DEAR ABBY: I have one grandchild and another on the way. I have been struggling lately with all the rules and boundaries my children are placing on me. I realize that with the internet and the new parent courses, they are receiving more information than I ever did.
The latest issue is with my daughter who is due in a few months. We are very close, but suddenly she says I will need to shower and wear clean clothing before seeing her child. She’s afraid of third-hand smoke. I am, unfortunately, a smoker.
I would never smoke around her baby. I don’t even smoke in the house, but she has told me it’s her rule. I have read everything about third-hand smoke and haven’t found any statistics about the amount of exposure it would take to harm a baby.
I’m going to try to quit, but I think this is crazy. She hasn’t said anything about cleaning products, food or anything else. Am I wrong in thinking this is over the top? -- SAD SMOKER IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR SMOKER: As a longtime smoker, you are probably no longer aware of how unpleasant the smell of tobacco can be for nonsmokers. It clings to the smoker’s hair, skin, clothing and surroundings. You are entitled to think whatever you wish, but as you stated, this is your daughter’s rule, and if you are going to interact with that grandchild, you will have to respect it.
I truly hope you will be able to overcome your tobacco addiction and cuddle the baby. If you do, you will be doing all of you (including yourself) a favor.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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