Different areas of the brain are, scientists assure us, devoted to different tasks. It's my belief that enhancement of one cerebral department occurs at the expense of its immediate neighbours. So, for example, the preternatural ability that footballers have to anticipate the motion of a ball in flight is attained by the overdevelopment of the appropriate brain structure at the expense of the adverb department just next door.
In my own case, it seems evident that the part of the brain that collects and collates facts about progressive rock bands of the 1970s and second world war combat aircraft is somewhere near the bundle of brain cells tasked with remembering people's names at parties.
So I have every sympathy for Barack Obama who, when faced with the prospect of memorising the names of all the G8 leaders and their prodigious retinues, inadvertently strayed into the zone of memory devoted to soft soul crooning knitwear models of the 1980s.
For Gideon Oliver Osborne, who has already learned to adapt to one name change in his life, the discomfort of having being called Jeffrey will have been fleeting. Poor Barack will, if I'm any barometer, be wincing about it for years to come.
So, from one name-forgetter to another, here are some tips for avoiding the tricky issue of people having insufficiently memorable names.
The Traits
If my theory is correct, and please let's assume it is, you will be able to remember other details about the people you're introducing to one another more readily than names. So, saying "oh, you two will get on, you're both big fans of The Archers" will neatly sidestep the fact that you've forgotten both Tamsin Greig's name and Vanessa Whitburn's.
The Mumble
Once you've said something that sounds like a name once, your interlocutors will instinctively pick up the slack if you didn't say it quite clearly enough. This is why, at cocktail parties and so forth, you should always select a drink that comes in a wide-brimmed glass. No matter what the booze police say, choose champagne bowls over flutes. They cover a lot more lower face area: "Vlabh … have you met Shinzzle?" is a perfectly acceptable introduction if your words are partly camouflaged by a substantial glug of Pol Roger.
The Dodge
You'll need to practise this one for a while to get the timing just so, but for advanced name-forgetters the Dodge is the way to go. Simply begin an introduction and feign a distraction at the crucial moment. As in the Mumble, other participants in the conversation will automatically fill in the gaps. Start with a basic dodge, such as a spilled drink or a dropped canapé, and work your way up to really sophisticated dodges such as the "someone has just waved at me from the bar", the "sorry, BlackBerry's buzzing" and the much-imitated "choking on a cashew".
As the president of the US and the de facto leader of the free world, I'm sure you'll appreciate these tips Basil, and if you wanted to reward me with a ride in The Beast or just a signed photo inscribed "To Malcolm, thanks for everything, Bart" that would be great.