Yogic Vichaar

Published by: Swasth Yog Institute Publications, Swasth Foundation,
120, Mastermind 1, Royal Palms Estate, Aarey Colony, Goregaon East, Mumbai - 400065, India
Website: www.swasth.org Email: [email protected]

Author: Garima Gupta Kapila, Swasti Srivastava
Copyright © by Swasth Foundation
ISBN Code: 979865536990000
All rights reserved. The contents of this work may not in any shape or form be reproduced,
transmitted or stored in a retrieval system, in any form or by any means, without permission in
writing from the author.
First edition: June 2020

Second edition: December 2022
We would like to thank Pfizer Foundation for their financial contribution, due to which the
publication of this book has been possible.
All profits from the sales of this book goes towards activities initiated by Swasth Yog Institute,
an initiative of Swasth Foundation.
Illustrated by Akshata Chitnis ([email protected])
Legal Disclaimer:
This book is presented solely for educational, informational and motivational purposes. It is
sold with the understanding that it does not offer any type of medical, psychological, or any
other kind of professional advice. The content is the sole expression and opinion of its author.
While best efforts have been used in preparing this book, no warranties or guarantees are
expressed or implied by inclusion of any of the content in this volume. Neither the publisher
nor the author shall be liable for any physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or
commercial damages, including, but not limited to, special, incidental, consequential or other
damages, caused directly or indirectly.
Further, the role of Pfizer Foundation has been to financially support project implementation.
The Foundation takes no responsibility or liability whatsoever for any medical claims,
conclusions, recommendations.
You are responsible for your own choices, actions, and results. In the spirit of taking personal
responsibility for your decisions, you should seek the services of a competent health care
provider before beginning any improvement program
Dedication
Peace, Love, Joy for All
May our body, energy, mind and emotions be in harmony (Yog)

May we be aligned with our true self
May each of us feel – “I’m free to be me”
May we all live fully and freely
This book is dedicated to the countless, selfless Yogis

who undertook the hardest journey of all – the journey inwards –
and shared its fruit - Yog - with the world, for the world.
ॐ सर्वे भर्वन्तु सुखिनः

सर्वे सन्तु ननरामयाः ।
सर्वे भद्राखि पश्यन्तु
मा कश्श्ि द्ःु भाग्भर्वेत ् ।
ॐ शाश्न्तः शाश्न्तः शाश्न्तः ॥
Om Sarve Bhavantu Sukhinah

Sarve Santu Niraamayaah |
Sarve Bhadraanni Pashyantu
Maa Kashcid-Duhkha-Bhaag-Bhavet |
Om Shaantih Shaantih Shaantih ||
Meaning:
1: Om, May All be Happy,

2: May All be Free from Illness.
3: May All See what is Auspicious,
4: May no one Suffer.
5: Om Peace, Peace, Peace.
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Table of Contents
Is this Book for me?..................................................................6
Chapter 1 – Preparing for our Journey.....................................13
Chapter 2 – Our Behaviour……………………………………….21
Chapter 3 – Our Emotions………………………………….…….47
Chapter 4 – Our Needs………….….........................................75
Chapter 5 – Core Fears………….….........................................99
Additional Resources……………………………………………123
Is this Book for me?
Is this what you want?
• Do you wish to enjoy true well-being – physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual and
universal?
• Do you want your body and energy, mind and emotions, intuition and spirit to be in
harmony? Do you want them to actively support you in living your potential?
• Do you want well-being to be your default state of being, and not a goal to chase
frantically?
• Are you tired of chasing your health ‘goals’ through diet charts, calorie counters,
supplements and superfoods?
• Do you want to cut through the clutter of conflicting dietary ‘tips’ you receive from
myriad sources every day?
• Are you ready to stop being taken for a ride, and get in the driver’s set of your journey
towards well-being?
If so, this guidebook is for you. To be your companion as you undertake the journey
towards well-being. Your age, background and type of chronic ailment or health issue do
not matter. What matters is your intention.
Let’s face it!
- We have a problem: Today, we are less healthy than our less ‘advanced’ older
generations
- Unfortunately, the problem is worsening: Life is becoming longer, but NOT healthier.
- Fortunately, the problem is reversible: The miracle of life has given our body the ability
to recover and heal itself.
- But the “right” tools for reversal seem hard to find today: There is an overload of often
conflicting tools and information, retractions of previously accepted “research” after
long-term studies leaving people confused.
- Consequently, we have given our power away: Powerless, we have outsourced our
health to providers (doctors, dieticians, yoga teachers, healers, therapists) and
technology (calorie counting apps, Google search)
- The “modern” approach to well-being is fundamentally flawed: Most modern wellness
practitioners have a flawed approach - reductionist and silo-ed. Dieticians reduce the
food we consume to nutrients and schools of thought fight over the importance of
proteins or carbohydrates or fats. Gym instructors work with isolated body parts, in a
bid to build out specific muscles. The importance of our mind is not addressed.
6
Dieticians feed us fear and guilt. Gym instructors nurture strong bodies but inflexible
and hyperactive minds.
- The key to well-being lies with(in) us: Ancient Indian researchers (Yogis) had given us
the science to remove the root cause behind “dis-ease” and make well-being our
default state. The “secret sauce” to well-being is Yog. Yog is NOT Yoga. It empowers
us to take charge of our health and our life, to reach and live our true potential.
We believe and know, beyond doubt, that
…your body and energy, mind and emotions, intuition and spirit can be your greatest
supporters to reach your potential
…health is your natural state of being, and you can be healthier today than you were a
decade ago
…the journey towards well-being can be full of peace, love and joy
Our approach is to do the following
- Make well-being attainable: Enable you to make simple, but profound changes to your
life. Provide tools that are feasible for integration in your life in minimal budget and
time.
- Present a bouquet of integrated tools: Addressing the body, energy, mind and
emotions, intuition and spirit holistically
- Bridge the gap between the East & the West: Present ancient Yogic concepts adapted
to today's context with modern tools
- Empower, instead of creating dependencies: Build knowledge of foundational
principles, helping you to choose information presented by various health service
providers and technology
- Make this a joyful journey: Help you discover your inner child, hidden talents, and
dreams in the process…
At the end of this journey, you will have
- Well-being (Swasthya): A tangible, measurable difference in health which YOU can

perceive. A feeling of well-being.
- Independence (Swaraaj): The knowledge and motivation to continue your journey to
well-being independently.
- A healthy community (Sahparivaar): Tools to enable sustainable integration of
changes in daily life, with your family and community.
Reflection
• What health challenges am I facing currently?
• How are these challenges impacting my life quality? What could happen if this
continues for a few years?
• What is my intention behind this journey to well-being? How could it impact my

life?
• To meet my health goal, what am I ready to commit to?
How to use Yogic tools for your journey?
Like a mountain can be scaled through multiple routes, many tools can lead us to
sustained well-being. This book is part of a series of books, each presenting a Yogic tool
for your well-being. You may use one, or two or all tools. We suggest choosing the path
that is most aligned to your temperament, and which you will be most committed to living
in life. As without implementation, these ideas will only stay on paper and not translate into
your physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual and universal well-being!
“Yog” means union, or harmony. All Yogic tools make the journey towards your well-being
a harmonious experience by being joyful and therefore, sustainable. This is not a crash
dieting or exercising or detox program to implement once and forget. This is a way of life!
Always remember the Yogic essence, without which, Aahaar will become obsessive
dieting, Vyaayaam will become mindless exercising. It will be like using a supercomputer
as a calculator for addition. You will be able to add, yes, but will not be tapping into the
amazing abilities of the supercomputer.
8
How to make the most of the book?
Yogis outlined a 3-step process to integrating any new knowledge – Shravan (श्रवण,
listening or reading), Manan (मनन, reflection and contemplation) and Nididhyaasan
(नननिध्यासन, integration). Modern research on learning is also echoing this approach. For
you, this means that reading this book is only 10% of the impact. To get the other 90% of
the impact, we suggest you do the following:
- Reflect: Reflect deeply after each paragraph before moving to the next. Compare the
text with your past experiences, or your future experiences if you haven’t been aware
in the past. Maintain a journal to track your responses to reflections.
- Do and experience: Implement the learnings in your life! Do the activities or real-life
experiments for experiencing concepts. More content is available on our YouTube
channel. Approach the activities with an open mind and heart. Be aware of the holistic
experience of implementing the learnings in your life. Trust your experience more than
the words in this book!
- Persevere: Stay on track. Implement this for 3 months to start with. Using self-tracking
formats and checklists given in the book and troubleshooting commonly faced issues.
- Enjoy: Most, most of all, enjoy the journey! More important than the % of insights you
implement, is the % of joy you experience during this journey. After all, everything we
do or want in life, is for joy, right? If you implement nothing, but stay joyful throughout
your journey, your well-being is guaranteed!
Remember, the goal is not to finish the book,

but to bring it alive in your life!
Welcome to the world of peace, love and joy!

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the

malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
- Jalaluddin Rumi
I am…..
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Welcome to the journey towards peace, love and joy!
As per Wikipedia, “Kintsugi”, also known as Kintsukuroi (金繕い, "golden

repair") is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas
of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or
platinum. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the
history of an object, rather than something to disguise.
All of us have parts of our personality that are yearning for healing.
Disguising these through denial, suppression, or excessive expression is to
rob ourselves of a wonderful opportunity to become truly whole.
This journey is an opportunity to work with our wounds, and to heal

ourselves, by ourselves. Remember – If you decide to do this, don’t do it for
anyone else. Do it for you!
12
Chapter 1
“Preparing for our inner journey”
Importance
Any journey needs clarity on the destination and tools to get

there. Our intention is like a rudder to our boat moving
towards health and joy. It helps us set direction and course
correct where needed. Having the right tools can make our
journey smoother.
Intention Setting
Our mind, the seat of our thoughts and emotions, can be our greatest enemy or
our greatest friend. The fact that you’re here means that you wish to reach the
latter state. Congratulations for embarking upon this journey! Let us start by setting
an intention for where you’d like to get to with the support of your mind.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-1
Choose the top 3 aspects of your life that you’d like to transform in the coming
year.
For these 3 areas, reflect on the questions below

Where do I wish to be, a How can my mind enable me
Aspect of life year from now? to get there?
1.
2.
3.
14
REFLECT & JOURNAL-2
Now, we invite you to physically put the previous reflection aside while saying –
“This or whatever else the universe has in store for me, I accept, and I embrace
fully”. Again, let go of your intention while saying – “This or whatever else the
universe has in store for me, I accept, and I embrace fully”.
And take a deep breath out. Let it go. Let’s leave it to our inner wisdom and the outer
wisdom of the universe - because they know, far more than us, what really is good
for us. So, breathe out any tension of our body, any attachment to any of these
intentions, any need to meet any of these goals. Just breath that out completely.
Notice that after you breathe out, you breathe back in automatically. That is the
nature of life. Life is going to find its way to you if you can just let go and allow it to.
Breathing in is automatic, it’s the only way. We are designed to live life. So, let’s trust
the process of life, and with this trust, cut any final cords attaching us to our goals.
What happens externally may not be in our hands, but how we feel about it internally
is. So, as you turn the lens inwards, ask yourself this – “Behind all the goals that I
have jotted down – Who is it that I want to be? What is the state of being that
I want to be in?” That state of Being you think achieving all these external goals
will give you.
Note the first word that pops up or the first image that pops up. Hold on to that.
Taking your attention inwards, ask yourself again – “Who do I want to be

underneath my mind (मन), words (वचन) and actions (कमम)? Behind what I think,
I say, and I do?” Frame this as 1 clean sentence. only 1 sentence.
Now, you can open your eyes – and write out this deeper intention by filling the
blanks for yourself.
“I yearn for me to be ______________________________________________”

Enablers for our Journey
Some of us may have a background in emotional intelligence and mental

wellbeing, while for some, this may be the first time formally looking at our
thoughts and emotions. Our starting point does not matter. What matters is how
much we live the learnings in our lives. We believe three states will enable you in
your journey.
COURAGE
Achieving our goals does not mean changing the other person involved in the
situation. It requires change within us. In fact, if we want lasting peace, love and
joy, the only way to guarantee that is by changing ourselves rather than trying to
change others! Changing ourselves requires courage.
Courage…
… To set bold intentions for our inner transformation
…To turn the lens inwards in every challenging situation that life presents
…To deepen our awareness in a situation and to acknowledge our behaviour,
feelings, needs and underlying doubts, fears and judgements instead of denying
or suppressing
…To acknowledge when our behaviour is compulsive, and its possible adverse
impact
The mention of courage may bring up fears and doubts within us. And that’s ok!
It means we are stretching beyond our comfort zone. How much to stretch and
when, is a choice we can exercise for ourselves with freedom, at each moment
in life. Let us compassionately honour our freedom, safety and wellbeing, along
with courage.
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COMPASSION
As we do our inner ‘work’ with courage, we will develop a greater awareness of

our inner landscape and how our behaviours are often unhealthy. We may judge
ourselves or others and start using the labels of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. Here,
compassion becomes necessary. By releasing judgements, we can see the
situation in its entirety.
Compassion…
…Towards ourselves to recognize how our patterns of behaviour, feelings, needs
and underlying doubts, fears and judgements have been formed over time
…Towards our patterns that were reinforced as they served us in life
…Towards the other person involved in a situation, to understand their context
also
…Towards ourselves and the other person, for stumbling at times, as we walk
the journey of self-growth
For some of us, compassion comes easily for others, while for the rest, it’s easier
to start with ourselves. What is important is to start. So, let us pick the easier
choice – where there is ease in finding compassion is where we can start! Once
compassion starts flowing within us, it can be extended to difficult territories with
more ease.
GRATITUDE
As we operate with compassion, and release judgements for ourselves or others,

we can truly tune in to the deeper message of our inner landscape and the
situation for us. Thus, we develop gratitude for the challenges life presents to us,
by seeing them as opportunities to grow and choose a conscious response.
Gratitude…
… Towards our internal landscape - behaviour, feelings, needs and underlying
doubts, fears and judgements - for their deeper message for us and their purpose
in our lives
… Towards our external challenges, for providing us the opportunity to heal
ourselves internally by cultivating courage and compassion.
… Towards our innate power to make purposeful choices aligned to our intention
and to address the situation at hand
Gratitude implies seeing the purpose in the challenge and being thankful for the
learning opportunity. It enables us to reframe the situation as a personal growth
story vs. a victim–perpetrator story. We may struggle with Gratitude, perhaps we
might not agree with it right away or forget to practice it. Let’s be compassionate
and allow ourselves the space and time with our relationship with Gratitude.
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REFLECT & JOURNAL-3
Intention Setting for enabling states - Courage, Compassion, Gratitude
• Courage to acknowledge my inner landscape to myself, and see the adverse

impact of my compulsive patterns
• Compassion for myself and the other person involved in a situation, to see
beyond judgements
• Gratitude towards our internal landscape and externally challenging situations
for the opportunity to grow and choose a conscious response
Where has courage or

compassion or
gratitude been my
strength in life?
Where might I have

been unable to
demonstrate Courage
or Compassion or
Gratitude? How might
that be a roadblock?
What can I do
differently around
Courage or
Compassion or
Gratitude going
forward?
20
Chapter 2
“Our Behaviour”
Importance
Understanding our behaviour in the face of challenging external

situations is the first step to bringing about change. Sometimes,
we react compulsively in ways that do not serve us or the
situation. With awareness, we can respond more consciously.
TURNING THE LENS INWARDS
Life presents us with challenging situations or people, almost every day – be it at work,
with family, our health and leisure, or social relationships. We spend a lot of mental and
emotional energy in reacting to the externally triggering situation or person. On this
Yogic journey, we will turn the lens inwards to understand our compulsive patterns,
their genesis and impact, and how to consciously choose our response to external triggers.
Turning the lens inwards does not mean that we will stop dealing with an external
trigger. Rather, coming into internal harmony (Yog) with our behaviours will enable
effective external action through full awareness, recognition of our power to consciously
choose our behaviour and stay anchored in our purpose.
Let us examine our current behaviour patterns in challenging life situations. Have we
ever
1. Pointed out another’s mistake or defended ourselves?
2. Tried to distract ourselves to prevent an outburst or disruption?
3. Been unable to act due to an overwhelm or numbness?
4. Used a consciously chosen response to resolve the situation with harmony?
Let us understand how these four types of behaviours we use in life were formed. We
have evolved to behave in specific ways over millions of years from our time in the
jungles, when our safety was threatened by wild animals or nature’s fury. Even today, if
we were confronted by a bear, what would we do? If we feel physically strong or have
any weapons, we will fight. Else, we would run to save our lives. We may be so
overwhelmed or numbed by fear that we are unable to think or do anything and remain
frozen.
In today’s world, our external stressors have changed, but our nervous system remains
the same. Just like when we were physically confronted with dangers, we would fight
or flight or freeze, we tend to do the same with triggering situations and people.
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FIGHT REACTION: When we engage with the situation or person with a
counterattack through words or actions. Characterised by:
● Rage, Anger, Irritation, Frustration
● Movement towards (the trigger)
● “I Can” – We feel we can address the trigger, and hence engage with it
Fight Behaviour examples:

● Disagreeing, counter arguing or fighting with others
● Justifying and defending ourselves and the reason for our words or actions
● Showing the other person what they felt or said or did incorrectly
● Being upset with ourselves for thinking or feeling a certain way
FLIGHT REACTION: When we physically or mentally move away from the situation
or person. Characterised by:
● Panic, Fear, Anxiety, Worry and Concern
● Movement away (from the trigger)
● “I Can” – We feel we can address the conflict by disengaging from it
Flight Behaviour examples:

● Physically moving out of the situation
● Asking for the situation or person to go / be removed (e.g., firing an employee)
● Stating that everything is fine (denying the issue)
● Changing the topic or engaging in distractions (e.g., work, TV, mobile phone)
● Delay dealing with the situation to the extent possible
● Rationalising and questioning our thoughts and emotions, telling ourselves that we
should think or feel differently from how we are currently
FREEZE REACTION: When we are unable to say or do anything with the situation or
person, due to an overwhelm or numbness. Characterised by:
● Dissociation, Numbness, Depression, Helplessness, Shame, Hopelessness, Feeling
trapped
● Movement away (from the trigger)
● “I Can’t” – We feel we can not address the trigger, even if we want to
Freeze Behaviour examples (seemingly opposite states of numbness or overwhelm, but

both are characterised by the inability to say or do anything):
● Unable to take action / Unable to defend ourselves
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● Silence. Not talking about it to the person or with others
● Feeling stuck and confused
● Feeling numb, blank
● Staying stuck with our thought or emotion
● In a dull, gloomy or feeling like a victim phase
REFLECT & JOURNAL-1
The MOST COMMON reaction I use to deal with triggering people and situations in life
Note: We may use different reactions in different spheres of our life
Disagreeing, counter Physically moving out of the situation Unable to take action
arguing or fighting Asking for the situation or person to go /
with others be removed (e.g. firing an employee) Silence. Not talking about it
to the person or with others
Justifying and
defending ourselves, Stating that everything is fine (denying
explaining the reason the issue) Feeling stuck and confused
for our words or
actions Changing the topic or engaging in Feeling numb, blank
distractions (e.g. work, TV, mobile phone)
Showing the other Staying stuck with our
person what they felt
Delay dealing with the situation to the thought or emotion
or said or did
incorrectly extent possible
In a dull, gloomy or feeling a
Being upset with Rationalizing and questioning our victim phase
ourselves for thinking thoughts and emotions, telling ourselves
or feeling a certain that we should think or feel differently
way from how we are currently
The LEAST COMMON reaction I use to deal with triggering people and situations in life
26
COURAGE TO SEE THE ADVERSE IMPACT OF OUR COMPULSIVE PATTERNS
Our compulsive patterns
In each of these three types of behaviours, we are reacting and not responding. We are
not truly understanding the situation and making a conscious choice on handling it. This
does not mean that fight, flight and freeze are wrong! Our evolution served a purpose in
the past by saving us from threats. Even presently, our reactions help us to manage our
external and internal landscape. The challenge is three-fold – (a) we get compulsively
locked into repetitive patterns and (b) our behaviours do not serve us or the situation
anymore (c) our intensity is often disproportionate to the present situation. E.g., when a
misunderstanding arises, we may be quick to jump into a conflict or to completely cut
off (compulsive pattern), to the detriment of the situation (behaviour not serving us), and
in fact may have been a minor issue (disproportionate). When we choose consciously,
we may find that in some cases, fight or flight or freeze is still appropriate.
The adverse impact of our compulsive patterns
Whether we were standing up for ourselves (Fight) or on the receiving end (Flight or
Freeze), we often felt justified and convinced of our correctness. We can feel like heroes
in both situations – on one hand preventing a wrong from happening and on the other
being met with injustice and therefore, in the right again. This self-righteousness
reinforces repetitive patterns of behaviour. We need courage to accept the adverse
impact of our compulsive patterns of behaviour when confronted with a trigger. Each of
the fight-flight-freeze reactions impact us at a purely physiological level, as a by-product
of our evolution to deal with external threats to our physical safety.
● In fight and flight states, hormones such as Adrenaline and Cortisol are secreted,
increasing our heart rate, breathing rate, blood pressure and blood sugar, tightening
our muscles, dilating our pupils and so on. In emergencies, this is beneficial as it aids
escape or attack. But over a long period, this damages our body by causing illnesses
such as diabetes, hypertension, hormonal imbalances, respiratory issues, chronic
inflammation, and pain or stiffness in muscles or joints. It also impairs our immune
response, insulin activity, digestion, and reproductive functions, and drains vitality.
● In freeze state, the changes are opposite, yet lead to illnesses over time. Endorphins
are released to help numb and raise the pain threshold. Key bodily functions decrease
– heart rate, blood pressure, temperature, muscle tone, sexual response, immune
response, eye contact, awareness of human voice, social behaviour
Similar physiological changes occur in dealing with present-day triggers, leading to

illnesses. Additionally, our behaviour adversely impacts us and our situation.
o Fight – The physiological energy generated gets expressed towards another person,
but given the manner of expression, the energy could cause damage externally to the
relationship or person. This, in turn, may create a new trigger for us (e.g., harming
someone leading to guilt, losing a relationship leading to sadness). Further, seeing our
experience as the only ‘truth’ leads to excessive outwards expression through words
and actions to change the person or the situation. This often leads to frustration when
we cannot change the external.
● Flight – Though the external relationship appears intact and externally we are not
engaged in conflict, a distance develops as we are holding ourselves back with the
internal turmoil continuing. The relationship does not realise its potential through
free expression, deep understanding, and emotional intimacy. Further, emotions get
pent up within us and cause unexpected disruption by coming out in the wrong place,
at the wrong time, with an unusually high intensity.
o Freeze – Since the external situation remains unaddressed, because of our believed
helplessness about the situation, the disharmony keeps festering and becoming bigger
than it initially was. Further, remaining stuck as a victim, reduces our sense of self-
belief and agency over our own lives.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-2
28
My MOST used behaviour pattern has the MOST adverse impact
on this aspect of my life
COMPASSION FOR OURSELVES & ‘THE OTHER’
Compassion for ourselves
When we react (Fight-Flight-Freeze) compulsively without awareness, we are controlled

by the external trigger and are not in charge. We are powerless and choiceless in front
of our pattern. E.g., if someone we love hurts us, our patterns may give us no choice but
to use harsh words for them, or to distance ourselves.
It is here that we can compassionately examine the genesis of our behaviour patterns.
Right from birth to adulthood, our behaviour is conditioned by many influencers –
situations and people – parents, teachers from kindergarten to higher studies, siblings,
friends, neighbours, relatives, co-workers, significant others, our children, external
media and culture (books, movies, music). Boys are encouraged and allowed to ‘fight’ and
express themselves. Girls are encouraged to forget the conflict and maintain harmony.
Doing something different from social or familial norms has consequences. These
messages may have been given explicitly or implicitly, directly to us or indirectly
through our observation of our surroundings. Slowly, they became a part of our
personality.
As we become aware of our patterns, their impact and genesis, let us watch out for
additional triggers. How are we feeling towards influencers who contributed to our
patterns? How are we feeling towards ourselves for having compulsive reaction patterns?
Without compassion, we can further fuel this vicious cycle of triggers and reactions. We
can break the cycle through compassion. Compassion for ourselves for being influenced
at a young age, and towards our influencers for being helpless in front of their own
patterns and influencers. With compassion, we can start our healing process.
Compassion for ‘the other’
With repeated practice, we are likely to naturally start extending this compassion to the
other person involved in a conflict – by understanding they are also behaving
compulsively based on their own patterns, created by their influencers.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-3
For the Reactive Behaviour MOST used by me (Fight / Flight /

Freeze) - How did conditioning from external influencers such as –
parents, teachers, siblings, friends, neighbours, relatives, co-workers,
significant other, children, external media and culture (books, movies,
music) create my pattern?
Explicit messages received from others:
Implicit messages received (e.g. what I saw around me was appreciated or

not):
30
With the lens of compassion, explore what may have in turn influenced my
influencers:
DEEPENING PRACTICE-1
Retrospective reflection on a recent situation (medium intensity) where a
fight / flight / freeze reaction was used
For a triggering situation where I reacted – what was the situation?
Courage:
• What was my behaviour?
• What category did my behaviour fit in? (Fight / Flight / Freeze)
• What was, or could be the adverse impact of my behaviour in the short and
long -term? (On me, the other person, situation)
Compassion: How can I connect my behaviour with my past conditioning and

influences around me?
What could I do differently next time?
32
Retrospective reflection on a recent situation where a conscious response
was used
For a triggering situation where I responded – what was the situation?
What was my conscious response? What did I choose to think, say or do? What did
I choose to not think, say or do?
What was the positive impact of my conscious response? (On me, the other person
and the situation in the short and long term)
What do I want to acknowledge or appreciate about myself? How did I embody

courage or compassion (for myself or the other) or gratitude in this situation?
What enabled me to exhibit this response?
What is my learning?
Courage and compassion to support a live situation where there is an
opportunity to shift the pattern (medium intensity)
What is the triggering situation?
Courage to see What is the compulsive behaviour I am feeling driven towards?

the adverse Identify the behaviour and classify it as fight-flight-freeze
impact of our
compulsive
patterns
What could be the possible adverse impact of this behaviour?
Compassion for What judgements are coming up for myself?

ourselves and
‘the other’
34
How can I drop judgements in this moment? E.g.,
Remembering their genesis and my influencers who shaped
this behaviour
What judgements are coming up for the other person?
How can I drop judgements in this moment? E.g.,

Hypothesizing on how the other’s compulsive patterns may
have been shaped
Possible Action What inspiration or learnings can I draw from the past,
where I demonstrated some of the traits that will help me
in the current situation?
With all this awareness, how can I respond now?
36
We may already be aware about the adverse impact of our dominant behaviour
pattern.
In situations where
I have chosen to
suppress this
pattern to avoid the
adverse impact,
what are some
other
“opposite”
behaviours I have
used? (Fight /
Flight / Freeze)
How did using

these “opposite”
behaviours help
me?
What might have

been the adverse
impact of using
these “opposite”
behaviours?
There are some situations in life that persist for several months or years –
challenging relationship with a significant other, in-laws or parents, children,
relatives, friends, manager, team member or colleague. The external trigger doesn’t
change but we learn to deal with it through a particular pattern. Let us examine some
long-standing difficult, triggering situations and the impact of our behaviour.
• A situation where I have been having a conflict and have expressed my point
of views, sometimes with anger, for the other person to change their
behaviour. Examine impact in the short and long-term - How has my style of
engaging in the conflict helped the situation? How has it not helped?
• A situation where I have backed out to prevent an outburst and avoid active
conflict, even though me and the other person think differently. Examine
impact in the short and long-term - How has my avoiding conflict helped the
situation? How has it not helped?
• A situation where I find myself overwhelmed and unable to make a decision,

feeling stuck in my thoughts and emotions or numb and confused? Examine
impact in the short and long-term - How has my inaction helped the situation?
How has it not helped?
• A long-standing difficult situation that I finally resolved from a place of internal

and external harmony.
38
GRATITUDE FOR OUR INTERNAL LANDSCAPE & EXTERNAL CHALLENGE
The purpose behind our internal landscape
While we are cultivating compassion towards ourselves and the other person in a
situation, the awareness of our patterns and their adverse impact may trigger us. Here, it
is important to remember that the fight, flight and freeze reactions are not wrong! Let us
see our behaviour without judgement. Even reactive behaviour helps acknowledge that
something is triggering us and needs to be looked at. These reactions were developed for
a purpose and were necessary for our ancestors to survive in the wild. With the lens of
gratitude, we can see that even today, each of them serves a purpose:
● Fight: Enables us to stand up for ourselves and speak our truth. Without this, people
would take us for granted, disrespect our boundaries, step all over us.
● Flight: Prevents damage through words or actions in the heat of the moment.
Without this, our relationships would be jeopardised through constant triggers of
words or actions of people involved and we would stay stuck in the past.
● Freeze: Numbing disconnects us from pain and feeling overwhelmed in the moment.
Without this, we may either react in ways that make matters worse or stay stuck in
the emotional charge and not be able to look for resources and solutions. The
seemingly opposite manifestation of overwhelm and letting emotions and thoughts
fester within is an indication that change must happen. Without overwhelm, we
would ignore the past and move on, without resolving the situation.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-4

40
External challenges as opportunities
Armed with courage, compassion, and gratitude, we can move out of compulsive patterns
and make conscious choices to grow. We can shift our perspective to see every
challenging situation as an opportunity for self-discovery and internal healing. A key
step is to recognize that our context is different. Most external stressors presently are not
threatening our safety. Hence, we need not give in to compulsive animal instincts.
We have an option beyond fight-flight-freeze reactions. This is the ability to respond

instead of reacting. This distinguishes humans from animals. Physiologically, compulsive
patterns correspond to our primitive reptilian brain which reacts to threats in life, and
conscious response corresponds to using our neocortex - the part of our brain that enables
us to respond through purposeful choices. This is our intellect, our ability to fully observe
a situation and find a way to reconcile and harmonise conflicts.
Such a response is characterized by:

• Being grounded, in the present, joy, curiosity, openness, compassion
• Sense of connection, safety, orientation to the environment
• Decrease in defensive responses, physical ease
• State of courage, compassion, gratitude.
This is a state of ‘optimal arousal’, where our response is proportionate to the situation at
hand. Each of us can draw from our experience with such a response.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-5

Remembering a time when I responded consciously, instead of reacting
compulsively to an external trigger at work, family, social relationships or any
aspect of life: What did I consciously do? How did I feel? What was the impact?
42
PUTTING IT TOGETHER: CREATING A CONSCIOUS FUTURE
When faced with a triggering situation or person, we have two choices – to react
compulsively, or to respond through conscious choice. The key shift is to pause and
respond, rather than react. Courage, compassion and gratitude can enable us to be aware,
access our inherent power to make choices aligned to our purpose.
Giving in to Compulsive
impulse Pattern
External Trigger
Courage,
Compassion, Conscious Choice
Gratitude
KEY SHIFT: Pause and respond rather than react

How it can support us
Courage to see We can pause and reconsider our behaviour
the adverse ● Pattern: Become aware of our compulsive internal behaviour
impact of our pattern when faced with an external trigger.
compulsive ● Adverse Impact: Become aware of the adverse impact of our
patterns compulsive behaviour patterns
Compassion for We can drop judgements for the inner landscape of both parties
ourselves and involved, enabling us to see the whole picture
‘the other’ ● For ourselves: Drop judgements for our compulsive patterns
by remembering their genesis
● For the other person in a situation: Extend above to drop
judgements for the other’s compulsive patterns
Gratitude for We can choose the most appropriate response
our internal ● For internal landscape: See the purpose our compulsion is
landscape and trying to serve
external ● For external challenge: See the situation as an opportunity to
challenge grow by choosing a conscious response that constructively
meets the purpose of our inner landscape
Even though we may want to make conscious choices, we are likely to resort to our
compulsive patterns initially. In such situations, let us remember that our reaction is
getting us to internal stability in the short-term. We can retrospectively reflect on how
our reaction did not serve us, and how we can respond differently in future. Initially,
we may start responding in our external actions, but our internal thoughts may still be
reactive. With repeated practice, this will percolate into our internal landscape also.
Also, as we start responding consciously, we need to remember that the other person
may not be in the same space, and our conscious action may be the first of many steps
towards the complete resolution of the situation.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-6

In the time to come, what shift(s) would I like to experiment with?
44
Retrospective application of learnings to a recent situation (medium
intensity) where a fight / flight / freeze reaction was used
Identify a triggering situation. Re-live and recap it
Courage: What was my behaviour?
Compassion: How did my above behaviour support me in the moment?
Gratitude: - What did I learn about me, the other or the situation?
What could I do differently, if confronted with a similar situation?
KEY SHIFT: Pause and respond rather than react

Courage to We can pause and reconsider our behaviour
see the Pattern: Become aware of our compulsive internal behaviour pattern when faced with
adverse an external trigger.
impact of our Adverse Impact: Become aware of the adverse impact of our compulsive behaviour
compulsive patterns
patterns
Compassion We can drop judgements for the inner landscape of both parties involved, enabling us
for ourselves to see the whole picture
and ‘the For ourselves: Drop judgements for our compulsive patterns by remembering their
other’ genesis
For the other person in a situation: Extend above to drop judgements for the other’s
compulsive patterns
our internal For internal landscape: See the purpose our compulsion is trying to serve
landscape and
external For external challenge: See the situation as an opportunity to grow by choosing a
challenge conscious response that constructively meets the purpose of our inner landscape
Retrospective reflection on a recent situation where a conscious response
was used
What was my conscious response? What did I choose to think, say or do? What did
I choose to not think, say or do?
What was the positive impact of my conscious response? (On me, the other person
and the situation in the short and long term)

46
Application of learnings to support a live situation (medium intensity)

the adverse Identify the behaviour and classify it as fight-flight-freeze
impact of our
compulsive
patterns
What could be the possible adverse impact of this behaviour?
Compassion for What judgements are coming up for myself?

ourselves and
‘the other’
How can I drop judgements in this moment? E.g., Remembering

their genesis and my influencers who shaped this behaviour
How can I drop judgements in this moment? E.g., Hypothesizing

on how the other’s compulsive patterns may have been shaped
Gratitude for our What purpose is my compulsion is trying to serve? How is it

internal trying to protect me and address the situation?
landscape and
external
challenge
How can this challenge be an opportunity to grow and learn?
What inspiration or learnings can I draw from the past,

where I demonstrated some of the traits that will help me in
the current situation?
48
What can be an alternative conscious response that
constructively meets the above purpose?
Behaviour How this behaviour supports me in How does this behaviour NOT support
the aspects of my life where I set my me in the aspects of my life where I set
intention for transformation? my intention for transformation?
FIGHT
FLIGHT
FREEZE
50
Synthesis of journey so far of reflection and application
Incidents after
starting this
journey, where I
was able respond
consciously: What
was the impact?
What enabled me
to do this? What
did I learn through
these
“successes”?
Incidents after
starting this
journey, where I
was not able
respond
consciously: What
was the impact?
What were the

obstacles for me?
What did I learn
through these
“mistakes”?
52
Chapter 3
“Our Emotions”
Importance
Our behaviour stems from our emotions. Sometimes, we may feel

powerless in front of our emotions, and react in ways that don’t
serve our long-term well-being. With awareness, we can
consciously harness the energy of emotions
54
What causes our behaviour to an external trigger? The answer lies hidden inside us, like
an iceberg with many layers beneath the surface. The first layer beneath our behaviour
is thoughts and emotions. When we react to an external trigger, we have often not
internally addressed our emotions and are driven compulsively by them. On this Yogic
journey, we will turn the lens inwards to understand our emotional patterns, their
genesis and impact, and how to consciously harness their energy.
Turning the lens inwards does not mean that we will suppress our emotions. Coming
into internal harmony (Yog) with our emotions will enable us to engage in
behaviours addressing our underlying emotions through awareness, recognition of
our power to harness our emotions and stay anchored in our purpose.
Let’s examine our current relationship with thoughts and emotions. Have we ever
● felt overpowered by a thought or emotion to take a particular action?
● felt pleasurable states of thoughts and emotions that we wish would last longer?
● felt numb and disconnected from our emotions?
Our experience of life is filled with thoughts and emotions. Emotions are thoughts
intensified. Like water in the sea is in incessant motion with waves rising periodically,
we think thousands of thoughts and those with higher intensity are emotions. Emotions
are more rooted in the body, and hence more gross and impactful. Herein lies the power
of emotions. Our thoughts are subtle and may dilly-dally, but our emotions, once
transformed, are more lasting. For this reason, we shall deep-dive into emotions.
Broadly, we can categorize emotions as unpleasant and pleasant. We are not saying
‘positive and negative’ ‘good and bad’, or ‘right and wrong’. Each emotion exists for a
reason, and hence, we are not judging emotions. Yet, there is a distinction between
pleasant and unpleasant emotions based on their undeniable impact on us. Within
these two categories are many families of emotions – Anger (Mad), Sadness (Sad), Fear
and Anxiety, Guilt, Peace, Love and Joy (Glad). There are many frameworks to
categorize emotions! This a simple one we will work with.
56
REFLECT & JOURNAL-1
For emotions experienced by me in life, not necessarily expressed or processed.
For any one recent incident where I engaged in a Fight/Flight/Freeze reaction.

What emotions were underlying my behaviour?
How can this deeper understanding help me?
This process of moving from our behaviour to thoughts and emotions is the first step to
turn the lens inwards and move to what drives or underlies our external actions. If we
learn to consciously identify and harness our emotional energy in ways that serve us,
we will no longer be driven to behave compulsively, even in the face of challenges.
Life gives us experiences of all emotions, but we have developed some patterns of how
we experience and deal with them. Some emotions are dominant in our experience or
expression, some are suppressed or hidden, and some we deal with effectively. We have
become used to a certain emotional landscape. Have we ever wondered why some of us
are always angry, or sad, or peaceful or joyful, irrespective of the external situation? This
is because we have become used to transforming the energy of external experiences into
a certain internal emotion. The challenge is three-fold – (a) we have got compulsively
locked into patterns of feeling or supressing certain emotions (b) our behaviour arising
from emotions does not serve us or the situation anymore and (c) our intensity is often
disproportionate to the present situation.
The adverse impact of our patterns
Waves have a lot of power. Every year during the Ganpati festival in Mumbai, massive
idols are submerged in the sea using the power of these waves. The next morning, the
same waves dump disfigured idols on the shore. Waves can take and give back!
Similarly with emotions. Parents, driven by the emotion of love for their children,
endure all hardships in life, even if they are not valued or loved back in return. On the
other hand, if overcome by emotions such as anger, greed and jealousy, the closest family
members can turn against each other, and even kill each other for property.
The word “emotion” can be seen as two parts “e” and “motion”, i.e., an emotion is a form
of energy in motion. This points to the immense power of emotions – constructive or
destructive. Each emotion impacts us physiologically. Different emotions produce
different chemicals in our body, which flow through our blood and impact our organs.
Hormones such as Adrenaline and Cortisol are associated with unpleasant emotions,
58
while Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin are associated with pleasant
emotions. The former when repeated, lead to diseases and the latter heal us. Further
within pleasant and unpleasant, each emotion has a different impact on us. We can
recognize emotions by tuning into the sensations and body experience. Some commonly
experienced emotions and their impact is summarized below:
Fear Anger Sadness Joy Peace
Shivering ● Immediate Down High energy Body
Sweating energy rush Low energy Smile relaxed
Going cold ● Burning heating Pain in heart Fullness Eyes
Increase in, sensation Numbness Expansion relaxed
or Skip of ● Stiffness/ Emptiness Freshness
Heartbeat Tightness Dull Light, Bright
Body turns Energetic
inward
Let us become aware of the energetic signature of our emotions. This will help us identify
our emotional state - the body tells the truth! Also, experiencing this energy in motion
in our body, rather than resisting it, is a key to harnessing them.
Our body is equipped to deal constructively with all emotions. For instance, fear allows
us to act for our safety. But when the same emotion becomes our default state for long
(as opposed to a wave which rises and falls), the chemical changes produced in our body
by pleasant emotions create a state of well-being, and by unpleasant emotions create a
state of dis-ease. Hence, the categories - pleasant and unpleasant.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-2

My most experienced unpleasant emotion has the MOST
ADVERSE impact on this aspect of my life
60
When we get used to transforming external situations into a particular emotion without
awareness, we are controlled by our pattern. Let’s first compassionately examine the
genesis of our emotional patterns. Sadly, our upbringing, education and social
conditioning does not equip us to understand and handle emotions, especially unpleasant
ones, which have been labelled as bad, wrong or negative. This disturbs our relationship
with them, and subsequently our relationship with ourselves and the world. E.g., Little
boys are explicitly or implicitly told not to “cry like a girl”. This disturbs their
relationship with sadness. Little girls are told to be well-mannered, and to not shout. This
disturbs their relationship with anger.
Since we build an implicit judgement of emotions, especially the unpleasant ones, we

often react to them through fight or flight or freeze. Instead of seeing emotions for
where they are, we resist them. Our resistance makes their energy unmanageable.
The first step to responding to emotions is to build our capacity to see our emotions
without judgement. Let us allow ourselves to acknowledge, accept and experience our
emotions. It’s okay to feel what we feel!
We can also remind ourselves that our emotional patterns, however dysfunctional, were
reinforced because they did serve us in some way in life. E.g., Anger got things done,
Anxiety got us to put in our best, Sadness got us love. Emotions are not wrong. When we
learn how to harness them, we can benefit from them without harming ourselves, others
or the situation.
With repeated practice, we can extend this compassion to the other person in a
conflict – by understanding why they are behaving compulsively based on their own
patterns.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-3
Examining judgements towards emotions with compassion
What emotion do I suppress the most or judge as harmful or unhelpful?
Despite its adverse impact, how did the above emotion serve me in my life?
62
Courage:
• What was my behaviour and underlying thoughts and emotions?
• What was, or could be the adverse impact of my behaviour and unmanaged

emotions in the short and long -term? (On me, the other person, situation)
Compassion: How can I connect my behaviour and emotions with my past

conditioning and influences? How did my pattern previously serve me in life?

Retrospective application of learnings to a recent situation where a
conscious response was used
What was my conscious behaviour? How did I effectively harness my underlying

thoughts and emotions?
What was the positive impact of my conscious response and harnessing of

emotional energy? (On me, the other person and the situation in the short and long
term)

64
Courage and compassion to support a live situation where there is an opportunity to
shift the pattern (medium intensity)

the adverse
impact of our
compulsive
patterns
What is the emotion underlying this urge for behaviour?
What is the possible adverse impact of my behaviour and

unmanaged emotions?
Compassion What judgements are coming up for myself?

for ourselves
and ‘the other’

their genesis (influencers), and reinforcement (how my patterns
served me)
How can I drop judgements in this moment? E.g., Hypothesizing on

how the other’s patterns may have been birthed and reinforced
Possible What inspiration or learnings can I draw from the past, where I
Action demonstrated some of the traits that will help me in the current
situation?
With this awareness, how can I respond now?
66
We may already be aware about the adverse impact of our dominant emotions.
In situations where I
have chosen to
suppress my
emotions to avoid the
adverse impact, what
have I tried?
How did suppressing

my dominant emotion
help me?
How did suppressing

my dominant emotion
NOT help me?
68
What is my relationship with emotions? How do I see, judge, experience and express
them?
Emotion My relationship with this emotion. How I see, judge, experience
and express it
Anger
Sadness
Fear &
Anxiety
Guilt
Joy
Peace
Love
Emotion My relationship with this emotion. How I see, judge, experience
and express it
Other
Given the adverse impact of unpleasant emotions, we may wish we didn’t have to deal
with them! This is like wishing we didn’t have a tongue so there wouldn’t be
temptation for fried food and sugary desserts. The tongue has taste buds for a reason.
Removing the tongue would also remove all pleasure out of eating. If we learn to eat
healthy AND tasty, the tongue becomes a gift.
Emotions too are there for a reason. We have not learnt how to harness them. If we
learnt how to be in the state of peace, love and joy most of the time – would we still
dislike emotions? No! Emotions would then become an amazing gift. When we are saying
we don’t want emotions, it means we want pleasant emotions!
Unpleasant emotions are not an enemy to be fought or run away from or freeze in front
of. They are a friend signalling to us that a need of ours is being met or not. Unpleasant
emotions are telling us all is NOT well. It is a way for our mind to draw our attention so
that we can take appropriate action towards the underlying need. With a lens of
gratitude, we can understand that each emotion serves a purpose. In fact, as we delve
deeper, we may find that we subconsciously resist the experience of pleasant emotions
too, perhaps due to some coupling with unpleasant emotions. E.g., resisting joy for the
fear of others feeling jealous or our joy not lasting.
Imagine life without emotions:
● Anger: People would take advantage of us and overstep their boundaries

● Sadness: We would not pause to heal our wounds
● Fear & Anxiety: We would take unnecessary risks
70
● Guilt: We would go on hurting others for our purpose
● Joy: We would not look forward to the experience of life
● Peace: Our inner and external conflicts would drive us mad!
● Love: We would not care for people around us
REFLECT & JOURNAL-4
For the unpleasant emotion I suppress or judge the most
What purpose does that emotion play in What is possible if I learn to
my life? What is its message for me? purposefully harness its energy?
This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the

malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
72
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
- Jalaluddin Rumi
We saw how judging our emotions as bad, wrong or negative leads to unhealthy
suppression of emotions, without understanding their underlying message. Even the
opposite judgement, a self-righteous one, leads to expression without understanding the
other person’s truth. Neither of these judgements (positive or negative) and neither of
these strategies (continuous suppression or expression) are supportive, as they lack
compassion, either for us or for the other.
We often resort to unhealthy strategies of continuous suppression or expression due to

our inability to handle the disproportionate energy of emotions. While the present
trigger is small, the overwhelming energy has been gathered over time, from similar
situations in the past. We can harness this energy. Uncontrolled water can destroy, as in
a flood. Harnessed water can produce electricity, water trees, and give life. As per
physics, energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it transforms from one form to
another. This applies to emotional energy too. We can transform emotional energy to
serve us. Mahatma Gandhi was thrown out of a train in South Africa due to his race. He
channelized his anger into a non-violence-based freedom movement.
With this perspective, if an external trigger arises, before engaging in a behaviour, we

can first feel our underlying emotion and harness its energy. We can use the following
strategies to feel and harness our emotions, based on their intensity and our capacity to
handle them:
• Observation: If the emotional energy intensity is manageable, we can courageously

step back to objectively look at our unpleasant emotions as in meditation (guided or
self-led)
• Experiencing: Feeling the physical sensations in our body is the most ‘real’ way to
come from scattered thoughts to impactful emotions. Embodying emotions in the
body helps us see our ‘energy’. By allowing ourselves just ninety seconds to
experience an emotion fully, instead of rushing to suppress or express it, we can let
the wave pass through without damage to ourselves or others.
• Constructive expression: If the energy of emotions seems intense or overwhelming

for us to observe or experience, we can employ tools to express them constructively
with the goal of reducing emotional charge e.g., journaling or scribbling, voicing to
ourselves, sharing with a confidante
74
• Constructive transformation: We can also manage emotional charge by recognizing
that emotions are energetic and hence can be transformed, we can use tools such as
play, tapping (EFT), humming, grounding, affirmations
Even if we are unable to effectively do any of the above, simply acknowledging our
inner landscape will diffuse the emotional charge and open new conscious
behaviour choices which we may not have seen before. Managing our emotions
allows us to step out of patterns of internal judgements and reactive behaviours
REFLECT & JOURNAL-5

Which of these strategies do I already use and benefit from?
Which of these strategies or new tools do I wish to use more consciously now?
When faced with a triggering situation or person, we have two choices – to react
from compulsive patterns of behaviour, or to respond through conscious choice. A
pause to reconsider our reactive behaviour enables us to respond. Additionally, by
accessing a layer deeper - our emotions - we can harness their energy and excess
charge which otherwise pushes us into compulsive reactions.
Even our intention to move out of our, compulsive patterns can bring up fight, flight
and freeze reactions. We may rationalize and justify the present status or feel
overwhelmed, numb or stuck. Here too, the first step is to acknowledge the emotions
underlying these reactions. There could be fear and anxiety about what may come
up externally with this change. Or guilt disappointment about our own inability to
shift behaviours in the past. Acknowledging the emotions and harnessing their
energy enables us to reach a state where we can decide our path by weighing the
adverse impact of our compulsive behaviour with the benefits of conscious action.
Yes, it is far easier to stay in the comfort zone of our present patterns. But with
courage and compassion, we can grow AND be safe from further damage to
ourselves or others.

Courage to We can pause and reconsider our behaviour (pause), feel
see the and harness our underlying emotion (e.g., observe,
adverse experience, express or transform emotion constructively)
impact of our • Pattern: Become aware of our compulsive internal pattern
compulsive (behaviour, emotion) when faced with an external trigger.
patterns • Adverse Impact: Become aware of the adverse impact of
our compulsive pattern (behaviour, emotion)
Compassion We can drop judgements for the inner landscape of both
for ourselves parties involved, enabling us to see the whole picture
and ‘the other’ • For ourselves: Drop judgements for our compulsive patterns
by remembering their genesis and reason for reinforcement
• For the other person in a situation: Extend above to drop
our internal • For internal landscape: See the purpose our inner
landscape and landscape (behaviour and emotion) is trying to serve
external • For external challenge: See the situation as an opportunity
challenge to grow by choosing a conscious response that constructively
meets the purpose of our inner landscape
76
What to do How to do
Behaviour Respond, instead of Pause, see internal landscape before
reacting reacting
Emotion Feel our emotions and Observe, experience, constructively
harness their energy express or transform
Let us see two examples of creating a conscious behaviour with awareness of emotions
Person & Geri realizes that her team member Siri faced an unexpected challenge
Situation Siri is not on track to meeting a and doesn’t want Geri to worry, so is
deadline and has not informed her. solving it with others
Courage to Compulsive behaviour driven Compulsive behaviour: To put in a
see the towards: To send a strong text message night out and ask her colleagues to
adverse to Siri expressing her disappointment help her resolve the issue. Deciding
impact of in Siri’s performance and asking why she will inform Geri when the issue
our Siri did not inform her (Fight) gets solved (Flight)
compulsiv Emotions underlying this urge for Emotions underlying this urge for
e patterns behaviour: Anger at Siri, Anxiety behaviour: Fear of aggression and
about deadline Anxiety for deadline
Possible adverse impact: Siri may feel Possible adverse impact: Loss of
demotivated and unvalued, rest of the professional credibility (manager and
team will know client) despite hard work
Pause and constructively harness the energy of emotions
Compassio Possible judgements about oneself Possible judgements about oneself
n for that may come with this awareness: that may come with this awareness:
ourselves I’m overly critical. I can’t manage my I’m responsible for this situation, not
and ‘the anger. This anger will disrupt my good enough. My fear makes me weak
other’ relationship with Siri, and my and timid, I can’t communicate with
reputation. courage.
Dropping above judgements: My Dropping above judgements: My
parents had a “flight” pattern, their parents chose flight, disputes weren’t
unresolved emotions disrupted the discussed and resolved. Seeing only
relationship, which led me to the silence or massive fights, which scared
“fight” response. My anger has got me, I started believing silence is
things done in the past. It’s okay to better. At work previously,
feel anxious and upset given the communicating once the issue is
importance of deadline. resolved often prevented conflict, and
larger deadlines also did get met
finally. It’s okay to feel fearful and
anxious, to protect myself from
aggression
Possible judgements for the other: Possible judgements for the other:
Why doesn’t Siri share openly? Why Geri micromanages as she doesn’t
does she fear me, when I’ve always trust me. Her stress-monster is scary,
supported her in the past? Why hard to deal with, and she doesn’t
doesn’t she trust me? listen when she is upset. It’s hard to
ask for help in a crisis.
Dropping above judgements: Siri is Dropping above judgements: Geri
responsible and may be trying to solve could be under pressure because of
on her own. It’s okay for her to feel this deadline. It’s okay for her to feel
anxious about telling me, knowing my angry about me not informing, due to
past outbursts. missed deadlines in the past.
Gratitude Purpose of compulsion: The message I Purpose of compulsion: Not sending a
for our want to send is a way to ensure work message is a way to keep me out of
internal is delivered and Siri rises to her harm’s way. Putting in a night out
landscape potential. Anger wants to set enables me to finish the task at hand.
and boundaries that I can’t be taken for Anxiety is pushing me to complete the
external granted and external deadlines can’t task, well. Fear is trying to protect me.
challenge be constantly pushed.
For each person in the situation: While her behaviour may have served her in the past,
it is currently not. Her compulsivity has implications for her and others. With this
awareness, she can arrive at a response that meets the underlying purpose of her
patterns in healthier ways.
Each of these states, if not used, could become a stumbling block

Without this state…
Courage We may deny or rationalize the truth of a situation (external trigger
and internal landscape), and the adverse impact of reactive behaviours
Compassion We may judge our or the other’s behaviours or emotions as completely
wrong or completely right, and miss seeing the entire picture
Gratitude We may resist difficult situations and fall into a compulsive
victim/perpetrator role
78
REFLECT & JOURNAL-5
How could this benefit me and others?
intensity)
Courage: What was my inner landscape? (Behaviour, thoughts and emotions)
Compassion: How did my emotions and behaviour support me in the moment?
Gratitude: What did I learn about me, the other or the situation?
What could I want to do differently, if confronted with any similar emotions?

Recognizing the external stressor may not be the same?
Courage to We can pause and reconsider our behaviour (pause), feel and harness our
see the underlying emotion (e.g., observe, experience, express or transform emotion
adverse impact constructively)
of our • Pattern: Become aware of our compulsive internal pattern (behaviour, emotion)
compulsive when faced with an external trigger.
patterns • Adverse Impact: Become aware of the adverse impact of our compulsive
pattern (behaviour, emotion)
Compassion We can drop judgements for the inner landscape of both parties involved,
for ourselves enabling us to see the whole picture
and ‘the other’ • For ourselves: Drop judgements for our compulsive patterns by remembering
their genesis and reason for reinforcement
• For the other person in a situation: Extend above to drop judgements for the
other’s compulsive patterns
our internal • For internal landscape: See the purpose our inner landscape (behaviour and
landscape and emotion) is trying to serve
external • For external challenge: See the situation as an opportunity to grow by choosing
challenge a conscious response that constructively meets the purpose of our inner
landscape
Behaviour Respond, instead of reacting Pause, see internal landscape before reacting
Emotion Feel our emotions, harness their Observe, experience, constructively express or
energy transform
80
What was my conscious behaviour? How did I effectively harness my emotional

energy?
What was the positive impact of my conscious response and harnessing of

emotional energy? (On me, other person and situation in the short and long term)


the adverse
impact of our
compulsive
patterns
What is the emotion underlying this urge for behaviour?

unmanaged emotion?
How can I pause and constructively harness my emotional energy?

(observe, experience, express or transform)
What judgements are coming up for myself?
82
Compassion
for ourselves
and ‘the other’

their genesis (influencers), and reinforcement (how my patterns
served me)
How can I drop judgements in this moment? E.g., Hypothesizing on

how the other’s patterns may have been birthed and reinforced
Gratitude for What purpose is my compulsion (behaviour, emotions) is trying to

our internal serve? How is it trying to protect me and address the situation?
landscape and
external
challenge
What inspiration or learnings can I draw from the past, where I

demonstrated some of the traits that will help me in the current
situation?
How can this challenge be an opportunity to grow and learn? What
can be an alternative conscious response that constructively meets
the above purpose?
In the aspects of my life where I have set my intention for
transformation (work, home, social relationships, health etc.)
EMOTION How does this emotion support me? How does this emotion NOT
support me?
Anger
Sadness
Fear &
Anxiety
84
Guilt
Incidents after
starting this
journey, where I
was able respond
consciously: What
was the impact?
What were the

enablers for me?
What did I learn
through these
“successes”?
Incidents after
starting this
journey, where I
was not able
respond
consciously: What
was the impact?
What were the

obstacles for me?
What did I learn
through these
“mistakes”?
86
Chapter 4
“Our Needs”
Importance
Our emotions stem from needs. Sometimes, our behaviour does

not effectively address our underlying needs. Awareness of our
needs opens up newer possibilities of behaviours to address them
more effectively.
88
Let’s go deeper down our iceberg to see the source of our emotions. We often engage in
unhealthy behaviours to manage our emotions without understanding our needs. On
this Yogic journey, we turn the lens inwards to see our needs, their genesis and impact,
and how to consciously address them in healthy ways.Turning the lens inwards does
not mean denying or suppressing our needs! By consciously fulfilling our needs, we can
harness our emotions effectively.
An emotion indicates a need – met or unmet. As per leading psychologist Marshall

Rosenberg, all our thoughts, words and actions are an attempt to meet our needs. Needs
drive our life. Values are needs that we hold long-term.
We can see iceberg from top down or bottom up. Any behaviour springs from thoughts
or emotions, which are caused by needs. Met or unmet needs create pleasant or
unpleasant thoughts and emotions, which lead to behaviours. E.g.
• Absence of harmony in a relationship (unmet need) may cause us anxiety
(unpleasant emotion), leading to us avoiding the person (behaviour).
• If we feel appreciated in a relationship (met need), we may feel happy (pleasant
emotion), leading us to do our best to preserve the relationship (behaviour).
There are many-to-many relationships here, with differences across people. Any
situation may involve many needs, emotions and behaviours. The same need being
unmet may evoke different emotions within different people. The same emotion being
experienced by different people may be due to different underlying needs. Only we
know our internal landscape, our iceberg.
The seemingly hard process of not judging behaviours or emotions is simplified by
seeing our underlying needs, since they are independent of an external person or
situation. They are within us and universal to the human experience.
Illustration of Key Human Needs
(Source: Coaching for Transformation, by Leadership That Works)
celebration, vitality, humour, passion, creativity, imagine, dream,
Expression
inspiration
peace, security, safety, order, calm, stability, relaxation, comfort, ease,
Harmony
beauty
Autonomy independence, dreams, freedom, choice, individuality, space, spontaneity
authenticity, purpose, justice, fairness, honesty, openness, trust, respect,
Integrity
equality
interdependence, trust, bonding, inclusion, belonging, cooperation, unity,
Community
synergy, integration, loyalty, participation, partnership, acceptance
mastery, growth, service, gifts, empowerment, support, acknowledgment,

Contribution
help, nourishment
understanding, closeness, appreciation, empathy, support, consideration,

Connection
love, affection, companionship, mutuality, nurturing, intimacy
adventure, challenge, daring, risk-taking, thrill, fun, humor, laughter,
Play
pleasure
awareness, consciousness, creativity, purpose, effectiveness, growth,
Meaning
discovery
Well-Being health, sustenance, safety, shelter, rest, sex, food, clothing
REFLECT & JOURNAL-1

As I browse through the list above to see which needs call out to me or connect with
me – What are upto 10 needs I identify the most with, in life.
Which needs of mine have I acknowledged the least in life?
90
How does it feel to identify and acknowledge my needs?
If we are getting overly focussed on our or another person’s behaviour or emotions, let
us go inside. E.g., If someone hurt us and our pain has caused us to withdraw, we can
ask ourselves – “What am I longing for? What’s missing for me?”
REFLECT & JOURNAL-2

As I think of a recent situation where I experienced pleasant thoughts and emotions -
what needs of mine were met?
As I think of a recent situation where I experienced unpleasant thoughts and

emotions - what needs of mine were unmet?
How can this understanding of my underlying needs support me?
For any recent triggering situation, let’s see the iceberg of our landscape
92

The beauty of our needs is that are universal and without judgement, without a concept
of pleasant or unpleasant as they don’t harm us or anyone else. The challenge arises
when we compulsively fall into behaviour patterns to meet these needs, without
realizing such behaviours don’t serve us anymore. Also, sometimes our intensity is
disproportionate to the reality of present situation.

How do we know if a compulsive pattern is unhealthy? It ultimately doesn’t serve us.
They either cause external conflicts, don’t meet other needs of ours, or the need that
we wish to meet ultimately remains unmet. Often, all these happen together. E.g.,
• Meeting our need for excellence by constantly showing others their genuine
mistakes could lead to conflicts at home or work, leading to our other need of
harmony being unfulfilled. Those impacted by our behaviour may ultimately
withdraw from work or the relationship, leaving excellence unmet.
• Meeting our need for harmony by constantly putting others ahead of us to please
them could lead to conflict due to our other unmet need of expression. When
prolonged, it could break relationships, leaving harmony unmet.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-3

For a key need in my life - What are some unhealthy, compulsive patterns of my
behaviour to meet the need?
What has been the adverse impact of these patterns on my life? (e.g., conflicts, not
meeting other needs of ours, or our need ultimately staying unmet)
Unlike reactive behaviours and unpleasant emotions, it is easier to not judge needs. Our
challenge may be to not judge our compulsive patterns. Here, we can remind ourselves
of their genesis. We subconsciously or consciously created these patterns as they have
served us in life! They have brought us love, safety, appreciation. E.g.,
• If we meet our need for excellence by showing others their mistakes – this may
have helped us to enable others to reach their potential and earned us respect.
• If we meet our need for harmony by pleasing others – this may have helped us
cultivate relationships in an atmosphere of joy and earned us love.
Over time, these behaviours became our strengths and shaped our personality
We can extend this compassion to the other person in a conflict – by understanding

why they are behaving compulsively based on their unmet needs.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-4

Extending the previous reflection:
Despite knowing the adverse impact, how has my attempt to meet my need served
me so far?
94
Courage:
• What was my inner landscape? (Behaviour, emotions, needs)
• What was, or could be the adverse impact of my behaviour, unmanaged

emotions and unmet needs in the short and long -term? (On me, the other
person, situation)
Compassion: How has my similar behaviour in the past helped me meet similar unmet
needs?
96

thoughts and emotions? How did I honor my needs?
What was the positive impact of my conscious response, harnessing of emotional

energy and meeting my needs? (On me, the other person and the situation in the
short and long term)

What enabled me to exhibit this response? What is my learning?


the adverse
impact of our
compulsive
patterns
What emotion underlying this urge for behaviour?
What is the need underlying this emotion?
What is the possible adverse impact of my behaviour and unmanaged

emotions?
What judgements are coming up for myself?
98
Compassion
for ourselves
and ‘the other’
How can I drop judgements in this moment? E.g. see my needs as

legitimate
How can I drop judgements in this moment? E.g. other’s needs also
legitimate
situation?

100
Incidents after
starting this
journey, where I
was able respond
consciously: What
was the impact?
What were the

enablers for me?
What did I learn
through these
“successes”?
Incidents after
starting this
journey, where I
was not able
respond
consciously: What
was the impact?
What were the

obstacles for me?
What did I learn
through these
“mistakes”?
Genesis of our needs
In your childhood
and adolescence,
which of your
needs were met by
the ecosystem
around you?
How has that

shaped your
emotional and
behavioural
patterns?
In your childhood
and adolescence,
which of your
needs were NOT
met by the
ecosystem around
you?
How has that

shaped your
emotional and
behavioural
patterns?
102
Needs tell us what is important to us. Need make us who we are. Honouring them in
constructive ways supports our true expression through our words, thoughts, and
actions in all spheres of life. World champions are driven by excellence. Nobel Peace
Prize winners are driven by harmony. Needs and values are our potential.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-5

If I meet my key need constructively, how can I realize my potential?
104
Challenging situations are opportunities to create and experiment with healthy patterns
of behaviour. Before rushing to a behaviour, we can acknowledge our iceberg. Many
strategies can be used to meet our underlying need in healthy ways:
• Seeing present context proportionately: Recognizing that our reaction may be

exaggerated for the actual situation because it carries charge of the past where our
needs were unmet. E.g., Before overly criticizing someone to meet our need for
‘excellence’, we can check if we are projecting past experiences and reminding
ourselves of a fair assessment of the present situation.
• New definition of our need: Sometimes, we may need to modify our perception of
what a need means. E.g., ‘Strength’ can be redefined to having the courage to be
vulnerable and feeling our pain, instead of suppressing our emotions. Excellence can
be seen as a joyful state of flow instead of obsessive perfection.
• New ways to meet our need: Especially when it’s hard to change external situations,
we can find new ways to meet our needs independently. E.g., Instead of bending over
backwards for an overly critical person to meet our need for ‘harmony’, we can
cultivate new relationships and reduce our dependence on one.
• Prioritizing needs through Values: Sometimes, multiple needs may appear to be in

conflict, and we may struggle to meet them all. Here, we can prioritize the needs we
hold most valuable, i.e., our values. E.g., In a difficult conversation where our needs
for Integrity and Harmony are clashing, we can prioritize the one we hold dearly as
our values.
• Meeting all needs: Having to prioritize needs can seem like a compromise or a forced
choice! As we go deeper, we’ll see that in almost every situation, we can find a
solution and a way of Being that harmonizes and meet all our needs. E.g., In a
seemingly “difficult” situation, we share our truth with integrity, while also being
open and compassionate to the other person, hence maintaining harmony.
Simply becoming aware of our needs is a huge step. Their legitimate, universal nature
helps us accept ourselves and reminds us of what is important to us beneath what we
seem to want. E.g., If we are looking for a new job, to meet our need of ‘respect’, we
can specifically evaluate the culture of potential new workplaces.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-6

For my key need – Remembering a time when I effectively met the unmet need
using any of the methods above. What did I do? What was the impact?
106
Awareness of our inner landscape, combined with courage, compassion and gratitude
enable us to respond consciously. We can pause to reconsider our reactive behaviour,
feel our emotions and harness their energy, and then identify and meet our underlying
needs constructively.
Courage to see We can pause and reconsider our behaviour (pause), feel
the adverse and harness our underlying emotion (e.g., observe,
impact of our experience, express or transform emotion constructively),
identify our underlying needs
compulsive
• Pattern: Become aware of our compulsive internal pattern
patterns
(behaviour, emotions, underlying needs) when faced with an
external trigger.
• Adverse Impact: Become aware of the adverse impact of our
compulsive pattern (behaviour, emotions, underlying needs)
‘the other’ • For ourselves: Drop judgements for our compulsive patterns by
remembering their genesis
Gratitude for We can meet our needs constructively (seeing present context,
our internal redefining need, an alternate way to meet it, prioritizing values,
landscape and meeting all needs)
external • For internal landscape: See the purpose our inner landscape
challenge (behaviour, emotion, need) is trying to serve
• For external challenge: See the role of the situation in enabling
us to choose a conscious response that constructively meets the
purpose of our inner landscape
reacting reacting
Needs Constructively meet Seeing present context, redefining
them need, an alternate way to meet it,
prioritizing values, meeting all needs
REFLECT & JOURNAL-7
108
DEEPENING PRACTICE- 6
Retrospective application of learnings to a recent situation (medium intensity)
Courage: What was my inner landscape? (Behaviour, emotions, needs)
Compassion: How did my inner landscape support me in the moment?
What could I want to do differently, if confronted with any similar unmet needs?
Courage to see We can pause and reconsider our behaviour (pause), feel and harness our
the adverse underlying emotion (e.g., observe, experience, express or transform
impact of our emotion constructively), identify our underlying needs
• Pattern: Become aware of our compulsive internal pattern (behaviour, emotions,
compulsive
underlying needs) when faced with an external trigger.
patterns
• Adverse Impact: Become aware of the adverse impact of our compulsive pattern
(behaviour, emotions, underlying needs)
Compassion We can drop judgements for the inner landscape of both parties involved, enabling
for ourselves us to see the whole picture
and ‘the • For ourselves: Drop judgements for our compulsive patterns by remembering
other’ their genesis
• For the other person in a situation: Extend above to drop judgements for the
other’s compulsive patterns
Gratitude for We can meet our needs constructively (seeing present context, redefining need, an
our internal alternate way to meet it, prioritizing values, meeting all needs)
landscape and • For internal landscape: See the purpose our inner landscape (behaviour,
emotion, need) is trying to serve
external • For external challenge: See the role of the situation in enabling us to choose a
challenge conscious response that constructively meets the purpose of our inner landscape
110

thoughts and emotions? How did I honor my needs?



DEEPENING PRACTICE- 8,9 (Do over 2 days)

the adverse
impact of our
compulsive
patterns What emotion underlying this urge for behaviour?

unmanaged emotion?


for ourselves
and ‘the other’
How can I drop judgements in this moment? E.g. see our needs as
legitimate
112
How can I drop judgements in this moment? E.g. other’s needs are
legitimate
Gratitude for What is the purpose of my compulsion (behaviour, emotion, need)?

our internal
landscape and
external
challenge (repeat if needed) How can I constructively handle my emotional
energy (observe, experience, express or transform)?
(after doing above) How can I deal constructively handle my need

(see present context, redefine need, an alternate way to meet it,
prioritizing values, harmonizing needs)?

situation?
(after doing above) How can this challenge be an opportunity to
grow and learn? What can be an alternative conscious response that
Reflection on a key need in my life (in addition to previous reflections). Connected to
the intention I set at the start of my journey for aspects of my life I’d like to transform
in the coming year (work, family, wellbeing, relationships, etc)
Need
What are some

unhealthy, compulsive
patterns of my
behaviour to meet the
need?
What has been the
adverse impact of these
patterns on aspects of
my life I wish to
transform?
How has my behaviour
served me so far in
aspects of my life that I
intend to transform?
If I constructively meet
my key need, how can
I realize my potential
in aspects of my life I
wish to transform?
What new strategies Seeing present context proportionately: (where this need was
can I consciously unmet in the past).
towards my goal?
New definition of my need to serve me and my present context
114
New ways to meet my need
Prioritizing my needs based on values
Meeting all needs

116
Chapter 5
“Our core fears”
Importance
As we learn to honour and respect our needs, we can start

understanding - what makes needs arise? This deepest level of
our iceberg can unlock the path to transformation.
Most psychological paradigms stop at the level of needs, values, and beliefs. Let us go to
the deepest layer within our iceberg to understand the source of our needs. While all
needs are legitimate and important, the challenge arises when we are driven to unhealthy
behaviours by multiple or very strong needs. By consciously seeing and addressing the
core fears underlying our needs, we can gain true freedom, peace, love, and joy. On this
Yogic journey, we will turn the lens inwards to understand our core fear patterns, their
genesis and impact, and how to consciously address them.
Turning the lens inwards does not mean ignoring or giving in to our fears! By consciously
addressing them, we can break the bondage to our deepest patterns.
The core fears that drive our needs are: Am I safe? Am I loved? Am I valued?
These lie at the root of our fear-based survival reactions of fight-flight-freeze. Given how
deeply embedded within us they are, we may not be able to identify with them at a first
glance. If so, we can try to connect with other associations
• Am I safe? Am I secure? Will I be alone? Will I be abandoned?
• Am I loved? Am I lovable? Am I deserving of love? Am I cared for? Am I liked?
• Am I worthy? Am I valuable? Am I valued? Am I good enough? Am I respected?
Each of these fears is perpetuated by an implicit judgement we have of ourselves. E.g.,

The core fear “am I worthy” is perpetuated by the self-judgement “I’m not worthy”.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-1

At a first glance, which core fear do I seem to operate with mostly, in life?
How does it feel to name my core fear?
118
Often unknown to us, core fears give rise to needs to be assuaged. E.g.,
• Am I safe? We may seek financial security, harmony in relationships, well-being
• Am I loved? We may seek community around us, harmony, appreciation
• Am I worthy? We may seek contribution at work or home, meaning to feel value
Hence, unmet needs trigger our core fears. E.g., Not getting desired results can lead to an
unmet need of contribution, triggering the core fear – Am I worthy?
Here too, there are many-to-many relationships, with differences across people. Any
situation may involve multiple core fears, needs, emotions and behaviours. The same
core fear may birth different needs within different people. The same need of different
people may be due to different underlying core fears. Only we know our iceberg.
Further, at the deepest layer of the iceberg, the plurality of needs, emotions, and
behaviours starts to disappear as we come to three core fears which impact every aspect
of our life. Herein lies the challenge, as well as the opportunity.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-2

Drill down of my iceberg for a recent triggering situation (medium intensity)
120
We saw earlier how our fight-flight-freeze reactions are driven by a threat perception.
While most present-day situations do not endanger our physical safety, they trigger our
core fears, causing almost instantaneous, compulsive reactions that are often
disproportionate to the situation at hand and do not serve us anymore.
A small external trigger can pierce through us, causing disproportionate pain or reaction
because it hits our core fears.
External Possible Thoughts & Possible Unmet Underlying
Trigger Emotions Needs fear
My partner Thoughts ● Companionshi ● Am I
confides in ● I am not a good partner p worthy?
someone else ● My partner doesn’t love ● Affection ● Am I loved?
instead of me me ● Security ● Am I safe?
● Our relationship may ● Contribution
end
Emotions: Anxiety,
Sadness, Anger
My manager ● I am not good at my ● Contribution ● Am I
doesn’t invite work ● Respect worthy?
me for a key ● My manager doesn’t ● Growth ● Am I loved?
meeting care about my opinions ● Am I safe?
and how I feel
● I may not be promoted
Emotions: Worry,
Disappointment
Our core fears become compulsive when we wound ourselves repeatedly with our self-
judgements. We may not be doing this actively. It’s a self-image we created a long time
ago and have been repeating sub-consciously till it became part of our reality.
Compulsive core fears get reinforced irrespective of the external outcome. E.g., If we
constantly question our worth, if we fail to get the desired results, we will strengthen
our judgement “I’m not worthy”. Even if we get the desired results, if we are
compulsively locked into doubting our worth, we will find multiple reasons to believe
that we did not deserve our success or ways to not acknowledge our success – “The task
was too simple”, “I was lucky”, “I was only able to do it because of the support I got”, “It
is not a big deal”, “I have a lot more to do”. Despite a positive outcome, we subconsciously
hold on to our core fear, making it compulsive.
Compulsive core fears can drive us to behave in ways that don’t serve us or the situation.
E.g., A fear that “I’m not loved” can cause us to become ‘people pleasers’ to gain love,
ignore our needs, and perhaps not be honest with people for the fear of losing their love.
It may also cause the opposite behaviour which is also unhealthy. We may become
‘reclusive personalities’ to avoid pain, be overprotective of our needs, and misjudge the
intentions of those who do love us.
122
REFLECT & JOURNAL-3
For a core fear that drives me, in what areas of my life does it play out?
Where is it disproportionate?
How does it compulsively get reinforced irrespective of the external outcome

(success or failure in what I want)?
How does it cause me to behave in ways that don’t serve me? (Remember that
seemingly contradictory behaviours may arise from the same core fear)
Let us remind ourselves of the genesis of our core fears. These took root in us as little
children, based on what we saw, heard and experience with our key influencers - parents,
siblings, friends or teachers. It may have been a single incident or a repeated experience,
big or small matter, true or untrue, intentional or not – this is immaterial.
As meaning-making beings, we attempted to rationalize and make meaning of an
unpleasant event with our limited understanding of life situations as children. These
fears were often disproportionate to the situation. E.g.,
● Seeing the younger sibling being doted on, may trigger a fear for love
● Overhearing parents quarrelling loudly one day may trigger a fear for safety
● A teacher’s disappointment on not scoring well may trigger a fear for worth
Once this core fear took seed, it got reinforced when similar triggering situations
happened at different points in life (especially age 3-6, age 8-12, age 16-21). We
subconsciously kept going back to the same rationalization. Often, they became self-
fulfilling prophecies. E.g., a child told in school that he is not good at math internalized
it so much that the very mention of math scared him. When he went to college, he made
mistakes due to that fear, thus re-iterates the belief that he is not good enough.
This does not mean what we did as children was wrong. It was the best we could do with
our limited understanding then to cope with difficult situations. Also, our core fears
served us because the needs they led to, gave us love, worth and safety. E.g.,
● “Am I worthy” may have birthed the need for excellence, making us high achievers
● “Am I loved” may have birthed the need for harmony, making us empathetic
● “Am I safe” may have birthed the need for autonomy, making us independent
124
We can extend this compassion to the other person in a conflict – by understanding

why they are behaving compulsively based on their own patterns.
REFLECT & JOURNAL-4
How has my core fear served me so far in my life?
126
DEEPENING PRACTICE-1, 2 (to be done over 2 days)
Retrospective reflection on a recent situation (medium intensity) where a
fight / flight / freeze reaction was used
Courage: What was my inner landscape? (Behaviour, emotions, needs, fears)
Courage: What was, or could be the adverse impact of my behaviour in the short
and long -term? (On me, the other person, situation)
Compassion: How can I connect my behaviour with my past conditioning and

influences around me?


thoughts and emotions? How did I honor my needs? How did I overcome my core
fears?


128
DEEPENING PRACTICE- 4,5 (To be done over 2 days)

the adverse
impact of our
compulsive
patterns
What core fear underlies the need?

unmanaged emotion?
for ourselves
and ‘the other’
How can I drop judgements in this moment? E.g. see genesis of core
fears
How can I drop judgements in this moment? E.g. see their possible
core fears
situation?
130
Our core fears show us the healing we need, to live our lives fully and freely.
Once we drill down to our core fears, the plurality of challenges presented by life
collapses into a core pattern, unlocking the possibility of transformational impact on all
aspects of our life. The following strategies can be used to assuage our core fears:
● Seeing the full truth: Core fears feel overwhelming as they subconsciously threaten
our survival. However, we widen the scope of our awareness to remind ourselves that
this is an exaggeration of the reality. A small external trigger does not mean we are
unworthy, unloved, or unsafe.
● From Fear to Courage: The opposite of fear is courage. We can derive courage from
faith and trust towards any ‘object’ – ourselves, others, or a higher power. Some tools
we can use are Prayer, Surrender, Spiritual practices
● From Judgement to Compassion: We can move from constantly judging and trying
to change ourselves to accepting ourselves. Compassion helps us meet ourselves fully.
Paradoxically, compassion towards ourselves makes it easier for us to change. Some
tools we can use are Affirmations, Mirror Work, Appreciation
● From Doubt to Gratitude: In a state of doubt, we resist what is. A space of gratitude
opens us to the experience of life, with its ups and downs. Every internal and external
challenge becomes an adventure with possibilities for transformation.
132
REFLECT & JOURNAL-5
Remembering a time when I operated from courage, compassion or gratitude when
my core fear was triggered. What did I do? What was the impact?
All YOGIC PERSPECTIVE
of
us The outcome of drilling down and shifting our inner landscape is what has been
referred in the Patanjali Yoga Sutras as – “Yogah Chitta Vritti Nirodhah”, i.e., Yog is
the cessation of the modifications of the mind.
The Sanskrit root of the word ‘Vritti’ means a circle, referring to compulsive, circular
patterns of thought and action. The key to note here is the word ‘Cessation’ (Nirodh).
Not suppression (Virodh). Not denial (Avrodh). Not dissociation. In our attempt to be
in a state of peace, love and joy, we run the risk of using fight (suppression) or flight
(denial) or freeze (dissociation) from triggers, our thoughts, emotions, needs, values,
beliefs, fears, self-judgements, doubts.
Using these means to transcend our inner landscape and our needs, we end up
deceiving ourselves. In some ways, one can say that by doing so, we are being driven by
the need for freedom, and hence, not truly free! The process of cessation happens when
we learn to acknowledge our inner landscape without judgement. Paradoxically, this
reduces the hold of our inner landscape on us.
The three core fears (for love, worth and safety) map to the 5 Kleshas referred to in
Patanjali Yog Sutras as responsible for all our suffering in life:
- Asmita (I-ness, Ego sense)
- Raag (attachment) & Dwesha (aversion)
- Abhinivesha (fear of death, clinging to life)
- Avidya (ignorance) – This is the root of all Kleshas. This is our feeling of
“incompleteness”, the lack of understanding of our true nature.
Transcending these core fears is real liberation (Mukti, Moksha, Yog). It is the secret to
peace, love and joy. The way to it is through Yog (harmony), starting with being in
harmony inside, and then letting it manifest in the outside.
Believing these core fears are the only reality is Avidya. It is important to recognize
that we are safe, worthy and loved. First, in our own eyes, even if not in others’. That
even in difficult life situations, our survival is rarely at stake. Without recognizing this,
our mind keeps moving in circles and we stay stuck in unhealthy patterns (Vrittis).
Knowing and acknowledging the whole picture is the lasting way to break circular
patterns and to move towards peace, love and joy.
134
have experienced this. Several times. Moments of Clarity. Confidence. Calm. Ease.
Stillness. Being in the Present. Flow. Inner Silence amidst Outer Chaos. Let us trust our
own experience and have faith in what we can’t see.
When faced with a triggering situation or person, we have two choices – to react from
compulsive patterns of behaviour, or to respond through conscious choice. Using the
enablers of courage, compassion and gratitude, we can build awareness, access our
inherent power to make conscious choices aligned to our purpose.
Giving in to Compulsive
impulse Pattern
External Trigger
Courage,
Compassion, Conscious Choice
Gratitude
How it can support our behaviour

Courage to see We can pause and reconsider our behaviour (pause), feel
the adverse and harness our underlying emotion (e.g., observe,
impact of our experience, express or transform emotion constructively),
identify our underlying needs and core fears
compulsive
patterns
(behaviour, emotions, needs, core fears) when faced with an
external trigger.
compulsive pattern (behaviour, emotions, needs, core fears)
‘the other’ • For ourselves: Drop judgements for our compulsive patterns by
remembering their genesis
Gratitude for We can choose the most appropriate response (e.g. courage,
our internal compassion, gratitude, awareness of the full truth)
landscape and • For internal landscape: See the purpose our inner landscape
external (behaviour, emotion, need, core fear) is trying to serve
challenge • For external challenge: See the role of the situation in enabling
us to choose a conscious response that constructively meets the
reacting reacting
Needs Constructively meet them Seeing present context, redefining
need, an alternate way to meet it,
Core Switch to any of the Prayer/Spiritual practice
Fears enabling states – courage, Affirmations/Mantras
compassion, gratitude, Gratitude practice
seeing the full picture
REFLECT & JOURNAL-6
136
DEEPENING PRACTICE- 6,7 (to be done over 2 days)
Retrospective application of learnings to a recent situation (medium intensity)
Courage: What was my inner landscape? (Behaviour, emotions, needs, fears)
Compassion: How did my inner landscape support me in the moment?
138
What could I want to do differently, if confronted with any similar core fears?
Courage to We can pause and reconsider our behaviour (pause), feel and
see the harness our underlying emotion (e.g., observe, experience,
adverse express or transform emotion constructively), identify our
underlying needs and core fears
impact of
our
(behaviour, emotions, needs, core fears) when faced with an
compulsive
external trigger.
patterns
compulsive pattern (behaviour, emotions, needs, core fears)
Compassion We can drop judgements for the inner landscape of both parties
for ourselves involved, enabling us to see the whole picture
and ‘the • For ourselves: Drop judgements for our compulsive patterns by
other’ remembering their genesis
Gratitude We can choose the most appropriate response (e.g. courage,
for our compassion, gratitude, awareness of the full truth)
internal • For internal landscape: See the purpose our inner landscape
landscape (behaviour, emotion, need, core fear) is trying to serve
and external • For external challenge: See the role of the situation in enabling us
challenge to choose a conscious response that constructively meets the
reacting reacting
Needs Constructively meet them Seeing present context, redefining
need, an alternate way to meet it,
Core Switch to any of the Prayer/Spiritual practice
Fears enabling states – courage, Affirmations/Mantras
compassion, gratitude, Gratitude practice
seeing the full picture
140

thoughts and emotions? How did I honor my needs? How did I overcome my core
fears?



DEEPENING PRACTICE- 9, 10 (To be done over 2 days)

the adverse
impact of our
compulsive
patterns
What core fear underlies the need?

unmanaged emotion?
142

for ourselves
and ‘the other’
How can I drop judgements in this moment? E.g. see genesis of core
fears
How can I drop judgements in this moment? E.g. hypothesize on

core fears of the other person
Gratitude for What is the purpose of my compulsion (behaviour, emotion, need)?

our internal
landscape and
external
challenge
(repeat if needed) How can I constructively handle my emotional
energy (observe, experience, express or transform)?
(after doing above) How can I constructively handle my need (see

present context, redefine need, an alternate way to meet it)?
(after doing above) How can I constructively handle my core fear

(recognize it is exaggerated, courage through trust or faith in self or
another or higher power, compassion for self, gratitude for life)?

situation?
(after doing above) How can this challenge be an opportunity to

grow and learn? What can be an alternative conscious response that
144
Additional Resources
146
About Us
Swasth Foundation (www.swasth.org), founded in 2007, is a non-profit social
enterprise working towards health and joy for all. SWASTH stands for Sustained
Wellbeing through Analysis, Service & Training with Harmony.
As of 2022, through its two programs – Swasth India Medical Center (SIMC) and
Swasth Yog Institute (SYI, www.swasthyog.org), Swasth has served over 1.5 million
health interactions and delivered over 65,000 person-hours of health education
services.
The colloquial meaning of the Sanskrit word “Swasth” is healthy. Etymologically, it

means to be established in one’s own self. When our body and energy, mind and
emotions, intuition and spirit are in harmony within, there is harmony in our external
environment too – our health, relationships, work, leisure and growth aspirations are
all met seamlessly.
Swasth Yog Institute is creating an ecosystem to enable this sustained, holistic well-
being through an integrated approach. Integration runs across the dimensions of
Self that are impacted, across multiple aspects (modalities, approaches, functions,
delivery mechanisms) and at different levels (macro to micro).
Through its Health & Wellness Center, participants across the world design
customized journeys towards their well-being. A range of tools for transformation are
available:
• Aahaar (Nutrition)
• Vigyaan (Philosophy to understand self & life)
• Vichaar (Channelizing the Mind & Emotions)
• Vyaayaam (Somatic Movement & Relaxation to Channelize Energy)
• Vihaar (Being one with Nature, Leisure)
These services are delivered by Swasth Yog Coaches – a new cadre of integrated
care professionals trained at the Institute to deliver the highest quality services with the
spirit of Peace, Love and Joy.
148
Resource People and Institutions
Sharing, not hoarding is the spirit of yog, of union. In this spirit, we have created a
YouTube channel with a range of resources for well-being. All are welcome to use and
refer these resources. Also, feel free to email us to get access to the templates and
checklists used in the book. Additionally, the following organizations and people could be
potential resources for you, as you chart out your journey. Their work has been a great
support to us in re-discovering Yog, and we are forever indebted to them.
Yog, Ayurved & Body Wisdom

• Swami Vivekaaananda Yoga Anusandhana Samsthana
• Indian Yoga Association (IYA)
• Isha Foundation
• Kaivalyadhama (Lonavala)
• The Yoga Institute (Santacruz, Mumbai)
• Dr Robert Svoboda
• Dr Claudia Welch
• Dr Scott Blossom
• Yoga Anatomy
Life Purpose Work and Emotional development

• Leadership That Works (LTW)
• Indian Society for Applied Sciences & Behaviour (ISABS)
• Dr Wasundhara Joshi (Changeworks)
• Louise Hay
• Manav Sadhana
• Sukhvinder Sircar (Joyous Woman)
• Vikram Bhatt (Leadership That Works)
• Mission Impossible Leadership Program
Yogic Aahaar - Food, Nutrition

• Vaidya Atreya Smith
• Dr Vasant Lad
• PHC Clinic and Nutrition Science (Bengaluru)
• Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM)
• Sanctuary for Health and Reconnection to Animals and Nature (SHARAN)
• The Health Awareness Center (THAC)
• T. Colin Campbell Center for Nutrition Studies
150
Spiritual Growth
• Art of Living
• Chinmaya Mission
• Isha Foundation
• Mukeshaaanand (http://www.mukeshaanand.org/)
• Ramana Maharshi Ashram
• Vipassana
References
• Emotions, by Sadhguru
• Emotional Intelligence, by Nikita Yogi Ganatra
• Coaching For Transformation, by Leadership That Works
• Emotional Intelligence, by Nikita Yogi Ganatra
• Emotoscope www.6seconds.org/feel | by Joshua Freedman & Marilynn
Jorgensen
• Falling into Grace, by Adhyashanti
• Nithya Shanti’s body of work
• https://www.ramdass.org/using-emotions-on-the-spiritual-path/
• “Creating True Peace”, by Thicht Nhat Hanh
• Louise Hay’s body of Work
152

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Published by: Swasth Yog Institute Publications, Swasth Foundation,

Website: www.swasth.org Email: [email protected]

First edition: June 2020

Illustrated by Akshata Chitnis ([email protected])

Peace, Love, Joy for All

May our body, energy, mind and emotions be in harmony (Yog)

This book is dedicated to the countless, selfless Yogis

ॐ सर्वे भर्वन्तु सुखिनः

Om Sarve Bhavantu Sukhinah

1: Om, May All be Happy,

Is this Book for me?..................................................................6

Chapter 1 – Preparing for our Journey.....................................13

Chapter 2 – Our Behaviour……………………………………….21

Chapter 3 – Our Emotions………………………………….…….47

Chapter 4 – Our Needs………….….........................................75

Chapter 5 – Core Fears………….….........................................99

Let’s face it!

We believe and know, beyond doubt, that

Our approach is to do the following

- Well-being (Swasthya): A tangible, measurable difference in health which YOU can

• What health challenges am I facing currently?

• What is my intention behind this journey to well-being? How could it impact my

• To meet my health goal, what am I ready to commit to?

How to use Yogic tools for your journey?

Remember, the goal is not to finish the book,

Welcome to the world of peace, love and joy!

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

Welcome and entertain them all!

The dark thought, the shame, the

Be grateful for whoever comes,

As per Wikipedia, “Kintsugi”, also known as Kintsukuroi (金繕い, "golden

This journey is an opportunity to work with our wounds, and to heal

“Preparing for our inner journey”

Any journey needs clarity on the destination and tools to get

REFLECT & JOURNAL-1

For these 3 areas, reflect on the questions below

Taking your attention inwards, ask yourself again – “Who do I want to be

“I yearn for me to be ______________________________________________”

Some of us may have a background in emotional intelligence and mental

As we do our inner ‘work’ with courage, we will develop a greater awareness of

As we operate with compassion, and release judgements for ourselves or others,

Intention Setting for enabling states - Courage, Compassion, Gratitude

• Courage to acknowledge my inner landscape to myself, and see the adverse

Where has courage or

Where might I have

Understanding our behaviour in the face of challenging external

Fight Behaviour examples:

Flight Behaviour examples:

Freeze Behaviour examples (seemingly opposite states of numbness or overwhelm, but

Our compulsive patterns

The adverse impact of our compulsive patterns

Similar physiological changes occur in dealing with present-day triggers, leading to

REFLECT & JOURNAL-2

COMPASSION FOR OURSELVES & ‘THE OTHER’

Compassion for ourselves

When we react (Fight-Flight-Freeze) compulsively without awareness, we are controlled

Compassion for ‘the other’

REFLECT & JOURNAL-3

For the Reactive Behaviour MOST used by me (Fight / Flight /

Explicit messages received from others: