Dear Eric: Eight years ago our daughter was married to an absolutely wonderful guy whom we love like a son. Early on in the wedding planning, her soon-to-be father-in-law promised a small sum toward the wedding, which I didn’t expect but thanked him for. We never received it.
My son-in-law’s parents are quite well-to-do so it was not due to an economic shortfall. I’ve been holding a grudge ever since, although my wife has advised me to forget it.
Recently, our daughter gave birth to a son and we immediately offered to take care of expenses toward the circumcision ceremony. The mother-in-law offered to bake! They arrived at the ceremony and stood by as we all set up for the party. They watched as we broke everything down. As we were loading all the gifts and supplies in the car in the pouring rain, the father-in-law handed me a very small gift bag that we forgot and said, “I looked for the smallest thing to help you out!”
I was livid! Frankly, I was ready to spend the night in jail! Am I wrong in my feelings?
– Angry In-Law
Dear In-Law: This guy sounds like a real piece of work. It’s one thing to have different ideas about generosity and labor, as it seems your two families do. (Maybe the baking felt equivalent to them, which is fair.) But it’s another thing to rub it in.
He could have a weird sense of humor or he could relish pushing your buttons. What can we do when someone pushes our buttons? Disable the control panel.
Avoid him when you can but drop the grudge. It’s just souring your happy family moments, which means he gets you coming and going.
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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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