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Getting the Most Out of
This Book
You are about to explore communication in a
variety of situations—online, in person, at home, at work, and during intercultural experiences, to name a few.
Along the way, you will have the opportunity to try out communication strategies and see which work best for
you.
It’s a journey worth taking. As Martin Yate, author of the best-selling job search guide Knock ‘em Dead,
puts it, “Communication counts big time.”1 Of the top 10 qualifications employers want most, 7 directly
involve communication.2 And employers aren’t the only ones hoping to land great communicators. Listening
skills and supportive communication are among the most desired qualities in friends3 and romantic partners.4
Throughout this book, we will consider the ways that communication both shapes and reflects our personal
identity. We will consider the impact of verbal and nonverbal cues and the importance of mindfully listening
to others. We’ll take a close-up look at the dynamics of communicating with friends, family members,
romantic partners, and coworkers, and conclude with guidance on becoming an accomplished public speaker.
At every step, you will have opportunities to reflect on your own communication patterns and goals. As you
will see, no one communication strategy works well for everyone or every situation. Instead, the best
communicators make well-informed choices depending on the circumstances.
Given that what you learn here can improve your personal life and career success, here are three tips for
getting the most from this book.
Models of Communication
Linear Model
Transactional Model
PAUSE TO REFLECT: How “Noisy” Is Your Communication?
Communication Contexts
Intrapersonal Communication
Dyadic/Interpersonal Communication
Small Group Communication
Organizational Communication
Public Communication
Mass Communication
PAUSE TO REFLECT: Which Contexts Suit You Best?
Communication Competence
There is no “ideal” way to communicate.
Competence is situational.
Competence is relational.
Competence can be learned.
Competent communicators are flexible.
Competent communicators are empathic.
Competent communicators are cognitively complex.
Competent communicators self-monitor.
Competent communicators are committed.
PAUSE TO REFLECT: What Are Your Communication Goals?
Identity Management
Individuals have public and private selves.
People engage in facework to manage their identities and the identity of others.
Identity management is collaborative.
People have multiple identities.
Identity management may be deliberate or unconscious.
People differ in their degree of identity management.
Roles influence the identities people display.
Identity management can be goal oriented.
Identity management isn’t necessarily dishonest.
PAUSE TO REFLECT: Which Identities Do You Enact?
Overcoming Prejudice
We tend to think our culture is the best.
We often prejudge and stereotype others.
Judgments can lead to unfair treatment.
Mindful thinking can help.
4 Language
The Nature of Language
Language is symbolic.
Meanings are in people, not in words.
Language is governed by rules.
Misunderstandings
Language is equivocal.
Meaning is relative.
Language differs by community.
Language is nuanced.
TIPS & REMINDERS: 6 Ways to Avoid Misunderstandings
Disruptive Language
Don’t confuse fact and opinion.
Don’t confuse facts with inferences.
Don’t present emotions as facts.
Don’t resort to insults.
TIPS & REMINDERS: 3 Ways to Distinguish Between Facts and Opinions
5 Listening
The Importance of Listening
People with good listening skills are more likely than others to be hired and promoted.
Listening is a leadership skill.
Good listeners are not easily fooled.
Asking for and listening to advice makes you look good.
Listening makes you a better friend and romantic partner.
PAUSE TO REFLECT: How Can You Improve as a Listener?
6 Nonverbal Communication
The Nature of Nonverbal Communication
Nonverbal communication is impossible to avoid.
Nonverbal behavior is part of identity management.
Nonverbal cues help define relationships.
Nonverbal behavior is ambiguous.
Nonverbal communication is essential to success.
PAUSE TO REFLECT: How Nonverbally Savvy Are You?
Metacommunication
Metacommunication is often below the surface.
Metacommunication can be used for more than solving problems.
Metacommunication can be risky.
PAUSE TO REFLECT: What Can Metacommunication Reveal?
Relational Spirals
Positive Spirals
Negative Spirals
Cyclical Spirals
PAUSE TO REFLECT: Is Your Relationship Spiraling Up or Down?
Types of Friendships
Short-Term Versus Long-Term
Low Disclosure Versus High Disclosure
Doing-Oriented Versus Being-Oriented
Low Obligation Versus High Obligation
Frequent Contact Versus Occasional Contact
TIPS & REMINDERS: 8 Communication Strategies for Being a Good Friend
Parenting Relationships
Family Dynamics
Parenting Styles
Sibling Relationships
Supportive
Longing
Competitive
Apathetic
Hostile
TIPS & REMINDERS: 6 Communication Tips for Strengthening Family Ties
Dialectical Perspective
Openness Versus Privacy
Connection Versus Autonomy
Predictability Versus Novelty
TIPS & REMINDERS: 9 Strategies for Managing Dialectical Tensions
12 Preparing Speeches
Analyzing Your Audience
Demographics and Political Affiliation
Attitudes, Beliefs, and Values
Audience Perception of the Occasion
PAUSE TO REFLECT: Where do you stand?
13 Presenting Speeches
Managing Speech Anxiety
Facilitative and Debilitative Anxiety
Past Negative Experiences and Irrational Thinking
TIPS & REMINDERS: 4 Types of Irrational Fears About Public Speaking
A Informative Speech
4 Language
5 Listening
6 Nonverbal Communication
12 Preparing Speeches
13 Presenting Speeches
A Informative Speech
B Sample Persuasive Speech
Notes
Glossary
Credits
Index
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