways and then learn new ways.
Conclusion
There are so many wonderful benefits to inviting more happiness into your life,
such as improving your physical health, managing stress, growing in creativity and
productivity, and improving your relationships. Setting realistic expectations,
establishing measurable goals, and preparing for obstacles will enable you to be
more receptive to moments of positivity. In the next chapter, you will learn about
cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, concrete tools you can use to actively
invite more happiness into your life.
26 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
THREE
Achieving
Happiness
through CBT
I
n this chapter, you will learn how to invite happiness into your life by exploring
the foundational concepts of cognitive behavioral therapy. Cognitive behavioral
therapy (CBT) techniques will help you take on the mental blocks that influence
how you perceive and experience the world. Your perceptions can be skewed or
biased, which can result in you experiencing feelings of sadness, doubt, and
isolation. By learning more about your perceptions and biases, you can begin to
perceive things in a more balanced way. Doing so will enable you to have balanced
experiences, which will make you feel happier.
What Is CBT?
28 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
In a nutshell, the CBT approach works by identifying, evaluating, and finding
new ways to respond to automatic thought patterns. Automatic thought patterns or
negative thought patterns are negative ways people automatically think about
themselves. Cognitive distortions are specific types of irrational thought patterns
(that can also appear automatically), which we will cover more completely later (see
Cognitive Distortions, page 31). In CBT, you will identify emotions and examine how
the emotions lead to particular automatic thought patterns. From there, you can
begin to identify your beliefs and see how your beliefs are informed by your percep-
tions. These beliefs, called schemas, are the foundation of your understanding of
yourself. Schemas develop early in childhood through the perception and feedback
of significant others like our caregivers and siblings.
Given that many thought processes are influenced by early life experiences,
these thoughts can take a lot of time to unearth, understand, and possibly unlearn
so you can learn new balanced ways to perceive the world. In other words, you may
have deeply embedded ways of thinking about and perceiving your environment
that affect your ability to experience events in a positive way. First, you need to
know and understand your biases, and then you can learn new ways to perceive the
world that allow you to embrace more positive moments.
30 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Furthermore, CBT examines problems through five domains: situations,
thoughts, emotions, physical feelings, and behaviors. These areas are intertwined,
but you can begin to see which domains are being affected in a given experience
and how they may influence your core beliefs or negative thoughts. By breaking
problems down into these domains, CBT makes them more approachable, tangible,
understandable, and easily targeted.
COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS
As mentioned earlier, cognitive distortions are ways in which your mind tricks
you—flawed, biased ways of thinking. CBT techniques can take on cognitive
distortions like the ones listed here to help you progress on your journey
toward happiness.
32 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
accepting that you will still experience challenges, you are opening yourself up to
all of the other opportunities to invite positivity into your life. Rather than rejecting
or expecting the positivity, you’ll acknowledge and appreciate it.
“Should” Statements
“Should” statements are stated expectations of yourself that likely won’t be met.
They include statements like I should have done this and Why didn’t I think of that?
They are not motivating; in fact, they lead to shame, discourage productivity, and
increase anxiety. While they may sound like they encourage you to act, there is an
implied adjunct to the “should” statement, as in I should have exercised yesterday,
but I didn’t. The “should” statement actually reflects an unstated but very present
sense of failure. However, we can acknowledge “should” statements and turn them
into wonder, such as I wonder what I need to do to get this done or I’m curious how
I can approach this problem differently next time. Through this shift we can open
ourselves up to possibilities rather than stunting our abilities.
Catastrophizing
When we believe the worst-case scenario will happen, we are engaging in what’s
called catastrophizing. We may do this for a number of reasons: as a means of
preparation, as a way to predict the future, or because of a belief that if we antici-
pate the worst possible scenario, it won’t actually occur. If we prescribe a certain
outcome without allowing the situation to unfold organically, we’ll feel worried and
anxious as a result.
If you recognize you’re playing a scenario out in your mind or even with others,
it limits your ability to be open to how things may actually unfold. Similar to any
thought distortion, in order to shift it, we have to recognize that we are doing it. By
taking a moment to pause in this process, we can allow ourselves to be open to
other possibilities and prevent ourselves from engaging in negative energy by
anticipating the worst.
34 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
How to Make Room for Happiness
As you make room for happiness, you will embrace change. Change can be
challenging and frustrating but can offer tremendous growth. There are stages
in life during which you may not be ready to embrace change. You can deter-
mine exactly where you are in the process of embracing change by using the
transtheoretical model of change. The following questionnaire will help deter-
mine where you are in accepting change in order to achieve more happiness in
your life.
Circle the phrase that best fits your state of mind as you prepare to change
to make room for happiness:
4. I’m working hard to embrace a new mindset, and it’s challenging at times.
5. I have embraced a new way of thinking and feeling but need to make sure I
maintain it.
6. I’ve experienced a setback but would like to try to solidify some skills.
Using the number of the phrase that you circled in the preceding list, look to the
following key to see where you are in terms of readiness for change. The fact that you
grabbed this workbook indicates that part of you is motivated to feel differently. Most
likely you will be in stage 3, 4, 5, or 6. Keep in mind that you may shift your stage-of-
change, so you can revisit the question anytime.
1. Precontemplative: You’re not really sure how or what you want to change, but part
of you wants a difference. If this is where you are, consider what parts of your life
you would like to be different.
2. Contemplative: You’re not sure if you want to change, but you are considering that
things need to be different in your life. You may have a better grasp as to what you
want different in your life, and you are starting to identify those parts of your life.
36 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
3. Determination: You know you want something different in your life, and you are
finding the steps to get there even if you don’t feel sure all the time. By grabbing this
workbook, you are plotting your path to shift the direction of your life and are
developing a plan of what you want different in your life.
4. Action: You are goal oriented and ready to achieve. You find moments of challenge
that feel like setbacks at times. You know how you want to change, and you have set
your goals in order to change. This could be your first time visiting this particular
workbook, or you may be returning to this workbook.
5. Maintenance: You have embraced change in a new mindset and are stable in
understanding it and maintaining it. You have achieved a balance in your life, but
you are seeking more coping skills or strategies to maintain the positivity in your life.
6. Relapse: You have found tools and at times felt stable but experienced a setback in
the process. Although the term relapse may have a negative connotation, it’s not
necessarily the case. In this particular instance, relapse may mean that you have felt
more emotionally balanced at one point in time through your personal efforts. You
would like to return to feeling more balanced once again.
Although these stages feel like steps, they are not necessarily linear. You may find
yourself jumping around in where you feel ready to engage in change. For instance, you
might find yourself in the contemplating stage-of-change, and as you learn more, you
feel less clear about change and shift to the precontemplation stage-of-change. Also,
people commonly move from maintenance to relapse. That is fine, and when you feel
ready to make change, you can always revisit the CBT skills that you learn in
this workbook.
CBT skills are realistic and approachable and can be revisited throughout your
lifetime. The interventions can be adjusted and tailored specifically to you. For
instance, identifying, expressing, and coping with your emotions are key compo-
nents of CBT, and yet these are skills we continually work on, no matter the age.
Younger people may work on labeling their feelings and finding an adaptive way to
express them through verbalization, like stating, “I’m mad,” for instance. In adult-
hood, we work on the same things but in more sophisticated manners to explore
emotional states, clearly verbalize these states, and find healthy ways to cope. CBT
interventions apply across a lifetime in order to improve moods, address behaviors,
enhance connections, and bring more positivity. As you continually develop, you
may need to revisit and possibly adapt the CBT skills to your current goals
and experiences.
Now that you have a foundational grasp on your definition of happiness and you
are thinking about your readiness to change and your potential obstacles on the
journey, you can begin to work on the skills that will invite more happiness into
your life. Be kind to yourself and know that there is no perfect way to begin this
journey. There will be times when things are challenging, and those are not neces-
sarily setbacks but normative stressors everyone experiences. The ways in which
you navigate those times can be a measure of how you have embraced some of the
tools you have learned.
In part 2: Say Yes to Happiness and part 3: Invest in your Happiness, you will be
invited to engage in concrete CBT interventions to help you embrace more positiv-
ity by examining your thought processes, your environment and the ways you
engage with it, your social connectivity, and your mind-body connection. You will
be invited to explore your internal self and find ways to integrate the skills into your
life in order to embrace overall happiness and little moments of joy.
38 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Conclusion
This chapter demonstrated how CBT techniques can help you achieve a more
positive perspective of your experiences through the examination of your percep-
tions and thoughts. It helped you gain a better grasp of your personal readiness to
engage in change. In the next chapter, you will continue to build on these skills to
pause and acknowledge former, less balanced ways of thinking. Additionally, in
the following chapters you will begin to develop new skills to see the world more
positively and think more joyfully, which will translate to happier ways of engaging
with your environment through your behaviors.
Say Yes to
Happiness
I
n the second part of this workbook, you will continue to build on
your personal definition of happiness, add to your foundational
CBT understanding, and integrate practical exercises to invite more
happiness. In this part, the chapters are broken down into engaging
prompts to inspire reflection, exercises to write and engage your
thoughts, affirmations, quotations, and practices to do outside the
book and integrate into your life to help you embrace a more balanced
experience. The practical exercises in the workbook may inspire you in
the immediate moment, and you can continue to revisit and explore
these exercises daily or weekly to help you engage in rituals that
enhance happiness in your life.
41
FOUR
Practice
Positivity
I
n this chapter you will begin to practice positivity and discover tools to help you
better navigate the negative moments in life. You will learn how to identify
stressors and negative thought patterns as well as sources of happiness. You will
explore routines to embrace happiness and focus on everyday moments in order to
invite more joy into your life. As you progress through this chapter, remember that
there is no correct way to answer the prompts. Some of these prompts, exercises,
and practices may be challenging at times, but that’s okay because you will have
your own unique journey toward happiness.
42 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
The Oxford Happiness
Questionnaire
Remember that there are no “right” or “wrong” answers (and no trick questions).
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
Practice Positivity 43
8. I am always committed and involved.
1 2 3 4 5 6
9. Life is good.
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
14. There is a gap between what I would like to do and what I have done. (R)
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
44 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
19. I feel that I am not especially in control of my life. (R)
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
24. I don’t have a particular sense of meaning and purpose in my life. (R)
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
Practice Positivity 45
Scoring
Step 1. Calculate your score. Items marked (R) should be scored in reverse:
for example, if you gave yourself a “1,” cross it out and change it to a “6.”
Step 2. Add the numbers for all 29 questions. (Use the converted numbers for the
12 items that are reverse scored.)
Step 3. Divide by 29. Your happiness score = the total (from step 2) divided by 29.
Interpreting the score:
Balanced Scores
Obtaining a score of 4 or 5 suggests that you are in a balanced range and thus the
skills you learn in the workbook will help manage stressful and uncomfortable times.
Obtaining a 3, although in the balanced range, suggests that you may be a little
more pessimistic. Thus, it will be helpful to begin to integrate the prompts and
practices into your life in order to feel happier.
Imbalanced Scores
A score in the 1 to 2 range suggests that you are probably seeing yourself in a worse
situation than reality. In addition to integrating strategies from this workbook into
your life, you may find it helpful to seek professional help to support you in examin-
ing ways to move through the negative events in your life and to give you some tools
to manage stress.
46 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
A score of 6 suggests that you are too happy, which can lead to a less successful
life. Someone in a constant euphoric state is not equipped to address adversities and
may not be motivated to reach goals. Finding strategies to ground you in the moment
will be helpful. Should you feel that you have trouble tending to essential areas of your
life, seeking professional help can be very useful and healing.
1.
2.
3.
Building on Breathing
Coping skills are necessary to deal with stressful or unpredictable times. Breathing is
an important coping skill, and you have access to it no matter where you are or what
you are doing. It’s important to breathe in a healthy, calming way. Engaging in regu-
lated breathing can quickly help you manage overwhelming feelings and can be a
great addition to your daily routine.
Practice Positivity 47
1. Inhale slowly through your nose, focusing on any tension in your body, such as in
your shoulders, neck, or belly.
2. Exhale very slowly out through your mouth, elongating your breath as if you are
exhaling through a straw and releasing the tension in your body.
3. Inhale again, noticing any thoughts in your mind and focusing on those thoughts.
4. Exhale once again in the same manner and imagine that you are releasing those
thoughts out of your mind and body, as if the thoughts are little puffs of air.
Cognitive Distortions
Chapter 3 discussed various types of cognitive distortions, such as all-or-nothing
thinking, minimizing the positives, maximizing the negatives, catastrophizing, “should”
statements, and taking things personally. It’s helpful to identify the flawed ways you
may think in order to begin shifting these thought processes. Circle the thought
patterns you engage in and try to think of an example of when you engaged in it.
48 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
What You’re Grateful For
Reflect on three sources of gratitude.
1.
2.
3.
“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word
happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far
better to take things as they come along, with patience and equanimity.”
—CARL JUNG
Practice Positivity 49
Coping Tools
Knowing how to cope with the negative times is always helpful. Circle the coping
skills you have used in the past or can see yourself using in the future.
50 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Daily Positivity
Daily positivity is important to embrace and can help you refocus the negative
moments that occur in life. Positive moments can be found in the little things. Write
down three positive little moments that you experienced recently.
1.
2.
3.
Stress can fill our bodies, much the same way that water can fill a cup. It can drip in
slowly yet accumulate. It might feel like a steady fill or a sudden flood. All of a sudden
you might find your cup spilling over. You can do things throughout the day to slowly
empty your cup so you are not overwhelmed by life’s stressors. Using this analogy,
consider the stressors that can fill your cup and ways you can actively cope and
make room for happiness amid normal stress.
Practice Positivity 51
Jump-start Your Day
What are three things in your regular routine that help you start off your day?
1.
2.
3.
Magnifying Positivity
Spending time on a positive moment is an important building block to feeling more
happiness in general. It can help you notice your strengths and celebrate your
successes. Think of a positive moment that happened recently in your life and
consider all the details of the event. What happened? What thoughts came up?
What exact feelings did you notice? Write down as many details as possible to help
magnify the positivity of the experience.
52 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
End-of-Day Wind-Down
What are three things in your regular routine that help you wind down your day?
1.
2.
3.
Self-Compassion
Being compassionate to yourself is important as you embrace the discomfort and
hardships of life. It’s important to take a pause when you notice these moments and
say something kind to yourself, such as “It’s normal to feel down, and this time will
pass.” What self-compassionate statement can you say to yourself when a difficult
moment arises?
Positive Attributes
When building on positivity, it’s important to think about the personal characteristics
that you enjoy and feel proud of. Take some time and reflect on what you consider
to be your favorite parts of yourself. These can be personality attributes, interests,
and things you do. Name as many qualities as possible.
Practice Positivity 53
The Power of Journaling
Using your words and finding safe and comfortable ways to tell your personal stories
can help you understand and process your experiences, whether they are positive or
negative in nature. When you experience chronic stress or trauma, you can feel over-
whelmed by your emotions. One way you can organize or process your feelings is
through narrating them. Narrating feelings is often what people do in talk therapy, but
the simple act of journaling about your experiences can also structure your feelings and
help you understand your experiences. Whether through journaling using prompts or
freewriting, reflecting in writing about your experiences can help you regulate over-
whelming emotions, support your mental health, and assist you in achieving happiness.
Daily Motivation
Getting the day started can be difficult, but noting the things that excite you can
often help. Write down a few things that motivate and inspire you.
1.
2.
3.
Cognitive Transformation
Cognitive distortions are normal. As you recall, cognitive distortions are negatively
biased perceptions that include catastrophizing and taking things personally.
Everyone engages in them because they are shortcuts in thinking. Once you’ve
identified some of your cognitive distortions, consider transforming your negative
thoughts into alternative ways of thinking. Fill in the following chart.
54 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Examples:
I’m not smart enough. ➔ This task is hard, and I will try my best.
I’m so unmotivated. ➔ I have a lot to do, and I will begin to organize my day.
Conclusion
In this chapter, you examined your degree of happiness in order to know how to
integrate some CBT coping tools. En route to greater happiness, you worked to
identify some common stressors in your life and some biased thought patterns that
can make stressful times more challenging. And you began a healthy shift from
this way of thinking to reconnect with personal attributes that are positive and
strong. You also explored grounding techniques to better cope with normal stress-
ors. As you move into the next chapter, you will continue to build on these CBT
tools to find ways to focus on the good and find greater happiness.
Practice Positivity 55
FIVE
Focus on
the Good
A
s you embrace more positive moments in your life, it’s helpful to emphasize
the good, happy moments, qualities that you pride yourself on, and support-
ive or comforting environments you inhabit. You can do this by continuing to
magnify the positivity you experience, surrounding yourself with uplifting people,
and engaging in positive acts. In this chapter, you will continue to build on these
skills to shift and challenge your automatic negative thought patterns or cognitive
distortions and continue your journey toward happiness. You’ll learn more tools
that can be added to your toolbox in order to anchor yourself in your successes and
accomplishments and enjoy the good in your life.
56 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Setting Goals
List three things you plan to accomplish today. These can be small goals like com-
pleting a basic chore or bigger goals like completing a renovation project. Make sure
that once you complete a task today, you cross it off your list. This simple list of goals
can help you stay grounded in your daily life, and even something as simple as a
check mark is a great way to celebrate everyday accomplishments.
1.
2.
3.
1.
2.
I should have worked harder. ➔ I tried my best given the circumstances.
1.
2.
3.
58 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
How to Get a Daily Dose of Happiness
We know that focusing on the good can improve our moods and help us feel more
positivity, which will then continue to grow. Yet getting a daily dose of happiness, similar
to a daily dose of a vitamin, can be challenging. One unexpected way to infuse yourself
with this daily dose is to reframe your thinking. Take a time that isn’t necessarily consid-
ered to be a time of positivity and turn it into one. For example, your commute time to
work can be your time to listen to that podcast you enjoy. By consciously recognizing
your daily dose of happiness each day, you can continue to build on feelings
of positivity.
Positive Mantra
Positive sayings are helpful to inspire us, ground us, and prevent us from dwelling on
negative experiences. Some positive mantras are “I’ve got what it takes to do this!”
“I’m patient and learning and growing!” and “I recognize the change I want, and I’m
doing my best to make a shift.” Take these inspiring words and make them your own.
Feel free to pull from what feels overwhelming and challenging right now and make
the mantra specific to that. What is a mantra you can say to inspire yourself?
1.
2.
3.
60 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Check Your Surroundings
Go to at least one place this week that brings you positivity and happiness, such as a
park, art gallery, or animal shelter. By interacting with places that bring you positivity
or peace, you can embrace more joy into your life. Use this space to list the various
places that make you feel positive.
“You are the one who possesses the keys to your being. You carry the
passport to your own happiness.” —DIANE VON FURSTENBERG
1.
2.
3.
62 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Reflect on Joy
Reflect on specific times when you felt joy and positivity when with friends or family,
at school or work, or while traveling, and think about the details of these events that
brought on feelings of happiness. Use the following chart to consider the details of
the events and the exact positive feelings you felt, as well as the intensity of
those feelings.
Travel 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Feeling:
Intensity: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Feeling:
Intensity: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
64 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
What Went Well
Think about something that went well recently, such as making progress on an
important project. Consider why it went well, whether it was the time, energy, or
effort that you put into it, the support you received from peers, or the inspiration
that struck. By identifying reasons that are linked specifically to what you have done
to foster that positive event, you gain agency in experiencing more positivity. List
some things that have resulted in some positivity and consider the reasons you were
able to make them happen.
Personal Experiments
As you make progress in examining the good that is around you, it’s also important
to reflect on and examine the good within you. When you look inward, avoid being
self-critical as best you can. While self-criticism can push you to challenge yourself,
you need to be careful not to let it hold you back or make you think poorly of
yourself. It can close you off to problem solving. Think back to times in which you
motivated yourself through self-criticism versus kinder ways such as
self-compassion. Note which times you felt more productive and happier.
Self-Criticism or Level of
Motivating
Thought Self-Compassion Productivity
(Yes/No)
(Critical/Compassion) (1 2 3 4 5)
66 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Thought Records
Thought records are a great way to track how you can transform your thinking
patterns into positive thinking. Through this exercise you will learn the tools to
identify the cognitive distortion you engage in and to challenge those distortions
and engage in more positive thinking. The bolded entries in the “Cognitive
Distortion” column are the ones that apply to the example; highlight or circle
the applicable distortions that apply to your own entries.
Automatic
Event/Trigger Cognitive Distortion Alternative Thought
Negative Thought
Example: I’m a failure. I • All-or-nothing thinking I made progress on
I missed a will get fired. I’m my work even if I
• Blaming self or others
deadline. worthless. didn’t meet the dead-
• Catastrophizing line. I worked really
hard, and I can find
• Jumping to conclusions
productive ways to
• Magnifying the negative problem-solve.
• Overgeneralizing
• “Should” statement
• All-or-nothing thinking
• Catastrophizing
• Jumping to conclusions
• “Should” statement
(Continued)
Automatic
Event/Trigger Cognitive Distortion Alternative Thought
Negative Thought
• All-or-nothing thinking
• Catastrophizing
• Jumping to conclusions
• Overgeneralizing
• “Should” statement
• All-or-nothing thinking
• Catastrophizing
• Jumping to conclusions
• Magnifying the negative
• Overgeneralizing
• “Should” statement
68 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Conclusion
In this chapter, you explored ways to focus on the good and reframe your thinking
to acknowledge accomplishments, create a more uplifting environment, and
engage in activities you enjoy. By uncovering and interrupting your negative
thought patterns, you can reframe your thinking toward more positivity, which
enables you to feel happier each day. When you feel more positive, you will engage
with the world in more positive ways. In turn, the world engages with you in more
positive ways, and through this feedback loop, you become happier. The next
chapter will consider ways that connecting with others will help you embrace more
happiness in your life.
Connect with
Others
C
onnecting with others can foster feelings of happiness; meaningful connec-
tions can help you feel both happier and less stressed. Through these
prompts and exercises, you will explore the positive relationships you have in your
life, ways to increase social interactions, and methods to develop new relation-
ships. You will also delve into techniques for coping with challenging relationships.
Positive interactions with others will increase your prosocial, or positive, behaviors,
making you feel more fulfilled. In this chapter, by focusing on your connections
with others, you will continue to build on your skills to shift and challenge your
automatic negative thought patterns and continue your journey toward happiness.
70 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe
itself . . . It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which
give value to survival.” —C. S. LEWIS
Being consciously aware of the specific reasons why you want to be around other
people or connect with certain people comes about more readily when you foster
deeper relationships. Through this exercise you will gain a deeper understanding of
your motivation to maintain these relationships. For instance, being with a particular
friend might mean you have more courage to go on adventurous outings, or being
with a particular family member might provide you with emotional support. In the
converse, what qualities do you offer to others in your relationships? By thinking
about the reasons you connect with others, you are recognizing and naming the
positivity you feel.
• Why do you connect with others? Are you a person who tends to offer
support? Do you tend to solve problems alone? Consider rewarding times
in which you have connected with others. Check the reasons you seek out
connections and indicate whether there is a specific person you seek out for
these things.
❏❏ Help others
❏❏ Receive support
❏❏ Problem-solving
❏❏ Other:
• Breathing
• Taking space
• Engaging in a hobby
• Using a distraction
• Engaging in humor
• Taking a bath
72 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Open Up to Others
Emotionally connecting with others helps decrease levels of stress and anxiety.
Opening up to other people may make you feel vulnerable, especially at first, so
consider how to make yourself a person to whom others can open up—that way
you can become more familiar and comfortable with this skill. You can do this by
listening empathetically and in a nonjudgmental way, and then reflecting on what
you hear. As you offer this support to others, you may find that your desire and
ability to open up increases. Consider the different people to whom you currently
go or could go to talk about the various stressors in your life. Or consider the people
you enjoy supporting. Write down three people in your life to whom you can open
up or who can open up to you.
Stress
With whom can you connect?
Examples: work, decision-making
Traditions
Traditions are prescribed cultural frameworks for connecting with people. We use
traditions to help us celebrate occasions like holidays and birthdays. We also use
them to help us through more difficult times like the loss of a loved one. They
provide us with a way to process, connect, bolster ourselves, and find support during
these times. Take a moment to reflect on the specifics of some of the traditions you
practice and why these acts may bring a sense of positivity, joy, and connection with
others and your culture.
1.
2.
3.
74 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Let the Past Go
You may have had a past experience with people that left you with lingering feelings
of guilt, anger, or resentment. You may wish for a different connection or for circum-
stances to change. No matter the status of the relationship, letting the feelings of
guilt, anger, or resentment go can help you move through challenging memories to
develop a different and more compassionate understanding. Consider the feelings
that come about when you think about your history with an important person in
your life and give yourself some self-compassion as you let the past go.
New Thought/
Feeling Thought
Self-Compassion
Social Media
Social media can be a great way to connect with others by finding new interest
groups or building on existing relationships. Ideally, you will be able to bring relation-
ships beyond social media connections to in-person connections. Whether you use
social media occasionally or constantly, fill your social media with positivity, whether
that means following groups with encouraging messages about happiness and
self-growth, using online connections to motivate you, or connecting with people
Making Reconnections
Reconnecting with old friends can bring more positivity to your life by allowing you
to share and connect with people who hold knowledge of your past and already
know a lot about you. Therefore, connecting with a childhood, high school, or college
friend with whom you had a positive relationship and haven’t been in touch can be
rewarding. With whom in your past can you reconnect who conjures up positive
memories? How can you connect with them? Use the space to brainstorm
people with whom you may have lost touch and wish to reconnect on your
happiness journey.
76 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Scheduling Regular Social Activities
Scheduling regular activities with friends and family can help you push yourself to
be more connected with others, and social expectations can help you uphold the
commitment you’ve made to engage. Regularity helps you continue to deepen these
relationships and allows you the opportunity to build a reciprocal relationship to
open up to one another. Furthermore, collaborating on planning an activity can bring
you closer to someone you care about. Consider scheduling something with some-
one on a regular basis. The activity can be weekly, biweekly, or monthly—any
frequency that feels doable and enjoyable.
2. It’s easier to go along with others than disagree with them. True / False
5. I prefer the company of others rather than being alone. True / False
9. I am fluid and flexible with most people and can mostly go with the flow.
True / False
If you answered mostly “True,” you are a person who needs others around you.
The “True” answers indicate your need to be with others, and you may need more
social connection in order to feel fulfilled.
If you answered mostly “False,” you are fairly independent. You are a person who
appreciates time thinking on your own.
If your “True” and “False” answers are fairly evenly split, then you are balanced
between depending on others and relying on yourself. You navigate some issues
with the support of others, while you are able to navigate other times autonomously.
78 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
6. Trying new foods Yes / No
These means of connecting are not mutually exclusive, and you may find that
you wish to connect with people in several meaningful ways. Read on to find the
meaning behind your answers, and then identify a person with whom you can build
or have built this type of connection.
• If you answered “Yes” to items 1, 3, and 10, then you look to deepen your
relationship through shared values and aspirations. With whom can you
share your values and aspirations?
• If you answered “Yes” to items 4, 5, and 7, then you look to connect through
common interests and leisure activities. With whom can you share your
interests and engage in activities?
• If you answered “Yes” to items 6, 8, and 11, then you thrive on relationships
that build on novelty and excitement. With whom can you explore the world
and experience excitement?
• If you answered “Yes” to items 2, 9, and 12, then you enjoy maintaining rela-
tionships through comforts. With whom can you experience everyday
comforts and routines?
80 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Finding Social Spaces to Enjoy
A wonderful and easy way to tap into happiness is to spend more time in public
spaces and witness the natural joy of the world. You don’t necessarily need to
engage with others, but going to a park, café, or library to read, sip coffee, daydream,
or people-watch is a wonderful way to absorb the social world. What are some
places you can visit to feel more integrated into the social world? Check the ones
that would work.
❏❏ Park
❏❏ Library
❏❏ Gym
❏❏ Coffee shop
❏❏ Museum
❏❏ Gallery
❏❏ Mall
❏❏ Hiking trail
❏❏ Shopping district
❏❏ Other:
Are you the type of person who turns to the outer world, or are you a person who
tends to turn inward? Introversion and extroversion exist on a spectrum; people are
not necessarily completely one extreme or the other. But knowing your leanings, like
if you are a person who prefers to socialize in larger groups versus more intimate
gatherings, can help you determine the ways in which you want to connect with
others in order to feel more comfortable, less anxious, and happier during the
process. How do you see yourself on this spectrum?
1. I am talkative. Yes / No
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------➔
➔
Introvert Extrovert
0 1 2 3 4
5
82 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Strategies to Connect with Others
If you’re feeling ready to reach out to others, whether through reconnections or new
relationships, but need some strategies to help jump-start the process, you can
always connect through a common and relatable story. Sharing a story about
yourself to disclose a relatable experience lets someone learn a little about you and
feel more connected to you. Let the relationship naturally unfold from there and be
willing to walk through any discomfort that may inevitably come with building new
relationships. You may find yourself organically cultivating a happy new connection.
On the following lines, brainstorm a story or two that you can share as a means to
deepen a connection with someone.
Social Experiment
Getting out with friends or building new relationships can feel daunting and over-
whelming at first, but there’s so much potential to feel rewarded for your efforts; the
more you connect with people in person, the more positive feelings you will experi-
ence. Consider an experiment the next time you connect with friends.
Activity Engaged/ Did You Go? What Prevented You from Feeling?
Considered with (Yes/No) Engaging or Motivated You to
Others Engage?
I’m not sure if my friend thinks I will reflect back what my friend
➔
➔
I really care. is saying.
➔
➔
84 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Sociability Is Like a Muscle
Social skills are like a muscle: We need to work out with interactions and social feedback
to build our sociability strength. If you have been less engaged with others for a while,
you may notice some social awkwardness as you start to rebuild this “strength.” But
because social skills are like a muscle, the more you engage with others, the more you
will regain these skills.
Socializing with a novel group of people that has an established way of being with
one another, such as being a new member in a book club or starting a new job with new
coworkers, might feel daunting, but with continued interactions, you will learn the
subtleties of the group and feel more comfortable and confident with its members. Give
yourself grace if you find certain connections more challenging or uncomfortable,
because you may need some time to work this muscle. With continued effort in con-
necting, you will find it easier to make meaningful and happy connections.
Conclusion
Social connections can bring us happiness. After all, we are biologically designed
to be social beings and thrive on connecting with others. In this chapter, you
explored ways to build on social connections, deepen existing relationships,
initiate new relationships, and manage stressful ones. As you continue to practice
these new skills, consider where you are socially: Are you trying to meet new
friends or tighten your existing social circles? Are you trying to deepen your current
relationships? Once you know this about yourself, you can consciously pursue and
practice the skills that fit your current needs. No matter your situation, you can
push yourself to make your social relationships more fulfilling so that you can
experience more happiness with others.
Invest in Your
Happiness
I
n this third part of the book, you will continue to explore ways to
invite happiness into your life with the goal of establishing a more
long-term relationship with this emotion. You will learn how to form
new positive habits by setting motivating, achievable goals. As you
progress through these pages, I encourage you to acknowledge your
growth, take pride in your effort, and celebrate your achievements.
Feel free to return to previous chapters to see how far you have come
and gain a clearer sense of how you plan to continue to grow and allow
more positivity to enter your life. In chapters 7, 8, and 9, you will dive
into how happiness is integral to the physical body and ways to
respond mindfully to the environment. You will then shift your
thoughts to support a brighter, happier future. These chapters will
deepen your relationship with happiness and ensure that you’ve
fostered a long-term relationship with positivity in your life.
87
SEVEN
Heal Your
Body
O
ur bodies and minds are inherently intertwined, so much so that our physi-
cal health directly affects our mental health and vice versa. Physical
activities like exercise or leisurely walks can help increase the number of endor-
phins, or “feel-good” neurochemicals, that flood our brains. Additionally, our bodies
provide us with clues as to how we experience stress, so it’s important to tune in
and address any changes or ailments when they arise. Some examples include
poor sleep, muscle tension, and body aches. Decreasing stress will help you func-
tion better mentally and physically; for example, stress negatively affects your
quality of sleep. In this chapter, you will explore ways to combat physical pain,
difficulty sleeping, or fatigue. If you listen to your body and increase your physical
movement in approachable and routinized ways, you will feel better and,
ultimately, happier.
88 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Jump-start Your Day
There are so many ways you can begin a new day, and moving is a fantastic option.
Jump -start your day through physical activity to get your heart rate up and stimu-
late yourself to feel engaged and ready for anything. Doing small repetitions of
cardio after you wake up can also help you battle fatigue. Consider the following
movements and check the exercises that might work for you. Try 5 to 10 reps to get
your blood pumping and welcome in those endorphins.
Physically Relax
It’s so important to find ways to relax throughout the day—whether you take time to
enjoy a cup of tea, observe what’s happening outside your window, or go on a
refreshing walk. The simple act of stretching to break up your day or spending five
minutes to thoughtfully transition between tasks can address your body’s needs.
More significant breaks in the day, such as taking a warm bath or shower, are another
way to physically address your body’s need for relaxation. You will find it so reward-
ing to attune to your body and give it what it needs in order to embrace more
positivity into your life. Check activities on this list that you may be able to fold into
your day and expand the list with other ideas you have used in the past.
❏❏ Sipping tea
❏❏ I consider my diet, and when I’m able to, I consider what I put into my body.
❏❏ I often give in to my indulgences and find myself taking in foods that might
not be very healthy.
90 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Diet and Mood
A healthy diet can support your mental health and well-being and offset symptoms of
depression and anxiety. Your diet and mood are bidirectionally related; your mood
affects the foods you choose to eat, and the foods you choose to eat affect your mood.
For instance, feeling anxious leads to eating more carbs, which leads to sudden peaks
and dips in blood sugar levels, which result in more symptoms of anxiety. Moreover, the
microbiome in your gut interacts with your brain and affects your neural, inflammatory,
and hormonal systems. Adherence to diets like those eaten in the Mediterranean can
help with mood and with food choices.
A Walk
A walk outdoors sounds so simple, and yet it can be so successful in shifting your
mood. Moving through outdoor green spaces supports mental health and helps
reset stuck or negative thought patterns. If walking outdoors isn’t possible, you can
always try walking on a treadmill indoors while looking at a favorite image of the
outdoors. If you’re able to engage in regular walking, where would you enjoy walking
on a regular basis?
❏❏ At the park
❏❏ In my neighborhood
❏❏ On a walking trail
❏❏ In my home
❏❏ Other:
92 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Stressful Aches and Pains
Don’t ignore your body. Physical aches and pains can be a source of stress and can
come from stress. Note if you carry stress in your arms, legs, back, neck, or head. By
knowing how stress physically affects you, you can begin to take action to address
the physical aches through stretching, massage, muscle relaxation, or other meth-
ods. Minimizing the aches and pains will, in turn, lower the stress caused by them.
Where in your body do you tend to feel aches and pains?
Exercise Literally
It’s so important to find engaging ways to move your body in order for physical
exercise to support mental health. Answer these questions to determine whether
you need to adjust your exercise type and amount, and how you could increase
your experience of the happy benefits of moving.
What kinds of exercise do you or would you like to engage in? (running, bicycling,
working out at the gym, hiking, etc.)
❏❏ Never
❏❏ Once a week
❏❏ Twice a week
❏❏ Daily
❏❏ I already work out often and feel satisfied with my routine as it brings me a
way to address stress.
Now that you have answered these questions, do you feel that you should add a
variety of exercises to your routine? Or should you increase the time or duration of
your exercise? The first step to engaging with exercise differently is identifying what
you want to do differently.
94 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Develop a Healthy Diet
A healthy diet can support your mood. Eating healthy fats, incorporating fruits and
vegetables, eating high-fiber meals, and limiting junk food can fuel your body, reduce
your stress, improve your overall physical health, and help you think better. How can
you foster a healthier diet, whether that means cooking more, limiting takeout or fast
food, or being more conscientious about balancing your meals?
Yoga
Yoga is beneficial for the body because it improves strength and flexibility, helps you
engage in diaphragmatic breathing, and incorporates meditation into the practice.
Yoga is fairly accessible through free online videos, or you can sign up for an
in-person class. If you haven’t tried yoga before, what skills and results would you like
to gain from the practice? If you’re currently practicing yoga, how can you make it a
more important part of your routine that ushers in feelings of peace and happiness?
Goal Ladder
It’s important to set realistic goals for yourself at every stage of your happiness
journey. Ensuring that you are setting attainable goals can motivate you to continue
to grow as you tackle shifts in your diet, exercise, and sleep, all of which are challeng-
ing. Thoughtfully modifying your goals throughout the process is key to growth, and
celebrating your progress as you attain even the smallest achievement can
motivate you.
• The beach
• The woods
• The mountains
“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather
than as you think it should be.” —WAYNE W. DYER
96 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
Sleep Hygiene
Your moods affect your sleep. When you are stressed or worried or sad, you may
find yourself fatigued during the day or having a tough time falling asleep. In these
circumstances, it helps to establish a regular and comforting routine to engage in
before you go to bed. Going to bed and waking at regular times can help you set a
healthy sleep rhythm. Engaging in other regular rituals prior to going to bed, such as
aromatherapy, drinking a calming tea, reading, or meditation, can also encourage and
enhance sleep. Falling asleep more easily can ultimately make you feel more
refreshed in the morning and eager to take on a new day.
Staying asleep is also an issue for some. If you wake at night, avoid exposure to
screens; rather, mentally prepare yourself by expecting yourself to wake, and set up
a ritual for this time as well, like listening to a guided meditation or engaging in
progressive relaxation. Use this space to jot down a few ideas that could support
you falling asleep and staying asleep.
Mon
Tues
Wed
Thurs
Fri
Sat
Sun
98 HAPPINESS WORKBOOK
How Self-Care Can Activate Your
Mirror Neurons
Personal self-care is crucial to having a balanced life as you combat the negativity you
may feel and experience. Through self-care you can open yourself up to the positivity
that surrounds you in your everyday moments. One way to practice self-care is to tend
to your physical appearance; how you dress or make up yourself for the day influences
your mood. Interestingly, you can physically put yourself together when you don’t feel
“put together” to jump -start your brain to invite more happiness through the activation
of mirror neurons. Mirror neurons are neurons that live in the brain and can activate
emotional states when we witness an event, like when we experience joy while watching
an uplifting movie. By creating an appearance that makes you happy, you can activate
your mirror neurons to start to feel happy. Engage in self-care and invest in your
personal appearance to bring more happiness into your life.
If you checked any of the preceding items, you may want to consider a new
relationship with alcohol or drug use by either reducing or limiting your use. Try
setting small, reasonable goals to reduce and adding other ways to cope with stress
or worry, like exercise. If reducing is too challenging, seek professional help; there is
nothing at all to be ashamed of.
❏❏ Anxious in my belly
❏❏ Headaches
❏❏ Other
8
6
5 MOTIVATED ZONE
3
1. Find a comfortable place to sit or lie down. If you are sitting, plant your feet on
the floor and straighten your back against the chair or use pillows for support.
2. Take three to five deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and elongating your
exhale. Gently lower your gaze on the exhale (but do not close your eyes),
slightly relaxing your neck as you look down.
3. Starting with your toes, flex them up to the sky three times, point them out as
your heels are on the ground, and slowly relax your feet so the tops of them
feel heavy.
4. Next, move up to your legs, flexing your leg muscles three times. Straighten your
legs out and slowly relax them down until your legs feel heavy.
5. Now flex your thigh muscles three times, and every time you relax your muscles,
let your thighs feel heavy and supported by your seat.
6. Focus on your glutes, tensing the muscles three times and relaxing them until
they feel heavy as well.
8. Move up to your chest, inhaling and exhaling three times, noticing your breath.
9. Focusing on your shoulders, lift them and then relax them down at least three
times until they feel heavy and relaxed.
10. Raise your arms up and down to tense them; then lift your hands so your
fingertips are pointed up to the sky and relax them down flat again.
11. Gently roll your neck side to side and all around to release any tension, moving
carefully so you don’t hurt your neck.
12. Focusing on your face muscles, make a huge smile and release it down, repeat-
ing this a few times. Move up to your eyebrows, raising them as high as they will
go and then releasing the tension. (You may feel self-conscious during this step,
and that is okay; just notice your self-conscious thoughts and see if you can
give yourself some self-compassion.)
13. Notice the energy you feel at the very top of your head, the highest point of
your body, and focus on your breathing once again.
14. Gently open your gaze when you are ready and bask in how relaxed you feel.
Conclusion
You explored the various ways in which your body and mind are interconnected
and tried various techniques to address discomforts you may feel as a means to
manage stress and invite more happiness into your life. As you progress through
the workbook, continue to consider the various exercises that have worked for you
and find ways to organically fold these newfound coping tools into your life. As
with all the chapters, feel free to revisit the text to give yourself a little boost if you
find yourself needing motivation to stay physically attuned. In the next chapter, we
will expand on the mind-body connection and dig more deeply into the practice
of mindfulness.
Respond
Mindfully
M
indfulness is the act of being present in the moment, taking in your sur-
roundings while attuning to your senses, noticing your mood, and
practicing acceptance. Mindful interventions are effective in reducing symptoms of
anxiety, depression, fatigue, and chronic pain. As these symptoms decrease,
happiness can grow. The act of slowing down and consciously becoming aware of
yourself and your environment can help you notice the smaller things in life that
bring you joy. This process can help you better appreciate the world you live
in—even the little things, such as the warmth from the sunlight or the crispness in
the air. You can easily overlook and take for granted these little elements that add
up to positive day-to-day experiences. In this chapter you will explore ways to be
more present in order to embrace the little joys in life.
How will you practice being mindful? (For example: Listening to a guided
meditation)
Currently I feel:
1. Identify the trigger. Knowing what makes you feel a particular emotion is an
important first step.
3. Let the negativity go. When you are ready to move through the negative
emotion, you can engage in one of your coping skills to let it go.
4. Invite the positivity in. Notice something positive in your life, big or small.
• Taking a walk
• Stretching
• Taking a breath
• Watering a plant
• Other:
You are here, in the present moment, setting goals in order to embrace a
better, happier you. You are considering the way you think, the way you act,
the way you connect, and the way you feel, and noticing all of these things
presently. You are mindful of yourself and your life.
➔
➔
➔
Guided Mindfulness
Being present is a skill that requires regular practice. Guidance is helpful. Practicing
ways to be mindful is easy given the numerous resources—podcasts, books, apps,
and websites (many free)—that concentrate on the subject. Which of these guided
tools do you use or would you use? Think of ways that you can practice this week
using one or more of these tools.
• Smartphone app
• Book
• Podcast
• Audiobook
• Website
• Other:
• Notice all the sounds in your body. For example, you may hear yourself
breathing or the beating of your heart or a rumbling in your belly. What do you
hear in your body?
• Notice all the sounds in the room you are in. These could be sounds from
different machines or appliances or the ticking of a clock. What noises do you
hear in the room?
• Notice all of the sounds outside the room. These could be sounds from
someone in the next room, the breeze blowing outside, or cars passing by.
What do you hear outside the room?
• Now listen to all the sounds and reflect on how easy or challenging the exer-
cise was. Were you focused or not? If you lost focus, just note what made you
lose that focus—no judgment.
Circle the coping tools you can use to acknowledge the feeling and move through it
to be more present in the moment.
Take five Take a walk Drink water Break for a Step outside
breaths stretch
Take some Name the Notice your Ground yourself Water a plant
space feeling senses with one sense
After using one or more coping methods, do you feel the same or different?
Anger
Sadness
Fear
Happiness
Surprise
• Take note of where in your body you feel the emotion. Describe the sensation.
• Take a deep breath in, focusing your breathing on the part of your body that
senses the emotion, and exhale out, releasing the energy with your breath.
• Repeat this method once more, and notice if there is a shift in your feelings.
Remember to try this slowly, spending about five to eight minutes on
this process.
In this current position, begin to move around, whether it’s a wiggle, a tensing, or a
gentle rock or shake, and then make your body completely still. Alternate between
movement and stillness for 30 seconds at a time for a total of 2 to 3 minutes. Finish
by taking three deep breaths. Are there any changes to how your body feels?
Conclusion
Being present, or mindful, can help you embrace the everyday moments in order to
notice the little joys of life and feel more positive throughout the day. The act of
being mindful is a skill that takes a lot of practice and patience, but you are on your
way to mastering the practice. With all of your hard work and dedication through-
out this workbook, you now have the tools to grow in this skill.
Envision a
Bright Future
T
his chapter will help you continue to stay focused on your personal journey
to achieving happiness. You have explored ways to combat and manage
negative thoughts, stress, and negative emotions. You have learned new skills and
tools to help keep you physically healthy, mentally grounded, mindful, and focused
on your intentions. Now, you will refine these tools and solidify ways to maintain
these skills so that they continue to allow you to welcome more joy into your life.
1.
2.
3.
Congratulate Yourself!
As you consider ways to maintain your long-term happiness, it is important to
congratulate yourself on the progress you’ve made thus far.
How would you describe your overall mood when you first started this journey?
Which exercises didn’t support your goals? (It’s great to know what doesn’t work as
well as knowing what does work!)
A helpful extra step is to notice the feelings you may have, rate the intensity of
the feelings, and reevaluate your feelings and their intensity once again after you’ve
engaged in a positive distraction.
Feeling:
Intensity 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Distraction:
“ I have also learnt, from experience, that the greater part of our
happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon
our circumstances.” —MARTHA WASHINGTON
Self-Care
What were some of the elements that were hard to keep in either of these
routines? (e.g., set wake-up or bedtime)
About You
It’s really powerful to identify attributes that you like about yourself. In the following
list, circle all of the characteristics that you like about yourself. Return to this page at
a later time if necessary to add more.
I’m not feeling happier. I’m failing ➔ I’m working hard to feel more
at this. positive in my life.
➔
➔
➔
Time 8–10 a.m. 10 a.m.–12 p.m. 12–2 p.m. 2–4 p.m. 4–6 p.m. 6–8 p.m.
Tues Laundry
Wed
Thurs
Fri Self-care
Negative thought: I’m not accomplishing my goals at work and will get fired.
Check out the evidence: I have always finished past projects even if I needed a little
more time.
Integrating a new thought: Even if I miss a deadline, I’m still working hard toward my
goals, and I haven’t received any feedback that indicates I will get fired.
I’m not cut out for this job. I’m terrible at all jobs.
I haven’t made any friends
at work.
Connect with
Listen to music Go for a walk Journal loved ones
Engage
in a hobby Exercise Take a nap Read a book
During times in which you have less agency, or there is an external locus of
control, consider the various tools in your coping toolbox that can reduce the
intensity of your emotions.
What coping skill(s) did you use? (breathing, distraction, checking out the evidence)
How can you transform your negative thought into a more self-compassionate
thought?
The more you are able to practice using these tools, the more readily you’ll be
able to address your negative thoughts, move through them, and spend more time
happy. In addition to addressing the negative thoughts, by continuing routine
self-care, both physical and mental, you will be able to continue working on your
journey to bring more happiness into your life.
Conclusion
This chapter will help you maintain your new skills for the long-term by reevaluat-
ing your routines, refining the tools you have used, and integrating all of the
techniques into your life in order to embrace ways to combat negativity and
embrace more positivity. Sustaining change can be a challenge because change is
not linear. Keep in mind that there may be obstacles on your journey to happiness.
Emotional states such as sadness, anger, disappointment, or loss will still be part of
the human experience. Be patient with yourself. Be self-compassionate. Be mindful
of your emotions and aware that though these times arise, we are prepared to
experience them and move through them when necessary. And return to this
workbook when you need to remind yourself of a skill. Making the personal com-
mitment to continue to seek more enjoyment in life and engaging in the hard work
to do it will pay off in growth and change.
139
RESOURCES
For additional support should symptoms of sadness and worry persist, please call
the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text HOME to
741-741 for 24-7 crisis support.
For more information on anxiety disorders and to begin to get the help you may
need, please visit NIMH.NIH.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/index.shtml.
For more information on depression and to begin to get the help you may need,
please visit NIMH.NIH.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml.
Should you seek a therapist in your area but struggle to locate one, use a listserv
such as the one available on PsychologyToday.com.
140
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INDEX
A C E
Acceptance and commit- Catastrophizing, 34 Exercise, 89, 92,
ment therapy Cognitive behavioral 93–94, 98, 99
(ACT), 110 therapy (CBT), 3, Expectations, 23
Accomplishments, 28–31, 38 Extroversion, 82
63–64 Cognitive distortions, 29,
Affirmations, 128 30, 31–34, 48, 67–68
Agency, 132 Cognitive transforma- F
Alcohol use, 100 tion, 54–55 Feelings and emotions,
All-or-nothing Connections. See 6–7, 8–9, 26,
thinking, 31–32 Relationships; Social 108, 115–117
Angelou, Maya, 138 connections Focusing on others, 84
Anger, 12 Contentment, 5 Furstenberg,
Annoyance, 12 Coping skills, 50, 123, Diane von, 62
Apollinaire, 124, 125 Future planning, 123
Guillaume, 120 Creativity, 21
Appreciation, 127
Argyle, Michael, 43 G
Attunement, 107 D Goal-setting, 24,
Automatic thought Dependence on 57, 95–96
patterns, 11, 29, others, 77–78 Goodness in the world, 60
32, 34, 130 Dialectical behavior Gratitude, 49
therapy (DBT), 135 Grounding, 49, 72, 107,
Diener, Ed, 9 109–110, 113–114, 119
B Diet and nutrition, Growth, 135–136
Beck, Aaron T., 3, 90–91, 95 Guided meditation, 96
28–31 Discomfort
Bliss, 5 emotional, 6–7
Boundary-setting, 129 physical, 12, 88, H
Breathing, 47–48, 111 93, 100–101 Happiness
Distractions, 125 benefits of,
Dyer, Wayne W., 96 12–13, 20–22
149
Happiness (continued) L O
challenges and
Laughter, 60 Optimism, 22
obstacles to, 25–26
Letting go, 33–34, Oxford Happiness
concepts of, 4–6
58, 75 Questionnaire, 43–47
daily doses of, 59
Lewis, C. S., 71
elusive nature of, 8–9
Life satisfaction, 19
as an emotional
Linehan, Marsha M., 135 P
state, 18–19
Lorde, Audre, viii Parton, Dolly, 75
hindrances to, 10–12
Loss, 131 Perceptions, 117
making room for, 36–37
Personality traits,
personal definition
18–19, 53, 127
of, 23
M Pets, 98
pursuing, 24–25
Magnifying, 33 Physical activity. See
sources of quiz, 14–15
Mantras, 59 Exercise
what it is not, 6–7
Meaning, 19–20 Positive language, 62
Happy places, 61
Mental health, 8 Positive psychology, 7–8
Health benefits, of
Mind-body connection, Positivity, 32–33, 51, 52
happiness, 20–21
52, 116–117 Present moment
Hills, Peter, 43
Mindfulness, 106, awareness, 57,
107–108, 112, 115, 124
I 119–120 Probabilities, vs.
Minimizing, 33 possibilities, 133
Intention-setting, 118
Mirror neurons, 99 Productivity, 21
Introversion, 82
Mood shifts, 108 Progress, 123
Motivation, 54, 74 Progressive
J relaxation, 103–104
Journaling, 54, 92 N
Joy, 51, 62–63
Nature, connecting R
Jung, Carl, 49
with, 61 Reacting, vs.
Negative thoughts, 11, 29, responding, 118
K 32, 34, 64, 130 Recreational sports, 97
Redecorating, 59
Koo, Minkyung, 117
150 Index
Redirection, 34 S Stress, 10–11, 21, 47,
Relationships 94, 100–102
Sadness, 10, 131
caring for others, 72 Stress management,
Scheduling
connection 51–54, 109–110
positive activities, 66
preferences, 78–79 Subjective well-being, 9
social activities, 77
emotional Substance use, 100
Schemas, 29
connections, 73 Successes, 65
Self-care, 99, 111, 126
letting go of past, 75
Self-compassion, 22,
new connections, 83
positive activities, 80
53, 66, 128 T
Self-confidence, 22
quality vs. quantity, 73 Tension, 102
Self-consciousness, 84
reasons for, 71 Thought records,
Self-criticism, 66
reconnections, 76 30, 67–68
Self-doubt, 11
stressful, 72 Traditions, 74
Seligman, Martin, 7
Relaxation, 89, Triggers, 111–112
“Should” statements, 33
96, 103–104
Silver linings, 65
Responding, vs.
reacting, 118
Sleep, 91, 97
W
Slowing down, 57
Routines Walking, 92
Smiling, 58
beginning-of-day, 51 Washington, Martha, 125
Social connections, 22,
changing, 109 Well-being, 9, 19
81, 84–85. See also
end-of-day, 52 Worry, 130
Relationships
reflecting on, 126–127
Social experiments, 83
workout, 98
Social media, 75–76
Y
Stillness, 119
Yoga, 95
Index 151
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I’d like to acknowledge my husband, who spared the extra hours in order for me to
complete this book. I am also grateful to my parents, who are my forever supporters
throughout my journey.
Finally, a special thanks to my children, who inspire me to embrace the many
joys in life.