CHAMPAGNE ON ICE
England 0 Iceland 1: Lightning strikes twice as Three Lions head to Euro 2024 haunted by ghost of Euros past
Southgate will have more questions than answers after farewell performance
JUST as England were dreaming about emulating 1966 and all that, here was a horrific reprise of 2016 instead.
Gareth Southgate’s men, favourites to win the Euros with all good bookmakers, suffered the worst possible send-off to Germany as they were humiliated by their bogeymen from a volcanic island in the North Atlantic.
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Here was a result and a performance which exposed Southgate’s youthful squad selection as a high-risk folly.
Forget all the ‘football’s coming home’ and ‘this time we’ll get it right’ malarkey, this was an absolute shocker at Wembley, which poured ridicule on ideas that England are ready to win their first major trophy in 58 years.
England were not just beaten by Iceland - just as they had been in the match which toasted Roy Hodgson at Euro 2016 - they were lucky to avoid a hiding.
The Iceland side of eight years ago were actually half-decent. The current lot are ranked 71st in the world and have not qualified for the Euros, yet they threatened to tear England to ribbons in the second half.
Jon Dagur Thorsteinsson’s early strike, courtesy of blunders from Kyle Walker and Aaron Ramsdale, earned Iceland their win.
But it was the way in which Iceland continually threatened the England goal in the second half which was most worrying of all.
Southgate chose eight of the eleven who are likely to face Serbia in the Euros opener in Gelsenkirchen next Sunday - and they were woeful.
The defence is naive and unbalanced, the midfield lacked spark and the forwards were completely devoid of composure.
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It can only be hoped that Jude Bellingham - rested after his Champions League triumph here last weekend - can spark England into life because this display made a mockery of their status as contenders for this crown.
Harry Kane, who missed a glorious first-half chance here, has not played with Bellingham since October and England’s two main men need to rediscover their understanding for the clash with the dangerous Serbs.
England line up for Euro 2024 announced in Three Lions squad video
Phil Foden was given the chance to play centrally but faded badly after a bright start.
Southgate can wear all the cream knitwear he likes in a bid to look cuddly, but he has been utterly ruthless in his treatment of established players in the build-up to this tournament.
Jordan Henderson, Marcus Rashford, Jack Grealish, Harry Maguire have all been ditched, following on from Raheem Sterling being jettisoned after the World Cup.
It is almost as if, for what is almost certain to be his last stand as England manager, Southgate is determined to torpedo the most common criticisms against him - too much loyalty, too much caution.
The handbrakes-and-shackles brigade have found a different line of attack.
Suddenly, it’s reckless Southgate, a man who has thrown caution to the wind and ending up having his house blown down.
There was a horrible early scare when John Stones fell awkwardly under a challenge from Thorsteinsson and appeared to injure his ankle.
With Maguire already out, Stones has now taken on ravens in the Tower status. If he goes, Southgate’s kingdom collapses.
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But after a minute’s panic, Stones was back on his feet.
England were playing some lovely stuff, especially Foden who was revelling in centre stages, and yet suddenly after only 12 minutes, Iceland were ahead.
Played onside by Marc Guehi, Thorsteinsson cut inside Kyle Walker and drilled a shot which beat Aaron Ramsdale at his near post.
It was poor from the Manchester City captain but even worse from Arsenal’s reserve keeper. For the indispensability of Stones, read the indispensability of Jordan Pickford.
Still, Southgate’s men continued to do most of the attacking, although a wayward shot and then a poor cross from Anthony Gordon stopped them in their tracks and left some pining for super Jackie Grealish.
Declan Rice closed down keeper Hakon Rafn Valdimarsson, forcing him to pass straight to Cole Palmer, whose shot was blocked.
Next, Palmer delivered a sweet centre from the right but Kane shinned over a volley from six yards.
It was time for the Viking Thunderclap to ring out from the away supporters’ section, causing anyone who was in Nice eight years ago to break out in a cold sweat.
And before half-time, it was almost 2-0 when Palmer lost possession on the edge of his own box and Amor Ingvi Traustason was brilliantly blocked by Guehi.
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Stones was cotton-woolled at half-time, replaced by Ezri Konsa and England twice went close to an equaliser.
First Foden dragged a shot wide from a Gordon cut-back then Palmer fired into the side-netting.
But soon Iceland were breaking in a two-on-one, Hakon Arnar Haraldsson squaring for Thorsteinsson, who fell on his backside when he ought to have scored.
Southgate made a quadruple substitution bringing Ivan Toney and Bukayo Saka on for Kane and Gordon in attack - but again, Iceland almost doubled their lead - Svenir Ingason given a free header from a corner but Ramsdale smothering his effort.
Suddenly Iceland were in complete control, continually getting behind England’s naive defence and a scrambling Ramsdale was forced to push a long-ranger over his bar.
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England scrambled around aimlessly in scenes spookily reminiscent of their Euro 2016 exit.
It’s time for the tub-thumping optimism to stop. England are going to have to work their socks off to get out of the group stage.
What Southgate said about axed England stars
WHAT Gareth Southgate said about his axed England stars after confirming his 26-man England squad for Euro 2024.
Harry Maguire
"The decision on Harry [Maguire] is totally about his physical condition and his recovery from the injury. There is no other reason as he is one of our strongest centre-backs.
"Harry has made some progress, but it's been complicated and we wouldn't have had him in the group stages. There were too many hurdles to get through without being clear where we might get to.
"Knowing we haven't got a clean bill of health across the rest of the backline, we need players who are fit and ready to go from the start.
"It was a really difficult call, you know how I feel about Harry, what he's done for England and for me as a manager. "
Jack Grealish
“I have just delivered a really difficult conversation to a lad who is devastated.
"I think the world of him as a kid.“It certainly doesn’t get any easier.
"You put yourself in the shoes of a player, a parent. You understand that for these players this is a devastating moment.
“We knew we had a couple of really difficult days coming up."
James Maddison
"Madders [Maddison] and Jack [Grealish] would have provided us with something different as well and they've been tough calls.
"They're calls we've gone over and over and over as a group of staff to try to be fair and to try to use the right rationale.
"We back our decisions but we recognise we could have gone a different route. The boys are big characters, fabulous team-mates and great boys to work with.
"It's sad to have to deliver that news to them."
Jarrad Branthwaite
"It's a bit early for Jarrad [Branthwaite]. He has had a fabulous season, it was good to get him on the pitch the other night.
"But of course, in an ideal world, you'd like that balance of left-footers. For him to be in ahead of the others, I don't think it would have been the right call at this stage."
Jarell Quansah
"Jarell Quansah has stayed with us. He's not had the experience of an England international at Wembley. It'll be great for him to be us for the game.
"Hopefully we're not needing to call anyone else in."