GARY Herlbert Letter
GARY Herlbert Letter
Nobody ever asks me who the best copywriter in the world is anymore.
A Hard-Boiled, Go-Get-The-Job-Done,
Grab-Them-By-The-Throat, And
Force-Them-To-Order Copywriter!
John almost makes a fetish out of being low profile. Even though he's a
world-class copywriter... and... someone who makes millions of dollars for his
clients... he is NOT someone who chooses to be on the book market or seminar
circuit. He's not somebody who goes out and tries to become famous. He's like
a "quiet trade secret" for those few of us insiders who are privileged to know
him... and... he's one of those people you'll rarely ever get the opportunity
to hear his advice.
Like most of the best writers, John is a complex man. He loathes publicity
and limelight yet, he performs on stage as a scorching lead guitarist for
local bar bands as a hobby.
He tried many different lifestyles as he was growing up. John was lucky
enough to catch the heyday of Beatlemania, the emerging pop-culture of
television, hippydom, the sexual revolution, Watergate, the rise of importance
of Silicon Valley, Los Angeles decadence during the '80s... and... most
importantly... the radical changes in advertising that came with computers,
cable television, video, and the absorption of junk mail into everyday life.
John's involvement with these events is critical to you being able to
understand the depth of his experience and knowledge as it relates to
advertising and marketing.
John has combined his degree in Psychology from UC Davis, his passion for
history, his wicked sense of humor and his youth spent on the edge of Bohemia
into a powerful writing talent and a "feel" for what makes people tick.
Circa 1988, I invited John to handle the big desk chores at my Hollywood
office on Sunset Boulevard. During our long friendship, John has accompanied
me on marketing adventures that have changed the very nature of advertising
forever.
John's had fun, brushes with death, helped small men accumulate fortunes
and watched helplessly as rich corporations came tumbling down from their own
idiocy. There's no better way to learn how the world works than to roll up
your sleeves and get filthy with experience like this. He's been stupid,
smart, cursed, lucky, broke, well off, mocked, worshiped, hated and loved.
Plus reams of other ads and letters written for shrinks, people looking
for mates, new computer products, chiropractors, diet programs, precious metal
investing, fund raisers and personal letters which have motivated people to
change their lives.
When John's ads run in magazines (which often fill three pages of copy)
the entire look of the publication quickly changes as other advertisers catch
on... and... begin to imitate... his hard-hitting writing style that is so
effective at raking in profits.
His direct mail sales letters have long been used all over the world as
study guides for other writers. In fact, many copywriters (including me)
secretly come to John for marketing help with their projects. You see, John
has a soft spot for helping people... because... no one helped him when he was
struggling in the early years. Once I heard this remark from John:
But, as John also remarked, "The lesson is, don't look for anyone to cheer
your success until after you've arrived. Trust only those who believed in you
when things were tough. They are the gems who will brighten your life."
He Is Truly A Man
Who Cherishes His Laziness!
His fees have caused un-initiated clients to choke... but... the results
of his ads and mailing packages often rake in multi-millions in profits for
his clients.
So what? Why should you care about all this? How does all this fit into a
newsletter you read because you want to suck more fungolas out of the world
for your own evil purposes?
You'll soon find out. But, first, I have to tell you a little about
another of my friends, Joe Polish.
Later, he began to study other marketing gurus like Dan Kennedy and Jay
Abraham and his business grew even more.
In 1994, Joe formed Polish & Burke which rapidly morphed into Piranha
Marketing with a mission to teach other carpet cleaners the marketing secrets
he had learned.
Piranha Marketing did 1/4 million the first year, 1/2 million the second
and is now pulling in over a million per year... and... still growing.
It quickly became apparent these tapes were not only valuable to carpet
cleaners but... to anyone... interested in increasing their bottom-line.
Joe's interviewed me, Dan Kennedy, Michael Gerber and a couple dozen other
people and the wisdom on these tapes is invaluable. It costs $18.53 per month
to be a member of Joe's Tape-Of-The-Month Club... for which... you get the
tape of his current interview... as well as... the written transcript.
His work strategies that let him turn out killer sales letters and ads
time-after-time...
How he created a sensational "sex book ad" for the conservative Rodale
Press...
Why you need to reach for the outrageous limits of every emotion
including guilt, outrage, fear, greed and suspicion.
I'm gonna stop now. There's so much on these tapes, I could spend another
couple of hours trying to describe them all to you. You need to listen to
these and...
What you do is, you call Joe Polish's office (1-800-275-2643) and sign up
for his Tape-Of-The-Month Club. Tell the office you're one of my subscribers
and they will immediately send you the two tapes of Joe's interview with John
Carlton. These are yours to keep... no matter what.
After you listen to this interview, if you don't want any more of the
tapes of Joe's monthly interviews, simply call his office and tell them you
want to un-sign-up. (I just made up that word.) If you do that, they won't
send you any more tapes... but... you still get to keep the tapes of John's
interview... and... you won't be out a single dime.
Now listen: Neither John nor Joe have any idea I'm writing this. I don't
get a penny in commissions if you join Joe's Tape-Of-The-Month Club. I am
making a strong recommendation here with no financial motive whatsoever. I
want you to have the tapes of Joe's interview with John simply because...
So there.
By the way, in case you're out of the country and can't call Piranha
Marketing's 800 number, the direct line is...
1-602-858-0008
Onward.
Back in the late '60s, I read a novel. I can't remember the title but,
I'll never forget though the story. It was about one college professor who was
jealous of another professor who had become rich and famous by writing a
series of "how-to-become-a-success" type books.
The first professor decided he would discredit the second guy. His plan
was, he would read one of the self-help books, follow its instructions to the
letter... and then... since he knew none of these instructions would actually
work... he would write a book exposing the "how-to" book author as a fraud.
So, he read one of the books, followed all the instructions... and...
unfortunately for him...
Setting goals did work.
Ain't that a bitch? What's the world coming to? You set out to discredit a
man and then discover his advice is actually helping you!
Anyway, I've got another book in front of me now titled, If I Knew Then
What I Know Now. In this book, CEO's and other smart executives share wisdom
they wish they'd been told 25 years ago. It's pretty good. Here's one very
short observation from page 144 by a columnist named Whit Hobbs:
Listen: I'll tell you something: I teach people all about how to do a
mathematical, marketing regression analysis, how to access Nasdaq Level II
quotes, how to massage complex statistics, how to create engineered
reciprocity, how to profitably navigate the Internet with their PC's, and an
endless variety of other complex, highly-technical shit.
But you know what? The really important wisdom... the stuff which
will really change your life... is simple. In fact, it's so simple, it could
rightly be considered downright corny.
I've been thinking: What if I were on my death bed? What if I had only a
few minutes left? What if God told me to use those last few minutes to tell
someone the single most important thing I knew? What if it had to be the one
thing... that... in my opinion... would enhance their life more than anything
else I could ever tell them?
Pretty simple stuff, isn't it? But, I'll tell you this: If you will do
this every day in 1999, it will create a more positive change in your life
than anything else you can do.
This regiment, although simple on the surface, has profound and somewhat
complex and far-reaching psychological ramifications.
May I explain?
Thank you.
1. Set your alarm to go off 10 minutes earlier than usual. By getting a 10-minute
earlier start, you tend to remove the "urgency" many of us experience as soon as we
wake up. You'll feel less harried, less hurried and a bit more peaceful.
2. The first thing, after you get up, is to immediately remake your bed. If you
don't do this, you will be starting your day... instantly... creating an "undone chore"
which will nag at the back of your mind for the rest of the day. If you do do this, you
will start the day without having added a single, niggling little thing to your "to do"
list.
3. Go to the kitchen, pour yourself a glass of water and drink it all. You do NOT
drink enough water. Nobody in America does. Water is the elixir of elixirs. It flushes
toxins out of your body, provides an environment which lets your electrolytes and all
other aspects of your biochemistry function at maximum efficiency.
4. Go to the bathroom, take care of "business," brush your teeth, wash the sleep
out of your face and eyes and brush and comb your hair. You're getting ready for
battle: The battle to have a good day. Doing all the above will wake you up a little,
freshen you up a bit and "set-you-up" to get going.
6. Leave the house immediately and take a 20-minute walk. You're outside, you're
breathing fresh air, you're getting your circulation going, you're becoming more
mentally alert. Some of the fog begins to lift from your mind. You begin to notice
your environment, see the colors of the fall foliage, the bloom of a spring flower, the
dew on the grass on a summer morning, the untrodden snow in mid-winter. NOTE:
This is NOT exercise. This is a loosening up; a "defogging" of your mind and
allowing your body to gently warm up for its daily tasks.
7. As soon as you get back, woof down a nutritionally-dense protein drink made
by mixing the contents of a packet of Myoplex, Met-RX or Lean Body with eight
ounces of fat-free milk and a banana. This will infuse your body with nearly all the
vitamins, minerals, electrolytes, and other good stuff to help your body and mind
function at peak throughout the day.
10. Dress in fresh, crisp clothes and go about your day. Ritual completed. You're
loosened up, oxygenated, clean, crisp, nourished, starting your day with no added
baggage.
Is this the perfect way to start a day? No, but it's a very good way.
Maybe someday, after your 20-minute walk, you'll extend it to some power-
walking, a jog or a run. After your roadwork, maybe you'll pump a little iron.
But, that's for the future. Maybe. Don't think about it now. Just give the
above routine a shot for seven weeks and I guarantee your life will be better.
Much better. It may sound funny and incredibly simplistic but, that's the
advice I'd give you if I could only give you one piece of advice. It's based
on years of exhaustive personal research on my part... that proves... the best
way to get a good day started is to...
Get Up And
Get Going!
Here's a few odds and ends: My Viagra research in Brazil went very well.
There's only a handful of Americans in Rio and they are not particularly eager
to encourage other Americans to go there. Neither am I.
Still pining for your ex-wife? Send in a photo of her and an audio tape of
her voice and they'll make a new and improved, more "user friendly" version of
her for you.
You'll see.
Sincerely,
Gary C. Halbert