[No. 49.-VOL. II.

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NEW YORK
COPYRIGHT SECURED 1877.

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“PUGH, < inis eS‘That “MRS. SHERMAN. a

excellent, but “very much. misguided
— Parlaringe.:
Sed ‘Lsrs’tstbpsdloaly' Stgteomeencal|A} SILVERdollar isi 2 whiteTie,
No. 13 North Willige:Street, New York. re es

FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. an nown to y ti

populace. of Ametica as’ Mrs. General Sherman,
TERMS To sur
Bonscnnens, .
has.come to the front again. Some time ago BLAND is a smart talker, but he can’t talk
One Copy one year, or 52 numbers... seo eehb: weccccc o-G§SO
One Copy, six ths, or26 numbers........., Io Sade enccecces 4.50 ‘she injudiciously gave her -indérsement to a 40 per cent. on to a'silver dollar.
i Copy for thirteen weeks.........-+-s+0++: ci he vbN oh oS es 1.25 book called ‘‘ The Dance of Death,” a choice
PosTaGE FREE.
production emanating from a dirty-minded in-
dividual whose name we have forgotten... It) i Tue stamp of ‘Fraud—the dollar-mark on
ALL OVER THE WORLD! makes no matter: if we did. remember it, ‘we thyface of a silver 9o-cent piece.
shouldn’t give him the advertisement of men- _

PUCK’S ALMANAC. tioning it, Mrs. Sherman’s difficulty with our Ir seems a little ‘Curious at first glance that
social system is on the question of***round the growth of the Murphy movement should
PRICE 15’ CENTS, dances.””’ She finds them immoral —the waltz, decrease the number of potaters,
-__oo
the deux-temps, the antiquated polka—and she
Those, who have not, died happy have never read ots

Puck’s ALMANAC. Those wishing to die happy will has several timies expressed herself with velie-
please take.notice._.” mence and volubility.’ Of course, itis our wish ‘Tomes iis one thing in
i which the ancierits had
to treat with respect all sincere and honest the bulge ‘on us. Nobody eyér ‘saw, Socrates
Overr19,000 copies gone already! convictions; and if Mrs. Sherman chooses to going around in a pair |of trousers that‘bagged
forbid. the General’s dancing, it is eminently at the knees,
her own affair, and the General’s. But we may
WHERE IS THE POPE? suggest, without impropriety, that we fear Mrs. KeSILVER dollar is worth go per cent..of a
Sherman has not looked at this matter with gold one; and the Silver party can no more
THE death of Pius 1X. was so long expected that catholic impartiality which it demands. turn it yellow than they can turn themselves
that its arrival was forestalled in a previous Round dancing is not an artificial growth of into a — of white-robed angels.
cartoon by our artist; so that, coming as it does modern ‘society. “It has its place in the vast
; now, it comes.curiously zmexpected. Our artist scheme of creation; it is:.provided for in the
has treated this subject in a peculiar and un- cosmic symmetry of the universe. WE are not in love with Bob Ingersoll. He
conventional form. You are requested. to look is coarse and flippant. He’d prove more if he
We ask.Mrs, Sherman ‘simply to examine,
at the picture on our front, page and say where with an unprejudiced eye, the arm—the pre- stuck to pure science, But still no one-is in a
‘the Pope is? We-leave his merits to his friends hensile right arm—of Man. She will observe
position to disprove his assertions, loose as they
and his failings to his foes—all that we leave to in that limb, even when in repose, a well-de-
are.
our readers is the solution of our problem; we fined curve, a. graceful, easy crook. She will
ask them to look at the picture impartially and see that it adapts itself readily to a cylindrical Ar the Weedsport, 'N. Y., church fairs they
with no sectarian prejudices, and answer the surface; that it abhors a right line; that it is have “kissing bees,” We are not acquainted
question that is asked in the line accompanying essentially sinuous. Why does that curve with the Weedsport bees, but if they know
the re exist? The mere question is a paradox which their business as kissers, they probably make
ought to puzzle Mrs. Sherman. Will she the young men come to the front.
acknowledge that in the economy of nature
PUCK’S: VALENTINES (ON SKATES). that curve should be waisted? And for what AMERICANS who wish to get a correct idea
other purpose is it there? Is that manly crook of the dignified courtesy of the patrician Eng-
“Carl Schurz on Skates ” is ndt exactly from to be wasted on the slippery bar-counter of the lish Parliament, when that noble body gets in-
a sketch made on the spot, but the imagination diabolical beer-saloon? No! a thousand times terested in the Turkish question, will do well ©
of our artist can make sfranger combinations no! “Let Mrs. Sherman look at the daguerreo-
7——
to attend the performances of George, the ,
‘than that. This miich we‘ean safely say: Given type which the General, we hope, still keeps Count Joannes.
Carl Schurz, mae and Blaine on skates, locked in his desk, and looks at from time to
wouldn’t their relative -positions (figuratively) time with something of the ardor of bygone
cortespond with the draughtsman’s ideas ? days. She will there find evidence that kindly TueEY have had a cyclone in Georgia;. and
We are living in slippery times, and the nature provides a responsive.and harmonious when it struck the city of Augusta, it is said
Bland gentleman who has come to grief on the filling for that empty and yearning arc. And that the mayor telegraphed to J. Blaine, Wash-
silver dollar, is only one of the men whose foi- let her not thereafter, raise her voice against ington: ‘Call your Gailamilton off.” Blaine’s
bles are apt to trip them up. the round-dance, the harmless friend of the reply was: ‘‘She is off now; and nobody can
There is a gefieral slip all around, and as perfect natural union of bodies and coat-sleeves. make her any offer.” The truth of the state-
Turkey falls while the Czar dashes jauntingly ment was recognized.
‘along, the question intrudes itself: ‘‘ How does — The desire which burns in the breast of
John Bull like, it as far as he has got ?” every young and promising actress—the pas- THE latest fashionable form of D..T. is a:
The whole picture is intended to be a pleas- sionate desire to play Camille has been com- wide variation on the old snake.style. The
ant reminder of the season, but the sportive mented on before, several times, at least. But aristocratic victim now sees a red clay urn, with
fancy of the artist has studded the scene with the peculiar phase which this tendency has as- a monogram on the neck, over a picture of
characters and incidents that are mure than sumed of late certainly deserves a word of Menelaus, in full armor, trying to get around
mere figures.on
a
skates. notice. Every bright particular star—too par- the bulge at the bottom and pull a pink Cupid
ticular, perhaps—who has within the past few out of a mistletoe plantation struck by lightning.
years, presented her conception of Camiile toan It is generally fatal.
-+ How -deliciously frank is Russia in the expectant public, has, apparently, gone to work
present aspect of affairs. She, like George with the sole intention of whitewashing the hec- An exchange tells us that the feminine mind
Washington, cannot tell a lie. She went to tic martyr of the rue Notre Dame de Lorette. resents a joke. We call attentionto the truth
war to protect those poor persecuted Christians From Clara Morris to Modjeska, we have had of this statement. Never joke with a woman.
in Bulgatia. .Only this and nothing more. a succession of Camilles who vied with each Belt her over the head with. a coal-scuttle,
Comstantinople did you say? Oh, quite a mis- other in spotless purity and unimpeachable cor- chuck blacking-brushes at her, throw her out
apprehension, I assure you. What was that rectness of deportment; until as at last Mlle. of the window; but don’t wound the sensitive genes
ena
remark about the treaty of Paris? Ah! indeed, Alphonsine Plessis rejoices in an apotheosis fibres of her soul by any humorous remarks.
did J break it? How very odd, to be sure. such as no lady of her profession ever got be- Woman is not paragraphic by nature.
Yes,. we are absent-minded sometimes. ‘The fore her, to say the least of it. We do not wish
. presence of the British fleet at Constantinople to offer any objections to this. It is probably
may possibly have the effect of regulating in very nice.and pretty. It has made the play a A CLERGYMAN ‘by the name of Armitage has
some degree this awkward tendency in the charming little Sunday-school drama, though been calling Colonel‘ Ingersoll ‘‘.the new Go-
Bear’s organization. where the Cawiti/+ comes in is not so clear.. By liath of Gath;” and our erudite contemporary,
all means let our stellar attractions go on and the Sun, wants to know ‘“‘ Where is the new
devote their genius, beauty and accomplish- Daniel, with his pebbles and sling?” We. are
— Anperson & WELLS now think that suit ments to making the heroine of their favorite happy to inform the Sun that Daniel is coming
against Uncle Sammy Tilden for unpaid in- play a moral and a model of respectability. right along ‘‘ with his pebbles and sling.” -He
come tax ought to be dropped, and an inquiry Only we wish to draw their attention to the will probably arrive about the same time as
as to the right of Hayes to his present income fact that the distinguished original had no as- Moses with his jaw-bone of an ass and Samuel
be aoton esi pirations of the kind. with his little hatchet.
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SCISSORS AND QUILL. . FITZNOODLE IN AMERICA.

A lady in Black Rock, Ct., noticed for several days No. XLVI.
recently that the earth in one of her flower-pots was dis-
turbed, and at last made an examination, which brought VARIOUS SUBJECTS
to light four live adders about a foot long, snugly curled DISCUSSED.
up in the bottom.—-Boston Globe.
Ya-as, there’s a
But would not a little Brown Jug make a man gweat deal going
see snakes as soon as a Black Crock ? on now in aw this
*¢ Poker” is the name of a new playin San Francisco.
city. Jack and I
It ought to ** draw.” —WV. Y. Com. Adv. weceive numer-
Not if the actors get “‘ full.” wous aw cards and
invitations to we-
In London, years ago, a prize of $50 was offered for ceptions, balls and
the best original joke, and Horne Tooke it.— Norristown dinnah-parties.
Herald.
PUCK’S There are Amer-
Now, be honest. + Didn’t Theodore Hook it?—(?} wicans he-ah who call themselves aw “‘ society.”
ESSENTIAL OIL OF CONGRESS. We don’t know about that, but we believe a London Don’t weally know what the deuce that means.
SENATE. publisher Hiddit.— Detroit Free Press.
Perwhaps they give it the name because they
WASHINGTON, February 8, 1878. Now we should have A Ward-ed it differently.—J. Y. are verwy fond of each othah’s society. But,
The Silver Bill again. Com. Adv.
"pon my soul, this twibe of people are tolerwa-
SENATOR HILL had come io the conclusion We know some Hood have thought differ. bly endurwable aw, I may even aw say. agwee-
that the discussion of the question required no ently. . able, and of course they like to have fellaws
ornamentation. It was well that it didn’t, be- What’s one man’s fish is another man’s foisson.— Bos- like Jack and me at their tables.
cause he wasn’t much of a hand at rhetoric. ton Post. Those who have Fwench cooks don’t give
For his part, he’d be willing to go back to the Truite is. bad dinnahs, by Jove; and some of these af-
Spartan Monetary policy and coin iron dollars, fairs are managed in quite the pwopah English
same size as gold ones, and make them of equal The government has offered Bayard Taylor, the trans-
lator of Goethe, the mission to Berlin, and if he is sharp style, with verwy little of the Amerwican na-
‘value. This would encourage the iron trade. turwal barbarwism in such aw mattahs, The
he will Goethe. N.B.—If you can’t pronounce the lat-
SENATOR BLAINE wished to know if he rightly ter name you will see the joke, but not much of it. It's gweatest dwawback is that a fellaw nevah aw
understood Senator Hill. only a little one.—/P. /. AZan. knows to whom he is talking. The girl may be
SENATOR HILL said he couldn’t supply brains No self-respecting joker would try to jest decent enough, but is pwobably a twadesman’s
to Senator Blaine. in this Schiller-Shaller way. daughter, and the fellaw a member of Con
SENATOR Biaine. “Onthecontrary. I want gwess or a pwofessional man.
to give him some of mine.” Miss Mary Anderson has decided to appear no longer
I have also been dwagged to some aw ar-
SENATOR HILL continued: ‘ Niggers liked in a play in which she has been successful, as it conflicts
with her sense of maidenly propriety to assume the attire wangements which are called literwawy wecep-
silver and this was an unanswerable argument tions. I weally didn’t want to go, but Jack
ofa young man. Perhaps our Annie Louise Cary felt so
for its being remonetized. ‘They might hoard at first, but if she did, she has bravely got over it, for at said it was all wight, and that a stwanger ought
it and in a few hundred years it would prob- the ‘* Faust” matinee she looked very piquant with her to make it his business to see everwything in a
ably be worth more than Gold. Bond-holders little purple mantle and purple tights, but, indeed, if her new countwy.
and class legislation were his particular horrors, mother had seen her she wouldn’t have recognized her.
—Hartford Times. I was aw intwoduced to a cadaverwous look-
that is to say, class legislation if it touched his ing, dwied-up, middle-aged female cweature,
pocket. He (Senator Hill) was the boss, par- So Miss Anderson does not like it and Miss who edits perwiodicals about dwessmaking and
ticular incarnation of everything that was re- Cary does ?—ahem, Miss Cary iias a good pair. embwoiderwy and such descwiption of literwa-
presentative. He represented the people, the ture. I nevah wead that sort of thing, yer
government and the truth. He strongly ob- know—it’s quite out of my line. A lot of
jected to people saying that there was such a wetchedly-dwessed fellaws called cwitics were
thing as fraud in the legislation. Everybody LITERARY NOTES. also there. Jack says they wite for newspapers
knew or ought to know that this was the finest oe
about the dwama, wacing, etceterwa. How
government in the world. fellaws who have such horwible tailors can be
SENATOR WITHERS never had a decided — A literary fortnightly calls Miss Braddon
a novel factory, a human hopper for the turning authorwities on any subject is incompwehensi- .
opinion about anything and was ready to go ble to me.
‘*all round my hat,” and veer to any point of out of fiction. Human hopper— well, since she
is fair, fat, and forty-five or so, why not agrasse Two othah balls—fellaws, after twying verwy
the compass that the situation might require. hard, persuaded me to go to aw. One was
Gold was gold and silver was silver and vice hopper?
called the Charwity—because, I believe, the
versa. He defied anybody to prove anything — Now that Bret Harte has published “‘A gweenbacks waised go to welieve people who
to the contrary. New Englanders were hoard- Story of Mine,” Joaquin Miller will have to are widiculous enough not to pwovide them-
ing greenbacks and were going to change them bring out ‘‘ My Awful Whopper,” and Eli Per- selves with pwoper necessarwies of life.
for gold. kins, emerging from his retirement at Sazerac, The forweigners he ah—Germans, you know
SENATOR EaTon said that if Senator Wi- will lecture on “‘ Truth, Solid Truth.” —have an arwangement called a Leadencranky
thers’s credit was good enough, he could bor- —doosid queer names forweigners give things.
row fifty millions of dollars in New York on — Mr. Edgar Fawcett has written poems on It is a sort of masquerade, and a gweat many
good security. all the flowers of the field, and has now taken people make asses of themselves by wunning
SENATOR RANDOLPH knew howit was himself. to do the dwellers in the sky— meteors and such. about in devilish odd dwesses. . There were
SENATOR WITHERS hadn’t finished yet. The In time he will come to chemistry, and we shall gwoups of indeswibable things, in all the colors
taxpayer had been suffering since the close of expect stanzas on a stalagnite, a sonnet on of the wainbow—but I weally can’t wack my
the war in the interest of the bondholder. sodium, and an epic on ipecac. bwain to say anything more about such
What a happy country this ought to be, when foolerwy. ‘
we found how suspicious European holders of — Mr. de Cordova has a new lecture on
“That Dog Next Door.” It must be something Aw by the way, I he-ah that Wussia is going
: our bonds were becoming, that they were now to give us some twouble—wather a bore. Jack
| sending them here to find out if they were of a task for sedate New England lecture com-
mittees to find all the bootjacks and brickbats says he’ll pwobably have to join his aw wegi-
worth five cents on the dollar. Let Americans ment aw.
owe money to themselves —no people were bet- needed to adequately illustrate any adequate
ter at'the business of owing. Repudiate every- discussion of the subject.
thing; make brass pinchbeck; copper, tin and — The Library Zable has a neat criticism THE maddest man in the United States is
silver legal tenders. Let a dollar be made out on ‘*The Sparkling Cup,” a ‘temperance Mr. Able, of Carthage, Mo. He was sentenced
of any metal to suit the fancy of the holder, drama,” founded on a T. S. Arthurian legend, to be hanged on Friday two weeks ago. On
and then the United States would become the and more interesting for those who like that ‘Thursday evening he learned that influential
best-governed country on the globe, its citizens sort of thing, as Mr. Lincoln would have said, friends had procured hin a respite for thirty
the honestest and the happiest, its coinage the than Tennyson’s more polished lines. days, and had got all the evidence to acquit
most debased and admirable, its fiscal policy him on a new trial. He learned it just after he
the most unprincipled, and its statesmen the — Since the discontinuance of the Ga/axy had made a full and free confession of the
most contemptible. Do all this, and the great Mr. Richard Grant White has much spare time, crime. It is interesting to know that Mr. Able
American Eagle would have to flap his wings and so we hear that he is to run a paragraph will cease being mad on the 22nd of this
with redoubled vigor. column in the Aé/antic. month. ;
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 PUCK.
birds specified, and the mating of crows or Perhaps—though it is hardly a supposable —
‘| pelicans is of comparatively little sentimental case—the lady you are sending the valentine to
interest. ° doesn’t care for poetry. In that case jit is diffi-
There are several things to be said in favor cult to advise you what to do. Such a young
of sending valentines. lady must necessarily be of a practical, domes-
It helps the valentine trade. It also enkin- tic turn of mind. A pair of stockings, or a po-
dles in the prosaic breast of man a subtle feel- tato-peeler, or some other kitchen-utensil,
ing of sympathy. wouldn’t be a bad thing to send along with the
The man who wili send a valentine is not de- valentine, just to show your appreciation of
void of a redeeming quality. He may be an her.
idiot, but he is not absolutely stony-hearted. A word to the ladies:
Besides, his idiocy will be undiscovered; for . As for the other kind of valentines—those
ST. VALENTINE'’S DAY. the practice that approves of sending valen- abusive ones—caution is very necessary in their
tines, approves of sending them anonymously. use. Generally, a man who receives one feels
HIS poetic and sentimental day occurs on And isn’t it a sweet thought that you, who it deeply. You may abuse his mother-in-law,
the. fourteenth of February. That’s have never dared confess your love to the one step on his new hat, or call him names, and he
about as good a day for it to occur on as fair idol of your dreams, can have the glorious won’t mind it; but send him a valentine that
any other; and as it only happens once a year, privilege of sending it to her in a picture and doesn’t flatter him, and you wound every inch
there is not much to be said against it. arhyme? Yes, it is a sweet thought indeed! of manhood in his noble bosom. He will leave
February is an otherwise distinguished And sweet, too, are the consequences that may no stone on earth unturned until he has found
month. ‘lhe father of our country was born result—especially if she thinks your beautiful you out. And then—then—what pen can pic-
ee in it. But St. Valentine’s Day gets the best of valentine came from the other fellow, and im- ture the consequences!
that anniversary by eight days. As an illustra- mediately accepts him as her chosen one, in
reward. But the man who js depraved enough —who
tion of the mild and indulgent character of
I want to offer some advice on this valentine is so lost to all sense of masculine nobility —to
George Washington, it may here be mentioned send an outrageous valentine to one of the
that he was never heard to make any complaint business. Don’t send one to the only girl you
ever loved, if you haven’t given her some pre- softer sex, deserves to be discovered. He com-
==
on that account.
vious hint that she will receive one—unless you mits a crime against the laws of St. Valentine.
February, being a month of so many notable And yet—how many have done it, and how
characteristics, contents itself with fewer days, like to waste your young affection.
Don’t let your young lady’s.little brother see many will do it again! So long as feminine
but crams all the fun it can into its limited hearts are proud and scornful, so long as noses
number. you mailing the valentine, either. He won’t
appreciate the sentiment. Ten chances to one will turn up, so long will these barriers to feli-
(An incidental puff for the ball season doesn’t city be exposed in print and color. We own
seem out of place. The Liederkranz has just he will send you back a picture in return that
will convey his disgust in emphatic and unro- it reluctantly, but truth compels us to state that
blazed its latest blaze, and tickets for the Arion we—yes, even we, champion of virtue and
can be had at five dollars a piece.) mantic form.
Be very particular in the selection of your righteousness—have written rhymes to fit un-
Little is known of St. Valentine himself, to savory pictures that have gone forth as missives
whom the fourteenth of February is sacred. rhymes.
Toa guileless sweetheart it doesn’t matter to tender creatures, who have opened the en-
— This may be well for him. History, when she velopes with fluttering hearts in the delusive
is silent, is generally merciful. If St. Valentine much what you send, if it be only simple and
tender. An occasional “heart and dart” is hope that a tale of love would unfold itself in
hadn’t paid his board-bill regularly, and other- rhyme.
wise conducted himself as a respectable mem- all that is necessary.
ber of society, some flaming page would have If the sweetheart possess greater mentality, We have a distinct recollection of sending a
recorded the fact—you can bet—in big type. avoid the ‘‘dart and heart’ and tackle the valentine to a young lady with auburn hair—
This much is certain, though: he didn’t go ** passion and fashion.” very auburn hair—and sundry similar accom-
through Ireland killing snakes, nor did he pass If it be to one whom you adore, but who plishments; and the burden, of the song that
his leisure hours wrestling with dragons. If he hasn’t given any token-of reciprocal adoration, went with it was this:
had, he would probably have got the worst of you may send the “‘sigh and die” and “‘ yearn
it. He wasn’t the kind of man for those play- and burn.” Your beauty pales the beauteous star
ful pastimes. So far as can be judged, he was of If you can write your own rhymes, all the Of morn!
a refined, innocuous and cheerful disposition. better. You will then be able to entwine some Words cannot tell how fair you are—
Perhaps he was given to keramics. If he was, thought that you both share with your missive, In a horn!
‘though, he could never have spelt it with ak. and thus give her aclue tothesender. For
To say I love you were but idle chaff—
His soft and pliant nature couldn’t have soared instance, if you have both agreed, in previous
How true!
Sane
SG
ENO
as
ee
ge
outside of ac. conversations, that cocoa is a good thing to
St. Valentine must have been a man of lite- drink for breakfast, you can poetically allude You are my precious darling and a half—
rary tastes. But it is to be hoped that if he to that idea amid the sentiment of your song. Are you!
ever wrote verse, he did better than the lines Something after this fashion; What words can paint your nose, your brow, your eye,
which accompany the colored pictures that are The years that roll Your hair ?
sent around on the fourteenth. Us to our goal Your many charms my feeble pen defy,
It is on this delightful day that the young May softly come and softly go! I swear!
man with the susceptible heart finds out the But never let To name them, every one, would, I am sure,
girl at whose shrine he has been worshipping Us two forget Raise Cain
with frenzied zeal for months past, and sends The breakfast flavored with cocoa;
her a boxful of tinseled paper, with pictures With all the adjectives Love can conjure,
And if some day
ee
eee of Cupids and things turning flip-flaps over So T’ll refrain!
We lovers may
- “loves and doves” in printing: ink.
Unite beyond this world of woe,
This is in honor of St. Valentine. I am sure One. week exactly after this missive had
Perhaps we two
St. Valentine must appreciate it. Why this reached its destination, the young lady’s big
particular mode of honoring him should have May still pursue brother paid us a visit and demanded an ex-
come into use is not known. It is supposed to That plan of breakfast with cocoa. planation.
be an expression of sentiment. Perhaps it is. And a little picture of a breakfast-table The result was unsatisfactory.
But when you receive a lurid penny-picture, wouldn’t be bad to send along with it. Unsatisfactory to us—as a man and a poet.
with a full-length portrait of yourself as a cross- If the young lady is of a passionate kind—
eyed gorilla, with your hand on your heart and And it is for that reason that we boldly re-
one of those dangerous darlings who revel in assert that the man who is so lost toall sense of
a look of dyspeptic sorrow on your brow, ho- Swinburne, you can whip up your muse some-
vering over four lines of rhyme that allude masculine nobility as to send an outrageous
thing in this style: valentine to one of the softer sex, deserves to
pleasantly to a wash-bill, you wonder where in
thunder the sentiment comes in. Who am I, paltry plaything of passion, be discovered.
There is an old notion that birds ‘‘ choose That thus dares to adore thee for aye, On general principles, the nature of the va-
their mates and couple on this day.” This is In a feverish and fathomless fashion! lentine should depend entirely upon the sender
important, if true. Not that it explains why With a soul that must succor or slay, and the receiver. No matter what your missive
people should send pictures to one another, Can song sing a pon of pleasure will say, much will always remain unsung. And
but it accounts in a measure for the prevalence One tithe so divine as I dream? though St. Valentine may not have been a
of birds in the pictures. This, though, is not The paper I’d need for such measure fighting-man himself, he is the cause, occasion-
entirely satisfactory. ‘There are no particular Were more than a ream! ~—
ally, of not a little belligerent circus in others.
 PUCK. 5
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as scee __ _ AARP ANA

MASQUERADE. surnamed Cook, cometh out of Boston. And toriousness de notre esteemed parleyvoo con-
oink there is desolation and weeping and wailing tempoiary, le Courrier Suisse, qui, sous l’admi-
‘ OBED ina garment of gold, throughout the land. But in the camp of the nistration admirable de M. Fritz Hirschy, a
Sy Glittering with treasures untold, Eliperkins is there feasting, and much gladness already fait de sonself l’organe de la population
All at the masquerade! in the strongholds of the Sergeantbates, and Suisse aux Etats-Unis, ce qui fait également
She whom I loved stood by me,
among the Georgefrancistrainites, and the -credit to the good sense of ladite population et
Diolewisians, and the Privatedallizellites. For aux nombreux good points du Courrier.
Mask nor disguise could defy me,
they say unto themselves: “ Our ally is risen
She, only she, looked so queenly, THE ArGonautT, of San Francisco, is, in its
unto us, and become as one of our own kin.”
Sauntered and smiled so serenely;
And now have we well-nigh struck the time new form, not only an excessively handsome
Here would I ask what I never when there come into the office of the weary paper, but interesting and well edited’ from
Yet had found heart to endeavor. editor the man who peddleth books, and the stem to stern, and lightened by a touch of
All at the masquerade! fiend who is kin unto him, and who selleth the jauntily blasphemous Californianism. There is,
festive and variegated map, and the youth who however, one blemish on the beauty of the
Music, and murmurs, and sighs hath a chromo-route and a sick family, and the Argonaut —its ‘Literary Notes.” They are
Mingle and lower and rise, young poet who is premature with the song he got up by a cclam-brained maniac whom ’twere
All at the masquerade! hath writ concerning the Spring, and more like base flattery to call an animated bunion. We
Colors and lights grow confusing, unto these. And ere long there shall be ru- say this more especially on account of a blazing
All that is mad and amusing mors and sweet sayings in the mouths of the bad notice he gave our A/manac,
Joins in bewildering blending, dealers in meat, and them who keep boarding- THE littérateur who caresses the irons for the
° Crowding delights never ending; houses. For there shall be an unprecedented N. Y. Evening Fost is a gentleman of talent
Could she find calm ’mid the flutter; activity in the canned-hash trade, and the and culture, but he is not quite as well read in
Calm that one soft word to utter, price thereof shall go down until men shall the paragraphic journalism of the day as he
All at the masquerade? marvel greatly. might be. With the best intentions in the
Furthermore, about this time the weather world, he mixes his credits occasionally. We
getteth mixed, like unto a man who hath vowed say it more in sorrow than in anger—we are
Boundless and bounteous bliss!
certain things unto himself on the first day of not the Burlington Hawkeye—we are not. But
Was there such heaven as this,
the year. And the Oldest Inhabitant becom- we must take this opportunity to express our
All at the masquerade? eth a raving lunatic, and layeth aside his rea- acknowledgment to the /s¢ for various cour-
Joy! she has given her answer, son and his outer garments, and knoweth not tesies in the copying line. If the /vs¢ will write
Radiant and roseate entrancer, witether to buy a pair of skates or to celebrate paragraphs we will reciprocate.
Bless her for that sweet confession! the Fourth of July. Selah!
Bless her for Love’s own expression
** Yes!” Were my senses deceiving?
Was not this hope past believing ?
All at the masquerade! NEWSPAPER NOTES. Answeys for the Anrious.
* * * *
THE YONKERS GAZETTE is Holden its own
bravely. MARIE.—Marry.
Trust not the smile of your fate,
Truth that is bitter comes late, THE New York Maiv has a talented, able N. Y.—N. Y. D.!
After the masquerade! and appreciative pair of shears. Identity LeccertT.—Leg it.
She who had spoken so kindly, unknown.
She whom I trusted so blindly, SussopA.—Subside.
THE Kansas City TIMEs is occasionally fresh
Fled e’er the morning thereafter; HASELTINE.—We don’t believe she would.
in its deportment. The same reproach can not
Vanished with jest and with laughter, be made against its reading matter. Tore.—Your ‘‘Pzan in Praise of Cold Water ” js
«¢ Yes” was her mask of the hour;
THE DRAMATIC AND MusICAL Mirror, of very good; but we are not pzeariing in praise of cold wa-
Who can say what is man’s dower
After the masquerade? Philadelphia, is now the recognized organ of ter just now.
the theatrical profession, and the profession is G. R. GiLtHooLey.—The idea of your “story "’ is ex-
SYDNEY ROSENFELD.
to be congratulated thereon. cellent. Mark Twain thought so, too, a long time ago;
THE PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER has entered its and he wrote it out much better than you have done, Mr.
fiftieth year. Puck takes off his cap to this Gilhooley.
WHAT GOETH ON AT PRESENT. venerable sage, and wishes him many more ACHERON.—Our scope is vast, and our capacities are
half-centuries as healthily progressive as the manifold and multiform, but we are not a city directory.
And in these days ariseti: the statesman who last. We don’t know the address you desire; if we did, we
owneth a silver mine in Nevada, and he putteth An exchange tells us that ‘“‘the Syracuse shouldn’t give it to you, and we don’t care a snap abont
one hand beneath the tails of his coat, and the
Standard is as bright as ever.” We construe the whole business, anyway. From this you may infer
other he sticketh in his shirt-front, and he setteth
this as a puff for “‘ever.” The paper és bright, that it will be as well to direct your inquiries elsewhere.
himself up before the people and saith: ‘‘ Lo!
though—bright as a silver dollar; and a Stand-
now, bow down and worship me, for I am a ard, too, which the dollar isn’t.
Mytuus, Terre Haute.—We'll tell you what it is, My-
Public Benefactor!’ And it shall come to pass thus. The Terre Haute people ought to build a good,
that the people shall rise as one man, and dis- ‘THE New YEAR has brought prosperity to strong, solid, Macadamized road leading straight into
count that Statesman, and take him at go per the Boston Home Journal, which has appeared Canada, paved and graded. And then they ought to
cent. of his face-value. And they shall say unto enlarged and improved. ‘This at least goes to take you, quietly but resolutely, and walk you out on
him, in the language of the Prophet: ‘‘Go to.” show that improvement was possible, a fact that road. You might possibly ornament Canada.
Now, moreover, cometh the old man who unsuspected, hitherto, by the many readers of You're wasted here.
hath white hairs, and whose legs are not like the this excellent family journal.
pil ars of the temple, but in whose veins is the JEANNETTE.—We have grave objections to listening to
blood of youth. And he goeth forth among the One of our exchanges recently committed the nightingale at this season of the year, Jeannette, and
young men and maidens and chooseth him a an act of gross injustice to one of the English we can’t oblige you. That bird of yours may be a very
wife, who is also awidow. And thereupon the “comics,” which it accused of perpetrating: nice bird, and we don’t mean td cast any reflections on
sons of that old man conspire together and say: “‘why is a weary man like. a wheel ?—because his musical ability, but if he chooses to stand out in the
‘“‘Our father is mad, that he hath done this he’s “ired.’” We believe the atrocity is to be snow and run the risk of an attack of influenza, all right
thing. Therefore let us put him away privily, laid at the door of the Portchester /Journa/. —but he’s got to get some other editor to serenade.
for else are we robbed of our inheritance.” Mr. Rewey and another gentleman unknown LysANDER.—You are a bold young Greek, but Achil-
But the old man taketh counsel of the widow, to paragraphic fame have bought the Worcester les himself, in all the glorious pomp and panoply of war,
and they flee from the sight of man, and are hid Press. \t was about as good as it could be reaching for us with a broadsword, couldn’t convince us
«tat for many days: yea, even until such time as the before, but, if possible, the new proprietors will that a 17-line sonnet with a bay window extension Alex-
sons have made fools of themselves in the eyes improve it. ‘There is only one single fault to
of the people. And then come forth they that andrine is square prosody. Petrarch was the only man
be found with the Worcester Press—its speech who ever put more or less than the regulation. 14 lines
were hidden, and they say, “ Ahi! aha!” and is silvern, which is a bad thing.
they call their friends together and they rejoice into his sonnets, and he wrote them to another man’s
and make merry. Nous avons déja eu occasion de speaker wife, and she had a squint. So there is no analogy be-
This al:o is the time when Flavius Josephus, highly de l’enterprise, chic et general meri- tween your cases.

BRR
jE
cte
oy
ren
yan
 PUCK.
——

PU OK’S in removing Stanton; and the latter went back during the war, learned that he must call him-
to work and drew his salary with the air of a self a Republican, and then he would have a

HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. martyr. °

But Andy was not to be sat upon in this way
good chance of becoming President. He imme-
diately set to work to endeavor to appreciate
—not by any manner of means. the distinction between a Democrat and a
Stanton again got fired out, and General Republican. We would not swear that he
Thomas had a shy at the business of war secre- knows now; but be this as it may, the fall of
CHAPTER XXVII. tarying. : 1868 found Ulysses Simpson Grant most high
ASSASSINATION OF LINCOLN. — AMNESTY AM Whereupon the Senate gave Andy a very and mighty President of the United States.
NASTY AND UNPALATABLE TO SOME PEOPLE.
extensive piece of its mind, declaring that he Schuyler Colfax was elected vice-president.
had violated the Constitution. Andy didn’t As subsequent events have proved, there was
JOHNSON ROLLS UP HIS SLEEVES FOR A FIGHT scare worth a cent. much name and nature about this last title.
WITH CONGRESS.— SIGNS OF A SHINDY.— The House of Representatives now resolved Horatio Seymour, the Democratic candidate,
THE PRESIDENT EXPERIENCES THE TRUE to get up a first-class circus in the shape of an was not elected. Indeed, Horatio got com-
INWARDNESS OF IMPEACHMENT.—MOUNSEER impeachment of the recalcitrant President. pletely licked out of his boots.
It was a long trial before the Senate, and was (To be continued.)
IN Mexico.—MAxIMILIAN’s BoDy BECOMES A
the boss one for tediousness.
RECEPTACLE FOR MEXICAN BULLETs.— JOHN Andy was acquitted, but it was only-by the
Bul.L AND UNCLE SAM JOIN HANDS BY CABLE, skin of his teeth.
»—RussIA SELLS ALASKA.
— GRANT FINDS HIM- One solitary vote would have made the THE INNOCENT OFFICE-BOY.
SELF PRESIDENT. requisite two-thirds, and then there might have
been trouble for Andy. AN W E-have got a boy—that is, we had a
It is now Pucx’s mournful duty to refer to a France had for a long time shown alively boy. We chased him out of the office,
subject which can never be contemplated by interest in Mexican affairs. Its interest got so and the place that knew him knows
any patriotic American citizen without feelings lively that one fine day it found itself an ally of him no more. We advertised for an apprentice-
of profound sorrow. the high-toned party in Mexico. This bloated boy—and he came; in fact, several of them
aristocratic faction had ridden rough-shod over came. We selected a boy named Jim, and
This was the brutal cold-blooded assassination the liberals, and succeeded in making them take
ef President Lincoln by a Confederate assassin hired him for a week on tri. ., because he looked
a very back seat. so good and innocent! And his trousers were
—who afterwards met his deserts. Mr. Maximilian, who was called the Archduke
Andy Johnson was now President—he’d been such an attraction, being a mixture of open-
of Austria for short, was counted in as empergar, work on the back, and cloth factory around the
doing the vice business previously, and did not and comfortably settled himself on the throne.
keep himself quite as carefully wrapped up in bottoms. In fact, the lower extremities of these
Mexico thus became an empire; and the trousers seemed to be the chief idea of the
lavender as a certain vice president, who shall bayonets of French soldiers supplied by Napo-
be nameless, but who is not wholly unconnected tailor who made them. The bottoms rounded
leon the Little helped to support this new out into curved lines of beauty—and hid a very
with the present occupant of the White House. departure.
Johnson, by profession a tailor, was naturally large pair of feet. But he looked so innocent!
The United States, having got rid of one war,
a good hand at repairing. He knew where to and having tasted blood pretty freely during its After engaging him, we told him to come around
put patches in the right place. Consequently to the office prompt the next morning at 7
continuance, thought that it had a right to do o’clock. He came, and we came —but he was
he went in heavily for reconstruction. as the effete nations of Europe have been doin
The chivalrous Southron received a little from time immemorial, and looked black at the there before us, and had opened the day’s labor
encouragement to do business again—especially by taking the office cat and covering her with
French troops in a neighboring State. ink and pieces of white and yellow “ proof”
when he found that something in the shape of Uncle Sam asked Nap what in thunder he paper, so that the cat looked like a Chinaman
amnesty was flying around.
meant by it. Nap replied that it was all a mis- out for a holiday. We gently admonished him,
Two-thirds of the States had in the meantime
take. The soldiers had merely been sent there but he intimated that the cat did not object,
arrived at the conclusion that although men for their health. This was not strictly true, for
might come and men might go, niggers must be many of them didn’t have any more health, or and he didn’t see why we should. We did not
frée and slavery must be abolished. argue the question, he was so innocent! As we
life either, for that matter. There are just as
This was known as the Thirteenth Amend- good graves in Mexico as in any other part of came in to the office in the morning we thought
ment. we had heard him tell another boy that he had
the world, and the atmosphere is equally as spoilt a lung-tester for a man the day before,
But a mine was ready to explode under the favorable for shuffling off this mortal coil.
feet of the President. but when we asked him to sweep out he said his
Congress didn’t like his way of reconstruct- Maximilian as an emperor was not a success. lungs were delicate and dust hurt them. He
ing the Southern States. The Mexicans determined to try what his fight- was so innocent! We thought we must have
Fiery orators denounced it as “ snide” in the ing-weight was. ‘They found it decidedly light, been mistaken in regard to the remark. We
extreme. and ended by putting daylight through him went out in the course of the morning, and* Sa.
wee

Johnson was a long time recovering from his with bullets, having got through the trifling when we came back Jim had “chewed up”
astonishment when he found, in March, 1867, preliminaries of defeating and capturing him. one of the press composition rollers and was
that Congress had passed a reconstruction act This was rough treatment, and it ruffled Mrs. making inroads on asecond. We arrived just
over the President’s veto, just telling the Seces- Maximilian considerably, who immediately be- in time to prevent him from choking. He
sion States what they’d have to do in order to came a first-class lunatic. didn’t mean anything, he was so innocent! We
shake hands over the bloody chasm. And if We must not forget to mention that England took up a “ proof” that lay on the desk, and
they didn’t want to shake, why they’d have to, and America joined themselves hand in hand, were petrified to find it read somewhat in this
that’s all, or they'd have to cultivate a close or rather cabled themselves together. The style: ,
acquaintance with military governors. electric spark now had a clear track to course ‘“‘The Dynamite Dramatic Company is the
‘Things went on in this cat-and-dog style for from Valencia Bay, Ireland, to Trinity Bay, best that has appeared in our city for some time
some time, until as pretty a quarrel as ordinary Newfoundland, and New Yorkers were surprised —-and we take pleasure in recommending their
mortals are accustomed to clap eyes on began to find that through eighteen hundred miles of galvanized pads as the best cure for all diseases
to develop between Congress and the President. cable they had to learn how much behind the —especially on the question of the silver bill,
The Tenure of Office Bill was one of the Britishers they were, notwithstanding all the which is one that no American citizen in his
. wedges that increased the split between Andy American boasted ability to whip creation. right senses can possibly advocate, much less—
and Congress, London gets through her day while New York see that the sewer department has a correct
Andy did not like the look of Stanton, who is beginning to think about it. While we are view of sanitary measutes, as it is necessary in
was the useful and ornamental individual who at breakfast London has made out its ménu for laying out the plan of such work that the
had charge of the war department. He thought dinner. greatest possible good should result—to the
that his beard was not of a sufficiently delicate The gloriously frozen region of Alaska, in aforesaid gentleman, who has repeatedly stated
shade, and wished him to shave. Stantonstoutly October, 1861, passed into our hands—the what we know to be an untruth; we can only
refused. United States’, not Puck’s, for he wouldn’t be say that he has not the slightest idea of what
Andy, after oncé more telling him to go and comfortable there with a double-banked ulster. cures‘everything; all like it; the success of the
shave himself, told him to git. Why we bought these five hundred and fifty age.”
Stanton got, and General Grant was appointed thousand square miles of land for seven millions "hel the proof finished up with a “‘ cut” ofa
in his stead to take charge. of dollars.js one of those things that no fellow nursing-bottle. Six different articles spoilt by
Congress got up on its ear to a pretty con- has ever been able to find out. Perhaps the Jim, We said nothing, but gave him evidence
siderable extent. It swore at Andy in several Secretary of the Treasury wanted a seal-skin that there was a “‘rise in leather,” but he still
languages and dialects, and finished by declar- sacque for his wife. Jooked innocent.
ing that the President had exceeded his power Grant, who had distinguished himself some J. Mycatr.
:
r

j
;:
=,
 PUCK. Aiton

A LOVER'S WORDS. An exclamation of'impatience Long years ago the tramp and Miss
Fitzgig’s coral lips, as she cracked eet es Fitzgig had enjoyed the c soni of one
HOLD your dimpled hand in mine, pecan between her $30-set.of pearly teeth. and another as dear friends. & di they were
‘While fondly you look in my eyes; dug out the meat with her forefinger-nail, grown out walking; Miss Fitzgig stepped on a lemon
Before me luscious dreams divine long for that purpose. And as she threw the peel
and skated down an n cellar, eye-
Arise. - shells at a retreating spider on the water gutter, brows first; her left eye was Gharsbed away by
she murmured; “ Oh try!” the corner "of a coal lump, and her friend, now
As swift the heavenly moments fly, Just at that moment she observed the aged the aged tramp, spurned her! *
Sweet mutable tints your cheeks illume tramp beneath her window, which caused her
And rapture fills your bosom, [ | to strain her attention once more, and, leaning
Presume. far, far out of the window, she gasped: ‘‘’Tis CHAPTER IV,
he!” But before she could extract her person |
from the hole in the window, her left transparent Years roll on; her friend is now Boveling
In this lone bower, where breezes wing the world over, seeking selfish happiness an
With fragrance as the flowers they woo,
eye, magnetized by her excitement, leaped from
its socket, and-glancing on the aged tramp’s trying to obliterate that last picture of Miss
I vow [like this sort of thing— Fitzgig with only one eye from his memory.
windpipe, shot, with great velocity, down his
Don’t you?
throat. He does not succeed in finding happiness,
he does not succeed in crushing out his one
You’re opulent as the starless blue eyed remembrances; on the contrary,he meets
When morn’s gold kisses on it glow; CHAPTER III, with misfortune—loses his scalp on the fron-
You're pretty —this, already, you Thoroughly startled from his siesta on the tier—is hard pushed and sells his eye-teeth in
May know. banquette, by a dream in every way in keeping Sheffield, Eng., for knife-handles — goes to
with the ‘‘eye” circumstances, the aged tramp Souta America and falls in love with the Queen
Your exquisite charms would gain you fame; wrestled himself into a standing position, and| of Monkeys, who closely resembles Miss Fitz-
You do eclipse each fabled myth; as he looked up and beheld Miss Fitzgig de- | gig—the Queen escapes from him—he goes to
Yes, even Pallas, though your name scending by means of the lightning-rod, in | Africa—hasn’t a penny, but finds a scent—
Is Smith. | pursuit of her eye, he thundered: ‘At last, at || starts home on a chip—in fact, is sent home—
last! O, Maria, Maria! Iam now happy!!” | lies down under the old familiar window—
Now, as your wine-warm labials touch | and as she loosened her grip on the electric falls asleep—Miss Fitzgig sp-eyes him—and—
Your pretty, ribboned ivory fan, | rod and floated gently down into his arms, (blue lights.)
I wish to tell you very much,
| converting his corns into wafers, a sigh of love The Justice is marrying them; the aged
escaped him. tramp fits a mosquito-bar ring on her little fin-
Fair Anne,
| And there on the curbstone, these «gentle ger,—her other small fingers are all too big,—
|beings, long separated, but now like two fall and after the Justice has said: ‘“ That's all,”
That you, and only you alway, and refused to kiss either of them, they quietly
| leaves together—
Whose smile o'er me enchantment throws— embark for home, with a paper of green per-
‘¢In each other’s arms breathe out the tender tale,”
(The rest the gentle reader may And he relates, how he is out on bail! | Simmons.
Suppose.)

R. K. MUNKITTRICK.

PUCK’S SENSATIONAL NOVELS.

VI.
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.

By NED SCUPPER.
i
, Wiad
q)LCE
CHAPTER IT.
‘OUR o'clock P.M.
She was leaning out of her second-story
window. Miss Fitzgig was.
The sun was pouring down the street and
immersed Miss Fitzgig’s head and shoulders in
its rays, as it still protruded from under the
window sash. Her auburn locks blushed fiercely
under the steady gaze of the said sun, while her
freckles meandered carelessly over her face and
eet
ee held sway at her nose-tip, like innocent fleas on
the dryest point of an aquatically dying cat.
A small boy sat on the opposite door-step and
caught, with a fragment of looking-glass, some
waste rays of sunlight and reflected them plumb
into Miss Fitzgig’s left optic.
It was glass; it was ‘‘ ashes of roses” color,
with a blue purple, and as that eye caught the
infection of sunlight, from, the small boy, it shot
its photograph over the way on toa fence picket,
and so closely did it resemble the “Good Night”
phantasmagoria of a Sunday-school magic lan-
tern finale, that the small boy fell asleep, and
the eye faded.
oe
RRC
ee
ef
Fer

CHAPTER II.
An aged tramp slumbered beneath the self-
same window from which Miss Fitzgig’s angu-
larities exposed their knobby terminations; his First Fashionable Financier.—“ Hello, Charley, how is it you aren’t cutting out those .
mouth lay open, while gushing snores floated fellows around old Smiffkins’s daughter? ‘Abandoned the field, eh?”
lazily out of his vacuum and were echoed by Second F. F. —‘“Well, yes. You see, she wouldn’t like living iin Canada, and—I don’t
the circus donkey on the next square. mind mentioning it to you, confidentially —I rehypothecate to-morrow.”
 a

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 er iiF
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x eb
 com
GREAT NATIONAL Beteaee ‘* SiponiE,” an adaptation from the French,
{| was produced at the Fifth Avenue Theatre last
“4 Saturday evening. It is hardly worth while
$100,000 IN, PRIZES. ~ ‘| criticising the performance, as the management
will probably be stimulated by its ‘‘ extraordi-
Catalogue of Paintings and other Works of Art nary success” to withdraw the drama without
to be drawn at Washington on the much delay. Mr. Schwab, the translator, has
aemeare
rece
olaee

22d of February. done his share of the work well enough; but
the play itself is wrong —all wrong.
No, 1 isa full-length portrait of a ‘‘Politician” | Mr. SOTHERN has just made an engagement
with Mr, John S. Clarke to appear in the Hay-
with his hands in his own pockets by mistake.
This is a Gem. market Theatre in London. He will be ac-
companied by the talented American come-
No. 2 is a ‘‘ Tribe of Indians” on their way dian and character actor, Mr. George Holland,
to their Reservation in Alaska. In the distance whose clever performances with Mr, Sothern
is a pair of Arctics, made up on the Last of the have earned for him the most unqualified
Mohicans. praise. The pair of mirth-raisers will turn up
No. 3 is a ‘“‘Workingman digging two in London in time for the spring poets.
graves.”” In the background two funerals are DRAMATIC NOTES.
approaching, one headed by Thurlow Weed,
and the other by Samuel J. Tilden. The anguish **ScHOOL” is a decided success at Wallack’s. PUCK’S COMEDY-STORIES.
depicted on the faces of the two chief mourners GRANGER THE GORGEOUS appears at the ——

would melt the heart of a tax-collector. Park this week. Il.

No. 4 is a figure of “ Benjamin F. Butler,” Miss Rose EyrTINGE is taking Cleopatra on KERAMICS.
done in brass. The brass is good, and is worth her travels again. ADAPTED FROM THE FRENCH OF
much more in Massachusetts than anywhere SarDovu’s “Exiles” will go (appropriately E. b’HERVILLY.
else. enough) to Booth’s.
No. 5 is a picture of * President Hayes,” THE Pappenheim-Adams Opera is filling the | ty ME. DE MONTRICHARD sweeps into
done in water-colors. It represents him in his Academy with vocal ecstasy. 4 her boudoir, overpoweringly, crush-
great four-horse act of driving North, South, oS* ingly, irresistably charming in her ball-
East and West around a political ring. The JOANNEs plays Aing Lear at the Lyceum on
Friday. He will double the Fool. dress.
President is standing firmly on the Southern Mme. de Montrichard may be twenty-five.
horse. The other horses are rearing and plung- ‘‘A CELEBRATED CasE”’ is gaining additional
She isa widow. Montrichard, baron by pro-
ing, but the driver has them well in hand, and notoriety through “‘ standing room only.”
fession, and lord of several hundred unproduc-
is evidently able to manage them. Mr. GeorGE BoniraceE has begun a starring tive acres in Normandy, came to New York
——— No. 6 is “Peter Cooper”, buoyed in the tour in ‘‘A Soldier’s Trust.” Further returns five years ago, a Gallic Coelebs in search of a
middle of the Potomac, with a green bladder are awaited. wife. He found her in Miss Jeannette Leigh-
tied around his waist, as a warning to all other THE third Brougham benefit occurs at Wal- ton, whom he wooed a |’Américaine, and car-
lunatics to steer clear of greenback breakers. lack’s Theatre to-morrow afternoon. The bill ried off promptly to his native land.
No. 7 is ‘‘ George Washington.” This paint- is an attractive one. Fortunately, he died before he had time to
ing has been neglected, and is not worth much Tue Williamsons are “ Striking Oil” at the spend Jeannette’s fortune, so that after four
at present; but as a “‘souvenir” it is invalua- Grand Opera House this week. George Rig- years of married life, during which she had
ble. nold, the British Blonde, will follow them. lived on the most polite terms with Monsieur
No. 8 is a ‘‘ Democratic Rooster” crowing One vast, universal sigh of relief has gone her husband, Mme. de Montrichard returned
over a victory in 1880. This is a crowmore, up from the dramatic profession at the retire- to New York, slightly désillusionée, a few thou-
and rather hastily executed. ment of Josh Hart from the Eagle Theatre. sand dollars poorer, but as beautiful as on the
day when the late baron first saw her and pro-
No. 9g is an “‘ Honest Man” before the war. At “ PeEpo’ Day,” at Niblo’s, we took a peep
nounced her “‘ ze mos’ sharming guérrl he had
General Grant’s features can be easily traced a night last week. ‘The piece is well mounted,
sin in zis contrée.”
in this wood-cut. and Nina Varian, as ary Grace, looks as sweet
The late baron’s taste, at least, was good.
There are a number of fancy sketches; one as she sings prettily.
Mme. de Montrichard directs her little
is President Hayes promoting some lazy custom A NEw and original domestic drama is soon French maid to see that the carriage is at the
house officials—with his boot. to be brought out at Booth’s Theatre, under door in twenty minutes. Then she sits down
Another is a Confederate soldier, receiving Jarret and Palmer’s management. It. is called in her arm-chair before the bright wood-fire,
pay for his services during the rebellion from ** Uncle Tom’s Cabin.” and sinks into a brief reverie. é,
Uncle Sam. Variety has replaced melodrama at the Madame’s boudoir—as she calls it; in Amer-
Another is B. F. Butler receiving the free- Bowery. When we state that Jennie Hughes ican it would be a sitting-room or parlor—is a
dom of the city of New York—in a horn. is the leading attraction, it will be seen how pretty little shrine for beauty. It is a rose-pink
The last is a design for a new national coat- sweeping is the change. Louis Quatorze nest; but the dainty panels are
of-arms. It represents a vulture rampant, hold- Miss MauDE Harrison has declined tempt- disfigured by pendent plaques, and grotesque
ing in his beak a Bungtown copper, and under- ing offers from San Franciscan managers, and Chinese vases cumber the niches and corners,
neath it the motto: ‘‘ /# hoc signo vinces.” will remain at the Union Square—‘‘ the spot while Sévres, Faience and Majolica crowd the
where she originally rose.” shclves of two or three cabinets, and overload
Ciara Morais, in better health than ever, the mantel-piece.
appears at the Broadway Theatre, this week, as Keramics. ;
Jane Eyre in “‘ The Governess;” and the Great It needs but a glance to see that Madame
Emotional holds its head up in pride and glory de Montrichard has caught the contagion.
once more. She collects.
Just at this moment, however, her collection
THE new adaptation from the German by
does not appear to occupy madame’s thoughts.
Mr. Shannon, of Wallack’s Theatre, is to be
She is thinking, evidently thinking, with her
produced at the Park Theatre. Mr. James
cheek resting on her gloved hand.
Lewis is in his element, which is always a good If we could peer into the mind of the pretty
place for him to be in. woman by the fire, we should probably find
Tue Elks’ ball will take place to-morrow, that her thoughts ran something thus:
Thursday evening, at the Academy of Music. ‘‘ Twelve months since Alphonse died. Al-
It will be a blaze of Terpsichorean histrionism. phonse! I never called him Alphonse while he
The heroes and heroines of the footlight will was alive. Well, it doesn’t matter much. I
foot more lightly than ever. certainly shan’t have another opportunity. And
In spite of all opposition to silver, the dex- it was just such weather as this, too. Just such
terous manner in which Heller makes the quar- a rainy evening, when he took cold, coming
ters and halves appear and disappear at will, is home from his club. The cold wasn’t any-
EVERY MAN HIS OWN LIFE-PRESERVER. filling the Fifth Avenue Hall with admiring thing, of course, though. It is not to Influenza,
Puck's Patent for slippery days. and wonder-stricken crowds. but to Science that 1 owe——-I mean, Science
 PUCK. It
wane: PPP LAPP LLL PPL LPP PPP ~~ — ee ———

is responsible for my loss. He sent for his into my camp, i suppose I must grant you par- “‘T am obliged to you.”
physician—I shall always be glad that it was ley. Speak.” ‘Not at all! Well, then, this soup-tureen,
against my advice—and took his prescription; Senhor de Breu y Tabofdos bows his ac- this dream of my heart, this solace of my
and, I suppose, the faculty was satisfied. In knowledgements. adolescence—this soup-tureen was bereft—
two weeks I was free—that is to say, be- ‘*- Thank you—with your permission. I will widowed— of its cover.”
reaved.” not trouble you long. I have only to give you “A very touching tale, indeed,” is Madame’s
She rises, goes to the window and looks out. a little epitome of my story—a pocket edition, response, as she rises and for the second time
*‘ What a winter! Always raining. It must as it were, of the volume of my woes.” motions her visitor to the door; “but it
be as Sophie says: ‘ Ze angels, zey want “Take the spoils of your victory, sir!” Ma- scarcely concerns me; and as I suppose your
money, an’ zey have pawn ze stars.’ Oh, dear, dame speaks a shede more graciously. The visit is simply the result of some club-room bet,
I know I shouldn’t talk so much with my femme Senhor does not understand. I will freely acknowledge that you have won,
de chambre, but when one is alone, what is one ‘« Excuse me—” he replies vaguely. and request you to leave me.”
to do ?” “A chair!” “Cruel!” cries Senhor Breu y Taboddos; “‘you
She pauses in her train of thought, as if wait- “‘Ah!” Senhor Breu y Taboados sits down send me away!”
ing for someone to answer this conundrum, and with a bow. ‘‘ Well, madam, to begin. I am
Mme de Montrichard can bear it no longer.
then a new idea flashes into her mind. the nameless unfortunate — the wandering
She bursts out in uncentrollable anger:
“« That young man—that good-looking young Christian, whom for a fortnight past you have
“What do you mean by this, sir? What
man, who is forever following me about and met at every crossing—much to your disgust,
have I to do with your soup tureen?”
staring at me with his great big eyes, like a no doubt—like a bit of human orange-peel in ‘* Everything!”
love-sick pelican—I wish he were catching a your path.”
“*What?”
little of this rain. How it pours! It might ‘* Exactly,” says Madame; but her manner
“Don’t say a word! ’’—the Senhor speaks
cool his ardor a bit. I wonder who he is? He does not indicate whether she refers to the fact
very rapidly—‘‘I know all about it. You
looks too nice to be such a fool—who’s that? stated or to the figure applied.
bought that cover last month at Tiffany’s—
You, Sophie?” “In spite, however, of the marked disdain
you bought it to put little tin clamps on it and
Sophie, neat, trim and Frenchy, stands in with which you have received the most respect- hang it upon your wall—which is not the cor-
the doorway: ful of interlocutors, I will inform you, madam,
rect thing keramically, let me suggest in paren-
“I beg ze par-r-rdon of madame, but it is a that the cause of this somewhat astonishing
theses—you bought it, and took it away with
zhentleman to see her on business ze mos’ ur- visit is, in point of fact, em-i-nently proper
you. The man at Tiffany’s didn’t know your
gent.” and correct. Yes! the blue sky which will
name or address, but a fortnight ago, as I was
‘* But I told you I was not at home to any- probably beam onus next June—if we ever
looking at a plaque—well no matter about the
one!” get there—is not more pure, more strictly un-
plaque—it was spurious—you passed by, on
“I tol’ ze zhentleman so, bot he make me objectionable, than my breast. You perhaps
the Square. The man pointed you out to me.
take his card to madame.” have heard the name of Breu y—”
I fled—I rushed after you. I followed you—
Sophie hands to Mme. de Montrichard her » “ Yes!” Madame interrupts, quickly; “I
but I lost you. You went into a place which
importunate visitor’s card. She reads it: know. You area collector—an enthusiast in
it would not have become me to enter.”
“*¢Senhor de Breu v Taboddos.’ I don’t keramics--in fact, you are reported to have
“What do you mean?” cries Madame, pale
know any such person. Stop, though—the gone—oh!” ‘ with anger.
name is familiar. Oh, yes, 1remember. He is “« Where ?”
** A—how shall I call it? A—not to put it
the famous Keramicist -the South American ** Mad!—over Keramics.”
too grossly—a corset-shop.”
collector. What can he want of me? Perhaps ‘*T do not bite, madam.”
“Oh!”
I’d better send him back ‘to his crockery. Madame de Montrichard smiles.
‘‘No, but you have been bitten. I remem- “Wes! Since then I have followed you un-
‘Urgent business’—it’s wr'tten here. Well, I successfully—always losing you in the crowd
have time to spare yet—let him come in, ber now —it was you who paid four hundred
and fifty dollars, at Leavitt’s, last week, for an or finding out, when I got near enough that
Sophie.” you were somebody else. At last I tracked
Sophie departs, and Madame seats herself old Faience pickle-jar ?”
“To call it a pickle-jar, madam,” responds you to your home—and—here you see me.”
and soliloquizes:
“‘Breu y Taboddos—what a name! Very the visitor, with a shade of wounded dignity “‘It is madness in person!” cries his aston-
noble, I suppose. ‘They always are, when they in his tone, “‘is cruel. It was a jar—to what- ished hostess.
have these double names. The poor dear Baron ever base uses it may have been subjected in Senhor Breu y Taboados rises to his feet, .
wasa Montrichard-de-Rochepéans-de-Bouligny- days past, it is not for us to reproach it now.” much excited.
Pincetaille. But a noble Brazilian—-it’s like Madame does not appear inclined to enter *‘Ah! you cannot be a true collector, ma-
talking about an artistic molasses-jug.” into the question of the pickle-jar’s personal dam. You do not know this consuming pas-
Here she is interrupted by the entrance of the status. She goes on: sion—this devouring flame. When we seek the
artistic molasses-jug. Madame sees at a glance ‘“* Proceed, if you please.” object of our hearts’ desire, we have in us the
that he is not a Brazilian; that he is in evening- Senhor Breu y Taboados proceeds: blood of the Indian on his enemy’s track—the
dress; that he has the eye of a love-sick pelican, “‘ Then, madam, you will permit me to rend Indian who seeks the scalp of his hereditary
and she rises to her feet with a cry of astonish- more widely the curtain that hides my woe ?” foe to ornament his wigwarm. I have sworn
ment, and a gesture of indignant dismissal. ‘Yes. But please read as rapidly as pos to obtain the cover of that ssoup-tureen. A
‘* This is too much, sir!” sible.” soup tureen without its cover—it is a solitary
Senhor de Breu y Taboado does not seem sur- ‘Listen, then. The scene is this city. It isa palm-tree, sighing lonely in the breeze it is
prised at his reception; a look of respe=tful ob- beautiful afternoon last month—it :s only rain- Paul separated from Virginia—it is a discon-
stinacy comes over his features, which are regu- ing torrents. Iam at Leavitt’s—Clinton Hall, nected Siamese twin! Yes, madam, I mean it
lar, American, and by no means plebeian. He you know, one flight up, don’t expectorate on all! Iam a Keramomaniac!”
murmurs: the stairs. 1 did not expectorate on the stairs; ‘* A Keramomaniac!”
‘* Madam, I entreat you—” but that is a detail.” ** And I want my soup-tureen-cover. In hea-
“If you do not leave this room, sir, I shall Mme. de Montrichard appears but slightly ven’s name, sell it to me!”
be obliged to use this bell!” cries Madame, up- interested in the detail, and her guest con Mme. de Montrichard looks really alarmed.
right by the table, stately and beautiful, like the tinues: Sne contrives to respond: “ Certainly, sir!”
heroine of a French play dismissing an unskill- «Tt was an extraordinary sale--the collection and, ringing the bell, she gives orders ta Sophie
ful lover. of the late Professor Teller, such a collector, to bring the desired article.
‘‘ My dear madam—for heaven’s sake! one madam! And there I purchased ir! My soup- ‘* What!” cries Breu y Taboddos in rapture.
word. In the name of all you hold most dear tureen——my majolica soup-tureen—with such a “* You consent to let me have it ?”
—in the name of your collection!” Cupid—like a young hippopotamus, sitting in a ‘“‘Certainly!” gasps the frightened lady.
Madame de Montrichard hesitates, while her shell on one side, and his respected mother in ‘** Oh, how can I express—”
visitor, as if unable to control his wandering another shell on the other!” ‘Don’t express anthing, p/ease!/”’
glances, looks round on the adornments of the He clasps his hands in ecstasy. Mme. de ‘« But, at least, let me ask what value you set
boudoir. Montrichard grows serious: on this priceless—”
‘‘ The man is crazy,” thinks Madame; “‘ but ‘‘The man is absolutely crazy! I have no “None, sir. It is yours.”
he looks harmless. He may not be in his right time to jest further, sir.” ‘“ Mine—no—what? = Is it possible ?—the
mind, but he is certainly clothed—” and She rises. *
enamel is cracked, then ?”
Madame’s approving eye pays an eloquent ‘But I am serious—serious as a corpse, I | ‘No! It is whole and complete—”
_ compliment to her visitor’s tailor—‘‘and Sophie assure you! But I will cut short my harrowing A crash from the next room interrupts her.
is in the next room. Let him stay and speak!” tail. I bought that soup-tureen for four hundred Something Keramic is smashed utterly.
She goes on aloud: and thirty-seven dollars and some cents—with ‘* At least,” she finishes, “it was.”
‘* Well, sir, as you have effected an entrance which I won’t trouble you.” (To be continued.)

_—
 12 PUCK.
Eee

She was just able to say “‘ Yes,”’ before she

Phe fJuel in ferns food.
No. 6.—Mr. Lionel Varleigh, of Boston, VU. S.
fainted in my arms. A., writes and says:—
He stooped over her, and touched her cold My first proceeding, on my recovery, was to
Extracted, with permission, from ‘* The Case of Mr. cheek with his lips. ‘‘Good-bye!” he said, in go to the relations of Captain Stanwick in Lon-
tones suddenly and strangely changed to the don, for the purpose of making inquiries about
Lionel Varleigh.”
most exquisite tenderness. ‘‘ Good-bye, for him.
ever!” I do not wish to justify myself at the expense
BY WILKIE COLLINS. He leaped the rivulet; he crossed the open of that miserable man. It is true that I loved
ground; he was lost to sight in the valley be- Miss Duval too dearly to yield her to any rival
(Concluded.) yond. . except at her own wish. It is also true that
iP RESENTING myself at Nettlegrove Hall As he disappeared, the visionary man among Captain Stanwick more than once insulted me,
towards sunset, to take charge of Miss the fir-trees advanced; passed in silence; and that I endured it. He had suffered from
Duval, I was met by an obstacle in the crossed the rivulet at a bound; and vanished sunstroke in India, and in his angry moments
shape of a protest from her aunt. as the figure of the Captain had vanished be- he was hardly a responsible being. It was only
This good lady had been informed of the fore him. : when he threatened me with personal chastise-
appearance of Captain Stanwick in the park, I was left alone with the swooning woman. ment that my patience gave way. We met
and she strongly disapproved of encouraging Not a sound, far or near, broke the stillness of sword in hand. In my mind was the resolution
any further communication with him on the the coming night. to spare his life. In his mind was the resolu.
part of her niece. She also considered that I tion to kill me. I have forgiven him. I will
had failed in my duty in still leaving the Cap- No. 5.—”. Frederic Darnel, member of the
College of Surgeons, writes and says:—
say no more.
tain at liberty. I told her that I was only wait- His relations informed me of the symptoms
ing to act on the advice of competent persons, In the intervals of my professional dutiesI of insane delusion which he had shown after
who would arrive the next day to consult with am accustomed to study Botany, assisted the duel; of his escape from the asylum in
me; and I did my best to persuade her of the by a friend and neighbor, whose tastes in this which he had been confined; and of the fail-
wisdom of the course that I had taken in the respect resemble my own. When I can spare ure to find him again.
meantime. Miss Duval, on her side, was re- an hour or two from my patients, we go out to- The moment I heard this news the dread
solved to be true to the promise that she had gether searching for specimens. Our favorite crossed my mind that Stanwick had found his
given. Between us, we induced her aunt to place is Herne Wood. It is rich in material way to Miss Duval. In an hour more I was
give way on certain terms. for the botanist, and it is only a mile distant traveling to Nettlegrove Hall.
‘‘T know the part of the park in which the from the village in which I live. I arrived late in the evening, and found Miss
meeting is to take place,” the old lady said; Early in July, my friend and I made a dis- Duval’s aunt in great alarm about the young
‘fit is my niece’s favorite walk. If she is not covery in the wood of a very alarming and un- lady’s safety. Bertha was at that very moment
brought back to me in half an hour’s time,I expected kind. We found a man in the clear- speaking to Stanwick in the park, with only an
shall send the men-servants to protect her.”ing, prostrated by a dangerous wound, and to old man (the rector) to protect her. I volun-
The twilight was falling when we reached the all appearance dead. teered to go at once, and assist in taking care
appointed place. We found Captain Stanwick We carried him to the gamekeeper’s cottage, of her. A servant accompanied me to show
angry and suspicious; it was-not easy to pacify on the oatskirts of the wood, and on the side me the place of meeting. We heard voices in-
him on the subject of our delay. His insanity of it nearest to our village. He and his boy distinctly, but saw noone. Theservant pointed
seemed to me to be now more marked than were out, but the light cart in which he makes to a path through the fir-trees. I went on RO
betea
in
ORE
ARENT
RE
SLT
Nn

ever. Ile had seen, or dreamed of seeing, the his rounds, in the remoter part of his master’s quickly by myself, leaving the man within call. "al

ghost during the past night. For the first. time property, was in the outhouse. While my In a few minutes I came upon them suddenly,
(he said) the apparition of the dead man had friend was putting the horse to, I examined the at a little distance from me, on the bank of a
spoken to him. In solemn words it had con- stranger’s wound. It had been quite recently stream.
demned him to expiate his crime by giving his inflicted, and I doubted whether it had (as yet, The fear of seriously alarming Miss Duval,
life for the life that he had taken. It had at any rate) really killed him. I did what I if I showed myself too suddenly, deprived me
warned him not to trust to his marriage with could with the linen and cold water which the for a moment of my presence of mind. I stop-
Bertha Duval: ‘‘She shall share your punish- gamekeeper’s wife offered to me, and then my ped to consider what it might be best to do. I
ment if she shares your life. And you shall friend and I removed him carefully to my was not so completely protected from discovery
know it by this sign—She shall see me as you house in the cart. by the trees as I had supposed. She had seen
see me.” I applied the necessary restoratives, and I me; I heard her cry of alarm. The instant
I tried to compose him. He shook his head had the pleasure of satisfying myself that the afterwards I saw Stanwick leap over the rivulet
in immovable despair. ‘No,’ he answered; vital powers had revived. He was perfectly and take to flight. That action roused me.
‘**if she sees him when I see him, there ends unconscious, of course, but the action of the Without stopping for a word of explanation, I
the one hope of release that holds me to life. heart became distinctly perceptible, and I had pursued him.
It will be good-bye between us, and good-bye hopes. Unhappily, I missed my footing in the ob-
for ever!” In a few days more I felt fairly sure of him. scure light, and fell on the open ground beyond
We had walked on, while we were speaking, Then the usual fever set in. I was obliged, in the stream. When I had gained my feet once
to a part of the patk through which there flowed justice to his friends, to search his clothes in more, Stanwick had disappeared among the
a rivulet of clear water. On the farther bank presence of a witness. We found his handker- trees which marked the boundary of the park
the open ground led down into a wooded val- chief, his purse, and his cigar-case, and nothing beyond me. I could see nothing of him, and
ley. On our side of the stream rosea thick more. Nov letters or visiting cards;. nothing I could hear nothing of him, when I came out
plantation of fir-trees, intersected by a wind- marked on his clothes but initials. There was on the high road. There I met with a laboring
ing path. Captain Stanwick stopped as we no help for it but to wait to identify him until man who showed me the way to the village.
reached the place. His eyes rested in the he could speak. From the inn I sent a letter to Miss Duval’s
- darkening twilight on the narrowspace pierced When that time came, he acknowledged to aunt, explaining what had happened, and ask-
by the path among the trees. On a sudden he me that he had divested himself purposely of ing leave to call at the Hall on the next day.
lifted his right hand, with the same cry of pain any clue to his identity, in the fear (if some Early in the morning the rector came to me
which we had heard before; with his left hand mischance happened to him) of the news of it at the inn. He brought sad news. Miss Duval
he took Miss Duval by the arm. ‘“‘ There!” he reaching his father and mother abruptly by was suffering from a nervous attack, and my
said. ‘‘ Look where I look! Do you see him -means of the newspapers. He had sent a let- visit to the Hall must be deferred. Speaking
there ?”’ ter to his bankers in London, to be forwarded next of the missing man, I heard all that Mr.
As the words passed his lips, a dimly-visible to his parents, if the bankers neither saw him Loring could tell me. My intimate knowledge
figure appeared, advancing towards us along nor heard from him in a month’s time. His of Stanwick enabled me to draw my own con-
the path. first act was to withdraw this letter. The other clusion from the facts. ‘he thought instantly
Was it the figure of a living man? or was it particulars which he communicated to me are, crossed my mind that the poor wretch might
the creation of my own excited fancy? Before I am told, already known. I need only add have committed his expiatory suicide at the
I could ask myself the question, the man ad- that I willingly kept his secret, simply speaking very spot on which he had attempted to kill
vanced a step nearer to us. A last gleam of of him in the neighborhood as a traveler from me. Leaving the rector to institute the neces-
the dying light fell on his face through an open- foreign parts who had met with an accident. sary inquiries, I took the train to Maplesworth
ing in the trees. At the same instant Miss Du- His convalescence was a long one. It was on my way to Herne Wood.
val started back from Captain Stanwick with a the beginning of October before he was com- Advancing from the high road to the wood,
scream of terror. She would have fallen if I pletely restored to health. When he left us he I saw two persons at a little distance from me
had not been near enough to support her. The went to London. He behaved most liberally —a man in the dress of a gamekeeper and a
Captain was instantly at her side again. to me; and we parted with sincere good wishes lad. I was too much agitated to take any spe-
** Speak!” he cried, ‘‘ Do you see it too?” on either side. cial notice of them; I hurried along the path
 PUCK. 13
er rT ——_—$—
$— _—$<$—<—iO@ — — — — —eee
— ———$——
— es see ——

which led to the clearing. My presentiment Tue North Carolina coast appears to offer INsTILL into a boy’s mind the idea that in
had not misled me. ‘There he lay, dead on the strong inducements to active undertakers.— heaven a boy does nothing else but cut wood
scene of the duel, with a blood-stained razor Phila. Chronicle-Herald. and attend church, and you will have won a
by his side! I fell on my knees by the corpse; Ou, that it should have gum to this! Two signal victery for Harry the Ancient.— Zurner’s
I took his cold hand in mine; and I thanked Fails Reporter.
Albany dentists have fallen out and a law-suit
God that I had forgiven him in the first days impends.— Catskill Recorder.
of my recovery. BEECHER never attended a horse-race.—
I was still kneeling, when I felt myself seized THERE is more than one way to secure re- Breakfast Table. Well, what of it? Would
from behind. I struggled to my feet, and con- venge. For instance, an Ohio editor calls her you kill this excellent man with overwork?
fronted the gamekeeper. He had noticed my Jail Hamilton.— Unknown Ex. Do you insist on his doing everything ?—
hurry in entering the wood; his suspicions had N.Y. Graphic.
‘I po not ask thee for thy hand,” as the
been aroused, and he and the lad had followed child said when gazing earthward o’er its pa- IsABELLA HOOKER says every woman who is
me. There was blood on my clothes, there rent’s knee.—S¢. Louis Journal. a taxpayer is entitled to vote. Yes, Isabella,
was horror in my face. Appearances were and they are also entitled to go out and shovel
plainly against me; I had no choice but to ac- THE fool seeketh to pluck a fly from a mule’s
hind-leg; the wise man. letteth the job out to the snow off of their sidewalks, but they won’t
company the gamekeeper to the nearest magis- do it.— Phila. Kronikie-Herald.
trate. the lowest bidder.— West Jersey Press.
My instructions to my solicitors forbade them A MAN may never laugh, and still be distin- WE infer that the Marquis of Lorne is not
to vindicate my innocence by taking any tech- guished from other animals that never laugh, building the kitchen fire this winter, as we
nical legal objections to the action of the ma- by the use of hair-dye.— Rome Sentinel. read that he presented his wife with a set of
gistrate or of the coroner. I insisted on my diamonds worth $80,000 about the time cold
witnesses being allowed to write, in their own THE managing-editor of a Texas newspaper weather set in.— Breakfast Table.
way, what they could truly declare on my be- is expected to do very little writing and a great
half, and on the defense being founded upon deal of shooting.— P%ila. Kronikle-Herald. Jor JEFFERSON, the actor, says truth, “the
blessed truth, is the greatest armor a man ever
the materials thus obtained. In the meanwhile It is a noteworthy fact that Victor Emanuel
I was detained in custody, as a matter of put on him.” Didn’t know that Joe had ever
did not long survive the poem that Bayard
seen us with our blessed armor on. We wear it
course. Taylor wrote about him.—.S¢. Louis Journal.
all the time.—Vorristown Herald.
_With this event the tragedy of the duel SaInT PatrRIck’s day comes on the 17th of
reached its culminating point. I was accused March this year. Guess we’ve skinned that MInnIiE, the colored cadet, has been perse-
of murdering the man who with his own guilty huckleberry bush in season.—fortchester Jour- cuted till he has been compelled to leave West
hand had attempted to take my life! nal, Point. Shame on the snobs and bullies, con-
structively white, who are so brave as to attack
BERTHA’S POSTSCRIPT. As J. Mapison WELLs is still missing, there
a comrade a hundred to one.— Graphic.
are strong grounds for supposing that he has
ot
Re I write these lines after an interval of six eloped with Eliza Pinkston.— Phila. Kronikle-
months. Iam going to do a bold thing— I am A NEGRO magician gave a show in an Alabama
Herald. village one dark evening and announced that
PUee
going to suppress the narrative of the defense,
and advance at once to the results. CALIFORNIA desires an effective game law— he was bullet-proof. ‘The next forenoon a
First result:—1 am Mrs. Lionel Varleigh. one, for instance, which will define the proper coroner’s jury rendered a verdict to the effect
Second result:—I am as happy as the day is period wherein to shoot Chinamen.--Buffalo that he must have been mistaken.— Worcester
ice
nea
aintaieaemcan
long. Express. Press.
Third sesult:—I am going to America with THE telegraph tariff between France and
Mopyjeska has won the hearts of all the New
my husband, to make his father and mother as Germany is four cents a word. Germany gets York critics. The 7ridune is especially enthu-
happy as I am. the most for the money—in bulk.— Cin. Break-
siastic over her. Yet Modjeska was exceedingly
If you want to know any more, you must be fast Zable. popular in California, and many excellent au-
so good as to wait for my return to England; Ir takes 2160 bees to fill a pint cup, not- thorities say she is really a fine actress.— Bu/-
or you can apply in the interval, if you prefer withstanding a single bee takes up so much falo Express.
it, to my aunt, at Nettlegrove Hall. room in a fellow’s summer trousers leg.— Wor-
THE END. cester Press. GENERAL BELKNAP is in Washington, is as
O’Leary, the walkist, used to be a collector jolly as ever, wears his coat closely buttoned
in Chicago, and that’s how he happened to about his robust body, and strokes his long
find out his legs would do to bet on.—C€in. golden beard.—/. /. Man. There are lots of
Breakfast Table, other generals swelling round Washington
quite as much out of place as Belknap.— /%ila,
A NEwsurG goat the other day devoured an Bulletin. ©
entire volume at one sitting. That’s what you
might call a regular swallow-tale goat.—/V. Y. An elegantly-dressed lady, of Brooklyn,
Com, Advertiser. handed a car-conductor a dime, yesterday, and
on being offered a nickel in return, requested
ALFonso is happy. The New York Herald
him to give her pennies. She was on her way
Puck's Birchanges- published a diagram of his wedding-day, which
to a fashionable church, and a collection was
has not seen the light since the capture of Kars. to be taken for paying off the church-debt.—
—Detroit Free Press.
N. Y. Star.
Our navy is a sort of fleeting show.—Aecw THE custom of adorning the prows of vessels
York Herald. . with a female head or figure is supposed to have WHEN a man turns a short corner in a big
GRANT is now driving dull Cairo way.— originated in a desire to secure good port-rates. hurry, and makes the discovery somewhat ab-
—V. Y. Commercial. ruptly that another unfortunate is trying to do
Worcester Press.
A paiR of enormous fossil elephant’s jaws the same thing in an opposite direction, he al-
THE question of the hour—What time is it ? ways blurts out something about a qualified
— Brooklyn Argus. have just reached the Smithsonian Institute,
and half of Congress is dying with envy at the fool—and he doesn’t mean the: other man.—
THE hymn of the Crispins: ‘A rise, my sight.— Phila. Bulletin. Cincinnati Breakfast Table.
sole, a rise.”— Boston Globe. A PutaskI dog has had the mumps. _ This is BraCKETs on the wall are handy things.
‘* MISFORTUNES never come singly.” Same a pleasant proof that we are advancing in civi- By hitting them you always know wher you
way with twins.—F dion Times. lization, even though the dog was kept awake reach the wall, they catch what dust is over-
nights to bring it about.— Fulton Times. looked by the picture frames dnd centre table,
A Lecture FIELp that no man has yet taken
—Kate Field.—orristown Herald. Tue right kind of woman’s rites—the mar- sand Sundays you are kept out of trouble nail-
riage ceremony.—/ittsburgh Commercial. You
ing up those which have tumbled down during
WE may not possess a castle in Spain, but got that from your mother-in-law, didn’t you ? the week.— Bridgeport Standard.
we have a Cochin China.—Stamford Advocate. It sounds a little like the old lady.— Courier- ‘THE following correspondence recently passed
Journal. through a telegraph office: “I lent you one
TwEED is ill, byt not dangerously, only one
doctor’ being in attendance.— Cin. Commercial. THE twenty-cent pieces should be retired. year ago to-night $4.87. If you have not had it
They often lead a newspaper man to make rash ‘long enough please keep it one year longer.”
CLEOPATRA’S needle has reached Gravesend. investments under the impression that his capi- To this delicate hint the answer was returned:
Talked to death,. probably.— Danie/sonville tal is one-fourth larger than it really is.— ‘“‘ Had forgotten it, and hoped you had. Let
Sentinel. Worcester Press. her run another year.”— Unknown Ex.
 14 PUCK.
A FORMER member of the Harvard base-ball HOPE.
club has carried our national game into Japan, There is no town, however watched and tended,
Chin Chin, pitchee, knockce ball topside, and
PUCK’S
But one dead bank is there;
Shang Chang, slecond base, catchee allee same - There is no safe, however well defended,
Melican man, fling it Inn Sane, catchee puttee But needs still greater care.
out on home base.’ Slide out, whoopee! — 7uck

Pictorial Department
—boucicaulted by shameless Rockland Courier. The air is full of farewells for the dying,
In the Mississippi Legislature a Mr. Berry And mournings for the dead:
submitted the following resolution: “‘ Resolved, The heart of Sherman, the people’s wealth de-
That Rutherford B. Hayes is a fraud and Sam- crying,
uel’ J. Tilden is a failure.” Really, now, you Will it be comforted?
know, we can’t undertake to bury the hatchet
We must be comforted! These severe afflic-
up North here, unless somebody will undertake
to hatchet the Berry down there.—/%ila. Bul- * tions
letin. Not from the ground arise!
The bullionists declare that benedictions . SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.
MATILDA FLETCHER is organizing Social Assume a golden guise!
Science clubs among the women of the country.
If Social Science can enable a young man to Wesee but dimly through the mists and vapors,
suck something more profound than ‘‘ Who’d Amid these falling banks;
I see you with at the hop last week ?” out of the But far above the clouds the heavenly tapers Havine completed all necessary
end of his cane, then indeed the world will Shine silvery o’er our ranks!
believe that Social Science is a grand, great —Kansas City Times (doubtful), arrangements, and in compliance with
thing.— Hawkeye. WE have received a Medical Almanac for
A CORRESPONDENT asks, what is the best 1878. Its table of contents covers a wide range numerous requests, the publishers and
method of feeding cattle in winter? We don’t of topics. We notice a very able article on
exactly know. One man might prefer to take **Scald Heads;” and a very labored paper on proprietors of Puck take pleasure in
the ox in his lap and feed him with a spoon. tape-worms, written by Anonymous, is worth the
Others would bring his into the dining-room price of the book—which is given aw2y. This announcing that they have opened a
and let him sit at the table with the old folks. almanac says next 4th of July will be ‘‘pleasant,”
Tastes differ in matters of this kind.—Mew so Sunday-schools can commence thus early
GENERAL
OC
tia
eS

London Telegram. to make arrangements for picnics and excur-

sions on that day. ‘There are some almanacs
Mr. JAMES GORDON BENNETT: ‘‘We posi-
in the market which predict rain and thunder

DESIGNING OFFICE,
tively refuse to put any money in the polar-
on the coming Fourth—and they cost as much
expedition. We have got enough of it. We
as five cents. Get the cheapest and best.—-
have been figuring on this thing, and find that
Norristown Herald.
every township Stanley discovered in Africa has
cost us $20,000. What assurance have we that A RASH young man in Boston asked a small
northern townships are any cheaper? There- but select dinner party, the other evening, the where the services of the best artists in
fore, go to.— Derrick. following conundrum: ‘‘Why is Longfellow
like Lord Dundreary ?” and when they had all America, including those of the dis-
THE Bible tells you not to call a man a fool. given it up, replied: ‘‘ Because he has got a
But then if he really is one what are you to do, Brother Sam.” An icy silence fell upon the tinguished cartoonist,
since the Bible enjoins you to tell the truth ?” company. Huis father resolved to leave all his
Perhaps the inspired writer intended that the fortune to an asyluin for horse-car conductors,
truth should be merely indicated in some par-
liamentary manner—as, for instance, saying
and his betrothed, casting upon him a glance
of indignation that well-nigh fused her specs, Mr. JOSEPH KEPPLER,
that the unfortunate person is a sort of Stanley said that henceforth, and even in a railroad
Matthews.— Worcester Press. collision, they must meet as strangers.
— Chicago are employed in furnishing all kinds
He screams, he kicks, he rolls on the floor, Tribune.
he assails the mirror, the picture-frames, the of Illustrations, in the most perfect
bronzes, your shuddering person, with whatever
offensive weapon he can seize. He wants to style, on short notice, and at reason-
demolish things and make matters sprightly for
the family and the family’s friends, and he suc- able rates. The
ceeds dreadfully. His parents—his mother
generally—look on serenely, it may be admi-
ringly, and mildly say: ‘‘ You should not doso,
darling.” —V. Y. Zimes.
Theatrical Profession
Tue Washington correspondents tell us that will find it to their especial advantage,
the President and his wife have adopted a rule
to accept no invitation to balls or receptions, in arranging for
and in this way hope to avoid giving offense by
accepting some and declining others, Mr.
Hayes, we believe, adopted the accept-no-
invitation policy before he was elected, for did COMPRESSED
AND YET BEING

WORTHLESS
SOLD AS
YEASY
IMITATIONS
LITHOGRAPHIC PORTRAITS,
not a quarter of a million majority invite him
EE
0.

SS/LEISCHMANN
& COS.
to stay away from the White House? Yea, GENOINE ARTICLE
verily. But he did not accept the invitation. to apply at this office, where Mr.
—Oil City Derrick.
JoserH KeppLer is in personal charge
Just as they came along where the fortifi-
cations were being extended over the water, In Memoriam Brigham Young.
the aged wanderer touched his companion * To supply the demand for the above-named
of the department.
softly and said ‘‘ That’s a dangerous man over illustration, depicting the ‘‘ Mormon’s Empty
there, the one driving timbers I mean.”
Pillow,” and owing to the fact that the edition of Address,
““Why?” innocently inquired the other. ‘ Be-
cause he’s spiling for a fight,’”” murmured the ‘‘Puck” containing it has been entirely ex-
old man mournfully. A long and painfully
silent pause, an awful look of astonishment,
hasted, the cartoon has been published as a Puck Publishing Company,
single sheet, and can be obtained from any
and then the young tramp fled, a gibbering
maniac, while the old man sat down on a
newsdealer in the country.
13 N. WILLIAM ST.,
muddy log and wept over what he had done “PUCK” PUBLISHING CO.,
with his little pun.— Bridgeport Standard. 13 N. William Street, New York. NEW YORK.
 Ae
Ne ; pm
moe ta

Ste ERP

ARION SOCIETY.
‘ .

GRAND MASQUERADE BALL, :

SES
aha
ied
* THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 21,
AT GIiLitorn=sas CARDEN,
Tickets admitting gentleman and lady’ $5; extra ladies’ tickets
$2 each. Application the same will be recefved by Schmidt & Ff:
Curtius, 33 Broad St ; F. J. Kaldenberg, 125 Fulton St.;"R, M.
Matteson, Beekman St., ; J. B. Pings, 441 Broadway; J. "Lidger-
wood, 758 treaadway: E. Zéiler Sa oe Club) 1 W. Twenty-first
St.; re & Graef, 1,152 Broadwa H. Colell, 202, Chatham #4
Square; F. Krutina, 98 E. Houston St.;YR.‘Guneeaiien 908. Third 37 Union Square, © ‘New a AND MANUFACTURERS 07
GENTLEMEN *s mers
Ave. ‘Tickets and boxes at R. Katzenmey er,.139 Broadway, and
Hanft Bros., 795 Broadway.
* ELEVATOR.
ABERLE’S TIVOLI THEATRE, |: 174 Fifth Ave.,
Sth Street, near 3rd Avenue, : *.
The finest and most comfortable Variety Theatre in the city.
Opera, Ballet, Pantomimes, Vaudeville, Farces, and Gymnastia,’
PPORTRAITS Barvean 22d & e3rd Streets,
NEW YORK.
Performances
{Maili
: son Square,
FIVE HOURS
Admission, 25 cents.
OF ENTE RT AINMENT.
Reserved seats, 50 cents. Reserved
.
seats BLACK AND COLORED PRINTING INKS
in Boxes, 75 cents. Balcony, 15 cents. : Usep:on THs Paver AR& MANUFACTURED BY ©

FREDK H. LEVEY & CO.

Maringe Every Tiurspay, ApMission 15 cents. .
The Tivoli is the best Variety Theatre for families. toe
Highest fegils PARIS, VIENNA & NEW YORK. .
BRANCH:
NICOLL, The Tailor,
PRINTING INK MANUFACTURERS,
Old Post Office Building, 2 Beekman Street, NEW Y ORK.
NASSAU ST., N. Y.
139— up Bowery.
PATETS 00 COR .ek sos neseccssvecdcoscccieonbowe $3.00°to $10.00
SULTS G0 CFE re ccccccscccccccccceses goecsegees $12.00°to0,.$40.00
‘Gehman Printing and Lithographic Inks VOLKS-GARDEN-THEATRE
OVERCOATS to order.........cc0cccevecccciizes $12.00 upwards.
BLACK AND. COLORED, 199 & 201 Bowery, betw. Rivington & Delancey Sts.
for all typographic or lithdgraphic purposes. Bins. A. P. FALBi ons a. avepececcee PROPRIETRESS.
THE CHEAPEST, MOST ATTRACTIVE an , ae

FREE! FREE!!: FREE!!!

Manufactured
JAENECKE BROS. & F, SCHNEEMANN, Hannover. ING VARIETY- -THEATRE IN NEW Y
Open ail the year-round. New Artists every att,ye hours
Sigmund |
Uliman, 57 Maiden Lane, New York, of entertainment every evening.
An immense Descriptive Catalogue of Novels,. Song Books, ole Agent for the United Stat Commencing at 8 P.M. Admission 15 Cents. ‘
Music, Negro Farces, Acting Plays, Letter.-Writers, Fortune {BRONZE POWDERS IN ALL THE ik*VARIE TY. Balcony and Orehestra Seats 20 Cts. Seats in Boxes 75 Cts.
Tellers, Reciters, Cook Books, Speakers, Dialogues, Joke Books,
Ready Reckoners, Playing Cards, Books on Magic, Ventriloquism, J
oi.

ANITY FAIR
Swimming, Boxing, Draughts, Cricket, Base Ball; Clog Shoes,
Burnt Cork, Wigs, Face Preparations, &c., unequaled and unat- FOR MEERSCHAUM-AND CICARETTES.
tainable elsewhere. Mailed free on application to DOES NOT BITE THE TONGUE.
C. T. DE WITT, Publisher, 33 Rose Street, New York,
Ver Cigarettes are as fine as can be produced. Only the best French Pure Rice Cigarette paper is used, which is

IK. OCI ny
_ free from injurious substances.
Our Peerless and Piain Fine Cut Chewing ate unsurpassed—the only brands receiving the Vienne
*! Award, Always Uniferm and Reliable. (6 Prize Medals.)

Pamphlet & Book Binder,

Peerless Tobacco Works. WM. S. KIMBALL & CO., Rochester, N. Y.

8 NORTH WILLIAM ST.

“PUCK'S
ALMANAC
Pamphlet binding of every description and Pass books forHenks

|
a specialty. i, 3
Personal attention to everything entrusted to my care: *

Colton Dental Association. FOR 8

1878.
JUST."OUT!
PAINLESS EXTRACTION
Established July rsth, 1863.
OUR SPECIALTY IS EXTRACTING
Over 100,000 operations recorded on our scroll.
OF TEETH.
TEETH.
THE MOSTr REMARKABLE
EVER PRINTED,’
CONTAINING =
CH ACNEISG 8 BRIABWAY tz = |
We have given it to all ages from 2% to 85 years. (But why,should the contents,
be thus publicly exposed?)
i
Office, 19 COOPER INSTITUTE.
Price, 15 Cents.
FOR SALE EVERYWHERE,
|
&

PATENT COVERS FOR FILING PUCK.

PRICE $1.00 EACH.
FOR SALE AT “PUCK” OFFICE,

13 North William Street, New York.

BACK NUMBERS OF PUCK

CAN BE SUPPLIED .ON DEMAND.
ADDRESS,
THE ONLY HOUSE'IN THE UNITED STATES WHERE
HUNGARIAN WINES ARE SOLD, WHICH HAS Willmer & Rogers News Co., “ok, Publishers “‘Puck”
BEEN AWARDED FOR “PURITY” AND
*‘ SUPERIOR ALITY”’. BY THE 31 Beekman Street, ” a 13 North William Street,
CENTENNIAL COMMISSIONERS, 1876.
Noconnection with any other house in the United States. New York. New York.
—————
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