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    Ann Raganas Fonte
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    This document provides an introduction to Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in intimate relationships. It discusses NVC as a guiding philosophy of compassion, empowerment, dignity, and mutual understanding. It also describes NVC as a communication method and an approach that has been successfully applied in interpersonal relationships, counseling, organizations, conflict resolution, and communities. The document then provides two scenarios to demonstrate how NVC could be applied to communicate feelings, needs, and requests in a relationship, rather than evaluations, demands, or threats. It outlines the key components of an "NVC makeover," including empathy, honesty, self-reflection, and needs-based requests rather than demands. Finally, it provides additional resources for learning more about

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    This document provides an introduction to Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in intimate relationships. It discusses NVC as a guiding philosophy of compassion, empowerment, dignity, and mutual understanding. It also describes NVC as a communication method and an approach that has been successfully applied in interpersonal relationships, counseling, organizations, conflict resolution, and communities. The document then provides two scenarios to demonstrate how NVC could be applied to communicate feelings, needs, and requests in a relationship, rather than evaluations, demands, or threats. It outlines the key components of an "NVC makeover," including empathy, honesty, self-reflection, and needs-based requests rather than demands. Finally, it provides additional resources for learning more about

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    578 views13 pages

    Nonviolent Communication

    Uploaded by

    Ann Raganas Fonte
    This document provides an introduction to Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in intimate relationships. It discusses NVC as a guiding philosophy of compassion, empowerment, dignity, and mutual understanding. It also describes NVC as a communication method and an approach that has been successfully applied in interpersonal relationships, counseling, organizations, conflict resolution, and communities. The document then provides two scenarios to demonstrate how NVC could be applied to communicate feelings, needs, and requests in a relationship, rather than evaluations, demands, or threats. It outlines the key components of an "NVC makeover," including empathy, honesty, self-reflection, and needs-based requests rather than demands. Finally, it provides additional resources for learning more about

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    of 13

    Non Violent Communication

    in Intimate Relationships:
    An Introduction
    Elaine Shpungin, Ph.D.
    UIUC Psychological Services Center
    505 E. Green St., 3rd floor

    Mikhail Lyubansky, Ph.D.


    Department of Psychology
    Non Violent Communication (NVC)

    Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. (founder)


    Nonviolent Communication (NVC):
    • A guiding philosophy (compassion, power-with, dignity,
    mutuality)
    • A communication method that supports the philosophy
    • An approach that has been successfully applied to:
    • interpersonal relationships (couple, parent-child,
    roommate)
    • social and personal change efforts (therapy, coaching,
    advocacy, persuasive communication)
    • business practices (in organizations, agencies)
    • communities and systems (schools, prisons)
    • conflict resolution (within and between groups)
    Imagine if…
    Scenario 1
    • Imagine you are rushing to make it to a 9am
    meeting with a specific person you know.
    (Write down name of person)
    • You get there 8:58. The other person arrives
    9:10.
    • Please write down (briefly):
    – What are you feeling and thinking?
    – Why?
    – How might you act toward person as a result?
    Imagine if…
    Scenario 2
    • Imagine you are rushing to make it to a 9am
    meeting.
    • You get there 9:10 just as the other person is
    rushing in, also at 9:10.
    • Please write down (briefly):
    – What are you feeling and thinking?
    – Why?
    – How might you act toward person as a result?
    NVC Model
    Evaluations

    Strategies

    Feelings

    Needs
    NVC MODEL
    APPLIED TO Evaluations
    SCENARIO 1
    Disorganized
    Strategies
    Doesn’t care
    Frown

    Make
    Feelings Untimely
    promise
    to self Disappointed
    Use
    Incompetent sarcasm
    Anxious
    Needs Untrustworthy

    Trust, Respect
    Demand
    Productivity
    apology Annoyed
    Jerk
    Angry Threaten

    Frustrated
    Avoid Express
    feelings

    Selfish Speak in clipped tones Rude

    Clueless
    The goal of Nonviolent Communication is to:
    -- listen beyond Strategies and Evaluations to the Needs underneath
    -- speak to the Needs of those involved
    -- create strategies that meet everyone’s needs (no compromise)

    Evaluations

    Strategies

    Feelings

    Needs
    NVC Intimate Communication Makeover

    Evaluations
    Criticisms Observations
    Judgments
    Needs-based empathy
    Needs-based honesty
    Self-blame
    Needs-based self-reflection
    Guilt
    Shame Regret, Mourning
    Self Acceptance
    Demands
    Coercion Needs-based requests
    Threats
    NVC Makeover Components (some definitions)

    Observations: Describing a behavior or event without evaluation words, just as a video-


    camera would show it.
    E: “I notice your car is in the middle of the driveway”
    Needs Based Empathy: Connecting to and being present with the needs of the other (their
    hopes, wants, what might be important to them).
    E: “Were you hoping to make your life a little easier by not having to deal with bushes?”
    M: “Are you feeling frustrated b/c we talked about this last time and it happened again?”
    Needs Based Honesty: Sharing your own needs without blame or expectation - when the
    other person is truly ready to hear you.
    E: “It’s important to me that I can count on you following through with agreements so that
    I can trust you and count on you.”
    Needs-based Self-Reflection: Connecting to and being present with your immediate, as well
    as “larger” needs (hopes, wants, what is important to you).
    M [internal dialogue]: I’m feeling annoyed because I want the trust between us to be
    strong enough to resist small failures to follow through.
    Needs-based Requests: Clear communication about a strategy that would help meet a need
    of yours (different from a demand)
    What might a request look like?.
    Role play with Rosenberg

    Class Demonstration?
    Further Resources

    Center for Nonviolent Communication


    www.cnvc.org (includes workshop schedule, trainer info, and
    complete list of books and videos)

    Conflict Hotline (live role plays with NVC coach)


    www.youtube.com (type in “conflict hotline”)

    NVC Academy (telecourses, audio-courses, and free materials)


    www.nvctraining.com

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