Self-Compassion

What is self-compassion? Why? How?

Mostly, self-compassion is treating Your brain and body will feel safe It takes time to learn how to be self-
yourself like you would a close and calm when you practice compassionate. But with practice you
friend. It is also nurturing and treating yourself with compassion. can do it. Let’s try these exercises.
supporting yourself.

Exercises
How would you treat a good friend?
 Think about a time when a friend felt really bad about themselves. How would you respond?
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 Think about a time when you felt bad about yourself. How did you treat yourself? What thoughts did you have?
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 How did you treat yourself differently than you treated your friend?
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 What are some new ways to treat yourself when you feel down or are suffering?
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Take time to practice self-compassion. Let it RAIN.

 Recognize that this is a moment of hardship, suffering, sadness, or other difficult experience.
 Acknowledge the experience. Sometimes it is helpful to give it a name, such as “pain, sadness, shame, ect.”
 Investigate what you are experiencing inside your body. Something like,” I am noticing my eyes are feeling hot,” or
“My stomach is feeling tingly.”

 Nurture your needs. Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Is it a hug, is it an emotionally safe person to talk to?
Maybe you need rest or to breathe deeply into your belly (often when we feel difficult feelings we unconsciously
hold our breath). Maybe we need kind words from ourselves such as, “I am doing the best that I can right now,” or
“It’s okay to make a mistake, I am only human.”
Being present with yourself
 Often we have had experiences where we needed to abandon ourselves so that we could feel safe in an
overwhelming situation. We abandon ourselves when we stop paying attention to our bodies, our emotions, our
true nature, and our spirit/soul/energy.
 Examples of abandoning ourselves include times when we gave up on our wants, needs, or beliefs so that we could
stay attached to something or someone else, like when we experienced emotional dysregulation and we were told
to not cry or feel angry because good boys/girls don’t cry or feel angry.
 Today we are going to begin practicing being present with ourselves:
1. Check in with yourself 2-3 times a day. Notice how you are feeling. Use Subjective Units of Distress (SUDS) to
give yourself a starting point.

Time of Check-in Subjective Units of Distress

2. Using SUDS, if you are at a 5 see if you can move to a 4, through breathwork, supportive touch, grounding,
emotional freedom therapy (tapping), progressive relaxation, peripheral vision exercises, or other
practice.
 Breathwork – Check with your doctor if breathwork is right for you. You should not cause yourself
pain or discomfort during the practice of breathwork. Gentle and soothing is good self-compassion.
 Deep abdominal breathing. This technique uses a long, deep breath. As you breathe, you can visualize
your breath filling up your body. Your belly and chest should both expand when you inhale. When you
exhale, your chest relaxes, and your navel pulls back in toward your spine. This type of deep breathing
tells your body to relax.
 4-7-8 breath. This technique adds in counting beats as you breathe in and out as a way to quiet and
focus your mind. Breathe in for four beats, hold your breath for seven beats, and then exhale for
eight beats. A longer exhale encourages you to completely empty your lungs.
 Alternate nostril breathing. Start with your right thumb applying pressure to your right nostril.
Breathe in using only your left nostril and hold your breath as you switch sides. Release your right
thumb and use your right index finger to apply pressure to the left nostril as you exhale through the
right nostril. Pause, take another deep breath in, and then alternate again. This type of breathing
technique helps encourage balance in your mind and body.
 Supportive Touch – It can feel uncomfortable at first to practice supportive touch. Begin with
what feels supportive and comfortable to you. Here are some ideas:
 Hand on heart. Gently place your hand on your heart. Feel the gentle pressure and warmth
of your hand.
 Hand on cheek. One or both hands. Notice the experience.
 Cradling your face in your hands. Calm. Breathe.
 Crossing your arms and giving yourself a gentle hug. This can be very powerful. 
 Gently pat or rub your chest. Softly, with gentle pressure.
 Hand on abdomen. Notice the breath. Allow the abdomen to rise and fall.
 Cupping one hand in the other in your lap. Notice the feeling of support, presence.
 Grounding
Mental Grounding:
1. Describe your environment in detail, using all of your senses – for example, “The walls are white,
there are five blue chairs, there is a wooden bookshelf against the wall…” Describe objects, sounds,
textures, colors, smells, shapes, numbers, and temperature. You can do this anywhere.
2. Play a “categories” game with yourself. Try to think of types of dogs, jazz musicians, animals or
famous people that begin with each letter of the alphabet, cars, TV shows, writers, sports, songs,
cities.
3. Describe an everyday activity in great detail. For example, describe a meal that you cook (e.g.,
“First, I peel the potatoes and cut them into quarters; then I boil the water; then I make an herb
marinade of oregano, basil, garlic, and olive oil…”).
4. Imagine. Use a pleasant or comforting mental image. Again, use all of your senses to make it as
real and vid as possible.
5. Read something, saying each word to yourself. Or read each letter backwards so that you focus
on the letters and not the meaning of words. 6. Use humor. Think of something funny to jolt
yourself out of your mood. 7. Count to 10 or say the alphabet, very s . . . l . . . o . . . w . . . l . . . y.
Physical Grounding:
1. Run cool or warm water over your hands.
2. Grab tightly onto your chair as hard as you can; notice the sensations and the experience.
3. Touch various objects around you: a pen, your clothing, the table, the walls. Notice textures,
colors, weight, temperature. Compare the objects you touch.
4. Carry a grounding object in your pocket – a small object (a small rock, ring, piece of cloth) that
you can touch whenever you feel unpleasant emotions rising.
5. Notice your body: the weight of your body in the chair; wiggling your toes in your socks; the feel
of your back against the chair.
6. Stretch. Extend your fingers, arms, legs as far as you can; slowly and gently roll your head
around.
7. Clench and release your firsts.
8. Jump up and down.
 9. Eat something in a savoring way; fully experience the food; describe the sights, aromas, textures,
flavors, and the experience in detail to yourself. 10. Focus on your breathing, noticing each inhale
and exhale. Repeat a pleasant word to yourself on each exhale.
Soothing Grounding:
1. Say kind statements, as if you were talking to a friend or small child – for example, “You are a good person
going through a hard time. You’ll get through this.”
2. Think of favorites. Think of your favorite color, animal, season, food, time of day, TV show.
3. Picture people you care about and look at photographs of them.
4. Remember the words to an inspiring song, quotation, or poem that makes you feel better (e.g., serenity
prayer).
5. Say a coping statement: “I can handle this,” “This feeling will pass.”
6. Plan a safe treat for yourself, such as a piece of candy, a nice dinner, or a warm bath.
7. Think of things you are looking forward to in the next week – perhaps time with a friend, going to a movie, or
going on a hike.

 Progressive Relaxation
Preparing for relaxation. When you are beginning to practice progressive muscle relaxation exercises keep in
mind the following points.
•Physical injuries. If you have any injuries, or a history of physical problems that may cause muscle pain,
always consult your doctor before you start.
•Select your surroundings. Minimize the distraction to your five senses. Such as turning off the TV and
radio, and using soft lighting.
•Make yourself comfortable. Use a chair that comfortably seats your body, including your head. Wear
loose clothing, and take off your shoes.
• Internal mechanics. Avoid practicing after big, heavy meals, and do not practice after consuming any
intoxicants, such as alcohol.

General Procedure.

1. Once you’ve set aside the time and place for relaxation, slow down your breathing and give yourself permission to
relax.
2. When you are ready to begin, tense the muscle group described. Make sure you can feel the tension, but not so
much that you feel a great deal of pain. Keep the muscle tensed for approximately 5 seconds.
3. Relax the muscles and keep it relaxed for approximately 10 seconds. It may be helpful to say something like
“Relax” as you relax the muscle.
4. When you have finished the relaxation procedure, remain seated for a few moments allowing yourself to become
alert.

Relaxation sequence.

1. Right hand and forearm. Make a fist with your right hand.

2. Right upper arm. Bring your right forearm up to your shoulder to “make a muscle”.

3. Left hand and forearm.

4. Left upper arm.

5. Forehead. Raise your eyebrows as high as they will go, as though you were surprised by something.
6. Eyes and cheeks. Squeeze your eyes tight shut.

7. Mouth and jaw. Open your mouth as wide as you can, as you might when you‘re yawning.

8. Neck. !!! Be careful as you tense these muscles. Face forward and then pull your head back slowly, as though you
are looking up to the ceiling.

9. Shoulders. Tense the muscles in your shoulders as you bring your shoulders up towards your ears.

10. Shoulder blades/Back. Push your shoulder blades back, trying to almost touch them together, so that your chest is
pushed forward.

11. Chest and stomach. Breathe in deeply, filling up your lungs and chest with air.

12. Hips and buttocks. Squeeze your buttock muscles

13. Right upper leg. Tighten your right thigh.

14. Right lower leg. !!! Do this slowly and carefully to avoid cramps. Pull your toes towards you to stretch the calf
muscle.

15. Right foot. Curl your toes downwards.

16. Left upper leg. Repeat as for right upper leg.

17. Left lower leg. Repeat as for right lower leg.

18. Left foot. Repeat as for right foot.

Practice means progress. Only through practice can you become more aware of your muscles, how they respond with
tension, and how you can relax them. Training your body to respond differently to stress is like any training –
practicing consistently is the key.
 Peripheral Vision

One way to experience peripheral vision as a self-regulation skill is to practice it as such.

Find a point to focus on

Keep your eyes still and focused on the point. Notice what is on the side of your focus point

Allow your field of vision to widen even more. Recognize what you see out of the corners of your eyes. You can try
holding your hand up to your side and moving it until you can’t see it anymore.

While keeping your eyes focused and forward, noticing the magnitude of your visual field, note what you feel in the
rest of your body. You might feel warmth in your hands or stomach as your body chemically relaxes.

Center your vision back to the point you choose to focus on.

You can practice this multiple times a day. You can run through these steps in seconds, or take minutes. When first
learning to use peripheral vision as a self-regulation technique, it can be helpful to consult with a professional to help
guide the skill. There are various ways to raise your peripheral awareness.
  Emotional Freedom Therapy (EFT) Tapping

To do EFT, follow these steps.

Think of an issue that's bothering you.
This could be any issue. For example, it could be
something you're feeling anxious or sad about.

Measure how your issue makes you feel. Use SUDS.

Rate how bad you feel on a scale from 0 to 10. A score
of 0 means you don't feel bad at all. But a score of 10
means you feel as bad as possible. Write down this
number.

Create a statement that describes your issue, followed

by a statement of self-acceptance.
For example, you could say, "Even though I feel anxious
about work tomorrow, I deeply and completely accept
myself." Or you could say, "Even though my partner
broke up with me, I deeply and completely accept
myself."

Tap repeatedly on the edge of your palm, below your

little finger. While you tap, say your statement out loud
3 times.

Now tap on the rest of the points on your body, one at a

time.
While you tap, state your issue over and over. For
example, you might repeat "anxious about test" or "we
broke up." Tap on each point in this order.

Tap on the top, center of your head.

Tap on the inside edge of one eyebrow.
Tap next to the outside edge of one eye.
Tap on the bone underneath one eye.
Tap between your nose and your upper lip.
Tap between your lower lip and your chin.
Tap beneath one collarbone (find the notch beneath the inside edge of the collarbone).
Tap under one armpit (about 4 inches below the armpit).
Stop and remeasure how you feel about your issue.
Repeat the steps if needed.
Tap until you can give your issue a lower number, or until you feel better.
 Other Practices
Heal drops. These are just like they sound – coming up on your tiptoes and then gently, but soundly dropping.
Coloring – let yourself be creative
Drinking tea or water with lemon
Gentle stretching
Meditation

The list goes on and on. Find what makes you feel calm, supportive, safe, nurtured.