'LIKE A GAME'
I was a secret troll & spent 10 hours a week telling Katie Price & the Kardashians they looked awful – it was thrilling
Gemma reveals jealousy drove her to trolling famous celebs who seemed to have a 'perfect life'
“NOT real . . . too scared to go filter free?” I wrote, smiling, under a picture of Kylie Jenner in a swimsuit on Instagram.
It was 2019 and I had been a body-shaming troll for three years.
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I’d spend around ten hours a week on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook writing cutting comments about celebrities including Kylie, Kim Kardashian, Katie Price and ex-Love Islanders such as Jessica Hayes.
“You’re so fake, living in a bubble, too much Botox, too much filler,” I wrote underneath a snap of Kim.
“Fake nails . . . fake life — you should cover up,” I typed in response to a picture of rapper Nicki Minaj, before adding: “You live in a fake plastic world and have no idea how real people live.”
About Jessica I sniped, “You’ve had so much plastic surgery!”, not taking into consideration that she is a real person with real feelings.
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Katie Price was also subjected to my trolling. “You look awful,” I wrote. “Who do you think you are? “You look like a slapper.”
When that malicious comment got loads of likes I felt invigorated, so followed it up with another cruel jibe.
“You don’t deserve success,” I said, completely ignoring the suffering and mental health struggles she has opened up about over the years.
Not real people
My online trolling started in 2016 when I was 20 — a time when I was particularly self-conscious about my weight and appearance.
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I lived with my mum and dad and I’d do it on my laptop in my bedroom when I was bored.
To me, there was nothing really wrong with it. After all, I would never say this stuff to people in real life.
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On the contrary, those who knew me would have described me as kind and thoughtful.
They would have been horrified if they knew that I was a cyberbully tormenting famous people I was jealous of. And all because I was unhappy in my own life and how I looked.
At the time, I did not think it was too bad because the victims were celebrities with millions of followers and, to me, they were not real people.
Why would they care what a recruitment consultant from Manchester thought?
Looking back, now 28, I realise I was jealous of their “perfect” lives and suffering from comparison envy.
I realise I was jealous of their 'perfect' lives and suffering from comparison envy
A size 14 at one stage — which I appreciate isn’t big but felt so to me — I was unhappy about how I looked because I felt fat and unglamorous.
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I found some sort of solace in bringing down famous people who seemingly had it all. Their lives, with their handsome partners, cool holidays and glam life-styles, seemed so different to mine, so unattainable.
I clocked up dozens of hours on social media every week, just gazing at their pictures, and followed all the big stars, from the Kardashians to Love Islanders including Kady McDermott and Zara Holland.
They were picture-perfect in skimpy swimwear, whereas I felt sad and dowdy by comparison and subsequently angry with myself.
I felt they were behaving irresponsibly by showcasing their lives as surely they would know how bad it would make people such as myself feel.
So when I wrote “Awful, disgraceful . . . living in a bubble” underneath a picture of Kim Kardashian, I didn’t consider it trolling.
"I saw it as speaking up for the women like me who were self-conscious and sick of seeing famous people showing off.
And when other online haters — and there were many — liked my comments, I felt validated.
There was safety in numbers. These famous women received hundreds, if not thousands, of negative comments, so what I was doing couldn’t possibly be that bad.
It felt like a game among us trolls and a case of who could make the most cutting remark.
I enjoyed the thrill of it, especially when I felt unattractive. Why should these “perfect” women escape the feelings I was feeling?
But the turning point came when I was the target of trolling myself after a makeover in July 2019 following a break-up with a boyfriend.
I dyed my already blonde hair a lighter shade, changed my make-up and revamped my wardrobe. I then posted some pictures of myself online.
Suddenly I received comments saying I was “up myself” and “fake looking”. Someone said I was “trying too hard”. It was a shock and I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart.
Light-bulb moment
I was proud of how I looked and I obsessed for ages over the negative remarks, even asking the people why they were saying them.
It just prompted them to say more nasty things.
Becoming the target of bullies was a light-bulb moment for me. I wasn’t helping the celebrities by saying what I thought, I was harming them.
Becoming the target of bullies was a light-bulb moment for me
Now I would not dare write anything cruel about anyone online and I’m embarrassed and horrified that I ever did.
I used to blame celebs for how I behaved. I realise now I was at war with myself and what they posted had nothing to do with me.
I recently saw a survey that said 27 per cent of Brits who have posted online admit behaviour that could count as trolling.
Among young people the figure is 43 per cent.
And, according to another survey, 15 per cent of TikTok users aged 13-17 have experienced anonymous trolling.
If you are one of these body-shaming trolls, please stop.
Set boundaries and learn to love your own body rather than focusing on someone else’s.
Now I limit my time on social media because it is unrealistic and only a snapshot of people’s lives.
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Now I just feel pity for online haters and hope celebrities who are bullied are not affected by it too much.
And I hope they know the cruel comments are not about them — they are about the person typing them.
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