A DADDY FOR CHRISTMAS

OceanofPDF.com
VICTORIA SUE

OceanofPDF.com
Copyright © 2020 by Victoria Sue

Cover Design by Vicki Brostenianc, vickibrostenianc.com

Edited by Sandra, One Love Editing
Formatting by Stacy Sirkel

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or
mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems,
without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief
quotations in a book review.

OceanofPDF.com
 CONTENTS

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20

About Victoria Sue

Also by Victoria Sue

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER ONE

AND OF COURSE just to make everything a little bit worse,

“Jingle Bells” was playing.
What am I doing here? Jacob looked around the club he
hadn’t been in for over two years. Adrian had remodeled,
he’d noticed, and the bar area had a nice new lick of paint.
The canned Christmas music blared from the speakers, and
there were holiday decorations everywhere. The dungeon
area—he was sure—was first class as always, but it was the
other door he was deliberately not looking at. The one
decorated with a garland around the sign and a teddy bear
currently sporting a red hat.
The dedicated Daddy/Mommy and little area was new—
new to him anyway—and he was incredibly relieved he
wasn’t allowed in. In fact, it was the only thing that had
gotten him here. If he had seen so much as a baby wipe, he
would have run. Not that Ben had been into that, but at the
end Jacob had just about done everything for him anyway
because he hadn’t been able to do it for himself.
Patrick had explained gently that only established
couples, or more, with littles could go in there, and Jacob
had heaved a huge sigh of relief. He couldn’t face that. Not
ever. Never again.
 “Jacob?”
Jacob glanced over at Patrick walking toward him. He
swallowed nervously at the young man by his side. He’d
thought—hoped—that Patrick would have left his boy in the
little area, but no, he was here.
“Jacob, this is Charlie. Charlie, this is Jacob and one of
my oldest friends.”
Charlie shook hands shyly and followed them to a corner
booth. One of the subs on the server roster appeared, and
they all ordered a drink, and Jacob—because he could—
ordered a beer. The same rules applied whether you were
whipping someone or building a train track—no alcohol if
you were playing. He tried not to stare when Charlie got
his juice in a sippy cup.
“It’s good to see you.” Patrick put down his Coke.
“I got a job offer in England,” Jacob blurted out, even
surprising himself. “The house has been nearly empty for
over two years since I moved to Atlanta, so I thought I’d
better visit and get everything ready to place with a
Realtor.” Because he hadn’t even been able to bear renting
it out.
Patrick was quiet for a few seconds. “Do I congratulate
you?”
Jacob didn’t reply. The job was the chance of a fresh
start. Something he hadn’t managed to do no matter where
he’d run. “I can’t come back here,” he admitted.
He couldn’t help the glance at Charlie, who was quietly
coloring, and managed to drag his eyes away when he
realized Patrick hadn’t said anything else.
“I understand,” Patrick said reluctantly. “I just wish—”
“So do I.” He wished with everything in him that the last
three years had been some nightmare he could wake up
from and his darling Ben would be sitting cross-legged on
the cushion next to Charlie. But he wouldn’t be. Not ever
again.
 Jacob swallowed down his tight throat. He hated this
time of year, and he shouldn’t have come. He’d spent
Thanksgiving working when he hadn’t had to. He wanted to
see Patrick, but they could have met somewhere else. He
also knew this had been deliberate on Patrick’s part, but he
wouldn’t ever get in the scene again. He couldn’t do that
and keep his sanity.
“How long are you here for?” Patrick asked.
“I have a month to consider their proposal, so I was
going to use the time to get the house ready to sell. They
want me to start the first of April.” He shrugged. “I already
completed my last contract.”
Patrick nodded. “That’s good. Gives you time to consider
all your options.”
Jacob sighed. “I’m going to accept their offer, Patrick.
The Newbury regeneration project is too good an
opportunity to miss.” His fingers practically itched to get
his hands on the plans, and it had been the first thing that
had caught his interest since Ben had died, and he had the
chance to control the whole project from the early planning
stage.
Patrick nodded, but Jacob’s attention was caught by a
movement to the side as a Dom jumped out of his seat.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” A server—he assumed—stood in
frozen horror as the glass he had just been putting down on
the table somehow had managed to end up all over the
Dom’s knees. Patrick frowned and stood just as Adrian
came out from the storeroom behind the bar and heard the
commotion.
“Poor boy,” Patrick muttered as if to himself. The scarlet-
faced server helped Adrian clear up and then hurried from
the room. The Dom didn’t seem to be making a fuss though.
“Do you know him, the server?” Jacob qualified.
“I think it’s his first day from what Adrian said.” Jacob
winced sympathetically and fought the urge to go and
check he was okay. Not my problem.
 “I don’t know the Dom, but I’m glad he was reasonable
about it,” Patrick said.
“He’s new?” Jacob asked just for something to say.
Anything so Patrick wouldn’t grill him.
“I don’t know to be honest.” Patrick smiled ruefully. “I
don’t really spend much time out here anymore.”
Jacob fisted his hands involuntarily as a spike of raw
jealousy ran over him. He had to get out of here, and
mumbling something about finding a bathroom, he stood
and practically jogged from the room, heading for the
smaller men’s bathroom out in the entrance hall. It was
usually empty, and he needed a minute. A few seconds after
he had pushed open the door, he realized it wasn’t empty.
One of the doors to the stalls was shut, and Jacob heard
what sounded suspiciously like a sob before the sound of
the door as he closed it behind him quietened everything.
Damn, now what did he do? The toilet flushing saved
him from a decision, and he just had time to walk to one of
the sinks to make a show of washing his hands before the
stall door opened and the server from a moment ago
stepped out.
Jacob eyed him warily. He wasn’t sure what—if any—
interaction would be welcome, and the man slid to the sink,
keeping his head lowered. Maybe he was a sub and Jacob’s
assumption he was a server was wrong. It didn’t discount
the fact that technically Jacob was a Dom, and this man,
either an employee or a sub, meant that he had some
responsibility to make sure he was okay even though he
might wish he had never walked into this bathroom.
“I’m sure you won’t be in trouble,” Jacob offered.
“Adrian is very reasonable, and accidents happen.”
The man pulled a paper towel from the dispenser, and
Jacob did the same, then offered his hand. “Jacob
Morrison.”
The man looked at Jacob’s hand like it was going to bite,
but he took it cautiously and looked up at the same time.
Jacob stared in surprise. He hadn’t really seen him close in
the club, but both his eyes were a startling mix of blue and
green, and he was a little older than he had originally
thought, maybe nearer his own age.
“Lucas Drydon, Sir.”
Sir? Was the man just being respectful, or was he really
a sub? Jacob let go of his cold hand, noticing a shiver run
through him. Lucas was dressed in black pants and a white
shirt, and the air-conditioning in the bathroom was brutal.
Subs generally wore considerably less, but not the servers.
He looked at the floor again, and Jacob—making a
decision he hoped he wouldn’t regret—pulled off his gray
jacket he hadn’t had the time to remove and quickly draped
it around Lucas’s shoulders. “Sir?” Lucas squeaked out, but
Jacob led him to the bench in the middle of the room and
sat down.
“You’re freezing, and you need a minute,” he said as an
explanation, regretting his impulsive action. For a minute
he imagined Ben’s sweet face looking up at him shyly the
first time he had done nearly the same. It had been outside
of a coffee shop, and Ben was trying to get in as Jacob was
trying to get out, and he nearly knocked him over. It was
raining hard, and because Ben was soaked, Jacob had
insisted on buying him a coffee as an apology. His jacket
had followed a moment later when Ben hadn’t stopped
shivering.
It had been the best three years of his life, even the last
horrific one.
“I’m not normally so clumsy,” Lucas muttered. “I don’t
think I’ll be a very good server.”
Jacob frowned. Feeling out of his depth, he wasn’t sure
what to say. Surely, he was too old to have a first job. “I’m
sure you’ll pick it up.”
Lucas flushed a little but didn’t meet Jacob’s eyes. Lucas
stood up. “I’d better get back to work.” Jacob nodded and
accepted his jacket back. He was ready to leave, or had
been before he had come in here, but now he was
concerned that Lucas might get upset again.
It’s none of my business. And it wasn’t. In any shape or
form. He had six weeks to get the house ready for the
Realtor, and then he would get on that plane and leave all
this behind. He was just concerned over a sub. Jacob
shrugged. Perfectly understandable. He was a Dom, and
just because he wouldn’t ever get involved in the lifestyle
again didn’t mean he could always turn it off. At least Lucas
being older didn’t remind him of Ben. Ben had been a
blond-haired, blue-eyed dynamo when they met. The only
time he’d ever seen him cry was when he’d had to shave his
head because his hair had started coming out in chunks.
Lucas was—well, nothing like Ben.
He walked back to Patrick, who looked up in concern as
he let himself back into the club. Charlie—he noticed—was
gone. “Where’s Charlie?”
“He’s gone in there.” Patrick nodded to the little room.
“His friend Dash has just come, so he went in there with
Dash and Jensen. Adrian doesn’t mind as long as I’m out
here.”
Jacob nodded, his eyes straying to where Lucas was
clearing the empty glasses from a table where a group had
just left. The man who had gotten a glassful of water
dumped on him seemed to have gone anyway.
“Good to see you, Jacob.”
Jacob looked up to see Adrian and stood, clasping the
outstretched hand. “Good to see you,” Jacob parroted, not
really meaning it. He had nothing against Adrian. He ran a
good club, it just wasn’t for him. Not anymore. “How’s the
family?”
Adrian grinned. “Posy’s excited for Santa coming, and
Melanie is organizing everything perfectly as usual.” He
shrugged. “I just have to turn up.”
“You’re a lucky bastard,” Patrick teased.
 Adrian grinned and sat down. Jacob’s eyes strayed back
to Lucas. “Lucas is new.” Jacob glanced back at Adrian,
who must have noticed Jacob watching him.
“Is he a sub?” Patrick asked, and Jacob was glad he
hadn’t needed to.
“I think so,” Adrian answered. “But he’s here because
my mom knew his mom and he needs a job. I’m just not
sure where to put him. He’s incredibly shy, and I think he’s
struggling with a lot of peopling.”
“Knew?” Patrick pressed.
“Lucas looked after his mom for the past seven years.
Early onset dementia. From what I understand, she
remarried not too long before she got sick, and as soon as
she became dependent, the new husband left her and
Lucas had to move in. She died three months ago, and
according to Mom, the hubby got everything, and Lucas
needs a job pretty quick.”
Patrick frowned. “Does he have any work experience?”
“Not according to his resume,” Adrian said. “But he had
glowing personal references, and it is his first day.”
“But you don’t know if he will suit this place?” Patrick
sympathized. “I know people. I can ask.”
Jacob would love to repeat the offer, but he couldn’t ask
favors of people he had shunned since Ben’s death. He
doubted any of his friends wished to talk to him. He hadn’t
even seen his older brother in years, although that had
been because Keith couldn’t accept Jacob’s lifestyle
choices. He remembered one bitter argument after Keith
had looked at his online search history while he still lived at
home. Even in college Jacob had known what he was
looking for, and Keith had called him a pervert. To be fair
he’d come to Ben’s memorial and tried to talk to Jacob, but
Jacob had been so deeply mired in utter misery he barely
remembered anything about that day and many others
after.
 The only person who had helped was Isaac, one of Ben’s
nurses who had become more like a friend, but in the end,
Jacob had distanced himself from Isaac as well, unable to
face another constant reminder of what he’d lost.
A crash brought Jacob out of his thoughts, and Adrian
jumped up. Lucas stood frozen in the middle of the floor,
gazing in horror at the tray of glasses he’d dropped and
were scattered in sharp pieces all over the room. “Any subs
in bare feet, please stay exactly where you are,” Adrian
ordered and shot behind the bar for things to clear the
mess up.
Lucas made a sound of utter disgust and bent down
immediately, picking pieces of broken glass up. Patrick and
Jacob rushed over to help. “I can—” Lucas grabbed a piece
of glass hurriedly as if to clear up before anyone else had
the chance to, but he hissed and brought his hand to his
chest quickly.
“What did you do?” Patrick asked.
Lucas shook his head but unclenched his hand, and
Jacob could see the nasty cut bleeding from his finger.
“Clumsy,” he muttered and reached for the cloth he had
been wiping the tables with.
“Oh no you don’t,” Patrick pronounced and held his
wrist to stop his hand going near the cloth.
“I’ll get the first aid box,” Jacob said and went to the box
on the wall next to the bar. He unhooked it and walked to
where they had been sitting. Patrick had Lucas sitting
down, and Adrian and two subs were clearing the floor.
Jacob sat next to them. “What do you need?”
“Open the pad and put it over Lucas’s knee while I just
make sure there’s no glass in it,” Patrick instructed.
“I’m sorry. I can go and get this done at home.”
“No need,” Patrick smiled. “This is my job.”
“He’s a doctor,” Jacob explained. “Trust him.”
The cut didn’t look too bad, and in no time Patrick had a
bandage and a plastic glove covering the cut. Adrian came
over. “Lucas, how are you getting home?”
“Oh, the bus, sir,” Lucas answered hurriedly. “I live close
by. I’ll be fine. It’s only my finger.” Jacob almost smiled as
Lucas’s words nearly tripped over themselves to escape his
throat.
“I was just leaving,” Jacob said. “I can drop Lucas at
home.” He expected some sort of shy reply, maybe a polite
refusal, but not the look of horror that immediately crossed
Lucas’s face.
“Adrian, please tell Lucas I’m not an axe murderer,”
Jacob said solemnly.
Adrian chuckled. “Lucas, I can absolutely guarantee you
will be safe with Jacob. He hasn’t lost a sub yet.”
The sharp intake of breath from both Adrian and Patrick
seemed to almost drown out every other sound in the club.
“Jacob—” Adrian nearly choked out.
“It’s fine,” Jacob managed to force out the response.
“I’m so sorry.”
Jacob lifted a hand to ward off any more apologies,
immediately regretting the offer to take Lucas home. He
just wanted to get out of here as fast as he could.
“Have you got a coat?” he managed to get out through
gritted teeth. Lucas still looked terrified.
“Really, sir. I can—”
“Nonsense,” Jacob interrupted. “I’m ready to go, and
you said you didn’t live far.” He turned and shook hands
with Adrian and Patrick.
“The cut just needs keeping clean,” Patrick advised,
although why Patrick was telling him, Jacob didn’t know.
He was giving Lucas a ride home, and he would never see
him again. If Patrick wanted to meet one more time, they
could go to a bar or grab a coffee somewhere. Ignoring
everyone else, he calmly put a hand on Lucas’s back and
ushered him out of the door. Coming tonight had been a
huge mistake, and one he wouldn’t make again.
OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWO

IF LUCAS COULD HAVE PHYSICALLY DISAPPEARED into the

car seat, he would have done. He didn’t dare even look at
Sir, and when the terse voice asked him where he lived,
Lucas didn’t know what to say. He had to think of
something. He couldn’t take the risk of being humiliated
further.
“Where to?”
Lucas cringed. It was obvious he didn’t want to take him
anywhere. “It’s just off Culver Street. I don’t know if you
know it?” Sir nodded and turned onto Lansing Square.
“Just here is fine, thank you,” Lucas said after ten minutes’
awkward silence. He could walk the rest of the way. He
could already see the row of cars and hear the music
outside his—Terry’s—house. His friends would be in there
drinking, and he would be expected to clear up after them.
He couldn’t let Sir see them. Terry was having his friends
there tonight for the first of what was probably going to be
one endless party after another. Lucas had only gotten
away with it last week because Terry had been invited to
someone else’s house for Thanksgiving.
He’d even been given a plate of leftovers by their
neighbor.
 Ten years ago up they would have just been starting his
mom’s “twelve days of Christmas surprises” as she used to
call it. To say his mom was spontaneous would have been
an understatement. Although being dragged out of bed at
3:00 a.m. when he had school the next day, because the
stars were “beautiful” he could have done without. Not that
he would have swapped anything, and he’d needed the
buffer of all the good memories to get him through the last
seven years of some incredibly awful ones.
Sir pulled up behind the row of cars, and Lucas turned
to thank him, only to panic as he unbuckled his seat belt
and put his hand on the handle.
“I’m good, thank you.” Lucas scrambled out quickly,
wincing as he caught his finger, and Sir hesitated.
“You’re sure?”
But Lucas was already closing the door and practically
jogging down the sidewalk with one ear out for Sir driving
away. He ran up the steps and knocked as Terry had
insisted on, starting the day they had come home from the
funeral three months ago. He was allowed to stay, but in
doing so he’d practically become Terry’s slave.
He’d just started his nursing degree when he’d gotten a
call from Terry. Said his mom had gone batshit crazy and
he’d had enough of her bullshit and she was his problem
now. Lucas had immediately driven home from college.
He’d only seen his mom at Thanksgiving, but the difference
between now and four months prior was soon obvious. He’d
moved back home and changed colleges, but in another
seven months the days she knew who he was were few and
far between, and he had given up college entirely and
become his mom’s care giver.
Fast forward another six years and he was twenty-nine
and completely broke. He didn’t even have a car anymore
as Terry had totaled it last week.
“Where the fuck have you been?” Terry yanked open the
door before he even got the chance to say anything. Terry
got hold of his collar to drag him inside when a deep voice
behind him spoke.
“It’s actually my fault Lucas is delayed.”
Terry gaped at Sir, as he stepped up with his hand out.
“Jacob Morrison.” And Terry was so startled he actually let
go.
Lucas froze. Normally if he came in and got to work
right away, Terry would soon be distracted and go back to
his friends. The trouble was Terry seemed to have many
friends, and they all hung out most weekends, which was
why Lucas tried to disappear if he could. And he needed
money. He couldn’t get away from Terry without money.
“Well,” Terry said expansively. “Come along in.” He shot
a speaking look at Lucas. “Get Jacob a beer.”
For some reason Lucas didn’t understand, Sir let Terry
pull him into the hallway. Rick and Gemma, two of Terry’s
friends that Lucas had seen before, were locked together.
Rick looked like he had Gemma nearly half undressed.
Terry scowled. “Take it upstairs.” He shoved Rick, and Rick
simply grinned and took Gemma’s hand and led her
upstairs. Gemma paused and grabbed the half-empty bottle
of wine from the hall table as she went and giggled.
Lucas didn’t bother looking at the small table, now
scratched and stained, that used to be one of his mom’s
favorite pieces.
“So what do you do, Jacob? How do you know Lucas?”
Lucas came back in the room with a beer for Terry and
looked at Jacob.
“I go—”
“To Adrian’s bar,” Lucas interrupted. He’d been
deliberately vague to Terry, not trusting him to make
trouble. “I told you I was starting there tonight.”
“And Lucas cut his hand on some glass, so I said I would
give him a ride home,” Jacob said without missing a beat.
Terry sneered. “Clumsy oaf, aren’t you, Chubby?”
 Lucas reddened and turned away. It was no use arguing;
it just made Terry worse. And he’d lost weight. He hadn’t
had any choice. “Thanks for giving me a ride.” Sir took the
hint and stood up. Lucas glanced at Terry. “I’ll just show
Jacob out and go to bed.”
Lucas walked to the front door, and Jacob had no choice
but to follow him. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”
Lucas nodded. “Thank you for the ride, S-Jacob.”
Jacob left just as two more of Terry’s friends arrived,
and Lucas took a step toward the stairs, but Terry yelled,
“Where d’ya think you’re going? There’s a ton of glasses to
wash.”
“I’ll clear up tomorrow. I just want to go to bed,” Lucas
said as patiently as he could.
Terry snorted. “Not upstairs you won’t. I think Manda
and TJ are up there.”
Lucas froze. “In my room?”
“Don’t you mean my room?” Terry shot back. “My house.
My room. You’re staying here because you’re too useless to
get a place of your own.”
“Actually, that’s what Lucas was just coming to tell you
originally.”
Lucas turned in shock at Jacob’s voice. Lucas bit his lip,
and shame washed over him. He’d thought Jacob had gone.
“Lucas has accepted a temporary position helping me to
get my house ready for the Realtors. It’s been empty for a
long time, and he needs a job, so it’s perfect.” Jacob turned
to Lucas expectantly. “He was going to start tomorrow, but
as his room isn’t available, he might as well come back with
me now.”
Lucas gaped at Jacob. He was offering him a job.
Jacob took Lucas’s arm and steered him to the stairs.
“Let’s get your clothes.”
“But Sir,” Lucas said quietly even though he was
obediently following him. “I don’t. I mean I can’t—”
 Jacob stopped at the top of the stairs. “If I’m wrong or
out of line, please say. It just seemed you wouldn’t even get
a bed to sleep in tonight.” He searched Lucas’s face, and
for once Lucas didn’t look down. “And I wasn’t lying about
the house. It’s a mess, and I would gladly pay someone to
clear it up so I don’t have to. I thought it might be
something you may be interested in until you get
something else sorted.”
Lucas gazed at Jacob. “Seriously?”
Jacob nodded. “Please call me Jacob, and yes, I’m
serious.”
Lucas stared at the hand Jacob extended, then took a
leap of faith and closed his fingers around the warm ones in
front of him.

OF ALL THE impulsive bonehead moves. What the hell had

even gotten into him? Jacob sighed as he took the battered
backpack off Lucas and eyed the two bags he was
clutching.
He’d stood outside on the sidewalk after Lucas had
shown him out as more party guests had brushed past him,
and hated it, but what could he do? It wasn’t like he had a
spare house he could donate to Lucas.
But you have a spare room.
Actually, that wasn’t a bad idea, and he’d thought
furiously. He didn’t want to be here. The only thing he
needed to do was get the house ready for the Realtors to
sell, but if he had someone to do that for him, it would save
him a lot of time. It might mean he could get out of the
whole Christmas nightmare and leave for England early.
Maybe do a bit of traveling. Anything not to spend another
minute in that house. He turned back and quickly jogged
back up the steps to the front door. It wasn’t even shut
properly. He heard Terry’s raised voice immediately and
intervened.
Five minutes later and Terry was still shouting as Jacob
and Lucas hurried down the stairs. “I’m warning you, you
ungrateful little snot. You leave here and you won’t be
coming back.” Lucas winced as the door slammed shut, and
Jacob felt rotten for him. It looked like the bastard was
using him as some sort of slave, and worse, Lucas seemed
used to being treated like one.
Jacob tightened his hands on the steering wheel. Maybe
the distraction of Lucas being there was what he needed.
He would pay him obviously to get the place straightened
up. Maybe, he could even get Lucas to—no, he couldn’t
bear the thought of anyone touching Ben’s things. That was
private. Surely after two years he could get the courage to
go in there and finally put everything away? If he did that,
he could even check into a hotel if he wanted. He didn’t
even have to live there if Lucas was doing the work.
“Thank you.” The words were so quiet Jacob almost
didn’t hear them, but they were what he needed to bring
him out of his head.
“You’re welcome, and I heard the last threat as well, but
I don’t want you to worry. I’m sure between Adrian, Patrick,
and me, we can find you somewhere within your budget to
live.”
Lucas pressed his lips together, as if stopping a reply,
but Jacob could see the desolation on his face. He simply
nodded though, and they completed the ride to Jacob’s in
silence.
Jacob pulled into the driveway of the older house, and
for a second, memories nearly spilled from his eyes.
They’d been so excited when they’d found the older
house to remodel. They were going to even get a dog, but
then Ben got a promotion and his hours seemed even
longer, so it wasn’t fair when Jacob sometimes had to travel
for work.
 “You have a lovely home,” Lucas said politely.
Jacob forced a smile and got out. He got the case from
the trunk, and Lucas followed him to the door clutching the
two plastic bags. Jacob tried to look at it through Lucas’s
eyes and saw the neglected feel of the house. The dust that
caked every surface. The piles of boxes half filled before
Jacob hadn’t been able to bear it anymore and simply
locked the house and left. After Ben’s death, he’d taken a
string of short-term projects and eventually Atlanta. He
hadn’t even stayed here one single night in two years. He’d
dumped his suitcases upstairs that morning and had barely
unpacked.
“Quick tour,” Jacob said. He walked to the stairs
knowing Lucas was following him. He deliberately walked
past the first door he knew was still locked and opened the
next, noting the unmade bed. “There’s a linen closet just
outside this room. Bathroom.” He nodded to the other door.
“Are you sure?”
Jacob glanced at Lucas for what seemed the first time
since they had left his house. He nodded. “My room is at
the end, and there’s a small room next to it I sometimes use
as an office if I work here. I’ll see you downstairs when
you’re ready. Hungry?”
Lucas bit his lip. It looked like he was; maybe he just felt
uncomfortable saying it. What had Patrick said? He didn’t
like peopling. Although if he’d been his mom’s care giver
for years, maybe he hadn’t gotten the opportunity. “I’m just
going to put a few slices of bread in the toaster.”
Jacob turned and headed downstairs. It wasn’t quite ten,
but Lucas had looked tired. Jacob was exhausted, but not
the tired that sleep would ever cure. He needed a change,
and he hoped with everything in him that England would
give him that. And maybe Lucas would be the buffer he
needed to survive this house before he left.
Jacob was buttering a fourth piece of toast when Lucas
appeared. He looked up and smiled. “Coffee? Tea?”
 Lucas shook his head. “I’m good with water, thanks.”
Jacob gestured to the fridge. “Filtered, and glasses in
the cupboard on the left.” Lucas helped himself and joined
him at the table. Jacob put the plate of toast on the table
and poured himself a coffee. He wouldn’t sleep anyway.
“I’m sorry you had to see that.”
Jacob took a sip of coffee, winced, and added sugar. He
was out of cream. “Terry is your stepfather?”
Lucas sighed. “Yes. My mom…my mom was a free spirit
if you like. Her mom and dad died before I was born, and
they left her the house and enough money she never had to
worry about a job.” Lucas’s face softened in memory. “I
think she’s been a painter, a collector, a therapist—or
maybe until she found out how much school that involved—
and her last project was antique restoration. She met Terry
at an auction, and they went away to Cannes of all places
for a month and came home married.”
“How long ago?” Jacob immediately regretted the
intrusive question.
“Ten years. I’d just gone to college, and I barely saw
them for the next few years as they traveled a lot.”
“What does Terry do?” Apart from drink.
“He was trying to get into flipping houses, but after he
met my mom, he didn’t bother working.”
“I’m sorry,” Jacob said, not knowing what else he could
say.
Lucas smiled politely, and Jacob suddenly was sick of
seeing that look on Lucas and wondered if the smile ever
reached his eyes or if he showed genuine emotion. Jacob
took another swallow of coffee, irritated with himself. He
was the last person to complain about not showing
emotions. He’d had his firmly locked away for years.
“What sort of jobs would you like me to do?”
Jacob looked around the mess in the kitchen. They’d
started a remodel when they first moved in, but now it just
looked like a dump. “I thought if you could spend a month
getting it ready to sell. I’m told houses sell better with
furniture in, and I’m certainly not planning on shipping
beds overseas, so I’ll probably get one of those companies
to empty it when it’s sold.” He picked up a piece of toast.
“Actually, if you get your own place, you can help yourself.”
Lucas’s lips parted in obvious astonishment. “I can’t
take your furniture.”
Jacob shrugged. “I wouldn’t get much for it from one of
those companies that clear your house. I’d be happier
knowing some of it was going to a friend.”
Lucas’s face lit up, and Jacob stared at the complete
change in him. Instinctively Jacob knew it was the friend
comment, not the free-furniture one, and he felt ashamed
for his previous assumption.
“I know Realtors tell you to empty places of clutter,”
Jacob said ruefully. He’d gone crazy after Ben had died.
Packed up everything that had reminded him of something
they did together. Every photograph, even the stupid
knickknacks that Ben was always collecting down to the
stupid-ass shell he’d found on the beach the summer after
they had met.
He’d thrown everything in boxes and not even finished
that. And two years later he still couldn’t bear to go into
their special room, so he’d simply locked it up and walked
away.
The thought of having to go in there soon made him sick
to his stomach.
Lucas picked up his water. “You’re relocating?”
Jacob nodded. “I’m a town planning consultant. I
managed to develop a special niche of troubleshooting
projects that run into problems. The last two were in
Atlanta, but there’s a big regeneration project starting in
England, and they want me to oversee the whole thing.”
“That’s amazing,” Lucas said. “You don’t have any family
to object?”
 Jacob felt the color drain from his face. “No,” he said
curtly and stood. “I’m going to bed. Please help yourself to
anything you need. There’s a TV through there if you’re not
tired. All the doors are locked, so just click off the lights
when you’re ready.” He didn’t wait to see the effect his
words or his abrupt departure had on Lucas, just got
himself out of there before he did something stupid.
Like cry.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER THREE

WHAT HAD HE SAID? Lucas gaped as Jacob practically ran

from the room. It was something to do with family, he was
sure of it. Maybe he had just gotten divorced or something
—which explained the big move—and Lucas had managed
to be an insensitive idiot to a very kind man who had
practically rescued him from Terry’s clutches.
And if Lucas was honest, a very hot man. He’d noticed
him right away when he’d come in the club. And then when
he’d been kind to him in the bathroom, Lucas had liked him
even more.
Lucas stood, rinsed the plates, and put them in the
dishwasher. He peeked into the living room out of curiosity,
but he wasn’t interested in TV, and seeing as how he’d
barely slept in the last three months between being frantic
over his money situation and his mom’s death, he was
ready to go to bed.
Maybe he could get up early in the morning and make
Sir a coffee? Jacob, Lucas corrected himself. He knew the
man’s name, and keeping on referring to him as Sir was
just going to give Lucas problems he didn’t need. The
chances of the man being gay were probably zero, and even
then the miniscule chance of him wanting anything to do
with Lucas was less than that.
Adrian had explained the club was mixed. They even had
a little room, and Adrian had cautioned him that no one
was allowed in when the club was open except Daddies or
Mommies and their littles. Lucas had trembled with
excitement a little at that. Ever since his friend in college
had told him about training to be a Dom, he had been
enchanted by the idea. He’d googled as much as he could
and had forgotten the number of times he’d gone to bed
and wished and prayed he’d had someone to take over
some of the responsibility of his life. Even for a little while.
There was one video he’d been drawn to over and over
again. One of a Daddy spanking his boy when his boy had
been naughty.
Lucas could get hard just thinking about that, and he’d
watched it so many times he could listen with his eyes
closed and imagine the look of love on the Daddy’s face and
the look of utter bliss on the boy’s. It would take no
imagination to replace Jacob as the Daddy.
It would take even less to replace himself as the boy
being spanked.
He couldn’t even watch it anymore though. He had no
cash for phone contracts and even less for porn
subscriptions. Turning off the lights, Lucas went to bed,
pausing at the linen cupboard to get some sheets to make
his bed. He picked some older-looking blue ones from
underneath the pile, and as he pulled them out, a small
fleece blanket fell on the floor. Lucas bent and picked it up
quickly, but then he paused, staring at the pictures of teddy
bears all around the edge, and sucked in a sharp breath as
he felt the soft blanket. He was so tempted to bury his head
in it, but it wasn’t his, and that seemed disrespectful. Did
Jacob have kids? Obviously not here, but if he had just gone
through a divorce, maybe their mother had taken them and
that was the other reason Jacob was so upset. He carefully
folded the blanket and slid it back in the pile, almost
feeling like he was intruding, then went into his room and
quickly made the bed. It took him another hour to put his
things away and wipe down the bathroom. It wasn’t dirty,
just dusty, uncared for, and if this was the only thing he had
to do for the next few weeks, it wasn’t going to be difficult.
Maybe he could even look into going back and getting
his nursing degree? Although that didn’t have the same
appeal as it had when he was in college. The money and
nowhere to live would be an issue obviously, but Jacob had
hinted there might be another job he could try for. That was
always assuming he wasn’t regretting letting Lucas move in
already. He might be back at Terry’s tomorrow. Carefully,
like he might be seen, he got back out of bed and went to
the one drawer he had used and felt underneath his pile of
clothes. Curling his fingers over the tiny rabbit, he pulled it
out. It had been a key chain. His mom had presented him
with it when she had bought him the car as a graduation
gift. She knew he liked soft things even then, and his
bedroom had been full of his childhood toys. His favorite
had been a purple elephant his mom had gotten him as a
baby.
This blue dog-eared rabbit was one of only two things he
had left now. The second was a fairy he had made when he
was little and thought all things like that were pretty. He
didn’t know how it had escaped Terry’s attention, but for
years it had sat on top of their Christmas tree every year
along with all the other handmade ornaments Lucas had
loved to make. At least until he got to school and found out
pretty quickly he should be playing with cars and soldiers.
But for the first time in a long time instead of having to
keep it hidden, he fell asleep with the blue rabbit tucked
under his pillow.
IT WAS the smell of coffee that woke Jacob the next
morning, and he smiled lazily, nearly opening one eye to
confirm Ben was kneeling on the rug waiting for him to
wake him. Of course, the kneeling didn’t last long. The
second Jacob so much as stirred, he would have his arms
full of a naked squirming boy. Jacob got quite used to
drinking cool coffee.
Then he remembered and rolled onto his back, realizing
his new houseguest was already awake and obviously
downstairs, and for a second utter fury robbed his breath.
It isn’t fair.
And it hadn’t been. They’d had a wonderful two years
before Ben had gotten his diagnosis, a crippling year of Ben
getting sicker every day, and then another two years when
there had been many times Jacob wished he had died as
well. It had been Jacob who had found the tiny lump under
his sac. Ben hadn’t even noticed, but then Ben admitted
he’d been having lower back pain and blood occasionally in
his urine, and he’d not said anything because he thought it
was bruising from their morning spanking routine which
they both adored, and Ben was frightened Jacob would
stop.
But finally Ben had told him, and then a scan had started
the whole nightmare, and the cancer was everywhere. Ben
hadn’t lasted even another year.
Jacob forced the lump down in his throat and sat up,
glancing at the time on his phone. A little after seven. He’d
slept well and felt rested, and suddenly he was curious. He
was also ashamed of running out on Lucas last night when
they were talking. Surely he could keep his shit together
for a few weeks to give the man a break. He was surprised
he hadn’t hightailed it back to Terry. Better the devil you
know.
It didn’t take Jacob long to grab a quick shower and pull
on some jeans and a long-sleeved tee. He ought to give
Lucas a proper tour of the house this morning and maybe
run to the store. He’d made toast last night because all he
had bought yesterday was coffee, bread and some butter.
Plastering on a polite smile, he pushed open the door to
the kitchen and came to a shocked halt. Lucas must have
found the cleaning stuff in the garage, and he’d already
made a good start on the kitchen, but that wasn’t what had
brought Jacob to a stop. It was the sight of Lucas’s ass
poking out from where he was head-deep in the cupboard
under the sink that gave Jacob pause. For a second—a
really long second—he couldn’t seem to drag his eyes away,
but then he realized what he was doing and cleared his
throat.
Lucas jumped and promptly banged his head. “Shit!”
Jacob lunged forward. “Steady,” he scolded gently and
covered the edge of the opening with his hand so Lucas
didn’t catch his head a second time as he backed out. Lucas
collapsed on the floor, wincing. “Hold still,” Jacob cautioned
when Lucas would have scrambled to his feet, but he stilled
as Jacob bent and fingered the top of Lucas’s head,
combing his fingers gently through the strands, checking
for bumps.
It took Jacob another minute to realize what he was
doing and drop his hands, only to bend and hook Lucas’s
arm and help him to his feet. He could see Lucas’s neck
was flushed, and he wouldn’t look up. Jacob cursed silently.
“I’m sorry. That was inappropriate of me touching you
without permission. The aftereffects of being a D—Dom I’m
afraid.” Jacob swallowed quite audibly. He’d nearly said
Daddy.
Jacob was silent for another moment but then looked up.
“It’s okay. It’s true that last night was the first time I’d ever
been in a club other than my interview last week, but I
knew a guy in college who was training to be a Dom. He
told me a lot.”
 Jacob nodded, intending to let the subject drop, but then
curiosity got the better of him. “Is it something you’ve ever
thought about pursuing? Adrian holds an introductory night
once a month when nonmembers are allowed to visit. Of
course, you wouldn’t have to wait for that as Adrian knows
you, but it would mean you weren’t the only new one
there.”
Lucas shook his head and went to the coffee machine. “I
can’t really spare the cash right now, and I’m not into a lot
of pain.”
Jacob wanted to kick himself. It was on the tip of his
tongue to argue that he’d gotten the wrong idea, that D/s
wasn’t simply about pain. That there were a million other
things about the lifestyle that made it… Then he deflated.
“Then I’ll stop putting my foot in it and just get some
coffee.” Then his brain finally caught up. “Why are you
cleaning?”
Lucas looked blankly at him. “I’m pretty sure it’s my
job.”
“Not today,” Jacob stressed. “You cut your finger last
night and—”
“I found some gloves.” Lucas waved a pack at him, and
Jacob stared at the box, a million nightmares rushing in.
He’d thought Isaac had taken all the medical stuff with him.
Lucas turned, not seeming to notice. “Coffee’s made.
Sugar, right?”
Jacob nodded, shaking his thoughts off, irrationally
pleased Lucas had remembered. “I thought I’d give you a
proper tour, but I don’t think I need to if you’ve found the
cleaning stash.” Jacob smiled so Lucas didn’t think it was
another criticism. “I need to go to the store.” He glanced
around helplessly. He didn’t cook, but then neither had
Ben. They ate out most of the time or had a meal service
deliver two or three times a week. They both worked long
hours. “I don’t cook that much, and I don’t eat in a lot
either. Or not when I was working.”
 “Maybe, unless you hate the idea,” Lucas said
cautiously. “You’d let me take care of the cooking?” Jacob
hesitated, and Lucas shook his head. “Or not. It’s really—”
“No, that would be great,” Jacob interrupted. “I just
don’t want to take advantage of you.”
“I love cooking,” Lucas admitted. “So did my mom, and
we used to take turns inventing weird recipes.” He
shuddered. “Some of them were spectacular, and some of
them were spectacularly awful.”
Jacob’s smile was genuine this time. It was clear Lucas
and his mom had been really close. “Then yes, please, if
you don’t mind. If you want to get a list together, I’ll run to
the store.”
“Do you have any allergies or dislikes?”
Jacob shook his head. “I’ll pretty much eat anything.”
“Great,” Lucas said thoughtfully and dragged a piece of
paper over. “Any nights you’re out?”
Jacob shook his head. “What about you? Has Adrian said
when you’re working?”
Lucas’s face fell, and he looked disappointed. “He didn’t
say last night. I thought I might call in and see if he’s there
tonight.”
Jacob hesitated, then managed to not say something
stupid and put two and two together. He nodded to the
phone in the holder fixed to the wall. “Ben used to work at
home on a weekend sometimes. And for whatever reason,
he preferred a landline. You’re welcome to use it.”
For a moment Jacob wondered what the expression
meant on Lucas’s face, and then he realized what he’d said
and resisted the urge to take a knife out of the drawer and
stab himself with it. “Ben was my husband.” But the words
he died stuck in his throat. Lucas nodded and glanced over.
“Thank you. I know the club doesn’t open until six, so I’ll
call later.”
“And we need to get your pay sorted, so if you let me
know your bank info, I’ll get that arranged.” He named an
amount he thought reasonable, and Lucas nodded.
“I’d be happier if you took my food and rent out first. It’s
simpler.”
Jacob frowned. “There’s no charge for living here,
Lucas. That’s included.”
Lucas shook his head. “But—”
“I’m pretty sure if you’re doing the cooking as well, your
days aren’t going to be regular hours. The money isn’t even
what a housekeeping service would cost me.” Which could
be true. To be honest he had no idea what a housekeeping
service would cost, and the thought of strangers in here
made him go cold all over.
‘If you’re sure?” Lucas didn’t sound at all convinced. “I
can’t help feeling you’re doing this because you took pity
on me.”
Jacob huffed. “Maybe a little bit at first, but honestly you
are doing me a huge favor by taking this off my hands. I
have a ton of things I need to arrange if I’m going to move
on schedule, and I might even go visit my brother over
Christmas.” He had no intention of doing anything of the
sort, but it gave him the perfect excuse not to be here.
Once he was satisfied Lucas could cope, he was on a plane.
Because that was his lifeline. His new start. He watched
as Lucas calmly wrote down some things on the pad next to
the telephone, tore a sheet off, and handed it to Jacob.
“That will do us for a few days, and I can always stretch it a
little more when I know if you are going to see your family.”
Jacob glanced down. There wasn’t much. In fact, as far
as he could see… “Lucas, I don’t hurt for cash. You don’t
have to have such a tight budget.”
Lucas snatched it back, and Jacob knew he’d put his foot
in it again. “I just meant it doesn’t look much.” An idea
occurred to him. “Do you like steaks? I have an undercover
grill area out back I haven’t touched in an age. It’s a bit
cold to eat out there, but they taste fine.”
 What am I doing? He didn’t want to give Lucas the
impression he wanted to socialize.
“Yeah?” Lucas said shyly perking up a little. He picked
up the pen and put it between his teeth with an intense
look of concentration. It was adorable.
Jacob coughed to cover his embarrassment, and Lucas
quickly wrote out what seemed to be as many things that
were on the original list and handed it to Jacob rather
triumphantly. “That’ll see us through until Monday. I’ll
investigate what’s in the freezer and do a proper list for all
of next week.”
“If it’s in the freezer it will need to be thrown away after
two years.” Jacob glanced down and smiled. He wanted to
say he wouldn’t be here in a week, but he’d gotten a
genuine smile out of Lucas.
“Sorry, I’m used to Terry’s budget.”
“Alcohol and fries?” Jacob teased.
Lucas raised his thumb and forefinger to show a really
small gap. “Little bit.”
Jacob laughed. Then stopped in surprise. He couldn’t
honestly remember the last time he had laughed, then said
the first thing that entered his head to cover it. “You could
come with me, then if there’s anything else you see, we can
grab it at the same time.”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he
regretted the offer. He really needed to keep his distance
from Lucas, not come up with things for them to do
together.
“Are you sure?”
No. But of course he couldn’t say that, so he picked up
his keys and waited while Lucas rushed for a jacket and
pulled on some sneakers. As soon as Lucas reappeared,
Jacob pulled the door open and they both stepped out.
Jacob hurried for the car as the wind blasted suddenly from
nowhere. The weather was crazy. It had been in the
eighties only last week, and now it was freezing. He
glanced at Lucas as he turned the engine and saw his white
hands clutch at a far too thin jacket. “Is that all you’ve
got?”
Lucas looked his way quickly, nodded, but remained
silent. “Which Realtor are you going to use?”
So the subject was closed. Fair enough. “Lawsons. Andy
Lawson is an old friend of mine.” Lucas nodded but didn’t
ask any more, so Jacob knew he’d said it just to have
something to say.
They pulled into the large parking lot a little after nine.
Being Saturday and only four weeks until Christmas, it was
busy, but they found a space easily. Jacob tried to get as
near to the door as possible because Lucas looked half-
frozen even though he’d had the car heater on full blast.
He put a hand on Lucas’s arm to stop him opening the
door. “Do we need to swing by your old house to pick up
the rest of your clothes?”
Lucas blinked in confusion. “I don’t have any more
clothes.”
“But you must have a warmer jacket at least?” He
wouldn’t be surprised if it snowed. Lucas stared at his
hands, and Jacob reluctantly let go of his arm. “I’m sorry,
bad habit.”
“Caring?” Lucas said lightly.
Jacob relaxed a little. “I’ve a ton of jackets at the house
that you could borrow.” They might be too big. Isaac had
helped him out by taking all Ben’s clothes away. He’d
thought they’d gone to a charity place, but he hadn’t cared
at the time. He just didn’t want to see so much as a pair of
sneakers.
Lucas pressed his lips together and glanced out of the
window but didn’t make any move to get out. “Terry
controlled the budget. As mom’s husband he had access to
everything, and he used to give me an amount I could
spend on the both of us.”
 “Let me guess, it barely covered what your mom needed
and didn’t leave anything for you?”
Lucas nodded. “Her medicines were expensive.”
“Wasn’t there someone you could talk to? Her doctor
maybe?”
“Terry told me he would be happy if I walked out. He
would have put her in a facility and sold the house
immediately.” Lucas looked at Jacob. “I went to look around
one once, and while there are lovely ones, this had to be
one of the worst. He said he would get her in the cheapest
and I would have no say in anything. If I took him to court
to contest anything, she would be stuck in one of those
facilities for months while everything was decided, and
then it might have gone against me.”
“I’m sorry,” Jacob said at last, knowing it was nowhere
near adequate.
“I’m not,” Lucas said. “I wouldn’t ever change the last
six years. I’d have loved some help, but I don’t regret it for
one moment. And I think if I can manage it, I’m going to
see if I can go back to school. I’m not sure I want to be a
nurse anymore, but I’m pretty sure I can find something.”
He smiled. “I think you gave me the push I needed.”
He was still grieving. Jacob had had to look after Ben for
nearly a year, and Lucas had to cope for six. He couldn’t
imagine what he was going through. Jacob returned the
smile and opened the door, resolving then and there to do
everything in his power to make sure Lucas got a chance at
doing what he wanted. And if it was the distraction he
needed to get through every day until he flew to England,
then so be it. It helped them both.
They spent a busy half hour getting everything on the
list and just as they were getting some fresh veggies, Jacob
heard a shout and looked up.
His eyes widened in surprise as he saw Mark and his
little, Amy, pushing a cart toward them. “Mark,” he said
and put his hand out. Mark and Amy had moved to Chicago
just before Ben had gotten sick. He hadn’t seen them in
what, three, four years? Mark shook his hand and drew
Amy close. She blushed prettily and took Mark’s hand.
“Nice to see you, Amy,” Jacob said, confident she wasn’t in
her little mindset. They’d been together since high school,
but they were strictly part-timers at age play.
Mark’s eyebrows rose as he looked behind Jacob, and
Jacob turned, hoping like hell Mark would be discreet.
“Mark, Amy, this is a friend of mine, Lucas.” Lucas shook
hands with them both, and Mark hesitated. He clearly
didn’t know what to say in front of Lucas.
“I was so sorry to hear about Ben,” Amy said gently.
Jacob nodded. He didn’t want to talk about it, but his
chest didn’t seem quite as tight as usual when he faced
stark reminders like this.
“If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go finish up. It was nice meeting
you both,” Lucas said politely and walked away.
Jacob met Mark’s eyes. “He’s just a friend I’m helping
out. I’m actually moving to England soon. Just finalizing
everything.”
“Well damn, I was hoping to meet up at the club. We just
moved back to the area as we had some great news, so
we’re going to stick a little closer to family.”
Jacob smiled politely and congratulated them both.
“Patrick still goes. Do you have his number?”
Mark nodded. “And I haven’t changed mine in case you
want to get together for a beer before you go?”
“Yeah, that’d be good. I’d better go.” They promised to
get together maybe next week, and Jacob went in search of
Lucas. He tried the couple of aisles they hadn’t been down
and spotted Lucas right at the end. Jacob walked toward
him, noticing they were on the baby aisle. Huge packs of
diapers, milk, food. All the typical selection, but right at the
end there was a basket display of small cuddly toys.
And Lucas had picked up a small purple elephant, and as
Jacob watched, he glanced around him and then rubbed the
soft plush against his cheek and closed his eyes as if
relishing the feel. Jacob stilled, torn between wanting to
stare and not wanting to be caught staring, but he couldn’t
seem to drag his eyes away from the scene in front of him.
Lucas looked like he was in another world almost. Just as
Jacob decided to move, Lucas opened his eyes and saw
Jacob. He nearly threw the elephant in the basket he was
so flustered and opened his mouth to speak, but Jacob got
in first. “Did you find everything we needed?”
Lucas nodded, still looking like Jacob was going to what,
shout at him? Deride him? Not in this lifetime.
“Did you need to look at anything else?” He tried to talk
gently. He didn’t want Lucas to feel embarrassed or
ashamed.
Lucas shook his head, still not speaking, and they went
to the checkout. Jacob paid for everything and then paused.
Damn. He needed some shaving butter. “I forgot
something. Be right back.” He started the car, and leaving
Lucas to warm up, he ran back inside making another
decision. He must be mad, and he didn’t know if he would
ever give Lucas the elephant he absolutely knew he was
going to buy. It might send totally the wrong signals, but he
wasn’t leaving the store without it.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FOUR

JACOB HAD SEEMED quiet since the store that morning, and
Lucas now understood what had happened. Jacob had lost
his husband. He didn’t know how, but the man must have
died as the sorrow in Amy’s eyes hadn’t been faked, and it
explained so much. The house, the job, the relocation. All of
it. Lucas’s heart ached for Jacob. It was clear to see how
much he must have loved his husband, which made his
kindness to Lucas even more astounding. He still didn’t
understand why he had been willing to take in a complete
stranger, especially when he could pay someone to clear
the house. Unless that was it. Maybe he didn’t want people
he didn’t know touching his things, although Lucas was
hardly a friend, and he hadn’t seen so much as a
photograph about.
Lucas listened from the kitchen as Jacob backed his
Ford Explorer out of the driveway. He had said he needed
to run some errands, and he’d left Lucas making dinner. He
hadn’t really noticed last night, but it was a really nice car.
Obviously top-of-the-line, and he immediately thought
about his Toyota RAV4 with sadness. His mom had insisted
on a brand-new car when he had graduated high school as
a gift, and he’d loved that car right up to the point Terry
had taken it off him and totaled it. He wasn’t even sure
why. A nine-year-old Toyota hardly compared with the new
Chevrolet Suburban he swanned around in. He’d taken the
Toyota because he hadn’t been able to find his keys, and
he’d laughed when he’d arrived home in a cab saying
Lucas’s car wasn’t even worth towing for repair and it was
going for scrap.
How did I get here?
He didn’t even know. Sure, he’d come home when he’d
gotten the call from Terry. Of course he had, but his mom
didn’t seem much different than her normal scatty self at
first. It had taken a week until he got up one morning and
she had gone. Completely disappeared. In a panic, Lucas
had gotten in his car and driven around the town until he’d
found her still in her pajamas and freezing cold, wondering
why her favorite restaurant wasn’t open at 7:00 a.m. on a
Monday.
She didn’t understand why she couldn’t eat bella
mushrooms in the sauce she loved right then. And the
worse thing was she had cried because she thought Lucas
was conspiring to keep it closed. That it was his fault.
It had sometimes been worse than her being confused.
Her anger. That she had to blame everything on him
because her frustration didn’t have another target. Her
doctor had said it often happened, but it didn’t make the
bruises he now got from his previously loving mom hurt
any less.
Lucas looked around the kitchen. It looked better
already, and he could soon have it looking a Realtor’s
dream. There was one wall that needed filling and
repainting as it looked like something had hit it and
chipped a little paint, but he’d noticed some paint cans in
the garage when he’d found the cleaning supplies, so he
was sure he could manage. He’d become pretty self-
sufficient over the last few years as Terry wouldn’t pay for
repairs, so Lucas had just done them. He wasn’t normally
clumsy like he had been at the club. He just had a hard
time meeting so many new people when he’d been
essentially stuck in a house for years, and his money
worries were making him anxious.
And the hot Dom that had been kind to him in the
bathroom had meant his head was full of Jacob, and not on
the tray of glasses he was carrying. In his head he’d
already seen himself tucked up on Jacob’s knee with his
blanket and stuffie.
Lucas paused what he was doing as longing robbed him
of breath. It wasn’t ever going to happen, and he knew
daydreaming was ridiculous, but the man was a perfect
package practically wrapped up in a shiny bow. What a
Christmas gift. But then he started imagining Jacob
unwrapping him and forced his thoughts away.
He deliberately hadn’t mentioned the half-full boxes the
kitchen was littered with and just put them in an empty
closet off the hallway to deal with later. It looked like Jacob
had started to pack everything but hadn’t finished.
He hadn’t done much because his finger was making
things a little awkward, but at least the kitchen was clean
enough to cook in, and the gloves meant he could get his
hands wet. He’d noticed Jacob hauling two empty suitcases
out to the garage earlier, so he guessed it was likely he had
been doing some unpacking upstairs. Lucas cupped his
hands around his coffee. Jacob had even got him the half
and half he liked after seeing him eyeing it. Then he
flushed as he remembered what else he had seen. The
elephant. Could he be any more pathetic? In his defense it
had been so cute, and Lucas had always loved stuffed toys.
He’d even had a bathroom sponge shaped like an elephant
when he had been younger.
Which reminded him he still hadn’t had a shower
because of getting the bandage wet, but now he’d found
the gloves he could, and he felt sticky and a little gross
after going nearly two days without washing his hair. He
set off upstairs. He’d not had much time to notice his
surroundings since he’d arrived with it being late and then
going to the store, but he remembered Jacob saying there
was an office at the end of the corridor by his room, and he
would need to add that to his list. He didn’t feel
comfortable opening any doors until Jacob gave him the go-
ahead, so he walked straight into his room.
Well, not his exactly, but he did like the room. Cream
and brown walls should look plain, but with the dark
chocolate blind, the accent pillows on the easy chair, and
the fluffy cream rug he could curl his toes in, it looked
warm and inviting. He needed towels, and he went back
out to the linen cupboard he’d gotten the sheets from
yesterday, but there weren’t any. The bathroom just had the
small hand towel in, and he opened a couple of cupboards
under the sink, but apart from spare toothbrushes and
soap, they were empty. He glanced at the other door.
Maybe the towels were in there? He touched the handle,
expecting it to open inward, but it swung back away from
him. He realized it was another bedroom, not a cupboard,
and he went to close it quickly until he caught sight of the
floor.
And stopped completely stunned.
The same wooden floor was mostly covered in a rug, but
it was the type of rug that caught Lucas’s eye. It was like a
big snakes-and-ladders game, and his eyes widened as he
took in the rest of the room. There was a beanbag chair
that looked like the comfiest thing he’d ever seen, and a
massive train set that extended the whole width of the
room. In the corner he noticed a dresser and a huge
matching rocking chair. Shelves lined the whole of one wall
with more books than he had seen in a library, and there
were two massive chests that held everything from toy cars
to teddy bears.
He knew he shouldn’t be in here. He absolutely knew it,
but when he saw a pair of white rabbit ears sticking out
from under the dresser, he was helpless not to cross the
room and pick it up. It was cuddly and so soft, and Lucas
closed his eyes and pressed the rabbit to the side of his
face.
“What the fuck do you think you are doing?”
Lucas jumped and snapped his eyes open in horror at
the sound of Jacob’s voice. He took in the flashing deep
brown eyes, the stony set to his jaw, and the bunched fists.
“I’m sorry,” Lucas whispered. “I was looking for towels. I-
I’m sorry,” he stammered and took a step toward Jacob, but
he still held the rabbit and he didn’t know what to do with
it. Just dropping it on the floor seemed wrong.
“Get out,” Jacob demanded in the coldest voice Lucas
had ever heard, and Lucas opened his mouth to repeat his
apology until he saw the pain glinting in Jacob’s eyes and
threatening to spill over, and knew what he’d done was
unforgivable. He ducked his head and nearly ran past
Jacob, downstairs, shoved his feet in his sneakers, and
grabbed his jacket. He was outside and walking away from
the house before he even registered it was snowing.

TEARS RAN down Jacob’s face, and he brushed them away

angrily. He felt almost violated. That a stranger had
invaded their special place…
I’m sorry.
The horrified whisper on Lucas’s lips was genuine. He
didn’t even know how he’d gotten in here. The door was
locked…and then Jacob nearly slapped himself for his
stupidity. The bathroom. The door to the bathroom. He’d
come upstairs and seen Lucas’s bedroom door open, and
he’d noticed the other door open before he’d even thought
about it. It couldn’t have been locked. He remembered
locking the door to their playroom because he couldn’t bear
to go in there, but he hadn’t given the bathroom a thought.
He never went in that room, and he’d left for Atlanta a
week after the funeral.
He gave the room one last glance and remembered
Ben’s face when he’d surprised him with it. It had been his
birthday, and Ben had adored it. He closed the door behind
him and strode into Lucas’s bedroom, seeing the rabbit
Lucas had dropped on the bed. Ben had loved that stupid
thing, but not as much as the purple bear. The one he’d
tucked into Ben’s arms before they’d closed his casket, and
not cared if anyone saw what he did.
Jacob picked up the rabbit and pressed it against his
face automatically just as he’d seen Lucas do. Just as he’d
seen Lucas do in the store with the small elephant, and
shame washed over him. Lucas hadn’t known. Ben’s death
wasn’t Lucas’s fault, and he felt his anger dissipating. He’d
always buried it before, buried all his emotions, and he was
doing a crap job. Maybe…maybe Patrick had been right
when he’d told him months ago that he needed to talk to
someone? He just didn’t know how to share. He’d kept
Ben’s memory close to him like a guarded secret. He hadn’t
even spoken to Ben’s mom in months, and she’d had her
own grief to deal with. He sat on the bed in a whoosh. Ben
would be so ashamed of him.
He was ashamed of himself. He stood up and went into
the corridor. He could hear the stupid Christmas music still
in the kitchen and decided to go grab a shower himself
before he went downstairs to go face Lucas. He needed to
apologize. Lucas had looked scared to death. After a quick
shower, Jacob felt a ton better and even a little hungry. It
would be dark soon, and it was snowing. Ben had loved the
snow, and he smiled as he remembered helping Ben make a
snowman their first winter. It hadn’t snowed at all the
second winter, and Ben had sulked. Jacob had promised
they would spend their next Christmas in some winter
wonderland destination, but by then Ben was sick and he
couldn’t travel anywhere.
Jacob pulled on a worn pair of jeans and a sweater. He
slipped his feet into some soft suede slippers and headed
downstairs to apologize. They needed to talk. Lucas
wouldn’t even know he was a Daddy Dom for Christ’s sake,
and he had probably assumed it had been a child’s room.
He mustn’t forget that last night had been Lucas’s first visit
to the club. He might not even know about the little room.
It wasn’t something Adrian mentioned because he kept it
private.
Jacob scrubbed his face, knowing he had made such a
mess of things, and stepped into the kitchen. It was empty,
but the oven was on low, so Lucas had made supper. He
frowned and walked into the living room, which didn’t look
like anyone had been in there. Jacob quickly checked the
garage on the off chance Lucas was getting something from
there, and even the small bathroom, but there was no sign
of him.
Get out.
But Jacob had just meant the bedroom. Surely Lucas
knew that? But why? Why would he? Dread settled in
Jacob’s belly as he looked out at the darkening sky. He
rushed back to the kitchen, and sure enough Lucas’s
sneakers were gone and his too-thin jacket. Calling himself
every name under the sun, Jacob swapped his slippers for
his own sneakers and picked up his coat. At the last second,
he snagged another thick jacket and grabbed his car keys.
He had his phone, but he doubted Lucas had one, and
even if he did, Jacob didn’t know the number. Jacob drove
slowly away from the house into town. He had no idea
which direction Lucas would take. If he’d called a cab
before he left the house, which he doubted, or even if he
had any cash on him. Crap, where would he go? Jacob set
off toward Terry’s, hoping like hell Lucas was there, even if
Lucas wouldn’t speak to him.
 I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t.
It didn’t take long, but when Jacob pulled up to Terry’s
house, all the lights were off and it was locked up. He
couldn’t be sure of course that Lucas wasn’t in there, but
he got no answer to his repeated ringing of the doorbell,
and he had just given up when an older woman came out of
the house next door. “Is there something I can help you
with?”
Jacob smiled. “I was hoping to find Lucas actually.”
The woman’s face cleared. “Oh, Terry’s away for the
weekend, and he said Lucas was with friends. I said I’d
keep an eye out…even though they’ve got a good security
system,” she added.
Jacob nodded. She’d obviously thought twice about
telling a stranger the house was empty, and he nodded his
thanks and said he’d catch up with them next week. Now
where?
The thought Lucas was outside in this weather scared
the shit out of him, and even more that he was responsible
made him feel decidedly queasy. Maybe he would go to the
club? He didn’t think Lucas had any other relatives or even
close friends because surely he wouldn’t have been stuck
with Terry if that was the case. Jacob got back in his car
and turned the heater up and decided to set off to the club.
If there hadn’t been a streetlight near the bus stop, he’d
have missed him.
Hunched over and perched miserably on a bench, Lucas
looked like he was waiting for a bus, but the snow was
settling and Jacob doubted there would be one coming
anytime soon. He slammed the brakes on just as he
recognized Lucas and was out of the car before he even
realized it.
“Lucas?”
Lucas looked up in surprise. “Jacob?”
“You’re freezing,” Jacob said unnecessarily. Lucas was
shivering, and his goddamn lips were just about blue.
 “I’m okay,” Lucas said defensively and hunched into his
jacket.
‘Well, we can talk about that when you’re dry and
warm,” Jacob said firmly and clasped Lucas’s arm. Lucas
shrugged it off.
“I’m fine.”
Jacob sighed. How was he going to make this right? He
hunched down in front of Lucas. “I owe you a huge apology.
If you come home, I’d like to tell you what you saw and
explain about Ben.”
Lucas’s eyes widened as if he hadn’t expected Jacob to
mention him, but when Jacob clasped him a second time,
Lucas didn’t resist.
Jacob got Lucas into the second jacket and without
thinking leaned over to fasten his seat belt. Lucas made
some sort of surprised noise in the back of his throat, but
Jacob didn’t draw back. He was shivering, so Jacob took off
his own jacket and draped it over Lucas’s knees.
“But that’s yours.”
Jacob nodded. “It’s warm enough in the car.”
They didn’t have far to go, and apart from glancing at
Lucas to see if he was still shivering, Jacob stayed silent.
Explanations were better done at home and in the warmth
with a steaming mug of hot chocolate.
He steered Jacob through the kitchen and right to the
stairs, and into his room. “Sit there a moment.”
Jacob walked into the bathroom and started the bath
then double backed and got three large towels from the
closet near his room. Lucas hadn’t moved, but he still
didn’t look like he’d warmed up. Jacob added some bubble
bath to the water and turned the faucet off, then came back
to get Lucas. He hadn’t moved and just stared at him in
bewilderment. Jacob eased his arms out of the damp jacket
and then tugged him to the bathroom.
“I can manage.” But Lucas’s teeth were chattering, and
his fingers were struggling with the buttons.
 “Let me help,” Jacob asked gently. “I only want to make
sure you get in okay, then I will leave you for a soak.”
Lucas nodded but didn’t meet Jacob’s eyes as Jacob
helped him strip and held his hand to steady him as he
climbed in. Lucas groaned as he sat in the water and
leaned back, the bubbles covering him completely.
“I’m just going to make us a warm drink,” Jacob
promised and hurried back downstairs to the kitchen. He
heated the milk and blew out a long breath of relief. What
would have happened to Lucas if Jacob hadn’t found him?
He made two steaming mugs of hot chocolate and carried
them upstairs. Lucas was lying in the bath, water up to his
neck, and his eyes closed.
Jacob put Lucas’s cup on the small shelf next to the bath
for holding soaps, and Lucas opened his eyes. “Thank you.”
Jacob took a sip while he gathered his thoughts, but he
couldn’t let this go on any longer. “Ben was my husband.
We’d only between together just two years when he was
diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It had spread already,
and despite the chemo and everything else, he died after a
year.”
“I’m sorry,” Lucas murmured, looking stricken.
“No,” Jacob said. “It’s I that owes you an apology. You
know I’m a Dom, but what you don’t know is that I’m a
Daddy Dom. Ben was my husband, but also my little.” He
watched Lucas’s face for any sort of disgust, but he just
looked concerned. “Did you go in the Parent/little room at
the club?”
“No.” Lucas shook his head. “But I understand what a
Daddy Dom is. My Dom friend explained a lot to me. I know
what littles are, and I understood when I saw how Charlie
behaved with his Sir.”
“When I came home from the funeral I was so angry.
Everything I could see of Ben’s I packed up, but I couldn’t
bear to go in our playroom, and just closed and locked the
door. We had a lock on it for when Ben’s mom visited. I
completely forgot about the bathroom.”
“I was looking for towels,” Lucas admitted, “but I should
have shut the door immediately when I saw what it was,
and I certainly shouldn’t have picked the rabbit up.”
“You like soft things though,” Jacob pointed out. “The
elephant at the store.”
Lucas flushed. “I always did.”
“I moved to Atlanta a week after the funeral. I just
couldn’t bear to be here, and I couldn’t stand the thought
of emptying that room either, so renting the house out was
impossible. I’ve been offered a job in England. Starts in
April, but I’m thinking of going early and maybe doing
some exploring.”
Lucas took another sip of his chocolate. “Would it be
easier if I emptied everything after you’ve gone?” He
flushed. “I mean, you could get Patrick or someone to
check up on me. I would never—”
“I trust you,” Jacob interrupted. “To be honest, I’ve been
considering exactly that. Ben died the week after New
Year’s, and we had a pretty miserable Christmas. I’ve kind
of avoided it every year.”
Because Christmas Eve Jacob had admitted defeat. Ben
had been in so much pain, and even Isaac had suggested
the hospice. But he felt like he had given up. Given up on
Ben.
“But being in this house would make it all so much
worse.” Tears shimmered in Lucas’s eyes, but for maybe
the first time, Jacob’s were clear. He was more concerned
he was upsetting Lucas.
“It’s not like I have to decide tomorrow.” Jacob finished
his chocolate and stood up. Lucas drained his. “How are
you feeling?”
“Much warmer, thank you,” Lucas assured him.
“Good,” Jacob said. He did look better. “Then get
yourself dry, and I’ll go bring you your dinner in bed.”
 Lucas’s eyes widened. “I can manage.”
Jacob nodded seriously. “I know, but it’s in my nature to
be a bit of a worrywart, so indulge me and get into bed?”
Lucas flushed, and Jacob was struck with how much
better he looked with a bit of color in him. He left Lucas to
it, despite really wanting to make sure he got out of the
bath safely, and went downstairs.
He took the Crock-Pot out of the oven and decided that
most of it could be saved even though it was overcooked.
He ladled the chicken and veggies in a dish, grabbed a
fresh glass of water and some tissues to double as napkins,
and put everything on a tray. Lucas was sitting up in bed
when he went in, and he made sure Lucas had everything
he needed before going downstairs and getting his own.
After eating and clearing up, he wandered into the living
room and picked a few different books, intending to take
them upstairs when he went for Lucas’s tray. He might like
to read as there was no TV in there.
Lucas was asleep.
Jacob stared at him for a long minute, then picked up
the tray and closed the door behind him. After a second he
opened it a crack before going downstairs.
He felt better. Lighter. Was it just the relief of having
Lucas back no worse for wear, or was it talking about Ben?
It wasn’t something he could answer right at that moment,
but for the first time in a very long time, he didn’t think he
would have much trouble sleeping tonight.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FIVE

SOMETHING WOKE Jacob and he opened his eyes and

peered at his phone. Just after four. He’d crashed early so
he wasn’t surprised he was awake. Then he heard it. A
distinctive cough from Lucas. He had—for some reason he
hadn’t liked to question—not only not quite closed Lucas’s
door last night but kept his own open. Jacob heard it again
and winced. Maybe Lucas needed some water?
He got out of bed and shrugged on his robe, padding
down the corridor to Lucas’s bedroom. It sounded awful,
and concerned, he pushed the door open. Lucas was sitting
on the edge of the bed with a tissue over his mouth,
coughing a lung up. Jacob smiled at one of his dad’s
favorite sayings before he took in Lucas’s face. Flushed,
very flushed, and Jacob crouched down and felt his
forehead.
“You need to stay away,” Lucas moaned miserably. He
was hot, maybe even a fever, and Jacob squeezed his
shoulder.
“Let’s get you comfortable. Do you need the bathroom?”
Lucas nodded weakly and didn’t protest when Jacob
helped him up and into the bathroom. He rushed back and
changed the damp sheets quickly, just finishing as Lucas
appeared. He lifted the comforter, and Lucas crawled back
in shivering. “I’m going to get you some water and see if I
have any aspirin.”
Lucas shivered again and pulled the covers tight around
him. Jacob jogged downstairs and put the kettle on. He was
pretty sure there was some herbal tea somewhere although
it might be out of date. He found some and then tossed it in
the trash. Very out of date. He didn’t have any painkillers
either and trudged back upstairs to see if Lucas had any.
Lucas just shook his head miserably.
“Okay, I’m going to go get some,” Jacob decided.
“There’s a larger store out towards Monroe that will be
open when I get there.”
“I’m sorry,” Lucas said before breaking into another
bout of coughing.
“This isn’t your fault.” And for a moment Jacob really
wanted to touch Lucas again. But he doubted obsessively
checking him would reduce his fever, so he went into his
own room to get dressed and hurried out.
Jacob drove a little too fast. In his head he was telling
himself that Lucas had got a simple cold, and that this was
nothing like Ben, but he’d made this journey so many damn
times before he couldn’t get the visual out of his mind.
Or the fear.
He spent a ridiculous amount. Things he needed and
definitely things he didn’t, but by six he was pulling back
into the driveway. He hurried back upstairs first to see how
Lucas was doing, but he could hear the racking cough
before he’d made it to his room. Lucas smiled weakly as he
came in. “It sounds worse than it is. Mom always said
whatever was wrong with me went straight to my chest. I
don’t get many colds but—” His voice went as another
cough shook his body. Jacob dashed back downstairs, and
by the time he had unpacked everything, his kitchen looked
like a pharmacy.
 Another wave of grief washed over him, and he had to
grab the counter for support. He was torn between wanting
to camp out upstairs in case Lucas needed anything and
run far away. But it was his fault Lucas was sick, so he
carried a sample of everything upstairs including some
boiling water and herbal tea. ‘Wow,” Lucas gasped weakly,
but he didn’t try to sit up.
In another hour, Jacob was getting really worried. Lucas
was feverish. He was coughing less, but Jacob didn’t know
whether that was a good or a bad thing. He didn’t know
whether to pile his blankets high because he was shivering,
or to keep him cool because he had a fever. He needed
some advice, but who could he call? He’d turned his back
on all his friends. His only brother he hadn’t spoken to in
years, and he didn’t have a family doctor. The last thing he
wanted was to turn up to an ER. He would if Lucas was
really sick, but the problem was he really didn’t know.
Patrick.
As soon as the name entered his head, he was scrolling
through his contacts. Patrick had called him the other night
and…yes. Jacob had pressed the button before he changed
his mind.
“Jacob? You okay?” At least it didn’t sound like he’d
woken him up.
“I need some advice, and I’m sorry, but I couldn’t—”
“What do you need?” Patrick interrupted, and his steady
voice made Jacob feel better already.
“Lucas’s sick. It’s probably just a cold, but—”
By the time Jacob had rattled off a dozen answers to all
of Patrick’s questions, Patrick had promised to come over
before he headed to his morning clinic. Jacob’s hands shook
as he dropped the phone back in his pocket. Lucas was
asleep, but he wasn’t resting. He coughed repeatedly and
tossed about. Jacob kept wiping his forehead with the cool
cloth Patrick had told him to use when he heard a car pull
in his driveway. Jacob closed his eyes in relief, then rushed
downstairs to meet Patrick.
Patrick smiled reassuringly as he got out of the car. “I
don’t see you for two years, then twice in two days.”
Jacob had to physically stop himself from dragging
Patrick into the kitchen. “Thank you for coming.” He had a
million things he wanted to say, but that seemed a good
start.
“Where is he?”
“Upstairs,” Jacob said and jogged up the stairs, Patrick
following him. He walked into Lucas’s room, and Lucas was
awake. He gaped when he saw Patrick and struggled to sit
up. “Sir, I—”
“Hush, boy,” Patrick soothed immediately. “Let’s have a
look and see what’s going on, shall we?” He gestured to
Jacob. “Do you want to wait downstairs?” Jacob looked at
Patrick as if he was talking some foreign language.
“Downstairs?” he repeated like he didn’t understand.
“It’s okay,” Lucas said. “I don’t mind Jacob staying.”
Patrick nodded and did a physical examination. “Well,
Lucas, you’ve caught a nasty cold, and you have a low-
grade fever. The cough is irritating, but not worrying. Rest,
plenty of fluids, and you’ll be up and about in a couple of
days.”
Jacob was stunned. “But he doesn’t need…an X-ray or
antibiotics or anything?” He was coughing really badly.
Patrick smiled gently.
“Let’s go downstairs and you can make me a coffee as a
thank-you.”
“I’m sorry you had to come all the way here.” Lucas
flushed, looking embarrassed. Patrick patted him gently on
the shoulder. “No worries. I hope to see you next week at
the club.”
Lucas nodded and lay down again. Patrick walked out of
the room, and Jacob, because he didn’t seem to have any
other choice, followed him.
 Jacob put the coffee maker on while he was trying to
sort out what to say. He needed a second opinion. What if it
was serious? He wasn’t saying Patrick wasn’t a good
doctor, but he wasn’t infallible and—
Patrick took the scoop and the hot chocolate he was just
about to put into the coffee machine off him and steered
him to the table. “Listen to me.” Jacob realized what he was
doing and sank down, putting his head in his hands.
“It’s my fault he’s sick.” He looked up at Patrick,
expecting disgust, and the whole shameful story came out
before Jacob even knew what he was saying.
Patrick just regarded him silently, then took a breath.
“Firstly, you cannot catch a cold from being wet and cold.
It’s a virus. He got it from someone else he has been in
contact with over the last few days. Antibiotics don’t work
on viruses, so there is absolutely no point in me giving him
some, and prescribing antibiotics when they don’t work is
the reason why so many infections are now antibiotic-
resistant.”
Jacob nodded. He knew that, but seeing Lucas sick had
him grasping at straws.
“The only thing I will say is that young man is
underweight, and if he isn’t healthy, he is more prone to
picking up things like colds.”
Jacob nodded, feeling foolish. “I’m sorry I dragged you
out here.”
Patrick didn’t reply immediately but then laid his hand
on Jacob’s arm. “I’m more worried about you to be honest.”
Tears suddenly filled Jacob’s eyes. Patrick took out his
wallet and passed over a business card. “Your reaction was
perfectly normal. Anyone who has gone through what you
have in the last two years would react exactly the same.
Add to that your Daddy nature, and it’s a given.”
“I’m not a Daddy anymore,” Jacob said half in
determination and half in sorrow.
 But Patrick was shaking his head. “No, Jacob. You’ll
always be a Daddy. It’s what you are. Who you are, and it
isn’t something you can turn off either.” He pressed the
card into Jacob’s hands. “Erica Singleton is a friend of
mine. She’s in the lifestyle, so will understand your
situation.” Jacob stared down at the card. “Going to
England might not get you the release you want if you can’t
let him go in there.” Patrick pressed a hand to Jacob’s
chest, then stood. “I expect Lucas to feel better in forty-
eight hours, but if his fever gets worse or you’re worried in
any way, then call me anytime.”
Jacob nodded, completely overwhelmed, still staring at
the card. After a moment he got up and went to check on
Lucas. He was cold, shivering and restless. Lucas knew he
shouldn’t, absolutely knew, but that still didn’t stop him
from getting in bed and pulling the smaller body towards
him. After a while Lucas’s shivering stopped and he seemed
to breathe more easily.
It took much longer for Jacob to be able to do so.

LUCAS OPENED his eyes and glanced at the sunlight

peeking around the blind. He’d slept, and he felt disgusting
and sweaty, but he knew his fever had gone, and apart from
a scratchy throat, so had most of his cold. He rolled over
and glanced down as something lumpy got stuck under his
shoulder. Peering in confusion, he fished out the stuffed
elephant and gazed at it in bewilderment. It was the one
from the store. He was sure it was.
“I know you like soft things.”
Lucas glanced up at Jacob’s voice. His arms were folded
as he leaned against the far wall. He looked like he’d been
there for a while. Broken images came back to Lucas bit by
bit. Soothing cold cloths, herbal teas that had tasted so
good on his sore throat, and gentle hands that had felt even
better. At one point he was sure he’d been miserable
enough to declare he was dying, and he’d felt those hands
shake for just a moment before he’d continued with the
soothing cloth.
Lucas closed his eyes in horror. Surely he was dreaming
that last bit? He wouldn’t have been so insensitive? “I’m so
sorry. I’m supposed to be here for a job. You shouldn’t have
had to go through all that.” He was pretty sure Patrick had
been here, and he groaned silently. How much would that
cost? He hadn’t had any health insurance since his mom
died.
“Are you hungry?”
Lucas looked at Jacob in confusion. He could eat, but he
felt gross, and he was supposed to do the cooking. “If you
give me a moment to grab a quick shower, I can make
something.” Determined, Lucas flung back the covers and
practically vaulted out of bed.
And nearly landed on his face. Or he would have if Jacob
hadn’t caught him. “What are you doing?” Jacob said in
exasperation and steadied him before lowering him to the
bed. Lucas’s knees nearly gave out a second time as his
mind spun with the double assault of weak knees and
Jacob. God the man smelled fantastic, and he probably
smelled gross. He was pretty sure he’d had these sleep
pants and T-shirt on for two days. At the same time as he
realized the ones he was wearing didn’t belong to him, he
also worked out that as he had no memory of getting in
them—it meant Jacob must have changed him.
“Oh my God,” he whimpered, and Jacob smirked a little.
“No Olympics, but Patrick says you’ll be good for a
change of scenery tomorrow. I mean coming downstairs,”
he added in case Lucas didn’t understand him.
Lucas nodded but didn’t try and get up again.
“How about I run a bath for you?” Jacob suggested. “I
don’t fancy your chances of standing up in the shower just
yet.”
“You must think I’m such a loser,” Lucas whispered.
That had been a favorite taunt of Terry’s.
“Superhuman, are you?” Jacob said and crouched down
so Lucas didn’t have to look up to see him.
“Huh?”
“I mean half a dozen people from the club are sick
including a barman and Adrian. You were in contact with all
of them.”
“Oh,” Lucas said, feeling foolish. Jacob gazed at Lucas.
“I’m going to run your bath. Then you’re going to have
something to eat. Then you’re going to get back into bed. I
brought some different books up for you if you want to
read, but by the time you’re bathed and fed, you’re
probably be going to be ready for a nap.”
Jacob was right. Lucas managed some hot buttered toast
after his bath in Jacob’s bathroom, and then he was wiped
out. He was pretty sure he fell asleep while Jacob was still
talking to him. He didn’t let go of the elephant though.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER SIX

THREE DAYS later they’d settled into a routine of sorts.

Lucas hadn’t even bothered with a bandage on his finger
now, but Jacob still urged him to be careful.
The downstairs was clean and tidy, Lucas hadn’t asked
about the half-empty boxes in the closet, and he hadn’t
mentioned the upstairs playroom at all. He’d found some
filler in the garage and mended the hole. He would paint it
when it was set. It was still three weeks to Christmas, and
Lucas had no idea whether to mention it or not. He didn’t
expect Jacob to make a fuss when he was leaving, but the
problem was Lucas didn’t know exactly when he was
leaving.
He’d said something about going to see his brother and
assumed that would be over or close to Christmas, but he
didn’t know.
“What are your plans today?”
Lucas glanced up at Jacob. They had just finished
breakfast, and it was Friday. “I need a laptop,” Lucas
confessed. “I need to start thinking about college or a job.”
He smiled. “Probably both.”
Jacob frowned. “There’s no rush, surely? You’ve only just
gotten over a nasty cold.”
 Warmth rushed through Lucas. He knew, absolutely
knew, that Jacob’s caring nature was because he was a
Daddy, and not because he felt any special attachment to
Lucas, but he loved the way Jacob fussed over him. Even
growing up, his mom had been more his best friend than a
mother. Bedtimes, any particular structure, were a loose
concept that changed depending on what project caught
his mom’s eye, and he soon realized that making sure he
got up for school was his responsibility. Not that he hadn’t
felt loved, but sometimes it had almost been like he had
been the parent, even before she had gotten sick.
“But it isn’t going to take much to finish the house, and
to be honest I don’t think it will take long to sell.” It was
close to one of the best elementary schools in the district,
and the area itself was popular.
Jacob nodded absently, and Lucas fiddled with his
napkin. He wanted desperately to ask a question, but he
was wary of bringing back bad memories.
“What is it?” Jacob said after a minute.
Lucas flushed a little and marveled that after only
knowing each other for a week, Jacob seemed to know
instantly when there was something on his mind. “I
wondered if I could ask you about the club?”
Jacob’s lips parted in clear surprise. He obviously hadn’t
been expecting that. “Do you mean membership?”
Lucas nodded. “And training.”
“To be a sub?” Jacob asked with a smile.
Lucas squirmed. That wasn’t exactly what he meant, but
he didn’t know how to say what he wanted. His new phone
had arrived yesterday, and he had found that video again.
“Adrian has a nominal membership fee for single subs.
Once they are in a relationship, it’s usually added to the
Dom’s fees. The other option is working there in return for
membership.”
Lucas’s eyes brightened. “Really?”
 Jacob nodded. “I believe Adrian keeps some sort of
roster, or he used to anyway. Patrick would know,” he said
almost absently to himself.
“What sort of subs are there?”
Jacob put down his cup. “As many different types as
there are people I guess. A Dom/sub relationship is what
the individuals want, but I suppose to answer your question
in very general terms, there are service submissives that
perform services for their Dom. Anything from cleaning to
cooking etcetera. Sexual submissives that are strictly
bottoms in the bedroom. Slaves who are submissives that
want to be micromanaged including when to eat, even
when to use the bathroom, brats who get off on being
naughty, furries who are into something like puppy play,
and littles.”
Jacob’s eyes widened. His friend at college hadn’t been
as informative as he thought.
“But the real point is that each of those is a huge
spectrum, and every couple works it out between them.”
Lucas nodded, his mind racing a million miles a minute.
“Do you have an idea of what sort of submission you are
interested in?”
Lucas definitely did, but he couldn’t say it to Jacob. It
would seem too much like his interest was personal. “Not
pain.”
Jacob nodded seriously. “I think going to the club and
maybe talking to Adrian is a good idea when you’re feeling
better.”
Lucas nodded, then risked a glance. “Would you mind if
I went there for an hour tonight?” It was Friday, and Lucas
knew what happened on a Friday.
Jacob looked startled, and Lucas backtracked quickly.
“Or not. I can go another week.” Jacob shook his head.
“Of course you can go,” he assured him. “I don’t expect
you to be here all the time.”
 Lucas smiled eagerly. He was actually quite excited, and
he knew exactly what type of Dom he was looking for. The
day passed quite quickly, and after Lucas had made some
grilled chicken in quite a spicy tomato sauce, he rushed
upstairs to get a shower. He had no idea what to wear and
ended up dragging out all his clothes—which weren’t many
—onto the bed.
He looked up at the knock as the door opened. Jacob
took one look at the bed. “Can’t decide what to wear?”
Lucas shook his head. The subs he’d seen the night he’d
started didn’t seem to wear much of anything, but he would
have to go on the bus, and he didn’t want to freeze. The
snow had nearly gone, but more was forecast.
“Wear the black jeans,” Jacob directed. “You can put on
the gray shirt and a sweater over them, and then once you
get there, you can always take the sweater off.” Lucas
nodded eagerly and rushed into the bedroom to get
dressed. He fished about in his small bag, and his fingers
clutched the kohl pencil he had once bought on a whim and
never actually used. Did he dare?
Carefully, especially as his hands shook a little, he
applied a tiny amount to the corner of both eyes. Not
enough to be really obvious, but enough to make his eyes
pop a little. He didn’t dare use the lip gloss. That was a
little further than he was ready for right this minute. When
he opened the bathroom door, he was surprised to see
Jacob standing there holding the thick jacket Lucas had
been using, plus his own and his car keys.
“Oh no,” he rushed out. “I checked and I can get a bus
there and a cab home.”
Jacob frowned. “No, I don’t want you doing that. It
might snow.” Lucas bit his lip at the order. Jacob’s concern
did funny things to his insides, but he knew he didn’t like
going.
“Thank you,” he said after a moment. After all, Jacob
could just drop him at the door. He didn’t need to actually
come in, but then Lucas realized Jacob had gotten changed
as well into some black pants and a blue shirt that looked
fantastic on him. Lucas made sure he had his keys and
wallet and followed Jacob out to the car which he had
started to warm up. Lucas just thanked him quietly when
Jacob opened his door and told himself sternly not to read
anything into Jacob’s actions. He was a Dom and knew it
came naturally.
Lucas couldn’t help feeling a little excited. He was
nervous, and he was sure he would be terrified once Jacob
left him, but he had been here once and everyone had been
kind. He might even make some friends.
Jacob pulled into the parking lot after about twenty
minutes and drove into an empty space. “Thank you,”
Lucas said and opened the door. What else did he say? He
wasn’t going to be late home. That would be rude when he
was staying in Jacob’s house. Jacob turned the engine off
and undid his seat belt.
“Actually, I might just see if my friend Mark is here. He
wanted to get together before I leave.”
“From the store?” Lucas asked and got out. Jacob
nodded.
“Hang on,” he said and took Lucas’s arm. “It might be
icy.” Lucas didn’t reply as suddenly his mouth was very dry,
but let Jacob guide him safely to the door, and waited
quietly while Jacob signed him in. Jacob said they could
worry about his membership later when he had talked to
Adrian.
“Jacob?”
They both looked up as Patrick and Charlie entered the
club just behind them. Patrick immediately glanced at
Lucas. “You look better.”
“I’m well, thank you, Sir,” Lucas said politely, and
Patrick beamed.
“I didn’t expect to see you here.”
 Jacob nodded at Patrick’s question, and Lucas felt a little
sorry for him. “Jacob was kind enough to give me a ride. I
want to talk to Adrian about membership.”
Patrick nudged Charlie. “That’s fantastic. I’m pretty sure
Adrian would let you come in with us. I doubt if there’s any
other littles in there yet.”
Lucas paused. He hadn’t meant to actually go in the
little area; he didn’t think he was allowed. Lucas glanced at
Jacob, whose face had slid into a polite mask.
“Or how about you and I sit and get a drink while
Charlie shows Lucas the little area?” Patrick suggested.
Lucas brightened. He really wanted to see in there, and
shyly Charlie took his hand and pulled him in.
“It would be cool if you are thinking of joining,” Charlie
said and took off his jacket. Lucas didn’t answer. He was
too stunned at the area he was in. With sudden clarity, he
remembered his mom had taken him to see Santa one year
at the local home goods store because thanks to one of her
harebrained schemes, he’d missed the class Christmas
party they’d had. Lucas would never forget it. The
Christmas decorations weren’t as loud in here, but the
whole place had a festive feel from the tree in the corner, to
the craft tables set out where littles could even make their
own Christmas cards.
When Lucas finally realized Charlie was silent, he
glanced at him, suddenly envious. “What’s it like?”
Charlie smiled and dragged him to a sofa. “You mean
being little?”
Lucas nodded.
“Well, I can only tell you how it makes me feel,” Charlie
cautioned.
“I know. Jacob told me everyone is different.”
“Well, I’d always been interested in coming to a club. I’d
looked online and decided sexual submission was for me
because it really got me going. I’d been a member here for
about three months, and I’d entered into an exclusive
contract with Daddy.” He paused. “Patrick.” But Lucas
knew what he meant.
He shrugged. “I wasn’t happy. Daddy was trying
everything he could think of. Sensation, pain, bondage. He
even had some Shibari training, but being tied up didn’t do
anything for me either. I mean, I got off loads of times
because Daddy’s just so damn hot, but something just
wasn’t working, and Daddy told me afterwards he was
thinking twice about renewing our contract because he
didn’t think he was giving me what I needed.” Charlie
grinned. “The trouble was I didn’t know what I wanted. We
came here and met Jacob and Ben.”
Lucas gasped. “You knew Ben?”
Charlie nodded. “Ben was playing on the floor with a
couple of cars while Jacob and Daddy talked, and he offered
me a car. Five minutes later I had my juice in a sippy cup,
and the evening passed in a haze. I went home with
Patrick, and we had the best sex of my life.” He smirked.
“Of course, the spanking he gave me for not saying I was
unhappy helped a ton.”
Lucas shivered, thinking of his favorite video.
“So Patrick became Daddy, and I’ve never been happier.
I had a fantastic childhood. Mom is great. I have a good
job, but this”—he waved a hand around the room—“when
Daddy brings me here, it’s like switch flicks in my brain and
I just let everything go. I’ve never felt so complete or so
loved, and Patrick was born to be a Daddy Dom.”
Lucas shot a look to the dressers in the corner. He’d
googled all about some littles that wore diapers, and he
wasn’t sure at all. Was it compulsory?
“I don’t wear them,” Charlie said, guessing where
Lucas’s thoughts were taking them, “but I know littles that
do.” He shrugged. “It can easily be a hard limit for you.”
Lucas nodded. He knew what hard limits were as well.
“I was stunned Jacob brought you.”
 “Me too,” Lucas admitted ruefully, “but he knows I’m
interested.”
“In him?” Charlie’s eyes widened.
Lucas shook his head quite vehemently. “He still loves
Ben.”
“He’ll always love Ben. What he needs is to grieve and
forgive himself.”
“Forgive himself?”
“Survivor’s guilt, I imagine.”
Lucas sighed. He understood that as well. Lucas glanced
at the door. Should he go back? “Why don’t we let them
talk for a bit?” Charlie asked eagerly. “I want to make
Daddy a Christmas card, and he watches me like a hawk
when I’m in here. It’s my only chance.” Lucas nodded
eagerly and followed Charlie to the craft table. Maybe he
could make one? He loved any sort of craft projects and
soon he was absorbed in making a card. And if he had a
little glitter on him, who minded?

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER SEVEN

JACOB TURNED down the offer of a beer and stuck to

coffee. “So, what brought you here?” Jacob glanced ruefully
at Patrick.
“Lucas is interested. I think you were right about him
being submissive, and he was asking me about the different
types of subs. I also told him his membership choices, and
he asked to come.”
Patrick looked curious. “He asked you to bring him?”
“No. He was all set to catch a bus, but I didn’t want him
out in the cold after he was sick, and I wasn’t doing
anything.”
Patrick nodded thoughtfully. “What type of sub do you
think he is?”
“I don’t know.” It was a lie. Could Patrick tell? Jacob
looked at Patrick and recognized the kind look. “I think he’s
a little,” Jacob admitted, “but to what degree I have no
idea.”
“He could be a middle,” Patrick said thoughtfully. “It’s
good you’re giving him a safe space to explore his options.”
Jacob nodded and told Patrick he’d seen Marc and Amy. All
the time he wondered what Lucas was doing in the little
room. They seemed to have been gone ages. Should he get
another coffee?
“Probably the best thing to do is to introduce him to
some members.”
“What?” Jacob blurted out, feeling like he’d missed some
of the conversation.
“But just so I definitely understand and I’m not treading
on anyone’s toes before I introduce him to a possible
Daddy, you’re not interested?”
Jacob clamped down on the fluttering in his belly. He
couldn’t ever go through that again. He simply wouldn’t
survive. “No. I had it perfect there for a time, but no one
will ever measure up to Ben, so there’s no point in me
thinking about another relationship.”
Jacob glanced at Patrick when he didn’t get an answer,
and judging from his uncomfortable expression…crap. With
a sinking heart, Jacob turned. He’d deliberately sat with his
back to the little room so he didn’t have to stare at it, and
sure enough Lucas was standing there with his eyes firmly
glued to the floor. There was no way he wouldn’t have
heard everything Patrick said.
“Good evening, gentlemen.”
They all glanced at Adrian, who was grinning at them
broadly. He looked at Lucas. “I hear I might have given you
my cold.”
“You always were generous to a fault.” Patrick recovered
first, and Adrian chuckled unrepentantly.
“Actually, Adrian. Lucas wanted to inquire about joining.
Maybe going on the sub roster for serving as well.”
If Adrian was surprised, he made a good job of not
showing it. He looked at Jacob inquiringly.
“There’s just me,” Lucas said, lifting his chin at last, and
after a beat, Adrian nodded.
“Then let’s go into my office and chat.”
“I’ll wait,” Jacob said offhandedly. He didn’t want Lucas
attempting a cab.
 “No need,” Patrick said and stood himself. “We’re not
planning on being here late as I have an early surgery
tomorrow. We can drop Lucas at home.”
Jacob opened his mouth to object but closed it. What
could he say?
“And on this occasion, as I know Lucas, he can come into
the little room with you when we’ve done with the forms.”
Lucas smiled at Adrian and without even looking at
Jacob allowed Adrian to steer him behind the bar to his
office.
Patrick nodded. “It wouldn’t surprise me if Adrian
doesn’t have someone in mind for Lucas already.” A flash of
something ran through Jacob. Concern? But then he knew
Adrian, and Lucas would be safe. Feeling out of sorts and
not knowing why, Jacob said goodbye and left.

NO ONE WILL EVER MEASURE up to Ben. Lucas knew that.

Of course he did, and they had known each other a week.
He knew Jacob was still grieving, and he never expected
they could be anything but friends, but having it pointed
out so baldly and in front of everyone had been mortifying.
“I actually have all your details from last week, your
required health forms and declarations, and with the
holidays and having so many people down with the flu or
whatever, I’m actually pretty short-staffed. You’d be really
helping me out if you could even start tomorrow. Saturday’s
my busiest night.”
“Tomorrow?” Lucas nearly stammered.
“If you can’t, I understand of course.”
“No, that’s fine,” Lucas assured him. “What time?”
“Eight? It doesn’t get busy until after nine.” Lucas
thought furiously. That worked out well. It meant he could
cook a meal for Jacob, clear up, and still have time to get
ready.
“And don’t worry about getting home. I have a car
service that takes anyone that doesn’t have their own car. It
will be included.”
“What will I be doing?”
“Mainly bussing tables. Taking drinks to people.” He
smirked. “I’ve actually started using nonbreakable glasses
in the main area. It was too dangerous with so many subs
being in bare feet.”
Lucas flushed and wanted to apologize, but Adrian held
up his hand. “I should have done it before, so we’ll hear no
more about it. You’ll work for two hours, and then it’s
entirely up to you what you do. I have some Doms I can
introduce you to. You’ll wear a novice band, so any Doms
will know you haven’t discovered what you want, and more
importantly you haven’t decided on your limits. I will be
your mentor, so if anyone approaches you for any reason,
they have to okay any scene with me first.”
Lucas breathed out a sigh of relief. He liked Adrian, but
he especially liked the fact he wasn’t going to get in over
his head. “Do you have any idea of what aspects of the
lifestyle you would like to investigate?” Lucas got an
immediate image of the boy being spanked, but he didn’t
dare say anything.
“I’m not sure.”
Adrian reached into his drawer and got out an orange
band and a white one and fastened them on Lucas’s wrist.
“The white is your novice status. The orange is mine. All
the mentors have their own colors, and all members know
what these mean. You are free to go explore for a while. If
there is anything you want to ask, look out for someone
wearing one of these colored armbands, but not if they are
involved in a scene obviously.”
Lucas nodded. He knew never to interrupt. His friend
had told him that.
 “You have permission to go into the little room because
Patrick is here. I imagine Charlie will want to introduce you
to his friends.” Adrian nodded to the door. “Any questions
or problems, please find me or Patrick, and very
importantly, please do not leave the building without telling
me.”
Another wave of relief washed over Lucas, and for the
first time in a very long time, he felt optimistic. Like he
would have friends. Like he would have a future.
It took about ten minutes and a faint feeling of nausea to
determine he wouldn’t like whipping. He’d seen the St.
Andrew’s cross and a whipping demonstration—as much as
he could stand anyway—before he fled back to the bar
area. “Lucas?” He looked over to see Adrian beckoning him
from where he stood next to a tall gentleman he would
guess at maybe a couple of years older than him.
“Lucas, this is Master Gabriel. He knows you’re a novice
and just checking things out, but he’d be an excellent
person to ask if you have any questions.”
Lucas held out his hand respectfully, and Master Gabriel
shook it gently. “Maybe we can go sit down and you can tell
me your first impressions.”
Lucas swallowed nervously, but Adrian gave him an
encouraging nod, so Lucas followed him to a vacant couch.
Then he hesitated. Some subs knelt. Would Master Gabriel
expect him to do that? But Gabriel patted the cushion next
to him, and Lucas sank down gratefully.
“The first thing is that no Dom will expect you to know
what we want. It’s not some guessing game designed to
trip you up, and you should always ask questions, especially
while you have those bands on. It isn’t appropriate now, but
if I’d have expected you to kneel, not only would you have
something to kneel on, but I would tell you.”
Lucas sighed in relief. “Thank you, Sir.”
He nodded. “Tonight I give you permission to call me
Gabriel.”
 “Gabriel, thank you,” Lucas confirmed.
“So what have you seen so far?”
“The little room,” Lucas said confidently, “and the place
where they were doing whippings.” He tried not to wince,
but Gabriel chuckled, so he mustn’t have hidden it very
well.
“Not for you?”
Lucas shook his head. “Not the whipping.” He twisted
his hands, and Gabriel tilted his head to the side
thoughtfully.
“But there was something you saw?”
“Not here,” Lucas whispered and flushed.
“Another club?”
“No, Sir. Gabriel, I mean.”
“Online?” Gabriel guessed, and Lucas was sure his face
was actually on fire. “Tell me.”
Lucas swallowed, but something about Gabriel put him
at ease. “I had a friend in college who was training to be a
Dom, and he showed me this video of this boy being
spanked.”
“Spanking can be very erotic,” Gabriel agreed. “Either
as a punishment or a grounding.”
“A grounding?” Lucas repeated, not completely sure
what Gabriel meant.
He smiled. “My ideal boy would wake me up every
morning with my coffee, and then I would spank him.”
Lucas hesitated. “Because he’d done something wrong?”
Gabriel chuckled. “No. To remind him every day how
much he is loved and valued.”
Lucas’s mind whirled, but he suddenly wanted that with
such a burning passion it took his breath away. To belong.
To have someone love him like that would be amazing.
“What did you think of the little room?”
Lucas smiled. “It’s amazing.” He loved the look on
Charlie’s face when he’d been talking about Patrick. “I like
the idea of being looked after, and not because I can’t do it
myself, but because someone else wants to very much.”
And he did. He was so giddy thinking of it he giggled.
Gabriel smiled, and Lucas admired the way his eyes
softened. He loved the strength and the power radiating off
the man. It reminded him of Jacob. And Lucas sobered a
little.
“I understand from Adrian you are working tomorrow
but will be finished at ten?”
Lucas nodded, and Gabriel smiled and stood up. “Then I
am very much looking forward to talking to you tomorrow.
Can I escort you to the little room?”
Lucas nodded, completely charmed, and Gabriel left him
at the door. He pushed it open and spied Patrick right away
talking to an older man. Charlie and another little were
playing on the floor. Lucas grinned and headed over to
them.
“Lucas, this is Daddy Jensen, and that’s Dash.”
He smiled, and Charlie tugged him down. In a moment
he was helping Charlie and Dash construct a racetrack. He
tried to lose himself in their excited chatter, but he couldn’t
get two things out of his mind. Gabriel’s caring nature was
one.
But the other was Jacob’s declaration that no one would
ever match up to Ben.
“What did you think of the dungeon?” Patrick asked
after he declared they would have to start tidying away.
Lucas shivered. “I don’t think that’s my thing.”
“You were out there quite a while for not liking it,”
Patrick said, leaning forward in concern. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, Adrian introduced me to Master Gabriel, and I’m
working tomorrow night. He has two servers out sick, and
one of the subs that would normally be on the roster as
well.”
Patrick smiled. “Gabriel is responsible. He’s young, but I
knew the Dom who trained him, and he was a stickler. You
would be safe if you wanted to spend time with him.”
 Lucas nodded but didn’t reply. What he’d heard seemed
to yawn between them.
“Jacob’s a good man.”
Lucas looked up. “I know,” he said a little defensively.
“I’m sorry you heard that,” Patrick said.
Lucas thought for a minute. “It isn’t what I didn’t
already know. I’m under no illusions.”
“Ben could be a brat,” Patrick said fondly, surprising
Lucas. “They were arguing a lot before Ben got sick. I
imagine they would have worked it out, but Ben did get
sick and very quickly, and that’s got a lot to do with the
whole guilt thing he has going on.”
Lucas nodded because he couldn’t come up with a reply
if his life depended on it.
“What I’m saying is he needs to forgive himself, and I
think running away to England isn’t going to help.”
“But what can I do?” Lucas blurted out. “I’ve known him
a week.” And I can’t replace Ben.
“I’m not suggesting for one second you do anything.” He
thought for a moment. “I think you should meet people and
enjoy yourself.”
And what was that supposed to mean?
“All done, Daddy.” Charlie cuddled into Patrick.
“Are you coming to the Christmas party?” Dash asked
shyly.
“I—” Lucas glanced at Patrick, who grinned.
“It’s next week,” Patrick said. “Wednesday. And yes, you
would be very welcome.”
Lucas smiled at Dash. “Then, thank you. I’d love to
come.” They all got their jackets on and headed to the front
door. At the last moment, Lucas remembered and ran to the
bar to tell Adrian he was leaving with Patrick. Adrian
thanked him solemnly for remembering to tell him and said
he would see him tomorrow night.
It was cold outside, and Lucas was thankful for his
borrowed jacket. “Oh,” Charlie said. “Looks like we’re not
taking you home.” Lucas followed Charlie’s line of sight,
and his eyes widened when he saw Jacob just getting out of
his car. Patrick chuckled to himself and strode over to
Jacob.
“We could have dropped him off.”
Jacob shrugged. “I was passing anyway.”
Which made zero sense as how would Jacob know Lucas
hadn’t already left? But Patrick just nodded agreeably and
reminded Lucas about the Christmas party next week.
Lucas got in Jacob’s car. Had he waited for him? Lucas’s
heart thudded against his ribs.
“What Christmas party?” Jacob asked as they drove out
of the parking lot.
“Charlie invited me. It’s in the little room.”
“I’m surprised you’re allowed to go in there
unaccompanied.”
Lucas was sure it wasn’t a dig, but it felt like it. “Adrian
said I was allowed in tonight.” Jacob didn’t respond for a
few minutes.
“Do you have any questions about what you’ve seen
tonight?”
“No, thank you,” Lucas replied. Master Gabriel had just
about covered everything. “Adrian asked if I can work
tomorrow as he’s really short, but I don’t start until eight,
so I have plenty of time to make sure I get supper done.”
“Are you sure you’re up to that though?”
Annoyance flashed through Lucas. “It’s only for two
hours, and I also get brought home.”
“So you’ll be home just after ten?” Jacob pressed.
Lucas squirmed slightly. “I’m not sure.” Jacob glanced
over at him quickly. “Master Gabriel wanted to spend some
more time with me.”
The silence in the car seemed to go on for a very long
time, but Lucas didn’t hurry to cover it. He hadn’t done
anything wrong.
“I don’t know a Gabriel,” Jacob said after a moment.
 “Patrick and Adrian said he was very experienced, and I
have to wear a white and orange band when I’m there.”
“Novice and Adrian’s colors,” Jacob confirmed. “It looks
like you’ve got everything worked out.” It sounded like a
criticism, but Lucas wasn’t sure what he’d done wrong, and
suddenly he wished he’d never gone. He could feel his
newfound confidence trickling out of him, and he slumped
in his seat. They arrived home a few minutes later, and
Lucas stiffly asked Jacob if he needed anything before he
went to bed.
“No,” Jacob answered with a mildly surprised air. “I was
going to make a hot chocolate. Would you like one?”
“No, thank you,” Lucas said stubbornly, even though he
did, and jogged upstairs to his bedroom. Lucas hurriedly
went into the bathroom and then dragged on some old
sleep pants of his that were ripped all along one leg, but he
didn’t have any others, and an old T-shirt that was just as
worn. He brushed his teeth and scrambled into bed,
shivering slightly, then looked up at the soft knock on his
door. Jacob nudged it open and stood awkwardly with two
steaming mugs.
“I was making some anyway. Just leave it if you still
don’t want any.”
Lucas reached out. “Thank you.” But Jacob stepped
back.
“Sit up, it’s hot.”
Lucas tried not to smile and did as he was told, then
reached out again, but this time Jacob did surprise him as
he sat down on the bed before he let Lucas take his.
“I’m sorry,” Jacob said quietly. “I should respect you
know what you are well enough to cope with. I was just
worried with you being sick.”
Lucas melted at Jacob’s words.
“Tell me what you saw?”
So Lucas did. He finished with being invited to the
Christmas party. Jacob shrugged. “They never had that
when I was there, but then the whole little room is new as
well, or new to me. I’ll text Adrian and say he doesn’t need
to send the car service to collect you tomorrow. I’ll take
you.”
Lucas gaped a little. “I actually think it’s just for
bringing me home, but I was going to get a bus there.”
“I can take you.”
“I don’t want to put you to any trouble.”
Jacob stood and took Lucas’s empty cup. “You’re not.
Get some sleep.” Then Jacob seemed to lean forward for a
second before he straightened up, and for a shocking
moment, Lucas was almost convinced he was going to kiss
him, but he smiled and closed the door firmly behind him.
Kiss him? Lucas almost laughed at his silliness, but he
still fingered his lips that seemed to tingle with promise.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER EIGHT

JACOB HADN’T SLEPT. His head was too full of what seemed
everything to get any rest, and he had no idea what to do
about any of it. He supposed it was natural to feel some
sort of…what? Proprietorship? He was pretty sure he might
just have made that word up, but it seemed to cover how he
felt for Lucas. He certainly felt some sort of responsibility
for him, and while Patrick was a good friend, he was going
to look out for Charlie first and foremost.
He didn’t know anything about this Gabriel guy, and it
would be easy for Lucas with zero experience to get in over
his head. He hadn’t intended on going back to the club
ever, but he was only going to be here for a few weeks;
maybe he could hang around and make sure Lucas was
going to be okay? Could he cope with that? Or would he be
mired in grief every time he saw the littles? Not that he’d
be allowed in the little room anyway.
Which was a good thing.
The smell of coffee and the faint sounds of the radio
wafted up to him, and before he’d had a chance to register
either properly, there was a knock on his door. “Come in.”
He sat up and returned the shy smile on Lucas’s face as he
walked in holding a mug. Jacob reached out eagerly,
needing something to jolt him awake.
“Good morning,” Lucas greeted him, and Jacob
responded in kind. “I wanted to ask you what room you
wanted me to tackle next?”
Jacob stared at his cup. He threw the covers off and
pulled on a robe. “I’m not sure I can do it on my own,” he
admitted.
“I didn’t mean that,” Lucas stressed. “I’m happy to do
the playroom when you go see your brother.”
“I haven’t seen my brother in years. We’re not close.”
Lucas’s face softened. “I have a suggestion. What if you
tell me what you want to keep and I empty everything else?
Unless you have a preference, I know an old neighbor of my
mom’s that runs a leukemia charity. They are having a
Christmas toy drive soon, and there will be an auction as
well.”
Jacob swallowed awkwardly, but he nodded. It had to be
done, and the thought of it going to help kids would have
made Ben happy. “Let’s go do it now.” Suddenly he didn’t
want to wait any longer, and he clasped his coffee tighter
and headed to the playroom.
Methodically and calmly Lucas went through everything,
and Jacob wasn’t sure whether he’d made it bigger in his
head because while it still hurt to see everything
dismantled, it didn’t hurt quite as much as he had been
expecting, or maybe he was just good at pretending it
wasn’t happening.
“I bet you weren’t expecting to have to do this when you
took on the job,” Jacob remarked when the pile of things he
actually wanted to keep could fit in a small bag.
Lucas looked around at the neatly stacked and marked
boxes. “At least you get to do this,” he said softly, and Jacob
narrowed in on Lucas’s haunted expression.
“What do you mean?” But he thought he knew.
 “I wasn’t allowed to keep anything,” Lucas whispered.
“He packed all her things up and drove them to the waste
center. He dumped it all.”
Jacob inhaled sharply. Cruelty still managed to shock
him.
“You were right about the stuffed animals. I had dozens,
but at the end, Mom seemed to take comfort in them, so
they were all in her room.”
And he guessed they had been thrown out with his
mom’s things. “To be honest, Ben didn’t actually spend that
much time in here. I’d only just started it before he got
sick, and I think I treated it more like a shrine than
anything. It was a promise he was going to get better. That
he had to get better because he wanted this room so
fucking much, and I wanted him to live so fucking much.”
He was crying. He hadn’t realized it before Lucas
wrapped his arms around him, and sobs seemed to dredge
up from somewhere he’d kept them buried for so long.
Huge hacking sounds tore from his throat, and he buried
his head in all Lucas’s softness and bawled. And all Lucas
did was hold him tighter and let him cry.
It was just so fucking unfair.
Sometime later—Jacob wasn’t sure exactly how long—he
blinked his scratchy eyes open in his own bed. He didn’t
even remember getting here, but even as that thought
filtered into his mind, he registered the warm arms still
wrapped around him. Lucas had stayed with him, and the
immense feeling of gratitude that rushed through him
nearly brought fresh tears. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you dare apologize.” Unbelievably, Jacob smiled
because Lucas sounded so fierce. “Would you like a cup of
tea?” Jacob nodded because that sounded really nice. “Do
you want it up here or downstairs?”
Jacob thought for a minute. “Can you give me five
minutes for a shower?”
 “Of course,” Lucas said and tried to move. Jacob caught
his arm.
“Thank you. I don’t deserve you being so nice.”
Lucas stilled. “Yeah, you really do.” But before Jacob
could respond to that cryptic comment, he was gone.
Jacob got a shower, noting he must have slept for nearly
two hours, which amazed him further that Lucas had
stayed with him. His mind was still a whirl of emotions, but
with a certain thankfulness that they’d tackled the
playroom. It was true what he’d admitted to Lucas. Ben had
barely spent any time in there, and he’d kept it because it
was more a symbol than anything else. He finally went
downstairs, after satisfying himself he didn’t look too awful,
to smell bacon frying. “I didn’t even know we had bacon,”
Jacob said.
“We bought it when we went to the store,” Lucas said.
“Oh.” And now he felt stupid.
“Would you like it in a sandwich or with the works?”
“The works?” Jacob repeated, suddenly hungry.
“Egg, toast. Potatoes. Hash browns, but they’re frozen.
There’s even some biscuits?”
Jacob nodded eagerly. “What can I do?” Lucas pointed to
the table, so Jacob got everything out.
“I was thinking of maybe vegging out and watching a
movie,” Jacob said cautiously as they ate. He couldn’t bear
any more house emptying. Not today. He was still raw.
Lucas nodded and swallowed.
“Can I ask something?”
Lucas looked nervous, and Jacob nodded. “Of course.”
“While I was getting the cleaning things, I noticed some
decorations in the garage and a tree I think. I just
wondered if you wanted them up?” He shrugged. “Dumb
question, I guess. You might not be here for Christmas.”
But Lucas would be, and just because he was a grinch,
didn’t mean he had to inflict that on Lucas. “You can put up
whatever you like. I’ll help you though. The tree’s way too
big to manage on your own.”
“Really?” Lucas’s face lit up, and Jacob couldn’t help the
indulgent smile.
“Something tells me you take the holiday season
seriously?”
Lucas flushed, but he nodded, and Jacob filed that
thought away for later. They watched a couple of movies
and generally didn’t do much of anything for the rest of the
day. Lucas had made a quick pasta for supper which Jacob
ate way too much of, and he found the nearer it got to
Lucas going out, the less Jacob wanted him to. He could
have quite easily watched another movie, but when Lucas
disappeared for a shower, after a moment, Jacob decided to
do the same.
He might just go in the club for a few minutes and check
out this Gabriel guy.

“JACOB MORRISON, MEET GABRIEL MCCARTHY,” Adrian said

as Jacob wandered over to the bar after Lucas had scurried
away to start work. Jacob reached out to shake the offered
hand and gazed at the younger man in front of him. He
looked good. Short, neatly trimmed beard, warm brown
eyes, and a frank open expression. They could have been
friends if…if Jacob had been staying. Jacob’s eyes slid to
where Lucas was bussing a table. His movements were
quick and a lot more confident than the last time he had
watched him. He even smiled politely and respectfully at
two Doms who were sitting in the corner. Jacob watched as
interest flashed obviously on one of their faces.
“He’s going to be beating them off with a stick.”
Jacob turned back to Gabriel, not attempting for one
second to misunderstand who Gabriel was talking about.
“Lucas told me you spoke yesterday?” He tried not to sound
suspicious, accusatory even, but from the small smile on
Gabriel’s features, he guessed he didn’t succeed.
“I understand he’s living with you, but you’re not
mentoring him, and you have no interest in the lifestyle
anymore.”
Jacob swallowed. It was almost a slap. “I still feel he’s
somewhat my responsibility,” Jacob admitted.
Gabriel dipped his head in acknowledgement. “I would
guess that’s in your nature. You can ask Adrian about my
history. He did after all introduce us yesterday. I get the
impression Lucas is looking for someone to nurture him.”
Jacob’s heart seemed to bang against his ribs. Nurture.
It was exactly the word Jacob would have used.
“I’m not interested in merely playing anymore. I’m
interested in a long-term, preferably permanent
arrangement with someone who wants the same.”
“Except Lucas hasn’t had the opportunity to so much as
date someone, so he might not know what sort of
relationship he wants, if any.”
Gabriel gazed at Jacob as if weighing his words. “Which
is why he would need someone with endless patience and
stability. I’ve recently settled into this area, but I have
established my own business, and I’m putting down roots.”
It was another dig, and Jacob didn’t even know why he
was arguing. Gabriel was right. He was staying, and Jacob
was most definitely not. His eyes fell on Lucas again, who
seemed to be incredibly busy.
Someone else stepped up to talk to Gabriel, and
demoralized and not sure why, he murmured an excuse and
went to sit down in the far corner. It discouraged others
from talking to him, but still meant he could keep an eye on
Lucas.
“Would you like a beer, Sir?”
Jacob brought Lucas into focus. He was smiling, and
Jacob was helpless not to smile back. “I’m happy with
water.” What he’d really like was to go home and snuggle
up on the couch with hot chocolate and more movies. Lucas
perched down next to him.
“I can get home safely.”
“I know,” Jacob admitted. He looked at the soft brown
hair that framed Lucas’s face. “I’m just not sure I want to
go home on my own.” Lucas’s eyes widened at Jacob’s
admission. “I’m not sure of anything,” he added.
“I can’t leave for another fifty minutes, but if you wait
until then, I can leave with you.”
Jacob, knowing he was a shit, glanced over at Gabriel,
who was still talking to another Dom. “What about
Gabriel?”
“I’d rather go home with you.” Soft highlights glinted in
Lucas’s eyes.
“I can’t promise anything.”
Lucas nodded and stood. “If you’re still here when I’m
through, I’ll come home with you.”
Was he insane? Yes. Yes, absolutely. He also was a shit.
An unfair one. How could he deny Lucas the chance of
happiness with someone else when he knew he was
incapable of being an alternative? “I’m still moving to
England.” He was. He had to.
“I understand.”
Did he? “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“What if I’m not sure if I know what I want either?”
Lucas asked challengingly. “What if I want to experiment
with someone and not be tied down?” He waved the white
band in Jacob’s face. “What if I just want a Christmas I will
never forget?”
“That’s what you want? A Dom for Christmas?” Jacob
laughed out loud because it was ridiculous.
“No,” Lucas said softly. “Not just a Dom. A Daddy.”
Jacob inhaled sharply. A Daddy for Christmas. “Just for
Christmas?”
Lucas nodded slowly. “Four weeks or however much
time you have. No regrets. I can see if it’s something I want
long term.” He shrugged. “Charlie told me that Daddies
usually want something permanent. I know Gabriel does,
and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
Jacob searched Lucas’s face. Was he serious? But he met
Jacob’s face almost defiantly, and Jacob’s heart seemed to
leap in his chest. It would be a way of getting this out of his
system once and for all. It would give Lucas the experience,
the taste of something without committing himself.
Could he do it? Lucas went to take his tray to the bar.
He noticed Gabriel asked him a question, and Lucas said
something back. Gabriel nodded, glanced at Jacob, and
then got off his stool and wandered over toward the
dungeon. He didn’t look at Jacob again. Jacob came and sat
back at the bar, finished the water that Adrian put in front
of him, and counted the minutes until ten.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER NINE

LUCAS NEARLY DROPPED the second tray of glasses in the

back of the bar next to the glass washer because his hands
were shaking so much. He’d gone crazy. Officially insane.
Jacob was leaving in just less than a month, and Lucas had
turned down the chance of a long-term relationship for the
sake of a fling that would rip his heart out when it was
done.
He’d lied. Every single word. But if it meant he got to
spend four weeks with Jacob in the way he desperately
wanted, it would be worth it. The minutes seemed to drag.
He came back with tray after tray of glasses and took
orders to tables. He kept busy, but every time he came
around from the back of the bar, his eyes immediately
sought out Jacob’s and his heart fluttered when he saw he
was still there.
Gabriel hadn’t been pleased, but he had nodded his
understanding when Lucas had said he was going home
with Jacob. He’d looked concerned and just advised him to
be careful. Lucas had almost laughed then. He was being
the very opposite of careful, but he couldn’t help but think
this was his one chance to get what he wanted. A Daddy.
But not just a Daddy. Jacob.
 Adrian thanked him solemnly at the end of his shift and
didn’t express an opinion when he said he was going home
with Jacob. Just said he could come in to play whatever
night he liked, be on the serving schedule for next
Thursday but free the weekend.
Lucas grabbed his jacket from the back and peeked out
at the bar, half expecting Jacob to have changed his mind,
but Jacob sat watching for him and stood as soon as Lucas
appeared and shot him a hesitant smile.
The fluttering in Lucas’s belly tripled, but he returned
the smile. Jacob took Lucas’s coat from him and held it out
for Lucas to put on. Lucas was charmed, even more so
when Jacob gently batted his fingers away and fastened it
himself. He looked critically at him “You need a beanie and
gloves. I’ll make sure I pick some up for you tomorrow.”
Then he casually put a hand on the small of Lucas’s back
and steered him to the exit.
And all the way home Lucas was alternating between
fear that he had made a huge mistake and giddy
excitement that he was getting what he wanted even for a
short while. “Are you still determined about this?” Jacob
asked quietly and shot him a quick glance as he slowed for
a stop sign.
Lucas nodded. “It’s the best way of finding out if it’s
what I want without hurting anyone.” Except me. Him it
was going to kill.
Jacob nodded thoughtfully. “Then if you’re sure we need
to set some ground rules, and the first is that if you change
your mind about this in one day or three weeks, all you
have to do is tell me. You can use red as a safe word, but as
I’m never going to put you in a position where you
physically cannot talk to me, or play games where I might
doubt your word, then just saying you have changed your
mind will be sufficient. You can also say red without giving
me a reason.”
Lucas nodded his understanding and tried not to gulp.
 “The second is that saying red does not in any way affect
your job. You will have that, and somewhere to live, until
the house sells. Both myself and Patrick will help you make
alternative living arrangements, so you never have to worry
about that.” Jacob paused. “Do you have any questions
about either of those?”
Lucas shook his head. He had a ton of questions, but not
to do with either of them. He opened his mouth, then
closed it, but Jacob must have noticed.
“You have other questions?”
“What do I call you?” Which wasn’t the main one, but he
did want to know.
Jacob looked a little surprised as if he hadn’t been
expecting that at all. “I think that’s up to you. You can call
me Jacob, sir, or…Daddy Jacob like you would refer to
Patrick as Daddy Patrick.”
But not just Daddy. Lucas supposed that was fair. “What
will change at home?” Which again wasn’t exactly what he
wanted to ask, but it was a start.
Jacob inhaled and then blew out a long breath. “Do you
mean intimacy? Sex?”
Lucas stilled, feeling the blush creep up his neck. “Yes,”
he squeaked out.
“The relationship we are entering into will by its very
nature be intimate. I will, for example, put you in the bath
and help settle you in bed. I will assist you in grooming to
my preferences. That will involve intimate touching with
the proviso you can always safe word at any point if you’re
not ready for that especially given the short-term nature of
our relationship.” He hesitated briefly. “Sex never has to be
a requirement in any D/s relationship, and given again the
short term involved, I doubt either of us would want to get
to that point.” He glanced at Lucas. “I’m assuming you
have—”
“Yes,” Lucas interrupted hurriedly. College had been like
an all-you-can-eat buffet once he’d gotten over nerves and
the fact that being gay wasn’t a problem. He’d been cute,
and even chubby there had been a lot of guys that liked
him. “And I’m okay. I had to get tested for the club.”
Jacob nodded, seeming to understand Lucas’s
ramblings. Lucas relaxed. They drew into the driveway, and
Jacob turned off the engine. “Maybe it would be better to
take tonight to think about it.”
Alarm shot through Lucas. Was Jacob regretting his offer
already? “I won’t change my mind.”
Jacob undid his seat belt and opened the door. Lucas got
his hand on the door handle before Jacob touched his arm.
“Wait for me please.”
Lucas swallowed, stunned, and watched in awe as Jacob
got out and came around to Lucas’s door, opening it. “It
might be slippery, and I want to make sure you don’t hurt
yourself.”
If he had to have a moment when Lucas knew he’d fallen
for Jacob, it was that one. If there was a moment when
Lucas knew he was in over his head, it was also then. But
he wasn’t safe wording. He was going to have the best
Christmas of his life and worry about the rest later.
Jacob reached for Lucas’s hand and clasped him firmly,
guiding him to the house and ushering him inside before
setting the alarm for the outside which Lucas was surprised
at as it was the first time he had done so.
“Are you hungry?”
“I can—”
But Jacob shook his head. “So can I. Are you hungry?”
“Not especially, but I can make you something.”
“Hot chocolate?”
“Yes, please,” Lucas capitulated.
“Then go get into bed, and I’ll bring it right up.”
Lucas turned and nearly ran to the stairs. “No running,”
Jacob called out, and Lucas giggled. Oops.
Lucas got the fastest shower on record and was tucked
up in bed before he heard Jacob climb the stairs. He was
sitting up and trying not to vibrate with excitement and
nerves as Jacob appeared. What would he want? Would he
just give him the hot chocolate and go?
Jacob didn’t bother giving the hot chocolate to Lucas,
just walked around the opposite side of the bed and set it
down on the nightstand. He came back around and then
put his own down. Lucas tried not to let out an audible sigh
of relief and carefully moved to one side in silent invitation.
Jacob glanced at the stack of books that Lucas hadn’t really
bothered with. “Do you like reading?”
“I used to,” Lucas said. Jacob lifted an eyebrow in a
silent question and sat down with his back to the
headboard and swung his feet up. “I guess I stopped
reading for pleasure when it became a chore.” And when
he was so exhausted with his mom that all he’d done when
he’d finally collapsed into bed at night was sleep.
“In college?” Jacob pressed.
“And with my mom,” Lucas admitted. “It was often the
only thing I could do to get her to stay in bed.”
“Did she ever read to you as a child?”
Lucas frowned. “I suppose she must have done.” But he
didn’t remember.
“So is it that reading has some unpleasant memories for
you and you would prefer not to, or would you like me to
read to you?”
Lucas’s lips parted in shock. “You,” he said quickly. He
wasn’t sure about the reading part to be honest, but
anything that made Jacob stay in his room longer could
only be a good thing.
Jacob looked over the stack of books. “Did you used to
have any favorites?”
“Not especially. I like fantasy more than science fiction,
and I don’t like anything scary.”
Jacob smiled. “This one’s good. It’s about a teenage
orphaned boy who learns to be a king’s ranger, and there’s
at least eight books in the series.”
 Lucas nodded eagerly. He didn’t care. It could be
anything from a dictionary to a comic book so long as Jacob
was reading it.

IT TOOK OVER HALF an hour before Lucas was asleep. Jacob

had gotten involved in a story he hadn’t read for years until
he felt the slight pressure on his arm where Lucas’s head
had fallen forward. He lifted his own arm, and Lucas hadn’t
even opened his eyes as he had snuggled against his chest.
And he’d stayed that way for a long time.

THE NEXT MORNING Jacob turned off his alarm before it

went off. He’d slept eventually, spent a lot of time wrestling
with guilt. Guilt over taking on a new boy even if it was
temporary, guilt over being disloyal to Ben, and guilt over if
that was fair to Lucas. What if Lucas was lying? What if he
was hoping for more than Jacob could give him. No. That
made even less sense because he’d turned down Gabriel,
who was looking for a boy and more importantly a
permanent relationship. Lucas must be genuine about
wanting to try this out with no long-term commitments.
There could be absolutely no other reason for him doing
this.
Which eased his guilt somewhat. He was determined to
give Lucas exactly what he wanted, and that started today.
Fifteen minutes later, he heard the kitchen door open just
as he was pouring the coffee.
“I’m sorry.” Lucas’s eyes widened as he took in Jacob
cooking. “You should have woken me.” He rubbed his eyes
and yawned, then shivered slightly. Jacob shook his head.
He looked adorable half-asleep, but he was also in bare feet
and just his sleep pants and T-shirt. Jacob solemnly undid
his own robe and put it on Lucas despite his protestations.
“Have you got any slippers?”
Lucas shook his head, so Jacob peeled off his socks,
steered Lucas to the seat, and lifted his foot, balancing it
on his leg. “But—”
Jacob arched an eyebrow and quickly put his own clean
socks on Lucas, ignoring protests. “There,” he said,
pleased, and passed Lucas a coffee. He also glanced at the
oven.
“What are you making?” Lucas asked, a much healthier
flush to his cheeks.
“Breakfast cups. They’re just about the only thing I
know how to do.” He shrugged. “Well, no, that’s not true,
but I think you’ll like them. I use a cupcake tin and add a
layer of ham and some kale leaves, pour in a raw egg,
sprinkle a little seasoning on and some grated cheese. It
cooks and comes out in a cup shape.”
Lucas beamed. “It sounds yummy. Is there anything I
can do?”
“Just sit tight. It won’t be long.” Jacob sat down and took
a breath. “Do you know what sort of little you want to be?”
“There’s different types?” Lucas sounded surprised.
“I phrased that badly,” Jacob admitted. “What I mean is
to what degree do you want to go? Being a little covers
everything from simple cuddles and stories right the way
through the spectrum to me helping you to pee, even
wearing diapers.” Lucas shuddered and Jacob noticed.
“Talk to me.”
“I had to help Mom at the end,” he whispered, staring at
his coffee cup.
“So that has bad memories for you.” Jacob sighed in
relief. It didn’t have such good memories for him either. “I
know this is awkward, but these are the sorts of things a
Daddy will need to know.”
 “A limit?”
Jacob nodded. “And not just for you. Daddies have limits
as well. Toys?”
Lucas looked blankly at him. “I don’t know,” he said
honestly. “I enjoyed helping Charlie, but it’s been a long
time since I played with anything.”
“What was your childhood like?”
“There was nothing wrong with my childhood,” Lucas
said a little defensively.
“That wasn’t what I meant or what I was trying to imply.
People don’t always choose to be a little because they
didn’t get a fair shot the first time around. It doesn’t have
to be someone’s fault, and there doesn’t have to be an
external reason. I love being a Daddy because it’s who I
am.” Jacob stilled. It’s who I am. Present tense, not past.
Was he fooling himself?
“So I can be a little just because that’s who I am, not
because there’s something wrong with me?”
Jacob dragged his thoughts away and concentrated on
the worried young man in front of him. He reached over
and took Lucas’s hand. “There’s nothing wrong with you,
but I wouldn’t be very responsible if I didn’t ask all these
questions. I’m just trying to find out what aspects of the
lifestyle you’re drawn to. It can be what you played with as
a child would naturally draw you in now.” He saw Lucas
visibly relax. He had his own opinions on Lucas’s childhood,
but he understood loyalty.
“So.” Jacob ticked off his fingers. “I know diaper play
isn’t for you. You adore soft things and cuddling, but you’re
not sure about toys, either because you’re worried what I
or other people will think, or you genuinely don’t know.”
Lucas nodded. Jacob though Lucas had to have been
responsible for a very long time and wasn’t sure how or if
he should let go. He didn’t voice that though.
Lucas swallowed, and Jacob watched the lump travel
down his throat. He rubbed his thumb soothingly over
Lucas’s wrist. “Tell me what attracts you to the lifestyle?
What’s the first thing you think of?”
Jacob watched in fascination as Lucas pinked. “You don’t
have to tell me, but we wouldn’t be able to try it if I don’t
know.”
Lucas clutched his fingers tighter. “I watched a video.”
Jacob nodded encouragingly. “It was…spanking.” Lucas
mumbled the word, but Jacob heard it loud and clear. His
pulse took up a faster beat, and he almost forgot to
breathe. Then he realized Lucas was looking at him,
waiting for an answer. Could he be honest?
“That might be a limit for me,” he said after a moment.
Lucas nodded and lowered his head, but not quickly
enough for Jacob to miss the shame that stained his cheeks.
He couldn’t let Lucas think he was doing or saying
something wrong.
“When Ben was diagnosed, he admitted he’d had pain in
his back for weeks. He assumed it was from our morning
spanking, and because it was something he enjoyed, he
didn’t tell me in case I stopped.”
Lucas clutched Jacob’s hand tighter. “I can’t imagine
how difficult that was for you.”
“I think you’re probably one of the few people who can
imagine,” Jacob said. “Different circumstances, but you
must be grieving as well.”
The oven timer bleeped, and Jacob got up. He pressed
the lever to toast a couple of muffins he liked and went well
with the eggs, and in a few minutes, everything was ready.
He’d also pulled himself together a little bit more. “I think
we need to try everything,” Jacob said, returning to the
table. “Apart from our hard limits of course.”
Lucas titled his head questioningly. “Everything?”
Jacob nodded. “Do you trust me? Sorry.” He held his
hand up. “That was a dumb question. You don’t know me
well enough to trust me.”
“Yes,” Lucas said. “Yes, I trust you.”
 Jacob smiled and raised his mug to toast Lucas’s. “Then
Operation Christmas Daddy starts today.”

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TEN

LUCAS WAS PRACTICALLY VIBRATING with excitement.

Daddy was planning all sorts of things for them, and he’d
made them breakfast.
“I would prefer you to have an evening bath over the
next couple of days, but I need you to have a warm shower
this morning as well. If you scoot upstairs, I’ll be up there
in a moment to help you shave.”
Lucas gaped stupidly. Help me shave?
“I like smooth skin,” Jacob added wickedly, and Lucas in
sudden understanding blushed to the roots of his hair.
Jacob tipped his chin to the stairs, and Lucas, not needing
to be told twice, hustled. Shave? And Jacob clearly didn’t
mean his chin. Lucas winced as he remembered the time
he’d tried it in high school. He’d thought he’d done okay,
but the day after he’d been in agony, and apart from a trim,
he’d never done it again.
“Have you ever done this?” Jacob asked as he walked
into the bedroom with a small bag.
Lucas flushed. “High school.”
“Let me guess,” Jacob asked. “Cheap disposable razors?
Or worse, whatever your mom had?”
 “Maybe,” Lucas admitted, wanting to crawl back under
the covers in shame.
Jacob chuckled. “I’m going to show you how to do it
properly, and for the purposes of our agreement how I
prefer it.” He raised an eyebrow. ‘What’s your safe word?”
“Red,” Lucas whispered, before turning and hurrying
into the bathroom.
“Don’t get in the shower yet. I need to trim you.”
Lucas froze, then backtracked to the bedroom. Jacob
nodded to the bed where he’d spread a towel out. “Now the
important thing is always to make sure the guard is on so
you can’t get too close, and not to touch the skin. If your
hair is long—”
Lucas dropped his pants and scrambled on the bed. His
eyes were tightly shut, so it was a moment before he
realized Jacob had stopped speaking. Convinced there was
something wrong, he opened them in alarm just to see
Jacob staring at him. Jacob raised his eyes and met Lucas’s.
Lucas couldn’t have spoken if his life had depended on it.
Jacob dipped his eyes but not before Lucas had seen them
deepen in color. What did that mean? He so badly wanted
the reaction to spell arousal, but was it?
“You aren’t actually going to need much trimming,”
Jacob said at last and sat down getting everything out, and
he was right. Jacob was done in a couple of minutes, and
apart from apologizing for cold hands, it was done with
barely any touching. With a mixture of nerves and
excitement, Lucas had been getting hard, but
disappointment soon altered that. In fact, the only thing hot
at the moment was his cheeks. He shouldn’t be
embarrassed. Jacob had seen him naked. He’d helped him
in and out of the bath, changed his pajamas, so why was he
suddenly bothered?
Or was it he had expected something else instead of a
cool, impersonal touch. Shrugging and calling himself all
sorts of stupid, he went into the bathroom and stepped
under the warm water.
“Make sure you warm your groin area. It helps.” Lucas
almost huffed. He wished.
“I have a subscription service and new blades, so we can
use this until we get you something.” Jacob casually walked
into the bathroom like it was nothing, and Lucas almost
wanted to cry. He thought Daddies were supposed to be
caring. He didn’t expect a declaration of love obviously, and
he knew this was temporary, but he didn’t expect Jacob to
be so cold and matter-of-fact.
Had he made a huge mistake? Had he turned down the
chance of what he wanted for some stupid infatuation. The
word “red” almost trembled on his tongue as he turned the
water off and got out of the shower. He turned to grab the
towel only to face Jacob holding one, and before he could
say a word, Jacob was efficiently drying him. Efficient. He
hadn’t realized how much he hated that word before now.
In a few minutes, Jacob had wrapped a robe around him
and led him to the bed.
Lucas sat down and stared at the floor silently. Jacob got
his razor out and a tub. “This is shave butter. It means I can
see what I’m doing.”
Lucas nodded.
“Lie on your back,” Jacob asked, and Lucas did. He kept
his eyes closed.
There was a moment’s silence, and then he felt the bed
dip. “What’s wrong?”
Lucas’s eyes flew open, but he didn’t, couldn’t speak.
“There’s no need to be nervous,” Jacob said quietly.
“I’m not.” Not about that anyway.
Jacob seemed to stare at him for a really long time.
“Have you changed your mind?”
Had he? Should he say that? He didn’t know. Jacob
stood, obviously taking his silence as a yes.
“No,” Lucas blurted out. “But I think you have.”
 Jacob’s lips parted, and then he swallowed heavily.
“What makes you say that?”
“Because it’s like you’re forcing yourself to touch me.”
Lucas sighed. “I understand. I really do, but I don’t think
this is going to work. Not if I think you can’t even stand
looking at me.”
Jacob gaped at him for a few seconds but then nodded
almost as if to himself. The bottom dropped out of Lucas’s
stomach. He’d known. He rolled over, pulling the robe to
him, and went to get up. He might as well get dressed. He
could start on the office down the hall.
“Wait.” Jacob’s hand curled around Lucas’s wrist. Not
painfully, but Lucas sure wasn’t going anywhere. He let go,
then slowly caught Lucas’s chin with his finger, bent down,
and tipped it up so he was looking at him. “I seem to be
making a mess of this all round.”
He sat on the bed, one hand clasping Lucas’s hand, the
other sliding around to cradle his palm. “Let me explain.”
“You don’t have to.”
Jacob dropped his hand to cover the other one of Lucas’s
and brought them together. “We both know I’ve seen you
naked when you were sick, but that is the first time when
you were far from it, and I was taken aback at how quickly
I reacted. You’re gorgeous,” Jacob admitted. “And I was
incredibly and very suddenly turned on for what’s the first
time in two years. I didn’t deal with that very well.”
Lucas’s heart hurt. Of course he would feel guilty and
probably very confused.
“So I tried to pretend it hadn’t happened. I buried it like
I’ve buried every emotion I’ve felt since Ben died, and I
managed to come across as an unfeeling bastard.”
Lucas didn’t know what to say, but he scooted closer.
“Patrick gave me the number of a therapist to talk to.”
He took a breath. “I’m going to do that. I need to do that.”
“That’s a good idea,” Lucas said quietly. “I imagine
you’re hoping for a fresh start in England, but unless you’re
open to that, it won’t help.”
Jacob gazed at him, a small rueful smile on his lips. “I’d
really like to try this again if you’re willing.”
Lucas let go and shuffled back. He lay down. Jacob
leaned over and cupped Lucas’s cheek. “Thank you.”
He arranged everything again and pulled open Lucas’s
robe. Taking the butter, he immediately rubbed some on his
hands and smoothed it on Lucas’s cock. Lucas bit his lip to
force the cry in but could feel his body responding
instantly. “J-Jacob?”
“Daddy Jacob,” Jacob admonished and smoothed the
butter over all of Jacob’s groin. “Your skin has to be taut,
and the best way to pull it tight is to have an erection.”
Lucas couldn’t have held the whimper in short of someone
sewing his lips shut. “I’m shaving with the grain so it
doesn’t irritate your skin.”
Lucas grabbed the pillow next to him and covered his
face.
“Oh no,” Jacob murmured. “I need to see your reactions.
I need to be very careful I’m not hurting you.” And he
unclenched Lucas’s hands from the pillow and took it away.
Lucas shot him a glare, but Jacob simply smiled. “Is that
any way to thank your Daddy for taking care of you?”
Which of course made Lucas want to tear up, and he
shut his eyes.
“There’s nothing wrong with enjoying this. In fact, if I’m
doing this correctly you really should.”
Lucas dared to open his eyes to find Jacob watching him
with a mixture of heat and affection. No one had ever
looked at him like that. “Now, tell me if anything pulls, and
don’t worry about your reaction. It’s just another way of
you telling me you like what I’m doing. This isn’t a
punishment.”
Lucas nodded, unable to speak past the lump in his
throat, and after a while, his eyes slid shut simply because
he was enjoying himself. Each careful touch, each
murmured word of praise. He didn’t know how he managed
to keep himself still, but when Daddy had finished, he
bathed him gently, patted him dry, and took a tube from his
bag. “This is my post-shave balm. Especially important so
you’re not irritated tomorrow.” He looked up and met
Lucas’s eyes. “I think Daddy needs to take care of
something first though.”
Lucas couldn’t even swallow down his dry throat. Did he
mean…?
“Will you allow me to help?”
Jacob waited until Lucas managed a whispered “Yes,”
but then Jacob shocked him even more by stretching out on
the bed next to him and squeezing some balm onto his
fingers. Lucas made some sort of strangled noise in the
back of his throat when Daddy’s fingers tightened around
his cock.
“This is the best way of applying this.”
Lucas might have whimpered, and his hands fluttered
automatically to his chest. His nipples were so sensitive,
and seeing as how he seemed to be in fantasy world, he
might as well—
“Ah-ah.” Jacob tapped his hand away. “They’re mine. If
you’re a good boy for Daddy, I might play with them as
well.”
Lucas nearly shot there and then but gripped the sheet
under him in a desperate attempt to stay still and not
thrust his hips upward. Jacob smoothed his hands up and
down Lucas’s shaft, cupped his balls, and even trailed
cream along his taint. He’d been very thorough with his
shave.
Lucas knew he was leaking. He tried to take deep
breaths, but they just came out as short moans. He bit
every plea in until Jacob leaned across and took one nipple
in his teeth.
“Daddy!” Lucas nearly shrieked in surprise and felt
Jacob hesitate for a fraction of a second before using his far
too talented tongue and teeth to work Lucas up until he
was a blubbering pleading wreck. He’d given up on holding
words in. He begged and pleaded, gasped and moaned, and
when Jacob smoothed his palm over the top of his cock, he
felt his cock throb and cum splatter on Daddy’s hand.
Lucas didn’t think he was still in bed. He was sure he
was floating away somewhere. It was only when strong
arms pulled him in close, he returned safely to earth. He
sighed in complete bliss and yawned. He felt the chuckle
rumble from the chest he was curled up against and then
the fleeting pressure of something on his forehead. It might
have been a kiss. He could dream it was a kiss.

I AM in so much trouble.
Jacob had to remember that whatever hang-ups he had,
none of them were Lucas’s fault in any way, and it had
taken Lucas nearly safe wording to get him to realize that.
He was the Daddy in this relationship, however temporary,
and that meant he was responsible for every bit of Lucas.
He was amazed the boy hadn’t gone running to Gabriel,
Jacob had treated him so poorly. Lucas had even abandoned
putting his name after the word “Daddy,” and Jacob didn’t
have the heart to correct him. He’d never expected to hear
that word from another person’s lips, and he wasn’t sure
how he felt about it… No, if he was honest, he knew. He’d
enjoyed it. It hadn’t hurt as much as it probably should
have done, and that could easily have sent him spinning
down a guilt spiral, but it hadn’t. Because Lucas was the
important person here, not him. He needed to step up and
be the Daddy he knew he could be for four weeks to make
sure Lucas knew if he wanted a long-term relationship. It
might not be for him.
 Jacob nearly laughed. Lucas was so obviously wanting
his own Daddy he might have a sticker blazoned across his
forehead. Maybe Patrick would know some other
candidates? Maybe Adrian would? He wasn’t sure about
Gabriel though. There was just something about him Jacob
didn’t like he couldn’t put his finger on. He’d sooner trust
Patrick to find him someone, but what if that hadn’t
happened before Jacob left?
A sliver of something snaked up Jacob’s spine. He didn’t
like the idea of just going and leaving Lucas without
anyone to watch out for him. He didn’t like that at all.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER ELEVEN

LUCAS WOKE UP ALONE, but he had a strong feeling he

hadn’t been that way for long. He rolled onto his back and
stared at the ceiling, not sure he could believe his luck.
Jacob wanted to be a proper Daddy. For four weeks, he
qualified to himself, but if growing up with his mom had
taught him anything, it was that second chances didn’t
often come along.
He’d been fourteen maybe? He had a study day off
school and a paper due, but the sun was shining after a
week of rain, and Mom had wanted to go to the beach.
Lucas knew if he went to the beach, he would never get his
assignment done, so instead of resisting his mom’s
wheedling for over an hour, he’d pretended he was sick.
He’d finished the paper but had felt wretched deceiving his
mom, and there had been so many times afterward he’d
wished he’d had that day out with her.
The soft knock on the door had Lucas looking up
eagerly, and Jacob stepped in. “Good morning. Did you
sleep well?”
Lucas nodded eagerly and sat up. “Yes, thank you.”
“I want to start our morning routine today and have you
spend at least forty-eight hours in little mode. You need to
immerse yourself in the feeling, or you won’t know what
you want. We can dial it back as we both wish, and you can
always use your safe word because there’s going to be lots
of special touches like last night.”
Lucas tried not to moan out loud, but he was so excited
his heart pounded frantically as if agreeing with him. The
rest of his body certainly did. Maybe, perhaps, if he was
really lucky Daddy would want special touches as well?
Jacob sat on the bed. “Any discomfort from shaving?”
Lucas bit his lip. Not that because his current
discomfort had been anything to do with shaving, more
Jacob’s proximity and the sound of his low sexy voice.
Jacob frowned. “If you lie back, I can take a look. Is it
sore?”
Lucas shook his head and lay back obediently. This
might be going better than he thought. Jacob slid down
Lucas’s sleep pants and smiled when he saw Lucas’s
erection. “Hmm, I don’t think the problem is anything to do
with shaving, although I understand it might be
uncomfortable.”
Lucas nodded so fast he might have gotten whiplash.
“Any itching or soreness?”
“Maybe…” Lucas risked a suggestion. “I need some
more of that balm on?”
Jacob arched an eyebrow. “Are you trying to tell me how
to look after my boy?”
Lucas drew a quick breath in, but Jacob stood up, so he
couldn’t tell whether the words had slipped out
accidentally or not. My boy. How he wished. “Let’s get you
shaved and showered.” He glanced back at Lucas. “Do you
need private time in the bathroom first?”
Lucas nodded gratefully and hurried in there. Jacob
came in when Lucas was washing his hands, and turned on
the shower, testing the water with his hand but keeping
away so he didn’t get wet. Lucas noticed he was dressed
and tried not to be disappointed.
 “In you go,” Jacob said and walked over to the counter
and picked up Lucas’s cheap electric razor like it was going
to bite, then put it down. “Did I say we’re going to the store
this morning?”
Lucas smiled shyly. He’d gotten his first check from
Jacob and had been able to deposit that on his new phone.
He had some gifts to buy. He also wanted to ask about the
little Christmas party this week. He’d been invited, and
he’d told Jacob about it, but he didn’t know whether their
new relationship meant being together in front of Jacob’s
friends or not.
Lucas stepped out right into the warm towel Jacob was
holding for him and let himself be guided to the stool where
Jacob carefully dried him. Jacob waited until he’d brushed
his teeth and used deodorant before he spoke again.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?”
Lucas focused on Daddy. He’d been enjoying every bit of
attention, but the more he thought about the Christmas
party, the bigger a problem it seemed to get. But what
could he say?
“I was just thinking about the club,” he hedged.
Jacob wrapped a robe around him again and steered him
to the bedroom. Lucas sat on the bed, his mind whirling
with indecision. He curled his fingers into the comforter.
Why wasn’t anything simple? And why did he have to
decide what to do, if to say anything?
Jacob hunkered down in front of him. “Something’s the
matter. Are you worried about your job?” Lucas shook his
head. Jacob watched him for another second. “Second
thoughts about us?”
And stupidly frustrated tears seemed to rush to Lucas’s
eyes.
“Hey,” Jacob soothed and straightened up, immediately
sitting down next to Lucas. “Whatever it is I can’t fix it until
I know what it is?”
 Lucas chewed his lip. “I got invited to the Christmas
party.”
Jacob frowned a little. “Are you worried I’m going to say
you can’t go? I wouldn’t stop you seeing your friends. I—”
But he abruptly stopped talking, and a look of
comprehension smoothed his face. “Would you like me to
take you?”
Lucas was sure the hope that flared inside him was stark
in his face, but he didn’t want to make Jacob do anything
that upset him. “I would never want to do anything that you
might find distressing. I can go on my own. I’m sure Daddy
Patrick would look out for me.”
“And while that’s a kind thing to say, worrying about me
isn’t your job.” Jacob tapped Lucas on the end of his nose.
“This is what you’ve been fretting about, isn’t it?”
Lucas nodded and eyed the floor shamefully but stilled
in shock as Jacob’s arm came around his shoulders and
stayed there, pulling him close. “We need to talk more
about what a Daddy/little relationship means, but—to me
certainly—it means any worries, decisions, troubles are
mine to wrangle. My job.” Lucas tried really hard not to
melt on the spot, but it was hard when Jacob was being
so…Daddy-like.
Jacob smiled and squeezed his shoulders one more time,
then went to the closet and started rifling through Lucas’s
clothes. His whole two pairs of jeans and one pair of dress
pants plus assorted shorts, sweaters, and T-shirts. He
hadn’t bothered bringing most of his clothes from Terry’s
as they were only fit for the trash anyway. Jacob selected a
pair of jeans and a red T-shirt along with a blue sweater
that wasn’t bobbly from too much washing. He gathered
some clean briefs and socks and brought them to the bed.
Putting them down, he held his hand out. “Stand up so I
can get you warm and dressed.”
Lucas was hoping for a repeat of last night, but apart
from some very thorough drying and lingering looks, Jacob
hadn’t attempted anything. Lucas followed Jacob
downstairs and let Jacob help him into his sneakers and
jacket. Jacob seemed relaxed since last night. Confident,
caring.
“We’re going to go into Matthews, then find somewhere
for lunch.” Lucas brightened. He hadn’t been into
Matthews in a very long time. His mom loved the farmer’s
market and insisted on buying local goods.
Jacob was silent on the drive, but it was an easy silence.
Lucas caught him looking a few times, and he smiled. It
was as if he was being checked on to make sure he was
okay, and he loved it. They parked outside of Marshall’s, a
big department store, and Lucas thought he might be able
to get some gifts. Everywhere was decorated for the
holidays. Jacob quite confidently took Lucas’s hand as they
got out of the car which Lucas thought was quite brave, but
he didn’t object.
Jacob got a cart as soon as they went into the men’s
clothing section and started pulling different clothes off
racks and filling the carts. When he held up a deep blue
sweater against Lucas, Lucas gaped.
“Daddy,” he whispered, careful no one was close. “I
can’t afford all that.” He’d assumed Jacob was shopping for
himself, but when he looked, all the clothes would have
been too small for him.
“You’re going to try a lot on,” Jacob promised. His eyes
gleamed. “When we get home, we’re going to check out the
online stores.”
“But—”
Jake nudged him discreetly with his shoulder. “Indulge
me, huh?”
Lucas swallowed and stared into Jacob’s eyes,
understanding Jacob was getting as much from their Daddy
experiment as he was. He hoped it might mean he could
move on and be happy.
 He ignored the little tug on his insides and obediently
admired everything Jacob chose. It would mean he would
barely have any cash left, but Jacob had a smile on his face,
and he would have paid all he had to see that.
And sneaky Daddy came into the fitting room with him
and insisted on Lucas trying everything. He couldn’t deny
his Daddy had good taste. Jacob even added extra beanies,
some gloves, and some slippers to the cart. “Let’s go get
these, then.”
Lucas stopped. “All of them?”
Jacob nodded.
“But I can’t,” Lucas burst out. He’d thought they were
going to select one or two from the pile, not buy it all.
“I’m paying,” Jacob said firmly, but Lucas was already
shaking his head.
“Absolutely not.”
Jacob’s eyebrows rose. “You surely didn’t think I would
drag you here and expect you to pay?”
Lucas sighed. “I can’t.” Terry had called him a leech. A
useless pile of crap that couldn’t earn enough to help his
mom. The fact that he couldn’t leave the house to work had
nothing to do with it. At the end trying for any work online
even would have been impossible.
Jacob stepped closer and whispered in Lucas’s ear.
“How about you buy the presents for your friends, and I get
the rest I made you buy?” They’d got a cute scarf for
Charlie and a beanie with reindeer antlers on to match. He
found a night-light snow scene for Dash.
Lucas bit his lip. That was most of it.
“Please,” Jacob said. “I haven’t been able to behave like
a proper Daddy in a long time. It would mean a great deal
to me.”
Lucas sighed, not a hundred percent convinced Jacob
wasn’t using that as an excuse, but his insides were already
turning to mush at the whispered words and the longing in
Jacob’s eyes, so he capitulated.
 He should have known it was going too well not to have
his happy bubble burst.
They were standing in line ready to pay when an older
lady passed by, and Lucas saw the double take as she
spotted Jacob. “Jacob?” she said in astonishment and
immediately covered her mouth as if embarrassed she had
spoken so loudly.
Lucas glanced at Jacob, waiting for him to respond, and
saw as in the blink of an eye Jacob went from warm and
teasing to frigid and uneasy. He even took a step away from
Lucas.
“Jacob,” she repeated softly and smiled hesitantly,
coming closer. She glanced curiously at Lucas, but Jacob
had obviously stepped away from him. The line moved, and
Lucas didn’t know what to do, so he shuffled a bit nearer
the desk, keeping his place but reluctant to move away
from Jacob.
Lucas moved again and glanced back at Jacob, but still
undecided, he offered his place to a lady that had just
joined the line. Pushing a stroller with another child in tow,
she shot him a grateful look.
“Hello, Grace,” Jacob said almost too quietly for Lucas to
hear. “How are you?”
“Better,” she admitted. “Melanie remarried last year and
had twins three months ago. Emily and Zack. Zack has a
few issues, but he’s doing okay now.”
Lucas saw the almost absent nod Jacob made.
“How are you? I hadn’t realized you were back in the
area.” She said it gently and with no hint of reproval, but
somehow Lucas got the impression these two knew each
other well or had done anyway. The woman looked at Lucas
then and smiled, taking a couple of strides over and
extending her hand. Lucas did the same. “I’m Grace Jones,
pleased to meet you.”
“Lucas Drydon,” Lucas replied and responded to her
warm smile. “Are you doing some holiday shopping?”
 She rolled her eyes. “I’m supposed to be done, but with
grandkids I don’t think there is such a word.”
Lucas glanced at Jacob, wondering if he was going to
get any other sort of introduction, but Jacob’s face was a
solid unreadable mask. She turned to him and touched his
arm. “I’d love to see you.” Without waiting for a reply, she
glanced back at Lucas and wished him a happy holiday,
then moved away to the escalators.
Lucas, realizing he was next in line, pushed his cart up
and glanced back at Jacob. Jacob didn’t move, and Lucas
could hardly ask questions in the middle of a busy store. He
wasn’t even looking in his direction. Lucas chewed his lip,
not liking Jacob being upset at something and Lucas not
being able to help. He hadn’t got the impression Grace was
a casual friend. Maybe she was someone he used to work
with?
“That will be two hundred and sixty-three dollars.”
Lucas whipped his head around to the cashier. “What?”
“Two hundred and sixty-three dollars.”
Lucas gaped. He didn’t have…and he looked over at
Jacob, but Jacob was still staring in the opposite direction.
Lucas got his wallet out and tried to work out if his phone
contract debit would have gone out or not. If it hadn’t, he
could just cover everything, and he handed over his debit
card, nervously shooting another look at Jacob’s back.
The lady swiped his card and turned the card reader
toward him to enter his pin. She frowned. “I’m sorry, sir,
but the payment is declined. Do you have another card?”
Lucas wrenched his gaze away from where he’d been
staring pleadingly at Jacob’s back. “No, I’m sorry.”
“Well, normally I’d have time to run up a smaller
amount, but I’m afraid I can’t this week.” She gestured to
the line behind him, and Lucas felt heat rise up his face,
knowing everyone had heard.
The man behind him sighed very loudly.
 “It’s fine,” Lucas said. “I’ll just take everything back.”
He picked up the blue sweater, but the cashier made a grab
for it.
“Sorry, sir, you have to leave it with me.”
“Is there a problem?”
Lucas gazed up in horror at the store security guard,
who was looking at Lucas like he was attempting to steal
the sweater, and to his complete mortification, he felt tears
sting his eyes.
“No,” Lucas said and backed away. “No problem. I’ll
leave.” The security guard took another step toward him,
and somehow Jacob must have realized what was
happening because he heard him start to speak as Lucas
fled past him to the escalator. He didn’t stop until he was
outside, shame burning his cheeks.
“Lucas?” He heard the shout and turned just as Jacob
caught up with him.
“What the hell? What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” Lucas yelled, sudden fury giving him
voice. “You knew I didn’t have the money for all that. I’ve
just been treated like a damn thief.”
Understanding dawned in Jacob’s eyes. “Crap. I’m sorry.
We’ll go back and—”
“Go back?” Lucas interrupted incredulously. “Go back? I
wouldn’t go back in there if my life depended on it.” He
brushed a frustrated hand over his wet eyes. “This isn’t
going to work. I’m not supposed to be some sort of amusing
distraction because you haven’t got anything better to do.
You’re supposed to be a Daddy, not a bully.”
Jacob stiffened at the insult. “It’s temporary—”
“Which still doesn’t mean I should be treated like shit,”
Lucas snapped.
“Look, we can go back home or to a different store.”
Jacob reached out for Lucas’s arm, and Lucas yanked it
away.
“Red,” he spat and turned and started walking.
OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWELVE

JACOB GAPED as Lucas turned and stormed away. Red?

Lucas had safe worded. It was like being slapped. What the
hell did he think he was doing? Jacob had only…completely
and utterly embarrassed him after having persuaded Lucas
to take the clothes as a gift in the first place. What the fuck
have I done? He knew, absolutely knew, that Lucas was
sensitive about his money issues, and yet he’d abandoned
him again. There really was no excuse this time. None.
He rushed after Lucas as he was disappearing around
the corner to the market. He’d bet Lucas wasn’t even sure
which direction he was heading in. “Lucas!”
Jacob saw Lucas hunch into his coat and knew he’d
heard him, but he didn’t turn around or stop. Jacob put on a
burst of speed to get around him and stopped, so Lucas had
to jerk to stop himself walking right into Jacob.
“Grace is Ben’s mom.”
Lucas came to an abrupt stop and stared at Jacob in
surprise.
“I haven’t seen her for over a year because I’m not just a
shit to you, I was a shit to her as well.”
Lucas still didn’t move.
 “I know I keep messing up and you keep giving me
chances I don’t deserve, but if you will give me just one
more, let’s go in here and get a coffee and talk?”
Lucas looked to the side, noticing they were near a small
café. He hesitated. “Why?”
“Because even though I don’t deserve another chance,
you deserve an explanation.” Jacob held out the crook of his
arm for Lucas to take, and Lucas was in the café and being
guided to a cozy corner table before Jacob risked him
changing his mind.
A teenager with a big smile came over with menus, and
Jacob took one. Lucas shook his head, and Jacob gave them
a quick glance. “We’ll have a large latte each, a cinnamon
bun, an éclair, and some chocolate shortbread.”
Lucas’s lips parted. “I’m not hungry.”
Jacob simply smiled, waited until the server had gone,
and then took a breath. “Ben has—had—one sister,
Melanie. She got married six years ago to a local lawyer,
who is a stuck-up pig and didn’t approve of Ben’s choices.”
Jacob saw Lucas’s eyebrows rise. “Oh no, I just mean
‘choosing’ to be gay,” he said with a healthy dose of
sarcasm. “God help us if he had ever found out anything
else.”
Jacob paused as another customer came closer looking
for a table, then again while the server brought the coffee
and pastries. Jacob thanked him.
“Ben was close to his family, and it caused difficulties at
holiday times. His dad was mostly oblivious, but Grace was
supportive. It was just she was stuck in the middle, and Ben
didn’t want her to have to choose between her children.
Anyway, Melanie and Derek separated for the first time just
around the time Ben got sick.”
“That must have been rough.” Lucas took a sip of his
coffee.
“It was. It wasn’t the only reason, but Derek intimated
six months later it was being gay that caused Ben’s cancer,
and that was when she left him the second time and for
good.”
Lucas closed his eyes for a second. “I’m so sorry.”
“So, yeah, Ben was sick and his family was a mess.”
Jacob picked up his own cup. “And I got angry.”
“I’m not surprised,” Lucas said.
“I got angry with Ben,” Jacob admitted, his voice nearly
giving out, and Lucas put an arm out and clasped Jacob’s
hand. Jacob didn’t deserve it, but he clung on shamelessly.
They were hidden enough unless the server was a raging
homophobe, which Jacob doubted, they weren’t going to
cause a riot.
“I told you one of the reasons Ben delayed getting help.”
Lucas nodded, and his cheeks pinked a little. “Well, his
family drama was the second. Even after he’d peed blood,
Ben canceled the first scan because Melanie left Derek and
arrived at her mom’s, so Ben immediately dashed over
there.”
Jacob took a gulp of the hot coffee to ease the tightness
in his throat. “We fought big-time. I accused him of caring
more about his family than our future, and four weeks later
we got the diagnosis.” Jacob took another breath. “And the
worse thing is I doubt if missing the first scan would have
made a damn bit of difference anyway because pancreatic
cancer is hard to detect, but I couldn’t blame Ben, so I
blamed Grace and Melanie instead, when really it was my
fault.”
“How was it your fault?” Lucas said in disbelief.
Jacob dropped his voice. “Because I was the Daddy. I
should have insisted he went. I should have known.”
Lucas nodded. “I bet you put on a blue cape and fly
every night as well?”
Jacob laughed abruptly, surprising himself. “You remind
me of Patrick.”
“Bossy and opinionated?”
 “No,” Jacob said and touched Lucas’s hand lightly.
“Caring. You’re also far too good for me.” He glanced over
the pastries when Lucas didn’t reply. “How about if I cut
them in half and we can sample them all?”
Lucas shook his head. “How about if we share one now
and take the other two home?”
“Home?” Jacob whispered in far too hopeful a voice.
“Will you give me one more chance?”
Lucas nodded slowly.
“Can you wait in the car for me a few minutes?”
Lucas frowned but sighed, catching on. “I never wanted
you to buy all those clothes in the first place.”
“I know,” Jacob said seriously. “And I’m sorry I put you
through that, but you need the things, and they are my
responsibility.”
“It’s not your responsibility to buy me everything,”
Lucas said.
“Call it a Christmas gift, then,” Jacob said confidently.
“And I won’t do it again.”
He was lucky because the cashier had been so busy
when it was Jacob’s turn in line, all Lucas’s clothes were
still in a large basket for returns at the side of the desk.
She probably thought he was insane when he said he
wanted them, but he didn’t much care.
Jacob even put on Christmas music in the car on the way
home because he knew Lucas would like it. He even found
himself humming along a couple of times.
They got home and Jacob insisted on making soup and
sandwiches while Lucas went upstairs and put all his
clothes away and the gifts he’d bought for Charlie and
Dash. Jacob had better check with Patrick and see if all the
Daddies had bought something for all the littles. Maybe
they would have a visit from Santa?
He stirred the soup thoughtfully and thought about the
party. It was something Ben and he had never done. They’d
never even gone in that room as it didn’t exist when they
got together, and the thought of going in there with Lucas
didn’t fill him with the dread he’d been expecting. He might
give Patrick a call, and while he was at it, he needed to call
the other number Patrick had given him.
He also needed to call and see Grace.
He didn’t want to, but he owed it to Ben, and it would be
another thing to mark off his mental checklist before he left
for his new job.
Which reminded him he needed to reply to their offer.
He’d spoken to the department a few times, and they’d
offered him until after the holidays to accept as they
understood he had a lot to do to make this work, but it had
always been going to be a definite yes. The only reason he
hadn’t replied yet was because he’d gotten the email with
the offer the day before he’d left Atlanta, and he’d been a
bit busy since he’d gotten here.
He looked up as Lucas came back downstairs. “I forgot
to get wrapping paper.”
“That’s no problem,” Jacob said. “I have some errands to
do tomorrow, I can pick up anything we need.” Jacob eyed
him. He’d put on one of his new sweaters, and the blue
made his eyes pop. “It suits you.”
Lucas smiled shyly. Jacob could tell he wasn’t used to
compliments and he could easily strangle that stupid idiot
of a stepfather. “Did you ever challenge the will?”
Lucas stared at him, puzzled for a moment, but then he
sighed in understanding. “No. I did ask some advice, but
they wanted a deposit for a possible court case, and I didn’t
have it.”
“I’m sorry. That sucks.”
“I thought so, but to be honest it was never about the
cash. There were some pieces of furniture that my mom
loved, and I would have liked them. There was one small
hall table that she got from a garage sale and restored. It
wasn’t worth much, but she’d spent hours on it.”
 “Sit down,” Jacob encouraged and walked to the table
with tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.
Lucas put a hand over his heart. “How did you know?”
Jacob grinned. “Daddies are psychic.” Lucas giggled,
and Jacob let out a breath as the sound of his laughter
warmed a house that had been silent for so damn long.
“Did you say you were going out tomorrow?” Lucas
asked as if he was pretending to be casual but not
managing it at all.
Jacob nodded. “Let me have a list. I need to go to the
bank and set some things up. My passport is out of date
nearly, and I need it for the visa.”
Lucas bit his lip. “Is tomorrow a good day for me to
arrange to have the things picked up for the children’s
charity?”
Jacob waited for the stab of pain, of grief, but while it
was there, it was also softened by relief. “Yes, thank you.”
He reached out and touched Lucas’s fingers. “I really
appreciate you doing this.” Jacob ate his soup and finished
off the sandwiches when Lucas was done.
“I thought I might tackle the office this afternoon.”
Jacob looked up. It had been on the tip of his tongue to
suggest another movie marathon, and originally Lucas was
going to be little for a full forty-eight hours, but his
behavior this morning had blown that out of the water. He
nodded, thinking of the razor he had bought this morning
while Lucas was choosing a beanie for Charlie. “Okay, but
then I want to meet you in my bedroom at five.”
Lucas’s eyes widened, but he nodded and got up, rinsed
the dishes, and put them in the dishwasher.
“Oh, and we’re having a pizza night.”
Lucas grinned. “Really?”
Jacob nodded. He had every intention of spoiling Lucas
thoroughly all evening and smiled to himself as Lucas
hurried away to the office upstairs. Jacob fingered his lips
as soon as Lucas had left the kitchen. Smiling. It had felt
strange a few days ago. Like it would be impossible to ever
smile again, or to find anything to smile about. Now he
seemed to be doing it all the time, and he was pretty sure a
lot of that was to do with the man upstairs.
Jacob got his phone from his pocket and the business
card Patrick had given him. He really didn’t want to do this,
but he thought he needed to. The call was relatively brief
and easy. Apparently mentioning Patrick’s name worked
wonders, and he had an appointment lined up for Friday
morning.
The second call was to Patrick, and he was surprised
when Patrick answered himself. “Jacob, how are you?”
Jacob grinned and said they were both well and
immediately launched into the details of the Christmas
party. If Patrick had been surprised, he didn’t show it and
quickly gave him the details of the Secret Santa presents
the Daddies were all contributing to. When he hung up,
he’d even accepted an invitation to go around to Patrick’s
next weekend as Patrick was on call Friday and wouldn’t
make the club little night.
Jacob put the phone down thoughtfully. Patrick had
never asked, and Jacob had never said that the
arrangement he had with Lucas was short-term, or that
he’d changed his mind about England, although over the
years he’d known littles and Daddies just get together for a
single night of play, it wasn’t common.
And he’d missed hanging out with Patrick. They’d all
gone to the same school. Patrick’s brother knew his brother
Keith.
He looked around his house, and even knowing he had a
million jobs to do, he wanted nothing more than to plan his
evening with Lucas. Another of those damn smiles crept
over his face again, but this time it didn’t take him quite as
much by surprise.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER THIRTEEN

IT DIDN’T TAKE Lucas any time to clean and tidy the office.
There was a small desktop that looked quite ancient, a
printer, a desk, and single office chair. He even gave the
baseboards a wipe with a damp cloth, then opened what he
assumed to be a closet door. It wasn’t huge, but it did mean
the Realtor could sell this as a bedroom which meant four.
A popular size for families. There was another box on the
floor, and Lucas pondered opening it. Maybe he should ask
in case it was private, but as he dragged it forward, a
bulletin board that had been propped up behind it fell
forward.
One of the standard type you would probably have over
a desk. Lucas reached over and picked it up, then stilled. It
was covered in photographs, and it wasn’t hard to guess
who the laughing blond-haired, blue-eyed man was,
especially when he noticed the one of Jacob cuddling him
and them both tipping their heads toward each other as if
they were just about to kiss.
“I forgot those were there.” Lucas jumped at Jacob’s
voice and nearly dropped the board. Jacob smiled and took
it from Lucas’s hand.
 “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snoop.” Would Jacob lose his
temper again?
Jacob shrugged. “Of course not. I hadn’t realized it was
still up here. I don’t know what to do with it,” he admitted,
and Lucas thought he understood. Jacob was clearly
wanting to move on, but doing that didn’t mean erasing all
memories of Ben. Lucas was no therapist, but he didn’t
think it sounded healthy.
“How about you choose some of your favorites and I can
make them up into one big frame for you to hang when you
get to your new home?”
Jacob gazed at Lucas in astonishment. “You don’t
mind?”
How could Lucas mind? Even if they were staying
together—which they weren’t—he would never try and
pretend Ben hadn’t existed. “It would be my pleasure.”
Jacob glanced from the photos back to Lucas and
reached out and cupped Lucas’s face. Lucas stilled, barely
breathing. “You are a kind man.” He grazed the side of
Lucas’s cheek with his thumb, and for a crazy intense
moment Lucas thought Jacob was going to kiss him on the
lips, but Jacob let his hand drop, and Lucas tried
desperately to keep the crushing disappointment hidden.
“That one’s my favorite.” Lucas looked in surprise as he
hadn’t picked the one of them about to kiss, but the one of
Ben looking up at something and laughing. “The others are
copies I can always access if I want to.” He bent and
opened the box, rummaging around. “All this can be
dumped as well. It’s years old.”
Lucas nodded.
“I’m clearing some of the boxes downstairs.” And he
hefted the box up and took it with him.
Lucas finished the office, hallway, and the staircase, and
by the time it was nearly five, he was tired, sticky, and
getting hungry. Jacob was already upstairs and had gone
into his own bedroom a few minutes ago, so taking one
more glance at the time on his phone, Lucas headed for
there, brightening as he heard the sound of the bath filling.
A bath sounded wonderful.
Jacob came out of the bathroom and smiled in that sexy
lazy way he had when the corners of his lips tipped up just
a little, so you just had to look at them. Lucas dragged his
eyes away before his imagination ran away from him.
“I know your two days as a little got screwed over by me
this morning, but I’d like to get back there starting now.”
He nodded to the bed. “Let’s check your shave first and
make sure you’re not sore.”
Lucas felt the heat climb his face even though he wasn’t
complaining, but Jacob was gentle and attentive and even
had warm hands. “I think you will only need to shave
maybe once a week, or even once every two. We’ll have to
see. I don’t want to make you sore.” Jacob looked up
innocently. “Maybe applying the balm regularly will help.”
Lucas’s face must have been scarlet by this time, but he
noted the teasing twinkle in Jacob’s eyes and his insides
warmed. “Come on, let’s get you in the bathroom.” He
turned and picked up a robe from the chair that Lucas
hadn’t noticed. “Blue is my favorite color on you.”
Lucas swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat and
let Jacob wrap him up. It even had a little teddy bear motif
on each pocket and a snuggly hood that would keep him
really warm. He definitely hadn’t bought it this morning at
the store.
“I had some packages delivered this afternoon,” Jacob
explained without being asked. Packages? Plural? Did that
mean some more things for Lucas when he’d spent so much
at the store? Lucas chewed his lip, and Jacob saw him.
He tapped Lucas on the end of his nose and shook his
head. “It’s my job to worry about what I’m spending my
money on, not yours.”
Lucas took a breath and nodded. There was nothing he
could do. Jacob steered him to the bathroom stool and sat
him down. He lifted Lucas’s chin with a finger and tilted it
slightly. “I have some new blades I can swap out for mine,
so we can use that for the moment.”
Lucas was in a daze as Jacob very gently, tenderly
almost, warmed his chin with soaked washcloths and took
as much care over shaving him as he had that morning. He
was almost ready for a nap by the time Jacob was finished,
and Jacob’s low chuckle made his belly do somersaulty
things.
“Let’s get you in the bath so you can relax.” Jacob
guided Lucas over to a bath full of bubbles…and toys.
Actual bath toys. Lucas gaped at the ducks and the little
boats but sat down, the bubbles coming up to his chest. He
didn’t even remember having toys like this when he was
little, and he wasn’t sure what to make of it now. It seemed
churlish to ignore them, but…
Jacob chuckled. “They’re not compulsory, and I
understand how you might find them strange.” He smiled
again. “Don’t forget the whole point of this is to find out
what you like and don’t so you can be more aware of your
needs when you’re looking for a long-term Daddy. Littles
come in all shapes and sizes.” He tapped Lucas on the nose
again, then picked up a sponge and lathered it. “There’s no
right or wrong here, so quit worrying.”
So Lucas did. He eyed the ducks. They were quite cute,
but he didn’t have the urge to lose himself playing with
them, so he didn’t bother. The bath and Jacob, however,
was something else entirely.
It took zero time once he’d quit fretting for Lucas to get
hard. He whimpered embarrassingly loudly when Jacob
scraped the sponge over one of his nipples and was treated
to a kiss on his head. “I—Daddy—loves to hear your
noises.”
Lucas held his breath for a stunning moment while he
gazed helplessly into Jacob’s brown eyes. It was the first
time. The first time he had called himself Daddy without
adding his name to it. Lucas had forgotten a few times, but
Jacob had never referred to himself like that. Lucas looked
down. If he wasn’t careful, he would cry.
Jacob—Daddy—continued to tease him for another few
minutes, then rinsed him and helped Lucas stand. Lucas
was so hard he was past being embarrassed and nearly
shot when Daddy dried him.
“Daddy,” Lucas moaned pleadingly as Jacob led him to
the bed, but instead of getting him dressed, he made him
sit down and as Lucas watched, started stripping.
“I don’t want to get shaving balm on my clothes,” he
offered as an explanation, but Lucas didn’t care. Every
fresh patch of skin or lean muscle Jacob revealed dried
Lucas’s mouth a little more. He was stunning. Some would
say too lean, and Lucas resolved to make sure he ate
properly while he could. Then he brushed off the thought.
Anything that had a time limit attached would spoil what he
hoped would happen. Jacob didn’t take his boxers off
though, and Lucas tried not to be disappointed. He shuffled
over and waited as Jacob climbed in and smoothed a hand
over his chest, arching as he hit his nipples.
“Have you ever worn nipple clamps?”
Lucas’s breath hitched, and his cock throbbed
alarmingly. It was one of his fantasies, and the easiest way
of getting himself off was pinching them. “No,” he gasped
as Jacob trailed a finger around his areola.
“You like that idea though,” Jacob mused. “You would
look stunning in them.” He flicked his nipple casually, and
Lucas shuddered.
“Daddy, I can’t.”
The gleam in Jacob’s eyes told Lucas he knew exactly
what Lucas was having trouble with. “Because you’ve been
a good boy for Daddy, I won’t make you wait…this time,” he
added, and then Jacob leaned over and kissed the edge of
Lucas’s shaft. Lucas closed his eyes in complete wonder.
He’d expected—hoped—for another hand job, but this? This
was beyond anything. Daddy hummed after that first soft
touch, then licked and nibbled gently around Lucas’s cock,
getting more confident when Lucas groaned even more
loudly.
“Hmm,” Daddy said consideringly and then licked a path
from the root all the way to the tip. Lucas squeezed his
eyes shut and fisted the sheets, praying he could last a little
longer. Daddy fondled Lucas’s balls, cupping and rolling
them gently, and then he lifted and closed his mouth
around the tip.
“Daddy,” Lucas pleaded and lifted his head a little,
meeting the brown eyes that were staring up at him with
such heat in them, but then Daddy bent down and
swallowed around Lucas’s cock and he was coming. He
might have even cried out a little too loudly. Dazed, replete,
and not sure what was even happening, Daddy cleaned
Lucas up, then curled him into his arms and kissed the top
of his head. Lucas sighed. His body felt all floaty, and he
was in no hurry for the warm, strong arms holding him to
let go.

A LITTLE WHILE LATER, it might have been Lucas’s belly

rumbling that woke him up. The chuckle he felt as he was
lying against Jacob’s chest certainly did, and he burrowed
into Jacob determinedly, too comfy and snuggly to wake up.
“I think I’d better feed you before your tummy decides to
eat itself.”
“Nooo,” Lucas moaned. “I’m too comfy.”
He felt Jacob chuckle again and tip his head up with a
finger under his chin so Lucas had to look at him. “The
fire’s on downstairs, and it’s pizza night. We can cuddle on
the sofa and watch movies.”
 Lucas considered that. It sounded like Jacob was still
going to be like this when he got downstairs, instead of the
spell that seemed to have wrapped him up breaking. Lucas
nodded and let Jacob wrap him in the robe again and direct
him to the bathroom. He quickly peed and brushed his
teeth again because if there was a chance he was going to
be kissed it was important, and came back out to see a new
pair of pajamas on the bed. “I washed and dried them this
afternoon with them being right next to your skin,” Jacob
said and helped him into them.
It was a dream, Lucas decided. It had to be, but not one
he wanted to wake up from anytime soon that was for sure.
His pajamas were fire engine red with the same teddy bear
motif as the robe on them, and Lucas knew they had to
have been ordered from the same online store. Jacob made
Lucas sit down while he added a fluffy pair of socks to keep
his feet warm, and then he casually caught Lucas’s hand as
they left the room and went downstairs.
Lucas was still unsure how Jacob wanted him to behave,
but if Jacob was true to his word, it seemed he wanted
Lucas just to explore a lot of aspects of being a little and
see what fitted him best.
The bath, the shave, the blow job were all vying for top
spot so far, but his mind kept going back to the bath toys,
and while Jacob hadn’t made a fuss of them or seemed
disappointed when Lucas hadn’t touched them, did that
just mean he had hidden it well? The thought of failing
some test made Lucas’s warm and fuzzy feelings vanish
quickly.
They didn’t stop in the kitchen, just went through to the
living room where Lucas had built up the cushions on the
sofa for them, and the gas fire crackled merrily, giving the
whole room a warm and toasty feeling. His mom had had a
real log fire at one point, but as she had gotten sicker,
Lucas had to close it off with a bookcase so she couldn’t
reach it. Terry wouldn’t pay to have it removed or a safer
one installed, but he’d managed.
“What sort of pizza do you like?” Jacob asked, picking up
his cellphone and opening the menu.
“Just cheese, please,” Lucas answered, “but I can pick
anything off.”
“And we can always do half and half,” Jacob replied and
put in an order online. “Thirty minutes,” he said and sat
down right next to Lucas, lifting his arm to encourage
Lucas to snuggle against him which of course Lucas did.
“What movie do you want? I know nothing scary,” he
added with no trace of mockery, just reassurance, and
Lucas sighed happily. He’d officially fallen in a different
universe, and he wasn’t in a hurry to leave at all.
“I’m happy for you to choose, Daddy,” he whispered
shyly, thrilled at being given permission to say that. So
Jacob did. If Lucas had been surprised at Jacob’s choice of
How to Train your Dragon, he didn’t say anything, and the
movie was great. The pizza was yummy, but the company
was even better.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FOURTEEN

THE NEXT DAY Jacob had some errands to run and some
thinking to do. The previous evening had been the best he
could remember having in a long time, and much as he
didn’t want to get carried away—because England
obviously—he was feeling better. At least not like his life
was some never-ending black pit. Lucas had given him a
list of things to pick up. He needed to chase up his visas,
and while he could enter the UK legally on what he had
now, it would only get him six months. As he was staying in
the US for a little longer than he had originally planned, he
might as well start the process.
Which reminded him, he still hadn’t emailed a
confirmation about the job. He couldn’t do anything until
he’d done that, and he sighed in frustration as he entered
the store. He wasn’t going to shoot off a casual email on his
phone while he was doing other things. This needed proper
wording.
He’d left Lucas with his laptop. Lucas had shyly asked if
he could use the old computer from upstairs that had been
an old relic from Ben’s mom, and it needed to be thrown
away. Lucas had been nervous with his laptop, but Jacob
had spent a few minutes making sure he was comfortable
before he left. He knew Lucas needed to think about his
future. Somewhere to work, somewhere to live, and
couldn’t help wishing he had something already sorted.
Jacob would certainly feel better.
Jacob stilled just as he was getting out of the car. I
would feel better. Would I? Would I really? He didn’t know.
He honestly didn’t know how he felt. Lucas was making
him question so many decisions. Painful memories that he
battled with every day were suddenly easing. Was this how
grief worked? It hadn’t got steadily better as everyone told
him. He hadn’t slept easier a little every night over the
years and woken up a little less lonely. He’d been stuck in
the same place for the last two years, and in the space of
ten days, he’d woken up to his world becoming a brighter
place. Was it the distraction of Lucas? Maybe focusing on
something else other than work was finally working, and he
was immensely glad if that was the case.
It still didn’t ease his mind over Lucas though. It was the
party tonight, and there would be a few Doms in the main
club that Adrian might want to introduce to Lucas. What if
that happened. Would Lucas want to stop what they were
doing? But if he’d wanted that, he would be with Gabriel.
The only reason that still made sense was Lucas genuinely
wanting to try the lifestyle out with someone safe so he
knew what he was getting into.
“Are you okay?”
Jacob focused on the lady who was just getting into her
car and was staring at him. He smiled and assured her he
was. He’d probably been standing there five minutes
looking crazy, and he hurried into the store.
He had a brief list of Secret Santa toys for all the littles.
Each Dom bought one toy and a spare, so every little would
have two presents to open supposedly from Santa. It was a
charming idea he’d never heard of before, and he picked up
the coloring book and pencils, and then the matching sippy
cup and plate emblazoned with characters from the latest
children’s book. He suddenly thought about what would
happen if Lucas got them. Would he drink juice from a
sippy cup? He still hadn’t worked out what kind of little or
age group he should be in, and it was hard.
Ben had been easy. When they’d met, he already had his
own collection of toys. He even slept with a pacifier.
Hidden, but it was there, and it had taken Ben a while to
trust Jacob with that knowledge. Lucas was different. He
didn’t have “a while,” and Lucas was nowhere closer to
working out what his needs were now than he had been
when they met.
Or was he? He knew he liked soft things, cuddles,
caring, but he didn’t know much else. Jacob turned
direction a little and went to the children’s department. He
could browse for ideas for something to get him for
Christmas.
Jacob was home in under two hours with the things on
Lucas’s list plus his own. He’d spent a frustrating thirty
minutes looking at toys, but he had no idea if Lucas would
like any of them, so he left. He needed to pay attention
tonight and gauge Lucas’s reactions.
Lucas met him at the door with a big smile and hurried
to help him with the food he had bought. “Was it really
busy?”
“Not too bad.” And before Jacob thought about it, he
bent and dropped a kiss on Lucas’s head. Lucas stilled.
They had been very intimate during sex, and Jacob had
kissed him like that a few times over the last few days, but
never as a greeting before.
“What did you find out?” Jacob nodded to the laptop as
Lucas put a mug of coffee in front of him a few minutes
later as he sat at the kitchen table.
Lucas followed his gaze to the computer. “I don’t want to
go back to school.”
“You don’t?” Jacob was surprised, but then, Lucas was
thirty soon, so maybe he shouldn’t be.
 Lucas shook his head. “The problem is my zero work
experience. Even if I can get good character references, I
haven’t exactly been a full-time employee of the club to
warrant that either, and while I’m pretty sure I could get a
job, getting one that will pay me enough to find a place to
live with zero savings for a down payment is hard. Most
want first and last month.”
Jacob took a sip of his coffee, his mind whirling with
possibilities. “What else did you like to do at school? If you
hadn’t gone into nursing, I mean, did you have a second
favorite?”
Lucas fiddled with his coffee cup, and Jacob waited
patiently. “I liked to write stories,” he admitted. “I don’t
know if I was any good, and at eighteen I couldn’t suddenly
declare myself an author and quit school.”
“Really?” Of everything, he hadn’t expected that. “What
sort of stories?” Lucas reddened. “Romances?” He
hazarded. “Fantasy?” Lucas had said he liked to read it.
Lucas reddened further, then dramatically buried his
head in his hand. “You’re never going to believe me.”
Without even thinking, simply reacting, Jacob leaned over
and picked Lucas up, settling him on his lap and tucking
him close.
“Try me.”
He wasn’t sure which one of them was more shocked,
but his automatic reaction seeing Lucas needed a
confidence boost felt right. Lucas turned a little and buried
his head in Jacob’s neck. Jacob tightened his arms and
kissed his hair. “You can tell me.” His mind whirred with a
million possibilities,
“Children’s stories,” Lucas mumbled, and Jacob grinned.
It was perfect.
“Do you have any?”
“That I wrote?” Lucas asked in surprise and lifted his
head. Jacob nodded. Lucas chewed his lip, and Jacob very
deliberately used his finger to free it.
 “You’re going to make it sore,” he admonished.
“I have some on my old emails that I sent Mom. I used to
make them up when I was away at college and send her
them.”
“And did you ever show anyone else?”
He shook his head.
Jacob thought hard. Who did he know that could take a
look and tell him if they were any good? “Why don’t you dig
out your favorite and go through it? You might find your
writing is different now and you want to make changes.”
“And then what?” Lucas asked, a puzzled look on his
face.
Jacob tapped him on the end of his nose. “Then we see if
we can get some advice on what to do with them. I don’t
doubt they’re good.”
Lucas snorted. “They could be terrible.”
“No,” Jacob said with confidence. “I don’t think they will
be, and what’s the worst that could happen if you show
them to someone?”
Lucas swallowed, nervously his eyes going wide.
“Or, what’s the worse that could happen if I show them
to someone and leave your name out of it?”
Lucas’s panicked look eased. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.” Jacob glanced at the kitchen clock. “Now,
I’m starving. Let’s eat.”

A FEW HOURS LATER, Jacob guided Lucas through the club

doors. Nervous but determined not to show it. He kept
telling himself he’d never done this with Ben and it would
be okay, but his ribs were still taking a pounding from a
heart that didn’t seem convinced. As if it was timed, Patrick
and Charlie were just taking their coats off in the entrance
as they arrived. Patrick shook Jacob’s hand, and Charlie
threw his arms around Lucas. Lucas didn’t hesitate to give
him a fierce hug back. Jacob nodded almost absently to
himself. Lucas was definitely a toucher/cuddler. Jacob took
Lucas’s hand as soon as they were signed in, and all four of
them headed straight to the little room.
The Christmas music was loud but didn’t seem quite as
annoying as it had ten days ago, and as they walked
through, Lucas’s hand tightened in his and he shot a
nervous look at Jacob. Jacob smiled reassuringly,
remembering Lucas wasn’t a fan of crowds even if he’d
been in here before.
It was busy. Someone had decorated, and there was
even an area set aside for the visit from Santa, who Patrick
had told him was going to be Adrian’s father-in-law, and
who loved the idea. Jacob followed Patrick to one of the
couch and chair groupings in the corner where Jenson was
already sitting with his little, Dash. They seemed to be
friends with Patrick and Charlie. He scanned the room,
probably about another six littles making nine altogether.
He looked behind him as the door opened and Gabriel
walked in with a young woman. The club was mixed—it was
no big deal—but he was surprised Gabriel had hooked up
with someone so quickly after being turned down by Lucas.
Gabriel’s little immediately started playing with—who he
found out—was Abigail the wife and little of Jensen’s sister,
Ellie. Very soon, Charlie and Dash were playing with the
cars, but Lucas was still sitting next to Jacob. Being very
quiet—too quiet—and still. And Jacob didn’t know what to
do. He knew Lucas enjoyed Charlie’s company.
“Lucas,” Charlie whispered but loud enough so everyone
heard it, and realizing so he got up, bent, and cupped his
mouth over Lucas’s ear while he whispered the rest of his
message.
“Charlie?” Patrick said in a warning voice.
“It’s a Christmas secret,” Charlie protested.
“What’s a Christmas secret,” Jensen asked with a smile.
 Patrick sighed. “Charlie knows he’s not allowed to keep
secrets from me, but at this time of year or my birthday,
he’s allowed to have Christmas secrets or birthday secrets.
It’s the only exception.”
Jensen chuckled. “That seems reasonable.”
“And by the look of things, he wants to include Lucas,”
Patrick added.
“And Dash,” Charlie prompted. “We’ll just be over
there.” He pointed to a table in the corner that was covered
in craft supplies, and Jacob shared an understanding look
with Patrick and Jensen.
“Would you like to go help Dash and Charlie?” Jacob
asked Lucas, and Lucas glanced over at the table and
nodded. He carefully took his shoes off and placed them at
the edge of the rug and followed Charlie and Dash over
there.
Jacob watched as Lucas visibly brightened and sat in a
chair in the middle of the other two. He glanced back,
realizing it was quiet, to see both Patrick and Jensen
smiling at him, and he groaned. He may have rolled his
eyes as well.
“So, give!” Patrick dropped his voice.
“Give?” Jacob repeated. “What are you, seven?”
Jensen chuckled. “It’s killing him, but I’m happy to go sit
over there and talk to my sister. I won’t be offended.”
Jacob shook his head, warming to the man. “There’s
nothing to tell. I’m still relocating after Christmas, and
Lucas is deciding if he wants a Daddy permanently. I’m
giving him a taste of the lifestyle for four weeks to see if he
wants to pursue it full-time.”
Patrick stared at him in patent disbelief. “Are you
serious?”
“Yes, it’s why he turned Gabriel down. Gabriel made it
plain he wanted something permanent, and Lucas isn’t sure
what he wants yet.”
 “That actually sounds reasonable, I guess,” Jensen said.
But Patrick looked worried. He knew Patrick wouldn’t
mention anything in front of Jensen, but Jacob had nothing
to hide.
“I lost my boy when he died two years ago, and I pretty
much turned my back on everything. It’s not just helping
Lucas. I suppose it’s either getting the lifestyle out of my
system once and for all or convincing me I might have a
future with someone else.” Maybe.
He watched as Lucas helped Dash with the glue.
“I just can’t work out what sort of little Lucas is.”
“You mean part-time, or something else?” Patrick asked.
“No,” Jacob replied. “He loves cuddles, intimacy, but he
doesn’t seem to know what to do with toys, and I can’t
work out if that’s because he’s genuinely not interested, or
he simply doesn’t trust me to appear that vulnerable.”
“Which is understandable given the short-term nature of
your relationship,” Jensen said.
Jacob sighed. It was completely understandable. He just
felt he was failing Lucas on some emotional level that went
against every instinct he had.
“Actually, in confidence please, do either of you know
anyone that publishes children’s books?”
They both shook their heads.
Jacob smiled. “It was a long shot.”
“Why, you getting fed up with designing towns?” Patrick
asked.
Jake chuckled but didn’t elaborate and watched the
goings-on at the craft table. Other littles and Daddies came
and went, but he noticed Lucas, even though he’d started
out helping Dash and Charlie, now seemed completely
absorbed in what he was doing. He also seemed to be
enjoying himself.
And why not? Of all people with the lifestyle he led, he
should know that even age play wasn’t one size fits all. Just
because they were little boys didn’t mean they should all
play with cars and trains. His eyes narrowed carefully as he
watched Lucas. Abigail had come to join them and had put
her doll down on the table. She tried to sit it on the empty
chair, but it kept falling off. After a moment, Lucas stood
and rolled a blanket on the chair like a nest and propped
the doll on it, and Abigail was delighted, but the important
thing, the vital thing, was that he hadn’t missed the way
Lucas had smoothed the doll’s dress down, then glanced up
furtively to check no one had seen.
Jacob leaned back in utter astonishment, feeling like
he’d had a blindfold ripped off. He would bet everything he
had that was the problem. Lucas had a double worry. Bad
enough with his background and complete bastard of a
stepfather he didn’t feel safe enough to regress in the first
place, but add that to being expected to become the “norm”
of what a little boy would enjoy and he was doubly scared.
So much made sense. Even where he’d found Lucas in the
supermarket with the stuffed toys. The end of the aisle had
been the baby girls’ clothes and toys, and he would bet he
had been drawn there without even thinking.
Jacob grinned. He knew exactly how to help Lucas. He
turned to see Patrick watching him and opened his mouth
to ask for an introduction to Jensen’s sister, when the doors
opened and Ho Ho Ho Santa stepped through.
Each little sat on their Mommy or Daddy’s knee while
they got their gift and opened it, and then they all sat in a
circle and opened the gifts from the other Daddies. Jacob
watched as Lucas was polite. He opened the coloring books
and beamed his thanks, but the fire engine and the small
group of toy soldiers got a polite smile. Jacob couldn’t wait
to go home. He wanted to go on the online site he’d found
and scroll through all the little girl clothes. He’d have to be
careful though. It was one thing Jacob thinking he
understood what Lucas wanted, and another entirely
having it shoved in his face. He might have buried it so
deep, he didn’t even know himself what he wanted.
 Which made Jacob worry even more. What if he got a
Daddy that was strictly looking for a little boy to spoil?
Lucas could be really unhappy if he was made to fit into a
role he didn’t want. He glanced around the room. He was
pretty sure there weren’t any pangendered littles here, but
he needed advice, and he wondered if the therapist he was
seeing on Friday could help?
That was actually a good idea. He had no idea whether
Lucas’s wants and needs just limited himself to playing
with certain toys or if he wanted to go further. Whatever he
wanted, Jacob could—
No, you can’t.
Jacob jerked almost as the knowledge he wasn’t going to
be here sank in. Lucas’s wishes would take careful and
slow exploring by someone who was going to be with him
for a long time.
Someone else.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FIFTEEN

THREE DAYS AFTER THE PARTY, Lucas was ostensibly

planning some meals but really dying of curiosity because
they’d just had a huge delivery, and a pile of boxes was
sitting by the door. Then he heard the car in the driveway
and gave the kitchen an approving glance a few minutes
before Jacob came in. Not that Jacob would have cared
what the kitchen looked like. His gorgeous, sexy Daddy had
been amazing since the day of the party. Since the
disastrous shopping trip where Lucas had safe worded and
Lucas thought he would be spending the night on a park
bench. The mornings where Daddy helped him get ready
were perfect, and the evening bath and movie time were
even better.
The only tiny thing was that Daddy still hadn’t let Lucas
help him orgasm, and they had never had a proper kiss.
One that involved lips and tongues anyway. And it wasn’t
for lack of trying on Lucas’s part. He took another look at
the large pile of packages that had been delivered an hour
ago as he started in surprise at the knock on the door, and
he rushed to answer it. He smiled politely at the two men
on the doorstep.
“Is Jacob here?” The older man sounded anxious.
 “I’m sorry, no.” Lucas tried to place the older man. He
definitely reminded him of someone, but he was stuck. He
had no idea who they were, and it wasn’t up to him to let
people inside Daddy’s house.
“I’m Keith, Jacob’s older brother, and this is my partner,
Evan.”
Lucas smiled. Of course. Now Keith had said, the
resemblance to Jacob was quite obvious. Lucas stepped
back immediately, but surprisingly neither of them took it
as an invitation which seemed odd. “I’m expecting him
back soon.”
They looked at each other again and nodded. Keith put
his hand to Evan’s back to guide him in, and Lucas rushed
to take their jackets and brew some more coffee. They all
elected to sit at the kitchen table to wait.
“How long have you known my brother?” Keith said
curiously after five minutes of polite meaningless
exchanges.
Lucas swallowed a mouthful of coffee to give himself the
chance to think of something to say. “Not too long,” he
deflected after a moment, then breathed a sigh of relief as
they all heard another car pull up.
Lucas noticed Evan scoot a little closer to Keith and
Keith squeeze his hand, and Lucas was struck once again
that something was wrong. A minute later the door swung
open and Jacob walked in. His eyes zeroed on Keith
immediately. “What are you doing here?” Lucas almost
cringed at the furious question.
“I heard you were back in town, and as you won’t
answer any of my emails and I think you’ve blocked my
number, then I had no other way of seeing you.”
Jacob nodded and stepped away from the door. “Well,
you’ve seen me. Now get out.” Evan made a distressed
sound in the back of his throat, and Jacob seemed to notice
him for the first time.
 “This is Evan,” Keith carried on as if Jacob hadn’t just
demanded they leave. Evan didn’t put a hand out like he
had to Lucas but shrank closer to Keith.
“I didn’t know you had kids,” Jacob said sarcastically,
and Lucas gaped. What the hell was wrong with Daddy?
“I know I deserve that,” Keith acknowledged after
another fraught silence. “I was young, stupid, and
bigheaded. In my defense, I’ve been trying to make it up to
you for nearly eight years.”
Jacob stiffened, and no one dared breathe a word. Lucas
stood, pretty sure this wasn’t any of his business. “Lucas?”
Keith asked pleasantly. ‘Any chance you and Evan can go
watch TV while Jacob and I talk?”
Lucas nodded and grabbed the excuse and his coffee
cup, turning expectantly to Evan, but Evan just pressed
closer into Keith’s side and whispered something. Keith
smiled and dropped a kiss on his head.
“I didn’t even know you were gay,” Jacob commented in
bewilderment.
“Bi,” Keith corrected and squeezed Evan’s hand in
encouragement.
“Can I have some milk, please?” Evan whispered, and
Keith hesitated and looked at Lucas. Lucas noticed he
hadn’t touched his coffee.
“Sure,” Lucas said, trying to diffuse the situation, and
Evan smiled. He still didn’t move.
Evan muttered something else, and Keith frowned. “In a
few minutes.” The pout that instantly appeared on Evan’s
face couldn’t be mistaken for anything else.
“But Daddy,” he whined, then slapped his hand over his
mouth. The silence in the room was epic.
“What the actual fuck?” Jacob ground out, and Lucas
winced. He didn’t shout, but the words sounded even more
deadly if at all possible.
Keith sighed and made Evan stand. He tipped his chin
up, and Evan looked at him. “I’m sorry. I forgot.”
 “It’s all right, baby. It’s Daddy’s fault, not yours. Why
don’t you go and watch TV with Lucas, and then I’ll bring
you some milk and cookies in very soon?”
Evan looked like he was walking to his death, but Lucas
recovered as well as he could, having absolutely no clue
what was going on, and Evan meekly followed him into the
TV room. Jacob had mentioned going to see his brother, but
the hate in that room had nearly been palpable, and why
was Jacob acting so mean in front of Evan? Why would he
criticize his brother for living the same sort of lifestyle he
had done? It made zero sense. Lucas closed the door
because he had a feeling Evan didn’t need to hear whatever
argument was happening.
Evan flopped rather dramatically on the couch, and
Lucas clicked on the TV, scrolling through the channels
until he hit a Hallmark Christmas movie and Evan
brightened, so he turned the volume up and sat down.

“I KNOW I OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION.”

Jacob scoffed. He was stunned, angry, and incredibly
hurt and pointed to the closed living room door. “You called
me a pervert for wanting exactly what you have got out
there. You told Grandad I was into little boys, and I mean
the underage sort.”
Keith nodded solemnly. “Yes, I did.” Jacob sat down,
stunned that Keith had so readily agreed, but then stood
up.
“I’m not interested in whatever you have to say.”
“I know I hurt you, Jakey.”
“Don’t call me that,” Jacob spat out. He couldn’t cope
with a childhood nickname. Not now.
“And I’ve tried so many times to see you to apologize.”
 Jacob folded his arms and leaned back on the counter.
He hadn’t been interested in whatever Keith had to say
then, and he sure as shit wasn’t interested now. “That’s
why you brought him? To rub my face in it?”
Keith shook his head. “Oh God, no. Absolutely not. I
hoped if Evan was with me it might make you give me the
time of day.”
“How long have you been together?” Jacob asked
because he was obviously a masochist.
“Three years.” Keith took a closer step. “I am so fucking
sorry for what I said and for what you’ve been through.”
Jacob looked up, remembering why he’d been so angry
with Keith. It hadn’t even just been that stupid comment.
They’d been close when they were kids. Then Mom and
Dad had died within weeks of each other, and they’d gone
to live with Grandad, who was a bastard honestly. Except
Keith being six years older had escaped to college in two
months. As a child he doubted he had forgiven his older
brother for what he considered desertion, even when Keith
tried to tell Jacob their grandad hadn’t given him a choice
of colleges and he controlled the purse strings until they
were both twenty-one.
Keith had never known how bad it was in that house.
Not that Grandad had ever hit him or anything, but the
constant barrage of criticism had been almost unbearable.
And straight after college, Keith had enlisted, so they’d
barely seen each other. He’d come home once after just as
he’d persuaded his grandad to let him go away to college,
gone on his laptop without permission, and found the porn.
Jacob hadn’t had to worry about a strong password.
Grandad didn’t even have a cell phone, but Grandad had
waited until Keith had left, then basically thrown him out
with nothing. All because of Keith thinking he was better
than Jacob.
Jacob had lost three people when his parents had died,
and every time Keith had reached out later, Jacob had
firmly ignored him. He looked at Keith. How ironic was it.
“You’ve driven a long way.” The last email he’d ignored said
Keith was in Maine somewhere.
“I got a chance to relocate. We’ve been in Norfolk three
months, and Evan works at home.”
Double irony. His brother was suddenly in driving
distance, and he was moving four thousand miles away.
“He has some anxiety issues and mild agoraphobia. It
was a big deal him coming here, and I changed my mind
this morning about putting him in this situation, but then
Evan insisted on being here.” Keith smiled fondly. “In his
own way, he’s very protective.”
Jacob took a steadying breath as shame crept in. He
hadn’t meant to take anything out on Evan, his behavior to
a little was completely inexcusable but he wasn’t sure he
was ready to forgive Keith either. “I’ll get him some milk.”
Jacob stood up and got Evan a glass of milk. Keith didn’t
say a word, even when they both walked into the living
room. Jacob’s eyes went straight to Lucas’s, who was
watching Evan, who didn’t seem to be able to sit still. Keith
took one look at him and turned to Jacob. “Do you mind if
he plays with something in my bag?”
Jacob shook his head, but he did mind. He minded very
much. Keith smiled over at Lucas and passed Evan a small
bag he’d carried in. Evan eagerly dragged out a coloring
book and some pencils. “I’m sure Evan would love for you
to help him.”
Evan smiled and offered a pad to Lucas. “Do you like
dinosaurs or airplanes?”
Jacob opened his mouth to explain, apologize,
something, but Lucas stunned him by smiling and
shrugging. “You choose because I like both. Now if you had
puppies, you might have a fight on your hands.”
Evan’s face brightened, and he giggled. “Do you like
puppies?”
 Lucas nodded and got down on the floor, dragging the
coffee table between them. “I used to have a dog growing
up, and I always wanted another, but I can’t look after one
at the moment.”
Evan nodded sagely, then brightened. “Mrs. Shaw’s
Sadie is having puppies any day. I bet she’d let you have
one.” He glanced over at the two men sitting at opposite
ends of the couch. “Would your Daddy let you have a
puppy?”
Lucas opened his mouth and shot a helpless glance at
Jacob, and Jacob had no idea what to say. Their
relationship, their agreement was private. He certainly
wasn’t about to explain himself to Keith.
Full of remorse the way Evan kept shooting wary looks
at him, he bent down and praised the boy’s skill. Gradually
drawing him out and getting him to name the puppies he
wanted. When they’d finished their coffees, the silence only
broken by Evan’s excited chatter, Keith looked at his watch
and leaned forward. “Evan, we have to go now, buddy. Can
you collect your things?”
Evan pouted but agreed readily, and Lucas helped him
pick everything up. “Maybe Lucas can come and play at our
house, Daddy?”
Keith swallowed and glanced at Jacob. Jacob had no idea
what to say. “We’ll call him next week,” Keith said at last
and steered Evan into the kitchen and helped bundle him
up in his jacket and sneakers. Keith turned to Jacob. “It was
good seeing you, and I can’t say again how sorry I am.” He
looked at Lucas. “I’m so glad he has you.”
Jacob opened his mouth to correct Keith again, but
somehow the words got stuck, and they were gone before
he could utter a word. When the door closed, Jacob turned
to Lucas. “I’m sorry. That was awkward.”
Lucas just nodded. “Are you hungry?”
Jacob stared in shock. “That’s all you’re gonna say?”
Then he could have bitten his tongue off. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”
 Lucas waved his apology off. “Evan was sweet. It was no
hardship spending any time with him, and the relationship
between you and your brother is none of my business.”
“I don’t know why I didn’t tell him I was leaving,” Jacob
admitted and leaned his back against the cupboard.
“I got the impression you two aren’t close.” Lucas sat
down and looked like he was genuinely interested.
“Keith’s six years older than me, and when Mom and
Dad died, we had to move in with my grandad. He was a
homophobic bastard, but lucky for Keith, he escaped to
college and then enlisted.” He blew out a breath. Lucas
deserved an explanation.
Lucas nodded, not seeming the least bit surprised.
“Anyway, I’d just persuaded Grandad to let me go away to
college like Keith had done, and Keith visited us one time
when he was on leave. I never thought about my search
history, but even at eighteen I knew exactly what I wanted,
and Keith saw one of the sites I’d been looking at. He
mistook it and called me a perve. Told Grandad I was a
pedophile or words to that effect, and Grandad threw me
out. To be fair he waited until Keith had gone back, so he
didn’t know. I slept on friends’ couches for eleven months
until I got good enough grades and help for my tuition. I
worked three jobs to pay for a place to live, and I never
forgave Keith, even though he did me a favor.”
“A favor?” Lucas asked, surprised.
Jacob nodded. “I was incredibly shy as a kid. Grandad
had me beaten down. No self-confidence. If Keith hadn’t
been such a bastard, I would never have gotten away.” He
looked directly at Lucas. “I had my own Terry.”
“Which is why you helped me so readily.” Lucas’s smile
softened.
“Keith has tried quite a bit to mend fences, but I blocked
him. Bringing Evan was a last desperate attempt, I guess.”
“And you didn’t know?”
 Jacob shook his head. “I didn’t even know he was bi, and
I suppose in some way I didn’t want him to pity me. That’s
why I didn’t say you weren’t who he assumed. I was angry,
and defensive. He knew about Ben, and I am just so sick of
people saying they are sorry.”
Lucas wrapped his hands around his mug. “It sounds
like Evan was brave.”
Jacob smiled. “Littles can be ferocious about taking care
of their Daddies too.” He looked at Lucas to share the joke.
Hoped he knew he was thanking him, but caught the glint
of moisture in Lucas’s eyes before he lowered them. Damn,
he hadn’t meant to upset him. They’d had an amazing three
days, and this afternoon he was hoping they could explore
the parcels he had bought together.
“The delivery came, huh?” Jacob said, trying to change
the subject. Lucas looked over at them. It was clear to see
he was curious. “Some of them are presents I got for Ben’s
family, but there’s a couple I hoped we might open
together. Part of your little experience,” Jacob lied. It must
have worked though because Lucas seemed eager to look.
Jacob set aside three of the boxes and picked up the other
two. “Let’s go in the living room.”
Now he was here, he could feel nerves hitting his
stomach. What if he’d been wrong? He put the first box on
the floor and gestured to Lucas. “Why don’t you open it?”
Lucas nodded and pulled at the tape which split easily.
He opened the flaps and pulled out some paper stuffing.
Then he paused and stared at the inside of the box.
Jacob felt fairly nauseous. Lucas pulled out a box and read
the description on it, then looked at Jacob with a mixture of
suspicion and puzzlement. And Jacob hoped something
else. It was a stuffed-toy version of a dog pound for want of
a better description. Each puppy had clothes and
accessories that could be swapped out to make them look
their best for prospective parents. It sounded ridiculous but
had actually been quite expensive. Each of the dogs were
cute and had at least three outfits each. Their fur could be
brushed, and they had diamante-looking leads and collars.
Lucas picked up one of them in amazement, and just as
Jacob was going to snatch it back and apologize, Lucas
closed his eyes and rubbed it against his cheek. Jacob
couldn’t have spoken if his life depended on it. Instead he
pushed over the second box. This was the biggest risk. This
was where everything could go wrong. Lucas opened the
box and stared, and then he reached in and picked up the
tissue-wrapped packet and opened it. The pink pair of
panties. Sheer and silky and very obviously not designed
for a boy.
Lucas took one look at them, and then his face
crumpled. Before Jacob had the chance to react, he’d
jumped to his feet and ran from the room. Jacob heard the
sob Lucas couldn’t hold in as his feet pounded the stairs.
Jacob let his head fall in his hands.
What the hell had he done?

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER SIXTEEN

LUCAS WAS GOING TO DIE. It was as bad as school—

He’s been nine, and it had been Samuel’s birthday party.
All the boys in the class had been invited, and even though
he didn’t really hang out with Samuel and his brother, Max,
they’d still asked him, and he’d been so thrilled not to be
left out. They even had a pool, and they’d all dashed
upstairs to get into their swim shorts. Lucas had taken
longer because he was shy about changing in front of the
other boys, so he’d dawdled until they’d all run down again.
Wearing his shorts, he’d jogged past the next room on his
way downstairs and heard what sounded like someone
crying. Lucas had been torn. He knew Samuel’s dad was
picking teams for the games, and he didn’t want to miss
out, but he had to see what was wrong and pushed the door
open a little more.
Lucas had stared in shock at the pink explosion that was
obviously a girl’s bedroom and immediately noticed
Samuel’s younger sister clutching a doll and sitting on her
bed. It turned out she had been told by both her brothers
she wasn’t allowed to play with the boys, and both her mom
and dad had been too busy with the party to notice. It had
taken her precisely one minute into wheedling Lucas into
playing with her, and promising her a couple of minutes
because she’d immediately stopped crying, he’d let her
show him all her dolls.
He hadn’t meant to stay. He’d meant to go back
downstairs, but a little while later when both of Georgia’s
brothers burst in looking for him, he had been knee-deep in
dressing up dolls and wearing one of her tiaras.
After that, just being sneered and laughed at school
would have been what Lucas called a good day.
Lucas curled himself up tight into a ball between the
wall and the dresser and wished he was somewhere else,
anywhere else.
“Sweetheart?”
Lucas buried his head in his hands and hunched over.
He couldn’t face Jacob.
“Lucas, baby?”
Baby? That was so unexpected, Lucas stilled.
“I didn’t mean to hurt or embarrass you. Can we talk?”
Lucas considered that. Jacob still sounded kind.
Sounded gentle, like he had been with him for days. Lucas
lifted his head a little and sniffed. He accepted the tissues
Jacob passed. “Can we go sit in the chair? I’d like to hold
you while I explain.” Jacob held his hand out temptingly,
and Lucas took it and allowed himself to be led to the big
easy chair. Much to his surprise, Jacob sat and pulled Lucas
down onto his lap. He pressed Lucas’s face to his chest and
rubbed circles on his back.
“I am so sorry, sweetheart, for just dumping all that on
you. It was my irresponsible, clumsy way of saying that if
you preferred those sorts of toys to play with, I would be
honored to give you a safe space to play with them here.”
He kissed Lucas on his head, and Lucas sighed a deep
breath.
“The puppies are gorgeous.” The contents of the second
box seemed a huge thing though. One that Lucas didn’t
know how he felt about. They were… His stomach dropped.
How had Jacob known?
“I never meant to cause you any hurt,” Jacob said in a
low voice and carefully thumbed the tears that were
clinging to Lucas’s lashes.
“I was never sad I was a boy,” Lucas said, not really sure
how to explain himself. “I like my body. I just like pretty
things sometimes.”
“Which is completely okay,” Jacob said. “And something
you should never apologize for.” He met Lucas’s eyes. “I
like playing with pretty things myself, and you would look
stunning in those panties.” And Lucas’s world suddenly
went from abysmal to glorious in the blink of an eye,
because Jacob was kissing him. Really kissing him. On the
mouth with tongue and lips and arms and his big strong
body pressed close to Lucas’s, and it was perfect.
Lucas moaned into Jacob’s mouth and tentatively swiped
his tongue to meet Jacob’s. Jacob tightened his arms and
leisurely explored Lucas’s mouth. He broke off for air and
licked and sucked at Lucas’s neck and as much of his
shoulder as he could reach. “I think we’d be comfier on the
bed,” Jacob murmured, and Lucas stilled, his big eyes
searching Jacob’s.
“Are you sure?” He wanted nothing more, but something
offered out of pity wasn’t the right reason to accept.
“Are you?” Jacob countered. “I understand if—” But
Lucas didn’t give him the time to finish; he was too busy
fastening his lips over Jacob’s as Jacob stood with him in
his arms and carried him to the bed. Jacob laid him down
gently, and Lucas gazed into his eyes as Jacob stripped
himself and then stripped Lucas. Jacob was gentle but
thorough. His teasing fingers found Lucas’s nipples
immediately but graduated lower until Lucas was writhing
for every slide of a firm hand, and every brush of lips. Jacob
paused and went to the bathroom, but in a few seconds, he
was back before Lucas got the chance to be cold. He soon
realized why Jacob had gone when he felt Jacob’s now slick
fingers exploring underneath his balls. Jacob’s first finger
took Lucas by surprise even though with the lube he was
expecting it, but he soon got lost in all good sensations as
Jacob teased and relaxed him. Before long two of Jacob’s
fingers became three, and Lucas both shied away and
welcomed the burn that accompanied it.
He was helpless with longing and almost shaking with
need when he realized Jacob had put on a condom. “You
might find it easier kneeling up.” But Lucas shook his head.
His knees were like jelly, and he wanted to see Jacob’s face.
“No,’” he begged. “Please.”
“Then tell me if it hurts,” Jacob instructed and eased
himself inside. The first push was painful. It had been a
long time, but Jacob was infinitely patient and gentle, and
soon the pain gave way to something else entirely as he
moved.
Lucas’s eyes shot open as Jacob withdrew and pushed
back. He gasped as pressure built up. A glorious ache that
seemed to wrap up his body and fill his world, and then he
needed Jacob to move, and move right now. “Daddy,
please,” he cried and tried to move nearer himself, but
Daddy held him tight, and he wasn’t going anywhere.
Frustrating and thrilling all at the same time, until Jacob
finally fell into a rhythm that seemed to take over Lucas’s
entire world. He didn’t offer a warning. One second he
seemed to be climbing a peak, and the next he was
freefalling before he knew he’d jumped. Jacob held himself
rigid for a moment and cried out, then captured Lucas’s
mouth as if his life depended on it.
Lucas was floating. In an abstract way, he knew where
he was and what had happened, but he was incapable of
doing any other than being held in Jacob’s strong arms.
And wishing he would never ever be let go.
A LITTLE WHILE LATER, Lucas opened his eyes to Jacob
smiling down at him. He had a tray with two big bowls of
the pasta Lucas had gotten out to make earlier, thick slices
of bread and butter, and a large piece of chocolate cake
and two spoons. Lucas sat up eagerly, and Daddy put a
towel over his knee and made sure he was careful with the
bowl of pasta and it didn’t burn. Jacob fussed over him a
little, then carefully sat down and picked up his own bowl.
The creamy pasta was so good, but the chocolate cake was
even better. Or Daddy feeding him the chocolate cake was
even better.
“I had a text from Patrick and Charlie. We’ve been
invited around tomorrow for lunch. Patrick’s on call this
weekend, so he won’t be going to the club.”
Lucas swallowed his last bit of cake and laid his head on
Daddy’s shoulder. He wasn’t sure, to be honest, that he
really wanted to go. The more he learned about himself, the
more nervous he got. Charlie would want to play with cars,
and Lucas really didn’t, and he was scared of that. Daddy
might be okay with it all, but Charlie would be
disappointed, and he didn’t want to upset his friend.
“Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” The
words were out of his mouth before he even realized his
thoughts.
Jacob tightened his arms reflexively. “Absolutely not. Do
you think there’s something wrong with me?”
Lucas gazed up at Daddy. “You’re an amazing Daddy.”
“Am I?” Jacob smiled to soften his words. “I think I’ve
made a lot of mistakes, but tell me why you think there’s
something wrong with you?”
Lucas chewed his cheek until Daddy pried it free, then
kissed his nose. “I guess I just don’t know where I fit.”
 “Well, you fit perfectly here.” Daddy squeezed him
gently.
“I like being your boy. I love being cared for. I like when
you take charge and when you treat me like I’m special, but
I’m frightened that no one else will understand.” Because
he wouldn’t be Daddy’s boy for much longer, and that made
him ache in a not very good way.
“Sweetheart, the things you want aren’t unusual. I know
of at least two guys that wear what would be considered
female underwear. One of them actually prefers to cross-
dress in a scene, but more importantly they are both Doms.
It’s not that unusual, and no one gets to say something is
wrong anyway.”
“Both Doms?” Lucas said, completely shocked.
“That’s your societal-enforced conditioning showing,”
Daddy said. “I say Dom and you think of an uber-masculine
alpha in a designer suit.”
Lucas blushed, but he nodded. “I’d never even thought
about it.”
“Then why don’t we pick up some different toys to take
tomorrow to play with Charlie?”
“Not my puppies,” Lucas immediately said. They were
special, and he wasn’t ready to share just yet.
“Okay. What other sorts of things do you like?”
“I loved the craft things at the club,” Lucas admitted.
“And I like board games.”
“Really?” Jacob smiled. “That gives me lots of ideas.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“There’s nothing to mind,” Jacob assured him. “Did you
know that littles don’t always age play at the same age?”
“You mean like middles, adolescents?”
“That too, but I meant individually. Some days you might
want to just act like a middle, hang out, and watch TV,
some days you might just want to curl up on my knee with
your blanket and a binky.” Lucas sucked in a quick breath
at the image that had just flashed through his mind. Oh.
Oh, he’d never thought of that.
“I have a feeling my comment just opened up your mind
to a whole world of possibilities,” Daddy said and nuzzled
his hair. Lucas nodded slowly and rubbed his cheek on
Daddy’s chest, loving the touch.
“How about if I go take the tray down while you go
brush your teeth? It’s early, but I can bring the laptop up
and you can look at some special sites. We can get most
things delivered tomorrow.”
Lucas nodded eagerly and rushed into the bathroom.
Did that mean Daddy might be staying in his room tonight?
Even when Lucas had fallen asleep with him in there, he’d
been gone by the next morning. Could he get him to stay?
Did he want him to stay? His heart and his body both
responded with a resounding yes, but his head kept
reminding him he was running out of time. Daddy wasn’t
going to suddenly decide he was going to stay. Why would
he? Lucas didn’t think for one moment he was a powerful
enough reason, and thanks to Lucas himself, Daddy was
convinced Lucas wanted something temporary as well. He
was pretty sure it had been the only way he could get
Daddy to agree to his crazy scheme.
Lucas had just gotten back into bed when Jacob came
back in, his robe tightened around him, carrying a couple
bottles of water and his laptop. Lucas plumped the pillows
invitingly, and Daddy got in. “There are a lot of sites, but
this is one of my favorites, and it’s for all play ages.”
Lucas shuffled nearer, and Daddy lifted his arm so Lucas
could use his chest as a pillow. He looked at the screens
Jacob was flicking through and was immediately drawn to
the boy in the onesie. Lucas’s eyes grew round, and without
even being aware of it, he reached out and touched the
soft, snuggly fabric the little was wrapped in. Of course, he
just touched the screen and jerked his hand back as soon
as he realized what he was doing. “Sorry.”
 “There’s absolutely nothing to be sorry for,” Daddy
soothed. “Is that something you might like?”
Lucas nodded slowly. On cold evenings all snuggled up
by the fire. Maybe Daddy reading stories. Maybe…
Or maybe not. Because the clock was ticking. It took
everything in Lucas not to sigh. He needed to concentrate
on the here and now and deliberately let his hand drift
down Daddy’s chest. He heard the contented rumble in the
back of Daddy’s throat.
“Does my baby boy want some special touches?” And
Daddy reached over to put the laptop away. Lucas smiled
eagerly and explored some more. He thought about the
panties and smiled. He was going to wear a pair tomorrow
and make sure Daddy knew he had them on.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

JACOB’S FINGER hovered over the Send button but then

with determination sent the email accepting the job offer
and confirmed his start date.
Jacob had been awake for a long time last night after
Lucas had gone to sleep. Of course, a healthy orgasm
would put him right out, and even though Jacob had loved
what they did together, he seemed to have crossed a line he
hadn’t been expecting.
And funnily enough, it wasn’t the sexual one, not that
that wasn’t damn good, but he was worried that their four-
week introduction into the lifestyle had been naive at best
and disastrous at worse. Lucas was amazing, and he had
been very honored to watch him go on the journey he had
started to last night. It made his Dom heart beat a little
faster to see a happier boy, but Jacob knew Lucas had a
long ways to go before discovering who he was sexually as
a person. Not that—he supposed—it meant that he would
ever finish working himself out, and it was going to take a
seriously committed Daddy to help Lucas work through
everything.
Maybe it was enough he had help Lucas start? But even
as he hoped that might be the case, he couldn’t help the
sense of dissatisfaction about not knowing who Lucas was
going to end up with. He was a special boy, and he needed
someone who would understand.
Maybe he should talk to Patrick again. Would it help if
he knew the Doms interested in replacing him, or would it
irritate him like it had with Gabriel? He knew that answer
before he’d even managed to get some sleep.
Jacob knew he had an unpleasant job he needed to do
this morning, and he had better get it over with. Pulling up
at the small two-story house in the tree-lined pleasant
community was something he had done a good half dozen
times with Ben, but not something he had done for the last
two years. He picked out the large bag of presents he’d
hastily put in gift bags this morning while Lucas was
making breakfast, and set off down the driveway.
Grace opened it before he had a chance to ring the
doorbell, and her face showed the shock he was sure his
visit would cause, but also, he was glad to see, some
happiness as well.
He was invited in and somewhat relieved that Ben’s
sister had taken her dad out to the store and would miss
them. He wasn’t sure he was ready to see all of Ben’s
family. He offered the bag of presents. “If the twins already
have what’s in them, they can be exchanged.”
Grace thanked him profusely and put the bag under the
already groaning Christmas tree. “I was hoping you might
have brought Lucas with you.”
Jacob gaped a little. He didn’t have a clue what to say. “I
—he’s busy. He’s looking for a job, so he’s spending his
time trying to set up some interviews.” Jacob seemed to be
developing a talent for lying, or barely half-truths anyway.
Grace smiled. “It’s okay, you know. Ben wouldn’t have
expected you to be alone forever, and I certainly don’t.”
Jacob still didn’t know what to say, but now any words
would have to fight past the lump in his throat. “You were
an amazing partner to Ben. I couldn’t have wished for any
better, but it’s okay to let him go.”
Jacob cleared his throat. “It’s not like that. Not with
Lucas.”
Grace didn’t reply but gazed at him silently before
asking him about Atlanta. “I finished the contract two
weeks ago,” Jacob admitted. “I’ve actually just accepted a
job in England. It’s a five-year project, and it’ll be great to
manage it from the start instead of untangling things
already in place.”
Grace tilted her head to one side consideringly. “And will
Lucas be going with you?”
Jacob shook his head. “No—”
“It’s not like that,” she parroted but not unkindly. “It’s a
shame. He seems a nice young man, and he clearly thinks a
lot of you.”
Jacob frowned. How could she have possibly worked that
out in the minute and a half they had spoken. He stood
knowing he was at his limit coming here, and she pulled
him in for a quick hug. “I’m sorry. Jed calls me an
interfering old bat, but I won’t apologize for wanting to see
one of my favorite people being happy.” He squeezed her
hands back and promised faithfully to let her know when he
moved. Jacob took a deep breath when he was clear of the
house. It had been hard, but somehow he thought the next
time would be so much easier.

LUCAS WAS upstairs when he let himself in the kitchen. At

least that was where he could hear the Christmas music
coming from, and he chuckled in amusement as he heard
Lucas’s own singing join in the chorus of “Frosty the
Snowman.” He didn’t think he had the chance of being a
career musician, but he wasn’t as completely tone-deaf as
Jacob was himself.
Jacob walked into Lucas’s room where the music was
coming from and stopped suddenly as every single bit of
oxygen left his lungs. Lucas was dancing. Using a shampoo
bottle for a microphone, but more importantly wearing the
pink lacy panties…and absolutely nothing else.
Jacob must have made some noise, some sound, because
Lucas whipped around, eyes wide open in horror, then
blushed a fiery red and reached over to his phone to stop
the music. Jacob beat him to it, but instead of shutting it
off, tapped the volume down button, then gathered Lucas
up in his arms. “You look adorable. I’m so glad you tried
them.”
Lucas blushed again and buried his head in Jacob’s
sweater. “They’re really soft.”
Jacob reached a hand down and lightly patted over
Lucas’s silky bottom. “Mmm.”
Lucas pressed closer, and if Jacob hadn’t already seen
his erection peeking out of the top of the panties, he would
have felt it now, and groaned. “We’re due at Patrick’s in
twenty minutes.” Laughing, Lucas danced out of his arms
and into the bathroom.
“Are you being a brat?” Jacob called out. Maybe he was
asking for a spanking. Maybe his cute little—
Jacob cut off the thought before it could go any further,
spun quickly, and went into his own room to get changed.
Heart pounding, he braced himself on the sink and looked
in the mirror above at the shocked face that stared back.
Spanking. He’d literally been thinking about reddening
Lucas’s ass. About doing the one thing he always said he
wouldn’t do.
But I’m already doing what I said I’d never do, you idiot.
And he was. He had a little, and he’d sworn never to do
that ever again, and if he was honest, really honest, it
wasn’t that he didn’t imagine someone could never replace
Ben. Grace had been wrong in her assumption. He always
swore he’d never put himself in that position again because
he couldn’t ever stand the heartbreak of losing someone
else. So what did that mean? That he was going to keep
himself walled off forever? It didn’t matter whether
someone he met was from the US or the UK, if things went
south, it would still hurt as much.
“Daddy?”
Jacob turned and glanced at Lucas, who stood hesitant
in his bathroom doorway. Without thinking, he opened his
arms, and Lucas rushed forward. He tightened them
around a now dressed but still very sexy Lucas.
“Are you okay?”
He rubbed his chin over the top of Lucas’s head. “Yeah.
Seeing Grace was always gonna be hard, but it was actually
better than I thought it would be.” He stepped back and
kissed the top of Lucas’s head. “You have a fan. She likes
you.”
Lucas flushed. “I only met her for a minute.”
Chuckling, Jacob guided Lucas out of the bedroom,
deciding his jeans were good enough. “You must have made
quite an impression, then.”
Jacob was sorry the delivery hadn’t come in time for
Lucas to take some of his new things to Charlie’s, but he
did take a small craft set for making your own hair slides,
and quite a few coloring books including some very fancy
glitter pens that Jacob wasn’t at all sure Patrick would
appreciate if they got everywhere.
Patrick chuckled when he opened the door to see them
both laden down, and Charlie squealed in excitement when
he saw Lucas. Lucas let Jacob divest him of coat and shoes,
then laughing followed Charlie into the playroom.
“Coffee?” Patrick said, and Jacob nodded gratefully. He
had a feeling he was going to need it. Patrick set the
machine off and turned, leaning on the counter. “Lucas
looks happy, but you look like shit.”
 “It’d been a tough couple of days,” Jacob admitted. “I
went to see Erica Singleton yesterday, and I just dropped
some presents off at Ben’s mom’s for her new grandkids.”
Patrick’s eyes widened. “So, double whammy, then.”
“Not just that even,” Jacob admitted. “I’m helping Lucas
discover some things about himself he never thought he
would have a safe space to act on them.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“I’m still going to England.”
“And how does Lucas feel about that?” Patrick’s voice
was light and condemnation-free, but Jacob still felt a little
defensive.
“He knows. He didn’t want to jump into a Daddy/boy
relationship with someone who wanted permanence until
he’d found out if it was for him.”
Patrick’s short laugh was full of skepticism. “I can’t
decide if you’re both really brave or both incredibly
masochistic.” But he smiled to soften the words. “And I’m
assuming that was the reason he gave you for turning
Gabriel down?”
Jacob nodded, but a little niggling doubt crept into his
mind. But what other reason could he possibly have?
Accepting a very short relationship with someone who had
issues instead of a very put together Daddy who wanted
permanence made no sense otherwise.
“I wanted to talk to you about Lucas’s living and work
prospects actually,” Jacob said, steering the subject onto
easier waters. “He’s applied for a ton of jobs, but none of
them either include living accommodation or pay enough to
be able to afford something reasonable.”
“Ah,” Patrick said, brightening. “Actually, I may have a
suggestion there. I have a patient who will be looking at
discharge in about a month and refuses to go into any sort
of convalescence home.” He grinned. “Says they’re for old
people, but there’s no way he can manage on his own. He’s
looking at being in a wheelchair for quite a few weeks, if
not months, and he’s going to need some help. Nice big
house. With Lucas’s background, I was actually going to
suggest it to him. I mean, I wouldn’t if you were staying
together because this position is live-in.”
“It sounds perfect,” Jacob grudgingly admitted. “But I
was still hoping I can get someone to look at his stories.”
“A damn shame you don’t speak to Keith anymore.”
Jacob just stopped himself from taking a gulp of coffee.
“What?” He suddenly understood Patrick’s cryptic
comment from the club.
“Your brother.”
“I know who Keith is,” he snapped. But I’d completely
forgotten you did. “Your older brother was at school with
him.”
Patrick nodded. “I never thought about it when you
mentioned it the other day. The last time he contacted me
was six months ago. I told him I hadn’t heard from you
since Ben died, and even if I did know where you were,
ethically I couldn’t tell him.”
Jacob nodded. That was true. “But what has talking to
Keith anything to do with children’s stories?”
“Because he told me his partner, Evan, is a children’s
story acquisitions editor. He works for one of the big five as
they are known. Publishing houses,” Patrick added. “I’m
pretty damn sure he’d take a look at it even without Lucas
knowing. Then if it’s no good, you won’t have to tell him.”
Lucas would be thrilled. Jacob’s heart knocked painfully
against his ribs. But that would mean talking to Keith. He’d
do it for Lucas though. “It seems I’m having a week of
doing things I always swore I wouldn’t ever again.”
Patrick smiled but didn’t push, and Jacob was grateful.
“Shall we go see what our boys are doing? It seems awfully
quiet in there.”
Jacob grinned as Patrick got two red plastic cups from
the fridge and poured juice into them and snagged a huge
plate of sandwiches. He handed that to Jacob and got out
some salad, paper plates, and paper towels. “Nothing
fancy.”
Jacob chuckled, feeling lighter, and followed Patrick.
“This is spectacular,” Jacob commented as they walked into
a smaller room, Charlie’s playroom. There were posters of
most popular children’s movies everywhere, plus a lot of
drawings obviously done by Charlie. He was drawn to the
wall of photographs, most showing Charlie as a little, but a
few in his nurse’s uniform, and one in a very smart suit at
what must be a wedding.
“This is Charlie’s space. He does whatever he wants in
here. The only thing I vetoed is a TV. That’s in the main
living room.” Patrick looked down fondly at Charlie, who
was concentrating on building a track for his cars to race
on. “He likes horror movies, and I’m not about to let him
watch those in here.”
“Nightmares?” Jacob asked.
Patrick nodded. “Except I’m the one who has them,” he
admitted sheepishly, and Jacob grinned.
“That’s awesome,” Charlie suddenly exclaimed, and
Jacob looked at what Lucas had done. He’d arranged a car
garage, but instead of touching the cars, he’d written a list
of repairs and posted prices for them. He’d also gotten the
box of what Jacob considered broken toys and was
propping up spare tires against the wall. Jacob grinned.
Lucas was playing but playing in the exact creative way he
was naturally drawn to.
“And the workmen could have a break room,” Lucas
went on and rummaged through some more things, finding
a box he immediately set up as a table. “They need chairs.”
Jacob watched Lucas fondly, and his eyes took in the
black jeans Lucas had on and imagined what was
underneath them. Knowing he would get hard if he wasn’t
careful, he distracted himself. “Good job, buddy.”
Lucas shot him a beaming smile as they all sat down,
and Patrick put the plate of sandwiches and everything on
a small table and told the boys to help themselves.
“What did you bring?” Charlie asked, nodding to the bag
with the toys Lucas had. Jacob stiffened, praying that
Charlie wouldn’t shoot Lucas down.
Lucas dragged the bag over. “Just some stuff.”
“Let’s see,” Charlie said eagerly, and Jacob watched the
nervous swallow travel the length of Lucas’s throat. His boy
was being so brave, and Jacob wished he was sitting on his
knee right then so he didn’t have to be brave on his own.
He brought the coloring books out, and Charlie examined
the glitter pens, giggling as Patrick groaned good-
naturedly, but then Lucas brought out the craft set. It
wasn’t just that that you could make and decorate hair
slides, but the company who had made it was being
typically gender biased and pictured two little girls on the
front.
Charlie took the box from Lucas and opened it up. He
glanced over at Patrick with a very mature look on his face
and back to Lucas. “I’m really not good with this sort of
thing, but I bet you are.” Lucas nodded a little unhappily. It
was a no. A polite no but still a rejection. “Do you mind
helping me?”
Lucas gaped a little in shock and glanced at Jacob as if
he were checking he’d heard right. Jacob’s throat got very
tight. “I have a best friend at the hospital, and he loves this
sort of thing.” Charlie looked hopefully at Lucas. “I know
he’s knitting me a scarf, and it would be awesome if I could
make something pretty to give him back.”
Jacob could have cried, and he was fairly sure Patrick
was going to burst with pride.
“I’d love to,” Lucas said shyly.
“How about you guys finish your lunch first, then you’re
not eating glitter sandwiches?” Patrick suggested with a
smile, and Lucas and Charlie giggled. The rest of the
afternoon went in a haze of laughter and good company,
but Patrick called a halt after the second time Charlie
yawned. “He’d worked three doubles because of a virus
decimating the staff. You need a nap, sweetheart.” Charlie
pouted a little but gave in gracefully, and after the boys had
cleared up, Jacob wrapped Lucas up tight against the bitter
wind outside.
“Give a thought to what we mentioned,” Patrick said as
they were leaving. “I need to know one way or the other in
a week.”
Jacob nodded, his good mood vanishing for some reason,
but he tucked Lucas into the car, buckled him up, and put
the heater on as high as it would go.
Lucas yawned himself and apologized. “I had a good
time Daddy, thank you.”
So had he. Jacob had enjoyed every moment, and it was
getting harder and harder knowing it was going to end, and
end very soon.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

LUCAS PUT the phone down and tried really hard not to cry.
It was Christmas Eve. Jacob had just left to go run some
errands. Although Lucas thought he was crazy going out
anywhere today, Jacob had admitted he had his second
therapist appointment, so Lucas had let him go with a
proper goodbye. Lucas had pressed really close to kiss him,
and Jacob had groaned and kissed him breathless,
promising he would be back soon.
It had been a perfect week. Jacob had been wonderful
and attentive. Lucas had worked two nights this week at
the club, and Jacob had insisted on giving him a ride both
times and waiting while he worked.
Lucas groaned and buried his head in his hands. He’d
hoped. He’d been so certain Jacob was going to change his
mind. Nothing had been mentioned about England, and
stupidly he’d started hoping he was staying until he’d
gotten the phone call that had told him he was wasting his
time.
It had been the Realtors. A phone call from Mr. Lawson’s
assistant confirming the appointment Jacob had made for
Monday morning to appraise the house. Lucas wiped his
eyes because he couldn’t seem to make them stop leaking
and called himself every kind of fool, but it hurt so damn
much.
He’d gone and got himself into a mess with Jacob. A big
mess. A giant humongous rip-your-heart-out one. He was in
love with his big stubborn, gorgeous Daddy, and in another
few days, two weeks at the absolute maximum if he was
lucky, Jacob would be gone and Lucas would never see him
again.
He didn’t know how he was going to survive. Jacob knew
all his secrets, hadn’t laughed or made fun of him, but
helped him work things out. There were even three
packages on the kitchen floor unopened, and Lucas was
pretty sure they were for him. The deliveries had all been
badly delayed with the holiday rush, but they were here,
and Lucas was so tempted to peek.
He eyed the three boxes of trimmings he’d pulled in out
of the garage as well. Daddy had said he couldn’t reach
anything without a stool, and he might get hurt, so he had
to wait until Daddy could help. But he hadn’t suggested
decorating all week, and today was Lucas’s last chance.
Lucas was screwed all round and had no idea what to
do. Part of him wanted to say to hell with it and do what he
liked, and part of him wanted to run away. Not that he had
anywhere to go. He’d found out from their old neighbor
when the toys from Ben’s playroom had been collected that
Terry had the house up for sale. Apparently, he was in
trouble financially and would be lucky if the house covered
all his debts. He didn’t know how Mrs. Jamison knew
everything, including the house was being sold fully
furnished, but she had been delighted to see Lucas and
eagerly told him all the news.
And he’d been selfishly glad. It might be the season of
goodwill, but Terry was finally getting what was coming to
him, and Lucas couldn’t wish it on a more deserving
person. Jacob had chuckled when he told him and said he
hoped he never upset Lucas.
 He’s going to though.
Lucas looked again at the boxes of holiday decorations.
In his head he dreamed of Jacob and Lucas doing it
together. Then they would have the yummy dinner he had
in the Crock-Pot, and then they would finish off with spiked
hot chocolate and movies.
Or even better, Lucas could try on what he was sure was
in one of the boxes. But what was the point? Jacob wouldn’t
have called the Realtor unless his decision had been made,
but then the message didn’t say how long ago the
appointment had been arranged. It was usual for people to
confirm nearer the time. It could easily mean Jacob had
made the appointment a few weeks ago but had delayed it
so they could get the house ready.
Lucas chewed the inside of his cheek and stopped
crying. Maybe he had another chance? Maybe this was in
fact his last chance? Maybe he should say to hell with
everything and have the best Christmas Eve of his life?
Lucas pulled on his lip in indecision, then decided he
would make the house sparkle before Daddy came home.
He could drag in one of the kitchen chairs. Vertically
challenged, he’d been managing a very long time, and if
Daddy wasn’t here, then it was Daddy’s own fault.
Determined, he carried all the boxes into the living room
and unpacked everything.
The tree was beautiful itself. It was green with white-
tipped frosting on the ends of the branches made to look
like snow and had lights already attached which worked
perfectly. Lucas went up and down the kitchen chair like a
little monkey and worked furiously to get everything ready.
He found a small lantern set with tea lights that he
arranged above the fireplace, and when he’d finished, he
checked the time and saw it was already past two o’clock
and he was surprised Daddy had been gone that long. He
wasn’t complaining though because it had given him the
time he needed. The third box looked like it had been
dropped at some point because there were some broken
ornaments in there, so he’d taken it back to the garage. He
stood looking at the tree, wishing he had something for the
top, a star, or…a fairy. Immediately knowing exactly what
he could put up there, Lucas raced upstairs and grabbed it
from where it was buried in with his socks. Then he
stopped and walked into the bathroom. He was dusty and
could really do with a shower.
Grinning, Lucas took a very fast shower, being very
thorough in certain special places to make sure he was
clean for when Jacob got home, then opened the drawer
with some of his new clothes in and fingered the pair of
purple panties. Lucas smiled as he pulled them on.
Presents went under the Christmas tree, and Jacob wasn’t
going to need to unwrap this one.
Lucas glanced at the time on his phone and smiled at
the text from Jacob saying he would be home by three at
the latest. Lucas sent him a reply and added a little heart
emoji.
He walked downstairs, imagining the look on Jacob’s
face when he saw Lucas dressed in nothing but purple silk,
and climbed on the kitchen chair one last time so he could
reach out to fasten the fairy on top of the tree.
“What the hell are you doing?”
Lucas jumped at Jacob’s bellow, and his foot slipped. For
a breathless second, Lucas seemed to hang from the back
of the chair, but then it tipped and Lucas slid, knowing he
was going to fall, and knowing there was absolutely
nothing he could do to stop it happening.

JACOB TOOK a shaky breath as he exited the therapist’s

office. It had been hard again, but he knew it was helping.
He had fifteen minutes before he met Andy Lawson, who he
knew he would owe all sorts of favors to for dragging the
poor guy out at this time on Christmas Eve when his office
party was in full swing, but when Jacob had told him what
he wanted, Andy had made a quick phone call to the selling
agent, and the deal was done.
Twenty minutes later because traffic was a beast, Jacob
climbed out of his car and remembered the only other time
he’d done this journey just around four weeks ago. At least
Terry’s house wasn’t full of loud music and drunks this
time, but it looked sad and uncared for, and Jacob was glad
Lucas wasn’t here to see it. He turned as a black SUV
pulled up, and smiled and shook hands with Andy when he
had gotten out of the car. “I really appreciate you doing
this.”
Andy grinned. “Are you kidding? Do you have any idea
how pleased Stephanie is with me? I told her I would be
straight home after this, and she’s arranging our own
Christmas party just for the two of us.” Andy waggled his
eyebrows, and Jacob chuckled. Andy had confessed they
had been bickering for a month. Stress with work,
unhappiness over not getting pregnant, and Andy was
getting worried they were even going to stay together. He’d
told her he was abandoning the Christmas party and doing
a favor for an old friend, and she’d told him that instead of
going to her mother’s that evening, which had been
another argument, she was going to stay home and wait for
him.
Andy put his code into the Realtor’s lockbox to retrieve
the door key and unlocked it. He waved at Jacob. “Take
your time. I have some phone calls to make. I want to find
out if there’s anyone still delivering flowers today,” he
added sheepishly, which gave Jacob another idea.
He jogged upstairs and went straight to the bedroom
Lucas had taken him to before, but it was empty save for a
cheap dresser and an old bed. All the other rooms were the
same, so disappointed he came back downstairs. He’d been
hoping for some paintings or photographs, but there wasn’t
anything personal.
Jacob caught sight of a small table tucked behind the
stairs and wondered if that was the one Lucas had
mentioned. He scanned the other rooms quickly.
Technically they were furnished, he guessed, but if he was
buying the house, he’d want everything cleared out. The
couch even still smelled vaguely of beer.
“I just want the hall table,” Jacob confirmed. Andy
nodded and got on the phone to the sales agent. Five
minutes later after parting with a ridiculous amount of
money for a small table, Jacob shook hands with Andy after
they had loaded it into his trunk and wished him a good
evening. Andy had done the same and grinned.
Jacob looked at his phone. He’d had a notification his
delivery had arrived which meant he didn’t have to worry
about any more gifts for Lucas; he could just go home. He
stopped just as a florist was closing early and snagged what
she had left. He fingered his phone, torn, as he sat in the
car. Did he want to do this? He could email. Keith’s contact
details were on his business card, but it seemed cowardly,
and he was leaving for England soon. It wasn’t as if he had
to see his brother at all if he wanted.

“DON’T TELL MOM,” Jacob had begged to try to clean the

mud from the scratches all over his arm and knees.
“What happened?” Keith asked and bent down to where
Jacob was sitting on the bathroom stool. Mom was
downstairs making dinner, and Dad wasn’t home from work
yet.
Jacob huffed but didn’t say anything. Keith would think
he was as much a loser as Ricky, and he only had one more
day of school to get through before the summer vacation.
 “Are those idiots giving you trouble at school again?”
Keith frowned, swatting Jacob’s hands away and cleaning
the cuts himself.
Jacob sighed. “Not really. I was showing off and
swinging on the tree rope. They said I was too chicken to
do it.”
Keith grinned. “But you showed them, huh?”
Jacob nodded, immensely proud he had done something
to make Keith pleased with him. Six years was hard. Jacob
had spent all his time trying to run after Keith and his
friends, and Keith had spent all his time trying to avoid
him.
Keith put a bandage on the one on his knee and stood
up. “I’m going to Jack’s for an hour after dinner to check
out his new game. You could come if you like.”
And Jacob had. And what was even better, they’d passed
Ricky and his friends hanging out on the corner, and Keith
had slung an arm around him and told him in a loud voice
so Ricky could hear he bet Jacob could beat him at the
game.

AND JACOB HAD FORGOTTEN THAT. The six years between

them hadn’t been Keith’s fault, and he had been a good
older brother when he had been there, and he had been
trying to be a good older brother for the last eight years.
Jacob keyed in the cell number from the business card, and
when Keith had answered and realized who it was, his
obvious pleasure made Jacob smile, and another bit of guilt
slid away.
Twenty minutes later, Jacob let himself into the kitchen
and sniffed appreciatively at whatever Lucas had in the
oven. He was half-surprised Lucas wasn’t here, and he
ruefully admitted he had gotten used to Lucas greeting him
when he came in the kitchen. Then he heard the shower
and decided to sneak upstairs with the delivery boxes. He
could gift wrap them, and then maybe they could decorate
the tree that was in the garage. He knew Lucas wanted to,
but he was guessing he hadn’t because he was worried it
might upset Jacob. Jacob thought about that as he sneaked
upstairs, hearing the shower cut off as he closed his
bedroom door, and realized he wasn’t really upset. Ben had
liked the holidays, but it had meant working longer hours
usually, and he had been more interested in the chance of a
vacation when he got the time off. Jacob knew Lucas loved
Christmas, and he wanted to make it special for him.
Jacob sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands.
What was he doing? He should be on the laptop booking a
plane ticket, and instead he was contemplating how to get
the table out of the car without Lucas seeing, and worrying
about giving him a good Christmas. He hadn’t even told
Lucas about the job offer from Patrick.
Jacob stood and peeled off his clothes. He wouldn’t mind
a shower and hurried to get in just as he heard Christmas
music start downstairs. Lucas obviously hadn’t noticed he
was home yet, and he grinned at the surprise he had for
him and wanted him to wear tonight. They would decorate
the tree, have a wonderful meal, possibly open the bottle of
wine Jacob had bought, and then snuggle on the couch
until it was time to snuggle in bed.
Giving Lucas a good Christmas was the least he could
do. He was going to worry about booking a flight later.
Jacob walked downstairs after a quick shower and
changing into some comfy sweats and a long-sleeved tee.
He headed for the living room where he could hear the
music but jerked to a stop when he saw Lucas.
“What the hell are you doing?”
Lucas jumped, slipped, and as if everything was
happening in slow motion, tipped headfirst toward the
Christmas tree.
OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER NINETEEN

HOW JACOB HAD CAUGHT him in time Lucas would never

know, but not only was the tree still standing, but Lucas
was still in one piece.
“What did I tell you?” Jacob ground out after a long
moment of crushing Lucas tight to his chest and refusing to
let go. Not that Lucas was complaining at all, and he
reveled in the rapid thud of Daddy’s heart in his ear. Daddy
took a breath and eased Lucas away from him. “You nearly
fell. You could have been hurt.”
“But I’m used to having to stand on things,” Lucas
protested. “I always have to.”
Jacob caught his hand and pulled him to the sofa. “Did
you forget I told you to wait until I got home and then I
would help?”
Lucas shook his head slowly. “No.”
“So not only did you deliberately disobey me, you
decided to put yourself at further risk by decorating the
tree practically naked?”
Lucas blushed. He wondered when Daddy would get
around to noticing.
“It wasn’t that long ago you were sick and—”
 “But that was a virus,” Lucas interrupted without
thinking. The glower he got from Daddy soon had him
questioning his decision though.
Jacob nodded and stood up, bringing Lucas up with him.
“We were going to decorate the tree together, but for now
you’re going to go to your room and get in a robe. You’re
going to sit quietly until I get up there and think really hard
about why you would be so naughty.”
Lucas gaped. “But—”
“I would think really hard before anything else comes
out of that mouth, boy.” Jacob tipped his chin to the stairs,
and Lucas sighed but did as he was told.
Lucas got into his robe because it was cooler upstairs
than down and after a few minutes of silence started to feel
really silly. How long was Jacob going to leave him up here?
And the oven needed to be turned off soon. He didn’t want
their dinner spoiling when he’d worked so hard to make it
perfect. Weren’t Daddies not supposed to punish their
littles when they were angry? He was sure he’d heard that,
and Daddy had looked really cross. He could be up here for
quite a while if he were waiting for him to calm down.
Lucas sighed again and looked at the pile of books. They
were on to the third one, and Daddy had changed to his e-
reader to read them to Lucas as he said it was better on his
eyes. Then he’d laughed. Daddy had a nice laugh, but he
certainly didn’t seem to find anything amusing right then.
Lucas sat up when he heard Daddy’s footsteps on the
stairs. Should he be doing anything? Daddy had just told
him to get in his room, and he knew some littles had to go
stand in the corner, but Daddy hadn’t said that, thank
goodness.
Lucas looked up when Daddy’s feet appeared in front of
him. He didn’t look angry. He looked disappointed which
was a hundred times worse. “I’m sorry,” he burst out, tears
pricking at his eyelids because he’d ruined their evening. “I
thought you were never going to come up here,” he
admitted sorrowfully.
Daddy sat down on the bed and took a deep breath. “I
would never punish you when I was angry.” Lucas was sure
Daddy said something else, but his ears hadn’t processed
anything else after the word “punish.” Punish? What was
Daddy going to do?
“Please take off your robe and lie across my lap
facedown.”
Lucas gaped, and Daddy slid his finger under Lucas’s
chin to make him close his mouth. “What’s your safe
word?”
Safe word? “Red,” he whispered, hope blooming in his
chest so rapidly he was convinced his heart would explode.
Lucas nodded. “Good boy. Now, why am I punishing
you?”
“Because I was naughty,” Lucas admitted.
Jacob smiled and helped Lucas take the robe off. Lucas
shivered, but it wasn’t with cold. “Not just,” Daddy said.
“I’m punishing you because you disobeyed a safety
instruction, but I’m afraid I am going to have to take some
responsibility for that as well. I knew you were a holiday
fan. I knew you wanted to put the decorations up, and
instead of making proper plans, I let it slide, so you didn’t
have much choice than to do it yourself, or it would have
been too late.”
Lucas frowned but let Daddy stand him up and pull
down the silk panties. How was he getting punished if it
was Daddy’s fault as well? That didn’t seem fair.
“So yes, you are getting punished, and this will hurt, but
you are getting something I know you have been hoping
for.” Jacob arranged a stunned Lucas until he was laid over
Daddy’s lap. “There is no shame in saying your safe word.
In fact, I will be angry if you need to and don’t.” And with
that, Daddy lifted his hand and slapped it down hard.
 Lucas yelped, more in complete shock than in pain. He’d
never been spanked in his entire life, and he didn’t know
how to process the overwhelming feeling.
“What color are you?”
“G-green,” Jacob whispered because it hadn’t really
hurt, but it wasn’t having the effect he thought either.
Daddy brought his hand down on his other buttock, and
Lucas winced. “How many is that?”
“Two,” Lucas said shamefully as despair slid over him.
This wasn’t fun at all, and he thought longingly of his
favorite video and the look of utter bliss on the little’s face.
Another smack and Lucas counted as Jacob asked him, but
he’d hardly gotten out the word three before Jacob hit him
again. He didn’t understand how this was punishing Jacob.
No one was hitting Daddy. He was the one getting hurt. It
probably wasn’t even making Daddy’s hand red.
“Five,” Lucas said miserably after the next one and
pressed his lips tightly closed to stop a sob escaping. He
hated this. It wasn’t erotic at all. It was simply humiliating.
Lucas tensed, knowing Jacob had lifted his arm, but when
the next smack didn’t happen, he risked a backward
glance.
Daddy sat frozen. He’d lifted his arm ready for the next
hit, but instead of bringing it down, he had curled his fist
tightly. A look of absolute agony stole across his face, and
he did exactly as Lucas had just done. Pressed his lips
together to stop himself making a noise.
And in a rush Lucas understood. “Red,” he cried out and
scrambled to sit up, but Jacob didn’t look like he’d even
heard him. Lucas was so dumb, if not outright cruel. This
was a mild punishment for him but complete torture for
Daddy. He knew about Ben and why spanking had been a
hard limit for Daddy, and that had been what Daddy had
meant when he said he was punishing himself as well.
Lucas practically flung himself at Daddy sobbing. “I’m
sorry. I’m so sorry. You don’t have to do that for me.”
 For a second he didn’t think Jacob was going to respond,
and he had worried he had gone too far, but then he heard
the small sound of utter distress in the back of Jacob’s
throat, and Jacob tightened his arms around him, crushing
him to his chest.
“Baby,” Daddy said hoarsely and moved his head at the
same time as Lucas and their lips brushed.
And then they were kissing. Jacob practically devoured
Lucas’s mouth, and Lucas moaned into it, feeling almost
feverish and unsure of where to put his hands next. Then
Jacob clasped them tight and pinned them above his head,
pressing them into the bed. Lucas shook with desire. As
fantasies went, being pinned down was also high up on his
list.
“You look so damn sexy with your silk panties on. I want
you back in them when we go downstairs,” Jacob
murmured before he dropped his head to capture Lucas’s
nipples, bringing his hand to the other and pinching them
deliciously until Lucas was completely incapable of any
answer. Jacob’s hand slid under Lucas’s fiery red ass, and
Lucas jerked a little in response, opening his eyes wide.
That. That was a different kind of feeling, and his cock
bobbed in response. He could feel the ache slide from his
ass to his balls as they grew tight, and whimpered when
Jacob’s fingers reached them. Without even asking, Jacob
expertly flipped Lucas onto his belly and pushed a pillow
under him. Lucas’s mind was whirling. The heat in his ass
seemed to match the way the rest of his body was sparking
alight, and he groaned helplessly as Jacob ran a hand over
where he knew he would have marks.
Jacob followed his hand with his mouth and licked,
kissed, and sucked all over his ass, until Lucas was
prepared to beg for some more. “A-ah,” Jacob admonished
and tapped Lucas’s butt lightly as he pushed it higher
toward Jacob in a begging motion. The sting went right to
Lucas’s cock, and he whimpered. “Daddy.”
 “Mmm.” Jacob breathed hot air on his skin before using
his fingers to part Lucas’s ass cheeks and explore with his
tongue and reached around to grip Lucas’s cock.
Lucas shuddered and squirmed, helpless to stop still
against the double onslaught, wanting more but knowing
he wouldn’t last for long. “Close, Daddy,” Lucas mumbled
helplessly.
“Good,” Jacob said firmly, and then Lucas heard the click
of a bottle opening and jumped at the cold lube as Daddy
drizzled it around his hole. He heard the tear of a condom
wrapper and vaguely wished he had the coordination at
that moment to put it on Daddy himself. Jacob lifted Lucas
up on his knees and lined himself up, pressing firmly into
Lucas’s ass. Lucas almost stopped breathing until Daddy
tugged his cock firmly, and the groan made all his breath
come out in a rush, and he relaxed. Daddy kept playing and
teasing him, holding him up because Lucas was damn sure
he wasn’t able to himself, until he slid as far as he could
get. Lucas felt Jacob still again and let Lucas get used to
the intrusion, until Lucas thought he would go insane if he
didn’t move; then Jacob withdrew nearly to the tip, before
sliding back in. Lucas moaned and shook, whispered
pleading noises for Daddy to hurry which Daddy completely
ignored, just bent his head and sucked a patch of tender
skin and thrust over and over. It was the final pinch to his
nipple that sent Lucas over the edge and the low demand
from Daddy to let himself go, and then he was soaring, held
safe and shouting his ecstasy. His cries of wonder were
soon echoed behind him.

“I THINK DINNER WILL BE SPOILED,” Lucas mumbled after

quite some time, not completely sure if he even cared.
 “Nope,” Jacob said, leaning down and pressing a kiss to
his nose. “I turned it off, and it’s keeping warm. I already
did a salad to go with it before I came upstairs, and it’s in
the fridge.” Lucas opened his eyes fully. Jacob had
redressed in his comfy sweats and T-shirt and held out his
hand. “I want you to get a bath.”
Lucas winced, suddenly remembering that his ass would
be sore. Jacob smirked. “So head for my room while I
change this bed.” Jacob leaned down again to whisper in
Lucas’s ear. “Only good boys who do what Daddy tells them
get presents from Santa.”
Lucas shivered as Jacob’s warm breath bathed his ear,
but he let himself be pulled up and escorted to Daddy’s
bathroom. “I put some aloe in the water. It should help to
take the sting out.”
Lucas flung his arms around Jacob’s waist, feeling a very
different type of sting as he remembered what had led up
to the best sex of his life. “I’m sorry.”
Jacob’s arms tightened around him, and he pressed a
kiss to his head. “So am I, sweetheart,” Jacob murmured.
“Now get in so I can wash your hair, then I want you to
wear something new.”
Lucas’s ears pricked up. Something else? But he got into
the water and hissed at first when he sat down, and by the
time Jacob had gently washed his hair and noodled him
completely with a head massage, Lucas could have floated
downstairs. He stood obediently and allowed Jacob to dry
him, and then he peed and brushed his teeth while Jacob
fussed.
Lucas stopped in surprise at the bed, not completely
sure what he was looking at. “Is it for me?” Jacob nodded
and steered Lucas to the bed and helped him get dressed.
It was a onesie, similar to the type Lucas had been looking
at on Jacob’s laptop, but this didn’t have racing cars on; it
had cute puppies and kittens all snuggling together. He
loved it. “It’s adorable,” Lucas whispered, and Jacob
chuckled.
“So are you.”
They went downstairs, and Lucas had the best
Christmas Eve of his life. They ate a lovely dinner, played
Monopoly, and then settled down to watch a Christmas
movie about a lost puppy and the little boy who saved it
from the pound. Lucas could sympathize. He didn’t even let
his job worries intrude once. There was no way Jacob was
still going to England. It was impossible. He wouldn’t treat
Lucas as well as he had and then turn around and just go.
Lucas kept that thought firmly in his mind as he
eventually fell asleep tucked tight in his Daddy’s arms.

THE NEXT MORNING Lucas woke to being kissed. He

returned the kiss until he woke properly and then jerked
back, mumbling about morning breath, and slapped a hand
over his mouth. Daddy just laughed and kissed him on the
end of his nose. Then he let him scoot to the bathroom, and
when he came back, he spied the yummy bowl of fresh
fruit, orange juice, and large coffees with milk just as he
liked them. Lucas bounded on the bed and tackled Jacob
thankfully before he’d picked up his coffee. “Merry
Christmas.”
Jacob beamed and kissed him harder. “Merry Christmas.
I thought we’d have a snack and then eat breakfast later
depending on whether you want to eat dinner tonight or
earlier.” Lucas wound his arms around Jacob.
“I could have a snack now,” he whispered throatily. “I
guess it depends how hungry Daddy is.”
“Brat,” Jacob scolded fondly but proceeded to show him
exactly how a boy should be woken up every morning in
Lucas’s opinion. They even fed each other the fruit.
 An hour later Lucas was hopping about with excitement.
He wanted Daddy to open his presents, and there were
definitely at least five more gifts under the tree than there
had been last night, including one very large box. Lucas
was so tempted to shake one experimentally, but Daddy
kept eyeing him like he was a hairsbreadth away from
being in trouble again, and he never wanted to put Daddy
in that position ever again.
“Okay,” Jacob said, pulling Lucas onto his lap after they
had brunch where Lucas had excelled at making yummy
pancakes even if he said so himself. “Do you want to open
them altogether or one each at a time?”
“One each at a time,” Lucas said immediately and
leaned down, grabbing a small one and putting it in
Daddy’s hands. He chewed his lip nervously, praying he
liked it.
Jacob smiled, and hoisting Lucas back more securely to
free both his hands, he carefully unwrapped the tiny,
jeweled photo frame with the picture of a laughing Ben in
it. Lucas watched the swallow travel the length of Jacob’s
throat, and panic clutched his insides. He hated it. He—
“It’s beautiful,” Jacob whispered and looked up at Lucas,
his eyes glinting a little. “It’s the perfect way for me to
remember him.” Lucas let all the air out of his lungs in a
whoosh. Jacob trailed a finger lightly over the frame. “You
decorated this yourself, didn’t you?”
Lucas nodded and twisted around and hugged his Daddy
tightly.
“Your turn,” Jacob pronounced and gestured to the large
box. “I think you’re gonna have to get down to open it.”
Lucas slid off Jacob’s lap and kneeled down. He glanced
back, puzzled at what it could be, but Jacob nodded. “Just
rip it off.” So Lucas did and as soon as he saw what it was,
he froze. It was his mom’s table. The one she had found in
the junkyard sale they had spent four hours at. The one she
had lovingly restored for the better part of two months.
Lucas’s hand flew to his mouth, and he held back a cry
until he could swallow. Jacob knelt beside him and tugged
him close. “I only got it yesterday. I called Andy Lawson,
and he got the permission I needed. It needs some TLC, but
I’m sure you can do that.”
“Thank you,” Lucas whispered, smoothing the edge of
the wood. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”
And that reminded him of the call. He might have to
mention it to Daddy so he could cancel the appointment.
Jacob squeezed him and pushed another parcel toward
him. “Open that.”
Lucas chuckled. “It’s your turn.”
“Nah, I unwrapped my present last night, all of him,”
Jacob said throatily, and Lucas shivered. He had more
games, some puzzles, coloring books, clothes, and a brand-
new pair of red boots perfect for the snow.
Jacob got some fur-lined gloves and an engraved key
ring that simply said “Daddy’s keys.”
Lucas glanced at the tree, spotted one more smaller
present, and pulled it over. It had his name on it. “Another
one?” Lucas asked, recognizing Jacob’s scrawl. “You’re
spoiling me.”
Jacob looked confused, and then his face fell. “Oh, I
wrapped them last week, but you don’t have to open it now.
It was a silly idea, really.” He reached for it only for Lucas
to hold it out of his way, laughing.
“Oh no, now I want to see.” He ripped the paper,
revealing a small padded envelope. Inside the envelope was
a bunch of keys, clearly car keys. He raised his eyes in
utter bewilderment. “Car keys?” Jacob hadn’t. He wouldn’t.
Cars were hugely expensive, and even though he was
utterly convinced they were staying together, there was no
way he could accept a car.
Lucas looked up and saw a faint flush staining Jacob’s
neck. “Daddy?”
 “They’re the spare ones to mine,” Jacob said woodenly.
“I mean, you can have the original when I’m done, but I
thought it would set your mind at ease if you had
transportation.”
Lucas swallowed. His heart seemed to beat hard against
his ribs. “I don’t understand.” And he didn’t. At least he
wished very hard that he didn’t, but a chill seemed to be
creeping into his heart where a moment ago it had been
warm.
“I can’t take the car obviously,” Jacob said even quieter.
“Apart from the fact that all the controls are on the wrong
side for English roads, it’s three years old and simply not
worth the cost of shipping it over. I wanted—”
But Lucas didn’t hang around to hear what Jacob
wanted. He stumbled to his feet and ran upstairs, confident
that Jacob wouldn’t follow him. There was no point.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWENTY

JACOB SCREWED his fingers into a tight fist. How did he

feel such a shit when he’d only done what they agreed for
the last four weeks and then given him a present worth
over 20,000 dollars?
But he knew. In his heart he knew. He had done far more
than a temporary Daddy should have done. They’d had sex.
Amazing unbelievable sex that had been some of the best
times of his life. He waited for the guilt that accompanied
that realization. The guilt over any disloyalty to Ben, and it
never came. Ben was in his past. There was no comparison
to the two, and if he was honest, Ben had been settled in
his past for a while. He had been lonely and had
transferred that loneliness to thinking only one person
could fill that void. He’d been wrong.
His therapist had helped him with that. He hadn’t been
attracted to Lucas because he reminded him of Ben. The
two men couldn’t honestly have been more different. He
was attracted to Lucas because his needs matched up
perfectly with his own. That and the fact he was an
amazing sexy package any Daddy would be insane to pass
over.
 He looked at the keys. His head was going around and
around in circles, and he needed to clear it. He needed to
be triply sure what he wanted because he couldn’t leave
Lucas hanging. He couldn’t ever hurt him again, but to be
doubt-free, he knew what he had to do and picked his keys
up. Put on his boots and jacket and left the house.
He set off in the direction of the cemetery. He had some
thought in his mind that he needed to say goodbye to Ben
to allow himself to say hello to Lucas, but as soon as the
thought settled, he bit out an exasperated expletive and
pulled over to the side of the road. He’d visited Ben’s grave
many times, but he knew—absolutely knew—in his heart of
hearts, Ben would be laughing his ass off thinking a Dom, a
Daddy, needed permission to do the right thing. And while
he might agree that Doms, much as they wished it, were far
from perfect, he knew that Ben would have given his
blessing instantly two years ago.
“Thank you, love,” he whispered to Ben, finally
acknowledging everything Jacob had been too stupid, too
stubborn, to see before and turned the car around and
headed back to the house where he belonged.
He couldn’t help driving a little faster than he should
have done and finally burst through the kitchen door, not
even bothering to toe his shoes off before he raced
upstairs…
Into his completely empty bedroom. He dashed from one
room to another, his eagerness leaching out as all he
encountered was silence. He stumbled into Lucas’s room,
his gaze resting on the clothes on the bed, the books, the
puppy game, the hair slides—some half-decorated—and his
onesie, and every single pair of silk panties.
As a goodbye it was damning.
As a fuck you it was even more eloquent.
AN HOUR later and he was panicking. He’d driven around
to any place he could think Lucas might go including his
old house and the club, and after finding it obviously closed
he’d gotten Adrian on the phone, who’d promised he hadn’t
heard from him. He also promised to let Adrian know when
he found him. He had even offered to get in his cars and
search. Jacob had been touched by his kindness, and
sincerity, and vowed not to turn his back on the community
again. He just needed to find his boy.
And convince him he wasn’t going to leave him. Still
calling himself all kinds of stupid, Jacob tried to think
objectively about what Lucas would do if he needed help.
Who could he call?
And then hardly daring to breathe, he called Patrick.
“Yes, he’s here, and no, you can’t see him.”
Jacob couldn’t find the words to reply. He couldn’t seem
to think of any. “Is—” But he cut off the question. Of course
he wasn’t all right. “Can you give him a message for me,
then?”
Patrick sighed. “Of course I can.”
“Can you tell him I’m going to get a cab for the airport
tonight? I’ll leave my car and the keys in the kitchen. The
house keys will be under the mat.”
He heard the exasperated sound from Patrick. “Do you
want to get the house broken into?”
He honestly didn’t care. Someone could put a match to it
as far as he was concerned. “The house will be available for
him to live in as long as he wants, assuming he doesn’t take
that job you offered.”
“Which I found out thirty minutes ago he knew nothing
about and managed to put my foot in it,” Patrick added
dryly.
“Sorry,” Jacob whispered. He didn’t know why he hadn’t
told him. Something else he’d screwed up. “Tell him sorry.”
Tell him I don’t deserve him.
 Tell him I love him.
Jacob’s heart stopped. Then it started beating so loudly
he imagined Patrick would hear it.
He loved him. Of course he did. He was so stupid, and
he nearly laughed.
Jacob was silent on the end of the phone so very long he
was surprised Patrick didn’t assume he’d disconnected.
“Actually, I don’t need you to tell him I’m sorry. I need you
to tell him something entirely different.”
And Patrick listened while Jacob told him very carefully
what to say.

THE NEXT MORNING Lucas blearily eyed the scenery as the

cab drove him away from Patrick’s. Was Jacob just landing?
He knew flights to the UK were generally night flights, and
he assumed getting a flight on Christmas Day would be
easier as anyone traveling already wanted to be there for
that, or to wait until the day after.
He paid for the cab as it stopped at the end of the
driveway, electing not to have it wait as he might need to
check everything was locked up properly. Patrick was
working this morning, and Charlie was working tonight, so
he’d slipped out after Patrick had told him that Jacob had
left his house keys under the mat and he was genuinely
worried the house would get broken into. Not that it was
Lucas’s responsibility, but Charlie was tired, and he knew
he would have gone himself if Lucas hadn’t offered.
And they’d let him disturb their Christmas Day without
one hint of making him feel like he was unwelcome or in
the way. He owed them to do this himself, even if it would
probably make him cry.
Make that definitely.
 He had to blink a few times when he saw the car. He
wasn’t going to take it, of course, but as gifts went it had
been generous. Calling himself all sorts of an idiot for not
simply getting the keys and climbing back in the cab, he
bent down and lifted the mat. No keys. At the same time as
he worried that he was too late, he heard a sound of
something—maybe music—from the kitchen and tried the
door. It wasn’t locked. Lucas had a thought that he ought to
call 911 on the off chance the burglars were inside, but
since when did thieves listen to Christmas music?
He had a brief vision of guys in masks dancing around
crowbars to “Frosty the Snowman” before walking inside.
He closed the door behind him, registering the warmth
from the oven and the music from the living room, and
tears flooded his eyes. He didn’t know how he had any left
after all the ones he had shed yesterday, and he wasn’t sure
what masochism led him to see what was going on.
Knowing what he was going to see and being terrified of it,
he almost stumbled going into the living room.
The man clearly waiting for him didn’t surprise him at
all. “Jacob.” He couldn’t call him Daddy. It would kill him.
“Patrick asked me to come and see the house was locked
up.” He turned on his heel, not waiting for a reply, only to
have Jacob move so fast he blocked the doorway.
“Let me go.” But the words came out all watery.
“Never,” Jacob whispered.
Lucas focused on his face even though it was swimmy.
“Why aren’t you on a plane?”
“Because I realized what a fool I was.” Jacob took a step
nearer, and Lucas took one back.
“I can’t,” he whispered. He couldn’t go through that
ever again.
Jacob caught his hand and held it gently. “Let me start at
the beginning?”
“It depends on how it’s going to end,” Lucas said baldly.
“With us together, I hope.”
 Lucas swallowed. Did he believe him? He wasn’t sure.
“I have been confusing my guilt and loneliness together.
Punishing myself for Ben dying even though I know it was
never my fault.” Jacob smiled. “I convinced myself I didn’t
deserve someone like you even when I’d already fallen in
love with you.”
Lucas’s lips parted in surprise, and his heart seemed to
jump in his chest.
Jacob hesitated. “I should probably have led with that,
but I love you very much. It just took me a while to realize
that’s okay. That I’m allowed to feel like that.” Jacob
cupped Lucas’s face in both hands and solemnly thumbed
the wetness from his eyes. “I was always convinced I
needed to run. That I would never deserve a home, but I
was wrong. A home isn’t four walls, or a different country.”
He eased Lucas closer and brushed their lips together. “A
home is a person. The person you love. You. You’re my
home, if it isn’t too late—”
But Daddy couldn’t finish the sentence because Lucas
had interrupted and used his lips as an answer to Daddy’s
question. Jacob made a sound of utter longing in the back
of his throat and took over the kiss, sweeping Lucas into his
arms, and Lucas hoped, very much into his heart.
They were silent for a few minutes before a need for
oxygen forced a breather. “I love you, sweetheart,” Daddy
repeated and held Lucas tight to him. “Forgive me for
hurting you. I don’t want a boy just for Christmas anymore.
I want this boy for the rest of my life.”
Lucas smiled into Daddy’s sweater and wriggled closer
if that was at all possible. “This is going to be the best
Christmas of my entire life.”
Jacob chuckled. And demonstrated how thoroughly he
agreed until Lucas was barely able to stand.
“What about England?”
Jacob shrugged. “That depends on you.”
“Meaning?” Lucas asked.
 “Meaning it’s a good opportunity, but there are others
closer to home, so I’m going to email them tomorrow and
say I need another month to decide, and make it clear there
would be two of us if I accept it.”
“And you’d do that?” Lucas asked softly, his heart
beating with a little excitement of a different kind.
“I’d do anything for you,” Jacob promised, then hesitated
and got out his phone. “I also did something else.” And he
showed Lucas the very professional email from Evan with
the demand he contact one of at least three agents he
recommended so he could start negotiations to acquire
Lucas’s story.
Lucas gaped and read the email at least three times. “I
don’t believe it.”
“I do.” Jacob grinned. “You’re insanely talented.”
Lucas blushed. “It’s not what Evan said, it’s the fact you
contacted Keith. For me.” Tears flooded Lucas’s eyes which
Jacob promptly kissed away.
“I would do anything for you,” he vowed and looked
around the room at all the decorations. “Can we have our
Christmas again? The food was spoiled, but I raced around
very early and managed to get a lot of replacements.”
Lucas smiled eagerly and nodded, letting himself be
drawn in for another kiss.
“One last request,” Jacob said and kissed Lucas on the
end of his nose.
“Yes, Daddy?”
“There are silk panties on the bed upstairs that I think
would look better if you were wearing them.”
Lucas smiled and ran upstairs to do exactly as Daddy
asked because he was right. Getting a Daddy for Christmas
was amazing, but keeping him forever was just about
perfect.

OceanofPDF.com
 ABOUT VICTORIA SUE

Victoria Sue fell in love with love stories as a child when she would hide away
with her mom’s library books and dream of the dashing hero coming to rescue
her from math homework. She never mastered math but never stopped loving
her heroes and decided to give them the happy ever afters they fight so hard
for.
She loves reading and writing about gorgeous boys loving each other the
best—and creating a family for them to adore. Thrilled to hear from her
readers, she can be found most days lurking on Facebook where she doesn’t
need factor 1000 sun-cream to hide her freckles.

www.victoriasue.com

For the latest news, deals, stories and more, sign up for Victoria Sue's
Newsletter.

Join Victoria Sue’s Crew (Facebook reader group) to discuss all things Victoria
Sue, to participate in member only contests, and more!

OceanofPDF.com
 ALSO BY VICTORIA SUE

Standalone
His Whole Heart*
One Cup of Daddy and a Dash of Love

Series
Heroes and Babies
Protective men find love while fighting to save a child. Contemporary suspense
with heart-pounding action.

Guardians of Camelot
Hundreds of years ago, facing defeat, the witch Morgana sent monsters into
the future to vanquish a humanity King Arthur wouldn’t be able to save. The
King might have won the battle, but now, centuries later, a few chosen men will
have to fight the war. To battle an ancient evil, the greatest weapon each hero
will have is each other.

Enhanced World
This series follows an enhanced H.E.R.O. team to provide the right mix of
action and romance. This series is the perfect for fans of romance with a blend
of military/law enforcement, urban fantasy and superheroes. As one reviewer
put it, "This story was like S.W.A.T. meets X-men meets The Fantastic Four."

His First*
Omegaverse at it's finest! Set in the future, these novels pack in all the feels,
while still wrapping up with a wonderfully sweet ending. Whether you've never
tried MPREG or you're just looking for your next favorite Alpha/Omega pairing,
check out the His First series.

Rainbow Key
Rainbow Key is an idyllic island retreat off the west coast of Florida. Think
wedding destination, white sandy beaches, lurve… except at the moment
Joshua is struggling to pay the electricity bill, they’ve no paying customers, and
even if they did they can’t afford the repairs from the devastating hurricane
that struck three years ago. Then there’s Matt who just got let out of prison,
Charlie who ran away from home, and Ben, a famous model until a devastating
 house fire destroyed his face. Welcome to Rainbow Key — held together by
love, family, and sticky tape.

Kingdom of Askara*
The Kingdom of Askara has been torn apart by conflict for centuries, where
humans exist as subservient beings to their werewolf masters. Legend says it
will only be able to heal itself when an Alpha King and a pure omega are mated
and crowned together, but a pure omega hasn’t been born in over a thousand
years.

Sirius Wolves*
According to legend, when humankind is at its most desperate, the goddess
Sirius will send three of the most powerful werewolf shifters ever created to
save mankind. The alphas, Blaze, Conner and Darric, find their omega in Aden.
They become true mates, fulfilling the ancient prophecy and forming Orion’s
Circle. Now, the battle against terrorist group The Winter Circle has begun.

Innocents
A captivating historical duology set in Regency London. The Innocent Auction:
It started with a plea for help and ended with forbidden love, the love between
a Viscount and a stable-boy. An impossible love and a guarantee of the
hangman's noose. The Innocent Betrayal: Two broken souls. One so damaged
he thinks he doesn’t deserve love, and one so convinced he would never find it
he has stopped looking. Danger, lies, and espionage. The fate of hundreds of
English soldier’s lives depending on them to trust each other, to work together.

Pure
A madman has been kidnapping, torturing and murdering submissives. Join
Callum, Joe and Damon as they race against the clock to stop the killings, while
they each find love with a submissive. This trilogy of romantic thrillers is set
against the backdrop of BDSM club Pure.

Hunter’s Creek*
The Hunter's Creek novels will draw you in with action and keep you hooked
until each satisfying HEA. This series won't disappoint fans of shifters, fated
mates or MPREG.

*Stories may contain MPREG

OceanofPDF.com