PM 16 Pre Marital Counseling

Pre-marital Counseling
The following guidelines are suggested as a

minimum in the preparation process. Each
pastor must determine how much more is
needed in each case. All couples vary in
maturity and therefore some may require
more attention.
I. Marriage Approval
A. Things to find out before approval takes
place
1. Are both parties Christians (II Cor.
6:14)?
2. How long have they been Christians?
3. Are both parties free to marry (Mt.
5:32; 19:9)?
4. Has either party been married
before?
5. How long have they known each other?
6. How long have they been dating?
7. How do the parents feel about their
relationship?
8. How do the parents feel about the
possibility of marriage?
B. Additional questions to ask the couple
1. Have you asked both sets of parents
about marrying?
2. What have been their responses?
3. What kinds of activities have you
been involved in on your dates?
4. Has God been a part of your

relationship? In what way?
5. How intimate have you been in your
relationship?
6. Why do you believe that you are to

marry this person?
7. What do you feel you have to bring
into this relationship?
8. What do you hope to get out of this
relationship?
In order to facilitate the asking of the
appropriate questions, you may want to
use the Pre-engagement Questionnaire
included as a supplement to this lesson.
C. Things to do
1. On the basis of the answers to the
above questions make a checklist for
the couple to work through prior to
approval.
2. Talk to other leaders who may be

more intimately involved with them.
3. Set a date for the wedding.
4. Set up the first pre-marital counseling
session (should be within two weeks).
5. Inform them of pertinent state laws
relating to marriage and the marriage
license.
6. Help them or send them to a
designated wedding coordinator who
will help them make up a time table
for wedding plan preparation.
II. THE PRE-MARITAL QUESTIONNAIRE
Be sure to have each person fill out

their questionnaire without consulting
or sharing information with the other
party. These questionnaires cover
many areas that are vital to every
couple’s relationship. They are not
meant to be an outline for your
counseling time. It is only a tool for
gaining information and should be used
as follows:
A. When they finish the questionnaire:
1. Read it over carefully.
2. Mark any areas concerning which you
would like further clarification.
3. Compare with the other party’s
questionnaire and note all differences
in their answers.
4. Set an agenda of areas to cover in the
counseling sessions.
B. Return the questionnaire to the parties
involved when you are finished with
them.
III. THE COUNSELING SESSIONS
A. The Number
1. The counselor and his or her spouse
(if possible) should meet between 3-5
times with each couple.
2. It is good to schedule one session with
an older couple who have a successful
marriage (guidelines follow).
3. The actual number of sessions will be
greatly determined on the basis of
your initial evaluation of the couple’s
readiness for marriage.
B. Frequency
1. The first session should be within two
weeks from the initial approval.
2. The other sessions should be spread

evenly between the first session and
the marriage date.
3. The final session should be

approximately two weeks before the
wedding.
C. The Content
The following areas should be covered
in a general way, unless you can tell
from the questionnaire that specific
guidelines are needed.
1. Communication
2. Spiritual life (individually and together)
3. Priorities
4. Goals
5. Vocation
6. Children
7. Birth control
8. Church life and ministry involvements
9. Sex
10. Money matters (credit, savings,
insurance)
11. Buying a home
12. Developing friendships
13. Solving conflicts
14. Leadership and submission
15. Relating to relatives
IV. THE SPECIAL HOMEWORK -- LEARNING
FROM THE PROS
A. The prospective bride must talk to an
older married woman and the
prospective groom must talk to an
older married man (Titus 2:1-5).
1. This older person should be in your
church, if possible.
2. This person should be successful in
marriage and a true servant of the
church.
B. Supply the bride and groom with
questions to ask the older couple when
they have the interview.
1. What has allowed your marriage to
work?
2. What have you personally done to
help the marriage?
3. How have you handled difficulties in
your marriage?
4. What did you do when the going got
tough?
5. As you look back over the last 50
years, what times were the hardest?
6. What advice would you give to
someone like me?
C. The couple must report back to you

concerning this interview.
V. PLANNING THE CEREMONY
A. Be a resource person in relation to the
ceremony.
B. Warn them that this will be a tense time
if they do not release their anxieties to
the Lord.
C. Help them make it a meaningful time.
D. Be prompt in all your areas of

responsibility.
E. Give preference to the bride’s desires
when conflicts occur.
F. Be sensitive to relatives and extend
pastoral ministry to them.

PM 16 Pre Marital Counseling

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Pre-marital Counseling

The following guidelines are suggested as a

4. Has God been a part of your

6. Why do you believe that you are to

2. Talk to other leaders who may be

Be sure to have each person fill out

2. The other sessions should be spread

3. The final session should be

C. The couple must report back to you

D. Be prompt in all your areas of

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