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    The document discusses different ways that people avoid taking responsibility for their actions and experiences in language. It describes how using "IT" statements instead of "I" statements, as well as the usage of terms like "should", "can't", and "but" can signify avoidance of responsibility. The document provides examples of rephrasing language to instead use direct "I" statements to more openly take responsibility.

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    The document discusses different ways that people avoid taking responsibility for their actions and experiences in language. It describes how using "IT" statements instead of "I" statements, as well as the usage of terms like "should", "can't", and "but" can signify avoidance of responsibility. The document provides examples of rephrasing language to instead use direct "I" statements to more openly take responsibility.

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    Download as DOC, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
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    Download as doc, pdf, or txt
    659 views5 pages

    Language of Responsibility

    Uploaded by

    sgillanders
    The document discusses different ways that people avoid taking responsibility for their actions and experiences in language. It describes how using "IT" statements instead of "I" statements, as well as the usage of terms like "should", "can't", and "but" can signify avoidance of responsibility. The document provides examples of rephrasing language to instead use direct "I" statements to more openly take responsibility.

    Copyright:

    Attribution Non-Commercial (BY-NC)
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    Language of Responsibility

    Source: Peeling the Onion et al


    7. What does the term responsibility mean in Gestalt therapy? How is avoidance of responsibility manifested?... in behaviour?... in language?....

    Fritz Perls was a very strong believer in personal responsibility. He emphasized naming the it we use in language as a taking of responsibility. He encouraged the usage of more I and fewer you statements as developing responsibility. Each time you change an IT or a NOUN to an I or a VERB, you get, lets say, a ten thousandth of your potential back. Dont make a perfectionistic program out of it! (p.76, Gestalt Therapy Verbatim) Not Reponsible One / We Somebody I can / cannot I must / must not I ought to / Ought not to Its impossible Ill try Yes, but / No, but Questions Maybe / Maybe Not But Introjectors I should (not) I ought (not to) I must (not) Introjectors are always should-ing Responsible I You I will / I wont

    No. (Period no explanations) Statements & Requests Yes / No (definite choice) And

    When we say I should we are talking as if our parents, teachers or church are ordering us around Its as if there is no choice, only the right way to behave We are not making our own choices, but simply obeying or disobeying When we dont want to carry out the demands of the introject, we may avoid them by playing helpless. Instead of owning up to the fact that we simply wont, we pretend that we are unable to, and I cant becomes a favourite expression. 1. Make a list of all the things you think you cant do. I.e., I cant go to a movie tonight, I cant spend time with you this weekend, etc. 2. Now, change cant to wont. 3. Say the phrases outloud. 4. How does this make you feel? 1. Make a list of all the things you think you should or shouldnt do. For example: I should exercise every day. I shouldnt get angry. 2. Change your shoulds to I will or I wont. 3. Say the phrases aloud. 4. What is your experience?

    Projectors If you want to be successful, you have to work hard People dont like to be kept waiting When we project, we are attributing to others what is really ours. Sometimes this aspect of ourselves is projected onto another person, and sometimes on society in general. Like introjection, which is a failure to take responsibility for our choices, projection places us in a passive role so that we fail to recognize our willingness to act or choose. Instead, we resort to blaming them other individuals, society, or the establishment. By changing the pronoun I to it, you, one or they we avoid responsibility and remove or detach ourselves from our experience.

    Notice the difference in the following examples: If you want to be successful, you have to work hard People dont like to be kept If I want to be successful, I have to work hard. I dont like to be kept waiting.

    waiting This problem is haunting me. An idea came to me.

    Im worried about Ive thought of an excellent idea.

    How could you rephrase these examples? He hits me. He tells me something It dropped out of my hand My hand (it) is trembling I am being hit.

    Retroflectors I I I I asked myself said to myself held myself back thought to myself When we retroflect, we split ourselves in two, letting one part act on (or against) the other part.

    How could you rephrase these examples? I asked myself what I should do I hold myself back I wonder what I need to do. I choose to hold back.

    But I love the colour of your eyes, but I dont like your hair. I want to marry you, but I dont have enough money to support you. We use but when we experience an inner conflict, either because we have introjected a should or because we feel that some of our feelings are mutually exclusive that is, that we cannot feel two things at one time. When we but ourselves, we disallow, negate, and fail to take responsibility for part of our existence. When we change the but to and, we acknowledge both sides of the conflict, both feelings.

    Change these phrases, and say them aloud: I like skiing but I dont like feeling cold I would like to be self-employed but Im afraid of not having enough income.

    Questions versus Statement and Demands Arent you cold? Why did you do that Sometimes we ask questions instead of making a statement, judgement or request.

    Please close the window. I feel angry that you did that, and I dont want you to do it again. Notice when you or others use questions to conceal criticism and demands.

    Avoiding Silence Some people fill in all silent gaps in conversations by saying umm, err, you know, okay, like or in my opinion. When they are silent they feel uncomfortable, and rather than experience their discomfort, they fill in the blanks with redundant or meaningless sounds. 1. What fillers do you use? 2. Pay attention to how you fill silences.

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