Raise Your Game - High-Performance Secrets From The Best of The Best (PDFDrive)

Copyright
Copyright © 2019 by Alan Stein Jr.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Stein, Alan, Jr., author. | Sternfeld, Jon, author.
Title: Raise your game : high performance secrets from the best of the best /
Alan Stein Jr., with Jon Sternfeld ; foreword by Jay Bilas.
Description: First edition. | New York : Center Street, [2019] | Includes
bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2018034534| ISBN 9781546082866 (hardcover) | ISBN

9781549171345 (audio download) | ISBN 9781546082873 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Success in business. | Success. | Performance.
Classification: LCC HF5386 .S8559 2019 | DDC 650.1—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018034534
ISBNs: 978-1-54608286-6 (hardcover), 978-1-54608287-3 (ebook)
E3-20181113-JV-NF-ORI
CONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Foreword by Jay Bilas
Introduction
How This Book Is Organized
Part I: Player
Chapter One: Self-Awareness
Chapter Two: Passion
Chapter Three: Discipline
Chapter Four: Coachability

Chapter Five: Confidence
Part II: Coach

Chapter Six: Vision
Chapter Seven: Culture
Chapter Eight: Servant
Chapter Nine: Character
Chapter Ten: Empowerment
Part III: Team

Chapter Eleven: Belief
Chapter Twelve: Unselfishness
Chapter Thirteen: Role Clarity
Chapter Fourteen: Communication
Chapter Fifteen: Cohesion
Conclusion: The First Step
Acknowledgments
About the Authors
Notes
Newsletters
Luke, Jack, and Lyla… I love you more than words can
express.
You inspire me to raise my game.

FOREWORD
I first met Alan Stein Jr. at a Skills Academy for high school basketball players.
It was essentially a camp for many of the best prospects in the country, players
who would soon populate the NBA draft and be some of the biggest names in
the game. Alan was introduced to me as an expert in athletic performance
training. I soon learned he was much more than that.
From the very beginning of the Skills Academy, Alan was never on time. He
was always early. He didn’t speak in meetings unless he had something
important to say. He listened intently and took notes purposefully. He was
always available, and no task at the camp was too small for him. He was, to use
a term that has become almost cliché, a servant-leader. In my view, however,
Alan was something more valuable. He was a great teammate. He did his job and
helped others do theirs.
To me, that is an important aspect of Alan’s character. He has ambition to move

up and succeed, just as any motivated person would, but, rather than concentrate
on “networking,” Alan was resolute to do the job in front of him and look for
any way to add value to the jobs being performed by others. If a player was in
the gym early, Alan rebounded for that player. If someone was needed to jump
into a drill, Alan was right there to do it. If there was something on the floor,
Alan picked it up. If the floor had not been swept from the day prior, Alan swept
it.
It was not done to impress; it was done because it was needed. But, it did
impress. It impressed everyone. General Martin Dempsey, former chairman of
the Joint Chiefs of Staff, once said that leadership is a journey, not a destination.
If you ever think you have it right and have nothing else to learn about
leadership, Dempsey continued, you are making a serious mistake. To me, Alan
embodies General Dempsey’s three key principles of leadership: character,
competence, and humility. Alan is a man of great character, a man with a moral
firmness that does not bend to any prevailing wind. He is an expert in his field
and continues to study and learn as the game and technology change. And, Alan
is humble enough to listen, learn, and work as if he is dirt poor.
Alan has risen in his field and is held in such high esteem by the best players and
coaches in the game because of the consistent excellence in the performance of
his job, and because he is constantly getting better and making his team better.
Alan brings positive energy to everything he does, the positive energy that
comes not from cheerleading but from the inspiration of doing hard things well.
Alan does those hard things, and others join in willingly because of the example
he sets.
An example of his example: several years ago, I started a basketball camp in

Charlotte, North Carolina, for high school players who wish to get better and
young coaches who wish to develop their skills. I believe I started this camp and
continue it every year for the right reason: to give back and help others the way
that so many helped me along the way. When the camp started, it was low
budget and fledgling, and I mentioned it to Alan. Immediately, he said he would
be there to work the camp. Frankly, the camp was far below Alan’s level. Yet he
was there from the first coaches’ meeting to the last moment any player was on
the floor. He was, literally, the first person in the gym and the last person to
leave.
Although Alan would shrug this off, the example he sets for these young high
school players is invaluable. And the role model he is for young coaches is
unmatched. Alan brings a technical expertise to the camp that few camps around
the country can match. But he brings an inspirational presence that no camp
anywhere can match. That is how important he is.
Both Alan and I are products of team sports, and I believe we both understand
and value how the lessons and principles we learned in team sports can be
applied and used in academics, business, and countless other pursuits. For many
reasons the principles that make one successful in team sports resonate with
people and reach them on a different level, one that lessons from other endeavors
seemingly cannot.
In basketball, my team always had an opponent. We had a talented, athletic, and

unified group of players actively and physically trying to stop us from executing
the actions we intended to take. In school and business, I may have had
competitors, but I never had an opponent.
Never once in my career as a lawyer or broadcaster did anyone actively try to

stop me from executing the actions I intended to take. The only one that could
stop me was me. This book will help you get out of your own way and free you
up to achieve without fear of failure. It won’t motivate you, because you don’t
need motivation. It will inspire you.
I have spent the last twenty-six years as both a lawyer and a broadcaster. I can
confidently state that I have not worked a single day without consciously using
the lessons I learned from a coach or a teammate I have been around or from the
books I have read in my field. This book will provide you with those lessons and
principles of success that translate across boundaries of sport and business.
I am so pleased that Alan has written this book. He has learned from the best,
and as a result, he is the best. And I am profoundly lucky to have him as a friend.
—Jay Bilas ESPN
INTRODUCTION
In 2013, USA Basketball invited me out to Las Vegas to work at a camp
alongside some of the best college coaches in the world, giants like the
University of Kentucky’s John Calipari, the University of Florida’s Billy
Donovan, and Gonzaga University’s Mark Few. The first day was dominated by
shooting drills and scrimmages before the coaches conducted a formal draft, led
by CBS’s Bill Raftery and ESPN’s P. J. Carlesimo, to select the teams. But as I
looked out onto the court, I wasn’t watching college stars or future NBA
prospects. No, the players were all middle-aged men with lots of disposable
income, a willingness to hustle, and an undying love of basketball. USAB was
getting into the sports fantasy camp business, a booming industry. Incredibly
successful men will pay serious money to run up and down the court for hours,
shoot hoops, and get yelled at from the sidelines by their heroes. That’s their
dream.
I worked this camp for several years, and it’s a fantastic experience. The
participants may take their private jet to Las Vegas and get chauffeured to the
gym in a Bentley, but they are almost universally down-to-earth guys. They are
just incredibly driven and enormously successful. The glamour of being a
multimillionaire and Fortune 100 CEO drains away as they pant up and down
the court with their headbands, gym shorts, and for some, beer bellies. But this
doesn’t diminish them in my eyes—not at all. In fact, it elevates them. I love
how seriously they take the games, how intensely they prepare, how they get out
there early to do foam rolling and stretching, how they scream their heads off at
the referees after a blown call.
During breaks in the day, they’re making calls, conducting deals, and running
their businesses. Then the games start up and they’re on the court again, boxing
out and hustling back on defense. They’re hypercompetitive. It’s how they got
where they are in life. And that competitive element is not a switch they can turn
on and off—it’s in their nature, part of who they are. Athletic skills may not
transfer from the boardroom to the court, but the approach, fundamentals, and
attitude most certainly do.
Sport is the great equalizer, and these guys know it. Everyone might “yes” them
all day—waiters scurry to find them the best wine, valets hustle after their car—
but deep down they want someone who will get on them for a poor shot or swat
their layup into the stands. They want to earn their buckets . They know that you
get strong by going uphill. And there’s nothing like a basketball game against
other fierce competitors to see what you’re made of.
Vasu Kulkarni, CEO of sports analytics company Krossover and CourtsideVC,

has made basketball the frame around which all of his businesses revolve. He
gets incredibly enthusiastic talking about basketball and wears his love for the
game on his sleeve. “The court brings out your true colors,” he told me in an
interview. “A lot of times what you see on the court is what you get off the
court. So many people I do business with, I try to bring them to a court.”
A game of hoops is a shared experience. It’s intense, it’s exhausting, and you get
to experience the highs of victory and the lows of defeat with others who care
about the outcome. “I find basketball to be a great way to forge relationships and
build bridges with people,” he said. Vasu is taking his perspective from one of
the all-time greats. Hall of Fame legend Larry Bird reportedly said he knew
everything he needed to know about someone based on how that person behaved
on the basketball court. 1
The link between the sports and the business worlds is a natural one. It’s not a
coincidence that the top coaches do double duty as leadership and motivation
experts. John Calipari of Kentucky and Jay Wright of Villanova write business
leadership books, Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski works as a motivational speaker
in his free time, UNC coach Dean Smith was invited to give lectures at
management schools in far-off places like Switzerland.
Institutions, companies, and regular people just trying to get ahead will cough up
serious money, sacrifice weekends, and travel substantial distances to hear what
a top coach has to say. And they’re not taking notes on zone defenses and how to
execute the pick and roll. Some attendees may not even follow sports, but they
understand the jewels of wisdom that these coaches carry. The coaches’ lessons
are universal, and their results are concrete and inarguable.
College coaches also have to start over from scratch every couple of years or so,
with a new crop of talent and new strengths and weaknesses. The coaches—and
the programs they develop—are the consistent factors, so a college team’s long-
term success is a testament to their leadership. They understand the basic
priniciples of success because they have to continue to execute them year in and
year out.
It’s an important reminder: Success is a result of what we do all of the time . The
highest performers in all walks of life have embraced this fact; they have taken
full ownership and have chosen to create and implement positive habits. They
understand that you can’t be selective when it comes to excellence. As the
saying goes, how you do anything is how you do everything.
Most of my career has been spent helping elite basketball players improve their
athleticism and their mind-body connection. I’ve worked with the likes of Kevin
Durant and Victor Oladipo and watched superstars like Kobe Bryant and Steph
Curry in their private practice routines—and two things stick out. One, they stick
to the basics. They study and practice the basics to the point that they’re
automatic, as if the actions are doing them. Two, they work harder than anyone
else. They might lose, but they simply will not be outworked.
I’ve been a basketball performance coach since I graduated from college in

1999. Major companies from all over the world now hire me to teach, train, and
consult on effective leadership and teamwork because the principles of
achievement on the court parallel the principles necessary to succeed in any
industry. I believe in the fundamentals, and I preach the fundamentals. I’ve seen
people fail or succeed based on their commitment to the unsexy, the unpopular,
and the unglamorous. “Success is neither magical nor mysterious,” wrote one of
my heroes, Jim Rohn. “Success is the natural consequence of consistently
applying the basic fundamentals.”
I want to teach you how to live present in a distracted society so you will be a
more connected, productive, and influential leader and teammate. Monumental
change occurs only with the accumulation of the little things. Never forget: it’s
what all the big things are made from.
Success isn’t something that happens to you. It’s something you attract, you
choose, and you create. Successful people do the little things better than
everyone else. This is what makes the best the best. World-class performers and
the uber-successful amassed their achievements by sticking to the fundamentals
and doing the little things—every single day.
We can look to athletes and businesses because they are masters at willing a
certain outcome into existence. LeBron James can visualize himself catching up
to an opponent on a fast break, see when and how that player is going to go in
for the layup, and then time his movement to smack the ball against the glass. He
saw it before it happened; he willed the result into existence. The great athletes
like LeBron do that all the time—but so did Steve Jobs and Bill Gates.
I’ve spent the past fifteen-plus years working with the highest-performing
athletes on the planet. I now teach people how to utilize the same strategies in
business and life that elite players and teams use to perform at a world-class
level. My goal for this book is simple—to educate and inspire readers to take
immediate action to improve their mindset, habits, and value. *
The very first step to raising performance is learning how to live present . The
happiest, most influential, and most successful people I’ve ever met are able to
put their full attention into the present moment. They have learned how to focus
on three things:
1. The next play
2. The controllables
3. The process
In my quest to help organizations run more efficiently, I’ve befriended, learned

from, and interviewed successful CEOs, executives, entrepreneurs, and leaders.
In doing so, I’ve found that the traits that are needed to be a successful player,
coach, and teammate are the same characteristics that are used to run some of the
biggest and most significant companies in the world. The parallels are eye-
opening. I’ve been fascinated by how these aspects of culture, commitment, and
teamwork transcend industry.
The tools required for success are available to everyone. They’re shared openly
by countless individuals who have made it to the top. Everything we need to
maximize our happiness, fulfillment, confidence, influence, and success is
readily available. But it’s up to us to put these strategies into practice, make
them habits, and live them out daily. And that’s the reason I wrote this book.
You need to make the choice to act—to apply the information here and become a
more influential leader, and teammate. You need to make the choice to close the
gap between what you know and what you do. Because the choices you make
today will determine where you are tomorrow.
This book will help you drill down on your answers to these vital questions:
1. What sacrifices do I need to make?
2. What skills do I need to acquire?
3. Whose help would I benefit from?
4. What challenges should I expect?
5. What habits do I need to change?
This book will be the initial spark to raising your game, in every area of your
life. It will provide you with the tools, concepts, stories, lessons, and actionable
tasks that I’ve learned from a variety of high performers. Along the way I will
share the meaningful and impactful conversations and observations I’ve been so
fortunate to have gained from countless high achievers. But the real work is up
to you. After all, you can’t pay someone else to do your push-ups.
I was taught at a young age that knowledge is power. But that is actually
incomplete: Knowledge by itself is useless. The power is in the application.
Knowing without doing is the equivalent of not knowing at all.
So it’s not necessarily about knowledge. The vast majority of people know what
foods they should eat, how much sleep they should get, and what they should do
for their physical fitness. Yet obesity has been on the rise for years. Why?
Although people know what they need to do, they just don’t do it .
When it comes to improving performance—in any area of life—the most basic

and effective strategy is to close performance gaps . These are the gaps between
what we know we are supposed to do and what we actually do. Everyone has
performance gaps, but the world’s highest performers and achievers have found
ways to eliminate or reduce them in the most important areas.
We live in the information age. Thanks to technology, we can find quality

information on just about anything in a matter of seconds. Not knowing
something is hardly ever the reason our performance suffers. The reason we get
stuck, frustrated, and exhausted is not from lack of knowing—it’s from lack of
doing. This book will help motivate, inspire, and guide you to start closing your
most pressing performance gaps.
HOW THIS BOOK IS ORGANIZED

The book is divided into three parts: “Player,” “Coach,” and “Team,” which
correlate in business to employee, manager/CEO, and organization. Each part
contains the five characteristics required to be successful in that specific role.
All three parts flow into each other like this:

*graphic designed by Jeremy Stein
It’s important to note that none of these parts are mutually exclusive and each
section has valuable characteristics applicable to everyone. The key traits for a
coach can be utilized by a player now (or later, if he plans to become a coach)—
and vice versa—and a team works only if the players and the coaches are
fulfilling their roles.
I intentionally divided this book into three parts to take a closer look at each
vantage point and perspective, as every one of us fulfills the role of player,
coach, and teammate throughout our lives. Regardless of your age or vocation, I
guarantee you are constantly flowing from one of these titles to another (and are
often serving as two or three of them at once).
Part I: Player
A player is any individual who is part of a team, company, or organization. This
section is divided into five chapters, each focusing on a single quality that is
necessary for an individual to have (and work on) in order to succeed. Each
characteristic builds on the previous one, and the final one—confidence—is a
result of the previous four working in harmony.
This is what everything else in this book is built from. Making “you” your
business. Self-awareness means having and developing an understanding of who
you are, and what you can and can’t do. If you don’t know where you’re starting
from, then it is impossible to develop the tools to move to the next level. It all
starts here.
This is hard to teach but monumentally important to emphasize and tap into. It’s
the possession of a love for what you do and the inner drive to pursue your
goals. It’s a willingness to do what needs to be done—even the unpleasant stuff
—because the outcome matters that much to you. It’s about having heart and
putting yourself—all of yourself—into your work.
Discipline is about developing the routine, structure, and habits to achieve your
goals. It’s about doing what others aren’t doing, investigating how to get ahead,
and understanding that talent alone is never enough. This is the system that the
self-aware and passionate put into place and repeatedly develop, adapt, and
hone.
Successful people are open to learning. The best never stop, and it’s their
commitment to finding their gaps and filling them that brought them to where
they are. It’s also what keeps them moving up. They possess the humility to
understand that good enough is never good enough. If you aren’t coachable, you
will never progress. Coachability is about having the right attitude and approach
toward self-improvement.
This is the accumulation of the first four. Confidence, earned confidence, is
about outlook and attitude. It’s knowing that you will succeed because you have
put in the time, effort, and learning into mastering what it is you do. It’s the face
you wear out in the world because the mechanics on the inside are solid and
humming.
Part II: Coach
A coach , for our purposes, refers to someone who has been given authority over
others. This could be a CEO, a director, a manager, a supervisor, a coach, or a
parent. It can be someone who has one direct report or can be someone who has
a thousand. Part 2 is for anyone looking to improve their ability to lead, impact,
and influence others.
This part is divided into five chapters, each focusing on a single quality that is
necessary for a coach to have—and develop—in order to succeed. As in part 1,
each characteristic builds on the previous one, and the final trait—empowerment
—is a result of the previous four working together in harmony.
Chapter Six: Vision
A coach must work to stay ahead of the competition and see what others don’t or
can’t. In order to move yourself and those you lead forward, you must envision
what you want to create and take the steps to make it happen. Vision is carrying
a map to the future, and it includes how you communicate that map so that
others are inspired to get behind you.
A coach is only as strong as the environment he creates. It should be a place of
safety, motivation, and inspiration. Culture includes the physical space where
you work, the manner in which everyone interacts, and the rules and values the
coach instills, encourages, and rewards. A coach should build a work
environment where everyone is able to achieve both their highest selves, as well
as what is best for the team. The right culture will convince everyone that these
are one and the same.
True leaders serve their people, not the other way around. Leaders make
themselves available and accessible to those they lead. Being a servant leader is
about understanding your people’s desires and responding to their needs. It is an
antidote to the brute force management style that is outdated and ineffective. A
servant leader empathetically listens, remains open and adaptable, and is willing
to get his hands dirty in the service of the vision and the culture.
Character refers to who the coach is as a person, even when there’s no reward
involved. It’s about being someone of honor and integrity whom others can trust
and get behind. No one wants to work for a liar, a jerk, or a cheater. Having
character means you are the kind of person you would work for. Though the
short-term may occasionally reward those who take shortcuts, the long term
always rewards high character.
Empowerment is the culmination of the first four coaching traits. It’s the final
step because it is about leaders letting go, allowing their people the freedom and
support to become leaders themselves. To empower is to make your people feel
valued and valuable. A leader trusts his team in a way that lets the members
know they are each integral parts of the whole.
Part III: Team
A team is any group, business, or organization that collectively works together to
accomplish a shared vision and mission. Like the previous two parts, this is
broken down into five characteristics, each building on the previous one. Once
again, the final characteristic, cohesion, is the culmination of the previous four.
Even if you work for a nontraditional company or by yourself, you are part of a
team. No one achieves success alone. While you may have to do most of the
heavy lifting, everyone needs and receives help in some way, shape, or form. All
of us are a part of something bigger than ourselves—in our work, our families,
and our communities. We all depend on teammates whom we count on and those
we need to serve and support. In ways big and small, we are all teammates.
Belief is the first trait in this part because it is the groundwork that enables any
team to be successful. It refers to the underlying attitude that a team has about
itself. Believing means having the conviction that the team can succeed and
carrying a commitment that what they are trying to do is valuable. It’s how a
team knows they can trust each other: Each member is “all in,” gaining strength
from knowing this fact about one another.
Selfishness will destroy any team. Every member of the team needs to be
unselfish and genuinely care about his teammates, coaches, and mission—not
just his own success, advancement, or credit. Each member must be willing to
put the team before his own agenda and desires and acknowledge that he is
simply part of a whole. Unselfishness means recognizing collective achievement
is the primary goal.
Role clarity is a key aspect of how a team operates and interacts with one
another. Each member understands his specific place in the whole and where
others fit in. Successful teams know that every member matters, that they are a
puzzle made up of different interlocking pieces. The whole doesn’t work or
make any sense without each piece fulfilling its part.
Communication is the glue that keeps the team together. It’s about having the
openness to talk and listen with respect, purpose, and attention. It’s not just
about the verbal, but body language and tone as well. This trait is applicable
across all industries, relationships, and organizations.
Cohesion is the accumulation of the previous four traits discussed in part 3. It is
the natural result of all members understanding their individual role,
communicating with the others, believing in the mission, and being unselfish in
the execution. To cohere is to operate successfully as a whole, which is stronger
than the sum of its parts.
PART I
PLAYER
CHAPTER ONE
Self-Awareness
Embrace the people who tell you you’re full of crap.
—Gary Vaynerchuck
Here’s a foundational argument for the rest of this book: the single most
important thing a person needs for success is self-awareness. This includes who
you are, what you can do, what you can’t do, where your value comes from, and
where you need improvement. Nothing I teach or preach in this book will matter
if you don’t start here.
Self-awareness is not just the most important quality; it’s the hub of all the
others. In today’s business world, recognizing your edge and your deficits is the
go-to skill. What to capitalize on, what to hone, where to build, where to
delegate—it’s all part of that pool of self-awareness.
Self-awareness is not something you just do as a once-in-a-while inventory thing

—at the start of a project or job or at the end of the year. It’s far too important
for that. It’s a habit that you have to cultivate and sharpen every single day.
Remember that: Practicing self-awareness is a habit.
When Houston Rockets general manager Daryl Morey, a pioneer in advanced
statistics, was asked what things he wished he could forecast about his players,
he answered, “Do they have the self-awareness of where they’re not as good as
they need to be, meaning do they understand there’s a gap between them and
Chris Paul or James Harden or any of these great players in the league? And
then… what are their habits to improve that gap?” 1
Self-awareness is like the arrow on the Google map—you start there, figuring
out where you are. Then it’s about the commitment to do what needs to be done
to get you where you want to be. “The best performers observe themselves
closely,” business journalist Geoff Colvin wrote in Talent Is Overrated: What
Really Separates World-Class Performers from Everyone Else . In the book,
Colvin looked at what distinguishes top performers in all arenas and found,
“They are in effect able to step outside themselves, monitor what is happening in
their own mind, and ask how it’s going.… Top performers do this much more
systematically than others do; it’s an established part of their routine.” 2
I’ve given many corporate talks around the country, and I would argue that most
people are sleepwalking through their work routine or, at the very least,
comfortably on autopilot. Be honest: How often do you take this kind of
inventory of yourself? Is it a daily habit? If not, ask yourself how you can make
it one. It will be a game-changing decision and will lead to growth on a variety
of different levels.
Self-Test
1. What do you do really well?
2. What do you need to improve on?
3. What is your plan for addressing No. 2?
Meeting the Gary Vee: The Whole Ball Game
Gary Vaynerchuck is booked down to the second. When I called his office for an
interview for my podcast, his assistant said, “The next time he’ll have a thirty-
minute window is three months from now.”
“I’ll take it,” I said, because I’m not stupid.

Serial entrepreneur, marketing expert, and investor Gary Vaynerchuck is already
a legend. He’s like a flash of light, a meteor across the media landscape whose
effect is still being felt. But his beginnings were incredibly humble.
Gary is the son of immigrant parents from the Soviet Union. When he was
growing up, his father owned a wine store in New Jersey where Gary worked
from a very young age. In 2006 Gary started a wine show on YouTube, back
when that was still called a webcast and people were just figuring out what
YouTube even was. In just five years, he helped his father grow a $3 million
retail store into a $60 million online wine business. Not resting on his laurels, he
then parlayed that into VaynerMedia, which is now a $300 million consulting
business and one of the world’s hottest digital agencies.
Along the way, Gary became a prolific angel investor and venture capitalist,
investing in companies including Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, Uber, and
Venmo, and cofounding the VaynerRSE fund. One day he’d like to buy the New
York Jets. Unlike most people, this is a totally realistic goal for him.
Three months after that phone call, I was at VaynerMedia, in Gary’s New York
office. It was surprisingly small given that it’s his company, but Gary doesn’t
come off as the kind of guy who cares about pomp and circumstance. The walls
and shelves were covered in sports memorabilia, mostly Jets and Knicks, along
with framed pictures of his book covers and photographs of Gary with various
celebrities and big-time influencers.
His office had a comfortable sports bar feel to it, a place you can imagine killing
an afternoon in. It was designed for function; there was a stand-up desk with a
computer and a small conference table with four chairs for meetings. One wall
was floor-to-ceiling glass with no blinds, so everyone could see into his office
24-7. The whole vibe was approachable transparency, just like Gary.
At 9:00 a.m. on the dot, he walked in, passionate and fully present, telling me he
was fired up after hearing my podcast’s opening theme music. Gary has this
rapid-fire intense way of talking that just ropes in his audience. It’s hard to focus
on anything else when he’s in a room. He is who he is, and he doesn’t pretend or
apologize.
“Self-awareness is the game ,” Gary told me. “I think self-awareness is the

single most important drug in society.” He admitted that it might not be the sexy
thing, but it is undoubtedly the most important. “When you know yourself, you
win,” he said. “In business, the reason I’ve been successful is I know what I’m
good at and I know what I’m not good at.” He later added, “If you BS yourself,
you never excel.”
This is the essence of self-awareness: swallowing hard truths and recognizing

the real version of you that is staring back in the mirror. Not the you that you
wish you were or the you that you’d like to present to the world. The you as you
actually are, right here and right now.
Despite his enormous success, Gary doesn’t shy away from admitting there are
things he doesn’t know and isn’t good at. In fact, his willingness to recognize
these is what gives him a competitive edge. I’m sure that many guys who grew
up working class and are now worth almost $200 million wouldn’t bother to
search for those gaps or admit to them even if they did. But Gary knows he
didn’t just stumble into success. He carried a commitment to self-awareness that
brought him to where he is. And he continues to preach and teach the value of
self-awareness.
For instance, Gary’s a competitive guy, but that’s not why he won’t let his kids
beat him in one-on-one in basketball. The reason? He wants them to understand
what it takes to beat him. Letting them win would give them a false sense of
accomplishment. Because of this, when one of his kids got old enough to
genuinely beat him, that victory “tasted delicious.” (Side note: I completely
agree with Gary and even take this a step further—I won’t let my kids beat me in
anything . I think the everyone-should-get-a-trophy mindset damages self-
awareness.)
Gary knew he had thirty minutes with me, but he never once looked at his watch
or phone to see what time it was. Despite having a packed day, he didn’t just go
through the motions. Gary demonstrated why he’s successful; he was fully
invested in what he was doing at that moment, looking me in the eye, and giving
me pure, honest, and direct answers. The whole conversation was hyperfocused
and present. If he was like that for a podcast interview, I could only imagine how
locked in he is during a meeting or business call. It’s how he approaches
everything, and it taught me a great deal about why the successful are where
they are.
Who You Are and What You Do

Understanding who you are and what you can offer puts you a step ahead of
everyone else. It tells you what to capitalize on and what to improve, and
sometimes, what to avoid. Self-awareness offers the needed element of
perspective: the clarity of the big picture and your place in it.
The most dangerous people in the world are the ones who don’t know what they
don’t know. Taking a bad shot is one thing. Not knowing it was a bad shot? Now
you have a problem. “I’m always shocked by how many people don’t seem to
have that self-awareness,” Krossover CEO Vasu Kulkarni told me, “knowing
your limits, knowing what you’re good at, most importantly, what you’re not
good at.” It seems so fundamental, but that doesn’t mean it’s common. In fact,
like all in-demand skills, the reason self-awareness is so valuable is because it’s
so rare.
Figure out what separates you from everyone else. If you don’t know who you
are and what you do, how is anyone else going to know? Without self-
awareness, you’re not going to be able to maximize your potential. And potential
is not rare. Look around. The world is full of people with unused, wasted, or lost
potential. They fill the seats of arenas around the globe. You have to
acknowledge that you have more to learn. It’s not humility for its own sake, or to
be more likable; it’s humility as a path to self-awareness .
Self-Test
1. What specific thing do you do at a very high level?
2. If I polled the people closest to you, what would they say you do
really well?
3. How many opportunities do you have to do this thing?
Clear Eyes
Confidence is important and it is the focus of chapter 5 , but self-awareness

requires that you avoid the pitfall of arrogance. Arrogance prevents us from
seeing our flaws. Humility gives us 20/20 vision and allows us to stay open.
Too many people do not own up to their mistakes and are constantly trying to
hide their flaws and shortcomings. I think this is alpha dog nonsense and a recipe
for self-destruction. It is a short-term strategy that will cause long-term
problems. “Own your weaknesses at work,” Adam Galinsky and Maurice
Schweitzer wrote in Friend and Foe: When to Cooperate, When to Compete, and
How to Succeed at Both . “Be powerful with them, be the first to admit them,
and what follows may surprise you.” 3 The experts suggest that one of the key
ways to improve your self-awareness is through listening.
Think about all the conversations and meetings where you’ve just been waiting
to talk. What could you have missed? Do you honestly think you’re the only one
who has anything to offer? You should be least interested in what you have to
say; you already know what you know.
As counterintuitive as it sounds, a key step in acquiring self-awareness is to ask

those who know you best. This is your inner circle—trusted friends, family, and
colleagues who you know love you, challenge you, push you, support you, and
want what is best for you. If you ask your inner circle if you are an empathetic
listener and they all say “no,” then it doesn’t matter what you think: you are not
an empathetic listener. You will have reached a high level of self-awareness
when your evaluation of your strengths and weaknesses is aligned with your
inner circle’s.
Don’t worry about them. Let them worry about you.
—John Wooden
Control the Controllables
Self-awareness is about knowing where your control begins and where it ends.
Often, understanding where that line is determines your chances of success.
Something I say to my players, to my colleagues, and to my audiences all the
time is control the controllables.
There are only two things in this world that we have 100 percent control over,
100 percent of the time. That is our effort and our attitude. Coming to this
epiphany was a tough pill for me to swallow, as I’ve always skewed a tad toward
being a control freak. But it’s true. Granted, we can dictate our mindset,
enthusiasm, and preparation (all vital ingredients in performance)—but these are
all just branches of effort and attitude.
Spending our time, focus, and energy on things outside of our control is a poor
use of resources. Face it, you have minimal control over your boss, your
coworkers, your employees, your colleagues, your customers, your spouse, your
friends, or your children. So don’t waste your mental, emotional, and physical
currency on them! Instead, focus on the two things you actually have control
over. You can absolutely impact and influence many of the events and people in
your life—but you do not control their behavior, their decisions, or the outcome.
So let it go. Invest that energy internally. You’ll feel better.
I remember my parents telling me as a young kid, “You don’t control what other
people do or say, but you do control how you respond and react.” As a father of
three young children, I have said this exact statement on countless occasions.
And it’s not only true for children—it’s true for all of us. Learning how to
control the controllables is imperative to maximizing performance. When you
get distracted by things you don’t control, your performance suffers. We have
limited energy, attention, and resources—so put them where they can actually
make a difference.
One of the things that separates elite basketball players from average players is
this ability to focus on their own effort and attitude. Average players worry
about what their coach is doing, what their teammates are doing, what their
opponent is doing, even what the referee is doing! Great players process
feedback from each of those domains. But they spend each play and practice
session focusing on what they’re doing and how they process what is happening.
They work on their effort and attitude .
We decide how we view things and what we do about them. That’s it.
Everything else is out of our hands. If you don’t get that promotion or new
client, you can stew on fault, fairness, and blame. You can spend weeks
swimming in that—lots of people do it! Or you can work on what you do. Which
of these options is most likely to lead to that next promotion or client?
The Lessons of Socks and Shoes
Controlling the controllables also comes down to basic preparation: being ready
when and where others are not. John Wooden won ten National Championships
with the UCLA Bruins, including a record seven straight titles, a record that is so
eye-poppingly insane that I would wager it will never be broken. How many
schools even go back-to-back? (Only Florida and Duke have done that since
UCLA’s streak ended in 1973.) Wooden is an icon and a legend, but let’s not get
confused. He was not a wizard. He worked on what he could: he managed the
basics.
Every season at UCLA one of the first things Wooden would do in the locker
room was teach his players how to correctly put on their socks and shoes to
alleviate chaffing and blisters. Most eighteen-year-olds would laugh off such an
instruction, but Wooden had a reputation, so his players trusted him. They knew
his record so they did what he said.
Because of this little, seemingly insignificant—almost childish—thing,

Wooden’s players almost never got blisters. By the end of the game, when the
other team’s feet were aching like blazing coals, Wooden’s guys were as fresh as
they were at tip-off. Socks and shoes are as basic as you can get, but Wooden
understood that the players’ game started there. If they couldn’t stand up, if they
couldn’t run, they couldn’t execute a single thing he taught them. Start with what
you can control.
Any time spent on something outside of your attitude or effort is wasted, because
it’s energy and time away from what you can control. Most people waste a
tremendous amount of time and energy complaining. What do they complain
about? They complain about everything outside of their control. No one ever
seems to complain about their own attitude or effort. It’s always someone else’s
that they find fault with.
“Complaining is like throwing up,” my friend Jon Gordon likes to say. “It makes
you feel better, but it makes everyone else feel worse.”
Focus on your attitude and your effort and do so consistently.
That’s how you win.
Self-Test
Rate yourself on a scale ranging from 1 (strongly disagree) to 5 (strongly agree).
1. I have high expectations for myself and my team.
2. I constantly ask questions to my close friends, family, and

colleagues.
3. I work on my craft daily and am constantly learning and growing.

4. I handle pressure well and embrace adversity.
5. I am focused on the right things, and my schedule is aligned with

my priorities.
6. I am an active and empathetic listener.
7. I communicate clearly and effectively.
8. I encourage feedback and questions, and I accept criticism well.
9. I openly admit when I am wrong and accept responsibility.
10. I have a healthy way of dealing with disappointment, anger, and

frustration.
Put all your eggs in one basket, and watch that basket.
—Andrew Carnegie
One Thing Well
Focus on who you are and what you do well. That is how you succeed. NBA
sharpshooters like Kyle Korver and J. J. Redick get paid absurd amounts of
money to do one thing: catch and shoot. That’s it. Catch the ball and shoot the
ball. And I don’t say that to diminish them. But that is what got them to where
they are, and it’s where their greatness lies. Well rounded is overrated. Use your
self-awareness to double down on what you do best. Find the one thing you do
better than anyone else and continue to pour into that.
That is a dying idea. Simon Sinek, bestselling author and leadership consultant
for Microsoft, Disney, and Airbnb, believes that we’ve lost the desire—and
ability—to excel in one thing. “Giving a lot of one’s self to a small number of
things,” he wrote, “seems to have been replaced by giving a little bit of one’s
self to a large number of things.” 4 Own your space. Turn yourself into someone
invaluable: make it so no one else can do what you do. Self-awareness is the key
to getting a competitive advantage; it leads to a pattern of utilizing your
strengths and managing your weaknesses. It’s how you become great, singularly
great, at anything.
A Gallup poll of thousands of organizations showed that when an organization
focused on an employee’s strength, the level of that employee’s engagement was
nearly 75 percent. And when they didn’t? It was 9 percent. 5 If people don’t feel
like they’re being utilized well, if their strengths are not being tapped, then
they’re just going to feel like they’re being wasted. And they withdraw. Another
study of top business executives found that self-awareness was both the highest
predictor of performance as well as the least utilized criteria. That pattern
emerges again and again: self-awareness is so basic and yet so exceptional.
Be Willing to Close the Store
Self-awareness is not just in the knowing but in the adjusting and the correcting
. On a Tuesday afternoon in 2008, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz, who had
recently taken over a second time at the company he founded, closed every
single one of its stores in America. That’s over 7000 stores. The cost? Twenty-
three million dollars. The reason? The espresso just wasn’t good anymore.
That’s it. No disease outbreak or food poisoning or lawsuit. It was that simple.
The coffee wasn’t good. What Starbucks was known for, where its value came
from, had become subpar. And Schultz decided to do something about it.
Every Starbucks barista in America had to be retrained, so Schultz did what he

felt he had to do: he closed all the stores. Now, Schultz probably could have
staggered the training in a series of sessions, and I’m sure his publicity team and
accountants wanted him to, but he wanted to make the statement that they had
been failing and they were going to correct it. He wanted the public to know they
were closing all the stores. The sign out front of every closed Starbucks even
admitted that’s what the retraining was for, opening themselves up to a slew of
negative press and comments. But Schultz insisted on doing it this way. 6
Soon after, Schultz flew in 10,000 Starbucks managers to a single arena—at a

cost of $30 million, to break some bad news to them. He told them that
Starbucks was on the verge of closing within the year because their “Success
[had] bred laziness and sloppiness.” 7 He spoke to all of them openly and
honestly and clearly laid down the dire path the company was on if the negative
trend continued.
The Starbucks experience, the thing that Schultz had built, was vanishing. He
needed to bring it back. Schultz became aware of the problems in his
organization and took action to stem the tide. Ten years later, Starbucks is again
one of the biggest companies and most popular brands in the world. Schultz’s
self-awareness, regarding himself and his company, is what saved it and helped
it thrive.
Know Thyself
Self-awareness—especially in hypercompetitive fields—requires stepping

outside your bubble. It means understanding yourself the way your competitors
do. All campaigning politicians do opposition research on their opponents, and
the smartest ones want to get their hands on their opponents’ opposition research
on them. It’s gold because it tells them what they need to work on, where they
are vulnerable, and where they are likely to get hit. (That’s exactly how
Eminem’s character won the final rap battle in 8 Mile !) This type of awareness
is key: it helps you see how you size up to the competition and gives you insight
into how they might defeat you. Close the holes in your game , whatever your
game is.
Some people don’t like to look at their weaknesses—either because they’re so

focused on self-esteem or because they don’t want to admit that their weaknesses
exist. But those who do, those whom others might think don’t have any
weaknesses, are the ones who have worked like crazy on improving them. But
it’s important to note that we are only talking about applicable weaknesses.
Weaknesses that matter and weaknesses that affect performance. It’s okay if
Kyle Korver and J. J. Redick are weak rebounders. It’s okay if Starbucks doesn’t
make world-renowned bagels. That isn’t what makes them who they are.
Work with what you have. Find your competitive advantage. You’re dealing
with a much larger pool than those in the past. Not too long ago workers were
only competing with potential employees who lived within commuting distance
from the office. Those days are long gone. Now, in the information age, the pool
is the entire globe. Good enough is no longer good enough. Self-awareness will
be your edge: securing that interview, beating out a competitive pool, getting
that promotion, or launching that startup. Remember: if you don’t know what you
do well, no one else will either.
Mile 17
Self-awareness tends to develop with age. It’s not that it automatically arrives as
the years pile on; it’s just that the young don’t seem to have much use for it. It’s
funny how maturity works. In my twenties, I thought I knew everything. Now in
my forties, I realize how much I didn’t know then as well as how much more I
still need to learn.
In 2002, a few years after graduating college, I signed up to run my first

marathon. It had always been a goal of mine; running 26.2 miles just seemed to
be the most physically challenging thing a normal person could do.
Plus I was trying to impress a girlfriend who was really into running.
I played college basketball, which was incredibly demanding, and had a fairly
decent understanding of proper training, but I didn’t know a lick about preparing
for a marathon. Basketball is an interval-based sport, meaning everything is
short duration and high intensity. The whole concept of pacing myself for 26.2
miles was foreign to me. It was apples and oranges. So my preparation and
marathon training program was grossly insufficient. My youthful naïveté simply
thought, A few years ago I was a college athlete, I’ll be fine. I was blindly
stepping off a ledge figuring I knew how far the drop would be. But I had no
clue.
At the start of a marathon, runners are staggered based on their predicted mile
pace. You can’t have everyone pushing their way to the starting line when the
gun goes off—it’s impractical, there’s no room, and it would make a mess.
When I arrived to line up that morning, I had no frame of reference for what my
pace would be. I ran a 5:03 mile in college (when I was in the best shape of my
life), but I wasn’t delusional—I knew I couldn’t keep that pace for the whole
race. So I ventured back to the 8-to-9-minute mile pace and took a look around: I
saw middle-aged soccer moms and guys in their sixties with gray hair and
outdated clothes. No way , I thought. These are old people. I don’t belong here.
So I inched my way up to a group I thought looked more like me, which turned
out to be the 6-minute-per-mile-pace group. Satisfied, I took my place among
them.
When the race started, it was like I was shot out of a cannon. With my adrenaline
pumping, I started off at a lightning-fast pace that would be impossible to
sustain. I didn’t know at the time that the effects of distance running were a little
bit like doing shots of tequila at a bar: You feel pretty good after two or three
shots, but that fourth one will smash you. Everything feels fantastic until the
moment you fall off the cliff. The problem is, you rarely see the cliff coming.
You just fall. Your senses drain away, you feel sick, and you lose control. It
silently creeps up on you, and then it pounces. That’s how the marathon was.
At mile 8, I felt great.
At mile 12, I felt okay.
At mile 17, it all… unraveled.
When I met Jesse Itzler, entrepreneur and co-owner of the Atlanta Hawks, he
told me that every single one of us has this little voice inside of us that’s full of
self-doubt. When things start getting tough in our lives—physically, mentally,
emotionally—that voice gets louder and louder and the negative self-talk begins.
It’s a self-preservation mechanism; if you’re putting yourself through grueling
physical pain, your mind is trying to get you to stop. That’s what it’s there for.
Its job is to save you.
At mile 17, my little voice started whispering, and I could not shut it up. I’m an
all-around positive guy, confident and optimistic in my day-to-day life, but I just
didn’t have the energy to ignore that voice. Plus, it sounded so reasonable . With
every step I took, the voice got louder and louder. My mind and body started
shutting down. Feeling immensely defeated, I started walking. Prior to that race,
I would’ve bet someone a million dollars that I wouldn’t have to walk at all,
much less the last nine miles. It was dejecting and humbling, and I felt like a
failure.
Though part of me would rather ignore what happened next, it’s too important,
so we’ll return to my marathon debacle later in this section.
Markelle and the Power of Self-Awareness
I have seen self-awareness make or break people in sports, in business, and in

life. It is often the difference maker in whether or not someone rises to the top of
his field. For six years, I was the performance coach for the DeMatha Catholic
High School basketball program, a national powerhouse located just outside of
Washington, DC. The school has six national championships, thirty-nine
conference championships, and has produced fourteen NBA players. It holds an
iconic and prestigious position in the rarefied world of elite high school
basketball.
As a quiet and skinny thirteen-year-old, Markelle Fultz attended one of our
summer camps. He was a polite and respectful young man who showed signs of
potential, but he was well below the level of player we usually recruited. When
he expressed interest in attending DeMatha, Coach Mike Jones was direct and
honest: we’d love to have you, but don’t plan on making the varsity anytime soon
.
Markelle decided to come to DeMatha anyway, which says a great deal about
him and his commitment to the game. He probably could’ve gone somewhere
else, gotten it fully paid for, and been the big dog, but he chose to go with the
best, playing for a coach that guaranteed him nothing. This was exceptionally
rare: young players tend to go where they’re recruited, but Markelle came to us.
Most recruited players expect to at least start on junior varsity, so they can jump
to varsity as soon as possible. But Markelle had the humility—and awareness—
to know his level, so he began on the freshman team. He didn’t get down or
dejected because he was starting at the “bottom.” He respected the process,
worked on his game, and made it up to JV the next year.
Of course, people were buzzing in his ear, “You should be on varsity,” or “You
should play at another school,” all the noise that comes with coming into your
own. But Markelle had the self-awareness to block them out. He kept on track,
going to the gym, working on his game, and finding a way to raise his level.
Self-awareness almost always leads directly to humility; when you know the
things you don’t do well, you become humble and driven.
Markelle put in so much work after his sophomore year that he jumped to varsity
and became one of the best players in the conference, then in the DC area. But
even then, after he made it to the top of this prestigious group, he didn’t stop.
Instead of resting on his laurels, he improved even more from junior to senior
year, becoming an All-American and accepting a full scholarship to the
University of Washington.
It’s called “self” awareness but the people you choose to surround yourself with
play a part in that. A self-aware person is going to invite healthy criticism, and
one way to do that is not to shy away from hearing the truth. It’s important to
have supportive people who aren’t afraid to tell you the things that you need to
hear instead of the things that you want to hear. The people in Markelle’s circle
helped reinforce his own sense of self.
In 2017, Markelle was the number 1 pick in the NBA draft. I wasn’t surprised at
all. He didn’t lose the work ethic, the drive, and the self-awareness—even as the
accolades rolled in at college. He stayed focused, even with all the hype and
attention that comes when you’re projected to be a top pick. Part of being in the
NBA is knowing your part in the whole. Most players can’t immediately
dominate an NBA court like they did in college—so they have to have
awareness of what their place is among the other four guys in the same color
jerseys.
Unfortunately, a disappointing thing happened to Markelle during his NBA

rookie season with the Philadelphia 76ers. A shoulder injury before the season
began sidelined him for a month. Then two months. Then it looked like he’d be
out for most of the season. Then grainy cell phone video came out from the
Sixers practice arena showing that he had changed his jump shot. People were
alarmed. Something just didn’t look right.
Then the tweeters and commentators had a field day—a Markelle watch—where
week after week of the number 1 overall pick sitting on the bench brought
theories and criticisms. There was talk of him losing his confidence. There was
talk of him being the biggest bust in the NBA draft. It was an unprecendented
amount of speculation and scrutiny. But Markelle stayed quiet.
Then on a regular season game in March of his rookie season, he returned. And
you know what? He was fine. Better than fine. He was great. A month later he
recorded a triple double—double digits in points, assists, and rebounds—the
youngest player in NBA history to do so.
I watched Markelle grow each step on his journey, and I know his career will
soar exactly as the scouts first predicted. He has the self-awareness to make it in
a business where a lot of talented players just don’t pan out. He knows who he
is, and even with the basketball world watching, he will not get rattled.
Self-Test
Despite the “self” in self-awareness, to ensure accuracy it is important to solicit

intentional and purposeful feedback from those who know you best (your inner
circle).
As comedians know, there’s only one measure of whether or not a joke is funny:
Does the audience laugh? It sounds simple, but there is real depth to that
concept. You may believe you possess the necessary humility, but if the five
people closest to you feel otherwise, then guess what?
Identify three people that you feel know you the best. They can be friends,
family, or colleagues. You need to create a safe environment for them to share
their honest thoughts and feelings: Ask them to share the truth as they see it.
Explain what it’s for and that you’d appreciate constructive criticism. The more
honest the feedback, the more helpful and impactful this exercise will be.
Ask them to rate you on the following questions on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being

low and 10 being high):
Do I communicate well? Do I effectively convey my message?
Am I courageous? Am I unafraid to take risks?
Am I disciplined? Do I commit to the process of doing things?
Am I focused? Can I block out distractions?
Am I generous? Am I a giving person?
Do I show initiative? Do I start things on my own?
Do I use sound judgment? Do I know what is truly important?
Do I listen? Do I hear others, or only hear what I want to hear?
Am I optimistic? Do I choose to see the good in every situation?
Am I a resolver? Do I just identify problems… or actually fix them?
Am I responsible? Do I hold myself accountable?
Am I secure? Do I trust those around me?
Once you’ve collected their feedback, see how it compares to the other people
you gave it to. See how it compares to how you see yourself. Look for trends and
patterns. Identify your top strengths and your most glaring weaknesses.
What sticks out?

It is important not to jump to conclusions or judgment.
Remember, this is simply feedback. The results themselves are neither positive
nor negative. You decide whether or not to use them in a way that serves you
and moves you forward or to use them in a way that hinders you.
We can’t change what we don’t notice.
—Tony Schwartz, author and journalist
The Fogged-Up Mirror
There’s a contradiction at work when we talk of self-awareness. You have to

notice if you have it, and that ability is the very thing you’re looking to build!
Because of this catch-22, I don’t think you can ask people if they are self-aware
and ever get any other answer than yes. That’s the tricky thing about it. They
can’t see their own blind spots.
In fact, 95 percent of people, when surveyed, claim to be self-aware. 8 Virtually

no human on the planet would admit to not being self-aware, but the vast
majority are not. I think this comes from a lack of understanding of what self-
awareness means. There is a phenomenon called the Dunning-Kruger effect,
which put simply is: we can’t know everything that we don’t know. (Dunning
and Kruger were two Stanford researchers who found that the subjects who did
the worst on their tests were regularly the most confident.)
There’s an emotional aspect, too—a type of denial at work. Just about everyone
can rattle off what they’re good at, but then there’s the lurking stuff no one
wants to address: the things that scare them, that challenge them, that might keep
them up at night.
We tend to look away from what we can’t do; we avoid digging deeper and
uncovering how to do something about them. It’s easier to ignore them or blame
outside forces. We live a lie that we keep telling ourselves, so our level of self-
awareness is weak, or even nonexistent.
That’s where the real hard work comes in—being able to look in the mirror and
know what we’re scared of and what we’re insecure about. We are taught to
suppress or avoid our adversity and pain, but we have to look at that if we’re
going to get anywhere. It’s where we all have to start.
Key Point: Learn your strengths and weaknesses, inside and out, because
self-awareness makes everything else possible.
Remember:
If you don’t know who you are and what you do, nothing else you know
or learn will matter.
Control the controllables. Don’t get caught up in things outside your

frame of influence.
Recognize what you can contribute—where your value is—and others

will notice. And they will reward you for it.
Avoid the arrogance that blinds you to areas in which you need to
improve.
CHAPTER TWO
Passion
No balls, no babies.
—Mark Cuban
If you have the love for something, then all the work that follows is easier. In
fact, “work” wouldn’t even be the right word. If you consider work a “grind”—a
word I hate—then it will remain so. Sure, there are things we have to grind out,
and no one loves every aspect of his job, but if your heart and soul are not in it,
if you are not committed to the larger goal and purpose, then find something else
to do. Get out of there. You’re no good to anyone. “You don’t have to love the
hard work,” NBA trainer Tim Grover wrote. “You just have to crave the end
result so intensely that the hard work is irrelevant.” 1 It comes down to heart, or
what some people call passion.
Now, I’m not naïve; I know work is work. I’m an up-early-dominate-the-day-

satisfyingly-wiped-out-at-night kind of guy. But viewing work as a grind will
not just make you miserable, it’ll lead to poor performance. An effective mind
shift that I use is turning a “have to” into a “get to.” I don’t have to go work out,
I get to . I don’t have to call this client, I get to . I don’t have to write this
chapter, I get to ! Putting in work is a privilege. If you instill your work with
passion—with all of yourself—the necessary hustle will naturally follow. You
will have a built-in motivator, an automatic engine, to power through.
Think of your passion as energy you carry around, energy that hasn’t been used
yet, energy just waiting to be fed into something. It’s up to you find what that is.
Lately the word you hear a lot is “grit,” which I think of as putting your passion
to use . Talent alone will never be enough because it’s not rare. Innate skill is
overrated and it rarely gets the job done. What you put behind that talent: that’s
where the difference comes in.
Amplifying Yourself
Passion is the engine that carries you through the hard times, through the early
years, through the days where you have no idea if things are going to work out.
The passion, in many ways, will be the first thing to come. It’ll let you know
what you should be pursuing in your life. It’s up to you to listen. And then it’s
up to you to act.
With apologies to a certain beer company, Jesse Itzler is arguably the World’s
Most Interesting Man. He’s an NBA team co-owner, serial entrepreneur,
philanthropist, and endurance warrior who has written books about training with
a Navy SEAL and living with Tibetan monks. I’d wanted to meet him for almost
a decade and was fortunate enough to be invited to speak at a retreat that he and
his wife, Spanx founder Sara Blakely, held at one of their homes in Connecticut.
It was an incredible weekend: part inspirational, part business, part human
connection, part fantasy camp.
As financially set as the two of them are, Jesse and Sara are the most humble,
generous, and authentic people you will ever meet. They both have unwavering
self-belief and confidence in themselves. They bet on themselves big time when
no one else did, and it paid off. “Money just amplifies who you are,” they both
like to say. If you’re an a-hole, money makes you a giant a-hole. If you’re a
generous person, then money allows you to do more good in the world. And
that’s apparent in how they live their lives. Their Live Life for a Living retreat
was one of the most transformational experiences I have ever had. It was about
the basics of old school connection—people actually kept their phones buried for
the entire weekend.
Jesse isn’t afraid to be vulnerable and put himself out there. He preaches how
self-doubt is the number one success killer and how you can either sit around
and wait for an opportunity or you can create one yourself. His daily mantra? I
didn’t come this far to only come this far.
Jesse started as a music artist. He recorded his first rap demo on his answering
machine, playing an instrumental beat on a boom box and rapping the lyrics onto
a mini-cassette tape. The only window of studio time he could get was from
midnight to 7:00 a.m., so for months he rode his bike 20 miles a day to spend all
night in the recording studio, only to ride it back in the morning to his job as a
kiddie-pool attendant. In 1993 he rocketed to fame after writing “Go New York
Go,” which became the infectious New York Knicks theme song at Madison
Square Garden. After a successful music career, he moved into entrepreneurship,
founding Marquis Jet, a private plane credit card service before selling it to
Warren Buffet’s Berkshire Hathaway. Then he partnered with Zico Coconut
Water before selling it to Coca-Cola. Suffice it to say, he never has to worry
about money ever again.
But nothing’s changed because Jesse was never motivated by money. As he

wrote in Living with a SEAL: 31 Days of Training with the Toughest Man on the
Planet , “Any success I have ever had in my life usually occured when I was not
chasing the money but was doing things out of passion.” 2 And I believe it. I
know Jesse, and he is an inspiration to me in my own work. He puts his passion
into everything he does, and applies it to giving back to the world.
We spend far too much time at work for it not to have meaning.
—Satya Nadella, Microsoft CEO
Staying on It
Do you give yourself to what you do? All of yourself? In what ways are you
holding back? Why? Could it be the reason why you’re not where you want to
be?
My friend Jon Gordon, author of many bestselling books on leadership in sports,

business, and life, shared this fantastic word with me: meraki . It’s a Greek word
that means “putting yourself in what you do.” I wish we had a word in English
for that, but we don’t. I fear that the reason we don’t is that our culture puts less
value in the idea.
Superstar trainer Tim Grover, who has worked with everyone from Michael
Jordan to Kobe Bryant, told an amazing story about Charles Barkley in his book
Relentless . There was a period during Barkley’s playing days when he was
having rehab on his knee and was given strict instructions not to go on the court.
Of course, Barkley didn’t get to where he was by following the rules so he got
on Grover, insisting and insisting until Grover did what most of us would do. He
gave in. Grover said Barkley could practice shooting as long as he didn’t step
down on the injured leg, which was still in a boot.
“No problem,” Barkley said, and Grover handed him the ball.
Grover then watched in awe as Barkley, with his booted foot never touching the
ground, stood under the basket and dunked ten times a row, on his good foot. On
one foot from a standing jump. That’s how much passion he had to get back on
the court.
Talent alone is a part of the equation, sure, but if it’s not activated, it’ll just sit
there. Unused, untapped, and ultimately, unknown. As two-time NBA MVP
Steve Nash has said about resilience: “That’s a muscle that needs to be
developed. You can be born with great grit and resilience but you have to
continue to develop that muscle as well.” 3
I can’t teach you to have passion. No one can. All I can advise is to find what
brings it out in you and then channel the hell of it. And don’t let up.
Some call it resolve or perseverance or persistence. Whatever we call it, we

know it when we see it. It’s Barkley dunking on one foot. It’s Kobe coming back
from a nearly career-ending injury. It’s a fifteen-year-old Michael Jordan
working his tail off to make his high school varsity team after getting cut the
previous year. It’s a thirty-two-year-old Jordan coming back after retirement to
win another three championships in a row. It’s about putting a realistic goal in
front of you and stretching to accomplish it. What is it for you?
From the Bottom
Starting out, Mark Cuban didn’t have anything handed to him. He began selling
everything from garbage bags to powdered milk to franchises for a TV repair
shop. Cuban then made his way to a job at a software store, opening up in the
morning and sweeping the floors at night. Even at that early stage, Cuban had
the perspective not to see any work as a drag, but rather as an opportunity. And
he didn’t waste it: on his own time, he read all the computer manuals lying
around until he knew how each machine worked.
“In every job, I would justify it in my mind,” he wrote in his book How to Win at
the Sport of Business , “whether I loved it or hated it, that I was getting paid to
learn and every experience would be of value when I figured out what I wanted
to do.” 4 As a young man, Cuban had the passion to succeed. It allowed him to
translate the grind, or the boredom, or whatever you want to call it, into
opportunities. Not everyone sees those so-called dead-end jobs as openings but
Cuban did. I don’t believe there is such a thing as a dead-end job. Create the
opening yourself by making sure it leads somewhere. Cuban did and he ended up
a billionaire and icon.
Jason Stein (no relation), CEO of media agencies Laundry Service and Cycle
Media, started out in a similar way: he responded to 200 Craigslist media jobs a
day in order to land just one. 5 Phil Knight began Nike by driving around selling
sneakers at track meets out of the trunk of his car. The first investor to say yes to
Whole Foods’ founder John Mackey regarding his idea of opening a natural food
market in Texas was not moved by his idea. He was moved by Mackey’s
enthusiasm. 6 In the 1990s Google cofounders Sergey Brin and Larry Page were
committed to creating the world’s best search engine, and they “could figure out
the money stuff later.” 7
None of these people were driven by money—they couldn’t be. The money was
so far off and nowhere near a sure thing. But so many of their imitators failed
and continue to fail because they pursue the money as its own end rather than
giving their passion the keys and letting it take them there.
Why would someone spend the countless hours it takes to get good at
something? What keeps them there and coming back for more? Only passion.
Late Nights in the Film Room
Success is built on the backs of long hours, solitary commitment, and sometimes
what appears to be “menial” work. No one starts out with the flashy job. The
only people who end up landing those jobs are those who are willing to do all the
unflashy things that build toward it.
Bill Belichick, who has a record seven Super Bowl rings, * was not a coaching
prodigy. Despite his stellar reputation as among the most knowledgeable NFL
coaches ever to put on a headset, he was—and remains to this day—a
workhorse. He rose through the coaching ranks by becoming an expert at a skill
that no one else had mastered, the one that everyone else hated: watching film. 8
When Belichick started out, as a twenty-three-year-old assistant on the

Baltimore Colts’ coaching staff, he offered to watch and analyze film—for free.
(He was paid only $25 a week for his regular duties.) Of course, it was a lot of
extra hours, some of it eye-watering and mind-numbing, and he never got credit
for any insight that was used on the field. That was for his superiors. But that
didn’t matter.
Let’s stop and go over that again: He took the worst job for no pay and got no
credit for it. And he asked to do it.
Belichick “thrived on what was considered grunt work,” Ryan Holiday

explained in Ego Is the Enemy . “[He] strove to become the best at precisely
what others thought they were too good for.” 9 Once Belichick established
himself as not just an expert at breaking down film, but someone who wanted to
win badly enough that he would become an expert at breaking down film, other
coaching staffs took notice. The rest is literally history.
Other big-time coaches began as video guys, doing the grunt work to make
themselves indispensable. Among these were Erik Spoelstra of the Miami Heat,
10 who spent countless hours breaking down film early in his career until years
later he looked up and he was calling plays for LeBron James and Dwyane
Wade. Holiday simplifies the Belichick and Spoelstra approach this way: “Find
what nobody else wants to do and do it.” 11
Jeff Van Gundy is the epitome of passion. As the New York Knicks head coach
in the early ’90s, I loved watching him screaming his head off, never sitting
down, just locked into the game in a way that his players must have loved. I
particularly remember him backing up his players in high-tension situations:
getting head-butted by Marcus Camby after Camby took a swing at one of his
players and grabbing for dear life on to seven-foot Alonzo Mourning’s foot
during a Knicks scuffle. (YouTube these. Trust me.)
Van Gundy is a huge advocate of the get-on-the-ground, scrappy player who

doesn’t care what his stat line looks like. As a coach, he did what he could from
the sidelines to practice what he preached.
Nowadays Van Gundy is an NBA broadcaster who also gives smart and
inspirational talks to players and coaches alike. “Want to be an uncommon
player?” he asked at one of his talks. “Box out. Take charges. Dive for loose
balls. Make the extra pass. Those are all things everyone can do, yet very few
actually do.”
I’ve met him a few times and interviewed him for my podcast. He is an engaging
and knowledgeable coach who has a powerful way of cutting right to the heart of
the matter. When I asked him as a coach whether experience or instinct was
more important, he told me he saw them as two sides of the same coin.
“Experience gives you instinct,” he told me on my podcast, “if you pay
attention.” It’s not the accumulation of your years or games or even victories
alone that matters. It’s what you do with them.
Self-Test
Stop for a moment and think about your job. There’s what you’re assigned to do,
but there are other things that need to be done, right?
Are there skills or knowledge that would be invaluable if they existed inside one
employee? Of course there are. If you don’t know what those are, find out. Once
you do, become the master of them. Make it so no one can do what you do.
Create Your Own Opportunities
It’s up to you to be ready for the moment. Your opportunities may be few and
far between. You may not know when they’re coming, so it’s best to always be
prepared.
In 1990 Tim Grover was a young trainer with a master’s degree working at a
health club in Chicago. One morning he read an article in the newspaper about
how Michael Jordan was tired of getting roughed up by the “Bad Boy” Detroit
Pistons, who were consistently eliminating the Bulls in the playoffs. Grover’s
eyes lit up. He saw his opening.
Though Jordan was by then already the NBA’s best and most visible player,
Grover was not intimidated; he took the ball and drove toward the hole. After
some hustle and a good dose of fearlessness, he secured a meeting with the
Bulls’ doctor and trainer. “What were the chances they would advise their
superstar player to work with this unknown trainer who had never trained a
professional athlete?” he wrote. “None, everyone said. Forget it. Impossible.” 12
But it wasn’t. In fact, that’s exactly what happened. Jordan and the Bulls hired
Grover, who stayed with Jordan for the rest of his career. Once Grover worked
with—and succeeded with—Jordan, Grover became a known quantity and rose
to the top of his profession. He is now a legend, and it all goes back to a single
decision. That day in the health club, Grover didn’t spend time going over all the
reasons it wasn’t going to happen, why Michael Jordan and the Bulls wouldn’t
hire someone like him. He made it happen. Those opportunities are not as
frequent as we’d like them to be, and they almost never appear in the way that
we imagine they would, but none of that matters. Find the door. Open the door.
Step through the door.
When They Call Your Number
Passion is necessary to get you through the time periods when the opportunities
just aren’t there. It’s what drives you to be ready when the time comes—and you
never know when that will happen. It’s funny how few people remember who
Tom Brady used to be. Brady was an unknown sixth-round draft pick, a backup
quarterback, watching New England Patriots’ games from the sidelines.
One Sunday in 2001 Patriots’ franchise quarterback Drew Bledsoe went down
with a devastating injury and Brady got the call. He put on his helmet and ran
onto the field. Seventeen years later Brady is still at it, and few would argue that
he isn’t among the greatest ever in his job. When the moment presented itself, he
was ready. Of course, he couldn’t wait until Bledsoe went down to prepare
himself or else he wouldn’t have been able to capitalize when it happened. He
got himself ready and trusted that his moment would come.
Brady’s “moment” has lasted almost twenty years. His career will go down as
one of the most impressive longevity stories in the history of professional sports.
He is currently forty-one years old and talks about playing another five years, an
impossible feat for a football player, much less a quarterback, to achieve. How
has he done it? Passion for the game, of course. But not just that.
He hasn’t forgotten that lesson from that Sunday in 2001. He’s getting himself
ready because he cares enough to do it, becoming a trailblazer in the areas of
health and wellness. “Outside of playing football,” Tom Brady told an
interviewer, “the one thing I love to do is to prepare for it.” 13 He’s actually
passionate about the preparation . Think about how hard it is to beat someone
like that, whose passion extends to the most grueling part of the work. We’ll
return to this idea in the next chapter, when I talk about meeting Kobe Bryant.
Competition Is Good for Your Health
Passion is indeed an inner drive, but it can also be brought out through external
factors. One of the most effective ways to bring out passion is through
competition, to tap into our desire to win. The root of the word “competition” in
Latin is “to strive,” 14 and in that striving we get better. It’s why great teams
compete with each other every day. The starters compete to keep their jobs, and
the reserves and role players compete to take their jobs. A healthy competition is
good for the workplace, just like it is on the court. At DeMatha, Coach Jones
ends every practice with inter-team competitions, in order to tap into that
competitive instinct. Competition is a powerful and intense energy source that
should be utilized as a force for good.
Psychologist Adam Galinsky and business professor Maurice Schweitzer wrote

in Friend and Foe about the value of competitiveness in work and life. Setting
us up in a head-to-head matchup, in a situation that we may lose, is constructive
because “disappointment can be turned into motivation.” 15 When we feel the
loss, we internalize the need to get better. We are driven to return stronger and
get a win. This is why so many workplaces now look to sports to teach
everything from motivation to teamwork to discipline. The court is like a testing
lab for what works and what doesn’t.
For instance, statistics show that basketball teams that are down by 1 at halftime
win more often than teams who are up by 1. It seems strange until we think
about it, but then it makes perfect sense. The team that is down by 1 has that
extra motivation that comes from being down, which fires them up. 16 Think
about being in a race—would you rather be slightly ahead or slightly behind?
The runner who is slightly behind has a visual of where he needs to get to and
the tangible motivation to get there, while the runner slightly ahead does not. A
wide-open track in front of you may be exciting but it’s not the motivator that
another runner’s back can be.
There’s a reason why kids play games, not just practice, when they start a sport.
Long before they know what they’re doing, they enjoy the boost, the energy, and
the passion that comes from competition. The main reason sports are central to
the youth experience is because of the intangibles that arise out of practicing,
competing, and being on a team.
Teaching children the importance of competing is why I don’t let my kids win at
anything. No, I am not an egomaniac. I do this to teach them about life. By
definition, it’s not an accomplishment unless it is earned. I want my kids to earn
everything in their lives. In games of skill, strength, or speed, where I clearly
have a formidable advantage, I will often handicap the rules (e.g., give them a
significant head start in a race) to give them better odds. However, I still do my
best to beat them.
When they do win, I congratulate them and tell them how proud I am of their
effort. I intentionally recognize how hard they worked, how much they
practiced, and how they never quit. It’s important to acknowledge the process,
not the outcome. I don’t make a big deal when they win or lose, but rather
highlight the role their effort and attitude played. And regardless of the outcome,
I make sure that whoever wins does so with humility and graciousness and
whoever loses does so with class and grace.
Obstacles
Passion goes hand in hand with courage—whether on a large or a small scale.

Maybe the most amazing personification of courage I’ve ever heard of is Aron
Ralston. Ralston has since become an icon and well-known adventurer since a
movie was made about his life, but on April 26, 2003, he was just alone and
screwed.
While hiking by himself in Utah, Ralston stepped on a boulder that jarred loose
and landed right on top of his arm, pinning it—and him—to the side of a canyon
wall. For six days Ralston was stuck there in a standing position, his arm
trapped, with little food or water or chance of being rescued, drinking his own
piss and freezing. But he refused to relent. Of course, what people talk about
now was Ralston’s decision on day 6 to break and then cut off his own arm , but
remember, he had to make it to that point. He spent 126 hours under
circumstances none of us can imagine before figuring out not just how to do that,
but bringing himself to a point where he mentally could do that. He spent the last
hour doing what almost none us could imagine ourselves doing. Today, Ralston
—prosthetic arm and all—still continues to climb and has become a motivational
speaker. It’s nearly impossible to complain about your circumstance after
listening to this guy’s story.
Fortunately, none of us has to face Ralston’s horrifying situation, but his story is
an inspiration wrapped inside a lesson. In The Obstacle Is the Way , Ryan
Holiday looked at the great achievers of history—from all arenas—and found
that they all shared one characteristic: pushback. “Like oxygen to a fire,” he
wrote, “obstacles became fuel for the blaze that was their ambition.… Every
impediment serves to make the inferno within them burn with great ferocity.” 17
The truly ambitious, the passionate ones who rise to the top of their fields, feed
on the obstacles. They don’t see them just as things to avoid—those are rich
energy sources.
Remember that the only difference between seeing something as a problem or an

opportunity is your attitude. Here are four keys to overcoming adversity:
1. Stay honest.
2. Stay positive.
3. Stay insulated.
4. Stay confident.
Self-Test
Think about the current obstacles in your work and life. Write down your three
primary obstacles, which is a helpful way to see them for what they are. In what
ways can they be motivators? How can you turn them into fuel?
When you stop growing, you start to decay.
—Mike Krzyzewski
Your Comfort Zone Is a Cage
As human beings, it is wired in our DNA to crave comfort. To subconsciously

make things as easy as possible. But that’s not how we grow. We grow through
discomfort . We grow through stretching, through challenge, through adversity.
Low performers crave comfort; high performers don’t just tolerate or do well in
discomfort, they seek it out . They keep raising the degree of difficulty so they’re
forced to strive and stretch and improve. The discomfort isn’t where they stop;
it’s where they start.
Passion allows you to drive through the type of discomfort that would cause
most people to quit. That’s why you must condition yourself to be comfortable
being uncomfortable . How many times have you heard that you need to work
hard to be successful? Probably more than you can count. But no one really
defines what hard work is or what it means to work hard. Here is my personal
definition: Hard work is intentionally leaving your comfort zone with purpose.
That’s how you grow.
If I asked you to put down this book and start doing push-ups right now, what
would you do when it got tough? You’d stop, right? Once your chest and
shoulders and arms were on fire and shaking, you’d stop. That just seems
natural. But what if I told you that it’s the reps after that point which actually
make the difference? Those are the ones that make you stronger.
In the spring of 2018 a trend started happening online with professional

gymnasts. They were all posting videos of themselves, which were going viral.
Gold medal routines? No. Personal highlight reels? Hardly. They were all
posting their most epic fails, falls, and crashes. It happened after an Italian
gymnast posted her own and started the hashtag #GymnasticsFallChallenge, and
it took off, with over a thousand professional gymnasts posting their own. 18
Why? Because these professionals understood that they were only publicized for
doing well. Maybe that selective editing gave the wrong impression about how
hard they worked and how difficult their events were. The public lapped up the
videos. True, we all have the juvenile impulse to laugh when people wipe out,
but we also like to see that these professionals are human. The videos
illuminated that they are people who have worked their tails off, building their
failures into something else. The failures weren’t sidetracks; they were the
stepping-stones to their success.
The same is true in business. It’s only after the no’s, the letdowns, the misfires,
the doubts, and the resistance that the best ideas surface. Failure is learning.
Billionaire investor Warren Buffett is a big proponent of studying failures
because he knows that those stories are where the gold lies. He doesn’t just
preach it either. He has “made it a habit for years to write down the reasons why
he is making an investment decision and later look back to see what went right
or wrong.” 19
It’s not a coincidence that adversity is a key part of so many success stories.
From Oprah to Steve Jobs to Tony Robbins, it’s rare that you find someone who
achieved greatness who didn’t face huge adversity. Those obstacles got turned
inside out.
Happiness can be defined, in part at least, as the fruit of the desire

and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we want
eventually .
—Stephen Covey
Common Denominators
Be open to failure. Invite failure. As long as you’re failing differently each time,
in the long run you’re actually not failing at all. The most successful people I
have come across—from players to coaches to entrepreneurs to CEOs—do not
fear failure. They trust the process and do not worry about the outcome. This
goes for virtually all the success stories we see on the news or read about—
including in this book.
According to former PayPal executive VP and LinkedIn cofounder Reid

Hoffman, whose first digital venture flamed out, “If you tune it so that you have
zero chance of failure, you also usually have zero chance for success.” 20 As
someone already worth over $3 billion, Hoffman is still a proponent of failure.
Failure, especially tough losses, is beneficial because “you learn to keep a
certain amount of humility [and] you learn to keep a certain amount of
objectivity.” That doesn’t mean they’re easy—it just means there’s something
worthy at the other end.
This goes for companies, and it goes for individuals. Is it a grind, or is it a

journey? That’s up to you. When Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay
became the first men in history to summit Mount Everest, they celebrated. They
took it all in: for fifteen minutes. Then they climbed back down.
Stop seeking out your comfort zone, consciously or unconsciously. It’s your
enemy. It makes you soft and complacent. You have to consistently step out of
your comfort zone and challenge yourself. When Bill Gates was starting
Microsoft, he always promised more than he could deliver. He just said yes, and
then he would figure out how to do it afterward. Steve Smith, his marketing
director, said, “Virtually everything we sold was not a product when we sold it.
We sold promises.” 21 Follow that: sell promises. You’ll be amazed what you can
pull off when it’s time to produce.
There is no reward for always playing it safe. The most successful people in any
industry thrive in discomfort. Why? Because temporary discomfort leads to
permanent improvement. No one will hand you anything. You have to earn and
deserve success. You have to have the courage to sacrifice your immediate
contentment. Embrace the process required because you want it badly enough.
Dig into your passion and let it be your guide.
Key Point: Passion is the engine that powers us through what we have to
do. If you know what yours is, tap into it as much as you can. If you don’t,
commit yourself to searching and finding it.
Remember:
Passion is what will separate you from others and your life’s work from
anyone else’s.
No one makes it by coasting on talent; skill alone rarely gets the job
done.
Your attitude and approach determine whether it’s a “grind” or a

journey.
Care about the result so much that you are willing to do what it takes to
get there.
Use your passion as a guide to what you should be doing.
CHAPTER THREE
Discipline
Luck is the residue of design.
—Branch Rickey
I don’t believe in luck. I think unhappy and unsuccessful people use luck as an
excuse. What most people call good luck is actually the expected collision
between preparation and opportunity. In order to be lucky, you need to be ready
for when opportunity knocks. Was Tom Brady lucky? Not at all. A hundred
other guys could’ve been Drew Bledsoe’s backup the day he went down. But
none of them would have had the career Brady has had. It is always better to be
prepared for an opportunity that never arises than unprepared for one that does.
We know we should be prepared, but do we look closely enough at what that

means? How do you prepare?
You need to be ready in case you don’t have time to get ready. How do you do
that? Work on your craft every single day. Do what others aren’t doing. Read,
watch, and listen to everything you can in your chosen field. Spend time on it
that others are spending in front of the television or sleeping in. The resources
are there. Find them. Use them. And then, if you want to be lucky, you need to
be in the right place at the right time. But instead of waiting for that to happen,
you can make that happen. How? Create value in everything you do, everyplace
you go, and every person you connect with.
Ask yourself this question: Are the actions you take today on par with the
dreams you have for tomorrow?
How to Be Prepared
1. Read.
2. Study.
3. Observe.
4. Evaluate.
5. Reach out.
6. Risk.
Good habits are hard to form and easy to live with. Bad habits are
easy to form and hard to live with.
—Mark Matteson, author and speaker
Deep Dive
We all live in a highly distracted society; it’s hard to find the time to develop the
focus to sink into our work. Computer science professor Cal Newport, who
wrote an entire book called Deep Work , thinks it’s a dying skill. According to
Newport, going deep into our work is “a crucial ability for anyone looking to
move ahead in a globally competitive information economy that tends to chew
up and spit out those who aren’t earning their keep.” 1 Translation: The future is
going to value those who can get lost in their work, who can block out all
interruptions, who can focus even among the onslaught of distractions that
characterize life in modern society. If you can’t do this, you’re in trouble. If you
know you can’t do this, start addressing it.
How long can you work at your computer, drafting table, or whatever your
canvas is without seeking out a distraction? How long can you go without
checking your texts? Or Twitter? They might seem like short detours, little blips
in your day, but they add up. All those little moments that break the flow of your
work have a huge effect on your overall productivity. They prevent you from
going deep. When he was in grade school, young Jeff Bezos would get so lost in
his assignments that teachers had to pick up his chair with him in it to get him to
move to the next task. 2 Even back then, no one had to teach Jeff Bezos how to
go deep into his work.
Every researcher who has looked at multitasking has come back with the same
conclusion: it’s a myth. We don’t do two things at once; we move back and forth
between two tasks, never getting into the flow of either, each task feeling like a
distraction from the other. We like to think we can multitask but we’re just half-
tasking two things at once . Be suspicious of anyone who claims to be a great
multitasker; I guarantee you important things are getting missed.
The future will be run by those who know how to go deep into their work. That’s
when it will become a secret weapon. As Newport wrote, “Depth will become
increasingly rare and therefore increasingly valuable.” 3 He offers this equation,
which he calls The Law of Productivity:
High-Quality Work Produced = (Time Spent) X (Intensity of Focus) 4
Time is, without question, our most precious resource. The moment we are born,
our hourglass gets flipped over. That means that our most valuable currency is
our attention. It shows what we truly value. Unfortunately, a huge portion of our
time is being spent doing things that we’re not paying attention to. In fact,
according to a Harvard study, “People spend 46.9 percent of their waking hours
thinking about something other than what they’re doing.” 5 That’s nearly half the
day of not being where their feet are.
Where you put your attention determines whether or not you are wasting,
spending, or investing your time. Be present . It sounds so simple but just look
around. It isn’t. It might be the hardest thing for us to regularly do. And it’s only
getting harder.
I can’t help but think of one of the many mind-blowing moments from LeBron
James’s career. But this one was not on the court, it was behind a microphone.
After his Cavs lost the first game of the 2018 Eastern Conference Finals, a
reporter asked LeBron, “What happened in the fourth quarter?” Partly as a
tongue-in-cheek response and partly as a peek into how his mind works, LeBron
took the question literally. He preceded to give a detailed blow-by-blow of the
entire sequence of plays from the start of that quarter until his coach’s time-out.
There was a light laugh in the room, and LeBron gave a little smirk when he was
done, but it shone a spotlight on how his gifts are not just physical. Imagine the
focus of being able to do that.
Two games later he did it again, describing at the post-game press conference, in
perfect detail, three different passes he made in the game, where other players
were on the floor, and how he executed them. His mind is so locked in to what
he is doing that even with everything that comes with being the best player on
the planet in a playoff game situation, those details were easy for him to just
rattle off.
Self-Test
Productivity Audit:
• What are your three most important work-related responsibilities?
• What do you actually do every day at work?

• What do you actually do every day at work?
• Compare lists.
Note: If you aren’t investing at least 80 to 90 percent of your time on your

primary three responsibilities—then you are not being as efficient and as
productive as you are capable of. Shift your energy and time so your priorities
are treated like priorities.
The Swish Standard
To be disciplined is to carry incredibly high standards for yourself. It’s making

those lofty standards your baseline, meeting them, and then trying to exceed
them. Years ago I got an up-close look at a player who would eventually become
arguably the best shooter in NBA history—and a peek at how he got there.
At a skills camp eleven years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting and working
with Steph Curry. At the time he was a rising sophomore, an undersized college
player out of Davidson College, an under-the-radar school in the Southern
Conference. Actually, it was Curry himself who would bring Davidson to
national attention, significantly raising its profile in subsequent years.
I was the camp’s performance coach, and Steph was one of the camp’s
counselors. He had just completed his freshman year and wasn’t on the map yet
—not even at the college level. But I was struck immediately. If you had the
eyes to know what to look for, you’d have seen it, too. This kid was something
special.
It began before it even began. At the start of each session, Steph made sure that
he was always the first guy on the court. While others were lounging around
with headphones and flip-flops on, lackadaisically stretching or joking around,
Steph was already laced up and going through a structured shooting routine.
By the time the actual workout started, he had already made a couple hundred
shots and was in a full sweat. Later, waiting on drill lines, while others were
looking bored or chatting it up, Steph was studying the moves. I watched him
closely and could see his focus. While he was on line, he was pantomiming his
footwork for a variety of finishes around the basket so that when it was his turn,
he could execute them correctly.
As a coach, someone who is trained to look for these kinds of things, I couldn’t
keep my eyes off him. If Steph did something correctly, he then made sure to
repeat it and repeat it by himself, cementing that muscle memory. If he did
something incorrectly, he would go and find the nearest coach and ask for
personal instruction. Then they’d go off to the sidelines to make sure he had his
footwork down or whatever it was he needed to do. Remember, this was not a
tryout. No one was scouting him, and he wasn’t raising his draft stock or any
kind of rating. That’s not why he was doing it. He was building a monster. Just
nobody knew it yet.
Later that day, Steph grabbed me while I was picking things up from the court.
“Hey, do you mind rebounding for me?” he asked. “I’m not leaving until I swish
five free throws in a row.”
As I stood under the basket and rebounded for him, I was in awe of this standard
of excellence. Making five in a row at all is hard enough, especially at the end of
a grueling practice, but that wasn’t his routine. He needed to swish them. (A
swish doesn’t touch the backboard or rim; it’s named for the sound it makes.)
The thing is, you can’t really concentrate on swishing. If you focus on that,
you’re focusing on the wrong thing. It has to be completely automatic. Most
people would say a made shot is a made shot, but that just wasn’t Curry’s
standard. You can’t make a shot any more perfectly than swishing it.
A few times he swished four and made, but didn’t swish, the fifth, and started
over. Now, no one would’ve cared if he’d called it a day, but he was committed
to reaching his standard. These days Steph Curry is considered the best shooter
in the league, maybe the greatest shooter of all time. It didn’t come out of
nowhere—it started with the discipline he had to meet that high standard in those
gyms when no one was paying him any attention at all.
Steph’s father, Dell Curry, was an NBA player, a great shooter, and Steph saw
firsthand that if you want to be great at something, you put the time in and put
the work in. Most kids only see ESPN highlights and YouTube clips. Steph saw
the boring early mornings and exhaustive practice routines. He saw what it took
and decided it was worth it.
Unseen Hours
My good friend and colleague Drew Hanlen is an internationally renowned NBA

strategic skills coach. He has coined a phrase that I absolutely love: unseen
hours . It refers to all the time and effort the public doesn’t see that lays the
foundation to the success they do see. It’s the work they put in when there are no
TV cameras, no fans, and no cheerleaders. It’s the baskets they make that don’t
count, the passes that don’t show up on instant replay, the hustling that never
gets them any shout-outs. It’s what happens when the gym is empty and the hour
is insanely early or insanely late. Those are the unseen hours. That’s where the
heavy lifting happens, and the average spectator doesn’t even think about it.
Drew would know, having worked closely with many of the NBA’s youngest
stars, from Bradley Beal to Joel Embiid to Andrew Wiggins to Jayson Tatum,
during their unseen hours. Their work is so much deeper than the time we see
them on the court.
There’s a famous story about Pablo Picasso that epitomizes the value of the
unseen hours. Picasso, in his later years, was sketching in a park when a woman
walked up to him. “Excuse me,” she interrupted, “do you think you could sketch
me something?” She offered to pay him for his time.
He agreed, quickly dashed off a sketch, and handed it back to her.
“That will be five thousand francs,” he said.
“What?” the woman asked, dumbfounded. “How could you charge that much for
something that took you five minutes?”
“Ah, but madam,” he said, gesturing to the drawing, “that took me my whole
life.” 6
Self-help icon and bestselling author Tony Robbins is a guy who has become as
successful in his arena as anyone I can think of. He has Leonardo DiCaprio on
speed dial and calls the former British prime minister “Meg” Thatcher. In 1998,
the night before Bill Clinton’s impeachment proceedings were about to begin in
Congress, Robbins got a call at his home: it was the president, seeking his
advice.
Robbins is famous for saying, “People are rewarded in public for things they
practice for years in private.” The stuff we do see, that we admire, the moments
we hang up a poster of or tell each other stories about? That’s literally the tip.
It’s all about that iceberg underneath.
At one time my friend Babe Kwasniak was the sales director for Ameripath, a
cancer diagnostics company. When that company was sold to Quest for a couple
billion dollars, he left business and decided to pursue his passion: coaching
basketball. Coach Kwas, as he’s affectionately called, is one of the best
basketball coaches I’ve ever been around.
“Ever see a duck floating on the water? Most graceful thing ever,” he told me in
an interview. “In business or on a team you should be the same way, classy and
professional. Ever see a duck swimming under water? Ugliest thing you ever
witnessed. What we do when no one is watching is rarely graceful.”
Discipline comes down to a simple choice.
1. Decide exactly what you want.
2. Determine the price you have to pay.
3. Choose whether or not you are willing to pay it.
That’s it. Go through three steps and move on. You’ll save yourself a lot of
heartbreak and time if you get this out of the way first.
Blackouts with Kobe
Discipline is not sexy and it’s not glamorous. It’s an ethic and it’s a belief
system. It’s the groundwork on which you build anything worth building. The
human brain wants to work as efficiently as possible. In order to tap into that
efficiency, we need to create good, consistent habits. Collectively these translate
into discipline.
In 2007 Nike flew me to Los Angeles to work at the first ever Kobe Bryant
Skills Academy. They brought in the nation’s top high school and college
players (Arizona State’s James Harden among them) for an intensive three-day
mini-camp so that the players could learn from the best in the world.
Few would argue that at that time, Kobe was the best player in the game. Jordan
was the past, LeBron was the future, and Kobe was the guy. There had always
been urban legends about what his workouts entailed. Word around our circles
was that Kobe used to call them “blackouts” instead of workouts.
Since I was staff and might never again get the chance, I asked Kobe if I could
watch him work out. That’s how it is in my business. Everyone can see the
game, but to really learn the secrets, you have to watch the practice. It’s the
difference between buying Jay-Z’s album and sitting in the studio watching him
write and record one.
“Sure,” Kobe said. “I’m going tomorrow at four.”
“But don’t we have a camp session at three thirty tomorrow afternoon?” I

reminded him.
“I know,” he replied. “I’m working out at four a.m .”
Okay then.
I figured if I was going to be there anyway, I might as well try and impress
Kobe. I might as well show him how serious a trainer I was. So I planned to beat
him to the gym. When my alarm went off at 3:00 a.m., I quickly jumped up, got
dressed, and grabbed a taxi. I got to the gym around 3:30 a.m., so of course, it
was pitch black outside. But as soon as I stepped out of the cab, I could see the
gym light was already on. And I even heard a ball bouncing and sneakers
squeaking. I quietly walked in the side door, and Kobe was already in a full
sweat. He was going through an intense warm-up before the real workout
started. I grabbed a seat, didn’t say a word to him or his trainer, and just
watched.
For forty-five minutes I was shocked. For forty-five minutes I watched the best
player in the world do the most basic drills.
I watched the best player on the planet do basic ball-handling drills.
I watched the best player on the planet do basic footwork.
I watched the best player on the planet do basic offensive moves.
Granted, he did everything with surgical precision and superhero intensity, but
the stuff he was doing was so simple. I couldn’t believe it.
Later that day I went over to him. “Thanks again,” I said, “I really enjoyed
watching your workout this morning.”
“No problem,” Kobe replied.
Then I hesitated, not wanting to sound rude—or worse—condescending.

“You’re the best player in the world. Why do such basic stuff?”
He flashed that gleaming smile of his. “Why do you think I’m the best player in
the game?” he asked. “Because I never get bored with the basics.”
He knew that if his footwork was not razor sharp, then the rest of the move
would never be as good as it could be. And he knew that the only way to do that
was through sheer repetition. Kobe had such an understanding of building things
step by step, brick by brick; he worshipped at the altar of the basics. If someone
at Kobe’s level needs to commit hours to practicing the fundamentals, then so do
all of us. Kobe taught me a pivotal lesson that morning. The basics are simple ,
but not easy . If they were easy, everyone would do them.
Everything a player does starts at his feet—every shot, every pass, and every
defensive slide. Footwork is the foundation of their entire game. Proper
footwork provides a player with more options both offensively and defensively.
It improves movement efficiency, speed, quickness, and agility. Proper footwork
makes average players good, good players great, and great players elite. It’s why
Kobe spent so much time working on this. Until you have that down, you can’t
really execute or else you’re building off a weak foundation. Learn the basics.
Know the basics. Master the basics. Ask yourself: What are the basics of your
business?
As a consultant, speaker, and author, I recognize that there is some debate about
what the basics of my business are. Many believe the most basic component of
my business is sales. I have to sell my services to clients; once I’m hired, I have
to sell my message, beliefs, and strategies. But I choose to dig deeper than that.
What is a basic of sales? Communication. What is a basic of communication?
Listening.
When I break it all down, I believe the most basic component of my business, or
any business for that matter, is active listening . Active listening is listening to
learn, not listening to respond. It’s listening to connect, not listening to reply. It’s
listening empathetically—which is the ability to try to see the world through
another person’s eyes and trying to respect, appreciate, and understand their
perspective. Regardless of a company’s size or industry, if they want to be elite,
they must learn to master the fundamentals of active listening (to both their
employees and their customers/clients). Active listening is the “footwork” of
business.
Against the Hack
We live in an instantly downloadable world that encourages us to skip steps and

circumvent the process . We are taught to chase what’s hot, flashy, and sexy, and
ignore the fundamentals. We are lured into “hacking” this or that, finding a way
to skip the line. But the basics work. They always have and they always will.
A hack is a shortcut. A hack is a data breach. A hack is what people call a lame
comedian. I don’t believe in any of these. I believe in efficiency, not shortcuts.
Skip the hacks. Do the work. Earn your success.
My friend Jay Bilas always talks about how his father was all about the process,
whether that applied to sports, life, or yard work. “Jay,” he’d say, “the only way
you can get to the top of any ladder is step by step, rung by rung.” Bilas’s father
emphasized that you cannot skip steps on a ladder. If you miss one, you’ll fall all
the way back to the bottom. It can take you an entire lifetime to build up your
reputation, and you can do one boneheaded thing and lose it instantly.
Our culture encourages us to skip steps because we think we can get the glory
without getting down the basics. It’s why twelve-year old kids are spending their
practices heaving half-court shots. Because that’s what Steph Curry can do. In
my day they were working on their in-the-air moves because of Michael Jordan.
The kids today aren’t thinking about why Curry can do that. He has built his
skills to the point where making it from that distance is an extension of his
natural shooting. Nailing a three-pointer at the buzzer in the NBA is as
glamorous as it gets. But being alone in the gym at dawn shooting a hundred free
throws in a row? Those are reps. That’s just work. People like Steph Curry and
Kobe Bryant never forget that’s where their whole game begins.
Discipline is easy. Sustained, consistent discipline is hard.
—Jesse Itzler
The Five Steps to Mastering Any Skill

Future You
Passion might be the why, but discipline is the how. As a society, we might have
the energy to get going, but not to keep at it. The numbers don’t lie. Ninety
percent of all startups fail. 7 According to researchers, “Ninety-five percent of
those who lose weight on a diet regain it, and a significant percentage gain back
more than they originally lost.” 8 The numbers on New Year’s resolutions,
company reorganizations, and post–heart attack changes are also wildly
depressing. The reason? There’s too much attention to the initial promise and not
enough to laying the groundwork in order to actually execute and sustain it.
Preparation is a controllable competitive advantage. It’s setting up your future

self for success. When I asked Mark Cuban about what skills transfer from
sports to business, he told me, “Preparation, preparation, preparation.” He
prepares relentlessly to ensure that he is the most knowledgeable person in the
room. Any room.
Cuban is constantly looking to improve on what he doesn’t know, which he calls

a “knowledge advantage.” When I met him, he told me, “That’s the thing with
technology. If you put in the time, you can keep up with anybody.” It’s all out
there. You control your knowledge advantage. Cuban firmly believes that most
people don’t bother with the effort or time to gaining one, and he passed a lot of
those people on his way to the top.
Starting out in the computer business, Cuban bought every book and magazine
he could, making educating himself his number one priority: “Anyone could buy
the same books and magazines,” he wrote in his book. “The same information
was available to anyone who wanted it. Turns out most people didn’t want it.” 9
They might want the end result, but they don’t want to do what it takes to get
there. Cuban did. He still does.
Success is like a loose ball. It’s out there. It comes down to one simple thing:
Who wants it? Learn to find it easy to do the things other people find it easy not
to do. Successful people find it easy to read, to work out, to eat well, to be
attentive, to set standards, to find a mentor, to attend seminars, and to network.
As Jim Rohn would often say: Unsuccessful people find it easy not to do these
things. 10 Circumstance and fortune certainly play their part, but you can control
how ready you are when the opportunity comes, or when it comes or how it
comes. I know for a fact that preparation trumps pressure. I’ve seen it so many
times, in all kinds of settings. Control the controllables. Don’t focus on the
outcome, focus on the process .
I want you to close your eyes for a second and picture a brick wall.
Got it?
Okay.
If you’re like me, you picture a wall where every brick has been laid perfectly.
There aren’t any bricks missing or any sticking out. Which means someone took
the care and precision to lay every brick perfectly . And if you have the
discipline to lay each brick perfectly, the end result will be a sound, sturdy wall.
Nothing else is even possible.
When you focus on the process, the outcome will take care of itself.
Over time, by putting in the work—by having the discipline to put in the work—
you set yourself up for success. Experience isn’t about your former titles or your
résumé. Experience is the unseen hours, the early mornings, the late nights,
everything that happens when no one is watching. When you have accumulated
enough of those, your skills will come out of you as naturally as your breath
does.
When No One Is Watching
My longtime friend Dave Bollwinkel is a scout for the Chicago Bulls. When
Syracuse came to DC to play Georgetown for a 4:00 p.m. game many years ago,
Dave texted me. He said he was coming to town to scout a couple of players on
each team and invited me to come. Meet me outside the arena at 11? he texted.
11? I replied. The game’s at 4. Why do we need to be there five hours before tip-
off?
Because that’s my job , he wrote back.
It was Dave’s job as a scout to watch players when they didn’t know someone
was watching them. Dave didn’t care so much about the game itself; he had
already watched hours of film on these guys. He needed to watch them before
the game, to see how they interacted with their teammates and coaches, how
they talked to the building’s service staff, what routines they put into practice
and were executing in their free time.
He wanted to see how they prepare. Are they clowning around and throwing up
hook shots from half-court, or do they go through a structured, specific routine?
When the strength coach is taking them through their warm-up, are they just as
dialed in as they are at tip-off or are they goofing off?
Dave and I sat up in the stands—the only ones watching these private shoot-
arounds—and he took page after page of notes. Even though I don’t have Dave’s
keen eye, it was still crystal clear to me which players knew how to prepare and
which ones didn’t. In one shoot-around, two or three players drastically raised
their stock in Dave’s eyes and two or three drastically lowered their stock. And
here’s the thing: none of them had any idea.
Dave was writing down notes that would actually impact these players’ futures
and they didn’t even know it, based on things they probably didn’t even think
were important. The lesson? Someone is always watching you, and everything
you do matters. If you don’t think your pregame preparation matters, then on
some level you won’t play as well once the stands are full. We all have off days,
but the habits of preparation are going to reveal so much more than how we do
on one day.
It’s why in high school, Larry Bird shot 500 free throws before school every
morning, even during the months he had a broken ankle and was likely to miss
the rest of the season. 11 “If you cheated… in the dark of the morning,”
heavyweight champion Joe Frazier once said, “you’re getting found out now
under the bright lights.” 12
Our Choices, Our Stories
In 2010 Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos gave the commencement speech
to Princeton University’s graduating class. He talked about how our lives can be
summed up as a story of our choices. When we are old and sharing our story,
“the telling that will be most compact and meaningful will be the series of
choices you have made,” he said. “In the end, we are our choices.” 13
Each and every day, you have a choice to make. You can choose to work hard or
you can choose to not work hard. And remember: not working hard is actually a
choice. It doesn’t feel like one but it most certainly is. In fact, it’s often the
easiest choice available. That’s why so many people make it.
If you want to be successful, you need to decide to work hard consistently. You
must choose to get better every day, even when no one else is around, and even
when you don’t feel like it (especially at those times—because that’s how you
get a leg up on everyone else). Merely wanting it is not enough. Just about
everyone wants it. Make the sacrifices necessary to make it happen.
Key Point: Create habits and structure that will give you an edge in your
business. Discipline means having, maintaining, and refining a system in
place to work on your game.
Remember:
There’s no such thing as “finding” success, as if you stumbled upon it.
You create success by building the habits to reach it.
It’s the consistent habits that make the best the best. Build a schedule
and a structure of habits that put first things first.
Knock out distractions. Consider how to spend your time wisely and
efficiently. Be ruthless in trimming the “fat” from your day.
Use your unseen hours. Make the most of your time—those at the top do
not waste a second. Focus on what matters.
CHAPTER FOUR
Coachability
It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.
—John Wooden
Feedback is the sound of the world responding to us. Ignore it at your own risk
because it is absolutely instrumental to improvement. If you don’t know—and
aren’t willing to discover—how you need to get better, you will forever be stuck
where you are. An ego might prevent you from wanting to hear it, but those who
have a thick skin and an understanding of the big picture crave it. As discussed,
self-awareness is the necessary foundation, but true feedback needs to come
from an outside source. Those who are willing to heed it are what I call
coachable.
If you are not coachable, you are closed to development and, ultimately, success.
Winners want to know the area where they are losing and how they are losing—
so they can win there as well. It’s the only way to patch up errors, close those
holes, and make yourself a force to be reckoned with. Drop the ego and stay
open. You’ll be surprised how many things you can do something about and how
many things you can influence.
How we choose to process feedback determines whether or not we progress or

regress. The world’s highest performers and achievers make the decision to use
all feedback in a manner that moves them forward. We have the choice in how to
process feedback—the feedback itself is neither positive nor negative. It’s
neutral. It’s sterile. It’s unbiased. It becomes positive or negative only when we
choose to attach feelings and emotions to it. It doesn’t matter if it is a coach
correcting a player’s footwork, a manager offering suggestions on a proposal, or
an audience rating a speaker.
In the world of athletic performance training, I was raised on a philosophy called

high-intensity training, an incredibly intense training methodology that calls for
you to take every set to the point of MMF (momentary muscular failure). You
push the weight until you can’t push it any more. Because of this, I am
conditioned to push for failure, every set of every workout.
Think about it: If a basketball player does a thirty-minute ball-handling workout

and never loses the ball, then he did not get any better! All he did was replicate
what he was already capable of doing. In order to progress, he has to push past
his current limits. If you’re not losing the ball, then you’re not getting any better.
Coachable Business
Of course, the concepts of coachability go far beyond the gym and the court. As
the business advice has it: “Your worst customer is your best friend.” 1 You learn
through your failures, through those who reject you, turn you away, and want
nothing to do with you. Don’t be afraid to hear them out. They will become your
greatest teachers.
Arthur Blank, cofounder of Home Depot and owner of the Atlanta Falcons,
claimed he built his business on finding holes he needed to fill. And he
continued that mindset as he worked his way up. “When I was running Home
Depot,” he said, “I’d always stop the customers who walked out of our stores
with nothing. They were the ones who taught us the most.” 2 We know that the
ones who best adapt are the ones who survive. High achievers are always going
through this process: learn—unlearn—relearn.
Look at Domino’s, which owned the pizza delivery market for years. At some
point along the way, they got complacent and then sloppy. Once competitors
started cutting into their market share, they asked for customer feedback. The
overwhelming response? “Your pizza sucks!” (I’m paraphrasing.) They took this
feedback to heart—even running an advertising campaign admitting to it!—and
took aggressive steps to make their pizzas healthier and tastier. They called it the
“pizza turnaround” and their sales have improved dramatically, surpassing their
competitors for the first time in years. 3
In Mindset: The New Psychology of Success , psychologist Carol Dweck

compares two kinds of people: those with a fixed mindset, who assume that they
are where they should be, and those with a growth mindset, who are always
pushing. She calls this stretching. “People in a growth mindset don’t just seek
challenge, they thrive on it,” she wrote. “The bigger the challenge, the more they
stretch.” 4 Her research shows conclusively how those with the growth mindset
are more likely to bounce back from challenges, put in that extra effort, and
become successful.
How we react to our failures is going to be one of the most crucial aspects of our
game. We all run into failures—some are our fault, some are the way of the
world. But what separates the successful from the rest is how they use those
failures. In fact, those with a growth mindset don’t treat them like failures at all.
They’re just opportunities to learn. This is what distinguishes the truly
successful. They don’t stop when they reach a level of success, and they
definitely don’t stop when they hit a wall. The wall is actually when they really
start pushing.
Coachability breaks down into three parts:
• Trust: full confidence from coach to player, player to coach, and

coach/player to team
• Openness: the humility, trust, and desire to welcome instruction and

guidance
• Execution: the ability to precisely carry out a desired course of action
KD and Knowing What’s Good for You
Coachability is understanding the gap between where you are and where you
want to be—and committing to doing what it takes to get from one to the other.
When I first met Kevin Durant in 2004, he was a skinny high school junior who
didn’t say much beyond hello , good-bye , and thanks . If you think KD is skinny
now, you should have seen him then. He’d need a cinder block in his lap just to
keep the seat down at a movie theater! Don’t get me wrong—he was
unbelievably talented and had a killer work ethic, but he needed to get stronger
and add muscle if he wanted to succeed at the next level. So I stepped in. After
some hustle and convincing on my part, his wonderful mother, Wanda, finally
let me take him through a workout.
And I crushed him. I was the hammer and the nails. At the end of a brutal full-
body strength workout, Kevin was literally lying in a heap on the floor. Because
he was so quiet, it was hard for me to get a read on what he was thinking and
feeling about it.
When we were done, I walked over to him. “Hey, young buck,” I asked him,
“You like that workout?”
He looked me in the eye, dead serious. “No,” he said. “But I know this is what I
need to do to play in the NBA. When can we meet again?”
Even at fifteen years old, KD had the maturity to know what he needed to do to
get where he wanted to go. He had that special something. When elite guys find
something they can’t do, they step into it. That’s what makes them who they are.
I saw an HBO documentary on Durant’s off-season, and it was unbelievable how

much work he put in just during his vacation . Just watching his routine was
exhausting. “He’s working as if he’s still trying to get to the NBA,” his friend
said. It didn’t matter that he had just been named the league’s MVP! He was still
pushing like he was that fifteen-year-old kid trying to make it. When he came on
to my podcast during the off-season, it was the same exact thing. I talked to him
at the end of a practice day that had started at 8 a.m. The off-season is “the real
season,” he told me. “It’s where you get better.”
Actually, it’s not when everyone gets better. Only those who are willing to be
coached do.
Durant’s coachability sets an example for others. He told me he recognizes the

influence he has over rookies and bench players and makes a point of getting to
practice early to work on his game, knowing that others will follow his lead. If
you think you already know enough in your field and don’t need to be coached,
keep in mind that even Kevin Durant is not at that point. And he will never get to
that point. That’s just who he is. You think you are better at what you do than
Kevin Durant is at what he does? Enough said.
When Michael Jordan was first spotted at a summer camp as a teenager, it
wasn’t his athleticism that impressed the scouts. It was his ability at a young age
to take coaching. 5 The best are coachable. Their drive for greatness means they
have an insatiable desire to improve. They’re never satisfied with where they
are, and they refuse to stop learning. Though it would be extremely easy for
them to do so, they don’t rest on their laurels or accolades.
In his book Eleven Rings: The Soul of Success , former Chicago Bulls and Los
Angeles Lakers coach Phil Jackson discusses a ritual he would engage in with
his players at the start of each training camp. He would line the players up on the
baseline and ask them if they were willing to accept his coaching for the
upcoming season.
Jackson, one of the winningest coaches of all time, understood the necessity of
this exchange. Maybe some players thought it was hokey or didn’t understand
why they had to do it every season, but Jackson knew: he solidified that bond
because it laid the groundwork for everything that would come after.
The people who have taught me most in my career are the ones
who pointed out what I didn’t see.
—Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO
Sniffing Around
Are you a curious person? Are you interested in learning more about your
business and the world around you? Is one of your engines the desire to know
more? If not, I got some bad news for you.
At the New York Times , Adam Bryant interviews successful CEOs for a living
and studies them across all industries. The common denominator? “Passionate
curiosity,” 6 he wrote. We don’t always see that side of them, he explained,
because their public faces are those of cool, collected leaders. 7 They have to be.
But talk to any of them one on one, as he does, and you’ll find they are “eager
students who devour insights and lessons, and are genuinely, enthusiastically
interested in everything going on around them.” 8 When I read this, I flashed
back to Mark Cuban. These are people at the top of their game, the absolute
pinnacle, but they are still driven to know more. That’s how they stay up there.
Look at all the twenty-first century’s big ideas, and you’ll find curious people at
their core. Airbnb cofounder and CEO Brian Chesky, who turned a lark of an
idea about sharing floor space and air mattresses into a $30 billion behemoth, is
defined by everyone who knows him as having a “near pathological curiosity” 9
and “an obsession with constantly absorbing new information.” 10 And here’s the
key. He’s still like that. Sara Blakely, billionaire founder of Spanx, is the same
way. “When I see a problem,” she told an interviewer, “I just start asking
questions. I am looking for a gap.” 11
CEOs who have gone through the fire and come out the other end are looking for
those who remind them of themselves. They value the risk takers, the ones who
are brave enough to try and humble enough to learn, to fail, and to try again. The
take-no-prisoners jerk who acts like he knows everything? Nobody wants that
guy. There’s nothing to teach him and nothing he can offer. The ones who are
open? Willing to listen and be coached? Every team could use more of those.
Make yourself invaluable. Become a sponge. Be willing to listen and learn. Stay
coachable.
When the San Antonio Spurs’ season ends each year, Gregg Popovich takes each
player aside, individually, and thanks them for allowing him to coach them. 12
It’s a powerful message: not just because of the gesture of gratitude, but because
it reminds the players that it’s a two-way relationship. No one can coach you
without your consent. Make sure you are open to it.
Bring on the Fail
Every single ladder to success has rungs of failure on it. They are not pit stops or
anomalies. They are a key part of the journey. We don’t know how to do
anything until we screw up at it enough times. “Never flinch at failure,”
legendary UCLA coach John Wooden wrote. “I was taught not to fear making a
mistake if it was the right kind of mistake. My college coach at Purdue told us
that the team that makes the most mistakes usually wins.” 13 Once we get past
the ego aspect of the equation, we realize how valuable failure is. We learn far
more from it than we do from success.
It’s an idea that has spread to the business world as well. Sara Blakely makes a
point of celebrating “Oops” moments around the Spanx office so employees can
see how the mistakes can become teaching moments. She credits her father for
this philosophy and approach. At the dinner table when she was growing up, he
would ask what she and her brother had failed at that week. 14 She internalized
the idea and continues to ensure that failures are treated as the lessons they are.
The Lessons of the Untalented
P. J. Carlesimo is a coaching legend—at all levels: at Seton Hall, in the NBA—

for four teams, including two Spurs’ championship teams—and most
impressively, for the 1992 Dream Team who won Olympic gold in Barcelona,
the most-talented team ever assembled. However, when I interviewed him for
my podcast, he surprised me by not discussing the elite players he worked with.
“You learn a lot more when you have a team that’s not very talented,” he told
me. “You learn a lot more when you lose, particularly early in your career,
which is something that I went through.… It’s a great teacher.” Carlesimo
understood that failure is really just the word we give to all those previous reps
that got us to where we are now.
Some academics have begun putting a “notable failures” section on their

résumés. I’m a fan of this trend. It opens up the idea that we are not all
progressing in a straight line. Scrubbing our career trajectories of our setbacks
doesn’t serve anything but our egos. Let’s make a point to dig in on them—not
to dwell, but to explore.
An overpowering fear of failure may be a generational issue as well. According

to a recent study, 40 percent of millennials carry a fear of failure, more than any
other age group. 15 If I had to guess, I imagine that growing up in a social media
culture, a world where every little thing is shared, has created this side effect. No
one wants to mess up because it’s so public and embarrassing. But failure is a
built-in motivation and teaching system—if you’re smart enough to embrace it.
“Failure is so valuable,” says researcher James Prochasksa, because “it forces us
to learn, even if we don’t want to.” 16
Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick.
—Steve Jobs
How Strong Is Your Bounceback?
The reason I’m so passionate about embracing failure is that I used to shy away
from it. In fact, it wasn’t until I was in my early thirties that I changed my
mindset to accept my mistakes as valuable, as a necessary part of the process. No
one gets it right every time. So the question isn’t whether or not you will fail, as
everyone inevitably does. It’s how you respond. How you deal with failure
determines your ultimate happiness and success. Let’s call it your bounceback.
Apple’s Steve Jobs will forever be hailed as a visionary genius, but the story
about him that gets told most often is how he was fired from the company he
built, only to return and save it twelve years later, turning it into one of the most
successful and important brands on the planet. To his credit, Jobs didn’t bury
that part of his biography; he often retold the story himself, because he
understood it was the foundation of his future success. Failure only becomes
positive or negative based on how you frame it and how you personalize it. The
exact same failure can inspire you, motivate you, and teach you, or it can crush
you, debilitate you, and paralyze you. It is a matter of choice.
Failure is about walking headfirst into “no,” into adversity, into discomfort. We
must condition ourselves to embrace it and thrive from it. I’m grateful to have
gotten a lot of yeses in my life. And almost all of them have come after countless
nos. As a professional speaker, I hear no on a daily basis; I think of it as just part
of my workday. But I have always felt that every “no” gets me closer to a “yes.”
If you are constantly getting yeses, then you aren’t pushing hard enough. If you
didn’t lose the ball, then you haven’t learned anything.
It’s up to you how you choose to feel about and perceive your misses. It goes
back to the growth mindset. Those who see failures as walls will do nothing to
get past them. Those who see them as doors will do the work to get them open.
Be Ready to Receive
An important part of being coachable is being open to lessons from anywhere

and anyone. Former Ultimate Fighting Champion Frank Shamrock was once
pound for pound the deadliest man in the world. He is an extremely fit,
handsome man with a powerful presence and energy. Though Frank speaks with
authority, he’s actually quite reserved, the perfect mix of confidence and
humility. He knows he could beat any human to death in six seconds, but he
carries himself in a way that neither celebrates nor hides this fact. I got to spend
quality time with Frank at a retreat recently. When I spoke with him, he was
open about all the mistakes he has made in his personal life and how hard he has
worked to correct them and move forward.
The first twenty-one years of Frank’s life were brutal. He suffered abuse as a
child and he was in and out of the foster care system and then jail. After making
the choice to turn his life around, he began his fighting career, which he
approached differently than he had anything in his life up to that point. Frank
took a very scientific and cerebral approach, which was unheard of at the time.
He studied his opponents’ weaknesses, leverages, and fighting styles, developing
a clear advantage as soon as he entered the Octagon, the UFC ring. He
constantly evolved as a fighter, never wanting to become predictable.
“Everything works, but nothing works forever,” he told me.
Frank lives by a system he calls the +, =, − system:
+ (plus): He finds someone ahead of him and learns from them.
= (equal): He finds someone equal to him and exchanges with them.
− (minus): He finds someone he is ahead of and shares with them.
I love this system for many reasons, but one is that it recognizes that ideas, help,
and motivation can come from anyone and anywhere. Frank doesn’t see some
people as worth the time and some not. Everyone has value. Lessons are all
around us.
You need to carry a readiness to receive instruction and be open about where
you get ideas. On Amazon.com, the idea of other web pages—even homemade
ones—having an Amazon button? It came from a customer. Bezos has built
Amazon into a goliath, partly because of “a willingness to jump on new ideas
that come from any source.” 17 It takes humility and openness to accept ideas
from anywhere and everywhere. New results require new behaviors. If nothing
changes, nothing changes.
In the early 1980s the rock band Metallica was on the verge of becoming huge
when they kicked out their first guitarist. They held auditions and hired an
unknown kid, Kirk Hammett, to become their new guitarist. The first thing
Hammett did after getting the job of lead guitarist for what was about to be the
biggest band in the world?
He hired a guitar teacher.
Times of Transition
Growth, development, and improvement must be a continuous process. How
long is it acceptable to be in the third grade? One year. At that point, you are not
only expected to move on, you are forced to! Why don’t employees feel
compelled to do the same? Many employees stay at the same level year after
year.
Growth comes only from transition. Your happiness, performance, and success
are predicated on your ability to manage these transitions. Sometimes we initiate
change, and sometimes it is forced upon us. Either way, we must adapt. You
must expect transition; always be ready for it because it won’t always announce
itself and you may not have time to get ready. Life is filled with transitions; our
ability to anticipate them before they arrive and embrace them when they do is
what allows us to get a leg up and rise to the next level. Along the way, you’ll be
amazed what you can accomplish as long as you remain coachable.
Key Point: It’s a journey, not a destination. The successful ones never stop
growing. Accept that you have more to learn, and be willing to get it from
anywhere and anyone.
Remember:
You control your “knowledge advantage.”
Never quickly judge who or what is worth paying attention to. Be open.
Great ideas are in the air all around us. Train your eyes to recognize
them.
Embrace failure for the teaching tool that it is.
Feedback is the sound of the world responding to us.
CHAPTER FIVE
Confidence
You can’t possibly become better than me because you’re not
spending the time on it that I do, so I already won.
—Kobe Bryant
Confidence is the last chapter of part 1 because it is the sum total of all the
previous qualities. Do you have self-awareness? Are you passionate? Are you
willing to do disciplined work? Will you remain coachable? The natural result of
all this is confidence. Earned confidence. Grounded confidence. Authentic
confidence.
When you go into a situation prepared, confidence can’t help but arise. It’s no
different than Steph Curry confidently swishing his free throws when the game
is on the line and millions are watching. He knows they’re going in, because he’s
made thousands of them when no one was there.
The Smartest Guy in the Room
There are some people you meet, who are at the top of their game and after five
minutes talking to them, you understand how they got where they are. They just
exude a kind of earned confidence in what they do and what they know that
comes from years—decades—of investing in themselves.

A few years ago, my Hardwood Hustle podcast team and I booked flights down
to Dallas to meet with one of the most confident people in the worlds of sports
and business: Dallas Mavericks owner, Shark Tank star, and renegade billionaire
Mark Cuban. Our flights were delayed so we showed up in Dallas on no sleep,
but that didn’t matter. I was psyched; being in Cuban’s presence was like having
an IV drip of caffeine. He’s just an inspiring and magnetic kind of guy.
Mark was at the top of my must-meet bucket list, so sitting across from him and
getting to talk shop was a phenomenal experience. He was a total gentleman,
easy and hospitable as he granted us full access to his private suite at the
American Airlines Center. His office is in the bunker underneath the stadium,
decked out with several big-screen TVs, leather couches, Mavericks
memorabilia, and a full bar. It was the ultimate man cave.
Cuban’s an extremely busy guy, but he ended up giving us a couple of hours—

and we had a blast. He was on a schedule and he had somewhere to be, but he
never made us feel like it. What I like and respect most about Mark is his
confidence. “We all doubt ourselves at one point or another,” Cuban told me.
“Confidence gives me the ability to push through that doubt. Confidence has
helped me in every presentation I have ever made in my life.” Cuban is a living
example of the power of confidence—he’s a self-made man who has, through
force of will, become a powerhouse. He is brilliant, innovative, and fearless, the
very definition of a maverick. And his confidence is earned .
Talking to Cuban, who was lounging casually in a T-shirt and track pants, his
knees up and feet on the table, I was struck by his authenticity. As he pounded
Red Bull, he spoke as casually as if we were buddies drinking beers and
watching a game. He didn’t seem like a billionaire or an icon or any of it. There
was no calculation about how he wanted to sound. He offered no talking points
or branded sayings that he’d said a billion other times. Mark Cuban was real .
I’ve met enough big-time sports, media, and businesspeople to know that this is
rare. Cuban is a guy who knows who he is and what he wants, and he’s not too
concerned about how he comes off. He has strong opinions, and he’s not afraid
to share them. It’s just who he is. Cuban knows self-confidence is not just a
result, it’s also a cause. It’s a self-regenerating process.
Mark’s first company, Micro Solutions, began humbly, with a $500 job from his
first customer. In 1990, he sold that company to CompuServe. Today he’s worth
over $3 billion, and his businesses are still growing. When he took over the
Mavericks, they were the worst team in the NBA. In fact, they were voted worst
professional sports franchise of the 1990s. The very first thing Cuban did as their
owner was upgrade the players’ locker room and travel accommodations. Why?
Most executives might think that’s the last thing you should do for a losing team:
that’ll just make them more comfortable and encourage their complacency. But
Cuban isn’t most executives. He knew that once the players felt valued, they
would value each other and their game more.
On the other side of the locker room door, he got his hands dirty. He put his desk
on the ticket sales floor and set up shop there, making sales calls alongside the
agents. Cuban worked to directly convince the people of Dallas to come out and
support a team that was playing to an empty stadium—and losing—all the time.
And it worked.
Cuban doesn’t get hampered by obstacles; in fact, they get him going. He told
me that he was motivated by taking over the worst team in the NBA. “You can
use fear as a roadblock or as motivation,” 1 he wrote in his book, and his life and
career are a testament to which choice he makes, over and over again.
When I asked him his definition of success, he answered immediately: “Waking

up every morning with a smile on my face knowing I’m going to make this a
great day.” It was only when I was relistening to our interview that I realized
how profound this was. Not that it was going to be a great day, but that he was
going to make it one—that’s the key. It’s in his hands. That’s the power and
reach of confidence.
“I love to compete. When I was younger, I liked to prove to everybody that it

didn’t matter how old I was,” he told me. “I was twenty-two, twenty-three
starting a business. I’d kick your ass no matter what. Now that I’m older… I
don’t care if you’re eighteen, twelve, or fifty, I’m going to kick your ass. You
can work hard and I’m just going to outwork you, and outgrind you, and do
whatever it takes.”
Cuban often talks about how his goal is to always be the most prepared and most
knowledgeable person when he sits down in a room. He preaches the gospel of
knowing your stuff. “I get my confidence from knowing that I outwork everyone
and read more than anyone,” he told me. “Knowing I put in the time to give
myself a competitive advantage is where I get my confidence from.” If he loses
out on something, it will never be due to lack of knowledge or lack of
preparation. He’s a master of the unseen hours and that’s why he’s successful.
Cuban believes confidence is misunderstood; it’s not just empty self-esteem or,
as he put it, giving yourself a participation medal. “It comes from experience and
knowledge,” he said. Confidence also doesn’t mean invincibility. It doesn’t
mean he’s never afraid. In fact, he told that me that when he walks in to
convince someone to buy one of his companies, “It’s always terrifying, and I’m
always wary of what will happen, but my preparation and confidence get me
through!” I was reassured knowing that Mark Cuban still gets terrified in high-
stakes situations. It reminded me that confidence doesn’t mean never being
afraid—it just means being prepared and driven enough to get yourself past that
fear.
What Losing Gives Us
Contrary to the old Vince Lombardi maxim, which has been quoted far too many
times, winning is not the only thing. Not even close. Of course, it feels great and
it’s what we’re all trying to work toward, but success is built on the backs of
failures. That’s just a fact. It’s not just about overcoming fear; it’s about using
that feeling to drive you. The energy—even the anxiety—that comes from being
afraid is something to utilize. It can be channeled into something; it can be the
engine that fires you forward, even into things you are afraid of.
Of course, confidence comes from being successful. Mark Cuban is the way he
is because of what he has accomplished. But we can’t forget that confidence
comes from going through adversity, coming out the other end, and continuing
to go forward.
Confidence is also about conviction, muscling through obstacles, and

withstanding heartbreak. It’s holding fast to your vision even when the world
isn’t buying. It took Perry Chen eight years to launch Kickstarter from the
original idea. 2 Every single investor passed on Airbnb until Silicon Valley’s
biggest, Sequoia Capital, didn’t. 3 Think about how many great ideas and smart
entrepreneurs don’t end up breaking through. It takes people who resiliently
believe in themselves—almost to an irrational point—to come out the other side.
Confidence comes from both winning and losing, which takes years of passion
and discipline to build. A lot of it has to do with getting rid of the negative self-
talk and replacing it with words and beliefs that keep you striving for what you
want. You can change what you do by changing the way you think. It’s that
simple.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
—Teddy Roosevelt
A Game You Can’t Win
My friend Paul Biancardi of ESPN loves to say, “You will always lose the
Comparison Game.” Why is that? Because it’s rigged. It has no function besides
enlarging self-doubt. I’m typing this chapter on board a flight to South Dakota.
Among the 250 passengers on this plane, I can quickly find someone better
looking, funnier, more successful, taller, more muscular, smarter. It won’t take
long to find someone who scores higher than me on almost any metric.
If I use these people as my measuring stick—to determine my self-worth and

value—I will always lose.
I will never measure up.
I will always fall short.
I will never have or be enough.
But this is an easy trap to fall into. I still occasionally catch myself doing it.
Conventional advertising’s number one goal is to get us to play the Comparison

Game. To make us feel like we aren’t enough, to brainwash us into believing we
always need more and to magnify our insecurities. In many ways, social media
has expanded this issue. We get so hyperfocused on what everyone else has and
what everyone else is doing that we lose sight of ourselves.
Comparison never serves us or adds value to our lives. In fact, it robs us of

happiness and fulfillment. The only thing we should compare ourselves to is our
previous selves or to what we are capable of.
That is the only way you can win.

Game Face
Successful people often have routines to help access or build their self-
confidence. If you don’t, consider developing one—even look to the world of
sports for ideas. In Psyched Up: How the Science of Mental Preparation Can
Help You Succeed , Dan McGinn shadowed a doctor who has a specific routine
he goes through before going into surgery to get him mentally ready. The
surgeon happens to be a former wrestler, and he uses similar preparation
techniques to the ones he once used before a match. 4
McGinn also wrote about witnessing West Point athletes preparing for a game
by listening to an actor reading their “greatest hits,” highlights of successes
they’ve had on the field. He interviewed masters of performance like Jerry
Seinfeld about their pre-show routines and sat in on a Juilliard class that is
exclusively about mental preparation. Juilliard students—the best young
musicians in the world—have a full semester class that doesn’t teach music at
all. The class’s sole purpose is to get the students psychologically ready for the
stage and the pressures of performing in front of an audience. Professors in this
class even make students do calisthenics and ask them to perform pieces
immediately afterward so that they can get used to that adrenaline flowing
through their bodies as they play. 5
Confidence is the face we put out to the world. We’re living in a “shark tank
economy,” where we’re judged by important singular moments—the big
interview, presentation, or evaluation—and we need to perform at our best.
Without confidence, it’s unlikely anyone is going to give us that account, client,
job, or promotion. Even if we have the skills, if no one knows or trusts that we
do, we will not be able to make the big leap.
Next Play
Confidence comes from not getting bogged down in the past. We extract what
we need to improve, and then we move on. At a DeMatha game, Coach Jones
will say “next play” at least a hundred times. Ref missed a call? Next play. You
turned the ball over? Next play. You missed a wide-open shot? Next play. It goes
back to what you can control: focus on the next play. The most important
question you can ask yourself after success or failure is: What now?
The only way you can be at your best is to be fully present. It doesn’t mean
ignoring what happened—you need to pull lessons from that experience. It’s
about not sulking or getting down. It’s about taking what you can from the
experience and applying it to the next play, whatever that next play is.
No serious physical event is a physical event… they’re all mental

events.
—The Selection 6
The Guy in the Blue Tuxedo
Okay, I’ve been putting it off, but it’s time. Let’s go back to 2002, mile 17 of my
first marathon. My legs were on fire, and my body had shut down. I’d slowed
down to a walk, humiliated and broken. It was the first time in my life that I
allowed my negative self-talk to completely take over. I was just swimming in it:
I can’t do this. I can’t finish. I’m done. I knew that it wasn’t healthy or
productive to go there but that voice was deafening. It was hard to block out.
Every time I tried to muster up the strength to get running again, it was like my
legs were full of lead. They just wouldn’t move. And the voice would begin
screaming again.
As I spiraled in this negative self-talk—you suck, you can’t do this, you’re

finished —two people ran by me whom I will never forget. They are forever
burned into my memory.
One was an eighty-year-old man in a powder blue tuxedo. He was good enough
to run a marathon wearing anything. And he just sailed right by me. Like he was
on a Sunday stroll. It was a vicious hit to my ego, and though he didn’t mean to,
he added insult to injury.
But that wasn’t the worst. The worst was when a middle-aged woman ran by me
who had—I am not kidding—crapped her pants . Her shorts were completely
brown in the back. I later learned it’s fairly normal when you put your body
through intense physical stress for certain systems of your body to shut off. It
happens; you have no bodily control. But she ran right by me, too. The one-two
punch was brutal, beyond humbling. I walked the rest of the way, all the way to
the finish.
Even though I finished the race, it was not the way I had planned. It wasn’t on
my terms. At the end, I told myself, I will never do this again. That was the
worst experience of my life.
Years later, I still think about it. It has always been in the back of my mind,
bothering me. Not so much the failing—there’s no shame in not being able to
run an entire marathon—but the fact that I allowed my negative self-talk to get
the best of me. I use that memory as fuel and motivation to never put myself in
that position again. Since then, to test myself and push past my fear, I have
participated in several endurance events. Were they hard? Absolutely. But that’s
why they were worth it. Hell, the first person who ever ran a marathon—twenty-
five hundred years ago in Athens—got to the end and promptly dropped dead.
Stratton Mountain *
I carried the marathon experience with me for fifteen years. It lingered in the
back of my mind; the way my negative self-talk took over, the way my
confidence wasn’t earned, the way I put myself in a position to be embarrassed
like that. In 2017 I took on a far more grueling activity. I participated in the
29029 Everest Challenge. The task was to ascend Stratton Mountain seventeen
times over the course of two days, the equivalent of ascending Mount Everest.
Even though we rode down in a gondola after each ascent, it was far and away
the toughest thing I’ve ever done—way more grueling than the marathon.
Among the participants were a guy who had rowed across the Atlantic Ocean,
the world record holder for climbing the highest mountains on each of the seven
continents (more on him later), two former NFL players, a trainer on NBC’s The
Biggest Loser , and a woman who was preparing to run seven marathons on
seven continents in seven consecutive days. It was an awe-inspiring group, and I
was humbled just to be among them.
Of course, I hadn’t forgotten the guy in the blue tuxedo and the lady who lost
control of her bowels passing me fifteen years earlier. In the months before the
challenge, I prepared methodically and relentlessly. I added a progressive
inclined treadmill and Stairmaster program to my normal strength training
routine, trying my best to simulate the experience ahead of time. Just being in
shape was nowhere near good enough, and I wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes.
I’d have the confidence that comes from being prepared.
The mountain, with its punishing steep incline, was a beast. As a performance
coach, I’ve always associated an elevated heart rate with high-intensity
movement like sprinting. But simply walking up the mountain had my heart
pounding, my legs burning, and though it was cold, my body completely soaked
in sweat.
As physically tough as it was, climbing the mountain was actually more of a

mental test. It was all about how I processed the knowledge that I was at specific
landmarks. There is a difference between the mindset of “I just got to the
halfway mark!” and “Ugh, I still have halfway to go.” It’s the ultimate glass is
half-full proposition.
There was a stark contrast between climbing in daytime, when I could see a
hundred yards in front of me, and climbing at night, when I could only see as far
as my headlamp would shine. Same mountain, same task, different perspective.
On some ascents, I’d be all alone, and at other times, I’d go with a group. When
I was solo, I was left alone with my thoughts. With others, we all worked
together to support and push each other, and I was able to distract myself from
the physical challenge by connecting with others.
Once I came to the humbling realization that I would not be able to complete all
seventeen ascents in the time allotted, it was bittersweet. I was disappointed but
it also made the pressure evaporate. When I got to that point, I could just smile,
take a breath, and simply focus on enjoying the experience. I knew my twelfth
ascent would be my last, and it was by far the most enjoyable. Fully present the
entire time, I intentionally stopped at several landmarks to take in the view and
reflect on the event and my experience.
Though I didn’t finish the challenge, I knew that wasn’t the point. I’ve never felt
more satisfaction from not reaching a goal than I did at the end of that weekend.
I had a transformational experience, learned a lot about myself, and was able to
stay present over an extended period of time. The point was to challenge my
soul, push my physical, mental, and emotional limits, and connect with
extraordinary people. And I did all three.
Before, during, and after, my perspective on the whole experience was

remarkably different from that marathon fifteen years ago. I didn’t allow
negative self-talk to bombard me when it got rough—and believe me, it got
rough. Despite the pain in my legs, the exhaustion pummeling my body, I
attacked the challenge with confidence and optimism. It was like I was a
different person. Because I was.
Seven Things I Learned on Stratton Mountain
1. Complacency is the enemy of growth. You must take off the “cruise control”
and intentionally push your limits as often as possible.
2. Physical discomfort creates emotional connection. You will make your best
friends outside of your comfort zone.
3. Successful, smart, driven people want to spend time with successful, smart,
driven people. Like attracts like.
4. You aren’t competing with anyone else—in life or in business—you are

always competing with yourself.
5. Breaking challenges into smaller pieces makes them manageable. Take things
step by step.
6. View life as a series of privileges, not obligations. Change your “have to’s” to
“get to’s.” I didn’t have to climb a mountain. I got to climb a mountain.
7. The climbs I did with others felt much easier than the ones I did by myself.
The engaging conversation and mutual support made a huge difference.
Challenges are not meant to be tackled alone.
Hardest-Working Man in the Business
“If everyone in the league worked as hard as I did,” two-time NBA MVP Steve
Nash used to say, “I’d be out of a job.” Nash was an overachiever in the best
sense of the word. He focused on the things that he could influence—like how
prepared he was, which is where his confidence came from. When I met Nash,
he was in his mid-thirties, nearing the twilight of an incredible career. “When
you see me doing something in the game and it looks like it came out of
nowhere, it didn’t,” he told me. “There’s nothing I do in a game that I haven’t
done thousands of times in practice.”
Nash told me that, as a point guard, his number one job is to have solutions. He
needs to be a problem solver on the court. Statistically in the NBA, if the ball
gets into the lane, through a pass or a dribble, the team scores at a higher
percentage (even if the eventual shot is outside the lane). Once Nash gets it in
there, his job is to find as many options as possible.
And he practiced all of them—passing the ball with either hand, bounce pass to
the big man down low, a pocket pass to a guy for a corner three, off either foot,
from either hand. In a game, Nash could confidently drive into the lane against
bigger, stronger, and more athletic guys, because he was going in there with
eight to ten options of what he could do. The preparation gave him confidence.
No matter who was going to meet him in the lane, he already had the answers.
Be ready to catch the ball—whatever direction it comes from.
—Sarah Robb O’Hagan, CEO, Flywheel Sports
Optimism
Confidence comes from an understanding of your own agency, your own

influence, and your own ability to make things happen. Bob Rotella is a sports
psychologist who has helped everyone from Michael Jordan to Tiger Woods. In
How Champions Think: In Sports and In Life , Rotella wrote that the first
essential quality of champions is optimism. 7 Think about that: Rotella is
working with people at the absolute highest level of their craft, some who are the
best in the world at what they do. Yet he still thinks the positive mindset—more
than anything else—is what makes them champions. “If no one thinks your goals
are crazy,” Rotella wrote, “you’re probably not aiming high enough.” 8 If you
didn’t lose the ball, then you didn’t learn anything.
A positive mindset spreads: your approach becomes more dedicated, your

outlook is more motivated, and your bounceback becomes stronger. Being
optimistic is not just some pie in the sky bull or rose-colored glasses or new age
fluff. It’s scientifically proven to work. “Optimism, it turns out, is a
tremendously powerful predictor of work performance,” wrote Shawn Achor in
The Happiness Advantage . “Studies have shown that optimists set more goals
(and more difficult goals) than pessimists, and put more effort into attaining
those goals, stay more engaged in the face of difficulty, and rise above obstacles
more easily.” 9
When we don’t do what needs to be done, we launch a cycle. We feel guilty and
shameful, which erodes self-confidence. That eroding self-confidence
diminishes our energy and motivation. As those decline, our productivity suffers
and our attitude drops. This starts the entire cycle over again. 10
The same cycle happens for positivity. Success and confidence breed and feed
each other; you have no choice but to start with the one that is in your control.
One of the best examples of the power of confidence is the four-minute mile, a
mark that all the experts claimed could never be broken. Even scientists said it
was physically impossible for man to do. But once Roger Bannister first broke it
in 1954, it just kept breaking and breaking. People believed it could happen—so
it did. * Our minds have enormous power to enlarge or shrink whatever goal we
focus on. We can bring our objective closer or push it farther away simply by
how we think about it.
The Boston Garden was one of the most hallowed buildings in all of sports. It
was treated like a cathedral by its fans, a place where championship banners and
retired jerseys hang from the rafters as a shrine to the greatest who ever walked
on a basketball court. It was a holy place, and everyone thought so—even the
Lakers, their most hated rivals.
You know what Celtic legend Larry Bird always called it? “The gym.”
Key Point: Earned confidence is the result of knowing yourself, caring

about what you do, and committing to getting better. Confidence attracts
success.
Remember:
There is nothing more damaging than false confidence and nothing more
powerful than properly grounded confidence.
Confidence is a contagious force that shines a light on your work and

gives energy to others.
Don’t be a jerk, but make sure your confidence comes through in how
you talk and do your work.
Earned confidence is a magnetic force that will get you what you want.
Self-Test
Before you move on to part 2, answer these questions:
If you were fired today… how would you get rehired tomorrow?
What would you change and do differently?
Whatever your answer is… what are you waiting for?
PART II
COACH
If you are a coach —you need to make a commitment to being a leader. That
title is not just handed to you because you hire and fire, have the biggest
paycheck, and make the final decisions. True leaders have a vision for where
their group is going and have developed a culture that makes everyone want to
work together to get there. They have character and are committed to serving
and empowering every member of the team. Above all, they care: about whom
they’re working with and what they’re doing. It is only then that they have
earned the title of leader.
CHAPTER SIX
Vision
A person who knows how may always have a job, but the person
who knows why will always be his boss.
—John C. Maxwell
Let’s talk about vision.
A great athlete sees where his teammates are going to be—instead of just where
they currently are. On the football field, quarterbacks who don’t do this will be
throwing incomplete passes and interceptions on a regular basis. On the
hardwood, the same rule applies. Point guards, the floor generals, are required to
see not just where everyone is, but where everyone is headed. Even in a mass
tangle of bodies, with so many other things to consider—including their own
defender and their own dribble—point guards need to be hyperaware of the
direction every player is moving and where each of them will end up.
The truly elite point guards have the vision to see the now—who’s cutting to the
basket, whose man is late getting back, who’s open. But they also have the
vision to see five seconds from now: who’s about to spring open, who has lost
track of their man, who’s about to make a backdoor cut. The ball has to be there
when they get there—on time, on target—so in a sense, the point guard has to
tell the future. That’s vision.
Among active players, few have better court vision than Chris Paul. I met Chris
for the first time over a decade ago and had the honor of working his Elite Guard
Camp for several years. To Chris’s credit, he wasn’t just licensing his name to
the camp, as some are known to do. Chris was all in and hands-on, participating
in every aspect of the camp, every drill and every meal. He walked the walk and
the kids noticed. I was enormously impressed.
Of course, the greats never take time off, so even though it was the off-season
and Chris had a camp to run, he still had to get in his own practice time as well.
He would get up at 5:00 a.m. and do his own full workout (in the weight room
and on the court) before camp began each day. His drive to be the best seemed to
just relentlessly push him. Chris is one of the most competitive people I have
ever met. Whether playing cards, bowling, or shooting hoops, he wants to win so
badly. It’s just in his blood.
Developing his court vision has made Chris among the top point guards in the
NBA, among the best over the last twenty years. At the relatively small height of
six feet, he has to have great vision to make up for his lack of size. His standards
are so high that, according to a reporter, “Even the ball’s laces need to match the
way that particular teammate likes them.” 1 This is a fact that Paul confirmed.
“They put the laces on the ball for a reason,” 2 he told an interviewer.
The best point guards, like Chris, have tremendous vision. And they have it in
two specific ways:
1. They literally have great court vision, meaning they always position
themselves to see as much of the court as possible. Basketball is a game of
straight lines and sharp angles. The elite point guards use those angles to
improve their vision.
2. They are visionaries in the sense that they have to think one or two plays
ahead, similar to a master chess player. They have to anticipate where the
defender will shift to or where their teammate will cut to.
Looking Ahead
An athlete needs to have vision off the court as well. The great players are
always ahead of the game, learning and implementing what will give them the
edge. Ten years ago it was strength and conditioning and nutrition; five years
ago it was sports psychology, yoga, and film breakdown/analytics. Soon it will
be wearable technology, virtual reality training tools, and customized nutrition
and supplementation based on blood types.
Teams are now using physical analytics (for injury predispositions),

psychological testing, and profiling to determine whom they will draft. Being a
great player just isn’t enough anymore—they also have to be great at what the
game will evolve into. They have to compete against the next generation of
players entering the league, the superstars of the future, who are going to be the
best-prepared generation in the history of the sport.
This goes for successful coaches and general managers as well. They have to
think about their own future, and study the future of the game. All professional
sports—all businesses, really—are evolving, and the successful ones are the first
to understand and accept what those changes are going to be. Houston Rockets
general manager Daryl Morey has changed the way basketball is played,
watched, and studied because of his early adoption of advanced analytics. When
some GMs were still looking at points and rebounds, Morey and his office were
inventing “true shooting percentage” (which combines three-pointers, field
goals, and free throws) and other advanced statistics.
It’s Morey’s vision that led the Rockets to the most three-point attempts in
history, and to the top of the Western Conference. Now everyone in the league is
copying his approach. In the memorable words of sportswriter Tim Cato,
“Morey ripped up conventionality, lit it on fire, and launched it into the Gulf of
Mexico.” 3 Morey has had tremendous success with recent Rockets’ teams,
which in 2018 came within one win of the NBA Finals. Their success began
with Morey’s vision to see where the game was headed.
Perhaps most famously, Billy Beane changed how baseball was played, coached,
and understood with the Oakland Athletics in the early 2000s (chronicled in
Michael Lewis’s book Moneyball ). Scouts and other GMs were still caught in a
previous era, relying on the “eye test” and other old clichés about what a real
baseball player looked like. When Beane came in with his Harvard sidekick,
Paul DePodesta, the old guard all laughed at the duo, with their focus on
seemingly trivial statistics like on-base percentage and walks. But Beane was on
to something: the future.
The Boston Red Sox won three championships after adapting Beane’s system
(they tried and failed to hire him), and fifteen years later, all major league teams
now have a heavily utilized advanced statistics department. An important aspect
of vision is the courage of your convictions—how tightly you hold on when
everyone else wants to see you fail or just assumes you will. Those who have
vision aren’t always embraced or popular, but they end up on top, either through
reputation, legacy, or icon status.
A good player knows where they are on the court. A great player
knows where everyone is on the court.
—Don Meyer
The Who and the What
True leaders are magnetic; people want to follow them because they’re attracted
to the vision that the leader embodies. People have to believe in the who before
they follow the what.
In basketball, the greats—Bill Russell, Michael Jordan, and LeBron James—are

successful because they carry a vision of success. That vision informs the
choices they make and permeates everything they do. Other people are
scrambling to get on board because they want to join someone with vision,
someone who knows what he wants and how to get there. Getting behind that
leader is a way of saying, I want to be part of bringing that vision to fruition.
Think about yourself: Do you have a clear vision? Is it communicated?

Consistently?
A famous Inc. magazine survey drove home how large the gap is between what
the bosses think is going on and what the reality is. The magazine first asked
executives what percentage of their employees could name the company’s three
top priorities. The executives guessed 64 percent. They had a rosy—some would
say delusional—view of how well they were communicating. When researchers
conducted the survey of the employees, the actual number was 2 percent. 4 Two
out of 100 employees knew what the company stood for. If you stop and think
about how a company’s priorities are literally the reason it exists, you realize just
how mind-boggling that number is.
Know your vision, and communicate your vision. Effective coaches have laser-
sharp clarity on where they are headed and what the team can achieve. Just as
important, they consistently communicate it and even “sell it” to the doubters
they need on board. It’s no good being able to spot the iceberg if you can’t get
the ship to alter its course.
Self-Test
If you’re in charge, ask yourself:
• Do your direct reports know what your vision is?
• If I asked them, could they answer? Without any preparation?
• Do you emphasize why everyone is coming to work every day?
• Do you regularly communicate what they are all working toward?
• If you do, how often?
• If not, why not? Is it because you don’t know? Is it because you

don’t think they need to know? Is it because you’ve never thought
about it?
Answering these questions might be a sobering exercise but don’t back away.
Step into it. It is essential.
Scouting the Future
Vision also involves seeing talent where only potential lies. In sports, one of the
jobs of coaches, general managers, and scouts is being able to see a young
recruit’s future from little but early signs and flashes. The truly talented
recruiters can picture what the player can be, not just what he is.
In NBA history, the order of the draft has not once been an accurate predictor of
who ultimately became successful in the league. That’s not because people
didn’t do their homework. It’s because what a player is now is only an inkling of
what he will be. So many other factors stand between now and later. The great
visionaries account for these.
Sure, Tim Duncan of the San Antonio Spurs was the number 1 overall draft pick,
but the two guys who were just as essential to the Spurs’ four titles—Tony
Parker and Manu Ginóbli—were nowhere near the top. Tony Parker was the
twenty-seventh overall pick, and Ginóbli was picked at the very end of the draft.
But Spurs management saw what each of them could become, nurtured their
potential, and the rest is history.
In professional sports in the twenty-first century, teams have put so much more
into scouting and evaluating now than they did in the past. They know that it is
worth their time, money, and focus to vet potential players as thoroughly as
possible, instead of rolling the dice and risking being wrong. A poor decision
can lead to disastrous contracts, no free agents, and years of last place finishes.
Just ask the teams that drafted Greg Oden at number 1 (over Kevin Durant!) and
Darko Miliˇci´c (number 2 over Carmelo Anthony, Chris Bosh, and Dwyane
Wade). If you’re scratching your head wondering who in the world Darko
Miliˇci´c is… exactly .
Before a team risks millions of dollars and its future on a single unproven player,
every area of his game gets analyzed. Every aspect of his life is probed and
considered. The information is integrated together to help a team envision what
that player may turn out to be. It’s not just about size, shot selection, and
footwork; there are intangibles that have to be determined such as listening
skills, motivation, and unselfishness.
Of course, this applies far beyond sports. It’s less quantifiable when you’re not
dealing with athletics, but the top businesses do this, too. They try to get a clear
vision of the person before the hire is made. Once that employee is in the
company’s bloodstream, he is going to affect everything else. Airbnb founder
Brian Chesky took five months and hundreds of interviews before he hired his
first employee—an engineer. He told an interviewer that this first hire was like
part of the company’s DNA, and he treated the decision with that kind of
gravity. 5 A leader has to have the vision to see what an employee can contribute
—or take away—before it’s too late.
In Amazon’s early days, Jeff Bezos used to say that “every time we hired
someone he or she would raise the bar for the next hire, so that the overall talent
pool was always improving,” one of Amazon’s first employees, Nicholas
Lovejoy, told author Richard L. Brandt. “An employee should think ‘I’m glad I
got hired when I did, because I wouldn’t get hired now.’” 6 That’s a remarkable
standard, always pumping in a higher level of employee. It’s also important for
another reason. By always raising the bar, employees never get complacent
about their place in the company. It also gives the impression of forward
movement—something everyone wants to be a part of.
Pete Philo is a former NBA director of scouting and the owner/president of TPG
Sports Group, a renowned basketball talent evaluator. TPG runs Sports Tank, a
sports business version of the popular TV show Shark Tank , as well as Pro
Scout School, which teaches the tools, concepts, and principles of what it takes
to be an NBA executive, scout, and general manager. Pete is the epitome of a
leader with vision, having seen the future of scouting and talent evaluation
before it became the norm. When I met with him, he told me that one of his
mentors gave him some powerful advice about vision. “Think about what
problems out there can be solved,” he said, “and from there you’ll be surprised
how many ideas come into your head.”
Climbing over obstacles? That’s impressive. Not even seeing them as obstacles,
but rather opportunities? That’s vision.
The Future
Vision is seeing things before they happen, before people would even consider
that they could happen. It’s Netflix taking down Blockbuster, going from
1/500th the size of the video rental giant to straight up bankrupting them ten
years later. 7 It’s Zappos taking on the entire shoe industry because the
company’s founders knew that buying and returning shoes were a huge hassle,
but if done right, with a streamlined process and top-notch customer service, the
whole experience could happen through the mail.
Vision is those few people who saw the future ten years ago: in an
interconnected world, people wouldn’t mind—and would pay good money—to
ride in strangers’ cars and stay in strangers’ apartments! I grew up in the 1980s
and ’90s, when this was literally something no one ever would have considered.
No one. Anyone who says they did is just lying.
Now, the founders of Airbnb and Uber are called geniuses, and using their
services is just considered the smart thing to do for transportation and travel
accommodations. Leaders keep their eyes on the big picture, often working to
get their world to match up with their vision. They aren’t afraid of being laughed
at, pushed aside, or isolated. If they hold fast to their vision, even against
prevailing winds, they end up on top—all alone up there, the mountain to
themselves.
Vision is innovative ideas like Google’s 20 percent time, where every employee
gets prescribed time to work on outside projects of their choosing and invention,
which led to successful Google offshoots such as Gmail, AdSense, and Google
Talk. Who would think forcing employees to work less would help them
accomplish more? That’s vision.
Chase the vision, not the money.
—Tony Hsieh, CEO, Zappos

The Balancing Act
Vision requires a difficult but important balancing act: a commitment to one’s
convictions along with a willingness to adapt. Vision is about dedication, but
that shouldn’t be mistaken for stubbornness. It’s about having a solid foundation
so that you can then improvise as needed.
Vision—or lack of it—is behind the fate of all great companies. A lack of vision
is why Reebok, which as the top shoe company had its pick of any athlete it
wanted, chose not to sign Michael Jordan. The reason? In 1984, when Jordan
arrived in the NBA, the big men were the superstars. They couldn’t conceive of
a shooting guard shattering that mold. They were stuck seeing what was instead
of what would be.
Lack of vision is why no one carries around BlackBerries anymore even though
it wasn’t that long ago when everyone had one—or two—in their pocket.
It’s why Kodak had to declare bankruptcy in 2012 even though they had figured
out digital photography way back in 1975! They chose not to pursue it because
they feared it would cut into their own film business. 8
It’s why Blockbuster didn’t buy Netflix on the cheap, even though the
opportunity was presented to them multiple times. They couldn’t see the next
step; they just didn’t have the vision. “Management and vision are two separate
things,” 9 a former Blockbuster executive told Variety . Netflix could have been
theirs for the relatively paltry sum of $50 million. Just to drive the point home,
as of this writing, Netflix has revolutionized how we watch television and
movies, has successfully begun to make their own, and is worth $150 billion. To
put such a giant number in perspective, they are worth more than Disney —and
still growing.
Vision requires an openness to exploring the new and not, like Blockbuster and
Kodak, being satisfied where you are. Remember: your comfort zone is your
cage. Protecting a lead just does not work. In sports, the teams that just try to run
out the clock don’t statistically do as well as they should, especially in football.
In Super Bowl LI, the Atlanta Falcons went into the locker room at halftime up
21–3. Then they were up 28–3 in the third quarter. Then, incredibly, they never
scored again, losing 34–28. Protecting their lead didn’t work. The reason? It
sucks all the motivation out of the players. There’s no excitement to latch on to.
Just letting the clock run down couldn’t motivate Atlanta’s players the same way
a comeback could motivate New England’s.
Change comes from making new rules, new precedents. All the
modern advances, the truly breakthrough achievements, have not
been built on precedent.
—David Falk, sports agent
The Power of Purpose

Vision means understanding what your purpose is, and everything you do should
be tied to your purpose. As my friend and world-renowned expert on customer
service Dr. Brian Williams often says, “Don’t confuse function with purpose. A
chair’s function is to provide a place for someone to sit down. A chair’s purpose
is to provide comfort.”
The function of your company—selling insurance, providing financial advice—

is not necessarily its purpose. Its purpose may be to help people buy homes or
feel secure or plan for the future. Our purpose is why we get up in the morning
—it’s the driving force of our lives. A company also needs to have a purpose,
one that aligns with its vision. Your purpose is where you are; your vision is
where you’re headed.
Self-Test
Spend some time thinking about the purpose of your company or organization,
especially if you never have. Step outside of what you literally make, do, or
provide and dig into what you are offering your customers, your employees,
maybe even the world at large.
In one sentence, could you explain what your company’s purpose is? How is it
different from its function?
The Same Question 2500 Times

Don Yaeger, legendary sports journalist and motivational speaker, knows what it
takes to bring vision to fruition. Besides cowriting books with sports icons like
John Wooden, Walter Payton, and Joe Namath, he spent over five years digging
into what made teams work, interviewing 110 different ones. His conclusion?
“The number 1 teams knew their why,” he told me when I interviewed him for
my podcast. “They had a sense of purpose.”
Vision is a way to ground you. It provides a map, a route, and a guidebook for
the twists and turns that inevitably come with any career and in any business. As
Don told me, he learned this very early. Before he left his house the morning of
his very first day as a sportswriter, his father stopped him in the driveway. He
told the young Don that as someone who was going to have the opportunity to
“be in the presence of truly extraordinary people, winners,” he should think in
advance of one question he could ask them. The same question. Don followed
that advice and singled out one thing: What habit has separated you from
competitors?
A few decades and 2500 interviews later, when he retired from Sports Illustrated
, Don had a deep well to draw from. And he carried that over into the business
world. “Employees show up differently when they believe they are working for a
cause not a company,” Don reiterated to me.
Another important lesson about vision that Don taught me, which he got from
Wooden himself, was to surround yourself with the people that will help you
become what you want to be. “You will never outperform your inner circle,”
Wooden told him. “Guard your inner circle like the most valuable asset you
have.”
NBA player Markelle Fultz, whom I discussed in chapter 1 , understood this

from a young age and developed an inner circle that didn’t just tell him what he
wanted to hear. It’s why he’s now a pro. Vision is not just about ideas; it’s about
people as well. It means looking to the future and understanding which people in
your network help you be the best you, and which are—consciously or not—
dragging you down. Surround yourself, personally and professionally, with those
who you can envision helping you become the highest achieving version of
yourself.
Strategic Vision
We all need day-to-day focus, but without the larger picture—the vision —we’re
not really aware of where we’re headed. We may not be headed anywhere at all.
We may just be running in circles. Even if we’re running full speed, if we have
no direction, nothing will come of it but exhaustion and frustration. Then we’ll
look up and realize we are lost. Or that we haven’t gotten anywhere.
Michael Bungay Stanier is an author, motivational speaker, and the founder of

Box of Crayons, a renowned coaching program that works with all kinds of
businesses. We met at the Heroic Public Speaking Headquarters, a private
coaching event for professional speakers and industry leaders. When we found
we sailed the same waters, we hit it off. “I like to think of strategy as a visual
art,” Stanier told me. “You see the destination, you start seeing the paths to get
there. Sometimes we get a little obsessed with the path, and we forget the
destination.”
Michael understands that the long-term success of any organization or team is

determined by the weekly and daily “micro-coaching sessions” that take place.
He believes that these brief (10 minutes or less) interactions are the foundation
to high performance and a way of keeping everyone aligned with the vision. By
checking in with your people often and consistently, you get a strong feel for
where their heads are and if they are on course. You also show them you care—
which is vital to keeping them on that path.
It’s akin to making daily deposits in a bank account. These add up over time.
The best part about these mini-coaching sessions is the “player” does the vast
majority of the talking. As the “coach,” you are simply asking them a series of
questions to get them to fully open up about what is going well, what they are
finding challenging, and what they need help with.
A strong vision acts like both a blueprint of what you’re building and the
scaffolding that supports its construction. Some entrepreneurs have ridden their
vision from scratch to the top of their field. In 1994, Kevin Plank was a walk-on
fullback for the University of Maryland football team. Frustrated by how his
sweat weighed him down and affected his ability to remain agile, he started
tinkering with different shirt materials. Though Plank had no background in
athletic wear, he knew he was on to something. He had vision and he had
purpose . So he did the legwork to figure out how to make his athletic shirt
lighter. 10 It sprouted a business, which led to him expanding into other clothing
and spreading the word. Plank spent all of his savings, put himself $40,000 in
debt, and started a company in his grandmother’s basement. He called it Under
Armour.
Plank didn’t lack for confidence either. Every year he would mail a Christmas
card to Nike CEO Phil Knight that read: You haven’t heard about us yet, but you
will. I have no idea if Knight took him seriously; it’s hard to imagine he did. But
I think Knight has finally gotten the message. Under Armour is now worth
around $17 billion and, according to some analysts, could knock Nike off its
throne. 11 In 2016 Forbes voted it the sixth most innovative company in the
world. Despite its meteoric rise, Under Armour retains, according to Plank, “a
walk-on mentality.” 12 Though his original company has skyrocketed to the top
of the sports world, his vision remains: a scrappy upstart taking on the big guys
through attention to detail and quality.
One-Word Vision
Vision means having a clear understanding not just of what your product or
service is, but what makes it special. Does it all filter back down into one idea?
Think about it: What is the common denominator in everything you do? Can you
give one word that captures it?
Most of us are intimately familiar with Apple and its products. Even if you don’t
own one, you’ve certainly seen an iPad or iPhone somewhere. There’s a unifying
principle—a single word, actually—that runs through all their products, going
back to their original Mac computers.
Think about an Apple device. Can you guess what it is?
Apple has made a commitment to one word: Simplicity. Simplicity is “what

drives Apple to create what it creates and behave as it behaves,” 13 wrote Ken
Segall, Apple’s creative director. Segall is also the man responsible for naming
all the “i” products. Steve Jobs was famously maniacal about his vision and had
“a deep, almost religious belief in the power of Simplicity.” 14 (The word is
capitalized throughout Segall’s book, just to drive home the point.) Jobs himself
wore the same outfit anytime the public saw him—black turtleneck, blue jeans—
and became a walking embodiment of the concept.
Even after Jobs’s death, simplicity remained the company’s watchword. As the
technological world gets more complicated, simplicity becomes even more
necessary and vital. Jobs’s vision continues to inform Apple and its products.
Considering all that the iPhone is capable of doing, there are very few buttons on
it (I count four on mine). The streamlining continues with each new one (e.g.,
getting rid of the earphone jack), a testament to the vision of the company’s
founder. Job wanted to merge the idea of progress and simplicity, recognizing
that technology’s purpose wasn’t about adding complexity but stripping it away.
Other companies have become worldwide brands built off of the vision of one
person. In the 1980s marketing director Howard Schultz was working for a small
Seattle coffee shop that only sold beans. On a trip to Italy, Schultz was blown
away by the coffee culture there, how the shops served as public spaces, and he
came back looking to re-create that idea in America. He wanted to invent a
“third place” between work and home where people would choose to spend time.
He brought this idea to the owners of that coffee bean shop and the rest is
history. Starbucks is one of the most ubiquitous companies on earth, up there
with McDonald’s and Coca-Cola. And it is the result of one man’s vision come
to life.
Creative Spaces
Vision may begin in one place, inside one person, but it gathers, grows, and
expands in the right environment. Whole Foods began in John Mackey’s Texas
garage, Apple in Steve Jobs’s Northern California garage, Amazon in Bezos’s
Seattle garage. Why garages? A garage is where you can mess around and build
things. A garage can accommodate failures and screwups; that’s practically what
they’re there for!
Google and Facebook both started in dorm rooms—places where young idealists
with more vision than sense saw what others couldn’t. A dorm room is a kind of
incubator, and though Facebook is a billion-dollar juggernaut, it got off the
ground because of the same like-minded camaraderie that you and your college
friends shared with each other. Instead of committing themselves to watching
sports or finding girls or getting drunk, Mark Zuckerberg and his roommates
worked on his website. He had a vision and they helped him execute it. Vision is
a type of faith in yourself and those around you. When you’re young and
surrounded by like-minded people, it’s easier to hold your vision close. Naïveté
can sometimes be an asset. There’s an innocence to open eyes.
Airbnb started in a living room with an idea and an air mattress: one of the
founders met a guy at a yard sale who needed a place to stay. Now Airbnb has
more rooms than the world’s largest hotel chains. “I think you must always live
and think like a child. Or have that childlike curiosity and wonder,” cofounder
Brian Chesky told an interviewer. “That’s probably the most important trait you
can have, especially as an entrepreneur.” 15 His cofounder, Joe Gebbia, said that,
“Great ideas start out as polarizing.” People should either love or hate your idea
—that means it matters. It moves people in some way. It shows you’re not acting
out of fear; you’re open to taking that big swing. You might strike out—but you
refuse to strike out looking.
Vision is not about predicting what everyone will love or how to become the
most popular idea. It’s about putting your horses behind the right idea. Former
athlete and motivational speaker Lewis Howes has said that you need a strong
enough vision that it becomes your default setting. So those mornings you’re
less motivated or structured, you can still see the big picture. You plug into your
vision and let it take you. 16 Having vision is a built-in GPS directing you where
to go or a compass always pointing you in the right direction. Without vision,
leaders are just scrambling and everyone else can tell. It affects and infects the
rest of the company.
Studies show that more and more employees are tuning out at work. A recent
Gallup poll found that a full two-thirds of workers were not engaged at work.
That’s a staggering number. Picture it, 66 percent of American workers, parked
at their desks, inside their cubicles, just tuning out. Worldwide, only 13 percent
of adults are engaged in what they do. 17 A poll in 2015 also found that 70
percent of people “hate” their jobs, 18 which is useful for all bosses and managers
to keep in mind.
As a coach, your vision provides not just the road map, but the car, the available
seats, and the engine to people who are looking for something to join. Make sure
you’re providing these things. Day-to-day work should never drown out the
larger purpose. If you feel like your people are losing their way, find methods to
bring your vision to the forefront. Remind them of it in meetings, e-mails, and
conversations. Put them to work on long-term projects that excite them. Discuss
with employees what their individual role has to do with achieving the larger
vision. Seek their input on how that vision can be brought to life. All these little
things will feed into the whole, giving your people a sense of purpose and an
understanding of the big picture. It will also keep them connected to you and
your larger goals.
There’s nothing you can do about where the pieces are. It’s only
your next move that matters.
—Steve Jobs
Selling Vision
I don’t believe there’s such a thing as a “million-dollar idea.” The phrase implies
that all you have to do is come up with an idea and the money will start flowing
in. But that’s not how it works. It’s never once worked like that. Vision doesn’t
stop with coming up with an idea; if it did, there would be way more billionaires
sitting around thinking up more ideas. It’s about executing that idea, and that
execution requires others’ help. You have to sell your vision by building a
dedicated and tight circle that feels strongly connected to you and to it. True
leaders live and die by their vision and get others to do so as well.
Communicating your vision is a must. According to the Carnegie Institute of
Technology, “85% of your financial success is due to your personality and
ability to communicate, negotiate, and lead. Only 15% is due to technical
knowledge.” 19
Vision is about carrying both the big and the small, the now and the later, the
intangible concept and the tangible steps. “The most productive people push
themselves to come up with big goals,” wrote Charles Duhigg in Smarter Faster
Better , “and then have a system for breaking them into manageable parts.” 20
Draw a connection between what you ultimately want to accomplish, along with
what you want your organization to be, and then break it all down into the
manageable steps it will take to get there.
“Any vision, however far-reaching, remains only a fantasy unless steps are taken
to realize it,” Maury Klein wrote in The Change Makers , a book that profiles the
greatest entrepreneurs of the last 150 years. “What separates the great artist from
the ordinary practitioner is not only grandeur of vision but, even more, the
ability to bring it to fruition.” 21 Remember, the word “vision” in business is
usually associated with predicting the future, but the word itself is simpler than
that: it just means to see. No one will see exactly what you can see. Keep your
eyes open.
Key Point: Vision means understanding the future of your game and your
team’s purpose and funneling everything you all do toward that ultimate
goal.
Remember:
Leaders understand big-picture thinking—how today is connected to

yesterday and to tomorrow.
In the day-to-day, a leader keeps eyes on the whole, through forethought,

connection, and commitment.
A leader doesn’t chase the popular idea. He creates the right idea.
Don’t forget the importance of selling your vision, inspiring and

convincing other committed people to get on board.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Culture
The role of a leader is not to come up with great ideas. The role of
a leader is to create an environment in which great ideas can
happen.
—Simon Sinek
If vision begins in the mind, culture begins on the ground. Culture is the
collective values, beliefs, behaviors, and environment of a team, group, or
organization. A positive culture grows organically in an environment where
everyone feels inspired, safe, and appreciated. Those who are part of a
successful culture feel that their contribution and role matter, that they are being
challenged to grow and develop, that they couldn’t just be replaced tomorrow
without the organization missing a beat. If, as a coach, you create that type of
environment, then you create the fertile ground for people to become the best
versions of themselves.
Celtics Culture
Culture, even in the most storied organizations, doesn’t just appear, and it
doesn’t automatically regenerate itself. It requires someone at the helm who is
committed to developing and maintaining that culture. I can’t think of a better
embodiment of this fact than Brad Stevens.
In the span of four years, Brad Stevens went from coaching men’s basketball at
Butler University, a small Division I school, to two straight national
championship games, to one of the most iconic role in sports: head coach of the
winningest franchise in NBA history, the Boston Celtics. Oh, and he landed the
job at thirty-six years old.
If Stevens’s tale had ended there, it would still be a success story. However,
Stevens didn’t just get the highly coveted job; he has been universally acclaimed
as a runaway success. Under Stevens, the Celtics are now regularly at the top of
the Eastern Conference, and a legitimate contender to make the NBA Finals.
Even adversity, injury, and constant change haven’t stopped him.
In the 2017–2018 season the Celtics had only four returning players from the
previous year. Then they lost their highly touted new player—Gordon Hayward
—for the season on opening night; they went through the season with seven
rookies on a roster of twelve, and were almost first in the league in total salary
lost to injury. 1 Yet they were still a contender for the best record in their
conference. Then their best player—Kyrie Irving—went down before the
playoffs started. And still they were one win away from that year’s Finals.
Without taking anything away from the remaining players who worked their
butts off, their collective success is a testament to the environment Stevens had
developed.
When Stevens arrived, he came into a storied franchise that had fallen on tough
times. However, he refused to be intimidated by the way things were done, the
way they had always been done. Think about the courage that required: a college
coach—from a relatively small school—gets that rare ticket to the NBA.
Improbably, he is handed the keys to one of the most of iconic teams in
professional sports. However, when he gets there, he doesn’t bow to an
entrenched way of doing things. He takes it all head-on and knows immediately
what he has to do first to turn things around: change the culture.
Even with an organization like the Celtics, with its famed arenas, its history of
championship banners, and its long line of Hall of Famers, building a culture
requires work. Culture is a living thing; it has to be embedded in the people and
those people have to choose to pass it on.
Think about all the laminated packets that are passed out to new hires or stapled
photocopies distributed at company meetings that are tossed in the recycle bin.
I’m sure whoever wrote those up and put them together felt they were
communicating the culture, but that’s not how it works. It’s not a one-way thing.
A culture isn’t born when someone reads it on the page. You can’t just say it
aloud and expect it to exist. It has to come to life through people.
Stevens understands motivation, what works and what doesn’t. I attended a talk
he gave where he explained that the key to confidence is not just getting better,
but rather knowing you got better. A leader has to find ways to show his players
they are improving, through communication, feedback, and rewards. You have
to care enough, be committed enough to building a culture, to give those things
to your people.
When I interviewed Stevens for my podcast, he told me that he looks for

assistants who are “intelligent, creative, hardworking, and humble…” Stevens
understands that each addition to the team can affect, improve, or even damage
team culture and cohesion. “It’s silly to think that staff chemistry doesn’t affect
team chemistry,” he said. Think about the type of people you are bringing in and
the type you are letting go; each of these choices add or subtract from the team.
A hiring or firing isn’t just between employee and boss—it reverberates around
the entire company. A true leader is hyperaware of how each decision affects the
group or company at large. Stevens cares enough about the culture he’s fostering
with the Celtics to constantly be evaluating how his decisions fit into the team’s
larger dynamics and goals.
I asked Stevens how, back when he was a college coach, he would create this
buy-in from his players, many of who were the best in their respective high
schools. It was something he again had to do in the NBA, with players who were
the best at their respective colleges. “Each player brings great strengths to the
table,” he told me, “and it’s incumbent on us coaches to best maximize each
strength.” I’ve been around and spoken to enough people who have coached at
the highest level. It’s extremely difficult to keep a unified culture together with
twelve guys, all with healthy egos, who are getting paid serious money just to
lace up their sneakers.
Stevens has a wisdom that far surpasses his age and an ability to empathize with
all the various role players on his team. He recognizes things are tough for those
on the bench, and he told me he works to “help guys understand there can be
great progress and growth without playing time, there can be great value
added… there’s nothing like winning as a team, and we can all add value to that,
that’s ultimately what we have to try to do.”
A lifelong learner, Stevens told me he reaches out to business leaders and those
in other industries because of the universal qualities that are shared between
business and sports. “If you surround yourself with the right people, and you
work for empowering leaders, you can always just focus on the process,” he told
me. With the culture Stevens has put in place in Boston, the Celtics look like
they will be contenders for a long time. Even if the players change, as they are
bound to do, the culture will remain in place.
How the Car Runs

Culture may be best defined as that which exists when the boss isn’t around.
There’s a similarity with parenting—what your kid does in front of you doesn’t
necessarily reflect your parenting. What he does when you’re not around? That’s
much more accurate.
When Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr, suffering from a
debilitating back injury, was unable to be on the bench for the 2017 playoffs, the
team still brought home another NBA championship. Didn’t this show that Kerr
didn’t matter? Was Kerr unnecessary? Actually, the opposite . Because Kerr had
laid the groundwork with his players, he didn’t need to physically be there. He
developed a culture that was so strong it remained intact even when he wasn’t
present.
The Warriors are stacked with talent, but anyone who understands basketball
knows that alone isn’t enough. Kerr’s role is enormously valuable, more than
any single star player. Sports Illustrated ’s Chris Ballard wrote that even if you
think the Warriors are pretty much a self-driving car, “someone has to design
and maintain the car.” 2 Remember, they had almost all of that talent back when
Mark Jackson was coach, with little to show for it.
Part of Kerr’s personality is outright humility, which might make his importance
invisible to the casual observer. As a coach, he goes out of his way not to make
it about himself. This creates the illusion that he stays in the background. But in
reality, he is the ground itself. Part of the culture Kerr has established with
Golden State is that the players are the focus. He takes less credit than he
deserves because that ultimately doesn’t matter to him; what he cares about is
how his players feel about the group. A coach who takes too much credit isn’t
going to have much to take credit for. His players are going to resent it, and it
will affect the team’s performance.
According to Warrior’s all-star forward Draymond Green, Kerr has built “a

culture of empowerment,” 3 which may look like players are running the show.
But that doesn’t mean they actually are. This is why, during the 2018 season,
Kerr comfortably let his players run time-outs, drawing up X’s and O’s in the
huddle. He could trust them because they were working within a culture he had
created. Once your vision is established, culture is what you create to incubate
your vision and execute it. It’s how you keep the car running.
A Culture of Connection
At Duke, a place where the culture has been consistent for decades, Coach Mike
Krzyzewski spends the first team meeting every year connecting each player’s
actions to the larger organization—how what each player does reflects on Duke
basketball and the university as a whole. “Remember that whatever happens to
you, happens to all of us,” 4 he tells them, and he uses that both positively (we’re
a family ) and negatively (don’t screw up ). The culture Coach K has established
ties everyone together.
In an interview on Paul Rabil’s Suiting Up podcast, Jay Williams told a great

story about sitting down across from Coach K as a sixteen-year-old. Coach K
referred to him as “Mr. Williams,” which had a profound effect on young Jay; it
made him feel like an adult. 5 Coach K didn’t promise Williams, a highly
coveted recruit, playing time, an NBA career, or stardom. But he did say, “I
promise you that by the time you leave here you will be prepared for life.”
That simple message flipped a switch for the young prospect. Williams wrote in
his memoir that he then understood it was “about becoming a man… being
challenged to think about my future as a man would.” 6 What Coach K wants for
his players is so much fuller and deeper than just basketball. It’s one of the main
reasons he has been such a long-term success, as have his players.
Buying In
Buy-in means that the members of your organization choose to embrace, share,
and maintain the culture a coach is trying to create. A culture doesn’t exist
because someone at the top says so. It’s brought to life by being accepted and
reinforced among the rest of the group. Culture requires consent .
In his book Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action
, Simon Sinek champions the need for businesses to build a buy-in culture. A
buy-in culture defines a purpose, creates a sense of loyalty, and makes everyone
happy to serve the whole. Genuine leadership means that others willingly follow
you, he explains, not because they have to, but because they want to .
One technique a smart leader does is to get the influencers on his side, those
whom he knows will trigger a wave of acceptance across the rest of the
organization. If you’re looking to win over a group, figure out whom to target.
Who can move the crowd?
A great example of this is from one of my all-time favorite movies, Hoosiers .

Outsider coach Norman Dale (Gene Hackman) comes to small-town Indiana, a
place not open to newcomers, and has a rough time coaching the high school
basketball squad. He knows his days are numbered, and instead of trying to
recruit the reluctant prodigy Jimmy Chitwood to join the team, he makes a point
of giving the kid space, leaving him be, and talking one on one with him in an
empathetic manner. He talks to Chitwood about his love for basketball but never
once pressures him or even asks him to join the team. This is despite the fact that
the whole town is telling him it’s the only way for Coach Dale to save his job.
The strategy pays off big time: When Jimmy agrees to come back on the team
and play—he says he will only do it for Dale. After that, the team and the whole
town get in line and they start rattling off wins. Chitwood was the pressure point
and Coach Dale knew exactly how to press it.
Leadership isn’t about forcing others in a direction; it’s about moving ahead and
trusting others will follow. Trusting they will want to follow. If they are working
within a positive culture, they will be there—and you won’t even have to keep
checking if they’re right behind you. Create an environment where the best ideas
win, where everyone feels involved, and the whole is bigger than any individual
part.
Reward thoughtful failure.
—Google maxim
Google Culture
Google didn’t become a half-trillion-dollar phenomenon and the home base of
the Internet by playing it safe. Its culture has always been one where the bosses
encourage a healthy amount of trying and failing, throwing stuff at the wall and
seeing what sticks. Google has produced some winners (Gmail, AdSense) and
some losers (Google Glass) but that’s the culture: swing big. It’s the embodiment
of the old adage—you miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.
“If you’re achieving all your goals,” wrote former Google senior vice president
Laszlo Bock, “you’re not setting them aggressively enough.” 7 If you didn’t lose
the ball, you didn’t learn anything. In fact, at X, the arm of Google that is tasked
with experimenting and trying out its craziest projects, the executives give out
bonuses and vacation time for teams that choose to end their projects. 8
Yep, you read that right. Employees get bonuses for giving up.
The reason? Google knows that countless man-hours and company dollars are
often sunk on things that simply don’t work but no one wants to say so. X’s
strategy is to encourage people to admit their mistakes rather than, out of pride,
plowing wasted time and money into them. This strategy is an integral part of
Google’s culture, which doesn’t just pay lip service to healthy failure—it lives it.
Besides motivating employees to go big and think different, there’s a flatness to

Google’s structure. Senior executives at the company receive the same benefits
and resources as the newly hired. The top men and women don’t get their own
parking spots or executive bathrooms or dining rooms. 9 “As a leader,” Bock
wrote, “giving up status symbols is the most powerful message you can send that
you care about what your teams have to say.” 10 If your company doles out
privileges for senior management, think about why that is. What message does it
send? Is it supposed to be a motivator? A status symbol? Why do certain titles
merit their own bathroom and parking space and others don’t?
A strong culture keeps an organization on track—especially when things are

tough—and gives employees a sense of, and a hand in, the bigger picture. A
positive culture increases efficiency, effectiveness, and productivity, while a
poor culture lowers morale, increases attrition, and undermines every aspect of
team cohesion. If an outsider were to wander into your office and observe fifteen
minutes of your company’s workday, would the organization’s identity be clear?
What about its standards? Its culture?
Don’t forget: your people are your most important tool and your primary
competitive advantage. You can copy products. You can copy services. You can
copy technology. It’s very hard to copy culture, and that culture is supported and
spread by your people. As a coach, keep in mind that how you treat your people
is an important part of that culture. If they feel valued, they will help lift up the
team. If they don’t, they won’t bother or they’ll only be out for themselves.
A Gallup poll revealed that the number one cause of employee attrition (65%) is
poor management and leadership. According to Robert Levering and Milton
Moskowitz, who were the originators of Fortune ’s annual Best 100 Places to
Work survey, “The key to creating a great workplace was not a prescriptive set
of employee benefits, programs, and practices, but the building of high-quality
relationships in the workplace.” 11 Building meaningful relationships is the most
effective way to keep your employees grounded, connected, and motivated. It’s
the foundation for a winning culture.
Self-Test
Here’s a weekly employee checkin to improve job satisfaction and culture. *

Consider typing up a version of it to hand out to employees.
Last week I used my strengths when…
Last week I added value to the team when…
Last week I did the following tasks I enjoyed:
Last week I felt valued and utilized when…
These are my priorities for next week:
This is what I need help with next week:

Leaders: Addressing these weekly checkins is not extra work. It is your work!
Negative People
Culture, especially while it is first being established, can be a fragile thing. One
strong personality can poke holes in it or tear it down. Part of a company’s
culture is how it deals with people like this—or even if these people are allowed
in the door in the first place. At his department at Stanford University,
management science professor Robert I. Sutton famously instituted what his
team called the “no a-hole rule.” It’s a test he and his colleagues use when
deciding whether or not they want to work with someone. They simply ask,
“Would this hire violate the no a-hole rule?” 12
I absolutely love this—it’s direct, simple, and supremely effective. Negative

people are like viruses, and their attitudes spread and seep into every aspect of a
workplace. “They are the Fellowship of the Miserable,” Sutton wrote, “and they
are the killers of the dream.” 13 They look for reasons why things won’t work,
rather than exploring why they could work.
In his book The No Asshole Rule , Sutton goes further. He doesn’t just use
anecdotal evidence of his own experience. Following his training, he took an
evidenced-based look at “assholes’” influence in the workplace. “The damage
that assholes do to their organizations,” Sutton found, “is seen in the costs of
increased turnover, absenteeism, decreased commitment to work, and the
distraction and impaired individual performance documented in studies of
psychological abuse, bullying, and mobbing.” 14
One me-oriented person has the power to bring the entire operation crashing to
the ground. These types of people are enormously powerful and influential
forces, as any classroom teacher can attest. The New Zealand All Blacks, a
rugby team that has had more success than just about any other team in
professional sports, has a similar rule with even more colorful language: “No
Dickheads.” 15 These are rough-and-tumble guys playing a high-contact sport,
but that doesn’t mean they don’t require a supportive culture in which to
succeed. That doesn’t mean they want to play with a-holes.
Selfishness, negativity, and bad attitudes need to be kept out. If they slip in, they
need to be extricated. If they remain, they become part of the culture. Leaders
need to recognize that if they allow a behavior, they are endorsing that behavior.
It’s that simple. Remember: Leadership is not what you say. Leadership is what
you accept.
Culture as Value
Michael Bungay Stanier, author of The Coaching Habit , is an expert in business
leadership and what it takes to build a winning culture. When I interviewed him,
he told me, “Culture can be thought of as the habits of the people who work in
that organization, the things we do each day without really thinking about it that
make up ‘how we really care about and how we really do things around here.’ So
to change your culture, change your habits.”
A culture is something that will eventually grow and spread. You have control in
the beginning, but after that, you’re at the mercy of what develops on its own.
That’s why the word “culture” reminds us of something growing in a dish in
chemistry class. We set up the environment and then it just does what it naturally
wants to do under those conditions.
Around his UCLA players, John Wooden eventually stopped talking about
winning at all; he wouldn’t even say the word! He claimed not to have
mentioned it as a goal in the last thirty years of his illustrious career. His
standard of success was defined differently than most other coaches, and he
wanted a culture in his locker room that didn’t overvalue winning. “A good
leader is a good salesperson,” he once said. “What are you selling? What is your
philosophy? What is success?” 16
Self-Test
What is your team’s definition of success?
Is the culture in your organization based on money? Titles? Or is it something

intangible?
If you recognize that your company or team’s culture is unproductive or even

toxic, what steps can you take—today —to start changing it?
Open Culture
Another important part of culture is a sense of openness. If no one shares what
they think, the culture becomes one of fear, suspicion, and failure. Problems
fester in an environment where everyone is afraid to tell the boss what’s going
on. “If you expect a culture of trust,” my friend Jay Bilas wrote, “you have to
build and foster a culture of truth.” 17 Though cultures will vary from business to
business, honesty and trust are bedrock concepts for all organizations.
It’s the leader’s job to create an environment where everyone feels safe enough
to speak up. I once heard this Wall Street story about a lower-tier employee at an
investment firm—let’s call him Marc—who had misplaced $30 million. That’s
right—he misplaced it . He didn’t lose the money; in the way of financial
companies, it just couldn’t be located right away. And it took a few days to find
it.
Marc apparently worked for a real yeller, a boss who loved to make examples
out of employees in a public and embarrassing way. Since Marc was terrified, he
began a series of cover-ups and evasions to buy time until the money was found.
After a couple of days, the money was located and everything was fine.
Then, the big boss, an executive, called Marc and Marc’s immediate boss into
the office. Marc was caught, and he had to fess up. As Marc told his story, the
executive listened and recognized that the real issue was not the mistake, but the
cover-up Marc felt compelled to engage in. Then the executive made a decision:
he fired Marc’s boss . The executive determined that the problem was not the
isolated mistake Marc made, but the culture the boss had been responsible for
creating.
The Zappos Experience

One of the most impressive examples of culture in action is Zappos. On a trip to
Las Vegas, I took the Zappos Tour Experience, a perk that the company provides
to anyone who wants to see their headquarters, learn their history, and witness
their unique culture firsthand. Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh has described Zappos as
a “business that combined profits, passion, and purpose.” 18 And a visit to the
company’s operations center told me that these aren’t just inert words on a page.
These are ideas that the company lives.
Though Zappos is a billion-dollar company, you wouldn’t think so from

wandering around their office. Rather than a staid corporate feel, the lobby was
colorful and inviting, with bright mosaics on the wall and tons of Zappos swag
and memorabilia. The receptionists were casually dressed with huge smiles and
infectious energy. On the wall behind the front desk was a collage of severed
neckties.
“What are those?” I asked the receptionist.
“Anytime someone shows up to a job interview in a tie,” she answered, “we

whip out our scissors and cut it off on the spot. We are not a coat-and-tie kind of
company!”
On the tour, I noticed that the place was designed for both function and fun.
Desks were situated in big open spaces to create a sense of community and
encourage open communication. Employees had permission to decorate their
areas however they wanted. This promoted warmth and individualism within the
confines of the group. There were plenty of indoor and outdoor common areas
for lounging and snacking. Zappos’ call center is decorated like an ongoing
birthday party, with a general air of celebration all around. There were white
boards with goals listed in fat markers and thank-you cards from customers
adorning the cubicles. Everything was open and inviting. It honestly felt like a
giant family.
It’s not just on display for the tour. This is what Zappos is. Every employee at
Zappos must memorize its ten Core Values, things like “#3: Create Fun and a
Little Weirdness” and “#7: Build a Positive Team and Family Spirit.” To log in
to their computers in the morning, employees are asked to identify the face of a
random employee and are then given a brief bio on that employee.
There’s a genuine sense that the bosses at Zappos care about the employees and
go out of their way to show it. Executives check in on employees’ morale
through surveys about purpose, happiness, and workplace community. Every
year the company assembles the Zappos Culture Book—which contains
employees’ (unedited) thoughts on their feelings about working at Zappos. They
put out an “Ask Anything” monthly newsletter, which is anonymous and, thus,
actually worth reading. Think about what you could say, hear, and learn about
your workplace if people genuinely felt they could speak up?
Zappos’ process is the same as that of any winning sports team. They establish
their identity, standards, and culture, and then they recruit top talent that fits.
They make sure to have the right people on their team. There is no distinction at
Zappos between best and right; it’s the same thing. It can take up to ninety days
and seven interviews before they know if an employee is suitable for the
company. There’s even a specific interview that is designed just to ensure that
the employee is a culture fit. 19
The Zappos attrition rate is less than 2 percent—which is unheard of. That’s
almost nonexistent turnover. Zappos is so committed to making sure the hire is a
good fit that they put forth a seemingly insane fail-safe. After three weeks of
training, Zappos actually offers each hire $4000 just to walk away, no questions
asked. It’s to see if the hire values the easy money or not. 20 They want to know
if working for the company matters more than a quick check, and this is the best
way to find that out before they begin a relationship with that person.
When he was twenty-eight, Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh sold his first company,
LinkExchange, to Microsoft for a quarter-billion dollars. The reason he did it
was not what you’d think: he wasn’t cashing in. The company culture had
become so poisonous, Hsieh admitted to an interviewer, that he “dreaded getting
out of bed in the morning.” 21
In case you think Hsieh is full of it, he even walked away early after the sale, not
getting the full amount of money he could have from the Microsoft purchase.
That’s how miserable he was. When he arrived at Zappos, Hsieh decided “never
again.” From that point forward he would put culture front and center. 22 That’s
how he built the company into a powerhouse. Their culture has become the DNA
of the company. It’s not just printed on the walls. Every employee lives it.
There is only one way to get anybody to do anything. And that is

by making them want to do it.
—Dale Carnegie
The Power of Owning

Coaches, especially coaches of young men and women, instinctively understand
how to get buy-in. With no money or advancement involved, the motivation has
to be all intrinsic: the best coaches understand how to tap into this.
At Montrose Christian High School, where I served as the basketball team’s
performance coach, Coach Stu Vetter always used to talk about the difference in
mind-set between renting and owning. When you rent something—like an
apartment or a car—you view it as temporary. Because it’s not yours, you don’t
value it as much and you don’t take as good care of it. We rent things when we
are young, careless, and in a state of transition.
When we’re mature, we buy.
When you buy, you have ownership. Because of that connection, you care much
more because it’s yours. It’s an extension of you. Those who look at a job as just
a step on the ladder or a paycheck are a drag on that place’s culture. They’re
renting their job and it shows. It is vital that you, as a leader, create and sustain a
culture where everyone sees the company as an extension of themselves. That’s
how you get their all. They will walk through fire for the company because it’s a
part of who they are. That’s the power of culture.
Key Point: Culture is the environment (both physical and psychological)

that a leader creates to make his people motivated, committed, and secure.
It is spread and maintained by everyone else.
Remember:
It is the leader’s job to prepare the soil that will maximize others’
potential and encourage them to be as productive as possible.
Leadership doesn’t simply happen. You must be intentional about

generating and developing it.
A leader who creates a strong culture knows that it’s not about forcing
people to follow you—it’s about making them want to.
Cultures will vary, but all leaders must create a culture of respect for
everyone to thrive in.
A group’s culture is best reflected through how members act when the
boss is not around.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Servant
Because you really listen, you become influenceable. And being
influenceable is the key to influencing others.
—Stephen Covey
As we dig deeper to examine what makes an effective leader, it’s important that
we get something straight. Whether you’re a CEO, manager, coach, or good old-
fashioned boss, you work for your people. They don’t work for you.
Stop. Read that again.
Do you believe it?
You work for them .
Maybe you thought being in charge meant people did what you want, no
questions asked. Maybe you figure that you pay their salary, can hire, fire,
demote, and promote them, so that should be all the motivation they need. But
you’re wrong. If that’s the only motivation you give them, you will never get
their best. You will continually just get part of them, and likely not the best part.
However, when you shift your focus from yourself to them, things will
drastically change. Remember: People are not loyal to jobs. They are not loyal to
businesses. They are loyal to other people . Effective leadership creates strong
loyalty.
And loyalty creates commitment.
And commitment strengthens culture.
And as we discussed in the last chapter, culture produces results.
Now, let’s look at how to serve your people and why it matters.
The Servanthood of Pop

Servanthood is about understanding what is best for your people, seeing the
work from their point of view, and making sure you give them what they need.
One way to do that is to make sure you always involve people in the work that
affects them. They will recognize the authentic connection that you have
cultivated, and then they will buy in to what you have created.
In the summer of 2017, when San Antonio Spurs forward LaMarcus Aldridge
went to head coach Gregg Popovich and asked to be traded, Popovich was
stunned. Pop admitted that in his twenty-plus years of coaching, which includes
five championships, a player had never done that. Not once. But the coach’s
reaction is one of the reasons why he’s an all-time great. It also ended up
changing Aldridge’s mind.
What did Popovich do when one of his best players asked to be traded? He took
the blame. 1 He owned up to what he had done wrong and gave the player an
opening to give him another chance. Pop worked it out with Aldridge, who
decided to stay, and the player has since flourished with the Spurs. And because
Pop is who he is, he took it one step further. He accepted the blame publicly,
telling ESPN: “It became apparent to me that it really was me… total over-
coaching.” 2 The humility is impressive but what hits me the most is how
Popovich understood that he was there to serve his players. And he had not been
serving Aldridge properly.
Most coaches will tell you, I’m not only a coach, I’m a relationship person.
Basketball is just the platform and vehicle I use. It’s not about teaching how to
put a ball into the basket; that’s just the mechanism. It’s about something so
much bigger. Legendary coach P. J. Carlesimo told me during an interview for
my podcast that the best advice he ever got was: “Relationships with your
players is more important than your X’s and O’s.” P. J. nailed it. Without a
personal foundation, the smartest play or the best idea won’t matter. It’ll never
get executed properly if the player and coach aren’t connected on another level.
Self-Test
Be honest.
1. Think about those who work under you. If they would list—anonymously—
the three characteristics that best describe you, what do you think they’d write?
2. What would you like those three characteristics to be?

Coach Rav’s Long Arms
I’ve been fortunate to meet with some of the all-time great coaches, and one
common thread that links all of them is that they are never the kind of people
who are out for themselves. They are connectors, givers, and sharers. They are
servants to their players.
Former college basketball coach and director of International Basketball for

Nike George Raveling is a legend in the sports world. His career includes time
as head coach for Iowa, Washington State, and USC; assistant coach for
Villanova, Maryland, and the 1984 US Men’s Basketball Team at the Olympics
(where he coached young Michael Jordan and Patrick Ewing); and induction into
both the Professional Basketball and the College Basketball Hall of Fame. *
Raveling has been labeled a pioneer, an innovator, and a trailblazer, but almost
everyone just calls him Coach Rav.
Coach Rav is one of the game’s most revered mentors. His “mentor tree,” the list
of his mentees who have gone on to have exceptional careers, is unparalleled. As
the host of two basketball podcasts—the Hardwood Hustle and the Pure Sweat
Basketball Show —I recorded over a hundred interviews with basketball
coaches. And in most of them, either on or off air, I’ve asked the guest, “Who
has had the most profound impact on your career?”
No joke, George Raveling’s name came up about 75 percent of the time. He was
that influential. I met Coach Rav dozens of times over the years and have always
appreciated his presence and authenticity. He is a good man. He’s known for
being a voracious reader, often bringing books as a gift when meeting with
someone. In his compelling talks, he always makes a point of covering all the
important aspects of coaching that do not take place on the court.
When I interviewed him, I asked him about servant leadership, which is not as
commonly understood as it should be. “The fundamental intent of an authentic
servant leader is to consistently serve the needs of those who follow,” he told
me. “Servant leadership is inherent in us as people.”
What was astounding to me was that Raveling, eighty years old and having risen
to the peak of multiple professions, still spoke of servanthood. “Every human
being was placed on Earth to serve the needs of others,” he told me. “For me it is
a most important priority. It affords me the unique opportunity to consistently
practice kindness, humility, courage, sacrifice, gratitude, motivation,
socialization, and sensitivity.” It was clear talking to him why so many coaches
and players look up to this man. It’s because he looked up to each of them.
Coach Cal and Connection

Watching great coaches in action is another way to get a sense of how they serve
their team and the overall mission of the program. Several years ago I had the
unique opportunity to watch the University of Kentucky’s first basketball
practice of the year and their Midnight Madness event. Midnight Madness is the
start of the college basketball season, which kicks off with a giant pep rally and
the team’s first practice. It’s such a big event that it’s televised on ESPN and
students camp outside the arena to ensure they get tickets.
It was future superstar Anthony Davis’s freshman year, and I was excited to
witness the festivities. But while the Midnight Madness was for show, the
practice itself was definitely not. Coach Calipari coached his players hard. He
was extremely demanding, but never demeaning, and he held his players
accountable for everything they did. He didn’t let up once.
Calipari explained to his players that the reason he pushes them so hard and
holds them to such a high standard is because he cares about them. He wants to
help them achieve their dreams, both short term (winning a national title) and
long term (getting drafted in the NBA, becoming better men). Coach Cal
emphasized to his players, who were getting run ragged, that they should be
thankful to have people in their lives who care enough to hold them accountable.
Serving his players is at the center of everything John Calipari does as the
Wildcats’ coach, which besides Coach K’s job, may be the most prestigious in
college basketball. Calipari even titled his book Players First . At Kentucky, he
ensures the culture is player centered and player focused. Coach Cal wrote that
he believes that institutions should serve people and not vice versa. 3 I agree
wholeheartedly. Sometimes an organization or corporation takes on such size
and influence that we forget that it’s the people who are its heart. The people are
the ones who matter, and the company will live or die through those people.
At the center of the billion-dollar business that is college sports, and as the
leader of one of its most hallowed teams, Calipari doesn’t waver from this focus.
Whether it’s making note of where each player wants the ball when the game is
on the line or individually asking the players what their “why” is, Calipari serves
their interests. By centering everything he does on their growth as players and as
people, he embodies the idea of a servant leader.
I am friends with Kentucky assistant coach Joel Justus, Calipari’s longtime right-
hand man. When I interviewed him for my podcast, he told me, “Coaching elite
talent all starts with relationships. It’s 100 percent that they know we are about
them.” In any coaching scenario, “If that young man or woman knows that you
are for them, you got a chance. That’s what Coach Calipari stresses to us… these
guys have to know we’re about them or we can’t ask them to do anything.” Part
of that is recognizing that everyone talks. Some people listen. Very few connect.
Be a connector.
When Calipari recruits, he talks about the player, his family, and his dreams.
“They know we’re about them,” Justus told me. As a consequence, in the future,
when the coaches ask something of the players, “It’s already been established…
this guy who’s telling me to do this wants the best for me.” Leaders lay this
foundation early and return to it often—I am here to serve you. Let me know
what you need, what your goals are, and I’ll help you get there.
When I asked Justus to tell me the biggest thing he learned from Calipari, he told
me it was that “this business, if it’s about anything, it’s about people. It’s about
caring for these young people and letting them know ‘I’m for you’… if a kid
knows that you’re for them, the sky’s the limit.”
The same goes for a boss, manager, or CEO. If your employees truly believe that
you have their backs, that you’re looking out for their best interests, that you’re
there to serve them, you’ll never have to worry about their commitment or their
effort.
Self-Test
What Language Are You Speaking?
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman is one of the most influential and
impactful books I’ve ever read.
The premise is basic: We all feel, process, and interpret love differently. How I
receive love is going to be different from how you receive love. You may need
quality time, whereas I may need words of affirmation. Someone else may need
acts of service, physical touch, or actual gifts. The result of these various
languages is that if you don’t speak your partner’s primary love language, they
won’t feel the love you are offering. You might as well be speaking to them in
Mandarin.
This is a powerful lesson, but it goes outside romantic relationships into our
other relationships, including those in the workplace. It’s helpful to swap out the
word “love” for “appreciation.” Think about your Appreciation Language at
work. If you are in charge, do you know the primary Appreciation Language of
those who work for you?
Are you rewarding a job well done with a Starbucks gift card, even though that
person would prefer an afternoon off? Are you giving them an afternoon off
when all they want is to be praised in front of the team? Are you praising them
in front of the team—even though that embarrasses them—when all they really
want is a tangible reward? As a leader, you need to know what motivates your
people, where they find purpose, what their strengths are, what they enjoy, and
how they most feel appreciated.
A Gallup poll verified that the number one motivator in the workplace is
recognition and appreciation. 4 So if you want to see performance and morale
increase, learn to speak each person’s Appreciation Language.
The Alpha Servant

Serving others is not an act of charity or sacrifice. It’s not about giving yourself
up, bottling your own desires, or being walked over. It’s about providing for
those who need to work with you so that all of you rise to your highest level—
together.
A few years ago, when Kevin Durant was beginning his rise to the elite level of
the NBA, the basketball and media community were trying to put a nickname on
him. All the greats have one: MJ, Magic (we forget his name is Earvin!), Larry
Legend, Sir Charles, the King, the Answer, the Splash Brothers, the list goes on
and on.
When someone asked Durant what nickname he’d give himself, he surprised a
lot of people by saying he wanted to be called “The Servant.” The Servant?
People were confused. And what usually happens when people don’t understand
something is they laugh. They mock. They insult. Why would the alpha dog of a
title contender call himself a servant? What is this guy talking about?
But I know Kevin—and he had it exactly right. True leaders serve others, and
they serve the mission. A servant leader puts others’ needs ahead of his own. He
commits to adding value to everyone and everything he comes in contact with.
In the summer of 2016, when Durant decided to join the talent-stacked Golden
State Warriors, the talking heads on ESPN and the chirpers on social media
thought he was taking the easy path. They thought he was selling out, that he
lacked leadership. I saw it much differently. I believe KD sacrificed his own
prominence for a larger goal. In a league dominated by players making sure “I
get mine,” seeking out places where they can get endorsements, star status, and
max contracts, it was the ultimate servant move. Because of that, Durant has
been able to take on a leadership role. His coaches and teammates recognize
what he’s in it for. He has already proven it.
The concept of service is intimately connected to strong leadership. A leader ties

his own needs and desires to the team’s in order to create a unified purpose. It
comes from a place of compassion and empathy. A company straps itself to the
needs of its employees first: serve them and they will serve you. Once that
agreement is firmly in place, then you focus on serving the customers.
As a leader, think about the language you use, because it reveals so much about
your thinking. If you use “I” and “me” more than “us” and “we,” you are
creating a gap between you and your team. That gap will grow into a barrier,
which over time will become impossible to remove, lessen, or cross.
Communicate that you are “we” driven, not “me” driven, and others will
respond. Don’t focus on what you want from your employees. Focus on what
you want for your employees.
My friend Babe Kwasniak—the outstanding high school coach and former

business leader—is also an Army veteran. “The Army taught me leadership is
everything,” he told me. “Soldiers would rather be in Baghdad working for
someone they respect and they know cares for them than in Hawaii for a jerk
who doesn’t.” The facts back Babe up. Surveys show that “65 percent of
working Americans would prefer a new boss to a pay raise.” 5
Think about how revealing that is—more people care about that relationship
than their salary. Don’t forget: a boss/employee relationship is a relationship, not
a transaction. Great bosses know this and work to build that relationship.
Self-Test
One way to serve your employees is by committing to their improvement and

goals. Take tangible action . For instance, leaders should check in regularly on
whether their people are fulfilled, productive, and effective. Ask questions like:
1. What did you do this week that you want to do more of?
2. What did you do this week that you want to do less of?
3. How did you use your strengths today?
Calling Out Errors

Serving others sometimes means guidance and instruction. Tread respectfully
and carefully when addressing an employee’s mistakes, errors, or misjudgments.
Instruction is always going to work better than criticism because it’s forward-
thinking. It focuses not on what was done, but on what can be done. Remember
that people respond to things they can do something about. If they want to
improve, they will take it to heart. If they just feel like they’re being told what
they did wrong, they will tune out.
Also, it’s important for a leader to focus feedback on a person’s actions, not on
his character. If someone feels that his mistake is internal—part of who he is—
he will be less likely to solve the problem. Why? Because he feels like the
problem can’t be solved. It’s just who he is. Personal criticism is a confidence
destroyer and, thus, an ineffective approach to addressing an issue.
Don’t forget that a big part of serving people is building their confidence. This is
something that great coaches know. It’s not coddling. It’s energizing. “Provide
frequent recognition and encouragement,” wrote researcher Shawn Achor in his
book The Happiness Advantage . It will directly translate into productivity.
According to Achor, “One study found that… when recognition is specific and
deliberately delivered, it is even more motivating than money.” 6 Recognition
and praise are more motivating than money. Let that sink in for a while. Then
put it to use at the office.
Clients do not come first. Employees come first. If you take care
of your employees, they will take care of the clients.
—Richard Branson
Investing in People
Great leaders understand that underneath the profits, spreadsheets, and meetings,
companies are about people. Everything else is subservient to the people who
make up the company and, by extension, to the customers and clients. Starbucks
was the first company in the United States to give health benefits and stock
options to even part-time employees. 7 Founder and CEO Howard Schultz
believed that serving his employees was the best way to create a sustainable
business, one where that feeling of being taken care of would transfer from
employee to customer. Sometimes when I’m stuck on the phone with a company
—car insurance, health care, power company—and I can hear the misery in the
customer representative’s voice, I think about the person in charge of that
department. I wonder if that boss knows what is trickling out to the customers. I
wonder if his boss knows.
Recently, Starbucks went one step further, announcing that they would begin
paying full tuition for its employees to go to college. Now, I’m sure some
number crunchers determined that’s a waste of money. If you just think of it as a
perk, then maybe it is. But it’s not a perk. Schultz believes, “It wasn’t charity
because investing in people is how we grow.” Even when Starbucks was in
financial trouble in 2008, Schultz held tight to this commitment and refused to
give it up. 8
What’s important to remember is that Schultz doesn’t run a charity—he cares

about growth, profits, and market share. He just knows the best way to raise the
level of his company is to build up his employees. “Take love, humanity, and
humility and then place it against a performance-driven organization; these are
in conflict to the naked eye,” Schultz wrote. “But I believe that performance is
significantly enhanced by this kind of leadership.” 9 He doesn’t just provide lip
service to the idea; he backs it up with action.
The great companies make sure their employees are taken care of first.
Continental Airlines created loyalty from its people by actually treating them
like team members. When the company met its target goals for the percentage of
planes that arrived on time, every employee—from baggage handlers to ticket
agents—got bonus checks. 10 It’s hard to quantify the effect, but I’m sure that
Continental employees passed that appreciation and spirit on to the customers.
Simon Sinek offers a piece of wisdom that all businesses would be wise to heed:
“Customers will never love a company until the employees love it first.” 11
Jimmy Wales, CEO of Wikipedia , believes you should treat employees like
volunteers. Because of Wikipedia ’s business model, Wales also deals with many
literal volunteers, and he credits years of interacting with them with teaching
him a valuable lesson about motivation and management. “You can’t just tell
them what to do,” he told Fortune magazine. “A good manager knows the same
is true with employees. If you have the right people, and you’re organizing
things sensibly, there shouldn’t be a lot of telling people what to do.” 12 It’s a
good thought experiment: if your employees were volunteers, how would you
get them motivated, involved, and connected to the mission?
People don’t care how much you know until they know how
much you care.
—Unknown
The Death of “Do What I Say”
The days of managing through intimidation, fear, and brute force are long gone
—and thankfully, they’re not coming back. Kim Scott has been CEO advisor for
Twitter and Dropbox, and worked for both Apple and Google, among many
other industry leaders. “Authoritarian bosses tend to be particularly weak
persuaders; they don’t feel a need to explain the decision or their logic…” she
wrote. “They fail to establish credibility because they expect people to do what
they say simply because they’re the boss.” 13 It hasn’t been political correctness
or workplace sensitivity that has phased out the authoritarian boss. It’s about
ineffectiveness.
Google serves its employees by making work as pleasant a place as possible,

with nap pods, gyms, free food from eleven different restaurants, and snacks in
kitchens all around its campus. 14 If you’re thinking, Well, they can afford it ,
keep in mind that they’ve been doing things like this since day one. Even though
Google’s bottom line certainly sags under all these amenities, serving their
employees has paid off in the long run. Incredibly, in 2015, over sixteen years
after Google started, “About one third of the original hundred hires” were still
there. 15 That’s remarkable.
Is Google able to treat employees this way because it’s successful, or is it

successful because of this approach to its employees? It’s a feedback loop, but it
would never have begun without a commitment from the leaders to serve the
people. Though Google’s parent company, Alphabet, now has 72,000
employees, they still grant stock to all of their employees. 16 If you run a
company and these gestures are too out there for you, think about other ways
you can show your people that you are there to serve them. A small action, if it’s
genuine and personalized, will go a long way.
Listening and Empathy

Serving means listening, interacting, and understanding. It also means adapting
your approach to the various personalities in your organization. As I sometimes
have to tell my kids, equal doesn’t mean the same. In fact, treating everyone the
same is an insult. It’s not accounting for their individuality. You don’t know me ,
they’ll say. And they’ll be right.
Being a servant leader requires truly knowing who your people are, how they’re
motivated, and what they want. How else can you serve them if you don’t know
these things? “You can’t make great decisions by sitting in your office,” Mike
Smith warned in You Win in the Locker Room First . “You lead by leaving a
footprint in every area of the building.” 17 Tom Peters, a leadership expert who
has studied some of the great US companies up close, calls it “managing by
walking around.” 18 It goes back to knowing everyone’s Appreciation Language.
A leader has to adapt and modify his communication style to each individual
person who works for him. Remember: attempting to treat everyone the same
means connecting with none of them. A spork isn’t both a fork and a spoon. It’s
neither.
An integral part of servanthood is empathy and understanding. A true leader

needs to get out there and get a sense of his employees’—and his customers’—
experience. David Neeleman, cofounder of JetBlue, used to fly on his airline
once a week—and sit in the back row. JetBlue actually doesn’t have a first-class
cabin and has long had a policy of never overbooking.
Neeleman would walk up and down the aisles to give out snacks and get
feedback from passengers, talk to employees, help clean the plane, and even
unload luggage. 19 After one particularly nightmarish holiday weekend,
Neeleman wrote up a Customer Bill of Rights and released a public apology that
blamed no one else or even the unique circumstances. “We let you down,” 20 he
admitted. He extended his sense of servanthood to his customers: taking the
blame and making a promise that it wouldn’t happen again.
Different Strokes
I have thick skin. When I was a player, coaches could get up in my face, scream
and cuss, and I was fine with it. I didn’t take it personally. In fact, I used it as
motivation: I’ll show you. But some of my teammates were the opposite; when
the coach got on them, they would almost cower and go back into their
protective shell. They would just shut down.
Being a servant leader is figuring out that people are different and it’s up to you
to treat them as such. Learn what your people need and want and how to serve
them in your capacity as their leader. Your people will develop trust and loyalty
in you if they know you understand something about them. If they understand
you’re about serving them, they’ll commit to you. They’ll be there if they know
they’re getting paid first, they’re going to eat first, and their needs are going to
be met first. I guarantee they will respond to feeling purposeful and will react
positively to feeling a part of something. Then, and only then, will you become
part of something worth leading.
Key Point: A leader serves his people, not the other way around! Find
ways to bring out the best in your people by understanding their needs,
desires, and motivations.
Remember:
Leaders understand that they work for their people.
It is impossible to be both selfish and an effective leader.
Leaders commit to adding value to everyone they come in contact with.
Don’t treat others the way you want to be treated. Treat others the way
they want to be treated.
Get to know your people so you can understand what that looks like.
CHAPTER NINE
Character
Your reputation is what you’re perceived to be; your character is
what you really are.
—John Wooden
While the previous chapter addressed the importance of what you do , character
is about something even bigger: who you are . It is the raw material that is
necessary to be an effective leader. A coach that preaches one thing and then
behaves differently loses all credibility.
Character pays off. But here’s the thing about acting with character: it doesn’t
expect the payoff. A person who acts with character isn’t waiting around to be
rewarded. He just commits to acting with integrity and trusting the world will
fall in line. He works on himself.
As my longtime friend and mentor, former NBA assistant coach Kevin Eastman,
likes to say, you earn your reputation through your repetitions. The example you
set trumps the instructions you give. A leader’s character is fundamental to
earning others’ respect; without their respect, they won’t follow you anywhere.
As I write this book, the NCAA is being rocked by scandal. Stories are coming
out about unsavory agents offering large and illegal payments to college players.
Coaches, athletic directors, and other adults are involved in this and other
misbehavior, and some careers and programs are at serious risk. As I read and
watch these stories unfold, I always try to hold tight to the lesson. Character
counts: who you are and who people think you are matter. They play an intimate
role in what happens to you.
In the age of immoral and downright criminal stories coming out from the sports
world to Washington DC, from Silicon Valley to Hollywood to Wall Street, we
can never forget that character, ethics, and proper behavior come from the top. A
leader is either modeling and encouraging one kind of behavior or sending a
message that any other kind is acceptable. Remember: people follow examples ,
not advice.
Character is a way to let your team know that you can be trusted, which may be
the most important quality a leader can bring. “Once a coach earns his players’
trust,” Jay Bilas wrote, “he can push them to new levels mentally and physically,
where less trustworthy coaches might not dare tread.” 1 Character is how you
behave when no one else is watching. If you really want to earn a group’s
respect and dedication, show them you deserve it: act with integrity and
demonstrate character.
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats

those who can do nothing for him.
—Malcolm Forbes
Coach K’s In-Box
The only thing more inspiring than meeting your idol is meeting him and finding
out he is exactly as you’d expect him to be. Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski has
always been one of my heroes. Coach K’s former players universally sing his
praises—and it’s not just about wins, national attention, and NBA contracts. “He
will always give every ounce of himself to help you become the best version of
yourself,” former Duke All-American Jay Williams wrote. “It doesn’t stop when
you’re done playing for him. If you need him, he’s there without your having to
ask.” 2
When I was on staff with the basketball team at Montrose Christian High
School, Coach K came to a practice because he was recruiting one of our
players. I’d met him in passing at clinics before, but this time he was in our gym,
watching our players. I knew I might never get the chance again, so I took it
upon myself to sit down and talk to him.
Though he was there on Duke business, he was happy to chat with me. For the
time that we spoke, he made me feel like I was the most important person in the
gym. Through his eye contact, questions, tone, and body language, he showed he
was clearly invested in the conversation. Though he had other things to do and a
million things on his mind, he was never distracted, neither looking over my
shoulder nor scanning the room. He was present .
I was so blown away that it was taking place that I realize now I was the one
who wasn’t present. Or rather, I wasn’t as present as I would have liked to have
been, as I don’t remember many details of our conversation. But I do remember
that he was inquisitive, asking me about the program at Montrose and my role
with the team. As the conversation shifted to the player he was recruiting, he
asked me about his character, work ethic, attitude, commitment, coachability,
and respectfulness. Notably, he never asked anything about the player’s
athleticism or on-the-court skills. We also talked about my training philosophy
and he shared what his strength coach—William Stephens—did with the Duke
players.
I’m old school, so the next morning I hand-wrote him a thank-you note (yes, that
means with pen and paper) to tell him how much I appreciated his time. “It may
not have meant a lot to you, but you taking the time to talk to me was
incredible,” I wrote. “You’re someone I’ve looked up to and admired for years
and I really appreciate it. Thank you.”
I put it an envelope, slapped a stamp on it, and sent it off to Duke, figuring that
was that. It’s not like I was expecting a response. It just felt like the right thing to
do.
Three weeks later, to my surprise, I got a handwritten letter back.
Dear Alan:
Thanks for your note. I really enjoyed our conversation at Montrose.

You have done a terrific job there and have obviously built a great
national reputation. I’m happy for you.
Take care,
Coach K
I cannot communicate how blown away I was.
This man is the face of college basketball, and he took the time to show me a
gesture of gratitude that got him nothing. That small gesture has had a massive
impact on me and taught me a pivotal lesson: small things can make a big
difference. Obviously, Coach K has a personal assistant who could’ve done it or
he could’ve sent me an e-mail or had someone send a Duke T-shirt or a form
letter. But he didn’t. I was impressed with his kindness, but I was outright
dumbfounded when it dawned on me, Oh, he’s like this with everyone. This is
just what he does! This is just who he is. I can picture Coach K’s flooded in-box,
and his commitment to answering each and every missive that comes in. That’s
character.
“Leaders show respect for people by giving them time,” 3 Coach K wrote in one
of his books. His success is intimately tied to how he treats everyone. Coach K is
the reason why I go out of my way to tell people how much I appreciate them. It
is why I do my very best to return every e-mail, every text, and every voice mail
as promptly as possible. I figure if one of the greatest coaches in college
basketball history can make the time to hand-write me a note of gratitude, I can
do the same.
Coach K once told an interviewer that he feels that character is the most
important factor in recruiting, 4 and his track record backs it up. He lives by that
standard, and he doesn’t expect any less from his players. “Character drives
everything,” he has said. “A lack of it drives it downward; where you have a lot,
it drives upward. Character is the foundation upon which you win.” 5
Management is about authority. Leadership is about influence.
—Joseph Rost, leadership scholar
How You Treat the “Nobodies”
Character means you don’t view your relationships through the lens of what you
can get out of them. You see people as people, not as avenues of gain or
leverage. When current Golden State Warriors president Rick Welts was sixteen,
he was a ball boy for the Seattle Supersonics. In an interview he gave to Michael
Gervais on his Finding Mastery podcast, Welts said that while everyone else
treated him like part of the furniture, there were three athletes who went out of
their way to be nice to him. And—not coincidentally, in my opinion—those
three are the only three names any true basketball fan would recognize
nowadays: Lenny Wilkens, who became a legendary coach; Rod Thorn, who
became an NBA executive; and Thomas Meschery, who became a published
writer and whose number was retired by the Warriors. 6 The only three people
who gave a teenage ball boy any attention and respect lived their lives that way.
Welts said that “people who are empowered and who don’t treat people well
inevitably fail. It may not be in a year, it may not be in five years, but inevitably
[they’ll] fail.” 7
Leaders live a life worth following. Their words, actions, beliefs, values, and
behavior are all aligned. As Robert Sutton put it in The No Asshole Rule , “The
difference between how a person treats the powerless versus the powerful is as
good a measure of human character as I know.” 8 It’s true. When one day in the
(far-off) future I meet my daughter’s boyfriend and take the two of them out to a
nice dinner, I know what I’ll be watching: how he talks to the waiter and the coat
check person and the valet. Of course he’s going to put on a good face for me,
but that won’t tell me much. But his interactions with others—especially
strangers—will tell me all I need to know about the kind of person he is.
It’s about having a positive effect on people, adding value to every interaction.
Babe Kwasniak once said to me, “It’s not who you know, it’s who knows you.”
These are wise words. There’s a disproportional focus in business on contacts
and shaking hands and the online currency of likes and follows. But those things
don’t really matter that much. It’s not about whom you meet; it’s about who
remembers meeting you and what they remember about that interaction. Are you
just accumulating paper-thin relationships that aren’t really that consequential in
the real world? Or are you making an impact? It’s true that many people are
drawn to enthusiasm and charisma. But everyone is drawn to character.
People will forgive occasional mistakes based on ability… but

they won’t trust someone who slips in character.
—John C. Maxwell
The Business of Character

Character is also good business because it creates a magnetic kind of loyalty.
Employees want to get there early and stay late for a boss they respect.
Customers want to feel like a company they patronize cares about them. A
famous example: We think of Lexus as synonymous with premium luxury, but
in 1989, when they were first launched by Toyota, they began with an all-time
royal screwup. The first Lexus model had to be entirely recalled and repaired. It
was a disaster, and it could have been the death knell for the product right out of
the gate. As Galinsky and Schweitzer retell it in Friend and Foe , Lexus turned
an absolute nightmare into a moment they would build their brand off of:
Rather than simply sending out consumer notices and making a public
announcement, Lexus called every single owner—yes, individually, on
the phone. Then they tried to make repair as easy as possible; they
even flew mechanics to customers if a dealership wasn’t nearby…
detailed every car and gave it a full tank of gas. Within three weeks,
Lexus emerged from the crisis with an enhanced brand—Lexus was no
longer just about quality, they now were also known for their customer
service. 9
Lexus came out the other end of a crisis—a potentially company-killing one—
looking even better. Today it is one of the most beloved brands in the world, and
its customers are famously loyal. But it all began with a choice—to handle what
could have been a meltdown with character and integrity.
Let’s look at a new company, a “disruptor,” and see how character still matters.
In 2011, when Airbnb experienced its first (some would say inevitable)
nightmarish experience between customers, CEO Brian Chesky didn’t shy away
from facing the problem. He ignored advisors who told him to take a measured
stance or release a statement that had some version of, Well, with thousands of
strangers meeting up to live in each other’s homes, something was bound to
happen. At the end of the day, he likely could’ve gotten away with this. The
average consumer wouldn’t judge the entire company because of one terrible
incident.
But Chesky is playing the long game.
Instead, he publicly took full responsibility for the incident, releasing an apology
that didn’t mince words or offer the corporate-speak we are accustomed to. “We
have really screwed things up,” Chesky admitted about their initial handling of
the incident. Then the company directly compensated the offended party and
added a zero to the previous $5,000 insurance policy for hosts—making it a
$50,000 policy. 10 Customers, and future customers, took notice. The CEO
demonstrated that his company had integrity—at a time when it easily could’ve
been focused on protecting its own ass.
Acting with character marks you as someone people can trust. And trust is the
kind of strong glue that will outlast all the other incentives. In 1988, at the time
of Michael Jordan’s second contract, agent David Falk offered to cut his firm’s
marketing fee, a move that Falk’s partner thought was crazy. Jordan was about
to be the most marketed player on the planet . Why offer to just give that money
away? But Falk knew what he was doing. He was playing the long game,
demonstrating to MJ what kind of person he was. Though Jordan turned down
the offer, the fact that Falk made it no doubt left an impression.
As a result of Falk’s offer, his relationship with Jordan “changed forever. For the
first time, he knew he could completely trust me.” 11 Jordan recognized Falk as a
man of character, and thus, tied his career to his agent’s—which turned out
historically well for both of them. Jordan would spend his career as someone
whom everybody wanted something from, but he had a strong relationship with
Falk. He remembered his agent’s moment of character, and it bonded the two for
the rest of his career.
Getting Dirty
One sports tradition, a that’s-the-way-things-have-always-been type of practice,
is the idea that freshman and rookies need to pay their dues and do the grunt
work. They carry the equipment, buy doughnuts for the team, and give up their
aisle seat on the airplane. Basically they “serve” the veteran players. This strikes
me as incredibly backward. It should be the opposite . Leadership isn’t about
lording power over others. The veterans and captains should be the ones doing
the grunt work. They should be leading by example, demonstrating what the new
players need to do for the good of the team. They are the ones who should be
serving.
There’s a famous story about the San Antonio Spurs, an NBA team known for
one of the most team-oriented cultures in sports. Not coincidentally, they also
have the single highest winning percentage in history out of all the four major
team sports. 12 When the Spurs were on the road, there used to be two buses from
the hotel to the arena for practice time: the early bus and the late bus. The early
bus was for rookies and younger players who needed to put in extra work. The
late bus was for the veterans. But Tim Duncan, the team’s star and leader (and a
future Hall of Famer), always took the early bus.
Eventually, Coach Gregg Popovich took notice. He figured that if the team’s
best player felt it necessary to get to practice early, then everyone should. And
they did—without complaint. Duncan was always the silent leader type, but this
type of action proved his character more than a million locker room speeches
could have.
At DeMatha High School, which has one of the premiere basketball programs in
the country, Coach Jones still sweeps the floor before every practice. He doesn’t
have to, of course. He does it to remind himself, and to show others, that he is
not too big or too important for any job. It’s why Coach Jones’s assistants and
players look up to him. They recognize his character. And that kind of leader
rubs off on everyone else.
Winning by Giving
Character means you understand that there are things beyond winning and
losing. The workplace and the business world are not all zero-sum games. There
can be more than one winner, and a workplace of battling egos inevitably suffers
in productivity.
In his book Give and Take , Adam Grant highlighted successful businesspeople
—not Mother Teresa types, but headstrong capitalists—who are what he calls
“givers.” “When people focus on others, as givers do naturally, they’re less
likely to worry about ego and minuscule details,” Grant wrote. “They look at the
big picture and prioritize what matters most to others.” 13
It reminds me of the late University of North Carolina head coach Dean Smith.
Smith didn’t convince every player to stay the full four years of college, though
that would’ve made his job a whole lot easier. Smith famously encouraged his
top players to leave for the NBA draft to secure their financial future. This seems
like it was shooting himself in the foot, but Smith’s choice to look out for his
players’ future became known—and that unselfish behavior ended up attracting
top recruits to UNC. Players saw that Smith cared more about them than he did
about himself or even winning. 14
Decades after players left UNC, they still sing the praises of Smith, who seemed
to truly be invested in his players as people. His approach to leadership, and his
character, came through in his philosophy: “A leader should take the blame for
the losses and give the players credit for the victories.” 15
The best story about Dean Smith didn’t come out until he passed away in 2012.
Every single player who had lettered as a member of one of his teams got a $200
check in the mail as prescribed in Smith’s will. That’s 180 players over thirty-six
seasons! The money was for them to enjoy a nice meal out, on their coach. 16
That story just blows me away. There were players going back decades who got
checks, from guys you never heard of to billionaire Michael Jordan. On top of
that, Smith did it after he was gone. There was no way it could be transactional
or even interpreted as anything other than a gesture of thanks—and servanthood.
Your Core
Character is the foundation of every aspect of your life. Ultimately that is going
to be your default; it’s what you do when you’re not conscious of what people
are thinking or who’s peering over your shoulder. If you expect honesty from
your employees, make sure you demonstrate it. If you want their loyalty, make
sure they know they have yours first.
Any difference between what you say and what you do—which is hypocrisy,
whether you’re conscious of it or not—will harm your ability to guide, coach,
and lead. The people I’ve met who are at the top in business or sports are the
same in front of the camera, off camera, on their couch, in front of millions, and
to their circle of friends. They are who they are to their core, and they don’t put
on any show.
Make a point of letting your employees know what you value: it’s a way to
ensure you will see more of it. Find someone in your organization who did the
right thing, maybe even against his own interest, and highlight that. Your other
employees will notice, and the behavior will spread. Remember: that which gets
praised gets repeated.
At the end of the day, someone with low morals and weak integrity, no matter
their talent in everything else, is not worth investing in. He is built on a weak
foundation. When I’m looking to fill out any group or team, character is the first
thing I look for. Everything else can be built up from there. It’s one of the few
things that you can’t teach, so you’re better off starting with it.
Facing the Tests
Character is about acting on your values. You might think you have character
but believe that in the business world it has to be tucked away, that it’s not an
asset there. Maybe you’ve been told that the snake gets ahead, so you should
bury your better instincts. This is simply not true. Character must be consistent,
or else we call it something else.
We are constantly bombarded with situations that test our character. We’re all
human, and we all make mistakes. Character is not always black and white. It
goes deeper than just not stealing money from someone’s dresser. It’s internal
choices: if we’re doing sprints at practice and I keep stopping two inches before
the line—because no one sees me—that’s a character issue.
Character is not about being a saint. It’s the ability to acknowledge poor
decisions and not repeat them. If not, what happens is that over time, it gets
easier to act immorally, a process that slowly erodes your character. Are you a
leader whose life is worth following? Do those who work for you know what
you stand for?
When in doubt, follow the rule of former Google CEO Eric Schmidt: make sure
you would work for yourself.
Key Point: Character is who you truly are, and it will show through. Lack
of character and integrity undermines all of a leader’s credibility.
Remember:
Character is the foundation of how you get others behind you.
People will be inspired by those with character and are more likely to go
through the fire with someone they trust.
Your team might not always be listening to what you say, but they’re
always watching what you do.
Successful leaders magnetically pull people in the right direction by

living with integrity and character.
A good leader highlights and praises moments of character from others
to communicate their value.
CHAPTER TEN
Empowerment
At Apple we hire people to tell us what to do, not the other way
around.
—Steve Jobs
Empowerment is the last chapter of part 2 because it is the final piece. If you are
a leader with character who serves his people, who has a healthy culture in
place and a vision for what the team should be, then you have to take the last
step: empower them to action. Like parenting, you do what you can to foster,
nurture, and inspire, but then you have to let go.
Think back on Steve Kerr’s Warriors team, a fully empowered group of players
who are trusted by their coach. Leaders may set the destination, but not
necessarily the path. A leader’s primary job is to find out what each team
member does really well and how to best utilize that skill set for the team’s
benefit. A coach—any kind of coach—must be comfortable giving his people a
sense of independence, trusting that they will figure out the best way to get to
where they need to go.
Empowering your people is a way of connecting with them, building their

confidence, and showing your belief in them. That feeling spreads. No matter the
arena, people are happiest when they are growing, learning, and improving.
Happiness, according to researchers, is about purpose and productivity. 1
Effective leaders give their people an opportunity to be of use and to matter.
Then everyone wins.
Player-Coaches
In sports, the best coaches aren’t those breathing down necks and they are never
the micromanagers. They are leaders like Kerr and the Celtics’ Brad Stevens,
who carry themselves with confidence because they trust their system, the
culture they created, and the people they have chosen. Empowerment is the
natural extension of everything that has already been put into place.
Michigan State men’s basketball coach Tom Izzo once told me, “A player-led
team will always outperform a coach-led team.” Coming from a coach,
especially a coach of young men, that might give you pause. Wouldn’t a coach
want to be the focal point? Wouldn’t he need to be? But of course, Izzo knows
what he’s talking about.
“If it’s a player-coached team,” he told me, “that means that they’ve taken
ownership of themselves and their team, and your chances of success triple.”
Coming from one of the winningest coaches of all time, that’s an impactful
lesson. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t value his job or position; he just knows that
the strongest thing a leader can do is empower his players to run their own team.
Izzo told me, “I think we spend so much time preparing for opponents, we don’t
spend enough time preparing for ourselves,” which he called “self-scouting.”
Part of that process is knowing everyone. “You’ve got to spend time with kids to
get them to trust you,” he said. He makes a point of bringing back his star
players to meet with his current team, and the concept hasn’t left them. They
return to “team-coach the culture of our team.”
True leadership isn’t about naked power; it’s about being open to giving,
spreading, and sharing that power. Leadership is not a one-way relationship; it
requires buy-in from the other side—and people choose to buy in when they feel
a sense of autonomy and control.
Authority is the open heart; power is the closed fist.
—Michael Foley, author 2
Getting Out of Your Own Way
Empowerment is intimately tied to the very first trait discussed in this book: self-
awareness. As a leader, you must know what you can and cannot do. You have
the vision to hire others who can help you succeed, the character and
commitment to serve them, and you’ve created the culture where they can thrive
and lean on each other. Now it’s time to let them do their thing. If you do
everything else but then you don’t let go, you are basically shooting yourself in
the foot.
Virgin founder and CEO Richard Branson is a huge proponent of empowerment.
He specifically relies on it so he can free up himself to focus on his vision.
“People should delegate early on in their businesses, so they can start thinking
about the bigger picture,” 3 he told an interviewer. When he meets with budding
young entrepreneurs, he tells them to “go and take a week out to find somebody
as good or better than yourself… let them get on and run your business day to
day.” Hire those who do what you can’t, and let them do it. If you could have
done it all yourself, you would have.
“Simply giving employees a sense of agency—a feeling that they are in control,
that they have genuine decision-making authority—can radically increase how
much energy and focus they bring to their jobs,” wrote Robert Bruce Shaw, who
assists executives in building teams. 4 Think about all the jobs you ever had.
Which were the ones you liked the best? Weren’t they the ones where you were
free to do the most? Didn’t that freedom make you enjoy the work?
Didn’t that let you know your boss trusted you?
Weren’t you happier at that job?
Trusting Your People

Delegation is something all kinds of coaches, even good coaches, struggle with.
One reason is that they find it hard to trust that others can perform specific tasks
as well as they can. They convince themselves that it will take longer to either
teach someone else how to do it, or worse, have to fix it after they do. This is a
very limiting belief system and one that can paralyze growth and infect the team
culture.
Elite leaders understand the power of delegation from three vantage points:
1. Delegation unconsciously tells your people that you trust them. And trust is
the glue to all relationships and cultures. Hovering over an employee’s shoulder
sends a message: I’m not sure I can depend on you.
2. The only way to learn is to do. Delegating gives people the vital reps they
need to improve and grow. If you never give them an opportunity to do it on
their own, they will never actualize their potential. Then their inability is not
their fault. It’s yours.
3. Delegating frees you up to do things that only the coach can do. The more
time a coach spends doing work that other members of the team can do, the
slower the progress of the entire team.
Taking Charge
The true test of a great leader is revealed not in what he does but what his people
do without him. How does your team act when you’re not there? How much
slippage would there be if you took the week off? It takes tremendous security
and confidence for a leader to hand off the reins. But it’s vital.
In his book Extreme Teams: Why Pixar, Netflix, Airbnb and Other Cutting-Edge
Companies Succeed Where Most Fail , Robert Bruce Shaw examined companies
that make a point of empowering employees. He pointed to a study of a
manufacturing plant where the productivity increased 20 percent in two months,
a colossal jump. The radical idea? The company let its employees have agency
over seemingly minor things like shift schedules and uniforms. That dose of
freedom led to a happier and more productive workforce. And the numbers
proved it.
Great companies, the visionary ones, have caught on to this idea. “Pick an area
where your people are frustrated,” wrote former Google VP Laszlo Bock, “and
let them fix it. If there are constraints, limited time or money, tell them what they
are. Be transparent with your people and give them a voice in shaping your team
or company. You’ll be stunned by what they accomplish.” 5 Even in its early
days, when Google was living in the gigantic shadow of Microsoft, the company
practiced empowerment. Its founders were committed to “hiring the very best
engineers we could and then getting out of the way.” 6
Micromanaging might give the boss a feeling of control, but it will suck away
the employees’ will to do their best. They will find somewhere else soon
enough, a place that gives some autonomy with a boss who’s comfortable giving
it. If a coach truly wants the organization to thrive—and not just himself to
thrive—then he should want free thinkers. He should seek out those who aren’t
afraid to challenge his point of view. As the saying goes: if everyone on your
team is thinking alike, then someone isn’t thinking. Allow for disagreements.
Create an environment where subordinates are free to speak their minds.
Netflix’s CEO, Reed Hastings, along with his executives, has consistently
encouraged openness and honesty, with little concern for where someone is in
the hierarchy. It has served the company well; Netflix accounts for about a third
of the Internet bandwidth in the United States. 7 Former Netflix executive Patty
McCord explained the company’s mind-set in a Forbes interview: “All hiring
should be based on starting with a problem you have to solve, and what it’s
going to take somebody to be great at solving it.” 8
Once the right people are on board, don’t meddle and don’t saddle them with
unnecessary rules that do little but hinder them from shining. Serve them by
trusting them. Orchestra conductors don’t lead by playing every instrument; they
lead by trusting everyone will properly play theirs.
You can’t force your will on people. If you want them to act
differently, you need to inspire them to change themselves.
—Phil Jackson
The Sage
Phil Jackson has eleven rings as an NBA coach, and though some (the haters and
the misinformed) might think that having Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and
Shaquille O’Neal just automatically produces championships, the players
themselves know differently. Jordan had been a Chicago Bull for seven years
before the team even made it to the Finals. But Jackson had been their head
coach for only two.
In 1990, before the Bulls had won any championships, Jackson knew that Jordan
would have to buy into the team concept if they ever were going to win a title.
Instead of berating or lecturing Jordan on the importance of his teammates’
success, Jackson let Jordan’s own thinking do the work.
“I treated him like a partner,” Jackson wrote, “and slowly he began to shift his
way of thinking. When I let him solve the problem himself, he was more likely
to buy into the solution.” 9 That’s the essence of empowerment. Jackson
“discovered that the more I tried to exert power directly, the less powerful I
became. I learned to dial back my ego and distribute power as widely as possible
without surrendering final authority.” 10
He took control by releasing control—a Zen-like concept that Jackson brought to
the rest of his coaching. For example, it is common practice that when the other
team goes on a 6–0 run, the coach calls time out. But not Jackson. He liked
letting his team figure their way out of trouble on their own—fostering a feeling
that they could . 11 It’s a formidable example of empowerment, the kind that
leads to trust, self-confidence, and autonomy, all the things that a championship
team needs. In 1999, after Jackson became head coach of the Lakers, he brought
that same approach to Los Angeles in order to get a young, brash Kobe Bryant to
trust and empower his teammates.
The empowerment that Jackson implemented with his teams spread all the way
down the tree. He empowered Jordan, who empowered teammates Scottie
Pippen, Horace Grant, the rest of the starters, and then all the way down the
bench. Jackson empowered Kobe, who empowered Shaq to make his own
decisions and his Laker teammates to find their own roles in the system. At the
top of the pyramid was a coach who was committed to not acting like he was on
top of the pyramid. He let everyone feel on top of their own pyramid.
If your manager knows what you’re doing all the time, you’re not
doing your job and neither is he.
—Hew Evans, Sony executive
The Soul-Sucking Meeting
We will continue to hold these meetings until we figure out why no work is
getting done!
Sound familiar? Many businesses spend way too much time in meetings. There
are people holding meetings to plan other meetings! And too many of them start
late, run long, quickly go off topic, offer no value, or have no agenda. One way
to empower your employees is to respect their time . Cut down on the meetings
and limit them to who needs to be there.
An article in the Harvard Business Review noted: “Meetings have increased in

length and frequency over the past fifty years, to the point where executives
spend an average of nearly twenty-three hours a week in them, up from less than
ten hours in the 1960s. And that doesn’t even include all the impromptu
gatherings that don’t make it onto the schedule.” 12 This is not an effective use of
anyone’s time. HBR surveyed 182 senior managers from a range of industries
and concluded the following: 13
• 65% said meetings keep them from completing their own work.
• 71% said meetings are unproductive and inefficient.
• 64% said meetings come at the expense of deep thinking.
• 62% said meetings miss opportunities to bring the team closer

together.
Considering time is our most valuable resource, these meetings are being held at
an astronomical price. Every minute spent in an unproductive meeting is a
minute not being invested in purposeful work. With so much time being drained
by meetings, most executives and employees feel they have to come to work
early, stay late, and use weekends to get things done. Besides being a drain on
productivity and morale, it builds resentment among the group.
Here are three tips for executives and managers to treat meetings like a seasoned
basketball coach uses time-outs:
1. Only call them when absolutely necessary. College basketball coaches get a
finite number of time-outs at the beginning of every game (four 75-second full
time-outs and two 30-second time-outs), so they must use them strategically and
call them only when they really need to. Choose your battles wisely. If you try to
take everything on, your team will tune you out. The refrigerator in your kitchen
always makes noise, so you no longer hear it. Don’t become a refrigerator.
2. Be direct, purposeful, and time-conscious. When you have only 30 to 75

seconds to “meet”—you must be direct and purposeful. You don’t have a
choice! Give your team the necessary information and instruction they need to
elevate their performance. No fluff. Respect the fact that their time is just as
valuable as yours.
3. Make sure they leave with confidence and direction. End every meeting in the
emotional state you want your people in for whatever they are doing next, which
should almost always be positive, optimistic, and confident. End meetings on a
high note, as that is what they will remember and bring back to their work.
Who Are You Producing?
The job of a “coach” is not to compile a group of yes-men who will boost his
ego and insulate him from criticism. The truly transcendent leader is interested
in creating other leaders. It’s not about manipulation or control or feeding one
person’s sense of self; it’s about giving rise to independent thinkers and free
actors and people who will develop the skills to one day be leaders themselves.
If those working for you aren’t constantly up for promotion or headhunted by
other companies and competitors, then you’re probably not developing your
people.
Former San Francisco 49ers head coach Bill Walsh, pioneer of the “West Coast”
Offense (still popular in the NFL), was a legend not just for the wins he
produced but for the people he produced. According to Superbosses author
Sydney Finkelstein, Walsh “dispensed with an authoritarian style of leadership
and empowered individuals by teaching them to think independently.” The
evidence is inarguable, virtually unprecedented: Walsh produced other leaders at
an astounding rate.
Walsh’s “Family Tree” is unmatched in professional sports. In a span of thirty-

six years (between 1979 and 2015), Walsh and head coaches that once worked
under him had a total of 32 Super Bowl appearances and 17 championships. 14
His legacy continued long after he left the game: “As of 2008, the year after
Walsh’s death, coaches trained by Walsh led 26 of the league’s 32 teams.” 15
There are parallels elsewhere, in business and in tech. One of the most famed
groups of twenty-first-century entrepreneurs is jokingly referred to as the
“PayPal Mafia.” Early on, PayPal employed many future founders and CEOs,
including Elon Musk, Peter Thiel, and Reid Hoffman, along with the founders of
YouTube and Yelp and many others. Coincidence? Of course not. It’s like
saying the success of Walsh’s protégés is a coincidence. PayPal famously had a
culture of independent thinking and empowerment, one that encouraged its
members to hold fast to their vision and ideas, and it paid off in the billions.
What went on inside that company planted the seeds for the tech revolution
we’re still living in—and it’s all because the members were empowered .
The Dad Perspective

Empowerment is one of those characteristics that spread from sports to work to
our personal and family lives. As a father, empowering my children is always at
the forefront of my mind. It is one of the primary pillars of my parenting
philosophy. This stems from the age-old adage of “Give a man a fish and he will
eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.” I teach my
children certain skills and traits, model them, and then quickly empower them to
use them and practice them on their own.
Even when they were very young, I empowered my children to make as many of
their own decisions as possible—things like what to wear and what to eat. When
we are at a store or at a restaurant, I empower them to ask the clerk what they are
looking for or tell the waitress what they’d like to eat. It is my goal for them to
feel comfortable making decisions, not to shy away from them. I want them to
constantly feel, I can do this. This will only increase as they get older and they
have to make bigger decisions (college, work, relationships). Hopefully, by that
time, they will have had plenty of practice and will feel prepared to make the
choices that are right for them.
Getting Back on D
Sports are a great vessel to teach empowerment because the “boss,” the head
coach, is literally not allowed in the game. He has to empower.
On a basketball court, the point guard, who is the court leader, takes the ball up
the court and has it in his hands most of the time. It is imperative that he keeps
the other four guys involved. If a player is not getting a chance to score on the
offensive end, he loses motivation on the defensive end. It’s such a fact of
basketball that you can see it even at the professional level: more touches of the
ball leads to more commitment on defense.
Vasu Kulkarni, CEO of sports analytics company Krossover and CourtsideVC,

is one of the biggest basketball junkies I know. “As a point guard,” Vasu told
me, “I’m all about deferring. You’ll never see me looking to score first, and I
believe unconsciously the same thing happens when running a company. I try to
defer every decision to another manager because it makes them feel involved,
makes them think harder, work harder, because they have a say in how things
go.”
It comes down to giving your people a sense of ownership. Everyone needs to

get a piece, and once they do, they’ll commit. The reason? Because their own
success is intimately tied up with the group’s. That’s how a leader turns a
collection of individuals into a team.
Key Point: Successful leaders trust the “car they built,” and are
comfortable delegating and letting others lead.
Remember:
A measurement of a true leader is to see if he is producing other high-

quality leaders.
Empowering others creates “buy-in”—it gives them a vested interest in

the mission.
It takes tremendous security, trust, and confidence for a leader to hand

the reins off. But it’s vital.
Empowerment is the opposite of micromanaging. Leaders grow by

allowing others to lead, grow, and thrive.
Self-Test
Leadership Audit
Before moving on to part 3, complete this audit:
• Which of the five traits in this part would you most like to improve?
• Pick either one habit you can start maintaining or one habit you can rid
yourself of to improve that specific trait.
• Focus on either starting the positive behavior or stopping the negative behavior
for approximately sixty days.
• Ask three specific people to hold you accountable to doing so.
• At the end of sixty days, see if you have developed a new habit that effectively
addresses this issue.
• Try it all again with another habit.

PART III
TEAM
Team , for our purposes, refers to any group, organization, or company that has
to work together to achieve a common goal. Great teams are made up of
individuals and coaches who possess the characteristics from the previous
chapters. To put it all together: Successful teams are made up of self-aware,
passionate, disciplined, coachable , and confident people, led by people with
vision and character who have built a strong culture that serves and empowers
each individual.
But there needs to be a third element, a collection of x factors, that defines the
group as a whole. As I’ll explain, the conditions need to be set for 1 + 1 to equal
3. For a team to be successful, it must share certain characteristics, which are the
focus of part 3.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Belief
The most effective way to forge a winning team is to call on the
players’ need to connect with something larger than themselves.
—Phil Jackson
Good teams create buy-in. Great teams create believe-in.

While visiting a locker room once, I saw a poster that said, BELIEVE OR LEAVE . It
has stuck with me all these years later because BELIEVE OR LEAVE is a binary
option. You either believe in yourself, in your teammates, in your coaches, in
your mission, in your culture, in your goals, in your standards—or you don’t.
And if you don’t, you have to go. Collective belief is akin to a type of spell that
everyone chooses to fall under—and it takes only one person to break it.
In sports, the players all wear the same uniform but that doesn’t make them a
team. Putting on the uniform is a starting point, not an endpoint. The jersey is a
symbol—of unity and of commitment to a single goal. The adage in sports is that
the name on the front of the jersey, the team name, is more important than the
name on the back, the player’s name. (Famously, the New York Yankees have
never had the players’ names on the jerseys, a tradition they’ve kept up for
ninety years. You can draw your own conclusions about whether or not there’s a
connection there to their twenty-seven World Series titles, the most in American
team sports.)
Skepticism and uncertainty, even inside one person, can cause huge problems for
a team. The reason? Because it never stays there. It will spread, sap the group’s
spirit, and drain their belief in what they’re doing. The nonbelievers have
enormous power to destroy everything. Jon Gordon told me he calls these people
“energy vampires,” because they suck the positive spirit out of others. Doubt and
negativity are incredibly contagious. Fortunately, so are enthusiasm and belief.
Holding the Scissors

Belief is the way we turn our goals, even our dreams, into something attainable.
It all first happens in our minds. At the beginning of the 1999–2000 college
basketball season, at the start of the very first day of practice, head coach Tom
Izzo did something bold. He had a ladder brought out to be put under the hoop,
handed out a pair of scissors, and asked each player to climb up those steps and
cut one snip of the net, a ritual that is completed by the winners of the national
championship each year. “The last night we play together as a team,” he said,
“we’re going to do this again. So I want you to practice it. You have to believe
we’ll be cutting down the nets in March.”
Some people might flinch at this ritual, thinking it would give Izzo’s players a
false sense of confidence. Others might say it was wrong for the coach to make a
promise he couldn’t guarantee. But I disagree: the coach was thinking about
something bigger.
He was creating a moment of belief.
Izzo was interested in getting his young players to actually feel winning that last
game. His goal was to create in them a visceral response—what it felt like to
climb the ladder, hold the scissors, and cut that net. He wanted them to know in
their bones how much he believed in them, and he wanted them to feel that
belief in themselves. And at the end of that season the Michigan State Spartans
indeed won a national championship and those same players got to cut down the
nets for real at the RCA Dome in Indianapolis.
Men will work hard for money. They will work harder for other
men. But men will work hardest of all when they are dedicated to
a cause.
—Harry Emerson Fosdick, pastor
Bigger Than Self

Think about the jobs, tasks, internships, volunteer opportunities, or anything else
you’ve ever had to wake up each day and do. Which did you enjoy the most?
Why? I’m sure whether or not you believed in what you were doing was a huge
factor in how you felt about it.
“Unless you give motivated people something to believe in, something bigger
than their job to work toward,” writes Simon Sinek, “they will motivate
themselves to find a new job and you’ll be stuck with whoever’s left.” 1 It’s a
sobering thought: if a leader doesn’t give the group something to believe in, the
only ones left will be those who believe in nothing. And try making a team out
of that.
In One Click: The Rise of Jeff Bezos and Amazon.com , author Richard L. Brandt
charts the growth of what will likely one day be the world’s biggest company. At
the heart of the company’s success has been the focus on a belief in something
larger. “One of his incredible talents,” Brandt writes of CEO and founder Jeff
Bezos, “has been to convince employees, from the highest manager to the lowest
customer service rep stuck to her phone ten hours a day, that working at Amazon
was not just a job—it was part of a visionary quest, something to give higher
meaning to their lives.” 2
As Amazon expands—there are recent reports that they are moving into banking
and health care—that philosophy becomes all the more important. Believing that
your work has a larger purpose, that you are part of something bigger than
yourself, that work is more than a paycheck, is always going to be the strongest
motivator. Sure, people want money, promotions, and titles—but what they want
even more? Something to believe in.
Belief and Others

Belief, in the way that I’m referring to it, is not the same as confidence.
Confidence can happen alone. Belief happens in a context and within
relationships. It involves multiple people and depends on the dynamic between
those people.
After his improbable upset of the New England Patriots in Super Bowl LII,
Eagles quarterback Nick Foles, whom virtually no one believed in, who had
played backup all season to likely MVP Carson Wentz, gave an inspiring speech.
What was most remarkable about it was that it wasn’t at all about him, this
quarterback who achieved the impossible, the man who proved all the doubters
wrong.
“I think the big thing that helped me was knowing that I didn’t have to be
Superman,” he said at the post-game press conference. “I have amazing
teammates, amazing coaches around me. And all I had to do was just go play as
hard as I could, and play for one another, and play for those guys.”
Take a second to read that over again. Foles’s words might first sound like the
typical post-game clichés, but they’re not. Look carefully. What stands out?
Notice he didn’t go the traditional route—how his team believed in him and
that’s how he was able to pull off this stunning victory. It’s the opposite. Foles
talks about the belief that he had in them .
Let’s take a look back at The Servant himself, Kevin Durant. During his famous
MVP speech at the end of the 2015 season, which brought tears to the eyes of
everyone in the room, KD thanked each of his teammates individually. In doing
so, he used the same language and perspective that Foles used about his
teammates. It was not about their belief in him, but about his belief in them .
When he got to teammate Russell Westbrook, his #2, he thanked him for being
“an emotional guy who would run through a wall for me.” Having others believe
in you is important. But being able to believe in them is the ultimate. That is
what makes a team tighter than glue, stronger than steel, impossible to break.
Seeking Purpose
Belief is the thing that exists before anything else, before there’s any evidence
that an idea will work. It’s like the sun—the force that first sparks the energy to
trigger the food chain. As told in the book The Accidental Billionaires (and the
film The Social Network ), Mark Zuckerberg built Facebook out of a small, tight
cadre of friends who believed that they were developing something important,
revolutionary, and powerful.
That belief—more than the Harvard education, tech savvy, and early investment
capital—is what shot Facebook into the stratosphere. The other things no doubt
helped, but they would all have been meaningless if they hadn’t been built on a
foundation of belief. Zuckerberg recognized this himself as he put together his
company and looked for the right people to hire. “People can be really smart or
have skills that are directly applicable,” Zuckerberg has said, “but if they don’t
really believe in it, then they are not going to really work hard.” 3
There’s a slew of scientific research backing this up: belief in something is a

proven, powerful force. One of the most interesting studies on this topic comes
from the research into recovering alcoholics. One of the first guidelines of
recovery is that the alcoholic should believe in a “higher power,” as he
understands it. Not everyone is able to do this, but statistically, those who have
given in to a higher power have a better overall sobriety rate.
Is this proof of a higher power? Nope. But it is proof that belief works. That
belief can operate as that “higher power.” For the recovering alcoholics, “it was
belief itself that made the difference,” researchers determined. “Once people
learned how to believe in something, that skill started spilling over to other parts
of their lives, until they started believing they could change.” A big part of
recovery programs’ success is that the belief of the single participant is shared
and expanded by the others in the program. As one scientist explained, “a
community creates belief.” 4
That’s a potent idea—community creates belief —and it’s applicable across so
many forums. When we are surrounded by others who believe, it makes our
mission, its importance, and the possibility of its success, that much more real.
At their first practice of the year, each member of Izzo’s Michigan State team
got to cut down the net, but each player also got to watch all his teammates do
the same . That was an equally important part of the exercise. “Change occurs
among other people,” a psychologist told author Charles Duhigg in The Power of
Habit . “It seems real when we can see it in other people’s eyes.” 5 We look to
others to determine our reality. When we are surrounded by believers, we can
climb mountains. Sometimes, we can even move them.
Belonging
A community of belief and a sense of belonging are powerful tools. The epitome
of this idea is the NCAA College Basketball Tournament, commonly known as
March Madness. Turn on any game during the tournament and watch how
invested all the players are. Look how hard they cheer, particularly the ones at
the end of the bench, the ones who never get in the game. The best teams create
a sense of mission and everyone—from the star player to the twelfth man—plays
a part. They are bound by belief.
No matter how independent we may claim to be, we all require a feeling that we
belong. It’s in our nature. “At our core,” Simon Sinek says, “we are herd animals
that are biologically designed to find comfort when we feel like we belong to a
group.” 6 People respond to that feeling of belonging, and the strongest teams
utilize these natural tendencies. It’s not just in our heads; it’s actually a chemical
response. As Sinek goes on to explain: “Our brains are wired to release oxytocin
when in the presence of our tribe and cortisol, the chemical that produces the
feeling of anxiety, when we feel vulnerable and alone.” 7
In a study of high-performing organizations, Sinek found that “their cultures

have an eerie resemblance to the conditions under which the human animal was
designed to operate.… If certain conditions are met and the people inside an
organization feel safe among each other, they will work together to achieve
things none of them could have ever achieved alone.” 8 Belief operates not just as
an emotional bonding tool. It goes all the way down to the chemical level, to the
literal makeup of who we are.
Back in the 1990s Stanford business professors James Baron and Michael
Hannan began a long-term study of different business cultures and tried to
determine which were the most effective. They ended up separating companies
into five different groups and found that the highest-performing companies have
what they call a “commitment culture.” The CEOs of these companies “believe
that getting the culture right is more important than designing the best product.”
9 When the researchers examined the results, “commitment culture outperformed
every other type of management style in every meaningful way,” 10 including the
firms that exclusively went after the top talent. Belief is so powerful that it
regularly trumps skill, knowledge, and pedigree.
Cinderella Stories
The belief component is demonstrated in sports when underdogs—whom no one
else thinks can win—pull off seemingly impossible victories. It’s one of the
reasons that March Madness is so fascinating. When a high seed (a lower-ranked
team) goes deep into the tournament, it’s a testament to the power of belief. As I
write this, an unheard-of school called University of Maryland, Baltimore
County (UMBC) just knocked off the number 1 ranked team in the country, the
University of Virginia. It is the first time in the history of the tournament a 16-
seed (the lowest-rated) has beaten a 1-seed. Fans and casual viewers alike are
going insane because it taps into something inside all of us: we want to believe.
It moves us as nothing else can.
The leading scorer on that historic UMBC team was DeMatha graduate Jairus
Lyles, who played under Coach Jones. Coach Jones would often reminisce with
us fellow coaches and his players about his own playing days, including when he
led a 14-seed Old Dominion over three-seed Villanova in triple overtime in
1995. Despite their seed, Jones’s coach, Jeff Capel, told his Old Dominion
players to make sure they packed for the entire weekend, for both the Villanova
game and the next round after that. That simple act—packing clothes for the
entire weekend —helped plant a belief in those players’ minds. They would be
staying in town after the Villanova game for another one. Believe or leave.
Smaller schools who pull off upsets are not intimidated by the Duke or Kentucky
jerseys, bigger schools with larger stadiums and a wider reach. They know the
score starts out at 0–0, that both teams put five players on the court and shoot at
a 10-foot basket. They know the lower-seeded team doesn’t automatically have
the right to advance. They know there’s a reason that they play the game.
When belief is shared in a group, it expands. It latches on to every member of

the team and even on to those who are supporting that team. The more people
add to that shared pool of belief, the more power it has. Everyone is responsible
for carrying and exhibiting that belief, ensuring that it’s always present in the
group. When one person is having an off day, he can rely on the others’ belief to
power him through. It’s a collective feeling that lifts everyone up.
The Immovable Wall of Standards

Belief has to exist across the board: from the coach, to the star player, all the
way down to the end of the bench. There is a famous story where Bill Walton,
the star of John Wooden’s UCLA team in the early 1970s, didn’t want to cut his
hair or shave his beard, which he had grown over the summer. Coach Wooden
had a strict policy about this and reminded Walton that he couldn’t practice
unless he adhered to it. Walton launched into a long speech about how he was an
All-American (among the best players in the country), and he wanted to express
himself and how he had the right to grow his hair however he wanted. Wooden
listened attentively until Walton was done. Then he looked at his star player and
said, “I understand you feel that way, Bill. We’re sure going to miss you.”
Walton sped off to get that shave and haircut before practice began.
Wooden stuck to his standards, understanding that if other players saw the star
do what he wanted, the wheels were likely to come off the whole thing. And no
one person—even the star, especially the star—could be allowed to make that
happen.
Accountability
Is there anything more frustrating than peers getting away with negative
behavior? Think about it: In the classroom, when you see students cheating
without any punishment. At practice, if you see players not hustling after the
ball. In the workplace, if you see people taking three-hour lunch breaks. If
there’s no accountability for one, then there is no accountability at all . The
negative behavior will spread like a virus.
Belief arises out of accountability because it comes from a trust that others will
fulfill their role. People are held accountable not just by the leaders, but by each
other . “Most players believe accountability means blame,” Jay Bilas wrote. “It
doesn’t. Accountability is being held to the standard you have accepted as what
you want, individually and collectively.” 11 It’s why Bill Walton had to get that
shave and haircut—otherwise the whole system broke down.
Holding someone accountable is something you do for them, not something you
do to them. The same is true in business. Giant organizations like Netflix
understand how things can slip through the cracks, so they call those accountable
to a project “decision owners.” It’s not just a label; it’s a reminder. The entire
Whole Foods organization is designed as a series of teams, and a team has the
ultimate say as to whether or not a new employee is hired, after a trial period, as
a member of that team. 12 Ultimately, they all share in the bonuses the team
receives. Google also uses this team-hiring format, which is becoming more
popular with businesses. 13 The company asks the future employee’s potential
team members to weigh in on the hiring. It makes perfect sense: Go right to the
source. Ask those who will have to hold the employee accountable if he is going
to fit on that team. Of course they will know best.
A Culture of Belief
When I interviewed Chris Collins, head coach at Northwestern and son of the
legendary NBA coach and broadcaster Doug Collins, he spoke openly about how
belief comes after a tipping point. It took a couple of years for him to bring his
team to the point where the belief that they would win carried them over the
hump. “The common trait you see with all winning teams or winning
businesses,” he told me, “there’s a swagger that those teams carry when they
take the court. They believe they’re supposed to win. I think that really shines
through when you’re in a close game… when you believe you’re supposed to
win, it can carry you through, it can will you to be successful.”
Chris spoke to me about how his understanding of the power of belief arose out
of the way his father raised him. Doug Collins never let his son win at anything
—like another dad I know—because he wanted Chris to believe in his own
abilities to will an outcome. Once Chris finally did beat his dad, that belief was
solidified internally and brought to every other game he played. Now he shares it
with his players.
In their book Tribal Leadership , authors Dave Logan, John King, and Halee
Fischer-Wright discussed their ten-year, 24,000-person study of effective
workplace cultures. The winner, what they called a Stage Five culture, is made
up of “pure leadership, vision, and inspiration” 14 and was found at places like
Pixar and Apple. This type of culture was extremely rare, and made up less than
2 percent of the businesses they examined. 15
What stood out the most was this explanation of how much Stage Five members
are committed to their work: “People who have been part of a Stage Five tribe—
or even seen one at work—often describe it in the same tone of reverence and
gratitude they use to tell stories of their kids .” * 16 Now, I’m not advocating that
you should care more about work than your family; you shouldn’t. The point is
that the excitement, the sense of possibility, the positive energy that these people
brought to their jobs shows what can happen if the key ingredient of belief is
there.
One of the things I repeatedly emphasize in my talks to corporations is that

businesses are made of people. It seems obvious, but it’s something that is so
basic, so foundational, that it gets missed. If we remind ourselves of this fact,
many issues involving effort, care, and incentives that hurt businesses become
easier to solve. People are driven by desires, fears, needs, and motivations. A
tight-knit team regularly taps into the well of belief because they know it’s the
emotion—the engine—that powers everything else. Belief is when a group’s
positivity and confidence meet their trust and commitment. They think they can
do it, and they put their minds and hands together to get it done. They will it into
existence.
Key Point: Though it’s made up of different people, a team comes together
over a collective belief in an idea and a mission.
Remember:
Success comes when commitment meets belief.
Set goals that are both realistic and just out of reach—belief will help
you cross the divide.
The best leaders are able to cultivate a powerful feeling of belief within
the team and tap into it consistently.
Lack of belief from one player can pull everyone and everything down.
Refuse to accept any holes or cracks in the group’s sense of belief.
An important aspect in creating a culture of belief is creating a sense of

accountability. If a rule doesn’t exist for one, it doesn’t exist at all.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Unselfishness
There is no limit to what a man can do so long as he does not care
a straw who gets the credit for it.
—Charles Edward Montague, author 1
Society tends to propagate the idea that life is zero-sum, that in order for me to
win, you have to lose. This happens with athletes battling for playing time and
with employees fighting for the same promotion or carrying envy about someone
else’s success. We see it on a macro level in business and in the nature of
capitalism itself. We see it in the tendency to seek status and material wealth in
an effort to “keep up with the Joneses.”
In my opinion, we are all born inherently selfish. As a father, I didn’t have to

teach my children to look out for themselves first; that came naturally to them.
Before they could even speak, when crying was their primary form of
communication, all they cared about was their own interest—to be fed, to take a
nap, to have their diaper changed. Like most children, some of their first words
were “No!” and “Mine!” Selfishness was wired in their DNA. Their mother and
I had to teach them to be unselfish, to share, and to give. Adults need to be
reminded of this as well.
My longtime friend Matt King, who is a brilliant basketball coach and consultant
with USA Youth Basketball, once told me, “You don’t have to remind me each
morning to look out for myself and to ‘do me.’ I do that naturally. We all do.
What we all need to be reminded of us is that we are a part of something bigger
and it’s not about us.”
When it comes to achievement, working together is more efficient and

productive than everyone doing his own thing. Any of the players that sit on the
end of the bench at a high school like DeMatha or a college like Duke could
absolutely have a larger role somewhere else. They would get a lot more playing
time—and attention—at other schools, but they choose to give up personal
accolades for collective success. These players opt for the smaller role to be part
of something much bigger than themselves. We often call these types “team
players,” and they are the glue that keeps groups together.
The Art of the Backup

Swen Nater is a rarity. He is the only college basketball player in history
selected in the first round of the NBA Draft who never started a college game.
He is also the only player to have led both the NBA and the ABA in rebounding.
An accident? A fluke? Neither. It was all about whom Nater spent his college
career playing under—and with.
As the reserve center at UCLA in the 1970s, Swen Nater played backup to Hall
of Fame legend Bill Walton for two championship teams under John Wooden. I
was a bit in awe when I spoke to him, as I would argue that Nater is the epitome
of unselfishness. Not only did he never start a single game for those UCLA
teams, but there was never even a moment when that seemed possible. He had
the option of leaving UCLA—other teams wanted him—but he didn’t take it. In
fact, he told me, “I never thought twice about leaving.”
Nater came to basketball late in life; he didn’t play high school ball, and only
had a couple of junior college years on the court before transferring to UCLA.
Maybe it was because he came to basketball later than most players that he
approached it with a unique unselfishness. That attitude likely made his career.
He wanted to become a professional and figured “practicing against Bill Walton
and UCLA every day was a good step in that direction,” as he told me. Would he
have made it to the NBA as a dominant center on another team? Maybe. Or
maybe not. Perhaps he wouldn’t have developed his game and gotten any better
because he wouldn’t have had a reason to.
This chapter was originally called “Selflessness,” but when I interviewed Swen,
he said the word sounded too much like taking your self away, which wasn’t the
goal at all. Unselfishness is not losing yourself, he told me: “It’s almost the
opposite. It’s taking your talents, the ones that are needed, and using those to
benefit the team… the ones that the coach decides that you should use.” So I
changed the name of this chapter.
Swen understood the place where unselfishness and success intersect: he didn’t
sacrifice a career because of unselfishness—he built one off it. As Coach
Wooden told him: “The best thing you can do for the team is to improve
yourself.” When I asked him what made him choose to spend his college career
as a backup, when he could have transferred anywhere to be a starter, likely
raising his profile and his draft prospects, he answered thoughtfully:
That’s not an instant decision. That’s something you decide upon

because the culture at UCLA was such. That was the culture of Coach
Wooden—he never took credit for any victories or good play, he
always gave credit to the players and publicly. And mostly, not the
scorers, the other guys who did the little things: rebounds, great passes,
stopped a great opponent defensively… by example the culture was set
and he enforced it, in practice and in games.
Swen emphasized that, under Wooden, he didn’t develop an interest in self-

glory. “It’s all about the group,” he told me, “and what’s needed for them to run
productively and effectively.” Though a lot of players say that—it’s become
something of a sports cliché—I took it at face value because Nater actually lived
it. And he was rewarded for it.
Wooden saw his backup center’s unselfishness, knew he wanted to go pro, and
did what he could to help. He continually reminded Nater that being coached by
him and going up against Walton every day in practice was the best thing for his
game. Wooden even did what he could to help get the professional scouts to
notice his unselfish backup center. “Part of the reason we won was that I made
Bill Walton better,” Nater says now.
In his post-basketball life, as an executive, he continues to emphasize the

importance of the same principles. He preaches getting rid of the ego that wants
to be fed and putting that energy back into the collective. “Immediately
recognize the people that helped you, whatever success that was,” he says. “I
make a point to include others so I can give credit if something good happens.”
As a twenty-year-old kid, it’s not that Nater didn’t have the same selfish desire
that most have. He just chose not to develop that part of himself, and over time,
it drained away. What was left was an unselfishness that laid the groundwork for
his future—and inspired others, including me.
I was the most egotistical player they would ever meet. My ego is
not a personal ego, it’s a team ego. My ego demands—for myself
—the success of my team.
—Bill Russell
Team Ego
Winning athletes understand how to operate and succeed within the team
structure. That kind of leadership trickles down to everyone else. Unselfishness
doesn’t mean not being competitive or committed. It means that those
personality traits are channeled into the team’s mission and not toward one’s
own acclaim.
Hall of Famer Bill Russell didn’t just preach unselfishness. The winningest
player in NBA history—he won eleven titles in thirteen years with the Celtics—
walked the walk. Russell’s commitment to the defensive end of the court, where
accolades are less common, is what made him a legend. Though he was clearly
the alpha male on every one of his teams—and the best player in the league for
more than a decade—it was his reputation as a loyal teammate that made him
one of the most respected players to ever step onto the court. In fact, his
unselfishness stretched so far that he even declined his induction into the Pro
Basketball Hall of Fame. The reason? He told a reporter he wanted to be
celebrated for “team play, not individual accomplishment.” 2 *
Self-Test
Teammate Audit:
• Fifteen index cards: Write the name of a colleague on each card.
• Every workday, send one of them one of three things:
Someone you know who may benefit them (and ask if they’d like an
introduction)
Something you know that may add value to them (a book

recommendation, an article, or a video)
An inquiry to see how they are doing and what you can help with
(“How are things in your world?”)
Unity
Strive to be the best for the team, not the best on the team. Instead of looking
around and belittling those under you and being jealous of those above you, find
a way to work with them. It will behoove everyone, including yourself. The old
saying is that a rising tide lifts all boats—being part of a successful team will
ultimately burnish your own career. Demonstrate your unselfishness by making
a point to credit others and take the blame when appropriate.
Pat Riley, who as head coach for both the Los Angeles Lakers and the Miami
Heat has five championship rings stretching over twenty-five years, has seen
what it takes to build and sustain a championship team. (Riley also has another
two rings as team president for the Heat). Because of that, he has also had a
front-row seat to what can tear one apart. Riley famously coined the term the
“Disease of Me” 3 to describe what happens over the course of a championship
team’s trajectory. In the beginning, everyone is in it for the team and for that
ring. But once success arrives, people start looking out for themselves,
bemoaning the credit or attention or money they aren’t getting, forgetting what
made them winners in the first place. The Disease of Me is a sickness of
selfishness, and it ultimately destroys a winning culture. The glue that keeps a
team together is eroded, and the chemistry that is lost doesn’t just reappear.
In his book The Ideal Team Player , management expert Patrick Lencioni
explains that team players need to be “humble, hungry, and smart” 4 (he clarified
that he means people smart). “They share credit, emphasize team over self, and
define success collectively rather than individually.” 5 Inevitably, the snake
who’s only looking to climb the corporate ladder will infect everyone else on the
team. Decades ago, that personality might have been rewarded, but times and
culture have changed significantly. Even top talent is not enough to overcome a
selfish attitude. For instance, Netflix openly advertises the fact that they don’t
hire “brilliant jerks” because “the cost to effective teamwork is too high.” 6 No
one, in any industry, is good enough at what he does to get a pass for being
selfish.
1+1 = 3
Studies show that virtually all of us want to be part of something bigger than
ourselves, a member of a tribe, group, or team. It’s in our animal nature. Though
that’s true, it is also true that we are born selfish beings. We all come out of the
womb looking out for ourselves and doing what’s in our own best interest. It’s
only natural.
For a team to be great, on some level, that instinct has to be unlearned and that
mind-set has to shift. You need to care about the team’s needs, vision, and
mission as much as your own personal agenda. That’s not easy. Swen Nater
didn’t become an unselfish player overnight; it took working with and buying
into a team system for him to get it. It’s not you versus me; it’s you plus me .
With that mind-set, there’s exponential growth. My friend’s dad used to say that
on good teams 1+1 = 2, but on great teams 1+1 = 3.
Think about a basketball team. It’s natural for the backup point guard to feel he
is in a competition against the starting point guard. But that’s a toxic mind-set,
and it erodes the team fabric. A point guard can’t succeed on his own anyway—
he is usually measured by how much better he makes his teammates. (In fact, all
players are now measured by this criteria.) His success is tied directly to the
success of the other four players on the court.
The backup’s mentality needs to be: what can I do to make the starter even
better? That doesn’t mean the backup shouldn’t want that starting job; he should
hustle his butt off and, like Tom Brady, be in a position to take over if the
opportunity ever arises. It just means he shouldn’t be ruled by that outcome.
Don’t be so self-directed that you miss the point of being a member of a team. A
rising tide lifts all boats.
One Ball in Houston

Unselfishness is most acutely required when there is more than one “star” on a
team or in a group. Two or three stars don’t double or triple a team’s chances of
winning by their mere presence. There needs to be a commitment to
unselfishness or else some of the star power just starts to cancel itself out.
In the summer of 2017, when Chris Paul was traded to the Houston Rockets, the
doubters took to the streets (or more accurately, to social media). There was no
way in the world this would work. It was going to be a disaster! How would
Chris Paul, who needed to have the ball to play his game, coexist with James
Harden, who needed the ball even more! The previous season Harden led the
NBA in possession time and Paul was seventh. And as the saying goes, there is
only one ball. The naysayers made some noise, but Houston ended the season
with the best record in the league—by a healthy margin.
How did that happen? “You do what you have to do on the team that you’re on,”
Paul told a reporter. “That’s the way games work.” 7 (This is a sneaky brilliant
quote by the way. That’s exactly how games work.) Of course, players are media
trained to say unselfish things, but the statistics—and the Rockets’ record—bear
this out. Not only that, but Harden won league MVP that year, proving he didn’t
have to lessen his game to work with Paul. They didn’t each take a step back to
win; they took a step toward each other .
First, both stars knew there were plenty of possessions and shots to feed two
scorers. Second, when a team adds another threat, opportunities open up, and the
Rockets capitalized on this. Before Paul joined the Rockets, defenses could plan
and scheme to shut down Harden and make him the focal point. When the
Rockets added another legitimate scorer in Paul, teams couldn’t focus solely on
Harden or Paul would torch them. As someone who wants to play alongside
other great players, Paul is empowered, not threatened, by pairing up with
Harden.
Two superstar players on the same team chose to raise each other’s level of
effort and focus. Of course, all this could be true of any one-two punch, but it
took Harden and Paul to both buy in, to unselfishly embrace the other’s
presence, for it to work. According to the NBA’s all-important Plus/Minus
statistic (which measures how effective a team is when an individual is on the
court), Paul and Harden currently rank numbers 1 and 2 in the league. More
proof: 1 + 1 = 3.
The Quiet Alpha

In the world of basketball, it is nearly impossible to preach the power of
unselfishness without touching on the king of unselfishness, the San Antonio
Spurs’ Hall of Famer Tim Duncan. Duncan’s attitude goes way back. While at
Wake Forest, Tim Duncan actually coauthored an academic paper called:
“Blowhards, Snobs, and Narcissists: Interpersonal Reactions to Excessive
Egotism” 8 It was an early peek at Duncan’s attitude, which would help him
claim the title as the most unselfish Hall of Famer in NBA history.
Duncan came into the league as a highly touted rookie and the number 1 overall
pick. However, unlike more than a handful of top picks who put up impressive
numbers for a limited amount of years and then vanish, Duncan became one of
the all-time greats. Talent? Of course. But all those guys were extremely
talented. Those who flame out never quite lose their feeling that, as the number 1
pick, they deserve to be treated like a number 1 pick. But Duncan didn’t seem
interested in that at all.
As a young player, Duncan responded to the mentoring of veteran David

Robinson, flourished under the team concept instilled by coach Gregg Popovich,
alternated his position constantly depending on the team’s makeup, wasn’t a top-
ten scorer though he easily could have been, played off the ball, took less money
so there was room under the salary cap to sign other talent, and never said a
word about his retirement until the season was over, avoiding the good-bye tours
that most legends embark on during their last season. He is the quietest Alpha
Dog the sport has ever produced and, as most argue, the greatest power forward
of all time. 9 “[B]y lowering himself,” Sam Walker wrote in The Captain Class ,
Duncan “was able to coax the maximum performance out of the players around
him.” 10
Did some people give Duncan a hard time because he was an introvert, not
interested in self-glory? Sure. But he made a decision that to achieve the
pinnacle in a team sport, he had to focus on what mattered: collective success.
Even though he is retired, it’s obvious that his shadow looms large. The Spurs’
culture—with obvious credit to Coach Popovich, who’s still there—continues to
be among the healthiest and most team-oriented in professional sports.
The Myth of the Taker

There’s a misconception—in business and in sports—that unselfish people get
trampled on, that if you don’t look out for yourself, you’re bound to get burned.
But it’s a myth—and a poisonous one at that.
As I discussed in chapter 9 , in his book Give and Take , researcher Adam Grant
demonstrates how the highest performers—across the board—are actually
givers. “Their generosity earns them deep and lasting respect,” 11 he wrote. The
team supports givers, helping them reach their full potential. Givers are
recognized as such and get lifted by a group that recognizes and values that
giving.
“There’s something distinctive that happens when givers succeed: it spreads and
cascades.… Givers succeed in a way that creates a ripple effect, enhancing the
success of people around them.” 12 Grant also noted that, on a practical level,
givers keep themselves out of the rat race: fewer people are gunning for them.
Because of this, colleagues are more likely buy into the giver’s ideas because he
has been established as not being motivated by self-interest. People are attracted
to the giver; they trust the giver; they want to assist the giver and work with the
giver. The giver is the one who endures .
I think of them as the opposite of Jon Gordon’s energy vampires. The givers fill
and feed the culture instead of detracting from it. The “negative impact of a taker
is double or triple the positive impact of a giver,” Grant calculated. “With one
taker on a team, you begin to notice that paranoia spreads and people hold back
out of fear that they’ll be exploited.” 13
All of us are givers—to some extent, I hope—in our personal lives. But we feel a
need to take, or at least balance our giving and taking in the workplace like it’s a
profit and loss statement. Maybe we don’t want to be seen as too generous
because then we’ll be perceived as soft or pushovers. Maybe we’re worried what
people would think or how we might be taken advantage of.
If we fight through those stereotypes, we’ll recognize that unselfishness and

generosity in the workplace build success. You can be assertive and ambitious
but still be a team player by channeling those drives into the group’s success—
not just your own. Giving and winning are not mutually exclusive. Just ask Swen
Nater. And Tim Duncan. And Chris Paul and James Harden. And Bill Russell.
Key Point: What makes or breaks a team—all teams—is how much each
member is willing to sacrifice self-interest and self-glory for team success.
Remember:
A team is a group of people who each put the group’s needs ahead of his
own. Every act of selfishness erodes the team’s fabric.
Each of us has an instinctive drive toward self-interest. A team chooses
to put this aside in service of a larger goal.
A group will be find success if they scrap you versus me and replace it
with you plus me. With that mind-set, 1+1=3.
Unselfishness is not about charity or just basic kindness; it has been

proven as an effective approach to achieving and succeeding.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Role Clarity
Many players I’ve coached didn’t look special on paper, but in
the process of creating a role for themselves, they grew into
formidable champions.
—Phil Jackson 1
Of course, talent is important in any field, but there’s not a single industry where
it exists in a vacuum. People can excel only when they are allowed to do so,
when they are put in a position to succeed, when they are in a place where their
role—and the roles of those around them—is clearly defined. This is an
underrated but hugely important aspect of teamwork. In some ways, it is the very
definition of teamwork. It’s literally how teams work.
Clear roles function as a map, keeping team members on track, ensuring they
don’t walk all over each other, and trusting that important issues don’t get
missed. Team sports are a perfect illustration of this: the roles are clearly
identified, and analyzing what went right or wrong on any given play or game
can be isolated to figure out who’s responsible. That doesn’t mean blame. That
means making the necessary adjustments and figuring out how to fix it for next
time.
Role clarity is a big picture idea. It means a team understands what the person to
his left and to his right is responsible for. He knows how what he does affects
those two team members, as well as everyone else. It’s understanding how the
machine works . A team is a jigsaw puzzle, and the only way for that puzzle to
be completed is if each part sits properly together with the others. The picture
won’t make sense any other way. A leader must examine every person on the
team, what their strengths and weaknesses are, and what motivates or
demotivates them. Remember: the right role isn’t always what a player wants to
be; it’s what he needs to be for the puzzle to come together.
The best coaches bring this out in their weaker players so that the unit stays
strong and invested. The worst coaches spend all their energy on the stars,
missing an opportunity to motivate and utilize their other players. The strongest
teams are made up of people who know exactly what their and everyone else’s
role is—and there’s a mutual trust that everyone will execute their function. No
one can be his best if he has to worry about other people’s responsibilities, if he
can’t trust that those things will get done.
Victor Finds His Role

NBA All-Star Victor Oladipo is a shining example of a player who, in various
situations, has flourished by understanding and maximizing his role. I’ve known
Victor since he was in high school, and he has always worked as though he was
trying to make the team. “I’m still in a situation where I feel like I haven’t
accomplished anything,” he told me on my podcast. When you realize how far
he’s already come, how few people make it to the NBA at all and lead their team
to the playoffs, that’s an amazing statement. It’s also the attitude that leads to
greatness.
I began working at DeMatha during Victor’s senior year. When the high school
basketball season ended, and his obligation to attend off-season workouts
ceased, he still chose to come. Yep. That was his work ethic. As an eighteen-
year-old nearing graduation—with the season over(!)—he still came to school
for every 6 a.m. morning workout. Suffice to say, even at DeMatha, this was not
something seniors typically did.
Victor took pride in leading by example and serving as a mentor to the younger,
returning players. He knew his role as a veteran and recognized how much his
attitude and actions impacted the others. The fact that this was a team that Victor
would never again play for only proves the point. He understood his role and
fulfilled it long after he was required to do so.
Victor has always been a team-first guy. I think it’s because he didn’t experience
individual success—and the attention that comes with it—until his later years of
high school. He began as a role player, alongside guys getting more shots and
more attention. When he left DeMatha for Indiana University, he knew the
transition—and the role change—was not going to be easy. He admitted to me
that he knew he was a late bloomer at DeMatha and that “My work ethic is the
one [thing] that kept me going.”
It was not until his breakout junior year at Indiana that Victor elevated himself
again—in his own eyes and in the eyes of NBA scouts—this time to be one of
the NCAA’s top prospects. He told me that it was, “how I affected my team,
how I helped them win, that’s when I realized I could play at the next level.”
That’s key. It’s not that his shooting or passing or defense got better—although
they all did. Victor’s rise to the upper echelon of college basketball hinged on
how well he could play as one-fifth of a team on the court. That’s what NBA
scouts want to see. And unless your name is LeBron James, working as part of a
cohesive unit is the only way to succeed in the NBA. (Actually, it’s true for
LeBron, too.)
I’ve followed Victor’s career closely and have admired his willingness to accept
a variety of roles, at DeMatha, at Indiana University * as an All-American and
Sporting News’ Player of the Year, as the number 2 overall pick in the NBA
draft, and in his stints with the Orlando Magic, Oklahoma City Thunder, and
now with the Indiana Pacers. It has been a pleasure to watch Victor come into
his own with the Pacers—stunning the league, becoming 2018’s Most Improved
Player, and making the once-forgotten squad a legitimate playoff threat. It has
also been a validation for him.
In Oklahoma City, Oladipo was stifled in his role, and a big part of that was that
it didn’t exist. He was stuck playing second fiddle to that year’s MVP, Russell
Westbrook, perhaps the most ball-dominant guard of the modern era. With no
clear role for Oladipo in the backcourt with Westbrook, there was no way for
him to show what he could do. Consequently, Oladipo plateaued. He didn’t
whine, complain, or point fingers; he simply couldn’t flourish in that
environment. It took the right situation for Victor to thrive, and the right role for
him to shine. He blossomed once he found a team that knew what to do with
him. Both his leadership and his team-oriented play have come to the forefront.
Since joining the Indiana Pacers, Victor has flourished for three reasons:
1. He has worked relentlessly on his game. He’s spent countless hours in the
gym raising his strengths and tightening up his weaknesses, even totally
revamping his body in the off-season to develop bulk and muscle.
revamping his body in the off-season to develop bulk and muscle.
2. He is the ultimate team player, willing to do whatever the team needs him to
do to be successful. Victor won’t let pride or ego get in the way of doing what
his coaches and teammates require. He learned this at DeMatha and carried it to
Indiana University and the NBA.
3. He found a better fit with his current team. Not a better team necessarily, a
better fit . His strengths aligned perfectly with what the Pacers needed. His
talents were not being utilized with the Magic and the Thunder; the role they
needed him to play didn’t factor in his strengths. Victor has more freedom and
opportunity with the Pacers and is on his way to becoming the best player he can
be.
Though Oladipo had once been written off in some circles, he has recently
opened everyone’s eyes. It reminded the basketball world of one of its most
enduring truths: you have to put the player in a position to succeed. Give him a
role that matches his strengths and give him room to grow.
MJ Before MJ
The legend of Michael Jordan by now is well known, but the story of his
Chicago Bulls team has somehow gotten lost, buried in the myth of Michael and
his transcendent play. People forget—or don’t even know—that the Chicago
Bulls were not immediate champions when he joined the team. Or even a couple
years in. The Bulls were regularly shut down in the playoffs, often by the Detroit
Pistons. In fact, Jordan did not make the NBA Finals until his seventh season.
Did Jordan improve in those years? Yes, of course, but he was pretty dominant
by year three. The Bulls did not win their first championship because of any big
leap Jordan made. It had to do with everyone else around him.
Once the role players’ positions were filled—and Jordan accepted them in those
roles—the Bulls finally rolled over the Pistons on their way to the Finals (and
subsequently rolled over everyone in the Finals as well). It wasn’t just about
Jordan’s teammate, All-Star and all-defensive stalwart Scottie Pippen, elevating
his game either. It was about all his teammates knowing how they fit in the
grand scheme: Horace Grant, John Paxson, Bill Cartwright, B. J. Armstrong, and
everyone down the line. It was up to coach Phil Jackson to find a way for each
player to know, embrace, and then make the most of his individual role. They
each had to accept where they fit, and Jordan had to let them succeed in those
roles.
There’s a famous story that illustrates this so well. During a time-out in the close
and decisive Game 5 of the 1991 Finals, Jackson screamed at Jordan, “Who’s
open? Michael, who’s open!”
“Pax,” Jordan reluctantly admitted, meaning outside shooter John Paxson.
“Get him the fucking ball!” 2 Jackson replied. It is a pivotal moment in Bulls’
lore and for good reason. Once Pax could prove he could knock down his shots,
and Jordan trusted he would, everything gelled.
Steve Kerr, who played with Jordan and for coach Phil Jackson during the Bulls’
second string of championships, felt Jackson was “exceptionally gifted in
keeping everyone involved and letting every player know he had a role,” 3 Kerr
told David Halberstam in Playing for Keeps . Jordan’s role was a given, but
according to Kerr, “The players also knew that if they did not do their parts and
were not ready at all times, nothing good would ever happen either.” 4
The fact that Kerr then went on to become one of the top coaches in the league—
finding a way to make all the alphas in Golden State coexist—is not a
coincidence. He learned from the master. As he told an interviewer:
What struck me about Phil was just the inclusion, making everybody
feel important, 1-15 on the roster, every guy felt like he had a role to
play. [Jackson] emphasized that the way he went about his business.…
the fifteenth man matters. That’s good advice in any setting, whether
you’re running a business or a classroom. You can make the people
who may not think that they matter… feel like they do. It’s an
incredibly powerful force. That’s what leadership is to me,
galvanizing, empowering, making people feel good about themselves,
but also that everything they do matters. 5
Great teams understand the feedback loop: every person is responsible for his
own role, and every person is accountable to the team’s mission. We can’t win
without your doing your part, but you can’t win without all of us doing ours.
Among all the legendary teams Jackson has been a part of, perhaps the greatest
was the 1995–96 Chicago Bulls, whose sixty-nine regular season wins was a
record at the time.
“One thing I loved about this team,” Jackson wrote in his book, “was that
everyone had a clear idea about their roles and performed them well. Nobody
groused about not getting enough playing time or enough shots or enough
notoriety.” 6 Jackson had a sixth sense about how to get his players to find,
understand, and shine in their role.
The most effective thing you can do on the court is know, embrace, and fulfill
your role to the best of your ability. That’s what builds championship teams.
Many teams have the right people in the wrong positions, which is fixable. It’s
important for teams to take stock of whether or not they are utilizing people in a
way that capitalizes on their strengths.
And don’t forget, if you’re on the bench—and we’re all on the bench in some
capacity—you also have a role to play. Here are the three traits you must exude
while you wait to “get in the game.”
• Be engaged: care about what is going on around you.
• Be enthusiastic: show that you care about what is going around you; try to
bring infectious and positive energy to those who are “playing.”
• Be ready for the moment when your name is called and make the most of the
opportunity.
The Challenge of the Big Three
Clear roles also become necessary when there is an overabundance of talent at

the top. Accumulating the most qualified people doesn’t just automatically
generate success. The group needs to operate in harmony—and when strong
personalities are each used to being the number 1 guy, a lack of role clarity
becomes a problem.
When LeBron James and Chris Bosh joined Dwyane Wade’s Miami Heat in
2010, the anticipation was electric and the hype was through the roof. Three
superstars on one team, way back in 2010, was a rarity. But few remember that
the “Big Three” were not as immediately successful as many had predicted. For
one thing, they dropped far too many close games.
Some analysts understood the problem: Wade, LeBron, and Bosh had all been
the leader on their respective teams. But when they joined up, they couldn’t
figure out who would play what role. It was not just about ego or self-
perception; it had on-the-court consequences. With seconds remaining in a
game, when a last shot has to be set up, not knowing who does what is a very big
deal.
It wasn’t just the eye test either—the numbers back it up. “In late-game
situations, the Heat’s execution and coordination were disastrous,” wrote Friend
and Foe authors Adam Galinsky and Maurice Schweitzer. “Their record in close
games was the second worst in the league.” 7 Considering their talent and the fact
that they made it to the Finals that year, this statistic really drives home the
importance of having clear roles. “At a certain point, adding more top talent
caused teams’ winning percentages to go down rather than up,” the authors
determined. “These teams had too much talent.” 8
Without clear roles, adding talent doesn’t do anything; it might even drag a team
down. This idea is universal and transfers elsewhere. Studies have shown that
when there’s an excess of talent at a Wall Street company, it backfires. “[T]op
talent was beneficial for performance…” according to Galinsky and Schweitzer,
“but only up to a point: The effect of more talent turned negative and started to
harm performance. When there is too much talent, the stars and high-status
individuals compete among themselves to establish who the alpha dog is.” 9 A
team doesn’t come together once some overall talent threshold is reached. A
team becomes a team when each piece is locked into place and each player is
accepting of and comfortable with that place.
The Puzzle
Part of the credit to the Heat’s figuring it all out should go to head coach Erik
Spoelstra, who proved to be an exceptional leader. Like Spoelstra, the premiere
college basketball coaches lean heavily on role clarity. The head coaches have to
get through to players who have been the best players on the court for most of
their lives. When these players arrive at a top program like Duke or Villanova,
they have to learn how to fit in a lot more than they did in high school.
When I asked Villanova’s coach Jay Wright what the key was to getting these
players to buy into their roles, he told me, “They have to believe that the role
that you’re giving them is really best for them in the long run. I think guys will
sacrifice in the short term for their team, if they believe… that it is going to pay
off for them.”
With two titles in three years, Wright has obviously found a way to keep
everyone involved—from his stars all the way down to his practice squad. In
fact, Nova’s leading scorer for the 2018 championship game was sixth-man
Donte DiVincenzo, who scored 31 off the bench , a record for a bench player in
the title game. It led to looks from NBA scouts and getting drafted seventeenth
overall—because he thrived in his role in Wright’s system, a huge plus for
prospective NBA players.
With full credit to this young man for his big-time performance, I can’t help but
think that Wright’s philosophy of treating everyone as valuable in their
respective roles gave Donte the confidence to shine. Wright clearly developed a
system throughout the season where each player accepted his role. With each
season, he had an instinct for how to get buy-in from each of them. “Your
instincts can grow with your experience,” Wright told me in our interview,
“combining that, that’s your wisdom.”
Superstar Nova player Mikal Bridges began as a role player, then moved to sixth
man, and became the team’s leader in his third year, obviously impressing
Wright with how he fulfilled each role he was given. He, too, is headed for the
NBA, as are two other players from that championship team (Omari Spellman
and Jalen Brunson). Succeeding in their roles under Wright’s system made these
players attractive to the NBA, where no one can do anything alone.
Star in Your Role

In basketball a lot of players want to be the primary offensive weapon. That’s
what’s sexy and gets the attention. When we’re young and imagining ourselves
in the final seconds of a big game, no one imagines themselves getting a key
rebound or setting a killer pick. We picture ourselves taking the final shot. But as
we mature, we understand that winning is not just about who gets lifted up on
everyone’s shoulders. That’s for the movies.
Success is not about being the star. It’s about starring in your role . Over time,
people will notice and that role will expand. If you’re not a team’s three-point
shooter now, make 200–300 after practice from game spots at game speed. Then
you’ll earn your way to becoming the team’s three-point weapon in crunch time.
A leader’s primary job is to find out what each team member does really well
and how to best utilize that skill set for the team’s benefit. Then he must get
everyone on the team to understand, embrace, and star in his role.
Roles on any team must be clearly communicated by the leader. This needs to be
explicit and consistent. Players must have the humility to accept their role;
however, it’s up to the coach to make sure that role—and the reasoning behind it
—is properly communicated. If there’s an employee who is always stepping out
of his role and throwing off team chemistry, ask yourself this: Does he know
what his role is? Are you sure? Go find out.
Steps to Clarifying Roles

• Clearly establish and communicate each individual’s role.
• Create buy-in and believe-in with their role.
• Praise those who star in their role, regardless of what that role is.
That third step is extremely important. It’s up to leaders to communicate each

teammate’s value. For example, a coach needs to sit down with the tenth man,
who rarely gets in to play the game, and say, “Look, I know you don’t get a lot
of minutes but your ability to push our starting point guard in practice is
invaluable to this team. If you didn’t do that every single day, he wouldn’t be the
player he is, and if he wasn’t, we wouldn’t be this successful.”
Ideally, the leader needs to acknowledge this point in front of others as well, so
the role player can feel recognized for his contribution in a group setting. If you
have someone who works under you who is unmotivated, or annoyed that he’s
not getting recognition or a bigger role, give this a try—praise him both privately
and in front of others. I guarantee you’ll see a difference in his attitude and his
output.
The Power of Role Players

The great NBA and college basketball teams are not successful just because of
their stars. There are lots of stars in the league, and up to a certain point, they
cancel each other out in head-to-head matchups. Every team in the playoffs has a
star; that’s just how the league works. Team A’s star gets his points and Team
B’s gets his, and it’s the role players that end up making the difference.
The Spurs of the past decade and the Warriors of the present decade consist of
stars, but those guys alone are not what makes them champions. The defensive
specialists and spot-up shooters and locker room “glue” guys, along with the
stars, all have to buy in to their respective roles. For the operation to run
smoothly, they each have to be happy to serve the whole.
If you watch a Warriors game, you’ll see MVP-level play from Kevin Durant
and Steph Curry, but you won’t see isolated stars grinding out their points.
You’ll see a high-level machine firing on all cylinders. In 2018 the Spurs were
without their only star, Kawhi Leonard, for just about all season, and their record
still put them atop the playoff picture. It doesn’t mean Kawhi isn’t amazing; it
means the rest of the team bought in to their new roles and learned how to
function without him.
The same goes for college powerhouses like Duke and Kentucky. Coaches Mike
Krzyzewski and John Calipari recruit and mold players who are happy to serve a
function, not just put up stats and end up on highlight reels. They convince the
players that serving the whole by playing their role is important. That not only
will this approach get them a national championship, but it’ll also put them in a
position to be a lottery pick in the NBA draft.
NBA phenom Jeremy Lin built his game by doing what needed to be done along
the way. He was undrafted out of college at Harvard, waived multiple times, and
bounced around to a few teams before catching the NBA world by storm for the
New York Knicks in 2012 in what was dubbed Linsanity. At that moment, in
New York, the energy and heroics that Lin brought were exactly what the team
(and the town) needed.
But he couldn’t do that everywhere. If he’d tried, he would’ve been out of the
league by the next year. He figured out how to approach each situation and
locate his role. Then he executed the hell out of it.
“When I was on the Charlotte Hornets,” Lin told me in an interview, “I took a

lesser role to fill a void on the team—playmaking off the bench. We ended up
doing much better than all the preseason polls predicted, and it was one of the
most fun seasons I’ve ever had playing basketball.” Wait, what ? Read that
again. Jeremy Lin, who for a couple of weeks, as a twenty-four-year-old, was the
absolute king of New York, had more fun playing a smaller role in Charlotte
than he did during his time at the top of the mountain. That is the definition of
someone who is happy to fill his role. That’s a true team player. Lin is now with
the Atlanta Hawks serving a different role there as well—his success is a
testament to this openness and adaptability.
I think of clear roles like a pit team changing the tires on a race car. They are in
lockstep—each person knows his task and executes it with precision to get that
car back on the track in minimal time. It’s one of the finest examples of people
fulfilling their roles I have witnessed, and it gets me every time I see it.
Self-Test
Think about the most important responsibilities you are expected to fulfill in
your role. Can you list them? How can you do each better?
Have you met with your boss to discuss how you could better fulfill your role?
Have you done outside work, conducted research, or found other ways to
improve how you fulfill your role?
Why not?
Where You Stand

Understanding and buying in to your role requires a mix of humility and
confidence. Humility is necessary so you understand that you are not operating
alone, that you’re a necessary, but not the only, piece on a team. Confidence is
required to take that role and absolutely crush it. Maximize what can be done in
that position, and very often it will expand or lead to newer and bigger roles.
Then you can do it all over again.
Key Point: A team needs to understand that it is an interlocking puzzle

where each shape and size is distinct, necessary, and valuable to the whole.
Remember:
Role clarity comes from the leader; accepting and embracing that role is
up to the individual.
Begin with fulfilling your current role. Do what your team needs you to
do, not what you want to do, what you feel like doing, or what is convenient
for you.
If possible, spend extra time earning an expanded or new role.
It is vital that leaders acknowledge the so-called role players—those who

don’t get “highlights and headlines.”
Don’t assume that a collection of top talent will automatically generate

success. Becoming a unit involves an understanding and acceptance of
roles.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Communication
My father told me that it doesn’t matter who is doing the selling
or who is doing the buying; it’s the human connection that counts.
—Tim Draper, venture capitalist
An effective player, coach, or teammate is interested in connection. He learns

how to connect and is constantly looking to hone these skills, building bridges to
those above, below, and across from him. Communication requires learning the
subtle art of breaking down walls, not building them higher. It reminds me of a
saying I’ve heard a few times which rings absolutely true: Don’t call people out;
call them in . Successful teams talk to each other, not at each other.
Communication is essential for any team—and it’s not just about the information
imparted from one person to another. It’s much larger than that. It’s about
stepping outside yourself, your own needs and wants, and seeing the bigger
picture. How we communicate is literally how we interact with the world around
us. It’s how people know who we are, and how we know who they are. It’s so
basic that we forget it:
I only know how you feel if you tell me.

You only know how I feel if I tell you.
Misunderstanding
Our words are incredibly powerful, so we must choose them carefully.
One word that is often used to help strengthen a connection is understand .
I understand how you are feeling.
I understand what you are going through.
I understand why you did that.
But I actually believe it does the opposite. No matter how well intended, telling
someone you understand a feeling is condescending and patronizing. It causes
the listener to put up walls, creating the very separation it’s trying to bridge.
Saying you understand is usually an effort to express empathy, but it doesn’t. It
often comes off as disingenuous. You can understand facts, but you can’t truly
understand a person’s feelings. Even if you’ve gone through something similar,
the context and details will always be different. Respect them enough to give
them their individual experience and impressions.
So instead of telling them you “understand” how they are feeling, tell them you
can “appreciate” how they are feeling or “respect” what they are going through.
They will respond to your honesty and be grateful for what they will see as
genuine sympathy.
Getting Outside Ourselves
Though we all learn to talk at a young age, effective communication is a skill

that develops over time. Like any skill, it can be learned and improved with
proper practice and repetition. And once you learn how to do it, it can open up
doors to you that you always thought were closed. This goes for relationships
and it goes for the workplace.
For this book I interviewed former NBA player and current ESPN college
basketball analyst Jay Williams, one of the most impressive professionals and
people I have ever met. Growing up, Jay learned how to dribble using a flat
basketball. He couldn’t ask his hardworking mother for a new one, so he learned
on what he had. As it turned out, this gave him a huge benefit in the long run. It
was those hours of practicing with a flat ball that helped him become an
enormously skilled dribbler. 1
It’s a fitting story: Throughout his life and career, Jay has found a way not just to
bounce back from adversity, but to bounce back stronger . Twice in his life, after
major setbacks, he has had to build himself up and has reached the top of his
field: as a National College Player of the Year and champion at Duke, as the
number 2 pick in the NBA draft, and now one of the premiere college basketball
analysts in the business.
After Jay’s NBA rookie season, a motorcycle accident almost took his leg and
ruined his career; Williams had to learn how to walk again. In his book Life Is
Not an Accident: A Memoir of Reinvention , he wrote openly about the emotional
toll that the grueling surgeries and therapies had on him. It took nine operations
for him just to able to lift his foot off the ground. After a series of setbacks and
getting lapped by old ladies in the swimming pool, Jay was ready to give up. He
hit rock bottom and went into a spiral of addiction and suicidal impulses.
It took over three years to build himself back, in body, mind, and spirit. Though
he made it far enough back for a cup of coffee with the Nets, he was never the
same player. But dealing with adversity is what Williams was built for. He’s a
personal inspiration to me because of his ability to overcome what he needed to
and subsequently excel in multiple fields. The wisdom Jay carries today is made
up of the kind of diamonds that come only from heavily pressured coal.
When I interviewed Jay, he zeroed in on one quality above all else that helped
him make him who he is. He admitted he had trouble finding his voice when he
was younger and credits his success with his ability to get outside of himself and
connect with others. In a word: communication.
Jay admitted to me that he was a “horrible communicator” when he was

younger, and when he got to Duke, “Coach K forced me to get outside of myself.
It was the best learning experience I ever could’ve gone through because it
forced me to convey my thoughts even when times were difficult.” Coach K has
long been a huge promoter of honest and consistent communication. His players
always had to say each other’s names during drills as they passed the ball, which
instilled the behavior into their brains and into their game.
Not only was communication necessary at Duke, but Coach K framed it as an

attitude issue. When a player was too quiet or introverted on the court, Coach K
would attribute it to selfishness . Think about it: when you are not
communicating with your team, who is in the dark? You always know what
you’re thinking so it may not matter to you. But to those around you? It’s
poison.
“When you do not communicate, you internalize everything,” Williams told me.
“You focus all of your internal attention on yourself and what you did wrong in
that moment, and that’s a very selfish mentality.” Williams learned that there
were times at Duke that he would get caught up in a blown play, lost in his head,
when the right thing to do would have been focusing on the next play. He should
have been communicating with his teammates and paying attention to what they
wanted to accomplish, not what he wanted for himself.
Jay credits Coach K for sitting him down and showing him these things on tape.
When Jay watched footage from his game, he noticed how after a turnover his
body language would show he was focused on himself to the detriment of the
team for the next possession. On the court, it created a negative cycle. However,
seeing himself do it, and understanding how it hurt the team, helped Jay turn
things around.
The lessons Jay learned about communication apply off the court as well, to
business and to life. “The ability to communicate to somebody regardless of the
situation is what business is …” Jay told me. “You’re actually taking the time to
assess the person you work with and recognize their strengths and their
weaknesses and then cater what you have to say through that particular lens.”
Jay also brings heart to all his interactions. It’s important that our relationships—
even in business—are not just “transactional,” as he explained to me. “When you
meet somebody,” he asked, “are you instantly going to a place of what can this
person do for me and what can I do for this person? And that’s the limit of the
relationship. Or is it personal? Are you taking a second to understand what this
person is going through? Those moments when you come back to that person in
time.… They’ll then go to an extra length to help you with what you need.
That’s business 101.” Jay reiterated what I firmly believe: business—all business
—is not about the service or the product. It’s about people.
Finally, communication acts as a necessary and healthy release valve. Whether

in relationships, at the office, or in the public eye, Jay told me, when we’re not
communicating, we are letting our frustration build and spill over into the next
interaction, and then into the next. Communication is a way of checking in with
those around us, but also with our own feelings. It’s a way to make sure they
don’t get bottled up, ignored, and left to fester. When we communicate with our
team, we open ourselves up: to their insight, to their empathy, to their support.
Our thoughts create our reality, but we have to remember that this isn’t an
objective reality. We spend all of our lives inside our own heads, but we forget
that no one else knows what’s going on in there.
Talking on the Court
Good teams talk. Great teams communicate. Hall of Fame coach Bob Hurley
often closes his eyes for a minute in the middle of practice so he can hear what is
going on. He wants to hear shoes squeaking and players talking because it tells
him things that his eyes can’t always see. The key is making successful
communication a habit. For basketball players, I have developed a rating system
to help evaluate and improve communication:
0—Silent (unacceptable at any time)
1—Noise (players who clap their hands)
2—Contact (players who give high fives and fist bumps)
3—Generic talk (players who shout phrases like “Good job!” and
“Pick it up!”)
4—Specific talk (players who use names and examples like “Nice cut,
James!”)
5—Directing (players who are “coaches on the court”—they

constantly say it all)
Coaches should rate the five players on the court with the goal of the total
reaching at least 20, and strive to get all players to a level 4 or 5. They should
encourage players who talk on both ends of the floor and reward players who
vocally encourage teammates when they make a great play and correct
teammates when they make a mistake. Putting concrete measurements on a
team’s communication is one way to make sure it’s happening—at a rate and
intensity that is fruitful. Otherwise, you’re just assuming that your team is
communicating enough, which is a common way for it to slip through the cracks.
Open Communication
Effective communication isn’t always pleasant. Getting along just to get along
can actually backfire. If issues that are causing problems are left unaddressed,
the team is not being served at all. Those unspoken matters are going to grow
and expand while they sit in the dark.
Great teams do not hold back from one another and are unafraid to air their dirty
laundry. Think about it: How else is it going to get clean? They admit their
mistakes, their weaknesses, and their concerns without fear of reprisal. “It is
only when team members are truly comfortable being exposed to one another
that they begin to act without concern for protecting themselves,” management
expert Patrick Lencioni wrote in The Five Dysfunctions of a Team .
Communication is not just about support and kindness; sometimes it’s about
progress and productivity. A study of executives from various industries found
that when they were asked “whether they had ever had issues at work that they
had not voiced, fully 85 percent said that they had, at some point, felt unable to
discuss their concerns.” 2 Almost 9 out of 10 employees are afraid to voice their
issues? That is a huge problem.
Ray Dalio, who manages the world’s largest hedge fund, Bridgewater
Associates, and is one of the 100 richest men on earth, practices what he calls
“radical honesty” and “radical transparency.” 3 It’s the philosophy behind a
company that has become astoundingly successful. “Radical truthfulness is just,
put everything on your table and get past it,” he explained to an interviewer. It’s
a way to ensure that people know who is getting ahead or not, and why. This
strategy conserves energy for the things that truly matter, rather than creating an
environment of suspicion, insecurity, and confusion.
Imagine a workplace you’ve been (or are still) a part of: How much time and
energy was spent on what the boss was thinking about your performance, what
this colleague was saying behind your back, and so on? Think about what a drain
on morale that was. Think about how open and honest communication would
have given you peace of mind, while also conserving your time and energy.
In a visionary move, Dalio has decided to knock down those walls in an effort to
set up and expand communication lines. A company should be committed to
keeping everything out in the open, lest employees feel more like passive cogs
than active members of an organization that values them. Remember: people
crave that feeling of being wanted and needed.
What Needs to Be Said
Hearing what people think of us is not always the easiest thing to sit through, but
it is absolutely essential for our own growth as well as the team’s. Recently, I
went through something of a boot camp in this very skill. I participated in a CEO
Mastermind Retreat in Vail, Colorado. Part of the retreat was an exercise where
each participant had to spend time on what was called “The Hot Seat.” The goal
of the exercise was for each person to be as open and as vulnerable as possible.
Whoever was in the hot seat had to share his biggest current challenge—personal
or professional. The other members of the group were tasked with listening
empathetically and offering honest feedback, creating a safe environment for the
person in the hot seat. Once he was done, he was allowed only two responses to
the feedback: “Thank you” or “Can you please clarify that?” He was not allowed
to respond, defend, justify, or dismiss.
During my session in the hot seat, I had an incredibly difficult time. We all
naturally want to deflect, explain, and protect ourselves from harm. That is our
instinct. But I gained so much more by not being able to do any of that. It was
like having my hands tied behind my back: rather than being a handicap, it
actually gave me better balance. I was far more open than I would have been in a
regular conversation. The practice was incredibly powerful and provided the
kind of fertile environment for personal breakthroughs.
Another powerful team exercise we learned to bring back to our respective

workplaces: Everyone on the team is given a handful of index cards and a pen.
On the front of each card, they write down specific traits. Some positive ones:
hardest worker, most talented, mentally toughest, and most coachable. Some
negative ones: laziest, most selfish, and most distracted. Then, on the back of
each card, they write down one teammate’s name that they feel epitomizes the
trait.
Again, the writing is done in private and is 100 percent anonymous. When it’s
over, someone collects the cards and tallies the stats to reveal the results. If nine
out of twelve players think you are the most selfish, guess what? If your most
talented is your laziest and most selfish, you’re going to have a problem. If the
team’s hardest worker is also the most talented and most coachable, things are
looking good. An exercise like this is actually forward-looking. So much of our
behavior is actually changeable—often we just need the push or the spark. An
exercise that lays out what our coworkers really think of us may just be what we
all need.
Confrontation is simply meeting the truth head on.
—Coach K
Six Steps to Mastering Tough Conversations
Effective coaches and leaders stand firm in telling their people what they need to
hear, not necessarily what they want to hear. Trust and truth go hand in hand and
feed each other. You have to tell the truth to earn trust. And you must have trust
that the person is going to tell you the truth. Remember: Time never makes tough
conversations easier. Confront issues early and directly.
Step 1: Create a Safe Environment
This is an ongoing process, and it’s mandatory if there is going to be the

necessary trust required for a tough conversation to be productive and smooth.
Think about the difference in food quality between something cooked in an oven
and something given a minute in a microwave. Real relationships take time.
Step 2: Keep It Professional

It’s important not to swerve into the personal. Confront issues and behavior, not
people. Trust they can handle it and don’t assume you know what their responses
will be. Never initiate when angry, frustrated, or disappointed as you are more
likely to lose your professionalism in these emotional states.
Step 3: Be Respectful
Remember: in person > phone > e-mail > text.
Give the person the respect they deserve. Be honest and direct, but with respect
and tact. Reduce innate barriers and defensiveness through word choice, such as
Can I bounce something off you?
We need to discuss something important because I care about you.
This feedback is to help you.
Step 4: Watch Your Language
Feelings are always valid; actions are not. Just because something is
understandable doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. Never assign blame—use “I”
statements (“I’m feeling” > “you make me feel”).
Step 5: Empathize and Clarify
Ask for their perspective and then listen. Do not interrupt; allow them to have a
full response. Specifically ask for clarification if needed. Affirm and validate
their feelings and intentions without judgment.
Step 6: End Strong
Thank them and acknowledge them for having the conversation. Don’t forget to
take adequate time to process and let emotions settle. After an appropriate length
of time, formally follow up to resolve and move forward.
Positive Communication
Here’s another valuable exercise that you can implement with your organization.
At the end of a meeting, everyone goes around the room and signifies something
specific they appreciated about a colleague. Jodi, you were an empathetic
listener today, and I appreciate it .
Then each person says something they feel they did well. I feel I did a nice job
with breaking down our team’s task into manageable parts.
Finally, they share something the team did as a whole. No generalities: be

specific in your comments. The team communicated effectively about the
standards needed to get this project done.
The key to this working is that the communication is genuine and detailed.
Whoever leads the session cannot let anyone off the hook if they say, “Alan did
a good job.” Ensure everyone is digging deep and offering specific feedback.
There are a few reasons why this exercise is so effective:
1. When you praise someone specifically in front of his peers, it’s a great
bonding mechanism.
2. With a brush of humility, it gives you the confidence and opportunity to

acknowledge something you’re proud of. It is not conceited or arrogant to
acknowledge something you did well. Be proud of the work you do.
3. This type of behavior feeds and supports the collective .
Mismatch
Keep in mind the power of negative communication. There is something called

Gottman’s Ratio, named for the psychologist who coined it: a negative
interaction has five times the impact of a positive interaction. 4 That’s a wildly
uneven match, so keep in mind the power of your negative communication and
how it will throw your relationships out of balance.
You don’t have to like everyone with whom you work. But you do have to care
about them. Caring is an act of will. It is a choice. You can choose to help, assist,
and serve someone that you may not particularly like. That is a standard of
which elite teams are made.
The three most powerful things you can say to a colleague or teammate:
1. I got your back.
2. I believe in you.
3. I care about you.
Thermostats
Communication helps to set and maintain the tone of an organization’s culture.

As legendary motivational speaker Les Brown used to say, “It’s the difference
between a thermostat and a thermometer.” A thermostat sets the temperature,
and a thermometer simply reads it. A thermostat dictates the environment while
a thermometer just reacts to it.
In his prime, NBA Hall of Famer Steve Nash was a thermostat. His energy and
enthusiasm were every bit as valuable as his shooting and passing skills, which
were considerable. In 2004, the year Nash won the first of two back-to-back
MVP awards, he led the league in two statistical categories: assists and touches.
Yes, touches . He led the league in high fives, fist bumps, and pats on the back.
How do I know? Because some researchers at UC Berkeley kept track. 5 They
were conducting a formal study to see if there was a correlation between
showing enthusiasm and winning. The Suns even had an intern count Nash’s
touches during one game. The number of times Steve Nash touched a teammate
as an act of enthusiasm in a 48-minute game? Two hundred and thirty-nine.
Nash credits his father for his team-oriented approach because he had a
“different reward system.” Nash Sr. instilled a teamwork mentality in Steve as a
young athlete, valuing his passing over his scoring, and sometimes letting him
and his brothers score if they passed back and forth—but never if someone tried
to take it in on his own. 6
Jay Bilas told me it was Dean Smith at UNC who first instituted the “point to the
passer” gesture. It was a way, after a made basket, for the scorer to show
appreciation to the passer. It’s something you now see all over basketball courts,
as common as a high five or a fist bump. It even led to what UNC called the
“Bobby Jones Rule”—even if you miss an easy shot, when the pass is good,
thank the passer.
Businesses that have taken a cue from the “point to the passer” approach have
had remarkable success. For instance, Zappos has taken interpersonal
communication to an impressively high level in their offices. It is one of their
core values, and their actions and reward systems reflect that. Each month
employees are encouraged to single out a colleague for a $50 “coworker bonus
award.” 7 In addition, the physical headquarters itself is designed to encourage
communication between colleagues. CEO Tony Hsieh closes the side doors of
headquarters during office hours to create “collisions” among employees,
unplanned encounters that he feels are necessary to create a tight group. 8
Remember that community and communication derive from the same root word;
they feed each other.
Squad Goals
Another benefit of communication is that it acts as a collective form of

motivation. Scientists recommend that when you’re going on a diet or trying to
quit smoking, you should tell others. Putting it out there creates a motivating
environment in which you are setting yourself up for success. Daniel S.
Schwartz, chief executive of Restaurant Brands International (which owns
Burger King, Popeye’s, and others), posts his own goals on the wall in his office,
along with his progress, for all his employees to see. He asks his employees do
the same. 9 There is a power in simply stating what you—individually or as a
team—hope to achieve. It brings it to life, gives it a name and a presence,
making it all the more real and possible. It’s a version of Tom Izzo’s ritual of
practicing cutting down the nets.
Author Daniel Coyle has written bestselling books on team culture and currently
works as an advisor for the Cleveland Indians. In The Culture Code , Coyle used
examples from business to sports to the military to pinpoint the three
characteristics that help a group cohere. He found them to be: a feeling of safety,
a sharing of vulnerability, and a clear understanding of a larger goal. 10 Not
surprisingly, all three of these traits share a common denominator: they require
communication.
If companies don’t intentionally open the lines of communication, they are

effectively keeping them closed. Most employees’ default position is not to
speak up to their boss—for obvious reasons. So unless this kind of behavior is
clearly encouraged, it is being discouraged. If you’re in charge, you might be
thinking, But my people always know my door is open for them to talk to me! I
don’t need to tell them that.
Guess what? You’re wrong. Let them know.
At Pixar a few years back, President Ed Catmull started to notice that

“employees seemed to be censoring themselves more and more” around the
bosses, which he felt was both a symptom of a larger problem and a drag on the
company’s mission. A creative environment simply cannot function without
free-flowing communication, and creativity was Pixar’s bread and butter. So
Catmull did something about it. He brought together the whole company for
what was called “Notes Day,” a session where everyone was free to weigh in on
everything . 11 The airing out of employees’ pent-up thoughts and feelings was so
productive that soon the meetings became regular occurrences. 12
Don’t mistake communication for constant agreement. In fact, if there isn’t some
conflict in your team’s communication, you’re probably holding things back,
being inauthentic, or not doing it right. According to entrepreneur and author
Margaret Heffernan, we should see conflict as a type of thinking. 13 Great teams
are comfortable with clashes, as long as they’re respectfully communicated,
productive, and not personal.
Conflict itself isn’t negative: it depends on what kind it is and how it is handled.
Patrick Lencioni, who studies what makes businesses work and fail, echoed this:
“All great relationships, the ones that last over time, require productive conflict
to grow.” 14 It’s not really about the conflicts that you have—it’s how those
conflicts are resolved and whether or not hashing them out solves their initial
cause.
Size Matters
No matter how hard you try, the size of a group can reach a point where it’s
impossible to connect and communicate. Where you can, keep the groups and
the meetings small. At Amazon, Jeff Bezos famously has something called the
two-pizza rule: no team should be bigger than one that two pizzas can feed. The
main reason? The small size serves communication. 15 Think about how large
meetings stifle open communication and why that is. How much time is spent
off-topic? How many side conversations inevitably get going? How effective can
a large group actually be? Is anything ever really decided?
Under Steve Jobs, Apple had a similar concept for meetings, called the “small
group principle.” No one was allowed in the meeting who wasn’t necessary.
Steve Jobs wasn’t the kindest person about this rule, and he frequently kicked
people out of rooms when he felt they didn’t need to be there. Though the
method might be harsh, and I can’t subscribe to Jobs’s approach, the intention
was correct: it’s not like letting them stay in those meetings was any better. It
doesn’t value them, since they could be doing something else. 16 It’s why Steve
Jobs continually called Apple “the biggest startup on the planet.” The small
group principle remained, even as it became one of the most influential
companies in the world.
Listen to learn. Don’t listen to reply.
—John C. Maxwell
Listening Skills
As I’ve stated, communication is not just about talking. In fact, I’d argue that a
more important component is listening. But not just listening. Active listening.
Attentive listening. Most people simply pretend to listen while they are
formulating their response. You need to actively listen, with an empathetic ear,
to clearly understand the person’s perspective and point of view. Is this how you
listen? How often are you just waiting to talk?
World-class leaders and elite sales professionals have mastered the art of active
listening. They know that “telling is not selling” and that, nine times out of ten,
the best answer they can give is actually another question. A question that dives
deeper and refines clarification.
Communication goes far beyond words. There is tone, eye contact, body
language, and all kinds of nonverbal clues that we unconsciously share in our
conversations. But just because it’s unconscious doesn’t mean we can’t work on
it. Remember to listen with your eyes: Lock in your feet, hips, shoulders, and
head. Let your colleagues know that their thoughts and feelings are important by
giving them your time and attention.
Hearing is involuntary. If someone claps their hands or blows a whistle, you hear
that. You don’t have choice. But listening is voluntary. You choose whether or
not to be present and to actively listen to what someone is communicating to
you. Listen to their words, but also follow their nonverbal cues.
Listening is a skill. And how do you get better at any skill? Purposeful,
consistent practice. You get reps. Thankfully there is no shortage of
opportunities to practice listening in this world: Your kids love to talk. Your
spouse loves to talk. Your friends love to talk. Your coworkers love to talk. So
take advantage and practice active listening every chance you get.
The Incredibly Shrinking Attention Span
No matter who we are, we all want to feel genuinely listened to—and in recent
years, that innate desire has gotten that much harder to fulfill. In 2002, before the
handheld device and social media revolution had taken hold, the human attention
span was 12 seconds. In 2018 it is now hovering around 8 seconds. 17 And it’s
only going to get shorter. A major pillar of teamwork is being able to transfer a
thought, idea, or emotion to someone else and get them to understand clearly
how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking. It’s not as easy as it used to be, but
it’s essential.
Former NBA coach and current TV analyst Jeff Van Gundy has said that good
teams have ELO communication: early, loud, and often. Consistent
communication is the key—thoughts and feelings are constantly fleeting and in
flux. The more you can communicate, the more you ensure everyone’s on the
same page. The more open the communication, the more cognizant you will be
of dissent, role conflict, and disunity. It’s how you find that poisonous stuff and
nip it in the bud.
Communication brings issues to the surface—sometimes intentionally and

sometimes unintentionally, but both are valuable. One of the most dangerous
things an organization can have is mixed messages. Think of the old game of
telephone you played as a kid. If I tell you something and you misinterpret and
run with it, the problem multiplies: that many more people have no idea what I
actually said. It happens all the time, and it’s an example of a how a single
incident of miscommunication can cause havoc.
College coaches often tell me that that the biggest difference between college
and high school players is not skill level or athletic build: it’s their ability to
communicators. Most high school players are nowhere near the type of effective
communicators they need to be for a successful college basketball career. They
have to learn to talk often and with purpose. It takes practice. Watch any clip of
a game where LeBron James is miked and you’ll hear a constant running
commentary that will make you realize what a phenomenal floor leader he is.
(It’s practically exhausting to watch.)
Phil Jackson once ran an entire practice scrimmage with the Lakers where the
players were forbidden to talk. The team was having communication issues so he
instituted the no-talking rule and came down hard, sidelining or giving wind
sprints to anyone who spoke. He wanted them to see how hard basketball is
when you don’t talk. A million little things go wrong for a team who can’t talk
to each other. When a player can’t warn a teammate “Screen coming!” or
“Switch!” or yell out who he’s guarding, it’s like playing with a hand tied behind
his back. The players quickly got Jackson’s message.
Communicating with Legends
One of the highlights of my career was having dinner with legendary coach
Bobby Knight after a Nike Championship Basketball Clinic where we were both
speakers. I’ve always been a fan of Knight’s and have read all of his books, so it
was an unbelievable experience to actually dine with him. He is a brilliant
storyteller with a remarkable memory. He remembered incredibly specific
details like the name of the referee who made a crucial call during a game from
over forty years ago! Knight continually beat the drum on the importance of
listening and communication.
At any point during practice, he suggested, call a time-out. Huddle the players
and give them four or five specific instructions. Then send them back on the
court. Wait fifteen seconds and then call them back in: ask them to write down
the things you asked them to do. It is scary how little they will recall. Players
must be able to carry out simple instructions from the bench to the court. If they
couldn’t, then they couldn’t play for Knight.
Until 2008 Bobby Knight had the most wins in NCAA men’s basketball history.
That was when he was overtaken by Coach Don Meyer. * Meyer is one of the
winningest coaches of all time, yet most fans have never heard of him—because
he chose not to coach at the Division 1 level.
Before he passed away in 2014, I spoke alongside Coach Don Meyer on two
different occasions. I had the privilege to watch him speak and to talk privately
with him, which was a real honor. Though he had been slowed down by cancer
toward the end of his life, Meyer was the epitome of a servant leader,
overwhelmingly humble, genuine, and authentic. A lot of the key things he
preached in his talk came down to communication. “A scared team is a quiet
team,” he said. “Great teams are vocal and communicate.” His advice to young
coaches? “Let your players know these two things every day: here is one thing
you are doing well (and why), and here is one thing you can do better (and
how).”
Coach Meyer was a coach’s coach. While he absolutely loved his players, he
was always a tremendous resource to other coaches—at every level and at every
point in their careers. He was such a powerful speaker, blending humor with
wisdom with tangible X’s and O’s. My hand was cramped from taking so many
notes during his talk.
But what really blew me away was that during my talk later in the day he sat in
the front row and took notes throughout. At that point in time, he had been
coaching longer than I had been breathing, yet he was giving me the full
attention and regard he expected of others. As successful as he was, he knew
there was still more to know, and he loved learning. It also communicated to me
that I was worth his time and respect. At his level, if he could still do that, then
we all can.
The best way to persuade is with your ears.
—Dean Rusk, former US secretary of state
Custom Communication
We don’t know what we’re saying until we know how someone hears it.
Communication is also about feedback—making sure there is a two-way
exchange of ideas, perceptions, and feelings. Otherwise it’s like screaming down
a well. Steve Kerr, * former Goldman Sachs executive and a researcher on
leadership development, once offered a fantastic metaphor. He told author Geoff
Colvin that, “practicing without feedback is like bowling through a curtain that
hangs down to knee level. You can work on technique all you like, but if you
can’t see the effect, two things will happen: You won’t get any better, and you’ll
stop caring.” 18
Customize how you talk to each person. Determine what type of communication
is most appropriate for the situation and the individual. When is a private chat
the right way, or when is addressing the team as a whole more effective? When
is it appropriate to send out a mass text, and when should you talk to each person
individually?
Today’s technology allows us to communicate any way we want, so it’s

important, especially for young people, to develop interpersonal skills: Look
people in the eye, have face-to-face conversations. Don’t hide behind text
messages. People defer to the easiest method of communication instead of the
most appropriate. It’s easy to text a coach and say you can’t make practice—
because it’s one-sided. You don’t have to deal with the other person on the end
of the exchange. I’d argue that it’s not communicating at all.
Someone once told me that if you find yourself saying, “I’ve told you a hundred
times” and the person you’re talking to is still causing the problem, maybe
consider that you are the problem. Take ownership of the issue. Maybe the
problem is on your end. Why else would you have to say something a hundred
times? The proof is in the pudding: your message isn’t getting through. The
communication issue is on your end; make sure you adjust so that the next time
you say it, the 101st, is the last.
Key Point: A team doesn’t know what it doesn’t share with each other.
Whether through positive reinforcement, constructive criticism, or tone and
body language, great teams understand the value of communication.
Remember:
Communication ensures that teams will catch dissent, role conflict, or

disunity before it becomes unmanageable.
Our ideas and emotions are constantly in flux. The best communication
is open, honest, and consistent.
Don’t forget that communication is about TRUST.
The most important, and most often forgotten, form of communication is

listening. Listen with empathy and purpose.
Think about the most appropriate form of communication for a given

person or situation rather than the most convenient. Customize and
individualize what you say and how you say it.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Cohesion
A company is ultimately going to be what its people are.
—Phil Knight
Cohesion is the final chapter of part 3 because it brings together the four
previous qualities: belief, unselfishness, role clarity, and communication. It’s the
end result of those pieces fitting together. An organization that is made of people
who believe in the mission, who are willing to unselfishly share credit and take
blame, who each play their specific roles , and who communicate effectively
will operate cohesively. Cohesion is the sound of the machine humming along
because all the parts are in working order.
Team sports are a useful example of cohesion because the execution is on such a
public stage. Professional sports teams are organizations whose workplace is out
in the open (televised and studied nightly), whose roles are clearly understood,
whose contributions are (mostly) logged and accounted for, and whose dynamics
and interactions are visible to the naked eye.
Championship coach Phil Jackson described the cohesion of a team on the court
working “like five fingers on a hand,” 1 which is the perfect image. Each finger
has its own characteristics and role, but the whole hand is what gets most things
done—and it operates as a unit on an unconscious level. We don’t think about
typing or gripping or grabbing a fork as the merging of five or ten individual
units. But that’s exactly what it is.
The Collective
It’s important to note that not all teams even look like teams. Sometimes there’s
one person at the top who is the face of the organization, but there’s an entire
network of people operating right beneath the surface. That’s the case with Colin
O’Brady.
When I met Colin, I was struck by the fact that he looks like a normal guy, but I
wasn’t fooled: he’s a triathlete, an endurance athlete, and one of the greatest
mountain climbers on earth. I’d call him a superman, but that would make it
sound like he was born this way. And of course, he wasn’t. He brought himself
to where he is through an almost incredible level of dedication, focus, and
endurance.
O’Brady has set two world records—he has climbed the highest summit on each
continent in record time (131 days) and completed the Explorers Grand Slam in
the fastest time, which is climbing the seven highest peaks along with reaching
the North and the South Poles. * Yet, O’Brady has earned every power he has.
Colin’s story is inspirational. After an accident left his feet and legs severely
burned, doctors told him that he might never be able to walk again. But after
years of excruciating pain and effort, along with eight surgeries, Colin began to
participate in (and win) triathlons. He then moved on to the ultimate physical
endurance test, climbing mountains.
In a testament to Colin’s generosity of spirit, he has linked up his adventures

with a charity (Beyond 7/2) while also working as a motivational speaker.
Though Colin can push himself to unparalleled discomfort, when I met him, he
struck me as an engaging and relaxed guy. He is also enormously humble,
refusing to take all the credit for his mammoth accomplishments. Colin
emphasized to me in our interview that his name might be the one in the record
books, but none of his ventures were done solo. There was simply no way that
he could complete these amazing feats alone. “The truth behind the success has
been building high-functioning teams to support my audacious goals,” he told
me. “Without a cohesive team, progress breaks down quickly when the going
gets tough.”
When I asked him the key to cohesion, he tied it back to communication. “The
best teams allow everyone to have a voice and to really be heard,” he explained
to me. “Safe, fluid, and honest communication enables this cohesion and unlocks
the potential for growth.” Under the frigid and dangerous conditions with which
Colin and his team operate, communication is an absolute necessity. He is
dealing with issues of life and death on these peaks, and one misunderstanding
could be fatal.
Summiting the granddaddy of them all—Mount Everest—“required a very

strong team of people,” Colin humbly noted. “Although technically I was just
climbing with my partner, Sherpa Pasang Bhote, we relied on many other people
to reach the top of the world. From base camp support to logistics getting in and
out of the country, to porters and other teams collaborating to fix the ropes on
the mountain, it was a huge team effort. Without cohesion we would most
certainly have failed.” We don’t always think of all the men and women behind
the men and women, but if those people didn’t cohere, the “star” couldn’t
achieve anything. Colin’s example is important, especially in today’s economy
when you might work for a nontraditional organization or in an independent
capacity. You are still part of a team. If you don’t think so, break down how you
effectively achieve any of your goals. Ask yourself: Who else is involved? That
is your team.
In our interview Colin told me that he defined cohesion as when “everyone feels
the same urgency and desire to succeed together.” The language he uses here is
important—especially in his job—because it’s not just about what people think;
it’s about what they feel . If his people don’t feel the excitement or danger, then
it’s likely they are not as invested as he is. And that is a problem.
There’s a sense of pride and commitment that specifically arises when no one’s
contributions are treated as worthier than any other’s. “I think often we live in a
top-down society where people feel marginalized in group settings,” he
maintained. “Hierarchical structures do not always get the best work out of the
collective whole. Cohesion needs to be more emphasized.”
The fact that this is coming from a guy who has climbed the world’s tallest
mountains only drives the point home further. The “flattening” of any
workplace, team, or organization makes each member feel integral to the whole.
A team coheres only when everyone feels like they matter—as individuals and
as contributors to the mission, whether that’s climbing Mount Everest, executing
a play on the basketball court, or landing a new client.
When you first assemble a group, it’s not a team right off the bat.
It’s only a collection of individuals.
—Mike Krzyzewski
Filling Their Cups
When you watch a cohesive organization at work, it’s enough to make you
jealous—even when things aren’t going its way. I don’t think I’m alone in
saying I’d rather lose on a team that worked together and cared about each other
than win in a group where everyone was out for themselves.
Few coaches in professional sports have had the longevity and success of the
San Antonio Spurs’ head coach Gregg Popovich. An incredible stat courtesy of
Bloomberg: “Since Gregg Popovich took over as head coach of the NBA’s San
Antonio Spurs 21 years ago, the rest of the league’s teams have replaced their
leaders a total of 228 times. No other coach has held his current job for more
than a decade.” 2 Even with some long-term players like Tim Duncan and Manu
Ginóbli, Popovich still has had to maintain cohesion through various retirements,
trades, injuries, free-agent signings, and the regular turnover that is a normal part
of the NBA. As the rest of the league and fans of the game know, when an NBA
player becomes a Spur, he (or she * ) becomes part of Pop’s cohesive unit.
An illustrative story: In 2013 the Spurs were on the road, up 3–2 against the
Miami Heat in the NBA Finals. The Spurs were one win away from the
championship, and in case it happened that night, Popovich booked a reservation
to celebrate at his favorite Italian restaurant in Miami. Though the Spurs nearly
had the game in hand, Ray Allen’s famous three-pointer from the corner buried
San Antonio in a crushing loss. Of course, everyone assumed the reservation
would be canceled as the Spurs regrouped and prepared for game 7. But
Popovich insisted they keep it. In fact, the loss was all the more reason to keep
it.
“They sat and ate together,” Daniel Coyle wrote in The Culture Code .
“Popovich moved around the room, connecting with each player in turn.… In a
moment that could have been filled with frustration, recrimination, and anger, he
filled their cups.” 3 Popovich understood that more than in victory, those players
needed to feel part of a team that night. They needed to come together as people.
Popovich cared about each of his players as individuals, with their own fears,
emotions, and need to belong. As onetime Spur Will Perdue once said about
Popovich: “He saw you as a human being first and a basketball player second.” 4
The most successful people I’ve been around have a cohesive inner circle.
Members of your inner circle play a huge role in your performance and
development. As it’s been said, “You are the company you keep.” (As I like to
say, you can’t hang with jackasses and expect to be a racehorse.) I believe your
inner circle should include people you trust; people you respect; and people of
varying ages, backgrounds, and life experiences. Members of your inner circle
should
1. Tell you the truth.

2. Hold you accountable.
3. Be supportive.
4. Challenge you.
5. Want to see you happy.
Self-Test
Personal Audit:
• Who are the five people that most positively influence you?
• Who are the five people you actually spend the most time with?
• Compare lists.
Remember: We are the company we keep. Be intentional with whom you invest
your time in.
Ten Assists
Our most valuable currency is our attention. No matter what we say or promise,
our attention—because it is finite—reveals who and what we truly value. My
friend and mentor Rich Sheubrooks taught me a team cohesion exercise called
“Ten Assists.” Every morning, start by putting ten pennies in your left pocket.
And every time you throw a teammate “an assist,” you transfer one penny from
your left pocket to your right pocket. An assist can be anything you do to serve a
colleague, from bringing them coffee to rescheduling a conference call to
helping them meet a deadline. Here’s the catch: you cannot leave the office until
you’ve dished out ten assists.
The Greatest Game I Ever Saw
Perhaps the greatest example of cohesion I have ever participated in, and been
witness to, was an epic high school basketball battle in March 2006. I have been
around elite-level basketball for almost twenty years, and that game was, hands
down, the most electric experience I have ever been a part of. I still get goose
bumps every time I think about it. (It’s not just me: Ten years later, The
Washington Post revisited it, calling it “One of the Greatest High School Games
in D.C. History.” 5 )
At the time, Oak Hill was on a 56-game winning streak and was 40–0, ranked
number 1 in the nation by every publication. Before a sell-out crowd of 4,000,
our team, Montrose, rallied from being down 16 in the fourth quarter to hit a
game-winning put-back, as time expired, to win 74–72. In addition to the
buzzer-beater finish, the reason that game will go down in history as one of the
most memorable ever was the high-caliber players who participated. Oak Hill
featured current NBA players Tywon Lawson (Wizards) and Michael Beasley
(Knicks), and Montrose was led by MVP and NBA champion Kevin Durant.
Montrose was able to do the impossible and rally from what appeared to be an
insurmountable lead against the best team in the nation because of team
cohesion, which came from the same four traits that have made up the final part
of this book.
Communication: In environments where communication is difficult, it’s

particularly necessary. That gym was standing room only with a DJ spinning
records at every dead ball. It was so deafening our players couldn’t hear Coach
Vetter from the sideline, but they still found a way to communicate effectively
with each other. Hand signals, eye contact, and extra tight huddles before every
free throw kept our guys on the same page at all times.
Belief: Strong communication helped strengthen our belief in ourselves and our
ability to do what many thought wasn’t possible. But it’s important to note that
our belief began much earlier than that. It began during the previous off-season
and was reinforced every single day. True belief is attained only through
demonstrated performance. Our guys put in work for the months leading up to
that game to earn their belief. Believe or Leave.
Unselfishness: It’s essential that when you look at your teammates you feel that
they want it as badly as you do. The primary turning point in the game came in
the fourth quarter when point guard Taishi Ito (5 feet 9, 155 pounds) stepped in
and took an offensive charge from Michael Beasley (6 feet 7, 230 pounds).
Beasley had a full head of steam on a fast break and was coming on like a
runaway freight train. Taishi sacrificed his body by stepping on the tracks and
drawing an offensive foul that completely swung the momentum in Montrose’s
favor. The play didn’t just give Montrose the ball; it sparked the team like a jolt
of electricity. Taking a charge is one of the most unselfish plays a player can
make because they are the ones receiving physical pain for the good of the team.
And it doesn’t show up on the stat sheet.
Clear Roles: One of the main reasons we were able to make such an improbable
comeback was because our players stuck to the plan. They didn’t panic. They
stayed on script. Each player knew and embraced his function; no one tried to
play the hero. Each team member homed in on his role and executed it. Durant
was clearly our number 1 offensive option and each player fulfilled their role,
one of which was to get him the best looks at the basket. If Montrose players
started doing what they wanted to do instead of what the team needed them to
do, the wheels would have come off. While KD received most of the headlines,
we won because everyone fulfilled their roles.
I can’t emphasize enough that the aspects that gave us victory weren’t built that
night. They were simply demonstrated, maybe even actualized , that night.
Montrose’s cohesion had been built, brick by brick, for the years, months,
weeks, and days leading up to that game. Comebacks like that, against teams of
that caliber, do not happen without thousands of unseen hours building a team’s
cohesion.
Start with the Hire
Cohesion means “the action or fact of forming a united whole.” 6 It means unity
and togetherness, but as the definition states—it is an active thing . It’s
something a team has to work on. It’s something that is done, not something that
is.
If you’re building an organization, cohesion starts with the hire. It’s easier to
pick pieces than to change pieces. Hire complementary people and those who are
happy to fit into the puzzle. What drives you needs to be good for us. What
drives us needs to be good for you.
In the world of basketball, recruiting is enormously important to team cohesion.

Whether it’s college coaches recruiting a high school player, or an NBA GM
evaluating a college or overseas player, the depth they go to determine whether
someone is a team player is astounding: they go back to sixth grade teachers to
find out if you were a jerk or not.
I will have GMs reach out to me when players I know and have worked with are
going through this process. Though I was the players’ high school performance
coach, the first bunch of questions will have nothing to do at all with athletic
ability. They’ll ask about his attitude, what kind of guy he was, and how he
treated others. They ask about promptness, accountability, listening skills, work
ethic, and unselfishness. The litmus test is this: “Alan: Would you let him date
your daughter?”
They can watch the tapes for all their games. By the time they start asking me
about his coordination, his balance, and his strength, we’re on to the ninth or
tenth question. The best teams, organizations, and companies have a tight and
strenuous filter to make sure they get the best people. Cohesion will not come
about with a random assortment of individuals. They have to have the attitude
and willingness to cohere.
Four Cohesion Killers
1. Entitlement—those who think they deserve more
2. Arrogance—those who act as though they are better
3. Selfishness—those who are out for themselves
4. Complacency—those who simply don’t care
Filling Gaps
Cohesion is also about filling in the blanks. College head coaches need charisma
to recruit, motivate, and push people beyond their comfort level. They have to
know their X’s and O’s and be able to get everyone integrated to feel part of the
team and the culture. But even the best coaches are not going to be the best in
their field at each of these. So they find others who are.
“It’s important for me that everyone I hire have a certain seat on the bus,”
Kentucky coach John Calipari wrote. “In other words, I won’t hire the same type
of person for five different positions. We need everybody on the bus to do
something different—to be put to their best use, what they’re better at than
anyone else on staff.” 7 Make sure there’s a seat for everyone on the bus.
Balance your staff out. University of South Carolina coach Frank Martin has a
reputation for being energetic and volatile, but he makes sure he has coaches on
staff who can play good cop and have a softer edge, so he’s not subjecting his
players to a bench of drill sergeants. The best leaders know they don’t need to be
great at everything; they need to be great in some things and assemble a team
that fills in the other pieces.
Every team and organization needs “glue guys,” those who are willing to do the
little things that need to be done for everything to work. Glue guys do the jobs
that are not really spelled out or explicitly assigned. The little things that might
otherwise get missed or overlooked.
A glue guy in basketball takes a charge, sprints in both directions, dives for loose
balls, and when on the bench, stands up and cheers for a great play or high fives
a teammate coming off the floor. No one is assigned that role, their contributions
aren’t on the stat sheet, and they’re never the stars, but their importance to team
cohesion is enormous. A glue guy lives by the mantra that “Nothing here is
someone else’s job.”
Self-Test
Think about your team or organization.
1. Who is the “star”? In what way?
2. Who are the role players? How do they serve the star and the
mission?
3. Who is the glue on your team? Who holds your team together?
4. Who does all the little things to make your team successful?
5. Who picks up the slack when others are down?
6. Who doesn’t seem to care about recognition or praise?
7. How do you specifically contribute to your team’s cohesion?
What Championship Teams Do for Each Other
1. Lead their teammates.

2. Love their teammates.
3. Elevate their teammates.
4. Respect their teammates.
5. Trust their teammates.
6. Discipline their teammates.
7. Back their teammates.
8. Challenge their teammates.
All of us is smarter than one of us.
—Japanese proverb
The Cohesion of Children
Cohesion might just be something that we know how to achieve instinctually.

Maybe we end up destroying it as we age because we develop egos and high
opinions of the “right way” to do things. Design expert Peter Skillman once
conducted a famous experiment that elegantly explains how cohesion works. A
group of kindergarteners were pitted against a group of business school students
in a design challenge: In a subscribed time period, each group had to build a
tower with uncooked spaghetti, tape, string, and a marshmallow. Over and over
again the kindergarteners won the challenge—by a huge margin. 8
The reason? According to author Daniel Coyle, adults get caught up in questions
of status and power instead of the larger goal. Though they appear organized,
“their underlying behavior is riddled with inefficiency, hesitation, and subtle
competition.” 9 Meanwhile, kindergarteners may look like a five-alarm fire but
“they are not competing for status.… They experiment, take risks, and notice
outcomes, which guides them toward effective solutions.” 10
At UNC, coach Dean Smith was so committed to team cohesion that he valued it
over winning! Smith was willing to lose games if it meant giving his players
greater freedom, “because in the long run he believed that you went further by
working as a team, by sacrificing individuality to team effort.” 11 If a player
committed a team infraction, Coach Smith would sometimes punish everyone
else to emphasize cohesion, to show that “everything was built around the
concept of team and against the idea of individuality and the danger of
individual ego.” 12
Of course, teams can’t always agree on everything, but they have to believe the
others are all in. Teams at Amazon use the phrase “disagree and commit.” It’s an
innovative way for team members to voice their opinion but then let the idea
move forward. That’s how you maintain cohesion without the minority voices
feeling shut out. Respect them enough to hear their objection. Then let them
decide to join the group.
The Big Picture
High school basketball taught me so much about how teams operate, why some
fail and why others succeed. At DeMatha, Coach Jones used to teach that no
player is bigger than the team, and no team is bigger than the program. “It
doesn’t matter who scores,” he would say. “It just matters that we score.”
A few years ago, when I was still a performance coach there, DeMatha was in
the conference championship game. With seconds left, the game was tied and we
came up with a big steal. Our best player—an All-American—got fouled with no
time on the clock. He was a great free throw shooter and had to make only one
and, bless his heart, he missed both. We went to overtime, and the team was so
dejected that we got killed. With about 30 seconds left, and the other team up by
8, Coach Jones called a time-out.
Everyone was wondering why, and the assistants and players were all looking at
each other in confusion. We couldn’t win. That ship had sailed. But Coach Jones
had something else on his mind besides winning.
“Look, guys,” he said in the huddle, “We are going to lose this game. But thirty
seconds from now, when you lose, you’re going to lose with class, lose the right
way because the name on the front of your shirt has been building a reputation
for the last sixty years. And you’re not going to do something in a couple of
seconds that is going to diminish that. I know you’re upset, but this is not only
about you. There’s something bigger than each of us out there.” Then he sent
them back out on the court.
It’s the mind-set all organizations ought to have—the giants, the ones trying to
be giants, and the ones just getting their feet wet. Once you’ve decided to be part
of a team, you have to accept that the team is bigger than you. That’s the whole
point.
Take the Time to Celebrate
The final element of a cohesive team is simple: celebrate victories. Make sure
that those are group victories and that the celebration is inclusive and about the
group. Two-time national champion coach Jay Wright doesn’t care for self-
directed celebrations. “If you’re excited, you have a lot of energy; turn and give
that energy to your teammates,” Wright has said. 13 It’s a good rule of thumb: if
you are the only one cheering, then there’s nothing to cheer about.
Celebration is also about bringing a level of enjoyment to the work, the

camaraderie, and the environment itself. External rewards are no substitute for
intrinsic motivation, but they can go a long way toward making people feel
appreciated. When the company is rewarded together, it can be incredibly
unifying. During a successful month at his first company, Micro-Solutions, Mark
Cuban walked around handing out hundred-dollar bills to the sales force, a way
to celebrate jobs well done that I’m sure were appreciated.
“Athletes take time to celebrate their victories,” author and performance

development consultant Graham Jones wrote in Forbes . “It helps remind them
why all the hard work and commitment is worthwhile. At a time when survival
is the priority of so many organizations, don’t forget to spend time celebrating
successes, however small they may be.” 14
Teams will hit highs and lows together, and making the most of each—
celebrating one and learning from the other—ensures and solidifies cohesion. In
the end, businesses are made up of people who want praise and recognition, who
want to feel part of something, and who want to take a moment to feel good
about what they have achieved.
Key Point: A cohesive unit operates in sync and as a single unit, through a
combination of the previous four traits: unselfishness, belief, clear roles,
and communication.
Remember:
Cohesion is the glue that secures everything together.
The best teams are like a puzzle; different but complementary pieces
creating the final picture—one missing or out-of-place piece and the puzzle
is incomplete.
Great teams suffer and celebrate together.
There are few things in life and business more satisfying than a team
coming together to achieve something they could not do individually. It’s a
feeling you’ll want to seek again and again.
Self-Test
Team Audit
Select a team that you are a part of:
1. Which characteristic in part 3 do you feel the team exhibits strongly? How so?
2. Which characteristic do you feel your team needs to work on?
3. What specifically can you and your team members do to elevate their
performance in this area?
4. Set up a schedule to check in and evaluate your team’s progress on these

specific fixes.
CONCLUSION
The First Step

If you do not change your direction, you will end up exactly
where you are headed.
—Chinese proverb
There’s a reason that LeBron James, Kevin Durant, and Kobe Bryant have
already successfully bridged into the media and business worlds. They are
bringing their commitment to preparation, their instincts as leaders, and their
understanding of team dynamics into other industries, where the same principles
apply.
Success originates from a single point: commitment . There is never an excuse to

let someone outwork you. Never. Don’t let all the talk of hacks and shortcuts
convince you otherwise. Nothing of value ever comes without effort. Everyone
wants success, but few are willing to make the necessary sacrifices. Are you?
If you are not happy with your current work or life situation, start addressing the
things you can change. If it’s a drastic change that’s needed, find the courage to
make that first step. If it’s a minor change within your current situation, start
planning out the ways to execute it. If it’s an attitude change, decide what you
care about and how that will inform your approach moving forward.
Each day is literally a new beginning. “Although we can’t always determine

when we start, we can exert some influence on beginnings,” wrote bestselling
author and behavioral scientist Daniel Pink. “In most endeavors, we should be
awake to the power of beginnings and aim to make a strong start. If that fails, we
can try to make fresh start. And if the beginning is beyond our control, we can
enlist others to attempt a group start.” 1 Pink simplifies it this way: “Start right.
Start again. Start together.” 2
Jenny Blake is a career strategist (formerly with Google) and the author of Pivot:
The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One . When I interviewed her for this
book, Blake and I talked about the meaning of the word “pivot,” which is
applicable in basketball as well as business. In basketball, a pivot is when you
plant one foot and you move the other so you can scan your options. Pivoting
gives you open angles and vantage points. The right pivot can help you notice
something—a cutting man, an open passing lane—that maybe wasn’t in your
vision beforehand.
It comes down to an immutable fact: If you are not growing, you are shrinking.
In our careers, Blake told me, “That’s how you stay agile, by pivoting
continuously.” She defined pivot as “change without starting from scratch,”
which I appreciated. It recognized that not everyone needs to wake up tomorrow
and quit their jobs. There are gradations of changes we can all make in our
current situations.
I think it’s incredibly revealing that we don’t talk about the life we “have” or the
life we “got.” We talk about the “life we lead.”
The life we lead .
We are in charge.
Can you make the necessary changes in your life and work? Do you want to?
Think about the language you use, even the words in your internal monologue.
Researchers have determined that those who use the phrase “I don’t” instead of
“I can’t” have a much higher success rate at changing their habits. 3 The change
in language will help “give yourself a psychological edge.” The reason? Choice.
Once you accept that you are making a choice—to start a good habit, improve a
skill, or execute steps toward your goal—you are unconsciously moving the
impetus onto yourself. You are reminding yourself that the decision to care, to
develop good habits, and to put in the effort is up to you. And it starts with a
single step.
When three-time volleyball gold medalist Karch Kiraly was asked how he
prepared to win gold at the Olympics. “I never did,” he replied. “I only prepared
to win the next play.” 4 It reminds me of a moment from an event I participated
in called Hell on the Hill, which was exactly what it sounded like. Organized by
Jesse Itzler, the event required that we run up and down an eighty-yard hill, on a
slope that averaged a forty-degree angle, 100 times . In total, it came out to over
eight miles.
The terrain was neither straight nor smooth, there were tons of bumps and
ripples along the way, and the gradation varied throughout. This sporadic terrain
made it so much more challenging. Like a seasoned golfer trying to access the
lay of the green, each of us soon found the “easiest” path to the top (and I use
that term loosely). But the problem with that collective discovery was that this
path became contested and crowded, and we all quickly wore its grass to mud. A
light rain fell on and off throughout the day, and the wet grass made it incredibly
challenging to even go down the hill. At around the seventieth climb, I hit a wall.
I was struggling—physically, mentally, and emotionally spent. I was just about
ready to quit.
Among the people participating in Hell on the Hill was Steve Wojciechowski,
former Defensive Player of the Year at Duke and currently the men’s head
basketball coach at Marquette. He and I were at about the same pace the whole
time, and we had met before, when he was a guest on my podcast. When Wojo
came up alongside me, I asked him, “How many more reps do you have?”
“One rep.”
“Wait, what?” I asked. “One?” There was no way this guy only had one rep. I
was almost pissed off.
But then he said, “Yep. Just one rep. Thirty more times. ”
I smiled because it was the perfect attitude. It was a lesson in living present, in
focusing on the single step, in blocking out everything else and zeroing in on
only what needed to be done.
As you look out on your own personal and professional landscape, I hope you
have the courage and determination to take that first single step. Have belief in
yourself, in your coach, and in your team, and I know you will make it to the
next one.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Don’t delay gratitude.
—Skip Prosser
I wake up every morning with the goal of telling as many people as I can, every
single day of my life, that I appreciate them. I aim to consistently model an
attitude of gratitude.
From start to finish, writing this book was a thoroughly enjoyable experience.
But this page is without question the hardest to write.
That’s because there are so many people who deserved to be thanked,

recognized, and acknowledged.
There is a widespread emotional disorder called FOMO (fear of missing out). It

has reached levels of epic proportions with the rise of social media. It’s an
anxiety caused from the feeling that somewhere, something amazing is
happening and you are missing it.
At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, when it came time to write this page, I
started to experience a similar and related disorder called FOMS (fear of missing
someone ).
I started to worry I would (inadvertently) forget someone.
I have worked with, worked for, befriended, studied, observed, listened to, and
learned from hundreds of amazing people, who have in one way or another
contributed to this book. Some more recently and directly than others, but all of
whom have helped shape the man I am today and therefore shape the contents of
this book.
That list is simply too exhaustive to even attempt to name.
So to my family, friends, associates, colleagues, partners, teammates, agents,

mentors, teachers, coaches, trainers, advisors, counselors, consultants, clients,
supporters, and followers, please know…
I appreciate you.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS

ALAN STEIN JR. is a corporate performance coach and world-renowned speaker.
He spent more than fifteen years working with the highest-performing basketball
players on the planet. Alan delivers high-energy keynotes, interactive
workshops, and impactful full-day trainings to help organizations improve
performance, cohesion, and accountability. He inspires and empowers everyone
he works with to take immediate action and improve mind-set, habits, and
productivity. Alan teaches how the same strategies that elite athletes use to
perform at a world-class level can be utilized in business to build a winning
culture. He is an amicably divorced father of twin sons (Luke and Jack) and a
daughter (Lyla) and lives just outside of Washington, DC.
JON STERNFELD is the coauthor of A Stone of Hope: A Memoir , with Jim St.
Germain; Strong in the Broken Places: A Memoir of Addiction and Redemption
through Wellness , with Quentin Vennie; and Crisis Point: Why We Must—and
How We Can—Overcome Our Broken Politics in Washington and Across
America , with Senators Tom Daschle and Trent Lott. He lives in New York.
NOTES
Introduction
1. David Halberstam, Playing for Keeps: Michael Jordan and the World He
Made (New York: Random House, 1999), 165.
Chapter One
1. http://www.espn.com/nba/story/_/id/22812774/kevin-pelton-weekly-
mailbag-next-victor-oladipo.
2. Geoff Colvin, Talent Is Overrated: What Really Separates World-Class

Performers from Everyone Else (New York: Penguin, 2008), 118.
3. Adam Galinsky and Maurice Schweitzer, Friend and Foe: When to

Cooperate, When to Compete, and How to Succeed at Both (New York:
Crown Business, 2015), 132.
4. Simon Sinek, Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and
Others Don’t (New York: Portfolio, 2014), 199.
5. Tom Rath and Barry Conchie, Strengths Based Leadership: Great

Leaders, Teams, and Why People Follow (New York: Gallup Press, 2008),
2.
6. Interview with Howard Schultz, How I Built This , with Guy Raz
https://www.npr.org/2017/09/28/551874532/live-episode-starbucks-
howard-schultz; and Howard Schultz with Joanne Gordon, Onward (New
York: Rodale Books, 2012), 3–7.
7. Interview with Howard Schultz, How I Built This , with Guy Raz.
8. Tasha Eurich, Insight: Why We’re Not as Self-Aware as We Think and

How Seeing Ourselves Clearly Helps Us Succeed at Work and in Life (New
York: Crown Business, 2017), 7.
Chapter Two
1. Jesse Itzler, Living with a SEAL: 31 Days of Training with the Toughest
Man on the Planet (New York: Center Street, 2005), 65.
2. Tim S. Grover, Relentless: From Good to Great to Unstoppable (New

York: Scribner, 2013), 39.
3. Interview with Steve Nash, Suiting Up , with Paul Rabil,

https://suitinguppodcast.com/episode/steve-nash-nba-star-entrepreneur/.
4. Mark Cuban, How to Win at the Sport of Business (New York: Diversion
Books, 2013), 3.
5. Interview with Jason Stein, The Bill Simmons Podcast ,

https://www.theringer.com/the-bill-simmons-
podcast/2017/8/4/16100290/smart-guy-friday-cycle-ceo-founder-jason-
stein-and-bills-dad-on-game-of-thrones.
6. Interview with John Mackey, How I Built This , with Guy Raz,
https://one.npr.org/?sharedMediaId=527979061:528000104.
7. Eric Schmidt and Jonathan Rosenberg, with Alan Eagle, How Google
Works (New York: Grand Central Publishing, 2014), 5.
8. Ryan Holiday, Ego Is the Enemy (New York: Portfolio, 2016), 55.
9. Ibid.
10. http://www.espn.com/nba/truehoop/miamiheat/columns/story?
page=Spoelstra-110601.
11. Holiday, Ego Is the Enemy , 57.
12. Grover, Relentless , 11.
13. http://www.espn.com/blog/new-england-patriots/post/_/id/4801190/tom-
bradys-passion-comes-through-with-talk-of-ambassador.
14. Brett Ledbetter, “How to Stop Comparing and Start Competing,”
TEDxGatewayArch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bU09Y9sC7JY.
15. Galinsky and Schweitzer, Friend and Foe , 35.
16.
http://faculty.chicagobooth.edu/devin.pope/research/pdf/website_losing_winning.pdf.
17. Ryan Holiday, The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials
into Triumph (New York: Portfolio, 2014), 4.
18. https://deadspin.com/thousands-of-gymnasts-are-sharing-videos-of-their-
best-1825963309.
19. https://hbr.org/2012/07/how-leaders-become-self-aware.
20. Amy Wilkinson, The Creator’s Code: The Six Essential Skills of
Extraordinary Entrepreneurs (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2015), 115.
21. Maury Klein, The Change Makers: From Carnegie to Gates, How the Great
Entrepreneurs Transformed Ideas into Industries (New York: Times Books,
2003), 186.
Chapter Three
1. Cal Newport, Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted
World (New York: Grand Central, 2016), 14.
2. Richard L. Brandt, One Click: Jeff Bezos and the Rise of Amazon.com
(New York: Portfolio, 2011), 23.
3. Newport, Deep Work , 71.
4. Ibid., 40.
5. https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2010/11/wandering-mind-not-a-
happy-mind/.
6. I first read this story on the Facebook page for Mark C. Crowley, Lead
from the Heart: Transformational Leadership for the 21st Century
(Bloomington, Ind.: Balboa Press, 2011, and then found more accurate
details from Leda Karabela at http://yhesitate.com/2011/08/07/no-madam-
it-took-me-my-whole-life/.
7. https://www.forbes.com/sites/neilpatel/2015/01/16/90-of-startups-will-
fail-heres-what-you-need-to-know-about-the-10/#4f25a2526679.
8. Tony Schwartz, The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working: The Four
Forgotten Needs That Energize Great Performance , 33.
9. Cuban, How to Win , 15.
10. This idea originated with Jim Rohn’s work.
11. http://www.investors.com/news/management/leaders-and-success/basketball-
player-larry-bird-grit-and-discipline-helped-him-lead-championship-teams/.
12. “The Champ,” Readers Digest , January, 1972, 109.
13. Jeff Bezos, commencement speech at Princeton University, May 30, 2010.
Chapter Four
1. This is in a variety of places but I read it in Jeff Jarvis’s What Would
Google Do? (New York: Harper Business, 2009), 20.
2. https://www.forbes.com/100-greatest-business-minds/person/arthur-
blank.
3. http://money.cnn.com/2018/03/06/news/companies/dominos-pizza-hut-
papa-johns/index.html.
4. Carol Dweck, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (New York:

Random House, 2006), 21.
5. Halberstam, Playing for Keeps , 66.
6. Adam Bryant, Corner Office: Indispensable and Unexpected Lessons

from CEOs on How to Lead and Succeed (New York: Times Books, 2011),
15.
7. Ibid., 12–13.
8. Ibid, 13.
9. Leigh Gallagher, The Airbnb Story: How Three Ordinary Guys Disrupted
an Industry, Made Billions… and Created Plenty of Controversy (Boston:
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2017), 164.
10. Ibid., 167.
11. Wilkinson, The Creator’s Code , 39.
12. Daniel Coyle, The Culture Code: The Secrets of Highly Successful Groups
(New York: Bantam, 2018), 78.
13. John Wooden and Steve Jamison, The Essential Wooden: A Lifetime of
Lessons on Leaders and Leadership (New York: McGraw-Hill Education,
2007), 18.
14. https://www.businessinsider.com/the-blakely-family-dinner-table-question-
2015-3.
15. “Research Reveals Fear of Failure Has Us All Shaking in Our Boots This
Halloween,” Linkagoal’s Fear Factor Index, October 14, 2015.
16. Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit (New York: Random House, 2014),
282.
17. Brandt, One Click , 88.

Chapter Five
1. Cuban, How to Win , 71.
2. Interview with Perry Chen, How I Built This , with Guy Raz,
https://www.npr.org/2017/09/05/540012302/kickstarter-perry-chen.
3. Ibid.
4. Dan McGinn, Psyched Up: How the Science of Mental Preparation Can
Help You Succeed (New York: Portfolio, 2017), 151.
5. “Mental Preparation Secrets of Top Athletes, Entertainers, and

Surgeons,” Harvard Business Review June 29th, 2017,
https://hbr.org/ideacast/2017/06/mental-preparation-secrets-of-top-athletes-
entertainers-and-surgeons.html
6. https://www.history.com/shows/the-selection-special-operations-
experiment.
7. Bob Rotella, How Champions Think: In Sports and in Life (New York:
Simon & Schuster, 2016), 15.
8. Ibid., 113.
9. Shawn Achor, The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of

Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work , (New
York: Currency, 2010), 98.
10. The ideas behind this cycle were inspired by Jim Rohn’s work.
Chapter Six
1. http://www.espn.com/nba/story/_/id/22045158/chris-paul-pursuing-
passing-perfection-houston-rockets-nba.
2. Ibid.
3. https://www.sbnation.com/2017/4/13/15257614/houston-rockets-stats-
winning-james-harden-daryl-morey.
4. Coyle, The Culture Code , 229.
5. Robert Bruce Shaw, Extreme Teams: Why Pixar, Netflix, Airbnb and
Other Cutting-Edge Companies Succeed Where Most Fail (New York:
AMACOM, 2017), 104.
7. Shaw, Extreme Teams , 35.
8. Eurich, Insight , 250.
9. http://variety.com/2013/biz/news/epic-fail-how-blockbuster-could-have-
owned-netflix-1200823443/.
11. http://www.businessinsider.com/steph-curry-worth-14-billion-to-under-
armour-2016-3.
13. Ken Segall, Insanely Simple: The Obsession That Drives Apple’s Success
(New York: Portfolio, 2012), 3.
14. Ibid., 2.
15. https://www.forbes.com/100-greatest-business-minds/person/brian-chesky.
16. Interview with Lewis Howes, “The Mask of Masculinity,” Art of Charm,
with Jordan Harbinger, https://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/lewis-
howes-the-mask-of-masculinity-episode-688/.
17. Angela Duckworth, Grit (New York: Scribner, 2016), 98.
18. https://www.medicaldaily.com/i-hate-my-job-say-70-us-employees-how-be-
happy work-319928.
19. https://www.forbes.com/sites/keldjensen/2012/04/12/intelligence-is-
overrated-what-you-really-need-to-succeed/#26f49bf2b6d2.
20. Charles Duhigg, Smarter Faster Better (New York: Random House, 2017),
6.
21. Klein, The Changemakers , 97.

Chapter Seven
1. http://www.espn.com/nba/story/_/id/23016766/how-brad-stevens-
navigated-boston-celtics-injury-woes-nba.
2. https://www.si.com/nba/2017/05/16/steve-kerr-nba-playoffs-golden-
state-warriors-injury-leadership.
3. Ibid.
4. Mike Krzyzewski and Donald T. Phillips, Leading with the Heart: Coach
K’s Successful Strategies for Winning in Basketball, Business, and Life
(New York: Warner Business Books, 2001), 14.
5. Interview with Jay Williams, Suiting Up , with Paul Rabil,

https://suitinguppodcast.com/episode/jay-williams-nba-espn-analyst-and-
entrepreneur/.
6. Jay Williams, Life Is Not An Accident: A Memoir of Reinvention (New

York: Harper, 2016), 58–59.
7. Laszlo Bock, Work Rules! Insights from Inside Google That Will
Transform How You Live and Lead (New York: Twelve, 2015), 155.
8. Astro Teller, “The unexpected benefit of celebrating failure,” Ted Talk,

https://www.ted.com/talks/astro_teller_the_unexpected_benefit_of_celebrating_failure.
9. Bock, Work Rules! , 126.
10. Ibid., 147.
11. http://fortune.com/2015/03/05/perfect-workplace/.
12. Robert I. Sutton, The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and
Surviving One That Isn’t (New York: Business Plus, 2007), 2.
13. Ibid., 81.
14. Ibid., 36.

16. Wooden and Jamison, The Essential Wooden , 30.
17. Jay Bilas, Toughness: Developing True Strength on and off the Court (New
York: Berkley, 2013), 2.
18. Tony Hsieh, Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose
(New York: Grand Central Publishing, 2013), 2.
19. Interview with Tony Hsieh, New York Times ,

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/10/business/10corner.html.
20. David Burkus, Under New Management: How Leading Organizations Are
Upending Business as Usual (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2016), 59.
21. Interview with Tony Hsieh, How I Built This , with Guy Raz,
https://www.npr.org/2017/01/23/510576153/zappos-tony-hsieh.
22. Ibid.
Chapter Eight
1. https://www.inc.com/mareo-mccracken/with-1-sentence-this-nba-
champion-coach-teaches-everything-you-need-to-know-about-emotional-
intelligence.html.
2. http://www.espn.com/nba/story/_/id/22048880/lamarcus-aldridge-san-
antonio-spurs-asked-traded-gregg-popovich-reveals.
3. John Calipari and Michael Sokolove, Players First: Coaching from the
Inside Out (New York: Penguin, 2014).
4. http://news.gallup.com/businessjournal/193238/employee-recognition-
low-cost-high-impact.aspx.
5. Anthony Tjan, Good People: The Only Leadership Decision That Really
Matters (New York: Portfolio, 2017), 108.
6. Achor, The Happiness Advantage , 58. (Note: He didn’t write two books
with that title—it’s the same book and they changed the sub.)
7. Howard Schultz, with Joanne Gordon, Onward (New York: Rodale

Books, 2012), xiii.
8. Joseph A. Michelli, Leading the Starbucks Way: 5 Principles for

Connecting with Your Customers, Your Products and Your People (New
York: McGraw-Hill Education, 2013), 70.
9. Ibid., 5.
10. Simon Sinek, Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take
Action (New York: Portfolio, 2011), 88.
11. Sinek, Leaders Eat Last , 178.
12.
http://archive.fortune.com/magazines/fortune/fortune_archive/2007/09/17/100258873/index.h
13. Kim Scott, Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss without Losing Your
Humanity (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2017), 101.
14. Tony Schwartz, The Way We’re Working: The Four Forgotten Needs That
Energize Great Performance (New York: Free Press, 2010), 118.
16. Ibid., 21.
17. Jon Gordon and Mike Smith, You Win in the Locker Room First: The Seven
C’s to Building a Winning Team in Business, Sports, and Life (New York:
Wiley, 2015), 58.
18. Achor, The Happiness Advantage , 194.
20. Tjan, Good People , 104–5.

Chapter Nine
1. Bilas, Toughness , 25.
2. Williams, Life Is Not an Accident , 25–26.
3. Krzyzewski and Phillips, Leading with the Heart , 132.
4. https://hbr.org/2017/03/mike-krzyzewski.
5. Interview with Brett Ledbetter, What Drives Winning ,

https://whatdriveswinning.com/speaker/coach-k/.
6. Interview with Rick Welts, Finding Mastery , with Michael Gervais,

https://findingmastery.net/rick-welts/.
7. Ibid.
8. Sutton, The No Asshole Rule , 25.
10. Gallagher, The Airbnb Story , 54.
11. David Falk, The Bald Truth: Secrets of Success from the Locker Room to the
Boardroom (New York: Gallery Books, 2009), 61–63.
12. http://espn991.com/all-time-winners-losers-by-winning-percentage-in-the-
four-major-sports/.
13. Adam Grant, Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success (New
York: Penguin, 2014), 114.
14. Ibid.
15. Dean Smith and Gerald D. Bell, with John Kilgo, The Carolina Way:
Leadership Lessons from a Life in Coaching (New York: Penguin, 2004), 17.
16. https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/ncaabk/dean-smith-willed-dollar200-to-
each-of-his-former-players/ar-AAa3482.
Chapter Ten
1. https://medium.com/darius-foroux/the-purpose-of-life-is-not-happiness-
its-usefulness-65064d0cdd59.
2. Michael Foley, The Age of Absurdity: Why Modern Life Makes It Hard to
Be Happy (London: Simon & Schuster UK, 2011), 44.
3. http://freakonomics.com/podcast/richard-branson/.
4. Shaw, Extreme Teams , 151.
6. Schmidt and Rosenberg, with Eagle, How Google Works , 8.
7. Victor Luckerson, “Netflix Accounts for More Than a Third of All

Internet Traffic,” Time.com, May 29, 2015,
http://time.com/3901378/netflix-internet-traffic/.
8. https://www.forbes.com/sites/kevinkruse/2018/02/19/netflix-culture-
deck-co-creator-says-leaders-need-to-explain-context/#72929413590c.
9. Phil Jackson and Hugh Delehanty, Eleven Rings: The Soul of Success
(New York: Penguin, 2013), 96.
10. Ibid., 12.
11. Ibid., 13.
12. https://hbr.org/2017/07/stop-the-meeting-madness.
13. Ibid.
14. Sydney Finkelstein, Superbosses : How Exceptional Bosses Master the Flow
of Talent (New York: Portfolio, 2016), 4.
15. Ibid., 4.
Chapter Eleven
1. Sinek, Start with Why , 103–4.
3. Mark Zuckerberg speech, “Entrepreneurial Thought Leaders Seminars,”

Stanford University speaker series, October 2005.
4. Duhigg, The Power of Habit , 85.
5. Ibid., 89.
6. Sinek, Leaders Eat Last , 61.
7. Ibid., 50.
8. Ibid., 14–15.
9. Duhigg, Smarter Faster Better , 148.
10. Ibid.
11. Bilas, Toughness , 25.
12. Burkus, Under New Management , 119.
13. Ibid., 129.
14. http://www.triballeadership.net/media/TL-L.Excellence.pdf.
15. Dave Logan and John King, Tribal Leadership: Leveraging Natural Groups
to Build a Thriving Organization (New York: Harper Business, 2011), 241.
16. Ibid.
Chapter Twelve
1. Charles Edward Montague, Disenchantment: Essays [Thoughts on the
First World War] , 1922 (Ithaca NY: Cornell University Library, 2009).
2. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/13/sports/basketball/13russell.html?
mcubz=3.
3. Holiday, Ego Is the Enemy , 133.
4. Patrick Lencioni, The Ideal Team Player: How to Recognize and

Cultivate the Three Essential Virtues (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2106), x.
5. Ibid., 157.
6. http://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article/how-netflix-built-its-
company-culture/.
7. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVw8d3azOyk.
8. Sam Walker, The Captain Class: A New Theory of Leadership (New

York: Random House, 2018), 138.
9. http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2083645-tim-duncan-is-the-best-
power-forward-of-all-time-and-its-not-close.
10. Walker, The Captain Class , 140–42.
11.
http://www.slate.com/articles/business/psychology_of_management/2014/05/adam_grant_s_g
12. Grant, Give and Take , 10.
13.
http://www.slate.com/articles/business/psychology_of_management/2014/05/adam_grant_s_g
Chapter Thirteen
1. Jackson and Delehanty, Eleven Rings , 14.
2. http://www.complex.com/sports/2011/05/the-greatest-moments-in-
chicago-bulls-playoff-history/game-5-1991-nba-finals.
4. Ibid.
5. Interview with Steve Kerr, Pod Save America ,

https://crooked.com/podcast/indictments/.
8. Ibid., 74.
9. Ibid., 75.
Chapter Fourteen
1. Williams, Life Is Not an Accident , 39.
2. E. W. Morrison and F. J. Milliken, “Speaking Up, Remaining Silent: The

Dynamics of Voice and Silence in Organizations,” Journal of Management
Studies 40 (2003): 1353–58, https://www.inc.com/margaret-
heffernan/encourage-employees-to-speak-up.html.
3. Ray Dalio, Principles: Life and Work (New York: Simon & Schuster,
2017).
4. https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-
science/.
5. M. W. Kraus, C. Huang, and D. Keltner, “Tactile Communication,

Cooperation, and Performance: An Ethological Study of the NBA,”
Emotion , 2010, 10:745–749.
6. Interview with Steve Nash, Suiting Up , with Paul Rabil.
7. https://www.forbes.com/sites/danpontefract/2015/05/11/what-is-
happening-at-zappos/#37ffb2ac4ed8.
9. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/08/jobs/corner-office-daniel-
schwartz-restaurant-brands-international.html.
10. Coyle, The Culture Code . (Note: No page number because the entire book is
organized into those sections.)
11. Eurich, Insight , 237–41.
12. See Ed Catmull and Amy Wallace, Creativity, Inc. (New York: Random
House, 2014), for more on “Notes Day.”
13. Margaret Heffernan, “Dare to Disagree,” Ted Talk,

https://www.ted.com/talks/margaret_heffernan_dare_to_disagree.
14. Patrick Lencioni, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable (San
Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2002), 202.
15. https://www.cnbc.com/2017/08/16/how-jeff-bezos-two-pizza-rule-can-lead-
to-more-productive-meetings.html.
16. Segall, Insanely Simple , 26.
17. https://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/22/opinion/the-eight-second-attention-
span.html.
18. Colvin, Talent Is Overrated , 70.

Chapter Fifteen
2. https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2018-01-10/the-five-pillars-
of-gregg-popovich.
4. https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2018-01-10/the-five-pillars-
of-gregg-popovich.
5. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/recruiting-
insider/wp/2016/03/04/montrose-christian-vs-oak-hill-a-look-back-at-one-
of-the-greatest-high-school-games-in-d-c-history/?
noredirect=on&utm_term=.7a081a499cce.
6. https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/cohesion.
7. https://coachcal.com/news/2013/8/7/it-takes-a-village-to-create-the-
kentucky-effect_23216.aspx?path=fromcoachcal.
8. Coyle, The Culture Code , xv.
9. Ibid., xvii.
10. Ibid.
12. Ibid.
13. https://www.gq.com/story/jay-wright-villanova-the-anti-coach.
14. https://www.forbes.com/2009/11/02/athletes-lessons-executives-leadership-
managing-sports.html#2e2bef42152a.
Conclusion
1. Daniel H. Pink, When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing (New
York: Riverhead, 2018), 89.
2. Ibid.
3. https://medium.com/the-mission/3-scientifically-proven-ways-to-
permanently-break-your-bad-habits-307182fc8fa8.
4. https://www.si.com/more-sports/2010/01/01/volleyball1001.
* Note for Readers: For simplicity, I’ve chosen to use the pronoun “he” throughout this book. Consistently
saying “he or she” is clunky, and alternating pronouns is confusing. I believe in being direct. Just know that
effective leadership and elite performance know no gender—every word of this book is equally applicable
to males and females.
* Belichick has five rings as the Patriots’ head coach and two from his time as the New York Giants’
defensive coordinator.
* A version of this section first appeared on my social media accounts.
* Every year an average of twenty Americans break the four-minute mile barrier. If you add in other
countries—running powerhouses like Kenya—it’s way more. Sure, modern training and nutrition have a
great deal to do with it, but we can’t underestimate the role that confidence has played in breaking the
barrier.
* Credit goes to Dr. Brian Williams, who showed me this.
* Cool side note: As a young man, Raveling was working security next to the podium where Martin Luther
King Jr. gave his famous “I Have a Dream” speech in 1963. When it was over, Raveling asked King for the
text, and King gave it to him. He still has it.
* Emphasis is mine.
* Russell has given others reasons over the years for declining, including racial inequality in the Hall and in
the league during his playing days.
* He graduated from Indiana University in three years after taking 19 credits in his final semester.
* Mike Krzyzewski became the wins leader in 2012.
* This is not Golden State Warriors’ coach Steve Kerr.
* Incredibly, it only took Colin an extra eight days to achieve this record. As I write this, I just found out
that Colin recently set a third world record by climbing the tallest peak in each of the fifty states—in
twenty-one days! (He beat the old record by twenty days.)
* In 2014 Becky Hammon was hired as a Spurs assistant coach, the first full-time female coach in any of
the four major team sports. In the summer of 2018 it was reported that she had been interviewed for an
NBA head coaching job with the Milwaukee Bucks.
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Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Table of Contents
Dedication
Foreword by Jay Bilas
Introduction
How This Book Is Organized
Part I: Player

Part II: Coach
Chapter Six: Vision
Part III: Team
Conclusion: The First Step
Acknowledgments
About the Authors
Notes
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Copyright © 2019 by Alan Stein Jr.

Cover copyright © 2019 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.

The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book without permission is a

Hachette Book Group

1290 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10104

First edition: January 2019

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Stein, Alan, Jr., author. | Sternfeld, Jon, author.

Identifiers: LCCN 2018034534| ISBN 9781546082866 (hardcover) | ISBN

Subjects: LCSH: Success in business. | Success. | Performance.

Classification: LCC HF5386 .S8559 2019 | DDC 650.1—dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018034534

ISBNs: 978-1-54608286-6 (hardcover), 978-1-54608287-3 (ebook)

Foreword by Jay Bilas

How This Book Is Organized

Chapter Two: Passion

Chapter Three: Discipline

Chapter Four: Coachability

Part II: Coach

Chapter Seven: Culture

Chapter Eight: Servant

Chapter Nine: Character

Chapter Ten: Empowerment

Part III: Team

Chapter Twelve: Unselfishness

Chapter Thirteen: Role Clarity

Chapter Fourteen: Communication

Chapter Fifteen: Cohesion

Conclusion: The First Step

About the Authors

You inspire me to raise my game.

To me, that is an important aspect of Alan’s character. He has ambition to move

An example of his example: several years ago, I started a basketball camp in

In basketball, my team always had an opponent. We had a talented, athletic, and

Never once in my career as a lawyer or broadcaster did anyone actively try to

—Jay Bilas ESPN

Vasu Kulkarni, CEO of sports analytics company Krossover and CourtsideVC,

I’ve been a basketball performance coach since I graduated from college in

1. The next play

In my quest to help organizations run more efficiently, I’ve befriended, learned

1. What sacrifices do I need to make?

2. What skills do I need to acquire?

3. Whose help would I benefit from?

4. What challenges should I expect?

5. What habits do I need to change?

When it comes to improving performance—in any area of life—the most basic

We live in the information age. Thanks to technology, we can find quality

HOW THIS BOOK IS ORGANIZED

All three parts flow into each other like this:

Self-awareness is not something you just do as a once-in-a-while inventory thing

1. What do you do really well?

2. What do you need to improve on?

3. What is your plan for addressing No. 2?

Meeting the Gary Vee: The Whole Ball Game

“I’ll take it,” I said, because I’m not stupid.

“Self-awareness is the game ,” Gary told me. “I think self-awareness is the

This is the essence of self-awareness: swallowing hard truths and recognizing

Who You Are and What You Do

1. What specific thing do you do at a very high level?

3. How many opportunities do you have to do this thing?

Confidence is important and it is the focus of chapter 5 , but self-awareness

As counterintuitive as it sounds, a key step in acquiring self-awareness is to ask